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The Hard Truth About Penises
88 Plays5 months ago
In this episode of Fun with Sex, we get real about penises and the pressure to always stay hard. From stress, sleep deprivation, and alcohol to unrealistic standards set by porn and patriarchy, there's a lot more to erection issues than you might think. We break down the stigma surrounding Viagra, why it's not always about erectile dysfunction, and how to embrace a healthier, more realistic approach to sexual performance.
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Transcript
Introduction to Fungal Sex Podcast
00:00:00
funwithsexpodcast
Hi, this is John with the Fungal Sex Podcast. And I'm Natalie.
Stigma and Misconceptions about Erectile Dysfunction
00:00:04
funwithsexpodcast
So today we're going to be talking about erectile dysfunction, commonly known as ED. But we're also going to talk about the stigma and shame around penises, talking about penis jokes, the shame around using Viagra or blue chew, ah distortions about what a normal or natural penis looks like.
00:00:26
funwithsexpodcast
I think that's about it for today's episode.
Body Shaming and Societal Pressures
00:00:29
funwithsexpodcast
Also, like the idea that a lot of things that we assume is like ED isn't really an erectile dysfunction. It's just that your body is your body and is not a computer where you can press the power button and it's going to work every single time you press it the way that you want it to press it. Your body has a lot of complex things going on, which makes it easy ah harder to an achieve an erection.
00:00:51
funwithsexpodcast
But the thing that I do want to start off first with is that there seems to be this common acceptance of shaming and joking around people's penises in a way that any other type of body shame isn't, we're not okay with it. That makes sense. Yeah. It's less normalized and accepted. I mean, people still do body shame, yeah but in typical day to day interactions, that's less normalized and accepted. Whereas,
00:01:18
funwithsexpodcast
shame surrounding the penis totally is normalized. again that's like my thing too is that i think that um how do i say this i think there's like an acceptance around making penis joe but i do think that's the fault of the patriarchy and toxic masculinity where it's like, well, how do you define a successful, healthy, strong man? Well, how good does his dick work? How well can you have sex with women? And then how do you take a shot at that person? Will you say that like, your well, your dick doesn't work. You can't perform. And I think that what this shows is how we all, no matter our genders participate in the patriarchy and participate in perpetrating toxic gender norms.
00:02:06
funwithsexpodcast
And I think the other thing that we need to talk about too is that I think a lot of people counter and say, well, I only say these types of jokes to people who are bad people. And I would say like,
00:02:17
funwithsexpodcast
Yeah, I understand that, but you're still creating an environment that normalizes this type of conversation the same way that people used to make comments of like fat jokes about Trump. And it's like, while you may think it doesn't matter because you're making these jokes about a bad person, one, you're still creating a culture that has a negative connotation and would be in plus size. And two, your plus size cousins, friends, family members still hear you say these comments about about Trump. And they're like, well,
00:02:48
funwithsexpodcast
It's just how you feel about me. and I don't know if that makes sense. Yeah, exactly. I totally agree. And I think it's like a perfect comparison to penis jokes because it is so
Rethinking Sexual Intimacy Beyond Performance
00:03:02
funwithsexpodcast
normalized. I mean, especially speaking from like hetero woman circles, it's so normalized to be like, oh, and his dick was small or And he couldn't get it up as if it's, you know, cause there's like the ED people experience just because of a number of factors, which we'll get into. And then there's like the actual disorder and it's like, well, if this person had an actual disorder, you're just making fun of like a physical ailment they can't control. And yeah, either way, it's just not okay. And it just kind of perpetuates this unhealthy standard that
00:03:40
funwithsexpodcast
penis hovers have to be held to. And it also creates this environment that like still centers the penis and sex that like we can't have sex unless your penis works. And we only did have sex if your penis works. When the reality is there's so many other ways to have sex, including oral fingering, vibrating, ah deep kissing. And the irony is that the more foreplay and the more comfortability that a person has, the less pressure you put on the penis,
00:04:09
funwithsexpodcast
the more likely the penis is to quote unquote work when you want it to work. Yeah. And you know, it kind of goes back to the episode we had on the orgasm gap too, where it's so much more normalized for women to be like, yeah, I struggle to orgasm or that's something I always say in non-monogamous circles when we're in group play and stuff like that. And men have a lot of shame surrounding.
00:04:37
funwithsexpodcast
not being able to get hard, not being able to stay hard and stuff like that because of this. Toxically masculine belief that like you're a man and you should always want to have sex and you should always be ready to perform. And that's just not the case, especially in group play. I'm like, it takes me so long to finish during group play and I don't even go into it like expecting to do so just because It's so much harder when there's like a lot of sounds, more people around, people watching. And the same is true of men trying to get hard as well. And I think that like while this is especially true in group play,
00:05:16
funwithsexpodcast
That anxiety happens in normal sexual encounters too. Men get nervous in sexual encounters, so especially with like someone they haven't had comfortable playing with, which is why like for younger men, your penis is more likely to be able to maintain and get an erection the more times you play with somebody because they're the more comfortable you are with them.
00:05:38
funwithsexpodcast
The same way that for like a lot of women, they're more likely to orgasm. We're talking about more. I don't know. This is not even just temporal sex. This is like for everyone. The more comfortable you are with somebody, the more comfortable you are to achieve an orgasm or more comfortable you are to orgasm because people get nervous. People are stressed and like anxiety and stress are like really big reasons why people can't achieve or maintain orgasms, which goes back to what we're talking about before is that not orgasms, erections, which goes back to what we're talking about before.
00:06:07
funwithsexpodcast
the best way to help somebody achieve an interaction is to put them in a low pressure environment.
Pornography's Impact on Perception and Performance
00:06:13
funwithsexpodcast
Yeah, exactly. And really like, you know, again, going back to my experiences in sex clubs and group play scenarios, a it's just so sad to see how people's partners react to it. And like, I can tell you, as someone who's had sex with a lot of penises, I've been around a lot of penises in my life,
00:06:37
funwithsexpodcast
literally everyone struggles to get hard from time to time. It is so common. And I can't emphasize that enough. But I can't tell you how many times I've been like, in a sex club and a guy struggling to get hard and I'm like, Oh, it's no big deal. You know, do you want to do list a bunch of things. Do you want to do the vibrator? Do you want to relax and get some, refresh our drinks? Do you want to just cuddle for a little bit? And you know, they're just, they're kind of expecting this like big, disappointed reaction for me. And it's because that is how so many like hetero couple speaking woman react. And I see it too, like at parties and at clubs where people see
00:07:22
funwithsexpodcast
their partner isn't like immediately hard and they're just like so frustrated by it. I mean, there's even like a lot of like how do a woman that take it as like a knock to them of like, Oh, am I not attractive enough? When it's like, there's so many physiological and psychological factors that can hinder you getting hard. It can be something as simple as you didn't sleep super well.
00:07:49
funwithsexpodcast
Drugs and alcohol influence it a lot. Not drinking enough water. Just maybe being stressed out. Staying out too late. Yeah. Stress. You didn't eat enough food. And I think that's like the important thing about all of this is that your penis, again, like I said, at the start of the episode is part of your body. It's a biological. It's a biological entity. It's not the same thing as like putting the light switch on.
00:08:18
funwithsexpodcast
and like expect a light bulb to come on. Like your lights are turned on every single time. Every single time that you have sex or penis is not going to quote unquote work as you would like it to be because it's not a machine. It's not a tool. And I think that people need to understand that your, your body is so complex that there's so many factors going on that any one thing being off such as like you're drinking before you have sex, you drink a little bit too much, you're a little bit too dehydrated.
00:08:46
funwithsexpodcast
your body is not going to work the way that you want it to be even if you do everything perfect which is why I think that like porn has distorted people like so much because you never see a porn video where the person is like hey let me take a couple minutes and eat you out while I'm like trying to get harder like Let's make out for a second to warm up my penis a little bit. And I also think that's like the expectation where like, there's this idea that foreplay is for like the women. Any idea that like men should always just be ready to fuck at a drop of a hat. But like one bodies don't work that way. And I think that like porn reflects the reality of like, hey, sometimes both partners or sometimes
00:09:25
funwithsexpodcast
The more femme person in a heterosexual heterosexual dynamic is ready for penetration but the mass person still needs to warm up a little bit and I think that like healthier porn that shows that like Penises don't always are immediately hard and stay hard through the entire time And the thing is like to put people in on a little bit of inside baseball porn stars aren't always hard things are edited out and ah There's tools to like inflate the penis artificially a lot of them take Viagra be strong doses of Viagra before this shoot and also you're talking about people who've been like selected specifically because they have bodies that are More look they're more hypersexual they're more designed to fuck it's the same way of saying that like NFL player can bench press 600 pounds. Why can't I bench press 600 pounds?
00:10:22
funwithsexpodcast
And it's like a porn star is like the professional athlete of fucking and it's just like all these things need to be in consideration before you can you compare yourself to them. Yeah, exactly. But I feel like the other thing that like porn has done a very unhealthy job of is like distorting our social perception of like what a penis looks like and like the length of it. That makes sense. Yeah, I can't tell you how many people penises I've had to explain to them that they're big compared to like the average penises I see. I mean, you know, so many guys, they just grow up watching porn and they have in their image that that's what a regular dick looks like. And it's like, no Oh my God. No, these guys have like my forearm as a penis. That is not average whatsoever. Um, yeah.
00:11:20
funwithsexpodcast
I mean, it's not even just like average, their penises are larger than like the 1%. Again, that these are the professional athletes of like sex, who's like their bodies and their personalities have been selected because like they really, they're really, really exceptional when it comes to like sex. You can't compare yourself to that. But I think that like what a lot of people forget is that your typical, your average American has sex with seven people.
00:11:48
funwithsexpodcast
So if you're a straight man, you probably will see seven different vaginas in your lifetime. ah If you're a straight man, you probably don't see that many penises. ah you probably Before I was bi, I probably saw, or identified as bi, two dicks in my life. yeah And like you see three, four times that watching one porn gangbanger group video, and you're like, wait, this is this how every penis looks? is every penis 10 inches long and why is mine only Insert some number under seven and like that's again The average penis eyes is like five inches I think it is and I think that like not only does it distort man's ideas like what a large penis is I've had like a lot of cis women especially like cis white women who've had this idea especially when it comes to like black penises that like
00:12:44
funwithsexpodcast
all black men have these 10 11 inch penises because like that's what they've been conditioned to believe from porn, especially the horrific BBC category. And then that also goes into like the hyper sexualization of like black men and through American history, but we don't have time to like fully unpack that.
Societal Expectations and Self-Esteem
00:13:03
funwithsexpodcast
I don't know if that makes sense for you if I want to like a long grant. No, yeah, that's something we could do a whole episode on because also from the other end, there's so many weird white woman out there where when they find out I fuck black guys, they're like, Oh, like they're also huge. I'm like, no, they're literally just people and body proportions. It's an individual thing. Like it's, it's not divided on race, but, and I think the, you know, to go in another direction, the other
00:13:37
funwithsexpodcast
side of things where so many men end up getting this distorted perception is also the fact that there's so much shame surrounding ED not having a big dick that when you're in all man circles, like they just, they watch it. Yeah. Everybody's like, what do you mean? You have a five inch dick. Mine is 10. No, you're not. You're like,
00:14:03
funwithsexpodcast
If you're just statistically speaking and you're like in a group of 10 guys, like most likely, like most of you are average. Maybe one guy has a big dick. Same thing with like not being able to get hard, like matter just how to these toxicly masculine standards. So, you know, they don't open up to their guy friends about stuff. So they can't just be like, Oh, do you ever struggle getting hard? Even though you're like in the mood and you really like the girl, like nobody,
00:14:33
funwithsexpodcast
wants to admit that they struggle so they all just move around in these circles where it's like yeah like what do you mean like I'm a guy of course I'm always ready to fuck. I have a 10 inch dick and I could come five times in a row and be rock hard for another hour and a half And I could come again and get right back up into, I don't even need to get back up. I stay hard after I come. It's just the idea that you have to perform this hyper masculinity because again, masculinity goes along with like sexual performance. And I think that like, that's a side of like the patriarchy that doesn't get addressed enough. So a lot of men have these ideas, unrealistic ideas of how their bodies are supposed to perform. When in reality, no one body performs that way.
00:15:18
funwithsexpodcast
And I think that like you don't see it as much in queer man and culture because like, again, if you're having sex with other men, you see penises all the time or not. all Some people will see penises all the time. And now for this culture is like, yeah, I've seen enough dicks to know that you probably don't have a 10 inch dick. But if you're in a situation where like you never see another man's penis, you don't know how big the average penis is. Yeah. Also, if you're not having sex with men, you don't know how often other men can't perform.
00:15:48
funwithsexpodcast
And I think that like, this is why this is an issue that predominantly the stigma predominantly impacts straight men or men who have sex with women predominantly. Yeah. And it's definitely like, you know, all the patriarchal standards that are being upheld, it's not just on the men too, because a lot of hetero women perpetuate it as well. Like I can't tell you how many times I've been at a club in a group place situation and As per usual, because it's so common, a guy is struggling to get hard and you can tell they feel so nervous and ashamed because maybe they're new to these circles. And, you know, I'm just like, Oh, like, no worries. Like, do you want to, you know, do the vibrator eat me out? Do you want to cuddle? Do you want to get like a glass of water or whatever? And it's because so many women, even outside of, I mean, in group play situations, I've seen women shame their partners because they can't get hard.
00:16:47
funwithsexpodcast
But even on an individual like one-to-one session basis, there's a lot of women where if the guy's struggling to get hard, they take it as like a shot at them. Like, Oh, am I not hot enough? Am I not good enough? Are you not excited to have sex with me? And I think again, that's why it's so important to like a decenter the penis. Cause if the idea is that like, Hey, we can still have a lot of fun together. And like, I don't have to like use my dick.
00:17:15
funwithsexpodcast
One, it reduces your stress and anxiety, which is one of the main causes of erectile dysfunction. But two, it still allows the person to receive pleasure and they're not like, well, I was looking forward to having this sexual experience and now like it's not going to happen because this other person can. Their penis is not working as they planned it to do, which is also like, I want to touch back on like one thing that you reminded me of because I've heard this before where like cis women are women have who have sex with men have felt insulted when they found out that their partner uses Viagra with them. And I think that goes on to the shame of like, you're not supposed to use Viagra. When in reality Viagra is one of the most well studied, due to the patriarchy, well studied medications in history with very little side effects besides you may experience migraines and like ideally you don't mix mix them with other drugs.
00:18:10
funwithsexpodcast
ah And like it works against your penis working. It helps reduce Anxiety around your penis it helps you perform. It helps you perform longer. It helps you maintain stronger more for more field erections and like the other thing that really helps a lot of people is that the placebo of knowing that your own Viagra because again a lot of times people don't actually have ED they don't have an erectile disorder that's the whole point of this podcast is that most people don't have a disorder and
00:18:40
funwithsexpodcast
They have all these other factors going on and unrealistic expectations.
Benefits and Stigma of Viagra
00:18:44
funwithsexpodcast
so So the placebo effect says that like, Hey, I'm on this pill. I should be able to perform. They're not stressed. They don't have the anxiety about if they can perform and then her dick works again. But like, why do you think that like so many people feel so embarrassed and take Viagra? I mean, you know, I think when you look at it in society, Viagra, I mean, first of all, like speaking from my marketing brain,
00:19:09
funwithsexpodcast
My Agrib totally only markets to older men and it's seen in our society. Not anymore. Oh, that's cool. I just remember like when I was younger, when I actually watched like cable TV, it was like always like some seven year old dude. But yeah, so historically they used to only market to older men. And yeah, it's just, it's kind of seen in our society as like,
00:19:38
funwithsexpodcast
this thing that the like eight-year-old Hugh Hefner guy has to take and there's a lot of shame around it. like You're not as much of a man because you can't just do it yourself. But in actuality, it's a very useful tool, especially like you said when you're in, because so much of what um impacts people's ability to get hard outside of people who have the disorder is anxiety. It doesn't necessarily have to be anxiety related to this specific event. It could just be like, Hey, I have depression. I have an anxiety disorder, but also anxiety relating to the situation. You're in a group play situation. This is your first time with a girl. You're not comfortable with this person yet. You're still new to getting to know them.
00:20:28
funwithsexpodcast
And you know just the slightest anxiety can impact your ability to get hard. And you know you can use Viagra as a tool to just give you that little push. And like you said, even the placebo effect of like, okay, I have this tool so I don't have to stress.
00:20:47
funwithsexpodcast
And I think the beautiful thing about Viagra is that we gave you that long list earlier in our podcast of things that can may that can hurt you being able to maintain or achieve an erection. And I think Viagra counters a lot of them. You didn't sleep good enough last night. There's still a chance that ah on Viagra that like you may not be able to maintain an erection.
00:21:09
funwithsexpodcast
But like, you're still much more likely to be able to achieve and maintain interaction. Same thing with Whiskey Dick. You're drunk a little bit too much, Viagra still helps with that blood flow to your penis. If you're anxious, there's things that like goes further than just a placebo effect.
00:21:23
funwithsexpodcast
Viagra helps you out. As long as you're still turned on, that's the thing that like people don't understand about Viagra. For most times, you still have to be turned on. If you just don't want to have sex with this person, there's a good chance that the Viagra doesn't work. But like if you're in a situation where you do want to have sex but you just have other factors going on, the Viagra helps that. It helps with sleep, it helps with drinking, it helps with Sadly, it helps with drugs, which like we don't recommend combining Viagra and drugs because there's a lot of... That is when there's a lot of side effects. But the reality is that Viagra does help blood flow even when people have consumed drugs, alcohol.
00:22:01
funwithsexpodcast
and sleep deprivation, stress, whatever it is, like the Viagra helps counter it. And I
Conclusion and Wrap-up
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funwithsexpodcast
think that's like why we need to destigmatize it because it's just the medication is no different than taking an aspirin or like a multivitamin or drinking caffeine so you can stay up on a late night. I think that like we need to like sit here and like reverse the stigma of like people taking Viagra. Yeah, totally. It's the same thing as like, you know,
00:22:29
funwithsexpodcast
You have a drink before a first date because you're a little nervous. It's just, you know, a drug that you can use. Is there anything else that you would like to say? I think they're like, I'm exhausted. Everything I wanted to say on this topic. Yeah, I think we covered it all. All right. Well, this has been the fun with sex podcast. Thank you all for the pain and have a nice day.