Transcript
Speaker: Hi and welcome to another episode of the Glam Reaper podcast.
Speaker: I'm your host Jennifer Muldowney aka the Glam Reaper herself.
Speaker: On today's episode we are talking to Carrie the Mortician as she is known online.
Speaker: We are talking all things social media, how she got started, how she's doing super well.
Speaker: We're talking about the ups and downs of social media in the funeral biz and it's a really good episode.
Speaker: So check it out.
Speaker: Hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Glamour Reaper podcast.
Speaker: I'm your host Jennifer Muldowney and on today's episode I am joined by a martician who I follow on Instagram and I'm going to let her introduce herself and we can't wait to hear more from
Speaker: Hello and welcome.
Speaker: Hello, I am Carrie the Mortician on YouTube, Instagram.
Speaker: Started the TikTok thing, but you know, feeling super old trying to do it, but that's okay.
Speaker: I'm still there and on Facebook and yeah, I'm kind of all over the place.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: And so that's how I actually came to find you, Carrie.
Speaker: And I just...
Speaker: I find your content, you know, it's, it's honest, it's open.
Speaker: I mean, I don't know what age you are.
Speaker: I feel like we're probably of similar age.
Speaker: So I hear you on the TikTok buzz.
Speaker: I actually got into TikTok a tiny bit myself during COVID.
Speaker: I think it was just boredom.
Speaker: Like I think probably a lot of people did.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I don't use it for work because for what I do, it's, it's kind of tricky, similar.
Speaker: That's why I do want to touch on that.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: it's tricky to do it because I'm so into my clients' privacy and stuff.
Speaker: And what I do is, you know, I can't show people sort of in behind scenes of a funeral home because I'm not a funeral director.
Speaker: I don't work at a funeral home.
Speaker: And to me, they're also my client's funeral home.
Speaker: So that will be their privacy and stuff.
Speaker: But what I love is that there's so many, interestingly, so many women who are now online really pushing forward this death awareness, this
Speaker: sort of behind the scenes, pulling back the curtain, you know, the Wizard of Oz, all this kind of buzz and just showing people what's out there.
Speaker: So what initiated you into, well, actually, I'd really love to know what initiated you into getting into this business and then into social media?
Speaker: Of course.
Speaker: So when I was 16, I needed a job.
Speaker: My mom worked at a funeral home.
Speaker: She was the aftercare coordinator.
Speaker: So she met with families kind of during and then worked with them
Speaker: afterwards, if they wanted someone to connect with someone to help them with anything after,
Speaker: She had groups that would gather just like widow and widowers.
Speaker: And so I needed a job and she's like, come work at the funeral home.
Speaker: I was like, all right.
Speaker: And never really envisioned that would be any end goal for me, but then tried it my junior year of college and I was hooked.
Speaker: So 20 years licensed later and 30 years in the business or something like that.
Speaker: And so I've been around it forever.
Speaker: It feels like I'm 44.
Speaker: So I've been around it for forever, it feels like, and it's just second nature or even first nature in a lot of ways to me.
Speaker: And then started the online about six years ago, I think, almost seven, which is crazy at this point to think it's been that long and has just organically grown in its
Speaker: It's diversity and it's really viewer demanded what they asked me, what they want me to dive into is a lot of what just straight my content is.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: What was your initial question?
Speaker: I have no idea.
Speaker: Sometimes I ramble and then I forget where I even started.
Speaker: I don't even know.
Speaker: No, you actually, it was a double barrel question.
Speaker: You're fine.
Speaker: Yeah, actually, myself and my friends at home, we joke about, we fridge magnet things because especially when I'm living in New York here and I go home to Ireland, we're like, and we're just talking about so many things and we're like digressing all over the map.
Speaker: So we're like, let's come back to that.
Speaker: Let's go back to that.
Speaker: Of course, we don't come back to half of it.
Speaker: So about seven or eight years ago, you got into social media.
Speaker: Is there one platform that you find is the most responsive to what you put out there?
Speaker: Well, I started on YouTube.
Speaker: I was in kind of a lull.
Speaker: I didn't realize it was kind of a rut of the job.
Speaker: I think I was not working for the right people, which happens a lot in this business.
Speaker: And my husband at the time said, well, why don't you post some questions and do some Facebook Lives about the business?
Speaker: Maybe people want to answer questions, see what happens, maybe do YouTube.
Speaker: He was being exposed to YouTube and some YouTube people through his work.
Speaker: And so it was just kind of like, hey, why don't you try that?
Speaker: And I did.
Speaker: I answered about 13, 14 questions for things that people had posted on my Facebook and started doing Facebook Lives, which is the most...
Speaker: A nerve wracking thing, your first couple, because you're like watching that number of how many people are watching you and it goes up and then it goes down and you're like, well, why did they leave?
Speaker: What did I do wrong?
Speaker: Why don't they like me?
Speaker: What's wrong with me?
Speaker: And so you've got to like ignore that part.
Speaker: But then I started having people say, hey, I want to share that video with my mom or I want to share that video with my grandma and
Speaker: And I was like, well, I don't want people just all going to my Facebook.
Speaker: So I did upload them all to YouTube and people started finding them and watching.
Speaker: I remember I hit a thousand subscribers and I was like, who are these a thousand crazy people wanting to watch me talk about stuff in my living room?
Speaker: And it just kind of snowballed from there.
Speaker: And then it kind of became its own brand.
Speaker: I became my own brand essentially.
Speaker: through it.
Speaker: And so started the Instagram, started a Facebook, started more, um,
Speaker: you know, building a platform rather than just doing these random videos.
Speaker: And I thought I would be sharing for maybe students or something like that.
Speaker: And it became my viewership is on YouTube really is strongest.
Speaker: It's like the 50 to 80 year olds and they watch and they watch the whole video.
Speaker: Like in on YouTube, the average watch time on videos is maybe three minutes or so.
Speaker: Like you said, people are watching short.
Speaker: My average watch time is between six and seven minutes.
Speaker: And when at least half of my videos are only two minutes long, that tells you people are watching the full duration because the people that are going to the YouTube, like the Applebee's, the YouTube to watch my videos are wanting to know what I'm saying.
Speaker: They're there for
Speaker: education and learning and context.
Speaker: And I have a really good, strong core group of people where, you know, when I started getting some bullying by some other people's channels, viewers, they'd come to mine and start like bullying.
Speaker: I didn't even have to say anything because my viewers would be like, leave her alone, get away from here, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: And I was like, oh my God, I have people.
Speaker: Like they're my people.
Speaker: So it was kind of fun to watch people
Speaker: It's like a social, the whole thing's been a social experiment that I didn't know I needed, but it's amazing to watch it play out.
Speaker: And then diving into the other platforms to try to reach other age brackets in different ways and try and educate in different.
Speaker: It's like telling the same bit of information in 20 different ways to get somebody to hear it.
Speaker: So it is really interesting how it all works in that essence.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: I mean, fair play.
Speaker: And a quick question.
Speaker: How, quick question, but we'll see.
Speaker: How do you find the time to do it all?
Speaker: I don't, I have no, I don't sleep.
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I, I, and then I bite off more.
Speaker: I'm like, well, why don't I do a podcast?
Speaker: Why don't I do this?
Speaker: Why don't I write a book?
Speaker: Why don't I?
Speaker: And my boyfriend's like,
Speaker: At some point, you got to stop.
Speaker: Like you have to just manage what you have rather than continually because I have a hard time saying no.
Speaker: And that's my problem.
Speaker: So that's on my vision board this year is like have grace for myself and focus on what needs focus.
Speaker: And I think the last year I was saying yes to everything because I was I was.
Speaker: divorce, you know, coming out of a divorce and I'm the only person making income in a house and feeling the pressure of that.
Speaker: I think I was trying to find every avenue of any revenue and, um,
Speaker: I bid off a lot in different areas and I'm a freelance funeral director.
Speaker: So that means I can work as little or as much essentially as I want to.
Speaker: And I work, um, a good, I work three days a week and every other weekend at least, and then have a home office days.
Speaker: But then those home office days, if there's a sick kid or if there's doctor's appointments or whatever, there may be, they're gone.
Speaker: And then I have a backup of, oh, crap, how am I going to get any of this other done?
Speaker: And so I'll get up at 4 a.m.
Speaker: some days and try and hammer away at an hour of work before I have to do mom or, you know, whatever it may be.
Speaker: But yeah, I definitely, there's a lot of time I'm over my head a bit, but yet I still keep pushing through and manage.
Speaker: And yeah, it's that thing.
Speaker: You look at other people and you're like, they're doing everything way better than me.
Speaker: But people are like, wow, look at how amazing you're doing.
Speaker: And I'm like, oh, my Jiminy, do you even know how stressed out?
Speaker: Like, I have a bleeding ulcer right now, I think.
Speaker: And, you know, it's always you never realize what is behind the life.
Speaker: I saw a meme recently and it said we are a society of very happy pictures with very sad people like that, you know, and.
Speaker: yeah or it's like the photo that i kind of feel like for any entrepreneur or anybody who's kind of pushing themselves in in a sense or even just yeah like a mom or a dad who's just like keeping their shit together and stuff but it's that um iceberg yeah it's the huge iceberg underneath and all you see is this tiny tip of what we actually show to the public and yeah you know people don't get to see behind the scenes and the 4 a.m's and the dragging your ass here there and everywhere and yeah um
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Fair play to you.
Speaker: That's amazing.
Speaker: And can I ask, is there, what's been the wildest question you've ever gotten asked?
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: Well, and it's funny because people ask like, what's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
Speaker: What's the craziest?
Speaker: What's the grossest?
Speaker: And I'm like, you know what?
Speaker: Everything's contextual in terms of the person.
Speaker: So what's gross to me at this point
Speaker: It's very little.
Speaker: It's, you know, like fungus on toes or, you know, like a weird things that people are like, really?
Speaker: That's what about, you know, a head that's been exploded or that.
Speaker: And I'm like, it's, it's that at this point, that's not really that gross anymore.
Speaker: Like it's, it's fascinating anatomically.
Speaker: that.
Speaker: But when you have, I'm trying to think, broken bones still gross me out and things like that.
Speaker: But, and people just want to know what the wild is.
Speaker: They want the gore and the crazy, and they want that kind of response question.
Speaker: But my brain doesn't even know where to go because I don't see things in that vantage point.
Speaker: For the most part, I can maybe step back and think, oh,
Speaker: Well, I guess I could tell about that or I could tell about that, but I don't even know if that's even crazy or gory or weird anymore for what people think.
Speaker: So it's hard to connect my brain to a lay person who's not in the businesses now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that's it, I think, is, you know, people will ask these questions and it's more about curiosity.
Speaker: And it's, you know, like asking a surgeon, I'm sure, like, what does what's the grossest thing you've seen?
Speaker: What's what's the beating heart in your hand feel like and stuff like that?
Speaker: But to them, it's probably like.
Speaker: holding a cup of coffee to somebody else like it's it's it's just relative everything is relative to what you do in life like I always joke that you know five dollars to me might in in my hand might be five hundred thousand in well Donald Trump's hands for example that just came in today you know it's it's all relative to what you're used to like that you know me gambling the five I mean okay maybe not five to five
Speaker: Well, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker: It's all relative.
Speaker: So, but you, you know, one of the things I'm fascinated with, and as I said, there's so many now influencers, I don't even know if that's the term, educators, I feel is more appropriate, who are on the TikToks, the TikToks, on the YouTubes, on the Instagrams and all of these, and they're educating people.
Speaker: Do you ever worry about,
Speaker: from your own point of view and like watching all these others, that misinformation is getting out there.
Speaker: Terrible misinformation.
Speaker: So that's the, the negative of, I think, especially what has been brought about with Tik TOK, because it's a quicker way to get bad information where, you know, YouTube took a little bit, takes a little more work maybe to post and stuff.
Speaker: And didn't you, we didn't see it as much where now we're,
Speaker: We have people who are not even funeral directors, not even in mortuary school.
Speaker: They're in like pre-mortuary school.
Speaker: They've never even seen an embalming.
Speaker: They have no literal clue, but they throw mortician in their name title.
Speaker: And so people listen to them and they are trying to give every sensationalistic post that they can.
Speaker: and they're giving really crappy, bad information.
Speaker: So then people come back to me like, oh my gosh, I saw this and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: No, that's wrong.
Speaker: And then you have people that are trying to get that viewership, and they are.
Speaker: They're showing bodies.
Speaker: They're showing things they should not be showing.
Speaker: They're doing videos while they're embalming.
Speaker: And it's like,
Speaker: That's, these are, this is all illegal.
Speaker: And then they cry when they get fired or when there's a lawsuit.
Speaker: You know, there's a man that was driving a hearse and he took a picture and there was a casket in the back.
Speaker: That funeral home and that person were sued for just that, let alone videotaping while you're in embalming, let alone showing an actual dead body.
Speaker: And we're seeing it within like the medical examiner corner type situation, first response.
Speaker: You know, we're seeing it within a lot of those scenarios.
Speaker: And people are like, well, you know, the families will never see it.
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: These are smart, smart algorithms that are bringing things to people specifically.
Speaker: So if I had a loss and I live in, let's say, Baltimore, and there's a funeral director posting crap in Baltimore, it's coming back to me and I'm going to see it.
Speaker: And so that's what some of these people are not understanding and some of these younger people are not understanding is this will kick you right back in the butt.
Speaker: And there are people who are not so much in the business.
Speaker: And so there's a term, funeral tainers is a term that has come out that the older generation are calling some of the younger and other people that are putting out content that they're claiming they don't do the work.
Speaker: They're putting themselves out and presenting that they do the work and they're just there to funeral tain.
Speaker: And, you know, they have no idea what that person really does behind the scene.
Speaker: It's an interesting term that they're using and throwing out.
Speaker: And I'm like, wait, are they claiming that I am?
Speaker: Like, what are they saying?
Speaker: But, you know, of course, we always think it's they're talking about us.
Speaker: But, you know, yourself.
Speaker: But it is a there's a lot of really bad stuff that's happening, a lot of legal stuff that's happening because of what's being put out.
Speaker: Yeah, that's, it's huge.
Speaker: And that gentleman who got sued, was it his, was it the first driver?
Speaker: Was it the family who sued him?
Speaker: Yeah, the family saw the post and said, that's my loved one.
Speaker: And you're posting about my loved one.
Speaker: That's their casket.
Speaker: That's the day of the funeral.
Speaker: This is what you were wearing.
Speaker: Like they knew that.
Speaker: They knew.
Speaker: And so, I mean, that's one thing I don't ever, there's never even caskets that have anybody in them in my videos.
Speaker: I never have bodies.
Speaker: I make sure there's nothing written, no family names anywhere.
Speaker: I really try to make sure.
Speaker: And if I do video myself, even in the hearse, even if it's empty or at a cemetery, I don't ever post the day I'm doing it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So to correlate it is going to be very hard that it ever connects.
Speaker: And I never go like, we're here at a graveside, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: Like,
Speaker: I try not to ever be specific where it would connect to anything.
Speaker: And I work in, I think I counted one day in like 21 different communities or something I've worked in.
Speaker: So any stories I tell, it would be really hard to say that was my loved one because I have worked in so many different communities with my freelancing and everything that, you know, that's one nice thing about the work I do.
Speaker: that is specific and unique to me is I can tell stories that are kind of general and you really can't go back to who they are for the most part, I don't think.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a huge problem.
Speaker: I mean, I have team members that work for me and sort of will manage my memorials, posting my page and stuff.
Speaker: And, you know, they want...
Speaker: initially we had a few teething problems in that they wanted to post certain things that I was like yes I know I've done PR and marketing I know from a from a content point of view absolutely that will go viral or absolutely that makes great content it's just not what my brand represents and it's not what I want to put forward right which is a really difficult you know and we're still working on on some kinks um and it you know it
Speaker: that's the difficulty in what we do.
Speaker: It's like, these are, these are real life human beings we're talking about.
Speaker: And even the, even the, the ones who are dead, these are, these were real life human beings and their families still are.
Speaker: And so exactly to your point, I mean, I don't post anything either without permission or if it's, or maybe a year or two later.
Speaker: And when I, when I do it's flowers or something, or it's, you know, maybe a
Speaker: a part of the the which it could be anybody's because you know we obviously do similar things but even at that it's um you know blur things out or you know there's no semblance of censorship with with the kids I don't say the kids of these days because I mean I'm 40 and you know I still feel like I'm 25 but you know it is as you said it's kind of a lot of um they've grown up in the social media age of there is no kind of privacy there is no sort of censorship
Speaker: and um you know and and i've learned lessons along the way myself in that you know i might have posted something like i obviously work with other funeral homes and stuff like that and i might have posted something that had the corner of something or you know and that's fine and i'll take it down and you know apologies and didn't realize and stuff like that but so it is a learning curve i think for everyone um
Speaker: Like even again, you know, my social media team are kind of like, oh, we really need to behind the scenes on such and such.
Speaker: And I'm like, I would love to do that.
Speaker: I think it would be amazing.
Speaker: But we can't.
Speaker: Like that's somebody else's precious day.
Speaker: And unlike a wedding when they want it recorded and usually broadcast to the public, this is not that.
Speaker: And that is so important for people to understand.
Speaker: There's a video on my YouTube channel, actually, on the Glamour Reaper YouTube channel where
Speaker: It's actually a recording of a documentary.
Speaker: So it's not my recording, but it was a documentary many, many years ago showing they sent somebody undercover into a UK funeral home.
Speaker: And it gets still to this day gets the most comments of people horrified at the way this funeral director treated the deceased.
Speaker: And it blows my mind that it still gets people very horrified, which they have every right to be and they should be.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: It's just wild.
Speaker: Have you, in your experience, have you had any sort of blips or do-doos or, you know, where you've kind of thought, you've posted something and then thought afterwards?
Speaker: And you're probably, I'm getting the vibe you're similar to me, probably an overthinker and anxious.
Speaker: Should I have done that?
Speaker: Oh, that maybe, I don't know, you know.
Speaker: I'm trying to think if there's been any specific questions
Speaker: I would have to look back through videos.
Speaker: I'm sure I've posted.
Speaker: I've posted about naughty funeral directors and like talking about things that they've done wrong.
Speaker: I'm trying to think if there's anything specific.
Speaker: Not for certain, honestly.
Speaker: There's been posts on like in funeral director groups where I've said stuff and then been attacked for saying it because it's a real
Speaker: Golly, it's a contentious group of people, you know, for just trying to call out truth or, you know, whatever, combating what they believe.
Speaker: But I don't know.
Speaker: I don't think there's really a video I've posted or even a post that I've felt like I should...
Speaker: No, I think I'm very careful with what I say, the context I put out.
Speaker: And there are people who are like, why would you ever share that if they think I'm oversharing?
Speaker: Like I do share.
Speaker: I did a video about grief after my divorce.
Speaker: And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker: this people like, well, how dare you claim that your grief is even near grief of losing someone?
Speaker: And I'm like, that's not really what I'm trying to share.
Speaker: What I'm sharing is that as a funeral director, we don't grieve the way other people do.
Speaker: Like when you lose a loved one, I turn on a emotion blocker so that I can do work.
Speaker: So I don't get to grieve like you do.
Speaker: When you have a death and my divorce was where I could, I couldn't block it.
Speaker: I couldn't turn on any response because I wasn't working.
Speaker: And so I went through these emotional swings and through.
Speaker: what are identified as the stages of grief and could identify them in a weird way like I never did before.
Speaker: That was one I got some feedback.
Speaker: Ooh, the video I posted, the one I've gotten the most negative back is handling like obese individuals.
Speaker: And oh, dear God, I didn't, I never thought that I would get so much negative and people like, well, oh, you're charging by the pound.
Speaker: And oh, if someone is over a certain weight, then you're going to charge more just because of their weight.
Speaker: And I'm like, no, no, no.
Speaker: If I need more people, more, if I have to pay more people to come for work,
Speaker: then you have to charge for that.
Speaker: And if the merchandise costs more because there's more material, then you have to pay for that.
Speaker: If the crematory charges more because of their size, you have to pay for that.
Speaker: Like you're not charging because they're of a certain weight.
Speaker: You're charging because things cost more because of certain things.
Speaker: items.
Speaker: And so I'm like, the embalming isn't going to cost more because you have to use double the material.
Speaker: That's not going to cost more.
Speaker: But if I have to bring four people to the home for the removal, yes, I have to charge more.
Speaker: And so it was like, oh my goodness.
Speaker: It felt like defending myself, especially the first couple of months that video came out, which has been years now at this point.
Speaker: But yes, that video, I don't think I regretted it, but
Speaker: I felt like I had to defend myself so much because they were not hearing what I was saying.
Speaker: And I've always thought maybe I could have phrased it different.
Speaker: I'm like, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker: I really don't redo videos and try and phrase them differently.
Speaker: How I say them the first time is kind of how they...
Speaker: How they know.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, it's interesting.
Speaker: Two things that what you said there.
Speaker: First of all, I completely disagree with everyone who was attacking you over your divorce.
Speaker: I did a TEDx talk on this entire topic that we as a society need to get the F over ourselves and
Speaker: and stop judging other people's grief because I don't know what it was like.
Speaker: I'm not married.
Speaker: I don't know what it's like to get married and have a divorce.
Speaker: I have a best friend who went through a divorce and was nearly suicidal at one point.
Speaker: And so I had to walk her through that and, and hope that she'd come out as best I could because suicide is such an internal, you know, mental health is such a, I lost a dog and I felt like I lost a person when, you know, so I think that's, I completely would, I would, I would,
Speaker: jump to your defense in that and I would send those people that TED talk and I'd be like listen get off your whatever pedestal you think you have because maybe somebody died on you I'm sad that somebody died on you I'm so sorry that that happened to you but equally that doesn't take away from somebody else's grief we're each on our own and we're we're all doing our best and and that judgment drives me absolutely crackers and then the second thing it's so funny because I'm like relating to all of this the second thing the overweight thing the obese thing
Speaker: Interestingly, we put a post up about how an obese, how a crematorium went on fire after an obese person had been put in.
Speaker: Yeah, we know this was because a lot of what we do.
Speaker: And again, you know, with social media, you're evolving, you're seeing what your audience like and don't like.
Speaker: And our channel isn't huge or anything.
Speaker: But.
Speaker: And it's very, it's very soft and squishy is what I describe.
Speaker: I was, that was my, when I was describing it to my team and sort of saying, okay, this is what we're going for.
Speaker: I understand you want to do all this, but no, we need to be soft and squishy and a hug.
Speaker: That's what we want to be people for people is a hug.
Speaker: And they're like, okay.
Speaker: Anyway, I love my descriptors.
Speaker: But we put that post up.
Speaker: And what was interesting is one of my friends who worked quite closely with me at the time and still works with me.
Speaker: She messaged me and she said, Jen, I don't think this is who you are.
Speaker: I don't think this is who your brand is.
Speaker: I don't think this post is appropriate.
Speaker: And I had to sit back and light the anxiety ball.
Speaker: I was like, oh my God, have I done this terrible thing?
Speaker: That's not me.
Speaker: And then I sat and I looked and I was like, no, but it's just sharing.
Speaker: It's an article that's online.
Speaker: It's news.
Speaker: And it's just sharing it.
Speaker: And listen, I battle with weight.
Speaker: Like most women, I think, whether it's underweight or overweight or whatever it is, we just all battle with it.
Speaker: Men too, I'm sure.
Speaker: I just don't know what it's like to be a man.
Speaker: But my friend, I said to her, I wrote back and I said,
Speaker: you know, this isn't attacking obese people.
Speaker: This isn't, you know, and what was interesting though, is she took some time, she came back and she said, you know what, I'm sorry.
Speaker: she said, I took that as a personal attack because she's dealing with things.
Speaker: And that's the thing about social media.
Speaker: And it's the same with text messages and any sort of thing that you read, you're taking it in your moment, whatever mood you're in.
Speaker: Like I'm on a fricking detox at the moment.
Speaker: So like most things I'm, I'm not with like, you know, I'm missing my coffee and my glass of wine or whatever.
Speaker: But like,
Speaker: whatever you're dealing with in that moment, whether it's grief, happiness, you know, procrastination, you know, fear, shame, whatever you're dealing with in that moment.
Speaker: If something you read something online or somebody texts you something, you're receiving it with that energy.
Speaker: It doesn't mean the person sent it to you in that energy.
Speaker: It just means you're receiving it that way.
Speaker: And that's what I feel like.
Speaker: OK, this was mine was on a much teeny, tinier scale.
Speaker: But what you're telling me about your post, I'm kind of like, that's the majority of those people, I guarantee you who attacked you.
Speaker: took it as a personal attack on themselves right they are probably battling with weight maybe even half of them aren't overweight but they're battling with it and they saw it as a personal attack like why should i have to pay more why did i and you know your answer is logical it's scientific it's if it costs more unfortunately i'm really sorry i have to charge more like that's like me saying you know when i do
Speaker: catered reception and people are like, okay, well, we're going to have a hundred people.
Speaker: And then they changed to 150.
Speaker: I mean, the price has to go.
Speaker: We have to have more food.
Speaker: We have to have more drink, more staff.
Speaker: Like it's logical.
Speaker: It's just, it's just a numbers thing.
Speaker: And unfortunately, like you said, though, I got to the point where I'm like, okay, this person is probably 400 pounds sitting in their house, watching this video and
Speaker: And feeling like their family is going to be charged more when they die.
Speaker: And I understand that.
Speaker: I get that visceral reaction to it.
Speaker: And it's easy for the keyboard warriors to just throw anything they want at me.
Speaker: And I got to the point where I was like, okay, yep, I get it.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Thank you for your...
Speaker: Your opinion is what like I got to the point because they don't want to hear my answer.
Speaker: My answer will not change how they're feeling.
Speaker: And that was a big thing, I think, to learn when you're on social media, especially, I think, YouTube, because YouTube is so anonymous and you can change your name every day.
Speaker: You can change your handle every day.
Speaker: You can change everything.
Speaker: which you can do on other platforms, but there's a lot of photos and stuff there.
Speaker: So I think YouTube is just so anonymous that it's, it's frightening because you have no idea who you're interacting with, where they are, what's going on.
Speaker: And, um, people I think are lonely and people want to engage you and they will do it through negative content because that is the best way to engage somebody is to get them to online battle.
Speaker: And, um,
Speaker: For a while I did.
Speaker: I would lose time.
Speaker: I would lose energy.
Speaker: I would lose sleep in the beginning.
Speaker: And I finally got to the point I'm like, wait, wait, wait, what am I doing?
Speaker: Like, this is not worth my time and energy.
Speaker: This person obviously just is trying to stir turds to get me to engage with them.
Speaker: And I'm sorry that that is their sad life, but I need to...
Speaker: step away and finally realized how to deal with it and did it and became healthier in that, you know, that kind of response and stuff.
Speaker: But it did take a while to get there because there's a lot of sad, sad people.
Speaker: And that's how they, the only way they can interact with another human is through that.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It really is.
Speaker: It's very sad and it's, we're all completely different and everyone deals with things differently.
Speaker: And, you know, that's,
Speaker: social media opens that beast up for communication which you know brings in both the good the bad the ugly um so carrie just before i guess we let you go um because it's been wonderful to have you on and we might have you on again um if you're up for it um is what would be if you've got some maybe budding funeral directors out there or you know these ones that are pre-mortician school and maybe they're
Speaker: you know, we've talked a little bit about they can take some advice from you.
Speaker: What would be your kind of your one piece of advice, or even if it's some, you know, somebody who's had a funeral home for years and years and years, you know, and maybe they're, they're considering, you know, getting in touch with social media and sort of doing a TikTok or doing the YouTube or whatever.
Speaker: Education and being honest is, has to be
Speaker: kind of a core goal.
Speaker: Entertainment when we're in this business cannot be your goal.
Speaker: It's not a business based on entertainment.
Speaker: We're not here to entertain.
Speaker: We're here to care for people.
Speaker: And so if you educate to empower and allow people to get to know you, give a human side to us as funeral directors,
Speaker: you can do it with a little bit of humor and such because that is going to engage them, but it can't just be at the expense of the families that are being served and everything.
Speaker: And I think especially for the younger generation to step back and think, okay, if my family member was here, or I guess for anybody, if my family member was here and that was my loved one, and you came across a TikTok where someone's
Speaker: dancing in front of grandma's casket or using grandma as a background while she's being embalmed or anything, how would you feel about that?
Speaker: Would you think that's awesome?
Speaker: Would you feel offended?
Speaker: Would you feel sad?
Speaker: Would you feel manipulated?
Speaker: And also, there's a lot of contracts that now have privacy in them or cell phone.
Speaker: And so as an employee of a funeral home, also remember if you're doing TikToks,
Speaker: on company time, your employer can come to you and tell you that you owe them anything you have made on those videos because you are on the clock while making them.
Speaker: And as an employee, if you are creating documents for the funeral home while you're working for them, they own those.
Speaker: If you're creating content for your YouTube, for your Instagram, for your whatever,
Speaker: and posting it thinking you're creating entertainment and things and you start making money on it, your employer can say, guess what?
Speaker: You are on the clock making those.
Speaker: So that is our content.
Speaker: That is our income and can come to you on these different angles.
Speaker: Of course they won't agree with that, but that's okay, good.
Speaker: Then I will take back my, what I paid you for that time while you were making those on the clock.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So it's either you're on the clock or you're not on the clock.
Speaker: You're being paid, you're not being paid.
Speaker: And remembering that it's not just cotton dry when it comes to those things.
Speaker: Because if you're sitting and you're TikToking or you're Facebooking or you're Instagramming, that's time that you should be working.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And should be doing those other things.
Speaker: So that is a huge part of the problem now is the focus being divided, the focus being away from
Speaker: the family and how can I use this moment to create content?
Speaker: So I always think I don't create enough content while I'm like at work and while I'm doing things because I'm working.
Speaker: So a lot of my videos, if I'm at work is usually like seven in the morning when I first get there or whatever, because I'll be like, Oh, that would have made for a good whatever.
Speaker: And then I'm like, well, that moment was over because I was actually working.
Speaker: Like I can't, I can't push around a casket with one hand and I can't do things with one hand if I'm trying to record and,
Speaker: Me and another employee trying to record me doing something is not always the best use of time.
Speaker: I do it once in a great, great, great while, but not often because I'm working, you know, nothing.
Speaker: So focus, know your focused, focus of where you need to be focusing and understand your role as an employee of a company and where you should, should be with it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, very cool.
Speaker: Well, everyone who is interested, I guess, should follow you.
Speaker: And we'll leave all the links to all your different social media handles, all of the YouTubes and all of the Instagrams and the TikToks.
Speaker: And thank you so much for having us.
Speaker: Thank you so much for being on the show, should I say.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: I appreciate it.
Speaker: And that was our episode with Carrie the Mortician.
Speaker: So definitely do check her out on social media.
Speaker: All the handles are listed below.
Speaker: And we look forward to talking to you again next time.
Speaker: Ciao for now.
