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A Father's Journey with Autism w/ Harry Psaros
232 Plays5 months ago
Harry Psaros joins us to discuss his book From Struggle to Strength: A Father's Journey with Autism and the Power of Hope and Positivity.
Harry, once reluctant to accept his own child's autism diagnosis, bravely shares his transformation from denial to a proactive, positive force in his son Gus's life. This book is not just a personal story but a beacon of hope for fathers and families navigating similar challenges.
Harry is on the Board of Directors for the Autism Caring Center, President of North Fayette Township’s Parks and Recreation Board, Vice President of All Saints Greek Orthodox Church in Weirton, WV and one of the founders of North Fayette P.A.L.S. (an organization for special needs children).
He has a saying, “If you are breathing air, you should be helping others”.
Connect with Harry:
From Struggle to Strength: A Father's Journey with Autism and the Power of Hope and Positivity: https://amzn.to/45b9jTZ
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harrypsaros/
Website: https://www.harrypsaros.com/
Christian's links:
Children's health consulting (autism, ADHD, gut dysfunction, etc.): https://christianyordanov.com/childrens-health-consulting/
My latest book on longevity, How to Actually Live Longer, Vol1.: https://amzn.to/3OnZJGl
Follow me on Instagram for informational clips and other health content: https://www.instagram.com/christian_yordanov/
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Transcript
Introduction to Harry Pseris
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to the show, folks. Christian Jourdanoff here. Today's guest is Harry Pseris. He is the author of the book From Struggle to Strength, a father's journey with autism and the power of hope and positivity.
00:00:16
Speaker
And he is also, I don't even know where to start with what he is. He's a senior neuroscience specialist. He's a senior writer for Pittsburgh Sports Now. Obviously, he's a father. He's a leader, speaker, author, of course, and martial artist. So we have a lot to talk about. Harry, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Harry's Martial Arts Journey
00:00:40
Speaker
Let's start with your martial arts background, because that's always interesting. What's that all about?
00:00:46
Speaker
I'm obsessive. I love the martial arts. So I really, when I was starting up in college, I was boxing. And then from there, the University of Pittsburgh had what's known as the East West Martial Arts Club. And it was an amalgam of different styles. I was able to learn some Mikido. I was able to learn some Kenpo. And
00:01:11
Speaker
Really, I will say this. I've always been an average athlete. I feel like I was a good fighter I found a niche that I really loved and From there once we had my my oldest son we were starting to get him started in tongue pseudo and Was over hitting the heavy bag the one day and and master daddy who's here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania saw me goes You know how to hit and I said so
00:01:40
Speaker
Three black belts later, you know, I have a third-degree black belt in Tung Tzu Do, and then from there it's gravitated towards training a bit in Muay Thai, training a bit in combatives, and anyone that's a martial artist knows you're open to every style, you're open to learning. The only thing I'll say, all of everything I've learned is just striking art.
00:02:01
Speaker
I have immense respect for jiu jitsu. I'm just 50 years old right now. I'm in great shape, but I'm in 50 years old and I'm just so busy. I don't know if I could get to learn the more of the grappling techniques, but we have implemented some of that too, so I love it. It's a lifelong learning. When you get into martial arts,
00:02:20
Speaker
I was in a tournament once and I had a master grab me and he put a sugar packet down. Then he pulled out one granule. He said, this is what you know. And he showed me his hand. It was filled with sugar. And he said, this is the martial arts. And he really taught me to have a beginner Zen mind. Always be open and always be able to learn. And I love it. It teaches you discipline, teaches you self-confidence. There's so many positives to it.
00:02:46
Speaker
love that Harry. So beginner's mind, you know that I have to etch that somewhere in that so I see it constantly just to remind me.
00:02:54
Speaker
First of all, not to get overwhelmed because when we get overwhelmed with stuff is when we think we should have a handle on things, right? Whereas this universe is infinite, most probably, and we should definitely just be easier on ourselves. Actually, I totally agree with you regarding the grappling arts. I went to a couple of jujitsu, BJJ classes back in the day, and my first
00:03:20
Speaker
My first experience of that was this massive dude strong with a massive beard and he was dominating me. I was his bitch and I was pulling bits of his beard and we were super sweaty and I was like on this dirty floor in the gym. I was like, nah, dog, that ain't for me, dog.
00:03:44
Speaker
So I like to stand up martial arts myself too. So, okay, let's talk about then when did you first suspect your son was on the spectrum?
Gus's Autism Diagnosis
00:03:58
Speaker
I'll go back 17 years ago, and one of the big, big heroes, if not the biggest next to my son in the book, is my wife, Michelle, in today's Mother's Day. I'm going to wish her a happy Mother's Day. When you have your first child, you have nothing to compare that child to.
00:04:19
Speaker
And Michelle was with Gus because I was working a lot initially and noticing some significant differences. And when I say that, you know, he wasn't speaking yet, if he did speak, it was in an echolalic pattern. So she would say, hello, Gus. He would say, hello, mom. You know, it was just reciprocal.
00:04:39
Speaker
And then, you know, there's things you notice where a normal child might get a car and run the car back and forth. He would flip it around and he could sit and spin the wheels for hours. And then what really broke the camel's back, we attended back to back kids birthday parties.
00:04:56
Speaker
And we were noticing he didn't interact with his cousins or peers. And my cousin had handed out a writing utensil and things where they could color. And instead, he sat and he flipped the pencil. He was in his own world. And then what really, really did my wife in, she went to a birthday party the week after.
00:05:18
Speaker
And there was a fan in the corner of this restaurant, and all of the other children were gravitating over towards the gifts and the cake, singing things like that. She couldn't pull him away from the fan, and he was beating on the window like a bongo drum, which is a stimulation, a stim. And that's when the preschool teacher, Miss Josie, who we still are in contact with, grabbed my wife and said, I love you, I love your husband, but you need to understand, I really think he's on the autism spectrum.
00:05:45
Speaker
And I've said this a lot. I'm the type of guy, and I say it in my book, that could have fun at an insurance seminar. If you take me to a monastery, the monks are having a beer keg party. I'm an energetic type A. It was hard for me to believe for a long period of time that my son could have something that would restrict him in life, in particular with socialization, things like that. But that day is when I thought, uh-oh, maybe there's something here.
00:06:14
Speaker
And we were fortunate, very fortunate, because the delay back then was up to six to eight months to get your child looked at. We actually had a family member at the Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio at their autism center. So two weeks later, we went and my son was diagnosed and I write about it in the book.
00:06:33
Speaker
I realized on the way home that not only did I owe my wife a big apology and I had to be all in, but we just talked about my fighting background. Those instincts kicked in. I equated to being hyper adrenalized in the ring when your hands are up and you're ready to go. That second hour driving home to Pittsburgh, I said, I'm all in and whatever it takes to improve my son, that's what I'm doing from day one. So what were the first steps you took
00:07:04
Speaker
You know, a lot of it was getting my son established. I talk about in the book, it's amazing, and it still blows my mind. There's really only one great here in the area, a neurodevelopmental neurologist.
00:07:19
Speaker
but we were able to get in front of him. What I remember was the fear. We knew there was a lot going on. My son was sickly. He had bags under his eyes. There was so much going on. He was pale under weight.
00:07:34
Speaker
I remember going to the second appointment because the first appointment is basically Talking about the blood work and the soul samples and everything else But we looked at each other and we said what if he looks at us and says everything is normal Then we we wouldn't know where to go
00:07:54
Speaker
Thankfully, and it might sound odd, but when you're a parent of a child on the spectrum, you want to hear. And he laid out, he says, you know what, we have a lot of work to do. But to his credit, Dr. Faber here in Pittsburgh, what he gave us for the first time was a ray of hope.
00:08:08
Speaker
and hope is all you can ask for. And he looked at us and said, you know, if you stay diligent and really show unrelenting love to your son, I think there's a chance we could turn him around. He said, and I think in his future, I could see college and everything else. And it turned out to be true. Amazing. Yeah, so I don't know how much we're allowed to share regarding your son, but we were talking that he is already in college. So that, like you said, it came out true, which is amazing.
00:08:37
Speaker
So talking about early on, what were some of the initial challenges? I know a lot of, and I'm sure you talk about this in the book, is a lot of men, they almost have this bury your head in the sand sort of reflex when their child is either on the spectrum or has some other condition or whatever. How did you approach the thing and what were some early challenges that you grappled with?
00:09:05
Speaker
Let me say this, it's a great segue. Again, when you're looking at my book and all you have to do is look for the yellow boxing gloves, there's a reason, Jordan, it's 150 pages or less. Men, it's in our DNA, want to fix things.
00:09:25
Speaker
And I say this all the time, if your child is outside playing and falls down and scrapes their knee, what do you do? You clean it, you put a band-aid on it. When you hear your child is on this spectrum, it's a very weighty diagnosis. And some men bolt, some men are very stoic.
00:09:46
Speaker
And I, you know, I mean, I'm a little bit different. Like I said, I went into attack mode. For me, it was going out to Barnes and Noble and buying every conceivable book I could find. If I were to turn this iPad around, you would be staring. I have library here, probably 300 books, maybe more than that. Oh, is that the one that's on your website? Yeah. Oh, it's going to comment. That's very nice looking.
00:10:11
Speaker
But I have probably 50 books on autism at this point. I had those fathers in mind, the belligerent fathers, when I wrote this book.
00:10:26
Speaker
If you hand them Tolkien's Lord of the Rings or War and Peace, and it's this thick, they're throwing it out the door. So I wanted to get through that machismo, that ego, and really get to them and get them to read this book. Because I think it would break down some barriers and reconnect them with their wife and get them focused on their child.
00:10:49
Speaker
And let me say this and i'm probably maybe jumping ahead but i'll tell you the origin story for the book yeah relates to what you just asked those gonna be my next question. So i'm here i'll answer that free so two thousand fourteen so i was asked to speak.
00:11:05
Speaker
Here in Pittsburgh, we had what was called the Autism Notebook. It was a wildly popular magazine for parents that had children on the spectrum. So myself and another gentleman each had 15 minutes, but I was going to be one of the first fathers to ever speak at this conference. The gentleman in front of me ended up getting cold feet. He's never really spoke in front of a crowd. I could see he was nervous. He finished up.
00:11:29
Speaker
under 10 minutes. So they looked at me and said, hey, can you riff for about 25 to 20 minutes? I said, I have this. I said, I know what I want to say. Go from there. Well, as I was speaking, countless mothers start lining up. One, two, three. And there probably was around 12.
00:11:48
Speaker
And I thought, knowing me, I said, Becerris, did you offend someone? Is there something I said that upset them? But then I realized I could see the emotion in their eyes. And when I finished, I went down and they grabbed me and they said, Harry, we need your help.
00:12:05
Speaker
Our husbands aren't on board. They don't even buy into this and we need your support. So I'm never shy. So I went and I grabbed all of the cell phones for the father's emails. That led to two of them hanging up on me.
00:12:20
Speaker
a multitude of cups of coffee, and I had dinner with one of them. And what I found was the majority were on board, but they were so stoic, because again, they want to fix the problem, but they have no clue what to do. So I was able to really get them to connect with their wife and go, listen, I'm on board, but I'm overwhelmed. And that's a natural feeling. Now, I will say that again, a few I felt so bad for the wives,
00:12:49
Speaker
more or less abandon them, weren't on board. The one that amazed me, I spoke to the one father, and his child literally was way behind developmentally and in diapers. He still wouldn't buy into it, and I almost had to berate him at the table. I had to try to get through to him, and he finally bought in.
00:13:11
Speaker
I had that demographic in mind.
Impact of Autism Diagnosis on Fathers
00:13:14
Speaker
My book is, don't get me wrong, it's great for parents with newly diagnosed children or anyone even wants to learn about autism. But I wanted it to be a tool for a mother that had that belligerent husband that could put it down and go, please read this.
00:13:28
Speaker
Yeah, and and if it if it really comes down to the machismo end of it You know, I thought even coming from like a martial artist That's why I thought I would go with the most recognizable symbol in my fighting background, which is the boxing gloves
00:13:42
Speaker
By the way, gold is the color for hope. I intentionally chose that, but I wanted that out there. Like I said, I've been in their shoes. I understand the frustration. I understand the despair, but ultimately, the longer you're cocooned and won't accept it, your child's going off into the abyss.
00:14:08
Speaker
Man, that's so true because the sooner you start doing things, the better the outcomes. It's as simple as that because, you know, I work with.
00:14:18
Speaker
Generally, the more complex cases seem to find me. So nonverbal kids or severe gut dysfunction or constipation, stuff like that, or self-injurious behavior and pretty horrific sleep problems going on for months and months. So it's always painful to watch how long people either wait to take action.
00:14:46
Speaker
or just how long it takes them to find the people that can actually help the people like me, because I think that's another thing. You can't be overwhelmed with too much information, but a lot of people, if you just go via the conventional route, all you're going to be told is it's genetic, it's for life, or maybe we can give some antipsychotic medications or SSRIs. I have clients where the child, not even an adult yet,
00:15:15
Speaker
is getting put on various SSRIs and other sort of Benzos type drugs and that is just criminal. And there is like, okay, it will take a few, a little bit of digging nowadays to find the information. It's not on the first page of Google, but the information is there. We just have to, and I like your angle because I really think, and I've said this on interviews before, I really think a lot of the time that that is the bottleneck in this whole process.
00:15:45
Speaker
Right, right. And you know, Christian, you touched on a point that I briefly in one chapter, I have kind of a self care chapter in the book.
00:15:58
Speaker
All of this connects, and the reason I say that, and I want to write a second book on movement. Let me say this. I'm reading your book now, which is a master class on new supplements, nutrition. I love what you're putting. I see this. I make fundraisers, many events.
00:16:19
Speaker
There are high rates of obesity, not just with the children, but with the parents. So let's start in the beginning. It all starts at the top.
00:16:29
Speaker
And I am adamant about strong body, strong mind. But as a parent, you set the example for the children. So the environment that they have, the foods that are in the house. So to your point, you know, I think it's absolutely critical. The cleaner you were eating, the cleaner you were, first of all, you were leading the charge with the child.
00:16:53
Speaker
Anyone, and I've been there, anyone listening to this as a child on the spectrum, we've dealt with rigidities. We've dealt with the meltdowns. I know those long days, in and out with therapists. You need to be on your A-game. So if you were eating processed foods, fast food, anything you could find in the middle aisles of a grocery store that's pure garbage, and in the United States what they put out here is criminal,
00:17:22
Speaker
You were to blame because you're probably on your C or B game as opposed to your A game. And that bleeds down to your child. If your child on the spectrum is opening up the drawer and there's nothing there but garbage that's filled with sugars, food dyes, taste, and gluten, that's on you. So what I try to emphasize is it starts at the top.
00:17:47
Speaker
And I do believe in movement as well. My wife and I, even on the worst days, would try to give each other at minimum a half hour, whether I would go hit the heavy bag or run. She might do yoga or even read just to decompress. You have to recharge that battery. But health and wellness in the house starts with you and it bleeds down to your child.
00:18:10
Speaker
And for a child on the spectrum, they have to fight every single day to be on their way. The one thing I tell people with neurotypical children is your child may wake up and have like a great week. When you have a child on the spectrum, your spouse, you talk every day and go, how'd they do today? How'd they do today? Because it gradiates. One day it's an A, next day it's a C. It all depends on what goes on. So I think
00:18:37
Speaker
Wellness is so important. That's why I absolutely love your book is a resource as well for people to get a hold of and and and you and I you know I know we both agree on this too is you know supplementation support and when it comes to the gut microbiome and I even like many of the new tropics that are out on the market now, you know what I mean, but I
00:18:57
Speaker
activate the brain so um you know i multibytes omega-3 tripled my son's vocabulary so the research is there what i would encourage anyone listening to this is i mean i'm looking at a great author right now you wrote a great book on it there are a multitude of books on supplementation nutrition for the children that is such a key component and i can't emphasize that enough
00:19:24
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so important. At the end of the day, we are burdened with the modern advancements that are destroying our health, like plastics and all the chemicals in the food supply. So we have to use modern advancements, you know, HEPA air filters, shower filters, supplements, in order to ameliorate, mitigate the, you know, the threats. So that is very, very important for all parents and all people really to understand
00:19:53
Speaker
The sooner they understand that, the better they will get their body to perform better. And I love this angle again of the parents need to be on their A game. That's why I actually, I was thinking of putting out, like I said to you before we started recording, I'm kind of going through my book and updating it a little bit here and there, polishing it up a little. And I'm just thinking.
00:20:17
Speaker
I want to just put out another maybe 100, 150 page book that has condenses all of the stuff I learned in the last four or five years about the topic and health in general and put that out instead. It will be just probably a little bit more work, but it will be the most distilled stuff. And the reason I'm kind of pulling on the thread is there was going to be a chapter in there on how parents can mitigate
00:20:44
Speaker
their own stress. Because if you can do that, never mind the fact that when you're stressed, everyone around you will be more stressed. Never mind the fact that we give off pheromones that literally communicate that to other people. But you will be able to respond to whatever, be it a meltdown, a crankiness, whatever challenge
00:21:05
Speaker
from a place of more calm and so it will be a more productive, more sort of positive response. So I think getting the parents to be on their A-game is integral to, you know, any sort of, doesn't matter if it's a condition with like autism, any sort of family situation that you can think of, you improve the parents' health and well-being, the children will invariably benefit from that. Exactly. And you know, I talk about in the book,
00:21:34
Speaker
Just quick 30-second hacks. Smiling does so much. The act of a smile activates so much in the brain in terms of de-stressors, pain activation, alleviation of pain. I talk about box breathing, which is a common old yoga technique, but it's a great way to de-stress. That's a critical piece of it. The other thing I'll mention to you too, and I've heard this before,
00:22:02
Speaker
I was cognizant in my book. My son is more on the mild end of the spectrum through much, much diligence and some neuroplasticity through brain balance. I'm an advocate for that. We were able to get him to college, but I've had parents come to me and go, well, what you say doesn't apply. My child is moderate or severe, and I always stop them and go, you're thinking myopically.
00:22:26
Speaker
because a win on a daily basis is a win regardless of where they're at it just looks differently and the reason i say this i bet if you say to me well. You know my my zen time is i could put them for hours in front of a computer playing their game whatever it might be and what i encourage him to do anyone can walk.
00:22:48
Speaker
anyone can go for a hike, anyone can run, you know. I'm not encouraging, if your child is a little more on the severe end, take them out, get some vitamin D, go for a walk. Yeah, can they play organized sports? Probably not, because of the sensory issues. My oldest son still can. But what he can do, I have him working with a trainer, he's jogging, he's lifting weights, he's doing push-ups, he's doing, he came in from college, I told you how proud, he's like 165 pounds,
00:23:16
Speaker
looks like a lean runner, as opposed to my bulky football player, my youngest son, you know.
00:23:22
Speaker
but there are activities that are there that are simple, that'll get them out, just earthing, getting out in nature, getting that oxygen, getting that air, it's just so important. And it doesn't matter where they're technically at on the spectrum, you can take them out and do that. The parent will have a stress reliever doing it, their health will be better, the child's health will be better, so I think it's really important, but there are high amounts of stress
00:23:50
Speaker
raising a child on the spectrum. We've been there. We've been through the meltdowns. The rigidities are really, really tough. I spoke with a parent the other day
00:24:01
Speaker
and she was trying to cook a meal, and every time they cooked it, if the food was touching, the child had a rigidity to that and would just toss the plate. And you can imagine the frustration, you're making this amazing meal, but you have to try to separate everything if one piece, you know, so those days are long, and you need to take care of yourself, because to your point, the child needs to be on their A-game, but so do you. Absolutely, man. My daughter is not even three yet,
00:24:30
Speaker
And I can see how challenging it is, and she's healthy. Just the last three or four days, I think now is when the terrible two's actually kicked in, like literally this week, before that it was heaven compared to the last three. Like today she was, my wife was singing, I was singing, cause it's Mary Poppins on constant playback now for the last couple of weeks. So it's like, you wake up, you know? So we,
00:24:59
Speaker
We're humming the tunes and she's like, stop singing. Stop singing. And we're like, oh my God. And then the dog, she's like, close your mouth. And she's like, oh my God. And she's stressing us out a little bit. So I can only imagine if you're dealing with some other health issues and stuff like that on top of an autism diagnosis, because a lot of these kids do have a lot of stuff, like I said already,
00:25:27
Speaker
often it's the relatively
00:25:34
Speaker
easy case, I'll say, for me, it would be just a little bit of constipation and sleep problems, right? And no other stuff around that. In two, three months, we can really make headway on that, you know? So have you dealt with that side of things? Did your son have any visible health issues as he was growing up that you had to sort of address?
00:25:59
Speaker
We've had to address everything I list if you look in my book and read what we were initially dealing with We had a multitude. I mean which was fine. We wanted to tackle one at a time I Mean his immune system was a wreck his copper to zinc ratio was off. He was having GI issues sleep issues I write about in the book my wife and I were a very young healthy athletic couple and
00:26:28
Speaker
We started noticing the gust would not sleep on he would get in the bed he be up within an hour he would run around upstairs i talk about the book i said her neighbor probably think there is the exercise going on who's turning the lights on and off. We were running on you i mean this is initially was just all sleep on top of the health issues.
00:26:50
Speaker
And before we were able to truly get in to see Dr. Faber here in Pittsburgh to get the whole process started, she looked at us and we had bags under our eyes and said, hey, have you ever tried just one milligram of melatonin?
00:27:06
Speaker
I'll never forget we gave him the one milligram and he woke up around 7 a.m. and my wife and I looked at each other and went, oh my God, did we sleep? Because until then, I would drive 60 miles to work and thank God I had a large SUV. It would start bouncing. I'd be going off-road, falling asleep. And my wife was working 12-hour nursing shifts.
00:27:28
Speaker
in between getting almost no rest and going right back. So our health was going downhill, but we had to address a multitude and I just remember
00:27:39
Speaker
watching the incremental improvement as we started addressing each one. But I will tell you, and unfortunately, every parent with a child on the spectrum knows this, it's not cheap. We were tapping into some of the top of the line supplements out there, Kirkman Labs, I could go on and on with a lot of them that are out there.
00:28:02
Speaker
We would have a tub every day, not to mention, too. I mean, some of those supplements were every three hours, whatever it might be. We had a grid set up. It was tiring on what we had to give them, what we had to do, but you started to see the color coming back. You started to see less bags under the eyes. He was more responsive, but it was a long road to get him there.
00:28:27
Speaker
Absolutely. This is why, you know, over the years, what I've learned is I've spent hundreds and hundreds of hours scouring the web for good supplements, bad supplements.
Alternative Treatments for Autism
00:28:38
Speaker
And the protocols I give my clients now are quite streamlined. The supplements are generally fairly, I'll say cheap, not low quality, but they're just inexpensive for the most part. And like a bottle could last you, you know, three, four months. And also,
00:28:57
Speaker
But for the most part, we don't really do that much lab testing because I see the patterns, right? The patterns are, yes, it's good. If the family can afford like stew testing and organic acids testing, great. We can spend a few hundred dollars, get the exact data so that we know exactly what we're dealing with and not have to deal with trial and error. But if they're on a tighter budget, we can do a lot of good work just following the patterns and the things that have worked in the past.
00:29:27
Speaker
and then pivoting as needed as the family lets me know how things are going. In fact, I actually have a couple of clients that are doctors, one of them, one family. I'm working with the dad mostly, but the wife is a general practitioner in the UK.
00:29:49
Speaker
Even doctors, I think many doctors are just at sort of their wit's end when it comes to helping their kids because the stuff they've been taught is largely useless. So what was your experience with the conventional medical system? Was it good, bad?
00:30:09
Speaker
That's a phenomenal question. Let me address it. Let me say this. My clients are top of the food chain, neurologists, neurosurgeons, pain specialists. My cousin and her husband are physicians as well. There's a role for modern medicine.
00:30:36
Speaker
there is a chasm between what they have been taught and what most autism parents are experiencing. And I talk about this and a good example, and I don't wanna get too far into the weeds on this, I founded an organization for special needs children and I'm board of directors for two of them. So I have significant exposure to kids.
00:31:04
Speaker
And something occurs during the maturation process by the time they hit three, four, if you stick with a normal vaccine schedule that throws them into the abyss. I don't know what it is. Now, do I believe vaccines save lives? Yes, I'm not an anti-vaxxer, but I've even noticed, you know, with pediatricians, there's still this
00:31:28
Speaker
push for not even slowing down the process, things like that. So from the world of an autism parent, you tend sometimes to lean more towards naturopathic medicine or natural ways because they're a little more open to listening and they're a little more flexible. Now that has changed in the 17 years since my son's diagnosis.
00:31:53
Speaker
But there is a difference. I believe there's a role for both. Both are critical. I never want to dispel anything that modern medicine is currently doing. But what I ask them to be is to be, you know, active listening is so important in life, to be able to listen and understand what the family is going through and what what
00:32:16
Speaker
And, you know, so I there is a chasm there and I think it may always be there. And, you know, I think what's important is apparent on the spectrum is to be able to really be able to work with with both.
00:32:33
Speaker
You know, when my wife first went to the pediatrician many, many years ago, she was almost alienated. Like they almost looked at her like she had munch houses. So when they said, no, come on, your kids, you know, don't worry about it. He's fine. And, you know, she had to deal with that. And that, I think, is lessening now. One in 36 children are being diagnosed. Diagnosis is becoming
00:32:56
Speaker
much more prominent. They're looking forward. So I hope that has changed. But back then, there was this definitive chasm between the two. And, you know, I just think you need to really do what's best for your child and your gut, ultimately. Okay, so we had some internet connectivity issues there. So let's
00:33:19
Speaker
Let's move on to how has the reception been for the book so far? I am blessed and blown away. The book was number one in its respective category in the United States, in the UK.
00:33:34
Speaker
It continues to sell strong almost 60 four-star reviews on Amazon. But I'm receiving feedback from just a multitude of people. And I can't tell you how pleasing it's been to know that I'm helping people, that it's opening up conversations between husbands and wives.
00:33:56
Speaker
And I tell you, it's really flattering. And it were the people that knew little about autism. And because of the length, it's a one to two day read. It said we purchased your book, we read the book, and we learned a lot and we really appreciate you opening up your life. You know, I'm Greek. I talk about the concept of philotimo in the book and philotimo
00:34:24
Speaker
we refer to as the great secret. It's good for the sake of doing good and you ask nothing in return, knowing that it has a ripple effect basically in the universe. This book
00:34:39
Speaker
It is my ultimate act to feel optimal. I wanted to get back. I wanted to help people. And to receive that reciprocally just to hear back from people has been mind blowing. And this is a big month. I'm actually a sponsor and speaker for Autism Parenting Magazine's International Summit. And we're advertising around the world. So the world is getting exposed to the book and I couldn't be more thrilled. Amazing, bro. I love to hear that.
00:35:09
Speaker
So were you open about your child having autism this whole time? I know a lot of, and again, I'm not, we've already just touched on this topic. It's, and I've heard you on Instagram snippets of your interviews. It's not a bad thing. It's not a black spot on you as a parent that your child has autism, but a lot, it seems like especially a lot of dads do have that feeling and they don't, they're not as open to talk about these issues. So were you,
00:35:38
Speaker
always so vocal and open about it? I have been. And I talk about this. I try to reframe the mindset for parents that have a child on the spectrum. You know, God doesn't make a mistake. That's just my opinion. And He chose you. He handed you that child. He saw something burning in your soul and knew that you can provide for that child.
00:36:07
Speaker
I love exactly who my son is and autism is part of him. He's an incredible individual. Anybody that reads my book, the latter half, I talk about all of my son's quote unquote superpowers. A good example, my son is literally incapable of bad thought when it comes to anyone. You'll never hear him say a bad word.
00:36:36
Speaker
Always radiant always positive like a shining light when he walks down the steps. I say this all the time It's not hi dad. It's hi dad. He's always excited. I wouldn't change him for the world Autism is part of him. It isn't it's not his whole identity. I
00:36:53
Speaker
But it's just something that he has. So, no, I never refrained at all, you know, from if anyone asked. And I will tell you, because of all of the very, very hard work that my wife and I have put put into my son, you know, the ultimate compliment is when someone walks up and they find out way after the fact and they go, oh, my God, we never knew, you know, he's he's engaging, he's smiling. We would have never known. I think if you spend maybe a long period of close contact with him,
00:37:23
Speaker
You might pick up on some quirks that might tip you off. But if you met him now, you'd have a pleasant conversation. He's a great young man. So no, I'd never shied away from it. I don't think there's any reason to.
00:37:35
Speaker
Yeah. And, you know, that really just fills my heart with joy to just talk to you about this issue because it's so important. But where you differ, I believe, from a lot of parents is that, okay, God doesn't make a mistake ever. He chose you, right? That is your path. But you didn't just accept the path, okay? And then let your child
00:38:04
Speaker
continue to struggle with whatever health challenges he had. I think we have to separate the autism from the health challenges. If your child is constipated or not sleeping well, if they have a lot of food allergies,
00:38:22
Speaker
development in terms of physical development if they're not developing and as healthy as you would like them to be that's not the autism right that's a whole the autism is a whole different thing so I'm really it's really amazing and I'm glad that you were impacting a lot of people with the book is because they can then learn that yeah accept accept the autism but you don't have to accept your child not thriving and being the healthiest version of themselves that they can be
00:38:51
Speaker
Let me connect the two and you're bringing up a brilliant point. So if you have a neurotypical child, let's throw out the constipation. Let's say they're constipated.
00:39:01
Speaker
They may be in some pain, discomfort, but they might be able to meander through, let's say, a school day and look relatively normal. With a child on the spectrum, if they're constipated because of the sensory issues and everything else, they're gone. That day may be shot. They're on their C game at best. You send them to school, they end up coming back because they're barely paying attention. It affects them neurologically completely differently.
00:39:28
Speaker
So that's where you have to tie together proper health with neurologically what's going on. I guess the bottom line, they're far more sensitive.
00:39:39
Speaker
and you could lose them. So when I wasn't joking, when I said every day's a barometer, are they on their A game, their B game, their C game? They fluctuate far more. That's what anyone listening to this without a child on the spectrum has to understand. Because I hear this all the time, well, my kids could have constipation, but yes, true. But
00:40:01
Speaker
it affects a child on the spectrum far differently. So my request would be stop, open up your ears, and just listen to what those parents are going through. Empathy goes a long way. Just understand how it does differ. But that's why I can't throw out enough. You're doing a disservice to your child if you're not trying to get them eating clean, supplementing properly, getting them some vitamin D outside, get them moving.
00:40:31
Speaker
and trying to work optimally on their health. Absolutely, man. We have so much evidence that any condition will improve if the person starts just doing those things, right? Going for a walk in the sunshine, maybe getting away from the screens for a while, eating clean, removing the processed foods, adding the supplements, anything, any condition
00:40:59
Speaker
anything, absolutely anything will improve unless it's like terminal and the next day you're gone. So it's super important. So what is, so you said you were a speaker at some events, kind of what's your broader plan for this part of your work? I know you cover a lot of different things with your life and work, but in terms of the autism side of things, what's your sort of vision for the next five, 10 years?
Future Plans for Advocacy and Writing
00:41:24
Speaker
Jordan, I have a few more books in mind. Anyone listening to this podcast can tell how passionate I am about health and wellness, especially how it applies to autism. I think that might be my next book. Right now, I'm very, very blessed. I've received opportunities to speak around the country. I'm very, very open to that.
00:41:47
Speaker
And what I'd like to do is just create, continue to develop my social media platforms and make it a spot for, in particular, fathers, if they want to have a resource, have someone they can bounce something off of.
00:42:04
Speaker
join me, contact me, anything like that. I mean, I'm fortunate. I've gone from probably about 3,000 followers on Instagram to almost 25 within the last two months. I'm going to keep building my social media platforms, and I want to make it a not a
00:42:21
Speaker
Not the sole spot because I will tell you this. I've been on some podcasts with some amazing, amazing fathers that have children on the spectrum. I have been asked to start a podcast as well. I'm contemplating it. If I do it, it will be a bit different than some of the others that are out there. I wouldn't want to replicate what's out there because you're doing really well at it.
00:42:44
Speaker
But it's opened up a whole new world to me. And even LinkedIn, I probably have doubled the amount of connections I've made and international connections as well. It's been such a blessing because ultimately, again, my whole goal is just to help people. But what I'm finding is sometimes if you put a little good karma out there, it comes back to you to get you.
00:43:09
Speaker
And I'm just so blessed at the wonderful strong people that I've met that are just bringing a diversity to my life. So writing a book was cathartic and like I said, the fruits of my labor are starting to really pay off.
00:43:22
Speaker
Amazing, bro. I love that. So yeah, it's amazing. So you published a book on March 21st, 2024. So we're talking barely two months here. That's amazing. Amazing results. And I don't know where I pulled this from, but you have a saying, if you're breathing air, you should be helping others. That's really amazing because
00:43:49
Speaker
This is, I really think this is kind of something, if we can instill this, at least in our children, we're setting up the next generations for so much, such a better world because I think the reason I was meandering all my life until my kind of my thirties is I hadn't figured out how I'm going to be of service to others. And once I figured that out,
00:44:14
Speaker
A lot of things fell away and a lot of things made sense in terms of the path ahead of me. So that's such a brilliant saying, brother. You know, Jordan, I lecture to both of my sons and my second big quote that I throw out all the time. In the game of life, you either sit on the bench or you play in the game and people to play in the game make a difference. And God bless anybody that wants to come home and isolate themselves on the couch and not do anything.
00:44:44
Speaker
My parents have instilled me. So if you look at my mother, my mother, Marianne, she's in the Hall of Fame, where I grew up, the steel town of Weirton, West Virginia, for all the work she did for the community. My brother is an international and national philanthropist that has done more good. We could spend another three hours talking about what a juggernaut my brother is.
00:45:06
Speaker
It's in our DNA, we wanna help people. If you go to my Facebook site and look to the left, everything I'm involved with is a representation of helping people. So I feel better sleeping at night knowing that I've made a difference. And I'm encouraging my sons to do that, let them get through school first. But even then, where can you volunteer? What can you do to help others? And I think that's important. So I've never had an outlet like my book,
00:45:36
Speaker
And it's just amazing to me, because what I do has been on a local level. What my brother has done has been more international. But it's been awesome. This book, especially this month, is going to be reaching people all around the world. And I'm just thrilled.
00:45:51
Speaker
That's amazing, bro. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. And before we, before you let the audience know where, how they can connect with you, is there anything you want to tell any other thing you want to get off your chest for autism dads, moms, parents around the world listening? You know, and I'm going to reiterate what you and I talked about. You know, I understand.
00:46:17
Speaker
Trust me when I say I can relate to all of you out there right now that are listening to me. I have a child on this spectrum. We have been through the highs. We have been through the lows. Always keep in mind you have been chosen.
00:46:30
Speaker
God believes in you. He sees the fire in your soul and knows you're gonna give him hell and you're gonna help your children as much as you can. So never be shy to talk about their autism and understand that you have been selected. It's an honor. So I just want them to keep that in mind. And I know how hard those days are, but at the end of the day, know that you're doing nothing but good and trying to help that child. But to get back to your other point,
00:46:58
Speaker
From from struggle to strength, the father's journey with autism, the power of hope and positivity. This is as much a motivational book as it is our journey and some of my points of quantification. I'll be recording the audible within the next month, but it's available on Amazon on Kindle.
00:47:17
Speaker
Proud to say right now, it's a best seller. And I'm going to be honest, there are not many books from a father's perspective out there. It's crazy. 17 years post-diagnosis with my son. I am, again, Harry Passares. Last name is P-S-A-R-O-S. You can find me on Facebook. You can find me on Instagram. You can find me on LinkedIn. I'm trying the TikTok thing. I'm not there exactly yet.
00:47:43
Speaker
Don't be shy. Connect with me. If you need to talk, connect with me. I've already spoke to a multitude of fathers. So I didn't write this to duck and hide in a cave. I wrote this to help people. And I mean what I say. Don't be shy. And I don't care where you're at in the world. Contact me. And if you need me to speak, go to harrypasaris.com. H-A-R-R-Y-P-S-A-R-O-S.com. But thank you today for having me on. I really, really appreciate it.
00:48:11
Speaker
Yeah, thank you so much. We'll have all the links in the description and all the best, you know, Godspeed because you're doing amazing work, Harry. Thank you so much. I appreciate it, Christian.