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00:00:01
Sitting with God and an Update on Artists of the Way
68 Plays5 months ago
In this episode Jon and Nate have an honest (and slightly chaotic) discussion about the complexities of a relationship with God, and provide an update about what's next for Artists of the Way!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Organizational Update
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone, welcome to Artists of the Way.
00:00:03
Speaker
I'm Nate and this is my co-host, John.
00:00:05
Speaker
Dang it.
00:00:09
Speaker
He is the executive director of this fine organization.
00:00:14
Speaker
Did you know this was an organization?
00:00:16
Speaker
And not just a couple dudes talking in front of a little Star Wars Lego figure?
00:00:22
Speaker
Well, do we have news for you.
00:00:24
Speaker
This is an organization.
00:00:26
Speaker
It is.
00:00:27
Speaker
And John is here to tell you about it and to podcast with me.
00:00:31
Speaker
John, tell me about...
00:00:33
Speaker
Artists of the Way, what people may or may not know about it.
00:00:36
Speaker
Yeah, because I don't think I've updated the audience, which boggles my mind.
00:00:40
Speaker
I thought I would have by now.
00:00:41
Speaker
It's boggled.
00:00:43
Speaker
That's the sound of a boggled mind.
00:00:47
Speaker
Yes, Artists of the Way is becoming an organization.
00:00:50
Speaker
Obviously, we did Godspill in 2024.
00:00:52
Speaker
Obviously.
00:00:53
Speaker
Obviously.
00:00:54
Speaker
You don't know that.
00:00:55
Speaker
Where have you been?
00:00:57
Speaker
And obviously, we've been doing the podcast.
00:00:59
Speaker
But in the wake of...
00:01:02
Speaker
In the wake of Godspell, that just...
00:01:05
Speaker
was a really special experience and those of us involved wanted to keep it going.
00:01:10
Speaker
So we have a really wonderful board.
00:01:12
Speaker
We've actually been working on this for a few months now and we are officially an organization.
00:01:17
Speaker
We're working on getting our nonprofit status.
00:01:19
Speaker
Right now we're just making boatloads of money before that nonprofit status comes in.
00:01:23
Speaker
We're earning millions and millions and millions to carry us through the non-no.
00:01:26
Speaker
That's a good idea.
00:01:28
Speaker
Surprisingly, you need more than just not making money to earn nonprofit status.
00:01:33
Speaker
You can't just be like, hey, government, I have an ordinary thing.
00:01:35
Speaker
Hey, we're not making money.
00:01:36
Speaker
Can we have taxing this?
00:01:38
Speaker
No taxes.
00:01:39
Speaker
Can you not tax us on the nothing that we make?
00:01:42
Speaker
Thank you.
00:01:42
Speaker
They're like, sure.
00:01:45
Speaker
But I'm very excited.
Mission and Future Plans
00:01:47
Speaker
Our goal is to equip.
00:01:50
Speaker
He's been bouncing off the wall this whole time.
00:01:53
Speaker
Stop being so excited.
00:01:55
Speaker
Artists of the Way is an organization.
00:01:57
Speaker
I know, I know.
00:01:58
Speaker
But we want to equip artists.
00:02:00
Speaker
This is our vision and mission statement to equip artists in crafting quality performing arts and to cultivate innovative and creative artistry in a Christlike manner.
00:02:09
Speaker
We want to provide creative opportunities, guidance, and a community that refines art.
00:02:14
Speaker
artists and we also want to reflect the truth of christ through challenging joyful and redemptive art um so
00:02:24
Speaker
Didn't the board do great on that?
00:02:25
Speaker
I was involved too, but also it was the board.
00:02:27
Speaker
It was a group effort.
00:02:28
Speaker
Good job.
00:02:29
Speaker
But thanks, Guy.
00:02:30
Speaker
Thanks.
00:02:32
Speaker
We're just so excited.
00:02:33
Speaker
We're excited at the opportunities.
00:02:35
Speaker
We have a couple things in the works for 2026.
00:02:39
Speaker
One big thing in the works for 2026, which we are not announcing yet.
00:02:42
Speaker
One thing.
00:02:43
Speaker
One thing, for sure.
00:02:43
Speaker
And we may be a podcast.
00:02:45
Speaker
In 2026.
00:02:45
Speaker
We probably will podcast.
00:02:47
Speaker
So there's that.
00:02:48
Speaker
There's probably going to be a couple of things in
Cultivate Conference Announcement
00:02:50
Speaker
26.
00:02:50
Speaker
But this year, 2025, 2025, what we've announced recently is a conference that we're doing this fall.
00:02:58
Speaker
Oh, you know about this.
00:03:00
Speaker
You made the graph.
00:03:01
Speaker
I thought it was just a conceptual thing.
00:03:06
Speaker
didn't know you were actually doing it.
00:03:08
Speaker
Well, I love now you can read that.
00:03:10
Speaker
Oh, it's like, oh, you're doing that thing.
00:03:13
Speaker
Why?
00:03:14
Speaker
I thought it was just a concept.
00:03:15
Speaker
I would have told you now.
00:03:18
Speaker
What's the conference?
00:03:19
Speaker
The conference is the Cultivate Conference.
00:03:22
Speaker
It's a performing, a faith and performing arts conference.
00:03:25
Speaker
It's being put together by a bunch of the leaders in the Christian theater world here in West Michigan.
00:03:32
Speaker
Cool.
00:03:32
Speaker
So,
00:03:33
Speaker
We're working with Brad Garnott, C.J.
00:03:36
Speaker
Pletcher from HPA, Walt Williams from Master Arts Theater, and then myself and one of our board members, Elizabeth Hawkins.
00:03:44
Speaker
And we're putting together this wonderful conference with an amazing, amazing lineup of instructors, several from West Michigan, but we've got a couple from outside of West Michigan as well.
00:03:54
Speaker
One really exciting one, which I'm excited to announce.
00:03:57
Speaker
Go ahead.
00:03:58
Speaker
No.
00:03:58
Speaker
No.
00:03:59
Speaker
It's not that exciting.
00:04:01
Speaker
We're building suspense.
00:04:03
Speaker
It's good.
00:04:04
Speaker
But this conference is going to be happening on October 18th.
00:04:07
Speaker
It's an all-day conference on Saturday.
00:04:09
Speaker
It's focused on 5 a.m.
00:04:12
Speaker
5 a.m.
00:04:12
Speaker
to 3 a.m.
00:04:13
Speaker
the next day.
00:04:14
Speaker
But it's still within 24 hours.
00:04:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:18
Speaker
No, it's 8 to 6, I believe.
00:04:20
Speaker
We'll have a schedule on the website in a couple weeks.
00:04:23
Speaker
But...
00:04:24
Speaker
The goal is to help you grow as a performing artist, to grow as a director or a leader.
00:04:30
Speaker
Use the word cultivate instead.
00:04:31
Speaker
To cultivate!
00:04:32
Speaker
Ah!
00:04:33
Speaker
To cultivate your abilities as a performing artist.
00:04:37
Speaker
We have things about singing, about movement as an actor, about performances, a variety of things.
00:04:41
Speaker
We have stuff for directors who want to grow in different areas of that.
00:04:47
Speaker
And then we also have things to help deepen your faith and help you think about what does it mean to be an artist and a Christian.
00:04:53
Speaker
An artist of the way.
00:04:54
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:04:56
Speaker
You understand the name.
00:04:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:59
Speaker
But seriously, incredible lineup of guests to the point where I seriously am like any of my friends who are not Christians, just the things we have for artists like are going to be some wonderful opportunities.
00:05:12
Speaker
Well, except artists not of the way.
00:05:13
Speaker
Yes.
00:05:15
Speaker
But just it's just a wonderful offering what we've put together.
00:05:19
Speaker
I cannot wait to share it with everybody.
00:05:22
Speaker
So.
00:05:26
Speaker
But keep an eye out on our social media, on our website, on our email newsletter.
00:05:30
Speaker
We should be announcing our instructors soon, and we're going to be revealing what those sessions are after that.
00:05:38
Speaker
So keep an eye out.
00:05:39
Speaker
Sign up for the email newsletter if you haven't signed up already so you can be up to date.
00:05:42
Speaker
Will there be billboards?
00:05:45
Speaker
I wish, but probably not because those are expensive.
00:05:48
Speaker
Follow us the way John said.
00:05:50
Speaker
Yeah, because you won't see us when you're driving.
00:05:52
Speaker
Unless you happen to cross us on the freeway.
00:05:55
Speaker
Cross us, pass us on the freeway.
00:05:57
Speaker
And we'll be talking about it then, surely.
00:06:00
Speaker
Just open your window.
00:06:02
Speaker
You'll hear.
00:06:04
Speaker
You'll see us in a car, just like, at the Cultivate Conference.
00:06:09
Speaker
Oh!
00:06:11
Speaker
That's our advertising plan.
00:06:13
Speaker
State and I are just going to walk around talking about it incessantly.
00:06:18
Speaker
Just open that window.
00:06:19
Speaker
Open that window and we'll be there.
00:06:23
Speaker
But yes, again, I'm just, I'm so excited.
00:06:27
Speaker
Registration is going to be going up in early August.
00:06:30
Speaker
So you'll be able to sign up there.
00:06:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:33
Speaker
Pricing information will be available soon.
00:06:35
Speaker
We're trying to make it very accessible for people to be able to come.
00:06:37
Speaker
We're not trying to make a profit off of this.
00:06:38
Speaker
We're not.
00:06:39
Speaker
We're trying to be nonprofit about this.
00:06:43
Speaker
But yes, so that is, that's my little update on Artists of the Way.
00:06:47
Speaker
Really exciting things in the works, things I think will interest our whole audience.
00:06:51
Speaker
But let's get on to the show.
00:06:53
Speaker
What are we talking about today, Nate?
Personal Updates and Spiritual Reflections
00:06:57
Speaker
Well, this is the first podcast we've recorded in a while, so... Oh, yes.
00:07:03
Speaker
I had a big life update that you'll hear a bit about later, but I had a child, so... What child is this?
00:07:09
Speaker
This child...
00:07:10
Speaker
Who laid to rest on Mary's lap?
00:07:14
Speaker
It's Sanchez's lap.
00:07:17
Speaker
Yes, Arthur, my little son.
00:07:19
Speaker
He's two months old.
00:07:20
Speaker
Yes.
00:07:21
Speaker
Actually, he'll be like two months.
00:07:22
Speaker
Well, nine weeks.
00:07:24
Speaker
You have to go by weeks for babies.
00:07:28
Speaker
Hopefully not for the rest of his life.
00:07:29
Speaker
Hopefully not like he's like 2,387 weeks old today.
00:07:35
Speaker
Hopefully not.
00:07:36
Speaker
We give him a present every week.
00:07:37
Speaker
We're just like, happy birthday.
00:07:39
Speaker
Oh, Ken, okay.
00:07:41
Speaker
Yeah, so, as Nate was alluding to, first episode back, we're a little...
00:07:47
Speaker
Oh, and having a little talk about connecting with God.
00:07:52
Speaker
That's what this episode's about.
00:07:54
Speaker
That is, yeah.
00:07:54
Speaker
A little bit off the cuff, but it's a really good episode.
00:07:57
Speaker
I think there's some rich stuff.
00:07:58
Speaker
We're just kind of unpacking some things that mostly I am working through.
00:08:04
Speaker
He was just more vulnerable than me.
00:08:07
Speaker
They kept that wall up.
00:08:09
Speaker
Shoot.
00:08:10
Speaker
But yes, I think it's a really good episode.
00:08:12
Speaker
I think you guys are going to enjoy it.
00:08:14
Speaker
So thank you guys for tuning in.
00:08:16
Speaker
Thanks for listening.
00:08:16
Speaker
Those are the same thing.
00:08:17
Speaker
We're glad you tuned that dial past all the static.
00:08:22
Speaker
Yeah, past all the static.
00:08:24
Speaker
And then finally we're like, wait, I have to do two of my rock board.
00:08:31
Speaker
Anyways, enjoy the episode.
00:08:36
Speaker
Have you been thinking about anything interesting lately?
00:08:40
Speaker
I have been, I've been going through a bit of a personal, like, uh, what's the word?
00:08:49
Speaker
Crisis is too strong a word.
00:08:51
Speaker
Um, I just liked your understanding.
00:08:56
Speaker
That's what that was.
00:08:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:00
Speaker
I, I, I am, I think I'm finding out that I'm, I don't know.
00:09:06
Speaker
I don't know how to phrase it.
00:09:10
Speaker
If this is in the episode, which now me saying this will spoil the name I went in without a plan if it's in the episode.
00:09:16
Speaker
I'm doing like motions to try and conjure words or thoughts.
00:09:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:23
Speaker
Now I'm trying to grab the thought out of thin air.
00:09:27
Speaker
It's somewhere.
00:09:27
Speaker
I feel like we need some just good bro talk time.
00:09:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:31
Speaker
That sounds so desperate.
00:09:34
Speaker
That sounds so desperate.
00:09:48
Speaker
Let's do that.
00:09:54
Speaker
Oh man.
00:09:57
Speaker
Oh man, this is gonna be a chaotic episode.
00:10:01
Speaker
No, it's like...
00:10:03
Speaker
I've been... I guess it's like... I'm going to start throwing words out there.
00:10:07
Speaker
Maybe some of them will be the right words.
00:10:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:09
Speaker
Pineapple.
00:10:12
Speaker
Oranges.
00:10:15
Speaker
Other things.
00:10:17
Speaker
No, I feel like... I'm like... I've had this sense of... Like, not...
00:10:24
Speaker
connecting with God and maybe being like burnt out.
00:10:27
Speaker
And I, I don't like either of those feelings.
00:10:30
Speaker
Surprisingly, I don't like being burnt out or not connecting with God.
00:10:34
Speaker
I've been feeling that too.
00:10:37
Speaker
Whoa.
00:10:39
Speaker
Synergy.
00:10:42
Speaker
Corporate synergy.
00:10:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:46
Speaker
And it's, it's been weird.
00:10:49
Speaker
So yeah,
00:10:50
Speaker
life update for anybody who is listening to the podcast and doesn't know my life has an interesting development and that I'm now working at master arts theater.
00:10:58
Speaker
So I'm, I'm here at artist of the way as executive director and I'm at master arts theater as an assistant artistic director, which is an, a great job and wonderful people that I'm working with.
00:11:09
Speaker
And so in a lot of ways, like I basically have the life that I've always wanted now, which is insane and slightly terrifying.
00:11:18
Speaker
Um,
00:11:20
Speaker
But, and I've been like, I have to like make sure that I'm like rooted in God.
00:11:27
Speaker
Cause I don't want to be one of those people that like achieves all their dreams, but then lose the sight of God.
00:11:32
Speaker
And like,
00:11:33
Speaker
just does the thing but i've just had this sense of like it feels like i'm just there's just so much in life that i i haven't been able to like take time or space to just be with god and like i like i'm not even sure what that looks like anymore and like intellectually i think maybe i am but like like i feel so much more unsure of what it looks like to just be with god
00:12:00
Speaker
than I did like in high school.
00:12:02
Speaker
Like I'm so envious of like 17 year old me who was like, I can just go on a walk and then I hear things from God and I just know that they're from God.
00:12:08
Speaker
And I'm like, that's great.
00:12:09
Speaker
And I don't think that, like, I think a lot of the things I heard when I was 17 was from God, but now I'm just like, I don't know if it's from God, it could just be me putting words in God's mouth.
00:12:18
Speaker
I don't know.
00:12:19
Speaker
You know?
00:12:20
Speaker
So then I'm like, why was I hearing so much more from God at 17?
00:12:22
Speaker
And why was, why did it feel like it was so much easier to just be like,
00:12:28
Speaker
rooted in him at that time, probably because I didn't have a job or a family and all these things.
00:12:32
Speaker
But...
00:12:35
Speaker
Like, why was that so much easier?
00:12:38
Speaker
And so it's just been this sort of sense of like, I'm just sort of going through the motions of life.
00:12:48
Speaker
And I don't necessarily feel like I'm just going through the motions in my relationship with God so much.
00:12:55
Speaker
Like, I don't feel like that's an apt descriptor, but it does feel like
00:13:00
Speaker
like a long distance relationship or like, like, like the relationship is being maintained more than it is being, um, then it's, it's thriving.
00:13:11
Speaker
I think that's maybe starting to turn the corner, but that's been on my mind.
00:13:16
Speaker
And I think God's presenting some, some things there, but the thing that's like really hit me this week was I was talking to Shay and talking through all of this.
00:13:25
Speaker
Um, and Shay was like, do you think maybe you're Martha from the Bible?
00:13:30
Speaker
And I was like, shoot, am I?
00:13:32
Speaker
Cause I've always seen myself as Mary.
00:13:34
Speaker
Cause I'm like, yeah, I'm the one that'll just go chill with God in the woods and hear a word.
00:13:37
Speaker
But I'm like, oh dang, I think I am Martha.
00:13:39
Speaker
I'm like doing all of the things that seem right to do for my calling, for who I am, um, for all of that stuff.
00:13:51
Speaker
but it feels like I'm doing those things on my own and like I'm now more just keeping up with them than doing them out of this overflow of love.
00:14:07
Speaker
Not with all of the things, but with quite a few of the things.
00:14:13
Speaker
And it feels like they're just so big that it's like,
00:14:17
Speaker
like Peter looking at the waves, but I'm also trying to manage the waves instead of just be afraid of the waves.
00:14:22
Speaker
So I have to make sure I know where all of the waves are going and I have to check on the status of this wave.
00:14:26
Speaker
And is this wave need any assistance to go where it needs to go?
00:14:29
Speaker
Do I have to splash the water to help it along?
00:14:33
Speaker
Because that would help.
00:14:35
Speaker
Be a wave.
00:14:35
Speaker
Go.
00:14:36
Speaker
I feel like I'm just like a father sending a son off.
00:14:40
Speaker
Go.
00:14:40
Speaker
Be free.
00:14:41
Speaker
Also, that's another update since the last episode is we haven't recorded one since I've been a father.
00:14:45
Speaker
So I'm a father.
00:14:48
Speaker
Congratulations.
00:14:49
Speaker
Thank you.
00:14:49
Speaker
This is the first time you're hearing of it.
00:14:54
Speaker
Nate and I haven't seen each other at all since we recorded.
00:14:57
Speaker
That's not true.
00:14:59
Speaker
We did a whole show since the last time we recorded.
00:15:01
Speaker
We did.
00:15:03
Speaker
Like a play.
00:15:06
Speaker
And a TV show.
00:15:07
Speaker
Yeah, but that's coming out later.
00:15:09
Speaker
It is.
00:15:09
Speaker
We didn't do a TV show.
00:15:10
Speaker
That would be cool if we did a TV show.
00:15:12
Speaker
Not good.
00:15:16
Speaker
Yeah, that's kind of been the thing that I'm like...
00:15:21
Speaker
processing and trying to figure out.
00:15:24
Speaker
Um, and that's kind of coinciding with me wanting to get back into a bit of like an intellectual study of, of scripture and of theology.
00:15:34
Speaker
Cause I think I've been missing that since graduating.
00:15:37
Speaker
So trying to figure out how does that fit into my life?
00:15:39
Speaker
So I'm, so those are kind of intersecting to like me just wondering, I feel like God is pulling me
00:15:47
Speaker
in a direction and telling me you need to just sit at my feet.
00:15:53
Speaker
And I'm like, what does that mean when you're, yeah, practically when you're, you're not embodied on earth as a person, maybe you are in some sense embodied in the church, but like, I don't think that God's just calling me to go and be with the church and like be around that has, that has value for sure.
00:16:17
Speaker
I don't know, maybe he is, maybe that is the way that he would mean to minister to me, but it's like, you don't, you, there's not a physical body here that I can point to unless you are wanting me to just go and like be in the presence of my brothers and sisters in Christ and just rest there and that be your conduit.
00:16:35
Speaker
And I, I can hear your words through scripture, but I,
00:16:43
Speaker
I love scripture.
00:16:44
Speaker
I think it's an amazing book.
00:16:45
Speaker
So anything that I say here.
00:16:49
Speaker
Pro scripture.
00:16:50
Speaker
I am right here.
00:16:51
Speaker
I'm pro scripture on multiple levels.
00:16:52
Speaker
Sometime I think I was thinking about this as I was drifting off last night was like, we should talk about like the artistry of scripture sometime because it is totally a work of art.
00:17:00
Speaker
I think it's more it's more than that.
00:17:03
Speaker
But I think it's also a work of art.
00:17:05
Speaker
It's incredible.
00:17:07
Speaker
I love that book on so many levels, but it is a two to 5,000 year old book written in a completely different culture and language style.
00:17:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:18
Speaker
Style, very different priorities for what it's doing.
00:17:21
Speaker
Right.
00:17:21
Speaker
And so.
00:17:24
Speaker
A lot of times it can be like, I'm reading the same description of this thing again.
00:17:30
Speaker
And oftentimes those things will still hit me.
00:17:32
Speaker
It takes extra work to put your extra imaginative work because it's not like...
00:17:41
Speaker
a modern novel that puts you so much in the head of the protagonist or the narrator.
00:17:48
Speaker
It's not super emotionally focused.
00:17:51
Speaker
And so then if it's like, well, what I need is to sit.
00:17:54
Speaker
Yeah, because you want to emotionally connect with Christ.
00:17:56
Speaker
And for me, that can be hard when Scripture doesn't seem always that...
00:18:05
Speaker
right inherently emotional right i know it can a lot of times when i just read scripture and it is a very emotional experience but like with like jesus himself sometimes it's easier than others and it can be oh yeah i think it's way easier with that yeah but so then it's like well i i could go to that but i don't know where to go and
00:18:30
Speaker
All these basic questions that you would think with a degree in ministry that I should have solved by now.
00:18:35
Speaker
But I think I need to go to seminary to solve that one.
00:18:39
Speaker
And then I'll have made it.
00:18:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:44
Speaker
That's how that works.
00:18:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:47
Speaker
If that doesn't work, then it's the PhD.
00:18:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:50
Speaker
And then if that doesn't work, a doctorate.
00:18:52
Speaker
And then if that doesn't work, shh.
00:18:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:58
Speaker
I'm trying to think of another equivalent.
00:18:59
Speaker
I can't.
00:19:01
Speaker
Another PhD.
00:19:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:04
Speaker
I just go more insular.
00:19:05
Speaker
First, I get a PhD just generally on biblical studies.
00:19:08
Speaker
And then I go even further and do New Testament studies.
00:19:10
Speaker
And then I go even further and do Jesus.
00:19:11
Speaker
Christology.
00:19:12
Speaker
Yes.
00:19:12
Speaker
And then I decide to just focus on the passion.
00:19:15
Speaker
And then I decide to focus on just get multiple PhDs and just like a PhD rabbit hole.
00:19:21
Speaker
I feel like I would, I love the idea of getting a PhD, but I'm not sure I would be good at a PhD program.
00:19:26
Speaker
It just seems like it's so intense.
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah, man, that sounds hard.
00:19:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:29
Speaker
Although it does sound kind of fun to have to like present a thing and defend it at the end.
00:19:33
Speaker
Like that's just a very active thing as opposed to I did my exam.
00:19:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:38
Speaker
I'm graduating.
00:19:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:40
Speaker
Um,
00:19:44
Speaker
But yeah, so then it feels like, well, I don't know for sure.
00:19:47
Speaker
Like, I know you're here, but like, I don't always have a sense that you are physically present.
00:19:52
Speaker
I know that you care for me and maybe have things to say to me, but A, I don't, I have to be able to listen to receive that and B, I don't like, if I feel like I hear something from you, how do I know for sure that that is you versus that being me just being,
00:20:11
Speaker
being like, he said things like this in the past, which sometimes I think is an accurate sort of faith remembrance thing of this is how he operates.
00:20:19
Speaker
This is what Christ says.
00:20:22
Speaker
I think almost any time that you sin and then ask for forgiveness, not almost any time, any time that you sin and ask for forgiveness, you know that God's answer is I forgive you.
00:20:32
Speaker
And you know that his response in that is some sort of gentle, loving restoration and push to
00:20:41
Speaker
be better in whatever way that means, whether that be through, uh, repentance with others or yada, yada, yada.
00:20:48
Speaker
But if it's like, I don't even know quite what I need and I just need to sit with God and let him give me whatever I need, but then I'm not sure what it is I'm receiving.
Challenges in Spiritual Growth
00:20:56
Speaker
It's just this very complex, weird, tricky thing.
00:21:00
Speaker
So I'm sort of navigating it.
00:21:02
Speaker
I'm trying to just carve out the
00:21:05
Speaker
some time.
00:21:06
Speaker
I have, I have a more free schedule now, which is nice.
00:21:09
Speaker
That's good.
00:21:10
Speaker
It is.
00:21:10
Speaker
That's, that's a really nice benefit of the job.
00:21:14
Speaker
Um, so my mornings are longer, so I'm trying to give myself some, like a half hour where it's like, this is just God's time.
00:21:22
Speaker
And so I'll do, sometimes I'll do morning prayer in that, but I try and do morning prayer
00:21:28
Speaker
earlier because morning prayer is so structured.
00:21:30
Speaker
I kind of want it to be unstructured God time.
00:21:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:32
Speaker
Combine your, your roots.
00:21:36
Speaker
Yes.
00:21:36
Speaker
So morning prayer sort of tends the ground for the spontaneous stuff.
00:21:41
Speaker
And then I just sort of like that.
00:21:43
Speaker
Let there be whatever God wants in that half an hour.
00:21:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:46
Speaker
Um, do you ever take a walk?
00:21:49
Speaker
Yes, I love walks.
00:21:51
Speaker
So yeah, there's a park that I'm going to.
00:21:54
Speaker
I've gone once or twice now before going to work, but I'll go do a couple laps and then sit.
00:22:00
Speaker
It was very nice.
00:22:01
Speaker
The birds were all out.
00:22:02
Speaker
There was a goldfinch.
00:22:04
Speaker
That's the one yellow jacket came to mind.
00:22:05
Speaker
I was like, that's not, is that even a bird?
00:22:07
Speaker
I feel like that's a bee.
00:22:08
Speaker
It's a bee.
00:22:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:12
Speaker
This goldfinch is wearing a yellow jacket.
00:22:13
Speaker
A giant yellow jacket just flying through the air.
00:22:16
Speaker
Very intimidating.
00:22:18
Speaker
It would be terrifying.
00:22:20
Speaker
Those are the real murder bees.
00:22:22
Speaker
I feel like the murder bees were the most like anticlimactic.
00:22:25
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:22:25
Speaker
We never saw them.
00:22:26
Speaker
We never saw them.
00:22:27
Speaker
That was like the deleted scene in 2020.
00:22:30
Speaker
Was like, we got the setup for the murder bees, but then the COVID plotline took over.
00:22:35
Speaker
And so the murder bees just didn't come back because there wasn't enough screen time for the murder bees.
00:22:40
Speaker
Wait, weren't we supposed to have murder bees?
00:22:42
Speaker
It's fine.
00:22:43
Speaker
We can bring them back in eight seasons.
00:22:48
Speaker
Would you rather have murder bees or COVID again?
00:22:52
Speaker
Oh, well, me personally or the world?
00:22:56
Speaker
You personally.
00:22:56
Speaker
Me personally, COVID, because COVID's never been... The first time I had it was really bad.
00:23:02
Speaker
I guess I mean, would you personally rather have COVID come to the world or murder bees?
00:23:10
Speaker
Well, COVID's kind of still in the world.
00:23:13
Speaker
It is not of the world.
00:23:15
Speaker
The world was made through COVID.
00:23:17
Speaker
Wait, what?
00:23:17
Speaker
It's not of COVID.
00:23:20
Speaker
So, hang on.
00:23:23
Speaker
Now I'm getting really nerdy and theological because my comment was not worthy of that.
00:23:28
Speaker
We're going there.
00:23:29
Speaker
Ancient theologians are like, God made the world through Christ in some sense, because Christ is the word.
00:23:35
Speaker
And it was with the word that God, that God created the world.
00:23:38
Speaker
So it was through Christ.
00:23:39
Speaker
So if the world was made through COVID, then you've just said that Jesus was COVID or COVID was Jesus.
00:23:46
Speaker
I was just kidding.
00:23:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:51
Speaker
I love, we should just have that in our back pocket, any intellectual conversation that we have with anybody.
00:23:57
Speaker
Somebody like, it's like, that point's ridiculous.
00:24:00
Speaker
You can just be like, I was just kidding.
00:24:02
Speaker
Wouldn't that be a power move?
00:24:04
Speaker
You're in a debate.
00:24:06
Speaker
Just like drop a ridiculous point and they spend their entire rebuttal time rebutting it.
00:24:11
Speaker
And then you come up and you're like, I was just kidding.
00:24:14
Speaker
So here's my real point.
00:24:16
Speaker
You just wasted like five, ten minutes of the debate.
00:24:21
Speaker
You like don't even use all your time.
00:24:23
Speaker
You just go up and you're just like... Eyes as kin.
00:24:25
Speaker
That's a great idea.
00:24:31
Speaker
I feel like we should figure out a way to do this.
00:24:38
Speaker
Yeah, you said you were... Were you having similar thoughts?
00:24:44
Speaker
Some similar.
00:24:44
Speaker
I don't think exactly the same.
00:24:47
Speaker
I don't feel...
00:24:50
Speaker
like that disconnected with God, but I definitely have times where it's like, I want to feel more, more, I want to feel more disconnected.
00:24:59
Speaker
Then when we come back, it'll be even better.
00:25:02
Speaker
No.
00:25:04
Speaker
Trying really hard not to spit out my hot chocolate on the white carpet.
00:25:09
Speaker
Um, yeah.
00:25:12
Speaker
No, but I've, like, for my whole life felt like a pressure to be like, oh, I don't know that I'm right with God.
00:25:21
Speaker
Like, I often wake up in the morning and that's just my baseline feeling, which I think a lot of people have.
00:25:29
Speaker
But it's not right.
00:25:31
Speaker
And it was cool hearing that, like...
00:25:35
Speaker
Shay kind of called you out like that you're like a Martha thing.
00:25:40
Speaker
And it was nice, like, cause the other day, like Ellie called me out in like a similar way that she thought like in the most loving, nice way.
00:25:48
Speaker
Shay was very abusive to me when she called me out.
00:25:50
Speaker
She threw a cup at me and said, you, no, no.
00:25:55
Speaker
Clean up this, Martha.
00:25:57
Speaker
How about some more work, Martha?
00:26:03
Speaker
But like, like Ali saying, the idea like that, I think you, do you, I think you think you have to take care of everything and there's something that we need to sit with.
00:26:16
Speaker
I think there's truth in that.
00:26:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:19
Speaker
Um, but like then applied it to like my relationship with God with like, um,
00:26:27
Speaker
like you just do have a good relationship with God because it's not dependent on you.
00:26:31
Speaker
That's just the status that you have is good relationship with God.
00:26:37
Speaker
And it gets confusing with like, well, what if I like, what if I sin and then we're not good?
00:26:42
Speaker
And like, how do I know if I'm in a state of sin and stuff like that?
00:26:45
Speaker
And like, but what if I'm not feeling it?
00:26:47
Speaker
Well, I guess that's the classic.
00:26:48
Speaker
You don't need to feel it.
00:26:50
Speaker
And probably worrying about feeling it is counterproductive to actually feeling it.
00:26:55
Speaker
Sure.
00:26:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:01
Speaker
But, um, no, I had to add some recent, like good focus time with God and that felt good to be connected with him.
00:27:14
Speaker
I think just in so many areas of my life, I just need to relax.
00:27:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:19
Speaker
Max my like personal relationships and with my relationship with God and things go better then.
00:27:26
Speaker
And I, in one of my recent walks, sometimes I take a walk in the afternoon at work and try to have sometimes with God and it's like, okay, I should, I should pray or maybe I should sing.
00:27:38
Speaker
And then like, oh, well maybe I'll just,
00:27:44
Speaker
not try to do anything, just be open to like him, like saying something to me.
00:27:49
Speaker
And I don't, it doesn't always feel like he does, but it feels like in general, it feels like better after those walks though.
00:27:57
Speaker
Which is weird.
00:27:58
Speaker
And I, I don't,
00:28:00
Speaker
I don't, it could be, I think it's probably a both, but part of that I think is like a psychological thing of like, let's just get some quiet for a minute.
00:28:07
Speaker
Like, I wonder if a lot of what God is saying to people right now is just, just be quiet.
00:28:11
Speaker
Cause you need quiet, you know, not even like, I think he like be quiet with me.
00:28:16
Speaker
A, because you should be with me.
00:28:18
Speaker
B, because your world is so noisy right now.
00:28:20
Speaker
Everybody just needs more quiet.
00:28:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
00:28:24
Speaker
And isn't that like a classic, like, oh, I know this is a good friend because we can be together and be quiet.
00:28:31
Speaker
That's my favorite thing as an introvert, which nobody believes me when I say I'm an introvert, but I'm like...
00:28:36
Speaker
Most of the people that I'm with, I'm just so talkative around.
00:28:38
Speaker
And then there's some people where I can just arrive and sit quietly.
00:28:42
Speaker
And maybe I look a little bit grumpy, but I'm not really grumpy.
00:28:46
Speaker
And they know that I'm not grumpy.
00:28:47
Speaker
I'm just there and it's nice to be there with them.
00:28:49
Speaker
And I'm not saying a whole lot, you know, but...
00:28:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:53
Speaker
And if that's how you feel with some of your best friends on earth, isn't that like God's like, I'm your true best friend.
00:29:01
Speaker
Just be that way with me.
00:29:02
Speaker
Right.
00:29:03
Speaker
How much more fruit will your father in heaven be good just sitting with you and with the quiet?
00:29:07
Speaker
Yeah.
Parallels Between Fatherhood and Faith
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:08
Speaker
Be still and know that I am God.
00:29:11
Speaker
So what does that mean to know that I am God?
00:29:15
Speaker
be like, hey, you're God.
00:29:17
Speaker
That's cool.
00:29:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:20
Speaker
That he's taking care of things.
00:29:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:24
Speaker
I've been thinking I need to reflect on the promises that God gives us again.
00:29:29
Speaker
One of the things I've been reflecting on since becoming a father is very cliche, is thinking about God's sort of relationship and view of me in light of my view and relationship with my son.
00:29:39
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's really cool.
00:29:41
Speaker
It is cool.
00:29:42
Speaker
It's crazy.
00:29:43
Speaker
But one of the things that...
00:29:44
Speaker
has struck me.
00:29:45
Speaker
It hasn't like, it hasn't, it's been more intellectually stimulating than emotionally stimulating for me thus far.
00:29:52
Speaker
You know, when I, that was one of the things I was looking forward to when I had a kid and it didn't,
00:29:58
Speaker
strike me at first and I like wanted it to, but I think even as time goes on, I've had more times of that like striking of like, like I just love this kid and stuff.
00:30:12
Speaker
Not always like with a special reason, just like looking at them just lying asleep in bed.
00:30:18
Speaker
It's like, oh man, I just love this kid.
00:30:20
Speaker
And it's like, oh, that's how God feels about me.
00:30:24
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:30:26
Speaker
Yeah, I had this moment.
00:30:27
Speaker
I think he was crying for food.
00:30:30
Speaker
And I was just like, it's just crazy that all of his needs are right there.
00:30:36
Speaker
You know, like to be met.
00:30:39
Speaker
Like he needs love and comfort and we're there to comfort him.
00:30:43
Speaker
He needs food and we are there to feed him.
00:30:46
Speaker
He needs a diaper changed and we are there to change the diaper.
00:30:50
Speaker
That's basically all that he needs right now.
00:30:52
Speaker
You know, but it's like...
00:30:54
Speaker
Those are big things for this little guy.
00:30:56
Speaker
And he has this crazy dynamic adventurous life.
00:31:00
Speaker
He's clearly has a huge emotional range.
00:31:04
Speaker
He clearly is going through character arcs.
00:31:06
Speaker
I heard he smiled at you for the first time.
00:31:08
Speaker
He did smile at me!
00:31:09
Speaker
That's so cool.
00:31:09
Speaker
Like a couple days ago.
00:31:10
Speaker
It was very nice.
00:31:11
Speaker
Yeah?
00:31:12
Speaker
Yay.
00:31:12
Speaker
Good.
00:31:13
Speaker
This will happen more, hopefully.
00:31:15
Speaker
It will.
00:31:16
Speaker
That'll be so nice.
00:31:17
Speaker
I know.
00:31:18
Speaker
But just like the... And I think it doubly hit me because...
00:31:25
Speaker
I feel like a baby is so unaware of everything.
00:31:28
Speaker
Come on, kid.
00:31:30
Speaker
Not in a bad way.
00:31:31
Speaker
Like, I'm almost envious.
00:31:33
Speaker
But like, he's just vibing in this unaware world.
00:31:37
Speaker
And then all of a sudden, he's like, ah, I have a need.
00:31:39
Speaker
I don't know what to do, but cry out.
00:31:42
Speaker
And then that need is met by his parents.
00:31:46
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:31:48
Speaker
ah, I'm sitting in poop.
00:31:50
Speaker
I don't know what to do, but to cry out, I have messed everything up in my diaper.
00:31:57
Speaker
Ah, and then his parents are there.
00:31:59
Speaker
If we notice that his diaper is dirty, otherwise he sits in there for a while.
00:32:01
Speaker
God always notices when your diaper is dirty.
00:32:05
Speaker
And he's not just thinking, ew, you gross person sitting in a dirty diaper.
00:32:13
Speaker
Why would you sit in a dirty diaper?
00:32:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:17
Speaker
Like he just had a huge big blowout, which I think is the first big blowout he had like yesterday.
00:32:21
Speaker
So it's like all down his leg.
00:32:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:23
Speaker
Like, oh, this is the worst.
00:32:24
Speaker
But I never thought he was the worst for it.
00:32:26
Speaker
No.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:29
Speaker
And so just that, that I don't, there's, there's something.
00:32:36
Speaker
And it's weird because for most of my life, I feel like I've been so dependent on, on God, but I think that that's just become so practical in my mind of like, oh yes, God will meet my needs financially.
00:32:47
Speaker
And like, um, for my wellbeing physically and, and, and maybe for my time, but I've stopped believing that he could like meet, no, no, I haven't stopped believing it, but I haven't, I haven't applied.
00:33:04
Speaker
I haven't applied it as much to like emotional needs and what, what's going on, where am I burnt out?
00:33:10
Speaker
Where do I need help?
00:33:11
Speaker
You know, what are, what are the needs that I have to, you know, do I need somebody to come help take care of Arthur some night?
00:33:19
Speaker
Do I need somebody to help?
00:33:22
Speaker
with a project for artists of the way um do i need different volunteers for something at master arts do i need just time or space or something do i need some some opportunities for quiet um that i can just bring those to him and trust that he'll provide it somehow which for some reason feels more i don't even know why for some reason that feels like a bigger ask to me than like
00:33:49
Speaker
A house like our house, I contend that God gave us because when Shay and I were engaged, I was like, Lord, Shay really wants a house.
00:33:58
Speaker
Would you give us a house, please?
00:34:00
Speaker
Because Shay wants a house.
00:34:01
Speaker
So if we could have a house as soon as possible, because she wants to make a space and make it her own, that would be great.
00:34:06
Speaker
And then we got this house only a couple years later, which was way sooner than we were expecting.
00:34:11
Speaker
And it was just the perfect situation.
00:34:14
Speaker
Everything lined up perfectly.
00:34:15
Speaker
It was clearly God.
00:34:16
Speaker
So for some reason, me saying, hey God, could I have a house feels like more achievable for God than to be like, Lord, could I have a little bit of extra time to breathe?
00:34:27
Speaker
You know, or... Yeah, do you think it's because there's like a element where you could provide your own
00:34:40
Speaker
happiness or you think you should just buck up and, and handle it?
00:34:44
Speaker
Well, there's definitely a buck up and hand.
00:34:46
Speaker
I'm, I'm definitely a sufferer of America's pull yourself up by your bootstraps and grind and do the thing sort of, uh, culture we've all inherited.
00:34:55
Speaker
So there's definitely some of that.
00:34:58
Speaker
Um,
00:35:00
Speaker
I think maybe some of it too is like that feels like something that I just need to, if I were just a bit wiser, I could manage a bit better.
00:35:06
Speaker
Right.
00:35:08
Speaker
You know, or if I made the right sacrifices, then I would have the space in my life for God.
00:35:15
Speaker
So what are you going to give up, John?
00:35:16
Speaker
You know, which sometimes I think is the case.
00:35:20
Speaker
Like when she and I were talking, she was like, you just need to make time for that connection with God, even if it's hard to do.
00:35:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:28
Speaker
Which I think I struggle with a lot of times.
00:35:31
Speaker
Cause I also have that need of like, I feel that feeling of like, I have to do, I have to do the thing.
00:35:36
Speaker
I have to fix the thing.
00:35:36
Speaker
I have to, I have to do all these things.
00:35:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:38
Speaker
And how can I take time for that when I, when I need to be like taking care of the family or I need to sleep.
00:35:45
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:35:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:48
Speaker
I don't know if it's selfish.
00:35:49
Speaker
I don't think it is, but it feels selfish.
00:35:52
Speaker
No, we need that.
00:35:54
Speaker
I mean, I'm speaking to myself too, but we need that fuel because that's what we run on God.
00:36:01
Speaker
Right.
00:36:01
Speaker
And so if we're just running on empty, we're not running.
00:36:05
Speaker
That's true.
00:36:06
Speaker
We're just kind of flapping around like a jellyfish.
00:36:10
Speaker
It's not even a car.
00:36:11
Speaker
No.
00:36:12
Speaker
That's how bad it is.
00:36:13
Speaker
Can jellyfish flop on land?
00:36:15
Speaker
Can they drive cars?
00:36:16
Speaker
Well, they can't drive cars.
00:36:18
Speaker
They might be able to start a car with their electric shock.
00:36:23
Speaker
Ooh, yeah.
00:36:24
Speaker
So they might be able to start a car, but then they'd be out of luck.
00:36:27
Speaker
I don't know if they can move on land or not.
00:36:29
Speaker
I don't know.
00:36:30
Speaker
If anybody knows about jellyfishes...
00:36:33
Speaker
Not much, I imagine.
00:36:34
Speaker
No.
00:36:35
Speaker
To like hoist themselves up and move?
00:36:37
Speaker
I don't know.
00:36:38
Speaker
Or would they kind of snake?
00:36:39
Speaker
I don't even know what muscle control they have.
00:36:41
Speaker
Do they have any muscle control or do they just float in the water?
00:36:45
Speaker
Do they move intentionally?
00:36:47
Speaker
They do, don't they?
00:36:48
Speaker
They must.
00:36:50
Speaker
I don't know.
00:36:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:54
Speaker
But there's, so there's chance for this to get better with more loose schedule now.
00:37:00
Speaker
Yes, that's true.
00:37:01
Speaker
And we're, I'm already like,
00:37:03
Speaker
kind of working on that.
00:37:05
Speaker
And I think there, there's just something nice of like being like, this is just for God.
00:37:09
Speaker
Like the, was it, it might've been, it might've been yesterday.
00:37:14
Speaker
She's like pulled something.
00:37:16
Speaker
And so I was trying to leave by eight so I could have the half hour of God time.
00:37:20
Speaker
And then I felt like,
00:37:23
Speaker
Oh, yeah, this is something.
00:37:25
Speaker
I felt like God was like, oh, sorry, that's your foot.
00:37:29
Speaker
Nate and I playing footsie under the camera.
00:37:36
Speaker
I don't know if God said it or if it just felt Christ-like.
00:37:39
Speaker
So I was like, this seems like how he wants me to spend this God time.
00:37:42
Speaker
But I was like, I'm just going to stay and give her massages instead.
00:37:44
Speaker
And then I'll go to the theater and go to work.
00:37:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:47
Speaker
And that just felt that was a really good start to my day.
00:37:51
Speaker
And just the there's something nice of like just that open handedness of God, you can use this time how you want.
00:37:58
Speaker
But so that's something that's interesting.
00:38:00
Speaker
I think that I'm sort of also chewing on in my relationship.
00:38:05
Speaker
or not really my relationship with God, but more my function as a person in the body of Christ and also my calling and also then how that's affecting my emotional life and my relationship with God.
00:38:17
Speaker
But like the imper... impertence?
00:38:20
Speaker
The importance... The impertinence!
00:38:21
Speaker
The impertinence!
00:38:23
Speaker
The importance of...
00:38:26
Speaker
serving and working and ministering.
00:38:31
Speaker
Like that's the word that I think of, but like actively doing good to people for the sake of Christ, trying to meet needs for the sake of Christ, not just to meet the need, but to try and be a presence of Christ in their life, to love them like Christ would love them.
Balancing Receiving and Serving in Faith
00:38:49
Speaker
There was a homily, I think it was over Holy Week at some point, or not Holy Week, but like Lent.
00:38:57
Speaker
I don't remember the context of it at all, but I remember the point in my head of the importance of the balance of everything where we have to receive from God.
00:39:09
Speaker
Absolutely, that needs to be where we're rooted.
00:39:11
Speaker
But we also need to be giving out or we get like there needs to be a flow there.
00:39:17
Speaker
Right.
00:39:18
Speaker
Stop it up.
00:39:20
Speaker
then it's like- It's stagnant.
00:39:21
Speaker
It gets stagnant.
00:39:22
Speaker
Like a pond.
00:39:24
Speaker
You get sort of overfilled and bulbous, you know?
00:39:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:27
Speaker
We had a while back some servants at my church about that.
00:39:32
Speaker
how we need to, our church needs to be a river and not a pond and rivers take in and they flow out.
00:39:40
Speaker
And there's so much cleaner than ponds.
00:39:42
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:39:43
Speaker
Ponds are so gross.
00:39:43
Speaker
Exactly.
00:39:44
Speaker
Have you ever swam in a pond?
00:39:47
Speaker
I don't know.
00:39:48
Speaker
Very gross.
00:39:49
Speaker
Very gross experience.
00:39:50
Speaker
Do not recommend.
00:39:50
Speaker
I've done it a couple times.
00:39:52
Speaker
Sounds gross.
00:39:52
Speaker
It is pretty gross.
00:39:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:55
Speaker
No, but go ahead.
00:39:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:58
Speaker
And so, I don't know.
00:40:00
Speaker
I've been chewing on that as well.
00:40:01
Speaker
I just think it's very easy for us as people to get focused in on one thing and be like, okay, I'm working on this one thing.
00:40:10
Speaker
And then you just overcorrect that way.
00:40:13
Speaker
Um, it's true.
00:40:14
Speaker
And so I'm, I'm, I'm, and it's weird that I guess God is working on both of these things in me at the same time.
00:40:21
Speaker
So maybe he was like, ha ha John, you can't do that thing.
00:40:24
Speaker
But, um, yeah, it feels like there's this emphasis as well of not just
00:40:32
Speaker
maybe God's just reorienting my ministerial life, but of not just make time for me and receive for me because it's good for you, but also, hey, John, you do kind of need to be, you need to be serving.
00:40:43
Speaker
You need to be connecting with people.
00:40:45
Speaker
You have to be living a life that is in service of others out of your, and that service flows from your love of Christ and what you receive from Christ.
00:40:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:59
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know.
00:41:00
Speaker
Maybe those two things have just sort of died in me over the last couple of years.
00:41:04
Speaker
Because 2024 was just so full.
00:41:06
Speaker
Maybe not died, but like, what's the word?
00:41:09
Speaker
Atrophied?
00:41:10
Speaker
Shrunk?
00:41:11
Speaker
Like,
00:41:13
Speaker
Cause last year was so crazy.
00:41:16
Speaker
Um, yeah, I think it can feel easy that like life is so crazy.
00:41:23
Speaker
My, I just, as a status do not have time for anything else or anybody else.
00:41:29
Speaker
Right.
00:41:29
Speaker
And, and to like, there's been a couple of big things where it's like, I've all, it,
00:41:36
Speaker
I've, and this is, this is probably a failing of mine, but I so often feel like I have to manage all of these things and keep an eye on them.
00:41:42
Speaker
But I feel like over the last couple of years, just with everything that happened in 2024, some really great things and some really hard things.
00:41:50
Speaker
And then, you know, 2025 and the pregnancy and Arthur, which has been wonderful and job change and all of that.
00:41:56
Speaker
Like, it feels like my ability to manage all of the things is just sort of blown up and like I've lost my
00:42:02
Speaker
Like I've kind of lost hold of everything.
00:42:03
Speaker
Like everything is just sort of, it's like the Big Bang.
00:42:06
Speaker
I was like the Big Bang where I was like holding all this matter and like it got so tight and then all the matter like exploded.
00:42:14
Speaker
But somehow, as in the Big Bang theory, it all just was fine somehow.
00:42:20
Speaker
Explain that to me.
00:42:21
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:42:23
Speaker
Stop, John, don't take pot shots.
00:42:24
Speaker
I'm using it for an illustration.
00:42:27
Speaker
Go ahead, they'll take pot shots and fire engagement.
00:42:31
Speaker
That's true.
00:42:34
Speaker
Nope, John, stay on track.
00:42:37
Speaker
Almost weird to do a whole thing, a big thing.
00:42:42
Speaker
Not the show, the actual theory.
00:42:43
Speaker
We did.
00:42:45
Speaker
Yeah, like it exploded, but somehow it's like just, okay, like life is really great, but like it's all its own living thing now.
00:42:52
Speaker
It's like...
00:42:54
Speaker
I feel like I can't manage it.
00:42:55
Speaker
Like I'm just being carried along and it's all I can do to, to keep an eye on all these things.
00:43:01
Speaker
And so it feels like one of those things, I guess was my, my, my ability or, or belief that I could manage things.
00:43:12
Speaker
the balance of my relationship with God, of him pouring into me and me serving others.
00:43:18
Speaker
And maybe that's all it is, has been just a deconstruction of my ability to do it myself, to do any of these things by myself.
00:43:25
Speaker
And now when I'm still doing all these things and doing them at least serviceably, I think, um,
00:43:35
Speaker
It feels like God is coming back in and it's being like, Hey, let's reorient you back into the essentials of the Christian life of what you're supposed to do, which is be loved by me and then love the world because of me and also love me.
00:43:49
Speaker
Like that's part of it.
00:43:50
Speaker
And do doing all of that is loving him.
00:43:53
Speaker
Um, yeah, but those are, those are weird things to hold in.
00:44:01
Speaker
Tension.
00:44:01
Speaker
Tension.
00:44:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:02
Speaker
They're, they're weird things to hold in both hands.
00:44:04
Speaker
They're like two magnets pushing against each other.
00:44:07
Speaker
Um, and so it's doubly weird to have him like working on both those things in me at the same time, but also cool.
00:44:17
Speaker
Cause yeah, you can easily go one way or the other.
00:44:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:21
Speaker
It's like their passage from Paul.
00:44:24
Speaker
That's like,
00:44:27
Speaker
working hard with all this, with all of God's strength or something with something like that, which is really beautiful.
00:44:34
Speaker
That's like, oh, it's like we're working, but we're working with God's strength, not with our own.
00:44:41
Speaker
And yeah, I think that like open handed imagery that you said is really important.
00:44:46
Speaker
It's been helpful to me.
00:44:49
Speaker
But so you have the heart for it.
00:44:51
Speaker
You want to serve people and you want to be with God.
00:44:57
Speaker
That's a great place to be.
00:44:58
Speaker
That's true.
00:44:59
Speaker
You want him to help you do those things.
00:45:02
Speaker
You can't do them by yourself.
00:45:05
Speaker
And so...
00:45:07
Speaker
Just let that heart continue to be open and he'll make the way to have it happen through his
Episode Reflections and Listener Engagement
00:45:14
Speaker
power.
00:45:14
Speaker
Because he's doing it.
00:45:15
Speaker
He's doing the thing.
00:45:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:16
Speaker
Like me with the baby.
00:45:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:18
Speaker
He's doing it, not me.
00:45:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:22
Speaker
I feel like this episode just turned into a John therapy session.
00:45:27
Speaker
I think it's very relatable things, though, that everyone goes through.
00:45:31
Speaker
I'm a relatable character.
00:45:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:32
Speaker
I'm well written.
00:45:34
Speaker
You are.
00:45:38
Speaker
Cool.
00:45:39
Speaker
I don't know.
00:45:39
Speaker
Do we have anything else to cover in the episode?
00:45:44
Speaker
Just the curtain is completely pulled back for this episode.
00:45:48
Speaker
We can give an introduction and then we can start at any point that we want.
00:45:54
Speaker
Sure.
00:45:54
Speaker
Should we do an outro?
00:45:56
Speaker
Should we say bye to everybody?
00:45:58
Speaker
Sure.
00:45:59
Speaker
Or we can just cut them off here.
00:46:00
Speaker
Bye.
00:46:02
Speaker
Well...
00:46:04
Speaker
Hopefully this has been a nice vulnerable thing for people to hear and that people may be going through these same things.
00:46:13
Speaker
I think everyone struggles with knowing where they are with God and wanting it to be in a good place.
00:46:19
Speaker
They ought to be wanting it to be in a good place.
00:46:21
Speaker
You better be if you are to proactively do it.
00:46:23
Speaker
And he's the one taking care of us.
00:46:25
Speaker
And I love your analogy with your baby.
00:46:28
Speaker
So we just need to...
00:46:29
Speaker
cry out to him and not trust in ourself too much and trust that if we have the heart to be with him and to do what he wants, then he'll help us do that.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:42
Speaker
Cool.
00:46:43
Speaker
Thank you guys for listening.
00:46:45
Speaker
If you guys have any things that you do that are like your ways to connect with God, rhythms that have been helpful for you, either in a current season or throughout your life, share those.
00:46:55
Speaker
Because those are helpful.
00:46:57
Speaker
Those are helpful to me.
00:46:58
Speaker
I'm sure those are helpful to other people.
00:47:00
Speaker
Thank you guys again.
00:47:01
Speaker
If you like the podcast, if you want to share it, that would be dope because that's how we...
00:47:07
Speaker
are shared yeah yeah um comment like all of that all that jazz um yeah uh if you want to know more about some things that ours the way is doing we we talked about some of it in the intro go to our website sign up for our new email newsletter if you're at all excited about that please share that as well i'm so excited about uh both the conference and also uh other projects that we have down the road are super exciting so
00:47:36
Speaker
Subscribe to our email newsletter, follow us on social media, or share those if you want to get the word out for those and keep an eye on the website because we'll be posting updates shortly.
00:47:45
Speaker
But thank you guys again so much for listening.
00:47:48
Speaker
Yeah, thanks for being here.
00:47:49
Speaker
Yeah, God bless, guys.
00:47:50
Speaker
Bye.