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Friday Fellowship Ep. 6 - Promise Keepers, Nunchuck Felonies, and King Eglon’s Ruptured Bowels
80 Plays2 years ago
On our first Friday Fellowship episode in quite some time, I (Casey) got to hang out with my old Michigan buddies, Ian and The Jowl! We spent an evening cackling about attending Promise Keepers rallies as kids, getting arrested for possessing various flea market weaponry, Ian’s reservations about the Heavenly streets of gold, and finally, the heartwarming Biblical account of Ehud and King Eglon from Judges 3. This is a fun episode with two of my favorite people on the planet, and I hope you enjoy it!
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Transcript
Ehud's Plan with a Dagger
00:00:00
Speaker
they decide to like send Ehud to pay the tribute. So he knows he's going, so he makes a dagger sword, right? And it's a cubit long, which is an unofficial sort of measurement. It's like a yard, isn't it? I think it's officially, it's the distance between your navel and the bottom of your flaccid donk. What's that bunch of a sword, is it?
00:00:28
Speaker
Surprisingly enough, that's how we put astronauts on the moon in the 50s. You know how many cubits are in your iPhone now? It's crazy. Pictures of cubits? Something to talk about in marriage counseling.
00:00:54
Speaker
Why do you have so many cubits on your back? Camera roll full of cubits.
Special Episode Introduction & Internet Woes
00:01:27
Speaker
Welcome to a very special episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Casey. Sam is not joining us today because we're at my buddy Ian's house and just got internet. I miss Sam. Just got Elon's internet.
00:01:43
Speaker
Oh, did you? The Starlink? Yeah, yeah, it's great. After having garbage internet from, you know, legacy companies or whatever. It's really nice. I told my wife that if I ever see Elon, I'm going to jerk him off with my butt cheeks.
00:02:01
Speaker
You and Zelensky. You guys can tag team. So I'm joined by two of my old friends, Ian and Joel, also known as the jowl. The jowl. Clunk. Clunk? I don't remember the clunk.
Friends Changing Perspectives on Church Culture
00:02:18
Speaker
Intermittently clunk. Depending on if he's cursing at a machine at the moment. Yeah. But I've talked a little bit about
00:02:30
Speaker
you know, my experience leaving church and that culture as a whole and stuff. And, uh, one of the major things that like helped me shift out of it was making some friends who had almost nothing to do with it anymore. Just completely removed from that, like church and Christian world after college and stuff. And Joel and Ian were two of those people. So.
00:02:54
Speaker
We hung out and they talked me out of a lot of really stupid ideas that I had. I don't know if I was talking you out of this or just getting our opinions that you've never heard in your entire life. Yeah. I think that's it because I never want to change someone's beliefs in something, but I'm just me. And if you like the things I am sweet, if not, then sweet.
00:03:23
Speaker
Yeah, I wouldn't have ever wanted to talk somebody out of something. Yeah. The thing that sticks out in my brain, and I mentioned it the other day, but like we were hanging out in the garage one night, which is what we did.
Debating Drugs and the War on Drugs
00:03:35
Speaker
We built motorcycles and stuff like that. And, uh, we were talking about drugs and like the war on drugs and what a mess it was and conservative Rush Limbaugh listening to me was like, well, you know, someday we're just going to have to get serious about this and put like real penalties on.
00:03:53
Speaker
these drug crimes, just make it so stiff that nobody in their right mind would want to do it. And Ian basically was like, well, let me tell you 15 reasons why that's stupid. And it was exactly that. I was like, confront it with something that I'd never heard before. Yeah. I don't know. I got wild you on drugs.
00:04:14
Speaker
I think everybody should be able to do it. You were using a few at the time, I think. Are you all yet?
Joel's Drug Experience & Cautionary Tales
00:04:19
Speaker
Of course. Most fascinatingly, I never did at all that whole time. I was the only one. Nothing. I'd never yet. You were like the Uncle Ian who was worldly.
00:04:33
Speaker
new things. You're like the dude. Uncle man abides. I was the only weed smoker of the group. You were? And then I stopped. You did. And everybody else started doing it. Yeah, why did you start you were like getting paranoid or something like that every time you did it or something like that? No, no, I was. Yeah, I was getting paranoid. But
00:04:55
Speaker
I wouldn't have stopped. I was supposed to have brain surgery. And I read that it messes with anesthesia. So I stopped and I just didn't go back to it for years. And then just more recently, started smoking weed again. Just progressively ruining your life. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not paying a mortgage anymore. I'm about to lose my job. How many welfare are you doing?
00:05:25
Speaker
At least two at all times. You got any anchor babies? I may have smoked a little bit before this. A little bit. Your own stash too. No, that's a buddy's stash. But yeah, I'm a farmer. I'm a farmer for one year and then I just
00:05:52
Speaker
ended up with a ton. I'm sort of growing it this year by accident. One of my plants dropped a seed because I kept them out so long last year. And this year, there's just a plant there. And it turned out to be a female. So I've got a plant in the garden. It's just smaller. It's not big like my other ones, but it'll be enough to get some weed that I'm probably just gonna say, Joel, come get this thing. Yeah, because in recent years, you've gotten
00:06:21
Speaker
much more into smoking weed, right? Not much more, much period. I did not smoke till I was 39 and I had started drinking a lot more bourbon and my buddy Mike had said,
00:06:37
Speaker
And he's older, you know, he's at the time he's 66 or something. He's like, I kind of worry. You're kind of drinking a lot. You know, he's like, you really try to eat. I'm like, no, I don't. I don't smoke. I never did. I don't want to. And Jamie had when she was younger and then quit when she met me because I had some stupid hang up over it. But it's like, just you need to just try it. So I was like, all right, look, I'll try it when we go up to this car race. You know, I'll try for the first time.
00:07:04
Speaker
I knew I had to do it before I turned 40 because that would just be some stupid cliche. So I did and I had a brownie with him and it was just a small amount and I felt fine. I did it the next like three nights and then I slowly smoked a little bit and then had a
00:07:21
Speaker
got way too high with Jamie's mom. Sent me a text. Yeah, it was it was a traumatic experience. And when people talk about the first time I got hired, it's just like, it's just terrible. I never did it again. If that was the first time I'd never done it again. Because it was, yeah, so I got a little high with Jamie's mom. And then Jamie's like, Hey, we're gonna go pick up my knees. So she left with her sister and left me with her mom, but
00:07:48
Speaker
the uh you know super stoner you know she loves it and I spoke with her and we got really really high and I had to go out and lay down in the van and I texted Ian I was like I don't know what's what's going on jeez full panic yeah full on panic and I fell asleep and then Jamie comes and she's like knocking on the door of the van I'm like oh my gosh hunching and I'm like I'm like
00:08:13
Speaker
my mechanical single watch. I'm like pushing it like it's going to open the doors like I didn't even have a smartwatch. They're not like smartwatches or car doors. So I like did that a bit. And then she got into the van. And I thought it was the next morning. And I looked back at my phone and it had been 45 minutes since I texted him. But it seemed like it was daylight again. Yeah, you overdid it. Yeah, we overdid it. So learn that lesson. But I overdid it a couple of times.
00:08:41
Speaker
Well, Ian and I overdid it one time. On what, rock candy? Yeah. I laid up. Oh my god, everybody went to bed. And I just wouldn't stop getting more intense throughout the night. And I was laying up by myself, eating Xanax. I'm wondering, when am I going to die? Not am I going to die tonight, but when is it going to happen? Because it happens sooner than later. Because I'm sick of being scared.
00:09:09
Speaker
Oh, that was bad. Was it just weed? You were smashing imaginary bugs. Was it something else, too? Oh, it was weed. It was rock candy from a dispensary. Oh, actually, little rock candy. It sounded like 25 milligrams. Look at you talking about some weird crocodile drug, I don't know. Two zeros on the end of that 25. Yeah. Yeah, it was like, yeah. It was strong. So we split.
00:09:32
Speaker
a package, like a package and a half between three people. And we ate it. Several hours after we ate it, I was lying in bed around a couch, on a Pete's couch, wondering when I was going to die. And it just kept getting worse and worse and worse. So 25 milligrams, I doubt it. Well, we did a classic like this two and a half normal gummies. That's the thing. Yeah. The ones I eat now are like five milligrams. That would wreck me.
00:09:59
Speaker
I don't, but like we did that thing where we took some, and then I remember you and I being like, I don't feel any.
00:10:06
Speaker
Do you feel anything? It'd been like an hour. And so we took some more and that's when like time slowed down. That's where people get screwed up with edibles because they don't hit you for so long. And then you're like, well, these are crap. I'm going to take another one. And then all of a sudden they start coming in and then it just comes in more and more because you're moving into the next one. But that's why when people say like, I can't do edibles, I'm like, you can't do edibles without a good friend present to be like, dude, no, give that because the brownies I made take two hours.
00:10:33
Speaker
I was telling somebody about that this week like look you got to start real small and no matter what like if you don't feel anything and you think you didn't take enough like chalk it up as a loss that night and try again the next night or something like do not take more because Yeah, it's just gonna hit you like a hand grenade
00:10:59
Speaker
One thing Mike always said, and it was good until I got high with Jamie's mom, but he said he's like, you can always get higher, but you can't get on high. Like if it goes too much, you screwed up, but you can always a little more, you know. Yeah, that's not always a good option though. Like tonight wouldn't be it. Just eat the fear away. I would do it.
00:11:22
Speaker
Like eat everything in your house and when you run out of food, start eating ingredients, you know? I remember being a kid, or let's say 14 and smoking weed, but when I'd go home, my mom was not cool with that shit. So if she saw me with bloodshot eyes, she would just stare me down until I admitted I did something. So the only way I could get away with having bloodshot eyes is if I was swimming. So I was just telling the story the other day.
00:11:48
Speaker
I remember walking home and walking weed and then walking home along the river and jumping in that bitch fully clothed. That was the medicine at the time. That was it. And I went home and I had an excuse and I felt better. Yeah. I did something about jumping in water. It just happened to me a couple of weeks ago when I was camping. I don't think I could even talk straight. I kept eating edibles. And then at one point I was like, I couldn't get my words out.
00:12:18
Speaker
I knew like quickly ramped up to heaven here in the last couple months like because it seemed like for a while you're like Maybe and then might always forget because I because I didn't smoke weed for so long I would be like or let's say I jump on the mower and like oh shit I should probably smoke a weed or something Yeah, and then by the time I get to the house I'd forget that I was a come up here smoke weed get some water and then just go mow the lawn because you already smoke weed I didn't go
00:12:45
Speaker
You made a comment a few minutes ago that you went to Promise Keepers. Yeah. Yeah, I did. So, okay. Tell us about that.
Unenthusiastic Memories of Promise Keepers
00:12:53
Speaker
All right. Me and my buddies threw a party in the woods and we got caught. We got busted by the cops. Drinking or what? Oh, we were all drinking. Yeah, we were all drinking. So, and this was around the same time where I jumped in the river. So, shoes were still wet? Pretty much.
00:13:11
Speaker
Well, technically it works. I tried running away through a swamp and I just wasn't making it. So they round us all up, take us to the police station and my mom's got to pick us up. Mostly everybody's mom comes in and they're like, let's go home, get out of here. My mom came in and she was going to lecture everybody.
00:13:32
Speaker
But she did the older kids about the alcohol, all that shit. So, uh, she comes in, lectures, everybody embarrasses me for good reason. Uh, I mean, it was a good thing. Um, deserved. So then she tells me I'm grounded for two weeks. Cool. I don't want to be grounded. Sucks. She says there's this thing called the promise keepers coming up. If you go with these other two guys, this older man from the church.
00:13:59
Speaker
that you can only be, you can not be grounded for two weeks and you just go to this thing for the weekend. Still want that time back. I still want to be grounded for two weeks. You didn't share a sleeping bag with these guys, did you? No.
00:14:11
Speaker
Not then. Yeah, so we went to the Silver Dome, which fits, I don't know how many tens of thousands of people is huge. And there was like 10% of the people in there. And it's just a bunch of dudes hogging and crying, basically the whole time. And it's all day. It's Saturday and Sunday, like morning tonight.
00:14:36
Speaker
The super long trip service. Yeah, pretty much. It's just a bunch of guys feeling sorry for themselves. Just a series of speakers? Yeah. Do you remember a stadium in particular? Hell no.
00:14:51
Speaker
No, because I was trying to sleep like up in the stands. I went straight to the very top. This is where I'm hanging out. Oh, God, it was bad. Do you remember any particular thing that was said during it? No, no. Anybody come up to you and try to talk to you or anything like that? No, I was hiding out pretty much. No. I remember walking around the outside loop and getting food.
00:15:16
Speaker
My dad sent me for food, I remember that. Wait, so you went too? Yeah, like a couple times. I don't remember like any details of the speaking or anything. Is it the sort of thing where you like leave the pass like stapled to your parka like a ski ski lift hat ticket or whatever afterwards? Maybe. No, like
00:15:38
Speaker
it was a lot of like this is what it means to be a man in a like a godly sense or uh but so this is still like 94 maybe so kind of before like your era of youth group and such like we had youth group it was pretty huge but it was different
Political Shifts in Church Culture
00:16:00
Speaker
and i i don't even remember it being very
00:16:03
Speaker
right leaning like my whole churches. I don't remember being very political back then. And so promise keepers seem kind of dorky to me like as a 14 year old kid, but it didn't seem like I don't what I imagined it like the quiver full crap like you know like the yeah, yeah, whatever it is now like that's what I imagined is I don't know if that's true. Like I don't remember being like all that
00:16:30
Speaker
awful other than like sitting through sermons for 16 years. Oh my God. Painfully. So slow.
00:16:43
Speaker
I feel like that was, yeah, somewhere in there, somewhere between like there and the early 2000s is when it really shifted. I feel like that's probably true. Yeah. I don't know what exactly caused that shift and stuff, but, but that was like a lot closer to like satanic panic era. Was there any of that stuff mixed in? That was earlier. I remember that as like a little kid because I remember D and D being this bad thing.
00:17:09
Speaker
around church and stuff. Yeah, we all learn that shit. But I was 11 and 90, so I wasn't doing fun stuff in 85.
Reminiscing the Satanic Panic Era
00:17:18
Speaker
So I don't remember much of the Satanic Panic experience, unfortunately. I remember it. I remember there being a television show on the Christian network or whatever. I had friends who would print a family that we knew that would record all of them. And they had sitcoms, and they had one show, and they used to do this.
00:17:39
Speaker
satanic panic stuff. Yeah. I feel like we got like watered down. It was like rumors of Satanism passed down a couple of generations by the time it got to us where, you know, and occasionally like they were so out of touch with like pop culture references and stuff that like we would have a big meeting, like a big youth meeting thing and this old prick that literally, I mean, doesn't own a TV. Yeah. It would get up and he would talk about like the doors.
00:18:09
Speaker
And it's, it's 2003. Yeah. Like the doors. Led Zeppelin. There's been a few bands between Led Zeppelin and now. You guys are dig corn.
00:18:27
Speaker
So, uh, that's your point about like church being like right leaning. Yeah. The church that I went to, which just doesn't even exist anymore. It's been torn down. Um, not for any crazy reasons, just because another bigger church want to take it over. Uh, one of the guys that went to that church, I remember him, I won't name him, but he was at, he was arrested recently because I think he's pretty sure he was arrested for assaulting a police officer January 6th.
00:18:56
Speaker
Oh, whoa. He was there. Yeah, he was there. Yeah. Dang. So when I first started messing with guns again or.
00:19:05
Speaker
period really was like around time Jamie and I got married which was 07 and I remember like thinking of things that seemed funny to me like I was driving delivering pizzas I'm like I need a bumper sticker that says handgunners for Christ because that's just such a funny combination this is 07 we're only talking 15 years ago but that's stuck out in my head it's like like what Christian would ever carry a gun like that's just crazy to know you know so there's been a
00:19:32
Speaker
You know, but that was me thinking of like the church I grew up in So, you know, we're talking about me at 25 versus 15 But apparently sometime between when I was 15 and 25, there's a pretty big shift in You know all that feelings towards the stuff like that. Yeah, what Christian wouldn't have rightly you got to gird your lines, bro Yeah, gird them with some Smith and lessons beat your plowshares into the sword
00:20:03
Speaker
Yeah, so neither.
Church Youth Activities & Mission Work
00:20:06
Speaker
So, well, you went multiple times. So were you like, at all, like into Christianity? Were you like devout? Yeah, no, we went to church all growing up and Presbyterian church. And then when I was.
00:20:21
Speaker
I don't know if 10 11 or so we switched, uh, to the Methodist church in town. And then I was. Real active in my youth group and stuff to like 15 or 16. I got my license. We went on a couple, we went on a mission trip to West Virginia and like fixed these houses in Appalachia. And then one on another one to like tell them the zoo and fix some pretty poor people's homes and stuff. And who knows if we actually didn't get enough, but what did it do is like I was saying earlier. Folks, I've known this guy for 20 years and I never knew this.
00:20:50
Speaker
Never asked. Never brought it up. Yeah. I don't know. You haven't talked about it. No, it's just. You're doing a bad job of witnessing. I know. And I never like lost my religion or faith or anything. I just kind of got away from church. I still feel spiritually or whatever the same as I've always felt. Whatever that means. Do you remember? Go ahead. Do you remember anybody that played at Icluse when you were there? Yeah, Jarza Clay was the one
00:21:19
Speaker
like Big Headliner and Dakota Motor Company, who I looked up more recently, and they were around for a long time, but they were alternative 90s band-ish kind of sounds. Jarza Clay had that song, Flood, and it still slaps. Yeah, I think that was a little later, because I had bought like a cassette there, which is so funny because on that trip, my old friend had given me some takes
00:21:48
Speaker
to like Garvey from indoctrination. One of them was Rage Against the Machine. I think Four Non Blondes is whatever album with What's Up on it. Oh, yeah. Pretty Hate Machine from Nine Inch Nails, which stands up as one of my top 10 favorite albums. Also Hell Yeah. And then, uh, uh, uh, Elastika. I don't know what that is. Super pretty bass player. That's all I really remember.
00:22:15
Speaker
Um, yeah, so those are like the tapes I had to listen to because I was, I wasn't like a church kid. Like I, but that's what we did. And you know, my, my folks, they've always been as cool as they are now, whatever kind of life, but we didn't go to church and stuff. Never had any particular terrible experience with other than like not wanting to get up on a Sunday morning and go sit in church. But how long was your church? An hour.
00:22:41
Speaker
How long was your church? We'd usually get there at nine for Sunday school and then like the service would last until 12 on paper.
00:22:50
Speaker
The Southern Baptist Church I went to when I was really young in Georgia, that one, they would keep the altar call going until someone committed their lives to Christ. Sometimes that took an hour. Yeah, that's how ours was. Oh, it sucks. Oh, yeah. It was just too long, especially for a kid. Just way too long. You're starving. Hours and hours. Oh, yeah. And then we would have pot locks. So I wasn't leaving. Well, so there was some good
00:23:19
Speaker
I wanted to go fishing or do anything at the park that was right next to that church and I'd be stuck there even longer. I mean I had friends and stuff but I remember it just being so long. Plus I feel like as a kid if you sat for like an hour you started to get like that like like itchy butt restlessness.
00:23:44
Speaker
I don't know if I still get that. I think my butt's like died. I remember my mom would send me out in the lobby and I would mess with the dial phone. I remember killing a lot of time doing that, which yeah maybe it was dramatic.
00:24:07
Speaker
Yeah, it's uh, I don't know. It's weird how different it was between like, you know, cause we're not that far apart. How old are you? 43. Okay. So 10 years old as well as I guess I'm 35. 40, 40. Okay. Oh yeah. Dang.
00:24:25
Speaker
Not that 35 to 43 is that different now, but I think the era we grew up in, plus the background you had versus me. It's like the internet. Yeah, so I think that 65 and 73 year old now is not that different, but I think there's a big difference between the 35 and 43 year old.
The Impact of 9/11 on a Generation
00:24:46
Speaker
You always have the internet, right?
00:24:48
Speaker
Like you don't really remember not having it. I mean, we got dial up when I was in like sixth grade or something like that. So that's actually kind of later because I think we had dial up when I was. It was two cool things. Okay. It was the internet and 9-11. Oh, yeah. So I was on a, well out of high school. I was out of high school. I remember my brother calling me and saying, well, some of them had lied and attacked us. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's a conspiracy. Isn't that true? He was like, well, some of them had lied and attacked us. And I'm like,
00:25:17
Speaker
Who the fuck is Osama bin Laden? George Bush is homey. Turn on your TV right now. This is the family friend of Bush in the 80s. Yeah, I was 19. Yeah, I was 23. I think I was in seventh or eighth grade. I don't remember how old I was, but we went home from school. I remember that.
00:25:45
Speaker
I was sleep. I was working on pieces and slow down the folks house. And then my mom like me up, she's like, Hey, you better, better see what's going on on TV. Sound Bin Laden. Yeah. Like, Oh, I knew he was going to do it eventually. I remember when they sound Bin Laden like bombed the USS Cole. Oh, I do remember that happening. In the world trade.
00:26:07
Speaker
And not the World Trade Center, but yeah, the World Trade Center. Yeah, the first. They did like a more traditional old-timey bombing. Old-timey. That's terrible. Speaking of which, so I played in a golf outing today with one of my buddies, a couple of my buddies, I guess. And I haven't played golf in a couple of years. And so we're out of this outing. It's very like this giant dealer group.
00:26:36
Speaker
And I noticed like everybody has a Bluetooth speaker like on their cart now. And they're just playing like their yacht rock jams while they golf. And so I was thinking about it. I'm like, you know what you should make, what you should do is invent an app. Okay. And the apps on your phone, you got this Bluetooth speaker in the cart, you push a button on the app, and it creates like an audio distraction. So everybody looks away and you can kick your ball back in.
00:27:08
Speaker
So I was trying to think of like, what would be the best way to do it? And I'm like, man, what if you just like push the button on the app? And it was like, I'm not who I am! What? That'd be a good distraction. Foot wedge. You know? That would be effective. Last time I went golfing.
00:27:30
Speaker
Because I don't golf often. Last time I golf and along the course came across a pair of women's underwear. What? Yeah. And all I could think was how much money did somebody pay cart, that beer cart girl for her underwear. But why did they leave it then? Or paid for more, whatever. I mean, somebody got paid something because they were just there.
00:27:54
Speaker
Like it doesn't make sense. It didn't make any sense. There's no way that these get here, you know, organically. Yeah. And that's a biohazard. On the course. Jamie always talks about all the stuff she finds by the trash and stuff. Like she works at a park service. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. Just some rather
00:28:17
Speaker
like dog callers and condoms, like weird combinations of things laying around. Oh, it's condoms everywhere. Yeah, but with dog callers and such. These people are using them. Yeah, monkey pox. I mean, good, good on them for being practiced and safe.
00:28:35
Speaker
whenever we're hiking or hunting or whatever else, you know, we try to take like a bag with us. So if there's trash, we pick it up. And usually your trash bag gets full to the point where you can't pick up anymore. So you have to leave some or whatever. But we're in Florida this spring on vacation.
00:28:52
Speaker
We went to this beach, it was on Sanibel Island, and we're like out on the beach, walking around. There's some garbage there. So I like just picking up a couple of things that I can carry on our way because we're going to pack some trash can, you know, and picked up something. I'm like, what is this? And it was a tampon.
00:29:16
Speaker
It's like recoil and thrown I just like like picked it up and I'm like It was for a second and then I'm like, oh April's like what's wrong? I'm like No applicator just the just the pillowcase or whatever the cork
00:29:43
Speaker
Oh, but it's safely off the beach. It's not gonna get lodged in a turtle's nostril. You don't do nice things. What was her reaction? She just laughed. So never be clean again, your hands will never be clean again. I you know, I'm not like, I mean, I don't want to
00:30:06
Speaker
pick up tampons but like, or condoms or anything like that. I'm not like a... I don't really stress out about germs very much. If I pick up a tampon, use a tampon. I'm burning my skin off my hands. I picked up your empty beer bottle or even a cigarette butt. This is a little different.
00:30:30
Speaker
It wasn't like there was no like visible discharge. It was like just a piece of cotton, but it was just like, you know what it was and that was enough. This is terrible. But yeah, I just went back to the beach, you know, shower off in the ocean. Yeah. Rub a little sand on it. It's clean. Rub a salve. It's like that lava soap.
00:30:59
Speaker
Of all things, you could have picked up a freshly filled condom. That would have been maybe worse. That, okay. I would freak out a little bit if I did that.
00:31:14
Speaker
Okay. Um, so I thought it would be fun. So what I've been doing is, uh, I've been out of church and stuff for so long. I like to think that I've got a good memory, but I'm finding that like a lot of Bible stories that I knew at one point, I don't remember much about it anymore. And I figured that's even more the case with you too. Yeah, for sure.
00:31:37
Speaker
Well, I've got one that I think is particularly fun and impactful. And I think it could have potentially have like a real impact on your guys's life. And it's the story of Egon and Ehud.
00:31:56
Speaker
names ring a bell at all? No. Okay. So this is an Old Testament story. Who are you talking about now? We're off to a good start. So this is an Old Testament story. It comes from the book of Judges, which is basically like a chronological telling of how dumb the children of Israel were, like over and over and over again. Very judgy of the children of Israel.
00:32:26
Speaker
Yeah, God was in favor of being judged towards them too. It's funny going back and looking at some of these now because when I was young and hearing it like it was
00:32:38
Speaker
very much part of the the culture was like the Bible is 100% true and to be interpreted literally and what you're reading is not a story this is history so you need to like memorize it and you know we looked at like some themes and lessons and stuff like that from it but it wasn't like we really dug deep into any of them and looking back at some of these stories they are wild
00:33:07
Speaker
In this period of time, there's two countries that are involved here. You've got Israel, which had moved into the land of Canaan. Moses led them across the desert and they settled in this area and they slowly genocided everybody out of it.
00:33:28
Speaker
They butted up against several other nations that they just had like continuing like Hatfield McCoy feuds with. So one of those nations was Moab. Were the jeeps off-road? Yeah, right? Same thing. So the Moabites were descendants of a guy named Moab who was Lot and his daughter's son. Oh.
Bizarre Old Testament Stories: Lot's Daughters
00:33:53
Speaker
There's this real cool story where you'd
00:33:56
Speaker
Sodom and Gomorrah are you familiar with that one? So yeah, the Apple McCoy thing is probably pretty accurate because now we're talking about little family ties
00:34:08
Speaker
I can't be aware of it. Got real Game of Thrones-y. Yeah. So, God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for being too gay. Lot and his family were spared because God viewed them as righteous, right? Right. On their way out of this city that's just being destroyed by, like, a heavenly airstrike.
00:34:32
Speaker
He's just throwing fire rocks at him from the sky. Lot's wife and his son, I think he has a son, don't quote me on that.
00:34:41
Speaker
Uh, looked back at the thing. They turned into a pillar of salt, right? So a lot in his two daughters escaped the city out into the desert. They're hiding out in a cave, having lost like half their family and everything they own and all this stuff. Uh, not the best times. Yeah. It was probably the worst of times. I mean, other than like two daughters. Well, it's about to be the worst of times. Okay. So, uh, they ended up, um,
00:35:10
Speaker
Getting lots of the daughters were concerned that they were not gonna ever have children is how stories told how the stories told is is wild looking at it and I'm gonna do a deep dive on this at some point but
00:35:23
Speaker
Basically, the way the story is written, they got their dad drunk and then took turns sleeping with him to get themselves pregnant. Knowing how modern situations like this happens, I'm a little doubtful of the assigned motives there.
00:35:44
Speaker
But they end up getting pregnant both of the dad. You're a little skeptical that the dad was that drunk or that they really that the dad was like the innocent party that just wanted to have a drink and these vengeful daughters like sexually and stole his seat.
00:36:05
Speaker
That's probably all their fault just like it says but right, right So they end up with two sons One of them is Moab from him come the Moabites. Okay, and they're kind of like Israel's grumpy neighbor Throughout the period that we're gonna be talking about the other one is the they I can't remember what his name is But he is the father of the Ammonites, which is another group that occasionally causes some trouble so
00:36:35
Speaker
Because the Moabites had this common ancestry with Israel, apparently God told Israel, hey, don't genocide them completely. Just be a bad neighbor. Just a little. Yeah. So Moab is settled. It's like the area east of the Jordan River in the Dead Sea. So they kind of butt right up to each other against the Jordan River.
00:37:00
Speaker
But Israel was kind of like the taskmaster of the Moab, Moabites. Like they had to, they were kind of subservient to them. They had to pay tribute to them. They were sheep herders. So like they would have to pay them in like lambs and sheepskins and all of that kind of stuff. Right. So they have kind of like this long history of like uprisings and arguments and whatnot.
00:37:23
Speaker
and so at one point the Moabites decided like we're sick of this and We're not gonna pay tribute to the Israelites anymore and they kind of gather some allies and they gang up and like There's an uprising
00:37:38
Speaker
So Israel is basically getting the crab kicked out of them until finally God looks on them favorably. They kind of storm in. They surround the Moabite capital and the king in an act of desperation.
00:37:54
Speaker
Murders his son on top of the walls and an act of sacrifice and Even though the Bible kind of like looks poorly on that act They they win and the Israelites are pushed out. Oh, it's really weird They serve this God named Chemosh or something like that that It's a strange thing where Israelites didn't win in this story No, oh here
00:38:20
Speaker
It's strange because like God looked on them favorably and heard them repent and he was like gonna grant them victory against them and stuff and then this guy like cuts his own son's throat on top of the wall and Boom, they get pushed out. It doesn't really match up with wait So he cuts so it is Israeli cuts the throat No, the Moabite King kills his own son. So it pushes Israel out of the land Oh pushes Israel. Okay, I got you
00:38:48
Speaker
Yeah, so they they basically like they kill like 7000 Israelites according to like their records and they were independent for two centuries So that's where the story gets interesting because Israel is kind of like the shoes on the other foot
Israel's Subservience to Moab and Cry for Deliverance
00:39:05
Speaker
So Israel's sort of like the client state of Moab and they have to pay tribute to them and they're really tired of it and they like cry out to God for deliverance. So that's where the two people that we're going to talk about come into the story. So King Egon is the king of the Moabites at this time. And the Bible describes him as being a big fat dude. Like kind of goes out of its way to talk about how fat this dude was.
00:39:35
Speaker
There's like several mentions of it. It's a little rude. Yeah. Book of Judges. What do you expect? Any of the pictures that I saw of him, he's got like the real curly squared off beard and then like the flat top conical hat. He's got like that Nebuchadnezzar drip. Yeah.
00:39:59
Speaker
Yeah, all the villains and all the Bible artwork always looked. Yeah, it's real Babylonian with it. Yeah. Curly beard. Dude, people need to bring back those square beards though. I feel like people have them. They're kind of awesome. But not curly. Just...
00:40:16
Speaker
like comb straight and just cut flat square on the bottom. I don't like the straight beard. It's better the scraggly stuff, especially if you can't grow a beard on your cheeks. Like you see doesn't neck younger guys, you know, curly squared neck beard. Guys, please just just shave. Totally have a customer that look that's like, like an older dude. He's short and he doesn't grow here or here. Really. It's all just,
00:40:44
Speaker
It's like neck, because it covers up the turkey neck. That's exactly it. Plastic surgery. It's cheaper than that though. Years old time. I don't know. Just settle in to your turkey neck. Just don't have a beard. They're fooling themselves. You're not dating. Just quit it. It might change. My mustache didn't get picked till I was in my 40s. My mustache sucked. Really? It's thickened up in my 40s, literally.
00:41:13
Speaker
So, like, there's hope for mine? No. We gotta be reasonable, but, I mean, yeah. The wrong one's so bad. Yeah, I know. I'll let it go for like five days once in a while just to see if anything's changed. I did it recently and it was...
00:41:29
Speaker
Jamie saw some dude at a concert. I thought he looked awesome. She's like, you need a, you need a mustache. So my mustache doesn't grow down. It grows out. So my mustache will grow out four to five inches before it makes any descent whatsoever. So it's like a, like a fucking canopy on my lips tickling backwards. It looks terrible.
00:41:58
Speaker
Yeah, you can't do just a mustache. I got to trim that. That's again, you go through with the clippers. Oh, this guy that I was talking about, this customer that we have. So his all grows like out from like jawline down. It's almost all of it grows from like their down. And you can tell he bought one of those beard straighteners that they advertise on Instagram all the time.
00:42:17
Speaker
because like I went in there to talk to him one day and it's just straight. It's like pin straight, but then it like curves outward at the bottom because he's been doing this all but like looking down all day. So he's just playing with it. You're playing with your mustache or beard. You don't need one. He's got like a ski gel. Don't put your hands on it. I don't know, dude. Anytime I've grown up my beard out real big, my hands are probably always in that.
00:42:43
Speaker
Yeah, you shouldn't, though, man. Why? I don't know. It's touching my fucking face, dude. What matters if my hands are in it? I just, it's just, it's not a good look. You've been picking up tampons with those hands. Yeah. Really? Yeah. You know what? Thankfully, I haven't picked up a single tampon ever with this hand, or this hand. I don't think it's gross that you're doing it. I just think, like, you just look like somebody who's not used to having it. Like, you're just now got a beard, and then you look like a child or something.
00:43:11
Speaker
Who knows? I'm judging. We're talking about the public judges. This guy should write stories for the Bible. I'm astoundingly kind of sitting here. You know what, Joe? It's 2022 and people have hair. They do. They do. Sometimes they like to put their fingers through it. No clothing was removed during that recording of this podcast.
00:43:36
Speaker
But yeah, so Eglon's big fat dude, big square beard according to the artwork. And it doesn't seem particularly bright. So the Israelites, they call out to God for forgiveness and deliverance from this.
Ehud's Assassination of King Eglon
00:43:53
Speaker
and there's this dude in the tribe of Benjamin named Ehud and he's like a lot of the dudes that pop up in these books where like he kind of comes out of nowhere there's not a lot of descriptions of him it's just like here's a cool guy and Ehud's left-handed which was like an anomaly apparently at the time
00:44:15
Speaker
So they they got to pay the Moabites tribute Constantly and they decide to like send he who'd pay the tribute so he knows he's going so he makes a dagger Sword right and it's a cubit long Which is an unofficial sort of measurement like a yard, isn't it? I think it's officially it's the it's the distance between your naval and the bottom of your flaccid
00:44:51
Speaker
Surprisingly enough, that's how we put astronauts on the moon in the 50s. You know how many cubits are in your iPhone now? It's crazy.
Humor in Measurement: Cubits and Technology
00:45:03
Speaker
Pictures of cubits? Something to talk about in marriage counseling.
00:45:17
Speaker
Why do you have so many cubits on your back? A camera roll full of cubits. Oh my god. Yeah, I think it's like a foot long, a little more than a foot, and it's a double-edged blade. All right, what? Which will get you arrested when you're 17 and pulled over in Holland, Michigan. Really? I heard.
00:45:45
Speaker
Did you do hard time in the Holly penitentiary? No, but it does sound like something that would be true, though. I'm sure it is true. It is. It is. Because you can have a blade on one side, but you can't have that shit on two. Yeah. So we had... Twice as deadly. I don't know if you remember, but in the back of like... In the back of like Popular Mechanics or whatever, you could get like six knives for $10.99. They'd be like, you know, they were garbage or they were like... They were awesome.
00:46:15
Speaker
But they weren't sharp. So we, so my buddy got, and the one knife was like made to look like it was an edge on both sides, but there was not. Like it wasn't sharp at all. It was like blunt. I remember the end was like round flat. We used to like toss it around, like play with it like it was a, you know, but it wasn't sharp. It was in the car. I got pulled over cause I was speeding and he searched the car and found that cause he was sure he was gonna find drugs. But again,
00:46:44
Speaker
Never smoked any wheat until I was 39. It was a long time before that. He just smelled like a dollar store butterfly. Yeah. So I had hair like I do now. And a friend of mine, she had given me this like big daisy hair clip thing. It was the night, you know, whatever. She's like, so I wore it. And I like, and then I stuck it in on my rear view mirror in the car like that day after school, you know, because the girl gives me some whatever. And so I got pulled over and he ticketed me
00:47:10
Speaker
for speeding, which cracked window, stuff hanging off my mirror, and I got arrested for that stupid knife. And then they took me down to the police department. My buddy had a cell phone. Were we in Ferguson, Missouri? No, I was in Holly. But my buddy got a cell phone in 96, and he called my mom. He's like,
00:47:36
Speaker
I don't know. I'm sure there was 96. Yeah, literally because because I get a 12 pound fall.
00:47:45
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not sure I need to get a hold of him soon. I'm talking forever. But so, yeah. So anyway, I go to court. It's a felony because it's carrying still weapons. For real? Yeah. They put me in a beautiful trainees act, which basically meant you didn't get in trouble for six more months and I got like
00:48:04
Speaker
Expunged. And it's hidden because things have looked up in there and suddenly came up. That is such a dumb waste of everyone's time. Yeah. Yeah. So I got my fingerprints and everything. I loved it. I had my photo taken and everything. I would so... If I could get a copy of that picture... You probably can. It shows an archive somewhere. Microfiche. Check the sex offender registration. Thank you. Neighborhoodwatch.com.
00:48:35
Speaker
No, wouldn't that be cool like your own mugshot when you're a teenager? That would be cool. It's like Jimi Hendrix. Yeah. No, I've got Jim Morrison's mugshot framed in the fall. My buddy gave it to me just he's like, I thought you did this. And I was like, how old were you? When I got arrested? Yeah. 17. Oh, man. That guy just wanted to ruin your life. So it was late 96, early 97. How stupid. I remember getting caught with nunchucks once. Nunchucks? They were like, buried in here.
00:49:04
Speaker
We got pulled over a beer in Flint and I don't know, we're just driving around. So we ended up in Flint. And I remember getting pulled over and my car was just a disaster and he found trucks in there and I got the red, the riot act, all of those things.
00:49:20
Speaker
I didn't, I didn't even know how to use them. I just had them. Like I wasn't, I'm not a fucking ninja. I'm not using those things. And that guy was telling me all sorts of illegal. They're illegal. I've got a concealed weapon in the car. So I got like these are actually deadly things. It's two sticks and some rope. Much more of a danger to you. Luckily I got away. I didn't get a felony charge. Yeah.
00:49:47
Speaker
I didn't either. But I might have been 18 at the time. You did get fell in charge. I did. But it was, you know, I did completed my... You shouldn't be able to vote, sir. We got pulled over so much because we had long hair. Like, that was it. That's like a, that's like a B movie in the 70s.
00:50:10
Speaker
Dang hippies. Yeah. No, like I cut my hair. You said that's when you had your long hair. Yeah. I got pulled over. We're talking like, we got to give everyone an idea of like your long hair because your long hair was like Michael Bolton in his prime. Beautiful, big, big hair.
00:50:33
Speaker
For you can't see this folks, but half my head shaved right now just to like make it so this isn't huge Like I've got a lot of to do that shit with the luminous. Yeah, but I got pulled over I
00:50:47
Speaker
It was over 35 times before I cut my hair. And then since I cut my hair, I've been pulled over by eight. Oh my God. Yeah. And I didn't change it. You know, we, but you know, we'd be dumb and like driving from one friends to another and the car had a burnout tail lights. We're taking the side streets. We get pulled over because we look like we're just like cruising around. It's like, no, we're just trying to dodge the cops. It was just open to avoid. My buddy's car was so trash. The cop was searching. He found this broken daisy red rider BB gun that was the,
00:51:16
Speaker
the shotgun when somebody called shotgun we'd give them that treason yeah oh you know yeah he becomes like what's this well like it's a broken bb gun like the lever didn't stay it was just flopping there was nothing left it was a red rider to begin with you'll put your eye out that's about it it's like one step away from just like holding up his own fingers straight blazing saddles
00:51:45
Speaker
I don't hate cops at all, but they are pretty annoying. You know, I was just having this conversation about how your relationship with police, once you're not really just like out just doing stupid shit all the time, and you're just a normal person, like normal person. I don't mean that. I mean, like,
00:52:05
Speaker
You don't have anything to hide. You're abiding by all the laws or whatever. How your relationship with police completely changes. Not you, Casey, because I know you have nothing but issues with the cops every time. For some reason, they hate you. Everyone loves you, but cops hate you. Yeah. I feel like it's toned down in recent years. Nowadays, I just admit whatever I was doing, and it usually gets me out of it. I've always been that way.
00:52:32
Speaker
I got pulled over earlier this summer for being on my phone. And the cop pulls me over and I'm like, what's going on? He's like, I saw you using your phone. And I'm like, yeah, I was. Can you not talk on your phone? You got to do hands free or something? No, I mean, I wasn't talking. Oh, you were texting, watching a movie. Watching a movie. Yeah, something along those lines. And recording a podcast. I was watching a documentary. I was learning about fluoride in the water.
00:53:02
Speaker
Yeah, it is funny how that goes. I feel like that era, like that point in your life though, gives you some perspective on how other people feel about cops though. Cause like I had a whack job in Lynchburg when we were going to college there that pulled me over every time he saw me and would like make me get out of the car each time. And he was nuts. Yeah.
00:53:28
Speaker
He like, uh, I dunno, he was just a weirdo and had like a, a vendetta against me. I had that orange Titan at the time. So I was easy to spot. Yeah. I wasn't even doing anything. He would pull me over. He'd be like, I saw you cross the line.
00:53:43
Speaker
Okay. I don't know what we're doing here. And you realize in those moments that like, Oh, I have no recourse here. Like he can do whatever he wants to be. And there's nobody here to see it. There's nobody here to protest that. Like you're just at this lunatics mercy, but that's something like that. There's a, there's a cap that I sort of know who makes me uneasy. Really? Yeah. Like just, just to be like that from the first time I met him just made me
00:54:13
Speaker
And there's other cops that I know that are the nicest guys you'd ever meet in your entire life. Just super super cool nice dudes. I think overwhelmingly probably most of them are pretty cool. Probably.
00:54:28
Speaker
There are some bad ones. The thing is you're going to remember the bad ones. You're only going to remember those bad experiences for the most part. You're only going to remember those are going to stick in your head because they're just traumatizing. Yeah. And like what they do on a national stage is usually pretty iffy.
00:54:44
Speaker
And there's clearly something that happened that was bad and they just like the union just comes out and like blocks all attempts to ask questions about it or investigate or whatever. You guys are clearly like circling the wagons around the worst in your ranks. All right, this conversation got a little too serious. Okay, so Ehud makes this dagger. Double-edged, not a butterfly knife that we know of, but it could have been.
00:55:16
Speaker
I remember you sending me those videos all the time. Chop some rope and some things. You ordered everything off of that site. I had a few for a minute. You ordered every single thing. You were pre-ordering all the shit. You were begging to buy stock at the company. Oh my gosh. Yeah, like they have the best sales pitch. It's like an overweight man in a tie. Bending swords.
00:55:47
Speaker
And demand every single sword. Chopping pink carcasses with a katana to like duty-free new battle music. Yeah. Because it was a straight up Tim and Eric episode. Every single advertising for Blue Steel. Blue Steel? Cold Steel? Go to YouTube and look up Cold Steel knives. It's so much fun. It's Tim and Eric. It's not trying to be Tim and Eric, but it ends up that way.
00:56:14
Speaker
Yeah, like Dr. Brule could enter the stage at any time. So because he's left-handed, he hides this sword on his right hip. So he goes to Moab with the tribute that they're supposed to pay the king and goes in to see the very portly King Egon. And so while he's there in the throne room or whatever,
00:56:43
Speaker
He tells the king, like, I have a message for you from Jehovah. And the king's like, OK, well, yeah, let's hear it. And he's like, it's a secret. And so his servants and stuff all exit the chamber. They had checked him, but they checked only his left side because that's where people hide swords. It's not like left-handed people didn't exist. Yeah, it was just like more of a genetic anomaly.
00:57:09
Speaker
He was God's only non-accident left-hander. All the rest of them are accidents? I think so. I think that's a different section. That's really harsh. But yeah, so he snuck in the dagger because he's left-handed, right? Right, right. So the servants all leave the chambers and King Eglon's like, well, what did God say? And he's like, it's a secret. I have to whisper it in your ear.
00:57:35
Speaker
I think he just like wanted to get a butterfly kiss or something. So he goes up close to
Graphic Details of Eglon's Death & Israel's Victory
00:57:51
Speaker
the king. When he gets close to King Aegon, Ihud whips out his cubit sword.
00:57:58
Speaker
and stabs King Agalon in the belly and literally like in the Bible says two things that are great about this act right so first off it says that he stabs him in the stomach and he's so fat that the his stomach just eats the knife
00:58:20
Speaker
huh he loses the knife inside the guy oh so he the whole knife yeah god it stayed put he ate it didn't leave with him it probably caused him some serious discussion yeah yeah like i've been a sliver that's been working around my thumb for a while i imagine it'd be like that but there's no guard thing on it hilt huh is it apparently not an ice pick
00:58:45
Speaker
I don't know what kind of swords they were making back then. But yeah, he- It's the kind where you stab something hard and you cut your old fingers off. Oh, that is so true. Like stabbing somebody with a kitchen knife is like such a bad idea because you leave your fingers in there.
00:59:06
Speaker
Crew they said that the blade poked out his the back the back of him and when he who pulls his hand out He doesn't have the sword anymore, and he's like what and he just left it there wait So fat that he stands on loses a knife. This is a cute bit. I
00:59:23
Speaker
So this is King Elange or whatever. Who is this? This is the Moab Kings. He got it from Ghostbusters. Okay. His Q-bit was eight inches. So you're not getting eight inches isn't covering somebody. You lose the knife and it pokes out of the back. It pulled through the back. You didn't lose it. There's the knife. Well, he was sitting down. Maybe it like stopped. But the dude's not getting to the back of his chair. You're Q-bit. I don't know. You're Q-bit. It's probably like 14.
00:59:55
Speaker
I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Hey, look. It's scripture. It's God's and it's the inspired one of God. If he was a foot and a half. 18 inches. Okay. So the dude wasn't that fat. Not to brag or anything. Yeah, but it sounded like he stabbed him. It poked all the way through like the big cushion when it flips upside down. You step on it. They stab you through it. I remember that happening once.
01:00:17
Speaker
So that's what popped, poked out, you know? Yeah. And then when he went to pull it out, his hand slipped off because he didn't put a very good hilt on the knife or a handle. Something. He should put a hand guard on it. That would have just pulled out like a trench knife in World War One. It's like brass knuckles. He didn't do that, nobody. I guess not. But that would have been cool. Yeah, but it's only left behind. Yeah. Yeah. 18 inches, though. That's the Bible's going out of its way to call us to a fan. I mean,
01:00:46
Speaker
If he was like job of the hood. Okay. How much was sticking out of the back? I don't know. You know, it's not as specific about that part. Okay. I'm not surprised. We just have to trust God that it was a reasonable amount. All right. You know, we're getting hung up on a weird detail here. Yeah. So the next detail is more fun. Okay. So he pulls his hand out with no dagger and it says that his dungs fiddled on the ground.
01:01:14
Speaker
Also perforated the bowel. Yeah. It's a gut shot. Bread the shitter. What? Ee-hoo-d. Ee-hoo-d. Ee-hoo-d was the stabber, not the stabby. Yeah, Ee-glon was the... Ee-glon. The big fumbler. It had to get on Ee-hoo-tan, right?
01:01:42
Speaker
Yeah, especially because he cut his fingers. He's fucked. He's got Salmonella. He's got E. Coli. Waterpark Legionnaires.
01:02:11
Speaker
don't drink the water. Yeah, well, I mean, I'm sure he can find some sand to rub on it, you know, so he's probably fine. So he gave him an anima. Knife anima. And yeah, dumped his spilled his turrets. So,
01:02:38
Speaker
E-Hood's like, probably like, gross. Oh no, my hand. I'm gonna get out of here now. So he flees the temple chamber or whatever and locks the doors behind. So King Eglon's slumped over on the throne with his feet covered in his own turds, disemboweled and dead. And his servants are on the outside and they're like,
01:03:10
Speaker
King Eglon, are you okay? It says in the Bible that they didn't want to go into the chamber because they figured he was taking a dump. It says that in the scripture. No way. Yes, they assumed that... That's modern translation. Dropping the biblical dude. That's New Cayce. The Deuteronomy? Deuteronomy.
01:03:39
Speaker
Yeah, so they literally like didn't want to go in because they thought he was taking a dump in his like private chamber. Right. And so they waited around on the outside nervously for it doesn't really specify how long. Eventually, they like knocked the door down and, you know, find out he had taken a dump. He should have been. Yeah, right. Literally, he pooped the throat. Yeah.
01:04:08
Speaker
So Ehud escapes the palace. He goes back to Israel. It says he blows a trumpet and summons all of the local forces and whatnot. He blows a trumpet. King Eglon's dead. Let's go. So they go back into Moab. They kill 10,000 fighting men, all strong and able-bodied. That's an oddly specific number.
01:04:38
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you know, earlier I said that like when the Moabites rose up, it said that they killed 7,000 people. But that also said like, that includes like women and children and this and that and the other. It says it wins. Like, I don't mean to shock you, but that includes women. Like what? Right. 7,000 people died and some of them were young. So if you don't count them as a whole person, like what does that say?
01:05:07
Speaker
Well, when the Israelites went back to Moab and slaughtered them, it says they killed 10,000 able-bodied fighting men. Because they're good at Moab, bad. Yeah, they're good at principle. That's just not how they do their genocide most of the time. And they rained over the area for 80 years. Because most of them are dead. Like, hey, you person knew what I said. They killed all the able-bodied people.
01:05:37
Speaker
Pretty much, yeah. And they lived happily ever after. So what about the ZDU, dude? What ever happened to him? Was he a, what do they call that? I think I read about a DICE ex machino and like the author doesn't know what to do. So he likes his like, well, God fixed it. And everything was better. Like here, here's this dude. Yeah. I don't know if there's. And then he, and then he gooed away. I don't.
01:06:03
Speaker
I don't know if they talked about what he did afterwards. I didn't read further into the story, but this section of the Old Testament is a lot of like, the Israelites were naughty. And then a guy rose up and killed a bunch of people and he was good. And then we go right back to like, and the Israelites were naughty again. So why even let them rule at all?
Moab as Divine Punishment and Israel's Triumph
01:06:29
Speaker
Why let the Moab's have anything?
01:06:32
Speaker
Yeah, realize and check like hey, you're getting a lot of control So fuck you guys for 200 years about as these assholes until somebody stabs the little shit This is kind of how they talk about other people in that time period is like God used them to spank the Israelites for being naughty and then when they said they were sorry he let them massacre
01:07:03
Speaker
They outlived their usefulness, and so they all had to die. Yeah. I need to start reading the Bible. It's more fun than I remembered, actually. It's got some wild stories. It would be fun. There's lots of fun incest. There's funny poop stories. Yeah. So are you guys, if, Jowl, if tonight you hit a deer and died on your way back to Holly,
01:07:50
Speaker
Nothing. That's my hope. So when you die, nothing. It's just nothing. It ends and there's nothing left. It's just it. Dreamless sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I hope for. Yeah, that thought seems more and more appealing like the older you get. When you're a kid, that sounds awful. No, that's what I wanted as a kid. I remember my first like thinking about maybe this was like commitment issues or something I had as a kid maybe early on, but
01:08:00
Speaker
Do you know where you'd spend eternity?
01:08:20
Speaker
The idea of spending eternity anywhere, when I really thought about it, this is when we were going to church. And I was like a Christian kid. I wanted to be baptized. I chose myself and all that stuff. But the thought of doing anything for eternity gave me actual anxiety.
01:08:35
Speaker
Oh yeah. And even as an adult, how I deal with, you know, anxiety now, or how I know how anxiety feels now, it's exactly what I thought when I was a kid. Like, I don't want anything great. The best thing in the world. It could be, and they were teaching us, you know, their streets are paved with gold or whatever, which seems like a fucking giant waste. I don't want gold streets. It sounds like it'd be really hot streets. And let's put a gold on something.
01:09:02
Speaker
Yeah, like really hot streets. You're not going to get traction in your car. Your toes. You got to wear shoes. I don't want shoes. That's a lot to wear. I don't want to wear shoes. My shoes wear out. I've got to find my heavenly opler. I need some of the gold streak to buy my new shoes. I've got to buy more shoes. Got to get cobbled. You could have placed it other than ball bar if you didn't spend your gold on the street. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I hope that someday I can afford shoes from REI.
01:09:32
Speaker
Yeah. In heaven. No, I'm at the point now where if I'm wearing just regular, like, shoes, I'll just buy Walmart shoes and just wear those. And then I have other shoes that I wear if I'm going somewhere, but just like every day, I'm just wearing cheap shoes. This is gonna wear this shit out. They're comfortable. We'd slip all over the fucking place, but alright.
01:09:56
Speaker
pick up trucks are expensive before I'm picking truck here allegedly this is a record of saying this but like allegedly here we go that when there was some trade embargo with Asia with chickens poultry in the 60s I think this is probably all totally wrong
01:10:15
Speaker
Do you have show notes or anything? No, so but Part of it was like trucks was there's tariffs put on that. That's what makes Toyotas and such so expensive here because they had a terror but part of it was shoes being imported in Walmart shoes and
01:10:36
Speaker
have felt bottoms and they come to slippers and that is so they're not taxed the same. All right, Casey, go in after this, edit everything out. This untrue input in truths. Yeah, we're good. Yeah. So I don't know. Well, in heaven. No, I know all have rubber shoes.
01:11:10
Speaker
Like, I like, I love it. I love it. That's all I want to do. And then I just despise it forever. So am I just going to do that? If I go to heaven, am I just going to do that over and over again? Is that cool? I'm going to ride this side by side around it. I hate those fucking things. I don't want to touch a side by side ever again. Well, they always did a bad job of like pitching heaven, it seemed like. Yeah. Cause gold streets, it's not that appealing. But what?
01:11:19
Speaker
and there's no such thing as tariffs.
01:11:38
Speaker
Like asshole came up with the idea that a street made of gold is appealing to anybody, but maybe like a Saudi shake. They want a gold street. Yeah, I'm surprised they don't have that already. That's one normal street. It doesn't have to be gold. Give me nice weather, but then bad weather. More bad weather too. I don't want the same thing all the time. The lion and the lamb thing.
01:12:07
Speaker
They like laid down together, but I'm like, you know, like they got along. It was like, the lion still got to eat something. And I remember that like being like this sticking point for me. That was little. And like, as he went out, like, wait, well, so then, but what was lion going to start doing? Eating the same stuff as the lamb does? Makes lions seem a little less cool. Yeah. And like, just didn't make sense.
01:12:29
Speaker
Yeah, and I would say that it's probably figurative language that's supposed to mean that everything will be peaceful, but I know that every word of the Bible is true and to be interpreted literally, so they're going to have sleepover parties. Again, Mother Teresa, chillin'.
Questioning Heaven and Personal Views on Eternity
01:12:50
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I don't. They always told us that we were just gonna like sing songs. Like we were gonna praise God forever. And I was like, I think everyone was like, that sounds terrible. You didn't even work to go to work. And then if you say like, they would sometimes mention that like, maybe that doesn't sound good to you. And you might not think about why you don't like praising God. Like,
01:13:16
Speaker
So like, this is a nice thought. And if it's not like shame on you, you should go ponder while you're. Yeah, exactly. You're going to go to heaven. You're going to wish for something and then they're going to be like, shame. All right, cool. I could do anything I want, but I'm still going to get shamed in heaven. No, I don't. I mean, what would be the perfect heaven? You do whatever you want, but you do that for a little bit. You don't appreciate shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like the, uh, you know,
01:13:45
Speaker
stereotypical like rich guy who has everything and he's just like you know almost just like inhaled a lid joint yeah almost touched it to my lips the lip part which is a super fun uh youtube rabbit hole to go down is just people like trying to smoke tiny joints and suck with their throats dude if youtube was around growing up it'd be like a hundred of those videos of me
01:14:12
Speaker
Just kind of roaching down my throat. Video after video, finally coughing and sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, do you remember stories, but we don't have time. The cinnamon challenge. There's this grudge. Yeah. I saw a video of Jason somewhere, completing that. Jason. Yeah. Jason over there.
01:14:39
Speaker
Mike's friend? He ate a whole... It's military, dude. No, I don't know the other Jason. Well, I'm not... Wait, what? What's the last thing? Letter C? C. Oh. Yeah. He ate the whole thing. You found a YouTube video? No, no, I had it like in my phone somewhere because I videoed him doing it. He completed the chat. He ate... Oh, this is a left field conversation for people. Oh, I guess. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, anyway. Anyway, we'll be right here.
01:15:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's a consistent thing that people bring up that like heaven always kind of sounded like it would suck and people like got real stressed about it. Yeah, doing anything for eternity is stressful. By doing any like being stuck in the same place for eternity. But not existing for eternity like I so like existing so much that I that bothers me.
01:15:30
Speaker
Oh, see, that doesn't bother me at all. No, I do not want to be done. I don't want to wrap this up. I think it's not something I want to do. Yeah, I don't want to die. Because I have a guarantee that there's going to be doing it again. Something to look forward to. Yeah, do it again. But if you do it again, do it all over again. What if you get reincarnated as parking lot Siegel? What if you get reincarnated as the king's shit and end up on his feet?
01:15:56
Speaker
Well, that was an ancient time, so that's how you do it. Time is a flat circle. Like beer. Caw. Caw is a wheel. Spokes on the wheel of caw. Because, yeah. Well, thank you two for joining me. It was great to see you guys again. Thanks for having us on the podcast. Yeah. This was an experience.
01:16:20
Speaker
Yeah, so if you enjoy the show, please leave us a review wherever you listen to it. Have a podcast, Spotify, wherever. And if you want to come hang out and join the conversation, find a link to our Discord on our social media. So thanks for listening. Catch you next time.