Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Sitting at the Right Table: The Power of Supportive Friendships
70 Plays27 days ago
Today’s episode gets personal as we dive into a topic we’ve all struggled with—friendships. Have you ever felt like certain relationships just don’t fit anymore? Maybe the people who were once your go-to for everything no longer align with where you are in life? It’s tough, but it’s also okay.
In this episode, we’re getting real about:
• Why the people you surround yourself with can either hold you back or lift you higher.
• How to know when it’s time to prune your “friendship tree” (don’t worry, we’ll talk about how to do it with kindness).
• The importance of sitting at the right table—the one where you feel supported, celebrated, and inspired.
• Letting go of the guilt when you realize that what worked for you in the past may no longer serve the person you are now.
This isn’t about blame or bitterness—it’s about growth, love, and making space for connections that truly nourish your soul..
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Theme of Friendship
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome back to Exhausted Sparrows Unite, the podcast we're tackling. These tough topics are hard, but they're so important. We're going to embrace our growth and give ourselves grace along the way. And today, aha this episode is all about friendship.
00:00:22
Speaker
This is going to be an important one. It's not only finding the friends that lift us up, but it's letting go of the friends that don't. It's discovering the power of choosing the right people to sit at our table. My name is Krista Jones and I'm your host. I'm here with my great friends.
00:00:38
Speaker
Christy Federico and Chantal Schafer. And today we're gonna dive into why outgrowing friendships is not a failure. How you need to prune your friendship trees, something that makes them both giggle, because I say this all the time. And you need kindness, right? And surrounding yourself with people that will truly nourish your soul. So grab your cup of coffee because we are diving right in. We are three friends that actually work together. And I mean, I would say shockingly, we, we, We really don't fight. Well, we might fight. I am their boss, and they probably won't be honest, but I feel like we don't fight. What do you guys think? No, we just scare the pants off of each other all the time. We do that, and maybe that is why our friendship is so strong.
00:01:22
Speaker
I think the scaring is all because of me, so you're welcome ladies. It really is all because of you. I love walking on eggshells all the time. All the time. But we're here because friendships are so important and I think um it's a topic that we have here at Sparrow's Nest quite often for those of you that are just tuning in and you're like, I don't even know what Sparrow's Nest
Krista's Journey with Sparrow's Nest and Online Authenticity
00:01:40
Speaker
is. um We are a charity. We feed families that are facing a cancer diagnosis And in all of this going on over the last 12 years, I have this amazing following in our own community and throughout. And I thought, oh my gosh, I felt like this gives me a place and a voice to say things that I think could be important to other people, areas that I've struggled in, making myself more vulnerable, which the two ladies
00:02:07
Speaker
sitting across from me will giggle because it's that does not come easy to me at all. But I realized ah months and months ago when I did a podcasting something, well, it wasn't a podcast, it was a post on social media. And I said something like, you know, all my days is going so bad and like my phone is in the freezer and I dropped something and you got, they remember the the, you know, the post and like all this concern came out of it. And I was like, guys, that's like the authentic me, like,
00:02:33
Speaker
Please don't worry about my mental health. This is every day for me. But it makes you realize that people don't get to see your authenticness a lot of times. They just see this beautiful, polished version of whatever you're posting. Facebook Krista. Facebook Krista is a real thing. as But for the record, um I have found your phone in the freezer twice. Yeah. she' It's a true story, but you know um here at ah work, you know ah our main goal is to feed these amazing families as they go through these battles that are you know awful and they're hard and they need to find the strength and this resilience and they're
Evolving Friendships: Quantity vs. Quality
00:03:12
Speaker
fighting cancer. And our goal is to relieve some of the stresses in their life. And I think it really makes you kind of Work on all your priorities like there's there's a bunch of of things that you question and you look at differently when you see people that are faced sometimes with life and death situations and something that we talk about quite a bit here is friendship and I think that all of us would say correct me if I'm wrong that our Friendships and what we look for in a friendship now in our 40s is way different than what we look for in a friendship when we were in high school and Absolutely. I have a whole different friend group now and i the smaller the better. That's interesting that you say that because some people, right, especially like social media, it's all about how many likes can I get and how many of you are are commenting on my post and I don't have enough friends. It's like this weird friendship thing that also makes people feel like they're successful or they're failures. It's like the weirdest thing. But sometimes having a small group of friends
00:04:18
Speaker
is better. than having a large group of acquaintances. I'm definitely a quality over quantity person when it comes to people in my life. Yeah, but that changes, right? I think when you're young, and we should talk about our inner child later on in the podcast because there's so many things I would have said to small Krista that I know now, but I think that when you're young, you don't do that. You don't see that because you're you're maturing and and you just think every friendship matters.
00:04:50
Speaker
And every friendship is something you need and you need to be the cool kid and you need to be important. But I think when you get older, you realize that the people you surround yourself with.
00:05:02
Speaker
rub off on you, whether whether you believe that or not, the way they speak. like I now do Christi-isms all day, every day. like People are like, I don't even know what your text says. And I'm like, it's a Christi text. When you're around people all the time, you you speak like them. you Sometimes you talk like them. you you you You say phrases they would say. You might trust like them. You might notice.
00:05:28
Speaker
some of their likes end up being some of your likes. And it's just human nature, the good, the bad and the ugly. Yeah, Krista likes to take a lot of selfies with blue gum now because she wants to be like me. I will never like to take selfies. I'm going to be honest with that. But I think too, that there's different seasons in our life where friendships work.
00:05:52
Speaker
And then all of a sudden friendships don't. And I kind of want to dive into that too today because um I think that that's something that's really important. They say, I just read recently, that you are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with. So think about that.
00:06:11
Speaker
You are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with, saying that your closest friends actually shape your habits, your are mindsets, and a lot of times your goals, right? So if you're in a season where you're around all of these positive people and that are clapping for you and are clapping behind your back,
00:06:32
Speaker
you're in a completely different season than when you're amongst those friends where there's jealousy creeping in, you know, there's negative talk behind your back, right? So there's different seasons of your life and depending on how you feel about yourself, kind of also, I think, is how you align yourself with others and the kind of friends maybe that you choose throughout the years.
00:06:56
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I feel like if you're if you're feeling doubtful in yourself or you're you're lacking confidence in yourself, you're gonna surround yourself with it anybody who will give you any time, whether it's positive, whether it's negative. you know And this is all back to
Selective Friendships and the Seasons of Change
00:07:11
Speaker
loving yourself. The more you love yourself, the more selective you're gonna be about who you surround yourself with. That's true.
00:07:17
Speaker
And I think that we all have to decide like who sits at our table. And you said, Christie, at the beginning of the podcast, you know I have a very small group. And I think that has a lot to do with our mental health and setting boundaries. And you know the more people that you let creep into that, you know if you don't set the right boundaries, the more you know it affects your your mental health. right There is this impact of a negative friendship versus a positive friendship um in the people, the friends that pull you closer to your true self compared to the friends that take you away from who you really want to be because sometimes we're just trying to fit in.
00:08:01
Speaker
Right? Even now, I mean, at my age, which is 40 ish, I just keep saying that my birthday is tomorrow. Christy thought it was today, but, um, yeah, my birthday is coming up and I'm just going to keep going with the December, isn't it? but It should be. I'm just going to keep going with the 40 ish, right? age is Just a number ages, just a number.
00:08:20
Speaker
But I think like there are times when people have pulled me away from what I really wanted to do when I started the charity. I've told the story before. You may have heard it in other podcasts, if so I apologize and it might be your first time hearing it. But when I um started the charity, there were people that were like, ah you're never going to do that. That's so dumb.
00:08:44
Speaker
How are you going to support that? How are you going to get, you know, the money that you need in order to feed people and who's going to buy into that? And there was like all this stuff and literally for months it pulled me away from doing what I wanted to do. And then talk about not loving yourself. Like I had thought this is exactly what I want to do. And then I had all these people that were like, well, that's stupid. And I'm like, well, you're my friend. So, I mean, if you think it's stupid, I guess it's stupid. and Well, then you're they weren't your real friends, were they? Right. But you know that out. But when you're a man, I mean, that's true. But when you're in the middle of that, and you're just looking for love and acceptance, you know, and you're thinking, Oh, well, these people know me so well. You know, they they must know what's good for me. I think it took me a long time to say if you know me so well, and you love me,
00:09:32
Speaker
You won't care what I say. You will support, I mean, as long as I'm not harming myself, but you will support my dreams and my visions if you love me. You know, and I think that all of us have had stories where we've had friendships, you know, that you thought Would last forever right there are childhood friendships that i think all of us over the last ten years or so you know have lost and and and there's this this big confusion thing because you kinda think we did life together for so long that's the way it's supposed to be we we should continue to do that but that's not the case.
00:10:10
Speaker
No, yeah there are seasons and sometimes you outgrow those things and sometimes they grow with you and you have to be willing to let it go if it's time. But that's hard because there's a lot of guilt with that. And I say that to the ladies. That's why they laugh in my you know intro. I was talking about pruning your bushes, pruning your trees.
00:10:29
Speaker
because there are going to be times that weeds are growing up into your your flowers, your your trees, your and a weed will suffocate the entire bush if you don't get rid of it. It will eventually grow up like poison ivy, like, you know, you let that thing go, it'll just keep going and going, and eventually it'll suck the life out of the plants. And and that's kind of what it is, that there there are friendships that serve you well,
00:10:57
Speaker
for whatever is going on in your life. And then sometimes they take a turn. And how do we, without guilt, decide to put that friendship on a back burner when that friendship had been such an important part of our life for for such a long time, right? And what does that look like? I mean, I think Sometimes people don't grow with you, right? I think sometimes people, as much as they want to say that they're for you and and and they're they're going to be there no matter what you do, um I think envy and jealousy absolutely is a thing that all of us face. I mean, we all face it. We all feel it. I'm not just saying that it comes at us. Sometimes it's in me and I'm feeling it about somebody else. And I think when you take those feelings and you use them to bring another person down,
00:11:53
Speaker
I mean, those are the times that friendships get severed. I say this here all the time um with the ladies that work with me because we are a group of five, we're small, and all the time I say to them, if you are upset with me, you need to tell me immediately if I make a comment that you don't like, if I uh, you know, do something that offends you. Like I need to know immediately because friendships are really, really fragile. And sometimes we say things that we don't realize affects somebody in a certain way because of whatever it is that they're going through. And I think that that in a friendship too, you know, these friendships that you think, well, we've been friends since Molly and I were six years old and now 40 years later, we're growing apart. I mean, friendships take a lot of work.
00:12:40
Speaker
and people think well if you just work at it and work at it and some yeah you have to just keep working at it and others you have to realize like they have served to their purpose and now I need to cut ties and you can't feel guilty and I think that is what a lot of us face we feel guilty because it's always been this way so it's supposed to stay this way.
00:13:01
Speaker
Yeah, people's actions speak louder than words. Like, like, i how many times you did like, bye, love you, call you later. And ah I don't call you late. I know you don't. call that that way i I wasn't calling you. I know. I know you're not calling me back later. I know. I don't mean it. But it is. But I do say go ahead. I'm sorry. Yeah, I made me forget. No, you were talking about actions speaking louder than you know, you like, how many times you know, someone's like, I love you. I miss you so much. Let's do lunch.
00:13:26
Speaker
Cricket, cricket, you know what I mean? it it it like I think we've discussed this. It takes two seconds to pick up a phone and say, hi. yeah How are you? And even if you can't do lunch, it just takes two seconds to pick up the phone and say, thinking of you, or how's your day? yeah Or here's a meme, thought of you. Yeah, you don't have to talk to somebody every single day to show your love and affection or anything like that, you know, just a hey or you know like the three of us you know we we send each other memes all the time and you know what i mean like it could be two three in the morning but like you know we're always thinking of each other you know whether it we're together or or not yeah yeah and i think too that you know a lot of times you will pour in to people
00:14:08
Speaker
that may not pour back into you, right? You only have so much to give in a day and you want to give to people that truly appreciate you and that love you and that, you know, if I'm thinking of you, you're thinking of me. And if I do something for you, you're doing something for me, it's this give and take it. Sometimes it does get one-sided in a friendship.
00:14:32
Speaker
And then you absolutely should, you know, obviously talk about that. You should bring it to the forefront. But sometimes, you know, if you're not getting anything out of a friendship that you're pouring so much into, you know, sometimes the best thing for you is to sever that friendship, is to let that friendship go because it is a mental exhaustion that really you don't need. And it doesn't help you with your own self-love because you're pouring into somebody that really is saying to you, you're not worth it to me.
00:15:01
Speaker
I don't love you the way that you love me. Now that doesn't mean, listen, I'll go and bake you a meal. Like when you don't feel good and stuff like, I don't expect Christie to ever bring me anything other than cereal. But Christie has her own ways to love me. Like, you know, Christie loves her birthday.
00:15:20
Speaker
but I had a really big birthday that came up a few years ago and like she went over the top and she got all these like that was her way to show that she loved me so we don't have to express our love to each other I feel in the same way like if I make you a meal you don't have to make me a meal you could buy me a meal that'll be okay too but you'd rather you buy her a meal because she's not gonna eat it if you cook it and she doesn't watch you she doesn't watch you make it she's not eating it Cuz you might have picked your nose and I can't, I can't, I just can't. I will tell you right now, if you ever take a meal from us at Sparrow's nest, it is so over the top clean, right? yeah Anything, if I even think that you touched your hair, I'm like, take your gloves off, go outside, wash your hands, come back in. Anyways, but I think that's it. You know, we have this guilt and we're trying to figure out, you know, why this friendship is no longer serving us and sometimes you just, you outgrow each other.
00:16:15
Speaker
Yeah, and it's hard to accept that, but sometimes you really learn a lot about yourself when you do cut that off. um and And this goes for family as much as it is friends. Sometimes there is family relationships you have to cut ties with too for your own mental health. And sometimes it's almost like letting go of a heavy weight.
Letting Go of Toxic Relationships
00:16:40
Speaker
And you don't realize how heavy it was to carry that with you until you let it go.
00:16:48
Speaker
That's 100% because I think, you know, whose table are you sitting at? Are you sitting at a table where the friendship starts feeling like you're pressured or you're judged or, you know, it's based on convenience.
00:17:04
Speaker
Or are you choosing a table where, you know, there's mutual respect, right? And people see the value in you and there's not envy and there's not gossip and there's this authentic self. And so sometimes when you get away from the ick, as I like to call it,
00:17:22
Speaker
Um, you do feel better. There's this, this weight that's lifted off your shoulder. And I've gone through this like throughout my whole life. And I think, um, you know, Christy and I have, have been friends probably for a dozen years now and you've even seen it, you know, just in different friendships here.
00:17:39
Speaker
um It's really true that you know I told the story before that you know there was ah a point in my life where I was feeling down and low and I wasn't feeling well and I gained a lot of weight. And I hung around with people that were very gossipy and very malicious. And I noticed that like they were were pumping me for information and I was just like readily giving it. And um you know I think when I finally was like, well, what are you doing?
00:18:08
Speaker
And I was able to step back from that, like the relief I felt because I just felt like a crappy person and a crappy friend. And I don't know how else to describe it other than it was this relief that I didn't have to even conform and be somebody that I'm not. Yeah. You can't be authentic when you're playing a role to fit in with people. Right.
00:18:34
Speaker
and And that leads us to you know like our the the young versions of of us. you know i I read um this meme that said behind every great woman is another great woman. And you know I thought my mom was a great mom, she was, but my mom didn't know how to talk to me.
00:18:56
Speaker
I don't know how you guys were with your own parents. I have a great relationship with Betty. I think we all know that. And even like when you were young, did you guys have like a really good relationship with friendships? And like, did you go back and forth and talk about all that stuff and drama and girls? And as I got older, not so much when I was younger, but now that I have kids, right? All the time. Right. And I'm like that with my mom now. I don't know, Chantelle, how it was with yours, but when I was little,
00:19:23
Speaker
I kind of wish my mom would have, you know, said some things to me. Like, I was a little chubby girl. Hard to believe you're a little chubby girl, but I mean, I was cute. I was a little cute girl. But, um you know, I ah wanted to fit in with the cool kids. So, like, I wanted to be invited to their table. And like like I say to my kids all the time, you don't want to be at the cool kids table. You want to be at the table that fits you. And that doesn't have to be the cool kids, right? Like, I... I think for me, I wish my mom would have said, it will happen to you. You will feel left out. There will be friendships that will just leave you without you knowing. And you know, there are things that I wish that I knew them because, you know, even as an adult, it's hurtful. You know, all the time we have friendships that fall apart. I had a very good friendship that fell apart recently. And like, I don't even know what happened.
00:20:18
Speaker
yeah Yeah. No, you know what? The one thing I've discussed with my girls now that they're in college, you know, and, you know, like but one more than the other that yeah friends have seasons, you know what I mean? Like, like you were saying, and and I was like, I was like, you're going to find your real friends in college. I was like, you have a hundred friends and then you have 50 and then you have 20. I was like, and as you get older, you find out who your people are. and When you find out who your people are, you, you know, it's, you know who they are yeah and you can tell by their actions.
00:20:47
Speaker
who your people are, who calls you, who checks upon you, who's got your back. And who doesn't. Exactly. And we have to learn to let those friendships go. But again, you know, it comes down to self-love and, you know, why don't they like me? Why aren't they spending enough time with me? Why don't they check in on me? I must be unworthy. Let me do even more so that I become worthy to them. It's this, you know, negative self-talk that all comes from just wanting to be loved. And I think that's part of the problem. We...
00:21:18
Speaker
We want to be loved so bad that sometimes we don't realize our own self worth that it's it's it's it's not meant for us. You know, sometimes you have to let go of the wrong people in order to make room for the right ones.
00:21:35
Speaker
Yeah, the two of you just that was just like, that was a lot. to king or but You guys are so funny. No, but when when you were talking about like the self-love, I think everyone knows like I'm always like, Christie's great. And somebody somewhere along the way was like, why do you say that? and i'm just like And he looked right at me and he goes, oh, that's your defense mechanism. like to You know what I mean? like You tell everybody that because that's what everybody tells you. You know what I mean? That's what you think. And like to me, i that's always been my defense mechanism. to like Well, because you don't necessarily feel that about yourself. Right. But you you proclaim it. Yeah.
00:22:12
Speaker
which is great though you should be proclaiming especially when you're not feeling that you should say you know krista i mean christie's great christie is great i know i know i have a math math a mat that goes to my door to my that chris krista sometimes you need you need these little crusties great but you know but you need these reminders you need like these reminders so that we're like I am worthy to sit at a table with
Lessons from Friendships and Self-Worth
00:22:39
Speaker
some awesome friends. Like, I am really worthy. And if you don't want to sit at my table, then that's on you because not every friendship is is meant to last forever, right? Some are lessons and and they're not a lifetime.
00:22:52
Speaker
And I think that's what we need to know. Every single friendship also teaches us something along this journey that we call life. you know It might teach us what not to do in a friendship. It might teach us you know what we absolutely hate and how we felt during that friendship. And you know and and other friendships show us to be a better friend. i mean I've had plenty of women in my life.
00:23:13
Speaker
where I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, you check in on me, you're such a good friend or you but like just little things that then I'm like, this made me feel so loved. I need to do this in my friendships. So I think that every friendship we have, right, there's no bad friendship because everything, even the bad ones, teach us something There's a lesson in every single relationship we have. And a lot of times we'll be like, well, I don't understand that. And you may not understand it in the moment. And you may say, oh my gosh, you were my cousin. You were my best friend. you were my You were my person. And now you're not anymore. And sometimes it's just not for you to reveal. I say all the time, God shuts the door on what he does not want you to have. And you don't understand it. And like three years later, you may all of a sudden go, oh my gosh, this was why.
00:24:01
Speaker
Right? So sometimes as much as you mourn it and you think, you know, I'm so sad that I don't have this friendship anymore. It's because you need to make room for something that's even better, even though you can't see it on the horizon because it might not be right in front of you right now.
00:24:19
Speaker
ah You don't know what's behind that door every day. You don't. Yeah, you got to open the door. Open the door. I got nothing good for that. Like, I'm like, i I don't know. I don't know what I can say. um But not every, you know, not everybody that starts with you is meant to finish with you.
00:24:37
Speaker
Right. We hear that saying all the time and that's okay. It's just like in our runs when we're out there running, you know, I'm like, go without me. Like the Titanic. I just ran a couple of weeks going Fort Lauderdale for team Sparrow. We have a team here. We'd love for you guys to be a part of it. And, uh, I ran with our friends and our other staff member, Chris, and she's very strong and you know, she's wonderful and we're out there running. I'm like, wow, we're going like nine minute mile. And by the way, we weren't, my mouth was absolutely wrong. I was like, I got to slow down, it's a nine minute mile. She's like, I think it's like 11 and a half, 12. I was like, okay. um You know, but at one point I was like, go without me. And I don't even know what the whole point is now of this whole thing, but like with everything else, I wasn't meant to finish with her. I was holding her back and I knew that. And I was like, you have to go without me because you could do a nine minute mile when here I am ready to do like 18 minute miles. So, so go without me. yeah That's a good perspective on friendship too, in that, you know,
00:25:34
Speaker
You saw that you were holding her back and sometimes we need to see that we might be holding a friend back and not that you know we need to completely destroy the friendship but we might need to pull back to allow the other person to flourish in their own right.
00:25:50
Speaker
yeah Yeah. And can we be a big enough person to do that? and It's hard to do that. It actually is. It is very hard to do that. But sometimes because you love somebody so much, you have to let them go on. Right? Yeah. Because you know that that's what they need mentally. And it's it's it's a tough thing. But to me, that is one of the biggest forms of self-love ever is to think so little of yourself.
00:26:16
Speaker
in that moment and so much about somebody you love that you're like, whatever you you need to do, I am going to make sure that you can do that. And I'm gonna give you all the support you need to do that. Yeah, it takes a big person.
00:26:31
Speaker
My little Christie. ah My little Christie. Yep. That's where we that's where we are now. That's where we are now. You're right. Right. But we love each other. I do. I do. We we i have actually I feel like we're we're married. You know what I mean? Like we love each other. You know what I mean? mylia as is ah like I don't know what's happening. Chantel's about to leave the building. Chantel's out. No. we're We're together every single day and then we're not. We're together. and We're not. and It's just like sometimes it's just like And then other times it's like, oh my God, she's my favorite person in the whole world. And I'm like, oh my God, I can't stand her. I'm like, I love you. But I think that's a true friendship too. I do. But I think that you, you have to know that that a friendship's not all unicorns, right? And rainbows and, and no, it's definitely not. It is work. And you're not going to always like each other, but you're always going to love each other.
00:27:21
Speaker
I actually have said that to my kids. I'm like, I don't really like, I love you, but I don't really like you right now. Yeah. yeah And that's that's a real thing. My mom has actually said that to me a lot too. I say it to my husband. i I have said that a couple of times as well. I have said that. People may have also heard me say it.
00:27:40
Speaker
So these friendships, you know, loving yourself is probably one of the most important things that you can do, which will then help you figure out who deserves to be at your table. And it will help you let go of friendships that may not serve you anymore without feeling all of this guilt. And it will let you know that you are enough and you're unique and your people are out there.
00:28:05
Speaker
Sometimes it just takes patience that we don't necessarily have to see it. Yeah. And sometimes there's, there's seasons of being alone, you know, not completely alone, but there are seasons where you might not have those friendships that call every day or touch base every day. And when you get through that, sometimes you find that you really needed that to work on yourself, to find yourself, to be yourself.
00:28:31
Speaker
I agree. I think sometimes you do have to take a step back and you have to work on yourself before you can work on everything else, right? Yeah. Because it begins here. I can't control how any of my friends act or react to anything I say or anything I do. I can only control me and hope that if you love me enough and you respect me enough that we can, you know, journey on together. And if not, that honestly is okay.
00:29:00
Speaker
So this, ladies and gentlemen, is the episode of friendship. And we are so excited that you joined us today on Exhausted Sparrows Unite. And I want you to remember that pruning your
Conclusion: Self-Love and Growth
00:29:10
Speaker
friendships isn't about blame or about bitterness. It's more about self-love and growth.
00:29:17
Speaker
The people that surround you will either lift you up or they're going to hold you back. So you should not be afraid to choose who's going to sit at your table. If you loved this episode, I hope you subscribe. Leave us a review. The good, the bad and the ugly. I might cry a little bit if it's ugly, but that's going to be okay.
00:29:36
Speaker
Share this episode with someone else that you think might need it, that may need to hear this message today. And together we can just keep building a community of sparrows that support and uplift and love each other and live authentically. Until next time, keep flying high, keep loving yourself. And remember, you deserve friendships that will feed your soul. See you soon.