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Child Development | Spotting Early Signs | Feeding Challenges w/ Theresa Alexander Inman
94 Plays7 months ago
Theresa Alexander Inman is a highly qualified parent coach with expertise in the fields of infant toddler development, play-based interventions, behavior analysis, and mindfulness, In her signature program, she uses them as a combined treatment modality to meet the unique needs of the families she serves.
She believes that learning should be fun and involve the whole family and/or village. Theresa is also an Author (How Can I Help My Child Communicate?), International Speaker, and Trainer.
Theresa is a beacon of hope for parents seeking freedom from stress, frustration, guilt, and doubt. Through her transformative ‘Your Breakthrough Parenting Solutions' program, she creates a holistic support system that nurtures children and empowers families, fostering confidence, joy, and a renewed sense of self.
Conservatively, she has served almost 200 satisfied families and seeks to make a greater impact in the world. Helping families who have children with autism or other learning differences.
Connect with Theresa:
Website: https://www.flowcode.com/page/theresaalexanderinman
Her book How Can I Help My Child Communicate?: https://books2read.com/How-can-I-help-my-child-communicate
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@0parentingbytes0
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parentingcoachtheresa/
Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/theresa-alexander-inman
Christian's links:
Children's health consulting (autism, ADHD, gut dysfunction etc.): https://christianyordanov.com/childrens-health-consulting/
Get my book Autism Wellbeing Plan: How to Get Your Child Healthy: https://amzn.to/43ah6yD
My new book, How to Actually Live Longer, Vol.1: https://amzn.to/3OnZJGl
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Transcript
Introduction to Teresa Alexander Inman
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey folks, welcome back to the podcast. Christian Jornoff here. Today's guest, special lady, Teresa Alexander Inman. She's a highly qualified parent coach with expertise in the fields of infant toddler development, play-based interventions, behavior analysis, and mindfulness.
00:00:21
Speaker
In her signature program, she uses them as a combined treatment modality to meet the unique needs of the families she serves. Teresa believes that learning should be fun and involve the whole family and or village. Teresa is also an author of How Can I Help My Child Communicate, an international speaker and trainer. Her full bio will be in the show description. So you guys can read the whole thing. Teresa, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:00:50
Speaker
Oh, my pleasure Christian. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Thank you for having me on your show. I was your podcast. I'm blanking out here. I'm sorry. Just tell us the name of the podcast.
Teresa's Background and Podcast
00:01:04
Speaker
Parenting with confidence. I'm sorry. I just had the tab open there a minute ago. I just had a long day. Yeah. Parenting with confidence. Some really good
00:01:16
Speaker
guests on the show, a lot of important topics, like all kinds of interesting things that at some point I want to tackle, like things like constipation, various parenting stuff that are important. So highly recommend you guys check out Parenting with Confidence Teresa's podcast. But today we'll talk about you and your work Teresa.
Journey to Child Development and Autism Focus
00:01:37
Speaker
So for the listeners, can you give us a little bit of your background, who you are and what you do?
00:01:42
Speaker
Okay, so like you said, I'm an infant toddler developmental specialist behavior analyst who believes that play is the way to go because play is how children learn. And I actually came about this. I used to work in juvenile justice because I've always wanted to help children.
00:02:03
Speaker
So I started in juvenile justice thinking that I'm going to change the world. And it's hard to change the world when you work with a child and you do nothing with the family.
00:02:15
Speaker
So we do all we could and then we send them home and nothing changed where they were. The families were not empowered. They were not taught. They were not trained. They weren't educated. And we send the children back with all these wonderful ideas and this whole different way of thinking. And we put them back in the same environment. And of course,
00:02:42
Speaker
the cycle continues. And it was very discouraging. I always felt like when a child reoffended, when a young person reoffended, it felt like somebody kicked me in my gut. You know, I thought, oh my goodness, after all that, you know, I thought I did so much and said so much and I can only do and say so much if I don't have access to the family or the village. So I started working
00:03:06
Speaker
with children, younger children. And I realized there was such a need with the autistic population because so many more children are being diagnosed with autism. When I first started, it was one in 52, one in 152 or something like that. Now it's one in 44 Christian.
00:03:28
Speaker
You know, so for boys, like for children over and then boys, yeah, boys are more often diagnosed with autism than girls. Girls are being, it's one in 116 for girls. So, and they are under diagnosed, I should add, because a lot of times they use the criteria for boys.
00:03:51
Speaker
to diagnose girls and sometimes it looks a little different.
The Importance of Early Autism Diagnosis
00:03:58
Speaker
Yeah, it's quite
00:04:03
Speaker
The increase is definitely something in the environment is contributing to that. And I think when I was on your show, we discussed some of those topics. That's why we do what we do. We see there's a dire need for more education, not
00:04:25
Speaker
not just the parents but as we were talking before we started recording we need the clinicians the teachers we need these folks to be equipped to not just help these kids
00:04:40
Speaker
with whatever needs they have outside of what they're used to but even just recognizing the signs early on like you were saying. So that more can be done to help them. Can you maybe give some of your thoughts on this? I know you thought about it more.
00:04:57
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Because there's some parents who find that I met one parent who said that at six months, she knew that her child was not developing. She felt some kind of discomfort. Her gut told her something needed to be done. And of course, doctors, they wait, they wait, they wait, they wait.
00:05:20
Speaker
Um, that child wasn't diagnosed because I met her, it was a little boy. So I met the mom when he was a year and a half. And I thought, Oh, at least, you know what, we're still in that beautiful window, that magical window birth to three to three and a half where, you know, they
00:05:39
Speaker
make one million synaptic connections per second. So all these amazing opportunities for learning happen there. So we were still in that window. However, it was still a little discouraging for me because I thought, man, what could have been done? Like we wouldn't be talking if something had been done at six months, right? Cause you know, if we do something at six months, if we started six months, we're out in maybe six months, you know, we're done. But when we wait, it takes longer.
00:06:10
Speaker
And I met a new family yesterday and mom told me that she knew very early on, she actually adopted this young man. And she knew that at two when she first got him that he showed, like she said, I could tell he was on the spectrum somewhere. And she's not an expert.
00:06:34
Speaker
Moms, you are the expert with respect to your child. You know your child better than anybody else. So when you find something, when you feel uncomfortable about the way your child is developing, do something. And this mom did. However, when she went to her, so she got what we call here in Florida, early steps, which is birth to three.
00:07:00
Speaker
And of course he still needed some help after. And the doctor said that they were going to wait till he was five years old to diagnose. And you know how I feel about that, right? Because I know you feel the same way.
00:07:18
Speaker
Yeah, you want to punch the guy seriously. It's discouraging. And I'm thinking, oh my goodness, why wait till five? These are so, by five, we'd be done. If they had gotten the help that they needed, and maybe a parent may call a few years in and say, hey, listen, at this stage, we're seeing this. And then you say, OK, do this, do that, do that, try it, let me
Challenges in Medical and Developmental Systems
00:07:40
Speaker
know. And then we're done. It's just a quick phone call after that, usually, because that's what I find with the families I work with.
00:07:46
Speaker
you know, I've worked with for years and we are no longer working together. However, they call me and say, okay, so this is happening. What can I do? And I say, hey, try this and this, and then call me back and let me know. I don't hear from them sometimes for years because that thing worked, you know? Or they might send me a message saying, perfect, it's working great. Or listen, let's chart, you know, how can we tweak it? Because it's mostly working,
00:08:15
Speaker
However, we could do with some additional intervention. So, so, so important. Now the really sad part, Christian, because doctors take so long, especially here in the United States, to diagnose, the CDC has changed the developmental milestones. So instead of saying that a child is expected to do something at
00:08:44
Speaker
a year. They're now saying 18 months. And I'm thinking, oh, that's six months that, you know, six crucial months. And I'm not being critical. I understand why they do what they do, right? They're, you know, trying to help and trying to make it easier. However, I feel in a way it's doing the children and the families a bit of a disservice because now they're waiting longer and then all they're doing is waiting and hoping and nothing's being done. And when six months comes along,
00:09:14
Speaker
and the situation has gotten worse, then it's more frustrating, more stressful for them. Yeah. Well, look, you're very diplomatic in how you contextualize it. I do want to be critical of these guys because they're just the worst. It's like with the lab ranges. So people in general,
00:09:42
Speaker
in general adults, let's say, are getting sicker and sicker, younger and younger. And the lab work that all the labs are collecting reflects that. So instead of doing something actually
00:09:57
Speaker
useful. What they're doing is they're extending the lab ranges to cover this. So your testosterone is very low now in your 30s as a man. Well, let's just lower the range. You're still within range. Don't worry about it. And this is what they're doing with everything else.
00:10:16
Speaker
Yeah, everything. It started, and as a girl, I'm just going to say, it started with when they started to change. They started changing, even with clothes, right? Eight is the new six. Instead of requiring us to make the change, they're changing things that make us feel better about our dysfunction, that make us feel better about the things that...
00:10:40
Speaker
We don't, they don't encourage us to change anything. It's just, it's okay. We'll just change it. You're still an eight, you know? Even though, you know, 10 is the new eight or whatever. And the worst part is we have to tiptoe through the tulips around these damn things where we, you know, I want to say some things very directly, but you know, we have to make sure we don't offend anyone nowadays and people's sensitivities.
00:11:12
Speaker
the doctors, the scenario you just described, that's criminal. I really think that is criminal. Although maybe from the conventional medical systems perspective, maybe it's better that they
00:11:28
Speaker
they don't diagnose or do anything because what are they going to do? They're just going to put these kids on antipsychotics or antidepressants. So they're just likely going to make the problem worse. So they're at the best useless and very often they make us worse with their poisons. So I think we really have to find solutions at kind of what you're doing, what we are doing.
Understanding Trauma and Societal Implications
00:11:49
Speaker
I think we have to maybe reach the families and explain to them
00:11:53
Speaker
There's a lot you can do without being dependent on institutions that do not give a damn about how you are. They just want to look good in the eyes of, let's say, the press or the current installed government or whatever else. Oh, gosh, yes. And you know, you just hit something right on the head. Oh, my goodness. I was actually in a training with Dr. Bessel, Bessel-Manderkoch. He is one of the world's most
00:12:21
Speaker
I mean, he's all about trauma. He is amazing. He's world renowned. Yeah. The body keeps the scores. He is. He absolutely is. Now, cause when you said, you know, the government that made, that really hit me because he was saying that he had, you know, he had a meal at the white house. He was invited to the white house and he was sitting with the
00:12:46
Speaker
Surgeon General at the time. And they were talking about all these studies that talked about trauma and how, because trauma could look like ADHD, right? The symptoms, PTSD and ADHD, they could present similarly. And so we're treating ADHD
00:13:08
Speaker
which they're treating with, you know, things that happen in you with neuro, like they're, they're changing. Yeah. Right. They're changing all the neurotransmitters in the brain. They're blocking this and doing that. And a lot of it is in the body because trauma is manifest. It's just like anxiety. It's in the body, right? Daniel Packard does a lot of work with anxiety and talking about the fact that it's in the body. So you,
00:13:37
Speaker
So now they're giving them these drugs that are not helping and then of course because that's not working so we change and we add and we and we do all of this stuff which is really playing with our children's neural
00:13:50
Speaker
you know, neural makeup, chemistry. That's the word. And which causes more trouble, more problems. So so he found all this in his research that is in the body. And, you know, and they found that if people do yoga or meditate or, you know, dance, it helps.
00:14:11
Speaker
And so he has all these studies to show this, right? I think he said over 20,000 studies, which is more, and I'm quoting him, than quoting him loosely. I don't want to put words in his mouth, but it was something like that, he said, if I remember correctly, that it's more than any of the other diagnoses in the DSM. Wow.
00:14:31
Speaker
However, what they wanted him to add to his studies was the fact that maybe it's the Mexicans coming across the border that's causing this trauma. Maybe it's the wars that's causing the trauma and some other things that had nothing to do with whatever. So yeah, maybe the Mexicans coming across the border was like 16% and the wars was similar. But the trauma that happened in the standard American homes was like 58%.
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah. They won't put it in the DSM. They won't put trauma like developmental trauma is not in there because of that. The surgeon general found something similar in his studies that Dr. Basel who works in Boston at, oh gosh, one of those fancy colleges and the surgeon general said, yes, we found similar results. Um, however, it's not politically correct for me to print that. Yeah.
00:15:30
Speaker
Going back to this politically correct stuff.
00:15:34
Speaker
And people are suffering because of political correctness. And it's so sad because what's more, so basically what they're doing is putting, not putting something in place to help and treat that, to support the parents, to give them the tools to help. Then later on, when God knows what happens, I'm not gonna say all the things that have been happening with children and all the things that are happening because of the trauma that they've experienced, right?
00:16:04
Speaker
the behaviors that they engage in because of the trauma, where other people end up harmed, then people want to say something. Then it's like, oh my goodness, I can't believe I never would have thought. Well, if there were ways, if these children were being diagnosed with this developmental trauma and were being treated as such, I believe, now this is just me, I believe that things would be a little different today.
Societal Changes and Child Development
00:16:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I think so too. And the other thing is, now, I'm not really dug too deep into the research, but there's some, at least in animal models and the association studies with antidepressants, so SSRIs, there is an association with SSRI use and an increased incidence of autism. So
00:17:00
Speaker
also in certain subsets of autistic study populations, they have high serotonin, which is another. And there's at least one study I saw that used an anti serotonin or a serotonin blocking medication that showed improvement, right? So it seems like there's a lot of things that they don't want. They don't want
00:17:27
Speaker
to talk about causes and because if we start digging into causes of all our health problems in general, we're going back to very fundamental things, which is people found out that their paper receipts that they're laden with BPA, even though things are BPA free now,
00:17:51
Speaker
I think we spoke about that in your show. And then if it goes back to even further, more fundamental causes of trauma, like a family in the, let's say in the forties, in the fifties, they could, on the father's income, they could get a house and a car and all that stuff and the mom could happily
00:18:11
Speaker
you know, raise the kids and now two parents with two jobs can barely make ends meet and their kids are ripped away from them, put in a place where somebody else is taking care of them that will never care anywhere near as much as them. So is that not one of the first traumas that our kids are being subjected to?
00:18:33
Speaker
I agree. I agree. Actually, I saw in that same training with Dr. Vanderkocht back in those days, I think his mom was having a child, so they put him in this daycare. And he was so traumatized. I mean, even when they visited him,
00:18:52
Speaker
you know, that you could see the difference in this child because he was ripped away from parents. And I mean, we see when children are being sent to daycares a lot of times, it's very traumatic for them because they don't know if their parents are coming back because, you know, their executive functioning is not developed. So sometimes, you know, sometimes they feel, you know, that, oh my goodness, maybe they won't come back and, you know, all of that.
Embracing Experiential Learning
00:19:16
Speaker
And, you know, I guess
00:19:18
Speaker
In some ways, yes, daycares are wonderful and schools are wonderful because they have the social aspect and other things. However, there are some children who, like a friend of mine, she actually started to homeschool her children because they were having so many behavior problems in school.
00:19:36
Speaker
I mean, constantly, they were constantly in the office, constantly, you know, just, I won't even go through all the things, but it was very challenging. And when they started homeschooling,
00:19:49
Speaker
the difference because now mommy and daddy are home more. You know, dad changed jobs where he could be more present and they're homeschooling as a village. So her sister and her husband and, you know, they're taking turns and doing things and, you know, having experiential learning, which we know children
00:20:08
Speaker
Thrive on right when it's as an experience as opposed to when we're just sitting in a classroom reading and writing Being told what to think and how to think and as she was talking to a teacher about that recently right school is a place of It's not really school should and I don't like to keep shitting over people but school I believe is a place where children are
00:20:29
Speaker
go to, to learn how to learn, right? To express themselves, to congregate with others and to get that social, learn social interaction skills and
00:20:46
Speaker
and just really build on who they are. Sadly, a lot of times it's, well, no, we're writing about this and we're writing in this style and we're doing it this way. And my question is why? Why not allow children? You know, I was talking to this teacher about that. I said, listen, if you have a child who likes to write songs, have them write a song about
00:21:10
Speaker
Ancient Rome, you know, have them write a song and they can pick whatever if they want to do the clothing in ancient Rome or the food or you know, just just all the different aspects have them express themselves through that in the way that that suits them.
00:21:26
Speaker
You know, if one likes to dance, then they could do a dance and say, OK, this is why in this dance represents, you know, whatever it is, let them express themselves. Because so often we shut off that light because it's not what we expect. It's out of our comfort zones.
00:21:41
Speaker
right? And we expect children to fit into what makes us comfortable instead of saying, sweetheart, this is how you learn. And we know there are many different learning styles and let them learn and let them express themselves. And we would get so much more out of them, right? They'd be more excited, I believe, to go to school because now they're learning to learn.
00:22:03
Speaker
instead of just learning facts to take a test, to pass a test, and then what does that do with life, right? How does it make their lives better in the end? Exactly. I can see from my daughter that she has her own agency. She has
00:22:27
Speaker
She has her own, like when we go out today, she wants to go where she wants to go. We want to go see the donkeys, the neighbor of ours has donkeys. She's like, we're doing this, you know, I want to go there. And then after that, we'll go there and then we'll go back. And at one point she's like, let's go home. I'm like, I'll be waiting for you to say that for like the last half hour. Thank God, you know, because it's like about nap time. But it's like,
00:22:49
Speaker
You can never tell her, let's go home. We have to coax her back. It's like, maybe let's go have some milk. You want to have some cheese. But yeah, so the kids have their own element of sort of, they have to take from a very early age, they have their own intentions and their own agenda. Like my dog, you know, like I can see it in an animal. So of course a tiny little human is going to be like that times a bazillion.
00:23:14
Speaker
Yes, yes. And it's so important just to guide them in what they want to do. You know, my older son who actually painted these that you see behind me, when he was three years old, he came to me and said, Mommy, I want to write a book. I said, OK.
00:23:30
Speaker
Now he couldn't write, he could draw the heck out of anything even at three years old. So he wrote a book and he just dictated to me what he wanted me to write. So I wrote the words, he drew all the pictures and he called it in the park.
00:23:48
Speaker
And yeah, that was his first book at three. And at seven, he won a Young Authors Award because again, this is what he, that was his passion, right? And you know, he became an amazing artist. As he grew up, he developed his craft and it was just natural.
00:24:05
Speaker
You know, he didn't go to art school or anything. He just did it. And I'm thankful that I didn't say, well, you know, you need to go to high school. You need to finish high school. You need to... He didn't finish high school. He dropped out of high school. And I was just like, listen, it's your life. I'm not going to force you. This is, you know, your choice.
00:24:28
Speaker
And if you don't want to go to university or whatever it is, that's fine. He went to arts. He's just a special kind of guy. So went to art school just long enough in his 20s just to learn some new tools.
00:24:43
Speaker
And then like, okay, I've got it. I'm good. And then taught people. Wow. That's amazing. My wife really believes our daughter needs to go to school so she can learn all the social interaction. But I've said to myself internally is if she ever
00:25:04
Speaker
Like struggling or she hates it or she there's an issue or the grades becomes an issue I will tell her to never even for a second worry you know never it doesn't matter like the grades do not matter at all.
00:25:21
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And I've met a lot of parents who say that to their children. And the funny thing is, though, when you tell them the grades don't matter and you take that stress off them, they actually tend to do better because now they're not stressed about these grades, you know? Because that panic, that stress they feel
00:25:40
Speaker
really affects them in
Strategies for Healthy Eating Habits
00:25:41
Speaker
so many ways. It's just like, you know, with so many other aspects, especially children on the spectrum, when you shove some food in front of them and they're like, Oh my gosh, I have to eat this. I don't know what it is. And then they're so stressed and you're stressed and then they end up not eating and you're like, Oh my gosh, my child's a picky eater. It was probably just the presentation of the food and the fact that you were stressed when you presented it and just so many other factors we just don't know. So
00:26:07
Speaker
I encourage parents a lot to take care of themselves. If you're calm, if you're relaxed, if you're just at peace with whatever it is, and you're nonchalant when you present certain things to your children, they're more likely going to try it. But if you're trying to force them, some parents, they'll open their mouth and shove the food in. Now the child has food trauma. So true. Yeah, we want to be so mindful of everything, yes.
00:26:35
Speaker
This is a quick plug, folks, for my book, Parents Listening, How to Actually Live Longer Volume 1, my book on Longevity. I talk a lot about reducing stress in there. So if you get the book, read the book, you will learn a lot of ways to reduce your own stress. Physical, psychological as well. And that will translate it to you being a better parent. And by the way, Teresa, did I send you a copy of the book? I can't remember.
00:27:04
Speaker
No, sir. Maybe just shoot me your postal address please after and I'll send you a copy of the book. But I wanted to ask you in terms of this, this is such a good topic to how to not imprint our own stress patterns. Like I find myself always in a rush all my life trying to get this project done, do this. So my, my kid is very much different. She will like stop and smell the, whatever those flowers are, they're not,
00:27:34
Speaker
They're not roses, but there's a lot of flowers where they're out smelling. And, you know, it's a great teacher as well. Your child could be a great teacher. But in terms of like, give us more, if you can, more tips about, let's say this is a big area for, I think, for married parents, the food. How do we get
00:27:55
Speaker
How do we approach, and you can kind of tackle with autistic kids as well, how do we tackle when they don't want to eat the food for whatever reason, whatever many reasons there can be? Right. So first of all, again, I say don't stress. And one thing is if you're eating it, they're more likely to eat it. Right.
00:28:16
Speaker
I'll give you an example. So we fostered a young man who, when I spoke to his biological grandmother, she said, oh, he's never eaten a vegetable, and I don't think he'll eat vegetables. And I'm vegan. So vegetables are how I live, right? My body decided it rejected meat, it rejected fish, and it's accepting vegetables. So I'm vegan.
00:28:44
Speaker
And I was eating, so I had a bowl with carrots and cabbage, call me strange. It's kind of like a deconstructed coleslaw, okay? We'll just call it that. I tossed it in a little olive oil, a little salt, a little seasoning.
00:29:01
Speaker
And I was sitting, eating it, enjoying my bowl of carrots and cabbage. And he came up to me, he said, mom, I said, are those vegetables? I said, yes, they are. And he said, are they nasty? I said, oh, no, they are delicious. And I exaggerated chewing slowly and enjoying my vegetables. And he asked if you could try them. And I said, sure.
00:29:29
Speaker
So he tried them and he was like, can I have the rest? I was like, oh my gosh, you know. Right? Because if they don't see us eating the vegetables, they're not going to eat it because they'll, or if you eat vegetables and you have this look on your face, your child is going to be like, ew, you know, mom doesn't like vegetables, so I don't like vegetables because they're gross.
00:29:53
Speaker
Right? So, and I mean, these were raw vegetables. I hadn't really cooked them anything. They were just so, and he ate them. I made a lasagna with eggplant. And when I saw him putting the eggplant to his mouth, I did have some pause. I was like, Oh goodness, he's probably going to reject vegetables after. So I stood away from him. So he didn't feel my energy, honestly, cause
00:30:15
Speaker
You know, children are so great at sensing how you feel about things. So I kind of just looked at him from the corner of my eye. He put the eggplant in his mouth, and he asked for more. Wow. And I thought, OK. So that speaks to us eating, because it's difficult to expect a child to eat something if you don't, you know, if you don't eat it. My friend Lynn Bowman, who's the glam grandma, she'll put the food on her plate. So say, for instance, she wants her grandchild to try broccoli.
00:30:44
Speaker
She'll put the broccoli on her plate, and then she'll just take small pieces and just savor them and just eat them. And then she'll say, oh, would you like some on your plate? And she goes, I'll just put it on your plate. You don't have to eat it, but I'll just put it on your plate. And then they get comfortable with it, right? And eventually, they get curious and try it. So taking that pressure away,
00:31:08
Speaker
Another thing they could do, I actually mentioned it to a parent who I met one day. We're actually sitting in an office waiting and she sat across from me and I observed her for about an hour and I asked, excuse me, has your child ever been tested? And she said, tested for what?
00:31:26
Speaker
I said, well, possibly autism, because based on what I'm seeing and not seeing and hearing and not hearing, I'm just, listen, it's not going to hurt to test your child, to have your child tested. And her child is two years old.
00:31:41
Speaker
She said, nobody's ever told me this before. Like, yes, she's a picky eater. She doesn't, like, you know, she doesn't talk much. She doesn't interact and blah, blah, blah. And I don't know what else to do with her. So I honestly just put in front of the TV one of the worst things you can do because that actually negatively impacts brain development because of the lack of social interaction.
00:32:02
Speaker
So she's like, well, how do I get her to try new foods? I said, just make whatever it is, put it in her favorite cup or her favorite bowl, and just leave it there. Just walk away. And she's like, that works.
00:32:19
Speaker
You know, because she remembered she tried it before and it worked, but she forgot that she had tried it before and that it worked. Because a lot of times parents are doing the thing. They're figuring things out. However, they don't continue the thing for whatever reason.
00:32:35
Speaker
So she found, yes, that took all the pressure off and just leave them, allow children to explore, allow them to touch the foods. Because if they touch them, they inadvertently may taste it, right? Because they might put their finger to their mouth and taste it and find, oh, wait, it's OK. It's really, you know. So very important that you're, because when you're not
00:33:00
Speaker
stressing and I try to feed it to them and you know stick it in their mouths then again you're avoiding trauma re-traumatizing because I had one family I worked with they were told
00:33:15
Speaker
to give the child only certain things because his diet was so restricted. And so they were restricted. Now, a lot of the foods that he was exposed to were processed, which of course, with the whole gut brain connection,
00:33:31
Speaker
that causes some problems, right? If the foods are not whole foods, if they're not fresh, whatever they are, you know, if it's meat, get, you know, try to, if you can get the meat from the butcher, it's probably less expensive than the meat that they put carbon monoxide on to make it look fresh. So yeah, so she,
00:33:51
Speaker
I went to her home one day and she's like, I really need him to try foods. I was like, listen, as long as your child has teeth, he should be eating whatever. There is no kid food, you know? I didn't grow up with kid food. When I grew up, the little island of Dominica, everybody ate whatever. As long as you have teeth, you eat the food that everybody else is eating, right? So yeah, so a lot of tough way of, you know, we think kid food are these processed nuggets and all these other things that are really not
00:34:20
Speaker
healthy for your child. So she asked, well, how do I get him to eat? I said, well, I asked, would you want him to eat? And she said, eggs, right? So I said, okay, prepare eggs and just leave them there. He didn't touch them. And I said, that's fine. Because as my cousin taught me, brilliant little girl she is,
00:34:45
Speaker
She told her kids they had to try something three different ways before they said they didn't like it. Because you may not like it fried, but you may like it broiled, or you may like it steamed, or just any other way. So try them in different ways. And just like this mom I met yesterday, she's like, well, he likes corn, but he didn't like the corn nuggets. And I said, that's OK. He likes corn.
00:35:07
Speaker
He doesn't have to eat corn in all the different preparations. He eats corn, he eats broccoli, he eats vegetables, and that's great because you need that diverse microbiome in the gut to help, it actually helps with children with autism because we know a lot of the neurotransmitters are produced in the gut, right? A lot of the brain transmitters, like, well, yeah, neurotransmitters. So yeah. So anyway, this mom, she sat and she was actually eating carrots.
00:35:37
Speaker
And because she was really nervous, right? Because she's like, oh my gosh, he hasn't eaten in 12 hours. He's going to be sick. I said, no, he won't be sick. He'll be fine. You know, if we're going into day two, then maybe we need to be concerned. But one day is fine. And then she realized
00:35:53
Speaker
at the 12th hour, she always gave in and changed and gave him whatever. And he always waited till that 12th hour. So I said, no, just wait him out. And while she was waiting him out, she sat at the table just eating some carrots, you know, little carrot sticks.
00:36:09
Speaker
And he asked if he could have one. And she said, sure. And they sat and chatted over carrots. I mean, not only was it nutrition, right? Because that's the other thing too with food. It's not just for nutrition. It's also a very social event, right? So if your child only learns to eat certain things,
00:36:29
Speaker
they may be excluded from social events because of the fact, well, they're not, they only like this and they won't eat that. So I'm not even going to go through the hassle of inviting them, you know, and that's it. And I've seen it. So we want to take the stress away from all of that and just be relaxed and just do it. If your child sees, cause they're, you know, we've got all, we have mirror neurons, right? And I think,
00:36:57
Speaker
80 something percent, maybe 83% are visual and the other 17% auditory. So visual, so what children see is going to impact them more than what they hear. So very important that you take your time and just enjoy whatever it is that you want them to eat so that they can, then they will imitate that because children are going to be more like you.
00:37:25
Speaker
more like what you do than what you say, right?
00:37:29
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah, it resonates. But I've also noticed, at least in my daughter's case, because I don't see what my client's kids are doing. I just hear what they tell me what they do. But my daughter, she seems to regulate, to self-regulate very well. So I think if the diet is clean, the kids are really able to self-regulate. And one simple way I found of
00:38:01
Speaker
potentially getting her to eat certain foods. She doesn't like, for some reason, she loved meat for the first year after we meet her. She would eat as much and a limited amount of meat literally. You have to literally stop her because she could eat a, what is it? Six ounce burger, no problem.
00:38:20
Speaker
Oh, wow. But now she only eats two specific kinds of meat basically. And I'm not forcing the issue, but I noticed certain things if you just, because she likes salt, because I gave her like a sample, a bit of this sample, a bit of that. And if you can
00:38:39
Speaker
spice up a dish with a bit of salt. Sometimes that's all they need, right? And the big reason for that is because we use a reverse small system for the water, so there's no minerals basically in it. And we noticed she was leaking rocks and eating a lot of rocks. Me and my wife were like, my wife was like, what does that mean? I'm like, well, it could be minerals. She's seeking out certain minerals. Actually, quite a lot of autistic kids have pica. It's called pica.
00:39:08
Speaker
They've done hair testing with those and occasionally there'll be like zinc will be low or certain minerals are below. But I find that she will not overeat. Nothing, even butter, even something that's very small and light that you could eat.
00:39:26
Speaker
a thousand calories of in one sitting, she will stop. So I think with my clients, with autistic kids, I think the way I'm working more recently after having learned a few things since I published the book four years ago is
00:39:43
Speaker
Once we start getting the microbiome trending in the right direction, start knocking down the candida and any other bacterial species that are overgrowing, I think we can start at least experimenting with some dairy to see if they tolerate
Encouraging Food Exploration in Children
00:39:59
Speaker
it.
00:39:59
Speaker
And then try to keep the grains and the seeds out of the diet, but at least that like you, I love the way you frame it to take the pressure away. So if there's, if they're going to be out or the holiday, which is going to be a birthday party, let them go ham.
00:40:16
Speaker
within reason, as long as you kind of tell them, like, watch how this makes you feel if you can, if they're old enough. And if they react badly, obviously, then you have to, you know, make concessions there. But it's nice to be able to get away with the occasion of birthday party or whatever, as long as you keep the diet at home clean. I think that's reasonable.
00:40:39
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. And because their bodies get used to it, right? Their homeostasis changes based on the diet. So if their diet is generally clean, when they eat something that doesn't serve them, they'll learn really quickly. Like when my boys were growing up,
00:40:57
Speaker
I didn't do like, I made everything. You know, they didn't have store-bought cookies. I made their cookies. I made everything. I made pizza. I made, I love to cook. So I just made everything for them. I made all their snacks, the granola bars, everything. And at seven, neither one of them had had pop, nor had they eaten a donut. And a friend of mine was like, Oh, let the kids have fun. Let them eat the donut and let them drink the pop. And I was like, Oh,
00:41:26
Speaker
And I mean, it just took everything out of me to do that or took me everything in me to, it was just like, oh. So, and they were like, mom, please let us, let us, let us. So I said, you know what? Fine. So I did. And Christian, I was so thrilled that right after they finished eating all that, they threw it all up and I was like, thank you. I was very thankful because again,
00:41:55
Speaker
I knew, and actually I didn't even think of it that way, what happened was their gut microbiota was just working well, right? Because they ate a variety of foods. And when they ate something that didn't serve them, they felt it in their bodies and their body literally rejected it. Now, with some children, we want to be mindful as well, you know, because we talk about picky eating,
00:42:20
Speaker
It may also be, you want to, first of all, rule out medical. Make sure they don't have any medical issues. They're swallowing okay, they're able to chew, and all of that. They have the strength, the strength in their jaws to chew, which is really important. And when they start eating, start off with giving them crunchy food so they can build that. And I say that because I worked with a family and mom
00:42:46
Speaker
She was afraid of her son choking, and I'll tell you why. You know the baby foods that start off with the chunks?
00:42:54
Speaker
And then the rest of it though is like slimy. So the children have a hard time separating the chunky part with their tongue, right? Because when we're doing it, we can separate. We'll swallow the liquidy part and then we'll keep the chunky parts to one side and then we'll chew them and then swallow. It happens.
00:43:18
Speaker
I don't know how often it happens, where they accidentally swallow it and then they're choking and they're gagging. So because of that, mom pureed everything for him. So his jaw strength was not what it, you know, it was, it was weak. His muscles were really weak. And so talking was a challenge because again, if you don't, you know, strengthen the oral motor muscles, talking is going to be a challenge.
00:43:46
Speaker
So we had to start making his food just a little more, you know, we can't go from, you know, puree and all of a sudden here is this big hunk of whatever. Almonds. Yeah. Exactly. So we had to slowly increase the texture of the food, make it thicker, make it something that he has to chew just a little bit so we can slowly strengthen his oral motor muscles. Amazing. That's smart. So, yeah. So we want to be mindful of that. So anyway, if there's,
00:44:14
Speaker
you know, an allergy. So if you're a child, try something and they're like, oh, you know, if, and they can't really tell you why they don't want it, it could be how it made them feel. So I would make note of that, right? So if you try the thing again, try it a different way, because maybe it was the way it was prepared, but also it could be an allergy, right? So you want to be mindful and you want to just
00:44:40
Speaker
You know, like I said, start off by giving them crunchy foods that melt in their mouth so they don't have that, you know, gagging, that gag reflex isn't activated, which of course we know if something makes you gag, you're not likely to eat it again. Right?
00:44:57
Speaker
Yeah, so always rule out medical, right? Any medical conditions, rule those out first before you say, well, my child doesn't like this and my child doesn't need it. It could be that they may like it, or it could be a problem with how it's been presented. Like the reason I think a lot of children like these processed foods, they always look the same and they always taste the same.
00:45:22
Speaker
So when we eat, I think my hand gesture made balloons come up. So when we eat, right?
00:45:39
Speaker
other foods, like say, for instance, we're having a vegetable. So maybe there was a little more salt, this time we're a little less salt, or maybe was cooked a little more, not cooked, whatever it was, it doesn't look the same as the last time that we had it. So it's like, it's, you know,
00:45:57
Speaker
they don't enjoy, they may not eat it. But then these processed foods, they come out of a machine and they look the same and taste the same every single time. So they go to what's comfortable. So if possible, try them. And you can't make a strawberry be the same all the time. What I would do though, is take a video of your child eating the strawberry for the first time. So whenever they're trying a new food,
00:46:22
Speaker
take a video and sound like, oh, how does that taste? Is that delicious? And even though they don't talk, you say those words for them. You sound happy and you narrate what they're doing. Then the next time they go to try a strawberry, show them that video. Remember, that's the strawberry. Take a, you know, first use video, like show the strawberry and then show them eating the strawberry. So the next time you show the strawberry and then like, remember the strawberry and you ate it and how delicious it was?
00:46:50
Speaker
they are more likely to try it, right? Like that's video modeling and you've used them as the video model, so they're more likely to try it.
00:46:59
Speaker
I like it. I like it. And you actually added to my point about self-regulating. Definitely, I think if a child is rejecting a food and you've tried a few times, like three times or more, and they're certainly rejecting it, I think at that point we should just just can it, not force the
Empowering Parents and Community Support
00:47:20
Speaker
issue. Exactly. I don't like everything. I shouldn't expect my child to like everything either. You know, come to me with a ripe banana and I'm like, oh,
00:47:30
Speaker
You know, so I, yeah, so we, and that's the thing, right? We try these into, or sometimes we think, well, because we like it, they should know. They may like something that you don't like and be okay with that. Let them be them.
00:47:45
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. In the last few minutes, Teresa, I just want to go back to kind of the more broad philosophical, let's say, discussion. What would you change about the system? Just kind of in the context of this doctor saying he or she wants to wait until the kid is five years before they take further action. What would you change?
00:48:10
Speaker
Who should we be teaching more? The parents? The clinicians? What would you change about the system and how things are being done?
00:48:17
Speaker
So first, I want to tell parents the moment you feel discomfort about the way your child is developing, do something, right? Do some research. Go on YouTube. There's so much out there right now. Find parents who are experiencing the same thing because they've got solutions. They will tell you who they spoke to, what they did, which doctor they went to, and they will help you through that.
00:48:42
Speaker
Nothing should happen in isolation. Parenting is not a one-man sport. Parenting is a team sport, and it should be a team sport. For it to be done, I hate to say correctly, but correctly. For it to be effective, it should be a team sport. Do your research.
00:49:06
Speaker
if you go to your doctor and you mention your concerns and your doctor says, ah, no, let's wait. Because too often I've heard, let's wait. And then three, four, five years later, then they're like, oh my gosh, she's got autism. What do we do now? So I think we have to have the two-prong approach. Educate the people who are doing the diagnosing.
00:49:30
Speaker
and educate the parents so they know, teach them to advocate for themselves and their children, and give them some tools, just some basic developmental tools so they know what to expect and just what to do if our expectations are not being met. What can we do? We're not alone in this. And they should never feel alone in this because
00:49:56
Speaker
There's just so much out there, especially now with the internet and just ways to connect with other people. You know, avail yourself of that. Make yourself, you know, be okay with reaching out because I promise you there's at least 100 other people. And I know there are more going through what you're going through and create a community because it'll help you maintain your sanity because then first of all, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not alone.
00:50:26
Speaker
Right? There's relief in that. And you can talk to people who are maybe a couple of steps ahead where they've been there and they're like, oh, I figured this out. I figured that out. Then you'll start figuring things out. And then together, you start to really make change. So don't be afraid to reach out. Reach out to a professional. Reach out to a Christian, myself. Just reach out to people who are going to empower you.
00:50:54
Speaker
Right? And that's the thing, right? I love empowering parents because when you're empowered, you know what to do. Because maybe, you know, you'll have another child and then you're like, oh wait, I remember this, right? You know, you won't always be dependent on someone or some agency who makes their laws and rules to help and guide you because the rules are getting more and more stringent. Their criteria for helping,
00:51:25
Speaker
I don't even understand, you know, they're changing so much that a lot of children are falling through. So get help, you know, talk to independent people and just get all the help you can and not rely on one source of information. Yeah, I think these agencies like...
00:51:48
Speaker
Next year, you go to the hospital with a cannonball wound, with a gaping hole in your torso, and they're gonna be like, wait, so sorry, your gaping cannonball wound is only stage one, so we can only treat you if it's a stage two gaping cannonball. This is the clown world we live in nowadays, you know, people?
00:52:13
Speaker
People with Alzheimer's, dementia, early onset dementia, they're getting zero help. When it comes to kids and parents, this is potentially
00:52:29
Speaker
life-changing for this child. Like, if we're talking life-changing, if we intervene early and figure out what we can do, we could... The child's whole life can change for the better. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because they'll make the difference between your child caring for you later on or you caring for your child until you're no longer able
Online Services and Resources
00:52:54
Speaker
to. And then what happens to them?
00:52:56
Speaker
Right? Because children, they're resilient. And if we build on that resilience, if we tap into their strengths and help and use those strengths to get them to, you know, just to live the best life that they can, the possibilities are endless. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:17
Speaker
So Teresa, just before we wrap up, can you tell folks how they can connect with you? Do you offer any services? Do you do anything online? Is it all in person? Give us all those details. Yes, I do online. I do provide services online. And actually, what I'll do is send you my calendar links. I'll offer your audience a 30-minute parenting breakthrough session.
00:53:47
Speaker
with me, so I'll send you that link so you can do that. I've actually written a book called, How Can I Help My Child Communicate? And what I've done is basically stories from my practice that I've used to say, okay, so with this case, so Johnny wasn't talking and this is what we did with Johnny and Susie wasn't toilet trained and just whatever it is, but it's all centered around communication because when we teach children to communicate, life gets so much easier.
00:54:17
Speaker
Awesome. I'm going to have to get a copy of that book and maybe you can recommend it to some of my, I have some clients with kind of more, don't want to say non-verbal, but there's definitely, you know, communication and speech development delays. So definitely see if that book can help some of my clients. So it would be nice to maybe even refer some of them to if they feel they could avail of your services.
00:54:45
Speaker
Are you on any social medias or anything like that? I am I'm on tiktok and Okay, I'm on tiktok more often than I am on the other social media platforms I will get regular on that but at parent coach Teresa and Teresa's with an H th er ESA and also on Instagram at parent coach Teresa and on
00:55:13
Speaker
Facebook, it's Teresa Alexander Inman. Awesome. Teresa, thank you so much for your time today and your wisdom. Thank you so much for having me, Christian. It's been amazing.