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Reimagining the Holidays After Life Changes: "So This Is Christmas?"
58 Plays6 months ago
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I explore the emotional complexities of the holidays after major life changes or loss. Reflecting on how traditions and relationships evolve, I share my journey of creating new rituals while navigating the bittersweet mix of nostalgia, solitude, and resilience.
Together, let's normalize feelings of disconnection and highlight the power of gratitude and embracing change. Let this episode be a reminder that life’s unpredictability can lead to unexpected growth and joy, even in the midst of starting over.
And to you, my lovely listeners—happy holidays! You are my gift, and I’m so grateful for you.
Alexa play "Happy Xmas" by John Lennon & Yoko Ono
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Transcript
Navigating Holidays After Divorce
00:00:01
Heather Morgan
All right. The holidays are here and let's be honest. Sometimes they can feel a little heavy when your whole life has shifted. Let's get into it.
Gratitude and Personal Reflection
00:00:15
Heather Morgan
Welcome to wandering the wild mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy that you're here.
00:00:23
Heather Morgan
All right, we're nearing the end of the year. And it's just been a crazy one. And I'm so grateful that you're here and you're listening because I honestly am reflecting so much and I can't believe we just kept it going. And I kept sharing these stories with y'all and you're listening and it just means so much to me.
Emotional Challenges of Holiday Traditions
00:00:45
Heather Morgan
So I wanted to talk about something that I felt like some of us can if you've been relating to my podcast, you probably have felt similar to me in senses that something in your life has changed and shifted. And now you've got to just carry on as if
00:01:04
Heather Morgan
It's not in your mind, I guess, really. um And one of the biggest things that has shifted in my life, I mean, obviously when a relationship ends, obviously a divorce is even more so. I mean, I remember early times talking to my therapist saying it was a death.
00:01:25
Heather Morgan
And losing my dad, you know, years prior, I really understand what that is because part of what sometimes triggers you into those memories of the loss is the change in your traditions in your life. And the holidays are a really great time to remind you that your life is no longer the same. So if you're feeling that way and it's hard for you,
00:01:56
Heather Morgan
to have a holiday that looks a little different because a loved one's gone, whether that means gone and never coming back out of your life, like my father, or if that's just someone you thought was going to be there this holiday season and they're not anymore.
Creating New Holiday Traditions
00:02:13
Heather Morgan
It's hard, so I feel for you. And sometimes, I mean, even in my case where, again, I understand it was my decision to leave, but everything that I knew changed. And this past Thanksgiving was my third Thanksgiving, which is crazy to think, without the routine that I was used to. And the first year, you know we were just separated, not yet finalized in our divorce, and so much was going on. I had a really hard time, but it was what it was. And then last year was my first Thanksgiving in Tennessee, so I kind of just
00:02:52
Heather Morgan
took the excitement of that. But this year, it was a lot harder for me. I started in the morning with a turkey truck. And I did that. And I never had done one of those before. And I was like, really trying to lean into what I i've read a lot that you know, you have to start your own new traditions.
00:03:13
Heather Morgan
And as fun as that can be to find new traditions, I think that the familiar pain of knowing that what once was will never be again is sometimes something that creeps up a lot. So on that day, I really had to focus and think to myself,
00:03:32
Heather Morgan
This is it's not always going to be like this. This is just a part in the journey. So for a long time, I had these traditions and routines with someone that I was with that I cared for. And now I'm on this.
00:03:47
Heather Morgan
little break from that. And I'm kind of figuring it out on my own. And eventually I'll be traveling along and I will find the next partner to create traditions with and that's just what it will be.
Adapting and Finding New Joy
00:04:01
Heather Morgan
And I'm just need to like find the happy positiveness and getting to do a turkey trout with my dog, which was crazy. And just to add a little fun to it, like,
00:04:14
Heather Morgan
This will be a memory. Our first turkey trot ever. I bring my dog. I go, I literally sign up the day before Thanksgiving. I was like, fine. Like I'll do something different. I need to make a new tradition. Like I'm not going back home. So what am I going to do? Sign up for a turkey trot? Sure. Bring the dog. Great. We're running the, it's just a 5k. So we're almost to the finish line. We ran the whole time. I was so proud of the pup. We were just crushing it.
00:04:40
Heather Morgan
right in front of the finish line. He decides that's when he needs to take a big poop. So it's like stopped and I'm like, really, bro, we could like just go a little bit. No, no. Like what am I going to do? Pull them along? There's all these people running past. I was like, so I just watched him take a poop and then picked it up. So none of the runners obviously were. Yeah. And then we made it through the finish line, but that was a memory for us.
00:05:07
Heather Morgan
For me, I mean, I don't really know. He's probably not gonna remember the dog. But you know, for me, that was new. And that was probably the highlight of my Thanksgiving, to be honest, ah was that race and my dog making it even more memorable than it already was. And I'm telling you this because it's weird. After all this time, I would have never told you that I'm going to be doing a turkey trot with my dog on Thanksgiving morning in Hendersonville, what I don't. I'm not doing it with anyone. It's just us, you know? And so part of me could be like, that kind of sounds sad. And maybe like when I tell people, they're like, yo, you could have come to our Thanksgiving. Like I kind of part of me. I don't just want to.
00:05:52
Heather Morgan
Maybe I want to be in it a little, maybe I just want to enjoy the solitude of what it was. And I think that's okay too. I think sometimes we just don't know how to manage these things, but they don't really have to be sad. They're just different. And they're probably not what you anticipated.
00:06:17
Heather Morgan
And that's okay. Often life isn't what we anticipated. And that's kind of what this podcast is about, is letting go of what you thought your life should be, and embracing all of the wonderful old things and the just the truth of the matter that ah you'll figure it out on the way. It doesn't have to be what you thought it was going to be to be wonderful.
00:06:39
Heather Morgan
And I thought it was wonderful, but it was still a hard day and I'm all right with admitting it.
Reflecting on Past Traditions
00:06:44
Heather Morgan
So now as we roll into Christmas, this will be my third. And I already told you about going to Tennessee, the first one. And then last year I was here for Christmas and it was fine.
00:06:58
Heather Morgan
I went home right before Christmas and then I was here, but we had so many traditions when I tell you, and I feel like anybody that's lost anyone in their life, the holidays are just that time where you're like, do we keep doing the traditions? Do I do them with new people? Do I do them at all? Which ones did I really like? Because when I look back, I'm like, we did an ugly sweater party every year. we did We'd go down to see the lights at Temple Square and get sushi before.
00:07:27
Heather Morgan
We did so many things. We would build gingerbread houses. We would bake cookies with my in-laws. We would um do so many things. We would always decorate the tree the day after Thanksgiving. It was a whole thing. We chopped down a Christmas tree in the mountains.
00:07:48
Heather Morgan
like let's go up the day after Thanksgiving and try i and mind you sometimes we're like hung over AF going up to the mountains chopping down a Christmas tree and then spending the whole evening drinking wine and decorating well wine for me beer for him decorating a tree and then all the Christmas movies I mean Home Alone every time Christmas vacation like all the holiday movies were watched I can honestly say I have not even watched like a full movie probably since our divorce. Not even one whole movie, let alone a Christmas movie. And always, one one Christmas I got a record player. He bought me a record player for Christmas. This is years ago. And that was really to listen to vinyls during Christmas morning. like That's what we do. Open presents. I have an open presence near a tree.
00:08:45
Heather Morgan
in the last, now it's gonna be three years. I haven't even really done Christmas.
00:08:54
Heather Morgan
And it's weird.
Embracing Change and Personal Growth
00:08:56
Heather Morgan
It's weird. and But I don't mean it weird and like, I'm not saying, oh my gosh, it's so sad for me. And obviously some of it's by choice, I could do Christmasy things. I just haven't, I feel kind of like the Grinch. I just don't really want to.
00:09:11
Heather Morgan
I never thought I would be that way. Because if you know me from back home, like I was like a Christmas creep. And that's why we had the ugly sweater party, the lights like I, I was the one facilitating all of this texting the group chat, like, this is when we're going, this is what we're doing. I was just all about Christmas. I mean, me and my ah family, we would go to the Christmas Carol every year and watch that at health center theater in Utah, like so many Christmas memories was my life for so long.
00:09:41
Heather Morgan
And now I like don't even have a stocking. Okay, I lied. I did just barely order a stocking for my first time because I'm like, I got me a little fireplace. But the whole point is I think I'm slowly coming into it. So if this is you, and you can just feel how it's just, you're not necessarily a downer, but it's just like life just changes. And I think that's a good place to be reminded right in life. And I've said this many a times and I hope you feel it with me is that it doesn't always have to stay the same. And that's okay. We're we evolve and grow and things change. But I think when we hold on to what it always was, it's hard to find the joy in what it is. Basically, we're looking backwards instead of
00:10:41
Heather Morgan
looking around at where we are and appreciating that.
Contemplating New Traditions After Loss
00:10:46
Heather Morgan
And it has been, I guess, as I prepare to go back to Salt Lake for the holidays, I won't be there for Christmas, but before I realized it's just going to be a time where I start building new traditions for my life.
00:11:05
Heather Morgan
just Heather Morgan and her own traditions. And you, I feel like, can understand when you realize, I guess it's time to start something new and let go of that was supposed to be how it was, because it wasn't her, it still would be.
00:11:21
Heather Morgan
The ugly sweater parties weren't supposed, I mean, we were like at 10 years plus, I guess they weren't supposed to make it to 15 and 20. Traditions can end.
00:11:32
Heather Morgan
I think we hold on to them because we love the familiar. We love predictability. At least our subconscious loves that feeling of knowing what's coming. So as a society, traditions are a great way to know what to look forward to. A great way to build connection with people in your life that you want to be there. You know you'll see the this group of people because that's the tradition.
00:12:00
Heather Morgan
And that feels so comforting and why it probably feels like nostalgic and comforting and, and safe. And then when you lose that and you have to start all over, you're like, what is this? But it's okay. It's okay to feel uncomfortable in that transitional period. And it's okay to start over with new traditions and new things to look forward to.
00:12:25
Heather Morgan
But I think we often forget how hard it sometimes is to give ourself the grace to go, this is really hard, but I'm going to do it anyway.
00:12:37
Heather Morgan
I don't know when I'll feel like celebrating Christmas again. And this is one of the moments where I wish I could ask y'all, like, is it hard to restart? the holidays again. Is that why the holidays are hard? Because they're just a reminder of what once was, whether that's having my dad there, whether that's having your grandma there, whether that's, you know, but I don't know why we expect that it'll always be because we know we know it won't always be.
00:13:07
Heather Morgan
I think back to how much magic I wanted to put into Christmas for my little sister when I was a kid. So we're I'm five years older than her and I remember wanting Christmas to look like the movies that I watched.
00:13:23
Heather Morgan
for her. And I know a lot of my parent friends will say like that's when they love Christmas again and seeing it through a child's eyes, because it's just that innocence and that magic that it's kind of hard to hold on to as you get older.
Holiday Magic for Oneself
00:13:40
Heather Morgan
I think that's why maybe the holidays kind of lost their flair flair for me.
00:13:48
Heather Morgan
Because i I wanted to create so much magic for everyone around me, but when it was just me, it didn't seem like I needed to do that anymore. Because I feel like I was always doing it for other people. But I mean, again, selfishly for myself in the sense that it made me feel good to see them happy.
00:14:13
Heather Morgan
I'm in a really confused place about what the holidays would are supposed to look like for me anymore. Like, am I just gonna do things differently for the next how many ever years? Or am I gonna like, be that Christmas creep again? It's a weird, it's a weird place to think about.
00:14:31
Heather Morgan
I'm not really sure.
00:14:34
Heather Morgan
But I'll tell you, we can normalize the feelings of loneliness and disconnection during the holidays, especially after any major life changes. and
00:14:45
Heather Morgan
Sometimes these unfamiliar feelings create a sense of isolation and distance. and And it could be why it's easier for me to not just acclimate myself to something new right now, because part of me is really just isolating to understand like what makes sense for me. I am so happy and grateful for my life.
00:15:09
Heather Morgan
But I am still, even though it's going to be two years in January next month of our divorce, still trying to gather myself to a place where I feel like I know what I'm doing. And I think that's because i my life was so predictable for so long and it hasn't been predictable at all since I left.
00:15:40
Heather Morgan
Again, my own doing, no one to blame but myself. And I don't even think it's blameworthy.
Adjusting to New Holiday Experiences
00:15:46
Heather Morgan
I think it's sometimes we have to remind ourselves when we make hard decisions, we face hard moments. But if it wasn't hard, like the harder the the task, the bigger the reward.
00:16:01
Heather Morgan
So even when we don't know why we're doing this hard thing and it's really, really hard, I think we have to realize at the end there is a large reward coming ahead for us. That's why we picked that way forward. We knew that's where we needed to go, but no one said it was going to be easy.
00:16:19
Heather Morgan
I want to know, I want y'all to know that we will get through the times where we don't understand what's happening. we'll be able to manage through as just a ah season of our life, right? And I know when I look back, there's going to be a piece of me that's going to be like, I missed waking up on Christmas morning, just me and the pub, slow and simple. And when my next Christmas comes along and it's completely different and it's beautiful and I'm waking up with someone I can't wait to see when I open my eyes. like That will be a new experience. All of the things that I think we want from our lives, we have to realize that to get them, we have to be okay with where we are now.
00:17:12
Heather Morgan
Because if we lean into the gratitude of what we already have, it just allows for so much more to come. And that's where I'm at. I'm excited to go back home to Utah.
00:17:26
Heather Morgan
make all these memories with my friends, I can't even wait for all the things that I have coming for this trip back to Utah, like so many fun things. And there's snow, there's no snow here. So that ah also doesn't feel very much like Christmas for me. So go home to some snow, enjoy the things and just make each experience what it needs to be for me. It's not going to ever be the same as it was before. And I'm okay with that.
Being Present in New Traditions
00:17:51
Heather Morgan
But I still have to be truthful that I, everything feels so different. I mean, last Christmas, I literally was in Tennessee, woke up and did a hike with the pup.
00:18:04
Heather Morgan
and drink wine and made some dinner. And that was my Christmas. And it was okay. I was happy. It's what I wanted to do. And I think when we're okay with our life looking different than what it used to be or what society has told us it needs to look like, we're just doing it for us. Whatever feels good. There's not this comparison, like, look at them, their perfect holiday spirit. It was like, I wanted to be that person. I was doing that.
00:18:33
Heather Morgan
And I was trying to fit every last holiday tradition into the month. Like that was maximizing my wonderful life as a Christmas creep. Like we did all the holiday things, so it was just perfect. But then you know what? The day after Christmas, it was all over.
00:18:52
Heather Morgan
It was all over. I'll end this by saying I haven't listened to any Christmas music in in years, unless it's in the background. And I had stopped to print a label at a store out here. And it was it was quiet. It was like two women in the whole printing place in me. And I heard, um so this is Christmas. And it was playing in the background and I literally forgot it was Christmas.
00:19:20
Heather Morgan
And if it wasn't for the random lights and Santa decor on people's porches when I walked past their house to walk the dog, I probably would forget because I don't have my television on and I don't think about it being Christmas at all. I don't know why that's so weird to me.
00:19:40
Heather Morgan
But if it's hard at all for you this holiday season, I just want you to know.
00:19:47
Heather Morgan
that any small meaningful traditions that can bring you joy, just do them. Do what makes you happy. Because in the end, it's not this, if it doesn't look like this, I i don't want it. I think appreciating what it is, is the key.
00:20:08
Heather Morgan
I hope you have the most wonderful holiday season, even what if it looks different or even if you've been doing your traditions for 15, 20 years, whatever, 10, five, you just started new ones. Embrace it because they can all be different at any time. So just be in the now and love them for what it is.
00:20:30
Heather Morgan
Thank you so much for listening. To me, you listening is the gift that keeps on giving. And I'm so very grateful. All I want for Christmas. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess. You matter.