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Episode 731 - I to X of Swords: Jian
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We unexpectedly find our first I, a real bottom chopper, as we rate more swords on this episode!
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Transcript
Introduction and Zencastr Promotion
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster or you want to be a podcaster and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster.
00:00:12
Speaker
They also have hosting options and you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes or in the episode description and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
Hosts' Personal Anecdotes and Preferences
00:00:28
Speaker
Slytus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
00:00:39
Speaker
got one rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminator X-Z-Y-O-S-T
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always is Matt Wilson.
00:01:04
Speaker
Matt, a seemingly innocuous thing that I simply do not fuck with oh is self-checkout. you You won't do self-checkout?
00:01:16
Speaker
I do not do self-checkout. Interesting. Interesting. I do sell checkout all the time. That's that's great, Matt. um When are they going to start paying you?
00:01:28
Speaker
Great point. Yeah, but I don't work there. I like to bag my own groceries. I mean, that's I do have to bag my own groceries regardless, but but yeah, man, I do not mess with sell checkout.
00:01:41
Speaker
That's them trying to get rid of jobs. That's true. And make me do more work to pay them money. Oh, I'll tell you a seemingly innocuous thing I don't fuck with. Raking leaves.
00:01:56
Speaker
ah Don't do it. I don't do it. Now, is there a philosophical reason behind that? but One is I don't want to do it. But two is is i've I've seen multiple things in recent years about how like raking leaves actually –
00:02:13
Speaker
ah ah gets rid of and eliminates and harms biodiversity and and ah the health of like the ecosystem. So I'm not going to do it.
00:02:25
Speaker
Yeah, man, I agree. Along those same tokens, I don't fuck with leaf blowers. ah No one should fuck with leaf blowers. i I had a neighbor this week ask to borrow my ladder, which I own because I'm a dad.
00:02:42
Speaker
You're a dad, yeah. And I don't have any children, but I but i am a dad. but Matt is a homeowner who owns a ladder, and which, as we all know, is be is what being a dad is.
00:02:54
Speaker
Yeah, and a gas can. I also have a gas can. Well, yes, Matt. Obviously, everyone knows that. you're if you're a dad, like that is a given. but so i had a neighbor ask to borrow my ladder, and I said, sure.
00:03:07
Speaker
And he was like, um yeah, we got this power washer. And i was like, oh, yeah. I might buy borrow your power washer at some point because I think my house needs a little power washing.
00:03:19
Speaker
And he was like, yeah, we've also got this gas-powered leaf blower that people around the neighborhood are using. And I didn't immediately go, not going to use it. But I'm not going to use it.
00:03:30
Speaker
But you did think it? I absolutely did think that because they're so fucking loud. And they don't fucking do... What are you doing with a leaf blower, man?
00:03:44
Speaker
I'll use ah ah like a small blower like to like get grass clippings out of the road, but I will not do one of those like big, loud, gas-powered leaf blowers that make so much noise.
00:04:00
Speaker
ain't your fucking keyboard, man. Yeah. it's like It's so much noisier and also like literally takes more time than raking. Yeah. I don't judge like, and know what? Raking is quiet. i don't but I don't rake or leaf blow.
00:04:16
Speaker
Fuck them both. Word.
Patreon Support and Listener Engagement
00:04:19
Speaker
Chris, we got a great show for everybody this week. We do. you know what You know what we do fuck with? Swords. Swords. It's time to do one to ten of swords yet again.
00:04:30
Speaker
Stick around and hear that. here Hear us talk about some swords little bit later in show. already leave from hearing the two oldest men in the world start their podcast. ah The two most in their 40s men talk about grocery shopping and yard work.
00:04:47
Speaker
really Before we get to raiding swords, Chris, we do have some business to take care of. The first piece of business is thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon. That's right, Matt. Now, these are the people who want to help support the show.
00:05:03
Speaker
They don't need... To send in self-addressed stamped envelope. They don't need a wire transfer. They don't need to go down to their local Western Union. They don't need no kettlebells.
00:05:15
Speaker
All they need to do is go on down to 731 Gimmick Street, a.k.a. Patreon.com slash WarRocketAjax, where they can kick in as little as a dollar a month to help us keep doing the show.
00:05:28
Speaker
Keep doing all the spinoffs and fun stuff that we do. and Help us do Comics Catch-Up and Movie Fighters and all that good stuff. And most importantly, because they do keep sending them, help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called Bills.
00:05:41
Speaker
What you're also doing, if you're at the $15 level or higher, is helping us out here um the gim in the gri Gimmick Street Preservation Society to continue to keep Gimmick Street beautiful.
00:05:56
Speaker
And keep it weird. Keep it beautiful and weird, like it says on the t-shirts they sell. That's right. Now, before I say who has bought the naming rights for 731 Gimmick Street, i did I do need to go back to 730 Gimmick Street for one second.
00:06:14
Speaker
Because we quibbled with Chris Kaiser's Gimmick Street naming rights. system, or decision to name that address at 730 Gimmick Street. This is our new this is our new segment, Quiblin' with the Kais.
00:06:31
Speaker
That's right. Because we said, i said, son, Darkseid. And what he actually wrote was son of Darkseid, referring to Orion. um So I must apologize. I was trying to talk and read at the same time, um which we all know.
00:06:49
Speaker
can lead to disaster. So I want to apologize to Chris for that. You know Matt can only do one thing. That's right. I can only do one thing at a time. um but And that's me, Lady Sovereign.
00:07:04
Speaker
Start saying cookies instead of biscuits. Get random, Matt. 730 Gimmick Street, that's settled. That's old business. 731 Gimmick Street has been named by ted Who wants the tenant at 731 Gimmick Street to be the intersection of Gimmick Street with Danny the c street.
00:07:26
Speaker
e It's weird that it happens that it will probably be in the middle of a block, but what you can say, can you say Danny's weird like that? This is actually, I think, the start of, well, it's the start of the 730s, at least.
00:07:38
Speaker
so Well, 7, yeah, yeah. 730 would be the start of the 30s, and 731's across the street. So yeah. yeah That's the right place for it to be. Yeah, so the intersection with Danny the Street is at 731 Gimmick Street. Have we not had an intersection with Danny the Street? I mean, look, I know that Danny is not straight as a street, ah but have we not had an intersection with Danny already?
00:08:11
Speaker
Not that I'm aware of. Not that I'm aware of. Go on down to... but he Here's what's weird, is that there's still not anything at 731 Gimmick Street. Because that's just across Street.
00:08:25
Speaker
I guess, ah yeah, we're dedicating it to the the intersection with Danny the Street. It's only on one side. so only on one Well, yeah, it's the start of Danny of the Street.
00:08:38
Speaker
Right. So thank you, Ted, for sending that in. Here's our newest Patreon supporter. Is that dude Ted Anderson, or is that a different Ted? I believe it is Ted Anderson. Yeah. No last name given on Patreon, but I believe it is Ted Anderson.
00:08:52
Speaker
Our newest Patreon supporter, Chris, is Ian Chambers. Chambers? Ian Chambers. The second Ian Negan? That's right.
00:09:04
Speaker
There was Ian Negan, and now there's Ian Chambers. And he's got two Patreon donations. That's right. Thank you, Ian. We appreciate it. I'm sorry we have made a joke that for reasons that have nothing to do with you does involve your name.
00:09:23
Speaker
If you would like to be like Ian and help us out here on the show, you can go to patreon.com slash warrockandajax and kick in as little as $1 per month to make sure that we do this show every single week, that we do Every Story Ever specials monthly, that we do Comics Catch-Up monthly.
00:09:39
Speaker
We'll be talking about the Robin miniseries from 1991, shortly. Oh, you know we're going to be talking about King's Snake. You know we're going to talking about King's Snake.
00:09:50
Speaker
We're going to be talking about the Sensei. going to be talking about King's Snake. We're going to talking about Paris. And then Hong Kong. It's only in Paris for like one issue.
00:10:03
Speaker
But Matt, stuff mal he'll always have Paris. He'll always have Paris. That's true. We're to be talking about Charles charles Dixon. Shiva. Got to talk about Shiva. Got to talk about Shiva.
00:10:15
Speaker
You help make that possible. You help make Movie Fighters and Snack Situation possible. Snack Situation should be coming maybe next week. I have filled my refrigerator with water ice to try for Snack Situation.
00:10:32
Speaker
ah So all of that stuff is made possible by your support on Patreon. And as a patron, you get every single one of those shows completely ad-free on your own special Patreon feed. That's at any level of Patreon.
00:10:48
Speaker
At the $5 level, you get bonus content. That's bonus audio that we record, stuff I cut out of the show, outtakes that I put on Patreon. um That's writing that Chris and I have done exclusively for Patreon. That's over there, too.
00:11:03
Speaker
um All of that stuff, you can go over to Patreon and get at the $5 level. At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which are currently 1 to 10 of sorts and Every Story Ever.
00:11:18
Speaker
At the $15 level, you get to name an address on Kimmick Street. And at the $20 level, you get a t-shirt. I have put in the order for the 2025 or Rocket Ajax t-shirt.
00:11:29
Speaker
ah So I should be getting those shirts within the next couple of weeks. And then I should be sending them out by the end of July, early August. So ah be on the lookout for those if you're at the t-shirt level.
00:11:44
Speaker
If you're unable to help us monetarily, you can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use. We would very, very much appreciate that. That would be a great thing to do.
00:11:55
Speaker
Or you can spread the word about the show, give us some good word of mouth, let your friends and family know about this show or Rocket Ajax, and then tell them to back our Patreon ah to get that number up. We are currently at 430 paid patrons.
00:12:11
Speaker
um We'd love to get that to a beast. And you can help make that happen.
00:12:18
Speaker
Chris, with that, it's time for some checks and recs. What
Hyenas, Dungeons & Dragons, and Batman
00:12:20
Speaker
do you say? I think we should, Matt. Chris, what would you like to check in with this week? Matt, did you know hyenas are cats?
00:12:29
Speaker
I think I do that, yeah. How did you know that? I don't know. I i just i figured they they were one of the big cats. did You didn't think they were dogs?
00:12:42
Speaker
Feel a form. Yes. Yeah.
00:12:49
Speaker
You know hyenas were cats?
00:12:54
Speaker
I thought they were dogs. Is it because of the noses? It's because they look and sound like dogs. Yeah.
00:13:03
Speaker
They go, that's not a cat noise. You got a cat? You know. They have spots like cats, though. Dogs famously have spots.
00:13:15
Speaker
i It's one of the most popular dog names ever, is spot. No, no, no. I don't mean... but Both cats and dogs have spots.
00:13:26
Speaker
I'm saying hyenas have spots like cats. Listen. so Those types of spots. Listen. I was talking on on on a social media, which we all know is a bad idea, but I had some thoughts about Dungeons & Dragons that I wanted to get down on on digital paper.
00:13:46
Speaker
And this led to me talking about how there's too many kinds of bird people in D&D, And I'm not saying we shouldn't have those bird people. I'm not saying we shouldn't have the little penguin guys, because I like the little penguin guys.
00:14:02
Speaker
I just don't think the penguin guys need to be mechanically distinct from the ah the three other kinds of bird guys.
00:14:11
Speaker
Because there's bird guys, owl guys, penguin guys, and another bird guys that I can't even remember right now.
00:14:24
Speaker
And this led to me talking about how there's only one kind of cat person, and if they can do all of cats in one kind of of creature, then they can do all of birds in one kind of creature.
00:14:36
Speaker
Because cats, there's a lot of different cats. And people were like, oh, but there's a lot of kinds of birds. And i'm like, yeah, but we call them all birds. You're not listening to me. This led to me talking about gnolls, which are hyena people,
00:14:50
Speaker
And I called them dog people, and I was corrected, and then I had to completely readjust the way that I interact with and think about the world. Well, if it makes you feel any better... It won't.
00:15:02
Speaker
Hyenas are in the filiform sub-order. Uh-huh. But the family that they are in is not a cat family.
00:15:13
Speaker
It's a carnivore family that also includes mongooses. Yeah, but it makes sense to me that mongooses are cats. the The other animals in the in the order are not cats.
00:15:27
Speaker
ah Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're more they're closely they're more closely related to cats than they are to dogs. Matt, look as you know, I am a binary thinker. There's some disagreement. If if you go to but the but Britannica website, um this will make you feel better. If you go to the Britannica website, it says hyena, any of three species of course, furred dog-like carnivores.
00:15:50
Speaker
Yes. like They're not actually in the the family of... either cats or dogs. They're a separate, different thing. Although they they are in the filiformia suborder. Yes, they're closer to... They're cats and not dogs.
00:16:07
Speaker
They're not dogs. They're cats. They're not dogs, but they're not technically cats either. They're basically cats. I pride myself.
00:16:19
Speaker
I pride myself, Matt. You know this about me. I pride myself on being able to tell which animals are cats and which animals are dogs. Sure.
00:16:29
Speaker
And now, I don't know what anything is anymore. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. But hyenas are cats, apparently, everybody.
00:16:41
Speaker
We're all ah learning, changing, and evolving. Well, I am. You apparently knew this all the time and didn't tell me.
00:16:53
Speaker
Guess I'm just out here on my own being a fool while Matt Wilson's laughing at me behind my back. Like a hyena. Like a cat?
00:17:07
Speaker
Like a hyena. Not like the noble dog. Matt, what were you doing while I was having my entire perception of reality warped? I have been continuing to play my rec from last week, Nine Souls.
00:17:22
Speaker
Which is ah very good game. I do think... So I've i've gotten to the final boss of the game. And I have determined that while it is a good Metroidvania, I do think it has perhaps been a little overhyped.
00:17:42
Speaker
I've seen multiple people say it's like the best Metroidvania since Hollow Knight. And personally, i think I liked Hollow Knight much better.
00:17:55
Speaker
Hollow Knight had a lot more secrets to find. Night's Souls has some secrets to find, but I think it does a lot more getting by on kind of like atmosphere and story and vibes, which is all great.
00:18:11
Speaker
There's one cutscene that is excellent where... it it's It has an almost Berserk-like quality.
00:18:23
Speaker
ah And I won't say more than that, but there are definitely points in the game that made me think of Berserk. I will say this, though. The final boss is too fucking hard.
00:18:35
Speaker
oh I'm saying this as a person who plays those hard games. The ones I don't like. That you aren't a fan of, Chris, but that I enjoy quite a bit. The final boss is too fucking hard.
00:18:48
Speaker
Man, you gotta give me an alternative to parrying. Like, I understand that, you know, parrying is the mechanic you wanted to explore in your game.
00:19:03
Speaker
But the good thing about like all of the FromSoft games is you could parry or you could dodge.
00:19:11
Speaker
Like, virtually in all of them, you have the option to either parry or dodge. ah In Nine Souls, you pretty much got a parry. um So while I do still recommend the game, um i will say, like most of the bosses in the game are difficult, but to reasonable degree.
00:19:33
Speaker
um the bo The final boss of Nine Souls, I don't know if I'm even going to finish. like It's going to take so many tries to get the rhythm down and figure out her exact patterns.
00:19:46
Speaker
better I don't know. i don't I don't know if going to do it. But I enjoyed the game very much ah up until that point where it really spiked in difficulty. So I just wanted to give a quick update on that and check in.
00:20:03
Speaker
Chris, now it's time to make some recommendations. What do you have to recommend? Matt, here's another thing people didn't tell me. They did a treasury-sized reprint of Untold Legend of the Batman.
00:20:17
Speaker
Cool. Yes. did. Very cool. Detective Comics Comics. Great. DC Comics did, baby. i was at a local comics and games store the other day purchasing some some Dungeons & Dragons items.
00:20:31
Speaker
And, of course, I have a finely tuned sense for pictures of Batman. So i looked, and there's a beautiful 10x13.5-inch reprint of Untold Legend of the Batman, which may have been my very first Batman comic and was one of my favorite comics as a kid.
00:20:54
Speaker
This is the 1980 Len Wein, John Byrne, Jim Apero, catch-you-up-on-Batman's-whole-origin-story, going back to the entirety of the Silver and Bronze Age.
00:21:07
Speaker
Three issues. And it's great, and I love it. And it turns out, I believe this book reprints all three issues in that giant-sized format. It is on newsprint, ah but it also reprints the ads.
00:21:22
Speaker
it's like it's ah like It's a facsimile edition. That's cool. It's extremely cool, and I am very excited to own it. If you are a person who likes Batman, and I can only imagine that you are...
00:21:39
Speaker
Because if not, why are you here? You should check this out. It's a really great book. A beautiful ah reprint of some bananas kind of like the weird.
00:21:55
Speaker
I once referred to it as ah drawn by the artistic clusterfuck of John Byrne and Jim Apero, because apparently nobody was sure who was going to draw it. Go get it Read it, and imagine me, at like, five, reading this book and seeing the cutaway and floor plan of the Batcave, and finding out about all the Batman villains, and how Alfred liberated concentration camps, and got it on with Mademoiselle Marie. And the the shape of my life from that point forward...
00:22:29
Speaker
which has led me to here. I don't usually recommend comics in the recommendation section because that's what the rest of the the show is for. But I don't know when this came out. I just know it's recent. ah so apparently it was like Apparently it was like January of this year.
00:22:45
Speaker
And no one told me. Well, it's it apparently snuck by everybody based on what I'm reading right now because it was not solicited either. Oh, weird.
00:22:56
Speaker
Yeah. Well, go get it, and if it's snuck by everybody, then that's fine. Then I won't talk about how tired I am of fake friends and being hurt. Matt,
00:23:11
Speaker
what are ah you recommending to the people today? Well, ah Chris, you may know that sometimes on the show, I will talk about whatever YouTube channel I have been watching a lot of lately, because...
00:23:29
Speaker
something I like to do while I'm working is just have, you know, YouTube videos on in the background. I can't really listen to music ah while work because it's, it's weirdly distracting to me, but ah for, for whatever reason, I don't, I don't quite know why it's, it makes a difference, but I can watch YouTube videos or have YouTube videos on in the background.
00:23:57
Speaker
No problem. The YouTube videos that I've been watching a lot of lately, i think they get recommended a lot. I don't know. i Maybe it's just for me, but like I think his videos are very popular or are gained a lot of popularity, and so they started showing up in my recommendations a lot.
00:24:15
Speaker
And at first, when videos get recommended to me, I sort of push back against them to be like, no, no, I'm not going to do what you tell me.
00:24:27
Speaker
In classic Rage Against the Machine style. Yeah, you and Tom Murillo, baby. Yeah. um But finally, i was just like, okay, fine, I'll watch these videos. um The guy's name is Eni Austin, and he makes videos about stuff in video games that you don't often stop to look at.
00:24:48
Speaker
But he will like explore and look at them and say why they're cool or weird or boring or whatever. or like A lot of times he's like kind of reveling in the boring places in video games.
00:25:04
Speaker
I think the videos the videos of his that like really like popped off were these videos that asked questions like, where do the rivers in Hyrule go in Breath of the Wild?
00:25:19
Speaker
Do the power lines in GTA 5... five connects to anything. Like, do they go back to the power plant? Uh, and he just, like, followed the power lines to try to figure that out.
00:25:34
Speaker
Or he looked at the rivers to see if they, like, were sourced in any sort of realistic way. And, uh, That stuff, it as it turns out, is pretty fascinating. it like i think it like At first, it kind of sounds boring, ah but it ends up being ah pretty fascinating. and like He also has several videos about like especially places in racing games that you just never look at, that you just never like think about or look at.
00:26:04
Speaker
like Mario Kart or... think there's like a Burnout game that he looked at. Where it's just like kind of the stuff in the background that you're going so fast that you never bother to see what that stuff actually looks like.
00:26:19
Speaker
ah and it I find the videos like oddly soothing. um Because they're about such like kind of nondescript and unremarkable places in these video games.
00:26:32
Speaker
ah So... If you would like to watch some chill video game videos that, as far as I can tell, won't try to radicalize you, Annie Austin
00:26:44
Speaker
is the channel I've been watching a lot of lately. I really want to check that out. Yeah. um They're good. they I have enjoyed all all of his videos that I've watched so far.
00:26:56
Speaker
All right, Chris. Those are Checks and Recs, which means it's time for us to talk about some of the comics of the week.
Comic Book Reviews: Marvel, Supergirl, and Fantastic Four
00:27:03
Speaker
I think we should.
00:27:07
Speaker
The texter's choice for this week, Chris, is the new Marvel swimsuit special. The Marvel swimsuit special 2025. Which ah Bonito texted both of us and said, y'all gonna talk about that swimsuit special?
00:27:22
Speaker
that's That's how you know. Yeah. That's how you know what's up. I knew this was coming out, but I didn't realize it was coming out this week. i Because cause I remember seeing i like it be solicited or something with the old logo, which is great.
00:27:39
Speaker
That's yeah so good. Yes, it's very good. um But this is different from the old swimsuit specials in a lot of ways. Because it has ah frame story that is an actual story.
00:27:56
Speaker
Yes, ah which pretty funny. i will i want to talk about the good things about this, I'll get it right out of the way here.
00:28:11
Speaker
Tim Seeley, friend of the show, great guy, fantastic writer. Buddy, you got you gotta know that it's not Mon Amis. It's Mes Amis.
00:28:23
Speaker
Mes Amis, yeah. Like, come on, man. Come on. Even I know that one. the is the The frame story is by Tim Seeley and Tony Fleeks.
00:28:33
Speaker
Is that right? I believe so. And then there are, as you might expect, ah lots of pinups by many, many ah great artists.
00:28:47
Speaker
I think Aaron Cooter does like four in here. there's ah There's a couple of Aaron Cooter bits, and there's a couple of Adam Hughes bits. Yeah.
00:28:59
Speaker
But Tony Fleeks draws the trouble the fake ai image of the Marvel characters where the Wasp has 12 fingers.
00:29:12
Speaker
So, yes. the So the gag here is that are the The frame story, so to speak, is that Roxxon, the company that famously had their own Thor... Yeah, because they own the... the they In the Marvel Universe...
00:29:28
Speaker
in the marvel universe In the Marvel Comics universe, Marvel Comics, a company that exists in the Marvel Universe, was bought by Roxxon. And Roxxon is now using the licenses held by Marvel Comics to make their own stories about all the superheroes.
00:29:47
Speaker
Correct. And so they they made their own Thor a while back, but now they're publishing ah swimsuit spectacular that...
00:29:58
Speaker
that is one, selling really well. like At one point, it's it's stated that ah they are single-handedly saving print publishing with this AI-generated swimsuit special.
00:30:16
Speaker
But also, it's creating a moral backlash against the superheroes who people think are being too like dirty and showing too much skin.
00:30:28
Speaker
So the superheroes have to decide that the only way to fight back is to do their own swimsuit special to fight back against this one. To you know do the real thing instead of this AI-generated stuff.
00:30:45
Speaker
And ah so this is this is the way that they can do all the pinups. And so the the main heroes who were like, we got to do this, which are the Avengers.
00:30:59
Speaker
including Nadia Van Dyne, which is great. They go and recruit other heroes to do photo shoots, swimsuit photo shoots for they their own swimsuit special.
00:31:13
Speaker
um The one that I really have to point out is the one by Nick Klein that has ah Hulk, Wolverine, I think that's supposed to be Valkyrie,
00:31:26
Speaker
ah And Frogthor. Let's see. Silver Surfer's in there. And I think that's Clea.
00:31:36
Speaker
Pointing at the Hulk doing a cannonball. Wolverine is grilling in in that one and just fully wearing a banana hammock. Yeah, he's wearing the Borat swimsuit. He's wearing the Borat banana hammock. And it's yeah very funny.
00:31:52
Speaker
ah Earlier on the X-Men page... ah where ah everybody, you know, we got Forge and Storm and Emma Frost and Rogue and Gambit and Colossus and all them. Wolverine's just buck-ass naked.
00:32:07
Speaker
He's just buck-ass naked in that one, yeah. The running gag of these being that Wolverine is mostly nude is pretty good. Also, he's got a hot dog in a bun in his claws.
00:32:23
Speaker
Like, he's holding the hot dog with his claws. Fantastic. Excellent. A+. plus yeah um That one is by ah Joshua Casara and Marte Garcia.
00:32:35
Speaker
Also, we get the entire point of this this whole thing, which is to make that one image of the Punisher canon.
00:32:47
Speaker
Right. They go recruit the Punisher, and he pulls out the... Skull Speedo that he wore in the swimsuit special 30-some years ago.
00:33:01
Speaker
But, so, here's the here's what is actually, like, brilliant about this. It is tied into Marvel Rivals. And so, in the in the back, there are, like, three new character skins that Four new characters.
00:33:18
Speaker
Oh, five. Five new character skins from Marvel Rivals that are all swimsuits. And one of them is the Punisher with that Skull Speedo. I'd like a big water gun looking gun.
00:33:29
Speaker
I do like his giant super soaker, which is pretty good. It's pretty good. Nerf gun or whatever you want to call that. You mentioned that tying this into Marvel Rivals was probably the smartest move.
00:33:44
Speaker
yeah that they could have made to justify the existence of a Marvel swimsuit special. Because everybody's horny for that video game. Everybody's real horny for that video game.
00:33:54
Speaker
Yeah. Like, they should maybe chill out just a little bit.
00:34:02
Speaker
Like, I'm not saying don't be horny. I'm saying, like, maybe chill out. But, like, if if the idea is like, oh, you're horny for the Invisible world Woman and Squirrel Girl and Emma Frost...
00:34:14
Speaker
well, here's a swimsuit special. Like, perfect. People are hornier for the Invisible Woman than they ever have been. and I'm including, we're not excluding John Byrne from that average.
00:34:29
Speaker
Yes. Which its makes it extra funny that the Fantastic Four page in here, by Aaron Cooter, which is very good, Invisible Woman's swimsuit could not be more demure. It's like,
00:34:40
Speaker
very Very chaste. Well, the thing that that Benito mentioned is that this is interesting because it is so much less horny than the other Marvel swimsuit specials of the 90s.
00:34:56
Speaker
True, true. Which are too horny.
00:35:02
Speaker
Well, the narration on all those pages really sends that over the edge. this This having a reason for them to do it, which is not being horny, but business-related, does recontextualize everything, for sure.
00:35:20
Speaker
It is weird how, at the end, they make their new swimsuit special, and then it's just like, oh, nobody cared. like That's how it ends. Yeah.
00:35:32
Speaker
Because they're like, oh, people have the internet. But like the other swimsuit special was like a bestseller.
00:35:41
Speaker
Yeah, but I think that's implied to be a lot dirtier. I guess so. I guess so.
00:35:49
Speaker
Alright, Chris. Our next book that we're going to talk about is Supergirl number three. I think we've talked about all three issues of this book. ah But it remains great ah by so Sophie Campbell.
00:36:03
Speaker
ah What a fun comic book where Supergirl gets turned into Satan Girl. Yeah, Supergirl gets turned into Satan Girl. um And 20 years after, I believe Grant Morrison first suggested it, ah Crypto is flying around pissing on stuff, and he's got heat piss?
00:36:22
Speaker
Crypto's got heat piss. Crypto? You all should know has heat piss. It's like heat vision. But it is It is pee.
00:36:36
Speaker
so So wait, yeah he melts a car with his heat piss. Yeah, he melts a car with heat piss.
00:36:43
Speaker
He probably has a different name that since he's been transformed to, though, right? Because Supergirl's Satan Girl now, so Crypto should be spelled with a C. That's pretty good.
00:36:58
Speaker
Crypto could be named, if she's Satan Girl, then Crypto could be named Hell, but with one L, like the Norse goddess. Ooh, that's good. ah Bitco. Bitco's pretty good.
00:37:11
Speaker
We've got a comic where Crypto has heat piss, and I cannot overstate that. ah But also, it's like one panel in this entire comic, and the whole rest of it is a like one of my favorite kinds of superhero story that's super fun, and I love everything about it.
00:37:32
Speaker
I really enjoy Lena Luthor's role in this. I know Lena Luthor has been around in post-New 52 DC continuity for a while, but this is the most I've ever cared about brainiac-infected Lena Luthor. Lena Luthor as Supergirl's unrequited lesbian girlfriend?
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah. That's compelling comics. That's compelling comics. I also really enjoy how Satan Girl becomes more Bizarro-like as this goes on. yeah And also the Silver Age, okay, here's the next story ending.
00:38:12
Speaker
On the last page. yeah I really love it. yeahs This book's so good. It's one of my favorite books coming out right now. I almost said it was my favorite book coming out right now, but there's so many good comics there are coming out. There lot of good books right now.
00:38:28
Speaker
We're going to look back on 2025 as just as just a ridiculous time for great books. Speaking of great books, Fantastic Four number one.
00:38:41
Speaker
ah Now, I don't know why the previous volume had to end. So that there could be a number one on the Sands when that movie comes out. I mean, that's the accurate answer. I mean, that's that is the reason.
00:38:57
Speaker
It seems like weird and arbitrary to me that there had to be a new number one now. But... This is like the perfect jumping on point for a Fantastic Four comic.
00:39:14
Speaker
Because it gives you what these characters are all about. And then does an interesting story that plays into what these four characters are all about.
00:39:28
Speaker
it it It is a little odd that it's like happening in the middle of One World Under Doom. Yet, the idea that like there's an Emperor Doom who sends all four members of the Fantastic Four to different points in time that are specifically difficult or that they can survive with their powers, but in under difficulty.
00:39:53
Speaker
So, Johnny Storm gets sent back to prehistoric times before there was life on Earth. There isn't even plant life.
00:40:06
Speaker
And there is extremely low oxygen. So only he as the Human Torch can like burn rust to create oxygen to be able to breathe. That's great.
00:40:18
Speaker
Ben Grimm gets sent back to dinosaur times. So he's got to fight dinosaurs.
00:40:25
Speaker
Reed Richards gets sent to the Middle Ages where he is shot with a trebuchet. And, you know, like, has to deal with that sort of stuff. Like, the Dark Ages where science is shunned.
00:40:42
Speaker
Yeah, where he kind of has no access to any modern science. Right. And then suex Storm gets sent to the very, very far future, where the sun has become a red giant. Right.
00:40:56
Speaker
And so she has to stay in invisible form where even the heat can't get through, where she has to block out even the heat spectrum or she will burn to death.
00:41:09
Speaker
And like, this is, this is why you get Ryan Nord to write a comic book. Yeah, no, it's very Ryan and Northy. Yeah. The thing is like to to your thing about how you don't know why the, there had to be a new fantastic four number one.
00:41:26
Speaker
It's, Exactly in tune with the previous 30 issues of Fantastic Four. Yeah, but exactly. like it's It's very much of a piece with what has come before.
00:41:39
Speaker
oh Oh, and another story element that's really interesting is every member of the Fantastic Four expected that this would happen, or at least Reed did. And so they all know about this story.
00:41:52
Speaker
that exists in the same place throughout human history and well before. And so they all find it and put their like location and the time that they're at on it.
00:42:06
Speaker
Because they have computers built into their costumes, into their uniforms, that tell them exactly what time they've been sent to. Yeah. Which, you know, if you've got a... If your archenemy is Doctor Doom, who invented time travel in his first appearance... That's right. Smart thing to do.
00:42:24
Speaker
Smart thing to do. And I love that this is their plan, but then what foils it is that it relies on the person who's furthest in the future to come back and get the others.
00:42:36
Speaker
Yes. Which is Sue... Who is that it it is so far in the future that The Rock no longer exists. It's been burned away. yeah Good stuff. That's so good.
00:42:47
Speaker
Good smart science adventure comics, which is all I want Fantastic Four to be. Now, Matt, you and I had a conversation about how this book now has a movie-inspired logo.
00:43:01
Speaker
Correct. I don't know about it. It's fine. It's like... it It is very much in line with all the other Fantastic Four logos in that it is forgettable.
00:43:16
Speaker
like Even the original Fantastic Four logo, which which I will say is the most memorable of them, but it's not that good.
00:43:27
Speaker
It's kind of like the Spider-Man logo in that it it doesn't really tell you anything about The character, or like it doesn't really... It only fits because it was that.
00:43:41
Speaker
I think the Spider-Man logo is better. Because it it's... Because you like the Spider-Man comics better? Well, no.
00:43:52
Speaker
It's not about liking the comics more. I think the Spider-Man logo is more, I don't know, sticky. too For lack of a better way of putting it like it. It also, would when it has the webs on it, it does tell you about Spider-Man.
00:44:04
Speaker
But like even just the logo itself, like it's bold and memorable. the fantastic I don't think there's ever been a Fantastic Four logo that's actually good.
00:44:16
Speaker
like I would love for the Discord to debate this. like Is there a Fantastic Four logo that's ever been good? like The movie logo is not bad because it's a 60s throwback.
00:44:31
Speaker
yeah Which evokes what the movie is trying to do. yeah That's what on what gets me about using that logo on a comic. is that yeah This comic is not meant to be a throwback. like The monthly adventures the Fantastic Four are taking place, if anything, in a pretty futuristic milieu.
00:44:50
Speaker
like I'm looking at like a a list of all the ah Fantastic Four logos. The one from the 70s
00:45:02
Speaker
That then came back in the Hickman run. I think might be the best of them. The one with the R that's too long?
00:45:13
Speaker
I don't mind that R. I hate that R. I hate it. like that's That to me is like that ah Peter Parker with the Spectacular Spider-Man logo. That is just thumbs down.
00:45:27
Speaker
i As much as I love the Wade Raringo run on Fantastic Four, that logo is trash. That is arguably the worst logo the book has ever had. Which is wild, because that's like arguably the best run that book has ever had.
00:45:43
Speaker
yeah i do fix Except for you know the obvious. don't i but yeah I don't want to get a text from Benito. Well, I do want to get a text from Benito, because he's my friend. I don't want to get one correcting me about this and saying, SMH...
00:45:56
Speaker
um I don't like the one from the Miller run at all, where it's trying to look modern. Where it's fantastic in the number four in a circle. where it looks like a magazine That looks like a magazine logo.
00:46:11
Speaker
Don't like that one. The one from 2013 on the Fraction run is an update of another 70s logo, where it's fantastic, is bigger, and and curving down, and then four is like under that.
00:46:27
Speaker
It's fine, but not great. The one from the slot run, i don't like at all, where the A's a four. It's too angular. I like that one okay. The one from 2018 is probably the best.
00:46:43
Speaker
It is. It's very much ah throwback to the original logo, but everything's been evened out. It's cleaner, yeah. And made it little bit cleaner and then angled. And I i like that a lot.
00:46:57
Speaker
I think it's important that they should have the number four in the logo because that's what's on their costumes. Yes. the the have its It's saying Fantastic Four with the word four, but then the number four there kind of balancing it out, I do think is the best looking of all of them.
00:47:17
Speaker
But i I genuinely don't think there's ever been like a really genuine like actually good one. um but I would love to see a Dylan Todd type do like a logo treatment of the Fantastic Four.
00:47:33
Speaker
That 2018 logo is essentially the logo from the 1994 cartoon. but Good logo. Yeah, which is which it's the best they've ever done.
00:47:44
Speaker
can get that logo on a Beta Ray Bill action figure.
00:47:49
Speaker
All right, now that we've done a little Logoria... A little secret Logaria. Chris, it's time to rate swords. I can't wait to rate.
Rating Swords in Pop Culture
00:48:01
Speaker
but when i swing my swords they ya cho up Chris, our first sword submission for this set of one to ten of sorts comes from Michael Kosteva.
00:48:12
Speaker
This is Voltron's Blazing Sword. Michael says, not that one, the other one. We're talking about Vehicle Force Diruger 15, the one who made a sword out of a pair of helicopter blades come frisbees, who had a minivan and a Ford Bronco for feet, similar to, but legally distinct from the Lion Force Voltron's Blazing Sword.
00:48:35
Speaker
Matt, this is so confusing, and basically my brain stopped being able to process when you said, come I have some images I can share with you. Actually, i'll just forward I'm going to forward you this email, which has some images in it.
00:48:57
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So this isn't the one that's got like the, like, it's like a trident with an additional trident on it. This is not that Voltron Blazing Sword.
00:49:08
Speaker
This is not that Voltron Blazing Sword. Okay. This is from a different Voltron, which, like, I was never, i I'll be honest, I never really got into Voltron all that much.
00:49:23
Speaker
i like I like rappers that form like Voltron. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But this is just a, like... I mean, this is just kind of a regular sword, but it's really big.
00:49:36
Speaker
I'm sure it's cool. I mean, it looks cool. it It's very toyetic. It's a very toyetic sword. Yeah, but I mean, like, it's um it's just... it's It's just a sword, though.
00:49:51
Speaker
Like, it's... I mean, it's a perfectly... Like...
00:49:57
Speaker
Perfectly swordulent sword.
00:50:02
Speaker
Here's what I don't understand. Is this from the show Voltron that we know, or is this from a different thing? Is this from a different show that's in the Voltron franchise?
00:50:17
Speaker
I think Voltron is like Super Sentai, where there are multiple... ok Voltrons, and we are only really familiar with the Voltron that that is lions.
00:50:31
Speaker
Right, because that was what was shown in the United States as Voltron. Yeah, this Voltron does have helicopters for arms, which is pretty cool. And those must be his cum frisbees.
00:50:49
Speaker
Now you know what the difference is between cum frisbees and pea soup? Hit me. Never mind, just keep going. i'll be I'll be totally honest. I'm not entirely sure what to do with this.
00:51:01
Speaker
So this is this is Voltron Vehicle Force. Voltron Vehicle Force slash DieRuger15. Yeah, which is probably a completely different thing that was, after the success of Voltron, localized as Voltron.
00:51:21
Speaker
That's my guess. Well, I think it was localized as Vehicle Force. Voltron Vehicle Force. Yeah, that's what that's what I'm saying. Yeah. yeah In the United States, it was heavily edited to become part of the Voltron series. Yes.
00:51:37
Speaker
That's according to the Voltron Wiki. Okay.
00:51:43
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Dairuger 15 and Golion are not related in any way.
00:51:52
Speaker
Well, this Voltron is made out of helicopters and cars. oh So that makes sense. That it would be totally different. I'll tell you what, it's not as cool to be made out of cars as it is to be made out of robot lions.
00:52:07
Speaker
That's, I mean, that's just basic science.
00:52:14
Speaker
What do you want to do here, Chris? Do you want to try to rate this, or do we want to table it? Because I don't know shit about this. If we're rating it on vibes, it's like a four. Because it's just like ah sword.
00:52:28
Speaker
It's a sword made out of helicopters. it's not and And it's not as cool as Voltron's sword. And it's not as cool as like the power sword.
00:52:40
Speaker
Which also a sword... which is also a sort carried by a robot made of smaller robots that are different things.
00:52:52
Speaker
That are cum frisbees. You know, when you're a Tyrannosaurus cum body.
00:53:02
Speaker
Alright, if you want to call it a four, we'll call it a four. i Michael, you... Well, i just I just don't know if we should rank it on Vibes. I don't know if this is one we can rank on Vibes, because maybe it does do something cool.
00:53:14
Speaker
Maybe if we got to see him make it out of helicopters, it would be cooler. ah Michael really likes this Voltron show.
00:53:23
Speaker
But I've never seen it, and I don't i don't know. I will leave it to you whether to rate this sword or not. Matt, here's the thing. I don't want to give a sword somebody likes a low vibes rating.
00:53:36
Speaker
Sure. if there's If there's something we don't we're missing. Because once this goes in the list four, it's not changing.
00:53:46
Speaker
Carved in stone. With a sword. That's right. All right. Michael, but give us give us some reasons why...
00:53:58
Speaker
You especially like the sword. I mean, I feel like it's just like, we gotta watch the show. Like, the only way we're gonna, like, have an affinity for the sword is by watching the show. michael Michael, I will tell you this. i will I will make you, and I will make everyone else an offer.
00:54:13
Speaker
I will watch up to two minutes of a YouTube clip.
00:54:18
Speaker
Interesting.
00:54:21
Speaker
It doesn't take me two minutes to know that Ondaril kicks ass.
00:54:26
Speaker
So that's generous. All right, our next submission is from Devin McCullen. It is a sword we have already rated. It's the Greenhilt Sword from the Order of the Stick.
00:54:37
Speaker
ah So Devin, send in something else, please. lot of love for the Greenhilt Sword. Which ah we did rank it a five. We did rate it at a five.
00:54:48
Speaker
We rated it at a five. Next up, we have a submission from Kevin Walker. Who says he wants to submit the Sword of Omens, Lion-O's sword, from the TV show Thundercats.
00:55:06
Speaker
Alright, Matt, can I be honest with you? Hit me. This sword kicks ass. I love that fucking sword, dude. The Sword of Omens kicks ass, dude. like Here's what I love about that sword.
00:55:21
Speaker
It starts out as a little sword. It starts out as a knife, which I like. I also like knives. But then it becomes a big sword and a transformation sequence that rocks.
00:55:34
Speaker
Yeah. This is one of the... Like, it is a sword that has its own Sailor Moon-ass transformation sequence. Yes. Yes. Also, this sword has fucking superpowers. Yeah.
00:55:48
Speaker
And the the thing on it, the logo on it, or the little symbol on it, goes from being like a cat eye to the Thundercats logo. Uh-huh. Buddy, i am here for that.
00:56:03
Speaker
It like... It's like a perfectly designed sword. It's great. It's got a cool handle, but not too cool. It's got a cool guard, but not too cool.
00:56:18
Speaker
It's got a really cool decoration, and then just a straight blade.
00:56:25
Speaker
If I had become aware of this sword as an adult, I might not like that it's branded. No. no but i don't think i don't Not when that logo's cool.
00:56:38
Speaker
But that logo's cool. like That logo looks like ah so like a symbol you would put on a sword. Matt, I'll tell you what is going to increase this sword's rating.
00:56:51
Speaker
Is that I just downloaded a picture of it, and it was an actual PNG. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah.
00:57:00
Speaker
You can buy so many versions of this thing. Oh yeah. which Because I think it is, I mean, obviously it's a nostalgia thing, but it's also like, I think that speaks to how much that sword kicks ass.
00:57:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:18
Speaker
It does. It gives you sight beyond sight. That's wild. That's not a power a sword usually has. Swords don't usually make you psychic.
00:57:30
Speaker
And yet. And yet. If you're a cat, if you're a buff you a aboveff tap
00:57:37
Speaker
ah with no pants on... It's also ah very reflective sword. So, it makes Mumra see his reflection, which is bad for Mumra.
00:57:50
Speaker
Yeah, I'm guessing that's because it was a cartoon for babies in which they could not have Lion-O just fucking chop Mumra's head off. That is correct, yes. Yeah, like how Conan had that sword in his cartoon, which, as I have said before, it's wild that they made a cartoon about Conan, a character who canonically only does two things, kill and fuck.
00:58:16
Speaker
But there were a bunch of demons that just turned people to stone, and then to get the demons, you had to just wave the sword near them.
00:58:27
Speaker
ah But yeah, the Sword of Omens having the Eye of Thundera in it, which is like the symbol of the entirety of the people of Thundercats, like the Thundercats as a group.
00:58:42
Speaker
I love that shit. That's right, Matt. It has the symbol of the Mercury Cougar. Yes. Here's what's great about the Sword of Omens. Everybody on that show had a cool weapon.
00:58:54
Speaker
True. That, like, I feel like would have been the coolest weapon on any other show. And this is the coolest one. It's cooler than the nunchucks. It's cooler than the whip. It's cooler than the staff.
00:59:10
Speaker
Because it's a sword. Yes. The Sword of Omens kind of kicks ass, man. I absolutely had a toy of the Sword of Omens when I was a kid. i I do want to say, just real quick, Thundercats is not good.
00:59:26
Speaker
No. No. But when I was four, it was the best. Oh yeah, i loved it when i was ah when I was a little kid. but like it is not like You can go back and revisit G.I. i Joe and have a pretty good time.
00:59:39
Speaker
I would recommend against going back and revisiting Thundercats. Unless you just want to see this kick-ass sword. Yeah, the sword still kicks ass, though. Yeah.
00:59:51
Speaker
A badass sword, dude.
00:59:55
Speaker
I'm looking at versions from later, the like the various reboots of Thundercats. ah Not as good. Which is wild, because you didn't need to change it
01:00:10
Speaker
I mean, it's not that different, but like for whatever reason, they didn't make it look better. or or like The animation ostensibly is better, but the sword doesn't look better.
01:00:24
Speaker
ah That's weird.
01:00:28
Speaker
I like that it starts out as a knife.
01:00:31
Speaker
And then becomes a sword. That's cool. A very short sword, and then it becomes so so like a long sword, yeah. That's cool, man.
01:00:42
Speaker
i'm glad I'm glad that we are very in sync on this. So what do we thinking, 9? I mean, I think it kicks ass, dude. so So kicks ass means 10? A would put it on par with Stormbringer, which I think is honestly about right.
01:01:01
Speaker
Yeah, I think so too. and We've also got the Masamune from Chrono Trigger at 9. that's And we have the Moonlight Greatsword at nine. Those are all swords that kick ass.
01:01:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
01:01:19
Speaker
Kicks ass. that's That's what's going in the notes column. Swords don't usually make you psychic. This one does. Alright, it's a nine. Pretty good. Also, the name Sword of Omens.
01:01:31
Speaker
Great name. That's cool.
01:01:37
Speaker
Alright. ah Charles Arthur has this submission for us. It's a bottom cutter. It's the broken straight sword from Dark Souls 1.
01:01:48
Speaker
It's broken. I don't know.
01:01:55
Speaker
i I can hear the processing happening, Matt. pardon i me i'd like Okay, you use it as a weapon in the game. I think it's the weapon that you start with. And it's there to just be discarded as soon as you get and a real sword.
01:02:12
Speaker
But it can be used as a weapon. So this one's just broken. It's just a broken sword, which is not really a sword, right? Like, it's it's a broken sword.
01:02:25
Speaker
But not from the game Broken Sword. That's right.
01:02:31
Speaker
I think we kind of have to i think maybe we maybe have to disqualify it. I mean, why do we we have to disqualify it, Matt? Because it was a straight sword, and you can get a straight sword in the game.
01:02:45
Speaker
It's like, you know, Narsil was a full sword, and we rated it as a full sword before it was broken. well Here is my question.
01:02:57
Speaker
Does it perform the function of a sword? I mean, in a... purely technical sense.
01:03:05
Speaker
I mean, if it is called the Broken Straight Sword, and it performs the function of a sword, then I don't think we need to disqualify it. It sounds like it's just bad.
01:03:17
Speaker
But I think we should just then rate the Straight Sword from Dark Souls 1. But is this a distinct item? It is a distinct item, yes.
01:03:29
Speaker
There you go, Matt.
01:03:33
Speaker
I mean, look, if we're rating it, it's a one. i mean, that's that's fine. It's the first one. It was a bottom chopper. Yeah, that's true.
01:03:44
Speaker
ah it It's...
01:03:48
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's our first one if we're rating it. So worse than the sword that immediately breaks is the sword that's already broken. That's already broken and sucks and is only there for you to discard it before you find a better weapon.
01:04:03
Speaker
As soon as you find a better weapon.
01:04:08
Speaker
I mean, you could just say in the notes, made to suck.
01:04:13
Speaker
Alright. Alright. Our first one. See, that's the thing. i don't know why you I don't know why you like these games when they have swords in them that are made to suck. Because then you get good stuff and you feel good.
01:04:27
Speaker
You could start with the good stuff and then get better stuff. But it feels better after you've been after you've had to struggle. Yeah, but it doesn't feel good to struggle.
01:04:38
Speaker
it fossil Also, you have that sword. You have that broken straight sword for like three minutes tap tops. ah Before you kill an enemy and get a real sword.
01:04:50
Speaker
so mean You might have it for three minutes tops, Matt. How long do you think I've got it?
01:04:57
Speaker
I've got it all day.
01:05:01
Speaker
um Our next submission comes from Matthew Bernius. who has submitted Beacon from the Adventure Zone, created and voiced by Justin Tyler McElroy.
01:05:13
Speaker
Beacon's fucking great. ah Great. Great. Beacon is the sword that Duck Newton gets in the Amnesty season of the Adventure Zone. that he's He's a talking sword that makes Duck Newton like the chosen one.
01:05:34
Speaker
like it has It has chosen him to be a hero, and Duck doesn't want to be. Right.
01:05:41
Speaker
So he gets this magical talking sword that he just then doesn't use. yeah And Doug Newton talks like this, because he's from West Virginia. And Beacon talks like this, because he's a magic sword. And so when Justin kicks that voice in...
01:06:00
Speaker
that That might be the moment that I was like, oh, he's the best one.
01:06:07
Speaker
like Because it's not just it's not just Taco. It's also like every time he makes a character, and every time he does the like this, it's the best thing.
01:06:22
Speaker
What's really funny is that Beacon talks like this. This is how Beacon sounds when he speaks... But he's supposed to be an impression of Tim Curry.
01:06:34
Speaker
That's even funnier. Yeah. Hello, Doc Newton.
01:06:41
Speaker
Let's go space! The One Place Capitalism hasn't ruined. Matt, now you are someone who is currently playing a role-playing game with a talking sword.
01:06:52
Speaker
That's true. Which you do not do the voice of.
01:06:57
Speaker
That's true. Our... our our GM L. Collins does the voice of my sword, Myron.
01:07:07
Speaker
My ancestral talking sword, Myron.
01:07:13
Speaker
Yeah, so so where like you do you feel like you have a personal connection to Beacon the Talking Sword? I use my sword.
01:07:24
Speaker
i use Myron in combat, and i I tried to make sure that the relationship between Myron and ah Lord Casimir Reese was different from that between Duck and and Beacon.
01:07:44
Speaker
Because Beacon really wants Duck to use it and be the hero, right? And so Myron is annoyed any time I pull him out and want to use him in a fight, and is disgusted by everything.
01:08:03
Speaker
So, i if if nothing else, Beacon informed ah my talking sword, because I wanted them to be different. Beacon's pretty good.
01:08:14
Speaker
Beacon's pretty good. Because Beacon also has, like, is like ah like a whip sword. Correct. Yeah. pretty cool. And I know that there many different fan depictions of ah Beacon, but a lot of them have Beacon having a mouth. I don't remember if they say on the show if Beacon has a mouth or not, but there's a mouth on the hill, um which is kind of fantastic.
01:08:42
Speaker
I do like the idea of a talking sword that like with with a ah very ersatz Tim Curry voice, having a mouth. Having a mouth, like a logo from Rocky Horror.
01:09:00
Speaker
um Oh, up it in it effort Griffin did say that the guard of Beacon was in the shape of a mouth, so that is canonical. Alright. Beacon, pretty good. I think Beacon's maybe...
01:09:16
Speaker
I don't know. like I was about to say a six, but... I think seven. You think seven? I think seven. Okay, so that would put it above Spawn Sword, Matt.
01:09:30
Speaker
i I think that's correct. I think, that Matt, look and go to the spreadsheet right now. Look at Spawn Sword again.
01:09:47
Speaker
You're saying Beacon is exactly as cool as Conan's sword, the Atlantean longsword? Alright, we could say Beacon is exactly as cool as Spawn's sword, and make it a six.
01:09:57
Speaker
I think, yeah, I think a six is where it's at. Okay. The more I think about it, the more I think maybe the Green Hill sword should have also been a six, but as we said, these are carved in stone. Yeah, we can't, they are unchanging.
01:10:10
Speaker
This is from Ted Anderson. Ah, yeah, I know what this one is, yeah. ah Ted says, i don't think this is a top chopper exactly, but I do think it'll fare pretty well. And it's worth talking about.
01:10:22
Speaker
Kinsuke from Dungeon Meshy Delicious in Dungeon. I don't know. I have not read any of this, I don't think.
01:10:34
Speaker
Okay, well, first of all, you should read or watch Delicious in Dungeon. I think you would quite like Delicious in Dungeon. okay um Second of all, Kinsuke is great because Kinsuke is um mimic.
01:10:54
Speaker
So he's a sword that's just like kind of a little guy. like They find out that like living armor is actually just inhabited by like mollusks that they can eat.
01:11:08
Speaker
But then they find one in the sword and And they decided, it's just like, oh, well, this guy helps us out, so we'll keep him around. oh Kensuke's pretty good, dude.
01:11:21
Speaker
Alright. Kensuke's good. ah He's got little eyes. And he's a... ah He's scared of other monsters. Which means that like he starts shaking when there's other monsters nearby, which lets them know that there's other monsters nearby.
01:11:37
Speaker
That is pretty good. Yeah. That is pretty good. ah It's it very cute, and also like very cool-looking, because like he's designed, in the way that a mimic looks like a treasure chest, to lure you into opening it up and getting eaten.
01:11:57
Speaker
ah Kensuke is designed to look like a cool sword.
01:12:03
Speaker
ah It's got a cool winged crossguard... And ah is, you know, a a pretty cool sword just in general.
01:12:15
Speaker
ah But then he winds up being old guy's best friend. he good He's a good little guy But you should watch Delicious in Dungeon. It's good stuff. Interestingly similar to Beacon, I feel like.
01:12:30
Speaker
Well, Kensuke doesn't talk. Oh, okay. But does have expressive eyes. Does have very expressive eyes. Okay. Gotcha.
01:12:42
Speaker
Well, this is all you. I have no familiarity with Delicious and Dungeon, really. so this is I'm opening up this image, and I know it says it's a PNG. g It says it's a PNG, man. The web address ends in.png.
01:13:00
Speaker
But it's WebP? I'm saving ass.
01:13:05
Speaker
Biscuit can tell. yeah Biscuit can tell. It's a goddamn web pee. Biscuit can sniff out a web pee from anywhere. I can't believe that that this is the the forum in which I find out that web pees are fucking lying to me all the time.
01:13:27
Speaker
Okay, I did. We got a tip on the Discord. No, I did it. I converted it. Okay, good. Yeah. I converted it back to what it said it fucking was.
01:13:40
Speaker
That's the thing. That's the thing. If web P's are good, then why are they always telling me they're PNGs? Great point. Answer me that. That is a great point.
01:13:52
Speaker
Anyway, Kensuke is cool. Kensuke is a little guy. So we're saying, what are we saying Kensuke is?
01:14:00
Speaker
i mean ah I think, again, comparable to to Beacon, I think a six is ah is is pretty good. All right. Okay. Six. that's that's i i From what I've heard about Kinsuke, I think that is right on the money.
01:14:18
Speaker
Yeah. You should read that book. or what You should watch it. ah the I did not read it. I watched it. I enjoyed it very much. where it's ah It's an anime on... what I think it's on Netflix. I think it's like Netflix bills it even as a Netflix original because they got the American rights.
01:14:37
Speaker
Yes, it is on Netflix. So i that would be easy to watch. okay It's got a very anxious lesbian in it, Matt. You'll love her.
01:14:46
Speaker
Okay. All right. i I may give that a try if I ever have time to watch it. All right. Here's our next submission. It's from Jay Gonzo.
01:14:58
Speaker
Hmm. here's what jay gozo says in avatar the last air vender do you remember when sacca finally put aside all of his bravado and humd humbled himself before the fired nation swordmaster and he worked so hard that the master assisted him in crafting a sword from a meteorite a sword that sacca initially refuses to accept because he had been dishonest with his master but after a duel that underscores saca's courage Pion Dao reveals that he knew Sokka had been lying all along, gives him the sword, which Sokka accepts.
01:15:29
Speaker
That sword.
01:15:32
Speaker
Yeah, man. I do remember that. That sword rips. It's made from a meteorite. It's very simple looking. um But in Sokka's hand, it looks cool as hell.
01:15:46
Speaker
Yeah, a sword doesn't have to be ornate to be cool. And in fact... it Many swords are too ornate to look cool.
01:15:57
Speaker
On the Avatar wiki, it is simply called Sokka Sword. pretty It's pretty good. But yeah, there's a lot of cool things about it. It's made from a meteorite. He forged it himself.
01:16:09
Speaker
It is a representation of character growth. Yes, it is a representation of him putting aside his like hard outer shell.
01:16:22
Speaker
Which he has had from since the beginning of the show.
01:16:26
Speaker
Right? this is This is the representation of him having maturity now. yeah The sword is his maturity. Yeah, no. It is a sword that is symbolic of his whole deal.
01:16:43
Speaker
Because like from the the first episode of the show... Sokka's like a dickhead. right like Literally the first thing we see him do is telling Katara that waterbending is stupid.
01:16:58
Speaker
Yeah, and like he says sexist shit, and like you know he's one of those guys. And apparently, in the live-action Netflix remake of Avatar The Last Airbender, they took that stuff out.
01:17:17
Speaker
like They basically took out Sokka's character arc. Wild. Because they didn't want him to say stuff, objectionable stuff at the beginning.
01:17:28
Speaker
But that's what a story is? like Yeah, man.
01:17:38
Speaker
Yeah. like
01:17:42
Speaker
And to be fair, there are a lot of people out there who don't know that. ah Yes, I mean, would people get mad that Sokka said something sexist? Probably.
01:17:54
Speaker
But, like...
01:17:57
Speaker
why do you think it Why would you think it makes Sokka more interesting to not have that arc where he learns that he was a dumbass? Yeah. I mean, probably because they like didn't want... it Like, that's in...
01:18:11
Speaker
That's in what, season two, season three of ah of Avatar? It takes a while for him to cease being a dumbass, yeah. he's got He's got to do all the stuff with the Kyoshi Warriors.
01:18:22
Speaker
But that's how gross happens. you know Yeah, man, I know. matt I know about stories.
01:18:32
Speaker
I'm just saying, they probably didn't think they would have a chance to to get to it. ah Probably. I mean, or they didn't know that they would, yeah. yeah um But, nonetheless, like, it doesn't help your show to take out the stuff that was good.
01:18:50
Speaker
ah Yeah, probably not. Probably not. This is a good sword, though. It's a good sword. And it is, like, swords are great metaphors. Like, if you think about the meta like the the swords we have ranked the highest, the Chrysogrim...
01:19:11
Speaker
Or Crosaigrim, that is not a metaphor. That just owns. That's just like a good ass ah good-ass kick-ass sword that kills a lot of dudes.
01:19:24
Speaker
That hits like five times, yeah. That hits so many times. yeah The Dragonslayer is absolutely a metaphor. Yes, very much so.
01:19:36
Speaker
Like, the big slab of unworked iron? but That a is is not a sword. It's more of a blunt instrument that cannot be broken.
01:19:50
Speaker
yeah it's guts as a sword. Yeah. Even the Master Sword is, I think, is itself both a powerful sword, but also a metaphor for power, and a metaphor for achieving,
01:20:09
Speaker
like You can only claim the Master Sword if you're already the guy who should have the Master Sword. To go back to the Dragon Slayer for just a second.
01:20:20
Speaker
Oh, do you want to about Berserk? I gotta do. Yeah, let's talk. Hey, let's do it, man. Not only is it Guts as a sword, and that it's kind of like, it's a blunt instrument.
01:20:34
Speaker
Guts is a blunt instrument, and the Dragon Slayer is a blunt instrument. It's also a weight that Guts is carrying. A literal weight that Guts is carrying around all the time. That's it. That's the only point I wanted to make. Please continue.
01:20:47
Speaker
Here's the thing i like about the the Dragon Slayer is when you find out that it was made for a purpose and then discarded and then ah forgotten and abandoned but then when he saw it boy boy Also, Guts is the only person who could possibly wield it, because he used a giant sword.
01:21:13
Speaker
since he He used a sword that was too big since he was a child. Yes. there's There's a lot of narrative involved in the Dragon's Lair. There really is. The world's largest sword.
01:21:25
Speaker
There are bigger swords than the Dragon's Lair, but there aren't any bigger swords than the Dragon's Lair. I mean... that's a shoot, son. I think...
01:21:38
Speaker
I think Nosferatu Zod has bigger swords, but he is like twice Guts' his size as well. Yeah, but he doesn't have a bigger sword.
01:21:47
Speaker
He has two very large swords. He has a bigger sword, Matt, but he does not have a bigger sword. You're not listening to me. I see what saying. got you now. Okay. Yes.
01:21:59
Speaker
Anyway, Sokka's sword is great. I love that it's dark. The blade is dark. Yeah, man. um It's got a great look, and it is it is forged from a meteor and representative of character growth.
01:22:15
Speaker
All the things that make a sword good. I also like that it's a representation of maturity, but Sokka still calls it Sokka's space sword. Yes. Because like you don't have to stop being a little bit goofy when you become mature. Yeah. i mean i think so like I feel like Sokka's character arc...
01:22:36
Speaker
in Avatar The Last Airbender might just be perfect. Like, it's about as good as it gets. As far as like, here's how you become a dude who doesn't suck.
01:22:52
Speaker
You know?
01:22:54
Speaker
Like, a lot of people could learn from Sokka's character arc in Avatar The Last Airbender. Agreed. Yeah, what do you want what do you want to rate this?
01:23:05
Speaker
I think it goes pretty high. It's pretty dope. It's pretty good. i mean, we've been comparing it to swords we made tens. Yeah. i think it's I think my floor is an eight.
01:23:21
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know if if it gets to nine.
01:23:30
Speaker
I would be willing to call it a nine. I would be willing to call it a nine. Okay, again, a nine would put it on par with Stormbringer. The extremely cursed sword that reefs blood and souls for the dark god Ariok.
01:23:43
Speaker
Which does, in a way, represent growth, but not in a good way. Alright, it's a nine. I think, I really think Sokka's sword...
01:24:00
Speaker
checks so many of the boxes. You know what's pretty good? Avatar The Last Airbender? Avatar The Last Airbender pretty good. Pretty fucking good.
01:24:12
Speaker
Avatar The Last Airbender had a sword as good as Thundercats, but was also a million times better than Thundercats. As a show, yes. Yes. Agreed. Fully agreed.
01:24:26
Speaker
I want to say something to google to Gmail right now. Mm-hmm. um Stop putting things out of chronological order. You're driving me absolutely insane.
01:24:40
Speaker
Google? with Between web peas and taking shit out of chronological order? The fuck are you doing, Google? like I do a search.
01:24:51
Speaker
I need the things that come up to be in chronological order, my guys. Do not fuck with me on this.
01:25:02
Speaker
I'm about ready to move to the woods and just think about swords.
01:25:09
Speaker
Okay. Here's our next submission. It is from Thomas Foss. This sword She-Ra's Sword of Protection from She-Ra, Princess of Power.
01:25:23
Speaker
Now, is this is this the original She-Ra, Princess of Power? Yes, it is the original She-Ra Princess of Power. It is the sword that is the same shape as Prince Adam's sword, essentially, but it does have a gem in it, like a round gem in the like lower part of the blade.
01:25:42
Speaker
And it can it can transform into a variety of useful objects, including, but not limited to, a shield, a rope, a bowla, a bow, a boomerang, a ladder, a parachute, a space helmet, and an ice maker.
01:25:54
Speaker
A space helmet? A space helmet.
01:26:00
Speaker
yeah Here's the thing about the Sword of Protection and the Sword of Power. don't love that design. I don't love it either. it's It's very much a way to make a sword distinct so you can make a toy out of it.
01:26:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's that's a sword meant to fit in an action figure's hand. Absolutely. um Now, I will say, i really love the the sword from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.
01:26:32
Speaker
That's such a... like it It keeps design elements of the original, but like changes them to be better? to To make them more of a magical girl sword. You can just say it.
01:26:46
Speaker
Yeah, but I mean, not even just a magical girl sword, but just a good-ass looking sword. Magical girls usually have good swords, dude. I don't know what to tell you. That's true.
01:26:57
Speaker
That's true. We're talking about the original, though. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. I like the the jewel in the hilt. I think that makes it a little better than He-Man's sword.
01:27:10
Speaker
Does He-Man's sword not have gem? power not have a not have a gym No.
01:27:18
Speaker
Yeah, it needs that gem. It needs something. Sword of power is a dude's sword. Sword of power. Sword for a man. For a He-Man. For a He-Man. I'm going to look at this. Yep, there's no gem on that. There's no gem.
01:27:35
Speaker
Well, I'll tell you what. you know what the You know what the power sword from He-Man looks like? That looks like a slab of unworked iron. Yeah. She's got a big old blob at the bottom. Brackets derogatory.
01:27:47
Speaker
Like, I don't... If you send in that sword, it's not gonna do well.
01:27:53
Speaker
the I'll fuck with that sword. That sword has been redesigned in later versions as well. And not in good ways. Like, the later versions of that sword aren't better.
01:28:10
Speaker
Also, I gotta quibble with something here. Do you remember He-Man's transformation sequence? Yeah. His magical girl transformation? Uh-huh. Where he goes from Prince Adam, who's already jacked, to just a shirtless guy, a shirt a shirtless version of Prince Adam with a tan.
01:28:29
Speaker
Uh-huh. He just fucking grabs the blade of the Sword of Power with his bare hand. Closes his hand right around it, yeah. What the fuck?
01:28:40
Speaker
That's how you know that that sword is made of plastic. Yeah. yeah I hate that we're talking about the sword of power and not the sword of protection. I do think the fact that it is the sword of protection and not the sword of power, that that's sexism in action. That's misogyny.
01:28:59
Speaker
Well, I mean, putting a jewel in it. Oh, the girl was the girls' one has to have a jewel in it. but I mean, the looks better, though. like The jewel is like It at least looks distinct.
01:29:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. um But I do, like, anyway, I hate that we're talking about the He-Man sword and not the She-Ra sword, but I do want you to look at this fucking picture of He-Man that I just sent you from the toy version of the power sword.
01:29:29
Speaker
What the fuck is that? What is going on? That is wildly off-model. What is going on with Prince Eastwood there? That's a craggy boy.
01:29:41
Speaker
That looks like they got fucking Joe Kubert to do He-Man. They might have. They might have. Anyway, the Sword of Protection.
01:29:55
Speaker
It's... The original? Again, I don't love it. I don't like it.
01:30:04
Speaker
The Sword of Power would go below it. The Sword of Power would go below it. It is better than the Sword of Power. It's better than the Sword of Power, but the Sword of Protection is like another four, I think.
01:30:18
Speaker
Yeah, we're talking we're talking faint praise. Also, it's whack that it's
01:30:26
Speaker
it's whack that it can turn into other stuff.
01:30:31
Speaker
Yeah. because Because it's a sword? it's It's not awful. I mean, I i think it's a fun... story element, but... Yeah.
01:30:44
Speaker
don't know, man. You want a sword to just be a sword. I don't even just want a sword to just be a sword. I think it's, again, think it's another example of misogyny that she can't just have a sword with which she slays her enemies.
01:31:00
Speaker
I want you to look at how dog shit the sword of power from the 2002 He-Man show. Alright, let me see
01:31:08
Speaker
it. Let me see it. let see
01:31:11
Speaker
Just trash. You know, I like that one better than the original. I don't. i It's bad. It's trying so hard. it's it it is It is trying hard, but is trying hard worse than not trying at all?
01:31:31
Speaker
ah guess that's a fair point. it's It is over-designed. I don't like it. I hope we get the the redesigned Sword of Protection, because I do like that one quite a bit.
01:31:42
Speaker
Okay, we'll we'll see if that happens. The original Sword of Protection, we have determined, is a four. Yeah. which What does that put it on par with, Matt? That puts it on par with... Well, we just made ah
01:31:58
Speaker
the
01:32:02
Speaker
Wait, it I thought we had another four from this show, but I don't guess we do. um Brotherhood is a four from Final Fantasy ten Boy, you you did not like that sword.
01:32:14
Speaker
i did not. um And All Black the Necrosword is a four.
01:32:23
Speaker
that's That's rough company.
01:32:27
Speaker
It's like, that's the lowest a sword can get while still being... A sword. Yeah. Why was I thinking we rated something four in this episode? We did we didn't.
01:32:41
Speaker
Until just now. Yeah, we did some sixes. Okay. We're pretty much out of time here. You don't want to do one more, Matt? We could do one more. Let's do one more. Alright, this is from Michael Tepper.
01:32:54
Speaker
ah This is Shatterstar's Double Bladed Swords. Fucking kicks ass! Ha ha ha! You don't think it does. i can tell I can tell, listener, I can tell in your reaction and in Matt's reaction, you don't think this sword kicks ass.
01:33:13
Speaker
Guess the fuck what? It does, actually. Alright, we're gonna have to ah reach a reach a consensus on this.
01:33:24
Speaker
yeah Matt, it's got two blades. It's got two blades.
01:33:31
Speaker
You know why it's got two blades?
01:33:35
Speaker
Tell me. Well, first of all, more than one. That's more than one, yeah. So, right away... So it's like the it's like the razors. It's like... you know Eventually it's going to be four or five, six blades.
01:33:49
Speaker
You catch the blade of your enemy's sword between it, and then you break it like a jite. That sword kicks ass, dude!
01:34:04
Speaker
It's two swords. Here's my question. For breakings, it's a sword that breaks swords, Matt.
01:34:12
Speaker
If this was actually a good idea, ah hu why has no one done it?
01:34:22
Speaker
Because no one else is the Rob, man.
01:34:29
Speaker
I think it's just dumb a dumb thing where Rob was like, So you have two blades.
01:34:37
Speaker
No, no, he's right.
01:34:43
Speaker
I'm sorry. You gotta give this one to Rob. Because there are real life weapons that are ah of similar design and purpose.
01:34:55
Speaker
There is ah the aforementioned Jitte. For instance, there's the Psy. That's why the Psy has the forks on it. Like, it's a thing.
01:35:07
Speaker
it's a it's it's It's a thing. And also it's great. And also it's got two blades.
01:35:18
Speaker
But notably, the Jitte, the two blades are not the same length.
01:35:26
Speaker
No, because because because a real person isn't as good at using them As Shatterstar is. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
01:35:38
Speaker
I see.
01:35:42
Speaker
Matt, you got... you got to yeah got i How can I not have won you over? It's got two blades, Matt. It's a sword that breaks swords.
01:35:55
Speaker
It's a sword that has turned against its own kind. Okay, but are I feel like you're just justifying it. you're You're finding a way to justify it.
01:36:06
Speaker
Go back and read those comics! That's what he does with it in the comics!
01:36:12
Speaker
ah um I'm telling you, Matt.
01:36:17
Speaker
It's what he does in the comics.
01:36:23
Speaker
We gotta come to consensus.
01:36:26
Speaker
Look, I'm not saying it's a 10. It's not a 10. It is a 7. Absolutely not. What? How? Matt.
01:36:40
Speaker
Two blades, Matt. Okay, for humor value, I could have called it a 5. A 5? ah So I think the only way, the only consensus we can come to then 6.
01:36:53
Speaker
That's in the middle. um It's a 6. Oh.
01:36:57
Speaker
A five, Matt. I would have said five. For the humor value. For the humor value. I'm starting to think maybe you don't understand swords as well as I thought you
01:37:11
Speaker
did. All right. ah A six it is. All right. to and And we could say in the in the notes, compromise.
01:37:25
Speaker
Compromise value. Chris says seven. Matt says five. Well, Matt, I write the notes. so ah That is unbelievable. That is an unbelievable note that you wrote.
01:37:38
Speaker
um I'm sorry. that's It's carved into stone with a sword now. Too bad. Okay. That's where we're going to end it. We're going to end
Wrapping Up and Listener Interaction
01:37:45
Speaker
it with that compromise. If you would like to submit a sword for one to ten of swords, you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com.
01:37:54
Speaker
um That is sort also where you can send every story ever lists and listener questions and let us know about anything else, like maybe sponsoring the show if you have a business and want to do that.
01:38:07
Speaker
You can ask us questions also on Tumblr. We're at warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. you can hit us up on Blue Sky. We're there at warrocketajax.com.
01:38:17
Speaker
That's where you can follow us on Blue Sky and chat us up.
01:38:25
Speaker
We also have a Discord. yeah You have to be invited to join the Discord, but if you want an invitation, want to join over there, you can simply ask us in any of the places I just mentioned or on our Patreon for an invitation to our Discord, and we will happily ah give you one if you are nice about it. So ask us for an invitation to the Discord and and we will get you one if ah you're not a jerk.
01:38:53
Speaker
Our website is warrocketajax.com and it's every episode of the show that we've ever done.
01:38:59
Speaker
WarRocketWiki.com is the fan-run repository of all the information you could want or need about this very show, WarRocket Ajax. So ah go check that out. Go see all the cool stuff there.
01:39:11
Speaker
i believe the 1-10 of swords list is there in addition to on our sword sheet. So ah go check that out.
01:39:24
Speaker
If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com. That is my website, and it has links to all the things that I do here and there around the web.
01:39:43
Speaker
ah Things you can read, things you can buy, all sorts of stuff.
01:39:49
Speaker
Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another episode. We will be back, and we'll be having some fun. And until then, do not forget that Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights.
01:40:00
Speaker
As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime. Diversity is not the problem. Cops aren't your friends. But we love you. We love you. Yeah!