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Episode 722 - The Wedding Special
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Matt and Chris traveled to Eastern Tennessee for the wedding of friend of the show Elle Collins this weekend, so they got together with Marlene and Ben Gulley to talk about it and read online reviews of Morristown's Family Fun Zone!
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Transcript
Zencastr & Podcast Intro
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster or you want to be a podcaster and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster.
00:00:12
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They also have hosting options and you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes or in the episode description and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
00:00:28
Speaker
Lightest, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
00:00:39
Speaker
got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body.
00:00:49
Speaker
X is... Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax.
Guest Introduction: Ben Gully
00:00:55
Speaker
This the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast. We are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims with me as rarely is Matt Wilson.
00:01:08
Speaker
ah Physically with you. physically Well, spiritually, i assume. like well but also but they Always spiritually, but that now we're in the same physical space. Yes, we are. And I would say probably in the same spiritual space.
00:01:20
Speaker
ah Sure. I can jive with that. Soul and what with body are one. And that was the voice of often mentioned, I don't think ever before heard on the show. Only once we did the cookout milkshake taste test. That was a snack situation.
00:01:37
Speaker
That was a snack situation. So this is the first time on War Rocket Ajax that we have um longtime friend Ben Gully. Hi, folks. did you You can use Zencaster to record your own podcasts. And ah I forget the that. All right. Sorry, I was going to do it All right. i Yeah. i Now I don't have to put the ad on the show.
00:01:55
Speaker
Just, hey, Zencaster. Yeah, no no call to action. No URL. Just did you know? And also someone you've heard on the show a few times, Marlene. Marlene. Hi, you've heard me.
00:02:09
Speaker
A meaning to hear me and then also off probably in the next room. Yes, hearty laugh is sometimes on the show. You're welcome. You're welcome. Yeah, we need that. All of you are fucking welcome.
00:02:24
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ah We are in beautiful...
Wedding Attire & Reception
00:02:30
Speaker
Morristown, Tennessee. We sure are. ah For the wedding of someone else who's been on the show before. Co-hosted.
00:02:39
Speaker
Co-hosted the show. Guested on the show. been Been part of the roundtables when we used to do the roundtables. One of the people who has ah co-hosted with both of us. That's right. Elle Collins got married in a beautiful, wonderful ceremony. Sweet.
00:02:54
Speaker
um That Chris... was in the wedding party for. and the i was a part of what Elle called the Honor Guard. And Chris, I think you should tell our listeners what you wore and how you presented the wedding. What was dress code?
00:03:11
Speaker
Yeah. ah Well, I was informed that the dress code was formal or Viking. Uh-huh. And it really worked out because... Including Elle, there were four people on our side of the of the ceremony.
00:03:26
Speaker
And two were formal and two were Viking. And ah so I wore, mean exactly what you would probably expect, um so you know so some pants that you got to lace up at the cuffs.
00:03:40
Speaker
ah I don't know if that's... that's It's not a tunic, is it? Is that a tunic? Elle was wearing a tunic, for sure. I think you were just wearing... If it goes past your butt, it's a tunic. yeah I think it was just a cape.
00:03:54
Speaker
Well, I was wearing A shirt under the cape. A jerkin? Perhaps a jerkin. A jacquard? A jacquard? Yeah. A back Corbin? And then I was wearing... um I had a... ah What was described to me when I first... it As a battle belt.
00:04:09
Speaker
Mm-hmm. I can see that. Which is essentially a leather championship belt. A very big center plate with a wolf on it. oh And then I had a ah a so a sword frog on my back.
00:04:24
Speaker
So I had the straps going across that I had put a knife on. And then I had a fur-mantled cape. And I had a sword. You had your sword. My sword.
00:04:35
Speaker
My as-yet-unnamed sword. That we have not actually posted a picture of, but that our listeners have... A number of our listeners have... It's right over there. ah Yes, it's right over there.
00:04:46
Speaker
On the door. um it's A number of our listeners have requested to see it so they can suggest names for it. It's a good sword. It is a good sword.
00:04:57
Speaker
it's it's very ah It's lighter than i thought it would be. I have heard that many swords are lighter than people think. yeah And because you're used to something that's less of a sword and more of a slab of iron.
00:05:15
Speaker
I wore to the ceremony, um to for the actual ceremony, just like dress slacks, sport coat, regular kind of church clothes.
00:05:27
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But after the ceremony was over, I went out to the car and upon Elle's request, wore the Stone Cold Steve Austin vest for the entirety of the reception.
00:05:39
Speaker
Yes. Oh, I also have bracers. Yes, you did have bracers on. But I didn't have the knife that goes in the sheath on the bracers. There was a pretty great moment after the ceremony, like right as the ceremony ended.
00:05:53
Speaker
Where Elle and Spouse, new now Spouse, I don't know if we should be saying everybody's names, so I'm trying to be cautious. Yeah, I get it. No one signed a release for this? Yeah. no um they they There was a stairway, and they went up the stairs.
00:06:09
Speaker
And there was a velvet rope, and you walked over and closed the velvet rope. And then stood in front of it with your sword, as if to say, no one no one gets past To interrupt. Perhaps as if to say.
00:06:26
Speaker
You shall not pass. You shall not pass. To interrupt the newly married Perhaps as if to say. flame of Arun.
00:06:35
Speaker
I am the wielder of the sacred fire. That's right. Perhaps as if to say that. Yes. it It was just like that. That was requested of me as well. ah That was great. I loved that moment. Yeah.
00:06:47
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And everybody knew. They weren't going up there. And I have to say, when we were rehearsing the blocking yesterday before the wedding, um i got a little bit japed at.
00:06:59
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I got a little bit of fun poked. A little jaw jacking? A little jaw jacking. Because I was miming holding my sword. Because I was doing prop work.
00:07:11
Speaker
Yeah. I don't think that's weird. i was doing object work. Yeah. that' Look, you you got two improvisers in here. We know what's up. Yeah. You guys get Yeah, I get And then what happened? I knew exactly how to hold that sword the whole ceremony today.
00:07:23
Speaker
today The victory's in the preparation. Bingo. Bingoly gets it. Someone who who had not done that preparation would definitely have gotten tired. Yeah.
00:07:33
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They would have been like, oh no, my arms are tired. i mean you Oh no, is it right over left? You were just talking about how light the sword is because you know you wanted everybody to think you were a strong, cool guy, I guess. And you didn't want them to think i was strong. but that is not my That was not my implication at all, but continue.
00:07:52
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but I mean, you know, I prepared for it, and then I was able to – I held it for the whole ceremony. That's all. sort It was a nice ceremony. It very nice. It was very nice ceremony. oh Oh, and I also had a circlet.
00:08:04
Speaker
I had a leather circlet. Oh, yeah. That I then gave – got that circlet custom made by a a leather worker of my acquaintance. And then gave it to Elle as part of their out wedding present.
00:08:18
Speaker
And they were very happy to receive it, which made me feel great. And I told Kurt, the leather worker, ah and everyone was very happy. Because it looked it looks really cool.
00:08:30
Speaker
And looked really cool on Elle, too. Yeah, it did. um So, after the wedding, a lovely reception with barbecue to eat. ah Always up for that.
Wedding Service Business Idea
00:08:43
Speaker
Hell yeah. I mean, the only Carolina sauce they had was South Carolina. Mustard, but... But but this mustard's still good. yeah and then I was in the wedding party. yeah I had to represent. i had to I got the red sauce. I didn't get the the mustard sauce.
00:08:56
Speaker
You didn't have The mustard sauce? I thought it was pretty good. It was good. Mustard sauce is good. It's just not the...
00:09:05
Speaker
Look, I know it's not your preference, but it's still good. Yeah, just because you don't like something, Matt, doesn't mean that it's not good. I just didn't have it. There was another sauce when had that one.
00:09:15
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Now you were shaking your head and saying, I'm disapproving. Yeah, I was like, oh, you didn't have You were like, no. No. Get this slop out of my face. I'm Matt Wilson. only like Easter.
00:09:26
Speaker
Matt, actually, I asked if he had it. Stop. He grabbed the bowl of Carolina barbecue sauce and threw it in my face. And I didn't mind. I caught it all in my mouth. yeah Yeah. Like a cartoon. Like a cartoon.
00:09:40
Speaker
We are increasingly becoming a show where lies are said about me. Yeah, unfortunately, Matt, you now have three people who are willing to do this bit.
00:09:52
Speaker
Yeah, one of them is your wife, and the other one is legally bound to you by business. Yes. And the other one I've known for 25 years. Yeah. You know, if you two start an LLC... We should start an LLC. What would our business be, Ben? Oh, we were gonna we should be ah wedding planners. Oh, yeah, exactly. what So Ben and I have long had a scheme where we want to be a well scheme yeah um like an all-in-one one-stop shop for weddings where we would be the photographers, the DJs, the caterers, the efficient, um and basically anything else you might need for the wedding.
00:10:32
Speaker
So it would it cost also you we will do it all for like three hundred and fifty I've got to say, that's a great business idea. yeah as As four married people, but yeah I think we can all agree $350 would be the right price. yeah so so So there are a few things you probably need to know up front. For photography, we would just get a disposable camera. That also tells you how long this bit's been going on. was when disposable cameras were.
00:11:00
Speaker
And most of the photos would be of our own feet. you put all that somewhere hold on You could that somewhere. That make a lot of money. Intentionally? No, accidentally. You get the envelope back and you're like, yeah. and i don't mean I don't mean good feet photos. Intentional or not, that shit would sell.
00:11:20
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shit I think as an audio podcast, we don't have people who are into our feet.
00:11:26
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. I'm sure there would be some people who pay top dollar for... ah nine i I've been unemployed for six months and no one's made an offer. I'm not investigating.
00:11:37
Speaker
You gotta put yourself out there. You know, sometimes you gotta go. You gotta go get agents. You gotta go. You say, am worth it. I'm not giving somebody 10% of my fee picks. That's only if somebody hires you.
00:11:47
Speaker
That's one little piggy. Well then be independent. There are places that you can do that, be independent, you know? You don't have to be union. You can just give the one that like stayed home. What's he to fucking doing? it Look, I'm going to just real quick Google Matt Wilson feet and see what happens.
00:12:03
Speaker
Matt D. Wilson feet. You're going to get the colorist. You're going to get the drummer. You're going get feet pics that you don't want. Matt D. Wilson It actually had autocomplates to Matt D. Wilson net worth, which is... don't think I want to know. That's a sad number. Matt D. Wilson, Morristown, Tennessee.
00:12:24
Speaker
Also, weird. Huh. It knows where I am. um So... but Oh, so the that would be the photography. The music would be um the autoplay demo on a Casio keyboard.
00:12:39
Speaker
should have to keep walking up and hitting the demo button. Who's that? That's Matt Wilson, apparently. Let me see. but like ah That's a hunk. Yeah, damn. Matt, you're a hunk. That's a hunk right there. Matt's a hunk, but I mean, that's that's a hunk.
00:12:51
Speaker
That guy's a hunk. Wowie, wow. He's fine.
00:12:57
Speaker
And fine meaning he's a... yeah yeah Okay, I guess the the first non-photo result is an orthopedic specialist in San Diego named Dr. Matthew D. Wilson. huh That's wild. because It says here he's also a colorist.
00:13:13
Speaker
Oh, and a podcaster. Weird. I'm actually doing a show with him starting next week. Wow. Interesting. We're going to do Pit Fiends where we watch the pit. Well, that he could give his medical perspective on the pit. Yeah. Is there a lot of orthopedic stuff on the pit?
00:13:29
Speaker
I felt like it was... I mean, probably not. I had to watch it, so... Probably not, but... Google the pit foot stuff. So... That's going to come up with something you, again, don't want to see.
00:13:42
Speaker
ah So the Casio keyboard demo for the music. The the catering is... we get a 12-piece chicken tenders box from KFC, of which we eat three. Yeah.
00:13:54
Speaker
Why, you wouldn't even get Bojangles? No, KFC. If we went to Bojangles, they wouldn't be getting any. Yeah, we eat all of those. Yeah. What else?
00:14:06
Speaker
Oh, so there would be photography um where ah only Ben would have the camera. And I would still take pictures of your feet. Of both of our feet. But, um so he's going to set up photos and I'm going stand next to him and hit him with a hat. It would be like telling him to take good photos.
00:14:26
Speaker
Yeah. um that's That's a ah bit we would do. a baseball hat? Yeah. basic to me any kind of so you know You know the old ah cartoon dogs where there's like the big dumb one and the angry one? It's that exactly. okay But the little one has a hat. And which one are you?
00:14:41
Speaker
I'm the big dumb one. To get that joke you have to know that Bengal is 6'5". And I'm You're a solid 5'11".
00:14:55
Speaker
solid five eleven I would say a charitable 5'11". Charitable You're a charitable 5'11". Somebody told me I had 5'4 energy the other day and I made feel really good about myself.
00:15:08
Speaker
Marlene is 5 feet tall. I thought you were taller. See? And I've met you in person many times. I got BDE.
00:15:18
Speaker
big decimeter? decimeter energy you know it is shut the fuck up anyway ah what what else what else did we have in the plan? we don't ever have to bother actually like no one actually checks to see if people are registered for that shit are are ordained yeah do you have to sign a certificate? Yeah, but who checks? We get like the cheapest ordination you possibly can. And then on the advertisement, we just have, ordained! exclamation mark Yeah. oh no yeah that was it it's our our Our certificate is just a picture of your face with the words ordained. yeah
00:15:56
Speaker
yeah That's the same thing as being ordained. And I'm your manager. sure yeah you're Wait, are you just getting 2%? yeah Yeah. So you get 1.2 of the chicken tenders? Yeah, that's right.
00:16:08
Speaker
So you only get No, we only get three of the chicken tenders Yeah, but then you gotta take I gotta take part of that I gotta take part of that Okay, a third of a chicken tender Yeah So you're not taking it off the top You're taking part the Okay Yeah So you get I think I might take off the top of the whole thing Which one of Matt's toes is your favorite? Probably the pinky Or maybe that weird little middle one That just like is little bigger than your big toe Yeah Yeah Like the index toe Which one of Matt's toes is your favorite, Ben?
00:16:40
Speaker
You know, I'm going to give the the the cheap diplomatic answer. I like them all. ah So anyway, we we the reception was lovely. We had barbecue.
00:16:51
Speaker
um We got to hang out with ah everybody here as well as Jordan Witt and Megan Nielsen who are here.
Family Fun Zone Reviews
00:17:03
Speaker
who are here but did decline to Come into the room where there is no seating yeah to sit quietly and listen all. We're all on a bed together. That's true. I wanted to spoon while we recorded because I thought that would make for good podcasting.
00:17:19
Speaker
we're we We're still in it. Can I still be your manager? Yeah. Do you want to be Big Spoon or Little Spoon? I mean, I think... That's got Little Spoon energy. I think we gotta be Little. i gotta I think I gotta be Little.
00:17:32
Speaker
I don't think which spoon you are is like... Depending your size. you can you know yeah you could be Anyone can be any spoon. Because I'm the big spoon in this marriage. You got 5'4 energy. yeah Do you want to be big spoon to Matt and then Matt's big spoon to me?
00:17:49
Speaker
Because I would love being little spoon. Great. But Matt's recording. It'd probably be easier if was big spoon on Matt and I was kind of over the shoulder. And I can tell you right now.
00:18:02
Speaker
He don't want be. He don't want be little. I feel like Matt's not enjoying this bit. No. And that weirdly makes this very hurtful to me. I'm good at spooning.
00:18:13
Speaker
I'm very happy. You're offended because Matt Wilson, who does not like being touched. And I'm aware of this. He hates being touched. I'm someone who used to work in an office where one of the only office perks was every month a masseuse would come in and you could get a massage.
00:18:32
Speaker
And I declined every time. Yeah. Because i just cannot. I just, i can't deal with being touched like that. it just it I can't. But if I touch you like this.
00:18:47
Speaker
And if I hold you like that. ah Anyway, so. We had a long conversation about how I am the Marlene of this relationship. yeah And Marlene is the Chris of your relationship. Listen, when you whenever. you see a couple you have to ask them which of you is the chris sims which of you is the Matt Wilson. Yeah. it It used to be who's the dog and who's the cat and now it's yeah who's the Chris and who's the Matt. Then it was who's the scholar and who's the clown. 100% the clown right here.
00:19:16
Speaker
I'm glad you took ownership of clown. Yeah, why would I not? And she's saying you're not funny. No, I'm saying... Ah!
00:19:24
Speaker
We also had a conversation about how we will all say mean things to Matt and Matt will just accept them and that makes us feel bad. My response to being told but by to Ben just saying I'm not funny was a nonverbal nod.
00:19:39
Speaker
So we got we after the reception, we came back. We were in Chris's Airbnb. And we came back here and we were like, okay, where can we go? Because we had talked about the idea of there's a brewery downtown, so we thought about going there.
00:19:55
Speaker
um But then we found out about the Family Fun Zone. Yeah. Which is if we did not go to. Which we did not go to. But I can still go. Oh, pull up those reviews, Ben. I found some reviews of Family Fun Zone.
00:20:09
Speaker
And I will say, these reviews did make the place seem whack. Yeah, but I'd still go. But also interesting. mean, it has four stars. The most memorable one was... ah Okay, so apparently a lot of schools and take kids on field trips to this.
00:20:28
Speaker
I think... Okay, these did not sound like actual school field trips, though. these were homeschool field trips? think these were homeschool field trips. Oh, yeah, we are middle of Tennessee. Yeah. ah so well we're Yeah, that's a dig. we're We're in eastern Tennessee. I mean, mike more like the middle is like we're in the middle. We are in deep Tennessee. Anyway, one of the reviews said, oh okay, I'll just read this in its entirety because it's great.
00:20:55
Speaker
This is from Shauna Carrico. It's public. It's posted. She publicly posted it. It would be rude to not credit the author. This is a Google review that has one star Family Fun Zone.
00:21:07
Speaker
to not credit the author um this is this is a google review that has of one star of family fund zone Our school went on a field trip in hopes of a good time.
00:21:18
Speaker
The staff was beyond rude. Not even just rude to the parents, but rude to our children. We don't allow our children to drink soda. So when my son requested water, the staff member, quotation marks, Austin, shouted, Sprite or Coke are nothing.
00:21:36
Speaker
And even said that to the rest of the children. Most of the children did not get a drink. Laughter. It shows nothing. We can agree that's whack. Yeah. Okay, this I don't understand.
00:21:49
Speaker
The gift cards were extremely limited on what you could play. i don't know what that means. I think it means that they got like cards that you could probably use on... Like the arcade machines? arcade machines.
00:22:02
Speaker
But you couldn't do the axe throwing, the bumper cars, the laser tag. And the laser tag. Okay. It was probably for everything in arcade, but not everything that's listed separately from arcade. Yeah, yeah. so Like duck pin bowling or virtual reality. So that it's one of those places... Or the Smash Room.
00:22:17
Speaker
ah shit. Smash Room. There was Smash Room like an OMAD. I lost the review. It does... Let me tell you my coat on the wall. I was briefly wondering. I forgot that you were holding Ben's phone. I was like, why does Matt's lock screen a picture of of Ben's kid? I do like how this website ah says, the best family fun and parties, and then in much smaller letters, in the Morristown area. In the Morristown area, again, you can get to Dollywood in an hour from here. Yeah.
00:22:54
Speaker
even the okay yeah Even the children were separated for no reason. This is back to the review. Even the children were separated for no reason, sometimes were not allowed to play in groups. Our leader, again in quotation marks, Austin, spent more time bullying the children and snapping at parents than being any help.
00:23:12
Speaker
I usually don't leave negative reviews and am very easy to please. However, when something that was supposed to be a very fun trip, that we were going to come back with siblings next time, that's what makes me think it's homeschooled.
00:23:24
Speaker
Turned into such a negative and terrible experience. We will not be returning unless someone learns how to treat children with kindness and respect. Also, everyone paid for food when we purchased our field trip tickets.
00:23:35
Speaker
There wasn't enough food for everyone to eat. It continued to be such a disaster we didn't even stay the full time. Our teachers decided to leave even two and a half hours early because... Of it continuing to grow worse Megan Nielsen just came in That's not part of the review That would be wild if that had been part of the review We're talking about Family Fun Lake This was extremely stressful and disappointing Do not recommend Now, we did what we did not read before Was the response from Family Fun Zone Oh!
00:24:06
Speaker
This is going nice surprise for everybody in this room This is from Family Fun Zone Owner Is it Austin? It could be Austin. It's me, Austin.
00:24:18
Speaker
It was me all on. Thank you for your feedback. However, we would really like for you to reach out to us about your experience at phone number. Since there are so many... Give the phone number.
00:24:28
Speaker
Do not give the phone number. I'm sure it's online. It's rare that I'm the angel on that shoulder. It would be so good. Since there are so many points of your review that confuse us, firstly, we always have a large container of ice water available to all participants during the entire field.
00:24:51
Speaker
It was located in the dining area and our attendants always offer water after the jumping portion of the trip. What does that mean? They have trampolines. They have trampolines. Oh, yeah.
00:25:02
Speaker
You have to get jumped in at Family Fun Zone when you join a gang. but like Wait, wait, wait. You go from thing to thing? Because they were mad they had to pay the separate things, remember?
00:25:13
Speaker
I guess that makes sense. If you've got a big group and you want to kind of get the whole experience that you would go... to like That's probably why they have a group leader so that you can be brought to each attraction. So so one of the one of the things, if you look at other negative reviews, 201, it's almost always, I didn't think I would have to pay for each activity separately.
00:25:38
Speaker
Which is wild. Which is a wild thing to assume. The ones that we read, though, did involve... like Stories of people being mean to children. Yes.
00:25:50
Speaker
this Okay. Secondly, all field trip guests had access to jump time, laser tag, arcade time, bowling, and bumper cars, which is hardly, quotation marks, limited.
00:26:01
Speaker
Thirdly... Oh, shit. That's some shade. Thirdly, we must divide the children into groups in order to properly rotate them through all the attractions in a safe and organized manner. Our game attendants may have to raise their voice in order to catch someone's attention to be heard above the music and the kids making noise, but we are always respectful and prioritize a fun and safety... Prioritize a fun and safety during the guest experience.
00:26:27
Speaker
We apologize if this was misinterpreted as disrespectful. Lastly, there was plenty of pizza for everyone. we made We even made extra pizza for parents and siblings that did not prepaid. They remembered it.
00:26:39
Speaker
Oh my god. These people suck so bad. They suck fat. I honestly don't know whose side I'm on at this point. I don't think I'm on anybody's side.
00:26:51
Speaker
I just want to know. The group you were part of was...
00:26:56
Speaker
The last group to eat lunch So you may have missed it by leaving early The field trip group stayed the entire Duration of the reserved time period And actually stayed a little later than anticipated So that the children could enjoy all the attractions I don't understand what's going on there There's two different groups know One group left early and okay um As I mentioned we welcome an opportunity To discuss this matter with you further We strive to make to field trips enjoyable for the children, staff, and parents I can't believe Family Fun Zone wouldn't say it to my face Say it to my face.
00:27:28
Speaker
So yeah, we didn't end up going to Family Fun Zone. We didn't. Which is a bummer. I kind of wish we had. None of us are kids, so they would have been rude to us. Here's a review ah that we didn't read before from Gunner. I like this one. From gun Gunner? From Gunner.
00:27:43
Speaker
We're in Eastern Tennessee. This is Gunner. They yelled at my sibling. Terrible staff. They yelled at my sibling. Terrible staff. Can't go do what you want. Trampolines.
00:28:05
Speaker
Can't, and it gets better, can't do flips on it. Only to allowed on it at a time last of money.
00:28:17
Speaker
Man, you know Gunnar must have a backflip. Hey, wait, no, let me read that. Let me read it how Gunnar might read it. I want to read it how Gunnar might read it. Okay, okay, I do want to point out...
00:28:28
Speaker
You're from Philadelphia. So this feels rude. I... No. Okay. They yelled at my sibling, terrible staff. Can't do what you want.
00:28:39
Speaker
Trampolins. Can't do flips on it. And only too loud. Loud is spelled wrong. On it. At a time. Wast of money. Wast of money.
00:28:50
Speaker
Okay. I do think. family fund zone shouldve let Gunner do some trampoline wrestling. so ah there's a there's a There's a reply from Family Fun Zone on that that says um we prioritize safety. Can't do flips! Can't do flips.
00:29:03
Speaker
Let him do flips on a trampoline. Let Gunner do flips on a trampoline.
00:29:13
Speaker
As the person this room who's been to a trampoline. like and the person in this room who has children. Yeah, yeah, with with two children. that listen But listen, a lot of kids do birthday parties, these things. None of them let you do flips.
00:29:25
Speaker
Can you do what you want? Can't do what you want? Trampoline.
00:29:31
Speaker
Can't do what you want, Trampoline. I mean, look, Gunner could be, yeah, I feel like, I'm going to say family fun zone made the right call on that. Yeah. They probably were because of safety.
00:29:43
Speaker
I said let Gunner do flips. Let Gunner do a yo Hey, let him play, coach. Yeah. Let him play. Let him play. Do you want me to read... Let him do a flippy powerbomb.
00:29:55
Speaker
Yeah, let him do a powerbomb. I read that in a terrible accent. I could read the best Yelp review that I've ever seen. in the Philly accent. Your Philly Yelp review that you love so much? I love it. i mean Is it also about trampolines? No, it's bar my dad used work at. It's about the bar where her dad used to work. I would like to hear this. We're going to So I guess our neither our check nor rec is Family Fun Zone. We did not go. We didn't go and we can't recommend it. You reckon reviews of Family Fun Zone on Google? If we have any listeners in the Morristown area other than Elle Collins. What?
00:30:40
Speaker
Please go to Family Fun Zone and and report back. i want to i want to I want unbiased Family Fun Zone journalism. Wait, why can't Al go to Family Fun Zone? Al's there, honey, man. Al's busy.
00:30:52
Speaker
It's, uh, I I I don't, I, you know what? Elle should try a new backflip and see what happens. Like, I, I will say this. I was not, when, when, when we discovered Family Fun Zone and I started looking at like pictures of it and whatever, I was not initially interested.
00:31:09
Speaker
And then when I read the reviews, I was like, okay, I do want to know more about this place. That was like, this place hates children. i a different review about a different staff member who was also mean to children. Yes.
00:31:24
Speaker
And I do think, look, I know why you maybe be frustrated with children if you are working at Family Fun Zone in Morristown, Tennessee. I get it. Also, kind of a requirement of that job is that you're not mean to children. Like, feel like a requirement of most jobs should be that you're not mean to children.
00:31:42
Speaker
It's like when you're working in the comic shop, if you just really, really hated dudes who were going to come in and
00:31:52
Speaker
hate that i was gonna say that was my entire experience you can't find the review he just doesn't have the app so i can't read it oh sorry that's okay it's all right yeah okay well some other time okay bonus content it is yeah that's five dollars baby i would think i think the only job that's where it's not a requirement that you should be nice to children is the krampus I think that's maybe the only one. Is that a job? Like, Underworlds are... mean, what would you call Matt? Is it, like, calling?
00:32:25
Speaker
It's a... it's Yeah, he is called, but he's curious. It's who you are. It's who he is. and yeah is this crop is going out at w two No. What you do for a living is not who you are. But, okay. But that's not it is for living. It's not who you are. But Santa Claus is Santa Claus.
00:32:42
Speaker
but We've complained about the tim Tim Allen movie, the Santa Claus, so many times. Frequently, I would say. and part of what Wait, you guys don't like Tim Allen? Since when? don't like him since he flipped on the other cocaine dealers in Michigan.
00:32:56
Speaker
Oh. turntate's evidence And to get a lighter sentence. among the sin opposition to alllan Among the sins of the movie The Santa Claus is the like legalese about Santa being a job.
00:33:13
Speaker
i mean, but like... What do kids love? Contracts. Okay, I don't think he makes money at it. Because he's an immortal jolly old elf.
00:33:25
Speaker
But that is what makes something a job. But like, it is work.
00:33:31
Speaker
So is Wiggy every day. That doesn't make it my job. And things are exchanged. Megan Neal's like getting real. He gets paid in cookies and milk. The promise is not.
00:33:44
Speaker
That's true. I assume the Krampus gets so... Yeah, the bodies of children. Hang on. Hang on. I'm texting Benito.
00:33:55
Speaker
Just ask Benito. He is Krampus and Joel. Hang on, Flip. I'm texting him. Let me call you. Is he going to get on here on the phone? Yeah. i'm text one we call you guys is he going to get on here on the phone yeah Okay, we're going to... This is a special crossover. If this was a video, we'd put up a little graphic of ah of a phone.
00:34:18
Speaker
yeah Let's get the the the road report. Megan left. From Stagger Bonito Serino. Oh, yeah. Staggerly staggerly Marshall. He's going to make some crude joke about me being a weasel.
00:34:32
Speaker
um a And you can hear the peals of laughter echoing.
00:34:40
Speaker
Alvinito says he's at dinner right now. Okay. I don't see what that matters. He's eating soup. We'll just ask him. A lot more family fun zone. reviews. None were better than that one. The other ones were not as good as that specific one. Did you ahead and him Krampus is job? I did ask him if Krampus is job. You'll find out. Because I know that Benito is currently eating dinner with his wife, but if I ask him a question about the Krampus, he will respond.
Krampus: Christmas Traditions
00:35:08
Speaker
He won't be able to stop himself. I got the three dots already.
00:35:20
Speaker
ah ah Yeah, so we went to a brewery. It was it was fine, although Bluegrass was about to be played, and they kept testing the mics. to put The mic? I do not generally get sensorily overwhelmed.
00:35:35
Speaker
No, that was a place that it was it was a lot. But, oof, I could not, if I heard the words one, two, one more time, it was it was like being at an indie show. It was like being at an indie wrestling show. So, Chris, um... Too many near falls.
00:35:49
Speaker
Mm-mm. This is your first... Benito says, haha, like the performers? It's seasonal work, but they get paid. No, not like the performers.
00:36:01
Speaker
The real for real Krampus. I almost texted him, don't be fucking idiot. But I didn't say that to my friend. I mean, good thing he doesn't listen to this show.
00:36:12
Speaker
i would never I would never say that. I would only say that for comedic effect. And i and even then, I wouldn't say it. I would never make fun of one of my friends like Benito. I would never do that.
00:36:24
Speaker
I would never say something to him that I didn't mean right that I thought might make him feel bad. we just Wait, what? <unk>m I'm sitting here SMDH. s m d a After you have repeatedly said that I love John Byrne.
00:36:42
Speaker
I did pull up that picture at the reception of John Byrne with those two guns from that one issue of Wizard Magazine. I did bring up during that conversation that according to our Discord, John Byrne might have had a turnaround and we'll have to we'll have to investigate that.
00:36:58
Speaker
Benito says, I would say yeah. Krampus is a job. Okay. i So therefore Santa's a job.
00:37:08
Speaker
I feel like this... He's a toy maker. That's a profession. feel like that's a slippery slope toward... I'm not saying... Do you think the elves are unionized?
00:37:19
Speaker
the Okay. Santa's... I mean...
00:37:26
Speaker
Yeah, see? Here's the thing. This is where it all crumbles. I don't think they are because I don't think they need to be. But only because they're magical creatures.
00:37:37
Speaker
I think for us in the corporeal human world... That's what they said about women. It is interesting how in the 20th century in the United States, which i i mean I guess Santa Claus has only really existed as we know him since then...
00:37:56
Speaker
But, like,
00:37:59
Speaker
and a continuing point of Santa Claus, like, movies and stories is something about the elves being, like, overworked and subjugated as workers. That's such an adult thing to put in there. because Yes. it's Because all that shit's made by adults who don't like their jobs. Yes. Oh.
00:38:20
Speaker
yeah. I think it's a weird detailed superhero story. They're like, a kit my kids want too much. They're asking, you know, I'll just make it act like they're asking too much from the elves. like, fuck you, dude.
00:38:32
Speaker
Get your kid a bike. Get him some Pokemon cards. Get your kids a Pokemon cards. There are definitely things to criticize about the movie Elf, but I do like the element of that movie where it's like the elves are just preternaturally good at making toys to where it's not a huge amount of effort for them to do it.
00:38:56
Speaker
And so when a human being tries to do it, it's extremely hard for them. yeah you know what You know what I like about that movie? That's what they said about women. Yeah. That they were naturally good at making toys?
00:39:07
Speaker
Or that it was... Or that a human tried Here's what i like about that. is that They don't tell Buddy to... like They're not mean to Buddy about it.
00:39:19
Speaker
He overhears them talking later. But when he can only make 100 Etch-A-Sketches, they're like, well, that's good, Buddy. like yeah yeah They're not mean. right There's a lot in that movie that could be meaner than it is.
00:39:32
Speaker
agreed we're talking about elf now Benito says Krampus has a job. I still agree with Benito. I think that's okay, though. Okay, um that's interesting, because what I I mean this in the nicest way possible, i don't ah I respect you, and I respect your opinions on things that don't involve me playing basketball.
00:39:54
Speaker
Because Megan Nielsen doesn't believe in me, and I said maybe I'll take out basketball, and Megan made a face. Yeah, I want it on the record that I never said I don't believe in him.
00:40:08
Speaker
Megan just doesn't think that it's going to happen. Yeah, I know. I don't think I'm wrong. Doubting me will only make me stronger, and history will vindicate me.
00:40:21
Speaker
what about Chris, what about disc golf?
00:40:26
Speaker
No. What? What are you talking about? I know about disc golf. I'm not going to fucking That's actually way funnier than that. Why wouldn't you play disc golf?
00:40:37
Speaker
Why would I play disc golf? Are you too good for disc golf now? You think I'm going to go to tattoo that says disc is life? Look, I'm saying if you want to take up a sport... saying like if you want to do take up a sport what This song might be fun. What I'm saying is that Benito Serrino is a noted scholar and author of Christmas traditions and it is, I would say, expert level at that.
00:41:05
Speaker
And you are Jewish.
00:41:12
Speaker
just saying, there are certain things that I would maybe go to him for. I can't do
00:41:22
Speaker
Also, Megan is currently wearing the funniest t-shirt I've ever seen. It's the best fucking t-shirt I've ever seen. To describe it, it is a Stone Cold Steve Austin skull. Specifically a Stone Cold Steve Austin skull? Yes. It's the smoking skull.
00:41:36
Speaker
The shirt is neon, brat, neon green. It chartreuse. Chartreuse. You think that's chartreuse? I don't. It's not chartreuse? Okay. It is neon green.
00:41:47
Speaker
All right. Okay. Oh my God, you slowed us down. And then it says brat on it. So it's brat 316. Yes.
00:41:58
Speaker
I really want you. It's the hardest I have laughed at an It's Two Things shirt. 316 part go.
00:42:04
Speaker
15 years. I was mistakenly informed that Brat Green was chartreuse, which is incorrect, I suppose. And you really want do it, technically chartreuse is red, that's a whole separate dissemination. wait. I'm thinking of a different color then. No, you're not. No, you're thinking. It's a whole thing, yeah. Okay. I would describe that as DX green.
00:42:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's lime green. would I would describe that by asking for ready. There are different shades of green that are DX green, though. Also, because Megan is wearing, like, ah they're they're not purple, but they're close enough that this is almost a Hulk color situation.
00:42:44
Speaker
Those are magenta shorts. Yeah. No, but I see the vision. Green top, purple, not quite the purple. I understand why you're in.
00:42:56
Speaker
What's the hex code on these? these what's the what's the penton that i saw they were pink That doesn't mean I don't see the whole vision.
00:43:07
Speaker
Like, two things can be true. things can be true. We can visualize the whole thing. We can visualize the whole thing. can visualize the whole thing. And we can think about the whole thing. If you do it one night a year, that's your job?
00:43:20
Speaker
That's crazy. just don't know. Okay, so hang on. I did not realize this was your problem with it. Well, Eddie's not going to take it. You're like, hey, Krampus, you've got time to lean.
00:43:31
Speaker
You've got time to clean. Hey, Krampus, can we get some side work going? A couple times year, I love to dance, but I'm not a professional dancer. That's not my job.
00:43:42
Speaker
It is not... it I think being Krampus defines Krampus. Okay, there's there's here's my question. What happened to your not define what you do?
00:43:54
Speaker
It's May. We're having this conversation in May as well. Here's my question. Do we think Jesus works twice a year? Jesus works for me every day. Well, I mean, but technically, he's only got two two days that he works.
00:44:09
Speaker
Christmas or Easter? Well, okay, okay. I followed you. But technically, like, if you're going to say Easter, also Good Friday, I would say.
00:44:20
Speaker
So that's three. I would say that's the labor-intensive day for him. That is true, because that's when he RIP, right? would say Mary's labor-intensive day would be Christmas. Oh, yeah. But Mary works 365.
00:44:32
Speaker
But would say definitely Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I'm just making shit up now. And you know what? It's fine. Let me ask my question. yes So I think we can agree that Krampus is born into the job.
00:44:52
Speaker
Yes? Well, no. Krampus wasn't born into the job. He was chained by St. Nicholas. Yes. Oh, that's right. so Which you would know if you paid attention to Benito's comics.
00:45:07
Speaker
So weird that I'm a good friend. And read your your co-host's comics. Oh, so interesting. Now you're trying to argue that his enslavement is his job? Okay, he is monster who eats children.
00:45:19
Speaker
Let's not get wild here. But you're still saying he's got a job and that job is to eat children. His job is to... you de cart put the children in the basket. Yeah, that's bad.
00:45:33
Speaker
So, would Kroppos, who's worse, Austin or Kroppos? Great question. Oh, Austin. Great question. Would Kroppos say Coke Sprite or nothing? Well, here's the thing.
00:45:46
Speaker
Krampus' job is to antagonize children. Austin's job is supposed to be being nice to children. Yes. oh yeah, but he antagonizes. He's more of ah more of a Bill Goldberg in Santa's sleigh.
00:46:02
Speaker
He's supposed to be nice to children, but not doing a great job with it. Not doing good at it, yeah. And I'll bet if you catch Krampus on a good day, he'll be nice to a kid. ah bet if you catch crampus on like a good day he'll be nice to a kid Yeah, the other 364 days of the year. Exactly.
00:46:20
Speaker
Maybe even on his day, who knows? I mean, generally I feel like most saints have one day. and you get feast day. They do Yeah. yeah So it's like, you know, St. Lucie, not out there every night.
00:46:33
Speaker
was only once. It's only once year. Unless you invoke them. Stay to see him on 26th. December 27th, he is off.
00:46:48
Speaker
I love that we're arguing about stuff that's made up. like either wait That's all we do on this show. Why don't listen? It's not all right. The prophet isn't even a saint, though, so I don't know what that has to do with Well, St.
00:47:02
Speaker
Nicholas is. Yeah, this has been fun time. Yeah, are we done? Is this show over? Wow! You've never been this ready to throw in the towel, bud.
00:47:13
Speaker
Not in 15 years. So wait, so if you're saying this whole show is about stuff that's made up, or you're arguing about stuff that's made up, yeah, sure, technically, the stuff that people write made up, but that writers still, and artists, if they still, all I'm saying is, I saw where my thought process was fucking going.
00:47:33
Speaker
Yeah. I don't. Also, no one questioned your thought process. You provided all that. I saw judgment. I saw it.
00:47:45
Speaker
You want to end it, Matt?
00:47:51
Speaker
Yeah, Matt. You want to end I'm thinking about ending it.
00:48:01
Speaker
Jesus Christ, Matt. That's insane. That's awful. This is why we can't record the show like this every week.
00:48:13
Speaker
This is why we need the safety of microphones and no video. I can't see Matt shaking his head normally. ah We talked earlier about how I'm a sad drunk. I'm not even drunk.
00:48:29
Speaker
that's That's where I'm at right now. Listen, we've all had a long day. it It has been a long day. But it's been a good day. But it has been a good day. i got to see i got to see the vast majority of my favorite people in the world. There you go.
00:48:42
Speaker
It was a wonderful day. i guess You, know you to the the four of you, Jordan, Elle. got to see Benito on the way up. I'm going to see Benito on the way back.
00:48:54
Speaker
You can order argue about Krumpus then. Yes. He agrees. Yeah, me and he agrees with that. Look, I tuned out. You also got to have Waffle House. I got to have Waffle House. I was going to ask... had Waffle House, Mojangles, and Cookout yesterday. That's a good day. not only try right okay So I i was ask about that because...
00:49:16
Speaker
You stopped at a Waffle House. I stopped Waffle House and had lunch with Benito. Yes. I stopped at Waffle House in Kentucky. Then you came here and went to a restaurant? then we We came here and went to a restaurant, yes. Did you have dinner at the restaurant? I did. Then you went to BoJack. Then I went to cookout.
00:49:31
Speaker
Well, we had to get milkshakes. Then we went to the Walmart and I didn't buy a Goku. But I did explain to Megan Nielsen... I started explaining Dragon Ball, but I literally only got right up to where I'm about to get to the first page of Dragon Ball because had to talk about Goku's dad. He's got a tail.
00:49:50
Speaker
Yeah. So why didn't you buy the Goku? Not worth it. Not worth it. I have i have ah i have better Gokus than that It wasn't a figure arts. It was one of the Evolve figures.
00:50:04
Speaker
I was only going to buy because I wanted a Goku. I didn't bring any on this trip and I felt lonely. I didn't have Goku watching over me. Stop. Talk about somebody who works every day. Goku works all the time.
00:50:16
Speaker
he's He's party girl 365. That's a job. But not being a dad. Not being a dad. Not being nice to children.
00:50:27
Speaker
Goku would fit right in a family fun zone. He does not care. Austin. Matt did little air quotes. Goku.
00:50:39
Speaker
i think i think i said it with my voice but maybe not angry Wow. watch Worn down. this so yeah So then we went to a cookout and got ah one of the 40 flavors of Fancy Milkshake.
00:50:54
Speaker
And then when we got to the cookout, I saw that the Bojangles was across the street and would be open for another hour. so I did get Cajun Flavie Biscuit. As you must do. And then I housed that Cajun Flavie Biscuit. I was very hungry.
00:51:10
Speaker
And I realized this morning, I did not take my meds yesterday. So I ate cookout, Waffle House, Bojangles, and an additional dinner, and then went to bed at 10. I would say that you did take your meds.
00:51:21
Speaker
I took spiritual meds. Exactly. That's how medicine works. Yeah. I'll tell you what else is working 24-7, 365. What? Waffle House. All the time. Waffle House. Yeah. Matt, are you done? No.
00:51:38
Speaker
you done Bye, everybody.
00:51:46
Speaker
Matt. Matt, you're silently laughing. You don't have to tell everyone you're happy. I insist that you tell people you're happy. Why are you lying?
00:51:56
Speaker
Matt's happy. Matt's having a good time. He is. You're such a liar.
00:52:10
Speaker
Uh, you can email us at or I can podcast at gmail.com. He's having a good time, I promise. I said something in the way, and I don't remember what it was, but it really got you.
00:52:20
Speaker
Oh, it was about, uh, damn, I forget now, too. Yeah. So that doesn't really matter for you, the listener, but it does matter that Matt was having a good time. Um...
00:52:33
Speaker
um
00:52:36
Speaker
You can send us questions at warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. You can give us money yeah sort enable trips like this. Patreon.com slash warrocketajac. Actually, i meant to mention this.
00:52:50
Speaker
um I got accepted to Rose City Comic Con, but it also cost $400 for a table, and I have to pay for like a flight and stuff. So like listeners, tell me if I should go.
00:53:01
Speaker
Make it worth it for me, please. Because I don't want to go and be defeated and sad.
00:53:10
Speaker
He's having such a good day. I cannot stress enough. But yes, patreon.com slash warrocketajax, warrocketwiki.com.
00:53:22
Speaker
We're on blue sky at warrocketajax.com. Uh, you can join our discord, ask us for an invitation to do that. Uh, for me and my stuff, mattdwilson.net.
00:53:35
Speaker
All my stuff, t-h-e-i-s-b.com. That is my website. It's got links to all the stuff that I do.
00:53:42
Speaker
Marlene and Ben. Oh, Marlene, i Thompson, at, um, all the things. TikTok, Instagram, uh... blue Yeah, all that stuff. And if you listen to the show, you know what my Blue Sky handle is, so. Friends for Nan 2.
00:53:55
Speaker
I think Marlene is my only mutual on TikTok. Yeah. I'm most people's mutual on TikTok. Megan, is there anything you want listeners to know to follow you or anything?
00:54:06
Speaker
No, not really. Okay, great. um This has been fun. This has been fun. Your face is hot. Could you be a little more convincing? Can we take that one more time? Yeah, clap.
00:54:21
Speaker
and this This has been fun.
00:54:27
Speaker
He's having a good time, I promise you. Matt is not matt is here under his own free will. Look, I realize i felt i i have to edit this now. No, you Just leave it in there with the claps.
00:54:40
Speaker
Yeah, who cares? ah Anyway, thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks for listening, everybody. Don't forget, black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime.
00:54:51
Speaker
Diversity is not the problem. And cops aren't your friends. But we love you. We love you. Hey! Yeah!