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The Juggle Is Real: Are All The Balls Really Necessary?
73 Plays2 years ago
How do we maintain balance with so many balls in the air? In Episode 5, Kiley and Nan dig into ways to better manage the laundry list of life. It all starts with identifying how you uniquely work best and adapting in support of alignment.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Everyday Mindful'
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Kylie Wynn Efron. And I'm Nan Cavanaugh, and welcome to Everyday Mindful, a space for real talk on weaving the magic of mindfulness into our daily lives. Let's dig in.
Discussing Busy Schedules and Tiredness
00:00:31
Speaker
Hi, Nan. Hey, Kylie. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Um, let's just say the juggle is real. The juggle is real. I think this episode is well timed because I'm tired. I'm really freaking tired. It's hump day. We're recording on hump day. Recording at night on hump day, which speaks to how tired we are. Yep. Nighttime hump. All right. Should we dive in?
00:01:00
Speaker
Yeah, let's dive in. All right.
Cultural Perspectives on Work and Rest
00:01:04
Speaker
All right, so we live in a very fast-paced culture. And I think as Americans, and maybe this is to be a broad generalization, maybe this is stereotyping, but I feel like we choose to juggle more than people do in other cultures. What do you think?
00:01:28
Speaker
I don't know if we juggle more, but I think we expect more out of our schedules. I think we expect to work harder, to work longer hours. I think we don't prioritize vacations, rests. I mean, think about a siesta. I remember I traveled to Greece when I was in high school with my best friend's family.
00:01:56
Speaker
And I could not believe that everywhere just closed down for like two hours in the middle of the day for a siesta. And I, you know, was an American and not used to that. And so I would just like walk around the town and take photos. And it just kind of... You were like, I have to be doing something. I have to be doing something. Like I just couldn't imagine like just taking a nap.
00:02:18
Speaker
Now I would pray for a nap. I think about all the times in preschool I tried to get out of napping. I literally ran away from preschool one day just to avoid napping. So now I would do anything to get those naps back. But yeah, I do think culturally, not all cultures, so I'm kind of thinking, my point of reference is kind of European countries.
00:02:43
Speaker
is that they do prioritize naps, they prioritize rest, they take like a month off at a minimum in the summer. I also remember when we were in Greece, Greece is kind of like the Hawaii of Europe, like everybody goes there for vacation, or at least at the time they did.
00:02:59
Speaker
And everyone could not believe, we were there for a month and people like could not believe that we were, they thought that was short. Like so many people were there for taking the whole summer there or longer periods of time. I think we were there for three weeks or something like that.
00:03:15
Speaker
But, you know, I just think that we don't prioritize the amount of time it takes to fully like down regulate your nervous system.
Pandemic's Impact on Work-Life Balance
00:03:25
Speaker
You're going to hear me say down regulate your nervous system a lot in this podcast. So mentally prepare yourself.
00:03:32
Speaker
So I think there's that and I don't think we prioritize, like I think it is, we're in a grind culture. I mean, I come from an industry, the restaurant industry where it's like, you work 65 hours a week and that is expected. It was expected for sure. I do think and I wonder
00:03:54
Speaker
how that's changed, though, a little bit post COVID. And when I say post COVID, I'm kind of speaking like post quarantine. Like, do you think we are still in the same state of grind culture that we were previously?
00:04:11
Speaker
I think that we are, I think many people are prioritizing rest in a way that we never considered rest. Maybe you shouldn't say prioritizing. I think we are considering rest in a way that we never did before.
00:04:29
Speaker
I know that like for me I was required to go back to work and in an office setting and I was like not happening after I had a taste of like working from home and the freedom and the ability to down regulate my nervous system without being usurped by all the energies in an office setting around me on a daily basis. I was like
00:04:55
Speaker
I can't be my most productive in an office setting and I'm gonna have to switch careers in order to accommodate this because I love working from home. But I do think that, I think America is quote unquote really kind of treading water trying to get back to normal in quotation marks. And there's a lot of pushback.
00:05:22
Speaker
particularly with millennials and Gen Z. I think the Gen X and older are like, why would we not? And I think everyone else is a little bit like, why the hell would we? And so I don't know. Yeah, I definitely think that
00:05:44
Speaker
being an employer of millennials and Gen Z, I can tell you that I felt like they were already kind of asking for this a long time ago and they were getting a lot of pushback from, I can't, if I told you how many times I heard like, you know, these people don't know how to work and these people don't have any work ethic and these people can't take constructive. Are you married to a chef?
00:06:03
Speaker
I'm married to a chef and there are some truth to it. There's definitely, but I think what they, what I always felt like was, well, what they're asking for is to be treated with respect. They're being asked to be mentored, not bossed around. They're being asked to have some level of work-life balance. These are pretty reasonable things that somehow our generations just
00:06:31
Speaker
I don't know we just were told you did had to do those things you had to do internships for free and you had to work insane hours and you had to do all these things to get anywhere so I think that it was very hard for us to like wrap our brain and by us I mean you know I'm a gen xer to like wrap our brain around that that is reasonable
00:06:50
Speaker
And I think I've kind of thought it was a reasonable thing to ask for. And I would say, you know, our definitely, our restaurant tried to incorporate, our restaurant incorporates a lot more live work balance than most do. But when we first opened, when Sam and I opened up the restaurant, for he and I, there was none. I mean, it was just sane working. I definitely felt like after, in the beginning of the quarantine, we were trying to save our restaurant. It was insane. I was working
00:07:17
Speaker
nonstop from home, the stress levels were crazy. But then when things leveled out, I did start working from home completely.
Mindfulness and Stress Management
00:07:25
Speaker
And I started to realize that by doing that, all of a sudden, I was able to incorporate more mindfulness practices into my day.
00:07:33
Speaker
because my stress level was so intense, I would literally get out of bed, I would go outside, literally like look up at the sun, have a cup of coffee, let some like nature, experience some nature, and then I would go inside and I, that's when I started doing Wim Hof breathing, I would do a cold plunge, and then I would start my work day.
00:07:54
Speaker
And then midway through the day, I would go outside, get some fresh air. Sometimes I would take my work outside because I was able to start implementing some self-care practices that I needed to manage my stress. But then even after the stress kind of normalized and got back to a more reasonable place,
00:08:16
Speaker
Those practices were set and I liked working from home and I liked having the ability to Work a couple hours on my work projects and then go do a few things for the house and then go back for a few hours I liked that push and pull and I would say the other thing that really I really is to say I couldn't do as much socially
00:08:35
Speaker
I was a person who really pushed my, my entire life, I was definitely a person who was very socially driven. And I would really push myself when I was single, I mean, more, more the majority than nights of the week, I would be out with friends. And then once I had children, I would still plan more, you know, outings, more events, things throughout the month than I could even dream of doing now.
00:08:59
Speaker
You know, the holidays would be a party after party after party and I would get sick and I would be exhausted, but I would do it. And post quarantine, post COVID, I can't. Like my body is, I realized that my nervous system is not capable of keeping up. And I don't think it ever was capable of keeping up.
00:09:19
Speaker
And I, that is something that I hear a lot of people say is that they haven't gone back to the kind of pre 2020 social schedule or complete work schedule. And even if you can't control your work schedule, the social schedule, I think is something that people have kind of realized like, Oh yeah, I can't, I can't hang with that anymore. I can't do that anymore. At least that's like from friends I talk to and people I talk to clients I have. I hear that. I hear that a lot.
00:09:49
Speaker
Yeah, it's like a new understanding of the value of downtime, which I don't think as Americans, we really value the same way as
00:10:01
Speaker
other cultures. And you know, I think it's important to note that so many people had to physically work through the pandemic in person. And so people don't have the ability to, you know, switch careers or go remote. And it's a lot like I think a lot about just me working remotely at home 40 hours a week and then managing
00:10:26
Speaker
my household, managing my volunteer work, managing my creative life, managing friendships and social life and managing my children's social life and extracurricular activities. And I'm overwhelmed and I don't have to go like I cannot imagine what
00:10:46
Speaker
It must be like energetically for people who let's say work in a box store and are surrounded all day by hundreds and hundreds of people, you know, and well, I think, you know, my husband was kind of one of those people where I know yours was too, where they were just, they worked nonstop throughout the entire pandemic. They were just trying to get everything done that they could survive. And I agree with you. I think people who work like in grocery stores or in businesses that did not close down,
00:11:13
Speaker
They did not have the benefit. I remember when I'd be opening up Instagram in the beginning when we were really working on the business and so much was happening, I was like, if I see one more person organizing their home, I'm going to punch them in the face through. That'd be nice. What do you mean you're doing that? But I learned how to bake bread. Exactly.
00:11:34
Speaker
Like, what are you talking about a sourdough starter kit trying to save my fucking business, right? But with that being said, once we did get to a baseline place, I was able to work from home and, you know, institute some of these things that other people were not. And I could, you know, start to prioritize what was important, like, for me in a day. So for me,
00:11:58
Speaker
You know, I might, what was really important to me is that I, my breath work practice and like my sitting practice, like my movement practice. I needed to get a little bit of that in every day because that's the only way that I can function. It's the only way I can not have anxiety. It's the only way I
Managing Multiple Responsibilities
00:12:18
Speaker
can juggle.
00:12:18
Speaker
Because what you're talking about, Carl, you're talking about second shift. You're talking about that thing that I think especially women have had to do for so long, which is balancing not just their responsibilities at work, but responsibilities towards their family, towards taking care of their spouse. All of the additional day-to-day responsibilities. Oh, it's a full-time job.
00:12:40
Speaker
that we have it's a full-time job and whereas then it talked about you know a lot of men's responsibilities were focused more around like yard work or one-time things that could be kind of focused and prioritized on the weekends where we have more of the you know assuming we are the person who assume that role because there are men who assume that role
00:13:00
Speaker
in a relationship and there are same-sex relationships that, you know, one person assumes it. So whoever that person is, you know, they are essentially working a second shift every day of the week. So how do you, you know, how do you prioritize what's important to you in a day? You know, I start at the beginning of the day. I take time. I journal. I think about my day had, I honestly go, I moved from what's urgent.
00:13:30
Speaker
maybe this is the healthiest, but I'm like, okay, what are the things that have to be done today? And I start there, and then I work ahead, I guess. I wouldn't say I work backward because it's starting with what has to be done in the moment, and then I work ahead. I find lists to be extremely helpful. Lists allow me to organize
00:13:59
Speaker
prioritize and then striking off the things as I move through them is very gratifying and it helps me prioritize the things that I didn't get done for the next day.
00:14:14
Speaker
But I don't know. What do I know? I do the opposite, actually. I do the opposite. The reason why I do the opposite, because I know there's like two different philosophies. One is get that little small stuff off the list because it's taking up like mental space in your mind of like it's in the back and so it's taking up mental space.
00:14:33
Speaker
So I used to do that, but then when I found as I was in a constant state of like reacting, I could never get out of my email. Like it was this, it would like suck me in. And I have found that for me, I have the most creative potential and most brain power in the morning. That's like my, my hotspot, like my
00:14:53
Speaker
It's like 10 a.m. till like one, I am like on fire. Like I have a lot of creative energy at that time. So I typically, I do start my day by kind of looking at what needs to be accomplished. Like what are the small tasks? I have like a list that is to do this week like ongoing to-dos and then like the few items that I designate for like the specific that day.
00:15:17
Speaker
And so I usually spend my morning working on the more brain intensive, I guess, I don't know if that's the right way of saying that, or more creatively driven projects, and then eat, like I take my break, and then I, in the afternoon, between then and when I pick up my kids, like I leave at three o'clock to pick up my kids, that's when I knock out like bills we have to pay or random stuff that has to be done.
00:15:47
Speaker
And I found that I have to separate my days. And once again, I'm self-employed, so I can do this. I separate my days by particular activities, like days that I'm working on my energy business or podcasting. I have a specific day where I focus primarily on those things. And then I just kind of touch into my emails. And then I have specific days that are super restaurant heavy, so that I can kind of
00:16:13
Speaker
Dig into a project. Yeah and like get something done That's just from me observing and watching my energy the way I'm the most productive But I feel like there's no wrong way of doing that I know there's a different but a ton of different experts that tell you different things But I don't believe I don't believe in one recipe for everybody. I think people have different energy styles and you have to be able to kind of
00:16:38
Speaker
observe your patterns and habits and also just your lifestyle, like what your work demands of you to, you know, as well.
Creative Work and Time Management
00:16:48
Speaker
Yeah, I think that it's really, you know, for like, for those of us who are not self-employed, we are kind of from nine to five, like we are supposed to be locked in a space. Yeah. And then so it makes the Saturday Sunday window the only time that you really have large blocks, unless you're waking up. And I do this sometimes. I mean, I wake up at 5am and try to work till seven before
00:17:17
Speaker
I have to get my kids up. I, I, I'm struggling in the past, like, I would say six or seven years to be able to do any sort of real work after a work day. Um, I used to be able to like burn the midnight oil and all those things. And even up until my mid thirties, but now that I'm 40, uh,
00:17:37
Speaker
40 something, I just can't. Like my brain is not, it's like, it's mush. It's mush. So, you know, the weekends are really important for those of us who are locked in working for someone else. And when you have kids or family that you're caring for in general,
00:18:05
Speaker
It's really hard. It's important, I should say, to create those time blocks, particularly if you're trying to pursue a creative life, to be able to dive in. Because you're right, you really need, you really need like a gun.
00:18:22
Speaker
At least I don't know. There's some people that can just be like, I'm going to work on this for an hour and I'm just going to do an hour a day, three times a week. But I think it depends on the type of creative path you're on. I know for me, particularly with writing, like I need a three hour block minimum to really get into the zone, create some real work.
00:18:43
Speaker
and do the thing. But it's tough with kids in particular. Yeah. My children are also, you know, they're young, they're 12 and 8. So I am definitely in the juggle of
00:18:59
Speaker
I feel like from 3 45 every day until they're in bed, it is like a race that I am running that doesn't stop. That is like homework and sports and appointments and therapies.
00:19:16
Speaker
Oh my god. You have to feed them in the window. Yes, at some point they want to eat and then getting them to bed and just all the things that and then I like you I try to get up an hour before the kids so I can have some creative time for myself. So it's like I just feel like that whole evening is gone. Like there is there is no window to really get anything done. So for me like that daytime is
00:19:39
Speaker
You know, it's so, so, it's so important. Do you have like, what distractions do you have to navigate in a day? Like to get stuff to get shit done? Yeah. Um, well, I think like television, television, um, social media. I mean, I don't think of my family as a distraction. It's part of the, it's part of my, it's part of my life. My work is part of my life.
00:20:06
Speaker
Um, I do feel like we have a lot because of our amazing technology. We have a lot of temptation to spend downtime in a way that is not nourishing.
Value of Escapism and Downtime
00:20:25
Speaker
Like I think about like watching a thriller, you know, or watching, I mean, there's things that you can watch that maybe are relaxing and decompressing, but
00:20:35
Speaker
I don't know. I find myself also like watching the news or something, um, you know, which is the opposite of that. Um, you know, uh, but I think it's hard because if you are really committed to taking care of your energetic self, like there's, I mean, there's a lot to distract you from
00:21:03
Speaker
Like taking that minute and enjoying some nature, you know, taking that minute and doing some breath work or some yoga, taking that minute to connect with a friend in a way that's nourishing and meaningful. And I think we have to be really careful of that in a way that like our parents didn't have to be.
00:21:28
Speaker
Yeah, I agree with you because you said the temptation is right there. It's in your hands. It's available at all the time. And I do think there's a balance between it though. You know, I went to go see Elizabeth Gilbert speak and the woman who was interviewing her was a very well-established Southern writer. Her name is escaping me.
00:21:47
Speaker
Um, and Elizabeth Gilbert asked her like, well, how do you, you know, prioritize? Cause Elizabeth Gilbert saying she has to go and just like write and do nothing. And she doesn't talk to a soul for like months why she's doing it. That's the only way she can do it. And this other woman said that basically she just like cut out TV.
00:22:06
Speaker
Like she, and she's got a young baby. So that's a different, cause they, you know, it's seven o'clock they're going to bed. And then, so she has no TV time during the week. Like she just uses, she goes and she shuts her door and then she writes till like 10 o'clock at night or something like that. And.
00:22:22
Speaker
I do think in some ways that can be effective. But I think the other problem is sometimes we do need to just down regulate and for me sometimes watching television and kind of watching mindless television is a way for me to down regulate my nervous system. Because I spend so much time thinking and I spend so much time doing spiritual work and then I spend time working with clients who are doing that work and then running a business and a family that
00:22:51
Speaker
it feels like a lot of my brain power is utilized. And sometimes I just, I almost need to like dumb down a little bit by like, I mean, it's not dumb to watch The Real Housewives. I do enjoy The Real Housewives, but it just allows me to escape. So I guess that's the best way of saying it. It's like sometimes I think there is value in escapism from time to time to just not watching something that's intellectually stimulating or creatively stimulating. It's just like,
00:23:19
Speaker
allowing yourself that time that you that we need that we you know we all need do you find like looking too far ahead overwhelming um before I answer that I just want to circle back on escapism and television because like for me when I'm watching stuff like that like my husband has a real love affair with reality television Scotty and I share a love affair see I cannot I just in like
00:23:47
Speaker
I am like analyzing the poor people and so sad that they are in this situation and like, I don't know, like my brain, it's like the opposite for me. It does not down regulate. Like for me, I have to like be watching a story, like a work of fiction of some sort. Yeah. I can't watch anything that's really reality based and not
00:24:11
Speaker
not feel anxious about it. Unless it's something like particularly joyful, being beautiful, but I, yes. So I am someone, we have a dear, dear friend who passed away many years ago from South Africa. And like my husband was speaking with him, he was our accountant and great friend. And in speaking with him out, he was very overwhelmed about something at work.
00:24:41
Speaker
And his name was Julian and Julian was like, Scotty, how do you eat an elephant? And this guy's like, I don't know Julian. No idea. And he was like, you eat it one bite at a time. Like this idea that you, for me, if I look too far ahead, I look at a big picture, I think about all the things that are required to accomplish the goal of the big picture.
Long-term Planning and Project Management
00:25:05
Speaker
I feel really overwhelmed. But if I, again, going back to that list, if I break it down into small steps and it's just a matter of like moving through them, I feel like it's doable. And like if I look at my month and all the things, I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna have a panic attack. If I look at my day,
00:25:35
Speaker
And maybe think about something that's happening within the next two weeks that I probably need to like get a jump on. I can handle that, but I do. I really do finding look, I find looking too far ahead overwhelming, but then I'm also a planner. Like I can't not look into the future and not think about it, but I think it honestly, and then it feeds my anxiety. Like when I think too far ahead.
00:25:59
Speaker
I listened to this podcast with this woman once that she talked about using a slide system in your mind. And I've now utilized this and it works really effectively for me. So let's say you've got big projects, like I want to write a book. And if you ask yourself how many years like how many years is going to take me to do that?
00:26:22
Speaker
the answer will always come to you. So let's say it's 10 years. And so you put it down in your 10 year side and then you're like, okay. And then in the background, what happens? Like once you file it away, like this is your window, the energy starts to do its work in the background for you. And then let's say the next project is, you know, I want to start a podcast. How long is it going to take me a year? Pop it to the year side. So you kind of have like,
00:26:49
Speaker
a one year, a two year, a five year, and a 10 year slide. And that you kind of just think about in your mind, like where certain projects or certain things land. And I'm talking about bigger projects and bigger things we want to do, obviously not like your monthly list of bills you need to do. And I loved this idea of like, oh, okay, it's just like the energy already starts. Like once you place it on your slide and kind of place your general timeline, you think it will take
00:27:19
Speaker
The work is kind of happening in the background for you. It begins, the energy starts to kind of stir and move and put the timelines into the appropriate place. So that actually really helps me because I have a lot of different big projects that I see taking place like over the next. I say for me, they're more like on the five-year mark now at this point. And I know that they're there.
00:27:43
Speaker
I know that they will take place. And so what ends up happening is that I still find myself populating and doing work around that. But the pressure of like, when's this going to happen? And how am I going to do this is off. And when I take that pressure off, it actually allows me to be more functional, like I'm able to better organize my time around it. And I'm able to kind of trust that when that when it's time to begin that project, that project will be there for me and that the energy is already beginning in the background.
00:28:14
Speaker
You know, it's funny you say that because I like told myself that I would like write a novel and have a book deal by the time I was 40. And I had children and career and thought about my novel every day and wrote about it here and there and here and there.
00:28:33
Speaker
And it became pretty clear that that timeline was not going to pan out for my novel. But at the same time, I was doing a lot of writing freelance work in the food space and, you know, obviously restaurant owner, married to chef, making connections in that world and
00:28:55
Speaker
In that same window, I met our dear friend Kenny Gilbert and he wanted to write a cookbook during the quarantine. And before I knew it, I had a book deal and a published book and a published author by the time I was 40. And it wasn't even something that I had ever planned or dreamed for in the cookbook realm, but it was just a different book.
00:29:19
Speaker
I think I put the energy out there and was subconsciously working towards it. And now I have an agent, which means as I finish my novel, which I am now in the seventh year of writing, I am very close. I think I will have it done this year. I have the ability to sell it, which I would not have had the same structure to do so if I hadn't
00:29:53
Speaker
putting the energy out. You also have to be open to that it might change its shape a little bit with what's most in alignment with you. But I do believe that. I do believe that energy is doing its work in the background. I also believe it's incredibly important that you understand what your energy style is, what your energy
Understanding Personal and Family Energy Types
00:30:15
Speaker
You know, gone the cookbook route. So I think there's something to that about just
00:30:15
Speaker
type is. I mean, we've talked a little bit about human design.
00:30:22
Speaker
Which I know you've dabbled in a little bit and I've only dabbled in it I want to be really clear that it is not something that I am an expert in in any way whatsoever It's actually something I would love I'd love to have someone on our podcast at some point to to like dive into it deeper as a system but it works a little bit like astrology in the sense that it's based off of your The day you're born the time you're born the city
00:30:47
Speaker
that you were born within, that's how your chart is mapped. But it also takes a look at your energy patterns and how you use energy. So for instance, I am a what they call a manifesto generator.
00:31:02
Speaker
And my energy type is such that I'm actually supposed to have five, six projects plate spinning at once. I'm not well designed to 100% focus on one project at a time.
00:31:19
Speaker
And I have the ability to, I've always had the ability to multitask, to work on multiple projects at once, to bob back and forth. And for years, I'd always read these experts who would say like, that's not the appropriate way to manage your time.
00:31:38
Speaker
You're not good at time management if you're doing that. Like I do have ADHD. And what I found is that it's actually a very supportive energy type for someone who has ADHD. And when I realized that I don't have to work against
00:31:55
Speaker
My energy type that I could work with it it was the most freeing and empowering thing that ever happened to me so now I give myself permission to bounce around and to have multiple projects spinning because that's the way that I'm the most effective and that's how I'm most creative my energy type if I actually focus
00:32:16
Speaker
too exclusively on one thing, it drains me, like I'm supposed to really be working from what lights me up. And that has to kind of evolve and change. And then there are energy types, like someone who's a projector, who their body isn't designed, they say to work more than like three to four hours a day. And what they mean by that is not that you don't work, like, if somebody has a nine to five job, you have a nine to five job.
00:32:43
Speaker
but let's face it, how much really like concentrated intense work are you going to really get done in a certain window of time? And so if you're, you know, if you are a projector, then your work is to
00:32:56
Speaker
And once again, if there's any human design experts out there and I'm murdering this, please forgive me. But it allows you, if you know what your energy type is, sometimes it gives you permission to flow with that a little bit. And I've also found it incredibly helpful to understand the different energy types within my family because I have a completely different energy type than my husband.
00:33:22
Speaker
I am a person, like I said, who needs to have multiple plate spinning. I move a mile a minute and my husband is slow. He is methodical. He is very focused and he does exceptionally well at focusing on one thing at a time.
00:33:40
Speaker
And he, you know, he is definitely the tortoise in the relationship and I am the heir in the relationship. And I think we all know who wins that race. Well, I think that that was always like the argument. My argument is that that's not the case, is that there's two different ways to win that race. And if you're working with your energy and not working against it, you're going to be the most effective.
00:34:04
Speaker
But knowing what his energy type and then also kind of knowing what my children how my children function have helped me because it's made me a little bit more patient and I'm becoming I'm allowing more grace for my children to figure out how they do their homework how they structure their time What they need to do to manage their energy levels because they're different than the way I need to I need to push through that's how I need to get things done and
00:34:30
Speaker
So I think that it's really I felt like sometimes that that's a system that it's very complex system But the little bit that I've dabbled in it made so much logical sense to me and I think knowing that about yourself sometimes gives you permission to forgive yourself for not being able to function in the way someone who's uber type a or and honestly I am a little type a but that's still the way I function and
00:34:57
Speaker
But do you know what I mean? Like it gives you permission to operate the way that you are most effective and to manage your energy in a way that is most effective for you. Yeah, I think it's really important to understand your own energetic ability to handle the juggle. And I think we really live in a society where
00:35:26
Speaker
The expectation is for everyone to be a consumer, a producer, to go balls to the wall all the time. And if you're not, some people thrive in that environment, other people don't. And if you're not one of those people, you're still in it. You're still in the culture. And it's sometimes really hard to feel like you are
00:35:52
Speaker
living a successful life.
Societal Views on Rest and Grind Culture
00:35:54
Speaker
If you are not juggling a million things, if you are not overwhelmed, if you are not doing and pushing through, because I do feel like particularly in America, that grind culture is the expectation. And when you don't align with it, there's a certain, um,
00:36:16
Speaker
Uh, you know, you, you kind of feel, you feel outside of it, you know, you feel outside of it. And I do think like the pandemic has helped make those who don't align and thrive in that environment feel more validated and more confident in taking that space for themselves. But I do also feel like there is.
00:36:43
Speaker
Like there's a lot of judgment with rest. There's a lot of judgment with not pushing through and not working to the bone in our society. And it's so important to under, and some people are, some people that's how they roll, man. And that's amazing. Um, but it's really important to know and to really hone in on what
00:37:09
Speaker
is healthiest for you, what aligns with you in a way that allows you to, you know, if you're burnt out, you're not going to be productive, even if you are grinding, the reality is, you know? Yes. And that is the, I think that was the biggest thing I had to give my self-permission to understand that what difference does it make if I'm spending eight hours at my desk and I'm only getting four hours of productivity other than the rest of the time.
00:37:32
Speaker
I'm, you know, drifting off or going to get coffee, you know, like that's what ends up happening. Yeah. So I think too, it's also if you are not in a job that does allow you some of those freedoms to how do you still manage your energy type? You know, if you don't feel like you can go out and get a different job or do something different, like what are those little mindfulness techniques that you can do and whether, and sometimes it is simple things like,
00:38:00
Speaker
Going outside if you can and getting some sunshine on your face for a few minutes Breath breath is always free, you know taking a few minutes like just doing what you can I um, I meditate in the car like on a regular basis like i'll drop my kids off for
00:38:15
Speaker
One of their activities and I I do not care. I am that mom. I do breath work in the car I will meditate in the car because that's my window And if that's my window if I've got to work during the day and then I got to pick up the kids That's my window to get it done. So sometimes it's just Finding little moments that you can figure out what is it that I need to do? And if I can't you know paint the perfect picture of how I manage my energy in the exact manner that I want to What are the little things that I can do, you know that?
00:38:45
Speaker
make it a little bit better. And I think also too, we have a very masculine approach to energy management. And once again, I think we're kind of talking about our experience as Americans. And I think within each of us is the divine feminine and the divine masculine.
00:39:09
Speaker
and these are just energies and they're energies that you know exist and they come with creation and they exist within every single one of them they have us they have nothing to do with gender they have nothing to do with your sexual orientation
00:39:24
Speaker
all they had to do with was these two different energy flow systems that exist within us.
Balancing Energies and Goals
00:39:30
Speaker
And we tend to, I think we've talked about this before, you tend to kind of favor one or the other. And it's, I think, really important to be able to know when you have an overabundance of one so that you can balance it out a little bit, or be able to incorporate more of those different styles when needed.
00:39:52
Speaker
you know so the divine feminine energy style is more creative flow it's more intuitive it's more receptive whereas the divine masculine style has more structure it's a bit more rigid
00:40:07
Speaker
But both of those things are really important. You know, sometimes if we have a tremendous amount of creative energy and creative flow and we're in a really receptive state, we also need structure to ground us, to give us the stability we need to actualize.
00:40:24
Speaker
some of that creative energy. So I think it's really important to be able to kind of identify which style is kind of your dominant style and where you work with it. And if you could incorporate more of the other to help balance you out and to support you. You know, I took the last year, I spent a lot of time focusing on a more divine feminine flow, really trying to work intuitively, really trying to move from project to project and honor my energy and observe my energy.
00:40:54
Speaker
And then this year, I really knew as these projects were coming online, I wasn't just in a creative space anymore that I had to get some structure in. I had to get more stability in the way I was managing my time and to really kind of get some of the logistics down that were going to be required to actualize some of these creative ventures that I was moving through.
00:41:17
Speaker
So I think we can ebb and flow through that masculine and feminine energy. But I think it's being aware when you have an overabundance of one and when we need to incorporate the other. Like how can they balance out and how can they be supportive to us? Yeah, I agree. And I think it's also just really important to recognize it's okay
00:41:45
Speaker
to not get shit done. It's okay to let shit go. It's okay to not get through the list and move it to the next day. There's so much pressure we put on ourselves that no one else gives a shit about. So many things we think we have to get done and it's like, if you just take a minute and go, why does this have to get done? Why do I need to clean the shower today?
00:42:14
Speaker
Do I? I actually really don't. Like there's no one, no, there's nothing's going to happen to me if this does not occur today or, you know, whatever, whatever thing it is. Like, you know, I think that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to keep all the balls in the air. Um, and half the balls don't even need to be juggled at the moment, you know?
00:42:37
Speaker
Yeah, I think about that a lot with housework. God's worst. I hate it all the time. Well, you know, like growing up, I was such a mess. Oh, my God. I'm such a mess. I was not organized at all. And then after I had my first son, I became really organized. I had an old friend who used to joke that I was the most organized, disorganized person he'd ever met. And I think he was right. Like I was kind of constantly oscillating between new organizational systems and putting things in place and then dropping all of them.
00:43:06
Speaker
And I, but after my first son was born, I just like structure and order became so important to me because I didn't know how to survive. Like I was like, if I'm going to take care of this child, I'm going to keep him alive and I'm going to keep us organized. I needed structure. It was the only way I knew how to move through it.
Flexibility in Household Management
00:43:27
Speaker
And so all of a sudden I, my house, I became, I almost, I like toggled to the opposite end where I became.
00:43:34
Speaker
very organized, very clean, like I put a lot of pressure on myself to hold things together. But it really, what it did is it calmed the chaos for me in some way. And so the great thing about that is it did definitely put a lot of structure in place. And there's just a lot of habits that I have now that are already in place.
00:43:53
Speaker
But it also sometimes puts that additional pressure of feeling like sometimes you just got to let it go. Like leave the dishes in the sink. You know, don't make the bed. And those are the things that I struggle with a little bit because they keep me sane and they keep my brain organized.
00:44:09
Speaker
So I feel that pressure to want to keep up with the house as much as keeping up with the other things. And some things got to give. Sometimes it feels like it's too much, you know? Yeah. I think it's figuring out like when something's serving you and when, if it's overwhelming you to let it go. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it's going to be okay. And it's going to be there tomorrow.
00:44:35
Speaker
Yeah, I read this woman I was listening to, she was like a time organizer. And she had said to like, excuse me, after a certain amount of time, and something it continues to be on your to do list. And if it's been on your to do list for like months and months, and you keep moving it from month to month to month, it's never gonna get done. And it probably wasn't that important in the first place. So just cross it off the list. And I thought that was the most empowering thing. I'm like, just like,
00:45:04
Speaker
cross that thing off that's been on there for a year now. I love that. It's like the sweater you never wear, but you kind of feel like you need to keep it. And then one day you're like, fuck it. It's just taking up room.
00:45:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's taking up room. It's taking up room in my head that I got to get out. So I think, you know, look, we can't all be good at everything. I am constantly behind on my emails. I mean, it's embarrassing how far behind on my emails I get. Like if I have to write one more time, you know, sorry for the late reply or I apologize for my delayed response.
00:45:42
Speaker
Like, am I sorry? Cause I've written it like 10,000 times. And the truth is, is that like, I'd have a lot of balls in the air and I do have a lot of responsibilities and I know everybody does, but I'm doing the best I can. And sometimes I've had to learn to just like forgive myself with that and just do the best I can with it. Yeah. You know, you can't do everything well and I'm not doing that well, but maybe one day, maybe I'll get a little bit better. I'm getting a little bit better.
00:46:13
Speaker
If it makes you feel any better, I have 17,000 unread emails.
00:46:19
Speaker
my email account. Wow, girl, you just like kicked my butt. It's a little mortifying, but it does make me feel better because I do meet very important, very high functional people who have their like, I got 30,000 and I'm like, all right, cool. It's not that crazy. It's just a lot of shit and a lot of trash. I don't got time to go through the trash in my email. I can barely take out the fucking trash in my house.
00:46:46
Speaker
I know. That's the problem. It's all the shit that builds up in it, right? I don't even sign up for shit. Okay. I don't even sign up for shit. Like I don't even know how it happens. I'm like, what is this? Where am I getting this from? Who, what bastard sold my email address? That's what I want to know. You need to do the mass clean out where you do the, like, where you like open them all up and you just say, do it, I'll get it down. And then it's like within a month, it's like back up. And I'm like, this is like, I feel you girl. I actually feel you more than, you know, I totally understand.
00:47:16
Speaker
It's one of those things, I'm like, I got a lot to juggle and this is low on the list.
00:47:21
Speaker
Well, and I always tell my husband this, which I don't know if he actually believes me, but it's true. I feel like I get a lot accomplished. Like I got a lot of balls in the air. I got a lot. I get a lot accomplished. So I can't keep them all
Multitasking and Gender Anecdotes
00:47:35
Speaker
up. Like there's just going to be some things that, you know, drop on the ground and I'm just going to be selective about what I let drop on the ground. And my, my email correspondence is definitely one of them. So if anyone out there has not received a reply and I don't know, like a year it's why.
00:47:52
Speaker
You're in the last in the sea of 17,000, but you're number one in my heart. The best though, I used to actually respond to some of them after like months and months and months. And I thought to myself, how ridiculous must that person think I am? Do you make up some lie? Like go ahead in a family emergency. I'm so sorry. I mean, I don't know how you can lie. There's probably an element of truth to it, right?
00:48:20
Speaker
half truth. Half truth, fruit truth, whatever. You know, you got to do what you got to do. Well, this has been good. Thank you. This has been good too. I think you're a rock star. I think you're a rock star. I think we juggle a lot and
00:48:43
Speaker
You know, maybe we should start a circus. Like maybe that's what we should be doing. Maybe we already are in a circus, actually, once I reflect on it a little more. I'll tell you who is not juggling a lot. Anybody, like the men in my family. I'm sorry if I can just say it. You said it. I said it. Actually, it came to my mind when you said it, when you, when you positioned the question. I was like,
00:49:07
Speaker
All the men I know. I don't know if I should have said that. No, I want to be clear. My husband works his ass off. My husband works super, super hard. Like he's always working constantly. Wouldn't it nice just to work all the time? It's not just a matter of working. But I do think if we're going to generalize about men and women, there is a multitasking aspect to women that
00:49:28
Speaker
We are very good. Like I'll be walking down my stairs and I have boys and I will literally be like balancing something on my head, have something in each hand. I might even be balancing something on one foot and I managed to get it all downstairs. And like my son will come down with like a tablet and one arm and be like, I can't carry that. I'm not. I'm carrying my tablet.
00:49:47
Speaker
This is like a metaphor for the difference of our life. Yeah. Now what's the hunter versus the gatherer, right? Like the hunter is looking at the one laser focusing and the gatherer is taking and everything around them and processing it and prioritizing it. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's true. It's true.
00:50:13
Speaker
I'm walking around with our hair on fire. Yeah.
Episode Conclusion and Farewell
00:50:18
Speaker
A hundred percent. And that's, that's the struggle, man. That's the struggle. Just trying to keep that down regulation and the chaos. Um, cause there's so much to do. There's just so much to do.
00:50:32
Speaker
There is, there is. Well, I hope that you get some downregulation in your evening tonight. Thank you. I hope that everybody who is listening gets some downregulation in their day or whenever they are listening to this as well, because you all deserve it. We all deserve it. We do. All right, girl. Well, this has been fun. Don't forget to follow us on social at Everyday Mindful Podcast on Instagram and Facebook.
00:51:00
Speaker
And if you liked our little chat, please subscribe. It would be great if you gave us a review. All the stars, please. Same time, same place next week. Bye. Bye.