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Episode 734 - I to X of Swords: Katana
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We're rating swords once again on this week's show, and one of them...takes souls.
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Transcript
Introduction and Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster or you want to be a podcaster and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster.
00:00:12
Speaker
They also have hosting options and you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes or in the episode description and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
00:00:28
Speaker
Lightest, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
00:00:38
Speaker
got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminator X-Z-Y-O-X-Y-O!
Meet the Hosts
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always is Matt Wilson.
00:01:03
Speaker
Matt, I believe you have a question for me. That's right, Chris. This one is a little bit abstract, so get ready. Alright.
What Video Game Genre Are You?
00:01:14
Speaker
If you personally were a video game genre, what would what video game genre do you think you would be? What video game genre exemplifies Chris Sims?
00:01:29
Speaker
Because we know the video game genres that you love. Yes. Metroidvanias, Survivor's Likes, and so Games that feature Bulbasaur or Cosmic Hero.
00:01:41
Speaker
Yeah. So, like, what what video game genre do you think best exemplifies you? I do think that i would I would make a good Metroidvania. Okay.
00:01:56
Speaker
Because the premise would be that you had to, like, you would proceed through each of my obsessions. Like, you would get, like, in order to bypass this obstacle, you've got to get hyper-focused on Star Trek.
00:02:11
Speaker
Right, yeah. do You gotta read all of Dragon Ball to open this store. in order Yeah, you and you know you learn you read enough Dragon Ball that you learn to do a command mail.
00:02:22
Speaker
You get enough into pro wrestling that you can hit an enemy with a Stone Cold Sunner. yeah like Basically, you you would fill out my shelf of action figures.
00:02:35
Speaker
Okay, yes. yes so like even there maybe Maybe there's even a room... With like a shelf of action figures that you fill out. Yeah. And you get them in the order that they are on my shelf, which is Batman, Dragon Ball, Pro Wrestling, Persona 5, Anime, but and The Legend of Zelda, and Usagiya Jimbo specifically.
00:02:59
Speaker
That's pretty good. That's pretty good. What genre would you be if you transcended both individuality and your frail human form?
00:03:10
Speaker
Without question, point-and-click adventure game.
00:03:15
Speaker
That's rough, Matt. Here's the problem. I like Matt Wilson.
00:03:22
Speaker
Sometimes you have to use a little bit of sideways logic to figure me out. That's true. but That's true. And I love a puzzle. I ah find it interesting that my video game genre is about being me, and yours is about interacting with you.
00:03:42
Speaker
Yep. I think that that is a great exemplification of the two of us. ah We have a fun show for everybody this week. Yeah, we're going to be revealing things about how we view each other.
00:03:56
Speaker
That's
Patreon Shout-outs and Benefits
00:03:57
Speaker
right. apparently We're also going to be raiding swords a little bit later. ah So... Stick around for some 1 to 10 of swords action a little bit later in the show. But, Chris, before we get to that, we do have some business to take care of right here at the top of the show.
00:04:15
Speaker
The first piece of business is thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon. That's right, Matt. Now, these are the people who they don't need to go down to 734 Gimmick Street. They don't need no kettlebells.
00:04:28
Speaker
If they want to support this show, all they need to do is go to patreon.com slash war rocket Ajax, where they can kick in as little as a dollar a month to help us do the show, help us do the spinoffs, help us do and comic catch up and every story ever and all the fun stuff that we do. And most importantly, they help us pay those gimmicks. They keep sending the mail called bills.
00:04:51
Speaker
That's right, Chris. They also can help join the gimmick street preservation society. and name a location on Gimmick Street if they are at the $15 level or higher ah per month.
00:05:10
Speaker
This is, as far as I know, the last submission we've gotten to name a location on Gimmick Street. So if you're at that level and you have not yet named a location on Gimmick Street, send one in and yours will be next.
00:05:27
Speaker
That's exciting. Yes. so So just so you know, or or we'll have to start making them up again. Yeah. or Or I have to do the bit.
00:05:38
Speaker
ah This location at 734 Gimmick Street, this address has been named by Kara Miller. who says ah that 734 Gimmick Street is the home of the Hard Boiled Investigative Group, located in a rented storefront on Gimmick Street with a handmade sign in the window.
00:05:59
Speaker
The Hard Boiled investigators spend their days raising funds to continue the search for the comics writers and artists who have been lost in the Bermuda Triangle and combating the conspiracy theories suggesting that said writers and artists are still around.
00:06:12
Speaker
Hard Boiled, of course, being a reference to the Frank Miller comic. of the That's good. that's good i was going to say, is the Hard Boiled investigative group just Jeff Darrow?
00:06:23
Speaker
Yeah, Jeff Darrow is is on the case.
00:06:30
Speaker
Not meticulously drawing all kinds of figures on a page. Meticulously drawing comics for the Wachowskis. Yes. Yes.
00:06:42
Speaker
ah So that is what is at 734 Gimmick Street. Thank you, Kara, for that ah location on Gimmick Street, being part of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society. ah that was That's great.
00:06:53
Speaker
we We love that spot. ah If you would like to help us out here on the show, actually, let me tell you who the newest Patreon supporters are first. Mike. Thank you, Mike.
00:07:06
Speaker
And Kel McDonald. Oh, Kel. We love Kel. If you would like to be like Mike and Kel and help us out here on the show, you can go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kick in as little as $1 per month to make sure that we do this show every week, that we do comics catch up monthly, that we do movie fighters and snack situation, and that we do monthly every story ever specials.
00:07:31
Speaker
As a patron, you get every single one of those shows that I just listed off completely ad free. in your own special Patreon feed that is just for you. You can also get other cool stuff. At the $5 level, you can get all the bonus content we've ever made.
00:07:47
Speaker
um That includes bonus audio that we record, especially for Patreon, outtakes that I cut out of the show and put on Patreon, writing that Chris and I have done, Chris more than me.
00:07:58
Speaker
ah All of that stuff is over there in the bonus content on Patreon. And as far as I know, that's the only place it lives. That's the only place it's supposed to live. I'll tell you that much.
00:08:09
Speaker
At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include One to Ten of Swords and Every Story Ever. At the $15 level, you join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society and get to name and address on Gimmick Street.
00:08:26
Speaker
And at the $20 level, you get t-shirts. One a year. i have the box of 2025 t-shirts in my office right now. I am very busy of late, but I will do all I can to get those shirts shipped out as soon as possible.
00:08:44
Speaker
So be on the lookout for those if you're at that level. um They are very cool, very good t-shirts. And I will be trying to ship those out as soon as I can.
00:08:56
Speaker
If you're unable to help us monetarily, which we understand that that might be your situation, you can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, or ah leave us or just spread the word about the show.
00:09:10
Speaker
Tell your friends and family. Let folks know that this show, War Rocket Ajax, is top, and that they should contribute to our Patreon. It's just top?
00:09:24
Speaker
It's top. It's top.
00:09:29
Speaker
Chris, with that, it's time for some Checks and Recs. What do you say? Let's do it.
00:09:36
Speaker
Chris, what would you like to check in with this week?
Chris's Birthday Plans
00:09:38
Speaker
Matt, you know what I want to check in with. It's your birthday. It's my birthday. Happy birthday to me. oh Matt, I do want to ah say a special thank you to you in particular. Okay.
00:09:53
Speaker
we Okay. we are Today, as we're recording this, is Chris's birthday, parentheses, observed. It is Saturday.
00:10:04
Speaker
Right. and we We didn't record on Thursday night for reasons. Yeah. And so we're recording on Saturday afternoon, which means this is a largely edit-free episode, just so everyone knows.
00:10:15
Speaker
You may have heard Biscuit already. Yes. and And yes, so this is this is the Saturday before your birthday that we're recording. Yes. ah So tonight is a birthday dinner with ah friends and everything, and my annual ah ah watch of WrestleMania X7.
00:10:35
Speaker
Which, I don't know, look like look, I don't know if that's to happen it next year. the the The streaming rights are getting real whack out there, is what I hear. Circumstances are weird.
00:10:48
Speaker
yeah Maybe you should buy a DVD. Yeah. Maybe I should. Maybe, like, do they even make DVDs of WrestleMania X7 anymore? i mean, probably not, but I'm sure you can buy one. I'm sure I can find one, yeah.
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah. ah But that is what we're doing tonight. I have already gotten a ah handful of presents, and it is the most on-brand set of presents I have gotten.
00:11:14
Speaker
They are very on-brand. Chris, i yeah I have to inform you of this. Yes. I went to the Bad Book website, ahha and I looked up WrestleMania X7 DVD.
00:11:26
Speaker
No, this is a VHS tape. Oh, okay. it's $250. off. I mean, it's worth it.
00:11:33
Speaker
ah two hundred and fifty dollars fuck off i mean look it's worth it
00:11:41
Speaker
It's the best one they ever did. The best one they're ever going to do. That is bonkers. Wowie wow. we wow Yeah, so... Maybe a lot of people are getting a little nervous about ah the streaming situation that's happening currently. You gotta be able to find it somewhere, but nonetheless.
00:12:02
Speaker
ah But yes, as I was saying, got some pretty on-brand presents. You got me two knives. I got you two knives, yeah. Which is great. And, you know, you're not supposed to give a friend knives.
00:12:16
Speaker
ah No, but we have done it. We have done it. It may sever the friendship. But Matt, here's the thing. Our friendship is stronger than knives.
00:12:28
Speaker
it's It's forged in fire. It's forged in fire, baby. Our friendship is our friendship is like iron. It only makes the k knife sharper. That's right. It it it sharpens steel.
00:12:42
Speaker
Yes. but Iron sharpens iron, and our friendship sharpens knives. That's right. But I do love the knives that you got me. ah You got me a one ah decorative knife with a very pretty blade and a very pretty handle.
00:12:59
Speaker
And then you got me a knife that will be equally decorative, but is also quite functional. Yes. ah That you got me a ah a large sushi knife. um Correct. Because sushi knives look really cool.
00:13:13
Speaker
They really do. they're and They're great. And it is now the centerpiece of my knife display. so I'm very happy to hear that. i Happy birthday, buddy. Thank you.
00:13:24
Speaker
I know you love knives. I feel a little bad, though, because all I got you was a cool hat. I love a cool hat, though. That's true. I cool hat. That's true. ah I also got a sword after hearing us talk about the Sword of Omens and and talk about how much we actually really like the Sword of Omens.
00:13:46
Speaker
on yeah i We talked about this last week on the show. Yeah, i i got ah I got a Sword of Omens. A nine-ranked sword.
00:13:57
Speaker
the They could not have gotten me the Chrysogrim or the Dragonslayer.
00:14:04
Speaker
but not Not just a slab of iron. Yeah. A raw big slab of iron. It probably would have been prohibitively expensive to send me a 1,200-pound slab of iron.
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah. ah And I got a Rectogenomug.
00:14:24
Speaker
Nice. the The mug that they use specifically to drink Klingon coffee on Star Trek Deep Space Nine ah from a friend of the show, friend of ours, Ted Anderson.
00:14:37
Speaker
Oh, shit. i just thought I just thought of a gift that would be good for you, and that I also want. Oh, okay. That is also a Star Trek-related mug. Now, I will say, Matt, there is currently a 60-inch Berserk sword on Etsy 75% is only $499.75.
00:14:54
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So, mean...
00:15:00
Speaker
okay okay so i mean 60 inches is 5 feet, right? That's pretty good.
00:15:12
Speaker
that's ah That's a lot of sword, yeah. It's a lot of sword. um and it is It is stainless steel. Wow. Okay.
00:15:22
Speaker
And it says it's best for gifts.
00:15:28
Speaker
Just gonna send this to you real quick. Alright. I know you already have a Dragon Slayer of a sort. Uh... eBay has much more affordable two DVD sets of WrestleMania X7, by way. Okay, good.
00:15:44
Speaker
ah But yes, ah so far, very on-brand presents. Thank you to everyone who has said happy a birthday, if you said a little early. ah I'm having a quite lovely time.
00:15:58
Speaker
Matt, what are you up to this week?
Improvise Star Trek Show
00:16:00
Speaker
Well, Chris, Improvise Star Trek continues. The journey continues. ah As you said, we're recording this on Saturday.
00:16:10
Speaker
So we had a show last night, and we have two more shows remaining as of this recording. I mean, by the time this episode goes up, the run will be over. ah But... ah As of recording, we have another show tonight and one last show Sunday night.
00:16:29
Speaker
um It has been ah very fun run. um Each show has been shockingly different. On the first night, we got an email.
00:16:43
Speaker
the the The director, who is also in the show, Laurie Jones, got an email from an audience member. who said that we needed to change our blurb on the AVL Today website because that was not improv.
00:17:01
Speaker
It was a fully written play.
00:17:07
Speaker
Which it wasn't. But it wasn't. Yeah, like... Now, as an improviser, is that a compliment? That is definitely a compliment, but also that person went on to prove that they have no idea what improv is. Okay. Because they were like, there should have been more skits and props.
00:17:31
Speaker
I mean, look, I would agree. Yeah. ah they didn't like that it was just one continuous story. They wanted it to be, they wanted it to be whose line is it anyway, I think. But ah it was, it was a very funny email.
00:17:47
Speaker
um I, as far as I know, they didn't ask for a refund or anything. And I told Laurie that she should have just answered that email. No refunds period. I mean, like, ah look, when you first told me, I also assumed it was comedy.
00:18:02
Speaker
I mean, it's a straight up Star Trek. It is – it's – we are trying to be funnier than even I originally thought. Like, there is more comedy to it than maybe even I expected at first. But it is also, like, a genuine, like, show. Like, we're trying to do essentially an episode of Star Trek. Like, last night's show was – we saw a flashing anomaly in space –
00:18:37
Speaker
we I was part of the away team along with ah the head of security and our ops officer. and And you're playing the first officer. i'm I'm the first officer, yeah.
00:18:48
Speaker
So I was part of the away team to go investigate this anomaly on a shuttle. And we all kind of got mesmerized by it and flew into it. And we ended up in this sort of void where these like godlike aliens...
00:19:07
Speaker
um were there with the head of securities, someone who appeared to be the head of securities dead wife. And so it was all about like, is it really her?
00:19:21
Speaker
They say we're not their prisoners, but we're trapped here. And so like, it was about like the, everybody on the ship trying to get us out of there and us trying to like figure out how much we can trust these godlike aliens, not at all.
00:19:36
Speaker
And, and it like, it felt like an episode of Star Trek, you know, like, and that's what we're going for. um And so I hope that after this run, we can do more of this because it is a blast and we all have the shirts.
00:19:53
Speaker
Nice. And communicators and pips. Nice. I love pips. Love pips. was fairly sure that you were going to say that you were transported by a space anomaly into a void where God like alien creatures, uh, just gave you, um, a location.
00:20:13
Speaker
I heard Starbucks. I, um, it how about not Starbucks? Um, A location like a coffee shop, but don't say a coffee shop. That's what we always say.
00:20:25
Speaker
We never want to do a scene in a coffee shop. Yeah, that's that is that is a thing I learned ah specifically from Marlene, talking about improv with her. yeah ah that that is ah That's exciting, Matt. and Now, was this recorded at all? Because I would love to see it.
00:20:42
Speaker
Last night's show was like professionally videoed. Nice. So... Hopefully it'll be online somewhere. And i really I really liked last night's show, too. and I've liked all the shows we've done.
00:20:58
Speaker
um The show we did on Sunday, last Sunday, was bonkers. Because it was we basically did a bottle episode about the captain going on a date.
00:21:13
Speaker
that's funny Another captain from another ship beamed onto our ship to go on a date with our captain. And so we were all trying to like be her wingmen to help her on the date.
00:21:29
Speaker
ah But then they got ah captured by Starfleet expats in the holodeck. And so we had to save them from the holodeck.
00:21:42
Speaker
um And then it ended with a talent show. Like an on-ship talent show. Great. Love that.
00:21:51
Speaker
ah Yeah, it's it's been a hoot. And i hope I hope we get to do more. Time for some recommendations. what do you have to recommend, Chris? Well, Matt, one of the things that i I did for my birthday, and I may have actually recommended this on the show before,
00:22:07
Speaker
ah years and years ago when I first saw it, but the ah the local art house theater is doing a ah series of ah films called Nazis, We Hate These Guys.
Film Series Attendance
00:22:20
Speaker
Sure. Which we can all get behind. If you can't get behind that, fuck off! If you can't get behind that, I don't want to talk to you. Yeah. ah But they are showing a lot of movies about Nazis getting killed.
00:22:34
Speaker
And... I have previously seen ah they did Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade. I didn't see Last Crusade. I did see Raiders in 35mm, which was pretty fun. ah As I have called it, the perfect film.
00:22:48
Speaker
oh But one of the things that I did for my birthday was I got to take ah AC, or AC took me, to go see one of my favorite World War II movies, Where Eagles Dare.
00:23:02
Speaker
Oh yeah. ah Great movie, great song. Great movie, great song. i wished I wish there was any part of that movie where anyone said, I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch.
00:23:13
Speaker
yeah They don't do that, though. ah But that is a movie where the first the first of all, it's a movie with about 15 plot twists. the do Nothing that is set up in the first half hour of that movie is actually what's happening.
00:23:29
Speaker
ah The first half of that movie is all like very meticulous plot setup and twists and tension. And the second half of that movie is 400 Nazis getting shot in the face while shit explodes constantly. It's a great movie.
00:23:47
Speaker
And seeing it this recently, it really is like, Inglourious Bastards is like 75% this just with like I mentioned as we were leaving, I was like, yeah, I don't want a remake of that movie, but I do want a version of that movie with like modern gore. like Fully just dudes getting wrecked and not just kind of like falling over when a gun goes off.
00:24:13
Speaker
yeah oh And AC was like, well, that's Inglourious Bastards. And I was like, correct. Correct. i That's what I want from this film. ah it is a ah It's a hoot.
00:24:27
Speaker
The reason I'm recommending it is found out a lot of people haven't seen it. ah AC had never seen it, which I wasn't surprised by. AC had also ah never seen any Clint Eastwood movies, ah which, I mean, it makes sense because, you know, notoriously, the day after filming the last scene of Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood did try to like embark on a mission to try to find John Burton and Frank Miller.
00:24:56
Speaker
In the Bermuda Triangle. In the Bermuda Triangle, and was never heard from him again, and certainly never did ah weird thing where he addressed a an empty chair as though it was sitting President Barack Obama.
00:25:08
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Like a real fucking weirdo.
00:25:14
Speaker
Uh, but yeah, she hasn't seen that. Um, so I found out she also hasn't seen Kelly's heroes, which they're not showing as part of the thing, ah presumably because not enough Nazis get killed in that one, even though that movie does kick ass.
00:25:27
Speaker
Uh, so yeah, if you haven't seen where Eagles there, you should watch where Eagles there. It's great. It's an absolute fucking hoot of a film. but,
00:25:38
Speaker
Dudes, Nazis get shot so much. All the good guys have infinite ammo. None of the Nazis' guns work, apparently. Just as it should be. um it is, like... Not only is it all Inglourious Bastards, it's also a lot of Wolfenstein.
00:25:59
Speaker
The New Colossus. Uh-huh. Clint Eastwood straight up does stealth kills in that movie like it's a video game, which is great. oh So yeah, go watch that movie if you haven't seen it. It's an absolute blast. ah it's Don't read about it because you'll enjoy those 15 plot twists quite a bit.
00:26:25
Speaker
ah Matt, what would you like to recommend?
Post-Wrestling Channel Recommendation
00:26:27
Speaker
I want to recommend a ah YouTube channel, as I've said on the show many times before. I do a lot of like putting on YouTube stuff while I work, and I especially like stuff where...
00:26:44
Speaker
I can just kind of listen to it and not have to watch it all the time. Uh, it's, it's easier for me, um to just kind of be able to passively listen to, uh, stuff on YouTube than, than like have to actively watch.
00:27:04
Speaker
Um, so if you're looking for something like that and you are a wrestling fan, um like Decent wrestling commentary is very hard to come by on the internet. You know this, Chris. I know this, Chris.
00:27:16
Speaker
gi ah It is... like you know Sometimes I'll watch the Wrestling Observer stuff, but like it's a lot of kind of just like... I don't know, creating drama or or yelling about something innocuous.
00:27:38
Speaker
And it can be a little too much. um But there is a more recently created wrestling commentary channel created by some like real respected journalists that I've started watching their videos more and more. And I really appreciate their insight and commentary. And they can help me.
00:28:01
Speaker
They do help me kind of keep up with stuff that I don't really want to watch. Um, because, you know, out of necessity, in some ways I have to kind of be current on what's happening in wrestling.
00:28:15
Speaker
Um, and in w WWE, which I don't especially want to be. Um, and so i will watch these guys review, you know, raw or just talk about the news of the day.
00:28:30
Speaker
And, uh, it keeps me informed. Um, and that's post wrestling. um Post-wrestling, the main guy I think but behind post-wrestling is John Pollock, who is a Canadian journalist. He's been doing news reporting about wrestling for a long time.
00:28:51
Speaker
And he's a really smart guy who like knows his stuff and is very kind of matter-of-fact about it um and and and reports like factually.
00:29:03
Speaker
And ah that's that's what I like about him a lot. But he does a show with Brandon Thurston, who is the WrestleNomics guy. um They recently did a show that was all about like why Brock Lesnar returning...
00:29:19
Speaker
is bad. And they go through what Brock was talked to, you know, the things that where Brock is mentioned in the lawsuit and what it says he did, um which a lot of people have wanted to deny lately since his return.
00:29:38
Speaker
um But you cannot deny it. He's not a defendant in the lawsuit, but that guy sucks real bad. And, like I don't know how SummerSlam isn't people's final straw with that fucking company. like Brock Lesnar comes back after being named in that lawsuit.
00:29:57
Speaker
They showed video of Triple H at the White House.
00:30:02
Speaker
and like I know people in the audience booed, but folks, you've got to do more than boo. like Lord have mercy, this company. Yeah. Yeah. um but like I think it's it's worth noting that one of my favorite ah wrestling ah YouTube channels, which is Wrestling With Regret with Brian Zane, stopped covering new WWE shows.
00:30:28
Speaker
Yeah. like He's just going to do like kind of well older, like classic pay-per-views and retro stuff now. yeah yeah And SummerSlam was the the last straw for him.
00:30:41
Speaker
it's i I wish it was more people's last straw. It seems like it's not. And like I don't know what it's going to take. i Maybe nothing. maybe they can Maybe they're bulletproof.
00:30:53
Speaker
But like... man But anyway, post-wrestling, John Pollock and Brandon Thurston were very like forthright about it.
00:31:04
Speaker
And also, um they do reviews of basically every major wrestling show. um Those are usually with John Pollock and Wei Ting. um And ah they also like are really smart in their analysis of of Dynamite and Collision and You know, the WWE wwe shows too.
00:31:28
Speaker
So ah if you're looking for some good wrestling commentary on YouTube, I would say post-wrestling is the place to go for that. All right, Chris, with that, it's time to talk about some comics. What do you say?
00:31:43
Speaker
Let's do it.
00:31:46
Speaker
There's no texter's choice this week, Chris. We didn't actually text about any comics. But the book that we both read and wanted to talk about was Captain America number two.
00:31:59
Speaker
This is the second issue in Chip's Captain America run. And there was an article about this run that ran in, I think I'm bleeding cool.
00:32:13
Speaker
that so So not anything we need to talk about or think about. Right, but it's other people unfortunately thought and talked about it. And it you know it's sort of it it it essentially just laid out the premise of this run and talked about like there being like a post-9-11 Captain America.
00:32:32
Speaker
um And
00:32:36
Speaker
a lot the reaction I saw was negative. And like look, i get it.
00:32:43
Speaker
can we trust Marvel comics to be able to handle something like this? And i not like embarrassing way. Uh, like, cause we had post nine 11 captain America immediately after nine 11.
00:32:59
Speaker
And then i you know, so a lot of people were comparing this to like ultimate's captain America. And like, I understand, but also like,
00:33:12
Speaker
you know it's like ah Like we said when we talked about the first issue of this, if this wasn't Chip, I maybe would have noped out as soon as the the Twin Towers were on page one. the isn' But I feel like Chip is really threading the needle here.
00:33:30
Speaker
And doing sort of like a modern take on John Walker that, for me at least, is working.
00:33:44
Speaker
And so, you know, i like I understand how people might balk at the idea of even trying to read this. But so far, so good, I think.
00:33:59
Speaker
ah Like, like even even this new Captain in America, ah
00:34:08
Speaker
like, he's not all bad, you know? like It feels like he's got good intention. I mean, it just feels like he's naive. Really? Yeah. like Well, I mean, like a lot of people, he does not have the hindsight of the next 20 years.
00:34:24
Speaker
Right. Yeah. ah You know, like, as someone who was, you know, like, turned 18 into like, I just turned 19 in 2001. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:38
Speaker
in two thousand one right yeah yeah oh like this guy rings very true to me. Like I was, but you know, very fortunately never taken in to the extent that some people were, but like, there was certainly like,
00:35:02
Speaker
when everyone around you is lying about something like get it. Uh, i get it ah
00:35:13
Speaker
I feel like he's a very interesting character. like i Because we can already see like the weariness of him. yeah you know We can already see him being like,
00:35:25
Speaker
like oh yeah, sure, there's there's weapons of mass destruction. Of course. yeah Yeah. sure David Colton is his name. I keep wanting to call him Scott Colton.
00:35:36
Speaker
Yeah. That's a different guy. and We haven't had a comic about Scott Colton in two years.
00:35:47
Speaker
ah i the The contrast between him and Steve Rogers, I think, is really what makes this work.
Captain America Storyline Discussion
00:35:55
Speaker
like The fact that Steve is there to serve as the immediate contrast to him.
00:36:02
Speaker
Where like... Because because the the mission that they're sent on, like this is this is a mix of their current mission, which is to go to Doomstadt, which has just been renamed ah by Doctor Doom.
00:36:19
Speaker
ah But to go to Doomstadt and stop Doctor Doom and their different approaches to doing that.
00:36:30
Speaker
Juxtaposed with Colton just post nine eleven sort of naive naively being like, yeah, Afghanistan, we're liberating you. yeah these These children are free now.
00:36:44
Speaker
Yeah, we did it. and Great job like His translator being like, you don't get it at all. yeah Yeah. um There is one thing that I will say about this issue, and that's that Chip made an uncharacteristic mistake.
00:36:59
Speaker
Oh. ah Which is that he said... That they never got Hitler. Well, in the Marvel Universe, they did. Yeah, and the more in the Marvel Universe, they did.
00:37:12
Speaker
We've seen it. It was Jim Hammond. He burned that dude to death and he went, oh no!
00:37:18
Speaker
Don't tell them I got burned to death by Jim Hammond! In the real world, but he had the had the You know, dignity to commit suicide.
00:37:34
Speaker
He got the dignity to commit suicide. But like in in the Marvel Universe, no. He got burned to alive by the Human Torch. I actually don't know if that's a mistake or if that's just something that ah Steve Rogers did not know at the time. Because this is yeah is very Captain in America year one. i don't know I don't recall if he finds that out later. ah Because he would have been frozen in ice at the time and is only thawed out for a week at this point.
00:38:00
Speaker
And notably, Hitler said, tell everyone I killed myself. Don't tell them I got burned alive. Oh, ow. Oh, I'm peeing. I'm peeing in my pants.
00:38:11
Speaker
No. Anyway, i i I think so far, I think this chip run is doing a great job of throwing the needle. I don't quite understand Cap's costume in this.
00:38:25
Speaker
With the black star and everything. but with with his With his asterisk footnote Captain in America? had his like weird ah like Tron a on his head.
00:38:37
Speaker
Yeah. I think it's supposed to be that like like David Colton is a Captain America.
00:38:48
Speaker
And so he's kind of got the official Captain America costume. So Cap gets this. like But his is green. Yeah. um don't know, man.
00:39:00
Speaker
don't know. I do like that at the end of this issue, Doctor Doom shows up and is like, hey, Steve Rogers, love this guy. Because Doctor Doom canonically fucking hates Nazis.
00:39:15
Speaker
Canonically, yes. Yeah, Doctor Doom's Romani. Don't forget. i That also have came up in in One World Under Doom. so ah
Archie vs. Minor Threats Comic
00:39:26
Speaker
Yeah. yeah yeah Fucking hates Nazis.
00:39:30
Speaker
um right look Dr. Doom's also a fascist, but you know. ah you know You got to draw your lot you're moral line somewhere. yeah Next up, I want to talk a little bit about ah Archie vs. Minor Threats, number one.
00:39:48
Speaker
Which is an absolutely bonkers comic book.
00:39:53
Speaker
Wild. ah This is by Patton Oswalt, Jordan Bloom, and Timmy Heeg with art by Scott Koblish. Hey, we love Scott Koblish. Scott Koblish nails it. like It's got the two distinct art styles. like The Archie art style and the Minor Threats art style.
00:40:14
Speaker
And... Scott, I mean, of course he nails the Minor Threats art style, but like mixing together the Archie of it all and the Minor Threats of it all, it it looks great.
00:40:29
Speaker
Like, they are very distinct from each other, and yet when they get smashed together, ah it really works. um But this is a, the the the main thrust of this story is that Sabrina Spellman wants an artifact that ah is in a museum in Twilight City.
00:40:55
Speaker
And ah so she like goes to Riverdale to...
00:41:02
Speaker
fake being a Riverdale high student and go on a field trip to twilight city to try to get this artifact. But then it's not where she thinks it is. So she makes their, their bus crash non fatally.
00:41:19
Speaker
And, uh, so now all the Archie kids are stuck in twilight city in Redport. Um, they immediately get robbed by major mummy And, uh, of course, Reggie has crypto.
00:41:33
Speaker
So he's like, I'm going use my crypto to go buy us dinner. and, uh, further hijinks ensue. They, uh, yeah, it's, they end up meeting Frankie and, and, you know, we're off to the races. Uh, but it's how you use Sabrina Spellman's full Christian name, uh, as opposed to calling her Sabrina, the teenage witch.
00:41:57
Speaker
Yeah. Sabrina Spellman. Um, Anyway, i i I think this book is a total hoot and very, very fun.
00:42:09
Speaker
ah So if you haven't checked it out, definitely check out Archie vs. Minor Threats. One last book we were going to talk about, Chris, is Absolute Superman number
Absolute Superman Issue
00:42:20
Speaker
10.
00:42:20
Speaker
The big deal about this one is that we get a really good Elseworlds take ah you mentioned kind of being surprised that Lazarus turned out to be who it was.
00:42:35
Speaker
ah And this issue got me with a very similar twist of finding out who the leader of the Omega Men is.
00:42:47
Speaker
oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But ah I really love that this is the story of what it would be like if...
00:42:58
Speaker
if Ra's al Ghul was hyper fixated on Superman instead of Batman. Yeah. Uh, and, and how like the kind of different ways that he would apply that same, ah sort of those, those levers that he applies to Bruce Wayne are now on Kal-El.
00:43:21
Speaker
Uh, it's really, really good stuff. These, I can't get over how good the absolute books are. They're ridiculous. I wish... My only complaint is I wish the art was more consistent. like i I understand that it may be too much to ask to have Rafa Sandoval do every issue of this book and have it come out on time.
00:43:53
Speaker
yeah Right? Because like art like that You probably can't do 20-some-odd pages a month of that every month, and you've got to have fill-in artists.
00:44:07
Speaker
but like and and you know no like i'm I'm not trying to like throw shade hard at Carmine DiGiandomenico.
00:44:19
Speaker
No, it does a great job, I think. But like you know it's different. It's notably different artistically. With as distinct as all the other Absolute books are with regards to art specifically, I think that's that that is a... Not not a and a complaint, but it is a valid concern.
00:44:46
Speaker
Yeah. Alright. Chris, with that, I think that's going to be our comic segment. Which means... It's time to rate some swords.
00:44:57
Speaker
What do you say? Let's do it. but when i swing my swords the ya chop up Chris, before we get started, want to ah say that there we got a response to a previous non-ranking of a sword.
00:45:16
Speaker
ah This came to us from Michael Kosteva, who submitted Vehicle Voltron's Blazing Sword. Okay. He says, you asked me to reach out with information about why it's so great, and I got to tell you, that was all kayfabe.
00:45:32
Speaker
It's just a sword. Lion Voltron's is obviously cooler. It was mostly an excuse to make you talk about Vehicle Voltron and make my friends listen to it. My gimmick in my friend group is being the Vehicle Voltron defender, and I got to live up to it, you know?
00:45:48
Speaker
Radon vibes won't upset me at all. It's literally just a sword, but it's a shoot that I love his minivan foot. And let's be real, come Frisbees is internet gold.
00:45:58
Speaker
So, and and we've had a few other responses that said that our initial vibes thought of four was correct.
00:46:10
Speaker
Okay. So I think we can put Vehicle Voltron's sword on the list at a four and feel fine about it. okay Vehicle Voltron.
00:46:21
Speaker
so Does the sword have a name? It has a name, right? Yes. let i'll let me I'll look that up real quick. okay But it's it's it is Vehicle Voltron's sword.
00:46:34
Speaker
ah Let's see. He got a minivan for it. it's the It's Voltron's blazing sword.
00:46:44
Speaker
Is what it's called. Okay, I'm trying to find a proper image of it.
00:46:51
Speaker
I'm getting a lot of just Voltron. Like, just just love the Lion Voltron sword. Of course, yes. Which is a dope but impractical sword.
00:47:02
Speaker
Is it also called the Blazing Sword? believe so. Interesting. Uh, Dairuger 15 is XV, uh, is also the name of that Voltron.
00:47:17
Speaker
So that might be an easy way. I've got some images here. yeah If you want to, you want to just plug one of those images in the old sword sheet. Okay. I'll, I'll do that. Hopefully these are not, uh, it's a PNG folks.
00:47:35
Speaker
It's a PNG. Fuck.
00:47:40
Speaker
It's not... our Our nightmare of it being a WebP,
00:47:47
Speaker
we don't have to worry about that.
00:47:51
Speaker
Let's see. All right.
00:48:02
Speaker
Why is it tiny? ah it's tight it's tiny because the cell's tiny. You gotta... You got those just gotta be got to make the cell bigger. That's that's formatting. Okay. you You have handled this up to this point.
00:48:15
Speaker
Yeah. So.
00:48:19
Speaker
i'm um If you had seen my resume, Matt, you would know that I'm proficient in Google Sheets and Microsoft Excel.
00:48:26
Speaker
Oh, thank God. Thank God.
00:48:31
Speaker
Okay, there we go. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. It sure is a sword. It sure is a sword. It's a regular so sword that's big because a big robot holds it. Yeah.
00:48:43
Speaker
Okay. Now that that's taken care of, here's our next submission. It's from Jesse Witham. And it's Exor from Super Mario RPG Legend of the Seven Stars. Boy!
00:48:55
Speaker
Boy, that guy's a dick.
00:48:58
Speaker
Here's the thing about Exor...
00:49:03
Speaker
he He is a sword. in In every technical sense, he's a sword. and Matt, he can't not be a sword.
00:49:11
Speaker
But in practice, he's a guy. Yeah, but he is a guy who's a sword. He's a guy who's a sword. And we have ranked a sword who's a guy. That's true.
00:49:23
Speaker
But like, okay, so if you don't know, Exor is the giant sword that crashes into Bowser's castle. At the beginning of Super Mario RPG.
00:49:34
Speaker
And then... He's not the final boss of the game, right? He's... He's a late boss, but not the final boss. He's the primary antagonist. I do not recall if he is the final boss.
00:49:51
Speaker
Let me see. but Who is the final boss of Super Mario RPG? I know there's that guy who's the secret boss. There's the secret boss, but that's that's totally different. Yeah. ah Smithy is the final boss of Super Mario RPG.
00:50:07
Speaker
ah so So, okay. thanks so look at this Look at that PNG. Look at that crisp, transparent PNG g file. That's beautiful.
00:50:17
Speaker
That's beautiful. but Here's the thing about Exor. he does it do he He doesn't behave as a sword. Even in his boss fight. So you're your saying he doesn't slice or chop or do sword stuff?
00:50:41
Speaker
like um i'm gonna I'm going to watch a video of the X-Orb boss fight, because to my recollection, he doesn't actually like swing his blade at the player at all.
00:50:57
Speaker
He does other kinds of attacks.
00:51:03
Speaker
So, like, in every technical sense, he's a sword. But he does not behave as a sword. He doesn't perform a sword's function. Correct.
00:51:14
Speaker
He does do a move called Diamond Saw. He does ice spells. oh but What is ice, if not the sword of nature?
00:51:25
Speaker
That's true. That's... certainly. The swordiest thing he does is smash down into Bowser's castle. Yeah. Now, I will say, Matt, I think you are correct. He does not generally perform the...
00:51:45
Speaker
ah He does not generally perform the job of a sword. However, he is a sword that's the size of a castle. Right? True. And he uses his swordiness to like
00:52:01
Speaker
cause chaos. Which, you know, there's something to that.
00:52:06
Speaker
ah It just seems like that when you finally fight him, he would maybe like swing his blade at you. And I think it's i think it's like a technical issue with the original Super Mario RPG where they couldn't animate that.
00:52:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the weird thing about him is that, like, Smithy's not that big. Like... No. Smithy made a sword... but Much like, uh, what's his name? Ghetto?
00:52:36
Speaker
Ghetto, yeah. Ghetto? Yeah. a Ghetto made a a sword that no one can swing. Allegedly. Allegedly.
00:52:48
Speaker
Except for one guy, yeah. Except for one guy. ah'd Like, to prove a point. Smithy made a sword, but then had to give it like eyes and a mouth so it could have magic power.
00:52:59
Speaker
It has two sets of eyes and two mouths. Yeah. Because it's it's got the eyes of the mouth on the hilt, or on the crossguard, and then it's got the eyes of the mouth on the bottom of the hilt.
00:53:15
Speaker
and In the boss fight, you have to fight both of those heads. Yeah. Yeah. It's... He's in a weird space. Like, he's less of a... he is a sword, but in the way that the bean is a bean.
00:53:35
Speaker
Like ah like a representation of a sword. Yeah. Like, certainly too large to be eaten. And also made of metal.
00:53:46
Speaker
Yeah. Correct. You know the Bean I'm talking about. I don't know if it has another name. It does have another name, but is everyone just refers to it as the Bean. is the the big sculpture the big reflective sculpture in Millennium Park in Chicago. yeah yeah
00:54:04
Speaker
i i don't
00:54:07
Speaker
He's a tough rank. he's a tough rank yes as As a character, i would rank him higher, but as a sword, he's like a three. i wouldn't I wouldn't say he's a three, Matt.
00:54:20
Speaker
Five tops. i would I would say a four or five. A three is ah three is is the Batleth, a sword that is similarly unusable.
00:54:32
Speaker
Okay, bro i I would be fine with a four or a five. but no But no higher, no higher. I think we can say four.
00:54:43
Speaker
I think we can say four. Alright, four. If there was anyone who could use this sword, i would say, like, if Smithy used this sword, it would be better.
00:54:55
Speaker
But Smithy's not big enough. Smithy's not big enough. the the but If Super Mario RPG was being made today, and not just remade, but, like, made from scratch, XOR would absolutely...
00:55:12
Speaker
have a move where, as a sentient sword, he swings himself and hits every member of the party. yeah But I think it is a technical issue.
00:55:27
Speaker
it was a technical issue when Super Mario RPG was made. that like Especially in that 3D-modeled, 3D-but-2D animation style.
00:55:39
Speaker
three d but two d animation style Isometric. ah it just It just wasn't possible to do that. ah Here's what I'll say.
00:55:50
Speaker
ah Looking at the rest of the list, ah Twilight, the sword of Surtur the Fire Giant, which is similar in size to Exor, is an 8, because he fucking uses that shit.
00:56:03
Speaker
He uses that sword, for sure. That sword gets used. You ain't kidding.
00:56:11
Speaker
Alright, here's our next submission. It's from Jeffrey Wickstrom. And this is Queen Sigma's Victory Sword from Vampire Survivors. oh Do we have a machine calibrated for swords?
00:56:25
Speaker
I mean, we could certainly calibrate it. ah I guess i guess the the question is, the machine tells us whether things rule like just in the context of all things.
00:56:38
Speaker
Right? that's true It compares it to all other things. because That's why it sometimes takes a while, because it has to compare it to every other thing. Right. it's it's so It's a lot of processing.
00:56:49
Speaker
yeah And experience. Everything and experience is ranked by the machine every time that we use it. all Right. It takes up a lot of power, but fortunately it is solar.
00:57:01
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. this This ain't some AI shit where it's using... Some poor town's water supply. Yeah, no. The machine is is truly AI.
00:57:15
Speaker
Like, it's not generative bullshit. Right. It is intelligent. Yeah. ah It is... it's It has a sentience that I do not quite understand.
00:57:31
Speaker
True. ah But... it did Can we... We need to compare this to sorts. So can we... Is there a limiter we can put on the machine?
00:57:43
Speaker
i think i could I think I could put one on it. Okay. Sure. um don't want to, like, hack the machine or anything. It's not a hack. It's... I mean, it's just a it's a We're just putting a parameter on it.
00:57:58
Speaker
Okay. I didn't know if... that like It's weird, because I've never gone in and messed with the settings. Oh, yeah. i' I've done that a few times. Let's see.
00:58:09
Speaker
ah Hang on in one second. Okay. I'm hanging on. Oh, I hear the hacking going on. Or the the settings alteration. We're not going to violate the TOS or the warranty for the machine, are we?
00:58:23
Speaker
Well, it's out of warranty. its We've had it for a while. Yeah. I mean, that's true. That's true. um All right. I think I got it. So let me just let me just run it real quick.
00:58:36
Speaker
Alright, I got the card. I got it. Okay. Rules. Oh yeah, ah good, good. I assumed that would be the case, yeah but I wanted to make sure it rules.
00:58:50
Speaker
it's the It's the best weapon in the game. like I remember back what in the kind of first era of Vampire Survivors, you and Benito and I talking about it and being like, hey, who's your favorite character? And I said, Queen Sigma.
00:59:05
Speaker
Because she's the one who's like unbeatable. Yeah, it's i mean, it's OP, right? Like it's yeah it's intentionally overpowered. It's too it's like too good.
00:59:17
Speaker
Yeah, yeah it's it hits everything. and And then it also it doesn't it is one of the few weapons in Vampire Survivors that does not evolve.
00:59:32
Speaker
It has a gift. So you get a separate thing that also rules.
00:59:43
Speaker
ah well The thing about it, it like I mean, it's basically the Chris Agrum of Vampire Survivors, right? But like yeah even more insanely overpowered.
00:59:56
Speaker
Yeah, and the thing that it gives you um causes the Milky Way galaxy to appear? Correct, yeah. And cosmic death to rain down on all your enemies, which... I love that.
01:00:12
Speaker
I love being overpowered in a game, Matt. ah I don't like being challenged. That's not what I'm here for. Well, you have to go through a lot of challenge to get it.
01:00:24
Speaker
That's true. But yeah, yeah. Yeah, whenever I needed like coins or anything, that's that's like Queen Sigma time. Right. let's Let's just finish this game real quick.
01:00:37
Speaker
ah No, it it rules. It rules. i The only problem with it is that I don't... like We have no no real like canon art for it, I guess. like you can see You can see it in Queen Sigma's sprite.
01:00:57
Speaker
In her character model, yeah. Yeah. And it does look cool for a sprite. oh but it is like that is the only weakness.
01:01:11
Speaker
Well, much like the chrysagram, what you see on screen is the swing. Yeah, you see the effect. More than the sword itself, yeah.
01:01:24
Speaker
Yeah. So what what what ah what no what number are we giving it? I mean, how like can it not be a 10? mean, i would i would be but pleased to give it a 10.
01:01:42
Speaker
It is as OP is Like, the only thing I think that would set it back to 9 is perhaps being too overpowered.
01:01:53
Speaker
But that doesn't sound like a problem for you. Yeah, i well, i I would say maybe we get...
01:02:01
Speaker
Do we maybe give it a 9 because we don't have a visual on it? And visuals are very important in swords. Well, I mean, we don't really have a visual of the Grisagram, but we gave it a 10.
01:02:14
Speaker
We did give that a 10. Yeah, we did give that a 10. Okay. ah
01:02:22
Speaker
I mean, giving it a 10 would put it on par with the Dragon Slayer. would put it above the Sword of Omens, above Stormbringer, the Black Blade. um I mean, it does have much of the effect of the Dragon Slayer.
01:02:36
Speaker
Yeah. Of just wrecking so many enemies at the same time. i mean, I don't think we can give it less than 10. So be it.
01:02:49
Speaker
so be it
01:02:55
Speaker
don't Drop that X right in there. No.
01:03:02
Speaker
ah All right.
01:03:06
Speaker
I mean, it's it's OP, p man. yeah him a It's OP. It's great.
01:03:13
Speaker
Our next submission is from Andrew Curl, but it's a sword we've already raided. ah Andrew said this was a top shooter, which is very funny. ah The singing sword from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
01:03:26
Speaker
is Which we gave a three. Yeah, that was a hard three. ah As I said, good ga good gag, bad sword.
01:03:39
Speaker
Alright, next up is a submission from Dan Sylvester, who is submitting the Rakshasa from Bayonetta 2. Twin swords that can be wielded by the hands or feet.
01:03:53
Speaker
Not only does it create even bigger blades of energy when it attacks, it can also summon demons as a finishing move.
01:04:01
Speaker
ah This is a good one. I appreciate any weapons from Bayonetta, ah primarily because they can also be worn on the feet.
01:04:16
Speaker
correct Yes. um Bayonetta is a game based around the fundamental design principle that if someone puts guns on their feet, they can kick you in the face and shoot you at the same time. And that's brilliant.
01:04:38
Speaker
ah And... Technically, the Rakshasa is actually four swords. if it's in the If it's being held in your hands and on feet the feet at the same time, there are four of them, yes. Yes.
01:04:52
Speaker
ah And you'll love to see that. You do love to see that. You'll love to see it. i do I do... I also think they look cool. Much like everything in Bayonetta, they have the the kind of weird...
01:05:09
Speaker
moon and flower and butterfly kind of motif. oh
01:05:18
Speaker
it's They're very good. They're very, very good, Matt.
01:05:23
Speaker
we I love Bayonetta. I was going to say that, like, artistically,
01:05:32
Speaker
they they look a little out of place to me in Bayonetta. Mm-hmm. Because like bay Bayonetta... I was going to say Bayonetta has such a distinct style.
01:05:47
Speaker
But the more I think about it, the more kind of everything in Bayonetta looks out of place. like yeah It's all a bunch of stuff that doesn't quite fit together.
01:05:58
Speaker
yeah I think that's maybe the appeal of Bayonetta. but Here is what I will say as a
01:06:08
Speaker
a kind of a knock against the Rakshasa swords. um They are swords that I don't think are as cool as their equivalent guns. I think... Fair. like it's never like The default for Bayonetta is always going to be guns.
01:06:29
Speaker
but Bayonetta got guns on her hands and feet. If you think about Bayonetta, which I do, not infrequently, then... You're picturing guns on our hands and feet, and not swords.
01:06:42
Speaker
So, you know, we've had this conversation about guns and swords in the context of, like, the gun blade. But, uh, uh, this is, this is a sword that's not as cool as guns.
01:07:00
Speaker
I, just for research purposes, I, uh, Landed on thegamer.com's list of the best weapons in the Bayonetta series ranked. Okay. It's 20, the top 20.
01:07:21
Speaker
And the Rakshasa is number 15. Ooh, that's not a great showing.
01:07:30
Speaker
Uh... Number one is Scarborough Fair. that's That's the guns. Which is a gun, yeah. ah Most of the top 15 are guns.
01:07:42
Speaker
I mean, most of Bayonetta's weapons are guns. ah The top-ranking sword, i I might be getting ahead of ourselves here, but the top-ranking sword on this list is the Shu-Ra-Boo.
01:07:55
Speaker
Yeah, that is the... I almost said Subaru. The Shu-Ra-Boo. sure i ba yeah Yeah, ah that is the that's in Bayonetta 1.
01:08:07
Speaker
The Rakshasa is kind of the Bayonetta 2 equivalent to that. So i see that, I think, makes sense. it's very it's it's ah It's a real megadeth, you know? it's We have Metallica at home.
01:08:27
Speaker
Yeah, like...
01:08:31
Speaker
1 through 15 is a lot of guns and whips and hammers.
01:08:39
Speaker
ah More than swords. know this is going to be a fucking web P even before I download it. I know it is.
01:08:47
Speaker
yeah Is it from a wiki? It's from a wiki. yeah that's That's how it happens. That's how they get you. That's how they get you every time.
01:09:00
Speaker
and look And I know I can convert them. I shouldn't have to.
01:09:06
Speaker
It's the principle. It's the principle of the thing. It's the principle of the thing. ah don't know. like They're pretty cool. they're i think they're probably... i don't think they're as cool as Shatterstar Swords, but I think they're cooler than you think Shatterstar Swords are.
01:09:25
Speaker
So, seven. i would so i would put them maybe at six. Six. Okay. Sure. Alright, let me get this non-WebP image in here.
01:09:41
Speaker
you You know that Akewood comic about the guy who invented Comic Sans? Yes. I feel like that about whoever invented
01:09:57
Speaker
it doesn't work. It is a baffling image format. Baffling. I would love for someone to tell me what the purpose of it is.
01:10:11
Speaker
Like, why is it better than a PNG?
01:10:16
Speaker
Why is it better a PNG? Why is it better than a JPEG? Yeah. Oh, because it because it can not work. Because i needed I needed to use a fucking plug-in in Photoshop for a year?
01:10:31
Speaker
Because I can't use it with Google Docs? Right. I can't put it in a Google Doc. So, even though Google created it. Yeah. Maybe it's like wearing a watch instead of using your phone. Like, it only does one thing. You can look at it.
01:10:47
Speaker
Hmm. Maybe. Like, you don't get distracted trying to use this image in anything.
01:10:54
Speaker
Here's our next submission, Chris. It's from Patrick O'Duffy, the boss dog.
01:11:00
Speaker
It's Durandal, the Sword of Roland.
01:11:06
Speaker
No, that's also in Castlevania. that is that That sword is in Castlevania, but this is specifically the sword from the Le Chanson de Roland.
01:11:20
Speaker
ah The... the the you know the
01:11:25
Speaker
ah ah legend this is This is the historical all Durandal. I don't know where you put the accent on that. I guess it's French?
01:11:38
Speaker
Durandal? It's French. It might be Durandal. ah But nonetheless, yes, this ah this is a sword, because it's much like Masamune.
01:11:51
Speaker
This is a ah legendary sword that has been put into a lot of video games. Yes. ah But its legendary properties ah include A, being and indestructible, and B, cutting through boulders with a single strike.
01:12:07
Speaker
Correct. Yes.
Legendary Swords Discussion
01:12:08
Speaker
That's pretty cool. Yeah. it is here here's some Here are some facts about Durandal. um It was forged by Wayland the Smith. It's indestructible. The hilt contains a tooth of St. Peter, the blood of Basil of Caesarea, some hair of Saint Denis, and a piece of the raiment of Mary, Mother of Jesus. that Considering that Charlemagne's sword only had ah nail from the crucifixion, that's a lot to go into like one of his boy's swords.
01:12:40
Speaker
ah ro Roland used it to kill many men, chopping them and their horses in half with a single blow. ah Much like the Dragon Slayer. Much like Guts, yeah. yes I gotta say, that's not... i I do not imagine that that is a very...
01:12:59
Speaker
Marian or Peter-inspired move. Like, when I think about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and St. Peter... I do not think of... Chopping horses in half? Chopping dudes half.
01:13:15
Speaker
Yeah. yeah I feel like that's... The thing is, it's not that big. Yeah, it's just like a regular sport. It doesn't look big enough to chop a horse in half.
01:13:28
Speaker
Does it have like an energy beam that comes out of it to to go through that whole horse? I mean, Matt, we got high and talked about what would happen if you gave people in Bayou Tapestry times access to Dragon Ball.
01:13:44
Speaker
That's a good point. And sadly, that did not happen. ah so but Some other facts about it. ah It's... ah the real version of it theoretically exists, but it was stolen from the French commune of Rocamador by Henry the third.
01:14:00
Speaker
Uh, Rocamador also had a replica sticking out of a stone wall until it was also stolen last year. what Last year, last year, 2024. Wow. Okay. Uh,
01:14:13
Speaker
and it also, and Patrick notes, it also shows up in a bunch of video games. Um,
01:14:20
Speaker
the The whole like having a bunch of relics in the hill is pretty great. that That's my favorite thing about it, I gotta say. yeah Yeah, no, like, I guess the reason the reason that... Okay, so Joyeuse, the Sword of Charlemagne, has a nail from the crucifixion.
01:14:46
Speaker
So a Jesus relic is stronger than a Saint-Denis, Saint-Peter, and Mary relic? That tracks. Yeah. like okay Something specifically from Jesus out, it trumps even three combined relics from saints.
01:15:04
Speaker
From saints? Yeah. but I buy that. Including including Mary?
01:15:13
Speaker
Yeah. i i maybe Maybe it's equivalent. Yeah. Those three to one nail from the crucifixion. I mean, that like kind of the you know like odd man out there is Saint-Denis. Well, it's French. it's it's because Yeah, it's French.
01:15:35
Speaker
let's Let's see here. ah Probably Saint-Denis of Paris, yes? That's a good guess. I i don't know where Saint-Denis is from.
01:15:46
Speaker
oh
01:15:49
Speaker
the The patron ah against frenzy, strife, and headaches.
01:15:57
Speaker
so Okay. and And a notorious ah oh oh cephalophore carrying his own head around.
01:16:08
Speaker
Correct. Yeah, that's – in many statues and paintings of Saint-Denis carrying yeah his own head around. He was beheaded and then picked up his own head and then walked several miles while preaching a sermon. Which, it does rule.
01:16:22
Speaker
Hey, if you could do it, do it. So I would say that that's probably where it gets its indestructibility. From the hair? Yeah. Yeah.
01:16:34
Speaker
okay ah Was it the hair of... It was the blood of Saint-Denis.
01:16:42
Speaker
Oh, they're different. they're different It's the blood of Basil of Caesarea. Oh, Basil of Caesarea.
01:16:50
Speaker
Let's see. Basil of... we gotta sort this out. Patron of Russia. ah patron of ah russia ah hospital administrators, reformers, monks, education, exorcisms.
01:17:06
Speaker
So it obviously does holy damage. Does holy damage. that's That's what the blood of Basil ah it's not does. oh like It doesn't sound like Durandal was used in battle against demons, mostly Saracens, it seems, and horses.
01:17:26
Speaker
ah But probably would be pretty good against them.
01:17:30
Speaker
ah that that That cathedral in Moscow is named after Basil. or basil ah That famous famous cathedral with the onion tops on the spires.
01:17:48
Speaker
Now, are we are we allowing... Okay, is it taken as read? Is it taken as given that this sword is not as good as Joyeux's?
01:18:04
Speaker
I mean, that's up to us, I think. Well, that's what I'm saying. is like Because that sets ah that sets a ceiling. That means like the maximum it can be is 9, assuming that we give Joyeuse 10. which we Which I have not said we will do.
01:18:17
Speaker
Who is determining that? Who is determining that Joyeuse is above it? I mean, Charlemagne. Right?
01:18:28
Speaker
like it like well but Well, why do we have to believe Charlemagne? He was in charge. Matt, he was the Holy Roman Emperor.
01:18:43
Speaker
Alright, then... then like He kinda has to have the best sword, right? I mean... Is Joyeuse said to have cut men and horses ah in half at the same time?
01:18:56
Speaker
I mean, well... I don't know.
01:19:01
Speaker
ah We know where Joyeuse
01:19:05
Speaker
Well, ah it's a sword identified as Joya's. yeah We don't know that it's the that it's actually it, that's true but that's what but people say it's the sword. yeah ah Let's see.
01:19:20
Speaker
i don't know if we if we have like...
01:19:31
Speaker
Let's see. The Joyas we have today is like a real ship of Theseus Joyas. At the very least. For sure. yeah But... it's It's definitely been restored and... Yeah.
01:19:47
Speaker
Yeah.
01:19:50
Speaker
ah like I don't know. don't know what Joyas' powers are. let's here Let's text Benito.
01:19:59
Speaker
I mean, ah I don't think there's a whole lot about it other than
01:20:06
Speaker
Charlemagne just had it.
01:20:09
Speaker
Okay. The sword. Okay, here we go. This is from the Song of Roland. ah Charlemagne was wearing his fine white coat of mail and his helmet with gold studded stones.
01:20:20
Speaker
By his side hung Joyeux and never was there a sword to match it. Its color changed 30 times a day.
01:20:29
Speaker
Kind of a wild thing to for a sword. it's Its color changed 30 times a day.
01:20:39
Speaker
mean, that sounds like it had lasers. Yeah. But it does say there was never a sword to match it. And if that's from the Song of Roland, that means Durandal is not as good as Joyo's.
01:20:51
Speaker
Oh, okay. It wasn't just a nail from the crucifixion. It was the head of a lance that pierced Jesus' side. Oh, the lance Longinus, yeah. That's correct, yes. ah
01:21:04
Speaker
So, okay. So that's a pretty that's a pretty spectacular ah relic to have in your swords. hilt yeah Yeah, for sure.
01:21:18
Speaker
And also was made from the same stuff as Durandal.
01:21:25
Speaker
Right. However, there there are not as many ah like you know legendary stories of it doing incredible acts like there are with Durandal.
01:21:43
Speaker
Hmm, hmm, hmm. I think they might be like kind of on par here.
01:21:50
Speaker
Does... Durandal can't change color, though. Not 30 times a day. Not 30 times a day. Are we kidding? Ridiculous. I mean, it can turn red if there's a horse around, I'll tell you that.
01:22:03
Speaker
Yeah, it'll turn it'll change color once when it chops a horse in half. I mean, Durandal's sound seems pretty fucking cool, honestly. It seems pretty fucking cool, I gotta say. It's got four Saint Relics.
01:22:16
Speaker
All right, here's what I'm going to say. We give it a nine. We give it a nine? Yeah. i can tired I'm fine with that. And then if if if we get Joyeuse, we'll determine if it's also a nine or if it jumps up to ten.
01:22:31
Speaker
Okay, all right. That makes sense. All right.
01:22:38
Speaker
It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool sword. I gotta Pretty cool sword. It's pretty cool sword. Chopping a horse in half is hard. I don't know that from experience, but I know that from seeing a horse.
01:22:48
Speaker
I think you can be fairly assured that chopping a horse... Horses are notably thick and dense.
01:23:00
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Hey, are we talking hamburger or hot dog style? Great question. I don't know. Are you chopping them? Well, if you're going to chop the rider and the horse in half at the same time, it's got to be hamburger.
01:23:18
Speaker
It's got to be like a vertical cut. It's got to be a vertical cut. Yeah. yeah that's That's intense because that's a lot of horse to get through. I mean, it's even more horse to get through if you're going horizontal, though.
01:23:33
Speaker
if you're Well, I'm thinking if you're facing... Well, okay. I'm thinking if we're facing the horse, do we go vertical, head to tail, cut it in half?
01:23:44
Speaker
So we've got so we've got a half a horse with half a head on each side, right? But if you are standing next to the horse, like ah like looking at the horse from the side, are you doing a vertical strike there...
01:23:59
Speaker
So you've got a tail end and a head end, or are you doing a horizontal when you're looking at it from the side? So you've got a top half and a bottom half and also half a dude.
01:24:17
Speaker
Yeah, this there's a lot of like figuring out that has to be done to make that really work. ah All right. This is going to have to be our last one, I think. ah For this episode. This is from Jolene.
01:24:32
Speaker
This is. Tatsu Yamashiro's. Soul taker. o Now what is this from? This is from DC Comics. Tatsu Yamashiro.
01:24:45
Speaker
Katana. yeah yeah
01:24:48
Speaker
ah For some reason. I did not recognize her civilian name. Which is wild. For me.
01:24:57
Speaker
um The Soul Taker's pretty fucking cool, dude. Yeah, it takes people's souls. Yeah, it' it's got her husband's soul in it. Yeah, her husband's in there. Her husband's in there, man.
01:25:13
Speaker
Katana is such a wild character. Katana's a wild character. Katana is honestly kind of bananas. Yeah.
01:25:26
Speaker
oh she's She's got a katana.
01:25:31
Speaker
And it's called the Soul Taker. And it ah had her husband's in it. Everything about katana is ah exactly what it says.
01:25:44
Speaker
she's She's got a katana. The katana is called Soul Taker. It is katana. It takes souls. Yep. You know what's especially wild about katana?
01:25:56
Speaker
What's that? She was one of the original Outsiders, right? ah Yes. She, I believe, makes her first appearance in Batman the Outsiders number one. she Apparently she was in Brave the Bold number 200 first.
01:26:09
Speaker
but Oh, well, that that's the preview of Batman and the Outsiders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, she's so yes she she was originally one of the Outsiders.
01:26:20
Speaker
So she was on Batman's team, right? And Batman is a guy who's like, don't kill. But she's a lady with swords that takes souls away.
01:26:36
Speaker
No, she is like like... Black Lightning can you know stun you ah with with lightning and like fucking Geophores can just kind of like throw rocks at you.
01:26:49
Speaker
There's kind of only one thing a katana named Soul Taker can do. yeah I guess there's two. It can kill or maim. It could maim, but like more often than not... She could just be cutting dude's arms off.
01:27:05
Speaker
Right. just just Just pretty wild that her first team and appearance was on Batman's team, The Outsiders. Yeah. That's a real that's a real Conan the Adventurer situation that she's in.
01:27:24
Speaker
Absolutely. yeah Maybe I could just wave this sword around and kick people. ah don't know, man. It's a pretty cool. like I would say we haven't gotten a ton of swords from the DC universe.
01:27:36
Speaker
We got Deathstroke swords. Yeah, they suck. well the that we Specifically that one sword of Deathstroke. But I would say like as far as DC Comics swords go, the SoulTaker's kind of up there.
01:27:49
Speaker
It might be the best one. Yeah, it's... Here's some interesting notes about SoulTaker from the DC database. um It has a twin that is non-powered.
01:28:03
Speaker
So it a a matching sword that does not reap souls from those it kills. It was forged in the 14th century by Muramasa. That's a famous sword guy.
01:28:17
Speaker
Yep. Due to its magical properties, the sword is able to penetrate the skin of Kryptonians as well as deflect heat vision. Badass. Badass, yeah.
01:28:28
Speaker
Deflecting heat vision is badass.
01:28:35
Speaker
Is that it? Is that all the trivia we got on this one? That's the trivia on Katana current... post-New 52 Katana's DC database page.
01:28:48
Speaker
I'm looking at the other like DC Comics swords that I know about. And... I gotta say, I don't think... Wonder Woman's, and like, absolute Wonder Woman sword is ah is about the best.
01:29:08
Speaker
Like, that's a 10. It's great, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh...
01:29:16
Speaker
But yeah, man, I kind of... I'm kind of thinking this is maybe the like
01:29:27
Speaker
second best sword in DC Comics.
Sword Rating Debate
01:29:33
Speaker
um We might fig find otherwise if we if we're reminded of a sword that is very good. But I'm not thinking of any right now.
01:29:43
Speaker
Yeah.
01:29:48
Speaker
It's pretty good. i
01:29:50
Speaker
I would say it's got to be an 8.
01:29:56
Speaker
An 8 or a 9. I would give it an 8 or a 9, yeah. I don't know if I would give it a 9 because...
01:30:07
Speaker
but and just that i don't know if this is a criticism of the sword, so maybe maybe maybe check me on this one, Matt. All right. As you said, it's a sword she can't really do much with.
01:30:22
Speaker
Well, not when she's on a Batman team. Not when she's on a Batman team. Yeah. Like, she's not gonna fucking shove the Joker's soul in there. I mean, much like something we've determined is not a sword, ah Wolverine's claws.
01:30:38
Speaker
Like... Wolverine kills a lot of guys with his claws. But when he's with the regular X-Men, a lot less, right? Yeah.
01:30:49
Speaker
It's kind of like, especially like back in the day, like back in the Bronze Age, it was kind of a big deal for Wolverine to kill dudes with his claws. Yeah. it' Now he's doing it all the time, but yeah. yeah ah I feel like it's the same situation with Katana.
01:31:05
Speaker
Where, like,
01:31:09
Speaker
on her own... She can kill as many people with her sword as she wants to. Take as many souls as she wants to. She's married to that sword, Matt.
01:31:22
Speaker
She's married to that sword. like That sword is her lawfully wedded husband. here Okay. ah But like, on a team, and and often when she appears in DC Comics, for obvious reasons, she can't use it to its full effect.
01:31:40
Speaker
Mm-hmm. i if If that's a reason to make it an 8, I get it. I get it.
01:31:48
Speaker
i I will say, the one thing that's maybe making me push towards 9 is that I don't own anything so cool that everyone just calls me by what that is.
01:32:02
Speaker
Fair point, yeah. You know? Like, I don't know what I would have to own... For my name to be that thing.
01:32:13
Speaker
And not even, like... Her name's not even SoulTaker. Her name's Katana.
01:32:21
Speaker
So, like... How cool would you have to be for just, like, your name to be Sword? You'd have to be very cool, yeah. yeah The Sword would have to be pretty fucking rad.
01:32:33
Speaker
Even with that in mind, though...
01:32:37
Speaker
I think eight, the more I think about it, the more I think eight is correct. All right. if If that's the gut feeling for the Soul Taker, then I say we we we give it an eight. Solid eight.
01:32:49
Speaker
I'm looking at some other DC Comics swords. Asriel has a lot of them. Asriel does have a lot of swords. He got that one that's on fire, for sure. He's got the Sword of Salvation.
01:33:02
Speaker
He's got the Sword of Sin. Well, of course. that yeah That's the one that's on fire. Got the Sword of the Spirit. Yep. That's the Bible. There's the Super Sword of Krypton.
01:33:15
Speaker
Uh-huh. Which Perry White, the Black Knight, had. Yeah, man, that's back in the Silver Age. Yeah. um There is...
01:33:28
Speaker
The Sword of Night. That's what Nightmaster has. That's Nightmaster's sword. Which, does it does keep you young, which is nice, and fights demons, which is pretty cool.
01:33:39
Speaker
Alright, there's the Sunblade, which was the Divine Blade that Talia al Ghul now has, which was created by Hephaestus for Apollo, which is made out of nth metal.
01:33:51
Speaker
Mmm. Mmm. pardon no Sorry, it's made out of the 8th metal. um That's one of the swords from Dark Days the Casting. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Matt, you didn't have tell me that.
01:34:02
Speaker
I don't know about the Eighth Metal. I know about the Ninth Metal. I know about Batmanium and Dionysium. Of course. ah So those are some DC Comics swords.
01:34:17
Speaker
ah we I mean, Soul Taker...
01:34:20
Speaker
introducing a character and being like, what's up? This is Katana. She has a Katana. It's also her husband. That's a bold fucking move.
Conclusion and Future Content
01:34:28
Speaker
It's like W. Barr knew how to do it.
01:34:36
Speaker
ah But i think eight is good. I think we're right on the money with eight. for sight
01:34:42
Speaker
I think Wonder Woman's sword will probably get a ten. But we'll cross that sword when we come to it. Absolute Wonder Woman's sword. Absolute Wonder Woman's sword. Regular Wonder Woman sword? That's like a six.
01:34:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. ah All right. That's it for this sword rating session. If you would like to send us a sword to rate, ah do it at our email address, preferably with pictures.
01:35:12
Speaker
at warrocketpodcast at gmail.com. That email address is also where you can send Every Story Ever lists, or ah if you let us know if you want to sponsor the show there, or you can send listener questions, or drop us a line about whatever else you want to let us know about.
01:35:29
Speaker
You can follow us on Blue Sky. warrocketajax.com is what we are on Blue Sky. We're on Tumblr, warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com.
01:35:38
Speaker
You can also join our Discord. If you ask us nicely for an invitation to our Discord, we will send you one, and you can join over there and be part of that community. We also have our website, warrocketajax.com, that has every episode of the show we've ever done.
01:35:57
Speaker
warrocketwiki.com is the fan run place. for all kinds of information about this show, War Rocket Ajax, of which there are now 734 episodes.
01:36:11
Speaker
If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com.
01:36:23
Speaker
That is my website. It's got links to everything I do, as well as some stuff you can read. If you haven't checked it out in the past, i don't know. Eight years. there's a There's some ah stuff that you can read there. I wrote ah three new pieces for that that I thought were pretty fun that I'm pretty proud of over the past year.
01:36:42
Speaker
ah Lengthy. Lengthy bits. ah You can also find my comics. And if you're my mom, you can find my Amazon wish list and get me a birthday present. But I don't think she listens. so But I gotta put it someplace where she can find it.
01:36:58
Speaker
Hi, Debbie. Hi, Debbie.
01:37:02
Speaker
Thanks for listening, everybody. ah We'll be back next week with another episode. I think... If all goes right... Perhaps Hickmania will begin? na we've got a we've got a a visit from an old friend next week. Oh, okay. We've got a guest next week. And then, after that, Hickmania. but Hickmania is going to start with Dark Reign Fantastic Four. So... ah that's That's where we're going to start.
01:37:27
Speaker
He's American! Maid. going be
01:37:37
Speaker
good time. See next week, everybody. See you next week, everybody. Join us then. And until then, do not forget Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime. And fear it free Palestine.
01:37:50
Speaker
Cops, they're not your friends.
01:37:53
Speaker
But we love you. We love you.