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Crafting Positive Stories with David Robinson
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Crafting positive stories helps us to reshape our beliefs, & experiences to promote positive change & personal growth.
David Robinson, is a mindset coach who uses story work to help people understand how reframing the stories of their life can help them to achieve a more contented life.
In this episode of the Abeceder health and well-being podcast Fit For My Age, David explains to host Michael Millward how the words we use to talk to ourselves create the stories that define how we live.
David describes how in the past he has played with words to change how he perceived an experience to enable him to change his mind set and his actions.
He describes how the different stages of the constructive storytelling process contribute to reframing that story and creating a positive impact.
David and Michael discuss how human beings have the power of free choice, and the choices that humans are preprogrammed to make.
Listening back to this discussion connects to routine changing tools like uRoutine and tools like BIG PICTURE that help workers to join the dots across a whole organisation to improve their productivity.
Find out more about Michael Millward and David Robinson at Abeceder.co.uk.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Guest
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencastr. Hello and welcome to Fit for My Age, the health and well-being podcast from Abysida. I'm your host, Michael Millward, the managing director of Abysida.
00:00:18
Speaker
Today, my guest is David Robinson, a master story work coach.
Benefits of Zencastr and Offer
00:00:25
Speaker
As the jingle at the start of this podcast says, Fit for My Age is made on Zencastr.
00:00:32
Speaker
Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform on which you can make your podcast in one place and then dispute it to the major platforms. Zencastr really does make making content so easy.
00:00:46
Speaker
If you would like to try podcasting using zencastr visit Zencaster, visit zencaster.com forward slash pricing and use my offer code, Abysida. All the details are in the description.
00:00:58
Speaker
Now that I've told you how wonderful Zencaster is for making podcasts, we should make one. One that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing
Meet David Robinson, the Coach
00:01:09
Speaker
to.
00:01:09
Speaker
Very importantly on Fit For My Age, we don't tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think. Today, my guest, who I met on matchmaker.fm, is David Robinson.
00:01:23
Speaker
David is and holistic mental health and mindset coach who helps people create positive stories. That makes him a master story work coach.
Travel Tales and Storytelling Setup
00:01:34
Speaker
David is based in Richmond, Virginia, the United States of America. I'm not sure whether or not I've been to Richmond, Virginia. I've been to lots of places in Virginia, but I can't quite remember whether I've been to Richmond there.
00:01:48
Speaker
But I have been to Richmond in South London. And I have, of course, being based in Yorkshire, been to Richmond in fantastic North Yorkshire. But no matter which Richmond I'm visiting, I will be sure to book my travel with the Ultimate Travel Club.
00:02:05
Speaker
It is where I can access trade prices on my hotels and flights and all sorts of travel things. There is a link to the Ultimate Travel Club in the description and a membership discount code.
00:02:17
Speaker
Now, as we are going to be discussing storytelling, it is important that I first check that you are all sitting comfortably. Yes? Right. Then let's begin.
00:02:28
Speaker
Hello, David. Michael, how are you, sir? I am thrilled to be chatting with you today. it's great to have you. Thank you very much. I'm brilliant. hope you can say the same. I'm really looking forward to hearing about story work.
00:02:41
Speaker
So, but please, could we start with you telling us a little bit about your own
David's Journey to Story Work
00:02:46
Speaker
story? Absolutely. So here in Richmond, Virginia, i didn't know there were multiple Richmonds in in the UK as well. Super cool. Very, and very neat to hear.
00:02:56
Speaker
Born and raised here. And I've been an athlete my whole life. I've been an adventurer. I've been an entrepreneur. um I actually went to university to be a high school history teacher.
00:03:07
Speaker
And I had a falling out with that subject matter a couple of weeks before I graduated um So I had a long winding path to become this this story work coach today.
00:03:18
Speaker
But I like to say that if we collect the dots, we can connect the dots. So I'll try to collect and then connect them
Transforming Self-Talk for Change
00:03:26
Speaker
for you. I spent a year as a Division I strength and conditioning coach working with football players.
00:03:32
Speaker
ah men's soccer, women's soccer, field hockey, lacrosse. I spent six years as a financial planner, during which point I lost my health and my desires and i really lost myself during that timeframe.
00:03:48
Speaker
And I Woke up one day, about 28 years old, and noticed myself saying very frequently frequently, wow, I hate my life. Wow, I hate hate myself. And those led me down to dark paths.
00:04:02
Speaker
But I was able to turn those words around, which is my first introduction to the power of words. And I started saying, I love myself as opposed to, I hate myself just to try it out and see what would happen.
00:04:13
Speaker
And very quickly my world changed. So I left a toxic five-year relationship where both of us were immature and inconsiderate to one another, uh, and to ourselves.
00:04:25
Speaker
I left my six year financial planning career and got back into coaching fitness and health. and had a couple of different businesses in town. I had a warehouse gym, I had a group workout programs, I did a lot of ah outdoor stuff, but I really didn't find my true passion and calling and purpose until I continued the study of the words we use, the stories we tell ourselves and got all in on the modality of story work in the beginning of
The Power of Words and Affirmations
00:04:57
Speaker
2020. So um I'm one of the most experienced
00:05:01
Speaker
uh, practitioners in my field with over 1300 sessions facilitated. And this is what I'm going to do forever. And I can say that very confidently and happily, which is very cool.
00:05:12
Speaker
It is. And I know what you mean about the power of words. When you say you go from, i hate this, I hate that, I hate everything to, love this, so i love that, I love everything. It sounds so simple to to say less than a handful of words, but it's a huge leap, isn't it It's a huge psychological leap to change those words and then what those words actually are saying back to yourself. Yeah.
00:05:38
Speaker
I agree. 100% agree. And most of the time, I don't recommend people make such a huge leap for going from hate to love. That is it that is opposite ends of the spectrum. And I'm going to make two points with this. The first is that love is the point.
00:05:54
Speaker
Love is the point. That's what many of the major religions across the world say. It's it's the thing that connects us to our our ancestors who are no longer with us, maybe our children or grandchildren who aren't even here on this planet yet. It crosses over dimensions. it's It's the most powerful force in the universe. So I think with, I love myself and and those types of phrases, absolutely, yes, let's make that leap.
00:06:17
Speaker
The second point I'll make is that those words and those affirmations or intentions should or need to feel good to say. And I'll give ah another personal anecdote here.
Healing through Language Shift
00:06:28
Speaker
I had a very terrible back injury and in March of 2019, so much so that I couldn't pick up a pen or pencil off the floor for months.
00:06:35
Speaker
And I'd broken my collarbone before, I'd broken my wrist, I've had concussions, I've had other injuries. This was the one that affected my activities of daily living significantly enough for me to really ah look at everything I was doing differently, which looking back now, five years later was a good thing.
00:06:51
Speaker
I needed to make some changes. um And yet at the time like i kept noticing myself saying, oh God, my back is so messed up. Oh, my back is messed up. Oh, my back is messed up. and so Except I wasn't using the phrasing messed up. I was using some other words.
00:07:05
Speaker
ah But general, you know, uh, uh, feelings applied. Right. And so I was like, okay, well I'll try to make the swap between, oh, my back is messed up to my back is healed.
00:07:17
Speaker
And I did that for a week or two and it made me even madder because I knew my body knew my heart knew my mind knew my soul knew that my back wasn't healed. But then I started to play with the words.
00:07:29
Speaker
I was like, okay, well, what if I say my back is healing? Ooh, that feels good. What if I say, I'm in the process of healing my back? Like, ooh, that felt even better.
00:07:41
Speaker
You know, well ah one day my I'll return to normal physical activity again. Like, yeah, that feels great. So I was able to lean into ah phrase like my back is healing or I'm in the process of healing.
00:07:52
Speaker
And then that made me more likely to go to rehab. That made me more likely to do my exercises. That made me more likely to go to bed earlier, you know, as opposed to stay up later, you know, because, hey, I'm healing my back.
00:08:04
Speaker
And so I think it's so important that we find everything. accuracy within our speech patterns and in the words we're using and in the stories we're telling ourselves. Yes. I remember someone once telling me that the most important conversations we have are the ones we have with ourselves inside our heads.
Clarity through Writing Thoughts
00:08:22
Speaker
The words that we use to define how we perceive the world, how we interpret the world, how we interpret our role within that world, are our presence in the world are the most important conversations that we will have.
00:08:37
Speaker
That's 100% accurate in my world. and And what makes it even more powerful is if we write those words down. Because now what we're doing is we're taking you know those set of words, those stories, those belief systems, those perceptions, those narratives, if you will, and you know maybe we're typing them out onto the computer screen, maybe we're writing them down on a piece of paper. But what that does is it creates separation between us and the story or us and those words. So instead of being in the story, experiencing that same thing,
00:09:08
Speaker
ah whether it was in the past or whether it's in the present or whether it's in the future over and over and over again. We're now observing it with some space and with some additional clarity and we're getting out of our heads and getting into our bodies.
00:09:23
Speaker
And those are entirely different scenarios. And those are going to create entirely different physiological states as well. You know, most people don't have, we'll call them walking thoughts.
00:09:35
Speaker
You know, we have racing thoughts, right? So what if we put those racing thoughts and put them down onto the page or the computer screen? and And that's going to slow them down, which is going to change our relationship to them.
00:09:47
Speaker
I'd never thought of it in that way, but I totally get what you mean. It's like the, when you're experiencing something, you are limited by the experiences and instincts, I suppose. You have that fight or flight type of process to go through as you are experiencing something.
00:10:10
Speaker
But when you write that down, you put it on a screen, put it on a piece of paper. And I think that using a pen and putting something onto her a piece of paper gives things more meaning than just simply typing them into it. It feels like more of a personal, at least for someone of my generation, more of a personal experience to do that.
00:10:30
Speaker
But you shift from experiencing to observing. And I can totally get what you mean about the clarity that that's that switch is. gives you and because you're it it separates like you say it separates your experience from what you've written down and i suppose gives you clarity and um it gives you a clearing and gives you a clearing in the forest of all the different things that you're experiencing, writing it down gives you space to stop, to think, to reflect, to learn from that process.
00:11:08
Speaker
yeah Exactly.
Transitioning from Stress to Relaxation
00:11:10
Speaker
Exactly. And the process of story work is doing exactly what you said. It's taking those things that are um causing a fight, flight, or freeze response in us due to that sympathetic nervous system state.
00:11:24
Speaker
And we're going to slowly downshift into parasympathetic, which is the opposite state, which is rest and relax or feed and breathe. And it's in the parasympathetic nervous system state where we can...
00:11:38
Speaker
uh, store memories properly, you know, and, and the right files in the right order where we can process our emotions, where we can heal ourself or heal our cells.
00:11:49
Speaker
Those two words are very similar cells and self. The next steps are, well, after we write it down, why don't we read it out loud? whoa, that totally changes the game.
00:12:00
Speaker
yeah Totally changes the game. Right? Because now we we're thinking it, now we're reading it on the page or screen, and now we're actually hearing it, which we weren't doing before. We're hearing it because we read it out loud.
00:12:13
Speaker
And especially if it's hurtful or maybe traumatic or maybe just stress inducing, we'll probably fly through it and read it really, really fast because we don't want to actually see it. and we don't want to actually hear it. We don't want to actually feel it.
00:12:25
Speaker
So that next step is we'll slow down the pace of speech. We'll read it again. And Different things are going to pop up, different memories or mental imagery may pop up.
00:12:36
Speaker
It's also another step of us actualizing it. It's like, hey, we, we watched the movie the first time. And then now the second time that you watch the movie, you, you see different things, you pick up different scenes, you you have it maybe a different relationship to the movie now that you've seen it once or twice or three times as opposed to the first time. So Uh, finally, what we'll do is we'll, I'm laugh i'm laughing at that and thinking that it reminds me of the Godfather.
00:13:00
Speaker
It's one of the few films that I've watched several times and it's like, yeah, you do actually, every time that you watch a movie, you will see something different within that movie. You will notice something, you will pick up on something that is completely different to what you remember being there.
00:13:17
Speaker
And it might entirely change your relationship to your to that film as well. You may like it more or less the second or third or fourth time you see it. Yes.
Learning from Trauma vs. Animals
00:13:28
Speaker
Yes.
00:13:28
Speaker
mean, listening to what you've just said there and all the different things, I'm thinking that you know sometimes people have a traumatic experience at some point in their life. And then everything else that happens after that date becomes, well, if that traumatic experience hadn't happened in my past, this wouldn't be happening in my present.
00:13:52
Speaker
And it becomes almost like the disadvantages or the the bad days of to- today only happen because of what happened in the past.
00:14:03
Speaker
And it made me just think about what you said ah a few minutes ago about collecting and connecting all of the dots. And maybe be that some of the dots maybe need to be disconnected as well or connected in a different way.
00:14:19
Speaker
I love that analogy and I hadn't thought about disconnecting the dots too, because I guess you can you can write a different pattern or um maybe ah use the eraser, so to speak. you know and And we're the only animals, you know I'm called human beings animals, we're the only animals that relive experiences over and over and over again, especially the traumatic ones, or the ones that we regret, or the ones that that have caused shame or pain. you know and And if you watch the Discovery Channel or or or National Geographic program, and let's say there's a you know, a deer or an antelope being chased by a big cat, a lion or a cheetah or a tiger or something, and it gets away.
00:14:55
Speaker
Right. And, and what does it do then? It goes and it hides because it it got away and, and it it'll shake, it'll right shake out, tremble, tremor, and get those, uh, uh, traumas out or and those emotions out and, and drop itself into that parasympathetic. It'll also breathe.
00:15:14
Speaker
And at first the breath, the breath will be, heavy and fast because it probably just got done running, but then so you could watch it start to slow its breathing patterns to
00:15:27
Speaker
Yeah, the stress is released. Exactly. And then it goes and eats more grass, right? It goes back to life. And so I i feel like if if I know, I believe that if we as humans processed our emotions more fully and more deeply and we're able to to pull ourselves or or help be pulled down into that rest and relaxed state, then we would be able to go about life in a much more calm, peaceful, light and joyful manner.
00:15:55
Speaker
And that's really what story work was designed for is to work through those, those past hurtful, traumatic, haunting experiences. And then I've taken it to, and expanded upon it to access our present day reality and and affect our future reality as well, which is really, really cool.
00:16:13
Speaker
Yes. there's so much in what you are saying that makes me, oh, so many things I'm thinking about at the moment. But the the analogy of the the deer who's been chased by the lion and gets away and it will go back like you say to just eating grass until the next time it's attacked by a lion it doesn't necessarily worry about it it doesn't hide away it knows that it needs to eat the grass it knows that eating the grass puts it at risk of being attacked by a lion but it eats the grass anyway and yet
00:16:52
Speaker
I get the impression that the ah difference between that antelope and a human being, a human being has ah traumatic experience, does something for the first time, for example, and it doesn't work out.
00:17:04
Speaker
And they do it in an environment where ah people make fun of them because they couldn't get it right or laugh at them or you know insult them because everybody else can do it. You can't do it. That means you're this, that, or the other.
00:17:18
Speaker
and that then, because we're human, We have the ability or we have the choice to decide whether or not we're going to do it again.
00:17:29
Speaker
And it's the easy route is to say, I tried it, I didn't like It was actually, I didn't like it may not be the honest answer. It's just, i wasn't very good at it the first time.
00:17:40
Speaker
So I'm not going to do it again. And what a shame. yes Yes, you know, it is. But we as human beings have that ability to choose, to make the decision as to what we will do in the future. And what you're saying with the story work is that the instinct is, ah tried it, didn't like I had a negative reaction from other people, I won't do it again.
00:18:07
Speaker
Whereas actually the human um the human response which enables us to develop is the understanding that we're in a learning process. We are we are going to do things which aren't good you know when we're learning and we have to put ourselves into that situation where we are able to recognize that and to develop beyond the initial disappointment.
00:18:31
Speaker
I agree a ah thousand percent, Michael. And it's, you know, this is very prevalent in the mixed martial arts or in the, in the you know, karate or jujitsu or, you you know, any form of of boxing or things like that is you have the belt system and everybody starts as a white belt, you know, and and you probably get beat up and choked out over and over and over again for, you know, weeks and days and months and until you get better and you learn. And, you know, we're both football fans, you know, soccer fans. Right. And first time a ball gets played to you, know, and first touch probably isn't great.
00:19:07
Speaker
Right. But, you know, if it was like, well, my first touch was terrible and I'm never going to, never going to, you know, receive another pass ever again. Right. Well, like yeah that would kill the dreams of many a footballer, you know? And so I think it's, it's that response to shy away from rejection or shy away from things that are painful is evolutionary, you know, because, Hey, maybe that time that we climbed up in the tree and,
00:19:34
Speaker
tried to pull down the the honeybee nest and we learned our lesson like, yeah, that's probably a good lesson to learn, you know? And, there are many, many, many other instances where on the other side of a little bit of pain can be a whole lot of growth and a whole lot of progress and a whole lot of different types of comfort than if we had just stayed, in one place and never experienced it at all.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah, I totally agree with you. Although in my case, if I thought, well, ah the honeybee nest in the in the tree is probably more more of a North American thing than a UK thing. But I'm just thinking, it probably fli if I saw ah a nest of int of something that looked like bees in a tree, it'd probably turn out to be wasps.
00:20:19
Speaker
Right. Not worth it. Not worth with it. Maybe here the honeybees would come out. would We'd get a little reward at the end, but this is certainly not worth it otherwise. This is true.
00:20:29
Speaker
But yeah we're talking around this story work thing. And if anybody listening to you describe it and the way in which my mind is now, it's like going at, you talk about racing thoughts. It's like, I want to know more. so Could you tell me a little bit about what the experience is like for someone who's going through a story work process? How does it start? What are the different stages?
00:20:52
Speaker
What are the outcomes for people? Sure.
The Story Work Process Explained
00:20:54
Speaker
So I would say half of my clientele comes to me having an event from their past or events in their past that they still think about.
00:21:02
Speaker
Oftentimes at inopportune moments, like when they're out and about trying to go about their day or right before they go to sleep and they know exactly why they're there and they don't want to feel you know that way anymore.
00:21:13
Speaker
And great. Let's work together. The other half of people are either stuck and just kind of feeling, yeah, you know meh wheels aren't turning in the muck or they're actually doing pretty good and they just understand that hey i don't know what i don't know and the story works thing sounds cool and maybe there's some ways i could benefit from it so wherever we start from what we do is we work together on a google document and the zoom room so we're on we're on zoom everything's virtual um And I typically start with my clients in the realm and area of self-talk, which I would put in the present day. So that would be the conversations we have with ourselves, our inner critic, our inner bully, that inner dark wolf from the old Native American tale, the light wolf and the dark wolf and the the one who wins is the one you feed.
00:22:01
Speaker
But we spend so much time feeding the dark wolf that we often forget to feed the light wolf and make that one big and strong too. And so we identify that and we analyze that and we actually start to get into the words and the stories we tell ourselves.
00:22:17
Speaker
The outcome of which is usually an immense feeling of relief and lightness because that inner critic or inner bully isn't actually you. It's not actually you, right? It's oftentimes those stories come from,
00:22:32
Speaker
you know ah people from our past, maybe bad bosses, maybe our parents, maybe their parents. you know They're not even our stories, but we perceive them as us talking crap to us.
00:22:45
Speaker
right And that's not not the way that it is. So we separate that voice from us, you know the the s with soul with the capital S or the The U with a capital Y, and we start to feed that light wolf with positive affirmations that come from those prior limiting beliefs.
00:23:03
Speaker
And then we get into the stuff that hurt us from the past, and we start to release some of that shame and guilt and pain and Very quickly, very, very quickly. And this is the main reason why I stopped coaching fitness and stopped coaching health.
00:23:17
Speaker
It's because those two things, while incredibly important, just take too long. you It takes three, six, nine months to see positive changes there. This can happen in three, six, nine sessions, you know sometimes one.
00:23:29
Speaker
And so people will feel lighter, clearer, more able to enjoy and experience joy and have joy in their world and in their day-to-day. And Then we can actually spend time on the fun stuff, which is architecting that we the reality we want for ourselves moving forward.
00:23:45
Speaker
And that's where I get really fired up. I like that expression, architecting you the future that we want, because I earnestly believe that too many of us are living lives which are determined by other people.
00:24:02
Speaker
And we are it is a real luxury to be able to say, well, today, today is all about me. Today is all about the things that I want to do and the value that I want to offer to other people, rather than doing things to please other people because it's what the other people want.
00:24:23
Speaker
There's a thing about other people have to be pleased by what we do because they need to be pleased by our happiness, by our success, rather than ah fulfilling their aspirations for us.
Living Authentically and Future Plans
00:24:39
Speaker
Wow, absolutely. And you know I'll borrow a line from Charles Bukowski, who's one of my favorite ah poets, authors, and he says, don't let your life be clubbed into dank submission.
00:24:51
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Don't let your life be clubbed into dank submission. And I think so many of us live in the ordinary world, men especially, where our lives are just Without making choices and without taking chances and without you know going for what our guts and hearts desire, it's like we resigned to living a life clubbed into dank submission. And that's where I found myself at 27, 28 years old in my financial planning career and and noticing the speech patterns I was having and how it was affecting me physically so dramatically and so dramatically.
00:25:24
Speaker
drastically that my health was deteriorating. And sure, my habits didn't necessarily align with you know what would coincide with good health or nearly what they are now, but I was talking myself sick.
00:25:36
Speaker
I was talking myself into dis-ease or disease. And i I realized I was living that life of dank submission. And it took a couple of courageous acts to, to you know, transform and to go but climb back down the mountain, hike back down the mountain I'd been climbing for the past six years and start over. But And it led to all the greatest things in my life now, you know, my career, my vocation, my fiance, my my home, my beautiful home here, my family, et cetera, et cetera. So, you know, we could settle or we can go chase what we want.
00:26:12
Speaker
That's a great way to finish this, I think. yeah Thank you very much, David.
Conclusion and Invitation for More
00:26:16
Speaker
We can settle or we can go for what we want is and create the the story that we want to read for ourselves about us.
00:26:26
Speaker
But also that also creates the legacy, the story that other people will read about us. But for now... I am. Yeah. Thank you very much. It's really very interesting. I've got so many questions to ask the next time, but for today, thank you very much for joining me on Fit For My Age. That's been great.
00:26:45
Speaker
Thank you, Michael. i appreciate you very much and we'll do it again soon. Thank you. I am Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abbasida, and in this episode of Fit for My Age, I have been having a conversation with David Robinson, who is a holistic mental health and mindset coach and a master storyteller.
00:27:04
Speaker
You can find out more about both of us at abbasida.co.uk. There is a link in the description. I must remember to thank the team at matchmaker.fm for introducing me to David.
00:27:17
Speaker
If you are a podcaster looking for interesting guests, or if like David, you have something very interesting to say, matchmaker.fm is where matches of great hosts and even greater guests are made.
00:27:31
Speaker
There is a link to matchmaker.fm and an offer code in the description. description also includes links to all the websites that have been mentioned in this episode of Fit For My Age and David's website itself. The description is well worth reading.
00:27:47
Speaker
If you've liked this episode of Fit For My Age, please give it a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere. To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes of Fit For My Age, please subscribe.
00:28:02
Speaker
Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abbasida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think. Until the next episode of Fit for My Age, thank you for listening and goodbye.