Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Letting Go for the Win
57 Plays2 years ago
When we let go of someone or something, we often think of it as a loss...but in fact letting go is an act of winning. In Episode 10, Kiley and Nan talk through the signals given to us when it is time to move on from a job, relationship or anything that is not serving your wellbeing. Letting go is a process, and it is the only way we move forward towards the joy of a fulfilling life.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Everyday Mindful
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Kylie Wynn Efron. And I'm Nan Cavanaugh, and welcome to Everyday Mindful, a space for real talk on weaving the magic of mindfulness into our daily lives. Let's dig in.
Kylie's Skiing Accident and Reflection
00:00:21
Speaker
Hey, Kylie. Hey, Nan. How you doing? I'm doing all right. How you doing? I am hanging in there. I have a torn ligament in my knee from a skiing accident. So I am limping around, but I am getting through it. Getting through it. Yeah. You never know how much you actually need and love your legs until one of them is damaged.
00:00:44
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I got carted around the airport and we were in Park City, Utah, visiting one of my best friends and it was a great trip. Luckily it happened on the last day of the trip, so that's good.
00:01:00
Speaker
But I was just thinking, I was like, I can't like go walk and look at a magazine. I can't like just go pick up and run to the other side of something when I need to get it. And I was just thinking like, my gosh, I had like it gave me such gratitude for like this being such a small injury and the ease at which I live my life by having two functional legs and limbs and
00:01:22
Speaker
I don't know and it kind of actually gave me a lot of gratitude for what I do have and apparently was telling me the universe is telling me to slow down. So I'm slowing down.
The Theme of Letting Go and Definitions
00:01:32
Speaker
Yeah, actually, it's a good segue into what we're talking about today because I feel like when you have an injury like that, you just have to let go of a lot of things they used to do and you have to surrender to the situation.
00:01:44
Speaker
Absolutely, and you're right, that is the perfect segue, because we're talking about letting go. Why don't we start with our usual jam and I'll read a couple definitions if that's okay. Sounds good. So the first is letting go is the release of what doesn't serve us. This can include thoughts, emotions, beliefs, habits, and even expectations of the way our lives should be.
00:02:11
Speaker
And the second one is actually from a little bit more of a mindfulness bend. It's from one of my favorite mindfulness instructors, John Kabat-Zinn. A little side note too, you can actually, he has one of those masterclass videos that you can do. And you can like, if you're on the airplane sometimes, I watched my first one on the airplane back from France and he has a really killer masterclass on mindfulness that he gives.
00:02:37
Speaker
But his definition is, we find the mindful attitude of letting go is a way of letting things be, of accepting things as they are. When we observe our own mind grasping and pushing away, we remind ourselves to let go of those impulses on purpose. So that's his definition.
Body Signals for Letting Go
00:02:58
Speaker
I like that. I do too. He's really brilliant.
00:03:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I really like the idea of the mind grasping and pushing away. I think like one of the first things that, excuse me, one of the first things that we do before we let go of something is we really grapple with a pushing away in particular, a grasping and a pushing away. So I find in
00:03:32
Speaker
in my experiences and having to walk away from something, whether it be a job or a creative project, something good or something bad, my body will usually tell me that it's time long before my mind. Yes. Allow me to push the thing away, set it off like a leaf on a river.
00:04:03
Speaker
I don't know if that's been your experience with letting go.
Emotional Indicators of Letting Go
00:04:05
Speaker
It has been my experience with letting go. I feel like there are different body sensations that come with the process of like with the signals you're receiving when it's time to let go of something. So I feel like that first stage sometimes is sometimes it's ambivalence.
00:04:23
Speaker
like a detached feeling from something, especially if it's something once you really loved or you're really passionate about. Sometimes it's a little bit of frustration, a little bit of annoyance. Sometimes it's these kind of, sometimes anxiety, especially when it's something we don't want to look at because as we've talked about before,
00:04:42
Speaker
I really believe anxiety is a foil for what we don't want to look at. It's like creating a sensation. And usually all you have to do to stop it is just ask the right questions. It's just truly like name it, label it, identify it. You don't even have to fix it. You just have to be able to acknowledge it in some way.
00:05:00
Speaker
So I feel like a lot of times those are the sensations that like first rise up, that sense of like something's off here. But I think the flip side of that is when I think it's really healthy to let go is when you start to experience neutrality in the body, when you start to kind of feel unattached.
Healthy Quitting and Sovereignty
00:05:24
Speaker
Like I like this idea of like that there's surrender attached to it.
00:05:28
Speaker
Because I think sometimes we think letting go is quitting. Like if you're going to quit a job or quit a relationship or quit a marriage, you hear people being like, well, you're a quitter. And sometimes we do quit things that we shouldn't quit because we're afraid. But I think that there's actual real power into knowing when to quit, whether that's a relationship or a job or a creative venture or whatever it is.
00:05:53
Speaker
I think there's actual a real reclaiming of your sovereignty and power that can take place. But interestingly enough, and I feel like it's interesting, like power and sovereignty, they're kind of big potent words, right? I feel like those are potent, like it comes with some gusto, that feeling you get on your body when you hear it.
00:06:11
Speaker
but I actually think typically when we are ready to fully quit something, it's total neutrality. It's when we're like, okay, all of the thoughts back and forth are gone and you just kind of accept it and surrendered. And so while it definitely is a mindfulness principle, I feel like there's all these layers that apply to like our day-to-day lives, our relationships, our jobs,
00:06:38
Speaker
And then there's how it applies to mindfulness on this like bigger, on this bigger level. Yeah. Yeah.
Nan's Fixing Tendencies and Surrender
00:06:47
Speaker
I feel like, like if you're a fixer by nature and you are in a like a situation where I know this has kind of been like my big, a lot of my big, not all of them, but letting go of things that aren't
00:07:03
Speaker
that I'm having a negative relationship with a lot of it stems from me really surrendering to the fact that it is something I can't fix like I will spend years trying to fix something because I
00:07:22
Speaker
my anxiety, that's how I kind of anxiety manifests for me. Like if I get anxious about something, my body tells me this is not good. This is not right. How can I fix it? How can I make it better? And then it just gets to a point where you're like, there is nothing I can do here.
00:07:41
Speaker
And you have to walk away. It's that surrender moment. And it's almost like it's hard because your ego's in it, particularly if it's something you care about, something you see the potential in, something that you know could be so amazing, like a great job.
00:07:55
Speaker
I've had a number of really amazing jobs, but the organizations, not the people, not what they do, but something about the organization itself as a whole is just dysfunctional. And you are a cog in that machine, and there's only so much you can do as a cog.
00:08:19
Speaker
It's like pushing a boulder up a hill and then you get to a point where you're like I've done my best here and I've learned a lot and I've learned all I can learn and now I've got to move on to something because I've got to learn more and I think coming from that place of learning Like recognizing when you've learned all you can from something I think is a really healthy approach to letting go of something
00:08:48
Speaker
Absolutely. I think that in particular, I mean, it applies to relationships as well, too, which we'll
Letting Go of Creative Projects and Jobs
00:08:53
Speaker
get into. But I think it definitely applies when you're letting go of a creative venture or a job or a project, perhaps. Maybe it's something that you have really loved, really sunk your heart and soul into it. But there does come a time when that contract is kind of up, right, where you've learned what you can learn.
00:09:14
Speaker
Or maybe you're not feeling gratified by it anymore and the way that you used to. Or maybe it's been maybe it's a situation that has been more toxic or had more negative attributes about it and you stuck with it for a period of time. You know, I feel like all those things can be involved.
00:09:33
Speaker
But sometimes I think it's actually, I feel like it's an easier cut and dry situation if it's a toxic environment, right? If it's a really painful, difficult, hard job, hard creative venture, it's easier to make that choice. But when you have to walk away from something that you love or have something that perhaps has been really good to you can be really challenging because I think that it makes for a harder decision. It makes for a harder decision.
00:10:00
Speaker
Yeah, it's true. Like I have definitely made some choices as a creative where I've been doing something that I really enjoy. Like, let's say it's like freelance writing articles and that sort of thing. And then kind of deciding, you know what, like I really want to put my energy into bigger projects and time is a valuable commodity. And as much as I love writing,
00:10:29
Speaker
articles for publications and working with editors that I love, that in order for me to kind of take the next step as a creative, I have to let go of
00:10:42
Speaker
you know, something that I loved.
Intuition in Career Shifts
00:10:44
Speaker
And that was foundational to me building my career to a place where I could take that next step. Yeah. Well, and sometimes it's even counterintuitive. Sometimes it looks counterintuitive, like on paper, right? Where, you know, often our jobs are creative ventures. Sometimes they're fueling our income. Sometimes they feel like on paper, they look like such a great opportunity. So how could you walk away from something that's such a good opportunity? Maybe it's working for a killer company or in a field that's really hard.
00:11:12
Speaker
to get that particular job, but I think the more in tuned we become with the messages we receive and our intuition, the better we are to be able to make some of those pivots because I really believe that I definitely believe that, you know, no decision is made. Everything happens for a reason.
00:11:32
Speaker
And sometimes we have to create space in our lives, in our creative library for more to come in. And so sometimes on paper that doesn't look smart or it doesn't make a lot of sense. But I think what happens is getting back to what we said about your body is your body keeps sending you signals. It keeps telling you, you know, it's something's not right here. Something is off here.
00:12:02
Speaker
And it's knowing how to kind of renegotiate your relationship with that thing. Is it finding a new way to work within that company or within the structure of what you have? Is it kind of changing maybe the role you play? Is it shifting gears a little bit on your responsibilities? Does that give you the kind of zest or the love you need back? Or is there this kind of nagging sensation of something being just not quite right?
00:12:31
Speaker
I recently walked away from something I absolutely love.
Kylie's Pause in Teaching Yoga
00:12:38
Speaker
I walked away from being a yoga teacher. I started, which is really huge for me. A lot of my identity is wrapped up in being a yoga instructor and it's given me tremendous joy and pleasure.
00:12:53
Speaker
It has helped me find my voice. It's helped me find my way as a teacher. It has been, you know, obviously other than like my husband and my children, the greatest gift of my life. It really has been. But I started feeling about two months ago, which doesn't sound like that long, but my body works pretty quickly. Like once I start getting signals on things, I kind of know.
00:13:15
Speaker
I started to feel an energy shift taking place. And I started to feel slightly less inspired than I was feeling. I was really struggling with, I wasn't practicing personally the way I was teaching. And that happens a lot as we become teachers and then you're so focused on teaching that your own personal practice kind of falls by the wayside.
00:13:40
Speaker
And that's what was starting to happen as I could feel within me that there's another way that I want to practice that I needed to get back to. And the only way I can teach authentically is to teach the way I actually practice. And so I've started to just feel these kind of like urges that something just was not feeling in alignment with me. I would be going to prep my classes on, you know, I teach on Saturday mornings, I go to prep them on Friday nights.
00:14:09
Speaker
And I used to, prepping for teaching was my favorite thing to do, coming up with a theme and weaving it through and putting it all together. And all of a sudden it started to feel like a chore. It started to feel like actually physically difficult for me to do. And then I would go and the morning I wasn't feeling the urge to teach, then I would go to teach and I would feel filled up and I had such wonderful students. And my students were getting a lot out of it, but I started to realize that I was not.
00:14:40
Speaker
I found myself teaching and almost being moved to tears because I could feel frustration welling up in me. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. And I was providing something that was meaningful to my students, but I could feel on the inside that something was off. I was being urged to stop. I kept hearing, it's time to stop. It's time to stop.
00:15:02
Speaker
And, you know, I went back and forth because I really I have the class I want to teach. I have the students I want to have, you know, everything had been lined up for me and I had what I wanted. And all of a sudden I didn't want what I wanted that I used to want anymore. And I realized that I knew that there is a new form of yoga that I want to teach and to start to embody.
00:15:25
Speaker
And I knew that if I didn't take time for myself to dive back into my own spiritual practice, into my own yogic practice, that wasn't going to happen. And, you know, my instincts were that I know I will go back to teaching because I love teaching, but I just knew every fiber of my body was telling me it's time to stop.
00:15:46
Speaker
And that wasn't the case two months prior, but that's where I was. And I knew I needed to carve out space for something great to come. And so I went around and around and I felt very conflicted about it. And then all of a sudden, I just felt neutral. I just really sat with it and I could just feel like my body had surrendered. My body was sending me a clear signal, it's time to move on.
00:16:11
Speaker
i felt i didn't feel heightened emotion i didn't feel anything i just felt like it's time it's time to press pause so i did and of course you know when i did it i had that immediate the minute i sent my message saying that i'm i'm you know take i'm gonna take a break from teaching
00:16:26
Speaker
I immediately had like buyer's remorse, you know, like what they say when people buy a house and you're like, what did I do? I was like, this is crazy. This was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Why am I doing this? Why am I walking away from something good? And I felt so much emotions swell over me.
00:16:46
Speaker
But then it just passed and I knew that I had made the right decision and I felt very tearful on my last class and I got so much beautiful support from my students, just so much support. But I still knew it was time for me to take this break. I needed to take care of myself.
00:17:03
Speaker
Because the only way I can make space for new energy was to clear out this kind of stagnant energy that I knew just wasn't Serving me in this moment and you know, it wasn't cuz it was a bad thing It was an incredibly healthy thing that I was doing but it wasn't healthy for me anymore Like my body was just asking me to make way for the next creative venture. Yeah, I Know it's been my experience where I
00:17:30
Speaker
with the body giving me signs.
Letting Go in Relationships
00:17:33
Speaker
Like I find myself getting sick a lot or those physical manifestations of anxiety where your heart starts kind of racing in situations that you shouldn't be anxious about. And I think that your
00:17:54
Speaker
stress, right? When you're ready to let go of something, it's a stressful, it can be a stressful time, particularly if it's something that's not serving you. It's one thing if you're letting go of something that is serving you, and you're just need to progress in some way. But if you're letting go of something that's not serving you here, you know, your physical, your physical body will, will definitely tell you that long before you can really process the
00:18:23
Speaker
process the shift. And I think that in particular with people, it's really hard to, you know, I think we all in life have to let go of people at different stages for different moments. And there's a lot of, I mean, anytime you let go, there's a lot of mourning and grief, but I do think that when you're letting go of a person,
00:18:50
Speaker
a living person, not someone who's passed, obviously. A living person, there is a mourning for the relationship that could have been, you know? Even in boundary setting, you know? I think boundary setting in some ways is a form of letting go, and particularly with people.
00:19:16
Speaker
you know, a big part of that is letting go of an expectation that you had for someone that they just could not meet. And then trying to redefine what that relationship is once you let go of that expectation and sometimes letting go of the relationship and totality is is what you have to do to
00:19:40
Speaker
just move forward as a person. It's hard. I agree and you know sometimes those signals and relationships are more extreme because let's say sometimes there's aspects to the relationship that
00:19:51
Speaker
like before have become more toxic or are more volatile, which can happen. But sometimes I think those energy shifts are really subtle too. I was actually reflecting on just the process of like, you know, your first love experience and how when, you know, you first fall in love with some of the intensity of emotions that you feel with them.
00:20:11
Speaker
And then those emotions, they shift and they change and they grow and they evolve. But sometimes there's just like these subtle shifts that take place that once again, just don't quite feel right. And I think part of that is that I firmly believe that we have soul contracts with everybody in our life. I believe you have soul contracts with your pets, with your friends, with your partners, your marriage, your husband, spouses, whatever. We all have soul contracts together.
00:20:38
Speaker
those soul contracts are designed for growth on both people's parts, our children as well. But I do believe also that our soul contracts do come to an end. And that doesn't mean that the person has to leave your life by any means, but it means that the kind of initial reason you came together, that initial portion of growth has been fulfilled. And you have to make a decision to a certain degree at that point,
00:21:08
Speaker
If you want to, okay, we're going to wipe our hands and that is our sole contract is done and we're going to go our separate ways, which happens often in relationships, or sometimes you renegotiate a new relationship. Your relationship changes and evolves.
00:21:24
Speaker
And I've seen that a lot like in friendships where I've been incredibly close, you know, where it becomes like your best friend for periods of life, you know, and they're so, so close to you. And then all of a sudden, maybe there's a cooling off or things, aspects of our life change. And you can go from having a really intense friendship to something that kind of changes shape. And as long as both parties can bless that change, it can be a really healing thing. Like it doesn't even necessarily mean you have to end.
00:21:53
Speaker
Sometimes letting go doesn't mean like you're walking away from a friend. Maybe you're letting go of the form you thought that relationship needed to take, the place that person played in your life, you know? And I think that if we can step back from like our ego and our attachment and our pain that we feel when those things change, because those things happen, right? Emotions rise, pain presents itself when, or anxiety,
00:22:22
Speaker
And if we can learn how to sit back and observe those feelings a bit, I think we can start to have a better perspective on whether letting go in our relationships means I'm piecing out, like our relationship is done, or it means it's going to take a new shape. And that's not always the smoothest process, but I do firmly believe that that takes place in every relationship in some form or another.
00:22:47
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. And I think that we also have this mindset.
Generational Career Shifts
00:22:53
Speaker
Look, we have a lot of indoctrination from society about resilience and pushing through. And you've got your bloodline is so important. And sisterhood is what friendship should be between women. And there is a lot of pressure
00:23:15
Speaker
to not let go particularly I think in American culture it's about pushing through it's about loyalty it's about duty there's a lot of it's about you know I think like when it comes to career shifts the new I think millennials
00:23:36
Speaker
are really one of the first generations who are very comfortable transitioning jobs frequently. I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine who's been in New York for a long time, and I was like, I really feel like I have to have three years for anyone to take me seriously to have it on my resume. And she's like, girl, no one's doing that anymore.
00:23:59
Speaker
people will take you seriously if you got one year in. Like, it's not a thing anymore. And I'm like, what? Like, how? And I think that's something to think about, too, is like, how do you know? I still think it's two. Yeah. Sorry. I think you're jumping around and that doesn't look good. I am also a Gen Xer, though, so. But I do think that, like, we I guess there's different ways we
00:24:30
Speaker
I don't know, sometimes we can let go too quickly without giving something a chance. Sometimes we stick out something because we're taught and told that that's what you do. It's tough. It's really tough. I'm going to say something a little controversial, like getting back to relationships.
Quitting Marriages
00:24:49
Speaker
And I'll just start this by saying I'm in a very healthy, happy marriage that I have no intention of leaving, but I actually
00:24:56
Speaker
don't necessarily subscribe to the viewpoint that some people do that getting a divorce is quitting or that you should continue to push through and preserve marriage. And I think that sometimes that is true. I think that marriages are hard. Marriages take work. They take reshaping. They take renegotiation over and over again. Absolutely. And I do believe in that. But I also believe that there are certain circumstances where it's time to be done.
00:25:26
Speaker
And we're, especially if there is betrayal involved, if there's abuse involved, or, you know, just generally two people who are really, really unhappy and toxic with one another. And I think that there are, we have more than one soulmate in our life. And I think that there can be, you know,
00:25:48
Speaker
great benefit to being in a relationship that maybe you loved and you gave it your all and then choosing yourself or choosing your children or your family or what's best for you. And so I believe that we can't necessarily put a label on what should or should not happen in every relationship on what's right or wrong and what's a loyal friend and a not loyal friend, you know, because I think that there is once again learning and growth designed for every relationship.
00:26:17
Speaker
Mm-hmm, you know, yeah, yeah, and I think paying attention like relationships change and I think a lot of times we stay in relationships hoping that they will change for the better Yeah, and we think that we can do things to help the other person change or change the dynamic of the relationship but the reality is is that
00:26:42
Speaker
people operate on their own terms and whether it's a friendship or a marriage or any type of relationship, even a business partnership, if you're progressing and the other person is not moving forward, you have to surrender to that and know that
00:27:12
Speaker
what's probably best for everyone involved is to separate paths so each person can pursue their own.
Adaptation in Marriage and Business
00:27:20
Speaker
Yeah, and sometimes you can work it out. Listen, when my husband met me, my husband always jokes. I am not the same person that he met. We were both in the restaurant tours together, and I was not living what I would call or define a spiritual life in any way whatsoever. And then, you know,
00:27:43
Speaker
10 years into our marriage, things changed for me. And I kind of had a spiritual awakening. And I started changing what I wanted to do with even within, you know, our company, I still run the company with him. I don't work within the restaurant anymore, but I still run it. And you know, I'm still equal partners with him.
00:28:03
Speaker
But I had to change my role within that company, within the structure, because I just wasn't happy with it anymore. I loved it. I still care about it deeply. But I was feeling called to do something else. And it very much changed the way I operated, the way I lived my life. And luckily, I think my husband can see that it was all for the better for me. But he definitely had to make space for me to change pretty dramatically.
00:28:29
Speaker
pretty dramatically. So I always think, I kind of feel like we rewrote our contract, and I think that has to happen. If you're gonna be in it in the long haul, you have to make space for people to change because people, I actually do not believe where people say, well, people aren't capable of change. They are absolutely capable of change. Not wanting to change and being capable of changing are two very different things.
00:28:52
Speaker
And I think that in order for us to sustain long, supportive relationships, whether that be a marriage or a friendship, you have to allow space for that person to change. The soul of who we are, the kernel of who we are, of course, is still the same. But as long as that change is still supportive to the union, to that contract you have with one another, I think it can be a really
00:29:18
Speaker
beautiful thing and I mean and speaking of like people changing like what are what are your thoughts on the ability to like let go of the past and older versions of ourselves
00:29:33
Speaker
I think it's extremely important.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
00:29:37
Speaker
I have two teenage daughters and they remind me regularly of my past parenting mistakes. And I just have to look at them and say, all we can do is move forward.
00:29:48
Speaker
I can't change the past. You guys are my first kids. There's only the present moment and we can only move forward from here. And I think you really do. Honestly, I think
00:30:05
Speaker
a lot of people are clean to the past and hold so much resentment and anger and sadness for things that they cannot change and it just eats away at them and forgiveness is an act of letting go and it is an act of letting go
00:30:27
Speaker
Not just for, it's for you. It's so you can release yourself from the power of the shitty stuff that somebody else or whatever, something happened to you in the past. It's really for you and I don't know.
00:30:47
Speaker
Honestly, I don't remember a lot about my past. This could have to do with pot smoking over the years. But I think that also there's a form of protection when you are able to let go and move forward and not keep revisiting things in the past. It's a way of protecting your higher self from that energetic
00:31:15
Speaker
that energetic negativity, right? Because it's not real, it's not physical, nothing's happening to you right now. It's really that energetic negativity that you carry with when you do not let go of negative things that happened in the past. Well, also shame, guilt, all of those, that aspect of it.
00:31:32
Speaker
But I also, I think that like kind of letting go of past versions of yourselves when we start to kind of really evolve, it can also be really challenging once again to our relationships. It can be challenging to our friendships, to our marriage, like you said, business partners, where they're still kind of, they got to know you one way. They got to know you doing one thing with certain dreams and goals. And we kind of have a tendency to want to hold people.
00:31:58
Speaker
to the version of themselves that they were when we met them, but people do change and they evolve. But it can, I think that even though when it's a healthy change, it can be triggering to the people who love you, you know, because sometimes it does once again look counterintuitive. Sometimes it looks like you're quitting a job you shouldn't quit or relationship that you shouldn't quit or moving to a place you shouldn't move to. I remember when I was moving to Florida, you know, my friends were very concerned.
00:32:28
Speaker
rightfully rightfully so i was like giving up going to grad school leaving san francisco to move to jacksonville florida they didn't even know where that was you know and they were worried they didn't want me to like give up my life for somebody else
00:32:44
Speaker
And those were reasonable fears for them to have. It did work out and it worked out really well. But and my instincts just told me to do it. Like my instincts told me this would be a good thing for me. And it was. It was, you know, I've created a beautiful life as a result of doing it.
00:33:00
Speaker
But I think it was also very reasonable for people who love me to have deep concerns about it.
Nan's Move to Florida and Trusting Instincts
00:33:06
Speaker
It's like a parent might have deep concerns when their child decides to drop out of law school or, you know, decide to terminate an engagement or something along those lines. So sometimes we have to disappoint other people so that we can let go, so that we can move forward into something that is in alignment for us.
00:33:29
Speaker
And I think that gets that same question I think we've talked about so many times is like, how do you know like letting go in a moment is soul aligned, that it's like in alignment for you to let go and not just quitting because there are moments like fear presents itself, right? Whenever you're going to let go of something, fear presents itself.
00:33:48
Speaker
There's that little moment of fear I had after I made my announcement that was like, oh my God, what did I do? That was the stupidest thing ever. And it was this panicked fear that took over my body. And then there's that, you know, just that gentle fear and nudge we have before we go to do something great. It's like, how do you identify, you know, if something is soul aligned for you?
00:34:14
Speaker
I think like you kind of have to cast a little line out to the pool of the universe sometimes before you let go like you're kind of fishing for new
00:34:26
Speaker
something different, something new, an opportunity that could only happen if you let go of something else. Like that's kind of a move I do. I will kind of start feeling like, and I do, I get these feelings. I don't know if you have cycles of letting go, but I find myself in these like three, three and a half year cycles of transition. That's interesting.
00:34:48
Speaker
Yeah, they mean like the amount of years usually cycle through something. Yeah, like it's a three to four year window where I have a, you know, a big shift of some kind. And that usually involves like letting go of something and starting something new. And I find myself when I start entering those windows, I'll just kind of put my feelers out to the world. And
00:35:16
Speaker
that kind of gives me the courage, right? Cause it's a brave thing to walk away and to let go. It is, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. And it feels better when you have a little, you're like, oh, there's something on the other side of this. I put my fingers out and I can feel it.
00:35:32
Speaker
I love this idea of cycles of letting go. And I just heard exactly what mine is. Mine is four years. Mine is four years is when I go through like a learning process, like starting something new, being excited about it, engage in it, going through the learning and the lessons.
00:35:48
Speaker
and it seems to be on the fifth year, which is when I make the leap, to be like, okay, I'm gonna move on to something else. It's also true for me for houses, I don't know what it is, like every five years. I get into something, I'm like, oh my God, I love this, I'm never gonna leave. And then on year five, I'm like, what's out there? I'm the same way.
00:36:04
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like I have some people say like truly creative people like every 10 years they have to do something different I think for me It's like the cycle kind of ends at four years and by the fifth year I take I feel like fully take my leap So it's four to five years definitely interesting for me to I feel like come full circle with something and even if I look at the patterns of my friendships a little bit now I have I should say It's not the case. I have old friends that I've had for 20 30 years and I still have very long friendships with
00:36:34
Speaker
But I do feel like our friendships kind of go in those evolutionary periods of time too, where they kind of shift and grow and then they cement. Yeah, they cement into something else. And I think, do you think mourning or like grief plays a part in letting go?
00:36:53
Speaker
I think it's part of the process, you know? I think particularly when you're letting go of something you really care about, there is a window where you have to
00:37:08
Speaker
process the moving on, you know? But I also feel like, I don't know. I don't know if it's just my personality type. I don't live in the past a lot. And I feel like mourning and grief is a very like past focused. It's something that you're really saturating yourself in.
00:37:34
Speaker
I'm the type of person where I let go. I might mourn for a day. I move forward pretty quickly. I move forward pretty quickly as well, too. I definitely go through the process of mourning and grief, but I think that's okay.
00:37:53
Speaker
We are going to experience cycles of emotions. I think the only way we can really know truly if we're making a good decision or making a decision that's so aligned for us is the ability to sit back and witness a little bit.
Observing Emotions to Decide on Letting Go
00:38:07
Speaker
So whether you're experiencing agitation, whether you are experiencing fear,
00:38:12
Speaker
sadness, whatever it is, if you can develop that ability, that present moment awareness, where you can kind of sit back and watch it a little bit and observe it, I think that really gets back to that original definition of how we really let go, is we surrender and we accept. We kind of really look at things for what they are in this present moment and observe it.
00:38:41
Speaker
And I think if you just kind of watch the swell of emotions rising from once again, that kind of non-judgmental curious place, you won't attach the emotion as much. You'll feel it, because we still have to feel the emotions, right? You still have to move through it. It's like a person who goes through a breakup.
00:38:59
Speaker
and they try to rush to the dating phase of somebody else. And they try to like speed up their healing process, the letting go process, but it's gonna catch up with them. Inevitably, it's gonna catch up. And so you have to allow yourself to go through a little bit of a cycle of grief.
00:39:16
Speaker
You know, there's a lot of learning I think when you I think so and what you're letting go of And just watching it being curious about what's coming up for you how you're feeling So that you and I also think too it's remembering that your messages don't come coded in fear So like um, and when I say fear, I want to talk more about like that panicky Scared feeling you get in your body, you know, like if I get an intuitive like
00:39:43
Speaker
Hit on something or if I you know I it's that like when I got that message a minute the minute I made my public announcement and it was like I've made a terrible choice and what am I doing? And I'm gonna regret this and I just felt fear just pulsating through my body. That is not an intuitive hit
00:39:58
Speaker
that is fear and ego rising up. That is your ego communicating to you in that moment. Just the texture and the feel it has in your body is your first clue, whether it's ego driven or like solo line driven. Whereas, you know, after the fact,
00:40:19
Speaker
And you know, I got on my last day and I cried a little bit and I felt a little, you know, sad. That felt kind of soft and like a surrender in my body. It was like allowing myself to feel the emotions of letting go of something that's meaningful to me. But it wasn't scary. It wasn't coming with these, you know, ego driven thoughts of mistakes and wrong and right. It was just like, okay, I'm gonna let myself just feel this. I'm just gonna let these emotions kind of wash over me.
00:40:48
Speaker
You know and then there's like a steadiness to when you made a decision. It's like there's a steadiness to it Well, and I think you can feel in your body. It's the opposite of gripping, right? It is there is this surrender and you're in more of a place of neutrality and the more you operate from a place of I know neutrality doesn't sound super sexy but I actually think neutrality and pragmatism is like really underrated and
00:41:15
Speaker
And I think the reason why I'm so attracted to it now is that I definitely used to operate from a more emotive place. And I think the more we can operate from a place that's truly more neutral, the more receptive we're gonna be, the more able we're gonna be able to like listen and to hear people and to not be triggered by things, you know, as well too.
00:41:38
Speaker
And my friend said this the other day, we were talking about something else, and she's like, you know that you've done the healing when it no longer triggers you, when somebody says the thing. So I feel like once again, it's just like coming to that place of neutrality, where we're not letting the ego, and we're not letting fear drive the ship. It's gonna rise up, you're gonna have those thoughts.
00:42:02
Speaker
But it's catching them faster and just taking that moment to breathe and observe them so that you can kind of know like, okay, that's that's that's my ego. That's not consistent. That's just a fear thought and let it because it and also that's what helps them dissolve like the minute you watch it. It just starts to soften whatever that emotion is that you're experiencing. That's so like uncomfortable.
00:42:23
Speaker
Yeah, I think a great exercise of mindfulness is to really think about the moments in your life where you've had to let go and all the things, all the processing, all the emotions that went with those.
Learning from Past Experiences
00:42:40
Speaker
And then see if you see a pattern, you know, see if you see a pattern. And I think that will tell you and then, you know, where you're at now with letting go of things. You know, if you look at how you let go of things when you were a lot younger, a lot of times a lot more volatile. Totally.
00:43:00
Speaker
than as you matured, but not for everyone. I know a lot of bridge burners who are well into their 60s. But you know, I got a few of those too. But we all have a way of letting go. And we've all done it throughout our lives. And
00:43:23
Speaker
learning how that is evolved and then how we can move forward to continue to to let go in alignment with our higher selves is important but it goes back to that kind of looking to the past and and processing but it's important you know I mean you have to be mindful right you have to be mindful of
00:43:44
Speaker
of the way you have done things in the past in order to have a better understanding of how to do them in the future, for sure. Very wise words, very wise words. I think nature can actually teach us a lot about letting go. I was reflecting on this and I was thinking about the process of wintering.
Nature's Lesson on Letting Go
00:44:03
Speaker
what happens I was just in Utah such a beautiful state mountains everywhere and all the trees were just barren like everything was stripped away and like if you think about what a tree does it just allows all the leaves all the foliage all the beauty to just drop off and fall to the ground and then
00:44:26
Speaker
here comes spring and all these beautiful blooms come back. Like it literally strips down to the spine and then allows space for new growth. And I just think it's like such a beautiful analogy for what we can also do internally and personally as well too, when we're willing to let go.
00:44:49
Speaker
Yeah, they let go of a lot of dead weight every year, pun intended. Exactly. What do you think the process or the connection between, you know, transformation and letting go is?
Transformation Through Letting Go
00:45:07
Speaker
I think that you have to be able to let go to transform. I think people that hold on to things too tight get stuck. I think letting go is a big part of evolution and transformation, you know, and people who aren't able to
00:45:32
Speaker
do that are people that are, I don't know, it's a sad thing to say, but they aren't able to fully embody their lives as humans in a way. I think humans are very, we transform, we have the ability to transform at any given moment.
00:45:55
Speaker
in alignment with our higher selves. And so many of us are too scared whether they're letting go of societal norms, letting go of, you know, pressures from family and other, you know, career to pursue what is really in alignment with our higher selves, myself included, you know.
00:46:20
Speaker
And I think in the end now, that's why we're here. That's how we figure out our true potential, you know? I totally agree. I mean, I believe we're here to transform. We're here to grow and evolve. That is our main and solo purpose for being here and to do so with love, which unfortunately we don't often do. And transformation can be painful. It is painful, typically. There are periods of times that are uncomfortable.
00:46:48
Speaker
that are not easy but and it also requires us letting go of past versions of ourself which can once again be challenging but I was thinking a little bit about like the stages of transformation because I think there's like agitation slash ambivalence like you're either kind of agitated or you're ambivalent I almost feel like that's like one one stage in of itself
00:47:11
Speaker
And then there's a stage of like acceptance where we accept exactly where we are, what is taking place. And then there's like this surrender and letting go. And to me, that's like the second to last stage before you get to metamorphosis. But it's like that process of letting go, that's the springboard. Like that's the launching pad for like that transformation to kind of like spring forward in,
00:47:37
Speaker
And so it's interesting because it's like this process of retraction, it's this process of pulling back that allows you to spring forward, which I always think is like, you know, such a cool, such a cool idea. Yeah, I agree. And I think I think that's a great place to wrap. Yeah, you know, I think I don't know.
00:48:03
Speaker
I just, I think that we all have to, we all have to let go to move forward. We can't just hold on to a bunch of crazy baggage and schlep it through life, you know, like you really do have to let go.
00:48:17
Speaker
to transform and to shift and I think also just my experiences if you're in relationships with people that are not interested in transformation and doing better and growing better and becoming a
00:48:35
Speaker
better human as you age, stagnant, you know, you've got to, you've got to, you got to face those relationships and you got to ask yourself like time and energy. Is this is this is this worth my time and energy? Absolutely.
00:48:54
Speaker
All right. Well, this has been fun, Nan. Thank you. Thank you. Until next time. Until next time. Don't forget to follow us on social at Everyday Mindful Podcast on Instagram and Facebook. And if you liked our little chat, please subscribe. It would be great if you gave us a review. All the stars, please. Same time, same place next week. Bye. Bye.