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Every Story Ever Special: December 2024
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Merry Christmas (it's technically the sixth day of Christmas). Join us as we rank some listener-submitted Christmas-themed stories, and a few more to boot!
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster, or you want to be a podcaster, and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster. They also have hosting options. And you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes, or in the episode description, and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
00:00:28
Speaker
i have so
00:00:43
Speaker
we're doing is we're taking placing those stories on the list from best to worst comic book stories of all time.
War Rocket Ajax Year-End Special
00:01:00
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to the War Rocket Ajax Every Story Ever special.
00:01:05
Speaker
for December, 2000, 24, our very last episode for the year, 2024, going up on New Year's Eve, but technically the sixth or seventh day of Christmas. Sixth, right? Yeah. So. Yes. Yes. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry, uh, Merry Giza Lang, that's right. ah So even though Christmas Day has passed, we're gonna do some every Santa ever lists just kick off this episode. And then we'll do some more after that, ah that are not necessarily Christmas themed, but we did get some every Santa ever lists from Linestepers that we will cover and then move on to some other things.
00:02:04
Speaker
You know what we do on the show, I'm sure.
Ranking Comic Book Stories
00:02:07
Speaker
I cannot imagine this being anybody's first episode of a podcast, but if it is, if it happens to be, we take lists of comic book stories from our listeners and we rank them all on a big old list of the best comics ever made. Chris, would you like to go over the current state of the Every Story Realist?
00:02:30
Speaker
I sure can, Matt. We have 1,586 comics on the list right now. ah At the top, of course, Spider-Man, if this be my destiny, slash the final chapter, you can find that story in Amazing Spider-Man numbers 31 through 33, or in that, might as well call it every story ever book. So no. Pat Niles-Walt in Jordan Blooms, Marvel's Marvel classics collection.
00:03:00
Speaker
Yeah, which honestly, that's got some good ass comics in it. It's got some great comics in it. Yeah, it doesn't. we We talked on the show about the ones that we would have put in there. Instead, yeah it's got some good unforgettable stories is what it's called. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of like, if we were talking about unforgettable Marvel stories, well, where's, where's Ultimates three and trouble? You know, those are unforgettable.
00:03:27
Speaker
and Those will live in in my head until I die. That's true. ah I will never forget ah that time that Nightcrawler became a devil. ah The Draco is in my unforgettable stories, for sure. Matt, I know that if you were putting together a book called Unforgettable Marvel Comics Stories, you bet your ass Cal AOL Turner would be in there. Marvel, also since past,
00:03:57
Speaker
But so much of our bottom ten would be... lot A lot of grim but of grim tidings. but but point big The book's got good ones in it. The book has good ones in it.
Critiques of Notable Comics
00:04:10
Speaker
At the bottom of the list, of course, ah worse than any other comic story is I Did Any Crisis by oh Brad Meltzer and Prax Morales, a comic that I will be mad about until I stop breathing on this earth.
00:04:27
Speaker
Uh, that does mean that the, uh, the, the midpoint of the list is, uh, 793 and 794, which, uh, looking at it now would be. Oh, this is always a fun little thing to do. See, we see what, according to this list is like the average comic book that people have wanted us to rank. Although it is a top heavy list. It's a top heavy list, but.
00:04:57
Speaker
Boy, you won't talk about it being a top-heavy list. The midpoint of this comic is $7.93, Blades and Lasers. A good book. oh a eight A Ben Mara book we can recommend, I believe. Yes, yes. Unlike some other Ben Mara books.
00:05:16
Speaker
unlike most Ben Mara books that are higher on the list and cannot in good conscience to be recommended to anyone. Everyone should read, but no one should read. now Those are some unforgettable stories. Those, boy, every single panel of omelette is an unforgettable comic. Let's just say. Yes. And number 794,
00:05:41
Speaker
Uncanny X-Men number 201, which is the Storm vs. Cyclops issue, that comic kicks ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a top heavy list. It's a top heavy list. You could start at number, you could start at the midpoint of the list and read your way up and have a good ass time, I think. Have a great time, yeah. Have a great time. Alright, well let's get into some lists.
00:06:07
Speaker
ah Chris, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas day. ah I did.
Christmas Gift Exchange
00:06:14
Speaker
I'm sure we'll talk about that more on the regular Ajax show when that starts back. I did i did have a ah lovely Christmas, ah Matt. I was very excited to... I have not yet played the game that you got me, but I did open it up and I built the little clock tower, which is awesome. Yes, thats it looks so cool. Got that set up. Very very exciting.
00:06:37
Speaker
Uh, yeah, I'm having a, I'm having a nice time here at the end of the year for a change. I'm going to be getting a frame, a couple of frames for the art that you got me. So, uh, I, I've been out of town. I spent Christmas week out of town in the Philadelphia, greater Philadelphia area. Uh, but, uh, but I will, I will be getting some frames for that art very soon.
00:07:03
Speaker
Alright, here's our first list, Chris.
Review of "Monsters on Mercury"
00:07:06
Speaker
It is from Nick Whelan. These are two Steve Ditko Christmas stories and an unrelated Marvel Christmas special. Okay, great. Exciting. First is Monsters on Mercury from Journey into Mystery number 78. Can guarantee you I have not read that.
00:07:32
Speaker
ah That's, is that early Thor? Uh, I mean, it might be a pre Thor story. It might be because Thor was after that and journey into mystery, right? Let's see. Yeah. Thor is not on the cover of this issue.
00:07:55
Speaker
And and what so you said 70, 78, 78. And that story is called.
00:08:05
Speaker
Matt, can Can black magic exist in today's world? It's a buddy. It's everywhere. You know what? That's that's true.
00:08:21
Speaker
Monsters on Mercury. This splash page for the second story in this comic ah is great with the knight fighting a dragon.
00:08:34
Speaker
And, and there's a wizard there? That's a, that's a Kirby page. Oh, good. Okay. I'm looking at the comic now. I have never read this, but it is a short, maybe six page story about some astronauts on Mercury meeting these like Ditko ass looking monsters who, uh, did our giant.
00:09:03
Speaker
space creatures who look like they are wearing very high waisted pants. Yeah, and they're telepathic. So they read the astronauts minds and try to figure out what they want and then make them a Christmas tree at the end of the story. This is the most code approved story I've ever seen.
00:09:27
Speaker
Because this it fully has like at the end of a panel, there's like ah an EC style like Good Lord Choke panel, except for it's a guy going, good heavens. And then when you turn the page, it's like, they made a Christmas tree. Yeah, they're nice, actually. It's not scary. It's
Influence of EC Comics
00:09:46
Speaker
nice. They're nice. And they did a nice thing. Yeah. And then it ends with an ad for Amazing Adult Fantasy. Oh, man. Will you see what happens in upcoming issues of that book? Yeah.
00:10:03
Speaker
If you like this type of story, don't miss the next exciting issue of Amazing Fantasy. Okay. So I had never read this before, but we basically just read it. I mean, kinda, yeah, I guess. Like it's a, it's six pages. One of them being a title page. I mean, yeah, we did kinda just read it. Here's the thing.
00:10:33
Speaker
Um, it's bad.
00:10:38
Speaker
It's, it is the reason that no one reads Marvel Comics from before 1961. Right? We can look. but It's about 2025. We can admit that. No one reads Marvel Comics from before, from before 1961.
00:10:58
Speaker
We're dudes who love Stan Lee and Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby and Don Heck and all them boys, but we ain't reading them. Except for when the Human Torch killed Hitler. That that one is the exception. That one we we do know about. That one we know about and approve of.
00:11:15
Speaker
Yes, correct. But, but this one... No! Ow! No, don't tell anyone!
00:11:26
Speaker
Ow! Ow! No, don't tell them I got killed by the android human torch and was really whiny about it. Don't tell anyone! Tell them I committed suicide instead of this.
00:11:42
Speaker
um Okay, but yeah, that's an unforgettable Marvel comic that truly is yeah ah the The thing about this is it's like you said it is a bastardized EC Comics story With a dumb twist Yeah, I mean I do look I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say that I don't like the idea of the aliens trying to make contact with humans by making a Christmas tree. like Like figuring out that that's a symbol of you know ah peace on Earth and Mercury, I guess, ah goodwill towards sapient creatures.
00:12:38
Speaker
um that's That's cute. But, like, everything about this, this story is six pages long and should be four pages shorter. Like, why do they bring it out with a tarp on it? Why don't they just bring out the Christmas tree and go like, hey, it's that thing that you guys make that's like, peace on Earth. Well, it's otherwise that the astronauts won't think it's a bomb, which is what they initially think it is. Yeah, like,
00:13:13
Speaker
the The... I'm...
Classic Comics Discussion
00:13:16
Speaker
I'm not a big fan of, like, easy horror comics. Which I know is, like... I know is not, like, a fashionable s thing for a... for the comics literati, of which you and I are a part, to admit. Yeah. But, like... I i probably like them more than you. I probably like them more than you, yeah. Yeah, but they're not really, like, they're not really my thing.
00:13:43
Speaker
You know, like i've I'm very upfront with ah my tastes, which actually do match up with the list tastes. Which is interesting because we know the list is ah complete and exists in its final form. Carved from the marble, yeah. We are merely chipping away the marble that is not the list. oh But like, yeah, you know, like i i I'm not that into like horror and crime comics and ironic twists. Like I can recognize there as artistry there. Um, but you don't appreciate those stories until you see what everybody tried to do after those stories. Yeah. Had to stop being like they've legally mandated that those stories stop being so good. Yeah. It's like, it's very similar to going back and reading any golden age comic that you haven't heard of.
00:14:37
Speaker
Because you have heard almost assuredly of all the good ones. Right. Right. It's like being like, oh, it's like saying like, oh, classic rock. Classic rock was better music. No. You just aren't hearing the garbage. Because the good stuff still gets played. Yeah. Yeah. This one does not get played. Yeah, this one does not get played.
00:15:08
Speaker
It's, again, it's like, it's it's the most code approved comic I've ever seen. I don't know how I can put it any better than that. It is an ironic twist that is neither scary nor, like like, at the minimum, an ironic twist should make you go, hmm, makes you think. This doesn't make you think.
00:15:37
Speaker
Nope. This, this is just like, Oh, okay. They made him a Christmas tree. They were friendly. yeah Again, it like, it should be, it should be four pages shorter because all that happens, to the aliens bring him a Christmas tree, but they don't even do like, there's not really anything to that because they, there's not anything that's like,
00:15:59
Speaker
Like shouldn't they try to bring them presents? Like wouldn't that be like a more fun story if they keep the aliens keep bringing stuff and they don't know, like like the humans don't know what they're doing. And then like later the aliens can be like, oh yeah, like that's what we eat. Like we brought you, we brought you Christmas dinner. Like we weden we know that on your planet there's a tradition where like you give people, you know, the good food or or whatever.
00:16:28
Speaker
You know, like, there's more you could do with this and much less you should do with this than this comic does neither. It is both missing a lot and way too long for the story it is, yeah simultaneously. Yeah. It's the wrong length.
00:16:51
Speaker
It's either way. It's the wrong length. Yes. It is the wrong. It's it's the wrong length of this story.
Evolution of Comic Storytelling
00:16:59
Speaker
Yes. There should be more of it or a lot less. It's so weird going back to these comics and like very visibly like like knowing what comes next and having it be very clear that Nobody making these comics at this point in time gave a fuck about these. Stan doesn't care about these. Jack would just like fucking doodle in monsters for eight hours a day. you know like If there was one guy who did care, it was Ditko. To this is what comics were.
00:17:50
Speaker
You know, and it just like comics became superheroes and he, he had to follow that, you know, but like, I feel like Ditko was way more into these kinds of comics, given the kinds of comics he made on his own later. Yeah. Well, I mean.
00:18:13
Speaker
He didn't make these kinds of comics, though, because he made weirder comics. He did, but like I think he was more interested in kind of like weird, ironic twists and morality plays that weren't necessarily the types of morality plays in superhero comics, you know? Yeah.
00:18:38
Speaker
because like
00:18:42
Speaker
Spider-Man was unlike any other superhero comic like In concept, but those early issues of Spider-Man are not like anything else You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah Like it's it's weird. It's weird to go look at like Like Amazing Fantasy 15 the Spider-Man story. Yeah oh and realize that like both that and FF1 are very much like in this style of comic. They're just like the superhero comics. Yeah, like, yeah. Like, it's very, it's very, you know, easy horror comic setup. This kid gets these fantastic powers, but then he uses them selfishly. And then his uncle dies and it's his fault. Yeah, it's a morality play. It's a morality play that is again, different from
00:19:42
Speaker
the morality plays that superhero comics had ever done before. Yeah. And as I as i once wrote, like the only difference is that we you know you never come back next month and see what else has happened to the guy and who got his eye stabbed in an easy comic story. you know right You do come back and see Peter and see what he's up to. You come back and see the FF. I mean, you never see you never see Uncle Ben again, but sure.
00:20:08
Speaker
Yeah, but Uncle Ben like you honestly Matt you barely see Uncle Ben in Amazing Fantasy 15 That's true. He like he like feels Peters biceps and then dies Yeah, yeah like we ain't coming back to check on these boys on Mercury who got their Christmas tree from the from the The aliens that look like your grandpa without a shirt on Actually, I would love to do a sequel to this story where it's just kind of like these guys in the aliens sitting around looking at this tree, being like, okay, now what do we do? i I think that would like, I do love the idea of these awkward aliens who are trying to make friends. and And here's the weirdest thing. At the end of this story, the aliens show up and they're like, yeah, we made you a Christmas tree. um So that you would know we were cool.
00:21:09
Speaker
The aliens then speak to them in English and explain themselves. They communicate, yeah. which Which does raise the question of why they did not simply speak in English to explain themselves. Yeah. um It's a bad story. It's not good. like i just I just like the idea of like on the next page, they ask, oh,
00:21:35
Speaker
oh you gotta ask the Christmas tree, thanks. um on Christmas, we usually have like a Christmas dinner, what do you guys eat? And the aliens are like, Oh, each other.
00:21:49
Speaker
yeah This is we we got you our cookbook, it's called to serve human beings as dinner. How to cook and serve human beings as dinner, right is the name the name of this cookbook.
00:22:02
Speaker
ah like All right, let's write this. is it's it's it's It is reasonably well drawn, except for I am not sure Steve Ditko has ever seen a Christmas tree. Well, I mean, I think the idea here is that they made a makeshift Christmas tree out of what they had, which, you know, was not actually was like rocks. It looks like it's made out of rocks, you know, and I actually kind of like that detail.
00:22:28
Speaker
of like, they made something in the shape of a Christmas tree. I'm just glad that we only ever send God-fearing Christian astronauts on missions. That's true. um but None of these, none of these astronauts would dare think of a menorah.
00:22:48
Speaker
Do you think this is like an end of Ghostbusters situation where the guy, like one guy's like, man, there's aliens out there. Maybe they're telepathic, I'm gonna try and think of something nice. yeah yeah He just thinks about Christmas? I would do that, I think. ah i better I better not think of what actually makes me happy. Cannibalism. Oh, I thought since this was like the early 60s, it was gonna be like cigarettes and and misogyny. Yeah, yeah, drinking on the clock.
00:23:23
Speaker
ah The music of pericomo.
00:23:30
Speaker
um
00:23:33
Speaker
ah Let's see.
00:23:38
Speaker
1300s maybe? what What are you looking at, Matt? Let's see. At 1300 is spawn number one. Questions. Haven't read it. i this This might actually be worse than that. um It's not badly it's ah ah badly drawn six pages. It's not a memorable six pages i think it's equally bad or good as eerie number 68 the muck monster which we have at 1365 uh another one i simply shawn to remember um well 1365 i've got battle scars oh wait no we uh you took one off at ah off the list that i have not taken yet i forgot to there was a double yeah that i was a double
00:24:29
Speaker
We did remove a couple of doubles between the last episode of this one. It's weird that we've had to chip away the marble to reveal mistakes that exist in the list as it currently exists. Look, sometimes when you chip away at the marble, you go, Oh, I shouldn't have done that. And you put a little bit of marble back and and it's like the strong Thurman memorial. Yeah, it's exactly like that. Um, okay. I, how about we put it above?
00:25:00
Speaker
Eerie number 68, the muck monster at the new number 1365. Uh, can do that. Do you remember what I needed to take out of this? No, I will, I will find it and remind you. Do we, do we have a credit? We don't have a credited writer or artist on this. We know it's Steve Ditko. It's definitely Steve Ditko. Is it Stan or is this, uh, I think Ditko probably wrote it too.
00:25:26
Speaker
But I might be wrong. mean I'm looking at pages and I can actually see the background without like like, there's not word balloons filling up every available piece of space. So I'm not sure that's true, man. This was Ditko in the 50s. So I don't know. ah But yeah, Monsters on Mercury from Journey in the Mystery number 78 is the new number 1365.
Ditko's Art and Narrative Choices
00:25:54
Speaker
It's, it's also not really a Christmas story. Like they're not on Mercury at Christmas. It's wild if they, if they were there on October 31st. That would be, his time that would be wild. Yes. Uh, the next one on Nick's list is on the day of his return from time warp number three, which I have definitely not read. have Definitely not read that for sure.
00:26:21
Speaker
ah It is 1962 this is right before Right before spider-man. Oh, so it's after FF Wow. Yeah, it's so clever that you got credit as a Atlas magazine. So it's the publisher so um Let's see This was just Ditko on art on the the the time warp story Dan Michigan and Gary Cohn and The creator's a blue devil? The creator's a blue devil. It's about an astronaut who looks a lot like Adam Strange. What number of time warp? Number three. Okay. His name is Dennis Martin, but he looks a lot like Adam Strange. He crash lands on a planet, goes through a warp, crash lands on a planet, and he meets Space Santa.
00:27:20
Speaker
I mean, that sounds good. This is only a three page story. So I love it when we get to just sit here and read the stories because they're very short. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Okay. He crash lands on the planet. He says that split space warp I blundered into is uncharted. I barely do what hit me. There's a little cabin on the planet. He knocks on the door. He says, is anyone here? Please help me.
00:27:49
Speaker
He opens the door or the door gets opened. This guy who looks like Santa brings him in. He says, don't talk yet, boy. Just be glad you're alive. Lucky thing you crashed nearby my little house. Uh, but it's a big, it's big on the inside. It's a tiny little cabin, but it looks big on the inside. Yeah. Cause it's got a warp. Yeah. Like it says on the, on the cover. He says, that's my workshop son.
00:28:15
Speaker
I'm a manufacturer, deliver my goods too. That's why I'm near the warp, makes the route easier and helps me keep tabs. My terms are strict and I've warned the customers, they better watch out or I'll cross them off my list. ah The astronaut says, they must want what you're selling pretty bad. And he goes, haha, I like to think so. Say, I'll tell you what, nintendo say, I'll tell you what, I'm going on my run in a little while. I can drop you on I can drop you on an inhabited world. Don't worry, son. I haven't lost a passenger yet. You just rest up while I finish loading." And then he meets an elf. Space elf. And says that his boss is on a tight schedule. And the guy even write recognizes that he's an elf. And then Santa takes him to Earth. ah This one's also bad.
00:29:10
Speaker
I mean, it's kind of cute. It's weird that like the premise of this story is like the twist ending of this story is it's Santa Claus, but the guy just looks like Santa Claus. Right. it's He's obviously Santa Claus from the moment he shows up.
00:29:31
Speaker
Yeah. He's just got little things ah like he's wearing a Santa suit, but like little things on his shoulder. So, you know, it's the future. So, you know, it's space. Yeah. But also like, this isn't the North Pole. He lives on a different planet. He has to go through like a wormhole to get to earth. So, so Santa is an alien according to this story. I'll tell you what is wild.
00:29:58
Speaker
what is buck wild in this story and that is the final caption. ah once who suddenly becomes a treatto yeah here we go Once flying through the firmament that the ancients called heaven, a cosmonaut proclaimed, I see no God here.
00:30:14
Speaker
And as the myth crashed earthward, no one thought to say, fly higher. For science need not destroy faith. Indeed, at the very limits of our progress, we, like Captain Dennis Martin, may rediscover a precious something, call it magic, that has too been too long lost.
00:30:32
Speaker
that the creators are Blue Devil. The thing is, that's a really cool little paragraph about godless Russians or whatever. um Also, you you don't need to go that hard in this story, guys. Well, I don't think this story makes that point. I mean, I guess it makes the point that like this guy didn't think he was going to meet Santa and then he met Santa.
00:31:05
Speaker
so you know that's yeah so So if you flew to a different part of space, maybe you would meet Santa. If you've ever thought there is no God, simply go to space where Santa will be waiting.
00:31:24
Speaker
yeah
00:31:28
Speaker
I don't think this is very interesting. I'm just gonna go and say fuck Frederick Nietzsche.
00:31:37
Speaker
That crusty ass motherfucker can get bent. How dare you say anything but that science and faith can coexist. Is this is this the film God's Not Dead starring Kevin Sorbo? Could be. Santa's Not Dead.
00:31:58
Speaker
They have the pages of DC Comics.
00:32:03
Speaker
This is from, what, 1980? Yes, 1980. It feels like it's from 20 years earlier. Yeah, man. um Like, Michigan and Cone do some, like, fun stuff. i'm not out here trying to I'm not out here trying to disrespect them. They were told, hey, can you feel can you do a three-page story in Time Warp?
00:32:28
Speaker
a comic that will be canceled very soon. Yes. Yes. Well, I mean, the idea of that book is a throwback, right? It's like, oh, we're going to do a sci-fi anthology book. Uh, listen, we did not sell enough ad space. We could not get Parker brothers to advertise their Atari games this month. Right. So we need a three page story.
00:32:57
Speaker
a length that no story is. I can't remember the last time I've seen a three pager, Matt. I mean, it's only only ever in like holiday anthologies. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good. And even then they're usually eight pagers, six pagers, something like that. Look,
00:33:25
Speaker
Dan Michigan and Gary Cohn can do better. we've We've seen them do better. Blue Devil's better than those. Oh yeah. I mean, this is going to hang out in the same place as the as the journey into mystery story. Pretty close. maybe like no I to say Steve Ditko was a guy who phoned it in a lot.
00:33:55
Speaker
But kind of at this point in his career. By this point, yeah. By the time, like, just before he was doing Chuck Norris comics, yeah. Yeah, like, Ditko is this weird dude who is like, yeah, it's a job. it's Like, he's very he's very Kevin Nash in that way, you know? i but I was about to say, like, there was a long period where wrestlers were not fans. Yeah.
00:34:23
Speaker
and they had such a different perspective on wrestling as a business than wrestlers now have wrestlers who exclusively grew up as fans. Yeah. Like I don't think there's any wrestler working today who did not grow up as a fan of wrestling. Right. I would be quite surprised. Yes. Um, unless they were like athletes,
00:34:52
Speaker
who needed a job, which there are still some of. But there was a time when all wrestlers were that. Yeah. You know, like, like, you would meet a wrestler, you know, you would go to the gym, your football career is over, and then some guy... You would be 6'10". Yeah, you'd be Sting, you'd be Steve Borden.
00:35:18
Speaker
Yeah. And some guy and would come up to you in the gym and just be like, hey, you want to you want to make some money? And now you're a pro wrestler. Yeah. You would be a bouncer at a strip club in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yeah. Someone will walk up and say, damn, son, you got a hell of a body. Have you ever considered the sport of professional wrestling? ah Vern Gania would like to talk to you.
00:35:45
Speaker
Yeah. Um, but like comics used to be like that too. Comics used to be like, I tried, I went to fine art school. I can't make money doing paintings. So, or, or um I don't want to just be a draftsman. So I guess I'm going to do this. Well, it's, it's a little bit different because like,
00:36:12
Speaker
Steve Ditko is clearly like a guy who, you know, cares about the medium. But there's such a big, obvious line between the shit Steve Ditko cared about and the shit that was like, I got I got rent. Yeah, yeah. And like, weirdly enough, Spider-Man is on both sides of that divide. But like,
00:36:36
Speaker
Stan Lee never actually wanted to write comics. No, Stan never wanted to write comics. Stan wanted to
Motivations of Comic Creators
00:36:43
Speaker
be a novelist. You wanted to be a sci-fi guy. He wanted to be a novelist or a screenwriter. Yeah. You know, but he didn't get to do either one.
00:36:51
Speaker
ah
00:36:53
Speaker
Yeah, it's fascinating. toby Kirby like wanted to do comics, but it was also a job. Like it was, ah like, it was the thing that he wanted to do, but it was also the thing that he had to do for eight hours a day. Minimum for Kirby, you know? And Steve Dicco is weird dude. Notably, like you would never hear, i I mean, maybe I'm wrong because I never had a conversation with Jack Kirby, but I feel like you would never hear Jack Kirby be like, Hey, did you see,
00:37:31
Speaker
Legion of Superheroes this month? Wow. You know? I mean, you... You say that, but I don't think he would be, like, excited about Legion of Superheroes this month, but I do think he would be excited about, like, fucking Milton Caniff, you know? Like, sure, sure. Other people, like, driving the medium forward.
00:37:59
Speaker
Yeah, like I think he would be I think there's clearly like comic stuff that he liked but I think I think he created so much and was looking for inspiration in so many things that weren't comics that it just like was very different. Ditko in a lot of ways I think was the same way like Ditko's not out here reading Legion of Superheroes, you know, I mean shit he might cuz he might have to do a fill in on it I guess but like
00:38:30
Speaker
Ditko's not at the shop on Wednesday. We know what Ditko's reading. Okay. At number 1412 is creepy number 63, Jennifer. I remember Jennifer. This story is better than that because that Jennifer story is like kind of creepy and bad. I don't know that it's better than Longshot one through six.
00:38:58
Speaker
It's not better than Longshot one through six, a comic we famously did not like. Yeah. All right. So I think this is a new number 1412. Yeah. Um, my, my point about that was that like, Steve Dicco read the script and was like, right, the guy Santa Claus, and then just drew fucking Santa Claus. But but like, what else are you going to make it look like?
00:39:27
Speaker
I don't know, man. Don't put him in, like, like, have him not wear a red shirt. Like, he can put the jacket on later. He didn't color it. I guess. Okay, so Gene D'Angelo is the one who was really freaking things off.
00:39:45
Speaker
i I mean, look, I agree with you that, like, the reveal is given away from the get go. I do not know how to fix that. either Yeah. I mean, like it's, but and why would you fix it? It's three pages. Yeah. the At least the other story, but the Christmas tree had a reveal as no matter how underwhelming it may have been. Should have had Santa show up with, put a tarp on him. That's true. Put it in a box and it's over. ah Oh, that might be a bomb. No, it's Santa Claus. Um,
00:40:23
Speaker
Finally on Nick's list is King in Black, Iron Man, and Doctor Doom. I forgot that there was gonna be one on here that did not fit the pattern. Yeah. ah i have never i don't i'm not go to say I haven't read any comics with King in Black on the cover.
00:40:44
Speaker
Because I have. But man, I kind of avoided it as much as I could.
00:40:52
Speaker
Uh, I get it. I have not read this either. Um, and, and his backup is another king and black comic, but it is king and block king and black, the immortal Hulk. Did you happen to read that? I, if I did, I have no memory of it. Yeah. Which is not necessarily a judgment on the story as much as like very little that goes in here is retained.
00:41:20
Speaker
Man, I just, I got, I got nothing for Knoll, man. I got nothing for King in Black. I got nothing for Knoll. The, the, the... You know Matt's not down with the Klyntar. No. Uh, I will c say that the... Knoll's in a movie. He's in Venom 3. Yeah. He's in Venom 3. Um, I will say this. I'm looking at the Immortal Hulk King in Black issue. It is written by Al Ewing. It does have art by Aaron Kuder. Those are two.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah, like Eric Kutter. Great elements. It is set at Christmas, and it is a completely dialogue-free issue. I mean, that kind of sounds like it owns. Which means maybe I gotta read that specific King in Black issue. Yeah. Because it does sound like it kind of owns. Are you in doing a gimmick book? Yeah. Yeah, man.
00:42:18
Speaker
Al, you and I are going to do a GI Joe 21. That's right. That's right, bud. All right. ah Thank you for that Every Santa Ever list, Nick. Our other Every Santa Ever list comes from David Sanchez. These are three Karl Marx Christmas stories.
00:42:44
Speaker
Weirdly, much higher chance that we have read them. First up is Christmas for Shacktown. I've read Christmas for Shacktown. From Donald Duck for Color number 367. Buddy, you know everything that happens in Christmas for Shacktown from the title. Even if you have not read this, you know. it I feel like it was one of the first ones that Fana Graphics reprinted too. I think it's been reprinted a lot over the years. Yeah, I mean,
00:43:20
Speaker
Okay, so there's their Shacktown And you're never gonna believe this it was bad. It's not good. It's not Shacktown bad bad stuffs going on in Shacktown It's like a dang whole town full of shacks. Yeah, and not with a cue which we would love Yeah, if it was Shaquille O'Neal, it was an entire town of Shaquille O'Neal's Okay, Matt, can we stop ranking comics for a second and real quick pick Christmas for Shacktown?
00:43:48
Speaker
but she This could be Shaquille O'Neal's finest acting moment to play all of the denizens of Shaq Town. Yeah, yeah. On an island named Shaq. We have fun. we We have a great time, yeah. ah Yeah, man, like I would...
00:44:18
Speaker
I've rearranged my bookshelf so it's not currently accessible. ah But I could bust out that hardcover and and and look through it. But I mean, it's pretty good. It's a Karl Marx, Donald Duck story. I hope I'm not remembering, like not not remembering something that happens in it. Where people are gonna say like, Oh, Christopher, you should not have you should have remembered.
00:44:47
Speaker
What's the issue number about? It is Donald Duck 4 color number 367. There's so many Donald Duck comics. There's a lot of Donald Duck comics, yeah. So that's the that's from Dell, I guess.
00:45:06
Speaker
ah
00:45:10
Speaker
So Donald Duck comics. Yeah, i I don't even know if I can find it.
00:45:19
Speaker
Oh wait, maybe it's the 1952 series? No. No, that's not it. Uh, number 300 and what? According to the list, it's number 367.
00:45:35
Speaker
Maybe it was reprinted in that, but that's, I don't know if that's... Yeah, I don't know. I, I could, I can't tell you, like, it seems like maybe It's definitely in the reprint books. Yeah, look. Look, it's good.
Scrooge McDuck's Greed Lessons
00:45:58
Speaker
It's good.
00:46:01
Speaker
donald Donald... It is a comic with its own Wikipedia page just about this issue. Yeah. ah From 1952. It's good, man. It's like...
00:46:21
Speaker
ah like Donald ah tries to raise some money for Shacktown, he goes to Scrooge. Scrooge, whose name is Scrooge, does not donate, but he says that he'll match Donald's donation. So in defense,
00:46:46
Speaker
he does, ah he does
00:46:52
Speaker
attempt to teach Donald the value of hard work rather than just solving it with his own money, which is weird because he has a fantastic a trillion dollars, which can solve most problems.
00:47:05
Speaker
Like, get what you're saying, bud. But you could have solved that one. ah The money bin collapses. All the money goes away.
00:47:24
Speaker
oh all the money goes away because Scrooge had too much money and then uh and then they have to go find Scrooge's money right but they they he gives money to Shacktown and they're able to set up a little uh toy train track for for the kids in in the horror of Shacktown. And it's a sweet story. Yeah. Here's what's great about this story though. They don't get Scrooge's money back. No. it's It's fully like Scrooge's money been collapses and all his money goes away and Karl Marx is like, the end.
00:48:18
Speaker
and it's not it's This is a story tailor-made for Don Rosa to come in and do a sequel to it 40 years later, which is what happens. Right. Don Rosa's like, I had to go fill that one in. Uh, very funny, I think, but yeah, like ah Scrooge being like, I'm not going to give you $25. Donald, you got to learn how to do these things for yourself. And then immediately, immediately getting comeuppance from that. Yeah. Is pretty good. Yeah.
00:48:52
Speaker
ah Yeah, it's a sweet story. It's fun. I would say it's not as good as Christmas on Bear Mountain. Okay. It's pretty good. It's it's pretty good.
00:49:07
Speaker
Christmas on Bear Mountain at 492. It's not that good. Okay. I don't know if this goes in the top half of the list even. I don't think it's as good as uncanny X-Men number 201. For gosh sakes. Fair.
00:49:23
Speaker
ah
00:49:26
Speaker
Here's the thing. It's objectively better than the Spidey Super Stories issue with Dr. Doom and Namor, where Dr. Doom rides around on a dinosaur, like ah like an underwater dinosaur that he controls with a magic horn that he gets from Namor. It's objectively better than that. But is it better than that, Matt?
00:49:51
Speaker
Is it better than that story where Dr. Doom rides around with a dinosaur saying things like, I am bad?
00:50:02
Speaker
I mean, it is better, but it's, is it? Yes, exactly. Is it better? That's a great question. Is it better? There is a bit in this story where Donald dresses up as Scrooge.
00:50:16
Speaker
and pretends to be Scrooge and then Scrooge finds him and he's like, what do you think you're doing? You owe me $8,000.
00:50:30
Speaker
oh Scrooge is a real crab apple. Actually, he's not pretending to be Scrooge. He's pretending to be Scrooge's Uncle Jake. and borrow money. So he is pretending to be his uncle's uncle? Yes. And Ed Scrooge goes, Oh, sure. I remember you, dear old Uncle Jake, who ah dandled on me with night on his knee when I was a babe in Scotland. I also remember the shilling I loaned you 60 years ago. That shilling at compound interest in that the president trade of exchange amounts to $8,326 you owe me.
00:51:07
Speaker
Scrooge will bust out compound interest at the drop of a hat, man. He loves compound interest, yeah. I mean, are you you can't be surprised.
00:51:21
Speaker
Matt, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want you to answer honestly, and I want you to answer... I don't want you to answer with your heart. Okay. Because I know what you're gonna want to answer. All right. Do you think Scrooge McDuck would be super into crypto?
00:51:37
Speaker
No, we've already said this. But it's unregulated currency. I i don't think he cares about anything that's not tangible.
00:51:50
Speaker
I think you're right. Because he because he wants the the true value of the money is in the memories. Right? true value The true value of the money is in being able to swim in it. Being able to swim in it. But he is also a dude, look, I'm not saying that he's going to convert his entire fantastic trillion dollars of fiat currency saying that if he's going to pull compound interest on his uncle, do you think he would want to like get in on on a level where he would not have to expend anything? i think it i think Okay, here's what I think.
00:52:35
Speaker
I think Gizmoduck tries to talk him into it. Like fit and crack shell. Fit and crack shell is fully into crypto. Fit and crack shell is like, hey, ah crypto, you got to get in on it. And Scrooge doesn't really want to hear it.
00:53:02
Speaker
But he's like, hey, if you want if you want to manage it for me, you go for it. I think it is very easy to organize.
00:53:15
Speaker
the, the, the duck family and associated characters into who's in thep because also fan crackhells into crypto. crypto. Yeah. Drake Mallard is into crypto launch pads into crypto. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you. Launchpad McQuack is into crypto. Well, launchpad McQuack is into whatever trend is, is currently out there. He bought some NFTs. Correct. Uh,
00:53:45
Speaker
Did Huey Dewey and Louie not into it? No. The junior woodchuck guy book tells them that's bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. And that's true. um Donald does not know what crypto is. He's never heard of it. They have tried to explain it to Donald five times. He's not getting it.
00:54:06
Speaker
So he's like, it's money, but it's not money. Okay. But like, like so it's just like imaginary money that a computer makes up but how do you like so it's like money in a video game it's like is it like is it like mario coins yeah that's not I don't know I don't know fenton uh uh glass stone gander definitely into crypto
00:54:40
Speaker
But like in that he was like one of the first guys to get Bitcoin, like ah who's who's the rapper who sold, like accepted Bitcoin for an album and then forgot that he did it, but like with the rate of exchange, like at one point had made like four million times what it originally was? I don't remember. I don't remember who that was. I forget who that is. Let's see. Let me type into Google, rapper who made a lot of money on Bitcoin.
00:55:11
Speaker
it was 50. Yeah, it's 50 cent. oh Yeah. Because he said, Yeah, I'll take Bitcoin for this. And so like all the Bitcoin people were like, well, let's buy a Fitties album to support them using Bitcoin. Hilarious. Yeah. ah There's a great bit in this issue as well, where Oh, right. There's a comic we're talking about. sorry yeah where Scrooge is like talking to his engineers and drinking aspirin juice because all his money's gone.
00:55:43
Speaker
and she's pretty good And they show him a series of charts that just say too many tons of money, unknown cavern, and then the money just falling into the cavern. That's why billionaires should not exist.
00:56:01
Speaker
Too much money in cavern. Oh, and then the money falls into quicksand. That's funny. That's very funny. Like, the more I look at this, the more I think this belongs higher than some other things. No, it's good. It's really good. Yeah. Highly recommended.
00:56:25
Speaker
ah except Except... Shacktown is not improved. but get some toys They get some Don might have to come in and be like, also, Shacktown got fixed up. And people got some houses, some housing. Yeah. Yeah. That might have been a Dandy Don might have had to come in for that one. All right, give me a number. Give me a number for this. oh I I think does it get do does it go in the top half of the list?
00:56:59
Speaker
That's up to you. i'm i'm I'm leaving that up to you. i I think... I think it's better than Hulk Future Imperfect.
00:57:12
Speaker
It's better than Spider Island. But I don't think it's better than Uncanny X-Men 201. That's a really good comic. Okay. So, what what number does that make it? That is number 795 on my list.
00:57:26
Speaker
All right, so this will be the new number 795.
00:57:32
Speaker
ah And this story is called Christmas for Shacktown. Yeah. Not in Shacktown. For Shacktown. Christmas for Shacktown is that Shacktown as a unit gets exactly one toy. And that's from 4 Color Comics number 367. All right.
00:57:55
Speaker
Next on the list is Wintertime Wager from Walt Disney's Comics and Stories number 88.
00:58:07
Speaker
Uh, surely I've read that one. I will need a refresher. Walt Disney's Comics and Stories number 88.
00:58:22
Speaker
There's a lot of issues with Walt Disney's comics and stories. There's so there's so many issues of four-color comics. that's Oh yeah, because the four-color comics came out like, if not weekly, like possibly more than weekly. Yeah. Because it was like just everything Dell published. Pretty much, yeah. number You said it was number eight? Number 88, yeah. Okay.
00:58:49
Speaker
oh
00:58:51
Speaker
That's a good cover. I'm fat ducks. I'm fat little ducks. They are a little bit off model on that cover for sure. How dare you? The the the boys, the nephews. I mean, look, how first of all, how dare you say that they're off model, but also, yeah, they they got some real chubby round heads.
Donald Duck and Gladstone Gander Antics
00:59:12
Speaker
It's like Rumiko Takahashi drew them. there is They're on model inside the comic. That's true.
00:59:19
Speaker
like Oh man, this is a damn Gladstone Gander story. yep yep no There is no character who does a better job of intentionally making me mad than Gladstone Gander. There are characters that I hate more, and they're characters that like you know there there are villains that I like more.
00:59:45
Speaker
g Gladstone Gaynor shows up and I'm like, this motherfucker, and that's exactly what I'm supposed to do.
00:59:54
Speaker
Gladstone Gaynor, for those of you who might not know, is Donald's cousin. Yes. Who is lucky. Yes. But I believe, like Longshot, I don't think it's that he can't, he can't, it's not that he can never do anything that directly benefits himself, because he benefits himself all the time.
01:00:15
Speaker
He can never work at anything, I believe is the gimmick. Like, so as long as he puts no effort into the anything, it all just works out. Yes. Which is infuriating and I fucking hate him. Okay. This is a Christmas story, but only nominally. It's really a winter story because it's Christmas time and it's 35 degrees below zero. Been there, bud. Yes. So Gladstone Gander shows up and has a signed contract from Donald that says, I Donald Duck agree to go swimming in Frozen Bear Lake on Christmas Day or forfeit my house to Gladstone Gander.
01:01:10
Speaker
What an asshole. Donald wrote this in July when he had had too many lemonades. and a yeah and boys get that leed um And Gladstone says, you go swim in that lake or this house is mine. you glad So the nephews cut out a hole in the lake and prepare for Donald to go swim in it.
01:01:45
Speaker
And he sticks his toe in. It's as cold as can be.
01:01:53
Speaker
35 degrees below zero is so cold. Yes. ah And they they simply cannot get Donald to get in the water. Like he goes back inside to the fire to heat himself up. And the nephews are like, we don't know what to do. We're going to lose our house.
01:02:15
Speaker
And he makes Donald sign on the dotted line to to give over the house.
01:02:23
Speaker
So then Daisy shows up and he says and she says, Gladstone, I have here a little paper that you signed at a picnic last July. And he says, I don't remember it. And she says, oh, yes, you do. You were bragging that you could drink more lemonade than anybody in the world. And I called your bluff.
01:02:40
Speaker
And that piece of paper says, I, Gladstone Gander, agree to drink two gallons of lemonade in one hour or give Donald Duck's house back to him. So they make Gladstone drink two gallons of water. And he ah keeps trying to drink the lemonade. He's sweating. He's uncomfortable. He's bloated. These drawings of Gladstone Gander drinking lemonade are of ah of a man being tortured. so so Merry Christmas. He's so sweaty and bloated. Ultimately, he surrenders. and
01:03:23
Speaker
ah Shout out to Daisy. Daisy's a real one. Daisy is absolutely a real one. And she goes,
01:03:36
Speaker
Those two will never brag again. You could bank on that. Uh, and it ends with, uh, Donald and Gladstone continuing to argue and, and, uh, make bets with each other.
01:03:53
Speaker
Donald says, uh, I'm tougher than you are any day. Wait until next July, I'll climb in a barrel of ice water and sit for an hour. And then Gladstone says, I'll drink five gallons of lemonade.
01:04:05
Speaker
in half an hour. Yeah. And Daisy just walks off going, these fucking guys. ah That's a good story. It's really fun story. Yeah. It's not Christmasy at all, but it's great. Not in the least. Yeah. Fucking Gladstone gander. Fuck him, man. He deserves it.
01:04:30
Speaker
Now is he a duck? I like seeing if the nephews being like, do we want to make it sour enough that it is physically painful for him to drink it? Yeah. And he has to go slow or do we want to make it like thick syrup that he will not be able to choke down? Yeah. It's like, yeah, that's, i' I'm here for, I'm here for that. Get him, get his ass. Is Gladstone a duck or a goose?
01:05:01
Speaker
He's gander. He's a goose. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I just had to be sure about that. I like this one more than the other one. I like this one more than... I actually like this one too. like yeah that This is a good one. It's very fun. i do like I do like that it's like, yeah, you were drinking too much lemonade.
01:05:30
Speaker
i bear no way I was out of my mind. I had too much lemonade. let's
01:05:38
Speaker
What would a judge say about this comic? About these contracts, these signed contracts? About these contracts that these boys are are running? Yeah. They're not notarized.
01:05:56
Speaker
Are they legally binding? Yeah. Are they legally binding? Would Donald have to give his house to Gladstone Gander? It's a great question. Who can say? Who can say? Yeah. I mean, it is in writing. these These agreements are in writing. But I mean, look, Gladstone would win the court case. Yeah, that's his deal. Yeah. Oh, because he's unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:26
Speaker
Uh, he would find a judge that was very sympathetic to the wealthy, which I know sounds like science fiction, but it does happen. Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:41
Speaker
All right. Give me a number for this story. Uh, I don't know, man. It's pretty good. It's pretty, it's pretty, it's pretty gosh darned fun. Is it but in the story where Scrooge ruins a moneyless culture with bottle caps?
01:06:55
Speaker
I would say yes. Okay. That's at number 777. That is a very technically well done story that that is not like on Scrooge's side, but Scrooge does ruin a moneyless culture by infecting it with the disease of capitalism. I don't know if I would put it above the 2016 Black Widow series though. That's pretty good. That's at 775.
01:07:24
Speaker
ah Yeah, I think that also puts it below Dirty Peristort the violence, which is quite good. um Is it better than Ultimate Fallout? Yes. Okay. So this is the new number 776. Yes. Let's see. This is called Winter Time Wager.
01:07:52
Speaker
And it's from Walt Disney's comics and stories, number 88.
01:08:04
Speaker
All right. 1948, this came out. sos so some but Some Golden Age stuff holds up. Yeah, because that's why you've heard of it. ah Finally.
01:08:18
Speaker
is, finally, The Golden Christmas Tree from 4-Color Comics number 203. Again, I've definitely read this one. I know... i I can see the panels from it in my head, but I need a refresher on this. Yeah. Good lord, there are so many issues of 4-Color Comics. Yeah, man. There's a lot of them.
01:08:47
Speaker
ah Golden Christmas tree. ah we get We get the nephews having a fight over what kind of Christmas tree they want. What color of Christmas tree? Get this. Get this, folks. This is wild. ji You can get a Christmas tree, and it's not even a real tree now. That's right. they make And they look like, darn thing, looks like it's made out of pine cleaner or pipe cleaners.
01:09:15
Speaker
I fucked up my Christmas story quote, but you get it. So they are going to look at ah at Christmas trees that are all kinds of different colors ah because there's a guy, they are real trees, but there's a guy who's like airbrushing them. Yeah. And then a suspiciously human looking woman shows up and I don't like that.
01:09:42
Speaker
She does look like a human being. Yes. She looks like a human. Oh, and also that Donald has been reading in the paper, in the paper about how people have been talking about seeing a witch. Yeah. And then it is announced on the radio that witchly laughter is being heard as someone's going around exploding Christmas trees.
01:10:07
Speaker
So the suspiciously human woman shows up and then she changes into, uh, the witch from Snow White. Yeah. Yeah. Who I believe wasn't what that character that like, that's, that's the evil queen, right? Turns into that witch. Uh, yeah, it's just, you know, Walt Disney had one design of a witch. Yeah. Sydney Sweeney.
01:10:36
Speaker
ah get i Matt, I'm sorry, i I know I'm doing a lot of callbacks. I just listened back to it. It's a very good episode. Sweetie Todd, yeah. Sweetie Todd. Yeah. oh So, the nephews
Review of "The Golden Christmas Tree"
01:10:50
Speaker
ah are lured into finding the golden Christmas tree that's on top of a mountain. Because the witch is trying to lure them to their deaths. ah Donald finally notices they're not around.
01:11:04
Speaker
and goes to look for him. Meanwhile, the city is in a panic about this witch stuff. I think a very funny thing. There's a cop running around who says, we should arrest every broom in the city. That's far that's a funny. Honestly, very funny. ah The boys, the nephews ah go and find ah a tree on top of a mountain that is a a golden Christmas tree. That tree is also the witch. Yeah. Right.
01:11:34
Speaker
ah who forces the boys into her cabin so that she can cook them. ah I do like that when she's brooming the boys into the cabin, ah ah Louie says, oh, go poison your apples, which is pretty funny. Call back to Snow White. ah Also, when she's she's boiling, ah ah a potion in her cauldron, and there's like little devils swimming in it, which is pretty good. Yeah, I mean, like, there's a lot of things that don't get put into cartoons today because people think it's bad for kids to see these things, which is having little devils in their cauldrons, we should bring that back.
01:12:24
Speaker
So you're saying that the reason we don't see little devils swimming around in cauldrons like they're a little swimming pool full of tears is woke. It's because of woke that we don't have little devils and cauldrons anymore. ah So then Donald shows up. The witch turns into a hot duck. A hot duck, yeah. Who who tries to ah s seduce Donald with knitting.
01:12:52
Speaker
Yes. Uh, who looks like, like Lucille Ball. She does have Lucille Ball hair for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Donald realizes he's been hoodwinked and jobs oh jumps out the window and then tries to like batter down the door to the thing, the witch creates a magic wood chipper. It's, it's full. It's, it's like into Bugs Bunny territory.
01:13:19
Speaker
Yeah. he he It's way more of a Bugs Bunny cartoon-style story than a Disney cartoon-style story of the time. Yes. So Donald is trying to knock down the door with a log, with like an entire tree. Yeah, Donald's strong. Don't forget. Donald's a... He's a hitter, man.
01:13:44
Speaker
So the the tree trunk he's using as a battering ram goes into the wood chipper, and it becomes newspapers that say, witch foils house breaker. Pretty good. That is a very Bugs Bunny style gag, yeah. Yeah. Eventually, ah Donald gets a hold of the witch's broom, which turns out to be, that's her arcane focus. That's her staff of power.
01:14:13
Speaker
And then he sets her fucking house on fire and turns her into gasoline. Yep Which is wild with also she was trying to murder three children ah Well first she turns into a fire extinguisher To try to put out the fire in her own home But then he whacks her with the broom and and turns her into a gas can. Yeah. Yeah. And then Donald's like, oh, shit, I now I have stolen her magic powers. And so so he says that he's always wanted to be big and handsome.
01:14:56
Speaker
the pearl Makes him slightly taller and like gives like gels his hair and puts him in a suit. ah But he's still wearing shorts because he's Donald Duck. Yeah. ah So then ah they make a golden Christmas tree that turns out to not actually be a tree. It's the spirit of Christmas. Yes. And then ah Donald's like, all right, the spirit of Christmas is here. I don't want to be big and handsome anymore.
01:15:27
Speaker
and He turns back into regular Donald Duck, and then he kicks that can of gas off a fucking cliff, and that's the end of that. That's the end of that. They still have a golden Christmas tree. In fact, they have 18,000 golden Christmas trees. Right, because they went on the news and they were like, hey, don't worry about the witch. Our uncle, fully in cold blood, murdered her. That's right. And everybody in the town's like, well, I'll buy those kids a golden Christmas tree. And they do. They they are but they get so many golden Christmas trees.
01:15:58
Speaker
Maybe this is what those guys were reading on Mercury. Maybe. but All of those astronauts on Mercury had read this story, and they were thinking about it, and the aliens on Mercury read their minds about this particular Donald Duck story. Yeah. Sounds right. Yeah. I don't like this one as much as the Wager story. Really? I think this one's great.
01:16:27
Speaker
I really like, because it gets so weird and wacky. I like it. I just like the wager story better. I don't like that the witch is a human. Because I don't like it when there's humans in Duck Stories. I like the wager story being character focused and having the thing where Daisy one-ups Gladstone.
01:16:55
Speaker
Yeah, that's pretty good. yes I just like this one because, like, he sets her house on fire. She turns into a fire extinguisher. He turns her into gasoline. That's a great gag. And then she is just a talking gas can that says gas on it for like six pages. It's really funny. Until he kicks her off a mountain. Yeah. And the sound effect of him kicking her off a mountain is boing.
01:17:20
Speaker
Yep. I don't know, man. I think this one's good. This one's top notch. It's good, it's good. i don't I don't quite like it as much, but if you decide to put it above winter time wager. Matt, it's not my decision, it's our decision. That's true. And it's not even our decision. I don't think it's that far below winter time wager, but I i think what I like winter time wager more.
01:17:51
Speaker
Personally. Okay, okay. Boing.
01:17:58
Speaker
Matt, he should have turned her into a gas can and then used that gas to set Hitler on fire. That would have been. Now that would be top of the list material, yeah. That actually would be the greatest comic book story of all time. It is.
01:18:10
Speaker
ah
01:18:13
Speaker
The kicking her off the mountain is accidental. By the way. Is it? Oh, yeah well, she says it's accidental. It's because Donald loses his temper.
01:18:26
Speaker
Yeah, Donald gets mad because you cause he can't be big and handsome anymore. Yeah. Donald does also say a racial slur in that panel, which is not great. Yeah. Yeah. it's It's not as bad as you might think. It's a word that means cheated. It's a word that means cheated. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. ah So i do think that I do think that maybe knocks it down under wintertime wager. Yeah.
01:18:55
Speaker
ah I don't think it's that far down, though. Oh, neither do I. Neither do I. Yeah, I think it maybe goes just under trial law. Okay, so that makes it the new number 779. Yeah. Okay. ah That story is called The Golden Christmas Tree. Golden Christmas Tree.
01:19:21
Speaker
And that's in Four Color Comics number 2-0. three All right, Chris, now we will move on to some non Every Santa Ever lists. Our first one is from Jolene. The Silver Age and all of its associated 12 one shots.
01:19:47
Speaker
ah Great, but unfinished. and i Oh wait, no, not, sorry, I was thinking of 1963. The Silver Age is the DC event. The DC event, that's right. Where they fight Agamemno. Correct. And he switches all the heroes into the villain's bodies. Correct. Yeah. Which came out in the late 90s. And was the inciting incident, that this is it, if you could not guess from reading it, it's a Mark Wade ass event, folks.
01:20:18
Speaker
and is the inciting incident for Batman to start keeping files on how to take out the Justice League. Because all the villains shot into all their bodies. Which later comes back in ah Tower of Babel, the story Tower of Babel. but the the Which Mark Wade, ah like it's like the year before that and then Mark Wade becomes the regular writer of Justice League and that's kind of the first thing he ah Springboard's that story into which is funny because the Silver Age as the title implies is a Silver Age throwback story and Tower of Babel and Batman having his secret files and everything is such a modern age idea and such a like, you know core of Of DC Comics that came after that You know, yeah, yeah
01:21:10
Speaker
ah So the the idea that it is rooted like he literally says in Tower of Babel. Yeah, I did all this because of the Agamemno case You remember Agamemno from the Silver Age fifth week event Man remember fifth week events I do they do not what do you know I do That was Largely a DC thing right? I don't remember that being ever a thing. It was definitely a thing in I I think it was more of a DC thing, but I feel like maximum security was a fifth week event. o sneak events For those of you who don't know, comics come out on Wednesdays, but comics are also monthly, and there can be a fifth Wednesday in a month. like If right if wednesday is ah the the first or second is on a Wednesday, then you'll get
01:22:03
Speaker
you know, the 28th, 29th, or 30th is a fifth Wednesday. ah So to fill that out, ah instead of just like stretching out the release schedule, ah DC Comics mostly would do a fifth week event, which is where they'd kind of like have a different thing happen in comics every week. ah Like Sins of Youth was a fifth week event ah where all the superheroes got turned into teenagers.
01:22:32
Speaker
And the Justice Society got turned into babies because they were too damn old. Yeah. ah And then the fifth week event would the fifth week would have all the books that would wrap it all up. But yeah, like mostly a DC Comics thing. But not, like I think Marvel did a couple. I remember it being more of a regular thing in DC, for sure. Yeah, for sure. For sure.
01:23:01
Speaker
Anyway. Yeah, no, Silver Age is good, man. Silver Age is fun. It's it's I mean, it's very much like a conscious attempt by the creators to do like a goofy Silver Age style story. So everything's like a little goofy, but it's like, you know, like, i mean it's like Mark Wade and Tom Pyre and like,
01:23:27
Speaker
Creators that are really extremely good. So yeah, you get good stuff out of it ah And I don't like it didn't it didn't really get over Because because of what it is right like it's a conscious throwback to like the silly books Right it you know what it is though It's it was okay. So it was actually to the year 2000 that these came out. Okay. Yeah, I And it was very similar to what like seven soldiers and multiversity would do in terms of publication because there was the but two, there were the two bookend issues, silver age, number one, and silver age, 80 page giant, right? Those were the bookend books. And then in between were all the one shots.
01:24:26
Speaker
Justice League of America, Challengers of the Unknown, Teen Titans, Style Age for Hero, The Flash, Doom Patrol, Brave of the Bold, Green Lantern, and Showcase. So it's just interesting to me that that sort of format, like I don't know if this was the first event that did it this way, but Grant Morrison would really pick up this style, this like method of doing an event.
01:24:55
Speaker
for later stuff.
01:24:59
Speaker
I'm trying to think if I can if I can think of anything that would have been also done that way. Yeah. ah And I can't like I feel like it's there was the tangent. There was the tangent event. Was that were there like, did was there like a core book for the tangent books? I just remember the the one shots.
01:25:22
Speaker
Yeah, it may have just been the one shots, actually. Man, I gotta to tell you, somebody was like, yeah, like this might have been, honestly, this might have been 10 years ago, and it might have been like last week, but somebody says there was a comic out that had ah Tangent Green Lantern in it, like Green Lantern from Tangent Comics, and like my brain shut off.
01:25:48
Speaker
It was like that scene, but you would think that would be one where I would be all for it. But like, it was like that scene in um Star Trek the next generation, season two, episode 14 measure of a man, where Riker just straight turns data off in the trial. Right. Data has like a power button. Right. That was me. So I was like, Oh, well tangent green lanterns in it um out like a light. Okay, there was no tangent.
01:26:18
Speaker
Bookend book it was just yeah the one shots about Green Lantern and metal men and Power Girl and so on yeah So ah all the DC heroes get switched with villains ah so I Know I know penguin is in Batman's body Lex Lucas and Superman's body and Sinestro's in Green Lantern's body ah i I, Catwoman's involved, and so kinda has to be Wonder Woman, because they would not have done anything else. They would not have done it. Not in the year 2000. No. ah Oh, maybe Catwoman's in Black Canary's body.
01:27:10
Speaker
because i don't think oh right because I don't think Wonder Woman's in it, because in DC continuity, Wonder Woman wouldn't have been around for that iteration of the Justice League. Like, Wonder Woman existed.
01:27:23
Speaker
in the actual Silver Age, but in the version of the Silver Age that existed in the year 2000. Fucking DC Comics. I love it. I love them, Matt. In the version of the Justice League that existed, the version of the Silver Age that existed in the fictional past of the DC universe post-Zero Hour, Wonder Woman wasn't around. So Catwoman has to become Black Canary. That makes a little more sense. Was that Wonder Woman, had that Wonder Woman been in the JSA?
01:27:52
Speaker
No, that's Wonder Woman's mom, Wonder Woman. That's right, yes. Okay. Which I don't think, I think that was, had been established by that point. Okay, yeah. oh But yeah. So everybody switches and then, and then they're like, oh shit, we gotta get some guys to bring the Justice League in. And so the people sent to bring in the Justice League are ah the Teen Titans, the elongated man,
01:28:22
Speaker
The Challenger is the unknown, Metamorpho, the Doom Patrol, and Black Hawk. So, you know, bunch of people from the Silver Age who did not have their own books at the time. Except for maybe the Teen Titans did. That might have been between Titans and the the Jeff Johns Teen Titans relaunch.
01:28:42
Speaker
oh But yeah, man, what a wild characters. That might have been during the period of young justice.
01:28:51
Speaker
You know, there's a tiny little bit of Young Justice in Titans Overlap, but it's not Teen Titans, it's Titans. Because they're all adults now. Right, it was just Titans. Which was like a Devin Grayson. I would have been writing that at the time, I think. Yeah. I don't know, man, Silver Age is fun. it's Here's the thing. It's not as good as you want it to be. Young Justice ah started in 1998, and I think was the the Young Heroes book at that time. Yeah. In 2000, yeah. this This couldn't have been the first appearance of Jeff Johns, but it's an early appearance of Jeff Johns because he works on this too. He does the ah the Seven Soldiers of Victory book. Yeah. ah But yeah, here's the thing.
01:29:44
Speaker
not as good as you want it to be. Because you want it, well, it's not as good as I want it to be, because I want it to be full Bob Haney, Ed Hamilton, Otto Binder, Silver Age comics, right? I want it to make no sense.
01:30:03
Speaker
ah hu ah But like, I want it to be that attitude, but with like Mark Wade's skill at holding it all together. You know, and for the most part, like the, uh, the flash book is like Brian Augustine who had co-written with Wade with Thai Templeton art, which is fantastic. one ah One of the most underrated artists of all time. Uh, love Thai Templeton on this book. Uh, like,
01:30:36
Speaker
it's it's It's got good stuff, but it's not quite as weird as you want it to be in that Silver Age-y way because it's still a story that has to exist in the context of the DC universe as it was in 2000, of that post-zero hour DC universe. So it can't be too weird.
Grant and Tom Pyre's Unique Style
01:30:58
Speaker
right It can't be too out there in a way that I think things would loosen up a little bit, but like, a little bit later, in a weird way. Because, like, Grant's gonna get real weird, and, you know, Tom Pyre's gonna do really weird stuff, and and Wade's gonna get, like, a little looser with stuff. and Tom Pyre, by the way, wrote the Doom Patrol one shot. It's good. Which had Ramona Fradin art. And I remember that being great, yeah. I remember loving that issue, yeah.
01:31:34
Speaker
Yeah, like there's a, I feel like the the seven soldiers one is like Jeff Johns writing and Dick Giordano drawing it. So it's it's so weird that you see all these very modern current day writers with a lot of like silver age artists like Ramona Frayed and Dick Giordano. Yeah. And because I mean, I,
01:32:00
Speaker
Like, Otto Binder was dead at the time, and I feel like a lot of those dudes, like just obviously Jerry Siegel was dead, Otto Binder's dead. Oh, actually I take it, Ramona Frayden only did the cover. Okay. The interior art was a different artist, but yet they at least got Ramona Frayden on the cover.
01:32:26
Speaker
Yeah. What a good, what a good looking cover that is. Yeah. I run a friend so good. Uh, yeah, like it's, it's not, it's not that it doesn't commit because it commits as much as it can. It's just that the level of commitment that it can have at this point was less than what I would have wanted it to be. Yeah.
Batman and Metal Men Transformation
01:32:53
Speaker
Like I want this thing, if they really wanted it to be like just what it could have been, Kyle Baker should have been writing parts of this, you know? They did get Bob Haney to do the Brave and the Bold issue. Did they? Oh, that's great. I forgot that. It was Bob Haney and Kevin McGuire.
01:33:19
Speaker
that's ah That's a team, bud. That's a team, yeah. That's a team. In my head, they wrote that.
01:33:29
Speaker
Yeah. it it was but It was actually, well, it's credited as story by Bob Haney. So it's more than possible that Wade did like an uncredited gripped scripting job on that issue.
01:33:49
Speaker
man, if there, it's a Batman metal men team up. And if ever there was an artist to draw objects with faces, it is Kevin McGuire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uh, because the the thing that happens in that book is, uh, is, is the, the metal men get turned human and platinum is immediately like, I'm going to fuck Will Magnus right now. Like immediately.
01:34:20
Speaker
Which seems way more like a Kevin McGuire thing than a pop-haney thing. The faces that the metal men have as human beings are just golden.
01:34:34
Speaker
yeah Like, Kevin McGuire doing two weeks ah wild facial expressions never disappoints, always always lives up to expectations.
01:34:51
Speaker
Kim McGuire. Untouchable artist, man. So good. So good. But yeah, like the the tank with all the metal men faces on it, beautiful. This doesn't read like a Bob Haney book, but that is that is who is credited. it Almost certainly so someone did a script polish, an uncredited script polish on it. I would like to...
01:35:21
Speaker
I would really like to to know cause like the the Tony Bedard was an editor on this and I know he did a lot of writing as well. Dan Raspler was an editor on this who also did a bunch of writing. So I don't, it just doesn't read like a Bob Haney book. And I've read a lot of Bob Haney books, but it's cool i mean its i mean was real good. This was Bob Haney in 2000. So that's true. Uh,
01:35:50
Speaker
So maybe that's why, but ah yeah. I'll see if the DC database has anything. Yeah. oh It's good though. like And that's the thing, like there's bits and pieces of it that you're like, hell yes. And there's other things where you're just like, I mean, this is just kind of what DC Comics should be anyway, right? Yeah. Okay. The cover is credited to Jim Apparo.
01:36:19
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's an apparel cover. It's great. But the, there is nothing on the DC database about there being any writer other than Bob Haney. I mean, I mean, like it's, it's weird cause that, I mean, it's certainly Bob Haney, like at least 15 years after most of the Bob Haney comics that I'd ever written. And four years before he died,
01:36:49
Speaker
And it's yeah but it's a 74-year-old Bob Haney too, so. I mean, it is credited, it's credited as story by, which means to me that there was ah another script or they're just, whoever it was took no credit.
01:37:05
Speaker
I don't know, I would be curious. Maybe I can ask Mark Whitt. He's in front of the show, we'll find out. Yeah, maybe he would know, yeah. I wish it would have been sillier.
01:37:20
Speaker
but that's my But that's my only real issue with it, you know?
Mark Miller's Humor and Style
01:37:24
Speaker
Wow, Mark Miller did the Justice League book. Oh, oh, Grant did it? Cool.
01:37:37
Speaker
Boy, you know I'm right.
01:37:42
Speaker
Well, that would explain why Grant took this this story structure later. I gotta say, this might be a Mark Miller comic because the splash page of the Justice League issue... Robbing the bank, yeah. League issue, Aquaman is like holding an old lady up by her coat while Green Banner punches her in the stomach. She's a very old woman.
01:38:08
Speaker
And Aquaman, who's Black Manta, is happy as hell about it. ah Robbing the bank is the cover, the Thai Templeton cover. yeah the yeah the The splash page is just doing like mad havoc. ah Yeah, it's it's actually Black Manta and Sinestro who are doing that. don't don't don't get I don't want all the Hal Jordan, fit I don't want heat coming after me.
01:38:36
Speaker
yeah you know yeah
01:38:39
Speaker
Can you imagine being such a fan of Hal Jordan? That you would be like, we need to organize. We need to form a collective so that our voices may be heard about fucking Hal Jordan. Uh, the more I look at this Justice League issue, which I have not read in 24 years, the more I'm, I think maybe it was actually a Mark Miller Script. Yeah. Certainly, Mark Miller dialogue. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's my theory about the the Mark Grant ah split is that it's it's all grant plots, but it's all Mark Miller dialogue. Yeah, that that might be true.
01:39:32
Speaker
They did the bad guys do go to
01:39:37
Speaker
The bad guys do go to the fortress of solitude and they find a bunch of ah bottle cities of candor and then they just smash them on the ground and stomp on them. Look, it's fine. They're all distractions. They're all, ah they're all, ah the bottle city of candor is fine. That's pretty funny. That's a pretty funny bit.
01:40:02
Speaker
Yeah. But that's also very, like, that's a very presented as comedy, modern age thing, modern age. God, it was 24 years ago, but you know what I mean. Year 2000, for sure. Year 2000. Yeah, it's a very of the time thing to do, but presented in a like, funny, Silver Age way, because it so over the top. Yeah. And that would weirdly become like, just the way things were done. Yeah.
01:40:31
Speaker
Alright, let's rank the Silver Age event. Pretty good, honestly. it ah It's ultimately, in the way of a lot of comics that we talk about, kinda disposable. Like, it it its lasting impact was giving the inciting incident for um ah Tower of Babel, but ah It's fun. I wish it was more. I wish it was more everything.
01:41:08
Speaker
Okay, with that in mind, do you think it's like in the 900s maybe? You think about Tony Hawket? Yeah, I want a Tony Hawket, I think. Like, is it as good as Secret Six, which we have at number 923?
01:41:30
Speaker
It's probably not as good as the Secret Six. That's the Gail Simone. That's the not new 52 Secret Six. Yeah, that's the the the first run of Secret Six, the one that came out of Villains United. All right. Dark Adventures Ares has more clever stuff that I like. Sea Guy, certainly I like more. Okay, I'm going down to number 950, which has Orion numbers 21 through 24, Blind Man's Bluff.
01:41:59
Speaker
It's interesting that you did that because at 927, we have the Golden Age in which Hitler kicked fully in the balls. I mean, that's definitely better. Yeah.
01:42:15
Speaker
See, you we're looking at 950. Orion was at 950. I think it's probably better than that, I think.
01:42:26
Speaker
U.S. 1 is at number 946. U.S. 1's secretly great. U.S. 1 is secretly actually good. Batman the Shadow is at number 945. That's certainly readable. i I think it goes below U.S. 1. Okay. U.S. 1 is secretly a good comic. ah Below that is Marvel 2 in 1 number 20, where the thing fights Nazis. Gotta put it below that.
01:42:55
Speaker
Uh, Batman adventures, annual number two is at number 948. I think probably it's probably better than that. Like it's okay. i think So that makes, this will be the new number 948 then. Yeah. All right. I'm going to put the silver age and then in parentheses, 2000. So we know it is the 2000 DC comics event of that name.
01:43:23
Speaker
one of the One of the better showings for Jeff Johns on the list. That's true. That's true. ah Not only a Jeff Johns event at all, but still.
Catwoman Issue Discussion
01:43:37
Speaker
Next on Jolene's list is Catwoman, volume two, number 27, Grodspell. What a title. We have not read it. Lord. That is...
01:43:49
Speaker
That is and ballot the talent on Catwoman. We have not read it. Here's the thing. Jolene keeps trying and I love that. Yeah. Never give up. Hustle, loyalty, respect. Never give up. That's true.
01:44:06
Speaker
I could go look at the issue. Matt, I know you don't like and know you don't like TikTok. I do not like TikTok, no. You're not into TikTok and I get that and I respect it and so I didn't send it to you. But I did see a TikTok video that was about John Cena talking about how um there there were like fully plans to turn him heel in like 2011.
01:44:37
Speaker
That would be the time to do it. Yeah. And, and he was talking about how, uh, he said something that I thought was very interesting, which was, uh, I wasn't ready for ruthless aggression, but that's the last time I wasn't ready. So as soon as he heard rumors that they were going to turn him heel, he was like, he like had gear made. He said he went into the studio and cut a new track and had it like remixed and mastered.
01:45:07
Speaker
to replace the time is now. um But he talked about it like he he had all new gear. There was going to be like a singlet like a low cut singlet with like, ah like a boxing row. I've heard of this. I've heard of him yeah like, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. And how it was like, his whole idea was it was going to be the opposite of everything. Specifically to the point of He was going to give up a lot. He was going to not work hard so he wouldn't be hustling. He was going to betray people so he wouldn't be loyal and he was going to be very disrespectful. And he was like, and I wanted to lean into everything.
01:45:55
Speaker
because that's what you have to do, but it's that simple. And I was like, you know what? Fucking John Cena gets it. Okay. On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, John Cena, circa 2011, the character of John Cena, like he might, he talked about respect all the time, but he was the most disrespectful character. He was extremely disrespectful. That is actually true. Yes. He, he,
01:46:23
Speaker
gave the Rock shit about having notes on his hand. Like, didn the idea that John Cena, the character, was actually respectful is a lie. I'm being gaslit by that. You know what, though? You know what, though? Rock deserved that. That was respect for the audience. That was respect for the business of professional wrestling. for the business but Yeah, that's true. But like,
01:46:51
Speaker
the shit he did to his opponents, like bad Photoshop jokes and stuff, that is not respect. Yeah. No, I agree with you. I'm just fascinated by this idea of boiling the character down to like literally what it says on the t-shirt and then doing the opposite of that. Yeah. And like, I was like, he gets it. Cause that is like, that is the nature of, of, of,
01:47:21
Speaker
villain it like doing a villain story through actions. I like it. On the one hand, that is true, and it's probably what you would have to do with the John Cena character. On the other hand, heel turns I feel like heel turns are best when they are totally organic. Like, how Ricochet just naturally became a heel that people threw toilet paper at.
01:47:48
Speaker
i My favorite thing was ah when I was at a first wrestling show, and ah Minneapolis, Minnesota's own Aria Daivari came out to a roaring ovation from the crowd, ah because not not only a local guy, but also like a local guy who's been on TV and been in in the big wrestling shows and and done a lot of you know done a lot of big stuff. You've seen him on pay-per-view and such.
01:48:17
Speaker
ah And then he came to the ring and he was like, um after a rousing bout round of cheers from the crowd, and he literally turned and pointed at people next to the ramp and said, these four people didn't cheer with me, I fucking hate Minneapolis.
01:48:36
Speaker
And I was like, damn, that's what having an anxiety disorder is like. Yeah, i've already really it really is. It really is. So we can't rewrite this Catwoman comic, but I'm looking at it right now. It is part of- Oh, right. Never give up. Hustle loyalty respect. It is part of Underworld Unleashed. And the cover of this issue is unsettling.
01:49:01
Speaker
but Well, I imagine it's, can I guess, is it bright green? No. No? No. It's black. It's all black background. It's Gorilla Grodd holding Catwoman and drooling all over her boobs. I don't like that. it's it's i don't it's not it's I do not like it. I do not like it. I will say it is great that the
01:49:34
Speaker
um The credits page in this issue credits Chuck Dixon as Chimp Dixon.
01:49:43
Speaker
That sounds like ah ah the joke Chuck Dixon would write. Uh, but Jim Ballant is only credited as Jim Primate Ballant. That's not as good. Couldn't, he should be, he should be Jim Ballant or Jim Ballant. Jim Baboon. That's also good.
01:50:06
Speaker
And Chuck Dixon should be not writing that comic.
01:50:11
Speaker
ah It looks like a pretty fun issue, but we can't rank it. ah Finally on Jolene's list is Dark Claw Adventures.
Introduction to Dark Claw Adventures
01:50:21
Speaker
That shit owns. Which I cannot believe we haven't ranked it. I'm surprised that we... I feel like we haven't ranked most of the Amalgam comics, even though those are like... That's the... That is...
01:50:35
Speaker
the most hour-era comics there are. Yeah, we have not ranked Darkclaw's ventures somehow. Yeah, wild. ah This was ah the second Darkclaw book. Yeah. And it was the, ah ah again, super underrated Tye Templeton, ah writing and drawing the tie-in comic for Darkclaw the Animated Series. Okay, so.
01:51:04
Speaker
First, there was Legends of the Darkclaw. Which, if you don't know, Abalgam was mashups of Marvel and DC characters. Darkclaw was Wolverine and Batman. Yeah. Legends of the Darkclaw was written by Larry Hama and had art by Jim Ballant. Mm-hmm. That's but a while. Sure was. Darkclaw Adventures written and drawn by Ty Templeton. Yes.
01:51:34
Speaker
It's better. It's better. Yes, it is better. to To be fair, they got a guy who was drawing a lot of Batman comics and a guy who was writing a lot of Wolverine comics and that was kind of the gimmick. oh Yeah. But yeah.
01:51:50
Speaker
oh This one is they got a guy who was extremely good at doing animated series stuff. And the very first thing that happens in that issue is Darkclaw is posing, is is doing that thing where he's like... Matt, can I say his name? Please. Darkclaw is disguised as Patch Malone. Patch Malone. His name is Patch Malone, yeah. should soak It should have been Patches. That's so close. Yeah. It should have been Patches Malone, but I guess he would have had to have more than one eye patch, would which would be difficult.
01:52:29
Speaker
but His name is Patch Malone, and that is the like that is how clever and good this book is. Yeah, the villain of this is, of course, Ross Apocalypse. Ross Apocalypse. ah ah there's ah There's a ah mashup of Lady Deathstrike and Talia. Unfortunately, just named Lady Talia, which is fine. Lady Talia.
01:52:55
Speaker
I love seeing where we see the the cave, or I guess it's his den, I think is is they call it, ah where he has obviously a giant ah Canadian coin. A giant Canadian, the five cents coin. But also the robot ah dinosaur is devil dinosaur. Because if you're wondering who devil dinosaur got mashed up in the amalgam universe, it was Batman's robot dinosaur.
01:53:26
Speaker
I don't know whose idea was, cause she's in the ah the Legends of the Darkclaw book as well. I don't know whose idea it was to do the the Robin Jubilee mashup character, but that is gold. Yeah, no, it's like everything in the best Amalgam books, everything starts with like the core premise of it's Wolverine and Batman.
01:53:54
Speaker
It's our two most popular guys. So it's Wolverine and Batman. And then everything is built out from that. Her name is Sparrow, but her name is Sparrow by the way. Her name is Sparrow, yeah. And I feel like this book did a really good job of that. Super Soldier, which was the Superman Captain America mashup book where Lex Luthor was the green skull, was really good.
01:54:22
Speaker
ah because it Dave Gibbons, I think Dave Gibbons wrote and drew that one. Uh, but he definitely drew it and everything just like built out from that core premise. And this is just, this is the best example of it. I think I loved this comic when it came out. Oh yeah. I remember like, I remember going on a church youth group group trip.
01:54:53
Speaker
and because i didn't care i just took with me a stack of amalgam books like so many of them and just read them on the way to whatever this like youth or retreat we were going to and uh and I read so many of them on that one trip.
Amalgam Comics Nostalgia
01:55:25
Speaker
And this one in particular, uh, I just, yeah, I loved so much. Yeah. Cause it, it looks and reads like an issue of, of Batman adventures. Yeah. For sure. There's even like, it even has like a footnote referencing the events of, uh, the, uh, dark claw, the animated series episode that it's a sequel to, which I love.
01:55:49
Speaker
And it ends with ah Lady Talia stabbing Darkclaw through the heart and thinking he's dead. And then he's alive because he's got a healing factor like Wolverine. And he's like, oh, that's going to hurt for a week.
01:56:08
Speaker
But you know, we're going to, we're going to lay here and cry and have an emotional moment. And then Sparrow's like, Hey, could you untie me? Which is such a great button. It's on a great little punch line. It's so good. Like just great all the way through. Good stuff, man. Yeah. Good comic. Oh yeah. Boy, when the amalgam books were good, they were, they were,
01:56:36
Speaker
they were as good as you wanted it to be. Which is wild. There were some that were not. There were some that were not. And like DC versus Marvel was in no way as good as you wanted it to be. No. It was exactly like The Invasion.
01:56:57
Speaker
That one's just for you. Also the letter column references ah Ten Knights of Omega. ah about the Omega Beast, which is the Omega Red KGB smash it up also brilliant. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, man. Dark Claw Adventures fucking kicks ass. This book owns this is I would say probably my favorite amalgam book. And I honestly liked more of them than I didn't for sure. We have to
01:57:31
Speaker
labeled Amalgam Books on the list. I think there are more. I know we've done Spiderboy. Spiderboy is the highest ranked we have on the list currently. It's number 668. Amazon, which was one of the not as good Amalgam Books, is at 1321. Yeah. um This is better than both of those. And I like Spiderboy. I mean, obviously, Spiderboy did very well on the list. It's another one that takes the I love the premise is that it's not just Superboy and Spider-Man, it's specifically Connell Superboy and Ben Riley Spider-Man because they're both clones. It's funny. Bruce Wayne Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. is at number 1130. Bruce Wayne Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. is fun. He's the only guy who got two. I didn't have that labeled as Amalgam, but I just labeled it as Amalgam.
01:58:30
Speaker
um Yeah, I think this is arguably better than Spider-Boy, but I think so. Yeah, for sure. It's it's it's yeah, it's fun. It's also like it hits the perfect balance of being like Batman adventures in that it's a fully self contained story. Yeah. But it hints at the larger universe. A lot of the other amalgam books did a thing where they were like,
01:59:00
Speaker
very understandably. and And I feel like it's definitely a valid way to go with it. They didn't just imply the existence, but it's like, oh, we're telling like part one of this story that by its nature is never going to finish. Like, you know, we're going to end it on a cliffhanger. This is a complete story. And it's, it's yeah very fun. We also had spider boy team up at number 768 with the ah lead ah from memory.
01:59:28
Speaker
The Legion of Galactic Guardians 2099? Exactly correct. Yes. Legion of Galactic Guardians 2099. That's what sticks up here, Matt. That's that's what I retain. Man, that cover of Spider-Boy team up is fantastic.
01:59:55
Speaker
Who drew the cover? last drawn but Ladron did the whole, wow. Ladron did the whole book. God, no wonder. What a great looking comic that was. Woof. Yeah, Marty. I'm Malcolm's fighter boy. He had a great jacket. Yeah.
02:00:18
Speaker
And he met wal multiple legions of galactic guardians 2099 and uh, We're not talking about that comic, but that's a great comic. God damn. The first round of Amalgam books was pretty good. The second round of Amalgam books was was Buckwild. Yeah. And great. Anyway, Dark Claw Adventures. How far above Spider-Boy should it go? I don't know. It's pretty like it's it's not a comic that I think about every day of my life. Yeah.
02:00:54
Speaker
But it is a comic that every time I think about it, I'm like, God, what a great book. Is it better than Scroll Kill Crew, which is at 653? I think so. Is it better than... I'm looking in the 500s, because at 500 we have Judge Dredd the Curse at Earth, and I don't think it's that good. Okay. At 550 is the first appearance of Robin.
02:01:23
Speaker
I mean, that's one of the most important comics of all time, but I would rather read this one. Uh-huh.
02:01:32
Speaker
like Like... I don't know if it's as good as Fantastic Four or Axe of Vengeance, which is a very good comic. Yeah. But I think it's probably better than Thor The Last Viking? Okay, this would make it the new number 548. I mean, yeah, look.
02:01:53
Speaker
Dr. Cox 38. One of the most important comics of all time. Also, it's from 1940. Yeah, and I would rather read this comic from 1997. All right. ah Dark Claw Adventures goes at the new number 548 then.
War Rocket Ajax and Future Episodes
02:02:12
Speaker
And we're out of time. What a good one to end on. It's always nice to be on something that's very cheery. ah I think we only got through three lists, but much to talk about. We had a lot of duck stuff to talk about. Matt, I had to talk about that TikTok about the John Cena heel turn from 13 years ago that didn't happen. These are important things. These are important things. ah There's at least one Christmas story that's going to be on the next ah every story ever.
02:02:47
Speaker
because it just happened to be on a list, the next list. And I thought we might get to it, but we didn't. So we'll do it next time. I think we should do one Christmas story every month on Every Story Ever in order to to keep the spirit of Christmas in our hearts year round. All the year round, yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. If you would like to send us an Every Story Ever list, you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast.gmail dot.com.
02:03:16
Speaker
Uh, you can also get in touch with us in other ways, only send every story, every list to our email. But if you want to send us listener questions or whatever else, uh, you can hit us up on blue sky war rocket Ajax dot.com on blue sky. Our website is war rocket Ajax.com. It has every episode of the show. Uh, you can ask us questions on tumblr. You can join our discord, uh, which you have to have an invitation to join. But if you send us a.
02:03:43
Speaker
request for an invitation nicely. We will send one your way and you can join over there. These specials are made possible by your support on Patreon. Go to patreon dot.com slash war rocket Ajax and kick in whatever amount of money you can ah's monthly to help us keep the show going. We are currently at 402 paid patrons. When we reach 420, we will take an edible and do BOCO.
02:04:15
Speaker
Or maybe do the show. Or maybe do the show. Who can say? You'll find out when we do. ah But either way, that's our promise to you if we reach 420 paying patrons.
02:04:35
Speaker
What else? WarRockitWiki.com is you can go there and find the Every Story, Every List and other information about the show. If you want to find me and my stuff, go to MattDWilson.net. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com. That is my website and it has links to everything that I do.
02:04:57
Speaker
We will be back in January with another ah Every Story Ever Special. And before that, We are going to be doing the Gordie Awards. If you have not sent in your Gordie Award categories, do them soon. I believe that we will be recording the Gordies on Thursday, January 9th. So get in your Gordie categories before that ah for our annual award show. That is when we will be returning with our regular War Rocket Ajax show. In the meantime, Happy New Year.
02:05:36
Speaker
Everybody, Merry Christmas, because the 12 days of Christmas continue. And we'll see you soon. Happy New Year, everybody. Bye. We love you.