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Ep. 197 – The Brothers Stanley & the Church of the End Times w/ Comedian Spencer Bland
344 Plays4 months ago
We’re happy to welcome back our brother in Christ Spencer Bland as we dive into the story of two brothers who dared to say “here we are, Lord. Send us to The Buckle!” The Stanley brothers are a couple of greasy Massachusetts douchebags that ran a “driveway resurfacing business,” although the reviews make it sound more like they were giving your pavement a cheap paintjob. Then they found their calling when they started The Church of the End Times. As it turns out, they had a touch of the divine in them… We finish up by seeking out some Christian dating advice on Quora, an internet toilet for people who can’t spell 4Chan. We are always excited to talk to our friend Spencer, and if you live in the southeast, he might be coming to a city near you on tour! Follow Spencer on Instagram (@spencerspicy) and for more info about his upcoming dates including the High Plains Comedy Festival in Denver, go to his website wwww.iambadatcomedy.com.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
So the Attorney General's office had also received countless complaints of just how shitty their work with. And they're like the high pressure like sales tax tactics they would do. ah In addition, they would just like drink on the job a shit. Oh, these dudes are so sketchy looking. aren't Everyone needs to search them. it's They look ridiculous. Never in a million years would I listen to anything these guys say.
00:00:25
Speaker
Holy smokes. Yeah. yeah yes a lot He looks like ah the first picture that popped up for me. He's wearing like a like ah a Western shirt with like flames on it. And he looks like Mickey Rourke from the wrestler. Yeah. that's Yeah. He's got a Mickey Rourke look for sure. I bet you. I would bet. I'm not kidding. My entire life savings, which is only like two thousand dollars. I would bet my entire life savings on the fact that these guys at one point were like, dude, we got to get Chris Angel Mindfreak to one of these conferences. Hey, everybody. We are back with another episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Sam. I'm Casey. And we're joined by our friend Spencer Bland tonight. Hey, what's up, guys? is this my This is my fourth time, right? is it I think so. Man, you're breaking the record. Fourth Timers Club. It's so fun. We haven't really been overly transparent about this on the podcast. We've just been having internal conversations about it. But for the listeners, they've probably noticed the lack of, like,
00:01:41
Speaker
are this year's lack of new guests. Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. the It feels like there's been a big like shift in how much anyone gives a fuck about doing people's podcasts anymore, if they and its which I get. like if you're a if you're If your career is at a certain level, then you want to market yourself in a way that aligns with with guests that you want to talk to and you're just kind of like, they don't, you guys have had some awesome, some awesome guests though. what Like you, you post stuff. It's funny. Cause it's like, I, you know, I would say I'm insecure. would be beneficial I'm a comedian, but, uh, like you'll, you guys will post other comics on here and I'll look at them. I'm like, damn, that person's funnier than I am.
00:02:46
Speaker
Or you guys don't have like leads. Like, I mean, well, you guys have had the dude from Manchester orchestra like two or three times now, right? Uh, not the singer, but yeah, Andy yeah Prince, who is yeah yeah um not Andy. What hall is that the singer? Yeah, he holds the singer, but yeah, of course. And it's, I, not trying to diminish that. It just feels like there's been a shift lately where it's just harder to get people now. I feel like I think people are also like doing it. I mean, maybe you got worse at my job. That's possible.
00:03:12
Speaker
No, it's definitely not that I think people are are increasingly more afraid of jumping because like, here's the thing, people are inherently lazy. And if a podcast reaches out to you, and they're like, Hey, man, we love your your stuff, what you're doing, would you want to jump on the podcast? Here's a brief synopsis. I would say nine times out of 10, that guest is not going to listen to an episode, they're going to maybe look at a website or like look at an Instagram profile, right in there. And they probably are going to be like,
00:03:38
Speaker
Oh, I don't want to like accidentally like jump on some like alt right or even like way super duper like alt left thing and like say the wrong thing or get fucking gotcha. I think people are terrified of being canceled. Still pairing that with like, yeah, I think we are reaching like podcast exhaustion.
00:03:53
Speaker
Yep. Whereas like the ones that exist are fine because they have their baked in audience. And those people are like, I rock with these dudes or chicks, but like no one, like so many people have like asked me, they're like, when are you going to start other podcasts? I'm like, I'm not. Cause I can't do that to people. First off, I don't, want I'm, I have, I have way more fun hopping on friends, podcasts like you guys versus like, I don't want to run another one. That was like hats off to you guys for running this for as long as you have. Cause it's hard. Okay.
00:04:18
Speaker
Yeah, it it there is definitely a podcast. exhibit I mean, it the irony is like, i'm I feel that myself. I mean, yeah a few years ago, I listened to, I had a longer commute and I would listen to, you know, probably 15, 20 hours of podcasts a week. And I listened to almost exactly zero now. Dude, same. Like, i'm I'm over here trying to get people to do a podcast when I don't listen to podcasts anymore. So like, I'm i'm well aware of like,
00:04:47
Speaker
the exhaustion that surrounds it. And that's why I'm like, this bunch Casey does. He also spends a shitload of time in the car. you travel You travel a lot for work. Yeah, I do drive a ton. And you're also like, you're out in the woods finding wildlife and little critters.
00:05:01
Speaker
honest that's That's my favorite thing it was like Casey's like middle of the night like critter hunts. yeah He's out there trying to get weird salamanders to bite his finger. Yeah, dude. He's like touching spiders. I'm like never in a million years, dude. I'm like, I love the woods and Casey's out here like poking spider webs and stuff with his dogs. I'm just like, dude, what what what is your life? That has become my, ah my thing. Yeah. We like go out and look for another, like a different kind of frog. That's like what we do together now.
00:05:31
Speaker
And it's so fun. Dude, it's cool. how you It's like you get deeper into your thirties and you're just like, what's my hobby now? And like that's it just ends up being stuff like that. Like I'm I'm about to start blacksmithing. Hell yeah. Oh, there we go. Right. I realized like, I love like I've gotten I've i've always been into it, but I've dove dove even more so into ah House of the Dragon lore. Like I'm reading I'm reading books. I'm like listening to podcasts. I'm reading like, you know, epilogues and extra things. And my favorite thing is like, whenever I watch the show, I'm like, that's a cool fucking sword. Like I, I had a girl come over to my house and we watched an episode together and she was like, can you shut the fuck up about the swords? Like I brought it up. it's I think it was like, this isn't going to work. i
00:06:15
Speaker
I don't know if you guys watch House of the Dragon, but like they, it's the last scene in the last, not the last scene, but one of the last scenes in the last episode where Kristen Cole and the other, I think Gerald Hightower, like having the talk about how he banged his sister and he feels bad about it. And he pulls out his sword and points to Kristen Cole. And I wasn't even paying attention to the like exposition. I was like, that's a cool fucking sword. Damn. And I was like looking at like the makeup of the hilt. So I just decided like, I'm going to sink a couple thousand dollars into blacksmithing and just make swords this winter. Oh, heck yeah.
00:06:43
Speaker
That's such a good idea. Just that like I have some I have a friend who's like a like a blacksmith, but he mostly he mostly does like art. Yeah. He does like his really complex geometric structures that are all pinned together and stuff, you know, and it's very cool. But yeah, so. OK, so that's a that's a fun question. Like, let's say you're you're back in. ah you You enter the arena in the House of the Dragon.
00:07:12
Speaker
Uh, what's your loadout? Like what, what's your ah weapon of choice in the area? Are we talking like a, is this like a, uh, like, um, gladiator arena type situation, or if I'm just like on the battlefield, you're going to get like the mountains on the other side and oh fuck. All right. Trying to decide if a, if a dwarf is going to get like flayed in front of you. Yeah. It's one of those probably combats.
00:07:35
Speaker
Dude, honestly, I think Ober and Martel had the right idea, dude. he had He had a spear, he had a long weapon. Because that's like, you can you can strike. I'd probably do something like that and then have like a broadsword on my hip to pull out if it got into close quarters. Because that's where I think Ober and fucked up. He didn't have, he got tripped up and he was like, oh no, my spear. And he didn't have anything, he didn't have a sidearm, you know? Yeah. So ah yeah, I'd probably go with like a, not necessarily a spear. I can't think of the actual, not like a pole axe.
00:08:01
Speaker
A pipe. Yeah, yeah's like ah it's like a it's like a yeah. Hallberg. There we go. Thank you. Hallbergs are dope. I've got I've actually I used to larp back in the day. I think I have a Hallberg somewhere in ah in a closet somewhere. is that the one says It's not not it's not it's almost like an like an act. Yeah. It's an actual top and like ah and a thing on the back. And then it's got a little ah spear on the top, too. It's like it's a multi multifaceted weapon. I use those in Diablo two from time to time background. Yeah, I've been getting way into like also just reading up on like what medieval warfare actually was and most of the time they're just beating the shit out of each other with hammers. It sounds awful. It's just like being in a tin can and having it slowly compressed around you until your brain splatters out. It's like what I imagine being tuna in a tuna can is like. You just hear punching and grinding and then you're eventually ripped open. Imagine you're putting too much stuff into your car at the grocery store and you just slam a can of tomato paste in the car door. It's exactly that, dude. Yeah. It's just a bunch of dudes in helmets with CTE walking around trying to beat the shit out of each other. It's funny because I have plate armor in my shed. My back shed is full of all of my house renovation tools, my lawn stuff, and then a box just full of
00:09:17
Speaker
chain mail and plate armor from back when I used to larp that every now and then I'll just put on for fun and like walk around my bag with no pants on just putting on the chain mail honestly no i'll like in gym shorts yeah so it probably looks like I don't have pants on it's so that's chits heavy I remember when I was a kid I went to like a museum of nightly things. Oh, yeah, those are the best kinds. Yeah. And they were like, you got to try on like what some of that armor is like. Oh, that's sick. Yeah. And like, so they like put this replica armor on you. It's like, I mean, you're just just the chain mail alone. You're like, I'm not gonna guess the weight. I was probably 12. So when I don't, I just knew it was like, there's no chance I could walk like 100 feet in this.
00:09:58
Speaker
Oh dude, the chain mail I have is aluminum. It's aluminum rivets and it's still like 25, 30 pounds. Like think like actual stands probably in the, I would, I would assume probably in the, you know, 75 to a hundred pounds. And then you're adding plate and all this other stuff.
00:10:11
Speaker
Also, like not like not made for people with body hair. I mean, you put stuff on under it, obviously, but like dude, it's tugged on my hair, it's ripping on my beard. It's not comfortable, which I mean, it's not supposed to be. but like You're just wearing it on your skin. You don't put a number shirt on. and i The first time I bought it, I made that mistake because I thought that's what you did and I quickly learned. ah just It was like getting medieval waxed.
00:10:35
Speaker
Yeah, there's a eyebrow lacing things at the mall that they yeah imagine that, but all over your body. and you didn And you didn't have a sweet. You didn't have like a sweet Asian lady speaking nothing to you. She wasn't like, Oh, you're so pretty. Like I said, I'm just getting it ripped off my fucking body. And I'm like, i and it's also like tight. So you can't like you guys remember the scene the Lord of the Rings where Gimli like can't get the chain mail over his chest?
00:10:59
Speaker
Yeah, it's that's how like I'm a broad chested dude. I'm built like a dwarf, but I'm six five. So like I have that problem when I'm putting on shame mails. I can't get it over my like bust. I'm doing I'm built like a dwarf, but I'm five six. Oh, that's fun. We would make a great like buddy cop movie. Hell yeah, we would do that. Bring back, man. I bet you fell out of fashion when everyone started hating cops. It's like this shit's not funny anymore.
00:11:27
Speaker
We just need to take it back to a little bit like like a buddy cop film with me and you but set in like medieval Europe and what Pinkerton's or whatever they had back then. I don't know the Templars Yeah, I mean, I feel like the biggest the only real like with this shift ah in the public ah Anger outcries against cops in the way that they ah do their policing. The only real casualty, ah other than people of course, was...
00:12:02
Speaker
was ah Brooklyn Nine-Nine. That shit was so good. I think it's so funny that that show got canceled because people were like, we don't like cops anymore. i usually had same heard It actually was the people who made the show that go that said, I think it's a good time to just stop because we know where this is going to go. And their last season, they dealt with like That shit. Yeah shit. Yeah in a sea it was like in a still a funny way and and I thought they just went out of a bang I was happy with the way they went out and it felt like I was either at and all they like no knocked rated somebody looking for a bag of coke and shot him
00:12:42
Speaker
He didn't shoot someone, but I think he did an end to justify the means kind of thing. Yeah. Of course, he knew he was guilty, ah but they always do. I can't imagine like another like big culturally significant part of like society, like ending a TV show. That's essentially like if rent got so high and so bad, they'd stop putting sitcoms and like really nice apartments in New York, you know?
00:13:05
Speaker
Like they finally make it like realistic and be like, yeah, this person actually lives in a shithole with 17 other people. was it Was it married with children? What was the show, the old sitcom, and it was like they were supposed to be like lower middle class, but then their house was like... um Roseanne what all i mean but your name any Name any sitcom in the 90s because you could afford you could afford a house on like a mailman salary back I know it's nuts. Yeah, it's wild dude. and that's ah That's watching that they all have like they're like 2300 square foot ranches and you're just like did you realize quickly like how much like regular pop culture contributed to people loving cops because I've been going through
00:13:47
Speaker
I've had a lot of free time this year and I've been going through and rewatching a lot of like older TV shows that I like. And it's just like parks and recs specifically. They fucking dick ride cops so hard to do that. Yeah, I don't remember that. There's a whole arc where Louis C.K. is a cop and they're like, oh, he's a he's he's an idiot. He's a fun loving like, he but he's like super nervous. And he like talks about he like accidentally is like shot a guy because he got nervous and they're like, oh, well, that's so silly. Yeah.
00:14:15
Speaker
And then like the only person the only person who has like in like Ben ah ah Was Adam Scott's character is like afraid of cops and he's like super nervous around them But it's like he's the whitest dude. yeah He has no like he should yeah, he's the one who should be the least worried about them He wakes up in a like a in a tie and he's worried about cops Dude, I got pulled over last week First time in quite some time. Oh, man. Isn't it funny how quickly you turn into like a Blue Lives Matter bitch when you get pulled over? Oh, yeah. I do. I'm like, how are you doing, officer? I hope you're staying safe tonight. yeah ah He pulls me over. I was talking to my buddy Jesse, who was on a couple of weeks ago, and he just pulls in behind me. I'm like, i don't I'm not speeding. like what yeah I'm a distracted driver most of the time, right? So I pull over and...
00:15:09
Speaker
Uh, the guy turned off the YouTube. He's like, he's like, how you doing, sir? Uh, reason I pulled you over is because you crossed the the white line several times back there. Are you, uh, what's, what's going on? And I'm like, Oh, I do. Oh, I don't know. I nothing. I guess. And he's like, were you on your phone? And I said, well, I was talking on the phone, but on Bluetooth and he's like, well, can you give me a reason why that might've happened? I said, I honestly think I'm just a bad driver.
00:15:39
Speaker
And he just kind of looked at me and he chuckled and he's like, well, I'm not going to give you a ticket, but I got to run your license real quick and then you can go on about your day. I was like, okey dokey. There you go. I'm just a bad driver. Now, well, I did this the other week on the podcast because I had gotten pulled over. but Massachusetts is like a hands free.
00:15:59
Speaker
Yeah. State, it sounds like Kansas is definitely, I don't, are they? Can you talk on your phone and hold it? Or is that? a I don't think you're supposed to have your phone in your hand. Okay. But most of the state is empty. No one's there to see you. yeah
00:16:19
Speaker
Well, OK, Spencer, let's get ah what's the life update. I feel we haven't talked to you in a little while other than some memes here and there. and Yeah. But you've you've ah you've gone through some ah some big life changes since last. It's true. I've recommitted my life to the Lord. It is beautiful. that is No, I got divorced. That's been fun. ah That sounds like a good man. It actually i hadn't been that bad. It was a pretty mutual thing. i will I'll be honest, I kind of fought. I wanted to save it because I believe in the sanctity of marriage. But ah and when it actually happened, I was like, all right, yeah, this made sense.
00:16:55
Speaker
um oh yeah that's been That's been an interesting ah way to to ring in 34 years old because that happened like a couple weeks before my birthday. um Yeah, ah that's been fun. But no, it's been honestly, I've been plugging away at comedy, man. That was one of the things that kind of ripped us apart. um But it's been cool. I've i've mean i've ah been able to work with Mark Norman a couple times. i Cobbled together a tour that I'm well touring as a comedian so weird because it's like you're pretty much only doing shows on weekends So you're not really touring but I got a little tour coming up I'm gonna do like mostly North Carolina like the southeast like Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia um But I got a I'm actually in a couple weeks going out to Denver, Colorado doing a big comedy festival out there High Plains Comedy Festival
00:17:41
Speaker
Nice. Yeah, very stoked about it. It's a bunch of famous people in me, so I don't know why they let me in, but um not I'm not mad at it. but ah that'll be what What's it like to to get on a comedy festival? or What are you going to do to to throw your most name in the ring?
00:17:58
Speaker
Most of them like, I'll kind of give you some inside baseball, most comedy festivals comedians submit to. So you you have to like send a tape, you send a bio, you're like, it's a bunch of bullshit. You're like, I have this many social media followers, you know, blah, blah, because that shit matters now, unfortunately. Yeah. and ah And, and they put it, they put, you know, usually you get like three, 400 submissions and they only let like 30 people in, but they actually have like a booking process that they go through. And I've gotten a couple of those, like I did, ah The one that I came up ah last year, Rogue Island up in Newport, Rhode Island. I've done that one. I've done a handful of other, like I did one in Omaha, Nebraska. Oh yeah, I remember that. I'm losing, I've done a bunch, but but this one is like invite only because it's like, it's one of the like better ones in the country. And ah the guy that runs it is this dude, well, there's a handful of people. with The guy that I know is this guy, Adam Caton Holland, who's part of this comedy group called the Growlics. And they had a show on like TruTV for a little bit, super funny dude.
00:18:53
Speaker
But yeah, he hit me up randomly. It's actually kind of funny. I was about to, I was like walking onto stage. Uh, to feature for a friend of mine, this comedian named Catherine Blandford out of Atlanta. Uh, and I got a text from him that was like, Hey man, you want to do high planes this year? Which is crazy. Cause like, I've been a, like, I listened to podcasts who go to high planes and they talk about it like, yeah, we're doing a live show at high planes this year. Like Rory Scoble, who's one of my favorite comedians. Like he's going to be there this year. Uh, Sean Patton, Sam talent, like a bunch of like, dude, i'm fucking so I actually got asked to where I got at. He was in Wilmington this past weekend and.
00:19:28
Speaker
They asked me to work with him and I couldn't because I was already booked, which is super frustrating because I wanted to like meet him before you know going out to so Colorado. But yeah, it's going to be it's going to be hard to like be there and like feel like I belong.
00:19:41
Speaker
But I can imagine that feeling. I think, well, I feel like that's me in most situations. I go, I should be here. But you just know, man, it's ah it'll be cool. So I'm taking my hat off. It's you guys are wear a hat and headphones and you feel like the little thing like poke into the top of your head. Yeah, you got to pick forward or backward pretty much. Yeah.
00:20:00
Speaker
Um, you're just getting hat hair now, but, uh, no, it's been, it's been a good year, man. I, uh, I'm working on a new hour. Um, um, I'm touring, uh, me and my dog are hanging out. I'm renovating my house. I'm honestly living the exact same. is Yeah. my My wife and I unfortunately drifted apart and like, I always want to like say the caveat because as a comedian, people are like, Oh, you guys, you guys can do a bunch of funny divorce bits. It's like, no, man, I don't hate her. Like it was a very mutual thing, uh, that we just, you know, people grew apart and.
00:20:29
Speaker
We were like, all right, well, safe travels on the rest of your journey. I'm going to go, I guess, have a bunch of weird sex now. It opens some new doors. God closes one door and opens, hopefully, a lot of others. Totally agree, man. I'm probably going to move out to LA early next year. i'm goingnna Oh, yeah.
00:20:46
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to become a landlord, rent my house out. I know. even though Even though I'm morally opposed to it, I crunched the numbers. I'm like, okay, well, what if I just sell my house and then take that money and like roll it into another house? No, my mortgage was still like triple. You'll rent it out and then rent out that way. because i'm not like Here's the thing about comedy. I am so fucking realistic about this shit. I love it. I love doing it. It's my favorite thing. I'm so thankful that I even get to headline shows and like that sometimes a club will let me do like an off night or a weekend. Like I'm being I'm 34 years old. I live in North Carolina. I'm going to try it out in L.A. and see if any big comes from it. But I like I see people who are on TV like they have that it factor and they're they're doing it and I'm like, hey, man, I'm just having fun. If it turns into something, great. But ah other than that, I'm totally fine.
00:21:36
Speaker
living in my house in Raleigh, North Carolina and, you know, maybe having some kids eventually. ah The best thing about comedy and trying to like like there's no.
00:21:48
Speaker
There's no age barrier where you're like, Oh, I'm too old for this shit now. It doesn't, that doesn't matter. Like, uh, the only barrier to entry is just like, are people laughing? And if they are, then you can, you know, right? But it's, uh, yeah, I feel like that's what's cool is like, you could, you could get, I could be 50 and be like, I guess I'll finally give this shit a try. Honestly. Yeah. And that's, um that's what I want to do. Like I want to try l LA for like at least six months or a year, just to like have, I've like done all I can do in North Carolina, you know, like, uh, like I've, like.
00:22:17
Speaker
I'm headlining my hometown club every three to four months. I'm working all the other clubs. Like when people, when big names come through like Mark or Trey Crowder, like they asked to work with me. So like I'm doing I'm doing all that I can do with the confines of being in a small market. Got to test the waters, see how I work with a bigger crowd. Yeah, dude, that's awesome. I ah hope big things. Burn them boats. Yeah, man. Yeah, burn burn the ships. ah now We'll see what happens. Going to move out with ah you know former... Well, I'm not going to live with him, but I'll be closer to a former podcast guest, Charles McBride.
00:22:51
Speaker
Yeah, oh yeah if that was uh gonna be a point of contact for you out there if it was that for sure Yeah, you guys are gonna have a great shed if you share like half right medieval armor and half confederate reenactment stuff I know right? Yeah, he's he's busy making documentaries, man. I think he was uh, he's either still I can't remember we were talking we're we're in a couple group chats together and I think he's like He's in Palestine right now. Like yeah, yeah, which is nuts. So Yeah, so we'll have to talk him again when he's back around. Oh, yeah.
00:23:24
Speaker
um I have a question for you guys. Fire away. Can I talk to you guys about a cult that was like right down the street from me for the past ever? Oh, it was down the street from you? I didn't know it was that close. Yeah, it was like not really down the street. That was yeah hyperbolic, but it was a not too many towns over. I grew up in Central Mass. street It's still Central Mass. like but There was a highway ah that I would drive. I believe it was 146, but they always had a sign.
00:23:53
Speaker
out Yeah, um I think it would have been around it have got I think it was around like ah They started it in like 2012 It's always crazy to me when someone start ah when so When someone starts a cult like like newer like and in like like when like internet is like readily accessible It's nuts to me because it's like yeah, yeah you got to be like extra stupid to fall for this.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah, sorry, not 2012. That's when things all went belly up for them. 2005 was when they started, so that was like... and had dialogue When I've been driving by the the sign, it was like an active church. yeah and act church it it was yeah And I put church in quotation marks. And union it didn't take you didn't yeah have to read any further than just the name of the church to know that it was some weird shit because it was called ah Church of the End Times. And you just know if that's the name of a church, then it's goofy as fuck. That's amazing.
00:24:52
Speaker
But yeah, ah so i I was talking to ah my friend Jesse about it. It's come up a bunch and I've just been like, I've never really looked into it. um We've just kind of just had it on the sidelines. It's like, yeah, there is a cult near us and it ah it's...
00:25:08
Speaker
It's not going down in the history books. But it's some local shit that makes it pretty fun for me. Dude, hear me out. look I think local cults are actually better because they- Something special about them. Yeah, they get away with a little more, you know? Yeah, when there's no media spotlight. And it was obviously like the local media ended up putting them in the spotlight. And that was due mostly in part to the arrest of the um the men who started it, but it was started by the Stanley brothers. Hell yeah, love their tools. Yeah, David and Dennis Stanley. um I their streamers. So David was like the ringleader of it. He was like 33 when the church started and and his brother Dennis was like 29.
00:25:56
Speaker
um They, can you imagine, I actually have no idea how old you guys are. I'm 34 and I'm like, I hear that and I'm like, damn, I'm 34 and I haven't started my own cult yet. Yeah, 36. We had a good opportunity with this. We could have taken this in a totally different direction.
00:26:12
Speaker
But I feel like if you started a cult and the ATF didn't eventually like burn you to death in the compound, I mean, did you really even have a cult together? Exactly, yeah yeah. Was it a cult or was it a boutique living experience? i mean it Depends on who you ask because there's some really awesome quotes by the guys who started after they got arrested. I love that. I'm pretty sure the CEO of my current company is a cult leader.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you can CEO. So, I mean, they're only literally one bad decision away from being cult leaders. Fully agreed. His legs are too skinny. I i just don't trust the guy with legs that skinny. Luckily, my dad has thick legs. So, I would follow him to the ends of earth. I definitely wouldn't take life advice from anybody named Dennis. Yeah, exactly. He's got the Dennis system, dude.
00:27:03
Speaker
So apparently like they decided that they wanted to like start it. They they say they wanted to start a church after just listening to just televangel about about all about all the not taxes they can pay. Yeah, right. Well, there's probably a good part of that because interestingly enough, they incorporated the church at the same address as their driveway paving business.
00:27:30
Speaker
Oh, they're pay they're paving the way for followers. that's they're doing yeah you go They should have, ah you should have been a part of, you might've been able to keep this thing going. I know. Right. So.
00:27:42
Speaker
It's hard to tell like what their religious history was. I can tell by ah their mom's Facebook, which I found that she's like very like evangelical Trump kind of person. Dude, Any standout posts? I don't have her. There was one that was like you know the typical, like yeah I know this will offend a lot of you, but I'm proudly voting for Trump.
00:28:05
Speaker
and it's like Good for you, Darla. No surprises there just by looking at like the rest of your that's what's Facebook page. That's what's nuts to me about like this current age is that like whenever a shooter happens or there's a cult leader or like something bad, they're always like, let's go to their Facebook page. like that's why Could you imagine like being able to look that up for anything else. Like when like, when like age would have been nuts. Yeah. When Martin, when Martin Luther nailed the 99 theses, they're like, man, these are kind of hard to understand. What is his mom talking about? What's all the shitting saying about the Jews? Yeah.
00:28:42
Speaker
David Koresh would have been like Tim Poole with hair so Yeah, David and Dennis Stanley ah They found the Lord watching Pat Robertson on TV. They say which one person to lead you to Christ Yeah, and but I can't really find like I get I get the if they're watching that that means their mom was probably watching that which makes sense given what I found on her Facebook ah but I don't there's not a whole lot about early buy in or anything like that. It just feels like they realize they could make some money to be rock stars and that they just weren't going to be as they were, you know, the owner of and operators of Driveway Corp. Yeah, not not a real punk rock ah company. No, but they did. They had a love of like money and flashy things. They also were like just really like they looked like they would have loved Creed, you know, they there's nothing wrong with that.
00:29:38
Speaker
all of their shirts like none of and no pictures of them have their shirts buttoned above their like right above their belly button they did the body three and it's just like a shitload of gold chains shirts always tucked into this gaudy ass belt buckle so they're Italian they're they're actually uh i Guess the politically correct is Roma, but they were like, okay I just I just learned like a week or two ago that you can't say gypsy anymore. Yeah, it's just the derogatory Yeah, which had no idea in So this was a thing and we can deal with that. I was gonna avoid Referencing this just for the sake of saving face, but whatever ah there was a
00:30:22
Speaker
quote unquote group of, like a lot of people shared their last name and a lot of them had bullshit driveway paving and ah and ah ah seal coating businesses where they would like spray, they would just spray the driveway with black paint, take your money and piss the fuck off.
00:30:41
Speaker
and uh something i do like an early in college and the reason uh you pretty much don't say gypsy anymore is because there was a lot of roma people who uh engaged in nefarious business practices a lot of them was just these large families and yeah let's be real a lot of this had to do with they had to start their own shit in order because they just whatever they were giving money they weren't getting shit uh so they had to fucking learn how to play the game and they learn how to play it American style. So it's just funny that we, the amount of people I know that have had shit like not personally, but like I'm looking for a mechanic right now and I, yeah my car's about to explode and I haven't found one that I feel like I can trust. I feel like the Northeast is full of shifty characters like that, man. yeah like I agree. Massachusetts is a state populated by it. Yeah, and it's wild.
00:31:32
Speaker
broken There are people doing shifty business all over the place. Shifty business. It's another song by Paramore. If enough white people notice a dozen people of different ethnic descent doing it, now they become racist about it. They're going to get mad about it for sure. no That's essentially what happened. ah i don't I think Gypsy is... I don't know that- Have you seen the dating show or the wedding show?
00:32:01
Speaker
gpsy wedding show No. What, my big fat Greek wedding? I don't know. there's There's a reality show that's all about like Romani people and it's just them getting married to their cousins. It's wild stuff. I've heard of that because there's a, oh man, there's some girl here locally that was like, ah she's like a celebrity. and This was a few months ago, but I remember like a friend or someone I was talking to was like, you don't know who Mariana Vich Popovich is. And I was like, I know, should I know who that is? And they're like, they only have 17 million followers. And it was like, I've never felt so out of the loop. I was like, I have, I have, I have no idea who the fuck this person is. Like, and she was like, she was the star of my big fat gypsy wedding or whatever. Like that show. Cause it's like a TLC show or something, right? Yeah.
00:32:48
Speaker
I think the last person who was, a I think like the timeline for like, it it was safe to use and then it wasn't, I think the last person who used it ah before you couldn't anymore was Borat. I think that might yeah be around that time. like Like all things, with the exception of the N word, which I support not being able to use that. But like, I just saw, I was telling Casey while you were or you stepped out for a second, I i just saw ah ah the new Deadpool Wolverine movie with my mom on Sunday.
00:33:15
Speaker
o And I would not say that with my mom. Oh, dude, my mom fucking loves Ryan Reynolds. It's hilarious because she'll like she'll gasp at like the like crudeness and the blood and stuff. But then at the end of the movie, she's like, that was so much fun. I love it. Yeah, it's awesome. But ah Wesley Snipes says retarded in the movie. Like, really? Oh, yeah. Now, now he says it in the context of like, you can't say that word, but they still say it. And I'm just like,
00:33:43
Speaker
It's coming back, dude. It's on its way back. pretty It seems like it's in full swing at this point. i'm to say it in debt I only just watched the Deadpool movies for the first time like last month. I hadn't seen them. They're fine. I'm so superheroed out. and they I'm pretty sure they use that word in one of the Deadpool movies. and i was yeah i don't ever say yeah I haven't heard that in a movie and long since Tommy Boy. i mean yeah They're soft launching it.
00:34:09
Speaker
yeah it is bring back tj miller no well that's because what's funny is he's still he's still a working comedian like which is wild dude so is like chris dilia like all the like i mean lucy k is doing his thing like ah all the i mean they obviously have very varying severity yeah lucy k is absolutely the least worst Yeah, in all of that, I think it's pretty rough. He was like, not good, like sexting like children. And then he like got married and had a baby. He's like, no, guys, it's cool. I don't like kids anymore. And everyone's like, okay.
00:34:42
Speaker
And TJ Miller, he was just like a piece of shit. Like it's not like, like I think he he punched one of his Uber drivers and then like he, i when he worked on that, Mike Judge had said when the he was on this, when he was working, the reason he stopped working ah with Silicon Valley is because they got sick of his bullshit. Like yeah if he showed up to a shoot on time, he was usually like under the influence of something.
00:35:09
Speaker
Yeah, he's just like a not not a good dude. I think he has a hand a handful of like sexual assault allegations, too, and abuse allegations with his couple wife. And then yeah the the funny thing is, well, he's trying to like run cover for himself. He like goes out and he's like, I wouldn't I wouldn't even done Deadpool three if they asked because I. had Yeah, I don't think Ryan Reynolds liked me. I'm like he won. He probably didn't because you seem like a very unlikable person. But he he quotes like or cites this like moment where he's like,
00:35:38
Speaker
uh yeah like he was in character but like he said a lot of stuff that was really like personally directed at me and i could just tell he didn't like me i'm like oh i remember that yeah yeah what the the lack of self-awareness for him to be a raging asshole to so many people and have people on the record about it and then him be like he said some mean things about me in character it's like god damn dude grow up that's how he sucks it's like if it's like if i like signed up for a civil war reenactment and just said the N word all day. And I'm like, no, no, no, I was in character. I was in character. Yeah. I do. I actually T.J. Miller is funny. I think he seems to suck a person and it might ruin watching his comedy, but the comedy I've seen from him, i I have enjoyed. Yeah. He's like one of my favorite comedians before I found out he was a terrible person. So that was that was a bummer. But that's actually why I know I won't be famous because I I'm
00:36:29
Speaker
I'm like, I can be an asshole for sure, ask my ex-wife, but like, I'm not a bad person, you know? like And I feel, and I was talking to, I'm a buddy, who's ah ah he's a music producer on um Kendrick Lamar's, ah well, I guess he's an agent now, but anyway, he he his boss is Kendrick Lamar's manager. oh Yeah, yeah. And he's like very much in the in the industry. And we were just talking where it's like,
00:36:51
Speaker
Famous people are horrible people. Like, it's like, no, because you like tells you no anymore. And that, you know, when like you just get to do whatever you want and everyone goes, Oh, okay. Like no one wants. And when you, when you get to just roll over people forever and then you get used to it, you can never come back down from that. No, that's why I'm like, I'm never going to be famous. I i am way too nice. Even when I email clubs to like get dates, I'm like,
00:37:20
Speaker
No worries. If not, I was like, I totally get it. I suck. No, that sounds like me reaching out to potential podcast guests. I think when you like, uh, when you're like famous to that level too, like, uh, I think they illustrated it real good in some sections, like the early seasons of, uh, uh, succession where like early on, you don't really understand like how big of a prick the old man is, you know?
00:37:50
Speaker
But like you're watching like the interactions between him and his kids and stuff and like, you know, even when he's attempting to be a decent guy, like nobody comes to him unless they want something out of it. Like exactly. Yeah. Worked and pitched.
00:38:07
Speaker
and and squeezed. And I think that's ah that's the other side of the famous thing, too, is that like, yeah, I think the celebrities are surrounded by one, by people who never tell them no, and two, by people who can't they just want things from them and they're always working them. And like part of what happens in those scenarios is I think these people like they put people through the ringer as like a ah a loyalty test or a you know, like You know, are you willing to put in the work to get this or, or what, you know, no, 100% with no end game often. Like, I don't know what would be enough. I mean, if, if, if I was anus, once you hit a certain status, like, I don't know what would ever be enough for me to trust other people. I mean, you hear about someone winning the lottery and getting $10 million dollars and them losing their entire family, like extended family over it. Right. let's Yeah.
00:39:01
Speaker
Well, for frogs full time if I hit that. I mean, for me, that is like for most people, that would be like a win-win, right? You're like. Not only am I a millionaire, I never have to interact with my extended family again. Hell yeah. Dude, um I'm not going to lie. Some of my... ah <unk>ve I've lost a handful of friends ah through the divorce and it's been... it like It was hard at first because I was like, oh man, I guess these people weren't really my friends, you know? They had to pick a side. Yeah, but now I'm like, this is kind of fucking sick.
00:39:32
Speaker
because there's a hand There's a handful of people. I'm like, oh, I don't have to pretend to like this person again. Like, dude, my ex-wife had these two friends who were some of the worst people in the world. And I remember we went camping like in like a big group of people. And I watched these people in one night do like 300 whippets. Like these people just stayed. We're all in our 30s, by the way. This is like a fun, like.
00:39:53
Speaker
at a music festival like we're in most college. You're too old for that. Yeah, dude. And it was just like, I that was like, Oh, the first. Yeah, that was like one of the first. Oh, they were doing that, too. Don't worry. no god That was like one of the first things when like we final are not finalized when we like finalized our separation. I was just like, Oh, I'm so glad that I don't have to be gaslit into thinking people who do lipids are good people anymore.
00:40:16
Speaker
yeah of Speaking of gaslighting into making there we go people think that they're good people, ah let's get back to the Stanley brothers. so all right um The funny thing about these guys is they started their, like I said, they seem like they wanted to be rock stars and they' like they're like, what's the best way to fame? They probably saw a mega church pastor doing their shit and they're like, that that's probably that's easier than having to get good at something.
00:40:43
Speaker
yeah ah Funny thing is you know despite being Christian their business practices were a little bit on the shady side as well ah They and they got a hit with like tons of tickets for going door to door um and paid like soliciting Business, which was illegal without the proper permits and then they would sounds like they got gumption to me.
00:41:06
Speaker
Yeah, just real good. That's real get after it mentality. They were like paving driveways ah without the necessary permits, ah the necessary engineering plans, and they didn't have insurance, oh or the right insurance to do any of it. um So obviously, despite spousing to be men of God, they were super shady.
00:41:26
Speaker
And then they would they even tried to bribe like members of the DPW that would like go check up on them They'd be like try to bribe them with cash to get them out of their faces They're wearing the big belt buckle while they were paving. dress Yeah, so I bet they were with their cool cowboy boots They're the they're like they're old pictures you can scrounge up by like searching for them and they just they love they love have their last name flashing money and shit like that Stanley and Okay, that's right, yeah. um So the Attorney General's office had also received countless complaints of just how shitty their work with. And they're like, the high pressure like sales tax tactics they would do. ah In addition, they would just like drink on the job a shit. Oh, these dudes are so sketchy looking. Aren't they?
00:42:10
Speaker
Everyone needs to search them. it's They look ridiculous. Dude, never in a million years would I listen to anything these guys say. Holy smokes. Yeah. Hold on. He looks like ah the first picture that popped up for me, he's wearing like a like ah a Western shirt with like flames on it, and he looks like Mickey Rourke from The Wrestler.
00:42:33
Speaker
yeah that's Yeah, he's got a Mickey Rourke look for sure. I bet you, I would bet, I'm not kidding, my entire life savings, which is only like $2,000, I would bet my entire life savings on the fact that these guys at one point were like, dude, we got to get Chris Angel Mindfreak to one of these conferences. Yeah, they have the aesthetics of ah of a what a Midwest magician. That is hilarious, dude.
00:42:59
Speaker
Like, so the church never got huge. I think at max, it only had like 75 people. It ended up averaging around like 50. Yeah. a hype orre off and it was a A lot of it was made up of like driveway Corp employees, but where things got weird is ah a lot of the people who ended up going to the church were like wayward teen girls that they like picked up. They're like, Oh, you seem like.
00:43:23
Speaker
a lost tortured soul let me shit like let me bring you to my church and all that kind of shit so and what's crazy i don't get it because they didn't have a lot of people in their driveway business i mean they were making money uh without a lot of overhead because they weren't doing they didn't have the shit they needed to have but I mean, sorry painting point these guys had several really nice, well, I shouldn't say nice, uh, expensive cars. They looked like doucheys. Fuck one of them had the one of them was like painted up with a race car and had like 69 written on the side. and fucking nice hood and shit Oh my God. I actually, are these guys? I mean, I don't want to jump ahead of these guys in prison.
00:44:06
Speaker
ah They are not. um and I got to hit these guys up. I want to recreate the scene from D2, The Mighty Ducks, where I blow a whistle in front of their house. I'm like, guys, we're getting the band back together.
00:44:19
Speaker
So they obviously like got this done at an amusement park, this like fake GQ cover. Yeah, dude. That's what cracked me up so hard. Get close personal with the Driveways Corp owner, David and Brother Dennis. And it says, ah owner and CEO of Driveways Corp, changer of the world, right in Unbricks, Uxbridge? Yeah, Uxbridge.
00:44:44
Speaker
And I i love they were doing well for themselves they would like to flash money they would go on like these lavish vacations ah Five hundred thousand dollar home which in 2010 in Massachusetts was pretty i mean and good The guy on the left kind of looks like Julian from trailer Park boys he does Now, whats what's really special about these people is ah David, ah when they he decided to get into ministry, did like this self proclamation that he was an anointed prophet of God.
00:45:15
Speaker
helia no and and Archangel and his brother Dennis is a half breed angel according to Dennis. So Beth comes into play a lot. ah Beth got kind of she went along with this for a while. There's some people who were like, yeah, she didn't seem to have a huge problem with it when they were going on these really nice vacations and chilling and then shit got weird. And then she was like, oh, fuck, like things are getting out of hand. But I like that David goes, I'm a prophet and an archangel and Dennis is a half breed angel. And that's just to me, typical older brother shit where like, yeah, you're playing like game. I remember me and my brother playing games out like fantasy games out in our yard with like using baseball bats as like swords and shit. And it's like,
00:46:04
Speaker
he' He'd be like I'm like I'm like it's I'm the most powerful and you're like almost as powerful as me But like not not quite as powerful Yeah, it's like if if I die then you can absorb my power and you'll become full angel dude I actually just found this I don't know if you guys have seen this I just found this blog post about these guys that is like sharing Facebook posts Yeah from them It's the turtle. Yeah, I will. I do want to say that turtle boy is a very problematic person. I i could I could say that just but from his web design skills alone. Yeah, he is a he's like ah you ah like ah a stop clocks right twice a day kind of guy. Yeah, it's like what is it? A terrible, terrible. The worst person you know just made a good point. Yeah, yeah, it's he's one of those people that one of the things that's awful about him is if there are people who are being who are shitty, he will post like publicly post pictures of their children and like it's on blast to even if they're as young is like six years old.
00:47:08
Speaker
And I know that because he did that to a family and one of the students that ah attend my school. um Yeah, he's got a section on his website called Hood Rat Heroes. Probably not a good guy. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. You know, what was the big was it? um What was the big case um in Massachusetts that went like national?
00:47:32
Speaker
ah um I have no idea. i'm looking i I famously don't pay attention to the state of Massachusetts. I'm trying to find her name. Dude, the cars. What a strange collection of vehicles. Karen Reed. Okay. um caring reid is ah this This went national. There'll definitely be documentaries made about it. I'm sure they've already got Netflix already has rights to it.
00:47:56
Speaker
um but turtle boy got arrested for like interrogating a witness on for that drive off shit like that like he's just he's a scumbuck but this is a decent like he does make he does bring in some decent points on this most of which have already been covered by like local news channels but Uh, all right. So yeah, I mean, like I said, these guys, yeah, they're idiots. Um, they just wanted to be rock stars who well had the cops called on them. These are, these are angels you're talking about. Yeah. so And entrepreneurs.
00:48:31
Speaker
Yeah. And even more important. Because you know, that's what God does. He takes, he takes his best angels. He puts them into a, he rents, he rents a room at the Four Seasons Hotel in heaven and he puts them in a room and he says, guys, I got a great opportunity for you. I need you guys to go down to heaven. Start, start drumming up some business, you know, you know, America's going woke heaven, not getting so much money anymore. People aren't tithing as much as I used to. I need you guys to go down to earth, spread your wings, spread some love, you know, and,
00:48:59
Speaker
I tell you what, if you guys can bring back, if you can sign five people yeah to get their driveway paid. Yeah, yeah. Heaven has unfortunately become an MLM system. um And that's just what they did, you know? They said, ah God didn't call us to be perfect. He called us to be obedient. Yeah. He called us to be pavers, okay?
00:49:18
Speaker
I look at it as like, you know, um say the Lord gave each of us, you know, a certain amount of talents. And these guys, you know, they obviously leverage the talents that they got into, you know, cool belt buckles, run down Western shirts. And, you know, they led 65 people to the promised land, whereas Sam has taken his handful of talents. And all he's managed to do is coach a bunch of kids on how to ask for SSRIs.
00:49:51
Speaker
That's what I do all day. I go, do you need SSRIs? Perfect. ah ah Some other fun facts about these guys is that in one year they had over 45 complaints called into the cops due to like motor vehicle disturbances. I mean, yeah, I'd i'd complain if I saw those cars on the road, too. Just so for the listeners, if you didn't, if you haven't looked at their car selection, they have three vehicles that are on here all painted up in their colors and stuff.
00:50:20
Speaker
One is like a mid 2010s Cadillac like ATS or something like that. They're clearly Steelers fans. Scion XB all painted up in racing colors and stuff. And then they have an early 2000s Ford Lightning truck, which is a cool vehicle that they have made absolutely hideous. The worst. Yeah.
00:50:46
Speaker
They did some horrendous paint jobs on those. I don't really even know if they would be nicer, cool cars in general. I don't know. I just know like you look at it and it says, it looks like you spent a lot of money for no for no reason.
00:50:59
Speaker
Uh, I don't like that you see those cars and you go, you look like ah just a raging douche, uh, which fits their personality and their outfits and everything else. So that you would expect them to like cars like that, but it's off putting. If you saw that in public, you would go, i I know I hate the person who drives it. Yeah. I wouldn't see that car like rolling up next to me. And I wouldn't be like, you know what? I want to be friends with that guy. Like.
00:51:22
Speaker
Yeah, I think I think I would that's you see a car like that. They're blasting. I did all for the Nookie from those speakers. Yeah. Oh, no, they're like they're playing Evanescence D tracks. And there's a reason. and none There's a reason no one knows what those songs are like. A lot of rain energy yeah being pumped into them. Yeah. Those guys. Those guys saw the what it's like to chew five gum commercials and they're like, this is my whole aesthetic.
00:51:48
Speaker
yeah Oh, yeah.
00:51:53
Speaker
ah ah Things started going south. Like, obviously, red flags immediately, ah but things started getting weird when they started, you know, you know, it's drifting into cult territory when they start using typical excommunication tactics. Like, for sure. Like, a one woman, like, asked David questions after the service. And the next day, that woman's husband told her David didn't want her going to the church anymore.
00:52:17
Speaker
So like they they weren't, they had no formal training. They didn't know anything. So I imagine they would just say what they wanted. If someone goes, why? And they go, we need to get this person out of here. Um, so the, uh, Andrea is, uh, Andrea Galt was, is the mom's name. Uh, and they, they cut her out.
00:52:38
Speaker
Around twenty ten after she started criticizing their behavior their own 2005 2020 2010 mom starts being like okay, I'll even publicly state that my kids are going off the rails And then that because their behavior just became increasingly more abusive towards women and the girls in the church um they like according to the the mom of the two brothers that the church was grace and Jesus quote unquote until a few years before it started going off the rails um she said you know it was it's it's hard to believe based on how these guys looked that things ever really started out great um i i just
00:53:24
Speaker
I can't, I don't know. A mom of her children, so she's probably- They have an active YouTube channel, which is nuts to me. Oh, it's still active, that's crazy. Yeah, you can watch all their videos. I'm watching a video of one of the guys dance right now on stage at the church. I also wanna say- They do extra shisms and shit on stage. Thechurchoftheentimes.org is available to be purchased. Ew.
00:53:47
Speaker
ready for the next one. Mom thinks the change was possibly due to steroids. Uh, she said that they were working out a lot and she believed they were taking muscle enhancing drugs. So, Oh, that'll do that. I mean, look at whole Kogan. Yeah. I can do some shit, but if a mom is going to be the last person to criticize the kids. So like, if she said that in 2010, things are probably problematic at least a couple of years before that. Yeah. Like if Mary, was if Mary was criticizing Jesus, we'd all be a different religion.
00:54:16
Speaker
Yeah. The neighbor like who lived next to them just reported how horrendous they were as neighbors. Because they would just light off fireworks all the time. Oh, these are big time fireworks, guys. Yeah. they're just like They would ride around with their like all ATVs and four wheelers and dirt bikes and all that shit. They never wore helmets. They would just ride around like nutcases without any helmets on. What kind of fireworks are illegal in Massachusetts? Because North Carolina, unfortunately,
00:54:45
Speaker
Okay, none. Whoa, okay. Yeah, sparklers, maybe, but you can't really launch fireworks. People do. You gotta drive your Can-Am spider to Pennsylvania to get to fireworks. Yeah, I can go to New Hampshire ah and get some, but I wouldn't because I just don't care. I don't like fireworks, to be honest.
00:55:04
Speaker
Yeah, I don't really care about them either. It's a lot of money to just like blow something up and go, wow, that was so cool. Like I I'd rather make my own bombs. Let's. Yeah, I agree. I've got I've got Roman. I've got Roman candles in my like downstairs hallway closet that I bought in South Carolina two years ago. I lit off one and I was like, ah that was OK. My dogs love those.
00:55:27
Speaker
Really? They get so excited whenever I light one off. Like I had, I bought, I bought some balls. Yeah, they just chase them and bark. I like that. I love it. ah Some other fun things, like there is a string of robberies in the Uxbridge area and the people who like ah and the people responsible for them would state that like Church of the End Times was their home address and stuff like that. Like, love it. The neighbor was just very, and the neighbor started, like she called the cops on them a lot, but she said she feared the Stanley brothers ah because she was never sure what they would do. ah And she was afraid that they might like,
00:56:04
Speaker
Her property might get robbed or vandalized or something like that so she might be starting to become afraid of them. It's pretty funny. um I'm looking at this ah this turtle boy article some more. they They have a super lengthy section at the bottom where they just show Facebook posts from the people who are in the cult.
00:56:22
Speaker
Yeah. And it's it's very obvious what they were doing like. Oh, for sure. Like they were just they were. First off, they were targeting like what they thought were attractive. You like women who could not spell to save their fucking life. ah And and just like the gang banger like but like fake gang banger white dudes.
00:56:41
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. This is it's funny to see like trailer park boys in real life. It's not as funny. No, it's not. It's lesson wondering in real life. Yeah. I need to talk about and joke about. But if you think too much on it, it's upsetting. So we please don't don't bring us there. ah Some fun stuff they started doing was ah actually let me get down to that a little bit in a minute. So.
00:57:07
Speaker
Things also started getting really weird ah when they started, yeah yeah, when they started having women sign over all of their shit, all of their property rights, any titles to their cars. That'll do it. Sign it all over to the men. Wait, is that not normal?
00:57:25
Speaker
So in an interview, like so ah local news, local Fox 25 interview, there was a woman who attended the church with her new boyfriend um at the time. And she stated, I loved it at first. I never believed in God or Jesus before anything. So coming here, it was believable. ah But then things changed. so I had to get rid of Facebook. I wasn't allowed to talk to any of my friends unless I brought them to church. I got cut off from everything. And then pretty soon after that, she lost her paycheck.
00:57:54
Speaker
And the title to her car and her ah by what was the saying? ah Yeah, she had basically it all taken by her boyfriend who was said he was just acting on the teachings of the church. She said anything I had, I had to give it all just to prove to him that I wanted this and I loved him. She also had to give up almost all contact with her two children.
00:58:14
Speaker
brutal. jesus this what yeah She said basically it was to rebuild me as a better mom. And once she was a better mom, she would be able to like have contact with her children again.
00:58:27
Speaker
so and Another good one. ah She was also very tired of getting exorcisms done on her ah just because she She wasn't the good mom they wanted, so they just assumed it was a demon, you know? i mean Because of course, if the people in the church aren't doing what you want, you just go, the problem is you your demon possessed. Now listen, what this exercise is, sweet lady, is you have to get fully naked. And we we we have to lay next to each other, and i my hands, there's healing in these hands. You know that's exactly what happened.
00:59:02
Speaker
Yeah, like the previous for in your boobies. I got up. Yeah, God. No, this is a this is a biblical boob honk. So even Beth Stanley, Dennis's wife, she starts going like, fuck this, and you know, she probably enjoyed the vacations. But then when she realized yeah that ah she didn't have any ownership over her house anymore, that became a problem for her. Those guys are on LinkedIn. Beth said, um if i if I was against anything that they did, I was demon possessed. So then things in the church, they started to shift into ah more of a sexual nature.
00:59:43
Speaker
um So you yeah, of course, Casey, as we've talked about millions of times, it always goes in this direction. But the brothers do maintain that they were all just friends ah with just an intimate friendship, nothing central. And they have some really fantastic quotes that we'll get to. um But ah Right here I have from Beth Stanley ah was became most disturbed by like the highly charged sexual atmosphere in the church involving young single woman, women who attended. She said, the women get on their laps and bounce on my husband's lap and they bounce on Pastor David and they have orgasms on his lap.
01:00:27
Speaker
o and if you know This is during the church service, and she says right after, like right when we're eating and stuff. Yeah. They dry hoped the demons out of them.
01:00:40
Speaker
Yeah, dude. Holy spirit. man Bizarre sexually charged behavior played out right in front of Fox undercover's camera. ah When some of the female church members first left provocative notes on Dennis Stanley's truck, then two of the women begin rubbing their breasts and buttocks against the vehicle. So that's just them driving out of church, you know, just like fucking rock stars in the like, like it's a bikini car wash. Women are just rubbing their tits all over the car and shit. It's pretty fun.
01:01:10
Speaker
Pretty fucking sick if you ask me. Yeah. Well, you might have a lot more in common with the Stanley brothers, I think. But this get this, this one was ah really wild. So eight church members also maintained a website filled with hundreds of pornographic pictures. Oh, no. What's the what's the website? This has been, I know for research purposes, too bad. Yeah. It's since been shut down. That's terrible.
01:01:36
Speaker
but though there There was a link to the church.com. On the website, there was a link to the church's website and the words were like that, like the hyperlinked words were these pictures are proof that God loves us on the webpage. That was pretty cool. What do you think would happen if we called the number? On the side of the truck? No, it's it says, I'm on their YouTube channel right now and it says 1-877-247-PRAY.
01:02:00
Speaker
Oh my pray. Is that like you're, it's like, like you're being hunted and it's going to get that one yet. Huh? 1 8 7 7 2 4 7 7 7 2 9. We're going to take a little tangent. ah You're calling it right now. We're going to find out. Oh, it doesn't look like it's working. Hello.
01:02:23
Speaker
We can help you find another business in the area. Just remember you called is not in service. Dang it. It's been disconnected. um Darn. Never get my driveway paved. But so things thing we can ah to kind of wrap this these guys story up a bit. Things started falling apart for them. They got arrested in 2012 for resisting arrest. I love that. Getting arrested for resisting arrest was pretty sick. Not even doing any of the bad cold things just resisting arrest.
01:02:50
Speaker
Yeah. um Actually, wait, before I get into the rest, ah other cool things that they did. I think this is part of why Beth was like, we need to like, we need to stop like this. This isn't working anymore. ah I'm assuming ah that her like maybe greatest backlash came about when um when Dennis started being like, hey babe, you're gonna sleep downstairs on the couch and these five to 17 girls are gonna just sleep in my room with me. Jesus, dude. Things get a little bit weird when you tell your wife that.
01:03:25
Speaker
He flew too close to the sun, man. She was fine with the bouncing orgasmic exorcisms. Right, right. Exercising the sexual demon. Yeah, dude. He got greedy. They can only come out through the downstairs, and then she, incidentally, has to move into the downstairs, which is pretty cool.
01:03:46
Speaker
she it and this is she also at this point so she's now kicked out of her bedroom and she also doesn't have any rights to her house anymore because that's brutal dude yeah um after everything that's happened that's what broke the camel's back for Beth Yeah, once it's like the lavish vacations are going to affect me. Yeah. Yeah, I know. That's what feels a little silly about it. Now you could go brainwash. You could do gaslight. You could. Yeah, it's let's I don't think we need to erase complete culpability from this woman. ah But she does say the right things, you know, um when it all starts falling apart. So what ah their ultimate demise was because ah she ended up
01:04:32
Speaker
Going I'm fucking done with this and she like filed a restraining order against whoa. Yeah ah and then ah a lot of the the arrest was essentially the they allegedly broke the restraining order and Then that's why the cops showed up okay, and then they resisted arrest so like It was, it wasn't- Their hubris was their downfall. That came of it, so it was like- Dude, he was fighting for his queen. And David, so David was also charged for disturbing the peace, so he had disturbing the peace charges as well because his followers got into an hours-long standoff with the cops. Well, yeah. You know who else disturbed the peace? Jesus Christ. Amen, brother, yeah.
01:05:19
Speaker
And the problem, the difference is Jesus got crucified and none of his, fault none of David's followers did, which is the biggest bummer of the story, right? Yeah, I would've been sick, dude. A death by cop. If you really want to go out like your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they should have got shot by cops right there. Agreed, dude. Lord been crucified on some like really sick, like Criss Angel mind free crosses. Hell yeah.
01:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, Kid Rock playing in the background. Oh, dude, that's how you get to that's how you get to the VIP section of heaven. I think it's important to note that what they were screaming at the cops during the standoff was that they don't ah obey the laws of man. They obey the law. Oh, hell yeah. yeah fast yeah they I think this tragic love story is not over, though, because I feel like Beth and Dennis have real like ah His Harley her mr. J vibes and I think they'll find their way back to each other
01:06:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's possible. It's possible, especially when you hear Dennis's attitude towards all of it. um So in in the the Fox 25 interview, ah they they asked ah the reporter asked asked Dennis, is is this church really a cult? And Dennis goes, why do you think people are saying that? ah Sorry, Dennis didn't respond to the idea that he was being accused of having a cult.
01:06:41
Speaker
As he was led in chains, he was being held without bail in charge of resisting arrest that arose out of his refusing to accept a restraining order from his wife, which police were trying to serve him. um Pastor David Stanley did agree to speak with the news. He said, a cult is something where people worship the man or something. It's not like that. I always bring people to Jesus, Stanley said. Some of the people we've talked to say the church is controlling, the reporter says. No, it's actually the opposite, which is just a good response to any accusation. As you just say, it's actually the opposite. And then you just have no further comment. Yeah, I love that.
01:07:21
Speaker
So she's like, you don't cut people off from your families. And he goes, no, we don't cut anyone off. Why would I do that? ah They asked him about the website, which was End Times Angels. That's the website.
01:07:33
Speaker
ah a And he says the website didn't come from me. It didn't come from the church. It was a guy who was in the church and things are great with his wife. I don't know what the fuck that means.
01:07:48
Speaker
You just added that tidbit in. And she goes, it has the church's name on it. And he goes, but it was him. And she goes. That's so good. Looking at it, it seemed pretty strange. ah Like when, oh, then she shifts the conversation to when women were rubbing their bodies against his brother's truck and shit.
01:08:07
Speaker
yeah totally normal yes yeah that looks kind of weird and he goes you realize dennis is single and he wasn't at the time i don't think i can't tell the timeline's a little convoluted but maybe they yeah maybe the divorce papers had been served or something but he goes you realize dennis is single if i was single i wish i could roll like that Hell yeah. Hell yeah, bro. He goes, were they church members? And he goes, well, they were friends. Believe it or not, it's nothing perverted. I know that seems hard to believe, but there is nothing. Dennis has never slept with any of the girls. And by slept, he obviously means have sex because Dennis had them literally sleep in his room with him while his wife was on the couch. That's totally fine. It's just all fun. It really is. It's completely clean.
01:08:53
Speaker
so David maintains that nothing nothing super weird was going on ah Despite you know girls having orgasms on his lap and shit like that, but yeah i think In legal terms they call that the I'm like rubber you're like rude glue defense Yeah, I think that is I think that's the technical term for it ah so right now I mean really what happened though was they got arrested ah They were out pretty quickly in all of their um
01:09:24
Speaker
all of they they There was no conviction on these things. i't i mean They probably settled up because he refused to accept the restraining order, but like there's not a lot you can do with that. There's nothing technically illegal. just It's just creepy. you know Yeah. So of course, Dennis is just, you know, says his ex is just trying to make him look bad and that she's just wanting to destroy him since she can't have him and and she's actually crazy. Yeah. It's like he's doing the typical guy shit ah and an abusive relationship kind of thing. So.
01:09:59
Speaker
I don't know, but it's pretty fun. It's cool that this was all like just kind of in my area. and i had you know I knew of the church. I saw the things. I would hear little snippets about their bullshit driveway paving businesses and stuff like that, but I didn't know anything about it. ah they were There was like some pictures of like And I know I pointed out that what makes Turtle Boy shitty is bringing their kids into it. um Yeah. But they were there were pictures of their kids sitting in thrones behind them while they preached and shit. So like unfortunately, they were like grooming their kids pretty hard. and and Yeah. I think it was Dennis' kid.
01:10:40
Speaker
I think Dennis, it doesn't really matter, ah was just like, you know, again, fuck you, turtle boy, for posting pictures of children. But there was like pictures of him flashing like $100 bills, like fanning them out like cards and like, oh, damn, he's just clearly turning into a piece of shit kid. And it it's not the kid's fault. He's got like the worst father. Yeah, there's a picture of him doing blackface.
01:11:05
Speaker
Yes, there is. With the n-word written in it. Yeah. I missed that. I don't... I did find his Facebook page too. Listers, we do need to clarify. That is not of the spirit. Yeah. ah that That kid is now married. I found his Facebook too, so he's an adult and we can make fun of him. He doesn't look like he got much better than that. No, I found they normally don't. Yeah.
01:11:33
Speaker
Sorry, I'm looking at Uxbridge on Google Maps because it's such an interestingly named place in my opinion. There's a place not too far from Uxbridge called the Southwick Zoo. That's got to be one of the saddest zoos, right? No, it's actually a pretty good zoo. Is it really nice? Oh man, okay. Only possums and raccoons. No, no. I saw at the Southwick Zoo, I saw one monkey tongue punch another monkey's asshole.
01:12:01
Speaker
So yeah to the city This weekend in Kansas City and watched a gorilla and a hammock lean one butt cheek over the side Poop into his hand and dude like nibbled each one before throwing them away. Oh, yeah Well, it's like a little you know grenade. He's got to rip the tip off, you know I did see no board doing it too. Just like, like it was just like a 30 second like stare at the turd and then eating my shit. He just tastes it. He goes, nah, this isn't it. And then taste the next one. He goes, nah, still not it. He's waiting for the right one. yeah There's going to be one that he just smashes into his face like a smash cake at a first birthday party. sp He's like, I got to change the recipe.
01:12:44
Speaker
Yeah. It's more a texture thing than a flavor idea. Yeah. I saw a cool Instagram video of a gorilla ah jerking off and busting into another gorilla's chest. That's amazing, dude. you yeah Honestly, my friend ah my friend was a gorilla handler at the Atlanta Zoo for a few years. Really? Yeah, dude. And the shit she would tell me was just like insane. it's like It's wild. It's yeah hilarious. It's wild. that like It's so animalistic, but they like...
01:13:13
Speaker
It's like uncanny valley shit where they like, yeah they do something so human sometimes, like busting on another gorillas tits. You're like, that is wild. like yeah family thing That's at a zoo. There were kids around in this video and you're just like, dude you can go to the zoo and watch gorillas do weird shit like that. It's crazy. I love it.
01:13:33
Speaker
It's cool. Gorillas are fucking, they're so sick. That was, yeah last time I went to the zoo, that was my favorite. I could have stood there for hours. And like the little, the baby gorillas are just rolling around the ground, like punching the other baby gorillas, playing chase and stuff. It's like watching kids play. It's, he yeah it really makes you go, what am I? Like I'm just, I'm just an animal on this fucking planet. Like, yeah. You're like, I just learned how to talk a little better. yeah really are like Huge and muscly and scary looking but like this fairly good natured whereas like chimpanzees are terrifying Oh, dude, she's told like chimpanzees would like like rip the skin off your body like they are. Yeah they areistic they can they are're Actually, like just pull your arms off basically Yeah, they're like I can't remember what she told me like they never like would like
01:14:21
Speaker
The way they would feed chimpanzees and treat them was like totally different from any other monkey, just cause like chimpanzees were sadistic fucks. Yeah. Like volatile. They'll be like, they'll like, she cuddle up on you and give you a kiss. And then the next day they'll just actually rip your lower lip off. Yeah. Did you watch a chimp empire? no what doubt is that So it's the show on Netflix where, I mean, it's, this is like one of the best things I've watched in the last five years, but it's like a show that it's almost like a, like a documentary.
01:14:51
Speaker
that follows these different chimps as if they're like people, like in the, in the you know, jungle. Love Island. Yeah. Yeah. And it, it dude, just sheer brutality. so That's crazy. Scary post-apocalyptic warlord stuff. Yeah, man. It's like, it's unchecked nature. It's, it's. That, that is it. When you watch like Mad Max, you go, that's how apes live their lives. That's how chimps live their lives. Like that's what where we're just like, joy you blast away from living like that.
01:15:21
Speaker
Yeah, we're just we're just one James Franco COVID vaccine away from. Which I don't know if you guys have watched the new Planet of the Apes movies, but they're sorry, James Franco Alzheimer's vaccine. Yeah, I just watched that one again, like.
01:15:36
Speaker
I don't know, maybe a month ago. It's great. I love that. I love it. They're they're super interesting. I haven't seen any of the ones starting with like Mark Wahlberg, which is part of the same. That's part of the same. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no. That was the one in the early 2000s that Tim Burton directed. And it is. Oh, that's right. It is amazingly bad. Like, yeah. OK. Yeah, it's like they they did you like crouching tiger hidden dragon like style fighting?
01:16:04
Speaker
Uh, so, okay. So that one has nothing to do with like the, the re like the. Yeah. That one's like it's a, it's own universe. Okay. I won't bother watching that one. My daughter's been asking to watch them for some reason. She sees the yeah ads for them when she like opens Amazon or whatever. I forget. No Disney. I think they show, like, I think Disney has the rights to them now. The new ones look pretty interesting. I haven't seen them past like the first couple of James Franco ones, but like the, the lore and everything they built out seems pretty cool.
01:16:34
Speaker
Yeah. ah So I've been wanting to talk about this for a minute. Do you guys ever go on, do you ever use Quora? every now and then, ever since they took Yahoo answers from us. I don't think I've seen a Quora post that was made after 2017. Well, I think- Is it alive? Are there recent posts on Quora? Yeah, there's like a whole thriving community. I mean, this is like- Of course, it is. It's Boomer Reddit. It's Boomer Reddit. Yeah, it's like Reddit for people who are too dumb to figure out how to activate their profile on Reddit.
01:17:15
Speaker
And, uh, the posts are so funny. Oh, dude. I bet they're awful. You just type in like keywords and everything that people have asked in the past comes up, you know, and stuff. Oh no. Okay. Hell yeah. So I just typed in Christian dating just to see what comes up. Cause this is how the Lord works. Yeah. because We weren't aware that you were back on the scene. We weren't aware you were dating. I'm back in it, dude. this This lined up perfectly. This is the Lord's will tonight. Casey's gonna find some, he found some good shit on Christian dating. And now we get to hear your response as a man who's currently going through it. Good, good. I've been trying to find a good, christian as I call it. You've been on Christian Mingle, right? Oh yeah. and i've got I'm on Christian Mingle, I'm on Plenty of Fish, I'm on Farmer Date, I'm on all of them. yeah
01:18:12
Speaker
Is farmer date real? Or did you make that one up? Farmers only, right? Farmers only, that's what it is, yeah. Yeah. ah It's totally real. A farmers only dating website? Yeah.
01:18:24
Speaker
It's hard to get more specific than that. I'm sure it does a little better in the Midwest. That's where you want to find a woman that owns a trampoline. like yeah yeah scratch You're like, I really i i need an auger, so I got to get on there. and you know As I said, that's as close to buying your spouse as you can possibly get. That is as close to Old Testament biblical marriages you can get where it's like, this is a contract, you have a farm, I have a farm.
01:18:52
Speaker
We both want to, I mean, we're both fighting Monsanto's patents. There you go. Just drifting onto our property. Let's do this together. Let's be a team. We'll have more children who can start more farms. start more farms I dated a girl cause she casually mentioned that her mom had a house in Vail and then we went out on her first date and I was like, not worth it. but Yeah. but I love that. Like when you start, I like, like ah fresh off a divorce when you finally have like, I'm getting back out there. yeah I mean, you can set the bar so low. You're like, what am I looking for? A nice vacation house? Hell yeah. Yeah. You have, I have a vacation house in my profile. We'll start there. Yeah. No, we were talking and like we were going to get dinner and she was like, Oh, I can't this weekend. and I'm going to visit my mom in Vail. And I was like, Oh, does, does she live there full time? And she's like, yeah, I grew up in Vail. I'm like,
01:19:43
Speaker
Oh, so you have money, money. Like, yeah. So when that bitch dies. Yeah. That goes to us. No, i we, we, we got, we got drinks and I was very quickly like, no, thank you. was What was the, what was the big? No, thank you. Just overall vibe. Or was there, did she say something when you go, this is her mom manages a fudge shop with a penny smasher in the front.
01:20:07
Speaker
It was a handful of things. Uh, she, she showed up already drunk, which is not a good sign. Whoa. Yeah. Uh, and, and it's like, look, man, I'm not, I'm not, I'm no spring chicken. Okay. I'm 34 and I've, you know, I've lost about 50 pounds this year, but I'm still not looking great. You're looking great, dude. Don't sell yourself short. short you can swoll I look forward to your shirtless Instagram pictures.
01:20:31
Speaker
Hell yeah. well I just started a ah strict cut diet, so it's about to get crazier. But ah you know this girl showed up and i um I'm not gonna lie, the photos had to be five to eight years like ah aged in between what she was now versus then, which I didn't know people actually did that. And I i even still didn't try.
01:20:50
Speaker
Yeah. And I still wasn't like, I was like, you know what? Maybe she's cool. Like, let's, we'll still sit down and like talk. And she was like, belligerently drunk. And I was just, and then she like just trauma dumped on me for a solid two hours. major red Yeah. Yeah. She had some, she had some unfortunate issues. Fun made for a great story, but I don't think I'll be going to veil anytime soon. Unless her mom's hot. Have you seen her mom?
01:21:14
Speaker
I have not seen the mom. This is true, yeah. Don't rule it out, dude. I'm a fudge you can gobble, dude. Free samples for life. I'm a fudge you can gobble.
01:21:24
Speaker
That's how you know you've you've vacationed in the wrong spot. When you yeah immediately see more than one fudge shop, it's like, I shouldn't be here. Yeah. You're like, oh, this might be a little bit of a tourist trap. I'll make an exception for the Outer Banks. The Outer Banks rips and there's like a candy store on every corner. That is true. That's forge on the beach. Yeah. What's out all the dentists make money?
01:21:48
Speaker
Okay, so ah the this the question that I settled on here that I really enjoyed some of the answers for was ah someone asked, in Christian dating, how far is enough? Ooh, enough. Usually it's how far is too far.
01:22:05
Speaker
Yeah, there was... And boy, there are some... They really gotta define enough there. In Christian dating, before we get into those answers, Casey, back in our Christian dating days, how far was too far? I think if you bust, it was too far. Ah, fuck. Then I made it, dude. Yeah, I definitely went... because in that Well, in the moment, you're like, oh, this is...
01:22:29
Speaker
but please I just want to come but but that then when you do it you're like oh no was this worth eternal damnation I will I'll regret saying this if anyone in my family ever listens to it but I had that thought of and I knew people who did this too and I think anyone to Christian College had this conversation When you're like in your dry hump era, right? Oh, dude. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I never left that until I got married, but kind of fun sometimes you have that moment of going like, cause you come close sometimes and you go, I should, I should put on a condom just so I can bust a nut in my jeans. Yeah.
01:23:13
Speaker
Hey man, sometimes I just let it loose, you know? I also want to point out that recently in our Discord, Gillian called us out because apparently it's been a long time since we've gotten an episode without mentioning what genitals we have. Perfect. And we failed again. Sorry. Sorry, friend. I'm going to place the blame on you. No, you guys can place it on me. I'm horny and single now.
01:23:38
Speaker
I will say it's not, it's not, I don't really enjoy it, but dry humping still a thing. Uh, yeah. it again the year And you're our Lord 2024. It's, it's an entry level thing. Not like again, not my, I'm like, I'm at the point now where it's like me and most of the girls I'm going on dates with. It's like, listen, we've, you're either divorced as well, or you've gone through the gambit. We don't need to beat around the Bush. In fact, let's just, let's beat into the Bush. Let's do this. Like sweetheart.
01:24:05
Speaker
You either need to have a vacation house in Vail or you need to put your thumb in me. How about that? It's actually kind of funny to go back to the Quora question. I remember the girl I lost my virginity to, we ended up dating for like just shy of a year in high school and we were both like... You didn't get married. That wasn't your wife. Interesting. No. Sadly, no. Noted. Well, it's because we had sex before marriage. So, you know, the Lord did not approve of our union. Yeah. Gotcha.
01:24:33
Speaker
Yeah, he he rips apart. But I remember at one point we were having sex so frequently because we were in high school and it's amazing, you know. But we were still very Christian, so we felt bad about it. And there was one time where we had we were at like her parents beach house. We had sex and I went into the bathroom and punched myself in the balls because I was so mad at myself. Oh, man, we've I remember what God.
01:25:02
Speaker
the things that come up at this point in the podcast. I remember being on my dorm room at Liberty and Liberty had some really good blockers on their internet. like i i i can imagine i mean the Top dollar, top tier, they shelled out. So I had to resort to watching at one point a stripper video on YouTube.
01:25:25
Speaker
And I hate myself for talking about this. I love it. I remember feeling such immense guilt that I like turned it off and I like banged my forehead into my bedpost. Yeah. And that's what the shame will do to you because it's not a big deal to watch that.
01:25:40
Speaker
And no, and not at all settles in and you go, I'm dirty. I'm awful. I should hurt myself. Crazy. Yeah. Crazy. That's at that point. Should flog myself. I, yeah, I fucking that what that's what it was. That's exactly self-flagellation. That's what that was. Oh, I did it. I did. I speed back my nuts, dude. Yeah. god Well, there is a handful of answers that you would expect on here. And I just went to like the, uh, the top up voted.
01:26:10
Speaker
answers. None of them have a ton of upvotes, mind you, but- It's not a ripping community. They're dying off very very quickly. First guy's Jeremiah. He says, ah in Christian dating, I would say the farthest you should ever go is holding hands, linking arms, or even a simple kiss on the cheek or forehead, but that should be the limit. Five upvotes. Okay. Five upvotes.
01:26:33
Speaker
Uh, my wife did a year at Word of Life in New York, Word of Life Bible College. Nice. And they had a no hand holding policy. And she said that couples used to like hold the same stick together and walk. It's just so stupid. Oh my God. It's just so stupid. It's wild. Dude, should have gone to church at the end times, dude. You can just fuck the pastor. I know.
01:26:59
Speaker
it It's hard to dry hump when you've got a like a six inch belt buckle on though. Yeah. Oh my God. Very great. They got in the way. They look 3D too. Like they've got, they've got raised designs on them. If the, if the girls had belt buckles too, if the dry humping happened, it sounded like a fucking transformer transforming. I had a slight belt buckle phase because I went to a, we all did, dude. I went to a Zayo concert.
01:27:29
Speaker
and got a Zayo belt buckle, and I used to wear that. I gotta tell you, belt buckles are coming back, dude. Are they? I've actually got, I've got a belt buckle that has, that says Kansas on it. Oh, beautiful. It's sad enough to where I can wear one without poking myself in the gutter.
01:27:47
Speaker
yeah getting there he's going to get it spencer just left to go get his belt buckle oh man this is going to be a classic you're going to be so jealous i can imagine you doing your first google search kansas kansas 1861 oh oh that is sweet right yeah it was like 10 bucks at a thrift store what's so what's on the back of it let's see it says uh registered collection. No, it's a solid brass something unless it's just says where it's made in Kansas. But yeah, I was at a thrift store and I saw that and I was like, all right, that's pretty sick. I got to get that. Absolutely. But I definitely I feel you where you're like, you got to lose. You can't rock a belt buckle with a gut because then it just looks like it's a gate holding a monster back or something.
01:28:36
Speaker
It's like, is that a bottle opener? and It's like, no, you you just can't see the top of it.
01:28:44
Speaker
ah So Michael says, if either of you gets aroused, it's time to stop. Simple, hey? Simple. Oh, you know, it's easy, yeah. So two men, right? um This is the answer that I liked the most. And it's from a a ah lady, Nicola Smith, who lives in the United Kingdom says, um all right, we'll just start at the top. Hand job.
01:29:12
Speaker
yeah rush wait that's that's too far or like don't go farther than that ah how far is he enough was okay the question so okay and job is enough I would have argued that it would have been enough when I was it because see I kind of I'm jealous of people like you, Spencer, who just didn't have the the resolve to say no, because at the end of the day, I got married to the only person I ever would have had sex with. And I oh wow i know all of that would have been a... rate like It's like, I just missed the horn. we just ah missed the Those are the horniest years of your life. You just miss all of it just to go, we can't. And then you get married and you go, it wouldn't have mattered. like I remember feeling that.
01:30:01
Speaker
Shortly after I got married, that it would not have mattered. yeah And that all of that felt silly. and i And I only said that to myself because I got married to the person i I would have done it with. And I would have gone on to be hypocritical and tell other people at that time that they shouldn't in case it doesn't work out.
01:30:20
Speaker
And they are someone other than the person they had sex with. So whatever. I made the mistake of getting like I was like culturally religious in high school. Like, oh you know, I was doing like FCA and shit, but like I wasn't like super duper into it. I was religious enough to feel bad for having sex. But in college is when I got like hardcore, like really, really into it. Like I was part of a weird little like, you know, canvas ministry cult and all that shit. Yeah. It sucks because I went river.
01:30:44
Speaker
Yeah, dude, because i you remember. Yeah, because I went to the fucking like one of the biggest party schools in the country. I got invited to a sex party one time. And I was like, no, that's not that's not what the Lord wants me to do. And I just so badly wish I'd just been like, Spencer, goddamn it, you could have you could have been in a gangbang. And then you and then you go back and you read the Bible and you realize that there are so many people in it that had extra-curricular activities. You're like, oh, there wasn't actually, you know, it's so funny to go back and read it and you go, oh, the only rules were against women cheating on men. Like that was it. Like if you were a guy, you could do whatever you wanted sexually.
01:31:25
Speaker
It's also hilarious to like read up on like old like cultures from that time. They were fucking everybody. Like everyone was like, yeah, you can definitely have sex there. But if you do, you have to marry her because she's trashed to everyone else afterwards. Like those are the rules. So funny. man You can afford twelve wives. Just fuck, dude. Like that was it, man. That was the Old Testament rules. The Mormons are on to something. okay Well, so Nicola here, this is a, this is quite a lady. She has, she has some backstory that I would love to hear more of, but she continues. So it starts off with this post. This was three years ago. I bet we could find her and have her on the podcast. Oh yeah. yeah Maybe so.
01:32:07
Speaker
So, hand job, new paragraph. Christian dating or bot, if you really like them and want to get married, do as little as possible for as long as possible. Kissing is good though, as you need to know they're at least good at that and will continue to be good at it in the future if there may come a point when they have a erectile erectile dysfunction. Sorry, TMI, but when men get older that can be a problem if you enjoy intimacy.
01:32:35
Speaker
Also, it's good to find out if they have a normal sized penis. A lot of people might say it doesn't matter with an N, but that is how bad it's going to be if you end up in a marriage to a man with an extremely small or even worse, extra large penis.
01:32:51
Speaker
So there's a lot of strategy that went into her answer here. And so I think ah it's easy to casually dismiss it as just like an offhanded remark, but she's thought this through. I would say she put a lot of thought in and I appreciate that in her. It's like, I can't see it, but if you could measure it for me and tell me what I'm working with, yeah that would be helpful. Like I'm trying to pick a life partner.
01:33:15
Speaker
doing the recon not trying to get destroyed for the next fifty years yeah yeah do that first and then offer a hand job and see if they're a liar yeah then you know two things about them the yeah the 20 what you said this is the 2021 version of casting your fleece Exactly. Also, you need to know if he can provide for you and protect you in life. Getting to know him without being intimate is a good start. I'd wait it on i'd wait at least three to six months before you jump into bed with him. Get him to invest heavily into emotionally and financially so it is more difficult to pull out.
01:33:54
Speaker
Man, the last she put pull out in quotes? Okay, with a laughing face, perfect, love it. I love this person. Yeah, you know what? You guys gotta to find this girl. This is where it gets fun too, okay? being But putting a lot of worth on virginity is absolutely pointless. I would advise losing it with a lot of men before settling down with one. Fall in love many times because the man you marry, you need to be almost completely devoid of emotion to get anywhere in a relationship. Wow.
01:34:25
Speaker
Someone has hurt this person, dude. Oh my God. She went from being fun to deeply traumatized. It's so sad there. A man is going to absolutely break you in pieces if you get into it with love and full virginity. They never know for a fact that your hymen is ripped and you can always fake it. Best of luck and wear a condom to us. God won't help you pay for nappies and clothes.
01:34:52
Speaker
Wow. Oh my God. What a legend. I didn't even. Yeah, do I didn't know what a hymen was until after I was married. Wow. Yeah, I was late coming to that. I think maybe I do, but I I don't know. Yeah, you wouldn't know. True. Yeah.
01:35:07
Speaker
And apparently, unless you're getting married off at 13, uh, like had been done previously in human history, uh, you like in, in all likelihood, or it is likely that that would have been penetrated for any number of reasons. True. prior Like even just putting a tampon in can do that. I've heard what do I know? don' I'm not a doctor. Don't take my word for it. These are things that I've heard ah Which was probably a good way to make me or to make people men be like
01:35:45
Speaker
oh no no no it's fine I it just yeah it was from a tampon they're like oh oh no it's good it's good version it was just like a tampon you're like I got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got you got replies to her comment agree i ah fake it I don't think virginity is as important these days in Christian relationships as about 80% of Christians in surveys admit to engaging in sexual relationships in their dating. Be sure to use birth control pills even if your man wears a condom because there's nothing protecting their vaginas from their men's sperms in case their BC pills fails, many good Christian women have discovered they're pregnant relying only on condoms. Wow, this is insane.
01:36:31
Speaker
And my favorite response comes from the night honorable Sir Lord Chancellor Daniel daniel Williams the 17th. Okay, well that's just great. No, and he's definitely a sexual predator. Yeah. He says, a godless depraved and pagan answer laced with satanic deception and unbelief. What a sick and twisted and warped perspective.
01:36:56
Speaker
Find an unbeliever's board and hang out with the perishing and a top and stop kidding yourself You're hopeless but not without hope so long as you can breathe and repent with God Godly sorrow if God will permit that was difficult to read. I apologize. so Well, he isn't he well he's a he's a knight so I miss those Kenneth Copeland sermons yeah, exactly sounds a little Copeland II I You know, what's funny is I feel like Instagram comments are still full of people like, uh, serve Lance a lot. Oh yeah. Whatever the fuck his name was like that. I follow this. I follow this guy. Uh, actually I tried to get him on the podcast and he said he'd do it. And then he had just like terrible availability because he's a youth pastor who's apparentlyly too busy. Like yeah you don't have even, you don't even have a real job. Like we know it's not a real job. Hey, you're just hanging out with kids. Uh, it is. I, I had did this idea of maybe making it work out at some point. So I was like, he posts a lot of really dumb bullshit. And so I always just, to I don't say anything. Cause I'm like, if I comment on it, he'll see that I'm like, but like kind of just being a dick and then, and then I realized I don't ever want to talk to this guy. Fuck this guy. There's no point in ever talking to him. But he goes by honest youth pastor.
01:38:22
Speaker
And I just like how you just as though he's like so bad dude. He's just like some dude who like, like, so here's a good example. This is the one I commented on. I was just like, many atheists or ex-vangelicals will claim that the Bible contradicts itself. If you're aware of any of these perceived contradictions or think you found one, drop it in the comments. I think we could use these as a great example of how to do Bible study and exegesis.
01:38:52
Speaker
fuck you. Like, it's like, I hate people. So my my comment was like, there was someone who goes, this might be your least commented on post.
01:39:03
Speaker
a i And so I just responded probably because he's engaging in bad faith and we don't fucking care. Yeah. So he's just a few people like replied, whatever. Oh, it's well leaving me me me it's just like dumb shit. It's like, Oh, what? He goes, Oh, why is it in bad faith to want to talk about and clarify parts of the Bible that are often used to sow doubt? It's just like,
01:39:31
Speaker
That's that shit. That's people like everyone like all the comments on his shit to anyone challenging. It's like, hey, I know you've heard something different than what I need everyone to believe to justify my own existence. So how about you tell me why you came to a different conclusion. And I'll tell you through fucking tens of thousands of backflips in biblical gymnastics, why you're wrong. And instead of just taking the Occam's fucking razor route and going, it says here, one thing, and like it goes, ah the Israelites destroyed
01:40:05
Speaker
All the Canaanites, every single one of them, men, women, child, all of them, gone off the face of the fucking earth. And then you go two chapters up and they're like fighting with the Canaanites again. and You go, yeah that's that's pretty obvious. And he's going to go, well, actually, and just give you this like long spiel on how those verses actually were probably added after, were probably pre-date and he's referenced. It's like, dude, if you have to do that 1000 times, you're the idiot in the room.
01:40:35
Speaker
Yeah. And just like responding so flippantly is just like, yeah. And he the the perceived, the yeah perceived contradictions. It's like, we're not stupid, dude. We're actually adults who read the same fucking book you did. And we go, it says A and then it says B. That's just not the same fucking thing.
01:40:55
Speaker
Yeah. and like Even the Gospels don't agree on how many days it took Jesus to rise from the dead. and Like that's just so and he's gonna go well technically if you count when we think he died and you incorporate daylight savings time and the winter solstice it's like this is dumb.
01:41:15
Speaker
I'm out. Yeah. It's like, calm down, buddy. You're the reason Greek word for resurrection is epiphanos. And, you know, if we trace that back to its original Greek meaning, I mean, it, uh, it can mean this or it can mean this, but let's say for the sake of argument, it means the one that lines up with what I'm talking about. Or because it could mean this or this, let's say it maybe means neither because those contradict each other. And we'll just assume I'm right in saying it says exactly what I want it to.
01:41:45
Speaker
yep oh man yeah it's uh i i'm gonna i'm gonna I'm going to dig around a little bit more on here because dude, some of the answers are hilarious because it's like, it's, it's a wasteland. It's nuts. It's people who are only like marginally connected to Christianity, but like use the language and stuff kind of like giving their work arounds and stuff. And then if you guys were like reciting the exact same things that we heard 30 years ago, you know, I see that the, the, the Cora, Cora Christian corner.
01:42:23
Speaker
Yeah. Three Q's. Core, corner. Yeah. Core, core. Yeah. Boy. Well, dude, Spencer, thanks for doing this, man. It's always fun. Dude, thanks for having me. me That was great. Apologies for having to take the phone call, but good news good news that the Lord provides and my mom's doing okay. oh yeah But no, that was, it's always fun, man. Also talking about cults, hell yeah.
01:42:48
Speaker
yeah was one call Also a pretty sick cult that gets to have orgasms, okay, just after it's like after church before the potluck best time. Yeah. Um, I always yeah That's hey the the Stanley brothers would agree like a little ambrosia. Yeah, I Fucked the ambrosia salad. I am so so sorry
01:43:14
Speaker
so it's n r premate den it's ah but Dude, where can people follow you? what do they got going or What do you got going on right now that that they should keep an eye out for? Yeah. ah Biggest thing, just follow me over on the old Instagrams, which is at SpencerSpicy. Only thing that matters. Pretty much, yeah. I post comedy clips like you know two to three times a week. um um on If you're in the Southeast, I'm on tour ah for the rest of this ah like fall for a while. um If you're randomly in Denver, Colorado, I will be there
01:43:49
Speaker
September 19th, 20th, and 21st for the High Plains Comedy Festival. Very stoked for that. um that's go to come god I'm so excited for that. And then, yeah, everything else. I'll be in Charleston, Nashville, ah Richmond, Charlottesville, Wilmington, North Carolina. More dates come in. Potentially, I'll be in like Philly. So I got got some stuff cooking. yeah everything Everything you could want, you can find on my Instagram, which is SpencerSpicy. I've got TikTok. I've got Patreon. but It's all linked on my Instagram and I'm constantly on that app, so just find me on there. And maybe eventually soon some LA dates, baby. Yeah, forever. ah But ah yeah, we'll see. I'm i'm working working on some stuff. I mean, i I do want to go out there and do some more shows. I went out there in July and did some, but ah oh no yeah potentially potentially going to move out there, which will be tight.
01:44:42
Speaker
Nice. Yeah. Thanks for having me guys. It's always, always very fun. Always so much fun. We love having you on. I thoroughly enjoying consistently engaging with some of our favorite people that we've met along the way from here. It's fun, man. yeah man you're That's why you're ah on that four Pete now, baby. Hell yeah, dude. It's an elite club. Oh.
01:45:03
Speaker
So exclusive. You got to pay fees now though, actually. For as I tell ya, it's a membership fee. Uh-oh, this is the cult. I got to pay for it. The driveway paving crew. Yeah, i'll i'll drive I'll drive to Kansas and I'll help Casey identify spiders and frogs. I actually have some boys seal-coding your driveway as we speak, so you will have to pay me for that. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Makes sense. All right, everybody. Well, thanks for listening, and we will see you next time.