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Kari The Mortician: Her Journey to Funeral Fame
45 Plays3 years ago
Welcome to The Glam Reaper Podcast! In this informative episode, Jennifer is joined by the lovely Kari the Mortician. Prepare to be captivated as she shares her incredible journey to becoming a household name in the funeral industry.
Get a glimpse into the surprising world of funeral directors as Kari reveals the unique ways they cope with their own grief and get to truly understand firsthand the five stages of grief (Denial, Acceptance, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). This heartwarming conversation will leave you inspired and touched by her resilience and empathy.
Kari also shares her secret recipe for success, and it's not what you might expect! So if you’ve ever wondered what it takes to make a lasting impact on social media, tune in as Kari helps us see the hidden pitfalls lurking behind the scenes!
Join us as we delve into the art of mindful communication, with Kari guiding us through the importance of compassionate conversation, especially when discussing grief. This invaluable lesson will change the way you approach sensitive conversations forever.
Don't miss this episode of 'The Glam Reaper Podcast' with Kari the Mortician! Tune in now to uncover her secrets, learn from her experiences, and find out how she has conquered the hearts of millions.
LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:
- The enthralling tale of Kari's journey to becoming the trending 'Kari the Mortician'.
- Discover the ultimate social media platform to skyrocket your influence and make a lasting impact!
- Find out how to effectively manage your social media.
- Unmasking the startling truth behind the spread of misinformation by social media influencers.
- Explore the intriguing and emotional ways funeral directors navigate their own grief.
- Unlock the art of compassionate conversation: mastering mindful communication in the face of grief.
Connect with Kari the Mortician:
Website: https://karithemortician.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/karithemortician
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karithemortician/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kari_the_mortician/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@karithemortician
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:
Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom
Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney
Twitter - @TheGlamReaper
Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction of Carrie the Mortician
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi and welcome to another episode of the Glam Reaper podcast.
00:00:03
Speaker
I'm your host Jennifer Muldowney aka the Glam Reaper herself.
00:00:07
Speaker
On today's episode we are talking to Carrie the Mortician as she is known online.
00:00:12
Speaker
We are talking all things social media, how she got started, how she's doing super well.
00:00:18
Speaker
We're talking about the ups and downs of social media in the funeral biz and it's a really good episode.
00:00:24
Speaker
So check it out.
00:00:35
Speaker
Hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Glamour Reaper podcast.
00:00:38
Speaker
I'm your host Jennifer Muldowney and on today's episode I am joined by a martician who I follow on Instagram and I'm going to let her introduce herself and we can't wait to hear more from
00:00:50
Speaker
Hello and welcome.
00:00:51
Speaker
Hello, I am Carrie the Mortician on YouTube, Instagram.
00:00:56
Speaker
Started the TikTok thing, but you know, feeling super old trying to do it, but that's okay.
00:01:01
Speaker
I'm still there and on Facebook and yeah, I'm kind of all over the place.
00:01:06
Speaker
That's great.
00:01:07
Speaker
And so that's how I actually came to find you, Carrie.
00:01:10
Speaker
And I just...
00:01:11
Speaker
I find your content, you know, it's, it's honest, it's open.
00:01:15
Speaker
I mean, I don't know what age you are.
00:01:16
Speaker
I feel like we're probably of similar age.
00:01:18
Speaker
So I hear you on the TikTok buzz.
00:01:20
Speaker
I actually got into TikTok a tiny bit myself during COVID.
00:01:24
Speaker
I think it was just boredom.
00:01:25
Speaker
Like I think probably a lot of people did.
00:01:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:27
Speaker
And I don't use it for work because for what I do, it's, it's kind of tricky, similar.
00:01:32
Speaker
That's why I do want to touch on that.
00:01:34
Speaker
Um,
00:01:34
Speaker
it's tricky to do it because I'm so into my clients' privacy and stuff.
00:01:40
Speaker
And what I do is, you know, I can't show people sort of in behind scenes of a funeral home because I'm not a funeral director.
00:01:46
Speaker
I don't work at a funeral home.
00:01:48
Speaker
And to me, they're also my client's funeral home.
00:01:50
Speaker
So that will be their privacy and stuff.
Carrie's Journey into the Funeral Industry
00:01:53
Speaker
But what I love is that there's so many, interestingly, so many women who are now online really pushing forward this death awareness, this
00:02:02
Speaker
sort of behind the scenes, pulling back the curtain, you know, the Wizard of Oz, all this kind of buzz and just showing people what's out there.
00:02:10
Speaker
So what initiated you into, well, actually, I'd really love to know what initiated you into getting into this business and then into social media?
00:02:19
Speaker
Of course.
00:02:20
Speaker
So when I was 16, I needed a job.
00:02:22
Speaker
My mom worked at a funeral home.
00:02:23
Speaker
She was the aftercare coordinator.
00:02:25
Speaker
So she met with families kind of during and then worked with them
00:02:30
Speaker
afterwards, if they wanted someone to connect with someone to help them with anything after,
00:02:36
Speaker
She had groups that would gather just like widow and widowers.
00:02:41
Speaker
And so I needed a job and she's like, come work at the funeral home.
00:02:43
Speaker
I was like, all right.
00:02:44
Speaker
And never really envisioned that would be any end goal for me, but then tried it my junior year of college and I was hooked.
00:02:52
Speaker
So 20 years licensed later and 30 years in the business or something like that.
00:02:59
Speaker
And so I've been around it forever.
00:03:01
Speaker
It feels like I'm 44.
00:03:03
Speaker
So I've been around it for forever, it feels like, and it's just second nature or even first nature in a lot of ways to me.
00:03:11
Speaker
And then started the online about six years ago, I think, almost seven, which is crazy at this point to think it's been that long and has just organically grown in its
00:03:27
Speaker
It's diversity and it's really viewer demanded what they asked me, what they want me to dive into is a lot of what just straight my content is.
00:03:36
Speaker
So yeah.
00:03:38
Speaker
What was your initial question?
00:03:40
Speaker
I have no idea.
00:03:41
Speaker
Sometimes I ramble and then I forget where I even started.
00:03:44
Speaker
I don't even know.
00:03:46
Speaker
No, you actually, it was a double barrel question.
00:03:51
Speaker
You're fine.
00:03:52
Speaker
Yeah, actually, myself and my friends at home, we joke about, we fridge magnet things because especially when I'm living in New York here and I go home to Ireland, we're like, and we're just talking about so many things and we're like digressing all over the map.
00:04:05
Speaker
So we're like, let's come back to that.
00:04:06
Speaker
Let's go back to that.
00:04:06
Speaker
Of course, we don't come back to half of it.
00:04:09
Speaker
So about seven or eight years ago, you got into social media.
00:04:13
Speaker
Is there one platform that you find is the most responsive to what you put out there?
Venturing into Social Media
00:04:18
Speaker
Well, I started on YouTube.
00:04:20
Speaker
I was in kind of a lull.
00:04:22
Speaker
I didn't realize it was kind of a rut of the job.
00:04:25
Speaker
I think I was not working for the right people, which happens a lot in this business.
00:04:31
Speaker
And my husband at the time said, well, why don't you post some questions and do some Facebook Lives about the business?
00:04:38
Speaker
Maybe people want to answer questions, see what happens, maybe do YouTube.
00:04:42
Speaker
He was being exposed to YouTube and some YouTube people through his work.
00:04:49
Speaker
And so it was just kind of like, hey, why don't you try that?
00:04:51
Speaker
And I did.
00:04:52
Speaker
I answered about 13, 14 questions for things that people had posted on my Facebook and started doing Facebook Lives, which is the most...
00:05:02
Speaker
A nerve wracking thing, your first couple, because you're like watching that number of how many people are watching you and it goes up and then it goes down and you're like, well, why did they leave?
00:05:11
Speaker
What did I do wrong?
00:05:12
Speaker
Why don't they like me?
00:05:13
Speaker
What's wrong with me?
00:05:14
Speaker
And so you've got to like ignore that part.
00:05:18
Speaker
But then I started having people say, hey, I want to share that video with my mom or I want to share that video with my grandma and
00:05:25
Speaker
And I was like, well, I don't want people just all going to my Facebook.
00:05:29
Speaker
So I did upload them all to YouTube and people started finding them and watching.
00:05:34
Speaker
I remember I hit a thousand subscribers and I was like, who are these a thousand crazy people wanting to watch me talk about stuff in my living room?
00:05:44
Speaker
And it just kind of snowballed from there.
00:05:46
Speaker
And then it kind of became its own brand.
00:05:49
Speaker
I became my own brand essentially.
00:05:52
Speaker
through it.
00:05:52
Speaker
And so started the Instagram, started a Facebook, started more, um,
00:05:58
Speaker
you know, building a platform rather than just doing these random videos.
00:06:02
Speaker
And I thought I would be sharing for maybe students or something like that.
00:06:07
Speaker
And it became my viewership is on YouTube really is strongest.
00:06:12
Speaker
It's like the 50 to 80 year olds and they watch and they watch the whole video.
00:06:18
Speaker
Like in on YouTube, the average watch time on videos is maybe three minutes or so.
00:06:23
Speaker
Like you said, people are watching short.
00:06:25
Speaker
My average watch time is between six and seven minutes.
00:06:29
Speaker
And when at least half of my videos are only two minutes long, that tells you people are watching the full duration because the people that are going to the YouTube, like the Applebee's, the YouTube to watch my videos are wanting to know what I'm saying.
00:06:46
Speaker
They're there for
00:06:48
Speaker
education and learning and context.
00:06:50
Speaker
And I have a really good, strong core group of people where, you know, when I started getting some bullying by some other people's channels, viewers, they'd come to mine and start like bullying.
00:06:59
Speaker
I didn't even have to say anything because my viewers would be like, leave her alone, get away from here, blah, blah, blah.
00:07:05
Speaker
And I was like, oh my God, I have people.
00:07:07
Speaker
Like they're my people.
00:07:08
Speaker
So it was kind of fun to watch people
00:07:11
Speaker
It's like a social, the whole thing's been a social experiment that I didn't know I needed, but it's amazing to watch it play out.
00:07:18
Speaker
And then diving into the other platforms to try to reach other age brackets in different ways and try and educate in different.
00:07:27
Speaker
It's like telling the same bit of information in 20 different ways to get somebody to hear it.
00:07:34
Speaker
So it is really interesting how it all works in that essence.
00:07:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:42
Speaker
Oh my God.
Balancing Work, Social Media, and Personal Life
00:07:43
Speaker
I mean, fair play.
00:07:44
Speaker
And a quick question.
00:07:45
Speaker
How, quick question, but we'll see.
00:07:48
Speaker
How do you find the time to do it all?
00:07:51
Speaker
I don't, I have no, I don't sleep.
00:07:54
Speaker
I don't.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:55
Speaker
I, I, and then I bite off more.
00:07:57
Speaker
I'm like, well, why don't I do a podcast?
00:07:58
Speaker
Why don't I do this?
00:07:59
Speaker
Why don't I write a book?
00:08:00
Speaker
Why don't I?
00:08:01
Speaker
And my boyfriend's like,
00:08:04
Speaker
At some point, you got to stop.
00:08:05
Speaker
Like you have to just manage what you have rather than continually because I have a hard time saying no.
00:08:11
Speaker
And that's my problem.
00:08:12
Speaker
So that's on my vision board this year is like have grace for myself and focus on what needs focus.
00:08:19
Speaker
And I think the last year I was saying yes to everything because I was I was.
00:08:25
Speaker
divorce, you know, coming out of a divorce and I'm the only person making income in a house and feeling the pressure of that.
00:08:31
Speaker
I think I was trying to find every avenue of any revenue and, um,
00:08:38
Speaker
I bid off a lot in different areas and I'm a freelance funeral director.
00:08:44
Speaker
So that means I can work as little or as much essentially as I want to.
00:08:49
Speaker
And I work, um, a good, I work three days a week and every other weekend at least, and then have a home office days.
00:08:59
Speaker
But then those home office days, if there's a sick kid or if there's doctor's appointments or whatever, there may be, they're gone.
00:09:07
Speaker
And then I have a backup of, oh, crap, how am I going to get any of this other done?
00:09:12
Speaker
And so I'll get up at 4 a.m.
00:09:14
Speaker
some days and try and hammer away at an hour of work before I have to do mom or, you know, whatever it may be.
00:09:20
Speaker
But yeah, I definitely, there's a lot of time I'm over my head a bit, but yet I still keep pushing through and manage.
00:09:30
Speaker
And yeah, it's that thing.
00:09:33
Speaker
You look at other people and you're like, they're doing everything way better than me.
00:09:37
Speaker
But people are like, wow, look at how amazing you're doing.
00:09:40
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, my Jiminy, do you even know how stressed out?
00:09:43
Speaker
Like, I have a bleeding ulcer right now, I think.
00:09:45
Speaker
And, you know, it's always you never realize what is behind the life.
00:09:51
Speaker
I saw a meme recently and it said we are a society of very happy pictures with very sad people like that, you know, and.
00:10:02
Speaker
yeah or it's like the photo that i kind of feel like for any entrepreneur or anybody who's kind of pushing themselves in in a sense or even just yeah like a mom or a dad who's just like keeping their shit together and stuff but it's that um iceberg yeah it's the huge iceberg underneath and all you see is this tiny tip of what we actually show to the public and yeah you know people don't get to see behind the scenes and the 4 a.m's and the dragging your ass here there and everywhere and yeah um
00:10:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:31
Speaker
God.
00:10:31
Speaker
Wow.
00:10:31
Speaker
Fair play to you.
00:10:32
Speaker
That's amazing.
00:10:33
Speaker
And can I ask, is there, what's been the wildest question you've ever gotten asked?
00:10:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:10:39
Speaker
Well, and it's funny because people ask like, what's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
00:10:43
Speaker
What's the craziest?
00:10:44
Speaker
What's the grossest?
00:10:45
Speaker
And I'm like, you know what?
00:10:46
Speaker
Everything's contextual in terms of the person.
00:10:49
Speaker
So what's gross to me at this point
00:10:53
Speaker
It's very little.
00:10:54
Speaker
It's, you know, like fungus on toes or, you know, like a weird things that people are like, really?
00:11:01
Speaker
That's what about, you know, a head that's been exploded or that.
00:11:05
Speaker
And I'm like, it's, it's that at this point, that's not really that gross anymore.
00:11:11
Speaker
Like it's, it's fascinating anatomically.
00:11:15
Speaker
that.
00:11:16
Speaker
But when you have, I'm trying to think, broken bones still gross me out and things like that.
00:11:22
Speaker
But, and people just want to know what the wild is.
00:11:25
Speaker
They want the gore and the crazy, and they want that kind of response question.
00:11:33
Speaker
But my brain doesn't even know where to go because I don't see things in that vantage point.
00:11:39
Speaker
For the most part, I can maybe step back and think, oh,
00:11:43
Speaker
Well, I guess I could tell about that or I could tell about that, but I don't even know if that's even crazy or gory or weird anymore for what people think.
00:11:56
Speaker
So it's hard to connect my brain to a lay person who's not in the businesses now.
00:12:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:05
Speaker
And that's it, I think, is, you know, people will ask these questions and it's more about curiosity.
00:12:11
Speaker
And it's, you know, like asking a surgeon, I'm sure, like, what does what's the grossest thing you've seen?
00:12:17
Speaker
What's what's the beating heart in your hand feel like and stuff like that?
00:12:20
Speaker
But to them, it's probably like.
00:12:23
Speaker
holding a cup of coffee to somebody else like it's it's it's just relative everything is relative to what you do in life like I always joke that you know five dollars to me might in in my hand might be five hundred thousand in well Donald Trump's hands for example that just came in today you know it's it's all relative to what you're used to like that you know me gambling the five I mean okay maybe not five to five
00:12:48
Speaker
Well, you know what I'm saying?
00:12:50
Speaker
It's all relative.
00:12:52
Speaker
So, but you, you know, one of the things I'm fascinated with, and as I said, there's so many now influencers, I don't even know if that's the term, educators, I feel is more appropriate, who are on the TikToks, the TikToks, on the YouTubes, on the Instagrams and all of these, and they're educating people.
Misinformation and Ethics in the Funeral Industry
00:13:13
Speaker
Do you ever worry about,
00:13:15
Speaker
from your own point of view and like watching all these others, that misinformation is getting out there.
00:13:22
Speaker
Terrible misinformation.
00:13:24
Speaker
So that's the, the negative of, I think, especially what has been brought about with Tik TOK, because it's a quicker way to get bad information where, you know, YouTube took a little bit, takes a little more work maybe to post and stuff.
00:13:39
Speaker
And didn't you, we didn't see it as much where now we're,
00:13:42
Speaker
We have people who are not even funeral directors, not even in mortuary school.
00:13:47
Speaker
They're in like pre-mortuary school.
00:13:49
Speaker
They've never even seen an embalming.
00:13:51
Speaker
They have no literal clue, but they throw mortician in their name title.
00:13:57
Speaker
And so people listen to them and they are trying to give every sensationalistic post that they can.
00:14:05
Speaker
and they're giving really crappy, bad information.
00:14:09
Speaker
So then people come back to me like, oh my gosh, I saw this and blah, blah, blah.
00:14:14
Speaker
No, that's wrong.
00:14:16
Speaker
And then you have people that are trying to get that viewership, and they are.
00:14:22
Speaker
They're showing bodies.
00:14:23
Speaker
They're showing things they should not be showing.
00:14:26
Speaker
They're doing videos while they're embalming.
00:14:29
Speaker
And it's like,
00:14:30
Speaker
That's, these are, this is all illegal.
00:14:34
Speaker
And then they cry when they get fired or when there's a lawsuit.
00:14:40
Speaker
You know, there's a man that was driving a hearse and he took a picture and there was a casket in the back.
00:14:45
Speaker
That funeral home and that person were sued for just that, let alone videotaping while you're in embalming, let alone showing an actual dead body.
00:14:57
Speaker
And we're seeing it within like the medical examiner corner type situation, first response.
00:15:04
Speaker
You know, we're seeing it within a lot of those scenarios.
00:15:08
Speaker
And people are like, well, you know, the families will never see it.
00:15:11
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no.
00:15:13
Speaker
These are smart, smart algorithms that are bringing things to people specifically.
00:15:19
Speaker
So if I had a loss and I live in, let's say, Baltimore, and there's a funeral director posting crap in Baltimore, it's coming back to me and I'm going to see it.
00:15:30
Speaker
And so that's what some of these people are not understanding and some of these younger people are not understanding is this will kick you right back in the butt.
00:15:40
Speaker
And there are people who are not so much in the business.
00:15:45
Speaker
And so there's a term, funeral tainers is a term that has come out that the older generation are calling some of the younger and other people that are putting out content that they're claiming they don't do the work.
00:16:01
Speaker
They're putting themselves out and presenting that they do the work and they're just there to funeral tain.
00:16:08
Speaker
And, you know, they have no idea what that person really does behind the scene.
00:16:12
Speaker
It's an interesting term that they're using and throwing out.
00:16:17
Speaker
And I'm like, wait, are they claiming that I am?
00:16:19
Speaker
Like, what are they saying?
00:16:20
Speaker
But, you know, of course, we always think it's they're talking about us.
00:16:24
Speaker
But, you know, yourself.
00:16:27
Speaker
But it is a there's a lot of really bad stuff that's happening, a lot of legal stuff that's happening because of what's being put out.
00:16:35
Speaker
Yeah, that's, it's huge.
00:16:38
Speaker
And that gentleman who got sued, was it his, was it the first driver?
00:16:44
Speaker
Was it the family who sued him?
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah, the family saw the post and said, that's my loved one.
00:16:49
Speaker
And you're posting about my loved one.
00:16:51
Speaker
That's their casket.
00:16:53
Speaker
That's the day of the funeral.
00:16:54
Speaker
This is what you were wearing.
00:16:55
Speaker
Like they knew that.
00:16:58
Speaker
They knew.
00:16:58
Speaker
And so, I mean, that's one thing I don't ever, there's never even caskets that have anybody in them in my videos.
00:17:08
Speaker
I never have bodies.
00:17:10
Speaker
I make sure there's nothing written, no family names anywhere.
00:17:14
Speaker
I really try to make sure.
00:17:16
Speaker
And if I do video myself, even in the hearse, even if it's empty or at a cemetery, I don't ever post the day I'm doing it.
00:17:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:27
Speaker
So to correlate it is going to be very hard that it ever connects.
00:17:33
Speaker
And I never go like, we're here at a graveside, blah, blah, blah.
00:17:37
Speaker
Like,
00:17:38
Speaker
I try not to ever be specific where it would connect to anything.
00:17:44
Speaker
And I work in, I think I counted one day in like 21 different communities or something I've worked in.
00:17:49
Speaker
So any stories I tell, it would be really hard to say that was my loved one because I have worked in so many different communities with my freelancing and everything that, you know, that's one nice thing about the work I do.
00:18:04
Speaker
that is specific and unique to me is I can tell stories that are kind of general and you really can't go back to who they are for the most part, I don't think.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah, it's a huge problem.
00:18:19
Speaker
I mean, I have team members that work for me and sort of will manage my memorials, posting my page and stuff.
00:18:30
Speaker
And, you know, they want...
00:18:32
Speaker
initially we had a few teething problems in that they wanted to post certain things that I was like yes I know I've done PR and marketing I know from a from a content point of view absolutely that will go viral or absolutely that makes great content it's just not what my brand represents and it's not what I want to put forward right which is a really difficult you know and we're still working on on some kinks um and it you know it
00:18:56
Speaker
that's the difficulty in what we do.
00:18:58
Speaker
It's like, these are, these are real life human beings we're talking about.
00:19:02
Speaker
And even the, even the, the ones who are dead, these are, these were real life human beings and their families still are.
00:19:08
Speaker
And so exactly to your point, I mean, I don't post anything either without permission or if it's, or maybe a year or two later.
00:19:16
Speaker
And when I, when I do it's flowers or something, or it's, you know, maybe a
00:19:22
Speaker
a part of the the which it could be anybody's because you know we obviously do similar things but even at that it's um you know blur things out or you know there's no semblance of censorship with with the kids I don't say the kids of these days because I mean I'm 40 and you know I still feel like I'm 25 but you know it is as you said it's kind of a lot of um they've grown up in the social media age of there is no kind of privacy there is no sort of censorship
00:19:52
Speaker
and um you know and and i've learned lessons along the way myself in that you know i might have posted something like i obviously work with other funeral homes and stuff like that and i might have posted something that had the corner of something or you know and that's fine and i'll take it down and you know apologies and didn't realize and stuff like that but so it is a learning curve i think for everyone um
00:20:13
Speaker
Like even again, you know, my social media team are kind of like, oh, we really need to behind the scenes on such and such.
00:20:19
Speaker
And I'm like, I would love to do that.
00:20:20
Speaker
I think it would be amazing.
00:20:22
Speaker
But we can't.
00:20:23
Speaker
Like that's somebody else's precious day.
00:20:25
Speaker
And unlike a wedding when they want it recorded and usually broadcast to the public, this is not that.
00:20:31
Speaker
And that is so important for people to understand.
00:20:35
Speaker
There's a video on my YouTube channel, actually, on the Glamour Reaper YouTube channel where
00:20:41
Speaker
It's actually a recording of a documentary.
00:20:43
Speaker
So it's not my recording, but it was a documentary many, many years ago showing they sent somebody undercover into a UK funeral home.
00:20:53
Speaker
And it gets still to this day gets the most comments of people horrified at the way this funeral director treated the deceased.
00:21:03
Speaker
And it blows my mind that it still gets people very horrified, which they have every right to be and they should be.
00:21:08
Speaker
Right, right.
00:21:10
Speaker
It's just wild.
00:21:11
Speaker
Have you, in your experience, have you had any sort of blips or do-doos or, you know, where you've kind of thought, you've posted something and then thought
Controversial Topics and Audience Reactions
00:21:21
Speaker
afterwards?
00:21:21
Speaker
And you're probably, I'm getting the vibe you're similar to me, probably an overthinker and anxious.
00:21:27
Speaker
Should I have done that?
00:21:28
Speaker
Oh, that maybe, I don't know, you know.
00:21:30
Speaker
I'm trying to think if there's been any specific questions
00:21:38
Speaker
I would have to look back through videos.
00:21:39
Speaker
I'm sure I've posted.
00:21:40
Speaker
I've posted about naughty funeral directors and like talking about things that they've done wrong.
00:21:49
Speaker
I'm trying to think if there's anything specific.
00:21:55
Speaker
Not for certain, honestly.
00:21:57
Speaker
There's been posts on like in funeral director groups where I've said stuff and then been attacked for saying it because it's a real
00:22:05
Speaker
Golly, it's a contentious group of people, you know, for just trying to call out truth or, you know, whatever, combating what they believe.
00:22:14
Speaker
But I don't know.
00:22:16
Speaker
I don't think there's really a video I've posted or even a post that I've felt like I should...
00:22:24
Speaker
No, I think I'm very careful with what I say, the context I put out.
00:22:32
Speaker
And there are people who are like, why would you ever share that if they think I'm oversharing?
00:22:37
Speaker
Like I do share.
00:22:38
Speaker
I did a video about grief after my divorce.
00:22:42
Speaker
And I'm like, I don't know.
00:22:44
Speaker
this people like, well, how dare you claim that your grief is even near grief of losing someone?
00:22:50
Speaker
And I'm like, that's not really what I'm trying to share.
00:22:53
Speaker
What I'm sharing is that as a funeral director, we don't grieve the way other people do.
00:22:59
Speaker
Like when you lose a loved one, I turn on a emotion blocker so that I can do work.
00:23:06
Speaker
So I don't get to grieve like you do.
00:23:09
Speaker
When you have a death and my divorce was where I could, I couldn't block it.
00:23:15
Speaker
I couldn't turn on any response because I wasn't working.
00:23:19
Speaker
And so I went through these emotional swings and through.
00:23:23
Speaker
what are identified as the stages of grief and could identify them in a weird way like I never did before.
00:23:31
Speaker
That was one I got some feedback.
00:23:33
Speaker
Ooh, the video I posted, the one I've gotten the most negative back is handling like obese individuals.
00:23:42
Speaker
And oh, dear God, I didn't, I never thought that I would get so much negative and people like, well, oh, you're charging by the pound.
00:23:52
Speaker
And oh, if someone is over a certain weight, then you're going to charge more just because of their weight.
00:23:58
Speaker
And I'm like, no, no, no.
00:24:00
Speaker
If I need more people, more, if I have to pay more people to come for work,
00:24:06
Speaker
then you have to charge for that.
00:24:09
Speaker
And if the merchandise costs more because there's more material, then you have to pay for that.
00:24:17
Speaker
If the crematory charges more because of their size, you have to pay for that.
00:24:22
Speaker
Like you're not charging because they're of a certain weight.
00:24:26
Speaker
You're charging because things cost more because of certain things.
00:24:33
Speaker
items.
00:24:34
Speaker
And so I'm like, the embalming isn't going to cost more because you have to use double the material.
00:24:39
Speaker
That's not going to cost more.
00:24:41
Speaker
But if I have to bring four people to the home for the removal, yes, I have to charge more.
00:24:47
Speaker
And so it was like, oh my goodness.
00:24:49
Speaker
It felt like defending myself, especially the first couple of months that video came out, which has been years now at this point.
00:24:57
Speaker
But yes, that video, I don't think I regretted it, but
00:25:02
Speaker
I felt like I had to defend myself so much because they were not hearing what I was saying.
00:25:09
Speaker
And I've always thought maybe I could have phrased it different.
00:25:12
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, I don't know.
00:25:14
Speaker
I really don't redo videos and try and phrase them differently.
00:25:18
Speaker
How I say them the first time is kind of how they...
00:25:20
Speaker
How they know.
00:25:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:22
Speaker
Well, it's interesting.
00:25:23
Speaker
Two things that what you said there.
00:25:25
Speaker
First of all, I completely disagree with everyone who was attacking you over your divorce.
00:25:32
Speaker
I did a TEDx talk on this entire topic that we as a society need to get the F over ourselves and
00:25:39
Speaker
and stop judging other people's grief because I don't know what it was like.
00:25:43
Speaker
I'm not married.
00:25:43
Speaker
I don't know what it's like to get married and have a divorce.
00:25:46
Speaker
I have a best friend who went through a divorce and was nearly suicidal at one point.
00:25:49
Speaker
And so I had to walk her through that and, and hope that she'd come out as best I could because suicide is such an internal, you know, mental health is such a, I lost a dog and I felt like I lost a person when, you know, so I think that's, I completely would, I would, I would,
00:26:06
Speaker
jump to your defense in that and I would send those people that TED talk and I'd be like listen get off your whatever pedestal you think you have because maybe somebody died on you I'm sad that somebody died on you I'm so sorry that that happened to you but equally that doesn't take away from somebody else's grief we're each on our own and we're we're all doing our best and and that judgment drives me absolutely crackers and then the second thing it's so funny because I'm like relating to all of this the second thing the overweight thing the obese thing
00:26:35
Speaker
Interestingly, we put a post up about how an obese, how a crematorium went on fire after an obese person had been put in.
00:26:45
Speaker
Yeah, we know this was because a lot of what we do.
00:26:50
Speaker
And again, you know, with social media, you're evolving, you're seeing what your audience like and don't like.
00:26:53
Speaker
And our channel isn't huge or anything.
00:26:55
Speaker
But.
00:26:56
Speaker
And it's very, it's very soft and squishy is what I describe.
00:26:59
Speaker
I was, that was my, when I was describing it to my team and sort of saying, okay, this is what we're going for.
00:27:06
Speaker
I understand you want to do all this, but no, we need to be soft and squishy and a hug.
00:27:10
Speaker
That's what we want to be people for people is a hug.
00:27:12
Speaker
And they're like, okay.
00:27:15
Speaker
Anyway, I love my descriptors.
00:27:17
Speaker
But we put that post up.
00:27:19
Speaker
And what was interesting is one of my friends who worked quite closely with me at the time and still works with me.
00:27:25
Speaker
She messaged me and she said, Jen, I don't think this is who you are.
00:27:30
Speaker
I don't think this is who your brand is.
00:27:31
Speaker
I don't think this post is appropriate.
00:27:35
Speaker
And I had to sit back and light the anxiety ball.
00:27:37
Speaker
I was like, oh my God, have I done this terrible thing?
00:27:40
Speaker
That's not me.
00:27:41
Speaker
And then I sat and I looked and I was like, no, but it's just sharing.
00:27:46
Speaker
It's an article that's online.
00:27:47
Speaker
It's news.
00:27:48
Speaker
And it's just sharing it.
00:27:49
Speaker
And listen, I battle with weight.
00:27:51
Speaker
Like most women, I think, whether it's underweight or overweight or whatever it is, we just all battle with it.
00:27:57
Speaker
Men too, I'm sure.
00:27:58
Speaker
I just don't know what it's like to be a man.
00:28:00
Speaker
But my friend, I said to her, I wrote back and I said,
00:28:04
Speaker
you know, this isn't attacking obese people.
00:28:08
Speaker
This isn't, you know, and what was interesting though, is she took some time, she came back and she said, you know what, I'm sorry.
00:28:14
Speaker
she said, I took that as a personal attack because she's dealing with things.
00:28:19
Speaker
And that's the thing about social media.
00:28:21
Speaker
And it's the same with text messages and any sort of thing that you read, you're taking it in your moment, whatever mood you're in.
00:28:29
Speaker
Like I'm on a fricking detox at the moment.
00:28:31
Speaker
So like most things I'm, I'm not with like, you know, I'm missing my coffee and my glass of wine or whatever.
00:28:39
Speaker
But like,
00:28:40
Speaker
whatever you're dealing with in that moment, whether it's grief, happiness, you know, procrastination, you know, fear, shame, whatever you're dealing with in that moment.
00:28:49
Speaker
If something you read something online or somebody texts you something, you're receiving it with that energy.
00:28:53
Speaker
It doesn't mean the person sent it to you in that energy.
00:28:56
Speaker
It just means you're receiving it that way.
00:28:58
Speaker
And that's what I feel like.
00:28:59
Speaker
OK, this was mine was on a much teeny, tinier scale.
00:29:02
Speaker
But what you're telling me about your post, I'm kind of like, that's the majority of those people, I guarantee you who attacked you.
00:29:09
Speaker
took it as a personal attack on themselves right they are probably battling with weight maybe even half of them aren't overweight but they're battling with it and they saw it as a personal attack like why should i have to pay more why did i and you know your answer is logical it's scientific it's if it costs more unfortunately i'm really sorry i have to charge more like that's like me saying you know when i do
00:29:33
Speaker
catered reception and people are like, okay, well, we're going to have a hundred people.
00:29:38
Speaker
And then they changed to 150.
00:29:39
Speaker
I mean, the price has to go.
00:29:41
Speaker
We have to have more food.
00:29:42
Speaker
We have to have more drink, more staff.
00:29:44
Speaker
Like it's logical.
00:29:47
Speaker
It's just, it's just a numbers thing.
00:29:49
Speaker
And unfortunately, like you said, though, I got to the point where I'm like, okay, this person is probably 400 pounds sitting in their house, watching this video and
00:29:59
Speaker
And feeling like their family is going to be charged more when they die.
00:30:03
Speaker
And I understand that.
00:30:04
Speaker
I get that visceral reaction to it.
00:30:07
Speaker
And it's easy for the keyboard warriors to just throw anything they want at me.
00:30:14
Speaker
And I got to the point where I was like, okay, yep, I get it.
00:30:17
Speaker
Thank you.
00:30:17
Speaker
Thank you for your...
00:30:19
Speaker
Your opinion is what like I got to the point because they don't want to hear my answer.
00:30:25
Speaker
My answer will not change how they're feeling.
00:30:28
Speaker
And that was a big thing, I think, to learn when you're on social media, especially, I think, YouTube, because YouTube is so anonymous and you can change your name every day.
00:30:39
Speaker
You can change your handle every day.
00:30:40
Speaker
You can change everything.
00:30:42
Speaker
which you can do on other platforms, but there's a lot of photos and stuff there.
00:30:45
Speaker
So I think YouTube is just so anonymous that it's, it's frightening because you have no idea who you're interacting with, where they are, what's going on.
00:30:52
Speaker
And, um, people I think are lonely and people want to engage you and they will do it through negative content because that is the best way to engage somebody is to get them to online battle.
00:31:05
Speaker
And, um,
00:31:05
Speaker
For a while I did.
00:31:06
Speaker
I would lose time.
00:31:08
Speaker
I would lose energy.
00:31:09
Speaker
I would lose sleep in the beginning.
00:31:10
Speaker
And I finally got to the point I'm like, wait, wait, wait, what am I doing?
00:31:14
Speaker
Like, this is not worth my time and energy.
00:31:16
Speaker
This person obviously just is trying to stir turds to get me to engage with them.
00:31:22
Speaker
And I'm sorry that that is their sad life, but I need to...
00:31:26
Speaker
step away and finally realized how to deal with it and did it and became healthier in that, you know, that kind of response and stuff.
00:31:35
Speaker
But it did take a while to get there because there's a lot of sad, sad people.
00:31:39
Speaker
And that's how they, the only way they can interact with another human is through that.
00:31:45
Speaker
It is.
00:31:46
Speaker
It really is.
00:31:47
Speaker
It's very sad and it's, we're all completely different and everyone deals with things differently.
00:31:52
Speaker
And, you know, that's,
00:31:54
Speaker
social media opens that beast up for communication which you know brings in both the good the bad the ugly um so carrie just before i guess we let you go um because it's been wonderful to have you on and we might have you on again um if you're up for it um is what would be if you've got some maybe budding funeral directors out there or you know these ones that are pre-mortician school and maybe they're
00:32:18
Speaker
you know, we've talked a little bit about they can take some advice from you.
Advice for Aspiring Funeral Directors
00:32:22
Speaker
What would be your kind of your one piece of advice, or even if it's some, you know, somebody who's had a funeral home for years and years and years, you know, and maybe they're, they're considering, you know, getting in touch with social media and sort of doing a TikTok or doing the YouTube or whatever.
00:32:40
Speaker
Education and being honest is, has to be
00:32:44
Speaker
kind of a core goal.
00:32:46
Speaker
Entertainment when we're in this business cannot be your goal.
00:32:49
Speaker
It's not a business based on entertainment.
00:32:51
Speaker
We're not here to entertain.
00:32:53
Speaker
We're here to care for people.
00:32:54
Speaker
And so if you educate to empower and allow people to get to know you, give a human side to us as funeral directors,
00:33:05
Speaker
you can do it with a little bit of humor and such because that is going to engage them, but it can't just be at the expense of the families that are being served and everything.
00:33:17
Speaker
And I think especially for the younger generation to step back and think, okay, if my family member was here, or I guess for anybody, if my family member was here and that was my loved one, and you came across a TikTok where someone's
00:33:33
Speaker
dancing in front of grandma's casket or using grandma as a background while she's being embalmed or anything, how would you feel about that?
00:33:42
Speaker
Would you think that's awesome?
00:33:43
Speaker
Would you feel offended?
00:33:44
Speaker
Would you feel sad?
00:33:46
Speaker
Would you feel manipulated?
00:33:48
Speaker
And also, there's a lot of contracts that now have privacy in them or cell phone.
00:33:55
Speaker
And so as an employee of a funeral home, also remember if you're doing TikToks,
00:34:02
Speaker
on company time, your employer can come to you and tell you that you owe them anything you have made on those videos because you are on the clock while making them.
00:34:15
Speaker
And as an employee, if you are creating documents for the funeral home while you're working for them, they own those.
00:34:24
Speaker
If you're creating content for your YouTube, for your Instagram, for your whatever,
00:34:29
Speaker
and posting it thinking you're creating entertainment and things and you start making money on it, your employer can say, guess what?
00:34:38
Speaker
You are on the clock making those.
00:34:40
Speaker
So that is our content.
00:34:42
Speaker
That is our income and can come to you on these different angles.
00:34:48
Speaker
Of course they won't agree with that, but that's okay, good.
00:34:52
Speaker
Then I will take back my, what I paid you for that time while you were making those on the clock.
00:34:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:59
Speaker
So it's either you're on the clock or you're not on the clock.
00:35:02
Speaker
You're being paid, you're not being paid.
00:35:03
Speaker
And remembering that it's not just cotton dry when it comes to those things.
00:35:08
Speaker
Because if you're sitting and you're TikToking or you're Facebooking or you're Instagramming, that's time that you should be working.
00:35:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:16
Speaker
And should be doing those other things.
00:35:18
Speaker
So that is a huge part of the problem now is the focus being divided, the focus being away from
00:35:27
Speaker
the family and how can I use this moment to create content?
00:35:31
Speaker
So I always think I don't create enough content while I'm like at work and while I'm doing things because I'm working.
00:35:38
Speaker
So a lot of my videos, if I'm at work is usually like seven in the morning when I first get there or whatever, because I'll be like, Oh, that would have made for a good whatever.
00:35:48
Speaker
And then I'm like, well, that moment was over because I was actually working.
00:35:52
Speaker
Like I can't, I can't push around a casket with one hand and I can't do things with one hand if I'm trying to record and,
00:36:00
Speaker
Me and another employee trying to record me doing something is not always the best use of time.
00:36:05
Speaker
I do it once in a great, great, great while, but not often because I'm working, you know, nothing.
00:36:12
Speaker
So focus, know your focused, focus of where you need to be focusing and understand your role as an employee of a company and where you should, should be with it.
00:36:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:26
Speaker
Okay, very cool.
00:36:28
Speaker
Well, everyone who is interested, I guess, should follow you.
00:36:32
Speaker
And we'll leave all the links to all your different social media handles, all of the YouTubes and all of the Instagrams and the TikToks.
00:36:39
Speaker
And thank you so much for having us.
00:36:41
Speaker
Thank you so much for being on the show, should I say.
00:36:43
Speaker
Thank you.
00:36:44
Speaker
I appreciate it.
00:36:56
Speaker
And that was our episode with Carrie the Mortician.
00:36:58
Speaker
So definitely do check her out on social media.
00:37:01
Speaker
All the handles are listed below.
00:37:03
Speaker
And we look forward to talking to you again next time.
00:37:05
Speaker
Ciao for now.