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Blessings of a Large Family {Episode 228}
503 Plays1 year ago
What are the advantages of having a large family? In this episode, Bonnie & Audrey share their top 5 blessings learned from each of their large families.
They discuss love, friendship, joy, laughter, fun, and teamwork.
Mentioned in this episode:
Episode 227: Got Rebellious Kids?
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos.
Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion.
Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience,
these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
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Transcript
Introduction to Episode 228
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to the podcast, friends. You're listening to episode 228, the blessings of a large family. As you know, Audrey and I both have extremely large families and we love it all. I mean, sure, there's hard stuff, but we're going to talk today about the five major blessings of having a large family so that if this is something you're considering or you see large families around you and wonder why in the heck they have so many kids, now you'll know. Let's dive in.
Meet the Hosts: Audrey and Bonnie
00:00:28
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
Excitement and Challenges of Large Families
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello friends, welcome back. We are so excited to talk to you guys about the blessings of having a big family because clearly we know about the blessings. We also know about the curses that go with the big family, but we're gonna talk about all the positive stuff today. We're excited about that.
00:01:07
Speaker
Yes, this is going to be a great episode. It's something I think we have talked around in a lot of our other episodes, but never directly stated all the blessings, why we love it. Okay, so you guys, you remember I told you, what was it, a couple of episodes ago that my kids had formed this Rascals Club, which I disbanded, I thought.
00:01:28
Speaker
Well, I figured out that I did not quite disband the club when I went into one of my kids rooms in the morning to see if they'd made their bed. And there was a bolster or something under there. And there was very clearly, you know, joke number one of the day. So it was it was just pillows, but it looked like a kid was laying in there. And I walked in there. Why? Why aren't you? Oh, and then I patted. OK.
00:01:53
Speaker
they got mom. So then I go downstairs and I pull open the silverware drawer to
00:02:00
Speaker
to get my breakfast. And there's a plastic, like about this big, I'm gesturing for those on YouTube. It's about as big as my thumb and forefinger can go around. Plastic spider right in there on top of the forks where I'm about to grab. So, okay, okay, I'm kind of getting the picture here. And I go over and dish myself up some of the food and start eating it. And there's another plastic, this one was like a bee in my food as I'm eating. And then like,
00:02:28
Speaker
Okay. And it just went on like that all through the day. We had an incubator of eggs hatched and we're trying to incubate this one kind of chicken and have them on the farm. But we also, before we started incubating this kind, just kind of had this barnyard mix.
00:02:44
Speaker
Well, one of the eggs got swapped out. And so you don't know it until it hatched because it was all the same color. But here's this completely different wrong color chick in all the other chicks. And she's like, okay, okay. This little rascal or rascals are being really patient because they do something and they don't stand around the corner and wait and watch. I mean, an incubator takes 28 days to hatch. So this was a long, long planned joke.
00:03:14
Speaker
These guys are in it for the long game. I love it. And Hilarious said it's really cute, innocent pranks. I mean, I'm sure it could escalate quickly, but I think that's pretty cute. Yeah.
00:03:24
Speaker
So you need to, I don't know, either get stricter with your executive orders or just pretend like you're not noticing it. I don't know what happens now. I don't know. It's kind of cute and innocent. Maybe they're getting some of that rebellion or rascfulness out while they're young or something. Yeah. I think it was our episode on rebellious kids. If you guys have any of those or think you might or have yet to reach the teenage years, go listen to that one. That's a good one.
Love and Bonds in Large Families
00:03:49
Speaker
Okay, so for today's episode, let's give you a little reminder if you've been a long time listener or if you're new, we'll just tell you about our families really quickly. So I'm Bonnie and I have 10 children at home and Audrey has nine. Some of hers have flown the coupe already. She's a little bit farther along in her mothering journey, but we
00:04:06
Speaker
love big families obviously. So today we get to brag to you about why they are so great. Now we also obviously acknowledge that there are negative parts about it because we live them every single day. But today we just want to talk about the positive because we think that not often enough people tout the wonderful traits of having being a part of a family and being a part of this tribe. And with more kids comes obviously more responsibility and more obligations, but also a lot more wonderful stuff. So that's what we're going to talk about today. Yeah.
00:04:35
Speaker
I also think this needs to be shared because when you're in a large family, when you have a large family, it's kind of like when a woman is pregnant and people talk, go up, feel like they need to go up to the pregnant woman and tell them like their birth horror stories, like what even, right? So we've done episodes about birth and pregnancy and all the beautiful parts of it because we want to share that too. Well, same thing for a large family.
00:04:58
Speaker
Some people seem compelled when they see a large family to come up and say, oh my goodness, my uncle, my uncle's wife's son was, you know, whatever. And they tell you this big long horror story and you're like, okay, but yet we don't experience that. So thanks. So we love to share the beautiful blessings too. Okay. So the first one we're going to talk about is
00:05:24
Speaker
the love and friendship that comes with a large family. Like there are so many, so many of us, and there is so much love.
00:05:34
Speaker
Yes, for sure. Now, this is probably the most important reason many of us have families at all is because we want more love in our life, right? We get married because we have this overflowing amount of love for one person. We want to build a life with them. But with a big family, that love is just multiplied over and over and over again. It's not just between you and your husband or you and your husband and your child, but between each child and each set of kids. It just keeps growing and growing. It's really
00:06:04
Speaker
It just magnifies on a level that you never even knew was possible. Yeah. It is so beautiful to watch your kids love on each other. It is something like we have an episode about sibling rivalry. We acknowledge that that exists too, but it seems like
00:06:22
Speaker
I don't know. They just love each other so much. And it's so beautiful to see, especially like when what we kind of experience when we experience sibling rivalry, it's right. It's kind of usually like those kids right next to each other or within a few years of each other. But when you see like the big your big teenage sons and they are loving up on the babies and toddlers, that is like the most special kind of joy. It's just so beautiful to see. In fact, my teenage sons have had
00:06:51
Speaker
their friends, their female friends tell them that they actually have more experience with birth and babies and toddlers than they, the girls do. And like, they're going to be such a great husband because of it. And like, yeah, yeah, that's right. Because they get to, they get to live out this joy, this beautiful love and friendship and these relationships. It's so beautiful. We could do a whole episode just about that.
Preparing Youth for Parenthood
00:07:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:16
Speaker
Yeah, speaking about the teenage boys, you know, unfortunately, in our society, there is so generally so little chance for these young adult men to be in contact, appropriate contact with little kids. It's almost socially frowned upon, right? If a guy wants to be like a preschool teacher or it's really sad. And so
00:07:39
Speaker
The first experience they have after seeing any siblings or nieces or nephews grow up is being a dad. It's no wonder that so many first time dads are like, what is going on? The moms have the benefit, even if this is the case with the female, the moms have the benefit of that biological instinct kicking in. But the poor guys are just flabbergasts that have no idea what to do or how to handle these kids.
00:08:00
Speaker
giving our sons the blessing of being around other children smaller than them and where they can tap into that fathering instinct earlier I think does such
00:08:11
Speaker
such a service to them and to society at large, because if you're not seeing the erosion of fatherhood, then you're not paying attention, right? That dads are just being erased from society. They are not being held accountable for their actions, and I want to raise a generation of young men that knows how to be fathers, and that starts when they're very young.
00:08:31
Speaker
Yeah, that is so beautiful. I stand up and applaud that sentiment. Yeah, it is amazing.
Emotional and Spiritual Growth
00:08:40
Speaker
Okay, so the second blessing of having a large family is the growth. Emotional growth, spiritual growth, all the things grow when you have a lot of people around you, right?
00:08:49
Speaker
Now, admittedly, growth comes from difficulty, usually. So that doesn't necessarily always feel like a blessing. You're like, oh, I'm so grateful that I get to grow my patients this week. But that is what comes from a large family. I see this happening to my children all the time. I see it happening to me. Admittedly, it usually takes a little bit of perspective for me to fully appreciate it, but I see it in my kids all the time. Like, oh, look, they keep fighting over this thing, and eventually they figured it out. What a blessing that they had, another opportunity to figure out
00:09:18
Speaker
troubleshooting and problem managing skills, all these amazing things that they're learning and growing. Yes, that is a really amazing thing too. In fact, we kind of have this inside joke in our family, maybe all big families have this, is that we kind of joke that when we see maybe a person struggling
00:09:39
Speaker
with some, oh, I don't know, you like narcissism or selfishness or things like that. We kind of joke that, oh, well, they need to have a child. Or if they have a child, yeah, they just need to have another kid or a couple more kids. There is a cure for that in the world. Just have more kids. It's a family. Oh, but it is. If you want to really see the psychological side of this, go check out some things that Jordan Peterson has to say about growth, psychological growth,
00:10:09
Speaker
having a family like he basically says that is the only way there are other ways that are like super hard and intense to grow up but the main way to grow up is to have little children dependent on you and to take care of them so just in general having kids but we see that like on a
00:10:31
Speaker
on an even bigger level of having multiple kids. Like there's things that weren't worked into me until, or worked out of me until I had child number seven, eight. Like I can look back on that and see, Oh yeah. Yeah. See, I learned this lesson with this child.
00:10:48
Speaker
It's just been really, really beautiful to see personal growth and then like you also said, the growth in others, in the kids and in my husband and in just from having to go through these situations.
00:11:04
Speaker
interpersonal relationship stuff with their siblings. And working it out with somebody who loves you rather than, you know, like a boss when you get into a job that doesn't really love you and care, and maybe your job or your career or whatever's dependent on it, it's kind of good way, kind of safer way to work out some relationship stuff.
00:11:26
Speaker
Yeah, you make a really good point there is that number one, we're required to be together as a family, right? There's no running away. I mean, there is, but that's frowned upon. And there's an added element of this deep love where you want to make it work. You want to fix things. And so even when your sibling is driving you crazy or your spouse makes you want to just pull your hair out,
00:11:45
Speaker
You keep going and you keep fighting long past when you would have thrown in the towel for a coworker or a best friend or even an extended family member. Those close family relationships are like that for a reason. We learn things we can't learn anywhere else, right?
00:12:00
Speaker
The other day, I had a friend make a comment. She watched me do something and made a comment about how patient I was. And I just thought, I do not describe myself as patient. However, in looking back over the years, we just had our anniversary yesterday, 19 years of being married. And looking back over the years, I just think, wow, the woman I was 18, 19 years ago would likely be astonished at who I am today.
00:12:24
Speaker
Really, just blowing away all the things that I can accomplish at the things that I can do with the things I can tolerate, right? I'm so much more patient and kind and understanding and loving and easygoing, which was never a word that described me, and so much more. And that's not to brag about me, but just to say that
00:12:43
Speaker
The growth I've experienced over these years, almost two decades, is directly in correlation with all these kids. Every time I had a baby or a trial or a sticky situation or a rebellious kid or whatever, I have learned a lesson and it will continue to teach me things, which is good because I got another 16 years of having them at home.
00:13:03
Speaker
Oh, it was 19 years. Congratulations. See, you're almost to the end of your first 20 year vision, like the vision that you and your husband had when you got married. So like, we talk about that a lot on this podcast. My husband and I have 20 year vision and we try to see how
00:13:19
Speaker
So, like, you're at the end of a 20-year vision, looking back at how, you know, your innocent little selves that got married and had this vision to have a large family, look at the fruit that it has now, like, even the unexpected ones.
00:13:34
Speaker
Yeah, speaking of unexpected, we were at dinner last night and I asked my husband, okay, what would the younger you, back when we first got married, be the most surprised about, I love these kind of introspective questions, be the most surprised about our life today. And he just looked at me and said, how tired I am. I was like, okay, touche. True. That is true. There's that too. But he had a good answer after that one though.
00:14:02
Speaker
Okay. The third main blessing of a large family is companionship.
Companionship and Support
00:14:07
Speaker
Okay. This is similar to love, but it means you rarely experience loneliness. I mean, sometimes you wish you could, but.
00:14:17
Speaker
But really this one is so beautiful. Like I notice, I notice this in my kids too. Like they'll be having a hard day and they'll be like, they'll just go find a younger sibling and like cuddle up with them. Like it's not just companionship for us as, as the parents, but for our kids too. They, and I love watching my adult children have relationships with each other. That is something very beautiful as well. It's part of this companionship thing.
00:14:44
Speaker
Yes, it's true. That is one thing. I expected my children to be friends. I expected them to fight as well, and I expected them to play together. I did not expect them to offer each other emotional support like they do, and I see the same thing. Someone will be crying, and a big sibling will just come up and hold them.
00:15:01
Speaker
much more often and maybe even to a deeper level than I can because there's only one of me, right? And so that's probably one thing that overwhelms moms who don't have large families is, oh my gosh, I can't imagine being there emotionally for all these kids on their hard days and when they get hurt or whatever. You don't have to be. And I'm not saying relinquish your mothering responsibility to your kids, but they take it over. They do. And that teaches them lessons of empathy and
00:15:28
Speaker
and compassion and love towards someone who is suffering. And sometimes they're the ones that cause the suffering, but then they get to make it right too, which is really powerful.
00:15:36
Speaker
Yeah, we tease my older kids that they say, oh, you're not as hard on the younger kids as you were on us. And we're like, look, you guys are responsible for the little ones being so spoiled. Because if we correct them, they just go to somebody else for a snuggle. It's like they never come face to face with their own thing that they've done wrong. They can just go find somebody else to snuggle. Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, the other day, I have a stash of these little cookies in my office for me and my afternoon snack. Yeah. My two-year-old found them.
00:16:06
Speaker
And she loves to grab the box and just shake it and take it to anybody and anyone will open it and give it to her. And the other day when I was gone, somebody said, oh, she brought me your cookies and shook it. And I just couldn't say no. I'm like, of course. And then she got one out and she just kept going and wanted a second one. But then I just broke it in half and put one in each hand and that made her happy. It's like a good problem solving. Stop stealing my cookies.
00:16:29
Speaker
But this lack of loneliness, like growth, can sometimes be a blessing that you don't want. Sometimes I just crave time alone. I get that that can be a challenge as well. I personally love being alone. I don't know if it's my introverted nature or whatever, but...
00:16:44
Speaker
My children also know that there's always someone available to them to listen to them, to hug them, to play with them, laugh with them, be around them. Again, they too need their alone time. And I try to be cognizant of that. And if they need some time, you know, that they have a place to go for that. But it's so great that if I don't have a minute to hear their story or see their latest trick, somebody does. Somebody will give them the attention they need, which is so beautiful. Yeah. You want to know a secret, um,
00:17:12
Speaker
hatred of mine. I don't like reading bedtime stories out loud. And I, a long time ago, farmed that off to kids that could read because they love it and they do so good. They make voices and they make it interesting and they love it and they don't mind reading the same book again and again and again and again and again every night for two months in a row. And so the kids get their bedtime story and I don't have to do it. It's great. Love it.
00:17:42
Speaker
Oh, but you know what? We humans, we're heard creatures. We're designed to be part of a crowd, to belong to a community, a family, a group.
00:17:53
Speaker
We're not loner creatures. And when our families break down, when humans are alone, there's so many issues that come up. Depression, sense of identity, belonging, anger, no sense of purpose. We could go on and on. All these things that come up because we are even those of us who are introverts and should never have had nine or 10 children.
00:18:16
Speaker
have to have we so much of our life is based on other humans and it's just It's just like the way that we were made to be Yeah, and when you see like you say when the family breaks down you see these problems which we're seeing in society the problems we're seeing in society are not for any policies that we can change except for Get into and stay in a loving family. Seriously, it solves all the things
00:18:42
Speaker
You see later on in life when people are alone, right? Their spouse has died or, you know, they're without friends and family. Just how hard life is on them and they get really cantankerous and lonely and miserable. And that is not how life is supposed to be. So what a beautiful blessing that we have back up after back up of people around us to give us the support that we need. I love it.
00:19:04
Speaker
Okay, so the fourth blessing of a large family is the fun, okay? Our house is never, ever, ever, ever boring.
Fun, Laughter, and Teamwork
00:19:12
Speaker
Something is always going on and it's usually some sort of fun. And you don't even have a rascals club at your house yet. That's right, extra fun at Audrey's house. I was going to say, it might be something rascally and it might be some fun that you have to then clean up later, but it is so fun. In fact, this is what
00:19:29
Speaker
I grew up in a fun home, but it was also very, very structured. And the teenage me was drawn to the idea of a big family that was just full of fun and goings on. And then later on I realized, oh no, I actually really need structure.
00:19:42
Speaker
Okay, that's really hard for me, but I'm learning. And I love the idea of just always having a bustling household where something was going on. And I love that my kids bring friends home and there's always something interesting. In fact, multiple times my friends, my friends, my kids have complained that their friends don't want to play at their house or hang out at their house because nothing's going on at their house. They have one or two other siblings and it's not as much fun. There's not a baby to play with and there's not a dog to wrestle with and there's not a bunch of chickens and, you know, obviously you don't have to have the animals to have the fun too, but that's extra fun.
00:20:10
Speaker
Lots and lots of fun. Totally, totally. It's always at our house because not only because it's fun, but because we're just used to the amount of people. It's not a big deal. The neighbor kids want to come over? Sure. What's two extra kids? Come on over.
00:20:26
Speaker
I know I really, I feel bad for my neighbor. I have a neighbor with kids, some of my kids' ages, but they have three kids. And I think, gosh, when all of their buddies from our house or over at their house, they've just doubled their number of kids. But when their kids come over to my house, I don't even notice. Maybe I should just hang out here.
00:20:43
Speaker
Oh, you're right. Sometimes that fun is hilarious. So funny. I find myself one thing that I did not know would be a blessing of a large family is laughter. Like I laugh so much that I didn't know I would have this much joy and laughter sometimes. So it's sometimes the fun. It's just hilarious. It's funny what they come up with, even when it's naughty, like a rascals club.
00:21:10
Speaker
Sometimes it's unexpected, but there is so much joy and laughter. Who doesn't want joy and laughter in their life? Why? It's so beautiful.
00:21:23
Speaker
What, like another thing I really like about this fun part is I am not the originator of why my family is so fun. Like a big family is so fun, right? I'm not coming up with all these games and all ideas and rascal club things. If you haven't noticed, that wasn't my idea, but like, you know, Sunday afternoon, it's usually game night and I am never the one that initiates that.
00:21:44
Speaker
It's always one of the kids and like, hey, who wants to play a game? I'm going to get this game out and we're going to do this and or whatever's going on. I am rarely the initiator of the fun. It's it's coming from outside of me, which is so invigorating to me because I do so much of the other planning that if I had to plan the fun, too, it wouldn't be very fun because it was like just another chore, right? Yeah, I feel the same way. I am terrible at planning fun. If we have free time, let's just go clean the baseboards. There's a lot more to be done around here.
00:22:12
Speaker
I'm a barrel of laughs, let me tell you. So without my kids and my teenagers and my relaxed, amazing husband, by the way, things would not be very fun. But somebody is always starting something. Hey, let's do an obstacle course. Hey, let's turn on the sprinkler. Hey, let's go swim. Let's go jump. Let's go do this.
00:22:30
Speaker
And I love that there really is always something going on. Very rarely does one of my kids say, I'm bored, and then it's chore time. But there's always something to do, and it's always, always fun. Okay, so the fifth blessing of having a large family is the help. So imagine having a baby or a toddler in your 40s, maybe you have,
00:22:49
Speaker
and you have no one else around to help. Sounds exhausting. It's a lot harder to have a baby as you age and really even in your younger years, but as we have gotten older and had more kids, we have had more helpers. In fact, I recently helped a young mom
00:23:06
Speaker
in my neighborhood who had her second baby and i came over to hold the baby because i just needed a baby to hold and that we were talking about families and growing and she just said oh i'm just so grateful that you came over even with all your kids that you have to take care of and i'm like i can leave anytime my kids hold down the fort so well i remember i remember being in her situation and meeting a homeschool friend and she would come over i'd say
00:23:25
Speaker
how can you leave right now? And she's like, oh, everybody's got it taken care of, right? If a toddler needs something, there's a big kid to help. If somebody, something happens whenever somebody's there to make a snack. And it is just such a wonderful blessing. Now, I'm not gonna say my life is easier than it was when my kids were little, but it is, it is in some ways. It's maybe, maybe more complex. And there's different challenges, but the pure physical and emotional challenges of being on all the time for small children
00:23:54
Speaker
is not there anymore, and that is huge.
00:23:56
Speaker
Yeah. You know, I remember the first time one of my kids was able to help. So I had just had my second and he was really big. And I was kind of, you know, on laying down on the couch for a while after that. And my husband had gone back to work. And I remember laying there and the baby needed a change. And I was just exhausted. And the baby needed a diaper change. And my next child, that two year old, toddled into the room and I was like,
00:24:25
Speaker
you know where the diapers are, right? Could you go get a diaper? And they toddled back out of the room and eventually came back with a diaper. And I was like, like a light bulb went on. I was like, this is the beginning of something amazing. Because if Ida had to get up and go get that diaper, probably I'd still be laying here by the time my husband got home. Like I physically was not able. And it has just like perpetuated from that point on.
00:24:48
Speaker
So it has just expanded from that point on. It's not like I have a bunch of little slaves, but okay, it's like this. How many innumerable times I have responded to some stranger's version of, oh my, you sure have your hands full with, look at all the amazing helpers I have. And it kind of opens their eyes. They're like, oh,
00:25:08
Speaker
you've got like a whole team like that can work for you. Teaching your kids to work alongside of you, it means you have super capable kids to help when there's a job to do. And I can't even tell you the number of times where there's been a job, it's been too big for one person or two people and the entire family swoops in and it's done. Like whether that's something on our property, whether that's something at another person's house and they're like just so grateful because you brought in the entire crew and you got the job done.
00:25:36
Speaker
It's not only around the house, but it's being able to use that blessing to help others too. Like you bring the whole family, you bring the party, you bring the work crew and the job's done and everybody loved it and you leave. And it's really, really such a beautiful blessing.
00:25:54
Speaker
Yes, I love that. And admittedly, it takes a few years before that comes, for sure. There's a lot of chaos and a lot of work for mom until those helpers get there. But when they do, it comes a lot sooner than you think. I was just thinking about my teenager. He works at McDonald's. And I was thinking about, can you imagine running a restaurant by yourself?
00:26:11
Speaker
Plus with like a toddler on a hip and a baby in a sling like that is what motherhood is when you have just little children It is running McDonald's by yourself and then the next thing you know You have a full crew and somebody's mopping the floor and somebody's taking the orders and somebody's making the burgers That is what a large family is once those kids start to grow up a little bit
00:26:30
Speaker
And is it busy and chaotic? Yes, of course. But everybody has their job and they pitch in. And the skills that we are teaching them as they have this bustling little, you know, a large family really is just like a little business that everybody is pitching in to help around with. And they realize quickly that things cannot get done without everyone pitching in. When I was a younger mom with just little kids, I did everything.
00:26:56
Speaker
When they didn't do their chores, I would just do them because I did a better job anyway. But now there really is so much to be done that I cannot do at all. And so when someone doesn't take the garbage out, it piles up and they're like, this is gross. Whose job is it to take the garbage out? You go take the garbage out. You know, they kind of get on each other's case because it takes, yeah, many hands make light work. It takes all these hands to pitch in and make the whole household run. It's a beautiful thing.
00:27:20
Speaker
It is so beautiful. I just love it. I remember another pivotal moment for me was early in my motherhood journey. I had three kids, which was the most overwhelming for me. And my husband, I was talking to my husband about how tired I felt about cooking three meals a day. And he said, okay, which meal do you think that you could teach the kids to make? And I thought about it and I was like, well,
00:27:41
Speaker
probably breakfast. They could probably own breakfast. He goes, okay, I challenge you within a month to have taught your kids to make breakfast. And I was like, what? He was like, yeah, no, teach these kids how to make breakfast. You can do it. They can do it. You can train them. And since that point on, I have almost never cooked breakfast because I've got this crew and they're trained and it's, hello, it's a life skill. They're going to need to eat breakfast in life, right?
00:28:05
Speaker
Yeah, which is one of the reasons that I'm sure if you are familiar with a large family, you have probably seen them, you know, the kids come out of that family with all these amazing skills because they have to be more independent and that is a beautiful thing.
00:28:18
Speaker
Okay, so now that we've shared all the wonderful things about big families, obviously we should add a reminder that big families aren't perfect, just like small families aren't.
Multiplied Joy and Challenges
00:28:29
Speaker
All the issues that a small family has, we also have only, they're compounded. There's more of them, there's more fighting and there's more messes and there's more
00:28:35
Speaker
More struggles, but like we said, it also means that the wonderful parts of those smaller families are compounded. All the joy and the help and the fun and the companionship and the love is also multiplied. So there's more friendships, more fun, more play. And honestly, it's sometimes so much that my heart just wants to burst. Sometimes I just sit on the couch and look at my family and think, I cannot believe that I get to be the mom of all these amazing, amazing human beings. It's just beautiful.
00:29:02
Speaker
Yes, it is worth all the baby and toddler years. Like I think I've mentioned on the podcast before that I haven't had somebody in diapers for almost two years now.
00:29:15
Speaker
And before that, it's okay for me to say that because before that I was like, what, 20 years of kids in diapers? But it's worth all the baby and toddler years, all the exhaustion, all the never ending work, all the huge jobs in front of you, all the cleaning for these joys and blessings. It is really, really worth it. And I think the biggest blessing of a large family is
00:29:39
Speaker
It comes from the Lord because that's what he wants from us too. There's a verse in Psalm 127 and it says, the last three verses, they say, low children are in heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with enemies in the gate.
00:30:07
Speaker
I do believe that God blesses us when we have a large family because it's something that He wants for us because it is a picture of what heaven is going to be like, like a large family.
Spiritual Blessings of Large Families
00:30:20
Speaker
And so when we learn and love and are blessed by a big family here, it's like a little taste of heaven. I just don't know any other way to put it. And that is for us the biggest blessing.
00:30:31
Speaker
Oh, I love that. That's so beautifully put. Yeah, I would also say that because we believe that having a family and bringing children to earth is an essential part of why we're here, that it is something that God wants us to do, that I really feel like all of my efforts are magnified. Everything I try to do, I get help from.
00:30:52
Speaker
I really do just sometimes feel like angels are supporting me because this is a work that is going to affect so many people. It doesn't just affect my family. And sometimes you get rude comments online or out in public about overpopulation because people don't know that that's not a thing anymore. I don't know if it's a holdover from the 80s or whatever. But the fact of the matter is my children will affect thousands and thousands of lives, right?
00:31:18
Speaker
their families and their communities and their church congregations and the government and every life that they touch relates back indirectly to the work I am putting into my family now. And that to me is just so humbling to realize that we are creating communities and cities and so much more than just what our little family is doing right now. So all the good we put into them now gets magnified, right?
00:31:43
Speaker
And that, to me, is the work of legacy. That is why we do this, because we are building a legacy. We're not just building a family.
Legacy and Societal Contributions
00:31:51
Speaker
And my mom made a comment not long ago. She said that she's a baby boomer, right? She was born in the 50s. And she says, I firmly believe that one of the biggest regrets my generation has is not having more children, because now they're in their 60s and their 70s. And they're looking around going, gosh, this is it. This is what's important, is family.
00:32:10
Speaker
And we had one or two kids. And if that's right for you, that's right for you. But she has met so many friends and family who have said, gosh, we could have built more. We could have grown more. We could have had more of a legacy, more of an impact on the world, and have more blessings in our old age as well, because that's what we have at the end, is the family. And that's it. So I'm so excited for that phase as well, because it's going to be a beautiful thing to watch.
00:32:32
Speaker
That reminds me of a study that was just shared with me the other day. It just came out that most, what was it, 97% of women who put off having a family to have their career and wait to have a family until their late thirties and forties regret it.
00:32:52
Speaker
They have a measure of regret. So I want to speak to the young moms who are overwhelmed with the kids that they have, but wanting this idea of a big family. And I just want to go back and underscore something that Bonnie said, that you will have help and it is worth it. And it is such a blessing. And we encourage you, if it is possible for you, that it's not something to resist. It's a blessing that's out there waiting for you.
00:33:20
Speaker
Yeah, and along those lines, I know so many friends that just think, well, it would just be so much harder to have another baby and the pregnancy and everything else.
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:33:27
Speaker
But the pregnancy and the toddler phase are a blip on the radar screen of that child's life and of the impact that it will make on your life, right? My 18-year-old, well, he's almost 18, I look at him and just think, all of the good that he is doing and all the blessings he brings to our family and to the world, and I don't even remember his pregnancy, you know? Yeah, it was hard. Yeah, I complained, right?
00:33:49
Speaker
All these decades we get to, like we're talking about a life, right? We're talking about a life, not like, should we adopt a plant?
00:33:59
Speaker
about creating a new life that can go out and just make so much impact on the world. It obviously wasn't a question for us. We went and did it, and we highly recommend you do too, if that's something you're thinking about. We did not plan to have a big family, but once we started to receive the children that we have and started to get the blessings also into our life, we couldn't say no to any more children that God wanted to bless us with. So it wasn't our plan, but it is definitely something we're thankful for.
00:34:28
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. All right, friends, we hope this has been helpful. If you have a large family, you remember some of the amazing blessings that you have and will be given. And if you don't have a large family that maybe you consider it yourself or at least extend some compassion to the next big family you see dredging along the sidewalk. Thanks so much for listening, friends. I'm Bonnie. I'm Hatri. And we're Outnumbered.
00:34:51
Speaker
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