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Episode 56 - Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration (Principle 2)
22 Plays5 days ago
Thomas leads discussion of “Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration” from The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD.
(0:40) - “They Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To” - Cable TV
(6:59) - “The One Thing” - Thomas highlights his one takeaway from Principle 2
Principle 2 Discussion - “Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration”
(10:00) - How do your own habits either help or hurt nurturing fondness and admiration with your partner?
(21:42) - What times make it hard to express fondness and admiration to your partner?
Next week, we’ll discuss Principle 3: “Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away” (pgs. 87-114).
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Until next week, read, reflect, and connect.
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Transcript
Introduction and Topic Overview
00:00:19
Speaker
Whether you're a diehard bookworm or just here for the conversation, welcome. I'm Thomas. I'm Adam. I'm Garrett. I'm Rob. And I'm Adam F. As in Frank. I'm Adam Amazing. I love it.
00:00:35
Speaker
This week, we continue discussing the book we're reading, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John
Nostalgia for Cable TV
00:00:40
Speaker
Gottman. So first, they don't make them like they used to. Cable TV. And I'm talking pre-900 satellite channels, cable TV, when you only had like 60 channels like everybody else. When's the last time besides maybe after the Super Bowl you got together with a group of family or friends and knew what the heck they were talking about when they told you what they had been watching? There are about a million things to be entertained by at this point with all the streaming services, online creators, video games, and it's awesome, no doubt, but I kind of miss the days where all your friends had the same three or four cartoons, TV shows, sitcoms, or movies to watch.
00:01:19
Speaker
It was so easy to relate with anybody under the assumption that they were probably familiar with what you had been watching recently. What do you guys think about cable TV?
00:01:29
Speaker
I remember I had a coworker and he used to always say, it's going to be weird to think that there's going to be a day when you're explaining cable to your kids. And at this time, there's going to be like 15 streaming services. And you're going be like, at one time, you didn't have to purchase 15 different things.
00:01:46
Speaker
There was just one thing. And that's where all of the things were. It's like, oh, man. we And that makes you think like we're really making this a lot harder. i mean, you have more options, obviously, but we don't need all these options. Dude, I still have the bunny ears.
00:01:57
Speaker
I have many years too. Oh, nice. I still have those 60 channels.
Shared Cultural Experiences through TV
00:02:02
Speaker
I remember back when I was i didn't have like Netflix or whatever. I was just too cheap to do it. I got on like a 48-hour kick where like every night, because there was nothing else entertaining on than the news or whatever, I would just watch the first 48, like the crime documentaries. and Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:02:25
Speaker
that's That's all I watch, but you got to be careful with the bunny ears because they're a little sensitive based on the signal. So it's like, yep there'd be times where, oh, I couldn't sit on that side of the couch because it would it would distort the picture. So I had to make sure I'd be on that side, but I'd have to sit with one butt cheek up in the air, you know, just to get it going. And then soon enough, a fart come out and signal would be right back, you know?
00:02:54
Speaker
Yeah, no, there's like certain channels where I know i have to move our bunny ears to like a certain spot on the TV stand. Yeah. Man, with cable TV, i miss I just miss Cardinal baseball being easily accessible. Easy to watch, yeah. Channel 37, Fox Sports Midwest every day.
00:03:10
Speaker
you get to buy like Valley Sports. Listening to Mike Shannon. yeah Mike Shannon, yeah. Oh, Robosky. Robosky. There were so many ways to relate because I remember also like just the inside jokes you have with people. Like everybody knew who the ShamWow guy was from the infomercials. Oh, yeah yeah. Or whatever, you know, like you don't have that
Impact of Content Variety on Culture
00:03:31
Speaker
anymore. It doesn't exist.
00:03:32
Speaker
Nobody watches all the same commercials like they used to, feel like. I do think it's something that is actually a good thing. Going back to a version of that, I think of the conversation around Anxious Generation,
00:03:46
Speaker
people's attention spans, shortening, and probably people's general disposition for selfishness and impatience. When we travel for a family vacation and stay at a hotel and we turn on the TV, my kids are literally programmed.
00:04:05
Speaker
Hey, I want to watch... Spidey or I want to watch Bluey. And I'm like, well, I have to look at the channel guide and see if it's on there. And they just don't understand because when we're at home, they can just pick whatever they want and they get to pick the exact episode. So even if Bluey is on, then they're like, I don't want this episode.
00:04:24
Speaker
Sorry, you have to watch it. they're Like why linear television is blowing their mind. But I think of a equation or a similarity with restaurant menus. so Cheesecake Factory.
00:04:37
Speaker
Full disclosure, I like Cheesecake Factory. However, oh that is their menus andu are small textbooks. why That is the biggest menu ever. That's what I'm saying.
00:04:48
Speaker
And I appreciate going to a restaurant and there's only six options. Because I really don't need literally... Cheesecake Factory probably has over 100 dishes.
00:04:58
Speaker
It's probably not. Analysis analysis paralysis is what it is. Well, at that point, what's your core competency? You know, like everybody knows. Get out of here. No, I agree. I think literally literally everything else.
00:05:14
Speaker
That's the real thing. And I think there is something to be said about you can't just get what you want when you want it. You have to be patient. You have to wait. I remember Saturday morning cartoons. It's like, it's Saturday morning.
00:05:25
Speaker
My dad's going to let me watch Looney Tunes. and Bugs Bunny and the Roadrunner and Tasmanian Devil or whatever. yeah egg It excites you to look forward to something. And I think there is some for it there's some like, of course, would I rather truly go back? No.
00:05:42
Speaker
But I think there is something to be said that it's not not not just nostalgic, but it's probably good for the human psyche and our character development to not just be, you know,
00:05:53
Speaker
All things everywhere, all at once, when I want it how I want it. And you know, to Tom's initial point, you know you could go to school and you know most of your friends were watching Saved by the Bell before they
Chapter 4: Nurturing Fondness and Admiration
00:06:04
Speaker
went to school. So you could easily slip into that conversation.
00:06:07
Speaker
not even Not even back then, but even now I can talk to anybody my age and we can relate over something that we all watched. And and like, you know, kids going up right now.
00:06:18
Speaker
Oh, snap. but But yeah, I mean, anybody growing up right now won't be able to do that with their own generation ever, really. mean, maybe they will with Bluey or something like that, but a lot of other things they won't. They'll miss out on. I'm going the comedy shows that you can quote to one another. Yeah. That too.
00:06:36
Speaker
Even movies. Like ah in Scrubs, the Guy Love song. So good. Just sing that to your bro.
00:06:46
Speaker
It's Guy i Love, Guy Love.
00:06:51
Speaker
Yes. Sing it, man. All right. I know that was good. Good discussion. That was a good one. All right. So on one thing. Let's talk about chapter four of the book, principle two, nurture your fondness and admiration. This chapter talks about nurturing, fondness and admiration.
00:07:12
Speaker
And if there was one thing to take away from this chapter, for me, it would be something super obvious. Couples need to actually like each other. It's amazing how simple this concept is.
00:07:22
Speaker
So simple that it makes me ask myself, how do couples miss this? This concept of liking each other is what the author calls a fondness and admiration system. Having this at the foundation of your relationship is paramount to making marriage work. For marriages and distress, it's a key sign that Gottman looks for to determine if there's hope to repair the relationship. I don't know if anybody had any comments on that one thing. I didn't really plan on asking any questions yet, but what do you guys think?
00:07:50
Speaker
Okay, I'll keep going. oh I'll say I'll say one thing. ha I do think there is something to be said about when we read these chapters.
00:08:01
Speaker
There is something here where it's almost overly simplistic. I think to myself, this guy is so successful, widely known, has made a book and his fo his findings are make sure you like each other. Yeah, exactly.
00:08:18
Speaker
And but there's something to be said about that because life happens. And when you get married and you see all the good, bad and the truly ugly, that's not as easy as it set. you know So it's like nurture your fondness and admiration.
00:08:33
Speaker
Okay. Anyone could have told you that. But then why is the divorce rate 50%? So I think that's something I've been taking away is reading the first principle and this principle. It's like, man, he's using a lot of words. It's 10 pages.
00:08:49
Speaker
And he's really just saying something very simplistic. It's the way he describes it. I feel like that's so good. And the the way he breaks it down in terms of like couples that he's observed, right? Like, it's pretty good.
00:09:02
Speaker
So I can't force my kids into an arranged marriage not to make sure that the kids actually like each other first. yeah do say divorce rates are lower. Then they have to like each other.
00:09:16
Speaker
but i think let's like To note on that though, I think that the lesson that one can learn from the success of arranged marriages is that fondness can grow. true i think that there's a lot of that that came with this chapter where it's like, okay, not currently fond of your partner.
00:09:32
Speaker
Say the things that used to be fond of your partner. Find things that are you're fond of your partner. Do the mental work. Put the time. Brainwash
Exercises for Relationship Improvement
00:09:39
Speaker
yourself. Go to a hypnotist.
00:09:44
Speaker
Lie to yourself. No, ah so no i mean I mean, the points of this chapter took a pretty hard left turn, but yeah. i yeah Your point holds true to what he's saying, I think.
00:10:00
Speaker
All right, so let's break down some of the key information in this chapter. Obviously, a successful marriage is built on a foundation of positive feelings towards your partner. These feelings transcend fleeting romantic love as they are more related to having a deep appreciation and respect for who your partner is, this but despite their flaws.
00:10:18
Speaker
The author Gottman argues if couples can maintain a sense of fondment fondness and admiration, they'll be much better equipped to weather the inevitable storms of life. This is because when you genuinely like and respect your partner, it's easier to give them the benefit of the doubt, forgive their mistakes, and have healthy constructive conflict. It's explained that if fondness and admiration are absent or have eroded, negativity and resentment can easily take over, making even small disagreements feel monumental.
00:10:47
Speaker
but One thing I like about this book is that it's packed with helpful content, including action steps, questionnaires, and detailed exercises meant to improve your relationship. By the way, check the show notes.
00:10:59
Speaker
We have a link for where you can find those things. So first question, did any of you guys have thoughts on the questionnaire or any of the exercises as it pertains to where you're at with fondness and admiration?
00:11:14
Speaker
And did anything come to mind regarding things that you feel help or hurt this aspect of your relationship that you routinely do or maybe don't do, habits you have, anything like that?
00:11:27
Speaker
Well, I know I asked last episode, so I'll ask this one. Did anyone score above or below that 10? Or so you all scored. Did anyone score below 10? No. So i I didn't either, so no one can see this. So everyone scored above a 10, which says, according to his rubric, this is a strength in your relationship.
00:11:51
Speaker
And i was reflecting a lot reading this, taking this quiz. Because 18 months ago, When Stalin first introduced me to this book, i I kind of wish I had written down and saved my personal scoring, but I'm not sure 18 months ago if it would have been 10 or higher.
00:12:14
Speaker
And i was just really grateful. I think I actually just read this last night. So I read it the night before we're doing this recording and just, I feel very grateful.
00:12:25
Speaker
didn't have a perfect score. i was kind of grading myself a little bit hard. So it's like I probably scored like a 17 ish, but I was I was like, no, what are the three things that are? What was one? i don't know. Anyways, there were a couple where I'm like, if I can't quickly think of this, I should grade a false. And it was like so I think it was maybe like 15.
00:12:42
Speaker
But I was just very grateful because that was not my score 18 months ago. I would assume that for anybody who's been with somebody a long time or married a long time,
00:12:56
Speaker
the questions about romance, passion, and like a fire in your relationship would be one that a lot of people routinely probably don't have a true answer to, I would think just because those things are kind of like they take a lot of intention, I feel like to keep up long term.
00:13:16
Speaker
i We enjoyed, so we kind of got caught up on this over Monday and Tuesday. So we we spent a couple hours each night going through these exercises and it was really good. I mean, we kind of got into a rhythm doing it, but exercise three was was really good. So Cherishing Your Partner gave a list of, i don't know, 100 plus adjectives and you would pick a number of them and then basically tell your partner what you cherish about them and like use it in a sentence. And so, i don't know.
00:13:52
Speaker
we I found that to be powerful. Just obviously there's like pretty common known things that you know You probably talk about a lot in your marriage of things that you cherish and appreciate each other for.
00:14:05
Speaker
But some of the like surprising ones you know are kind of nice to to share with your partner. Maybe things that they might not know that they ah that you see in them. And then also the same in return, right?
00:14:19
Speaker
Like to... wow, you you cherish me for that. you know like Maybe less common things
Expressing Appreciation in Marriage
00:14:25
Speaker
that you don't talk about on a daily basis or whatever. so We enjoyed that. I think it was powerful to like speak it and share with each other and to look each other in the eye and like, hey, genuinely, I cherish you for this.
00:14:40
Speaker
It was powerful for us. That's a wrap. Thanks for sharing. If you'd be open to sharing, i'm I'm curious, is there anything that you, you know, you mentioned kind of the more unique things that you cherish each other? Is there anything you recall saying to Marianne or that she said to you? That I said to her or she said to me? Yeah, basic vice versa.
00:14:57
Speaker
So I cherished how wise she is. We were actually talking about something. She was sharing off of a comment that someone had said leaving church couple weeks ago. they were we were talking about Lent and typically you give up or do something for Lent and I had done like a men's group and one of the guys was basically saying like, oh, the men do you know a lot of physical things and the women do you know more emotional challenges and stuff like that. And um Marianne kind of disagreed with that.
00:15:30
Speaker
She didn't say it to the person directly, but you know us men, we you know we're more like physical beings. And so it's easier for us to do like physical challenges, but it's harder for us to do emotional challenges. So she was almost challenging like- Well, we should we should switch that. like Men should try and divulge or not divulge, dive into ah more emotional challenges to like grow our intellect and our EQ.
00:15:58
Speaker
And women should, um you know it would be more for Marianne to do like physical challenges to kind of grow physically as well. um So I just thought that when she shared that with me, that that was a very wise thought and I agreed with it.
00:16:13
Speaker
um So I wanted to recognize that in her. It's awesome, man. It's cool. Should we each pick one adjective to say about our partners live?
00:16:24
Speaker
No. you want to, go for it. and I think as I read this chapter and and to say Ruth and I haven't gone through this chapter yet together. and i do I think it's been a fun rhythm thus far.
00:16:40
Speaker
But in the last part of this section, there's like the seven week plan. And i don't know about you guys. I think Rob and I kind of talked on this a little bit, but yeah, I think I found myself being thankful like for Ruth and I's relationship right now that we don't need a seven-week plan.
00:16:55
Speaker
And so it's not to say that that that it's not good to continue to build like fond fondness for your partner, but I think I was just like happy that I'm like, you know, I think that we're in a good spot right now. And I imagine similar to Garrett, probably the first time I picked this book up, I maybe wasn't the same way.
00:17:09
Speaker
One thing that I do recall doing at one point whenever Ruth and I were having conflict was... Like in our kind of like daily check-ins, we'd give each other a compliment each day. And that was a really fun thing. And I think that was good for in a time whenever we were going through some trials and I'd recommend it to folks whether they are or aren't. And I think it's something as I read this chapter, I felt a little bit like challenged to do that.
00:17:32
Speaker
So I kind of just want to do it. um I haven't looked ahead, though. I mean, this is a seven-week. Oh, yeah, yeah. and does it mean that but just like yeah I I might do it, but then i don't know what other seven-week commitments he has for us.
00:17:48
Speaker
The rest are like 12-week commitments. 12-week commitments? You're kidding me. But I mean, in all seriousness though, like I want to get the most out of the book and I want to grow in my marriage. So, I mean, it's a challenge for all of us.
00:18:04
Speaker
I don't think it's a big commitment. I mean, week one Monday is literally list a characteristic you find endearing or lovable about your spouse, right? So you can literally spend a minute to three minutes on this a day. And I think that's my challenge for all of us is that we we actually do the exercises in the book. yeah I mean, it's cool that these exercises are so straightforward and basically, I mean, to describe to anybody who can't see them right now, they're basically just habit builders and thought pattern changers.
00:18:39
Speaker
So if you have negative thought patterns about, you know, your spouse or a significant other that kind of get in the way of you appreciating them or appreciating your relationship together. Or if you have these things that you were fond and admired at one point that are kind of buried under the last so many years of, you know, whatever you guys have been going through, these are just good exercises to kind of pull that back out.
00:19:04
Speaker
And I'm sure a lot of people have these habits already. So it's kind of like you don't really need to rebuild a habit that you already have, but you know, it's definitely a great reminder. All right. I'll move on to this next part.
00:19:16
Speaker
Matt, you going say something? Oh yeah. Go ahead, Matt. Oh, I don't know. Yeah. I agree, Tom. It's a good reminder for a lot of these things like that first exercise, just a good reminder.
00:19:27
Speaker
The part where it's like choose some qualities about your spouse. actually read that section right before Valentine's Day. And one of the challenges is to write a...
00:19:41
Speaker
love note to your partner expressing how you feel or cherish her. And so for Valentine's Day, I wrote her a note and picked out the qualities that I had checked off in this book, in this list and put them into a note for her to read.
00:19:57
Speaker
So that was nice. Pretty cool to i actually put that into practice. But I would like to go through but happened after that. She like it or she burn it? Come on. There's more details.
00:20:09
Speaker
and You can't share with it. Did she wink at you? Stay and listen for the subscription-only version of the podcast.
00:20:21
Speaker
Yeah. It's too spicy. Too spicy for this podcast. did her Did her eyes flutter? i can't tell you.
00:20:33
Speaker
a But she liked it a lot. yeah but the
00:20:44
Speaker
ah no I don't know why that was funny.
00:20:48
Speaker
I haven't done any of this book with Emily yet. we I won't be on the next recording because I will be in Aruba celebrating our 10-year anniversary. Jamaica, come on, let with me take you to Bermuda.
00:21:04
Speaker
yeah but And gone through so many exercises on this. so Heck yeah, man. That's cool. Nice. That's awesome, man. I'm glad you guys are doing that.
00:21:16
Speaker
Living the dream. You should record your conversation on the beach and then we can start the episode. Secretly. Secretly. see
00:21:29
Speaker
Include all the spicy bits.
00:21:34
Speaker
All right. Anyway.
Challenges in Maintaining Fondness
00:21:35
Speaker
All right. So I'll share some of the advice given in this chapter to help build and maintain fondness and admiration.
00:21:46
Speaker
Again, this is super common sense, but sometimes hard to do consistently throughout the ups and downs in your relationship. The first tip is to express appreciation. Regularly talk about what you admire and appreciate big and small.
00:21:59
Speaker
Leave notes like Matt, offer compliments, express gratitude. This is easy to make into a habit and doesn't cost a thing. So why not? Two, scan for the positive. Actively look and focus on positive qualities in your partner and your relationship rather than dwelling on the negative.
00:22:14
Speaker
This might require a conscious effort to shift your perspective, which can be pretty difficult. And I think that's where a lot of these exercises come in. Number three, recall shared history. Feminising about positive memories from your past together is a powerful way to rekindle feelings of fondness and connection.
00:22:31
Speaker
Look through old photos or talk about shared experiences. And I kind of had a note about that last one because he mentioned one of the couples that were having a lot of problems in the book and how they were called the first time they met or that the husband was kind of excited to pursue wife and she never knew that.
00:22:51
Speaker
And that's a really good point. I feel like every time we reminisce about things, it does kind of help bring a lot of those feelings back that maybe you forget about. my My wife really likes the Snapchat memories or like the time hop memories on her phone.
00:23:07
Speaker
So every single year she'll get the photos from <unk> exactly like a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, and she's been doing it forever. So almost daily she'll be like, hey, look, remember this. And it's always just kind of a fun little exercise that I don't think I've thought about it in that way until now.
00:23:22
Speaker
and and so reading this book that probably does help us remember a lot of really cool things that we've done together and kind of continue to build connection. I don't know if you guys have any examples of you know how you do these things, but I had a couple of questions. um As far as fondness and admiration goes,
00:23:40
Speaker
Are there certain times in your relationship or in your life you can remember or just certain patterns that you find it's really difficult to express fondness and admiration for some reason? I got a bunch of questions. And we're fighting.
00:23:52
Speaker
I think it's hard to express fondness and admiration towards somebody when you yourself aren't feeling great mentally from like stress, work stress or whatever.
00:24:03
Speaker
no So that's what I would say. I think when the party is really stressed out, yeah. It's hard to think about the other one. Also, when I'm sick, it's really hard to express both of those things.
00:24:14
Speaker
Have you seen all the memes online about, you know, when men have like the flu, they pretend that they're like, you know, in so much pain. It's like, yeah, you gave birth to my child, but I have the flu. You'll never know this pain.
00:24:29
Speaker
yeahp There's so many good memes about that. It might be true. Women have a higher pain tolerance and a greater immune system. I didn't know about the immune system.
00:24:42
Speaker
Oh, there we go. Childbearing, man. They got to stay healthy when they got a little baby in them. I guess so. for mansplaining that to me. You're welcome. That's what I'm here for. That's what I was going for, actually.
00:24:56
Speaker
Sweet. maybe Maybe men just like to get down to sickness a lot. Humor is a great way to build fondness and admiration. I don't know why he didn't mention that.
00:25:07
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. feel like especially women are probably usually, I mean, if you pull women, a lot of times humor is one of the top things they look for before they're, you know, when they're single and stuff.
00:25:18
Speaker
So no, and money.
00:25:22
Speaker
Again, again with the jokes. See, there you go. If you have enough humor where you can make up for money, I bet. Yeah.
00:25:32
Speaker
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00:25:50
Speaker
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00:26:11
Speaker
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Managing Long-Term Relationship Challenges
00:26:19
Speaker
That was really good. Find your voice.
00:26:22
Speaker
Keep your marriage. Probably. good I like it. That was a good one, Robin Garrett. Nice job. And now back to the show.
00:26:35
Speaker
I'm trying to think of a more thoughtful, in-depth answer than it's hard to be fond when you're in a fight or when you're sick, you know, like those are obviously obvious ones. I'm trying to think of my own experience and how to summarize my own experience from the last 10 and a half years.
00:26:54
Speaker
But I think when there, think when there is hurt over time, you know, that can either compound or it can be resolved. And I think if it compounds over time, you want to,
00:27:08
Speaker
like what he described in the opening chapters, you want a stonewall or, you know, I think you want to protect yourself from feeling bad, you know, or you want a, just you have a justice complex, right? And I, if you're, yeah, you want to win. So arguments come up, are, uh, turn into a competition rather than how can we get on the same page?
00:27:33
Speaker
And when that you add, it's maybe not compounding, but when you add it up, over years, you can, it's almost like a, you dull your mind because you don't want to feel that pain of maybe feeling unwanted or unappreciated or unvalued. So you view the other person in a negative light, maybe comparably so that you don't,
00:27:54
Speaker
i don't know if you feel better, but it makes you maybe feel like the situation's more equitable, maybe. i don't really even know what I'm saying that regard. yeah But I think there's some element of like, hey, this sucks, and then it happens.
00:28:10
Speaker
over and over. And then it's just like, oh, this is who that person is. I don't actually see any good qualities about that person. That's oversimplifying it. But those those little moments, negative moments over the course of weeks or months or years, you know fill in the blank for however long you've been with your spouse or partner, and that can grow into negative sentiments over time.
00:28:35
Speaker
Yeah, it's like a downward spiral, I think. And like the author was saying, you kind of bury all this stuff under layers of these kind of bad habits. And a lot of this stuff still under there, you just have to dig it back out and be consistent. And it really only takes one party, I think, to be ah strong enough to just say, OK, look, I'm going to be I'm going to open myself up to maybe getting hurt here.
00:28:58
Speaker
And I'll be patient and just be more fond of this person and admire them for the things I used to admire them for. And i feel like that reciprocates if you do it long enough. I don't i don't think hardly anybody would take that behavior and just kind of ignore it. I think i think they they'd open up too if you gave it a chance. And I think this is probably what John Gottman has experienced based on kind of the way he wrote this chapter and the way he wrote these exercises and talked about being consistent throughout seven weeks. you know I think a of the a lot of other stuff probably doesn't take that much to kind of open that box again, get each other talking and appreciating each other.
00:29:38
Speaker
Yeah, you used a term, a term I thought of was sweeping things under the rug. It was about almost three years ago now. And i met with someone who was kind of a mentor figure to me in Denver,
00:29:51
Speaker
Because of the pandemic, we didn't get to meet too much. But we were talking about, i met him at an entrepreneurship event. So we were kind of talking business and how work's going. And we were just kind of talking about the next stage in Brooke's career and how residency was coming to a close and what would be next.
00:30:10
Speaker
And out of nowhere, we were talking about work. And out of nowhere, he goes, yeah, there's probably a lot of things that are swept under the rug that you all should spend time talking about. And i was I was really weirded out because it had no context to any other part of the conversation. But I almost felt like it was prophetic in a way. Like that was the Holy Spirit kind of speaking through him very clearly at that time.
00:30:31
Speaker
And when we train when she finished residency, we transitioned to her traditional nine her nine or first nine to five job in our marriage after, what, seven, eight years. I went in with like, finally, we can take time to address these things that we haven't made or had time for during med school and residency, similar to that doctor whatever. I mean, Brooke knew where the back door was, but it's a, you know, those careers are very time intensive and,
00:31:03
Speaker
Basically, the opposite of what I thought would happen happened. Marriage actually got harder when residency ended because now we had time more time together and had to then address the things that we didn't have time or we would just sweep under the rug.
00:31:20
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. So there was a lot of there was almost more work involved because we had more time. She was home every weekend. She was home every night. That was completely new. And that seven week program in the book or whatever, sometimes it just it does take time.
00:31:37
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. takes
Insights on Long-Distance Relationships
00:31:39
Speaker
intentionality. Camille and I did long distance for like two and a half years. And we always joke that the the short weekends or weeks that we had every few months were kind of like the most difficult because we were finally like in person together for once. And we just didn't know how to handle it.
00:31:57
Speaker
You know, we would we'd been used to talking to each other this whole time, sharing
Conclusion and Next Chapter Preview
00:32:00
Speaker
things, everything else. And then when you're in person, you you want to go like do all these things together and you want to go plan all this stuff and then you know connection is just totally different than what you're used to over the last couple years so i totally get what you're saying with that so to wrap it up keep fondness and admiration in mind they're not just nice to have in a marriage they're essential ingredients for its long-term success Thanks a lot for joining us for today's discussion about this chapter of the seven principles of making marriage work. Next time we're covering chapter five, principle three, turn toward each other instead of away. If you enjoyed the show, hit follow and leave a review. We'd love to hear your thoughts.
00:32:37
Speaker
Send us a message or share your experience with us on Instagram at booksbrotherspodcast. Until next time, stay fond, my friends.