Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Make Success Inevitable - a conversation with Ryan Christensen
11 Plays17 days ago
Ryan Christensen is the author of Winner Peace: How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable. A book in which he explores how high achievers in all areas of life strive to be successful while at the same time searching for meaning in their lives.
Ryan knew from an early age that the way he experienced the world was different. He didn’t discover why until he was almost fifty years old. Ryan still had a successful career, but the challenges of being different finally got the better of him.
In this episode of the Abeceder podcast Fit For My Age Ryan explains to host Michael Millward how he finally learnt how to manage his interactions with the world. This includes the important role played by Batman in the process.
You will undoubtedly hear something that resonates with your own life and wish that you had heard this episode of Fit For My Age years ago.
Audience Offers
Proactive Positive Ageing.
It is always a good idea to know the risks early so that you can take appropriate actions to maintain good health, that is why we recommend The Annual Health Test from York Test.
York Test provides an Annual Health Test. An experienced phlebotomist will complete a full blood draw at your home or workplace. Hospital standard tests covering 39 different health markers are carried out in a UKAS-accredited and CQC-compliant laboratory.
A Personal Wellness Hub gives access your easy-to-understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure, personal Wellness Hub account.
Visit York Test and use this discount code AGE25.
Fit For My Age is made on Zencastr, because Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform, that really does make creating content so easy.
If you would like to try podcasting using Zencastr visit zencastr.com/pricing and use our offer code ABECEDER.
Travel Members of the Ultimate Travel Club enjoy travelling at trade prices on flights, trains, hotels, holidays and so many other travel related purchases. Use the link to access discounted membership.
Find out more about both Michael Millward and Ryan Christensen at Abeceder.co.uk.
Matchmaker.fm If you are a podcaster looking for interesting guests or if like Ryan, you have something interesting to say Matchmaker.fm is where great hosts and great guests are matched and great podcasts are hatched. Use our offer code MILW10 for a discount on membership.
Being a Guest
If you would like to be a guest on Fit For My Age, please contact using the link at Abeceder.co.uk.
We recommend the podcasting guest training programmes available from Work Place Learning Centre.
We appreciate every like, download, and subscriber.
Thank you for listening.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Fit For My Age Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencastr. Hello and welcome to Fit for My Age, the health and wellbeing podcast from Abysida. I'm your host, Michael Millward, Managing Director of Abysida.
00:00:19
Speaker
Today,
Meet Ryan Christiansen: Author and Guest
00:00:20
Speaker
I'm going to be learning why success is inevitable from Ryan Christiansen, the author of Winner Peace, How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable.
00:00:33
Speaker
As the jingle at the start of this podcast says, Fit for My Age is made on Zencastr. Zencastr
Zencastr and Listener Offer
00:00:40
Speaker
is the all-in-one podcasting platform on which you can make your podcast in one place and then distribute it to all of the platforms like Spotify, Apple, Amazon and Google YouTube Music.
00:00:53
Speaker
Zencastr really does make making podcasts so easy. If you would like to try podcasting using Zencastr, visit zencastr.com forward slash pricing and use my offer code, Abbasida.
00:01:08
Speaker
All the details are in the description. Now that I have told you how wonderful Zencastr is for making podcasts, we should make one. One that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to.
00:01:23
Speaker
Very importantly, on Fit For My Age, we don't tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think.
Ryan's Autism Diagnosis and Early Life Challenges
00:01:31
Speaker
Today, my guest, who I met on matchmaker.fm, is Ryan Christensen.
00:01:37
Speaker
Ryan is an author, a hypnotist a veteran, former intelligence officer, and now he works on focusing on peak mental performance and ending internal conflict and suffering.
00:01:51
Speaker
Ryan calls Austin, Texas in the United States home. Not somewhere that I have ever been, but if I do go, i will make my travel arrangements at the Ultimate Travel Club and benefit from trade prices on flights, hotels, trains, and so many other travel-related purchases.
00:02:08
Speaker
You can as well. There is a link and a membership discount code in the description. Now that I've paid the rent, it is time to make an episode of Fit for My Age.
00:02:20
Speaker
Hello, Ryan. ah Thank you so much for having me. Looking forward to had our conversation today. So am I, Ryan. It's going to be very interesting because all of those things that about the mind and the way the mind and the brain work fascinate me.
00:02:33
Speaker
What's got you started on on this journey of investigating how the mind works and I grew up in in Kansas in the 1970s and nineteen eighty s and it's a pretty rural area. I mean, even my town was the biggest town. was about 300,000 people.
00:02:46
Speaker
But it turns out I have autism, and I didn't find that out until i was almost 48 years old. well So I knew very young that, well, the world works for everybody else and not for me. Everybody else seems to have it figured out. Everybody else can get around and not me.
00:02:59
Speaker
And that was rough. I knew I was never going to be able to get what I needed, never get what I wanted. That led me on a journey of doing what I could to kind of keep myself going. yeah That's where I so joined the military to hold you know the whole saving the world thing.
00:03:12
Speaker
Just kind of keep myself going, give myself a reason to go. But 2019 and 2020, I realized you know the world doesn't want to be saved. i am clearly in the wrong line of business.
Self-Discovery and Inner Conflict Resolution
00:03:21
Speaker
And that's really when I started doing a lot of work on myself, trying to figure out what's going on. Cause I had to find a way to make life worth living, to get what I needed.
00:03:28
Speaker
And over the next like four years, between 2019 and 2023, did pretty much everything you could think of, you know, did the therapy and the coaching, the spiritual retreats, energy stuff and the psychedelics and hypnosis and like everything helped, but nothing really fixed me.
00:03:43
Speaker
And that was a problem because I couldn't figure out a way to fix myself and get myself across a finish line. Then this wasn't worth it. And I was done. But the way I've navigated life and the way I've sort of made my way through the world is to basically reverse engineer people.
00:03:55
Speaker
You guys tell me what rules are to any situation. You tell me what, you know, how things are supposed to work and I do that thing and it doesn't work because the rules you say are not the rules you guys play by. So I've always had to figure out on my own what's going on.
00:04:07
Speaker
But if there's a pattern of behavior, then there's something that drives it, right? If you see something consistently, there's gotta be a mechanism that creates it. So all I did was look at, look at the patterns of social interaction of individual behavior.
00:04:19
Speaker
And then just reverse engineer what's going on behind it, thing on the beliefs or the rules, whatever it is that drives that. know And so I just kept on doing that to myself. kept on doing that to all the different modalities out there to figure out why they didn't work.
00:04:31
Speaker
And just kept on diving until I found a way to finally heal my mind. Wow. You've turned something that was a problem then into an asset because didn't fit in, didn't feel comfortable and learned that that was a result of your autism.
00:04:47
Speaker
But at the same time, you've turned the skills that that gives you for analysis into working out how you can be the best version of yourself then. Absolutely. Because the mind is always fascinating. You know, the single most important to me thing to me pretty much for my entire life has always been connection.
00:05:05
Speaker
I just wanted to be able to connect. I just wanted to be able to, you know, have friends, have people be part of something. Right. So that pursuit of connection, that pursuit of how do I fit in? How do I make those guys always been the most important thing. And that's all about how the mind works.
00:05:20
Speaker
Right. I spent 23 years in the intelligence community, which is all about figuring out things that people don't want you to know, yeahm doing limited data. That just kind of essentially weaponized my autism. And start turning something like that on ah really hard problem like how do I fix myself? How does my mind work? How do people's minds work?
00:05:36
Speaker
When it's a survival issue, then you come up to some pretty interesting places. I'm intrigued. We could talk about the intelligence world, but you're not allowed to talk about the intelligence world, I presume. I can't get into a specifics, no, but it was a very interesting run. it was a very interesting work, that's for sure.
00:05:52
Speaker
The thing that intrigues me about what you said was that, well, you weaponized your autism in order to work in intelligence, which is about finding information that people don't want you to find.
00:06:05
Speaker
That's what you've talked about in terms of finding in some ways the information about yourself that you might not necessarily really wanted to find.
Psychedelic Retreat: A Life-Changing Experience
00:06:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. There was definitely some uncomfortable points there. I remember first psychedelic retreat I went to back in July of 2021.
00:06:22
Speaker
Amazing experience. Amazing experience. a couple of days I'm sitting in there after the the first, the second day. i mean, I'm sitting up in the couch and I'm like, man, like i feel amazing. I'm so excited. i can't wait to get back and start creating this new life.
00:06:34
Speaker
You I'm so thrilled and can't believe how amazing this feels. And then just realized kind of hit me like a such. I was like, wait a second. This is the first time in my life I've ever felt this way. That was the first time in my life that I actually believed that life could be worth living. that I actually believed that it was possible for me to get one I wanted, you know, which means that for the first 45, 46 years, that was not true.
00:06:55
Speaker
You know, and that was a, that was a heavy realization to realize, you know, I've basically been suicidal for most my life. That's a really powerful thing to say, but you've had a successful career.
00:07:06
Speaker
You are a success. You have been a success. You continue to be a success, but something inside your mind told you that you went, Not exactly. You know, I knew very early on that, like I said, I couldn't get what i need in the world. It just wasn't available.
00:07:19
Speaker
wasn't possible. So it was never about success for me um in terms of self-esteem and deservedness. it just simply was not possible. So it was more that given that I'm never going to get what I need, given the fact that I'm always going to suffer, given the fact that life is never going to good be good for me, I had to create a reason to keep living anyways.
00:07:38
Speaker
And for me, there's this idea of becoming Batman. Right. Batman's life sucks. Let's just be honest. His life sucks, but it's really good that he's around. ah Otherwise, Gotham said he'd be worse. That's true. You know, there there was a function for me being here.
00:07:50
Speaker
There was a reason for me being here. There was a, a reason why my life was worthwhile and necessary, even though my own personal experience was terrible. you know, so i just never even gave it much thought. I kind of took whatever came my way.
00:08:02
Speaker
Uh, it wasn't until I was in my mid forties where I was like, this is not it. I can't go on starving this way. You know, that's really what pushed me to do all the work. yeah But so was never really about self-esteem or or worth or success for me.
From Intelligence to Hypnotherapy
00:08:15
Speaker
and it still really isn't, um, not in the normal way you'd think. it's just more about purpose.
00:08:19
Speaker
And the purpose then led you to working with other people in hypnotherapy. It's more that once I realized that job was no longer working, the trying to save the world doesn't work. Got to find something else to do.
00:08:30
Speaker
My parents, all of them are are really altruistic people. And they're always talking about how like I helped this person, this person got over this thing. And that one-on-one, that feedback was like, okay, there's something to that. I was thinking actually about becoming a psychologist around that time, but becoming a psychologist would be like, you know, five, know, six years, half a million dollars to do, which is definitely unappealing in your forties. And I didn't have the psychological runway for that.
00:08:52
Speaker
But as part of the work I was doing, i was in a group and guy was a hypnotist talking about like toxic shame and emotional baggage. Well, you know, got some of that raised Catholic did a session with him and just felt lighter. You know, carrying around 50 pounds of stuff, get rid 20 pounds. Everything's easier.
00:09:05
Speaker
And the speed and the effectiveness that really caught my eye. I get certified as a head dentist for like six weeks for two grand. So right, let me go ahead and dip my toes and see if this is even something I want. That was ah February 2020. Right after I got certified, everything shuts down because of pandemic.
00:09:19
Speaker
And I can't work from home because all everything I do is classified. So started working with some guys in the groups, realizing they got a bit of a talent for it, seen some pretty big movement for them, got some more training, then kind of off to the races from there.
00:09:30
Speaker
And then you write a book. Yeah, that was definitely later down the road for sure. Kind of after I finished up my journey. I have a very different approach to things, very different view on things. I understand the mind in a very different way than perhaps your conventional understanding the way that's talked about most. And wanted to get those lessons out there, give people kind of a shortcut, a way past some of the obstacles that we don't seem to be able to solve any other
Writing the Book: Reframing Emotional Pain
00:09:51
Speaker
way.
00:09:51
Speaker
But in writing the book, you're talking about win a piece, resolving the inner conflict and making success inevitable. But in writing the book, you go back over your life.
00:10:04
Speaker
yeah I don't imagine for a moment that that was a very pleasant experience. to That really wasn't big problem for me for a couple of different reasons. Like, number one I've suffered that much for so long that and yeah you kind of get used to it It's like, okay, here I am again.
00:10:16
Speaker
know, I've been here before and I know how to get through it. So it it loses its ah impact in some ways. And the other thing is like, by the time I wrote the book, I was already on the other side of my process. One of the big parts of this thing that I do is this idea of reframing emotional pain.
00:10:31
Speaker
and We have this idea that emotions are pain and they come from these emotional wounds are caused by the emotional trauma. When we're looking at things this way, it really makes it difficult to engage with these things. Pain says you have to run from it, right? And if you've been through a lot of negative emotions, especially when you're young,
00:10:45
Speaker
your mind starts to treat that emotional pain as a threat to your physical survival because it is right. The first time I wanted it in my life, i was nine years old. you know, the stuff heart, they can happen really, really young.
00:10:56
Speaker
So when that's the case, like it's incredibly difficult to engage with like every part of your being is staying run. But when I was talking about in 2019, 2020, I've got to find a way through this. I have to find a way through this, right? If I don't find a way through this, if I don't find a way to the other side, this is not worth living and I am out.
00:11:11
Speaker
So it was, I will do whatever's necessary. I don't care how much it costs. I don't care how much pain I have to suffer. I will do whatever's necessary to get on the other side of this. So it didn't matter how much I hurt. it Didn't matter how much I had to face because if I didn't, I was dead.
00:11:24
Speaker
Yes. That makes it pretty easy choice, right? Pretty easy decision at that point. But on the other side of it, when emotions aren't pain anymore, then these are just things that happen. Yeah. part of my life and it's neither good or bad just is.
00:11:35
Speaker
So it doesn't hurt to talk about the fact that was suicidal at night. doesn't hurt to talk about all the failed relationships. It doesn't tur hurt to talk about the fact that I'm bipolar as well and had an acute manic episode and had a psychotic break and got arrested and thrown in jail, you know, and all the the mess with the medications after that. It doesn't hurt because it just is.
00:11:54
Speaker
Just an experience I had, no more, no less. And those things I went through are what helped me build this. You can have anything you want in life if you as long as you're willing to pay the price. And valuable things have a really high price to pay.
00:12:06
Speaker
So if a lifetime of pain is the price I had to pay to create the thing that I've created, so be it. That's worth it. yeah right The price doesn't matter. The question is, is it worth it?
00:12:16
Speaker
And to me, this is. It is worth it. Are you a different person now than you were back then? Man, that's a really good question. I think I'm still the same person I've always been.
00:12:28
Speaker
I just moved through the world very, very differently. I don't have to hide from the pain anymore. I'm not accepting less. I value myself much more. As far as authenticity goes, like I don't consider things being vulnerable anymore.
00:12:39
Speaker
Talk about the pain and stuff like that. If emotions aren't pain, then you can't get hurt. Vulnerable is being, putting yourself in position where you can't hurt. I can't get hurt. So I'm just authentic. I just be me in every situation, right?
00:12:51
Speaker
sometimes that's a lot for people to handle. That's one of the things I've learned these days is like, I need to like not go full Ryan right from the start. Right. But, uh, it means that I just get to, i get to relax. I don't have to pretend anymore. Like this is who I am.
00:13:05
Speaker
ah can't be anybody else. I'm done pretending. This is just me. Yes. But because who I am, because I accept who I am, because I'm okay with who I am. I don't have to pretend to be anybody else. I don't have to try and be anybody else.
00:13:16
Speaker
I am the best version of myself in every single moment of every single day.
Societal Pressures and Authenticity
00:13:19
Speaker
You talked about and not fitting in for a long period of time and all the various different issues that people face when they don't feel as if they're part of whatever it is that they want to be or whatever they feel as if they should be.
00:13:35
Speaker
And I'm wondering, you're not alone in that type of scenario. And many people, I suspect, feel alien in ah in some sort of way within their environment because they're trying to be someone that will fit in.
00:13:49
Speaker
which means that they're not being themselves. And as ah look at like the 21st century, <unk> there are probably more and more people. It's almost like the the modern world's biggest illness is people trying to fit in, trying to be a round peg, and the the hole is triangulous.
00:14:09
Speaker
Well, I don't know if it's actually something that's unique to this age, because if you go back through history, there was ah even in smaller societies and growing up in a small town in Kansas, like there's an idea what supposed to be. Just these days, you know, with social media and everything else, there's so much more be this, this is what's acceptable. This is what you're supposed to be. This is what's rewarded.
00:14:27
Speaker
And so there is a much louder message, a much more blatant, a much more well curated image of what's acceptable. But throughout time, people have had to have answers question of what am I supposed to be and how am I supposed to be?
00:14:38
Speaker
And it's especially prevalent for, like i said, people who go through a lot of negative emotion when you're young, like things get really hard because of that. It kind of comes down to two concepts. I kind of talk about my book versus this idea of the game that can't be won.
00:14:50
Speaker
You know, some of us, we don't, we're not lucky enough to grow up in environments where things work, even if there's not something like abuse, if you're just growing up like in a relatively poor town or You're really talented guy and you're growing up in Kansas and got IQ on 45. Things just don't work, right?
00:15:05
Speaker
And so we start trying things and trying to make things work and it doesn't work. And it's very natural start saying, okay, it's not the things that I'm trying. It's not the environment and I'm the problem, There's even a stage in our development when we're really young where we can't even conceive of other people as other people. So it's very easy to get these very egocentric, ah self-centered conclusions of like, I have to be the problem.
00:15:25
Speaker
Well, if I'm the problem, that means there's something wrong with me. If there's something wrong with me, then I can't be good enough. I got to figure out what the thing is that's wrong with me so I can fix it so I can be good enough so I can get what I need. That kicks in on rational brains. Like, all right, let me go ahead and look around see what's different about me than everybody else.
00:15:40
Speaker
Okay. This is what's different. This is why need change. This is what i need to be because those people are accepted. Those people are good enough. Those people are getting what they need. So i need to change myself to become that. And that's where that whole thing starts, right? And that's accelerated by the idea of emotional pain because every time you don't see that, every time you don't get what you need is a reminder that you're not good enough, right? And that pushes that button, more emotional pain drives you even faster.
00:16:02
Speaker
Yes, I'm sure lots of people can picture themselves in that type of situation. And the way in which you describe it just knows that you're on a ah route to disaster. yeah This idea that I'm different to everyone else, therefore there is something wrong with me.
00:16:20
Speaker
That fits into your brain. Whereas actually, you've got no evidence really that there's anything wrong with you. Because the people that you think you're different from, they could be the ones that got something wrong with them. yeah We are constantly hearing about people saying, be authentic, be yourself, bring your full self to work.
00:16:41
Speaker
And yet we still have this got to fit in, yeah got to be part of the gang. Don't stand out from the crowd. Let me throw a couple of things in here. Like number one, it's not necessarily just about being different.
00:16:53
Speaker
It's also about like just not things not working for you, right? Like if you grew up in a household where everything's you're being criticized all the time, like you're not good enough, you're doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong. This is why you're stupid, you're lazy, whatever that happens to be.
00:17:05
Speaker
That's not necessarily that you're different from anybody else, but you are the thing that's wrong. You are the thing that's making it so you can't get what you need, right? So it's not necessarily that you're different. It's just that you're the problem, right? So you start trying to fix you.
Emotional Validation and Self-Worth
00:17:17
Speaker
The other thing to recognize is that this isn't based on evidence at all. doesn't have to be because the emotional part of your mind, the the right brain isn't really looking at details. It's looking at the forest rather than trees. It's looking at patterns over time.
00:17:27
Speaker
So it's not an event or a thing. It's a saw pattern of behavior. I saw a pattern of events. And from this, I deduce that I must be the problem. And if that's the case, that means there's something wrong with me. Right? So I have to figure out the things wrong to fix it.
00:17:39
Speaker
You whether that's becoming a better person, more athletic, whatever that happens to be. And it's just that matter of like, you have the conclusion. Now you're trying to find a way to disprove the conclusion. But the difficulty is that Ben Shapiro has this phrase, you know, facts don't care about your feelings. Gravity works. doesn't matter how you feel about it, but the models is also true. Well, yeah, it's like, it doesn't make sense, right? But the other thing is that feelings don't care about your facts.
00:18:00
Speaker
So if you feel that you're not good enough, it doesn't matter how much proof you have, right? How do you prove a feeling wrong? You know, there's a concept in hypnosis we call the critical factors, the barrier between the conscious and the unconscious mind. And what it says is that the unconscious mind judges true and false based on what it already believes.
00:18:14
Speaker
So if the belief is I'm not good enough, if the belief is there's something wrong with me, if the belief is or I don't deserve, then that's the truth against which everything is being compared. So I'm successful, doesn't match. I fit in, doesn't match. I'm athletic, doesn't match.
00:18:26
Speaker
Which means that part of your mind is false by definition, gets ignored. If you look at it from, again, the forest and the trees perspective, individual data points don don't disprove that pattern, especially when that pattern is getting reinforced on its own every single day that you're trying to disprove it. This would explain then, for example, when people go to to school and they get involved in what we would call PE, physical education or sports, and the school is interested in putting that child through some sport, the easiest sport to deliver team game or something, which some people will excel at and other people, it just will not be their game.
00:19:01
Speaker
yeah When you then start to get older and you're into your mid-thrown, to late teens, and then you start trying other sports, you actually find one that you're good at, but actually it's very difficult to believe that you're good at it because you've had so many years of being told that you're not good at sport.
00:19:20
Speaker
Exactly. You can have all sorts of results, but you just don't see that because it's ah it's it's a fluke. It happened by accident. I don't deserve it. i am I shouldn't be here.
00:19:33
Speaker
It's the imposter syndrome. is like Somebody tells you often enough that you are not good at one thing gets transferred into the other things as well. Well, and keep in mind that not about them telling you that.
00:19:47
Speaker
It's that you're looking for an answer and there's a consistent answer. So you say, okay, well, this must be the answer, right? Must be that I'm just not good enough. Must be just that I suck or I'm lazy or I'm not talented or I'm stupid or whatever that happens to be because everybody's saying it fits the data, fits the trend.
00:20:01
Speaker
This must be the answer. You know, so that's the thing you start trying to fix. But the other pieces, you know, we talk about in the book, I call it the treadmill in the cage, right? These two different traps we kind of get into when we're trying to avoid this emotional pain that we've been in for so long we we're young.
00:20:15
Speaker
Cage is a situation where you get in high school, get into your world and you really don't have that's something that something that's really works for you. That's really good at. Right. And that's a situation where you kind of just get boxed in by your pain and your fear, where everything that's really worth doing is on the outside cage.
00:20:29
Speaker
But the thing is that if you take that shot and go for that stuff and you miss, then that kind of proves, you know, I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm not talented. Right. And then that can take you some really dark places. yeah And since your mind is best to protect you from that emotional pain, it just doesn't let you take that shot. The risk is too high. You I get the feeling that our minds, which don't really exist as a tangible product, does it? It's not a tangible thing, the mind. it sides It's the software within the brain as the hardware.
00:20:56
Speaker
yeah Is that right? Yeah, more or less. The mind seems to have a mind of its own or it's on a self-destruct type of journey. And in order to do what you've done, and I suppose what you've described in your book as the journey that you've been on and the solutions that you found, you have to have a ah mindset shift, yeah don't you?
00:21:17
Speaker
You have to almost sit back and go, I've had all of these messages either from other people and actually from yourself as well. And it's time to switch off all of that and start rebuilding. Yeah.
00:21:32
Speaker
Just saying that makes it sound really easy. It's not, is it? it's a It's a huge, huge challenge to even decide to go on that journey. If you'll forgive me, like your description is that you were suicidal.
00:21:45
Speaker
oh yeahy It's the suicidal thoughts that forced you to to embark upon that journey. Oh, 100%. I'm hoping that people won't reach that point, but will know enough about the situation that they're in to want to make that decision to but embark on that journey. So, you know, what would be the two or three key identifiers that we're in this situation we need to change? it well I would say that there's two big ones. Um,
00:22:15
Speaker
Again, if you're in the cage, it's pretty easy to recognize. you know You're stuck and you just can't do what you need to do. There's all the sorts of stuff that are off limits. That's easy recognize. We don't even really talk about that. one Everybody knows what that one looks like. The travel is so much sneakier though because you got kind of a carrot and stick situation where you're doing something you're good at.
00:22:31
Speaker
You love doing it. You're getting all kinds of rewards and affirmation and external validation for it. And so there's really no indication that there's anything wrong. And so the way it kind of sneaks up on you is in a couple of different ways.
00:22:44
Speaker
Number one is if you're on this thing where it's like, okay, you've set your goal, you've worked hard, you've reached your goal, you feel good for a minute and then you don't feel so good anymore. That sense of achievement fades and it's like, now you feel that emptiness again.
00:22:56
Speaker
So you set another goal. You go chasing that one and another goal and another goal. And if you're on this constant situation where you're continually moving the goalposts, continually moving the finish line, that's a really good sign that you're chasing something that's not real.
00:23:10
Speaker
know, you're trying to prove something. This idea of like, you know, you keep on comparing yourself to people who are above you, never your peers. And that constant comparison, that constant feeling like you're just never done, like it's never enough.
00:23:22
Speaker
The other thing that often happens is this idea of like, okay, you're going full bore, you pedal to the metal. Awesome. What happens if you take the foot off the gas? Like if I ask one of these guys, like, okay, just for 45 days, just pause, right? Just take your foot off the gas for 45 days. I'm not saying let everything fall apart.
00:23:39
Speaker
Just stop improving. stop making progress. Just pause for 45 days. Like, how does that make you feel? They get really, really uncomfortable really fast, right? Because you're taking away that care. You're taking away that thing that you're using to run from their pain.
00:23:52
Speaker
Because if you take your foot off the gas and all them demons the past catch it after you, right? Chase the carrier, you get the stick. You know, the last sign is that you get it and you realize it's like, wait a second, there's something missing.
00:24:03
Speaker
was supposed to feel x Y, and Z and I don't. Had a friend of mine, a former client of mine come back to me just recently. He's like, been working for years to get this position. He's now on like a C-suite track for financial firm and works for, there's something missing. Like, I don't understand. Like, why am I not just hyped about this? Why am I scared?
00:24:19
Speaker
And it's that incongruity between what you felt was supposed to happen, what you thought was supposed to happen, what you're trying to create and what actually got created when you got there. So it's like you do something for the aim of achieving a particular target.
00:24:33
Speaker
You achieve the target and yet it doesn't give you the feeling that you thought it would. Yeah. Or the meaning or the satisfaction or just feels like there's something missing. Wow. Yeah. I can hear the number of people now.
00:24:46
Speaker
So they're going like, yeah, I know what he means. I know what he means. Yeah. Yeah. Was it all worth it? were was it Was it worth the sacrifices to achieve something that hasn't made me happy? And if that satisfaction is what you're going for, then unfortunately no amount of achievement is going to make that happen because you're trying to do it from the outside in.
00:25:05
Speaker
If your mind is judging true and false from the inside out and it doesn't match, then it doesn't matter how much you achieve out there. You're never going to get that in internal satisfaction. It's got to be done from the inside out. That makes it hard.
00:25:15
Speaker
What did your life look like when you'd reached the end of that process and decided that you would then in a strong enough position to share it with other the
Impact of Bipolar Episode on Career and Recovery
00:25:26
Speaker
people? Man, that's a good question because right about the time I got to that place where I'm like outstanding, I'm good enough, I'm ready to go, ready to make that big shift in my business, really ready to get big.
00:25:38
Speaker
That's when I had my bipolar episode, had the psychotic break. That was ah June of 2023. So I just got ready, just getting ready to to make some big moves. And then my life falls apart because I have a mental health episode, right?
00:25:50
Speaker
So I had to spend about 14, 15, 16 months just working on medications to get myself stable, get to where like I can actually work and function. And that was a roller coaster. And it was during that period of time that I was trying to figure out how to write this book.
00:26:03
Speaker
I knew I had something powerful. I knew had good message. i knew I had something amazing I needed to get to the world. But I just couldn't figure out how. So that's why I hired a ghostwriter to help me do it. you know It's only been the past like six months or so that I've really been back on board and ready to go again and rebuilding things kind of from scratch. But the beautiful thing is this, like that was an incredibly difficult period of time. you know Having your business, you know losing 75% of your revenue, bills piling up, um most days you're just not functional.
00:26:30
Speaker
you know it's It's a hard time. But because I was on the other side of it, it was just like, okay, I'm on sabbatical. I'm on sabbatical working on my mental health until this is sorted out. And on the other side of it, then I'll get back to it.
00:26:42
Speaker
You know, it's not who I am. I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm not a business owner. I'm Ryan. And Ryan's going through some stuff right now. It ain't easy, but that's okay. Because on the other side of it, something amazing is going to happen.
00:26:54
Speaker
Something amazing has happened. At least for me. It is such an enlightening conversation to have with you. You've put so many things into sort logical order. and And even from this short conversation, I'm thinking like, yeah, that explains everything.
00:27:10
Speaker
This idea that you have to almost like accept, I suppose, that we are perfectly imperfect because we are all individuals. There's only ever going to be one person like me ever in the whole history of time.
00:27:26
Speaker
It's a waste, I suppose, to try and make that individual conform to somebody else's version of what I should be. I have to find the courage To be me and work on me to be the best version of me that I can be.
00:27:47
Speaker
But also not to worry about what the best version of me is. Because if I understand you correctly, the best version of me today is what you're getting now.
00:28:02
Speaker
But tomorrow, the best version of me might for you be really irritating. But the day after, it could be absolutely perfect again.
00:28:14
Speaker
Let me kind it you this way. I love this phrase. It's like, it's all so simple. This thing came to me in one of my psychedelic journeys. It's like, came back like I had this cosmic answer. It's all so simple. It seems ridiculous to say that, but when you really get it, it really is.
00:28:26
Speaker
I mean, if you just think about this idea of your mind is protecting you from emotional pain because emotional pain is a threat to your life. That explains about 99% stuff out there, especially when you think about the fact that, you know impacts or insults to our ego, to our identity is a source of the most of our emotional pain.
00:28:44
Speaker
You put those two things together, like 99% stuff gets explained. The other thing I'll say is that to me, there's no such thing as self-sabotage. It's not a thing. That's a perspective problem. We're judging our results based on what we've consciously chosen, the ego and the identity we've created and how well we match up to that.
00:29:02
Speaker
But that's only a piece of what we are. Yeah. cognitive and book of life that You got your conscious mind, your rational mind, your emotional mind, your instinctive mind. That's all the different parts of your mind. Then you got your neurochemistry, plays a lot of stuff. You got your physical body, got an emotional body, start getting esoteric. You got an energetic body. You got a soul. Like all of that together is you probably more.
00:29:20
Speaker
So to sit there and judge what's happening with the totality of self based on this one idea you have on a conscious level, kind of ridiculous. The rest of you has needs too. And sometimes those needs are more important. And if the need to protect your life from you and that emotional pain is more important than giving you what you want, that's what it's going to do.
00:29:39
Speaker
Cause it's a higher priority. It's more important. Right? So just look at things like as soon as you can kind of take that perspective, like, Oh, I'm not getting what I want because I'm getting what I need. It's really easy to take a lot of that judgment away because then you can start saying, okay, what is it that I need? That's getting the way of what I want.
00:29:54
Speaker
And that takes you down the road of figuring out how to fix it Yeah. I do believe that right now I am the best possible version. of myself that's possible to me be given where I've been, given what I've done. This is a result, right?
00:30:05
Speaker
Yes. The version of me I'm going to be tomorrow is going based on what I do today. And it's going to be interesting to see who he ends up being, but I'm going to be the best possible version of me at every single step of the way. And it's more that I'm always going to be me. And it's a question of how do I decide to show up in the world? How do decide to move through the world? How do decide to act?
00:30:22
Speaker
How do decide to treat other people? I'm going be the same. I always have been, can't be anybody else. So I'm just going to work on being my most authentic self to the maximum extent possible in every situation and finding out how to live life and navigate the world as gracefully as I can.
00:30:37
Speaker
Great. I think one of the ways to learning how to navigate the world is to read your book, Winner Peace, How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable.
00:30:49
Speaker
You know, Ryan, thank you so much. I've really enjoyed it, having this conversation with you, but I've learned so much as well. Really do appreciate your time today. Thank you very much. Well, thank you so much for having me on. I love the conversation.
00:31:03
Speaker
Thank you. I am Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abbasida, and in this episode of Fit for My Age, I have been having a conversation with Ryan Christensen, the author of Win at Peace, How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable.
00:31:19
Speaker
You can find out more information about both of us at abucida.co.uk. There's a link in the description. I must remember to thank the team at matchmaker.fm for introducing me to Ryan.
00:31:31
Speaker
If you are a podcaster looking for interesting guests or someone who, like Ryan, has something interesting to say, matchmaker.fm is where great guests and great hosts are matched.
00:31:42
Speaker
You'll find a link and a membership discount code in the description. At Fit for My Age, our aim is proactive positive aging. Knowing the risks early is an important part of maintaining good health.
00:31:54
Speaker
That is why we recommend the annual health test from York Test. York Test provides an assessment of 39 different health markers, including cholesterol, diabetes, vitamin D, B12, liver function, iron deficiency, inflammation, and a full blood count.
00:32:12
Speaker
The annual health test is conducted by an experienced phlebotomist who will complete a full blood draw at your home or workplace. Hospital standard tests are carried out in a UKAS accredited and CQC compliant laboratory.
00:32:27
Speaker
You can access your easy to understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime by your secure personal Wellness Hub account. There is a link and a discount code in the description.
00:32:40
Speaker
That description is well worth reading. I am sure you will have enjoyed this episode of Fit For My Age as much as Ryan and I have enjoyed making it. So please give it a like and download it so you can listen anytime, anywhere.
00:32:56
Speaker
To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe. Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abusida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to have made you think.
00:33:08
Speaker
Until the next episode of Fit For My Age, thank you for listening and goodbye.