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Love Without Limits Grief Without Rules: What Death Doulas Teach Us About Grief Pets and Presence
31 Plays6 days ago
What if grief had no rules and love had no limits?
In this deeply moving episode, We sit down with Lauren Seeley, a death educator and community death doula, to talk about the raw, real, and often misunderstood world of grief, loss, and end-of-life care. We talk about what it means to support people through the death of a beloved pet, how intuitive moments show up in the funeral space, and why honoring our own unique grieving process matters.
Lauren opens up about her own funeral plans, the emotional work behind death care, and how spiritual connection can guide us through the hardest goodbyes. This isn’t just about funerals—it’s about love, presence, and the quiet power of being seen when it matters most.
If you’ve ever loved and lost a human or animal, this conversation will speak straight to your heart.
Tune in to hear stories, insights, and truths we often keep hidden and feel less alone in the process.
Key Topics:
-The emotional weight of pet loss
-Why grief has no hierarchy
-What a modern death doula really does
-Intuition in the death care space
-Pre-planning your own goodbye
Quotes from the episode:
“Sometimes having somebody step in, validate their feelings, help them make those decisions, can make a world of difference”
-Lauren Seeley
“We’re all working in the space for one common goal and that is to help the bereaved to grieve and grieve well, and help the dead have a good death”
-Jennifer Muldowney
Timestamp:
[00:00] Podcast Intro
[00:55] Lauren shares how she supports people through grief and end-of-life care for both humans and pets—guiding in-home euthanasia, planning ceremonies, and building deep, lasting relationships with grieving families.
[08:38] She and Jen talk about the evolving role of death doulas, the emotional weight of the work, and the importance of blending holistic and traditional care as society becomes more open to conversations about grief and death.
[16:37] Lauren opens up about her own funeral wishes, her work as a death educator, and how her intuitive gifts have grown through this work—something she now teaches others to recognize and trust.
[21:11] She shares personal stories of spiritual signals during funerals and emphasizes how honoring intuition can bring comfort and deeper connection when supporting grieving families.
[26:08] Outro
Connect with Lauren Seeley:
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lauren-seeley-19531a179
Instagram - @ahhsweetdeath
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper on socials at:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jennifermuldowney/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@therealglamreaper
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@TheGlamReaperMuldowney
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifermuldowney/
Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Email us - glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
Shop Merch - https://the-glam-reaper.printify.me/products
Listen to The Glam Reaper Podcast on Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-glam-reaper-podcast/id1572382989?i=1000525524145
The Glam Reaper® AMAZON Storefront - https://amzn.to/4hObpOh
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
every Everyone that comes into your life in this space will touch you in some way um and you'll carry them with you. And the longer you have a relationship with them, ah obviously, the more you're going to feel attached to them. And it's.
Introduction to the Glam Reaper Podcast
00:00:22
Speaker
Hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Glam Reaper podcast. I'm your host Jennifer Muldowney aka the Glam Reaper herself and on today's episode I have my gorgeous friend Lauren Seeley on with me. Welcome Lauren. Hi thank you it's so nice to be here.
Lauren Seeley's Work in Grief and Loss
00:00:41
Speaker
So Lauren, tell us a little bit or tell, obviously I know you quite well, but and tell the listeners a little bit about you, your background. You are in multiple different things. um So yeah, give us a little rundown on all these all these different projects.
00:00:55
Speaker
ah Well, I guess to start, I'll say that i primarily work around um death and disposition, but ah with grief and loss for humans and for animals. I have worked in um disposition acclimation for pets, which is how I got started working with animals and um people around loss in that department. And then um eventually ended up working, which I currently do now in a funeral home um around loss of humans and um helping curate um some funerals and personalization for individuals um and honoring and telling their story. And um I'm also a ah death educator as well.
00:01:37
Speaker
Okay. So let's dive into that a little bit. and You and I have connected over multiple different things, but I think the big one, ah you know, because I was personally going through it last year was pet loss. We lost our dear puppy and I'm not going to cry on this podcast. but because i I'm not going to cry. This is one where going try and hold it together. But am yeah, we lost our little our little puppy, Poppy. She was 16 years. She was not a puppy anymore, but she was always a puppy
The Importance of Acknowledging Pet Loss
00:02:06
Speaker
to me.
00:02:06
Speaker
last June and you and i sort of started talking more and more about pet loss and anybody who knows me or has listened to the podcast knows pet loss has always been a big chunk of sort of my work and trying to you know ah prevent people from judging people you know non-human loss is just as equal as a human loss and And I know there's a lot of people out there who disagree with me on that. and But in in my realm, ah loss is loss. And we should we should stop sort of pitching each other against each other and having a hierarchy of grief because there is there is no such thing, in my opinion.
00:02:47
Speaker
And, you know, your own grief is your own grief and how traumatic it was and is for you is is you. So tell us a little bit about your work in pet loss.
Supporting Pet End-of-Life Decisions
00:02:56
Speaker
ah Well, mostly my work around pet loss currently is working with people um facing the end of life with their pet, ah usually around a terminal diagnosis.
00:03:08
Speaker
um People will seek me out and hire me to be there as a support for them spiritually, to do consulting and planning ah for end of life, um a day of in-home euthanasia appointments.
00:03:20
Speaker
ah If that's the route that they're going and then ah planning something beautiful for the aftercare of their pet in a ceremony and altar space, honoring them um after. um a lot of the work that I do is around grief um and consulting.
00:03:37
Speaker
with making those decisions for them. Because as we know, someone that is in inest anticipatory grief is going through a lot already. they're um you know They're facing the loss of their loved one. And sometimes having somebody step in, validate their feelings, help them make those decisions, find the right doctor, find the right place of disposition and things like that could mean make a world of difference to them while they're going through that.
00:04:03
Speaker
Then they can focus on their time that they have left with their beloved pets instead of worrying about making all those decisions and phone calls when they're not really wanting to, um,
00:04:15
Speaker
you know, ah face those ah conversations in that moment. Now, I know that some people may see that as being in denial about grief by not being able to make those decisions on their own.
00:04:28
Speaker
But I don't think that there's anything wrong with having somebody step in to help you um so that you can enjoy your time if you're able to with your pet as much as you possibly can. And I'm more than happy to do that for people so that I can make the experience a better, more meaningful, lovely um ending instead of, ah as we know, most of the time it doesn't go that way and it can be very stressful.
00:04:53
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely can.
The Value of In-Home Pet Euthanasia
00:04:55
Speaker
We've been blessed with The two dogs that we had in our family, we were blessed to a certain extent in so far as we got to say our goodbyes, I guess. and And, you know, in both cases, we had to put our dog, you know, make the choice to put our dogs down. um And I even hate that phrase. i mean.
00:05:15
Speaker
It's just sounds like just such a not nice phrase, but and and, you know, both were very traumatic moments and they weren't in our home. um And that to me was something that I didn't discover until I came to the US was that, you know, there is veterinarians out there who will actually come to euthanize your pet in your home.
00:05:34
Speaker
um And I just think that's a lovely gift. Honestly, if if we had that available and that option, i I would have opted for that back home. But um because it is, it's it's already an uncomfortable enough situation. Your pet is frightened. I'm sure as well, I actually can't even continue talking about it because I know I'll start crying.
00:05:54
Speaker
and But I just want to um talk about sort of the process that all of this, you know, that you go through
Relationships with Families Facing Pet Terminal Diagnoses
00:06:05
Speaker
with everyone. Do you ever, like how long is your typical relationship with a family?
00:06:11
Speaker
Oh, it varies, varies greatly. um It could be over a year. It could be over a week. I mean, really, it just depends. Um, because sometimes when you have a terminal diagnosis, you don't know how long that's going to go on. Um, and I've seen, I've seen pets live far beyond their expectation.
00:06:34
Speaker
Um, and I've seen pets decline really, really quickly. And, um, My goal for them is to you know do a discovery call, make sure that we're on the same page of how how to work together and make sure that I'm im needed in that way.
00:06:50
Speaker
And then I like to get to work as soon as possible making those plans because as we know, things are unpredictable and it could it could either be you know months to a year or it could be days.
00:07:01
Speaker
um As generally things go in hospice in general, even with humans, um we we never really know. So um I like to, you know, start moving as soon as possible because we just we have no idea.
00:07:15
Speaker
So that's kind of how it goes. And then um sometimes a lot of the support that I'm providing is at the end. Right. as So the pet is cast. A burning question I have for you, and um it's sort of why i've I've always said I could never really be death doula or anybody and or even even the time I did work in hostels, I just I found it quite difficult, is do you not find with your longer term families, like the ones you have up to a year, that you become attached to the pet or the family?
00:07:49
Speaker
ah definitely do. But I feel a sort of attachment to everyone I work with. I mean, whether or not they're alive or or not, you know, um it's a it's a lot of the work that I do is having conversations about that as well as how um everyone that comes into your life in this space will touch you in some way.
00:08:08
Speaker
um And you'll carry them with you. And the longer you have a relationship with them, ah obviously, the more you're going to feel attached to them. And it's it's emotional for me, too, to be there when they're going through that. I mean, ah the misconception that we don't feel as much um in this field of work is so wrong.
00:08:29
Speaker
ah You know, we we do and and it does affect us. But we also realize how important it is to be in the space if we're able to. Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. It's, it's so fascinating how, yeah, like even I've had it said to me that, oh my gosh, don't know how you work in the funeral space, Jen, you know, you you must have a cold heart and,
00:08:52
Speaker
I'm like the biggest smush baller is going. I cry. It's true. Yeah. Adverts about hungry children and, you know, foreign countries. I'm like a bawling mess.
00:09:04
Speaker
You know, I've often joked that I couldn't work in sort of a children's hospital or am one of those sort of dog homes or anything, because I would be like your once bridesmaids with all the puppies in the back.
00:09:16
Speaker
Like I'd be just taking all the kids home and um all the dogs home. And, i you know, i just become too attached. i am and And even like the families I do work with now, like I stay in touch with them all. But, and you know, they're not dependent on me so I can let them go. So I think that's where my calling is. And I do think that everybody in this space has their own specific niche or niche, as you guys would say.
00:09:40
Speaker
um where they have their lane and that their calls to kind of do, whether it's embalming, whether it's green burial, whether it's death doulaship, whether it's a celebrant, whether it's a spokesperson, an educator. You know, i do think I think some of us have to wear multiple hats, but I think most people sort of there's one area that they excel in and that's, you know, they're where they find their home.
Experiences as a Death Doula
00:10:04
Speaker
and youre You're also a death doula for um for humans, correct?
00:10:09
Speaker
Do you want to talk a little bit about that or your experience with that? Yeah. um Well, this is something that I've actually had to question over the last couple of years myself, because in a way I've kind of skipped that um and gone straight into disposition ah since I've been in this field. And um although I was volunteering with hospice ah for the first year and a half,
00:10:36
Speaker
um i didn't I didn't really have the opportunity to see them through all the way. um And so most of my experience as a death doula has been afterwards, are mostly working with people around grief and loss. um So in that way, i think I definitely have used my death doula skills Um, I've definitely, um taking care of, of, um, loved ones after they pass cleaning them, things like that. Um, you know, that's something that I do, as a death doula, but, um, I have yet to sit vigil with anyone. Um, it just, I never, it's never happened. And so I've struggled with the term death doula, um, ever since I became one because it just, I immediately,
00:11:26
Speaker
went into disposition. um But um i I did have a talk with um a friend ah two weeks ago, actually, that explained to me There are many, many different ways to be a death doula, and we're not all going to do it the same way. And it doesn't mean that um you're not a death doula if you aren't sitting vigil. There are other ways to be a death doula. And for me also, it's been community building, just resource sharing, death literacy, um you know, events, as you know, that I hold and things that I teach online.
00:12:03
Speaker
ah Just teaching other people to how to have conversations about death and mortality. um In that way, i've also ah used what I know as a death doula to help others.
00:12:14
Speaker
Yeah. Well, the incredible thing I think about the death doula trend, I kind of call it, is that it's it's becoming it's trendy. It's becoming it's bringing death back into pop culture, which is not never a bad thing. It's you know, it's like even the latest Bridget Jones movie talked about grief and grieving, which I massively applauded.
00:12:34
Speaker
Yeah. But it's it's more people are are are becoming death doulas than they are nearly going to the mortuary space, um which is interesting. But it's it's having people out there talking about it being the quote unquote death positive, whether you agree with that term or not, um is is good for us all because it's just shut it's it's pulling back the burdens on a business.
00:12:58
Speaker
and And I mean, you know, ah people hate that I even call it a business or an industry, but I'm like, it is. That's what it has become. um You know, it doesn't have to be that way. There are options open and available to you.
00:13:12
Speaker
But people don't know about that unless there's people out there sharing that word
Social Media's Role in Death Care
00:13:16
Speaker
amongst communities. And that's Social media has been great. Like there's so many people who are, um you know, death doulas that are out there sort of talking about the different aspects of funerals and have hundreds of thousands of followers.
00:13:29
Speaker
And there are funeral directors doing the same thing have hundreds of thousands and even a million followers. I've seen a couple of them. um And it's just to me, all of that information being out there is a good thing and because it's just getting people talking and having conversations, um you know. And so however we get to that point, I think is is a great is a great thing. And, you know, whether.
00:13:52
Speaker
you know, we talked about this in another episode where we're all working in this space for one common goal, and that is to help the bereaved to grieve and grieve well as such and help the the dead have a good death, right? And that that's what we're all sort of in this space to do.
00:14:12
Speaker
And whether you're a funeral director and you don't like death doulas or you don't like celebrants or whether you're a death doula and you think you are a funeral director, whatever, Whatever form it is, we still all have a common goal and we still all need to work together. And I firmly believe there's, you know, we there's a seat for everybody at the table and we just need to start working together instead of against each other.
00:14:34
Speaker
Easier said than done. I know. um But we can but try. and Yeah, it's a very interesting space, I think. Yeah. And I think that there's definitely a lot of misconception and rightfully so about how the more holistic side ah versus the more traditional side um handle things. And um what we're learning is that they can actually work together.
00:14:59
Speaker
ah its the other, if that one side listens to the other side, you know, and it's just like, it's just like anything else, really. i mean, yeah, Everyone's going to have a preference one way or another. But ah when you are more green minded, like I have always been, and you work in a funeral space where things aren't always going to be green because you're going to have traditional funerals, there's going to be embalming.
00:15:24
Speaker
ah things like that, you realize that sometimes certain things are needed for grief to happen, you know, um and without getting too much into detail, why? um Just respecting everybody's preference.
00:15:41
Speaker
um Of course, the dream is for everyone to have a green funeral or to be acclimated because our planet really, really needs that rest from contaminants. But um At the same time, you know, um I do see why people choose the other, you know, to go the other route, the more traditional, I guess, um route of, you know, funeral practice that we've come to know over the last like 150, 200 years.
00:16:06
Speaker
um And so that's been an eye opener for me as well as just seeing the other side and understanding the other side while still feeling the same way and wanting the same things. um Sometimes just having that perspective is a game changer.
00:16:20
Speaker
Yeah. So tell us, um you sort of touched on stuff there, but um tell us how would you, have you pre-planned your own funeral? And and if you have, what is it? If you haven't, can you give us some details as to what you would like?
00:16:36
Speaker
um Well, I have always said that I wanted a green burial. um But, and this is always an interesting conversation. i had this conversation last night too at book club. um i and hope I think I'm going to be acclimated because I know where I could go that's close by. And um my family would like to have my ashes. And so i said, you know, as long as it's green, I'll do it.
00:17:04
Speaker
um But, you know, just... no flame cremation and no fancy stuff. Don't emball me. Don't do anything like that. I don't want a casket. I don't want a vault. um And ah my end of life party um or remembrance, I guess, I would just like to have all my favorite people together and um lots of good food, a good playlist, um you know, somebody that
Desire for a Green End-of-Life Celebration
00:17:29
Speaker
can do for me what I do for others and get all my favorite things together and sort of build a memorial space for me that they feel like embodies who I am. And um if they can't do all that, fine, just cremate me. And, um,
00:17:43
Speaker
I had a totally different plan before um I got married again um because I just always wanted a green burial. um But as far as like everything else, it's pretty, it's pretty simple.
00:17:58
Speaker
um i just want to have ah a party or not have a party depending on how things go. I see. And do you have all of this work and day? I do.
00:18:09
Speaker
i do, actually. I'd say about 70% it. Oh, it's good. on Because we are a fan of a pre-plan on the Glamour Reaper podcast. but Yeah, I mean, i can't tell other people how important it is to pre-plan if I'm not going to do it myself. There are some things that I still haven't completed, I'll be honest.
00:18:28
Speaker
of But, you know, ah it's about 70% completed, so card I know I need to update some of my my legal side of us and and that's the thing you do need to revisit your pre-plan over and over like every every decade because your friends change your music tastes change people in your life change your situation changes you know so it's a lot of things to think about for sure um um so what's the future hold for Lauren what does the next sort of five years what would you like to do i if I could cover your
00:19:02
Speaker
ah b Um, it's, there's so much, ah really. I mean, ah it's just this year is so different from last year. And last year was different from the year before. And um this year, my focus is really on educating people about um the things that I guess, um,
00:19:23
Speaker
I've always been interested in, but that others may find useful. um I'm teaching at two different schools currently.
Educating on Death Care in LGBTQIA Contexts
00:19:30
Speaker
um And ah one is teaching about ah death literacy and planning, pre-planning for LGBTQIA and trans youth.
00:19:40
Speaker
And why that's so important and how it's different, um just because there's a lot of doulas out there that may not have that exposure to those groups of people. And um should they ever have to you know plan ah for somebody in the group of ah queer space, ah it would be good for them to understand how that might look different.
00:20:00
Speaker
um And then I'm also going to be teaching, um actually start next week, um around ah intuitive um an intuitive work ah in death care spaces and grief spaces. So not something I ever saw myself teaching a class about, but I'm really glad that other people are interested in how they can use their intuitive gifts and um energetic skills.
00:20:27
Speaker
gifts to help people in grief, end of life and death spaces. So I guess if I saw myself somewhere in the next five years and what I'd like to be doing, it would probably be just traveling around and helping people and, um,
00:20:44
Speaker
Talking about the things I learn and the tools I gather along the way and sharing them with others, because at the end of the day, I'm a community doula. And um the most important thing to me is to share everything that I'm lucky enough to learn from others with other people.
00:21:00
Speaker
So teaching seems to be the thing that you're sort of you're you're feeling. Yeah, and it's not something I ever thought I would be doing, but here we are, you know. There you go, listen, that's what life is about.
00:21:13
Speaker
um ah So just to wrap things up, um I would love to, you touched on it there at the end, you talked about intuitive um sort of in the space, in the funeral
Intuition in Death Care and Funeral Services
00:21:24
Speaker
space.
00:21:24
Speaker
Have you ever had any intuitive experiences or like what's the craziest one that you would share like share with us? All the time. All the time. And this is why and this is why i'm I'm teaching a class about it because somebody recognized this gift in me and said, oh my gosh, we should definitely be talking about this because there's a lot of people I know in this space that that have had these experiences, but they're not talking about it.
00:21:54
Speaker
Would you like to talk about it? And said, i will do it. i don't I don't care. I'm not afraid of how that makes me look. will talk about it. I've always been intuitive. And what i noticed is since since getting into the death space three years ago, it gets stronger.
00:22:10
Speaker
It gets stronger and stronger and stronger because the self-care that I have to do around that spiritually is is like making me more sensitive. And there's a lot of inner work that needs to be done um when you're working in this space, because as we know, it can be very hard spiritually on on us Um, and, uh, I just, I just, uh, I had these experiences all the time when I'm working, ah in spaces of end of life, death and grief, where I can feel, um, communication and signals coming from the spirit I'm working with or
00:22:46
Speaker
feel the energetic exchange with the people that I'm working with in in those spaces and um just teaching other people how to recognize those things um and recognize those moments and use them to be best of service to the people that they're working with. So that's kind of what that's all about. And um yeah, lots, lots of that, lots of experiences.
00:23:08
Speaker
with that which is why I'm doing this ah very cool is there one that sticks out more than others or they want share or no Um, okay, so I'll give an example without being too specific.
00:23:22
Speaker
ah If I am curating a memorial space, right, for a funeral, sometimes after, you know, um I always ask permission, there's a lot of consent involved in in all of this work.
00:23:34
Speaker
um So, you know, I always ask permission for them to help me ah create something meaningful that will bring comfort to their family and that will best honor them. And the way that that comes back to me is sometimes I'm putting something together and I'll think to myself, what's the best kind of flowers to use in this situation? And then all of a sudden, orange roses pops into my mind. And it's like I and didn't even have time to finish the thought, you know, and.
00:24:03
Speaker
So I'll OK, and I'll get orange roses and then the family will come and they'll go, oh, my gosh, how did you know and so loved orange roses? And I'm like, just had a feeling, you know, because it's like you can't really have you don't.
00:24:18
Speaker
Not everybody wants to have those kind of conversations. Some people really do, but they have to tell you first. They have to give you permission first. So that's kind of an example of how those things come through.
00:24:29
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's it's an area. Yeah, I had a card reader tell me I was intuitive many, many years ago. had six years ago, I think, during a reading. and And I kind of, yeah, you know, you put it off and I was more interested in the reading. I was like, right, let's go. what What's my future hold?
00:24:50
Speaker
and But it's it is interesting. I have noticed there are most of the time I will when I'm working with a family, there will be some sign I get that. Whether it's a ladybird and or ladybug, as you might say, a ladybird and and the person loved ladybirds and ladybird will suddenly show up my apartment when I've never, you know, i haven't seen one in 10 years.
00:25:11
Speaker
um Or I'll see the person's name or I'll hear the person's name in a song and stuff like that. and So, yeah, it's definitely something I just I think is is out there. But I don't think everybody i don't think everybody's intuitive. I think um I think more people tap into it than than others. i am and Yeah, definitely it's something I'd be interested in exploring. and As a celebrant, whenever I choose an outfit the morning of a service, I kind of allow my intuition to guide me to the outfit.
00:25:42
Speaker
It's funny. Yeah, it's interesting. And that's
00:25:46
Speaker
Yeah, we wish you the best of luck with and with that course. and we'll We'll share all the details. um as when Once we have this published, we'll share all the details of how people can connect with you, contact you and any courses that you've got coming up.
00:26:01
Speaker
and But in the meantime, we wish you the best luck and thank you so much for joining us, Lauren. Thank you so much for having me. This was fun. Thank