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DIS Empowered - a conversation with author Ellen Busch
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Ellen Busch is the author of DIS Empowered, the story of how Ellen turned an academic death sentence into the greatest adventure of her life.
In this episode of the Abeceder health and wellbeing podcast Fit For My Age Ellen, describes the experiences that left her feeling broken and useless. She explains how she turned her life down a different path, and rebuilt her life, and proved her detractors wrong.
Ellen and host Michael Millward discuss how the process of healing evolves to become a process of self-discovery. The important role that having the right professional and family support plays. How Ellen connected with a greater power and the role that connection played in her journey.
They also explore how the education system let down Ellen down and the important role that non-academic education with organizations like Outward Bound and Duke of Edinburgh Awards.
Find out more about Michael Millward and Ellen Busch at Abeceder.co.uk.
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If you would like to be a guest on Fit For My Age, please contact using the link at Abeceder.co.uk.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Host
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencastr. Hello and welcome to Fit for My Age, the health and well-being podcast from Abysida. I'm your host, Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abysida.
Ellen Bush's Inspirational Journey
00:00:19
Speaker
Today i am talking to Ellen Bush about how she built a career after being written off by an education system that didn't want to know. As the jingle at the start of this podcast says, Fit for My Age is made on Zencastr.
00:00:35
Speaker
Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform on which you can make your podcast in one place and then distribute it to the major platforms.
00:00:45
Speaker
Zencastr really does make making podcasts so easy. If you would like to try podcasting using Zencaster, visit zencaster.com forward slash pricing and use my offer code, Abysida.
Podcasting Made Easy with Zencastr
00:01:00
Speaker
Now that I have told you how wonderful Zencaster is for making podcasts, we should make one. One that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to.
00:01:12
Speaker
Very importantly, on Fit For My Age, we don't tell you what to think, but we are hoping to make you think.
Overcoming Educational and Societal Challenges
00:01:20
Speaker
Today, my guest, who I met on matchmaker.fm, is Ellen Bush.
00:01:26
Speaker
Ellen is the author of Disempowered, a book that traces Ellen's journey from a troubled child trapped in an education system that believed she was broken to being an insecure adult who grasped at each success like a run on a ladder.
00:01:43
Speaker
As we will hear from Ellen, Disempowered also tells how she escaped an abusive marriage and rebuilt her life. Ellen is based in Colorado in the United States.
Travel and Sponsorship Insights
00:01:54
Speaker
I've never been to Colorado, but if I do visit Colorado, I will definitely be making my travel arrangements with the Ultimate Travel Club because that is where you can access trade prices on flights, hotels and holidays.
00:02:07
Speaker
You'll find a link and a membership discount code in the description. Now that I've paid the rent, it is time to make this episode of Fit for My Age.
Early Life Struggles and Dyslexia
00:02:17
Speaker
Hello, Ellen.
00:02:18
Speaker
Hello. it's wonderful to be on your podcast, and thank you. It's nice to have you here. Please could we start by you giving us a little bit of an introduction, summarizing the story up until the point where you decided to write Disempowered.
00:02:32
Speaker
Sure. So, the age of around six or seven, i was diagnosed as dyslexic. Despite living in an affluent... community with excellent school system in a New York City suburb. My parents were told in a parent-teacher conference to focus on finding me a husband because I would not be contributing to society.
00:02:56
Speaker
other than as a wife and a mother, college was out of the question. i might finish high school. It's a difficult sort of thing for anyone to hear, but that that isn't just when a teacher says, you don't book your ideas up, you won't make anything of yourself. Well, that's proper writing someone off, isn't it? Yeah, you're It is.
00:03:14
Speaker
And my parents just refused to
Impact of School System on Self-Esteem
00:03:17
Speaker
accept that. That parent-teacher conference ended with my mother pounding her fist on the desk saying, I refuse to allow you to condemn my daughter.
00:03:25
Speaker
And what are you going to do to support her? I like her. Well, unfortunately, both my parents have passed away. i'm sorry. Thank you. But that's part of my reason for writing this book. They did such an amazing job in supporting me yes My father, who was a military veteran, understood that the real life in skills, things like perseverance, commitment, working through things, you learned outside of the classroom. He put me into outward bound at 15.
00:03:54
Speaker
At 17, I was learning to scuba dive. And ah prior to that, I grew up fishing with him on his boat. He was a recreational fisherman. And he taught me how to navigate his boat. at a very young age, but he taught me everything. And that was very, very intentional.
00:04:08
Speaker
say to me all the time, everything I do for you girls has a reason. And I want you to be able to handle whatever life throws at you. Despite all of this support and unconditional love, my struggle in the school system and the way I was treated by the school system traumatized me.
Escape from Abuse and Healing Journey
00:04:26
Speaker
Despite all of my accomplishments, outward bound, scuba diving, later on skiing, I had very low self-esteem, low self-confidence.
00:04:36
Speaker
And that made me very vulnerable to predators. Ended up with two stalkers as a 20 something, eventually got married at 35 and ended up married to a narcissist who was psychologically abusive.
00:04:53
Speaker
And we had one incident of violence. And then I actually had to plan and execute my escape, which I did so successfully.
00:05:04
Speaker
I didn't understand how much danger I was in. And I think that's an important point if you're being psychologically abused. When you're in that sort of situation, the psychological violence just becomes normal life. Yeah, it does. And trauma is cumulative.
00:05:23
Speaker
It's very confusing. It causes you to question yourself. Gaslighting is a lot of what goes on. So I finally got out. I escaped, like I said, and that was terrifying.
00:05:33
Speaker
But I did get out safely. And, you know, just a side note here, 70% of the women in the U.S. who are killed by an intimate partner are killed when they try and leave.
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah, wow pretty scary. That's a government statistic, a U.S. government statistic. but My parents took me in fortunately. I could barely function. And that's when I went to work. I went to work with coaches, therapists, and began to learn how to heal.
00:06:00
Speaker
and rebuild my life, but not just rebuild my life, create the life that I wanted.
Transformation from Disempowerment to Empowerment
00:06:06
Speaker
It's a big job, isn't it? It is. a lot of people don't want to hear. It really took a good 10 years.
00:06:11
Speaker
That's my experience. And you probably don't want to do all your healing at once because you you would be physically and emotionally completely overwhelmed if you tried to. So it needs to be a slow process.
00:06:25
Speaker
It's small steps. Yeah. Yes. i agree with that. takes time to actually work out how to define what healed looks like right is that at some point the healing process transmutes into a process of self-discovering and that's when things get really exciting right so what did you discover i discovered i was a pretty awesome lady yeah And modest with it.
00:06:50
Speaker
I'm modest with it. But okay. you're You're awesome. Obviously, I already know that. I knew the answer to that question. But what makes you awesome then? You know, I learned how to be just my authentic self.
00:07:01
Speaker
And my authentic self is kind, generous, empathetic. I want to live a life of service, service to helping others in my unique way. right So you were written off by and education system, or at least the people working in that education system.
00:07:21
Speaker
And then you go through all the consequences of that. And then you break out of it and you start building yourself. Why then is the book called Disempowered?
00:07:33
Speaker
Sure. That's a great question. Because I started out disempowered and I had to learn how to be empowered. So is that why the title is written and with the word or the letters D-I-S in brackets? Yes. it's on the book itself. It's actually physically crossed out. Right. Yeah. right So it's a story, your story of how you were disempowered and you actually became empowered. Correct.
00:08:01
Speaker
Brilliant. Okay. I understand now. And actually my, my, one of my best friends came up with the title.
Personalized Healing and Growth
00:08:08
Speaker
So I can't take credit for it. That's a good title. It it is. asked her for help and I said, really struggling for the title for this book. And I had this list of ideas on my phone and I started reading them off and she's like, no, no, no, no. And then she just looked at me and said, how about Disempowered with the DIS crossed out?
00:08:27
Speaker
And I just looked at her like, oh my gosh, that's it. Yeah. It sums up the content of the book. It does. What would you say then is the the overriding message of your journey?
00:08:42
Speaker
You can recover from massive trauma or massive loss, but you've got to do the work and you've got to embrace it and you can create the life that you want, but it's going to take work and commitment and it's going to take time and getting the proper help and support Most of us experience trauma at some point in our life.
00:09:07
Speaker
Make sure you're working with somebody who is credentialed and has a good reputation because there are predators out there. You have to work out, first of all, the type of support that you need, I suppose. Right.
00:09:18
Speaker
And that can change over time. Not only have I worked with therapists and coaches, but I've also done things like Reiki, acupuncture. One of the things I've learned is something may be helpful for a period of time.
00:09:32
Speaker
And then it may kind of run its course and stop being helpful. And then you move on to something else. That's very interesting. You sort of say like, okay, this coach, this therapy, this, whatever it is, has its time, has its place.
00:09:45
Speaker
It exists in your story for a purpose. Exactly. Now that's part of the building the new life. Is it possible that the things that happened in your life, is it possible that those happened for a purpose as well?
Finding Authentic Self through Meditation
00:09:59
Speaker
Absolutely. As a very young child, I had an entire identity imposed on me. And that identity was that I was not capable. I would not be academically successful.
00:10:12
Speaker
I would not contribute to society. And I was just supposed to be, and i shouldn't say just supposed to be, but I was only supposed to be a wife and a mother. And i will, for the record, i am neither. I'm not married and I do not, I'm not a parent, i'm not a mom.
00:10:27
Speaker
But these things were imposed on me. i never really considered if those were right for me. And then when I started doing this work, especially with the first coach I worked with, I said to him at one point, I said, no, no, no, you don't understand. I'm i'm never going to be successful. I'm dyslexic. I'm brain damaged.
00:10:47
Speaker
And he paused and he said to me, Ellen, that is the biggest bunch of BS I have ever heard. You have been gaslighted into believing that. And all of a sudden, the world started to change just with that one sentence, because I was finally ready to hear it, and I was looking for a new direction.
00:11:06
Speaker
That's when things started to unfold. But what was really interesting was that's when my identity began to change, because I started to shed those ideas that were imposed on me. When you say you started to shed those ideas, there's a sort of almost like that sounds so much easier said than done. yeah And I know that there will be lots of people in the world who have been brought up with an idea of what their life should be like, the type of person that they should be, the things that it is legitimate for them to aspire to achieve.
00:11:40
Speaker
When I started work, I was told, oh, well, of course, because you've joined the organization at this level of education, oh you'll be doing really well if you get promoted three times. You work for 40 years and you can expect to be promoted three times. Right. and thought, well, I'm to leave that for a moment.
00:11:55
Speaker
It's a lot easier to say than it is to achieve, you so like to cast off, to shed the labels and the limitations that other people have placed on you. How did you do it?
00:12:06
Speaker
Well, you know, that's a great question. i knew he was right. And I knew in my heart and in my gut that he was right. It was a combination of things that I did to kind of work through that process.
00:12:22
Speaker
I spent a lot of time meditating, a lot of time in silence, and just let that authentic Ellen just
Spiritual Awakening and Higher Power Connection
00:12:32
Speaker
bubble up and realized all those things were imposed and those were not the authentic me.
00:12:39
Speaker
When you say you spent a lot of time in silence, does it mean that you're switching off external influences on you or are you also switch or do you have to switch off the internal influences, those voices in your head as well?
00:12:54
Speaker
I think it's kind of all of those things. And in addition to that, it's also working through a healing process. But when I got quiet and I, started to heal, i started to get in touch with the authentic me.
00:13:10
Speaker
And I started to hear her. She just naturally came to the forefront. It felt really comfortable. It felt natural. It felt authentic. You know, I think is really the best word, and but it took a lot of time.
00:13:26
Speaker
Was there a moment, an actual sort day when you thought I found me? Um, The reason why I ask that question is because I'm thinking like, should if you're if we're embarking on the same sort of journey as you're embarking on, should we be thinking about some sort of the trying to attain some sort of eureka moment, some sort of epiphany?
00:13:47
Speaker
or Is this something that cro crawls up, creeps up on you? And it's only when you look back that you can realize that, yeah, what's happening now is the real me. Or is it like ah a wham-bam moment? And yeah, now I know who I am.
00:14:02
Speaker
I think it's going to be different for everybody. For me, they were really two events that were pivotal. pivotal um The first one was when I reached my surrender point. And this is where I start my book.
00:14:13
Speaker
What do you mean by surrender point? I just turned myself over to a higher power. right And I know that this happens frequently with people who are in addiction addiction recovery, but I actually looked up at the sky and said, i don't know what else to do.
00:14:29
Speaker
I, every time I try and do something and make it better, it makes it worse. So I don't know what else
Societal Pressures and Authenticity Struggle
00:14:36
Speaker
to do. I'm just turning myself over. I'm all yours.
00:14:41
Speaker
And that was an epiphany because all of a sudden i realized I was not alone and I had never been alone. And I had a connection that I didn't even know was there. was kind of like I was walking around in a room with no lights and I had suddenly flipped on the light switch.
00:15:00
Speaker
It was as dramatic as that. It was. And I was in tears. I was in absolute tears. And that's when things started to get better. because I knew things were going to be okay. That higher power connected with me and said, it's going to be okay.
00:15:15
Speaker
You're going to get through this. And then I had another moment, was probably about a year or two later, where I was meditating, doing some breath work, place of silence.
00:15:30
Speaker
And I was laying there on my bed, just really trying to be quiet and calm and quiet my brain. And I felt as if something had left my body.
00:15:45
Speaker
It was like the ghost of me got up and left the room. And I think that was the inauthentic identity that just left.
00:15:56
Speaker
It was a very strange experience. I don't know how else to describe it. It was not frightening. It was not painful. it was not upsetting in any way.
00:16:06
Speaker
But I think that part that had been imposed on me just left. I kicked it out or my heart kicked it out Or maybe the higher power did. I'm not really sure what the answer is. I just know that that happened.
00:16:20
Speaker
But that was like all of the problems just falling away getting up out of bed, walking away, and you are still there. Yeah, but it was more like it was the inauthentic piece of me.
00:16:32
Speaker
It wasn't the problem so much because there's still problems there to solve. More healing to do, more work to do. But there is a piece of me that just left that wasn't supposed to be there. It's such a fantastic thing to say, really, that you felt that the negativity leaving you.
00:16:49
Speaker
yeah But I'm sort of thinking, was it something that you were subconsciously holding onto as if that was part of your identity and you need to identify who you the real you is before you can actually say goodbye to the the the inauthentic, the fake version of you that is fulfilling everybody else's expectations and living by their limitations.
00:17:17
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's probably true. But
Education System Reflection and Achievements
00:17:21
Speaker
I think how it happened was because I was doing a very consistent meditation breath work.
00:17:30
Speaker
silence practice and then also working on the healing but ah the key is because consistent practice it doesn't have to be long practice it just has to be consistent and I think over time that is what enabled empowered that to happen right because one of the things I'm thinking about listening to this is thinking back to my own school days the early days of my career and thinking like I'm thinking about how, when I look back, I think everyone was trying to fit in.
00:18:04
Speaker
Everyone was trying to be part of the in-crowd. Everyone's like, you wear what everybody else wears, you drink what everybody else drinks, you eat what everybody else drinks. It becomes this huge desire to fit in.
00:18:19
Speaker
And yet now, the way in which we understand life, you can look back and think like, well, you know, probably 99% of the kids in our school were probably not being authentic, but they were fitting in.
00:18:33
Speaker
And when you describe this inauthentic self actually getting up and leaving and feeling, having that sensation of that actually happening, that inauthentic self leaving, I'm wondering like, maybe this is something that should be taught in schools.
00:18:50
Speaker
yeah Maybe it is like, yeah know we have to celebrate yeah our individuality much, much more, but we also have to identify what our individuality is Yes.
00:19:03
Speaker
And that's the process that really you have been through, is identifying what you are as an individual and what you are not, and what you are not in terms of the things that have been imposed upon you, the labels.
00:19:20
Speaker
The labels that give you, you are dyslexic, therefore you cannot do this. yes right And there's a huge, great, big, long list of things that you cannot do because you are dyslexic, apparently. But then you find out that there are all sorts of people who are extremely successful in all sorts of different fields of life, who also are on the the dyslexic spectrum in some way or another.
00:19:43
Speaker
you think there's all sorts of things that you can do. It seems and such in some ways that the initial challenges started because people didn't understand how to how to work with you, how to nurture you.
00:19:58
Speaker
The only people who understood that were your mom and dad. Absolutely. Right. They were prepared for the afternoon. Yes. That is 100%. Yes. You know, and my mom used to say all the time, it's, it's so frustrating because Ellen, it's so obvious that you're intelligent and capable and they just don't know how to teach you.
00:20:22
Speaker
And I think she hit the nail on the head. And by the way, I'd like to add that I did go on to college. i had to have both a bachelor's degree and a master's degree and wrote my book.
00:20:33
Speaker
So clearly they got it wrong. I love the way you say, yeah, I have a master's degree. It's like, yeah, I've got one as well. you know And yet at the same sort of time, I can also think back to Being at school and feeling as if I would never go to university, I would never have that that experience because the academic system, just i just didn't like it didn't we didn't like each other. Right.
00:20:59
Speaker
But there's no way in which i'm I'm definitely an intelligent human being, I like to think.
Leadership Beyond Academic Labels
00:21:05
Speaker
But the education so system is focused on those people who are academic. Right.
00:21:10
Speaker
Regardless of where you are in the world, education is focused on the people who can fit in to the education system. one of the key lessons that I'm taking, lessons that might not be the right word to use, one is though that you don't need to fit into the education system that is designed around a particular type of education to be able to actually demonstrate that you are an intelligent person and can do things.
00:21:35
Speaker
And you say, navigating boats, type is like That's a bit more than just like point it at the horizon, know, to actually navigate it and go to the right point of the horizon is is what's important. The scuba diving, all the other sorts of things that you were doing is like you're building and skills which build confidence and then build your ability to do other things as well.
00:21:58
Speaker
And I suppose in some ways the education system, and I don't want to really knock the education system, but It is built around, you know, at 16, you will have done this. At 18, you will have done something else. At 21, you will have done something else.
00:22:12
Speaker
And yet we don't all fit into that chronological model. Exactly. And things have to happen ah when the time is right for you. Yeah. You know, for me, one of the best and biggest experiences that for me was Outward Bound.
00:22:28
Speaker
And I don't know if you're familiar with Outward Bound. Outward Bound, the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme. we have them both in the UK. And it was founded by Kurt Hahn, who was British. And it is now a worldwide program. But that was my first chance at leadership. yeah And I was 15. And all of a sudden, I'm in a leadership position and I could do it. and all of a sudden, I wasn't dyslexic. I was just a regular kid.
Future Plans and Life Enjoyment
00:22:54
Speaker
yeah So that was very important for me. Yes, the situation that you were in didn't need you to know that you were dyslexic. Right. right All it needed you to do was to be a leader, to exercise, to have knowledge and skills and experience and to apply them in a given situation.
00:23:12
Speaker
That, I think, is is the is the key point, is that just because you don't have the right type of skills in order to succeed in one environment,
00:23:24
Speaker
That doesn't mean to say that you won't succeed in another environment. exactly ah agree 100 yeah yeah it is really really very interesting you've had a ah fantastic life in terms of like having experiences which you have survived and i take the point that not everyone survives the types of experiences that you have had and that's true for people who are affected by that you know huge respect but you have survived and you have built the life that is your life and i think that's really very important but
00:23:56
Speaker
The big question is what comes next? What comes next? You know, i want to continue down this road of, you know, sharing my story. I'm also a coach.
00:24:07
Speaker
Every time I tell my story, it's with the hopes of helping somebody. And I want to continue that. That is part of my purpose. And then the other piece is enjoying life, having fun.
00:24:22
Speaker
i'm a big skier. I'm a former ski instructor. And that's one of the reasons why I live here in Colorado. him And I'm actually going to get out on my skis this weekend. I got new skis. So I'm really excited to get back out there with some friends and, you know, just taking it in and enjoying life.
00:24:40
Speaker
Great. Great. Long may
Podcast Conclusion and Resources
00:24:42
Speaker
it continue. Yes. And thank you very much, Alan. I have really enjoyed this conversation and I've learned something as well. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me a guest. I've enjoyed it as well. Thank you.
00:24:53
Speaker
I am Michael Millward, Managing Director of Abbasida. And in this episode of Fit for My Age, I have been having a conversation with Ellen Bosch, the author of Dis-Empowered.
00:25:06
Speaker
There is a link to Ellen's website, ellenbosch.com in the description, along with a link to abbasida.co.uk, where you'll find more information about both of us. I must remember to thank the team at matchmaker.fm for introducing me to Ellen.
00:25:20
Speaker
If you're a podcaster looking for interesting guests, or if like Ellen, you have something very interesting to say, matchmaker.fm is where matches of great hosts and great guests are made.
00:25:32
Speaker
There is a link to matchmaker.fm and an offer code in the description. If you're listening to Fit for My Age on your smartphone, you may like to know that 3.0 has the UK's fastest 5G network with unlimited data, so listening on 3.0 means you can wave goodbye to buffering.
00:25:50
Speaker
There is a link in the description that will take you to more information about business and personal telecom solutions from 3.0 and the special office available when you quote my referral code.
00:26:02
Speaker
At Fit for My Age, Our aim is proactive positive aging. Knowing the risks early is an important part of maintaining good health. That is why we recommend the annual health test from York test.
00:26:16
Speaker
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00:26:31
Speaker
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00:26:47
Speaker
You can access your easy to understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure personal wellness hub. There is a link and a discount code in the description.
00:27:00
Speaker
The description, just like Alan's book, Disempowered, is well worth reading. If you've liked this episode of Fit For My Age, please give it a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere.
00:27:11
Speaker
To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe. Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abbasida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think.
00:27:22
Speaker
Until the next episode of Fit For My Age, thank you for listening and goodbye.