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105. Doing Things That Would Light Me Up- With Shauna Domalain
83 Plays3 years ago
Shauna Domalain is the creative founder of the Growing Up in Heaven Program for mothers who want to connect and communicate with their children on the Other Side.
Shauna’s personal journey through the loss of her son has paved a path for mothers to move from grief to relief as they learn to make the connection with their child in Heaven.
A powerhouse in the spiritual communication realms, Shauna’s first-hand experience with loss and grief allow her to share a wealth of
soulful + heart-felt tools and support on how to navigate loss and find true meaning in life again.
She runs a 6-figure business from her home in Canada, and is the host of The Oracle of Light Podcast. Shauna enjoys kickboxing and
working out, spending time in the mountains with family and friends,
and her continued quest for the perfect cup of coffee.
Connect with Shauna Domalain:
https://www.livealifeyoulove.org/
https://www.facebook.com/shauna.domalain
Connect with Kendra Rinaldi:
http://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
Reclaiming Joy After Difficult Times
00:00:01
Speaker
What were the things that really lit me up before this happened? What were the things that really brought me joy? What were the simple pleasures? So going to get pedicures, putting lip gloss on, doing my hair, you know, spending time with my girlfriends, getting a latte. So I made a list of about 25 things that I used to love that used to just bring me joy just because
00:00:25
Speaker
And I made a promise to myself that every day I would get up, I would get dressed, maybe not have full makeup on, but I would put some damn lipstick on, or I would just show up as the best version I could in that moment. And that that was fleeting and changing and that was okay.
Podcast Introduction and Purpose
00:00:45
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast.
00:00:53
Speaker
This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:09
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Introducing Shana de Melon
00:01:32
Speaker
Today, you'll all have the honor of listening to Shana de Melon's story. Shana is a transformational medium. She is an avid women's empowerment advocate and a loyal coffee and chocolate lover, a woman of my own heart. I've got my coffee right here as well.
00:01:53
Speaker
And I would totally have chocolate for breakfast if I could as well with my coffee. Right. And Shana is the creative founder of Growing Up in Heaven program, which is for mothers who have lost their children and want to communicate and connect with them on the other side. So we'll be learning more about Shana as well as her son, Jack, who is the reason probably of her journey. So welcome, Shana.
00:02:22
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much for having me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is such a pleasure and honor to be here and to connect with you and to just share this space. Thank you for having me. I'm so grateful that you're here and we connected a little bit before we started recording that we are puppy moms, you're also a cat mom. So we shared a little bit about that too. And so tell us more about you, where you live and a little bit of your family dynamics.
Shana's Life in Calgary and Mediumship
00:02:52
Speaker
Sure. I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and we are nestled right next to the Rocky Mountains. I like to tell people that we are just above Montana. So it sort of gives people a reference point as to where we are in the world.
00:03:09
Speaker
Um, I'm an actual, uh, I'm a native Calgarian, so I was born and raised here. Uh, you know, there aren't as many of us in the city. I find that a lot of people, um, leave and travel the world and, and, you know, experience different places. And then at some point people usually come back. I mean, it's just, it's a, it's a beautiful magical place. Um, I am, uh,
00:03:30
Speaker
a lifelong medium. And what that means is as a young girl, I saw spirit everywhere. I called them the see-through people. And we went to Catholic school, so it wasn't something that was readily talked about. We didn't have TV shows. We didn't have books. We didn't have this plethora of information for everyone to understand what was happening. And
00:03:53
Speaker
My gifts sort of, you know, I sort of put them on the back burner growing up. I just really wanted to have friends. I wanted to, you know, have someone to play with at lunch. And so just sort of put them on the back burner.
Spiritual Awakening After Accident
00:04:04
Speaker
And it was about 15 years ago, I was in an accident and I wrote a zip line here in the city and my parachute didn't open. And through the healing process from that accident, spirit started to come in again.
00:04:19
Speaker
It was crazy. I had Reiki. I don't know if people are familiar with Reiki. Reiki is an energy modality that's very peaceful and calming. And I had a Reiki session and I thought, oh my gosh, what is this? I feel fantastic. I have to learn this. This is amazing. And the woman that was my Reiki master, she said, you'll be offering sessions for people. And I said, no, no, no, that's not going to happen. And I said, I'm healing. I'm not interested in this stuff. No, no, no, no.
00:04:47
Speaker
So I became a Reiki master, and then Spirit just kept hitting me over the head with, you need to offer sessions. You need to offer sessions. Get yourself a bed, get the room set up, do this. So it took me about six months to actually finally go get the bed and set it up. And within about a month, I was just booked like crazy. People were coming in and it was just absolutely magical. And through the sessions, I looked up
00:05:13
Speaker
And I started to see spirit sitting in the corner of the room. And so in every session there, the spirit would come in. And I thought, nicely played universe, nicely played. Because in my mind, it was like, no, I'm not doing that. It's too weird. It's out there. People are going to judge me. It's this, it's that. And so that was really when I decided, you know what? I love doing this. I love helping. And let's, OK, let's do this. Let's go for this ride and see where it takes us. And then.
Considering Another Child
00:05:43
Speaker
about eight, about nine years ago. So Jack would be eight this year. Nine years ago, my husband at the time, he and I had talked about having another baby. So my daughter Emma is now 16. And it was funny because she would, she would run around the house and say stuff like, where's my brother? Why is he not in your tummy?
00:06:04
Speaker
Where is he? When is he coming? We're supposed to be a family of four. When is he coming? I'm going to show him this, and I'm going to show him that, and we're going to be the best of friends. It was just absolutely insane. I would be upstairs putting laundry away or doing something, and I would hear her in her room talking.
00:06:26
Speaker
and i thought who the heck is she talking to and it's not uncommon for children to have imaginary friends so i peeked into her room the one day and that sure enough there she was sitting with this little boy and they were chatting and she came downstairs after and i said
00:06:42
Speaker
So were you having a tea party with your friends? What was happening? And she said, yeah, she said, my brother Jack was there and he's just waiting for you to have, make him show up in your tummy. And I just, I just froze. I thought, Oh my gosh. And my husband at the time and I, we hadn't even really decided whether or not we were going to have another child. And so it was just all of this crazy stuff was happening. And then I started dreaming about Jack and then I started seeing his energy and feeling his energy. And it was just, it was crazy. So.
Experiencing and Overcoming Grief
00:07:10
Speaker
My husband at the time and I, we had decided to take the leap and have another baby. We needed a little bit of assistance and so we had started the in vitro journey and thought things were going according to plan and everything was lining up and things didn't work out. It was very early on and it was a grief that
00:07:40
Speaker
The only way I can describe it even to this day is that it just literally brought me to my knees. It was just this instant shock and disbelief when they said, I'm sorry, it didn't work. And it just, it was, it was debilitating. It was, you know, and it was interesting too, because now I can look back and I understand what was happening, but I was so angry. I was furious. I was angry.
00:08:02
Speaker
at myself. I was angry at the doctors. I was angry at God. I was angry at my husband at the time. I was just so angry. It was a loss that impacted every aspect of my life. I often share this with the clients and the students that I work with that you're one person before this type of loss. Then through that journey, through healing and grieving, you become a different version of you.
00:08:29
Speaker
I really no longer recognize myself. I just, I threw myself into work. I volunteered at the school with my daughter's class. I've probably made 10 million cupcakes. I just tried to do anything I could to not have to sit with it.
00:08:45
Speaker
And it was about, I would say it was about three, four years later. And I was guided to have a session with a medium. And Laurel is so beautiful, so amazing. And so I booked in with her. And you know, it's funny because people were like, well, you're a medium, just why can't you connect with him? Why can't you experience him? And I said,
00:09:08
Speaker
I can't my grief is so heavy and the sorrow and the loss and I felt depressed and I said all these lower energies are just I'm not anywhere near energetically high enough for
00:09:18
Speaker
I can't experience him. I don't feel him. So the first session with Laurel, she said, Shauna, have you talked to Jack? And I said, no, I can't. I said, I don't feel him. I don't see him. It's like he's gone. And then she said, well, he's right here. And I could see him walk in to the space holding hands with this beautiful angelic being. And he just ran right up to me. And I just instantly started crying.
00:09:45
Speaker
and it was like I just in that moment it was like of course I couldn't experience him because my grief I didn't even looked at it I hadn't even unpacked it I just pushed it aside and there was I wasn't even couldn't even look at what that was going to mean and you know I always from the work I do now I work predominantly with with mothers who have lost children when you lose a child it's it's
00:10:08
Speaker
It's a loss on so many different levels. And you're also grieving the future that that child would have brought into your world. You're grieving the dreams. You're grieving the milestones. You're grieving how that child would have fit into your family. You're grieving so much. It's like you're grieving an entire future. And from that day, I
00:10:30
Speaker
I gave myself permission to start grieving him and mourning him. And it was from that moment that I started to grieve. I went into a deep depression. I would get triggered right, left and center. I would be out somewhere and I would see a pregnant woman and I would just instantly burst into tears. Or I would see a little boy running around who would be about his age.
00:10:54
Speaker
It impacted every aspect of my life. I'm now divorced. I've been divorced a few years. It changed the way I parented. It changed the way I saw myself. It changed pretty much every aspect of my life. It was like this ripple effect.
Helping Others Through Loss
00:11:13
Speaker
through all of it, I started to have, I started to have more mothers booking in with me. And at first I couldn't, I was just like, I don't know if I can be neutral. I don't know if I'm going to start crying because of your stuff and my stuff's going to come up. And so it took me a little bit of time to just figure out how to manage all of that so I could be just clear and be in service for them. And yeah, and then you're right, you know, we,
00:11:41
Speaker
we developed the program to teach mothers how to make that connection. And yeah, you know, and to this day, you know, Jack would have been eight this year. So now I see the eight year old boys running around and it just lights me up. It's like, I know that he's safe on the other side. Um, I know that I can have that connection with him and I can experience him. And I truly believe that it was through making that connection with Jack again, that helped me to heal. It helped me to heal the heartache and the pain and just helped me to
00:12:09
Speaker
you know really find that inner resiliency and i have a greater capacity to love now i have such a capacity to love and to feel and to experience life that i wouldn't have had if this experience hadn't happened and so yeah that's you know and there are still moments where
00:12:29
Speaker
You know, it's funny, Jack will come in and say, Mama, let's count my freckles. And that's one of our things that we would do. We would sit and we would count the freckles on his nose and his cheeks. And there was a little boy I saw about a month ago that had all these freckles and the big blue eyes. And I just froze. And in that just for that brief moment, it was like.
00:12:46
Speaker
oh god okay that that's still there and it's okay because it just becomes a part of us it becomes a part of our journey a part of our story um and so yeah i'm absolutely blessed to work with mothers um you know and the mothers i work with are um some have had you know in vitro failures and miscarriages similar stories and others haven't been able to get pregnant and then they had this miracle baby and something has happened
00:13:13
Speaker
I've had mothers that have lost children in their 30s and 40s and just a myriad, every scenario in between. It is a deep loss. It's very profound. I love being able to give a voice to it and to help people understand that you can work through it. It takes time and everyone's different.
00:13:37
Speaker
I'm eight years in now, so I'm at a completely different place than someone who's just recently lost a child. Again, thank you for this opportunity. I love connecting and sharing different insights and ideas. If I can help one person, that just means the world to me.
00:13:58
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I have so many questions.
Mother-Daughter Grief Connection
00:14:01
Speaker
Thank you so much for sharing all of that and the beauty and sharing Jack with us. I have some questions like noting down here as you were speaking. One of the things that came up was wanting to ask you how you helped Emma navigate her grief since she had already connected with him even prior to him being born.
00:14:23
Speaker
And how did you help her navigate, you know, the grief of then her, her brother? Yeah, absolutely. We had, um, we had very open conversations. I used to say to people, you know, she's, um, you know, she's like eight in a 40 year old body. She just, she was just such
00:14:50
Speaker
such an open little little spirit at that time I mean as children get older things shift and change in their world but at that time she was so open and her gifts were so open and so we we had the conversation around just because he isn't here
00:15:07
Speaker
in the physical doesn't mean that you still can't connect with him and you can still see him and and you know over the years through my work with mediumship I have there have been instances where those souls have found a way to come into that soul family maybe not as a child but you know sometimes you know there was some
00:15:32
Speaker
My girlfriend her her sister had had a child and she said I swear it's my brother It's like his energy is in my nephew or it's just just reminds me of him And so, you know, we sort of had that conversation that you know, if he's if he's meant to come into this physical reality he will somehow somewhere someday and that the big thing for her was to understand that you know, sometimes things don't go according to plan and that's okay and that she could still
00:16:01
Speaker
experience him and still connect with him and still talk to him. And so we were out, we were out near, it's a place called Elbow Falls. It's about an hour drive west of the city and it is absolutely spectacular and the energy is beautiful. It's right in the mountains and the falls are spectacular.
00:16:20
Speaker
Just absolutely beautiful. One of my favorite places on the planet. We were out there one day for a picnic and Emma said, mom, oh my God, mom, what is that? And I said, what, what is it? She said, hang on. And so she's going in the water. She's walking on the rocks. I said, oh, Emma, what are you doing? Come on. This is a lot. This is fast water. I'm not a good swimmer. Come. And of course the mama bear comes in and she pulls out this heart rock about this big and she said, mom,
00:16:49
Speaker
It's Jack, mom, it's him. Whoa, mom, do you see it? And it just, it just instantly, it's like it almost, it almost brought him into our world. It just, it helped us to know that he's still with us, that he's still making the connection. And to this day, I probably have thousands of heart rocks.
00:17:10
Speaker
everywhere I go I find them and it is one of the most beautiful things when we can experience signs and symbols from our loved ones on the other side. I'd call them sprinkles sprinkles from heaven. It's just in that moment you're just absolutely connected with that loved one and yeah for me it's it's heart rocks and so that that really helped her to understand
00:17:33
Speaker
that she could still, like I said to her, you can just close your eyes and you can feel him all around you. Close your eyes and, you know, connect into your heart, just breathe into your heart and he's there. He'll meet you there every time. And so it is, it's, it's, I think it's, it's so important to, to have the difficult, difficult, difficult conversations and to be able to
00:17:55
Speaker
to be able to be as transparent as you can about it and just you know and i said to her if you have any questions if you want to talk about it she would journal she would draw pictures and just finding different ways for her to express whatever she was feeling um and then you know yeah at times she would say i like that it's just me because
00:18:16
Speaker
I don't have to share with anybody. So it sort of went from one extreme to the next. But yeah, it was, it was, it was just, I think everything sort of wrapped up nicely when we started to find the heart rocks everywhere. I just, yeah, they're just, I just recently moved a couple of months ago and the moving, I thought I can't even move some of these boxes because they're full of rocks. And the moving guys were like, what the heck is in here? I said, oh, lots of books.
00:18:45
Speaker
Sorry. You can build the house now with all the rocks you've collected, then all the heart rocks. Exactly. That is so beautiful. Now, with her, I know you mentioned when you were younger, you would push aside your medium kind of census, per se, because you just like, I want to have friends, I want to be normal, quote-unquote.
00:19:10
Speaker
Seeing that your daughter has also showed those, you know, those beautiful gifts, how have you helped her then navigate that knowing and that connection that she has?
Nurturing Spiritual Abilities in Children
00:19:29
Speaker
Mm-hmm such a great question, you know, and it's interesting I always tell people that everyone has Everyone has spiritual gifts. We all have an intuition. We all have You know, we have these these gifts and and we're able to experience more than what's here in this reality if we choose to And so yes over the years you know, she would it's funny she would come home after client days and she said the one day she said
00:19:56
Speaker
Mom, she said, why do you always have Kleenex on the table? Why? And I said, well, sweetheart, I said, right, exactly. I said, well, sweetheart, you know, we're, we're talking about, you know, people's heart and we're helping them to heal their heart and, and, and they're crying and they're just, they're releasing and it's, it's part of helping them. And she looked at me and she said, I want to do what you do when I grow up. And I said,
00:20:20
Speaker
Yeah, you do. So it's been funny, right? She's done her Reiki with me. She meditates. She's an incredibly gifted artist. So she's always expressing through her art. And I think as she's gotten older, it's shifted a little bit because it's not as readily accepted and it's not as mainstream. It's not talked about.
00:20:47
Speaker
And I think, you know, for her, you know, not wanting to feel ostracized or like she's weird or she doesn't fit in. I mean, they have enough to deal with now anyway, being a teenager, growing up. Yeah. And so just always, I've just always, you know, since she was a little girl, I've always said to her, how does that make you feel? And I've always, always really stayed open to her questions and her curiosity and
00:21:14
Speaker
and not making her wrong or right. It's just, you know, I say to her, you know, that's your experience. You know, and the analogy we always used was we're kind of like a Rubik's Cube. One day we're the blue side, the next day we're jumping over to green, and the next time we're over on the yellow. And I said, there are so many different facets to us, and there's so much, so much that we can
00:21:36
Speaker
so much that we can learn and polish and master with our gifts that will help us to live intuitively, that will help us to, you know,
00:21:47
Speaker
show up as the best versions of us really, as we connect into our soul and our spirit. And so that was, again, that was one of the things I've always said to her was, you know, really connecting and how does that make you feel? Where do you feel that? Do you feel that in your heart? Do you feel something heavy? What is that? And I've, you know, I've always tried to teach her to just be really curious about what it is. If she's upset about something to sit with it and, and, and, you know, I tell her, you know, let it speak to you. What is that? You're angry about something. What is that? And so I think for, for
00:22:17
Speaker
for children in this day and age, it really is about staying curious and really helping them to navigate the outer world while they find their inner truth as they learn to become the best versions of themselves. And really, again, they're swayed by so much. There's so much going on around them and they're just bombarded with information and it's just
00:22:43
Speaker
my goodness and so just trying to help you know stay stay as centered as they can however they can and some days that's easier said than done but for the most part it's just really about you know staying true to you what feels good to you if it feels good to you okay awesome maybe run with that and if it doesn't maybe ask some more questions and stay curious I always say I tell people you know
00:23:09
Speaker
when we stay in question. It's like we're leaving a doorway open to the universe to bring in that universal guidance and help. And I don't try to convince people to believe what I believe in. I believe everyone believes what they believe and what's true in their heart and whatever that is, run with it, embody it, embrace it, love it. But really staying in question is an invitation to the universe, our loved ones, our guides, our masters, the angels, all of those energies
00:23:37
Speaker
the benevolent energies to come in and help and assist and walk alongside us. Sometimes it can be very difficult being in this reality, being in human form. And like I said to people, the people that I teach in particular, I say, if you knew that you had this spiritual team that was rooting for your success, why wouldn't you want to connect with them?
00:24:01
Speaker
Just a question and it's not wrong or right. Just why wouldn't you want to open up to that and connect? And so I sort of present, you know, I call it, it's like the buffet of Shauna. Here's all this information. It's like chocolate. Hey, would you like a chocolate? No. Okay. Would you like a chocolate? Yes. And they take the entire plate. Wonderful. You know, and it's just really presenting the information and letting people pick and choose what resonates for them.
00:24:25
Speaker
Yes, and that's actually even just with this podcast when I'm interviewing people and the variety and diversity of each story is exactly for that purpose because as somebody is listening, they're going to relate and connect to one, two, three different people. And so it's not like everyone has to have the same cup of tea, right? It's just, you know, not everyone's cup of tea each episode, but someone's going to connect with something.
00:24:54
Speaker
Now, I want to dive into how it is that when you were starting your Reiki sessions and when you saw Spirit there for the first time as you were doing one of these sessions, how did you open up
00:25:12
Speaker
that conversation with your client to ask if it would be okay for you to share what you were seeing and how is that process with each client as
Sharing Messages from Spirits
00:25:24
Speaker
they're coming? Do they already know that that is what you're going to do in the session? Do they already expect it? Or is it just like, let's see what happens in the session and then you ask to be invited to share what is coming up.
00:25:41
Speaker
Absolutely. That's a that's a fantastic question. I love it. So the first part so I
00:25:49
Speaker
I had a client who came in and any of the client stories that I share, I have their permission to share and I change names and it's confidential information, but I always ask, is it okay if I share this? I had a client that came in and we were sitting down chatting about what was going on in her world before we did Reiki. We were chatting and talking and
00:26:14
Speaker
I looked up and I said, oh, I said, there's an older gentleman here. Uh, his name is Harold. I said, are you, do you know anyone by that name? And she looked at me and she said, Oh my God, you can see dead people. She said, what? I said, yeah. And I was still kind of getting my head around it as well. It was like, yeah, yeah, I can. And so it was, it was really funny. I said to her, I said, okay, so he's, um, he's showing me his,
00:26:42
Speaker
You know his suspenders and he's he's on the farm and he keeps saying Harold Harold Harold and I said, I don't know if you If you resonate with that or what that If there's anything more there for you to look at and she said that is so weird She says I have no idea who this is and she said I'll go home and ask my husband. I said Yes, he's telling me to okay, so there's some sort of connection there and I said I
00:27:11
Speaker
Yeah. I said, sometimes it's like charades. We're kind of putting the puzzles together. And it's like, I don't really know what the heck's going on. So we finished up the session. And the next day she called me and she said, oh my God, I have to tell you what happened. I said, what? And she said, Harold was my husband's grandfather. They had this huge farm. He was so proud of the farm and just
00:27:37
Speaker
He was he and my husband were just like peas in a pod and when he died It was a great loss for my husband and just knowing that you could make that connection was just amazing And she said my husband said you can't Google that you can't Google that she had no idea She's never met me. There's no what where did that come from? And so it was interesting and so I kind of I kind of laughed and I thought wow well, thank you for sharing and so then from that moment on then it was
00:28:06
Speaker
All right, well, if you're coming to see Shauna, you're coming to have Reiki or maybe you're having a reading or, you know, and it's interesting because, um, you know, I work energetically. I also have a background in psychology. Um, I'm a spiritual psychologist. I have a background in grief. I'm a counselor. I'm a medium. I mean, there are so many different hats that I can wear in those sessions. And so that, you know, at first it was, it was, it was segregated out. It was.
00:28:35
Speaker
Okay, well, are you booking for mediumship? Are you booking for life coaching? What are you booking for? What are we working on? And then it became sort of the sessions with sort of ping pong. Someone would book in for Reiki and we would end up doing life coaching for a bit and then their loved ones would come in and then we might do a little bit of Reiki at the end. And so now I just let the sessions be whatever they need to. Most people will book, will call and say, I've had a recent loss I'd like to book in and I don't get any information. I don't, I don't,
00:29:05
Speaker
look them up on, you know, Facebook, I don't, I have a name and a phone number and that's it. And so I do, you know, it's interesting because it's sort of organically changed over the years where now it's just
00:29:20
Speaker
However, I can be of service whoever whoever I can help whatever that looks like whatever they need sometimes I have clients who come in and they You know, it's very it's very emotional and it's it they're stepping into a heightened energy it's a sacred space that they're stepping into and Oftentimes they don't have anyone in their life that they can talk about any of this with so to just come in and be able to just offload it and just be able to get that weight off and just be able to
00:29:50
Speaker
be in a sacred space and be heard and be acknowledged is just that can be a game changer. There was a client that came to me years ago and she said,
00:30:01
Speaker
something has happened, something's changed with my sister is I don't know, can I buy her a session? Like I'd really love for her to come and see you. And I said, if she's open to it, absolutely. I said, we kind of need her to be on board. I've had so many, so many wives want to book their husband in and it's like, well, they need to be a willing participant first and foremost, if they are, absolutely. We're at about 50 50 on that. So I said, sure, absolutely. So we, we booked her in and, um, her sister came in and she sat down and.
00:30:31
Speaker
I said, it depends on how spirit is how, how strong spirit can connect utilizing my gifts and so some days, I'm, it's all visual other days I'm hearing things some days I just know things some days I feel things.
00:30:49
Speaker
that connection I have with the other side and how just just as you and I are communicating, you know, some people are really loud and boisterous and other people are soft, soft speakers. And, and so that particular day, I said to her, Okay, well, we have, we have Mary Lou here, I've got and I'm relaying these names from spirit. And I said, and we have Billy. And as soon as I said that name, she started to cry.
00:31:16
Speaker
And she cried for about 20 minutes, just nonstop, just heaving, crying, releasing. And from my background and teaching, you don't interrupt someone when they're releasing like that. And so she cried and cried and cried. And so she, you know, started to catch her breath and she had some water and, you know, we took some deep breaths together and I said, okay.
00:31:40
Speaker
How are you feeling? What's happening? And she said, that was the name that we'd given our baby that we miscarried. And we hadn't told the family yet. We hadn't told anyone that we were even pregnant. And so it was like, in that moment, it just unlocked everything for her. And it gave her permission to grieve the way that she needed to.
00:32:05
Speaker
It was just it was so beautiful to see her open up like that and just to shift and it was and from my perspective it was just incredible to be a part of that it was so beautiful and so so sacred and so special. It was about a day or two later her husband called and he said I don't know what you did but you brought her back.
00:32:23
Speaker
you brought her back and I think they're at I think they've had five babies now maybe six they just they have gone on and it's just it's it was just again as a medium you know being able to witness that and be a part of it is is so special and I am in awe of of each and every session it's just it's
00:32:47
Speaker
amazing that I get to be in this energy and share this and to impact people's lives and to help, if I can help ease the pain in some way, it's just, it's remarkable.
00:33:01
Speaker
It's so beautiful because things that are gifts, like in terms of what you were mentioning, even yourself with mediumship, that sometimes we even see as, or let me just put it this way, some people can see them as curses to some extent, or burdens because it's so much that they have to carry, but to be able to embrace it as a gift and see it as a gift and know what it is doing for others
00:33:31
Speaker
You know, it is just such a bounty. And the fact that you had to go through something hard like the parachute, not, you know, your accident to then reconnect with that, right? That part of you that you had kind of closed the door and you talked about keeping doors open or keeping in question, right? Things in question, leaving the
00:33:54
Speaker
the door of questions open for things to receive. Same thing with our gifts and things we have. It's like if we close the door, we're blocking all these things and could come to us. And so by you opening it again and, you know, channeling it, not only did it help you help others, but it helped you as well to connect with Jack, you know, and
00:34:19
Speaker
and help in your grief journey. So that is just so, so beautiful. Now let's talk about other tools that you used in your grief journey. You mentioned you went to Laurel, your medium at that moment after Jack passed. What were some of the tools you mentioned writing for Emma, journaling and so forth and coloring and those kinds of things. What about for you? What were other tools you used?
Processing Grief with a Spiritual Toolbox
00:34:46
Speaker
That is such a beautiful question. Thank you. It was interesting because it was when I really started to work through the grief and really start to get my head around the fact that he wasn't here and he wasn't coming in and just really get my head around all of it. There's something that I call our spiritual toolbox. And so we all have a spiritual toolbox and sometimes it's filled, it could be filled with
00:35:13
Speaker
mala beads or chanting or a Bible or prayer affirmations. I mean, our spiritual toolbox can be filled with a myriad of different things, different tools and techniques and ideas and just beautiful things that help us when we, you know, get stuck or when we're
00:35:32
Speaker
when we're in the throes of something and i remember saying to one of the coaches i was working with at the time i said it's like i've dumped out my entire spiritual toolbox and there's nothing that's helping this like it was it was scary it was raw it was oh gosh what am i gonna do with this i was just it was so profound and it was so um
00:35:58
Speaker
It was really scary. Like in that moment, it was like, okay, the people that I was used to reaching out to, I'm not resonating with. They're booked for six months. I can't get in to see them. Or it just felt like there were roadblocks after roadblocks after roadblocks. And so one of the big things that helped me was to really acknowledge that, really acknowledge
00:36:25
Speaker
that it bloody well hurt and to really acknowledge all of the emotions that came with it. And there was a lot of anger, a lot of anger. Like I mentioned earlier, I was angry at myself. At God, I was angry at my husband at the time. I was angry at the doctors. I was angry at everyone. And in processing the anger, I started to kickbox.
00:36:51
Speaker
And people to this day laugh and I say, no, kickboxing got me through my divorce kickboxing. Anytime I feel stuck and I feel the anger start to bubble up. I mean, we were raised as we were raised to be good girls. You don't get angry. You just, you know, everybody gets along and everything is great. It's like little house in the Prairie, right? It was just, it was so unrealistic. And so I had to give myself permission to get really, really angry.
00:37:19
Speaker
and find a way to process that because bottling it up. I mean, I've never been a big drinker. I don't gamble. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I didn't have a vice that I could just grab on to help navigate. So I literally felt like I was sitting in the midst of a tornado.
00:37:37
Speaker
So I started kickboxing. I started to channel all of that energy into physical fitness and working out, whether it was going to the gym, kickboxing, yoga, stretching, going for a walk. I spent thousands of hours just going for a walk down by the river.
00:37:55
Speaker
There's a beautiful energetic vortex that is created whenever we're near a fast moving body of water And so it's very healing. It's cathartic. So I would go down to the river every day I would grab a latte go down to the river and I would sometimes I would just sit and cry sometimes I would talk to Jack sometimes I would just go for a walk and just allow myself and just let the tears fall and
00:38:19
Speaker
And I did this for about a year. And it was interesting. There was one day I picked up my latte, got down to the river, and I started to notice the beauty around me. I realized that I hadn't cried that day. And I just, I froze. I thought, oh my gosh, I haven't cried today. I don't feel like crying. I don't have Kleenex in my pocket in case I do cry. I can wear mascara because I don't have to worry about making a mess of my face if I start crying. And it was in that moment I thought,
00:38:49
Speaker
okay okay okay and that became a turning point and I was able to start to again see the beauty in life and and would I do anything to have Jack of course but I think the biggest gift I gave myself was just acknowledging everything the ugliness the pain
00:39:07
Speaker
the hurt, the anger, the blame, all of it. Just acknowledging all of it and allowing it to go through as it needed to. And I did a lot of writing. One of the processes I love to teach clients is to write, write everything that you're feeling. Just write it all out and then burn it. And when we burn it, it's like the angels are taking the words to heaven.
00:39:29
Speaker
And so I wrote a ton, I burned a ton. I still have my box full of Jack things that, you know, every now and again, I pull out and I look at and I'm not an absolute mess when I do. And just really, then it became a game with the signs from him, the Heart Rocks. I would say, Jack, mama wants Heart Rocks. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And, you know, there was one day I was,
00:39:56
Speaker
about six months ago, we went out for a hike again, just outside the city. And I said, Jack, bring some heart rocks. Bring me my heart rock. Where is it? And we found 15 that day. And so it became, yeah, it became like a scavenger hunt. I would take a picture. It'd be like, Oh my God, there's another one. What? And so we're taking these pictures and then we would go get going again. There's another one. What? And it was, it was so
00:40:19
Speaker
It was so much fun and so much joy and it was so the heart rocks are huge You know, I always at the end of every session with clients. I'll let them know what the signs are to look for from their loved ones and You know same thing when we do meditation nights or I teach classes Everyone knows what their sign is to look for their sign from their loved ones It just it really it
00:40:45
Speaker
helps us to know that we're not alone. I think that's the biggest thing is, you know, sometimes we can feel so alone, especially when we're grieving, because, you know, when you're, they're very, you know, and it's interesting, there was one family I read for, they had lost, their dad had died. And there were three brothers, their sister and the mom. So those five individuals were all at a different place on the grieving spectrum.
00:41:12
Speaker
And that was okay. There's no guidebook. No one is going to grieve the way that you do. And again, when you're grieving a child, you're grieving so much and there can be guilt. There can be, oh my gosh, so many different components to it. Yeah, it was just beautiful. And then it was fun because every year before my birthday, about a week before a Jack will come in, it's usually through a meditation, usually when I'm doing mundane stuff, it's like,
00:41:41
Speaker
Hi, you're here. And he'll say, Mama, you need to go get this. That's from me. That's for your birthday. And it's sweet. And it's I learned to really give myself grace and to really be gentle with my heart as it was healing. And I've
00:42:01
Speaker
Just really and it's interesting too because I remember thinking I need more ground crew I need more people here to help me navigate this and I have met incredible incredible people incredible women on this journey and I have just connected with so many kindred spirits and Yeah, there are so many beautiful gifts
00:42:20
Speaker
Again, would I trade anything to have Jack back? Absolutely. But since then, there have been so many blessings and so much love and just so much that I can share. And it's one of my esteemed colleagues, Chelsea Ola Miller. She is
00:42:39
Speaker
absolutely fantastic. She said, what is the legacy that now you have? What is that legacy of Jack? What is that? You know, what can you do with it? How can you share that? How can you inspire other people? And oftentimes, when we connect with someone who's gone through something similar, we can think, okay, they've done it, I can do it too. And so again, that is sort of the platform of the work that I do now. It's like, okay, this almost
00:43:04
Speaker
killed me. There were times when I didn't want to live without him. I didn't know how I was going to live without him. And I figured it out. Everything is figure-out-able is Marie Forleo. I heard that episode and I loved it. How she learned that from, was it her mom? Yeah, her mom. Yeah. When she'd be like up on the roof or something, figuring things out that her, whatever. Yeah.
00:43:27
Speaker
Everything is figure-outable. I love that. Yeah, I love that phrase. Now, in that figure-outable, let's talk about that. How do you, then, what some of the techniques that you could give or tips that you can give someone who is listening?
Importance of Supportive Communities
00:43:43
Speaker
Of course, they can connect with you, with Shana Demela. It's like they could connect with you directly and we'll give more information that as we're closing as how they can connect with you. But if you could give a few tips as to what is the state a person can kind of either grow to be in or in what kind of
00:44:07
Speaker
whether it's in nature, whether it's in meditation, or what are some of these tips that you can give someone to be more in tune with themselves and their own spirit to then connect with spirit as well and with their loved ones? I think one of the most important things is, it was Brene Brown, she had said in one of her interviews, she said, it's important to surround yourself with people who have earned the right to hear your story.
00:44:36
Speaker
And so with grieving, especially with the loss of a child, it's very important to really be selective with who you really feel a close connection with. And if that's a counselor, if that's someone that is new to you, if it's a counselor, if it's a medium, if it's a grief coach, whoever that is, you need to be able to feel safe to share and
00:45:04
Speaker
have that help to navigate as things come up because sometimes things come out of left field. You think you're doing great and you're triggered and you're just a complete mess. You need the right support around you. I learned early on that not everyone
00:45:20
Speaker
Not everyone can hold that space, not everyone wants to, or not everyone can, and that's okay. It's not that they're less than or they're bad people. They just don't have the capacity to sit. It's a very dense energy. It's a very heavy energy. And when you're dealing with matters of the heart, it's very delicate.
00:45:39
Speaker
I learned early on, you know, some people would say, oh, you're a medium. What's a big deal? Connect with them. Whatever. Get over it. You're young enough, have another baby. You could adopt. You could get, you know, have somebody, you know, carry the baby for you. You could do this, you could do that. And so I so quickly realized that I sort of needed to keep that close to my heart until I got to know someone.
00:46:04
Speaker
And that I found really helped. There was one woman that I chatted with and it shared my story and she said, so what? You could have gotten divorced. You could have went and met another man. You could have done this and you could have done that. And I was crushed. I cried for about a week after. I was so hurt. And so that's really important to
00:46:25
Speaker
Find someone who's earned the right to hear your story. Find someone that can hold that space. You're literally holding someone's heart when you're doing this work and not everyone can do that. And so that is, I think, one of the most important things. It's really important to honor where you are on that grief spectrum. If you stay stuck for too long, I encourage you to reach out. We all kind of go through those different layers and levels and
00:46:53
Speaker
We ping pong back and forth. And I always like to explain to people, you know, when you've had a recent loss, it's going to touch on all the other losses that you've had. And sometimes that can feel like a tsunami that's going to come and take you out. So it's it's.
00:47:08
Speaker
really having the awareness that grief is not linear. You know like I said I read for one family and all five of those people were at a different place on that grief spectrum and that's okay and just to honor it and give it the honor and dignity that it requires because your heart is different from mine and different from Kendra's and different from everyone's heart and so just really again having the support is key and realizing that
00:47:37
Speaker
that support you know if you've you know if you've lost a child that support may or may not be your spouse or your partner and that's okay and that they are grieving as well they're working through their own stuff as well and so um you know there was there was one girlfriend that i thought she was my go-to
00:47:55
Speaker
she was my go-to we were going to be you know in our 90s talking about our crazy childhoods like she was going to be there through thick and thin and it was interesting because as i was going through everything with jack she wasn't and she sort of stepped away and and there was this distance between our relationship and
00:48:14
Speaker
it had actually brought up all of her stuff around losing a child and so it was interesting it was you would think that it would give us an opportunity to become even closer but it in fact it caused this separation and that was another grief that was another loss and it was just oh my gosh like I said it felt like a tsunami at times because it just ping-ponged
00:48:35
Speaker
on all these other losses and everything that had happened. So really being gentle with yourself.
Reclaiming Joy Through Daily Pleasures
00:48:42
Speaker
You know, there were, it was probably about six months or a year where, you know, I would get up in the morning, throw on sweatpants, hair in a ponytail, and I would go drop them off at school, come home. And then it was like, okay, now what am I going to do? And there was one day I woke up and I thought, okay,
00:48:58
Speaker
What were the things that really lit me up before this happened? What were the things that really brought me joy? What were the simple pleasures? So going to get pedicures, putting lip gloss on, doing my hair, spending time with my girlfriends, getting a latte. So I made a list of about 25 things that I used to love, that used to just bring me joy, just because.
00:49:24
Speaker
And I made a promise to myself that every day I would get up, I would get dressed, maybe not have full makeup on, but I would put some damn lipstick on or I would just show up as the best version I could in that moment. And that that was fleeting and changing and that was okay. And so that was, I realized that I didn't like the version that I had become and that I was the only one that created it and I was the only one that could change it.
00:49:50
Speaker
So that was really, that was powerful for me. So I had this list on my mirror and every day I'd look at it and think, okay, what's one thing on that list I can do today? Oh, I love books. I'm going to go to chapters, get a latte, and I'm going to look at books. Okay. I like pretty smelling things. I have candles everywhere. I'm going to bake cookies. What can I do to, to smell beautiful things? And really started to become curious about life. And then it started to build. I started to build that momentum. And then by midday, it was like,
00:50:18
Speaker
okay I feel kind of invigorated maybe I'll organize my desk or maybe I'll do this maybe I'll do that and so it just started to again build that momentum and that consistency and it helped me to be the better version of me and not every day was great not every day was perfect but I found like I said I got to that time when I was at the river and I realized I hadn't cried for the whole day it was like oh my god not that we ever
00:50:46
Speaker
get over it, really. It just sort of becomes a part of us, but it, yeah, it was like, okay, I can do this. I can grieve my Jack and I can also enjoy my life. And so what people don't understand is that there's the, there's that dichotomy. There's that, that there's that duality, right? Like you can be in the throes of grief and sadness, and then you can have, yes, exactly. Exactly.
00:51:12
Speaker
Agreed. Yeah, they're not removed from each other. They're not mutually exclusive. They're not mutually exclusive. Yes, exactly. They can be included. Yes, I love all these tips. So honoring yourself, honoring where you are in your grief, having grace for yourself and your process, as well as doing things or thinking of things that used to light you up before that incident and that kind of
00:51:40
Speaker
you know, pivotal point in your life happened, that fork on the road, you know, that changed the trajectory of your life. What did you used to like, what did you used to like or do before that and starting to kind of take bite sized pieces of these things you used to do and kind of let them kind of build up like a snowball, kind of, you know, like you said, take momentum and and eventually you'll be on a day that you'll be able to wear mascara.
00:52:13
Speaker
It's so interesting that you said that thing because I always think of that as, am I going to cry today? Should I put this camera on waterproof one or normal one? The things you have to think of, right? Oh my goodness. It's been such a joy to listen to all these and we could probably keep on going.
00:52:30
Speaker
for a whole hour more probably talking about all these different things that you have shared and go dive deeper into it. I am so grateful for you taking the time to sharing your story, sharing Jack's story and sharing with our listeners the ways in which they can connect also with
00:52:53
Speaker
their loved ones either by using a medium or talking, tapping into maybe some of the gifts that they themselves may have in order to do that. And to be open to the signs, ask for signs as well. Ask for them just like you said, give me some rocks and you got heart rocks and you got 15 that day. And everyone's signs will be different and honoring that everyone in your family may have
00:53:21
Speaker
be in different spaces in their grief journey as well as yourself. And now tell us more about how people can connect with you for a session. I'll make sure to include your website in the show notes and how they can learn more about you, Shauna.
00:53:40
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much. It was my honor to be here today. It's just absolutely fantastic. Thank you for having me again. You can visit my website. It's Live a Life You Love, all spelled out, livealifeyoulove.org. I offer sessions. I have, you know, we, with COVID, everything has gone online, which is fantastic. I get to reach out to so many people around the world.
00:54:08
Speaker
So I do have a client base that is international so we can connect anywhere in the world. I also do mentorship. I help people learn about their mediumship gifts and how to navigate them and how to unwrap them. I teach classes. I also have the program Growing Up in Heaven, which is a seven step process.
00:54:28
Speaker
that teaches mothers how to make that connection and experience their child on the other side. I like to tell people you don't have to go to a medium to experience your loved ones on the other side. Sometimes we're a little too close to navigate and our emotions get involved and then that's a whole different ballgame.
00:54:48
Speaker
Yes, there's so much information. We have a blog. My podcast is the Oracle of Light and you can find me on social media. I love to hear about all the beautiful signs that loved ones are gifting and how much joy they're bringing into our lives.
00:55:05
Speaker
Beautiful. Thank you so much. And again, to all you listeners, you just had the pleasure of listening to Shana de Melon. And thank you once again for sharing all your beauty and your gifts with us. Thank you so much. Thank you.
00:55:28
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:55:57
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.