Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Chapter 8 - No Hoard Feelings
62 Plays9 months ago
Maybe the real treasure was the Stens we saved along the way.
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Editing by Zach Meikle
Follow the show:
X @bard_soup
Instagram: @bard_soup
TikTok: @bard_soup
Music & Ambience
Music: Gunslinger by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Chase by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Night of Mystery by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Battlefield by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Spring by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Sunset Fields by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Solitude of an Era by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Ambience: Underground Lake by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Shadow Whispers by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: The Streets of Prague by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Dungeons and Dragons by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Hor Hor by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Fall Asleep by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Light's Templar by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Ambience: Secret Garden by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Dragonquest by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Wood Smash 4 by floraphonoic from Pixabay
Rising tension by UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
Punch a Rock by LordSonny from Pixabay
WOOSH BUILDING by Liecio from Pixabay
Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
Recommended
Transcript
Pact with Eyes of Erdenin
00:00:05
Speaker
Now, where were we? Ah, that's right. Our heroes made a pact with the Eyes of Erdenin to relay a shipment of silver in exchange for information, and so they ventured off into the lands beyond Erdenin.
Ambush and Dragon Attack
00:00:22
Speaker
They set an ambush at a location known as Arfadero's Demise, and waited in the pouring rain for their quarry to arrive.
00:00:30
Speaker
Glimki had struck a bargain with a nature spirit and, perhaps not knowing entirely what he'd agreed to, he was shocked to see a blue dragon burst out of the ground and attack the convoy. The party jumped into assist and soon overcame their adversaries.
Medusa Thais and Clay's Therapy
00:00:49
Speaker
While examining what they'd fought for, Clay discovered a woman locked up in the back of a carriage with a bag over her head.
00:00:58
Speaker
Removing the bag, Clay was struck instantly by the petrifying gaze of a Medusa, and quickly turned to stone. In an effort to restore their friend, Glimky and Faunalyn conversed with the Medusa, who introduced herself as Thais. Though things were tense, our heroes learned that by making Thais cry, they could restore Clay to their former self.
00:01:24
Speaker
Glimky and Pharnolin threw an impromptu therapy session, and eventually they got what they wanted.
Silver Exchange and Princess Mystery
00:01:33
Speaker
Thais cried, and Clay was restored. After letting the Medusa go, our heroes hurried to meet their contacts in the eyes of Edony, who took the captured silver in exchange for a recording a kenku had made the night of the princess' disappearance.
00:01:50
Speaker
In this recording, it was revealed that her captors had taken her to a place known as the Angkor's Chain, an island chain to the west. Armed with this new information, Clay, Glimkey, and Fonglin began the trip back to Erdenheim.
Scarecrow Sten and Dragon Search
00:02:04
Speaker
But, as they neared the city, Clay saw her old friend Sten Dexter dressed as a scarecrow, standing in a farmer's field. You see, Sten was trying to find the princess as well, and he thought a dragon had taken her. And it seems he wasn't entirely wrong, because, as he called out to Clay, the dragon from earlier returned and grabbed Sten off the ground, carrying him away into the evening. You already said all that.
00:02:34
Speaker
I just wish you wouldn't interrupt so much. Really, we would get through the story much quicker if you just let me tell it. Anyway, back to the story.
'Barred Soup' Podcast Launch
00:02:58
Speaker
Come gather round travelers and sit on the stoop We'll tell you a story about Batsu Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop We'll tell you a story about Batsu
00:03:29
Speaker
It's super time!
00:03:34
Speaker
What up, what up, what up, what up? Hello, hello, hello, Radio City, USA. Welcome to the Carly cast. We're here to talk about our favorite iCarly episodes of 2024. Haha, just kidding, psych. It's Barred Soup, episode eight. We're back, baby. I'm joined by Gibby's biggest fan, Shannon. I am Gibby. I want to be Gibby. I want to be with Gibby. I love Gibby. I'm joined by Spencer's biggest simp, Jordan.
00:04:05
Speaker
Spencer? Oh, man. That's a let down. Jordan's trying to act cool, but he loves Spencer. Biggest simp. I was literally just looking up the cast of the characters so I could get ahead of it. And then I was like, Spencer. And then you said Spencer was like, dang it. I wanted to do a bit about Spencer. So I sounded like I knew the show. And I'm joined by someone who preferred Zoey 101, Prima. Hello.
00:04:32
Speaker
Are those rival shows? Not really. Years apart, but that's okay. Guess what? I'm your favorite Disney kid turned podcaster, Zack Meagle, here with another pipe and hot bowl of bard soup. Let's dive in.
Dragon's Coastline Flight
00:04:44
Speaker
We join you now in the aftermath of Sten Dexter's abduction. The sun is glowing bright orange, like this warm ruddy glow in the sky. You know that supernova is maybe an hour away at most. And you can still see Sten in the claws of this dragon rapidly flying away from you. Uh oh, Sten no. Okay, well,
00:05:09
Speaker
Can we give him some credit? Cause he was pretty spot on with his plan up to this point. So he may be miles ahead of us in terms of finding the princess. Oh my God. Do you think he's clairvoyant? What if we use him as a, what if we hold him by his little legs and use him as a divining rod?
00:05:28
Speaker
I think we can just use his slowly shrinking dot as a tracking point if we wanted to do that. Sorry to make jokes at your friend's tent. He's probably gonna find the princess first. If he lives, and if he doesn't live, that's like three friends in two days. He'll come in riding on Veronica the horse. Yes, Veronica's famously fine. It's a bad week to be one of Clay's friends.
00:05:54
Speaker
Were you friends with Veronica Clay? I guess you both have nails. Wait, what direction did Sten fly off into? You see the dragon has swooped like around. It kind of came out from the west, from over the water, flew down, scooped him up and has flown back along the coastline and is traveling south. So away from the city, back in the direction that you came from. This isn't the same dragon that... Is it the same dragon?
00:06:19
Speaker
This is your dragon, Glimky. This is your responsibility.
Crab Escape with Illusion
00:06:23
Speaker
What's a coalescence of side characters? You can't say for certain, but it looks, it's the same color. It's blue dragon. And it looks to be roughly the same size as the one you encountered earlier today. What do you think the chances are that I've never seen a dragon in my life and I happen to see two that are pretty much the same within a day?
00:06:44
Speaker
I'd say pretty high chances, right? Can't possibly be the same. We're leaving Sten to deal with that on his own, right? We've got other shit to do. We'll find him along the way, maybe. Oh, sorry. We want to go after Sten.
00:07:03
Speaker
Which direction is the anchor's chain in? West. I love that the consideration here is whether it would be convenient to go after him, like whether it's on our way already. I see why your friends die. A very disposable attitude. Well, what do you suggest? How do we chase after the Drake? I suggest we turn the other way and go, I don't know, talk to Baron Humiliation and then hitch a ship or something. I don't know. But Sten's not my friend.
00:07:31
Speaker
And that's not my dragon. Do you know what? Actually, I'm the good guy here. You're both looking a little morally gray.
00:07:39
Speaker
I would say, Clay, as you look up, the dragon's moving. It's moving quickly, but it doesn't appear to be moving at a sprint. As you look over at it, you watch as it dives down. It flies up high up into the sky and then dives down into the water, and there's this huge splash, and then it comes up a second later. Sten just gripped in its claws, dripping water. You watch as these beads of water fall off of its wings and drip down its blue scales glistening in the evening air and light.
00:08:05
Speaker
it seems like it is taking its time in the direction it's going. So you get the sense that if you hurry, you could probably keep it in sight, at least for a little while, depending on how far it travels.
Discovery of Dragon's Lair
00:08:17
Speaker
How far away is it now?
00:08:19
Speaker
You know, distances were never my forte. I was more of a guy who doesn't think about those sorts of things, but I'd say it's 400 meters away, give or take. So not within range of any of my spells. That's not that far. I look at Clay and I go, Hey, this is, this is up to you. If you, do you think this is an important thing to do? He was very nice to me. So.
00:08:45
Speaker
Yeah, I think we should go after him if we can. Do we still have the cart with all the horses? You know, we never really clarified that detail. I was under the assumption that you wouldn't be bringing the smoking gun back into the city.
00:08:58
Speaker
We're not heading back to the city now. We're chasing after Sten. Exactly. That's so true. You know what? I'll say, if you pursue after him, the dragon is 400 meters away. You see the horses with the emptied out carriage attached to them, maybe 200 meters away, back up the road. You didn't get very far before Sten's abduction.
00:09:16
Speaker
let's do it okay oh my god were we just going to leave a bunch of horses like tied up yeah that'd be fine that'd be fine are we bad people what the fuck is going on here i mean uh jimmy gnawbones didn't take the horses or the cart with him he was in a rowboat oh right the rowboat
00:09:34
Speaker
I mean, the more that we wait, the farther he gets away. So let's get the horses and let's go. Okay, let's go. Let's talk in the carriage. Okay, dibs on not driving. I'll drive. Oh, Grimki. Be very careful around the carriage. Why? I know you have a history with them. Oh. Stepping in front of them. Maybe go around the side this time.
00:09:55
Speaker
Wow. I'm, I'm driving. You run up, jump in the carriage, glimkey, you grab the reins. Give me an animal handling check if you would. Way ahead of you. 14.
00:10:11
Speaker
You whip the carriage around, horses seem eager to run for a bit, and you take off down the western road once more. The dragon flies along the coast above you, away from Eredinine. At times, it rises high into the air, soaring along the warm summer breezes, only to dive down into the elsui notion below. At times, the creature releases bursts of lightning at passing seagulls, and at other times, at nothing at all.
00:10:38
Speaker
All the while, Sten is gripped in its claws, looking like a waterlogged ragdoll. You hurry to keep up, covering several miles over the next half hour. At last, the dragon dives out of sight below the cliffs and doesn't resurface. A second later, Pharaoh supernovas, casting green and blue cosmic dust across the sky.
00:10:59
Speaker
The two moons, go low and catch you, glow with absorbed light, casting a pale glow about the newly minted twilight. Night has fallen in zath.
Discussion on Dragon Behavior
00:11:09
Speaker
Okay, so we saw the dragon land? You saw it dive out of sight, like it dove down below the cliffs and seems like somewhere nearby it has taken to the ground. I Tokyo drift to a stop. Are you both familiar with what alligators do to their prey?
00:11:27
Speaker
No. It's called a death roll. They take their prey and they dive them underwater and they spin them until their spine cracks and they go limp. Let's go quickly. I don't know why I thought of that before that happens to Sten. That would be really applicable if it was a crocodile. You know, they're both big lizards. Really, what's the difference?
00:11:51
Speaker
Quit it with the gory details. That's her friend. Well, the friend that she was only going to stop if it was convenient, but yes, her friend, her friend. That's cool. I guess we got to jump off and run that way. Yes. Should we unhitch the horses? I'm just, I don't know. I feel bad leaving them here. We still gotta make back to the city. They can wait. Oh, okay. Hitch them to a tree. Yeah. We'll rescue Sten and then send them back.
00:12:19
Speaker
Okay, so what are you doing, gank? Yes, get over to the edge of the cliff and take a peek. You walk up to the edge of the cliff. It's dark, but like I said, the moons are glowing above, casting at least a bit of light. You see a sandy beach below.
00:12:38
Speaker
that is nestled between the steep cliffs that you stand upon and the elswain ocean on the other side. You reckon it could probably be reached with some effort. It looks like it's fairly rocky here, it's nighttime so it might be a little dangerous, but do you think you could probably make it down? You also glance up the coastline and you see about a half mile away there's a small wooden house perched on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean. You see several windows from which a warm glow emanates.
00:13:07
Speaker
What are the odds some adorable little freak lives in there? We're batting 100% on adorable freaks in cute houses. Do we have any baubles or whatever to trade? Oh, we're completely out of baubles and fingers. Okay. Well, maybe after we deal with the dragon. Yeah. Yes. Question. Question for the DM. Answer. Did I get to short rest in the carriage?
00:13:35
Speaker
I will tell you this, if you had run, you would have needed to make a athletics check to keep up with the dragon at the risk of taking exhaustion or losing hit dice if you failed it. However, because you took the carriage, I would say, sure. You can gain the benefits of a short rest from your carriage ride.
00:13:56
Speaker
That brings me back up to 11 hit points. Like everybody? Because I was driving, I would say not. I would say not you, but the other two could if they wished. Yeah, that makes sense. What does a short rest entail? So you can roll your hit die, which as a cleric, I believe that's a D8. And then you can add your constitution modifier. And then you get that many hit points back. So if you want to regain hit points, you can, but you only have a limited number of hit dice per day, two per day at this level.
00:14:27
Speaker
And I get all of my hit points back. Nice. What's the plan, gang? We don't see any lizard behavior down there. Zero lizard behavior. Okay. But this is the last known area we thought. Okay. Well, this is a good place as any. I'll try to see if there's, where's the safest route down and I guess try to start climbing. Okay.
00:14:56
Speaker
Give me a athletics check. Athletics 11. It's a little slippery. There's some ocean spray that's coated many of these rocks and water and what have you. It was raining earlier. So it's a little slippery. There's some like any little plants that added an added layer of difficulty, but you're able to find some foothold and some handholds and lower yourself down onto the sand below.
00:15:27
Speaker
Okay. What do I see down here?
Dragon Lightning Glass Structures
00:15:29
Speaker
Where is it right now? Not much. The beach stretches along for a few miles. It's smooth. It's sandy. Occasionally there's large boulders, but otherwise pretty unremarkable at this location. Did it go underwater? Maybe there's a cave or something. I'm going to loudly whisper up to the group like the coast is clear. Okay. I'm going to go down to join Glimky. Okay. Yes.
00:15:57
Speaker
Catch me. When I'm at the bottom. Ew. What do you think is better? Probably bottom. Could I like piggyback her down? Yes. Oh, goody. Sure. Finally, you climb up onto her back and Clay, I need you to make an athletics check for me. Okay. Can I give her assistance? No, you're actively making it harder. I got a 10. Oh no.
00:16:24
Speaker
A 10 is what you needed. Yes! Oh, thank goodness. Clay, you start climbing down, funneling on your back. At one point, she kind of slips back a little and her arms start to put pressure on your throat. You were able to, you start to choke a little bit, but you readjust. I'd say at another point you start to slip and she opens up her parasol and it catches the air a little bit and you're able to regain your balance. And the two of you managed to make it down to the sand below with Glimkey.
00:16:50
Speaker
Nice. And that's teamwork. So there's no signs of the dragon. Everyone here can make an investigation check, if you would like. I would like. Oh, I got a seven. Oh, I rolled a two. And I'm adding a zero. I got a 14.
00:17:12
Speaker
Glimky fondling. You find a little ocean puddle. You see a weird little axolotl type creature crawling around in it. You're like, oh, that's weird. While you're looking at that, clay.
00:17:27
Speaker
you glance up the beach and you see that there's several boulders off in the distance but before those you see at first glance it looks like a tree but you look a little closer and you realize it
00:17:44
Speaker
isn't you don't really know why it's not a tree it looks tree-like it's a little hard to make out all the features in in this low light even with your dark vision but there's something odd maybe a hundred meters away from you something tree-like okay i take out my maze and i cast light on it
00:18:09
Speaker
Ooh, there we go. So it's now glowing. Amazing. It's like a flashlight. Yeah. Cool. I will say you need to get a little closer to this tree to make out the difference, like even with the light spell. But as you start to move towards it, the smooth sand of the beach soon gives way to a gentle crunching.
00:18:30
Speaker
You look down and see the beach is lined with the skeletons of countless fish, some quite large. Large rocks and the occasional piece of driftwood are scattered across the beach. And you get closer to what looks like a tree. But as you get closer, you inspect it. And you realize it's something else. It's as if the sand exploded upwards and then frozen midair. It's like solid sand.
00:18:56
Speaker
It appears so. Can I go up to it and like brush it? Is it like covering something? You walk up and you wipe your hand on it. Underneath the sand, it is glass. Oh, like fire heated up the sand. Like the lightning. And as you are taking in the sand, you look around and you realize some of the crunching was more of these broken pieces of glass just dotting this entire stretch of each.
00:19:25
Speaker
Are there more glass stuff like this? Scattered along those various sized ones. Not a ton, but just a few. There's a lot more broken glass than there is these structures, but yeah, you see more along the way. Just follow them? Okay, you two. I assume you're following along? Yes. Always. You start carrying your way down the beach.
00:19:52
Speaker
Could I have everybody make a perception check? Why am I rolling so poorly?
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah, same. Nine. Ten. Thirteen. You start walking down the beach, clay leading the way. There's these occasional glass structures. There's large pieces of driftwood. There's several boulders and Glimky, as you're walking,
00:20:29
Speaker
as one does, a little sand gets in your shoe and you lean against one of these boulders to pop off the shoe, shake it out. And as you do, you look over at it and you realize it's not a boulder. It's the shell of a giant crab. It seems to be dead.
00:20:53
Speaker
No! Jaquis! Smaller than Jaquis. Oh, thank God. Thank God. Don't do that to me. But still. Sizable. Size of a large dog.
00:21:05
Speaker
Jakisa's son. Is Jakisa a hermit crab or a normal crab? Maybe it's Jakisa's old shell. Whoa. It's not. It's a carcass. It's a dead crab. And as you're remarking on this, you notice several of these other boulders start to move. And you hear clacking noises.
00:21:26
Speaker
You watch as one of the nearby boulders shakes to life and a second giant crab bursts out of the sand, starts charging towards you. And I need everybody to roll initiative. Shakira, Shakira, no fighting. That's a three. Oh, that's a nine. I'm actually maybe dumb. Three plus three is not nine. Three plus three is six. Seven, I got a seven.
00:21:52
Speaker
I have then for clay, six for faunalyn. Six. Six for me as well. Do you think I can tame one of these crabs? Probably. Really? So, you are all surprised. Two crabs are going to charge at you. One is going to go after faunalyn and the other is going to go after glimkey. You watch as the first crab scuttles up to you, glimkey snaps at you with its claw.
00:22:21
Speaker
Does an 11 hit? New. You manage to just dive out of the way at the last second. Your shoe is still off, you kick it away, and roll to your feet. Second crab, Faunalyn, is gonna come after you. Does an eight hit. Of course it does not. Claw snaps at you, you stick your umbrella out, push the button, it pops out, catches the claw, forces it open, and you step back out of the way, drawing your rapier as you go.
00:22:51
Speaker
The crabs go first, because they rolled very good on their initiative. That's fine. So you watch as the ground further up the beach begins to shake and shift, and you watch as four more crabs come climbing to the surface, claws cracking, clacking even, if you will, and scuttling towards you. From the distance they are at, two of them are able to reach you,
00:23:17
Speaker
Two of them are further back and kind of use all their movement just to get to the surface and start coming down the beach. So with that in mind, you're each going to be attacked once more. Glimky, you are attacked twice. So two crabs, clack, clack at you. One on you, Faunalyn, one on you, Clay. Glimky, does an 18 hit. That is my AC. Ooh, ooh, ooh. You take seven bludgeoning damage.
00:23:47
Speaker
The crab is bludgeoning him. With its claw, yeah. It's punching. He's like old timey, his jukes are up. I think it's more than he's crushing him with his claw, the shirt. Why ayada? Glimky, you are grappled. Oh, fuck. Okay. He grabs you in his claw and is holding you. Second attack is going to be against you.
00:24:13
Speaker
Does a 17 hit? No, but would it have advantage because I'm grappled? No, your movement is reduced but you are not restrained. Okay, got it. So, you managed to knock the second claw away, but you were hoisted up in the air and this crab has you in its in its cloth. Okay. As it lifts you, you can see a little further up the beach, past all the rocks that you couldn't see past before, and you see at the far end, the mouth of a cave. I shout that to the group.
00:24:39
Speaker
There's
Battle with Giant Crabs
00:24:40
Speaker
a cave. Do we think that's where the crabs live? Do we think there's like many more in there? The crabs live in the sand. Do we make a run for the cave? Do we think the crabs will pursue? Glimky, can you run? I'll figure it out. Okay. Well, I'm not above running. Glimky starts cutting, his feet are pedaling in the air. Clay, an attack against you. An unnatural 20. You take five bludgeoning damage and you are also grappled.
00:25:09
Speaker
Okay. And Phonolin, an attack against you. A 19. Yeah. So you take four bludgeoning damage and you two are grabbed by a crab. Okay, that's not good. We need to reassess the running plan. It's not looking so good.
00:25:27
Speaker
Crabs burst out of the ground, surprising all of you. You all find yourselves lifted up in the air, being shaken around by these crabs who are trying to pick you apart, and we go to Clay. Can I, like, try to smack the crab off of me? Yes. So you can attack it, or you can attempt to make a athletics check to escape from its claw, to kind of pry its claws open and escape that way. It will use your action to do so, though.
00:25:54
Speaker
If I just hit it, there's no chance it will let go. It'll let go if you either kill it or seriously wound it. What if we say please? Yeah. Can I like, clack at it the way that Tildi talked to Jakeys? Didn't work last time, but we tried talking to the crap.
00:26:13
Speaker
Oh. That's so funny. See, Zach, you're thinking it shouldn't work because that's silly, but hear us out. We studied crab language before with our earlier crab friend that we met, so it's actually grounded. This is a callback moment. Yeah. Go for it. What are you trying to convey? And I don't know, make an animal handling check, I guess.
00:26:39
Speaker
I'm just saying, like, we don't mean you any harm. But it's such a complex message. Just saying we don't mean you any harm. Just saying that. I got a 12. A 12. The crab clacks back at you with its open claw and you get the sense that it doesn't particularly care what your intentions are. It wants to eat you. Okay, I kick, I kick the crab. Okay, make an attack roll.
00:27:11
Speaker
Ooh, that's not good. I rolled a two. Correct. Worth a shot. Anything else, Clay? Can I do anything else? Do you have any bonus actions? What would count as a bonus action? Can I like wave my torch around a little bit? Try to scare them off?
00:27:25
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say with the attempted communication from before, that's kind of like, you know, I'd let you have that one for free. I'd say an intimidation check would have to be something you do next turn. But if you have any, like, spells, like healing word or something like that, it might be a bonus action or spiritual weapon, which you don't get yet. Stuff like that. I would love a healing word. No offense. I'm at seven out of 17. I'll cast healing word. One, two, four. I got a four. What do I add to this?
00:27:56
Speaker
You are Cleric, so you'll add your Wisdom modifier. Okay, you get seven back. Nice. It's actually huge.
00:28:04
Speaker
So, Clay, you utter off a quick little prayer of encouragement, and you watch as some of Faunalyn's scrapes, the tread mark that's been running down her face since she was run over earlier today is wiped away by the cleansing fire of Makrog, and we will go to Faunalyn. Whoo! I'm going to use my deployed rapier to try to cut off the crab arm that's holding me. Amazing.
00:28:34
Speaker
That's a 7 plus 5 is 12. 12 is not going to do it. I hate my life. You try and pierce this crab's arm and it doesn't get through the the carapace, the shell, and it starts waving you around even more vigorously than before. It doesn't like that very much. Anything else you want to do? I'm just imagining Ponelin's giant wig.
00:29:00
Speaker
She's ragdolling around. She's ragdolling. I don't really think there's much that I can do, so no, Shan. Okay. Blinky. Yes, sir. What you doing? Okay, I'm grappled up, right? Yes. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. How far are we from the cave again? Maybe 120 feet. 120 feet. Hmm. I think I have an idea.
00:29:30
Speaker
I'm going to use my mine illusion and I'm going to make the sound of the growl of the dragon emanating from the direction of the cave. I can only make it about 30 feet, but if I can put it in the direction of the cave, have the roar or growl or something emanating. Maybe layer in a crackle of static.
00:29:52
Speaker
Okay, give me a, what do you want to make? Narkana check? A little deception roll? Yeah. I guess it's not really persuasion. Yeah, I guess deception would be the better thing for me to lean on here. Okay. 14 I got. Okay. Excuse me for a minute. I need to roll some inside rolls for some crabs. Do it up.
00:30:22
Speaker
How insightful are these crabs? Wise beyond their years. They cut deep. They all fail. Sick. From further up the beach, there's the sound of a dragon lurking in the darkness.
00:30:40
Speaker
And very quickly, the three of you find yourselves dropped to the ground, covered in sand, and you watch as the crabs quickly scuttle back down into the sand. Burying themselves as quickly as they can, you see a couple of them scurry into the water and just disappear beneath the waves of the elsuin ocean. And the beach goes quiet. Nice. Oh my god, what a clever gambit.
00:31:06
Speaker
I'm just glad it worked. Hopefully it didn't get the attention of the actual cave dweller.
00:31:15
Speaker
Oh, good point. I think that means for sure that the dragon lives in that cave, right? We should go check it out. And it's looking like it might not have been a death roll scenario, which is fantastic news. Congratulations, Clay. Take my krog. Take my krog. Do you know, real quick, what's the deal with my krog for you? Is that just like a hobby or are you quite serious about it? Yeah, I think he's got some great ideals, so...
00:31:43
Speaker
Cool. What's McCrog think about princess kidnapping? Ooh, uh... Well, as long as we find her and whoever kidnapped them is brought to justice. Okay, I'm definitely not stalling because I don't want to go in the cave. These are important questions. Do either of you know what the Princess of Ardenine looks like? Because, you know, I was thinking about it in the carriage on the way here and I was like, oh, Sten looked rather like a princess.
00:32:10
Speaker
Wait, what do princesses look like? Holy shit, I've never thought to ask what the Princess of Ardenine looks like, and we've been devoting a significant amount of time and resources to finding her. Has Clay seen the princess before? Like, her face?
00:32:24
Speaker
probably not but I think you will have seen depictions of her artwork or murals statues that sort of thing like maybe at a distance yeah through a window from a high tower maybe one day you were walking along in the in the basin area looking up at the waterfall and you saw a figure standing up looking over over the falls that may have been her but I think as a resident of the city you know enough about her to know that princess Callista Galtris is
00:32:54
Speaker
In her early twenties, she is human. She has dark, curly hair, her father's gray eyes, and is known for two things. Her beauty, and her propensity or refusal to wear dresses, and strong determination to only be seen in public wearing pants.
00:33:20
Speaker
Oh, she's like not like other girls. She's kind of cool in a way that's different from the average woman. Oh God, is she maybe better than me? Maybe she's just a modern woman. A modern woman. Future thinker, yeah. Wow. Well, I bet she can't do this in pants and Faunalynn twirls around really fast. So her skirt goes, whoo. Am I right? She goes to high five, Glimke.
00:33:53
Speaker
Okay. Is anyone else want to come up with questions to talk about before we walk into the dark cave inhabited by a dragon to rescue Clay's friend that she apparently doesn't actually care that much if he lives or dies. Well, I wonder what the, why the dragon would all of a sudden just snatch up a lady out of a field all of a sudden. Do dragons do that?
00:34:17
Speaker
Well, that's what Sten said. Sten said, dragons kidnap princesses. That's what dragons do. That's his whole plan, yeah. He's a genius. I swear to God, we've got to tie him to a wheelbarrow and use him as a divining rod. There might be other princesses that the dragons know. Oh my God. How common is it for dragons to just snatch him?
00:34:38
Speaker
His plan worked so well that now I'm kind of suspicious that maybe he was right. That being said, I mean, the dragon previously seemed to not have any problem or anger at us, right? I remember that right? It didn't try to zap us or anything.
00:34:56
Speaker
No, when it attacked, it didn't necessarily ignore you, but it seemed determined to grab a horse. And once it did so, it departed pretty much right away afterwards. You didn't move to intercept it. It didn't attack you directly. I see. Is there a long way down to this beach that is maybe traversable, say by, I don't know, a quadrupedal large horse?
00:35:25
Speaker
You get the sense it'll be very difficult to get a horse down those cliffs in one piece. Okay. Looking around, the best you can see is a half mile up, if you recall, give or take, you see that house. And from here, you can see that there's in fact a little wooden sailing ship. It appears to be a fishing boat that is pulled up onto the beach and close by the stairs that winds up towards that house.
00:35:55
Speaker
So, your options are run the horse off the cliff or try and teach it how to use stairs. Got it. Okay, dragons are pretty smart. Maybe I can just talk to it. Yeah, you convinced the other dragon to help us. I don't know. Wait, are they smart in this world? Sorry, what was the question? My knowledge of—would Glimke's knowledge of dragons in this realm, what would I claim from the dragons? Give me a history check. Yes, sir. Ten.
00:36:22
Speaker
I'd say with a 10, you don't have any firsthand experience with dragons, but I think you have heard stories. I think you have in fact read stories to your sister perhaps or other people in town. And it seems like dragons are known for their pride.
00:36:47
Speaker
their power, their immense greed, and occasionally their propensity for stealing princesses. Ah, okay. I mean, maybe we can play up somewhat of a bargain because what he's snatched up isn't a princess and he'd be willing to trade. For a princess? Faunalyn puts her finger on her nose. No, no, no. He's a fake princess, so I'm saying like, hey, give us Sten. He's not a real princess. That's not worth your time.
00:37:17
Speaker
And if he's like, well, what are you going to give me in return? If that's his voice, then we go, well, we got two horses hitched to a wagon up there if you're hungry. Or maybe I could promise you all the riches of any when I get a real princess. Or there's like six craps right outside your door. Oh yeah. Yeah. Maybe we just need to tell him that this isn't the real deal and he'll just kill him and then we'll be done with it. And you know what? It will be settled that way. I'm fine with that outcome.
00:37:44
Speaker
Okay. Well, let's see what the dragon's like first. And then can you take that out of there? Yeah. Okay. I don't know if Clay just hates then Dexter or if Clay's just like really conflict at first. Clay's just agreeable. Okay. What are you doing? We're going towards the cave.
00:38:09
Speaker
Okay, walking up the sand crunches beneath your feet. You step onto one crab that is continuing to burrow down. And before too long, you find yourself standing in front of this cave entrance.
00:38:24
Speaker
It's maybe 20, 30 feet across and seems to be open to the ocean. The beach ends and water is just pulled into this cave. You kind of look down, maybe fondling, you dip your sword down. It does not appear that you can walk into this cave. You will have to swim.
00:38:46
Speaker
God, I wish I had pants right now. I love that every episode we introduce some new horrendous insecurity for Faunal into recently. She's taking a lot of journeys and she's learning a lot about herself. And that's beautiful. Yes. And right now she's learning that one side of her leg should be pant and the other side should be skirt.
00:39:10
Speaker
Whoa. Whoa. Squirt. Whoa. Whoa. Fondylin is going to invent the squirt. Amazing. So do you guys know how to swim? No, Clay, you'll have to carry me. Do I know how to swim? I'd say you do. You don't have like a swim speed, but I'd say you grew up on the ocean. Yeah, I know how to swim. You know how to swim.
00:39:31
Speaker
Though I did see a sailboat just a little bit over there. We could borrow it. Oh, true. How far can we see into the cave? From the beach? Yeah, like at the mouth here.
Boat Journey to Dragon's Cave
00:39:44
Speaker
I would say if you really strain, maybe if Clay picks up Glimky and holds him out, maybe Simba-style. So Clay's holding Glimky, Simba-style, and Faunalyn is clinging to Clay's back. Yes.
00:39:58
Speaker
I'd say if you do that, you could probably see 60 feet range of your dark vision. Okay. And I would say with that, you can see into the cave, but you cannot see the back end of it. You can't see any, any details. It seems like just water. There's no ledges or anything. Not that you can see yet. Okay. Maybe it's worth it to go grab that boat.
00:40:21
Speaker
Wait, if I cast Light again on a rock and then toss it in, can we see further into the cave? Yeah. Then I do that.
00:40:30
Speaker
You pick up a rock and enchant it, chuck it into the cave. The angle problem still persists, but you hold Glimpy out. He throws the rock and he can kind of see in a little bit better. And you see that there is a natural pool of ocean water. It is maybe a hundred feet wide. You can barely see that there are two tunnels.
00:40:55
Speaker
branching off of this central pool. You see that there's these thick stone cave walls, these natural walls, but then there's a few gaps and you can kind of climb up out of the water into either of these tunnels. Give me a perception check, Glimpy. Oh, Nat 20.
00:41:18
Speaker
Within at 20, you notice two things. There are two tunnels leading out of this pool area, out of this cave, one to the east and one to the south. Along the eastern cave, you can see gashes in the stone that you perceive to be dragon claw marks, these deep scratches in the rock. At the southern tunnel, you see there's a wooden rowboat that has been tied to the wall.
00:41:46
Speaker
So somebody's in here. Interesting. It looks like somebody's home in there. There's another boat inside. Are there any distinguishing features of the rowboat? Yeah. What do we see? Just classic wooden two oars. Yeah. It's tied to the rocks. It is, you see a couple of oars, no supplies in that. There is a place to dock in there. So maybe we go grab, let's, let's go grab that other boat and paddle on in. Okay. Cool.
00:42:17
Speaker
I feel like there are so many reasons why there might be a boat in here though. Like yes, someone could be in here, but also maybe this is like the base of a smuggling operation. But a dragon lives here. But do you know, maybe they parked the boat here and then left and then the dragon just moved in. Yeah. That's a possibility. Thank you. It's simply too soon to draw any conclusions. Yeah, we should go take a closer look. Maybe there's something in the boat. Yeah, let's go grab that thing.
00:42:47
Speaker
Okay. Should we steal? Should we use the boat? We're going to use the boat, right? Yeah, that's fine. It's nighttime. First it's sleeping, or I guess they're inside their house, whatever. Oh wait, the little house! We'll bring the boat back. Yeah, we're just borrowing it to go into the cave. As long as we don't get torched by the dragon, that's fine.
00:43:06
Speaker
So you turn back down the beach and start walking along. It's a half mile, so maybe takes you 10, 15 minutes maybe with the sand, makes it a little harder to traverse. But before long, you are standing next to this sailboat. You see that it is, yeah, it's a single like single mast ship, very small kind of ship you can pull up probably with a couple people, maybe one strong person.
00:43:37
Speaker
On the side, it says Darlin with an apostrophe and the sails are tied up. You see that there's some nets that are neatly stored, a couple of crab buckets, and appears to be a fishing boat. Well, we'll bring it back. Maybe. Let's get her in the water. Yeah. Can we drag her into the water? Sure.
00:44:00
Speaker
You are either a couple people or one strong person and you are able to push the boat into the water. Do any of you have proficiency with ships? Honestly, even if I had proficiency with ships, I genuinely don't think Faunalyn would offer to row. Clay would. Goo Clay, you're number one. If you can't do it, that's no fun because no one else will. Can I roll ship proficiency?
00:44:27
Speaker
Are you trying to use the sail or just the, there's like a couple oars as well. Are you trying to row the boat or set sail? I'm not going to sail it. I'm just going to row or even just like drag it along. Okay. Let's get in the boat and I will paddle us. It takes you longer than it would if you were sailing, but you're able to give me, you know, give me a vehicle role. You're not proficient. So just a raw D 20.
00:44:58
Speaker
seven you find yourself going in circles for a few minutes i'd like to help glimkey go ahead add you can make a roll of your own okay i got an 11 it takes a few minutes for the two of you to get synced up clay you're pretty big and strong glimkey you're also decently strong but you're a little guy i have to stand up and walk to one end of the boat put the ore in and then walk
00:45:23
Speaker
You're sprinting back and forth to paddle, but eventually you do start to get some momentum and I'd say maybe around 20 minutes later you have the boat back at the entrance to the cave. All right, let's see what happens. Let's go in. Paddle's dipping into the water, you navigate your way into the cave, you see a couple of those crabs are
00:45:44
Speaker
down at the bottom of this of this pool you can see them walking past your glowing rock that you left there and your ship passes over top of it obscuring the light and you are within this this cave pool like I said there is a tunnel to the east and a tunnel to the south one with claw marks the other with a boat tied next to it
00:46:12
Speaker
Well, if time is of the essence, maybe we go chase the dragon first, unless you want to know what else is down here first. Does the second boat have any interesting features? Or is this one also unavoidable? That was the one I was talking about before. Oh, same one. Okay. Yeah. I don't know why I'm expecting to see like a humiliation seal on something. And they're just little boats. When all you have is a hammer, every ship looks like it belongs to a humiliation house.
00:46:58
Speaker
I Mean I know I'm coming out like the asshole here, but I really think it should be you you are the asshole
00:47:08
Speaker
They're rebelling, they're rebelling on it. Oh no, oh no. He was in control of the room, Zach. So, what's the plan? After the dragon. Yeah, let's go east or whatever to the dragon claw marks. Okay. Can Phonolin ominously sit at the front of the prow and hold the light? Sure. Just ominously as you sail us through the cavern. I just feel this is a very scenic moment.
00:47:36
Speaker
We're still in the boat going this way, or are we docking and walking now? Oh yeah, the tunnel, it runs aground. Okay, gotcha. I do love the visual, but we'll say it lasts for about 20 seconds. You pull out a lantern, you light it up, and then the ship just bumps into the... It's actually the soft rock. It's almost like a shale. It's this very soft, loose stone. And you hop out, I assume, tie the ship up.
00:48:01
Speaker
Yeah. Play. Can someone please? You're becoming... You want to be carried? Not even codependent, just dependent. I'm seeing how far I can push this bit before Prima says no. One thing into the woods and Fondland just loses all self-control, like all agency. And Prima's not saying no. Climb on. Woo! Hop on.
00:48:26
Speaker
Who is tying up the, who's tying up the ship? Well, I'll do it. Glimky, could you make a sleight of hand check for me, please? Of course. Twelve. Okay. You tie a decent knot, find a little stalagmite poking out of the water, tie the ship to it, it rocks gently up against the cave wall, but the darlin seems to be good to stay there for now. Nice. You climb up onto the land, the ground
00:48:55
Speaker
Kind of shifts beneath your feet. It's very, like I said, very loose stone. You sink in like a half inch with each step and you start down this tunnel. Could I get a marching order, please? Um, I guess if you're carrying, you're still carrying Funland. Clay and I are as one. So if they're doing that, I will take the lead, I guess.
00:49:22
Speaker
Glimpy, you hop up to the front. Now, is there a light source? And if so, what is it? Do I still have my mace? Is it still on? Is it still there? So when you cast light, it ends on the previous enchantment and transfers to the new one? Oh, okay. So it's not. So if you want, you could cast it on the mace again and the rock that you threw would cease to glow. Do we want light? Bono and had a lantern on the boat? Apparently. So I am clinging to Clay's shoulders and we are marching down a hallway.
00:49:51
Speaker
Clay, are you casting light on anything? Yeah, I can cast it on your parasol, like you said. Adorable. I will hold it above Clay's head. So the tip of your parasol lights up. You hold it up, and it casts a bit of light, enough to see where you're going, see a little way up this tunnel. You go for a while, not very long, in fact, before you encounter a cave-in.
00:50:20
Speaker
Large boulders have completely blockaded the tunnel going in this direction. And you don't see a way through. Okay, that's a problem. Can we hear anything on the other side? Give me a perception roll. Oh, finally a 20. Nice.
00:50:42
Speaker
With a 20, you hear very faintly, it's probably too quiet to make out any actual words, but you hear someone talking. Does it sound like Stan? It does not. And coming from which way?
00:50:58
Speaker
beyond this cave-in. Oh, shit. Is Clay telling the rest of us about it? Yeah. I'd be like, hey, I hear voices. Can I go up and try to touch a rock in the cave-in? Sure. What happens when I touch the cave-in?
00:51:19
Speaker
Nothing. They're pretty sizable rocks. You do a little thinking and based off where you are, you reckon you're underneath the cliffs somewhere. A lot of stone above you. It doesn't seem odd that some of it might fall through or collapse. The rocks seem pretty
00:51:40
Speaker
tightly packed, you look around, there doesn't appear to be any room to wiggle through. You think maybe if you had the right gear, perhaps you could try and blow a hole through, maybe that would have other consequences, but it does not look like you'll be able to go through unless you exert an ungodly amount of effort. Does it look like natural and recent? Or does it look intentional, like someone caved in the cave? Good question. Give me a nature check.
00:52:11
Speaker
I would also accept an investigation check if that's preferable for you. Both are minus one, so 15. You start looking. There's a lot of rock here. You reckon the most likely way that this could be a man-made incident would be with an explosive, a keg of gunpowder, something like that?
00:52:34
Speaker
You look around for Mark's explosion residue or the stains on the wall, that sort of thing. Any sign that an explosive was detonated here, you don't see anything like that. Okay. You feel pretty confident that this was a natural phenomenon. Okay. And was it recent? Like before or after the Drake?
00:53:00
Speaker
The amount of dust that's here, you reckon if this was a fresh cave-in, this tunnel would probably be full of dust. Okay. Extremely difficult to see and breathe in here, but the air is still, it is clear. You get the sense that this is, you don't know how long it's been, but it's not brand new at the very least. Okay. Yeah, we would have heard a cave-in, I think. Yeah, so I guess... Do you want to go around?
00:53:23
Speaker
I guess we go the other way, but can we like now that she's pointed out the voices, can we make anything out? I'm going to have a group perception check. Each of you can make one perception roll and we'll, we'll see what happens. Oh, Shani's rolled her second three of the night. That's a, that's a seven. I got a 13. I got a 14.
00:53:43
Speaker
It's really hard to make it out. It's, you get the sense that it's pretty, pretty impressive that Clay was able to pick it up at all. The other two are barely able to pick up the noise whatsoever, let alone words. Can we get a sense of how far behind the Cleveland?
00:53:59
Speaker
It could be far or it could just be a lot of rock. It's really hard to determine. I'd say you hear like the voice, this muffled voice, it's a medium pitch. It's not particularly high, not particularly low or rumbly, but it seems to stop speaking. And then 15, 20 seconds later, you hear the sound of cracking stone and it sounds similar to when the dragon let loose its lightning.
00:54:28
Speaker
the times that you observed it do that just this crackling in the air the ground shakes a little bit with the the sound of this well it sounds like it's back there but maybe there's another way around
00:54:39
Speaker
Oh my God. Okay, no. I know I say a lot of dumb and silly things, but we don't think that there's like, I don't know, people using the dragon to like acquire people, like princesses, right? Dragon is in cahoots? Yes. When you say it like that, it makes it sound dumb and silly, but I think it's a serious proposition. No, I'm serious. Okay. The word cahoots is not a very serious word. Do you want to go down the other tunnels, see if they're connected?
00:55:05
Speaker
Yeah, I think that maybe we need to go look and see if there's another way around. Because like, if you think that this cave-in isn't new, then it makes sense that this has been here for a while, so maybe they got around to the other side some other way. Yeah. Okay. Would, like, okay, so would Glookey's knowledge you said, like, he's aware of some things about dragons and such, would he have any inclination to believe that they would be able to shapeshift, or no?
00:55:31
Speaker
I'd say using that similar role, I think some of the stories you read as a kid featured dragons putting on humanoid disguises. Typically, you recall it being a trait
00:55:47
Speaker
practiced or demonstrated by good dragons, metallic dragons specifically,
Encounter with Nanya
00:55:54
Speaker
but you don't know if that's exclusively something they do or just a way that they are able to walk amongst humans and observe them or humanoids and observe them.
00:56:03
Speaker
Gotcha. Okay, so I kind of relay that back to you guys. I'm struggling to remember correctly, but I feel like I've, I've read it somewhere that dragons may, and maybe don't take my word on it completely, but dragons may be able to shape shift to some degree. So, I mean, we're hearing some sort of voice back there. And then the crackle of lightning, like a lycanthrope.
00:56:27
Speaker
Uh, maybe with a little more control. I don't know how much control the Lycanthropes have. I guess they do. But the sounds of him snapping back to dragon form, it makes me believe that maybe he heard us if we could heard him.
00:56:46
Speaker
I know everything except the last part that you said. I didn't get that part. But wow. Okay. We think that the dragon is hanging out with Sten. If we run into people, just expect them to be able to turn into a dragon, I guess. Perhaps. Or maybe it's already snapped back to that.
00:57:04
Speaker
We should try diplomacy because I don't want to fight a dragon. I think so too. I think we should try to talk. Okay. So let's go the other way and see if we run into a mysterious humanoid or a dragon. Either way, choose words. I always choose my words so carefully. That I am not sure I believe. Now you've chosen words carefully to hurt my feelings.
00:57:30
Speaker
I mean, no offense. Oh, then none taken. Well, that worked magically. So you turn around and go back down the tunnel to the boat. I assume you take the boat over to the other tunnel. Mm-hmm. Glimky, could I get another sleight of hand check as you tie it to the rocks? Can I investigate the other rope boat? Sure. I was like very confident in myself with the last knot obviously working. So I got a three this time.
00:57:55
Speaker
Okay. Sounds good. You tie up the boat. Clay, you peer over into the other one. There's no supplies kept there. There's a coil of rope that is used to tie it to the rocks here. There is a pair of oars. It seems like it's big enough for a single person, maybe two. It's very tiny. Okay. No, like belongings, nothing. No name on the side of the boat.
00:58:25
Speaker
No belongings, no name. Simple, nondescript robot. Any footprints around the boat? Doing good work over here. Give me an investigation check. I got a 14 investigation. 14, okay.
00:58:41
Speaker
you look around like i said there's nothing in the boat you step into it you look around nothing you hop over to the edge of this tunnel and it's the same loose stone this shale you can see tracks coming in and out and i'd say with the 14
00:59:00
Speaker
They appear to be similarly distanced, like there's travel back and forth, but the actual footprints or indentations appear to be similarly sized and similarly spaced. Is it like a large gate or a small one? Maybe a little smaller than yours. Maybe around what you assume Faunalyn's gate would be. Okay, while I show the others, I think people are going back and forth through this one, this tunnel that's going.
00:59:30
Speaker
Okay. What is our marching order? Once more. I have not let go of clay. When did I say that I let go of clay? I put you down in the boat for sure. I wasn't carrying you in the boat. I'm just imagining you rowing while I'm still clinging to your cap sized boat.
00:59:47
Speaker
rowing with her on your shoulders is not bad. The precarious one foot in a boat, one foot on land is famously difficult with a person on their shoulders would be horrible. We'd find a way. It's fine. Finally can walk.
01:00:04
Speaker
Well, she shoots Clay a real dirty look though. She like slips on a rock and she looks at Clay like you did this. So who's taking lead? I have the glowing umbrella. I can take the lead. Also, I've done nothing today.
01:00:18
Speaker
You have just said uppies a whole bunch. I also asked some important questions like what does our target look like? That's an important question. You take point with your umbrella drawn and start going down the tunnel. Who is next? I'll go next.
01:00:36
Speaker
Yep. So we've got Faunalyn, then Clay, then Glimky bringing up the rear. Faunalyn, you start going down this tunnel. It winds a bit. It's this loose stone. What is your passive perception? 14.
01:00:53
Speaker
Okay, with a 14, faunalyn, you are walking along and about halfway down this tunnel, not that you know it's halfway, but after you've been going for a couple minutes, you see a tripwire, ankle height, across the ground. Stop. I stop. Good.
01:01:11
Speaker
Clay, did you stop? Yes. Why are we stopped? There's a thingy on the ground, like a trap. Oh. Oh, I'm a rogue. This is like the thing that I do. Okay. I'm going to poke at it. I would like to attempt to disarm a trap for the first time in Faunalyn's life ever. Do you have thieves tools? I do have these tools. I need you to make a dexterity check and you can add your proficiency bonus because you are using your thieves tools. So not a deck saving throw, just a base decks check? Correct. Dexterity check plus your proficiency.
01:01:40
Speaker
It's a four on Dex. Wait, can I cast guidance? It's a four plus max D four. Is it even worth, is it even worth casting? Can you roll a four? Actually I rolled a five. I'm sorry. I have a plus three to Dex. And your proficiency. Then I roll a six. I will allow guidance. Okay. We might limp our way to return. Is guidance a D four or a D six? D four. Good use of your spells today, by the way, Primo.
01:02:08
Speaker
Thank you. I think that was my last spell slot though. Is it guidance a cantrip or is it a spell? Oh, it's a cantrip. There we go. Okay. It's a D4.
01:02:20
Speaker
Oh, that's a 10. Oh man. Funnelen, you walk over, you pull out your thieves tools from somewhere in your wig or what have you. You pull out a little set of wire cutters and you go down to crimp the tripwire to disactivate it. And as you do, the rest of you watch
01:02:41
Speaker
as the cable goes slack and this wire that is stretched across the ground you glance up and you see it runs up along the wall up towards the ceiling where it is attached to a little bell. Faunalyn you don't see this and so as you cut the wire the bell drops but clay the light from Faunalyn's umbrella
01:03:03
Speaker
You watch as it shoots out at the bell, drawing your attention to it, and just before the bell hits the ground, you stick out your hand and you grab it, preventing it from making any noise. Wow. With the 10 I rolled, you got to be so cool. The 10 is what you needed to succeed. The 10 is what I needed for Clay to succeed. Cool.
01:03:24
Speaker
You're welcome. Let's remember that you rolled a six. You had a 25% chance with the guidance to succeed on this. You know what? That's on clay. It's all clay. Clay gets this one. And do I need to roll anything else? Nope. Wow. So you, Clay, catch this bell in your hand and finally you glance over and see Clay holding it.
01:03:46
Speaker
Where did that come from? It dropped when you cut the wire. Do you see any other traps around here that we should watch out for? Good question, and you're welcome for the bell. Do I see... Oh my god! Wait! Everyone shut up! I look for some rope and I want to take the bell and put it on the rope and then tie it around Clay's neck. Because she's a cow! You gave me a cow. Yay! I don't think I should be jingling for this mission, but I'll keep the bell. Okay.
01:04:15
Speaker
for a different occasion i'll put it on after okay you put the bell in your satchel where it won't make any noise but i make sure it's not jingling right yeah you stick a sock in it or something to stop it from clanging and yeah funnel in feel free to make a perception check
01:04:34
Speaker
Okay. I rolled a 15. What does Clay see? All right. You step forward umbrella drawn looking around for any further traps or deterrence. And it looks safe as you look down and you see, okay, there's clearly someone take a larger step in this part to step over, over the tripwire. But beyond that, everything looks regular going forward.
01:04:58
Speaker
Okay. Clay, lead the way. Me? I don't want to do it anymore. There's traps. Okay, sure. I pull ahead. You take the lead and you walk down the tunnel for another minute or so and it bends and it turns and it opens up into a somewhat sizable area, a cavern, if you will.
01:05:23
Speaker
There is this same loose stone around the ground. You see that there is a tent pitched on one side. And, closer to you, you see a woman. She appears to be a half-elf. She has shoulder-length dark hair. It falls in these waves. And she's got this wide-brimmed hat that's drawn low over her face and she's kind of
01:05:51
Speaker
sitting there, tending to a little cook fire that's just a little pot of soup is boiling on top of it. And as you step into this chamber, she glances up at you and immediately dives to a crossbow that's about five feet away. She rolls up onto her knee, points it at you and says, Who are you? What are you doing here? We're Rumpus and you are? Nanya. Nanya who?
01:06:23
Speaker
business. Oh, my God. Is this your friend? I've heard of her. She's got the crossbow pointed directly at you, Clay, and she says, I only ask one more time. What are you doing here? Oh, we're looking for a friend. We followed a dragon back here. She squints at you. I'm sorry, but you have to go. I won't allow you to see it.
01:06:54
Speaker
You won't allow us to see the dragon? So there is a dragon here. Can you at least give my friend back? That's all we want. We just... Yeah. We just want Stan, who seems to be mistakenly taken. It's a misunderstanding. Give me a persuasion roll. Ooh. That's still bad. Eight? If I say something, can I give advantage or not? Can I help? I say you did say something, so I'll allow it. I'll allow Clay to roll with advantage. Oh, nice. Okay. Thanks.
01:07:26
Speaker
I rolled a one. Oh, nice. She keeps the crossbow pointed at you. She doesn't make a move to shoot it, but she does not lower her weapon and says, what does this miss on the stand thing?
01:07:38
Speaker
Well, I mean, we had an agreement and I dig into my pocket and I pull out the acorn. You see, I was told that that dragon would help us in exchange for this, which was given to me by a spirit of a tree. And I believe that this dragon knew that I was friends with this person that it was taking. It would not have done that. So I think it's all just a big
01:08:04
Speaker
Misunderstanding. And if I am to fulfill this duty of planting the seed, I just need my friend back. He doesn't have any friends. I'm the only one he's ever known. Well, have you ever considered that perhaps friends keep secrets from one another? He doesn't have any friends. That you know of. I have cared for this creature since he was born. He spends most of his time here in the caves.
01:08:35
Speaker
He does not have any friends. Maybe friends is not the right term but he seems to have been called upon by a nature spirit.
01:08:46
Speaker
And whether you see that as a friend or an acquaintance or a boss, he came to our aid. And I'm very appreciative of that. But that very quickly turned into this. So again, if we can't see the dragon, could you perhaps check on our friend? Give me a persuasion roll. 23. So much better.
01:09:15
Speaker
She lowers the crossbow but keeps her finger on the trigger. I will check with Quigamon and see what has happened. But I do not want you staying here in my camp. That's totally fair. If it sweetens the deal, we do have two horses up there. Just, you know, we can toss that and sweeten the deal if he wants a trade. Just, you know. He does enjoy horse meat. Well, yeah. I will go speak with him. Okay, we'll wait down there.
01:09:46
Speaker
and she kind of keeps an eye on you but then walks past this this tent and you notice that there's another tunnel that leads further further into this system this cave system but yeah she kind of keeps an eye on you and then disappears from view you being the little shit disturbers that you are do you go back down the way you were told to go or are you gonna make this difficult i think we go back down because i like
01:10:12
Speaker
I'm going to be honest, it's been a long day and I'm feeling pretty beat up. And if that dragon doesn't like the deal and wants to make a fuss about it, I don't think I'll be much help. I think we should rifle. She didn't say where to go, right? Could we just loiter in the hallway outside of her camp? I'm going to walk down the cave. I'm going to use the last three points of my leon hands to heal myself. And I'm going to walk down the hallway at least a little bit.
01:10:41
Speaker
You step back down into the tunnel. Clay and Phonolin, are you rifling? I follow Grimkey. You don't have to. You can rifle. Well, what is there? What am I looking at? What is there to rifle? Anything promising? First glance, there is a tent. There is a cook fire with a couple pieces of like driftwood propped up next to it. You see some crates scattered about.
01:11:05
Speaker
What's on the crates? Any recognizable insignias, because we've seen crates with insignias before. These ones do not appear to bear any particular marking. Okay. Is there any indication of what might be in them? No, they're just unmarked crates. Okay. Anything else? First glance. That's all you see. Tent, crates, cook fire. I want to sneak over and take a glance in one of the crates. Okay. You're sneaking. I'm a rogue. I'm just always sneaking. Ah, ha ha ha. That is a 16.
01:11:36
Speaker
Okay, you sneak over and crouch down behind one of them and slide the lid off. And you see various food supplies, just basic provisions. Ugh, boring. I close it and I go join Glimpian. Ah, I can't rifle and then accomplish nothing. I'm gonna continue rifling. Let me check the other barrels. Great. Yeah, I say you poke around the other barrels. They all just seem to be salted meats and various provisions. You see that there's spare camping supplies.
01:12:05
Speaker
Hammer, some nails, basic stuff like that.
Disguise Plan as Princesses
01:12:09
Speaker
Some extra, extra tarp looks to be made from the same material as the tent. It seems like it's a pretty well-provisioned place for one person. Okay, boring. I hastily close things and run back to join Clay in Glinky.
01:12:26
Speaker
Okay. She comes back a couple of minutes later, glances around to see if anything looks tampered with. Doesn't see anything. This is what I do, baby. All right. So here's the situation.
01:12:44
Speaker
I have maybe told him since he was a little boy that dragons grow big and they grow strong and they acquire treasure and they maybe kidnap princesses. And he seems to have found himself a princess, although admittedly she is the ugliest princess I have ever seen. That's my friend, Sten. That's the misunderstanding. Princess Sten.
01:13:12
Speaker
I'm not familiar. What kingdom is she from? But you know what happens at the end of those stories? Do the dragons give the princesses back? I mean, the ones I tell him, no. I figured telling him stories about knights killing him or his kin would give him nightmares. I don't want to do that. So no, the dragon always wins in my stories. And becomes friends with the princess? You know,
01:13:39
Speaker
She kind of glances back up the tunnel and says, I think it's like a dog chasing its own tail. I don't think he really knows what is supposed to happen next. He's very young, you see. He's only four years old. Only four years old. Is that relevant? Or whatever. He stole the princess, so he did what dragons do and now we can have our friend back.
01:14:01
Speaker
I mean, hey, you're welcome to try and convince him. I won't stop you from going in there, but, uh, don't, don't come crying back to me if you get turned into ish lightning breath. It's even at that age leaves a mark and she kind of pulls back the color of her shirt a bit. And you see that there's this intricate web of scarring. It almost looks like leaves or branches of a tree that kind of just wraps all the way around her neck.
01:14:31
Speaker
I won't stop you. That's all you want. You're not here for anything else? What else is there? Yeah, what's on offer? Nothing's on offer. I'm not offering anything. I'm assessing your intentions.
01:14:47
Speaker
Okay, so we'll try to go and convince the dragon to let our friend go. I have an idea. We could dress ourselves up as princesses to go in there and talk to the dragon. I think we have to because I want to know what Glimky dressed up like a princess looks like. You can handle it. Faunalyn has so much extra face powder and rouge and she has so many bows in her hair to spare for other people and little butterfly clips.
01:15:18
Speaker
And there's ribbons just falling off of her. Sorry, why would we want to all look like the thing that he wants to keep? To convince him that... I don't know. I just feel like he'd be less likely to hurt us if we all are princesses. Oh, okay. So notoriously, though, they don't leave, right? That's what she said. The dragon wins.
01:15:44
Speaker
But the dragon doesn't know that. He's only four years old. We can teach him. But we have to teach him that you have to let princesses go. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, fuck it. Give me some. Skort me out. Makeover! This will definitely work. Yeah. Okay, what does Faunalyn have on her? And what does Clay have on her? Because we have got to pull this off. I have a disguise kit. Perfect.
01:16:10
Speaker
Oh my god, that's all we need. Oh, perfect. So we are glamming you two up. What did Sten's costume look like? We just need to be at that level of disguise. Sten's costume was some scraps of fabric loosely assembled into the shape of a dress and a mop as a wig. Okay, I can do that. So we don't need that much to pull this off.
01:16:35
Speaker
If we want to half-ass it, this is your first time doing drag and you want to embarrass yourself? No, absolutely not. Start coming up with a name while I do your makeup. I want to glam these two up and I want to snatch their waists. I want to just take their belts on their pants and tie them real tight. Rumparella. What am I rolling?
01:16:56
Speaker
I'd say make a deception check and you can add your proficiency bonus. If, I mean, you're probably already proficient with exception, but just we'll see, you know, 22 doesn't matter. Make a disguise check. You make a 22 fond one. I think you should probably tell us what each of them look like.
01:17:15
Speaker
Faunalynn incidentally is quite skilled with like sewing, a sewing kit. And I think she goes into this like fugue state and she's almost like the Madame Fauvamal for a minute where she's like muttering to herself. She's like, hmm, this waist, too smashed?
01:17:31
Speaker
No, never. And she's like, she's sewing. And she's like snip snipping with little scissors. And she's wrapping ribbons around you. And at the end, you are both so radiant and opulent in Faunalyn's eyes, which means to everyone else, you probably look really silly. But you have, like, your hair is voluminous. And you have bows and butterflies. And your cheeks are rosy. And you have been dusted with powder. And she's drawn little moles on each of your lips. And you are just ruffled and ridiculous. And she thinks that you both look so beautiful.
01:18:02
Speaker
Also, your clothes have been permanently altered. Amazing. Perfect. And final one, any adjustments to yourself? Now she's wearing pants. You're so right! She took the time to hike up her skirts and fashion herself some pants out of a lower petticoat.
01:18:23
Speaker
You were so right because princesses wear pants. Princesses do wear pants. Wow. So it's all this, we're all super princess stuff, but we're all wearing pants. Yeah. We're all not like other girls because we're royalty. Yep. So you spend a little while doing that under the watchful eye of the occupant of this cave. Yeah. What do they, what do they think of this whole thing?
01:18:51
Speaker
Yeah. They're kind of leaning back against a wall, arms crossed, crossbow still in hand, not aiming it at you. Just, they're not about to be jumped in case you guys
Confrontation with Blue Dragon Wyrmling
01:18:59
Speaker
turn on them. I think when I'm done, I like snip away the last piece of fabric and like brush it off of Clay's shoulder. And then I look at Nanya and I go, what do you think of my work? Pretty Ligma, right? Give me a deception roll. 17. I'm sorry. What is Ligma?
01:19:26
Speaker
Then I start walking into the other room. Oh shit, wait, balls! Okay. So, you walk down this tunnel, don't have to go very far, before it once again widens out into a larger chamber.
01:19:49
Speaker
Torches scattered around this cavern cast everything in a flickering yellow glow. The first thing you notice is an immense pile of bones, mostly fish, but a few from creatures much larger. Curled atop this pile is the creature you seek, a blue dragon wormling.
01:20:08
Speaker
Up close, you can fully appreciate his size. Sinui wings drape over the creature's live muscular form as it tears into the lightning charred remains of the horse it stole earlier today. Past the feasting dragon, you see a natural stone ledge maybe 15 feet off the ground. Scattered atop this ledge is a small treasure hoard.
01:20:32
Speaker
Coins reflect the torchlight and atop the pile is Sten Dexter, still tied up, still soaking wet, but seemingly unharmed. In the center of the chamber are three natural stone pillars, 10 feet wide and stretching from floor to ceiling. And beyond that, a tunnel that stretches into darkness. From where you're positioned, you can hear the gentle sound of lapping water, though you cannot see the source.
01:21:02
Speaker
As you're taking this all in, the dragon tears off one of Veronica's legs and throws it up into the air. The air begins to hum and a sudden burst of lightning temporarily blinds you. The dragon catches the leg in his hungry maw and begins to slowly chew on it, sighing contentedly. In a hushed tone,
Rescue Strategy for Sten
01:21:20
Speaker
I say, do you guys have any abilities to make yourself unseen? We have that dust. Oh, we could use the dust.
01:21:32
Speaker
What if we snuck over? What if we want to just talk to him? Did she say that he was open to a conversation? I can't recall.
01:21:39
Speaker
She said we could try to convince him. Yes, she said we might get blasted. Yes. Okay. Do you have enough dust to disappear all of us, including Sten, if things go bad? What I was thinking was just one of us gets dust of disappearance and save a little. I don't know how many uses it has. It has a single use. There's enough of it for one use. You can throw the dust into the air. You and each creature and object within 10 feet of you become invisible for 2D4 minutes.
01:22:08
Speaker
Okay. The duration is the same for all subjects, and the dust is consumed when the magic takes effect. Okay, so one of you, the sneakiest one, sneaks over to Sten, and you go, hey, Sten, let's turn invisible. And then you, you know, while the other two go talk to the dragon to give you an opportunity to sneak about.
01:22:35
Speaker
And if this is going south, then you use the dust and you yoink him and you run away. And then the other two of us, we'll figure it out. That doesn't sound good. Yeah, the thing I'm worried about is if we steal Sten and then try to talk to the dragon, it kind of undercuts her. No, no, no. We try to convince him while one of us is hidden. And then if the conversation starts to go poorly,
01:23:02
Speaker
you activate the dust of disappearance and turn yourself, or whomever it is, and Sten invisible, and then begin to make your way out. Okay. Well, I'm by far the sneakiest, respectfully. Glinky, you jangle like a keychain, and, um, Clay, you have a bell on you. Not on you, but in your backpack, so that could jingle at some point. Do you think Sten's going to freak out when he sees a six foot tall... me? Just say Clay. You're friends with Clay, you're good. Oh, okay. He loves Clay.
01:23:31
Speaker
Does he have a title, Your Highness, or is it just Sten? Just Sten. Okay.
Negotiation with Krigimon
01:23:36
Speaker
Feels impertinent to talk to a princess that way, but that's fine. Hold up. Does Fondolin think that Sten is actually a princess? Fondolin's never met Sten before, right? How's she? Fondolin didn't hear Sten talking about the plan. Fondolin thinks this is just a random woman that got snatched. We're all snatched now.
01:23:59
Speaker
19 on snatchiness, let's go. Okay, I will go rescue the princess and maybe she'll give me some hot goss. Get your sneak on. So you're taking the dust? Yes, give me the snuff. And what's the plan? Are you going first? Are you trying to sneak over there? No, I'm waiting till they create a diversion. Okay. Clay and Glimpy, you walk out into this chamber. Do you announce yourselves? What was its name again, sorry? We were told it in the previous room. Krigimon. And what was the lady's name?
01:24:29
Speaker
You never asked the lady her name. Uh, we did. We did. She said Nanya. Okay. I mean, I suppose you did ask the name admittedly and never followed up. I do want to talk to her when we go out. She's obviously an interesting person, but for now she's Nanya. I guess I'll call out to Krigimon. Oh, great dragon Krigimon. We seek a parlay.
01:24:53
Speaker
The creature's head whips around and looks at you. It tilts its head inquisitively like a dog. And then you watch as it dips its snout down into the pile of bones, and then quickly flips its head up, scattering a bunch of fish bones across the floor. Who dares to serve the great and mighty crickabon? Don't laugh. Nobody laugh.
01:25:19
Speaker
Nobody laugh at the dragon's voice. It is I, a princess named Rumpassilla. What is it? And I am Princess Rumpassilla. Princess Rumpassilla and Rumpassilla.
01:25:39
Speaker
Yeah, pretty close names for two pretty close close gals. I use sisters because I see the likeness. You know what we are. Yes. And good eye. Thank you. I am very smart. I can tell. Hey, what do you what do you what do you eat on there? I found the horse today. It's very delicious. Hold on. Did you get that horse from an altercation earlier on a road?
01:26:09
Speaker
there were some people fighting and there was like an old tree. Death! I woke up this morning and or last night I suppose after my nap. Alegara always makes me take a nap. I'm too big for naps but I woke up and I smelled something so delicious. I smelled a bunch of horses so I went out and I went really far. That's the farthest I've ever gone and I saw a bunch of horses so I dug down into the mud and then when they got close I burst out and it was so cool and then I
01:26:39
Speaker
I fried them and then I got this horse and he once again flips his nose into the bones and then like snaps down on the horse carcass and tears off a piece and starts chewing on it. That's amazing. So you just did that on your own volition, as I understand. Yeah, I smelled it and it was so yummy and I couldn't stay away. No one told you or instructed you to do that. No third party was involved in making you do that.
01:27:07
Speaker
kind of furrows its brow and says, no one tells Quigamon what to do. Oh, of course not. Except Eligara. Snap time. So Eligara is the woman outside. Yeah, she looked after me. That's very nice. Do you like her? Yeah, she's kind of like my mom. We don't look the same, but that's okay. Sometimes moms and their babies look different. Yeah, absolutely. I look very different from my mom. Oh.
01:27:36
Speaker
Yeah, she's more like her size since we're sisters. Ah. You know? Yeah. You're tall. I am. And you're a pretty big dragon too. Thanks. It's almost my birthday. No way. Oh, when's your birthday? I think next month.
01:27:55
Speaker
Wow. And how old will you be? I'll be, and he sticks in his claw and there's like five digits. I'll be this many years old. Oh wow. My goodness. A big five. That's awesome. Yeah. And then I don't have to take naps anymore. Unless I want to, because sometimes I like taking naps. Yeah. Naps are pretty good. He's so cute. I actually can't. Hey.
01:28:25
Speaker
big guy since, you know, since you're almost five. Yeah. You wouldn't still be collecting princesses, would you? Like, that's little dragon stuff. Alegarth the dragon's kidnapped princesses is what we do when we get big and strong. We go and we find princesses and then we kidnap them. Well, that's like to get big and strong, right? Yeah. And you're already big and strong. I bet you've captured lots of princesses. Is that right?
01:28:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, we're already going to be five. You're looking big and strong. That's like, that's what I mean. Like that's a little dragon stuff. Now you're big dragon. You don't need to keep doing that. Oh, what am I supposed to do?
01:29:11
Speaker
Oh, man. Now it's all about the horses, all about horses. Yeah. Like you got right there. I like horses. Horses are. Yeah. Yeah. There's you know, they're bigger and they're stronger. Princesses are easy picking, you know, easy picking. That's not a challenge. And dragons like you need to be challenged five five years old. Give me give me a persuasion role. Can I help with advantage? Yeah, for sure.
01:29:41
Speaker
Okay, first one was a 17. Next one was a non-mat 20. I don't know. I liked catching this princess. It was fun. Of course it's fun, but it's just like that's like little dragon stuff. It was like, do me a favor. Would you do me a favor real quick?
01:30:02
Speaker
Mmm... Okay, maybe- No, I don't- Quigamon doesn't do any favours! No, this is- this is for you. Just take a deep breath, take a deep sniff, and tell me if you can smell any other horses nearby.
01:30:20
Speaker
Maybe. And then he glances over at his tail and snaps at it and then looks back and sees the horse and says, there it is. And grabs onto it and kind of rips out one of Veronica's ribs. Not quite, not quite. There's, I have reason to believe there's, there's a couple more horses in the area. Who are you?
01:30:38
Speaker
You're weird. Yeah, but like, who are you? You just, we don't get visitors very often. Ever. Well, you're right. Sorry. We never get visitors. I should have given some more explanation. We're, we're actually triplets. You know what triplets are? Yeah. There's three sisters that all look alike. Yeah, I know. I knew that. Yeah. So there's how many of us is there now? Just two, right? Is this a trick? No, no, there's three of us, but one's missing. Oh.
01:31:08
Speaker
And I think that you took our sister, our triplet sister. I think your sister. Yes. Oh, we'll cower before that might be quick on that. So we're just here. Yeah, we're just here to look for our sister because I think
Successful Rescue of Sten
01:31:25
Speaker
you accidentally snatched her up and you thought she was a princess. And in reality, she's not. She's just a lady who was out in a field. What do you mean?
01:31:37
Speaker
You snatched up a woman who's not a princess. He scrunches up his nose and you hear like this faint crackling of energy and he looks up into the air and just blasts a chunk of rock out of the ceiling with his lightning breath. No, that's a princess. I know what a princess looks like and I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I, I wouldn't just kidnap a lady. I would, I'm smart and I know what a princess is and that's a princess. So.
01:32:04
Speaker
I you're right. Like, that's that's totally true. You are you are smart. You're big. You're almost five. You wouldn't make a mistake like that. Under normal circumstances, of course. But you know, we were playing a little we're playing a little game. We're playing princess. And you know, that's, that's probably why you got you were mistaken. Are you not princesses either? No.
01:32:33
Speaker
At this point, he rears back up onto his hind legs and his wings stretch out. And he starts flapping them aggressively. These fish bones come scattering across the floor towards you. And he says, lie, Earth! You come into my home and you lie to me? Grigamon, no, no, no, no, Grigamon. I will let you live.
01:32:55
Speaker
And I will let you take your pretend princess with you. But I want a ransom. Because that's what dragons do, I think. Yeah, of course. You're so right. What do you want for your ransom?
01:33:12
Speaker
Do you have any cool treasure? I've got a horde, do you see? And it's pretty cool, but I want more treasures. Most of this stuff, most of the stuff's actually Alegara's, but she just like, she gave it to me because I'm so powerful, but I'm trying to build up my own horde, and I gotta get more treasure. That sounds like a pretty good, pretty good endeavor. Or, there's something in that city.
01:33:37
Speaker
and i don't know what it is i'm not supposed to go that far but sometimes i try and go see it because i want to see it because i think there's a lot of horses there and treasure but there's something i can't i can't get into the city there's something that keeps me out of the city
01:33:54
Speaker
Um, have you ever played with magnets? Magnets are so cool. Have you? Yeah. All agar gave me some magnets. She made them herself and they're so cool. And it's like that. I try and go to the city, but it's like, it's like the magnets are pushing me away. You know, I think that's, to be honest, keeping you safe. Cause I don't think the city people are very nice. Could be very dangerous for a dragon.
01:34:23
Speaker
Clay, make a religion check for me. And I'll say you can make this with advantage. Okay, thank God. Why is my religion minus one? That's not good. Ten. That is shocking. You know, Clay, magnets are cool. Yeah. I get it. I think that... What about you, Thing? Keeping me safe? More like it's keeping the city safe, because I'm so big and powerful. Yeah.
01:34:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. Yeah. Yep. But you don't need to go to the city to get treasure. I want to go to the city! Anyways, I dig into my bag and I pull out the case of pretty silverware that I took from the cart. And I jingle it. This is some really fancy silverware that I got. And I would happily trade that for our beloved triplet sister.
01:35:22
Speaker
he skitters off, like kind of starts to climb down off the bone pile towards you, but then kind of loses his balance and tumbles and rolls down in the spine and bones, and then like lands at your feet and scampers over. He towers over you, even at like this young age. And he looks down at the silver and says, that's pretty cool stuff right there. But I don't know if it's worth a pretend princess.
01:35:45
Speaker
because she fooled me and I'm pretty hard to fool. So that means she'd probably fool a lot of other people. So they'd all think I've got a real princess in my collection. What about this? I pull out the Fabergé silver egg as well that I took from the card. Now we're talking. Do you have anything else? I think it's those two things or I have another idea. What's that?
01:36:15
Speaker
Oh, we also have a horse. Horses? Yeah. Horses, two pieces of silverware, or? I ate some little horses the other day, and they were weird. They were little. And he gestures over to a skeleton of what's clearly a goat. Yum. Hey. Hey. I feel like we're friends now.
01:36:40
Speaker
You wish you were friends with me. I'm so cool. Honestly, you should bow because I'm so big and powerful. I bow. I also bow. That's more like it. I think you two should stay here and be my minions. When your mom tells you stories, does she read them from a book? Is she just telling you out loud?
01:37:03
Speaker
no she she she just tells them to me she's really good at telling stories so where do you think those stories come from and she's good at painting he ignores you and just like scampers up the bone pile and like stretches his wings like a parrot you know that like has had like a slight wings trimmed it manages to careen through the air and like lands up on the shelf next to stan and it uh
01:37:25
Speaker
grabs something in his claw and it holds up like a framed painting of this woman on a bridge that's kind of cast and mist. And he says, See, she painted this too. She's really, she's really good at making stuff. Wow. So have you ever thought about who those stories are about? Yes.
01:37:43
Speaker
like the dragons and you know who yeah they're about dragons yeah but like do they ever say their names sometimes yeah well okay look at look at this and I pull out the book called the lightning wolf that I had it's like this this book is a big story that is talks about this powerful lightning imbued wolf that sounds kind of like sounds kind of like you a little bit does it not lightning
01:38:09
Speaker
Dragon? Well, what if, you know, if you let us go, we tell a great story about the lightning dragon and we put it in the pages of a book. So when other little dragons are growing up, they're getting told stories about you. Yeah. The amazing crick-a-mon. Give me a persuasion roll with advantage once more. I got a 19. That sounds pretty cool. Can I, can I have that book?
01:38:38
Speaker
No, I mean, we'll make you a book. I don't want to be made into a book. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll tell great stories about all the adventures you have. Like that story you- I want to read about the Lightning Wolf. Oh, okay. Let Mickey give her a book. Okay, but if I- Ah, man. If I give you the book, though, okay. Yeah. You have to let our sister, Janantha,
01:39:05
Speaker
Go. Including us. All of us have to go. All three of us. None of this genie crap. All three of us get to go. And you get to keep the book, The Lightning Wolf. And you get your mom to read it to you. Maybe she'll paint a picture of you. Oh. She's never painted a picture of me before. She always paints like people on bridges and wagon wheels. And is that what
Return Home and New Plan
01:39:29
Speaker
they call it? The things in the water and swans.
01:39:33
Speaker
Swans are like, I'll give you the book if you let us go. Give me one final persuasion check with advantage. I kid you not, I rolled the same thing twice, 10 plus four, 14. He thinks about it for like a long minute and says,
01:39:56
Speaker
Okay, you can add the treasure to my pile, my considerable hoard, and you may take your pretend sister princess with you. Okay, I put the book down on the pile. I put my egg down too. Oh, I have to give that up too. And the silverware. And then I go, Stenethal, let's go.
01:40:22
Speaker
Hey, Stan, let's go. Oh, hi, Clay. How are you doing? Hi, Stan. I'm good. It's going pretty good, I think. But there's one kid. Stan? Nope, sorry. Let's go. Come on, let's go. Come on, Stan. We can talk out there. Stan is tied up, but you pull a dagger and cut him loose and help him climb down off the ledge and start to make your way to the tunnel that you came in. And Kregelmann says, one more thing.
01:40:48
Speaker
Mm hmm. Keep going. As a sign of my mercy and strength, I will bestow upon you a gift. Oh. And he reaches down into this pile of bones he's perched upon and pulls out a single blue dragon scale and holds it out to you. Oh, snap. OK. Yes, please. As the scale comes close to you, Clay, that amulet that Father Orrick gave to you at the church, it starts to pulse faintly against your chest.
01:41:18
Speaker
like good or bad, warm or cold? Warm. Warm is good. I guess I like Glimky Take. Sure. Yeah, as Glimky grabs it, it's, uh, yeah, you feel almost like shots of electricity dancing around the ball. You feel just like pulsing energy moving across your chest. Fondling. Yes. You see that they have successfully negotiated with this creature. You go to back up out of there to turn around and you see,
01:41:49
Speaker
A few feet away is this woman who has been identified as Alegara. She's got this wide brimmed hat on. She's got the crossbow drawn. It is a bolt loaded, but she does not have it raised. And as you watch Clay and Glimky and Sten come towards you, she kind of just backs up into the tunnel on silent feet. Doesn't say anything, just goes back the way she came.
01:42:18
Speaker
Hmm, what's up dog with her? I guess I held off on sneaking towards Sten because I was waiting for the right moment. But it kind of seems like when they start to head out, I think I kind of sneak after them and just try to I heard them say three princesses like a lot of times like an unnecessary amount of times they specified that there were three of them. So I just like assumed that I should stay hidden even though I'm the fairest princess of all.
01:42:47
Speaker
The queen, aw. You exit through the tunnel, you hear the sound of pages turning, and the faint sound of the dragon saying, whoa, this is so cool. And before long, you are back in the camp area. Yay, we did it. Is anyone else having a panic attack?
01:43:14
Speaker
That was so cool. I've never seen a dragon that close up before. Me neither. He was very cute and sweet, I think, but obviously incredibly powerful. So Stan, what did you learn?
01:43:27
Speaker
Thanks for getting me out of there, but, uh, turns out there's no princesses to be found. I tried asking him, but he just said, you're the princess and all that. And that's just the way a cookie crumbles, I guess, on all Sten Dixter. Speaking of which, do you have any cookies? I've been in that field for two days and then a cave for a wise couple hours. Oh, do I have any food to give him?
01:43:51
Speaker
You probably have some rations while you're like rooting around in your pockets. The woman walks over to the soup pot and ladles in a little, a little bit of stew into a little, a little cup and brings it over to Stan. And he says, much obliged to you. I'm Stan Dexter. I'm elegant. Pleasure to meet you. Now, if you're all finished here, perhaps you can depart. Yeah, let's get out of here.
01:44:20
Speaker
Thank you for letting us talk to your dragon. Very impressive. Thank you. Impressive bit of deception and supplication. Well, sounds well. It's all the whale that ends well. That's what I always say on Stendexter.
01:44:38
Speaker
What is happening? Stan, are you good? It's been, I'm assuming you didn't sleep very well. I spent two days standing in a field looking
Encounter with Alegara
01:44:46
Speaker
for a dragon and then I found the dragon and did not find the princess. So honestly, I'm devastated. Guess I'll go back to the tannery for the rest of my days. Never to depart. Your Highness, why would you go to a tannery and not your pal? Excuse me. Your Highness, Lady Faunan and Vedark.
01:45:05
Speaker
Sten extends this ink-stained hand to you and says, hi, Sten Dexter at your service. I'm a professional princess hunter. Well, I guess I'm more of an amateur princess hunter because I've never been paid for my efforts, but... Yes. Doing what I can with the time I'm given. Because you're professionally a princess. No, I'm Sten Dexter. I work at the tannery. With me dead. So, finally, did you think he's a real princess? No! No, I didn't. He's clearly a man with tanned hands.
01:45:34
Speaker
Princesses come in all packages. Look at the two of you. No, because then he would be a prince. See, I would understand the logical jump to prince. I'm no etymologist, but I think your friend here is correct. Hey, good to see you again, little guy. It's been quite some time. Couple days, I think. Yeah, for an hour, man. Yeah. As he like takes his hand away, he like brushes up against his pocket, says, oh, son never sits on Sten's empire. And he pulls out a meat patty and starts chewing on it.
01:46:04
Speaker
What does that mean, Paddy? It's clearly stale. I'm sorry your plan didn't work out at the end, Stan. It was so good. You're so close, too. I think I really dropped it at the last second. I mean, I was one princess in a cave short of finding the princess in a cave. You were all the way there. Yeah, everything else you said worked.
01:46:24
Speaker
I honestly, and I'm not saying this to be destructive. I honestly think if you don't have to be back at the tannery, you should go stand in another field because I genuinely think you're on to something. That is a 12.
01:46:41
Speaker
I think that's a damn good idea it is. Hold on. No, Stan, you obviously this plan went very well, but I think maybe your your big old brain of yours is probably better put to something else than this. This plan didn't work. Why would you do it again? It's not like he's got a kingdom to run or anything. So I don't see why he shouldn't. You know, he's obviously got a big brain. Clay, I've got a new idea. Okay, hit me.
01:47:06
Speaker
I clearly tricked your friend here into thinking I was a princess and that dragon thought I was a princess too so what if we go to the king and say we found your daughter here she is and it's me and then you ask for my wish to become a wizard and then I think that's about it really we just have to trick one more person and we've got a mate in the shade god dang it that's almost so sound it's so close but I have reason to believe that the
01:47:31
Speaker
the father of the daughter may have a better inkling on the legitimacy of your claim. Yeah. If you do that, then you'll be a princess, then you won't be able to be a wizard. Well, can't argue with that, I suppose. Let's put something else to the test here, Sten. Boats. What comes to mind? Boats. We want a big boat, a ship even. We want to get over to the anchor's chain. What do you know about that, my man? How would you get over there?
01:48:02
Speaker
I reckon I would tie little worms to my feet and walk into the water until perhaps a shark or a dragon turtle showed up and then I would stand upon it and I would ride it to the anchor's chain. What if it bit your feet off? Nope. Let's go home. You should do the field thing again. Okay. Hot tip from me. I think maybe, you know what? Let's go find some worms probably somewhere we can get them back in Ernie and we'll put that to the test.
01:48:30
Speaker
Hang on, I'm sorry. It's just occurred to me. Glimky, did you tell the juvenile dragon that he could have our horses? As you say that, you hear a roar from outside, and the sound of two horses quickly snuffed out. Ah, the horses that were pulling the carriage that we rode here? Sorry. I feel like I did something wrong, and I don't know why that is.
01:48:57
Speaker
There's a weird energy coming from this side of the room that's kind of throwing me off. It's just, how are we meant to ride a carriage when you've offered our horses up? And I believe you said that you didn't want anything in exchange for them, that he could just have them. Well, we have Sten, so. Oh, I made it. In the grand exchange of things, I think we're up on this one. Oh, Sten, can you pull a carriage? Yeah. Perfect. Sorry, I doubted you, Glimky. Yep, and you should never tell me again. Let's go.
01:49:26
Speaker
Now, again, if you don't mind, I would kindly ask you to leave my home. Oh, you've been here the whole time. That's so crazy. Yes, you've been standing in my living room and kitchen and also, well, not quite bedroom. That's that. And she points at the tent. Let's go. Let's leave. Is that your son? The matter of speaking. He's got, you know, he's got big dreams. And I hope that with the right direction, he becomes a hero and not a villain, you know?
01:49:54
Speaker
Of course. Comes down to the parents. Say it's the teachers who come down to the parents. Same. Alright, read him his storybook, I gave him a good book. So, it's supposed to be for my sister, but I gave it to your son, so make a decent. I will be sure to tell him all the best stories of the lightning wolf. Yep. I want to ask this woman so many questions, but I can't think of a reason to justify asking them. Like, why do you live in a cave? Why are you wrangling a dragon? I don't know. What's your deal? Where did you come from?
01:50:23
Speaker
You ask a load of questions. I wasn't speaking to you. I was speaking to my colleagues about you. This is none your business, breaker of chains. I just thought you were kind of cool and mysterious. And when I meet cool and mysterious people, I am curious to know the hot goss about them or their acquaintances. Oh my God, you don't know Lady Electra Voon of Sunfall. Like you don't say I've ever made acquaintance with a Lady Voon of Sunfall. I've been here for the last multiple years.
01:50:52
Speaker
Hmm, okay. Do you have any hot goss? Not to be like a wet blanket or anything, but I'm just trying to keep my business. Which is your business. Hot goss, but you. What's your business? You know, believe it or not, I don't feel like opening up my heart and my story to a group of strangers who came in, put on an elaborate drag show, and then had a 20 minute conversation in my living room without acknowledging me. It's nothing personal, but I think the less we know about each other, the better. I hope to never see you again.
01:51:22
Speaker
Okay, well, that's on me because I thought the DM had written an interesting backstory for this character and I wanted to give the DM a chance to reveal it, but... He did! And instead of looking in her tent, you looked in a bunch of crates at boxes of shoestrings. Okay, Nanya, let's get out of here. Can you go over there and close your eyes? Nope. Okay, I guess we'll never know.
01:51:44
Speaker
Take care. Hey man, I tried. It's none of our business, I guess. So
Morning at Berthold Manor
01:51:55
Speaker
you head out through the tunnel. As you're leaving, she says, well, it's your step. There's an alarm in the hall. Thanks. You get back to the cave pool and you see that your boat has been dislodged. That's okay. There's another one.
01:52:16
Speaker
that's actually so valid you hop in this other rowboat and as you're like untying it you watch as the dragon comes bursting past you dives into the water like kind of coast into the cave and then dives into the water with two horses one in each claw dives down into the water past you and does not resurface oh he's like he's he's got other ways around down here oh
01:52:41
Speaker
You climb in. It's a very tight fit. This rowboat is really meant for maybe a couple of people at most. So you pile in on clean shoulders. It's all good. You row out. You see the fishing boat has drifted out of the cave is maybe 20 feet offshore. You're slowly being pulled out into the ocean. Can I reach it? I mean, you could row out to it. If I use the magic rope as a lasso, can I pull it back? Slither forth, magic rope. Yeah, slither forth.
01:53:11
Speaker
Give me a dexterity check. 14. You get a little closer, but you shoot the rope out and as it flies through the air, it coils and wraps itself into a lasso and then lands on the prow of the ship. There's a little, little knob. Hey, if you're a sailor,
01:53:31
Speaker
Comment down below. What's that knob mean? I don't know. Ships have knobs sometimes. Anyway, it pulls itself tight and you are able to tow it back to shore. It's a lot of work. You're now rowing four people plus a whole ass fishing boat behind you, but you managed to bring it to shore. Nice. Are you dragging it back to the home? Yeah, I'm returning the boat.
01:53:54
Speaker
It takes you a while. You eventually bring the boat back down the coast towards that house where it was docked before. The lights in the house have gone out and you return the ship. You climb back up the cliffs, or maybe you take the stairs. I don't care. What am I? God, I guess. Sure. Thank you. Nice of you to say. And start walking back towards Erdening. It's a bad Marvel villain monologue. What am I? God?
01:54:22
Speaker
Maybe. You walk past, you see these two scorch marks in the grass where the horses were next to the carriage. Senn says, all right, then hop on board and we'll get you back to town in no time at all. You climb aboard and it's made apparent within the first minute that he does not have the strength to pull this carriage and decide maybe you're better off on foot. Okay, let's walk.
01:54:50
Speaker
It takes you a few hours. It's late at night. It's probably two in the morning, but eventually you see the beacon fire of Erdenin. The bale fire, this ever burning presence in the city above the castle. You see it there and continue on your way, eventually reaching the city. There's some guards on duty at the front gate. You explain who you are and they let you in. You
01:55:17
Speaker
travel through the streets, you get to the silver district and then says, well, thanks for all your help. I haven't fully examined the perils that I was subjected to today, but I have an inkling I may have died without your assistance. So thank you for that, Clay. Much obliged to you. Yeah, anytime. Next piece of fabric, I'll die for free. Don't you worry. OK, you let me know if you have any more ideas about how to find the princess. I've got a million. We can help each other out.
01:55:46
Speaker
He chats your head off for a few minutes, being like, so if we dress ourselves up like sheep, then probably the hill giant will try and eat us. And then sometimes they eat princesses, so while we're in its stomach, we might find her. And it just goes on and on like that. Eventually you say good night. Faunalyn escorts you up the Oceancrest Bridge across it, pass the guards into the Sapphire District, and eventually you make it back to Berthold Manor. You let yourselves in through the front gate and
01:56:14
Speaker
Part. For the evening. Clay and Glimke, you return to your servant's quarters. You have a single room, but despite her grumblings, there are now two beds. Ooh. Wow. Generous. Faunalyn, you return to your chambers. Clay.
01:56:37
Speaker
You were thinking about magnets earlier. Mm-hmm. And the amulet on your chest feels like a magnet. You feel it pulling ever so slightly towards Glimky ever since Krigimon gifted him that scale. Glimky, can we take a look at that scale that Krigimon gave you? Yeah, of course. And I pull it out and I just give it to Clay. I think it's reacting with my amulet and then can I like hold them out and see what's happening?
01:57:06
Speaker
The scale, when you bring it close to the amulet, snaps onto it. And now there is this black orb with a single blue scale, firmly fixed to it. You kind of dig your fingers in, try and pry it up, and it does not come off. As it does so.
01:57:22
Speaker
You feel a sudden surge of power within you. You feel a strengthening. We haven't really discussed your relationship with Macrog, but you've been an attendee of the church for many years, spent a lot of formative time within the confines of the church, and you feel a sudden closeness with this deity that you have never felt before. There's a sudden surge of power. You feel like dragon fire burning within you, crackling like electricity, and then it fades away.
01:57:54
Speaker
Your amulet is now a plus one. Ooh, cool. So any spells you cast have an additional plus one to the saving throw and spell attacks will have a plus one to them as well. That's awesome. Cool. The two of you go to sleep as do you Phonolin.
01:58:18
Speaker
You catch some much-needed sleep in a proper feathered bed, but you awaken early in the morning to the sound of urgent knocking.
01:58:30
Speaker
Fallow bursts into the room in her servants uniform, in her proper work clothes, but she has a little bit of a wild look to her eyes and says, get up, get up. Oh my God, what's happened? What's happened? Have I slipped in? You have a collar. Oh, it's good news. Oh, I thought something had been murdered or something. Oh my God, Fallow, why didn't you do the good news knock?
01:58:51
Speaker
i'm sorry i just i got so excited no it's okay i was just really worried that something bad had happened like you had died but of course you haven't died because you're here but i was really worried for you i'll give you the bad news knock if i die okay thank you and it will be very bad news indeed what are we talking about oh my god snatch me she tights the corset tighter than it's ever been that i sleep in my sleep corset your sleep corset pulls it tight and as she's doing so she says
01:59:19
Speaker
The honorable Xerxes Humiliation is here. No. And wishes to speak with you most urgently. Oh my god, fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow. Okay, you must go get Grimki and Clay. I mean, I mean Florifauna and Reginald Chapstick.
01:59:35
Speaker
Why? Because they're my accomplices and there's a plot and Xerxes humiliation is I'm quite certain embroiled in it. This is not an innocent visit unless he's in love with me in which case it will not be an innocent visit because we will have sex but it might otherwise in any event it's probably not an innocent visit.
01:59:55
Speaker
Okay, well, I'll go get your friends, and I just think it's a little odd that you're going to take your collar with the gardener that started two days ago, and might I add, skip the last two shifts? These aliens look terrible. These aliens look terrible! No! Grimke's
Meeting with Xerxes Humiliation
02:00:11
Speaker
going to be devastated! Well, maybe he should show up to work. Oh, okay, okay. That's what you're going to do.
02:00:17
Speaker
You're going to tell Krey to come be my lady's maid in the room with me. That's fine. It's fine to have an attendant, a chaperone. It's elegant. And you're going to tell Grimki to get to his azaleas post-haste. Can you do that for me, Fallow? Yes, of course. You are simply the best. You're looking well, by the way. Are you sleeping okay? Thank you. I was able to afford a new pillow with the money you gave me. Oh! I hope you bought more than a pillow. That was like months of wages.
02:00:45
Speaker
I also bet pretty heavy on a horse race. Did you win? No. Next time, fallow. You know what? You'll get him next time. Always bet on the black horse. Yes. The problem was there was four black horses and it made it very difficult for me. I also wasn't wearing my glasses, so. Oh, well, you don't need to see the horses to know which ones are fast. It's in the name. That's so true. If it's named like Zoomer, that's the one.
02:01:11
Speaker
What are we doing? What are we doing? Your, your fortunes. My fortunes. May have turned around or you're about to be murdered. Either way, it's very exciting. Yes. Yes. And if I get murdered, I'll do the bad news knock for you. Thank you. And I will bad news knock on your coffin. And I will bad news knock from hell. That sounds about right. Yes. We both know. We both know. I mean, you'll be there too. Yes. Well, you know, save a seat for me. Gambling is a sin, you know. I pray for your soul, though none of the gods listen to me.
02:01:40
Speaker
I burned those bridges years ago. Okay, humiliation. You watch as she hurries away while you finish getting ready. Clay and Glimpkey, there is a knock on the door. You open it to find this old woman who you have not really had a proper interaction with. And she says, you, tall one.
02:02:02
Speaker
Yes. Finally needs you. You. Get to the Azaleas. They're looking dreadful. Wooly, frankly, cannot be trusted with anything more involved than a pine tree. That's horribly embarrassing. I'm so sorry. I'll deal with them. Thank you. What am I thanking you for? Do your job. Whatever fraudulent scheme she's got you all embroiled in, just at least make it look good. There's nothing fraudulent about taking care of plants.
02:02:30
Speaker
fight and she stomps away. Knowing that Glinky is 80 years old makes this so funny because Glinky's the same age as a fellow. That's so funny. It's just two old people arguing over Azaleas. That's so funny. I didn't know he was 80 years old. I'm still a child. So Glinky, you rush out to tend to the Azaleas. Clay, you find there's a servant's uniform that's been laid out for you to your specifications for both of you. Oh, what does it look like?
02:02:58
Speaker
Well, Glimky, yours has one of those gardeners aprons with little pockets for shears and different gardening tools. Nice. Clay, yours is a pretty simple but ultimately nice dress. You've got a pretty cushy job, all things considered. It's a rather neutral cream tone. Maybe it's not really your cup of tea. You seem more like a pants wearing type, but
02:03:21
Speaker
like all princesses. Like the princess you are, but, you know. I'm in shorts under you. Yeah, definitely. So you hurry upstairs and you meet Faunalyn in the hallway and she's coming down the stairs. Oh, we're going to turn those into pants for you. This is not your look. Not good. Well, you look good. I mean, you're like six foot tall and jacked. Obviously you look good, but I just, I just, I don't know something about this. You look, you look uncomfortable.
02:03:50
Speaker
I'll tailor it for you later. Okay, thank you. Anyway.
02:03:53
Speaker
Here's the deal. Xerxes Humiliation is here to see me. Oh. So quick recap. I went to a party at Humiliation House. I shared a dance with Xerxes Humiliation. We had coded speech. I honestly can't remember if we flirted or not because the next night I received a letter from Humiliation House and then someone attempted to murder me and I survived through cunning will. And then, as we know, Humiliation is at the center of this plot because we find it very likely that the princess has been taken away on a Humiliation ship
02:04:23
Speaker
Also, we found your friend's dead body. Patrick passed hands, I think his name was. Yes, we found his dead body next to humiliation crates. So however this goes, it's going to be interesting. I wanted Glimpy here, but Fallow rightfully pointed out that having a gardener sit in with you is maybe not normal. You can invite him to take a walk in the gardens. Oh my god, Clay. Is it is it painful to be so brilliant?
02:04:51
Speaker
Yes. Okay. Game face. I push my fan out and I walk in fluttering myself. Okay. I follow behind too. That's all you have to do. That's exactly what a lady's maid would do. You're killing it.
02:05:06
Speaker
You walk into the entry hall of Berthold Manor and you see one Xerxes humiliation standing there. He is a tiefling man in his early 30s. He has gray skin, the same as his father.
02:05:26
Speaker
but perhaps a slightly lighter shade. He's got some horns that curl ever so slightly. And as he's standing there, there's this large window casting sunlight into the entry hall. You see that he casts no shadow. Oh, cool. Weird.
02:05:45
Speaker
As you approach, he bows deeply and says, Lady Faunrin, I must apologize that I did not call upon you sooner. The city has been in such a state of turmoil ever since the dear princess went missing, and I do apologize for that. No, no, no apologies necessary. To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from the honorable Xerxes Humidiation?
02:06:08
Speaker
I wish to apologize for the unpleasantness at the drifting terraces. It is my understanding that my family seal was used to lure you there, and I must assure you that we do not know how this happened. It seems that someone used our family seal for nefarious purposes.
02:06:36
Speaker
And I do apologize. Once again, I should have called upon you immediately. It is most shameful that I did not. My friend, you are wilting like a flower under the weight of this burden that you have carried. I assure you, there is no need for an apology. I have survived. I am very robust. And I think perhaps some sunlight might perk you up. So would you accompany me for a walk in the garden? We can discuss further. I have, as you can imagine, many questions.
02:07:03
Speaker
That would be most agreeable. Thank you. Excellent. And I'm going to take his arm and pull him towards the... By the way, guys, please take note. Faunalyn can be normal. She just chooses not to be. As you take his arm, you're drawn closer to him and you smell cologne that is masking the smell of brimstone that lies underneath. And he steps out into the garden with you. These are the
02:07:35
Speaker
Hey man, why don't you s- Give them a little bit of breathing room, you know? These are under some intensive care. The other gardener, he's really giving them a hard time. Sorry. Am I on a line here?
02:07:50
Speaker
No, I was going to say, because you know that thing where plants, if you talk at them, they grow better. So I was going to say, why don't the honorable Baron Humiliation and I stand near the Azaleas where Reginald Chapstick is working and perhaps I... I'm not the Baron. My father, of course, is the Baron. Pardon me. The Baronet, maybe.
02:08:08
Speaker
honorable Xerxes humiliation my title is honorable i got i got it right the first time so sorry i'm a little high strung your gardener is a little uppity yes he's already spoken so much more than a gardener need spirit i'm just passionate about the plans of the deer watering them just imagine you like individually watering azaleas with like a pipette like reflecting sunlight around a corner with a mirror
02:08:36
Speaker
Okay, the honorable Xerxes humiliation. Wow, that is such a mouthful. What do your friends call you? Xerxes or Zerk. Are we friends? I would like to be. Then I will call you Xerxes and you may call me Lady Faunalyn instead of Lady Vedark. Your name is a fine honey upon my lips. Okay.
02:08:58
Speaker
Thank you, and your name is, like, bacon grease on a fire. Which is good, I think. It smells good. It's good. I was thinking about, like, fire and brimstone. I don't know why. You honor me.
02:09:12
Speaker
That was the intention. So, obviously I've received a letter from your house and I know of course it was no fault of your own and I certainly don't hold it against you or against your admirable parents. But do you know how someone with ill intentions was able to seal a letter with your seal?
02:09:32
Speaker
I'm afraid we do not know. We think perhaps someone broke into my father's study and utilized our seal to manufacture that letter, or perhaps it was merely a forgery.
02:09:49
Speaker
It is difficult to say. The seal was not stolen, though I suppose if you are trying to carry out such a harmful, wicked scheme, it would hardly be prudent to steal the seal. Right. But, as I said, I am very sorry that the letter caused you such harm, and I wish to perhaps replace it with a kinder letter. Yes, that's how letters work, obviously, so go ahead.
02:10:19
Speaker
I would be attending the ball at House Priamly. My dear friends, Bip and Bap, I believe you met them at our last engagement. The dwarves? No, but that is fine. It was a whirlwind event. My father puts on quite the event. In fact, perhaps it was during this event that someone stole the seal. I'm thinking of the redukes. Carry on. A common mistake. They share certain... the foreheads.
02:10:45
Speaker
Yes, auspicious foreheads. But it is perhaps a difficult time for such an event, but I believe it will do the nobility good to socialize and carry on as if the world is still, well, not quite spinning, but floating still in space while the sun and the moon float above it ever-present. Yes. A crow ceviche is the dish of the evening. It'll be most delectable, I am told.
02:11:13
Speaker
I've had persovice, and it's delightful. It's not my favorite of the small bird's ceviches. But it's not bad. Well, perhaps, prepared inappropriately, it can result in terrible outbreaks of flu and petulants, but... oh, pestilence, perhaps. But, uh...
02:11:29
Speaker
No, in fact, Coincidence also, that's one of the symptoms. I'm most passionate when my ceviche, Crow, is prepared inappropriately. Yes, people get sepsis, and they're shitting themselves, and they're really whiny bitches about it. It's what makes it such a little treat. And such a devastating illness. What? That is to say, those should be dancing in Crow's ceviche. Yes. I hope you will do me the honor of being my accompanying me this evening.
02:11:58
Speaker
this it would be my honor of course you must know zerk that i was already invited and attending this ball but i was planning to go solo so i would i would love to take you as my accompaniment we can take each other as each other's accompaniment give me an insight roll oh baby that's a 16 and that's going to be plus a 6 22
02:12:25
Speaker
There is a small twitch to his left eye, and you know that he knows that you were not on the guest list. And you are reminded of your recent conversation with Amala, that she would address the situation, and it suddenly dawns upon you. He has been instructed to invite you.
02:12:50
Speaker
But as you are coming to this realization, he reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a sealed scroll of paper and he hands it over to you and says, here's your invitation. I must depart, but I most look forward to our evening together. No, you mustn't depart so soon. We haven't even shared a glass of iced tea or regular hot tea.
02:13:09
Speaker
As Fonlin is inviting him to stay further, Clay, you look at the scroll. It is rolled tight and sealed with a wax seal. And upon it, there's the insignia of an owl bear. And that's where we'll stop tonight's episode of Art Soup episode chapter eight. Thank you for listening. Bye.
02:13:46
Speaker
Well, howdy, howdy, howdy. Thank you so much for listening to Bard Soup Chapter 8. I have been your Dungeon Master, Zack Meekle, joined as always by Prima Jiao as Clay Campbell, Jordan Johnson as Glimky Treefellow, and Shannon Meekle as Faunal and Vedark.
02:14:03
Speaker
If you're liking what you're hearing, consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps us out. And consider following us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter. We're active on at least one of those platforms and follow us at bard underscore soup for updates and some good, good artwork and whatever else your greedy little heart desires. We are, we, yeah. Yeah, that's all I got on that bit. Anyway, we're back in two weeks with chapter nine.
02:14:33
Speaker
Love you, bye! I'm gonna kill this little tiefling. I don't want to be his friend. It's a good thing we cut because I was about to do drastic things.