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Scarcity on the Brain: Abundance is a Mindset
59 Plays2 years ago
In Episode 8, Kiley and Nan dive into how to conquer the scarcity mindset. The way we think and dream shape how abundance appears in our lives. The energetic forces around money, partnership, career and community all shift when our thoughts are in alignment with our goals.
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Transcript
Introduction to Everyday Mindful
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Kylie Wyn Efron. And I'm Nan Cavanaugh, and welcome to Everyday Mindful, a space for real talk on weaving the magic of mindfulness into our daily lives. Let's dig in. Hey, Kylie, how you doing?
00:00:27
Speaker
I'm doing good. I've got kids at a play date, birthday party, a house to myself and the dog, of course, for a solid two hours and I get time with you. I get time with you. So I'm happy. I'm happy.
00:00:42
Speaker
It's been really, it's a beautiful day. We had a soccer game earlier and I spent the morning gardening. I went to this plant sale yesterday at my local arboretum and picked up all these native plants and some herbs and spent my morning planting, which felt really good.
00:01:05
Speaker
Oh, that
Kylie's Garden Inspirations
00:01:06
Speaker
sounds so nice. And you just got back on it from a European vacation. We went to Scotland and England and actually the garden, the garden force is so strong there. I came back and I was like, what am I doing? I have a small, my, this is something I think Americans don't think about, but people who live in these nations do. Any amount of land you own is precious and you need to make the most of it. Like.
00:01:33
Speaker
They build the most beautiful gardens on the tiniest scraps of land. And I think a lot of us think of our land as a yard, where you chain up a dog or where prisoners go to walk.
00:01:48
Speaker
It's not like we thought of our land as a garden. And kids do go this way. But I don't know. It's like kind of shifting to a more garden mindset and just recognizing that if you have the privilege of owning any land in this world, you should really steward it and cherish it and
00:02:10
Speaker
take care of it.
Sustainable Living with Pamela Anderson
00:02:12
Speaker
I just, and I promise what I'm about to tell you is actually going to translate nicely into what we're going to talk about, which is scarcity. Um, I just started watching Pamela Anderson's series on Hulu, which you should totally watch called Pam's garden.
00:02:30
Speaker
It's so, no, it is, um, she goes back to British Columbia where she's from and she buys the lamb that her grandmother's house is on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was confusing her with, uh, Nicole. What's her name? Who passed away? Some, uh, other blonde. It's terrible.
00:02:48
Speaker
Yes. Hannah Nicole Smith. Sorry. No, she goes away to, she goes back to British Columbia. She buys her family property, which used to be a farm and a multitude of other things. And so she converts it to a family compound. She builds like this huge garden. They live off the land. They preserve everything off the land. And she's
00:03:15
Speaker
really like created this real lifestyle of abundance based off what you have. Like it's the opposite of scarcity. It is really like returning to her roots which is what makes her really happy. She likes to like literally canned vegetables and preserved vegetables.
00:03:32
Speaker
And build and so her and her boys are doing this and it's besides like the coolest sweetest show It's just got really great vibes. I highly recommend it and was like an avid kind of gardener I think you'll really enjoy it because I agree with you. I think we
00:03:50
Speaker
don't spend enough time. I think also too, when we're doing our lawns in America, we're just thinking about manicuring, as opposed to really creating a refuge, really having beautiful plants that heal us and that feel really good. I'm getting ready to do the same thing. I told my husband, I want a witches garden.
00:04:07
Speaker
We had this plan to do this like elaborate landscaping at some point and then it just felt like so much. And then all of a sudden I was like, I just want like a witchy garden. I want hydrangeas and roses and herbs and I want to sit in my garden and really
00:04:25
Speaker
Like feel a part of it. So I'm I'm on the same I do not have the green thumb you are so I will be asking for help Plants when you just figure out where their happy place is now, you know fuck with them That's pretty much the key to it. But back to Pam Anderson So I don't I hadn't thought about her in a million years, right? And then she just showed up it like Paris Fashion Week Was it like with no makeup on?
00:04:50
Speaker
Oh yeah. With no makeup on. Half of her, this documentary, she has no makeup on. That's her thing now. She just shows her. She has this like, it's the opposite of what you kind of her canned image that she put out for years. And it wasn't a canned image. It was a calculated image that she...
00:05:06
Speaker
Yeah. And she made a decision. It was a very calculated image and profited off that image. But now she's got this laid back California style, so easy. Half of it, she's out of makeup, absolutely beautiful, aging, 50 years old, 50 plus. I mean, I got so much out of it. And it also just felt like a warm hug. I don't know why you're watching this show. So I highly recommend it. And I think it's a great example of kind
00:05:34
Speaker
all the things we've even talked about thus far about parenting, it kind of touches it touches off like living off the land that touches off of finding abundance in your life, reconnecting to nature, reconnecting to what you love. And it's just I don't know, it's kind of it's an easy show. It's light. It feels like a cooking show meets home construction show. I don't know. It's I mean, it's not deep. It's just lovely. Cool. Yeah.
00:06:00
Speaker
That's easy. I like it, so I think.
Understanding Scarcity Mindset
00:06:03
Speaker
Well, since we've kind of touched on all those things under the guise of catching up, we are talking today about scarcity and scarcity mindset.
00:06:17
Speaker
This is something I've been thinking about a lot and working with a lot, so I'm super excited to dive in. Should we do our usual jam and start with the definition? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. All right. Definition. Scarcity mindset can be defined as a pattern of thinking that focuses on what you don't have and the underlying belief that you're not ever going to have the things that you want.
00:06:43
Speaker
even when you have access to basic needs like food, water, housing, income, etc. Whereas scarcity itself is typically defined as not having some or all of the things that are necessary for survival. So that is really the point of differentiation that we're talking about. We're talking about a mindset that kind of infuses within us perhaps
00:07:10
Speaker
because of traumas we've gone through in our life, perhaps of family traumas that have been passed down to us, perhaps for a multitude of reason, which we can dive into. But what we're really kind of touching on is the mindset that has created, not the actual scarcity that some people do truly have to live within. So just to kind of be clear about that.
00:07:33
Speaker
So maybe I'm like, why don't we start off by talking a little bit about like, where does our scarcity mindset come from? Do you, you want to touch on yours or how you define it for yourself? So I, you know, there are a number of like signs that you may have a scarcity mindset. So, you know, always feeling behind, um, over scheduling yourself, saying yes to things. And I do this all the time. I over schedule. I say yes to things.
00:08:02
Speaker
Um, that aren't maybe right for me. They seem like an opportunity. They seem like a good opportunity, but I don't give myself the time to really like think through the ramifications of taking on another, another thing. Um, uh, you know, allowing bills, not paying your bills on time. Um, not going to the doctor when you should.
00:08:27
Speaker
These are all kind of signs From what my learning I've done on this of having a scarcity mindset. So just to put that in Perspective where like you said if you have scarcity, you know, you don't have food you don't have shelter you don't have these basic needs for human survival being met and I think a lot of us are on a
00:08:50
Speaker
on the border, you know, a lot of us are just one health crisis away from maybe losing our home or one car accident away. So I think culturally in America in particular, this was one thing being in Europe.
00:09:05
Speaker
The government does a lot more with the tax dollars to support security for people, everyday security, whether it's free healthcare, free college education, whatever it may be. Where here in America, you don't really reap a lot of benefits, particularly if you're of the middle class.
00:09:33
Speaker
So a lot of middle class people who work hard, have great jobs and have a home and have all the things deal with the scarcity mindset because they're just on the edge of total security, you know? Um, and I know that is a thing that we've dealt with, you know, being, uh, restaurant owners and just the
00:09:54
Speaker
you know the nightmare that the pandemic was on our industry and just the also the tumultuous nature of that industry in general and in small business ownership I think in general it kind of makes you really think um you just have a lot more responsibility than if you're just
00:10:14
Speaker
working at a job and receiving a paycheck. I mean, you are, you're always on the bridge. It's up to and it's on you if it happens. And so you kind of, you put your business first. And, and, and that is something that I know we have, Scotty and I have been doing for a long time. And
00:10:36
Speaker
It creates a sense, well, it can just be really, it just makes you nervous to invest in things because you don't know, you know, you don't know if it's going to be slow next month, you know what I mean?
00:10:54
Speaker
You got to have that little nut to make sure you get through. It keeps you like in a state of contraction. Yeah. Yeah. And I know like I'm really bad about, uh, I put a lot of other people's needs first. So I'll be like, uh, I don't really need to go to the doctor or, uh, I don't really need that. Um, you know, I don't really need to pay for those yoga lessons. I can just do something free online.
00:11:23
Speaker
I definitely, even though I can and I should, I have health insurance. I can go to the doctor. But for some reason, I just deprioritize. It's like I don't have the time. I think there's a lot of scarcity mindset around time that I struggle with the most probably where I don't feel like I have the time to do things that I know are going to be beneficial for me.
00:11:46
Speaker
So I don't but then I find the time to do all kinds of other shit It's like me who doesn't ever drink enough water I keep trying drink more water, but I have plenty of time to drink every other beverage That will really serve me
00:12:10
Speaker
Yeah, it's interesting. My scarcity mindset, there's a lot of different areas that you can have a scarcity mindset in and around. Mine definitely largely lives in the world of my relationship to money. And my kind of scarcity mindset story started as a child. I was the daughter of a single parent.
00:12:31
Speaker
My mother worked all the time. She worked like three jobs to support us. And I was made very, very aware, you know, sometimes when you have a single parent child relationship,
00:12:46
Speaker
You're looped in a little bit too early to some of the financial burdens that are on the family. So I would be very aware if the lights were going to be turned off, if a bill couldn't get paid. You know, there was, you know, a period of time when I was in high school or when my mom had a business, she was running and she was afraid she was going to lose it and asked us if we could move into the car. And I was like, no.
00:13:08
Speaker
can't do it, you know, really like kind of heavier burdens like I was very aware of it. But then my mom also being amazing worked three jobs to put me through private school. She would save all the money she could get borrow money, work out deals, figure out whatever she could
00:13:27
Speaker
to send me on trips with friends, things along those lines. So I was oddly enough always surrounded by wealth while we were not wealthy. I always felt and just had this like innate sense that I was gonna have an abundance.
00:13:43
Speaker
of prosperity and wealth as an adult. I just had a sense of that as a kid. I don't know why I had that sense. I just did. So when I would be around at friends' houses that had much more money than us or on fancy trips or doing these things, what was odd is that I never felt out of place. I didn't feel jealous. I just kind of always had this feeling of like, well, one day I'll work really hard and I will accomplish this and that'll be fantastic. Great.
00:14:10
Speaker
And so I had this kind of strange tension between where I had a lot of traumas around money from a young age, but this kind of hope and sense and this understanding of what I would move into.
Money and Personal Growth
00:14:22
Speaker
And then when I became a young adult myself and was completely financially responsible for myself, I definitely lived paycheck to paycheck. I didn't have
00:14:32
Speaker
very great examples of how to manage the money. I had the only examples I had was like living paycheck to paycheck. And, you know, also there was this kind of scarcity loop that you would get into, into wanting more nice things. And my mom trying to provide for me and give me as much as possible.
00:14:52
Speaker
But when I became an adult, a young adult with responsibilities and had to manage my own money, I didn't really have the skill set to do so. And I definitely lived paycheck to paycheck and not very responsibly. And no sense of savings, no sense of building, just kind of living paycheck to paycheck. I don't think that's uncommon in your 20s.
00:15:14
Speaker
And then I owned a restaurant where, you know, you have to live off a very small amount of money for a long time to get that business going and to be responsible. And so I had this, like all of a sudden, all that sense of like abundance and fear was replaced with, or sorry, excuse me, abundance was replaced with fear, guilt, shame. Those were the emotions I had around money. I would open up my bank account every month and be like, okay,
00:15:42
Speaker
Going to pay my bills was scary every month. I would put things off because I just didn't want to look at it. And all of a sudden, the kind of real traumas of scarcity that did exist within my childhood started to surface. And some of those, that feeling into that abundant energy started to minimize down.
00:16:04
Speaker
And then when I finally reached a place after enough spiritual work and enough learning how to really feel into energy and learning how to have a more mindful attitude and feel into abundance again, you know, I entered into a chapter of my life as an adult or much more financially secure.
00:16:28
Speaker
I'm in a better place financially than I've ever been in in my life. And I'm the person who manages all of our money. I manage all of it. I'm responsible for all of it. And I've reached a real place of empowerment with it. But I've also gone through stages where I became terrified that I would lose it all.
00:16:47
Speaker
that it would all go away at some point. And that's where that old scarcity mindset around money started to seep back in and where I spent the last year or so really examining and thinking about like, what is scarcity? And what are the real energetics of money? And what is my relationship to money? Like, what is my money story?
00:17:11
Speaker
so that I could move past this fear that wasn't really rooted in any reality. There's nothing threatening me financially right now. But I had to start to examine some of those fears as they were rising up. And I think that's common for a lot of people because I think a lot of people's relationship to trauma is associated, or excuse me, the relationship with scarcity is related to traumatic events. Yeah, I think that's true.
00:17:39
Speaker
I grew up like my parents were successful attorneys and I grew up in a space of abundance but my dad lost everything after his second marriage and never really recovered moved in with my grandmother and that's where he stayed and I had not ever really thought about because my mom was you know I lived most of the time with my mom and
00:18:05
Speaker
My stepfather and they were very financially secure and I had honestly until I started thinking about like Where does the scarcity mindset come from? That I struggle with and I think it's Seeing my dad seeing my dad lose everything that he worked for and then never never really recovering from that loss and
00:18:31
Speaker
I think there's so much that happens when we're younger that guide our behaviors as we age. And we, you know, just going back to that mindfulness mindset is just kind of identifying noting and then moving forward, you know, and thinking through why we do the things we do and recognizing that that we can change them, you know, the present moment is the present moment. This is the only reality we live in.
00:19:05
Speaker
Yeah, I completely agree with you. And I think it's really important. I think you are capable of honoring, understanding and recognizing the traumas we have experienced, the socioeconomic background you may come from.
00:19:22
Speaker
The things that may have been put on you that you have absolutely no control over, but we have to be mindful to not let them define us. I remember I was reading a book by Carolyn Miss many years ago called The Anatomy of Spirit, which is a fantastic book.
00:19:39
Speaker
And one of the things she was talking about, she had a workshop that she was running and this woman came up to her and immediately told her her name and told her, I am, you know, my name is Sue Smith or whatever it is, and I am a victim of incest. It just like came right out of her mouth within less than a minute of meeting her.
00:20:01
Speaker
And what she felt like that really defined when it's not really appropriate a minute into meeting somebody to introduce yourself with your trauma wound, that there's a trauma wound. And this woman was really identifying with that trauma. She had decided it was so close to her that it should be the first thing that said after her name.
00:20:22
Speaker
And listen, being a survivor of incest is a deeply traumatic situation. And this woman had joined a support group for survivors of incest.
00:20:37
Speaker
And she said, the problem is that sometimes people, they'll join a group like this to get the support they need, which is a wonderful thing. But then they never get out of the group. And then they start to identify. They start to identify as a victim of something as opposed to using that as a stepping stone in your healing process.
00:20:58
Speaker
which is, you know, which is a survivor. So I think that that is, we start to kind of identify from this place of lack too, that everything we do not have. And a place of, I think, what's underneath a lot of it is a sense of unworthiness in some form.
00:21:16
Speaker
And so I think that it's really important that while honoring your story and healing and understanding what wounds have created a place of a state of scarcity in your mind, that you don't allow them to be how you identify yourself completely because they also hold a very low frequency. So I think the work is really
00:21:40
Speaker
to not allow the traumas or the circumstances that have affected us define us.
00:21:51
Speaker
to not attach to them to where being a victim of something becomes a key component of how you identify yourself. I think that's where it becomes problematic. I think both things can be true. You can be empathetic, you can have a deep understanding of the origin of your wounds, and you can also make a decision not to let them define you.
00:22:15
Speaker
And I recognize that that may, depending on the level of trauma one has endured, depending on where their current state is, that can be more challenging.
00:22:25
Speaker
But I do fully believe that it is possible. And I also think it's really vital. And with that, compassion is really important. It is just really recognizing that at any stage in life, you are doing the best you can with the tools you have.
00:22:49
Speaker
having compassion for yourself and for the people around you when you think about traumas in your past and your ability to navigate them as you try to heal.
00:23:07
Speaker
I agree. I think you can bring conscious awareness to suffering. You know, you don't I also there's also some notion I've seen, especially in the spiritual community that they'll say like scarcity is not a thing. Like don't attach to scarcity because it's not a thing. It's in your head.
00:23:22
Speaker
And that is true, technically. I do believe that's true energetically, but it's not very effective as far as getting somebody out of a state who's truly going through something or who has recently gone through something. I think that you don't like have to reframe your scarcity. You can honor what it's teaching you. You can really look at what it's asking of you and examine
00:23:51
Speaker
examine it from a place of growth, from a place of learning. And then you can implement methods to help yourself move through it. But I think first it takes some examination. It takes some questioning your relationship to wherever that scarcity is affecting you. So, you know, in my case where it's around money, it's like defining, it's asking like, what is my relationship?
00:24:15
Speaker
to money. I heard someone speak recently where they stated it as ask money what it's like to be in relationship with you because a person's relationship to money is typically reflective of their true relationship to their selves, to how they feel about themselves.
00:24:36
Speaker
I think it relates to relationships too, that often our relationships are in our reflection of how we truly see ourselves. Cause otherwise we wouldn't pick that person, right? Cause we're always picking whoever with is a mirror too. And I think your relationship to money is a mirror too for your inner world and how you're feeling. And I understand that could be kind of triggering, but I also feel like if we're triggered by something, it's typical that we know there's some truth to it, right? But I think the key is like, you don't have to out mind it.
00:25:02
Speaker
and pretend it doesn't exist, but I do think you can transmute it. And I think the way you transmute something that is that we really, we work with the law of resonance, which is that you want to carry the same resonance, the same frequency of that, which you want to achieve. So if you are, let's just use the example of, you know, whether it looks like so late to use the example of, um,
00:25:32
Speaker
wanting a loving relationship. If you are feeling incredibly negative about yourself, if you are having unloving thoughts about yourself, if you're in a constant state of going, well, what's wrong with me? Why can't I find somebody? You are sending a message out to the universe. It's not very clear that's questioning your worth in that moment. And so I think the work, if you truly want to learn how to identify with
00:26:00
Speaker
that which you want to achieve, if you want to raise your vibration to that same place, you have to go through a few steps. And I think the first one is that kind of quantum examination of really sitting down and reflecting on what you're feeling, what that emotion is.
00:26:20
Speaker
that's rising when you are attaching to scarcity, you can ask yourself what the source of it is, where is the source of it within the body? Or just what is the source in this life, in past lives? And I actually think past lives really matter for this. Like I've told you my scarcity money story in this life.
00:26:40
Speaker
But as I healed a lot of what happened in this current life, I was continuing to have this cycle of feeling like all my money was gonna be taken away. And I was like, where is this coming from? There's no threat coming at me.
00:26:52
Speaker
And after doing deeper examination, I saw a past life where I had been, it was during kind of the Gilded Age where like the time of Rockefeller, I guess you could say. And I had seen that I was the daughter of a exceptionally successful businessman in that era. We were very wealthy and my father had mismanaged money. I'm not sure if it was mismanaged illegally or just mismanaged, but we lost everything and we were ousted by society.
00:27:22
Speaker
And I had to learn how to take over the management. I was the oldest sister and had to take over the management of all the finances. And my father just kind of disappeared.
00:27:31
Speaker
And so I saw this and it made a lot of sense as to why I was so afraid that someone was just going to take something away from me when I was taking all the accurate steps and managing things appropriately. And so what that does is I don't spend time ruminating on that story, but it gave me some insight. It gave me some understanding as to why there was this thing I was kind of attaching to that I could, that I was not able to let go.
00:27:58
Speaker
And then the next step, I think when you kind of identify, you know, what the source of your emotional attachment is to something is to work through steps that help you better step into that frequency. And I listened to this podcast the other day with this, it's actually a Kabbalah teacher, a really well-known Kabbalah teacher, his name's David Guillaume.
Manifesting Abundance through Spirituality
00:28:23
Speaker
And he gave one of the most clear and effective models I've ever heard for really like aligning yourself with the frequency of abundance. So the first thing he suggested is having some type of spiritual or meditative practice is kind of vital. Some ability to sit and to reflect. And that's kind of what I'm getting at too, is that ability when you're doing that quantum manifestation technique where you sit down
00:28:48
Speaker
and really go within the body or you sit down and write and you ask yourself those intuitive questions about the sources of your pain and sit on them and reflect them and watch them as you develop that ability, a portion of that comes, a big portion of that comes with the spiritual practice.
00:29:05
Speaker
But then he said, the next thing you do is align yourself with certainty. Like you transform doubts to certainty, and that helps accelerate the process. And he used the exam, like the example of the Amazon model, like Amazon as a business, like the way, let's say you're launching a bottled water company.
00:29:24
Speaker
And there's 5,000 other bottled water companies out there on Amazon trying to get exposure. And it's not the company who goes and let's say they've got $5,000 and they spend all $5,000 on Instagram ads. Well, Amazon won't notice that. What they're going to notice is the person who spent $1,000 on Instagram, $1,000 on Facebook, $1,000 doing different marketing, they spread their money out.
00:29:49
Speaker
And then all of a sudden they start hearing about you from all these different sources. It's like they flood the market with it. And then they bump you up to page one of searches on there. And you're kind of doing the same thing as the first step is finding some kind of spiritual process that allows you to identify the source. And the second is becoming, is being as certain and clear with the universe as to what you want and what you desire. And one of the things you can do is use mantra.
00:30:18
Speaker
Because when you use mantra, you're telling your body throughout the day what you desire, like reminds the body all day and fills it with the frequency of what you want. And so the most important thing is finding a mantra that's effective and that's going to kind of hold the resonance of what you're trying to attract. And it takes practice and it kind of gets down to the fake it until you make it. Like we talked about in our imposter syndrome episode.
00:30:45
Speaker
That's what you're doing when you're faking it until you make it. You're kind of aligning yourself with the frequency of what you're trying to attract. And it tricks the brain. Over time, you're practicing it. The brain starts to just feel like, oh, you are this. It's not that you're saying, I want this in the future. It's like, I have it. And feeling into that.
00:31:07
Speaker
I would add an additional layer to it, which is that you also need to accept and appreciate what you have, not just sitting in what you want, but doing this, like practicing acceptance for your current situation, where you are, it primes your energy to manifest. It gets back to that mindfulness technique that we think about all the time where it's like,
00:31:33
Speaker
how do we propel forward by accepting exactly where we are? But that is exactly what happens. Like resistance starts to kind of, you're no longer focused on what you don't have. You're focused on this is exactly where I am. And that's a more loving state to be in. And then all of a sudden you can pivot into this stage of moving forward. It kind of like primes you and opens up the playing field to step in. Does that make sense?
00:32:02
Speaker
Yeah, I think recognizing the abundance in your own life and where you're at is so important. And I think it's something that we often neglect. I think part of particularly our culture as Americans is to want to always be in a state of achievement, always want more, always
00:32:27
Speaker
you know, that whole rugged individualism, bootstrap mentality. And when you take the time to just have gratitude for the amount of abundance in your life as it is, I think it
00:32:48
Speaker
Again, like you're saying, it allows you to align in a healthy way with manifesting the things and the experiences that you are wanting to grow. And I think it's hard, though, because we definitely live in a society that tells us nothing's ever enough.
00:33:18
Speaker
You know, so it's very easy to feel like you don't have enough and that you are living in a place of scarcity, even when you have so much. Um, uh, because, you know, culturally and it's not like this all over the world. Um, you know, American consumerism is, it's a, it's a crazy thing, man. Um, and it's something we have to really.
00:33:44
Speaker
think about, you know, my kids are always wanting to like, every time we go someplace, they want to shop, they want to spend money. And I'm like, we don't, like, do we need that right now? I don't think we need that. Do we want that? Yes. Do we need that? Not really. You know, um, they actually call it the scarcity loop. That's what I was reading. Okay. Um, cause I always think of scarcity in relationship to not the, um, not so much the process of like overbuying and getting more and more. I think about it as like a place of retraction.
00:34:12
Speaker
where there's this fear and I can't spend or I can't do certain things. And there's this clenching aspect of it. Because that's how I used to try to save money. I used to think that you would build wealth by being really disciplined with your money and saving your money. But that's not how you build wealth. Nobody who is wealthy is wealthy because they just save all their nickels and dimes. They actually do save some money. But money is an energy that wants to move.
00:34:42
Speaker
So you build wealth by investing and nothing else, a high yield savings account that's making some money in some way. And not by clinching, not by this like retraction. It's, you know, you can spend consciously. You can think about, I'm not saying go out and spend all your money. But when I finally reached a place where I started to spend more consciously, but allow myself to spend money on the things that were valuable to me, the things that I really love, the things that brought me joy,
00:35:10
Speaker
And by moving my money, I started to find more coming to me. Whereas when I would always try to discipline myself to be like, I'm never going to have a cup of coffee again, and I am never going to go shopping and I'm not going to shop for months at a time. And what would happen is I would just be in this state of like contraction and tension that's not attracting anything. And I, but then there's this flip side of it, which is what you're talking about, which is called the scarcity loop, which is that we get in this cycle.
00:35:37
Speaker
where we just want more and more and more and like nothing assaciates. I don't know if I'm saying that word right, but you know what I mean. I had to get the shit in there. But you know, nothing satisfies you. Like Instagram is, oh my gosh, like I can't, if I told you the amount of crap
00:36:02
Speaker
that I have bought on Instagram just because it keeps coming up and none of it's good. Like rarely do I ever find a product that I didn't go out seeking, that is ever any good. But it does keep you in this kind of constant cycle of being like, oh, I need that and I need that and I need that. And so I do agree with you. I think there's also this scarcity loop that there's like in our brains are just kind of trigger to kind of keep going and going and going.
00:36:30
Speaker
Because we're always wanting more, but I think we're also always wanting, we're trying to fill ourselves up with something to fill up that lack, that lack of love, that lack of worth that we're feeling, you know, deep lack of presence. So, you know, gratitude is such a high frequency.
00:36:51
Speaker
I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time getting my words out here today, but we're going to roll with it. But it is, it's such a high frequency that if you just practice it over and over and over again, you can raise your frequency and all of a sudden then you do start really attracting more abundance to you just by being grateful for the home you have, the car you have, the food you have, the children you have. It just instantaneously shifts the mindset from like a place of negativity
00:37:21
Speaker
The other thing that gentleman that I mentioned earlier, David Guillaume said is that he said, if you turn on the light, the darkness goes away. That basically where there will always be circumstances that hold you back and you can understand them, you can have empathy for them, but if you truly want to move away from them, you have to shine the light. You have to bring some light, some higher vibrational energy.
00:37:46
Speaker
into it. And I thought that was like such a beautiful way of showing kind of what gratitude does. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because I definitely feel it's interesting, like the less I focus on, Oh, I want this and I need this, the more that come more, the more comes to me. Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, sometimes I'll be like, you know what, I really,
00:38:09
Speaker
I really want this to happen. And I know, and it will, I'll just have the mindset, it will happen. It'll happen when it's time to happen, and it will happen. And things will just, they will, they'll start falling into place. If you, if you really, if you, you know, if you believe, if you believe in something, there's just an alignment that happens, you know, like,
00:38:35
Speaker
just whether it's, I don't know. I don't know. I'm a full believer in quantum manifestation and all that jazz. I am too. Okay. Finish up. Oh, no. I just, I do think that, um, you know, going back to gratitude and just being, you get into the, the anxiety of not
00:39:02
Speaker
of thinking too far ahead in the future, not being able to do because of some sort of lack. And then that's all you think about. And then you just kind of are stuck in that, in that anxious cycle. And, um, you know, you just gotta, you gotta stay focused on the present and things will unfold.
00:39:24
Speaker
I agree. I think there's actually a tension, a back and forth between the beauty of an insight of what's to come, the ability to dream. So whether like paying attention to the future, perhaps that's intuitive guidance that you've received from yourself or from somebody else.
00:39:40
Speaker
Perhaps that's just a dream that you have. I think that can be a really beautiful thing. It can be a beautiful thing because it can help you tap into the energy of that which you want to bring into your life. This knowing that's one of the reasons I love intuitive guidance is this idea. And intuitive guidance is never telling you your future. Intuitive guidance is telling you what's most in alignment for you. It's showing you the likelihood of something lining up for you.
00:40:07
Speaker
And I love that idea of being able to kind of tap into that energy. But if you stay in that energy, if you're constantly future thinking, you're never in the present. And it's what you're doing in the present that matters. What you're doing in this exact moment is what's going to get you where you want to be. So if you're not absorbed in the presence of what you're going through, whether that is a painful moment,
00:40:36
Speaker
that you are being asked to transform through because often we have to go. And that's the other thing is often to get to the goal that we have to get to more abundance. We often do have to transform through difficulty, through pain, through trauma. Yeah. Everyone does in some form. And so it's not that you're out of alignment when those things are happening.
00:41:00
Speaker
It's the, having the ability though, to see those as opportunities to catapult you forward, to have growth to take you forward. Because I think if you can do that, you can start to have gratitude for the painful moments. You can have gratitude for the trauma, for those things you go through because of what they turn you into, what they make you, how you evolved from them. So I think it's a matter of being able to be present when we're in the midst of trauma and pain and being present and joy.
00:41:28
Speaker
in having that in your life and appreciating what you have. And if you can do that, if you can find that tension back and forth between sitting into the energy of your dreams and what you want to accomplish, as well as being able to reflect on when the difficult emotions rise up that pull you out of that high vibe.
00:41:48
Speaker
to be able to sit with them and being like, okay, well, you know, why is this rising? Like what's going on here? What, what do I need to extrapolate from this moment? Why is this coming up? And I think what happens is, and this is why a spiritual practice in my opinion is so fast is that you can transform so much more quickly. My ability to transmute and transform now
00:42:10
Speaker
It is lightning fast in comparison to what it used to be. My gosh, it used to take me so long to move through things. And now because I have a practice, a mindfulness practice, a meditation practice, an intuitive practice that carries me through, I'm able to more quickly speed up that quantum manifestation process where we move through the growth
00:42:37
Speaker
We move and smooth out those kinks in our energy fields that are rising up, those fears that are rising up for you to smooth out. And then I can more quickly align with what I want. And I've seen it in my life the last few years since I practiced this and really set into it. I have achieved more personally, professionally, financially than I ever have in my past in the last four years. And it's absolutely a result of my spiritual practice.
00:43:05
Speaker
Yeah, it's been amazing to watch actually having like known you, you know, for the past, I don't know, we've been friends time over 15 years, 15 years and it's it's really true when
00:43:17
Speaker
you really dove into your spiritual practice. Like there's a big shift happened in your life when it comes to abundance. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. Now it's been really amazing to watch and inspiring and I'm a hundred percent an agreement. Like I'm a daydreamer, man. I think about the future all the time. I love to talk about the future.
00:43:38
Speaker
And to be honest, it scares my husband a little bit. Just say I'm like the daydream. He's just very, he is the most present person I've ever met in my life. I can see that. He's so present. It's insane. He's always had very clear goals. He knew what age he wanted to get married, what he wanted to do. I swear to God, that man has checked
00:44:01
Speaker
every box like right within like a year or two of what he planned. He's very focused and he's very calm and very present. I do sometimes have dreams that he will often be like, there is no way that we're going to like have a second home and have all these things. And, you know, we're not going to have a second home in Massachusetts. The taxes are too high. What are you talking about? And I'm like, yes, we are.
00:44:25
Speaker
I can see it and feel it. And so yeah, he and also, you know, the level of a career that I want to have and what I want to do outside of our restaurant. But he's also deeply supportive. And he's a believer that you must find passion and drive in your life to be happy.
00:44:42
Speaker
So I'm lucky in the sense that he's very supportive of me. But yes, he definitely, I sometimes have to not outwardly, I don't always tell him all the fantasies I have or all the, not fantasies, not all the visions I have for what our future is. I kind of wait for collective moments. There's usually a glass of wine involved that we've consumed before I share that. But he, you know, I'm always actually kind of impressed with the push and pull.
00:45:07
Speaker
Um, like he does hold space for me to have these dreams and I do honestly think I dream for us because i'm i'm a powerful manifestor man I got the house i'm in right now in like 2021 when nobody was selling and buying a house And I just knew I wanted to be in a neighborhood. I wanted to borrow an egg from a neighbor I wanted to have community around me. I saw this home. I knew it
00:45:32
Speaker
And I could just feel into it. And my husband was like, I don't know, Kylie. Like he just kind of sat back and I drove the ship. And I'm going to tell you, we are in a house that we probably shouldn't have got. Made it happen. And I definitely am a powerful manifestor. But getting back to some of those things we've talked about in the past, that's why it's also super important that you're manifesting not from an ego place.
00:45:55
Speaker
but from a soul aligned place, from something that's going to really propel you forward. Because you can easily, if you put enough energy towards something, you can align with something that's not good for you. You know, because ideally, like, you know, of course, we want to build wealth, but we don't want to build wealth that's like off the backs of other people, right? You want to build wealth in a new paradigm. We want to do it in a way that's sustainable and doesn't require other peoples to have none, you know?
00:46:19
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. I really believe in that. But I do believe in tapping into wealth codes and wealth mentality. And also processing the emotions that rise up with that because a lot of my emotions that rise up with that
00:46:34
Speaker
is shame and guilt. There is a blue collar mentality within me that says like, Oh, what are people gonna think if I drive a Mercedes? What are people gonna think if I have this house? There's this little part of me that gets that and when those emotions arise, I have to look at where they're coming from.
00:46:53
Speaker
Those are these ego thoughts that are coming up for me to examine them. I can't let them stop me, but I have to examine them and understand what the message is that they are asking me to receive and to look at so that I can transmute that and get back into a state of abundance so I can make sure that I'm continuing to manifest personally, professionally, financially, as a parent, a friend, whatever.
00:47:20
Speaker
What's most in alignment with me and what's most in alignment with my family and when you do that Scarcity will come up in some form. Yeah in some form. I Think to abundance is different for everyone, you know, everyone has a different definition for what feels good and right and aligned and I think
00:47:47
Speaker
true abundance is deeply personal and while some person might feel very comfortable in, you know, something that's very lavish, another person might find perfect abundance in
00:48:05
Speaker
and something more humble. And it's really just what feels in alignment with you and at the simultaneously not exploitative. Exactly. Well, what's your definition of wealth? Because one person could live off very little money, have a beautiful, simple, clean,
00:48:29
Speaker
living all twin lifestyles and some people want something more lavish. And I think it really is, it's also, once again, it's a little bit like when we talked about beauty, it's like understanding why you want those things. Do you want them because they feed your soul and they feel like this having a beautiful dress or an expensive bag, does it feed your soul? It feeds my, I mean, I love, I love an expensive bag. I do. Some person, some people, I know, I mean, some people will look at that and be like, that's a total waste of money.
00:48:57
Speaker
But it's something that gives me great joy. So I save all my, Sam's like, you're the only yoga teacher in the world, like saving up to buy Louis Vuitton. It makes me happy. I enjoy it. It feels incredibly luxurious to me. I love that it never goes out of style, that I can wear it forever and ever and ever. And just to me, that's an alignment with me. Somebody else, that would be a waste of money. I don't care about electronics. I don't, there's a lot of things I don't care about that I wouldn't spend.
00:49:23
Speaker
A lot of money on so I think we all have our own things and I think it's important to not also Project our own issues with scarcity on to other people because there's been times where I felt like embarrassed Like well, is there something wrong with
Defining Abundance and Interconnectedness
00:49:38
Speaker
me? Like here I am trying to be like this yogi and here I am, you know Coaching mindfulness and breath work and doing all these things. So why do I need a Louis Vuitton bag? Well, I don't need a Louis Vuitton bag. I
00:49:49
Speaker
I want a Louis Vuitton bag. My life will be fine without it. I have love, I have abundance, I have plenty of food to eat, but there's nothing wrong with me wanting that. You can all have our different values on what brings us joy, on what brings us pleasure, you know? So I think that's another part of it is also not like projecting like our value system on to other people. Yeah, judgment is a waste of time and energy.
00:50:16
Speaker
It is granted. It comes up a lot. But yeah, there's something I struggle with. But when it comes down to it, it's like, you do you. Yeah. And that's because that's all you got. You know, you got to do you.
00:50:32
Speaker
Exactly. And I do think that's like examining like why you want the things you want. So you're not caught in this scarcity loop of constantly buying and then not having enough, you know, it's like being able to make sure that and also making sure that when you are exchanging energy by purchasing something or exchanging energy by having relationship with somebody,
00:50:59
Speaker
give and take them love or however you want to look at that, that it's coming from a conscious place and that it's coming from a place that is truly in alignment with you and those around you. And like you said, not off the backs of other people. Yeah. And you know, I think
00:51:17
Speaker
Security is important and you know, we're talking just to reiterate about the scarcity mindset, not actual scarcity. Like there are so many people living in actual scarcity and that's a completely different. It's a different story. Yeah. And you know, security, financial security is important and um, it's not easy. It's not easy this day and age to build it. Uh, but if you
00:51:49
Speaker
Uh, what, you know, the Dow, the Dow calls it doing without doing, you know, it's, it's just do doing the learning, um, understanding your relationship with, with what you have, understanding your relationship with what you don't have.
00:52:04
Speaker
and then just setting up, you know, creating a path for yourself, you know, creating your path to defining that space of security and from security comes abundance, it really does. I just thought of something else too. What do you think the relationship of charity is to scarcity?
00:52:27
Speaker
this idea that when we engage in acts of charity, you know, giving that does not provide us with some, you know, means to an end or material thing. I mean, what are your thoughts on the impact that has on scarcity mindset?
00:52:48
Speaker
I just am a big believer in karma. And I believe the energy put out into the world is the energy that will be returned. I give whenever I can what I can. I give time as a volunteer. If I see a human being on the side of the road on the street and they ask me for money, if I have a single penny in my bag, I will give it to them. I do as well.
00:53:17
Speaker
You know, I know a lot of people don't, but I just know that it, you know, that person's on a different path. It's a path they did not set out for as a child and they're human being. And, um, I would want someone to do that for me.
00:53:36
Speaker
if I was in that space. And I believe that giving creates abundance. It helps align. I think it's very much like the frequency of gratitude. It aligns you when you're giving without the expectation of receiving something. It shifts you into this loving vibration.
00:54:00
Speaker
Yeah. This energy exchange, whether that energy exchange is coming from the money that you're giving to somebody, because look, everyone can pick, like you and I are comfortable. If I see somebody on the side of the road and I want to give them money, that's something you and I are comfortable with. There are some people who are like, I wouldn't do that, but I'll give my money or my time and anywhere. So there's no shame. There's different opinions on how we give money or how we give back.
00:54:21
Speaker
But whatever that is, I think that it touches, like, I think it allows you to connect into this deep part of humanity when you do that, that allows you to create more connectedness. Because we're all ones. It is so important. And this understanding that doesn't matter what class or race that you come from, that we are all connected. And so I think that
00:54:47
Speaker
Being able to give back like like gratitude just shifts you into this frequency that Simultaneously allows you to attract more even though you're not asking for more in that moment. Yeah. Yeah, I completely agree with that Completely just interconnectedness in general. I think that The more mindful we can be the more connected we become and since everything is connected
00:55:17
Speaker
that thing that seems so far away that you are yearning for. Whether it be financial security, whether it be a new car, whether it be a family, whether it be a lover, spouse.
00:55:35
Speaker
It's there. The thread's there. You're connected to it, you know? And it's just about, it's just about just kind of slowly reeling it in through acts of gratitude and kindness and mindfulness in a lot of ways.
00:55:53
Speaker
That feels like a nice place to end on. Feels like a nice tone. All right, let's do it. I'm feeling very abundant in my frequency right now. Me too. I'm just going to go daydream the rest of my afternoon away. I think we have a date with a glass of wine, don't we?
00:56:08
Speaker
I think we do. I think we do. Maybe we could do a little daydreaming. Yeah. A little daydreaming. A little daydreaming. Daydreaming. A little daydreaming. All right, girl. All right, man. Thank you as always. Thank you. See you next week. Bye. Bye. Don't forget to follow us on social at Everyday Mindful Podcast on Instagram and Facebook. And if you liked our little chat, please subscribe. It would be great if you gave us a review. All the stars, please.
00:56:38
Speaker
Same time, same place next week. Bye. Bye.