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5. The Telling of Our Story - Part 1
33 Plays3 months ago
We wanted to take a little time to tell you our story - our very favorite story to tell.
Part 2 will be coming next week! <3
Trigger/content warnings: please be advised that in this episode there will be mentions of teen pregnancy and childbirth, parental verbal abuse, self harm, suicide, and abortion.
We're grateful you're here! If you like what you’re hearing, you can follow us on Instagram: @soulpodthepodcast. You can also email us directly at [email protected].
Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
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Transcript
Trigger Warning and Episode Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Good morning, friends. so I just wanted to pop in here at the start of this episode to give an ample trigger and content warning for the contents of this episode. This episode contains discussions of teen pregnancy and childbirth. It also contains discussions of parental verbal abuse, and there will be mentions of self-harm, suicide, and abortion.
00:00:22
Speaker
If any of these subjects is particularly troubling for you, please check in with yourself before we dive in. If you start to feel uncomfortable at any point, please feel free to skip ahead a couple minutes. And if you feel the need to step away, we completely understand, and we look forward to having you back again next week.
00:00:40
Speaker
As always, we're so grateful that you're here. We have been looking forward with major anticipation to this opportunity to share our story with you all. And we're so happy that the day has finally arrived to be able to do so. And as an added little bonus at the end of this episode, please hang on through the outro music for a fun little treat. Blessed be.
Sharing a Cherished Personal Story
00:01:26
Speaker
It is a very, very special day today. Yes, it is is. Yes, it is. This is an episode we have constantly referenced that we're going to be recording, probably to the point of irritation for probably some listeners. I don't know. But it's one that we've really, really, really been looking forward to getting to record and getting to share. The telling of our story.
00:01:53
Speaker
Oh yeah. This is actually like personally one of my favorite stories to tell to anyone. Oh yeah. I'll tell it to anyone who'll listen which is really annoying. No it's not. nothing Oh my goodness. Yeah it's okay and especially it's my favorite story to be able to tell with you because it's a different kind of experience. It's almost like we get to relive it.
00:02:21
Speaker
Yeah. When we get to tell it together. Yeah. This is the story of us. Yes. A story I for a long time never thought I would get to tell. Aw.
00:02:33
Speaker
And I'm so grateful I can. Me too, me too. yeah um Yeah, it's funny how you say, you know, you'll tell it to anyone who will listen, and like, you know, etc. But like, when I bring up this, you know, who you are to me in my life, people are just like, really kind of enthralled and they just want to know more and they start asking me questions. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely nobody has ever given me the impression that they did not want to hear.
00:03:02
Speaker
right the story and that's part of I think what makes it so special to me is just the fact that I have I know inherently that it is a very special story and then I also have so much confirmation that this is an important thing mm-hmm it's super rare it's super rare i'm not very lucky and but extremely lucky um i I'm not sure I know anybody who has had a similar experience or anywhere near as positive and ah of an experience. In fact, i don't yeah I only know one person who's had the same circumstances as us and it was not a good experience. ah ah Two people.
00:03:47
Speaker
two people, ah both not good experiences. And so this is why um I feel it's very important to be able to talk about it and and also it's just special. it's It's going to provide a huge amount of context, I think, for who we are to each other, who we are inherently, and how we are together.
00:04:08
Speaker
yeah You know, and and why, again, why we have come to understand and accept the concept of a soul pod and that we're in each other's soul pods. So this is our story. And I yeah i have tissues handy. I hope you do too.
00:04:31
Speaker
I have paper towel. It works. It works. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm excited. So I guess you want me to get started and I will start from the very, very beginning. Yeah, the story does start with you. So I would like for i would love it very much if you would ah take it away.
00:04:50
Speaker
Sweet. no So the story begins.
Teenage Pregnancy and Life Changes
00:04:56
Speaker
I was 15 years old and I met a boy in school who I liked a lot and got along pretty well with. And we were technically high school boyfriend and girlfriend for about nine months, I want to say.
00:05:14
Speaker
And then some stuff happened and I think we kind of figured out that we needed to not be dating anymore. Like just we're ready to break up basically. So, oh, I guess I should back it up a tiny bit. I lost my virginity to this boy. Ah, teenage love.
00:05:37
Speaker
So we were both 15 or he might have just turned 16. I don't remember exactly when the deed happened, but anyhow, I was definitely 15. And then later on in the year after I turned 16, we broke up. And I had you know had been using condoms because I had been relatively responsible. And we broke up and I gave away my condoms to my friend. And a week later, he and I hooked up again. And that changed the course of my life.
00:06:16
Speaker
Let's just say, no doubt his as well. But anyway, yeah, so we hooked up and I did not have condoms and it resulted in a pregnancy. So when they say it only takes one time, kids, they're not kidding. It really does. They're so serious. They're not kidding. So I ended up finding out in December ah about a week before Christmas that I was pregnant and really scared and didn't know what to do. I was in that you know not super strict Mormon household, but yet my family was very conservative anyway, and I knew this was not going to fly.
00:07:02
Speaker
um I was really scared. you know My stepdad had his you know history of verbal abuse, ah emotional abuse, et cetera. I knew it was going to be pretty bad with him. Didn't really think too much about anyone else, honestly, that I can recall and what their reactions would be, but mostly him. And I didn't want to tell them. I didn't want them to know. So I started making some phone calls because I need to know if I could possibly have an abortion if it came down to it, just so I could hide it from them. But as I started making phone calls and getting some answers, I was told
00:07:48
Speaker
No, you are underage. You have to have your parents' permission. And so I was like, well, that goes there goes that idea. They're going to have to know either way. So I definitely do not want to have an abortion.
00:08:02
Speaker
My thing was i I loved babies and I always wanted to be a mom. I never expected it to happen this way, but I loved babies and I did not want to get rid of my pregnancy, um but I would have if I could have to hide it.
00:08:20
Speaker
from my parents parents because i I knew shit was going to hit the fan and things weren't going to be good. So I was just scared really. Anyhow, my stepdad was a bit of a creeper. And not to say that he would do anything to me that was inappropriate or that he was thinking of me in any inappropriate ways, but for some flipping god-awful reason,
00:08:46
Speaker
he was paying attention to the waste paper basket in the bathrooms and somehow had it in his head that I skipped a period or I was late for my period based on what he saw. And I literally was only like a couple of weeks late by the time he approached me, maybe even just one week, I don't even know. And he approached me and asked me and I said, yes, I think I am, even though I knew I was because I had taken a test. so That you know resulted in a tirade out of him ah where I was kind of cornered in the basement bedroom like where we we had a finished basement. It was a nice nice basement. Anyhow, he cornered me down there and read me the riot act and called me all kinds of bad names.
00:09:39
Speaker
so I don't remember exactly what happened after that. I just remember that particular instance. And then later on, when it came time for my grandmother to be told, that was a whole other story.
00:09:54
Speaker
Molly, I don't even know for sure that I told you this story, but um it's kind of funny. I don't know. We'll see. So we ended up having dinner with my grandma and grandpa invited um to the you know to our family's home. And I knew my dad was going to tell my grandma, like that was the plan.
00:10:16
Speaker
And so I retreated upstairs to my bedroom and while he took her into the basement, whatever the fuck was the deal with the basement. just He took her downstairs. I guess it was for privacy, you know, whatever. And I could hear through the vents. I could hear and I remember hearing stuff and, um, I was nervous and then I was called downstairs for dinner. And so I just went down, sat down.
00:10:46
Speaker
I think we were eating. All of a sudden, my grandmother has this outburst where she starts pounding her fist on the table and yelling, how could you do this to me? god How could you do this to me? and a narcissistic response yeah And that's going to be a whole other topic for us for at some point for sure. Oh yeah. But the especially the pounding the fist on the table specifically, like an outburst like a child.
00:11:14
Speaker
hu Yep. Crazy. And my my grandfather, who wasn't my biological, he was my step-grandpa. They married when I was like nine, about a year after my mom married my stepdad. And by the way, he was the only grandpa that I knew really. My biological grandfather passed away when my mom was 21. So it was before I was born. But my my grandma had been friends with this man for many years and then they ended up getting married. So I kind of grew up knowing him.
00:11:41
Speaker
Anyhow, he just looked at her and said, Virginia, the world does not revolve around your ass. And she just shut up. Oh, man. She just shut up. It was great. Shouts out to grandpa. Yeah, right? ah Don't really remember what else was said.
00:12:03
Speaker
I remember I had gotten some good grades like that semester because you know at Christmas time it's like between the semesters or whatever. and my grandma was leaving and somebody brought it up to her like that I had gotten some good grades or whatever and she tried to come at me with a big hug like she was gonna like be like she was so proud of me and wanted to like praise me for it and was I was sitting on the landing of our steps right across from the front door as they were leaving when she started to come at me and
00:12:37
Speaker
I had a mental breakdown for a moment. too I was so upset that she would do such a flip, you know such a reversal of behavior. I started banging my head on the wall behind me.
00:12:52
Speaker
And I think that my family kind of freaked out. But I was just like not having it. I was just like, who are you? you know don't Don't act one way to me and then act another way. like You're so proud of me. like you know Fuck you, basically. Anyway, my my dad apparently thought,
00:13:12
Speaker
I was suicidal after that and he went and told the bishop, I don't know why, that he thought I was suicidal. He thought I was going to take a knife and stab myself in the belly. Where in the hell would he get this crazy idea? I don't know because I never talked like that. I never behaved like that. I never gave any indication that I wanted to kill myself or stab myself in the belly. like That's just stupid. Anyway,
00:13:39
Speaker
I don't think that my family ever even understood why I banged my head on the wall. I was just so angry and frustrated you know that I took it out on myself because I just didn't know what else to do at that moment. Fast forward, I give birth to a baby girl in the late part of August in a certain year, which is now tattooed on her thigh.
Adoption Decision and Goodbye
00:14:04
Speaker
ah No, i was I was born August 25th.
00:14:07
Speaker
Her due date was September 1st. This is kind of a funny factoid that I'll reference. you know Leave it leave us to Virgo to show up early. Yeah, yeah. ah One week exactly. And um this was the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. I knew during my pregnancy that I was going to have to place her for adoption.
00:14:31
Speaker
I knew that in my family household where I was growing up, I didn't want her around what I was growing up with and dealing with. I mean, it wasn't just my parents, but it was literally like my whole family, my whole family life ah environment that I was living in, et cetera.
00:14:51
Speaker
And I wanted better for her. I thought she needs, you know, and deserves both parents to be present and them to be stable and able to take care of her better than I could at that time. And my parents basically said that I was going to be forced to give her up anyways, but I had known already that that was a choice I was going to have to make. So I'm going to cry.
00:15:22
Speaker
Get your paper towels. Oh, God, here it comes. And I can't talk when I'm crying. That's the problem. I struggle with that, too. So I i had gone into preterm labor twice, once at seven months and one at once at eight months. And during those times, I actually started to dilate. So it was... a I had to take a little extra better care of myself, like drinking more water and staying off my feet, but I had been hospitalized both of those two times for about a week, just to make sure that I didn't continue on with labor and have you too early. So yeah, spoiler alert, that baby was Molly. I don't know, I already alluded to that. Yeah, I'm sure, I'm quite sure that ah anybody who's heard our all illusions and our hints ah
00:16:13
Speaker
ah Figured it out already. Has figured it out or knew exactly where we were headed with that. Yeah, so i my labor was very weird. I was actually scheduled to go to the hospital on that day but to be induced.
00:16:30
Speaker
so you do And we were having lunch and we were going to leave to go to the hospital after that. And while I was eating lunch, I started feeling labor pains again. So we went to the hospital and it was like, they when we showed up, they were just like, oh yeah, you're here to be induced. I was like, nope, I am in labor. So get me to a room. I had already been dilated a couple of centimeters by then, prior to then, because of the preterm labors.
00:17:05
Speaker
and labor went pretty quick for me. So I think we got there, I'll just say at around noon. I got an epidural and boy, oh boy, I didn't feel a damn thing from my rib cage down, like from the bottom of my rib cage down. I couldn't feel anything. Couldn't move my legs. It was crazy. That would both freak me out and relieve me so much.
00:17:30
Speaker
Yeah. I could feel pressure down there, but not like not really any pain that I can recall. And it's really funny when other people have to pick your legs up for you and hold your legs in that, you know, that position where they're like, ah you know, way up and your knees are against your ears and stuff.
00:17:49
Speaker
um ah Anyway, the the doctor had, you know as a lot of times as they do, um having to run between two different rooms as two people are birthing at the same exact time. She was checking me and then going and checking on her and then she was check she was running back and forth and at one point she ran in the room.
00:18:11
Speaker
and determined that I was ready. And she goes, push. Because like i was I guess I was in the midst of a contraction that I couldn't feel. And she was like, push. And I just looked at her like, what? like Because I didn't think I was like at that stage already. She was like, push, push, push. And I was like, okay.
00:18:36
Speaker
It was like hilarious. So that was at like 9.30 when I was ready. I literally pushed you for like 27 minutes and you came out. I mean, it was fast. And a nurse was really funny later on. She was like, are you sure this was your first baby? You did that like a pro.
00:19:00
Speaker
I was like, I guess I have super strong abdomen. I don't know.
00:19:07
Speaker
so Anyway. that was That was a crazy experience. And I was able to stay in hospital with you not not ah back then in the in the early 90s. They didn't have babies staying in the rooms with the mothers. Back then, the babies went to the nursery. And so um they brought you in for me to see you a few times and stuff like that.
00:19:37
Speaker
But I had been seeing a counselor with the LDS Church about this whole thing. I had you know decided already that I was going to be placing her with a Mormon family through the LDS social services.
00:19:54
Speaker
And um I knew that that moment was going to be coming, that I was going to have to say goodbye. And the couple of days I was able to be with you was definitely something I'd never forget.
00:20:13
Speaker
Well, now I'm going to cry. You were so beautiful. I loved you so much. And I just, I think I kind of knew even back then that it wasn't going to be the last time I would see you. I don't know. It was like I had this comfort, comforted feeling.
00:20:37
Speaker
with all of it. I mean, I was pretty faithful in the church at that time and I did pray a lot, but I did feel like I actually got the comfort that I was asking for and the reassurance that everything was going to be okay anyway. Okay. So my mom was with me and it was time to go to put you in the car.
00:21:04
Speaker
And I put you in the little car seat in the back of this man's car, this counselor person. And my mom started crying. And I put my arm around her and said it was okay. It was going to be okay. And I just thought, like when I look back on that time, that moment, I always thought it was really funny. know I was the one who was holding it together while I comforted my mom. It should have been the other way around.
00:21:35
Speaker
But anyway, it was natural and that's how that's how it went and that's okay. um I was prepared. I had prayed about it. I had lived the moment in my head.
00:21:50
Speaker
and, you know, knew that I was going to be prepared when the time came. And so I know was. So um I was able to get some letters and photos from your adoptive parents for the first six months of your life. And then I think they just stopped.
00:22:13
Speaker
but they were required to do that per the contract. I don't know what the hell you call that. The paperwork that you sign in the court for the adoption, um that was part of the adoption agreement that they had to do that. So they did it and that's cool. i'm I'm glad I'm grateful. And I still have all those letters and pictures and everything. I, being the oddball that I am,
00:22:40
Speaker
I never really jived with any men in my life to find a spouse and start a family the way I thought I would all my life. And so a lot of time went by and I dated a lot of people.
00:22:58
Speaker
And I finally met somebody that I thought got me. And I, for some reason, this man made me feel very safe and secure. And ah the fact that I had a baby at 16 was never an issue with him. I never had a problem talking about it to people. And and every boyfriend I was with knew. And so with him, he was very cool with it and accepting. and no big deal at all. you know He was in the military and jokingly said that he may have a child overseas that he didn't know about. Anyway, we both had pretty varied life experiences and we were both mature enough to accept both of our stuff with no problems.
00:23:50
Speaker
So anyway, all of our marriage, which wasn't super long before our son was born, but like he would ask me, what are you going to do if she ever shows up? And like other people would ask me the same question, so it wasn't anything new. Or do you want her to look for you? Do you want her to find you? Do you want to find her? Et cetera, et cetera. like Various forms of the same kind of question.
00:24:17
Speaker
And I was just like, i I would love it. I want it to happen. I i would say to people who would ask me, do you think she's ever going to look for you?
Hopes for Reunion and Search Begins
00:24:30
Speaker
I would say, if she's anything like me, she will. Because I think I would be very curious and want to know who my biological parents are. So I feel like if she's like me, that she would. And and she was. And she is.
00:24:47
Speaker
Yes, I am. and Yeah, and I'm so grateful. So when you were a child growing up with your adoptive parents, you found some information. Yeah, i yeah that's what that was what I was going to um launch into. And I mean, even even before that, you know, because it was it's a different experience. every Every adopted child I feel has such a varied experience. you know some Some kids don't even know that they are adopted. And i I don't know when I was first told, but I do know the first time I really grasped it and understood it. And the concept was when I was about five and it wasn't anything distressing to hear.
00:25:40
Speaker
you know And I guess a lot of things when you're a kid, if you know you're told them in in the appropriate way, are not distressing. Just because you hear them and you're like, oh yeah, that is what it is. you know and and It's like you you don't have any life experience yet to be able to have a judgment. yeah yeah You don't judge it. you yeah You have no context for it, no framework for it. So you're just hearing a fact about yourself and it's just like, oh, okay, whatever.
00:26:07
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. you know And so that's how I grew. I grew up knowing it, you know, from as early on as I could understand the concept. I did spend five weeks in foster care. I'm not sure if it was just a law that needed to be observed or yeah. It was a law that needed to be observed, apparently. So I spent five weeks in foster care. And then I was picked up at the very end of September and flown home to Virginia, where I spent my childhood. And I yeah You know, i I grew up knowing that I was adopted. And I grew up the whole time knowing I, as soon as it was an option, I was going to do whatever I needed to do to be able to find her. And, you know, and I love now knowing how how confident she was in that knowledge that I was going to find her.
00:27:03
Speaker
You know, it's hard to call it confidence when it's like, oh, you don't know for sure. It's not like, um, you haven't sent you a message saying, yes, she will find you. Don't worry. You know, cause it was just very much a, like you had a feeling and you trusted it and, and it was true. It was correct. And cause I always had it. I always had it. And it was almost a gift, all odds. I had it because I grew up being told by the adults in my life, like,
00:27:33
Speaker
hey, you need to be prepared for the possibility that she may not want to reconnect, or she may not have told the people in her life, her spouse, whoever, that she had a child in high school, and you know she she may not be open to it. And I heard these people out with grace,
00:28:01
Speaker
And I knew that they were wrong because I had the exact same thought that if she's anything like me, she wants me to find her. Hmm. That's awesome. She wants me to find her. She is waiting for me to find her. And she's never once felt ashamed to tell anyone, especially someone as important as a spouse. about You felt that. I felt that.
00:28:26
Speaker
wow I knew it. I was like, there is no way that it's, I mean, logically, in my in my, you know, objective opinion, that's too important to the thing to keep from a spouse anyhow. And in in all fairness, and you know, it's kind of a joke to say this, but it's also very serious though.
00:28:48
Speaker
It's hard for a woman to hide the fact that she's had a baby and in a lot of cases. Their body changes after, you know, when you're pregnant. So being naked in front of somebody, it's kind of hard to hide like certain things, structure marks in the right places and, you know, those kind of things.
00:29:07
Speaker
right right exactly but yeah i just you know i knew i was like you know what you can you can tell me that till you're blue in the face you can believe it with all your heart and soul uh but objectively i knew uh it was not true and that if it was ever going to be possible it was on me to try to find her because it was sort of a It being a closed adoption, she had no information about the people who adopted me or where I had been raised. Okay, wait. I gotta just correct one minor thing. We ran into this. We ran into this when you guys were talking for the first time. Right. Because she was told it was a closed adoption. You were told it was a semi-open. Mm-hmm. Yes. You were told two different things.
00:29:53
Speaker
Right. But I'm the one who signed the paperwork. Yes. So even if it's legal, even if it was legally a semi-open adoption, to my mother and to me, we knew it as a closed adoption. I get that. And so that's why I'm saying that's what it was. That was our reality. Okay. And I just want to say from my perspective and from the legal perspective, as a semi-open,
00:30:20
Speaker
you would have had the right at 18 years old to look for me. Whereas if it's closed, you don't have the right. And so like the the records should never have been made available for you to find. Well, this is the thing. Yeah, i know I know that it turned out to be that way for you in some ways. right What I'm saying is that like i even being told it was a closed adoption, I never was told that I was never going to be allowed to find you. Okay.
00:30:50
Speaker
So that was never a concern on the end. So from my perspective, I was told that I was not ever going to be legally allowed to look for you, but that you could look for me and once you were 18. So I always knew in the back of my mind that it was a possibility once you turned 18 that you could find me and I never really expected it to happen that soon. And then like at 18, you know what I'm saying? I just knew it was just a thing that I just had to keep remembering or I mean, that didn't have to, that I did remember all the time in the back of my head, like she could literally be looking for me right now. And then when it did happen, it still felt like I never expected it to happen.
00:31:39
Speaker
that soon in life and i'm so grateful that it did because it's given us so much more time to to be you know to get to know each other yeah and like that's the thing too like you know despite the two different things that you guys were told you and my mother i was still always told that i would be allowed to find you once i turned 18 and i was told that you were not allowed to try to look for me Okay, um but I also sort of took that to mean that you had no potential information that you could even even try Regardless of whether you were allowed to and that's that's right and technically this is the thing Technically, I shouldn't have
00:32:21
Speaker
either. I shouldn't have been given any sort of information that would have helped me find her. But again, you know, and this is there's just little things that I realize and maybe some somehow sort of realized At the time, little little things sort of hinting at, yeah this is supposed to happen. You're supposed to find each other because it shouldn't have happened. My parents were sent a form. I'm pretty sure it was probably pretty soon after I was um brought home by them, maybe like within the first year of my life. They were sent a form with both of my biological parents' names on them, on it in one single form.
00:33:06
Speaker
And they opened that letter or that mail and saw what it was and knew that it was sent by mistake and yet they knew they should keep it.
00:33:20
Speaker
they their thought process was very practical. It was very like, what if she needs medical information, family medical information, or something in the future? If she gets some sort of disease or is at risk for something? You know, that was very that was their thought process for keeping that, but they did.
00:33:38
Speaker
but they never said anything about having that information. ah It was purely that I was an extremely curious child and I snooped everywhere. And I was about 12, I think, when I ah found a lock box that was not locked, a little metal box.
00:34:00
Speaker
And I opened it, and I just flipped through the pages. I was looking through everything, just like, what is this? What is that? Came across something with her name on the page. And I knew what it was. It had my birthday on it, and it had the location. I knew where I had been born, obviously, because my parents had to fly to ah pick me up.
00:34:21
Speaker
So I knew, they knew at least approximately where I had been born. So I, you know, was going through this little box and I came across this form and I read the information. And I remember, I really do remember the feeling I got when my eyes landed on your name because I didn't know it before, uh, nor no reason that I should have known it because my parents didn't tell me, even if they remembered from having seen that form.
00:34:51
Speaker
And, uh, you know, I, but I came across it and I, I knew, I knew what it was and I knew exactly how significant it was to have found it. And I almost felt a little guilty because I knew, A, I knew I shouldn't have been snooping and I knew I was going to have to fess up because I could not, not acknowledge that I became privy to this information.
00:35:19
Speaker
And so I did, and I fortunately was not in trouble for going through anything. Like, I think they sort of almost expected that maybe I would find it someday. oh and That's interesting. they They heard me out. You know, I just said, like, I found this form and it has their names. I know their names now. And they said, are you okay? How do you feel?
00:35:47
Speaker
And I said, good, fine, at peace. Like I didn't, and I really didn't. It was just a, again, it was a cosmic moment. I really feel that I was like, this is part of the plan. This is a part of the path.
00:36:02
Speaker
um This was meant to happen. i remembered i I logged away her first and last name. I logged away correctly, my biological father's first name. I did not remember his last name correctly, but it's a year more important.
00:36:18
Speaker
ah you know And I knew it from then on, I never forgot. And I also saw the name that they gave me, or that she gave me, that which was a fun thing to know because I didn't know that that was even a thing. I didn't think that she'd be able to give me a name, but I guess in retrospect, I think you said that you couldn't have uh let me go like i couldn't have left the hospital without a name is that what um well it's just customary in whatever way whether it's a law or not there has to be a birth certificate filled out who and um that is where you put the name the illegal legal name of the child yeah and
00:36:59
Speaker
If that child becomes adopted, then the adoptive parents have the choice to change your name, which they did because they never knew. yeah i' when they first When they first picked you up, I don't care. They had picked out a name anyway. my So even if they had been told what name I'd been given before, they weren't going to keep it because they had decided on one already. um But for the first five weeks of my life, I was Chelsea Leah. Yeah.
00:37:28
Speaker
And, you know, finding that out, you know, it's, it's funny how I could think now about like, Oh, you know, did I ever really test that out for myself as an identity? Like previously, you know, I used to look in the mirror and sort of think to myself, like, do I look like a Chelsea? Do I think I am a Chelsea? Does that make sense to me? And, you know, like I feel like I could see it, but i I sort of also understood like, your name is what it is. And whether you grow up with a particular name doesn't necessarily mean that it's like right or wrong for you. But it's something that it was like, you know, I also knew through it all that that's the name that you knew me by. Yep. And that's the name you thought of me as. Yep. The whole time. So, you know, I, I don't know, I just logged all this information away. And I just
00:38:20
Speaker
I didn't do a whole lot of emotional processing with it, but again, I don't feel like there was a whole lot that needed to be processed just because I knew, you know, it it was like tick marks or clicks, like things clicked into place. Things just sort of were like, all right, it's the next step. Let's move on. This is the next step in the process. I can imagine too, if I was trying to put myself in your shoes, that it would feel like a little bit of the piece of the puzzle was falling into place and that helped give you maybe a sense of piece and like, I don't know. Certainly as a patient, like knowing like, hey, not only is it that I will be allowed to try to find her, but this is going to certainly help. And now I have more of a substantial like, I have this information, and it's going to increase my chances of success succeeding in finding her. And it gave me more like,
00:39:19
Speaker
ah something more tangible to know that I get to look forward to, um even if I had no clue how and how I was going to manage it or how long it would take or what sort of obstacles I would run up against. you know But I just grew up knowing this and not even formulating a plan, but just sort of knowing like when the time is right or when the right idea strikes me, I'm going to run with it and see how far it gets me. But obviously, just sort of waiting for the starting gun being my 18th birthday. You know? Just sort of being like... That's a cool visual. Alright, let's go. I'm at the starting line. 17 and a half. I'm ready, let's go! But I didn't even... That's awesome. You know, it was...
00:40:05
Speaker
it was uh when you're 18 a lot of stuff is happening in your life sort of objectively anyway um you know and literally on my 18th birthday was the day that i moved into my college dorm um at byu fun fact it was also the first day i ever wore a thong oh so ah It was a black-laced thong. Woo! How did you get your hands on that? Victoria's Secret, baby. Yeah, and somebody wasn't policing your purchases. Hey, I had a job. I had my own money. No, I definitely hid that thing and kept it ah hidden. and
00:40:44
Speaker
ah yeah it was like cats especially ca like black le fun on ma birthday hell yeah I also signed my first ever medical forums for contacts that day too. so um but Uh, but yeah, so that was my 18th birthday was momentous for a few different reasons. And, you know, it was in the first semester of college that I was like, okay, it's time. It's time to start figuring this out. And I, um, somewhat naively thought, all right, the obvious first place to start is going to be the agency, the, uh, LDS family services.
00:41:22
Speaker
Yeah, calling us. That's where I was told that you would have been told that that's where you were supposed to go to start. Yeah, and i I guess I I don't know if anybody really told me that I should call them but like I just sort of It made sense. It's like logical. Um, right you know, and so I knew like, that's the place to start completely. Unsurprisingly, they were less than helpful. Quick question. Did you do that on your 18th birthday? Not on my 18th birthday. It was like maybe a month and a half or two months later.
00:41:57
Speaker
um Just because, like I said, a lot going on at the time. Oh, for sure. That's why I was like, did you actually do it that day? no no It was very much like on a weekend during the fall semester of my freshman year of college um when I was like, I've got time, or maybe not a weekend, because I don't know if they would have been open on a weekend. but on a day when i didn't have like a lot going on because i was like all right i'm gonna carve out a couple hours at least because i feel like i'm gonna be sitting on hold or i'm gonna be like transferred between people like i just think it's gonna be a a while to see if i can get anywhere sure
00:42:32
Speaker
Yeah, less than helpful. I honestly can't even remember what was said to me except for like maybe to go online and look for some forms to start to fill out. But then also like that information being really unclear.
00:42:50
Speaker
and you know just sort of being uh what's the phrase like strung along strung along with the you know the carrot dangling the carrot yeah yeah just sort of like oh certainly you can do this but then like absolutely not helping me get there and so i uh put it away for a little bit i but i revisited it every every few months at least just to be like, hey, help me please. Nobody would. Um, the other distinct time that I remember really trying to dig in, in an aggressive way was when I was 20, like just a few months before I moved to Boston, where I was like, I really want to figure this out. Truly was not ever getting anywhere.
00:43:36
Speaker
you know and I like I said had a lot going on at the time there's a lot of mental health stuff coming up made it hard to sort of um do anything let alone work on a somewhat fruitless project but in my second or third Yeah, it was my third year at Berkeley. um I had shared the story of being adopted with a friend and he was particularly interested in it as a concept and interested in the fact that I knew her name. And this was also, you know, in a time when
00:44:14
Speaker
and the internet was really starting or really being established, especially like using things like peoplefinder dot.com or whatever, which I never even considered, which is crazy. um But he did and he he had done so before with other things and so he asked for her name again as a reminder and was like, I'll be back and went and searched for her and sent me pages of research results that looked correct, uh, based on name and location. And, uh, went to a couple of other places, including the LDS as a membership, or maybe it was like family search or some, some sort of LDS run site that might be somewhat connected to genealogy, but found you there. And from that website was able to see your married name, as opposed to the maiden name that I had known.
00:45:08
Speaker
And then from having your mate or your married name went to Facebook and found you because your profile was public. And sent me your profile and it took not two seconds to look at a picture of you and know you were my mom.
Locating Biological Mother
00:45:27
Speaker
It was so obvious. um you know And there was a lot of public photos there that I like was able to look through and see like your wedding album, your photo album of your wedding, and ah you know several others, and just sort of being like, this is it. This is this is real. It's so for sure her.
00:45:52
Speaker
um And I remember that night, I called my adoptive mom to say that I found her, to tell her. you know And like on the phone with her, I texted her the link to your Facebook profile and said, look, it's definitely her. And she looked and she was like, wow, that's unreal.
00:46:13
Speaker
you know like it's it is It's so surreal to to sort of have gone through a whole lifetime of wondering and you know speculation and like imagining, and then to see the the truth and the reality for the first time. and you know I said, I'm going to reach out. I'm not exactly sure how because it'll be hard to do, but I'm going to reach out and I'll see what happens. and I said I'd keep her posted and I did, obviously, but, uh, you know, it was not as straightforward as it would have been nice to be straightforward to try to talk to you. And I i honestly, even through it all, I did have this very deep, intense feeling of, uh, that I needed to make sure not to be intrusive and not that I thought that you'd be upset by it, but I just wanted to be sensitive. And so I actually had,
00:47:11
Speaker
E, reach out, my friend who had found your profile and send a message. But then I knew that that message was going to go into the like other inbox because you had no ah mutual friends or anything. And so I was like, ah, she's not going to see it. like it's I don't know.
00:47:30
Speaker
Yeah, I don't even know. Yeah, I didn't even, I don't even remember if at that point I'd known about the existence of yeah the other folder, whatever that was called at the time, other ask or whatever it was called. It was, yeah, I was like, man, a lot of people don't even know ah that those things exist. So like, you know, we waited a couple of days and then there was like nothing going on. And so I was like, Oh, wait, you know what?
00:47:58
Speaker
i think i I think I saw a friend request. Oh, that's right. He did add you. Yeah. right And then I dismissed it because I'm like, I have no idea who this person is.
00:48:10
Speaker
but well I was like um but you didn't see the message you only saw the friend request initially exactly yeah yeah so you know i was like okay like this is not working exactly but what else can i do and so i um for the first time after you know i'd i'd been pretty out of the church at this point but for the first time i like I was like, all right, gotta got to make use of the church somehow. And I reached out to a friend who I knew still had access to LDS.org, I think it was. Wasn't it him?
00:48:46
Speaker
ah No, um it was other people. Oh, I think i I think I posted in a group um because there were people who are just like sort of fringe Mormon in this group and still had like access like how to membership because you had to have like a login I think to get access to like member information or or like local bishop information and so since I had confirmation about the town that you lived in in Michigan, I was like, alright,
00:49:12
Speaker
who can find me the name and phone number of the bishop in this town in Michigan. And a couple people found like there was two two different options. I'm not sure why, but I got two different names and phone numbers and I chose the first one I called and it was a house phone. This bishop, ah his wife picked up and it was ah to this day the weirdest phone call I've ever made in my life.
00:49:40
Speaker
um It was such a while and it was so weird to be also like doing this I was literally all like on campus not in between classes But I think I was just or maybe I was I have no no other reason why I would have had to stay there while I was trying to do this, but You know, I was like sitting in a tucked away alcove ah in one of the buildings on campus and you know just sitting and was like yeah, I called and she picked up the wife of this Bishop and I i I said, hi, ah you you do not know me. um And this is probably really bizarre, and I hope that it's okay that I've called, but I introduced myself. So my name is Molly. um I'm looking for my biological mother, and I think that your husband, the bishop, might know her.
00:50:30
Speaker
And she got so excited. she She was like, really? Oh, oh my goodness. And she was so excited. Oh, this is so cool. And i you know she she asked me some questions about myself. She asked me what was but just things about myself. And you know she said, he's not home right now. He's on the way to a meeting. But if you don't mind,
00:50:55
Speaker
hanging up and I will you know call him and let him know and give him your number and he can call you and I said sure absolutely please um I guess whatever meeting he was going to was like a long drive and so he was uh gonna be in the car for a little while and so she she called him and gave him the rundown about the situation And I got a call from an unknown number in Michigan a little bit later, and he was calling me, and he was like, this is a really cool thing that you're trying to figure out. Can you give me more information? And so I gave the information about your name, and I gave both your maiden name and your married name. He said that he hadn't met you in person, but he knew who you were. He knew your dad. He was a relatively new bishop, I think, at the time.
00:51:49
Speaker
And so, you know, he said he would spend a little time, call some other people, previous bishops, get some more information and see if he could ah dig up any more information for me. And so he did. and I'm amazed this all happened like in the same evening because it was the same evening. He went to his meeting.
00:52:09
Speaker
I don't know how he had time to try to call like two or three other bishops that had previously you know served in that area before him and speak to them about it. But yeah he called far enough back in the chain of bishops that ah he even spoke to the one who was the bishop ah when you were pregnant oh god with me. And that bishop said he remembered that situation.
00:52:36
Speaker
wow um and I'm trying to remember who it was yeah when I was that age. If he told me names, I don't remember the names, but um yeah you know he he said that it was just crazy to... or I don't remember how much it was like said directly or if it was implied, but he was talking about how like it felt really impactful even to them, even to that bishop, to see something come full circle like this.
00:53:04
Speaker
um and so um you know i he said that he was able to like make connections and make you know get like family member names and things and you know i said i have no right to ask you this but i don't want to be intrusive when i reach out to her and i would really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to be the one to speak to her and to let her know that i'm looking for her and i want to find her and i want to talk to her and i want to know her
00:53:38
Speaker
And I gave him all my information, my cell phone number, my address, my email. i I said she can have all of this if she wants it, because I want to hear from her. And he said he would be so honored to do that. And this is the point where I get choked up. Yeah, I'm about to too. because This is like the so craziest, most unbelievable time of my life to go through this and to you like i said before you know to tell this story is like to relive it it's so fucking cool man but he said he would be so honored to talk to you and to tell you the good news really effectively and uh you know and i think that was like a monday night or something and so i waited a couple days and uh he
00:54:34
Speaker
checked back in Thursday evening of that week. And he said, I talked to her. She sounds just like you. And she wants to talk to you. He said that she'll need a couple of days. She wants to figure out what to say. But she I gave her all your contact info. She's going to call you. And I was like, oh my gosh.
00:55:05
Speaker
the I'm trying really hard not to start sobbing. I was speechless and I actually think I was wrong. I think that he said he told me on Thursday night that he was going to be calling you to tell you because I think he was trying to reach you in person like to be able to speak in person and wasn't able to get yeah a time. and so He um stopped at my house and I wasn't home. Right. And my husband was home and um I got home and John was like, I don't know why, but your bishop stopped here. And I was like, why? Because I hadn't been to church in so long and I didn't even know who he was. um And I just, you know, at that time in my life, I started feeling like a little bit of an an aversion to church. And so I was kind of anxious about the whole thing and why would he be trying to get a hold of me.
00:56:00
Speaker
So if it's okay, I'll tell more. Yeah, I know this is where you kind of pick up a little bit. Yeah. so So after maybe an hour or so, I get a phone call from him.
Reconnection Initiated
00:56:14
Speaker
And, uh, he was like, I was hoping to be able to stop by and talk to you for a few minutes. And I was just like, well, I'm really busy. I have a friend over here would, you know, got a lot of stuff going on at my house. i My kitchen was under construction at the time and just things were hectic. And I just was like, eh, no. And he was like,
00:56:37
Speaker
Well, I didn't want to have to do this over the phone, but I heard from a young lady who claims to be your biological daughter or are claimed that you are her biological mother, I think is what he said. and i And I couldn't believe my ears. Obviously, I was like, what? And I think I had to lean over onto the kitchen counter to like hold myself up.
00:57:02
Speaker
But my friend was there and John was there and they both heard. So they were like, they stopped dead in their tracks and were staring like, what, what the hell, what's going on? And I was just like, okay. And you he just kind of told me some details about you, your birth date.
00:57:20
Speaker
that you were attending school in Boston and you were an accomplished pianist. I remember him saying those words and I was like, wow. And you know, it's really funny because all those years I pictured you as this prim and proper sweet little Mormon girl in my head, expecting that you know you were raised that way. and you know, that in my mind, you are going to be perfect and, you know, not do anything wrong and not be a bad girl like me.
00:58:03
Speaker
I never expected it. I was like, my my kid is going to be perfect. She is going to be like Molly Mormon. Literal. Literal. But like, no, I never even thought of that word, that we name. when I thought of you. It's so funny.
00:58:20
Speaker
And, uh, so as soon as we knew your name, I think John basically ran to the computer and looked to you up and he, he either looked up your family. I don't know how he found out the information he found out. It was so weird because I was still on the phone and I was still really, I bet he Googled my name. I'm sorry. Say it again. I bet he Googled my name. Cause I think didn't he, didn't he find my dad's obituary?
00:58:47
Speaker
he may have found that or just information about your family in general. I don't remember, but he found your Facebook and brought it to me. like I think by the time I hung up the phone, he had it up and I was just like,
00:59:06
Speaker
And, you know, you were like this little gothy punk girl and I was just like, oh my God. Not at all what I expected to see, but hello. You were like a mini me.
00:59:18
Speaker
yeah And that was so cool. I was a little shocked, but I was so thrilled and scared and all of those things, you know?
00:59:34
Speaker
you know Oh man, yeah, and so I do remember he he had told me in advance that he was going to give you a call and tell you. And I think it was Friday morning that he called me to tell me that he'd spoken to you. And this is, um you know, again, like I just, I remember dates really well, just in general, but like this became like the easiest date in the world to remember because this was Friday the 13th of November, 2015. And it was the same day as the shooting in Paris that happened.
01:00:09
Speaker
I remember that very distinctly. So you know he called me Friday morning. He told me that he talked to you, that he gave you my information to be able to reach out to me and that you were going to and that you just needed a couple of days. And so I truly didn't expect to hear from you until like Saturday or Sunday. But i I had a work shift that day. I don't even remember if I had school, but I definitely had a work shift. I was at work and I was doing the closing shift.
01:00:35
Speaker
I was working at an outdoor sports store in Boston, and I told my manager, like, hey, just an FYI, I am like a live wire today, and here's why. ah My biological mother knows that I'm looking for her, and she's gonna call me because she's got my phone number now. I don't know if it'll be today or not, but like, you know, if I if i get a call, can I please run to the back and Listen to your talk to your you know talk to your and then he was like of course of course. Oh my god. That's incredible He was so excited. He was such a sweet man really wonderful person and It was like Somewhat late. I think it was like 8 30 almost or there about 8 30 p.m. I look at my phone randomly and I saw a missed call from an unknown number in Michigan and a voicemail and
01:02:06
Speaker
Hi Molly, my name is Christina and I hear we have a few things to talk about. So if you would like to give me a call, that would be really, really amazing. ah Hopefully you could see the number on your phone, but it's.
01:02:22
Speaker
you And I really, really look forward to talking with you. Take care.