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Diggin' Discernment
47 Plays2 years ago
We all know smart people, but to be considered wise requires something more. Discernment is how we transform curiosity into wisdom. In this week's episode, Kiley and Nan dig into the value of discernment and why it's an important skill to hone in any relationship.
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Transcript
Introduction to Everyday Mindful
00:00:10
Speaker
Hi, I'm Kylie Wyn Efron. And I'm Nan Cavanaugh, and welcome to Everyday Mindful, a space for real talk on weaving the magic of mindfulness into our daily lives. Let's dig in.
Balancing Hectic Schedules
00:00:27
Speaker
Hi, Kylie. Hi, Nan. How are you? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm doing good. Just got back from vacation and now I am doing the work life juggle. i'm Just kind of get back in the flow of things. How about you? I am getting ready to, I wouldn't say vacation because it will be remote working, but vacation from home life um for the next week. So kind of in the opposite space, ah the scramble before the departure.
00:00:59
Speaker
before that And this is kid free, right? Kid free. Oh, take it. So the best. yeah Those are
What is Discernment?
00:01:09
Speaker
the best. Well, sounds like we are both in busy times and in busy times, matters of discernment are important and that is what we are talking about today. is discernment. It felt like a really nice, natural um segue from the last two episodes where we talked about media diet, and it just felt like a really natural time. And it's funny, like everything, whenever we decide we're going to talk about something, I hear it everywhere. so hot tell yep i and here All I'm hearing about is discernment, discernment, discernment, how we cultivate discernment.
00:01:46
Speaker
So I feel like you know it's says zeitkeist it's the the right time to be talking about it. So um I guess we could start with our usual jam and go right into definition. We have two. So first is discernment is the ability to make a smart judgment about something, a wise way of judging between things or a particularly perceptive way of seeing things. And then the biblical definition is the ability to choose between what is true and right and what is false and wrong. And the reason why I left the biblical one in there is, you know, like with every episode we do, you know, I i have my own thoughts on things and then I usually do a little search and just kind of see, you know, what what are the, what what kind of conversation is there out there about what we're talking about, seeing if there's any other points I haven't considered.
00:02:36
Speaker
And there were a lot of biblical references to discernment. Discernment, the first like 10 Google articles were all religious-based articles. And I actually think it kind of speaks to the importance of it. in that it's something that is involved in our day-to-day lives, in our relationships, in our spiritual life, in our working, our parenting and everything. So I don't know, I just found it kind of intriguing that it had such an important religious significance in addition to mindfulness and other, you know, other more like practical applications of it.
Judgment vs. Discernment
00:03:15
Speaker
So I thought that was interesting.
00:03:16
Speaker
That is interesting. I wonder if it has to do with like the idea of judgment. you know like you know I feel like judgment is part of a lot of biblical traditions. And I wonder if there is some parallel there between discernment and in judgment. you know I would imagine, I would imagine so. And that definitely judgment is something I wanna dive into as we talk a little further about it. Cause I do think it's, um I think that judgment and discernment are, they sound similar and I think they touch on similar things, but they're sourced from very different places within us. yeah I think when we're looking at it in a healthy way, you know, whereas I feel like judgment
00:04:01
Speaker
is um judgment has a lot to do with our own projections. um I don't think it typically represents um our most loving, compassionate, intuitive aspects of ourselves. I think it's something that's present in all of us, definitely. I think we all have to grapple with our own judgments, but I also think that judgment in and of itself is kind of ah lacking and in awareness in that moment. Whereas I think that discernment is the opposite of that. Discernment is really touching in and getting in touch with our intuition and getting in touch with those gut instincts that help us make, you know, really powerful
00:04:44
Speaker
powerful decisions, important decisions.
Discernment in Decision-Making
00:04:46
Speaker
So I guess like why don't we start with, you know, why is discernment an important quality and ability to, you know, to sharpen or to master?
00:04:56
Speaker
It's a big one. um I think, in my mind, it's it's important because not only is it kind of allowing information to sit within you to make, I don't want to say make a judgment, but um Well, and I think you can say judgment sometimes. I don't think it's always negative. I think it's like the next step, you know, like you have to have discernment to make good judgments. I think, I think you're right. Like you can't, you can make a quick judgment, but you can't make a quick discernment. You know what I mean? Like there's no quick discernment phrase, quick to judge. No one's quick to discern. Um, like I think discernment requires more work. I think it requires more work of gathering information and being,
00:05:41
Speaker
open You know, we talked about the media diet um episodes about neutrality, and I was thinking more about that. And I think that it's important to be neutral in that information gathering space, right? Like taking in all the different viewpoints, all the different perspectives on something. all the different reasons, trying to take the information in from a place of compassion, always to start um and then sit with it and then allow those connections based on your own experience and your own understanding of information to be to be made to help
00:06:26
Speaker
like formulate a judgment, but I think it's really, it's really important. It's really important to sharpen and it's really important to master because we live in the age of information and there's so much information. Some of it's bad, some of it's good, some of it's fake. I mean, it's crazy. Well, I think you made a really powerful point, because I don't think the point is to stay neutral on everything. The point is to approach things from a place of neutrality, yeah so then you can use your discernment to make an informed decision. yeah You can hear. You say that again. I'm sorry. it's hard to It's hard to hear. If you're not being open and neutral when receiving information, it's very hard to actually hear the person in the andion particularly like the understory
00:07:13
Speaker
a Well, i don't agree I think if you're not being neutral or coming at it from a place of neutrality, then you're typically formulating an argument, which doesn't really allow for any display you know any space to receive. So I think that's a really key aspect of it. um I think it's really important because I think it helps us navigate the complexities of life. And I think that decision-making is more important than we give it credit for. yeah yeah I think the ability to be successful in relationships, the ability to be successful in particular in your career, the ability to be successful with your children, however you define success,
00:08:00
Speaker
It absolutely requires decision making and forward momentum.
Intuition and Empowerment
00:08:06
Speaker
And I think we can get stuck in like analysis paralysis a lot of times, yeah or we can just get stuck in these things where we're not we're afraid to make a decision because there's so much information out there. So I think it becomes really important because it helps us Start and also I think the decision making process can be really clouded by fear by judgment by anxieties and just too much information and I think you know discernment it really requires you to come back to yourself Yeah, and it was interesting on one of those religious sites. I saw the article was titled and I can't remember the name of it. I I I didn't actually read the whole article, but the title grabbed me. And the title was, this process aligns your decision with your true self. And the process they're talking about is discernment. yeah That is how you connect with your true self. And I thought, wow, why does that speak to like the relevance and like the important role that it places it plays in our life? or
00:09:07
Speaker
you know and sometimes the lack of progress we're making in our life or dissatisfaction or pain that we're experiencing in our relationships. It's from not being discerning in some of those relationships and in some of those you know decisions. And because I think it's really intrinsic um to, I think it's also really intrinsic to trusting ourselves and trusting our own intuition, which is something that we have been conditioned out of. But I think that intuition is reawakening in many, many people. I think this idea of coming back to yourself as a source of wisdom and knowledge and being your own truth keeper is um like but being kind going within.
Developing Discernment Skills
00:09:57
Speaker
is be we're We're having a return to that, that I think is really, it's the, it's the in my opinion,
00:10:04
Speaker
learning how to come back to your own discernment and to your own intuition is a act of self-empowerment. Yeah, I i agree. um How do you, I mean, how do you sharpen your discernment? Like, I mean, looking within, yes, but I mean, like, if your life experience is particularly limited, like, you know, it'd be hard to like have discernment about things you don't know about just by looking within, right? So like, how do you, how do you grow the ability to like, to make a smart judgment about something that you don't know anything about?
00:10:44
Speaker
Well, I think it comes back to two things. I think it comes back to learning how to navigate your emotions and learning how to sit with your emotions. Because emotions, we are meant to experience emotions and to feel them. um sometimes Sometimes those emotions are uncomfortable. Sometimes those emotions are things like resentment or judgment. and Or in particular, you have a negative emotion, and then you start judging yourself for having it. But in truth, those emotions are there to teach us things. And so if we develop the ability to sit with them more, I think you're more able to tap into that like that innate intuition, that like gut instinct.
00:11:28
Speaker
about an individual or a situation that your body kind of tells you right away. Your body, you know, I've said this a million times, the body keeps the score, right? The body tells you pretty quickly. um And I think it allows you to just, but it even tells you when you meet a person, like say a narcissist.
Intuitive Messages and Body Awareness
00:11:47
Speaker
Because if you meet a narcissist, they could be incredibly charismatic, incredibly charismatic. They could be the most fun person in the room. They could be the most fun person at the party. They can love bomb you. Like think about love bombing where you you know meet somebody and they are romantic and they tell you you're beautiful and they make you feel good. And all of a sudden you feel like for the first time in your life, you're living in a rom-com movie.
00:12:14
Speaker
And I think that in those moments, once again, using your discernment and that gut instinct is so vital because a lot of times the person who is the most exciting isn't always the best person or the highest quality person. And so it's learning how to like tap in to your own intuition. And I think just basic intuition sharpening skills, like really starting to create a mindfulness practice that allows you to sit and to listen to your thoughts and to observe them and to ask your own questions. And to, when you are, I believe that people are delivered messages throughout the day. We think of them as thoughts, but many of them are messages. You are being given divine intuitive messages on how to proceed. And if you follow them and you just practice following those little thoughts that pop into your head, those little hunches,
00:13:10
Speaker
then your intuition sharpens dramatically. Like when I started moving into my intuitive gifts, I spent a year just literally following every message I heard, just doing it, even if it seemed, looked like on paper to be counterintuitive. I just did it. And um I just flowed with it. And it was remarkable by the end of the year, by the end of the year, I realized that I was receiving messages. And I learned how to discern them in my body. And part of the way I learned to discern them in my body, was to pay attention to once again how I felt in the body. If I felt anxious, like if I was having fear and anxiety, that's typically not a message. Most messages feel, even if they come with a hard message, they typically feel grounded in the body. um So it's watching, and if they felt that fear, it's watching that fear for a moment, letting it dissipate a little bit. So I think it's things like that, like learning how to sharpen your own intuition, learning how to trust your gut instincts,
00:14:09
Speaker
that do help you you know sharpen sharpen your discernment skills. yeah um And I think just paying also, we've talked about this many times too, the more triggered you are, none the less I would trust you being deserving in that moment, right? Like let's say we're having a political conversation and you're getting super triggered about something I'm saying in that moment, most likely, there's something that needs to be looked at. Either there's a truth to what I'm saying, or there's something that you need to examine and play with and sit with a little bit.
Curiosity's Role in Discernment
00:14:44
Speaker
And I believe that the truth comes through when we get quiet and sit with that.
00:14:49
Speaker
Yeah, but I do think like if someone is like professing Nazi hatred to you, and that's triggering, like, you're gonna have a reaction to that, right? Like, I think there is a certain element of like, anytime someone is like, you know, ah professing hate on any level, like, I think that's different. I'm talking about triggers in the sense, like let's say somebody, um let's say you're having a conversation and somebody, something that's a little bit more neutral. I think that in an example of something where someone's you know putting out hate hate speech, racism, sexism,
00:15:25
Speaker
something that is clearly inhumane. I don't think that, I don't think you're being triggered by that person. I think you're, I think that is just awakening what is wrong. And you're discernment that moment is telling you that is absolutely not okay. But I think that, um, if you're like, like so we talked about it a lot, you know, in our last episode when, if you're watching news from a political party, that's on the opposite side of you and you're feeling really triggered and really, you know, I think those are the moments where we have to look at it. If somebody is giving you a business opportunity and on paper, it's sounding really good. And everything they're saying is sounding really good, but there's something inside of it that's triggering some anxiety, that's triggering some discomfort. It's important, I think, to look at that then. Because yes, I do agree with you. I think there are some things that are just
00:16:15
Speaker
But theyre they just are not okay. there's a len cross There's a line that's crossed and there's morality involved in that situation. I'm talking about those things like the the conversation with your friend that triggers you, the political conversation where there I'd say maybe are what one person might consider reasonable and another person might consider reasonable. And then there's just hate speech, which I feel like is... yeah but you know that's There's no discernment in that moment. like I think the answer should be clear. You've been to judge there. I think that's an okay moment to have a quick judgment. But I think also like thinking about what you just said and and curiosity, right? Like I know when I feel triggered or have an intuitive feeling about something, I immediately kind of shift into a space of curiosity. like
00:17:07
Speaker
why why is the person that I just met telling me they love me and I'm the best when I've known them for like three days or why is that news anchor like what would be motivating that person to be saying something that is very unfactual. And I think a big part of like mastering and developing discernment is leaning into curiosity and really asking your not just yourself, but asking the question of the situation. like
00:17:47
Speaker
Just asking the why. you know There's always the who and the what and the when and the where. But so much information is in the why. And I don't think you can have discernment about anything without examining the why in some capacity.
Discernment in Relationships and Media
00:18:03
Speaker
And the why, you know your exploration of that can often, you know the why is less um quantitative. right Why is kind of a qualitative space. like my explanation for why might be different from another person's explanation for why so I think you have to really kind of step outside of yourself if you're trying to understand someone else's why you have to really like look at them their own as their own entity with their own background with their own reality and try to
00:18:40
Speaker
try to Like, you know, being their shoes, you know, think, think it through from like, what, why would your, what would be shaping your perspective on this, you know, um, to be communicating what you're communicating to me right now. and i think you're I think you're absolutely right because i you know curiosity is void of judgment. curiosity Curiosity only contains interest. That's why it's such a key mindfulness practice is that if you can get curious about, like you said, why is this person saying what they're saying?
00:19:14
Speaker
um if you can get curious about why am I having the feelings I'm having? Like, why is this person who's saying all the right things, making me feel a little uncomfortable? Or if I can get curious about, um let's say relationships, because relationships is, I think, a really key place where discernment comes into play, yeah is using your discernment to determine whether an individual is going to be and a healthy relationship for you, have whether that be a friendship or let's say like a lover situation. um If you continuously find yourself in one bad relationship after another or an abusive relationship after another,
00:19:57
Speaker
Most likely, you are not using your discernment in that moment. Most likely, a need within ourselves is craving something. So we're attracting something. And I don't say that to put judgment or any kind of, I'm not trying to speak negatively about anybody who's been in any type of abusive relationship. I think many of us have been in some form a of an abusive relationship at some point in our life. And I think that happens because we are craving love and we are craving something from somebody else. And so we become more attractive to in a person who is seeking to abuse, whether that be mental or physical. And um so often the most loving, kind, open people end up finding themselves in a situation with somebody who's taking advantage of them.
00:20:44
Speaker
But I think the key is if you find yourself in a repetitive pattern, pulling yourself out of any kind of victim mentality and saying like starting to say, well, what's going on with me? like Being able to start to sit and reflect and get curious. about some of your past relationships, choices. how did you feel How did that last person make you feel when they met you? Is this person reminding you of somebody? Things along those lines. So if you can get curious, not just about what other people are telling you, or not just about like job opportunities that are coming your way, but curious too about your own role and reactions and feelings, that's where I feel like your discernment gets
00:21:27
Speaker
crystal clear gets 100%. I feel like that's where you really start to be able to dial in and feel more trust in yourself when that difficult relationship that difficult conversation or an opportunity comes up because a lot of times sometimes we have to use discernment in something that seems amazing. Like sometimes you have to use your discernment to walk away from something that seems fantastic. Yeah. You know, so I think that the curiosity is such a vital thing.
Quieting Noise for Authenticity
00:22:00
Speaker
And I also think too, you know, you talked a little bit about
00:22:05
Speaker
especially media consumption, and just information. like We're in an era where we've talked about this constant news cycle. There is information being presented to you from different media outlets that are presented as non-opinion when they are opinion. um And in particular, you also have medical information coming. So around your health, it becomes really important. You have different doctors telling you that different procedures are vital or not vital. You have different medical studies that are countering one another. You have different information about diets. What food is good for you? What food is bad for you? Keto is good. Low carb is good.
00:22:51
Speaker
High carb is good, low fat. Do you know what I mean? like it So how do you start to discern even what to put in your body, what medicines to take, ah what natural remedies are safe? um I mean, it's it's really a challenge because I do feel like with you know especially even with social media, because now you have so much information once again coming at you from the form of you know an influence an influencer. This is the best foundation. This is the best diet. This is the best medication. This is the best place to stay. This is the best restaurant to eat at. um You really do, I feel like disturbance become more important in every aspect of our life.
00:23:35
Speaker
And so it really does, like I think a big part of it too is like being able to get quiet, being able to like learn how to quiet some of the noise around you so you can once again hone in and figure out what feels true to you. And I'm not talking about just like, I believe this, so this is my truth. I'm talking about like your ability to self-reflect and get quiet and just pay attention to the signals your body are sending you. yeah Yeah, I ah couldn't agree more. And I think you know we talk about the importance of responding and not reacting. And discernment, I think, allows you to take that pause so you can respond you know to a situation, to a question, to an advertisement. ah you know It allows you
00:24:27
Speaker
the opportunity to take in the information around you from a neutral place, sit with it, and then respond in a way that is based on authentic connection and not just projection or reaction, you know.
Summary and Reflection on Discernment
00:24:46
Speaker
I think that's really well said. I actually think that's probably even a great place to stop because next week we're going to dive into how, what are some kind of the, mindful we've we've touched on them a little bit today, but what are some of the mindfulness practices that help like sharpen your discernment? But I feel like what you said is just, is wise and
00:25:08
Speaker
straight to the point. I love this idea of it. I feel like discernment allows for a little bit of space and allows you to a little space and a little reflection um that comes from a really authentic place. I think that's, I think that's perfect. All right, girl. Well, talk to you soon. Talk to you soon. See you next week.
Connect with the Hosts
00:25:37
Speaker
Don't forget to follow us on social at Everyday Mindful Podcast on Instagram and Facebook. And if you liked our little chat, please subscribe. It would be great if you gave us a review. All the stars, please. Same time, same place next week. Bye. Bye.