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[Start of Arc 2] Chapter 22 - The Lord of Party
31 Plays1 month ago
Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, but if you prefer, this is probably as good a place as any to hop on!
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Edited by Zach Meikle
Follow the show:
Instagram: @bard_soup
TikTok: @bard_soup
Music & Ambience
Music: Beyond the Horizon by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Coconut Caprice by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music & Ambience: Open Water by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Bit O Fun With The Crew by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Relaxing Piano Improvisation by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Theme Song by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Celtic Folk Song by Caffeine Creek Band from Pixabay
Music: Party Pirates by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Le Baguette by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Hor Hor by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Eald by Aldus-X from Pixabay
Music: Enchanted Echoes by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Welcome Aboard by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Transcript
Ptolemy Henkel and Klarb's Culinary Advice
00:00:02
Speaker
Ptolemy Henkel the bard paused to smack out another fire that had broken out on his pant leg. Difficult to do in his currently trust state. He needed to face the facts.
00:00:13
Speaker
He was cooking faster than the story was coming out. Without the means to hire an editor, his story was coming out too inconsistently to really attract Klarb's attention. Furthermore, beyond the immutable fact that he was doomed to be eaten, Ptolemy Henkel had to admit, so he really liked telling this story, and he wanted it to continue.
00:00:34
Speaker
He scrunched up his eyes and thought as hard as he could, and when he opened them, he was shocked to discover the bulbous face of Klarb the giant looming mere inches away.
00:00:46
Speaker
Ptolemy Henkel screamed, Sorry to stardle you. I thought you might have cooked through already.
00:00:53
Speaker
Not yet, Club. Not yet. But... Can I be honest? Of course. I'd like to think after all we've been through, you can tell me anything.
00:01:05
Speaker
Right. Well, listen. I don't know what you usually eat, but I'm worried that the way things are going, I'll be nothing but char by the time we get to the princess.
00:01:17
Speaker
It can't be that long, can it? It's already been 22 chapters. Common sense would dictate that to keep the audience engaged, the party should find her soon. Right?
00:01:28
Speaker
Right.
Ptolemy's Predicament and Voyage Preparations
00:01:30
Speaker
Well, you'd be surprised. Please remember, I didn't write the story, I'm just reciting it as it was told to me. Okay? Okay.
00:01:40
Speaker
I can try. Suspension of disbelief and all that. Right. Ptolemy Henkel looked around, as best as he could with his limited mobility.
00:01:51
Speaker
He looked down at the flames beneath him, and at a nearby cauldron, the size of a big cauldron, a little ways away. He looked back at the flames, then back at the cauldron that wasn't on the flames.
00:02:04
Speaker
Suddenly, it came to him. Clarb, far be it from me to tell you how to cook me, but I think I might come out better if you just sort of let me slowly simmer in that pot over there.
00:02:15
Speaker
I really think you'd enjoy me more that way. Klarb scratched at a trio of hairs growing from his chin. Are you sure this isn't some desperate attempt to buy time so that I forget to eat you because I'm too busy enjoying the story?
00:02:29
Speaker
No, it's definitely not that. Okay. Klarb grabbed Ptolemy and the ropes binding him to the spit snapped, drifting into the flames below.
00:02:41
Speaker
Without looking, he tossed Ptolemy into the air and the bard landed with a massive splash cooking pot. He swam to the surface, sputtering for air, and grabbed onto a nearby carrot.
00:02:54
Speaker
It was hardly a boat, but it would have to do. Who's that? Better, I guess. Thanks. Any time.
00:03:05
Speaker
Now, werewolf. Something about boats, I think. Right. Thanks, Club. Any time.
00:03:15
Speaker
Now, let's see. Where were we? Ah yes, that's right. When we last left our heroes, they had finally decided to leave Aetanine and search for the missing princess in the nearby Anchor's Chain.
00:03:30
Speaker
They arranged for transportation aboard the Vigilant, a luxury vessel that had been commissioned by the Round Zavos, a group of like-minded individuals who all believed Zav was actually a round planet.
00:03:44
Speaker
With their passage booked, the party went their separate ways and settled their affairs throughout the city. Clay went to her various employers and informed them that she would be leaving, and was able to gain some information about potential contacts throughout the Angus Chain in the process.
Glimke's Spiritual Exploration
00:04:00
Speaker
Glimke returned to the Dragon's Heart Cathedral, where he learned more about Macrog and the Divine Octad, and began to dabble with polytheism, something his deity Mulari quickly expressed displeasure at.
00:04:13
Speaker
Lastly, Faunilin spent the evening reconnecting with Fallow and preparing for the voyage ahead.
Princess's Secret Rendezvous and Clues
00:04:19
Speaker
In the morning, our three heroes hurried over to the house of Milani Marinelli, the princess's lady-in-waiting, not handmade, as they had previously been told.
00:04:29
Speaker
And after a brief meeting with a sentient shrub named Checkers, they were able to meet with Milani. Through this conversation, they learned more about the princess's last night and discovered that she had snuck out to meet with a visiting prince by the name of Bertrand Vestegaard.
00:04:44
Speaker
But Milani swore that she had returned... at some point in the night, though she wasn't exactly sure when. After meeting with the distraught lady-in-waiting, they went to the site of this secret rendezvous, where they discovered a vile clue, the dried-up husk of a locust.
00:05:04
Speaker
With no time to spare, the party rushed to the docks and boarded their vessel, hoping to put the troubles of the city behind them and find the princess in the islands ahead.
Sailing Anxiety and Audience Engagement
00:05:14
Speaker
But just as they set sail, Farnelon glanced up and noticed, perched upon the mast of the ship, an omen most foul, a locust.
00:05:25
Speaker
You already said all that. Are we really going to do this for the next hundred episodes? What's an episode? Nevermind. on with the story.
00:05:50
Speaker
Come gather round, travelers, and sit on the stoop. We'll tell you a story about Batsu. Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop.
00:06:05
Speaker
We'll tell you a story about Batsu.
00:06:22
Speaker
It's soupin'
00:06:26
Speaker
time. Hey guys, and welcome back to the series I like to call Bard Soup, but could also be known as I Didn't Have Time to Prep an Intro.
00:06:37
Speaker
Luckily for me, Jordan has stepped in this week with his own version of the introduction. It tested well last week. Everyone loved when Prima did the intro. So this week, Jordan's doing it. Take it away, Jordan. All right.
00:06:54
Speaker
Hey, folks! Introducing your favorite case of pop drinks, starting with our bubbly and fruity... Yum! Uh-oh,
00:07:08
Speaker
oh let's take a nosedive. Uh, Shannon! Uh-oh, bubbly and fruity! Two words I would use to describe me. Nice to see you all i am drinking a Diet Pepsi tonight.
00:07:22
Speaker
And back to you, Jordan. What? Oh,
Vigilant Ship Dynamics and Locust Concerns
00:07:25
Speaker
I'm Jordan. I play glimki tree fellow and I'm drinking ah about, sorry, I read bubbly and put bubbly and then it was fruit. So I said fruity. I didn't want those to have any other undertones. It's blackberry. Huh?
00:07:37
Speaker
okay
00:07:41
Speaker
You're so worried about getting canceled right now. No, no, no, no, no. Don't worry, you will be. I'm going to mobilize our 191 followers and they're going to cancel your rats.
00:07:53
Speaker
uh and prima hi i'm prima i play clay campbell and i'm drinking water today responsible yeah this is a great intro by the way that was really second only to my intro last week
00:08:14
Speaker
I felt like that started really well. And then I... You got me fruity and got flustered? I mumbled it so hard. It was like... It had its moments, though. When you came out swinging with the premise, I was like, wow. Anyways. You didn't introduce Zach at all. Yeah, there's one more part that's been important.
00:08:39
Speaker
Oh, and our favorite pop drink, Zach. Zach. I feel validated. We're not going to do Shannon next week because then she'll have time to prepare. i already have eight to 12 ideas. Well, that's great. Yeah, this is Bart's soup. If anyone out there wants to be our intro guy, let us know.
00:08:59
Speaker
We've got room for you. That's a good idea for collabs is like write in your intro idea or something like that. That is a good idea. Make someone else do the work. Yes.
00:09:15
Speaker
The deck of the Vigilant sways gently beneath you. This warm summer breeze sweeps past you carrying salty air. It is a beautiful, bright, sunny day upon the Elsween Sea.
00:09:31
Speaker
I'd like to imagine Clay and Glimki are staring out at the slowly... disappearing coast, the signal fire at the top of the Balefire Palace. The Balefire is burning bright in the middle of the day.
00:09:46
Speaker
And perhaps you're looking at that. But Faunilin, you are staring up at a locust. think the hell not. I'm going to pull out my bow and arrow and shoot it.
00:09:58
Speaker
Whoa. Go for it. If you pull out a weapon on a cruise ship, do you get like immediately? Arrested by guards. My era of good luck has ended with panache. That is a natural one.
00:10:14
Speaker
Oh, but what is the locust AC? Strong start, strong start. What if it's a zero? Clay and Glimki, the two of you are standing there enjoying this early afternoon excursion out into the broader world when suddenly your companion pulls out a weapon and shoots an arrow.
00:10:33
Speaker
up into the sails of the ship and you watch as just one of these large seafoam green sails just gets this maybe four inch gash in it as the sail just splits and the locust funnel in you watches it flies away. Oh, what?
00:10:50
Speaker
Stop it! Oh, whoa! What? Glumki's definitely gonna run over and try to pull her arms down. The hell are you doing? There's a locust! There's a locust! There's a locust!
00:11:02
Speaker
There's a den locust! Calm down. It's just one. in the middle of the ocean. Yes, and if I kid it... Can I do check? Are there any more locusts around? Give me a perception check. Uh, 15.
00:11:14
Speaker
You look around, you see the one Faunlin maybe spotted kind of flying off out of sight. It sort of just flies off over the edge of the ship out into the afternoon air.
00:11:27
Speaker
I say afternoon air way too much. I've noticed myself doing it. I don't have an alternative. I'll work on that. But it flies off into the afternoon air. Evening breeze. The evening breeze. No, it's not evening though. I can't use that. but Afternoon breeze, maybe. Early evening breeze. It's not even early. It's like maybe one. Midday.
00:11:43
Speaker
Post noon wind.
Plans to Uncover Lord of Quiet
00:11:45
Speaker
The post noon wind. The two o'clock. you The two o'clock shadow. It flies off into the 1.37 p.m. breeze and you do not see any other any other insects.
00:11:58
Speaker
Why did you stop me from killing it? If I had killed it, then ah fraction of that bastard would have drowned at sea. Phanelan, look at the sail. If you kept shooting wildly like that, we'd be stranded in the middle of the ocean.
00:12:11
Speaker
I wouldn't miss twice. I learned a lot from the first experience. and You're trying to hit something like the size of a clothespin. I feel like missing is not really that big of a deal. It's just the fact that the shit you'd hit instead is very valuable to us right now.
00:12:27
Speaker
Okay, all right, well, I'm on my arc of trying not to inconvenience my companions, so I won't shoot it again. But are we concerned that there's locusts aboard the ship?
00:12:39
Speaker
Yes, of course. I think it implies we're being followed. I think if we see, we'll keep an eye out maybe. Maybe we can catch one and
Party Planning and Manifest Investigations
00:12:48
Speaker
track. Ah, yes. Like in a jar or something. And interrogate it.
00:12:52
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. It worked really well with the rat. Yeah. Jimmy Knobones. Yeah. I threatened to break its spine. Yeah. Wait, is Jimmy his name? Yeah, you got it right, I think. Did I say it right this time? His name is Jimmy Gnarbones. You've met him like half a dozen times. I know, but ah from the first time we met him, i swear I just keep calling him Johnny, and that's the first time Jimmy's come out of my mouth first.
00:13:15
Speaker
um And he's not even around. i think he left a bigger impact on me than i thought. Yeah. No, it's better that he doesn't hear anybody respecting him. He doesn't deserve it. Do you think there's rats on this ship?
00:13:28
Speaker
God, I hope not. Without a doubt, there's some. Oh. But like rats or like men that are pretending to be rats? Both. Oh. Certainly. If there's a locust on here, there's definitely some shady rats.
00:13:40
Speaker
How much of Eugenine did we bring with us? ah Like, it just makes me think if there are some eyes of Airden Eden aboard the ship, perhaps, maybe they could help us do some reconnaissance?
00:13:51
Speaker
It's a really low chance, but maybe. We could talk to some... Okay, you know, we've talked a lot about getting on board the ship, but now that we're actually here, I feel like we don't necessarily really have a plan. So what are objectives while we're aboard?
00:14:05
Speaker
Get to the Anchor's Chain? How long is the trip to the Anchor's Chain? It's like three days. Is that it? We don't even need like five days? Five days? Five days?
00:14:18
Speaker
It is about 600 miles to Kobaris from India. Holy crap. We're going to be on this thing for five days. For five days, yeah. you guys see why I wanted the nice ship? Did she do you think that's an investment now?
00:14:32
Speaker
Actually, yeah. What we paid for five nights is kind of good. Damn, okay. So, I mean, I guess we have five days to gather some info on this place, on the Anchor's Chain.
00:14:44
Speaker
Okay, Amala Berthold is on board, so I'm going to be acting rich and privileged, as is my way. That's really my only consideration, as you know, nobody calling me the wrong name in front of Amala because I might want to preserve that connection.
00:14:59
Speaker
I'll tell you right now, don't remember the other one. And yet you were so bothered that I had it. Doesn't that just go to show you stuff? We're both trying here. Actually, you're very bad with names, Glimki.
00:15:13
Speaker
I remembered Jimmy Knobbos. Yeah, that's true. I'll just have to tell you my secret identity five, six more times, and then maybe you'll get it. Yeah, over the course of a week, I'll probably stick, yeah.
00:15:25
Speaker
Don't tell us, because that's counterproductive. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's actually great for me that you've forgotten it. Okay, so you're going to go rub shoulders with the birth old, right?
00:15:38
Speaker
We're going to hang out, yeah. Okay, Kalei, what should we do? You have a book about the Anchor's Chain, right? Should we look a do a map of it and figure out where we're going, where the prince is? Yeah, we could we could spend some time studying that.
00:15:52
Speaker
Okay, so we want to study this book. Mm-hmm. And I guess since we're on the boat with the people that are round earthers, right? So to your knowledge, there are some, well, there's at least one individual, Kent, who is very clearly a round Zaver.
00:16:13
Speaker
You are not sure how many others on the boat are... headed to this destination because it is going to Kobaris, but then it is continuing on to Sarposen, which is a city on the mainland afterwards. so it's not like a whole boat around Sarposen?
00:16:32
Speaker
No, it is a chartered vessel where they have some some rooms reserved, but they do not own the ship. Oh. Oh. So the captain might be like a normal dude.
00:16:45
Speaker
Hmm. Okay, well, we could rub shoulders with the staff and see how they feel about this. These people are going to the Anchor's Chain. They might know things.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yeah, true. We could also maybe keep a watch or something for the Locust guy. Yeah. Domesticate that. What if he's on board?
00:17:07
Speaker
Like, should we be, oh, oh, I have a plan, but you're not going to like it. He's a servant of the Lord of Quiet. do you know who isn't quiet?
00:17:19
Speaker
Us as a unit. You would think that a man who serves the Lord of Quiet would dislike noise. Let's just go, like, shout at people and see who gets irate.
00:17:30
Speaker
ah feel like you're taking his name a little too literally. No, the Lord of, that's why everything was so quiet about him. the The God, the point of the Lord of Quiet is literally that the universe is noisy and he wants to silence it.
00:17:44
Speaker
I feel like not liking noise is like the shtick. So you just want to go shout in people's faces? Yeah, let me exemplify. Is he noise canceling though? Like if we make a lot of noise, can he just cancel it out?
00:17:57
Speaker
Well, that would be very, that would still prove my point. We would know he was here if it suddenly got quiet, I guess. Yes. Oh my gosh, karaoke.
00:18:08
Speaker
Clay, I was just going to yell at people, but you have turned this into something beautiful tonight on deck karaoke. So we're trying to flip this ship into a party boat. Into a party boat.
00:18:19
Speaker
Yes. As noisy as possible. Yes. Interesting. Yes. I feel like this might be a challenge to get everybody on board, but... Never come to a Faunerland party, have you?
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah. You know what? To be honest, maybe we could break a few things up. Fondlin, if you take the lead on spurring this party notion around, like they' get the royals involved and make it feel exclusive and and kind of sexy, I'll go try track down the ship manifest.
00:18:50
Speaker
And then if we have everybody on the deck, we can see who should belong here or not. Oh, that's so good and creepy and good. I love it. Okay, what's c Clay doing? Clay, are you living up the party with me? What are you doing?
00:19:02
Speaker
Yeah, I guess I'll go with one of you. i mean, karaoke was your idea. I'll go, yeah, see what kind of events are going on See if I can get people interested in karaoke.
00:19:14
Speaker
Let's do it. Every good party needs a name. Okay. Rowdy. Something noisy. Something about noise. Okay, here it is. You're gonna go around and you're gonna introduce yourself as the Lord of Party and see if that pisses somebody off. The Lord of Party!
00:19:31
Speaker
Clay is the Lord of Party. Oh my gosh, I'm the Lord of Party. Yep. Yep, Clay is the Lord of Party. Let's do this. Hands in, folks. Okay, Rump is slash Lord of Party on three. Are we doing blood spit or piss again?
00:19:48
Speaker
Piss is choice. I spit in my hand. i so piss in mine.
00:19:56
Speaker
yeah bash my face on the deck until it my nose bleeds. Wipe it out with my nose. up with my hand. This is the best plan we've ever had. Let's do this.
00:20:10
Speaker
Let's do it. Let's do it. One, two, three, rumpus. Rumpus! Rumpus! Hey! Hey, assholes! Do you want to come to a party with the Lord of Parties?
00:20:23
Speaker
I direct that at random nobles above board. Yeah, you shout that out at the nearest person, and it is not a noble. They're not dressed like, you know, The boat's expensive. They're not dressed broke, but they definitely don't give off noble energy, but they're dressed fine. it is this large half-orc individual with these thick arms, and you see several tattoos on his neck and on his knuckles.
00:20:46
Speaker
And he turns to look at you and says, Hell yeah, I love to party! Yeah! Hell yeah, invite everybody cool! My name is Ruckus Perez! oh Ruckus Perez!
00:20:58
Speaker
You know why they call me that? Because you're Spanish? Because I always bring the Perez! And then he like bumps his fists together and you see he has Ruckus Perez written on his knuckles but Ruckus doesn't fit on four knuckles so it's kind of just squished on to the last one.
00:21:11
Speaker
That's fucking awesome. Hell yeah, Mr. Perez. Have you met my friend the Lord of Parties? ah I don't think so. Well, now you have. I guess you're right. Looks like I'm stupid.
00:21:26
Speaker
No, I think you can be the Duke of Parties. What? Any of your titles? No thanks. I hate the nobility.
00:21:37
Speaker
Kind of a man of the people. so Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can be a nobility and a person of the people. Nah, I think nobles suck. If I found a noble on this ship, I'd probably throw him off. You wouldn't survive the weight of my wallet, bitch.
00:21:52
Speaker
Ha ha, all
00:21:55
Speaker
You seem okay. Hope you don't turn out to be a noble.
00:22:00
Speaker
I'm literally a noble. I'm literally, my blood is literally here. She means that she means that like she's a noble like the Lord of Party. It's just a fun thing. She's the noble of nightlife. ah Yeah. ah All right.
00:22:17
Speaker
Anyway, my mom says I'm getting to be too much of an asshole. So she's sending me to this Jararith Learning Center to become a man of science. a Rukus Perez! Rukus!
00:22:32
Speaker
Glimki walks up to Fonaldon and goes, get your head in the game. head is in the game. That guy clearly said, I'm going to kill a noble, and you're like, I am a noble. Just party, party, think party. Being rich is almost always a good thing in almost every scenario. How was I supposed to know that being on the rich person boat, it wasn't good to be a rich person?
00:22:49
Speaker
When he said to you with his mouth that he hates nobles, that was the clue. Well, starting like a fight between the nobles and the not nobles would also cause- the but of the It's day one. It's day one. Starting a class war? Guys, it's day one. Class war is day two, day three. Yeah, post day three.
00:23:12
Speaker
Okay, if partying doesn't work, we go to war. Okay, yeah. We'll sow the seeds of dissidence. First we party, second we class warfare, three we get to the Anchor's Chain. Yeah, revolution!
00:23:25
Speaker
I like this plan, yes, yes. You're not gonna like it on day three. I think these are going well, though. Don't you? You got one party, yes. met one guy. yeah Yeah, so good luck. I'm gonna go find the manifesto.
00:23:37
Speaker
Okay. Hey, assholes! You wanna come to a party? And we follow Glimke as goes searching for the ship's manifest. Do you have a specific direction in mind, or are you just wandering?
00:23:53
Speaker
Oh, I'll walk over to wherever the caftas' quarters is and just... Yeah, you go, bop, bop, bop, bop. And the door opens and you see a dwarf woman. She's a little bit taller than you.
00:24:08
Speaker
She's got salt and pepper hair and you can see past her. There's this large desk with a captain's hat placed upon it. She's got a pipe hanging out of her mouth. She says...
00:24:19
Speaker
The head's that way! Uh, thank you. um No, I was just looking for the captain. Or first mate, or anybody who is on the crew. Just had some ah more questions.
00:24:33
Speaker
Well, you found her, so what can I do you for? Well, I've got word of a party that's happening tonight. And I just want to make sure no one's getting left out, so I wanted to make sure that you were invited.
00:24:47
Speaker
And I wanted to make sure all the guests were invited. And we have this whole thing where we want to like introduce everybody when they come in. But here's the thing. I don't know everybody's names. So I was just thinking if I could just get a quick peek at, I don't know, Ship Manifest or something.
00:25:04
Speaker
I could just like stand by the entrance and when people come in, I just like announce their presence. Hey, well, isn't that nice of you? So tell me, what's your name, boy? ah Glimke Treefellow.
00:25:17
Speaker
Zoralo Depthsbane. Oh, that is a strong name. I don't give the manifest out for free, but ah what's the harm in a little partying? You're not with them science deniers, are you?
00:25:30
Speaker
Science deniers? Or the science promoters? You're not answering the question. Are you with the round zavars? Uh, absolutely no. No.
00:25:42
Speaker
How would you sail a ship on a round planet? That doesn't make any sense. I'm sure you would attest to that. It doesn't make a lick of sense. I've been to every corner of the Elswein Sea. If it wrapped around, it would maybe help me out. I don't, I haven't really thought about it too much. All the water would just slough off the bottom.
00:25:57
Speaker
Indeed. That is what I've been saying. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. Come on in. And she pulls open her her desk and takes out this this ledger and she flips through and you see there's just like years and years worth of entries.
00:26:14
Speaker
And eventually she gets to the most recent one and there's probably three dozen or so names. It's about a 50-50 split crew and passenger.
00:26:26
Speaker
Oh, okay. And that's all clearly stated on there? Like the crew and passengers? Aye. Little C next to them is crew. Oh, okay. That's easy enough. All right. Well, if you if you don't mind, we're, uh... I mean, i it's it's your ship.
00:26:39
Speaker
We were just thinking this would be a little nice community thing. First night, we can mingle, get to know each other. you have any rules of engagement here for us? We're like hoping to get a little rowdy, if you know what I mean. Get loud. Have a good time.
00:26:54
Speaker
Break the ice. Breaking the ice is fine, just as long as you don't break the ship. Oh. And at that moment, you hear from like down the hall, you're like you'll say you like went down below decks to get to the captain's quarters.
00:27:07
Speaker
You hear coming just like stomping footsteps running towards you. captain Aye, what is it, Jenjam? You turn around to see this lanky human man. He seems young, maybe 19 or 20. He's got bushy orange hair and a hat that sticks up on top of it all.
00:27:25
Speaker
He's wearing a crisp white uniform. and He's got these thick glasses and he snaps to attention, throws up the crispest salute you've ever seen. Captain, somebody tore the sail. Oh, no.
00:27:38
Speaker
Already, huh? Day one. Jengimfruk, why weren't you watching the sails? Well, Captain, was watching wheel because I was steering the ship.
00:27:50
Speaker
excuses. You'll never be captain at this rate, first mate Frock. She turns back to look at you. As long as there's no further damage to the ship, then I don't see ah problem with you putting together a shindig.
00:28:03
Speaker
You're welcome to use the ship's bar, I'm sure. Fam Chwal would be happy for the company and the business. So, uh, feel free. Right. As for the, uh... Manifest, I'd prefer if you merely made a copy, did not take it with you.
00:28:18
Speaker
Sure. And just a question, Jim, Jim, Jam. Jim, Jim, sir. I don't know how much free time you have. Not a lick, sir. Okay, well, I would just after this, after I copied this down, I was just wondering if I come grab you, you could give me a quick tour of the ship. Just get help me get a layout.
00:28:37
Speaker
You know, maybe help me identify some of the people on this list. Okay, sir. I'll have to eat dinner late and I won't get any sleep tonight, but I can make extra time for you, sir. No problem. Wow.
00:28:47
Speaker
Jengim, if you keep complaining about employment related abuses, you're not going to be captain. Sorry, sir. it it won't take long. Just a quick moment of your time when when we're ready, but get back to your your duties, sir. I don't want to distract you any further.
00:29:04
Speaker
Yes, sir. will go repair the ship, sir. And he goes du boom du boom boom but don running off. ah Captain. Aye. Do you mind if I just use your desk to make a copy? By all means.
00:29:15
Speaker
Sweet. Thank you. you're Honestly, this is incredibly accommodating. i I don't know what I expected when I walked in here. I was a little worried because of throwing a party, but wow. I'll be honest with you. I've been doing this for about 140 years. I'm pretty checked out.
00:29:29
Speaker
Oh. Fair enough. As long as the ship remains intact, there's a not much that phases me these days.
00:29:39
Speaker
Well, that's ah that's good to hear, you because then you'll probably be very calm if there's ever something threatening our ship, right? Nothing phases you anymore. I've seen it all.
00:29:50
Speaker
Mutiny? Three of them. This month alone. That's crazy. The crew often gets mad at my abuses. Well, Jim Jum seems to be fearing okay so far.
00:30:03
Speaker
Yeah, that's what we in the business call Stockholm Syndrome. Got it. And yeah, he doesn't seem like ah type to raise an army or start a mutiny. Nah, boy couldn't start something funny.
00:30:20
Speaker
I hear you. I hear you there. That was something funny. All right. Well, I'll get to copying this list. to Thank you again for your accommodations. Ain't nothing but a thing. I'm just going to stand over here in the corner, given this is my chambers, and I don't intend on leaving you alone in them.
00:30:35
Speaker
But feel free to copy away, and I'll ignore you if you ignore me. Okay, that's fair. This might take a little bit. Aye, not a problem. Okay. And we cut aboard the deck of the ship as the distant sound of Ruckus Perez disappears off into the 109 p.m.
00:30:58
Speaker
breeze. Clay and Fondolin, what are you doing? Are there like other people on this ship, like crowds or anything, activities? There's a lot going on. There are crew running about, pulling on lines, adjusting sails. You see this ginger man with poofy hair and the hat that sticks up on top of it, climbing up with a thread and needle and start stitching and he nearly falls off, but manages to hang on with like a single pinky and pulls himself back into position and finishes repairing the sail.
00:31:27
Speaker
There are ah handful of passengers along the side of the ship looking out as you sail around and up the coast away from the city.
00:31:39
Speaker
You look around And you see ah the bow of the ship, there is a gnome in fine robes who is holding the hips of a large man who is got his arms spread out.
Faunilin's Encounters and Party Invitations
00:31:57
Speaker
And after a minute, they turn around and Fondalyn, you don't recognize the gnome, but you do recognize the man. And he is, he remains the hottest individual you have ever seen.
00:32:09
Speaker
with cheekbones that could probably cut diamonds. And you see it is Earl Asphal of Crastics. Earl Asphal,
00:32:20
Speaker
Lady Veydark, what are you doing here? I'm on my way to the Anchor's Chain for, ah you know, this and that. Cool person stuff. What are you doing? cool cool cool cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm actually from Sarposen, so I'm just catching a ship back home, you know?
00:32:35
Speaker
That's so gnarly. What's gnarly? Okay, nevermind. It's so fun that you're here because I've heard that you know how to party and we're having a little party tonight on the ship.
00:32:52
Speaker
We're going to get rowdy. All right. And Cilantro, you don't know his name is Cilantro, but this gnome, his eyes bulge out wide. And he says, no, no, no, no. no no no no no no And you watch as Asphal takes both of his sleeves and just rips them off. Oh.
00:33:09
Speaker
And his arms are exposed. They're huge. He's peak human form. And have you met the Lord of Party? And I walk up to Clay and I grab their sleeve and I rip it off.
00:33:23
Speaker
Clay flexes her arms. He curtsies and says, good to meet you, my Lord. Yeah, nice to meet you too, Lord Assful of Crust. Yeah. Yeah. You like to party? Yeah.
00:33:35
Speaker
ah Yeah, I like to party, but like in moderation, because I think my body's a temple and i don't want to squander the gift I've been given by the gods. there Okay, well, the temple's getting desecrated tonight, baby. We're doing shots.
00:33:48
Speaker
We're doing mostly shots. We're doing almost all shots because I don't know if anybody has any illegal substances on board, but mostly we're doing a lot of shots and maybe we'll drink seawater we're feeling really crazy. This is the Lord of Party here. This is once in a lifetime experience to get truly and mythically blasted with a god.
00:34:06
Speaker
yeah let's dance and play music. bet you're really good at dancing. I'm sorry, is this a god or ah lord? Because it seemed like it was lord is in like yeah a noble title, but I'm sorry, are you a deity?
00:34:22
Speaker
Says the small well-dressed gnome beneath you. Don't worry. No, you did good voice work. We knew who was talking. Don't worry. There's room for P dance in the Lord's court as well. Okay. And maybe you will choose to take a knee and bow off for yourself at the altar of epic parties that the Lord of Party presents. Take a knee and scuff these trousers.
00:34:41
Speaker
I don't think so. Okay. Well, wear something you don't like tonight because you're going to be blasted and probably doing cartwheels or something. Unlike some people, I value all of my clothes.
00:34:53
Speaker
And if it doesn't spark joy, I don't keep it. Yeah, but don't come. Don't come. I think maybe you don't come. Or you come and you wear your most fantastic outfit and it will get its time to shine.
00:35:06
Speaker
Could I have Clay and Faunalyn each make competing persuasion checks? Competing? This is the cop, bad cop. I rolled not that great for once, but I'm really persuasive. How many times do you get to say that before you just start you've just been rolling like an average human being with some high and some low? I got a 16, Clay, so I've got a 15, which I don't know what that means for this roll. 15 total? Yeah. Well...
00:35:29
Speaker
yeah oh well He looks at you, Clay. It sounds like it would have been maybe fun to dress up and have a good time, but I guess I won't come. And he looks at you, Fondalyn.
00:35:41
Speaker
like elbow Fondalyn. but you should really come. I really want to see your cool outfits, but then maybe just don't do the thing where you talk about how everyone else is stupid compared to you. Really, only so many people can do that on a podcast before it gets annoying. And that's kind of my whole shtick. So...
00:36:00
Speaker
well While we're asking for favors from each other, please don't tell the Lord Asphil of Crastics to drink salt water because between you and me, and he cups his hands over his mouth and speaks at the exact same volume, he will take you literally and probably die. So don't do that.
00:36:19
Speaker
so Okay, we'll stick to shots. My God. Great. I'll see you there. Awesome. So glad. you there. But Asphil, I am excited to see you. ah Yeah.
00:36:30
Speaker
Do those pants, I'm just curious, are they versatile? Do they become shorts? ah They're tearaways. And he rips them and they're not tearaways. He just creates like one like long rip that kind goes from cuff to to hip.
00:36:44
Speaker
Yay! Cool. I always feel like I owe you an apology because I heard you almost died after the party and I didn't come see you because I didn't know where you lived. Oh, you were thinking of coming to see me?
00:36:58
Speaker
yeah like a good neighbor sort of vibes, you know? Yeah, that's really nice. Thank you. I'm kind of really considerate like that. No, I could tell. Do you know actually, nobody really came to see me.
00:37:09
Speaker
Oh, well, great minds think alike, I suppose. Yeah, well, maybe everybody was thinking of coming to see me and then didn't know where I lived. You should probably tell more people where you live in the future if you're going to get yourself nearly killed after a party.
00:37:22
Speaker
I'll take that note, asshole. I will. I'm gonna take that to the bank and I'm gonna deposit it. Nice. Nice. I get that, because I also work in money. Yes, rich people. Oh, the party is gonna be like really noble vibes. you know what i mean? There's gonna be a lot of nobility. Feel free to talk about higher nobility.
00:37:40
Speaker
Just like, yeah, just like really rub it in people's faces. The the theme is gauche, nouveau gauche. That's the only voe I do. Yeah, yeah.
00:37:51
Speaker
Assful! And he runs off. yeah That went well. I will say, Glimke, set about copying down the manifest.
00:38:01
Speaker
Clay and Faunelin, you go around introducing yourselves to various passengers on the ship.
Random Encounters and Sea Stories
00:38:07
Speaker
And for this first day of travel, I need everybody to roll a d12.
00:38:12
Speaker
I got a six. Oh, I got a 12 on the on the d twelve Oh, I have a feeling it's not good in this situation. You drink 12 gallons of seawater.
00:38:23
Speaker
ah got an eight. For each day of travel, this has been the first time you've really gone on an extended journey outside the city. The last trip was a single day walking to the ambush point when you left the city oh so many episodes to ago.
00:38:39
Speaker
But for each day of travel, I will have each of you roll a d12. I will also roll And if... and if any of your numbers match mine, it will trigger a random encounter.
00:38:51
Speaker
Fun. The sun begins to burn bright above, starts to search to glow that that rich red as supernova approaches.
00:39:06
Speaker
And as it threatens to to burst for the day, to usher in night, you hear a voice projected out throughout the ship. It says...
00:39:17
Speaker
Welcome aboard passengers to Vigilant. We'll be taking you throughout the Anchor's Chain and by that mean we'll be taking you to Karbaris with journeys onward to Sarposan. For those of you who are traveling with us for the first time, am your captain, Zerola Depth's Main, and dinner will be served in 10 minutes time in the dining hall.
00:39:38
Speaker
Should you wish to join us. Should you not? Guess you aren't eating tonight, cause there's not really cafeteria. Anyway. Enjoy. Okay. Dinner, I guess.
00:39:49
Speaker
Would Glimpi have been able to, like, chat it up with the captain before dinner time? Like, while we're ripping along, or while I'm copying over the name? Sure. Because I really want to just hear some sort of story that she might have about the sea.
00:40:06
Speaker
Sure. So, ah yeah, Glimke, as he's like scribbling down the names, it's like just characters. No names are happening. He's just like writing letter after letter.
00:40:17
Speaker
wants to address the captain. and Hey, you said that nothing will faze you. You've obviously been through a lot. but's like the What's the craziest thing that's happened to you at sea?
00:40:28
Speaker
Have you ever seen the Kraken? i I've seen a Kraken or two in my day. wow
00:40:37
Speaker
That's it? You've seen a kraken or two? Wow. You see one kraken, you've seen them all, you see two kraken. It's kind of just an inconvenience at that point. Oh. So what what do you think's the thing that really yeah put you over to the edge, you know?
00:40:52
Speaker
Took the edge off the whole sea thing, really solidified your sea legs. Hmm. She doesn't say anything for about five minutes. I'm still writing names, so it's all good. Well, I suppose...
00:41:05
Speaker
It was sometime after the second Kraken. Ship sprung a leak and it went down. And I thought I was a goner because never learned to swim.
00:41:16
Speaker
And as I was fading into the briny depths, I heard a voice cry out to me. And it turned out to be a beautiful merman.
00:41:31
Speaker
And he gave me some concoction made of seaweed and pixie dust. And I was able to breathe under the water. And he took me down into the depths and brought me to his village and nursed me back to health and helped me plan a mass funeral for me crew. They're all buried down there now next to his house.
00:41:53
Speaker
Didn't have enough pixie dust for all of them, you see. and We started a brief and turbulent love affair, you see, because turns out he just wanted me to bring him back to the surface and build an aquarium and let him live with me in my home.
00:42:10
Speaker
And I wasn't really looking for that, you see, I was kind of looking for some physical intimacy, but not really a long term commitment. And so we fought a bit and ah times we'd push each other away and at other times we'd bring each other back into each other's embrace make up for it with all passionate kisses and sex as one does.
00:42:30
Speaker
And it was a good life. then one day he choked on breakfast and I figured, well, enough's enough and may as well get back to work. So I swam back up to the surface and got myself a new boat.
00:42:43
Speaker
Well, that's been another 80 or so years of monotony since then, really. Wow. That's...
00:42:51
Speaker
You should write a book. I never learned how to read or write. Well, I could show you a few letters if you watch me copy them over this list. Well, all right. i I'd like to recant my statement. I know the letter C because I know that means crew.
00:43:05
Speaker
But beyond that, I don't know a single letter nor a single number. don't believe you. think you're playing into it a little bit. No, no, really. Write me something. Write down a secret that you've never told anyone.
00:43:16
Speaker
And i I won't even be able to read it. You see right there. That's what makes me think otherwise.
00:43:25
Speaker
You know, hey, Captain, i don't want to read between the lines, but do you ever think that you continue to sail without the fear of death or submerging because you're looking for that lost love that got away at the bottom of the ocean? I suppose on a certain level. I've never really considered it, but I do think probably if it were to happen again, then my love would come back for me. And well, we'd be back in that endless cycle of death and rebirth, much like the sun above.
00:43:48
Speaker
But like I said, I've never really given it much thought. think you should. think he should and clunky keeps writing names down she uh pulls out this little device and reads off a message to the ship inviting everyone to dinner and she says good lord it's been like six hours you've been writing that long there's a lot of names on here there's like 36 not that i know numbers or there's three dozen names No, there's 36. That's not three dozen, first off.
00:44:18
Speaker
And second off... Three dozen is... Wait, you don't... Three dozen is 36. You're averaging a name every 10 minutes. Not that I know maths, but... Hey, coming from a person who doesn't know how to read or write, this is a lot of letters.
00:44:32
Speaker
And if you look at the names, each of them has different letters that I have to put in the right order. Okay, sure, but that... Dutaru Natu. Kentithikon. It's not that hard. See, not that I know how to read, but...
00:44:45
Speaker
What?
00:44:48
Speaker
Anyway, ah finish up your work. Let's go to dinner. God damn. You're eating with me. That's fair. I want to hear more about this merman. ah He was difficult, but sometimes sensual.
00:45:02
Speaker
I can tell. See you. so and da We cut to Glimke at a dinner table with just like eyes like way too big.
00:45:12
Speaker
Having been subjected to a story you wish you could unhear. Oh, I'm so into it. And Clay and Fonelin, the two of you are at your own table looking around Glimke who's eating with the captain and you don't know why.
00:45:27
Speaker
But Amala is at the table with you. What do you guys think they're talking about? You don't think they're talking about me, right? He looks really horrified and he often makes that face when he's talking to me. Somebody just go up there and find out what they're talking about.
00:45:41
Speaker
Well, he'll come back and tell us, right? because He'd tell us if he's talking mad shit, he'd tell us, you think? No, but I feel like he would be like... talking about the manifesto of the ship like the manifest did you say manifesto yes said manifesto i was like that's not right i want to find the captain's manifesto because i feel like it's gonna be spicy and we're all gonna die life is about two things sea and sex
00:46:14
Speaker
We are in an endless cycle death in labor. Both which are when they happen at the same time. Wow. think he's really, you're really adopting this captain into yourself. Wow.
00:46:27
Speaker
Amala, were you going to say something? Oh, who can remember, dear? Are you coming to the party tonight? There's a party. Look, I'm just going to be honest with you. I've become quite good buddies with my good friend Flora Farner here, and I've learned throughout the of our- Who's Flora Farner?
00:46:43
Speaker
Right here. Your employee? Now my employee? Formerly your employee? I'm sorry, dear. It doesn't ring a bell. Don't about it. This is floor honor. Pleasure to meet you Lady Amala Berthold. Pleasure to meet Also known as the Lord of Parties.
00:46:58
Speaker
Lord of Parties. Yes, I'm Lord of Party. Lord of... The Lord of Party. There's only one Lord that i recognize and he doesn't dress like that.
00:47:09
Speaker
who Which Lord do you recognize, Amala? God of wine. aha you crazy bacchanalian. Anyway, come to the party and drink a ton and get crazy.
00:47:21
Speaker
Salt? Cool. What's for dinner? That's my question.
Party Preparations and Invitations
00:47:26
Speaker
What are we eating? Clay slams you on the table. What's for dinner?
00:47:31
Speaker
A familiar looking ginger man runs up with just a stack of plates and starts slamming them down. Sorry, sir, for the delay, sir. We have fresh venison prepared by Chef Verona Girlardi.
00:47:47
Speaker
Hope you enjoy. It's the last land-based meal you'll have for the next four days. Thank you. I'm not at your table, sir! Oh. Oh my god, he is talking about us. Oh my god, he's obsessed with us. Look, he's eavesdropping.
00:48:02
Speaker
I thought it was like one big long table. No, it's pockets of tables. How big is this boat? Big enough. God damn. Are there 36 people this room?
00:48:13
Speaker
and No, there's a good number. You see there's probably like 15 or so people that appear to be passengers. You see Asphal and Cilantro at a nearby table.
00:48:27
Speaker
You see Ruckus Perez and... Another half-orc, and they are playing bloody knuckles with each other while they're waiting for food to be delivered.
00:48:38
Speaker
You see this younger woman. She appears to be almost like maybe like a teenager sitting in a corner, and she's got a little journal, and she's writing notes. You see this older-looking minotaur man with bushy white sideburns, and he's sitting at a table by himself and slurping some some soup.
00:48:58
Speaker
That's the name of the movie. What did the captain use to make her announcement earlier? Is there like a PA system, like a announcement system over the ship? There is. You see that there's little speakers kind of scattered throughout various corners of the ship.
00:49:13
Speaker
Cool. Can I locate one and make an announcement?
00:49:20
Speaker
What do you say? ah Hello, ladies and gentlemen. um Welcome aboard the Vigilant. This is your Lord of Parties speaking.
00:49:32
Speaker
There will be a party on the deck this evening. Clay and Glimke, you realize that Clay is speaking into the speaker. It is not projecting any noise. I cast thaumaturgy. Perfect.
00:49:45
Speaker
Perfect. yeah you like You smack it a couple times. It doesn't appear to be working. You cast thaumaturgy and there's mic distortion and then the announcement my kicks off. My voice booms. Yeah. So everyone hears this announcement.
00:49:56
Speaker
Party on the top deck tonight. Be there or be uncool and boring. Nice. Hell yeah, Lord of Parties!
00:50:07
Speaker
Woo! Hell yeah, Ruckus Perez! the cra I always do! Yeah, and then I sit down and eat. Perfect, yeah. So dinner proceeds for a little while, and before long, it's party time, baby!
00:50:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah! You gotta give us a getting ready montage and talk about our outfits. Ha ha! I don't have to do anything for the record. Jordan loves and love talking about it. Come on.
00:50:37
Speaker
I don't have to do a damn thing, but I would love to hear what you're wearing. Well, I think it would be fun to put one of my big wigs on clay. If clay wants to wear it and do like a feather. I think that would be fun.
00:50:51
Speaker
Glimke's also wearing a tall wig. It's also wearing a tall wig. We all borrow wigs from you. I honestly think it would be funny if you guys were both getting ready and you were looking for me and you see me still with the captain and I'm going, okay, so after the third time the merman proposed.
00:51:11
Speaker
Well, so that's the thing about proposals. Bad things come in threes. So I said, try for four, Bucky boy. And he said, I will, as long as I don't choke on breakfast tomorrow. Dang, so it was like, it was almost meant to be with you two.
00:51:26
Speaker
If he made it to the fourth fourth time. Who can say? I mean, young love.
00:51:35
Speaker
Gamki, how do you feel about smoky Sorry, I'm interrupting something. Captain, these are my friends, the Lord of Party and Fallen Vader. I know you've told me all about them. Oh, yeah, sorry. I've just been so distracted with this beautiful story about this lost love. Finally, honestly, I feel like you would be obsessed with this.
00:51:53
Speaker
What did he say? he still He's told you all the about What did he say? Well, first off, I'm a beautiful woman, in case you hadn't noticed. Second off...
00:52:03
Speaker
What did Glimki say about us? You were talking about Glimki. I see. My apologies. I thought you were saying was the man, but it's Glimki who's the man. Ah.
00:52:15
Speaker
Oh yeah, you're a beautiful woman. That's not in question. Clearly. I'm not on the market. Back off, Missy. i'm ah My heart's taken by the sea and a guy who died.
00:52:26
Speaker
I say left me broken hearted, but... ah What is going on here? little numb. was like, Glimki, catch me up immediately. I sit down. I think the captain was in love with a merman, but was refusing to admit it because she's covered herself with like a jaded sea fearing person's nature. Hey, that's entirely it. And then lost them over. ah i It seems to be a breakfast sausage. I could be mistaken.
00:52:53
Speaker
And yeah, now they live their life on the sea, hoping to get a glimpse of that same love again. now See, that was the problem. If it had been a breakfast sausage, she might've been able to force it down, but he ate full sizer and kielbasa really just clogged up the old windpipe damn so yeah we're getting close oh also and glimpy pulls the manifest copy out of his shirt you'll be needing this also go grab jim jam he'll help point out who's who on the manifest or gym jim jim
00:53:27
Speaker
The table thumps and... Right here, sir! Never far availed! to Jim Jim, this is the Lord of Party and Final Invader. Good to meet you, my lord.
00:53:39
Speaker
Hi. Jim Jim Frick, it's your service. They're going to be hosting the party tonight. and They could use some help pointing out the who's who and the what's what. Okay. Yeah, what's the best place to set up this party?
00:53:51
Speaker
Probably the bar, sir. Okay. Lead the way. Yes, sir! I will be right behind you guys. I just have one more question for the captain. For the third time, I'm not interested.
00:54:05
Speaker
Glimki, you dog. Let's try oh your couple Four times. You're completely missing the context here. You're completely missing the context. I just want to write her book.
00:54:19
Speaker
Oh, come to the party, Captain. I think everyone wants to hear this story. Oh, it's a story that I hate telling. Every time I do, it sends me into a deep depression and I have a hard time clawing my way back out.
00:54:31
Speaker
In a way, it's like returning to the sea where my lover waits for me. So in a way, it's comforting despite the pain, but I'll be there. I'll tell the story again. Awesome. Woo!
00:54:42
Speaker
Sounds super fun Quick question. Is there bard on board? Who's the bard? my God. It better be telling me ankle. Glimke, you check the manifest.
00:54:54
Speaker
ah And sure enough. Yes. That's the name of the movie. Welcome back to Tarlemy ankle.
00:55:07
Speaker
Wow. Sure enough. You never finished the sentence. I'm out of it. So sure enough. Sure enough. sure enough Sure enough. It's just some guy. Sure enough. Sure enough. ah Did we meet this guy?
00:55:18
Speaker
Is this the bard that we saw? This is the bard, bro. This is the bard. This the bard of I mean, for what it's worth, it was almost 20 episodes ago. It was like episode one.
00:55:30
Speaker
which We're on the 21st episode, does that make sense? Brainbag Strider, man. Or episode, I guess. His name wasn't Strider, it was Fletcher. I checked the manifesto for the name Strider. No, it does not appear.
00:55:43
Speaker
well But there is a name that just says Creepy Little Pervert. Oh! we We know his name too! Okay! okay I haven't shown any perverted behavior yet.
00:56:00
Speaker
Are our names on the manifest? They are. scratched mine out and quit Lord the Party. Yes! Perfect. This is a copy, but that's fine. It's okay.
00:56:11
Speaker
I need to talk to the Bard. Let's go talk. I need to talk to the Bard. I'll be back. Okay, bring him to the party. to the bar Captain, the Bard could immortalize your story in a song.
00:56:22
Speaker
whoa Yeah. well Maybe not like tonight, but like, could be pretty cool. Could be pretty cool. I could also write the book and change your names. Why would you do that? Trying to cut me out of the deal?
00:56:33
Speaker
No, no, no. It's fine if you are. I wouldn't be able to tell anyway because you can't read or write. Got it. But they would hear the song. No, that's different. Can't hear neither.
00:56:44
Speaker
Real good at reading lips.
00:56:48
Speaker
You can't read or write, but you read lips. Jeez. It's kind of like a vibes-based thing you might not understand, but when you've been through as much as I have, you would. Sorry, well how do you spell your name again? Just so I can make sure that you're credited properly. right, yeah. It's a Captain Zoralo, Z-U-R-A-L-O. Depths Bane.
00:57:08
Speaker
It's crazy that you can spell that. hi Sorry, but... Well, you know, I don't even know what those letters are. I'm just saying what I've been told those things mean. Captain Zarello Deathsbane? Yes, that's right. Depths, like, you know, depths, and then bane. Deathsbane. Deathsbane, got it. The thing.
00:57:28
Speaker
Zarello, Zed, what? Zed, you are, A-L-O. Got Deathsbane. Deathsbane. Story. Just keeping it in journal. Right, of course. We can talk royalties later, but I'm not a legal-minded individual.
00:57:43
Speaker
Okay, fair enough. You go searching for bard? Ptolemy? Yeah. you go walking below decks,
00:57:56
Speaker
and you walk down the hall And I would like to point out just, you know, while the iron's hot, maybe I dropped the ball at breakfast. The dining hall, beautiful. These carpeted floors, this massive crystal chandelier, this huge window. It's near the stern of the ship. So you can just see, see out at the, at the water trailing behind you.
00:58:15
Speaker
The ships, the hallways carpeted, the wood immaculate, not a hint of rot or weathering. It is a very nice ship. You are spending a lot of money to be here. It very nice ship.
00:58:28
Speaker
Anyway, You go walking down this carpeted hallway, the deck slowly swaying beneath you, and you hear the sound of music drifting from behind one of the doors.
00:58:41
Speaker
And you hear ah voice, a familiar voice, singing. and he says... Farnalyn, Farnalyn did me so wrong, Alyn.
00:58:52
Speaker
right, that's all right. Okay, well now let's see. Where are we? Farnalyn, Farnalyn, she's a liar. Someone should kill her with a wire. Eh, maybe a little aggressive. That's good.
00:59:04
Speaker
That's good. Hi, Tadami. Is someone there? Knock, knock, knock, knock. The door creaks open like two inches.
00:59:16
Speaker
Well, would you look at that? Look, about, you know, i came here. Well, it's so good to see you. And honestly, it's appointment. Not good to see you. Okay, look, I know you're mad.
00:59:27
Speaker
I tried really, really hard to get you into one of those noble houses, but you know something? They don't know true art. They don't recognize art. I was like, he's really good. I spent a week getting my face shoved into soup pots angry sailors who don't like the music that I have brought to them.
00:59:47
Speaker
I was promised... A seat in a noble house? I didn't promise. I promised I'd try. Don't semantics me. I am a wordsmith. I am an artist, and I know bullshit when I see it.
00:59:58
Speaker
Look, buddy, I tried to get you a job, and nobody was hiring an in-house minstrel, and I'm sincerely sorry about that. I'm still looking. I haven't given up, but I will give up if you continue to berate me. I don't really do that.
01:00:10
Speaker
Give me a deception check.
01:00:13
Speaker
Well, I liked the days when I was rolling really good all the time. That's a nine. He drops to his knees and like clutches at the hem of your dress. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I've had a very bad week.
01:00:25
Speaker
and i I will keep my attitude in check. I'm so sorry, my lady. That's okay. Nothing to apologize for. You know, what I just came here because I found out that the Lord of Parties is hosting a party tonight. And it's literally like this is an occurrence that will only happen once in the... What's the name of that comment again?
01:00:45
Speaker
The comment that goes by? Premier's comment? No, that's not it. Bargrim's Comet will not see another party this exciting, because we have the Lord of Parties on board and the Ptolemy Henkel, legendary bard.
01:00:59
Speaker
Basically, we're going to make history tonight. Well, I can't argue with that. It's nice to be recognized for once for my talents and my abilities, and to think I was going to join a cult just to try and make some money.
01:01:17
Speaker
I've been saying it, Ptolemy. You're the real deal. You've got it. And I know because I also have it. Very few people do. Of course. Very few have it. Now, the playlist is going to be straight fire tonight. Yeah, we're going to get Ballad of Ur the Snapper, right?
01:01:34
Speaker
We're going to get... No, people like that one. We're going to do all the hits, okay? People want to sing, people want to dance, people people want to stomp their feet. And then at the climax of the night, you know that perfect party moment when it's like everyone's most excited, but as soon as that moment ends, everyone's going to want to go home?
01:01:50
Speaker
Yes, of course. the climax of the party you are going to play a song that you're going to write called the lord of quiet can choke to death on my stinky noisy farts or something like that i don't know something about not caring about the lord of quiet and making things really noisy and he can die and you don't care about him and you piss on his grave and he's not a real god yeah are we vibing still yes you see the vision give me a persuasion roll
01:02:15
Speaker
that's a 19 plus a so five is a 24 We're gonna get him killed. what happens if he dies? the show ends.
01:02:28
Speaker
He's got plot armor. Yeah, Ptolemy Hinkle has plot or we found him. We found him.
01:02:41
Speaker
This opens up so many possibilities, this realization. can strap him to our bodies like armor. Throw him at the Lord of Fire. can keep him in a bag of holding. No oxygen. He can't die. He just becomes your little Pokemon.
01:02:55
Speaker
Oh my god. Exactly. That's why he knows the whole story because we've been dragging him along in manacles for the whole plot. Oh my god. Okay, anyway.
01:03:06
Speaker
Okay, so if you don't mind me making some revisions, I feel like thought songs are a bit beneath me, but I can probably come up with something that is...
01:03:20
Speaker
equivalently mocking of one of the most dangerous entities in the multiverse. For sure, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure. No problem. Yes. Yes, you are the real deal, my friend. We're going to get you that. You know what? Honestly, though, I kind of think a noble house is too small for you. Like what I'm thinking is like the king's stage.
01:03:37
Speaker
You know what i mean? I hear you. But the way things are going, I would settle for any stage that isn't half submerged in water. But I hear you. I hear you. Dream bigger.
01:03:49
Speaker
Well, I dreamed smaller and it didn't come true, so I'm trying to keep expectations in check these days. But if it didn't work when you dreamed smaller, you should dream bigger. Smaller isn't working. You know, I can't argue with that. Uh-huh.
01:04:01
Speaker
Okay! Remember, Lord of Quiet can suck our nads, and um we're going to have a crazy night tonight. Leave out a hat. People will give you tips.
01:04:13
Speaker
Okay. i'll I'll see you there. Good night, Ptolemy. See you soon. Good night. so you See you soon. Are you wearing that? Why? i don't know. i just wanted a fun transition. Like, oh, we'll talk about outfits now. hee hee hee he du little la
01:04:32
Speaker
We are at the bar. oh there's There's lights. There's a disco ball. There's some fog. Wow. Can i propose what I've constructed for Clay to wear if Clay's willing to wear it?
01:04:47
Speaker
Yes, describe it to me. Okay, thank you. You'll recall two facts. Number one, Fondalyn is in possession of a pretty messed up color-changing gown that got pretty burnt, but theoretically she still has pieces of it.
01:04:57
Speaker
And that was an expensive fabric. And number two, Fondalyn is a skilled tailor. So you know the stuff ABBA wears? Like the unitard, bell-bottom jeaned, gaudy-belted...
01:05:09
Speaker
Thank you. With like the big sleeves. I want to have scrapped together that exact outfit out of one of my dresses and whatever's left of the color changing iridescent fabric for Clay with like the plunging V and the big ass buckle and the huge bell bottoms and sleeves.
01:05:25
Speaker
I love it. This is the Lord of Parties, everybody. If Clay is amenable to wearing that, I just think the Lord of Parties should be decked up. i feel like the God of Parties. You look like the God of Parties.
01:05:38
Speaker
That's amazing. I love it. Hell yeah. Any panache you want to add to the outfit, Prima? I'm sorry for describing the outfit for you. but I like the idea of wearing one of Fallen's wigs also, just to make the whole thing extra grand.
01:05:51
Speaker
Absolutely. Throw a feather boa on it. Come on, we got to throw a feather boa on it I look fabulous. Oh, you do? Nobody has ever looked better. Glimki, what do you want to wear? I can sew something up.
01:06:05
Speaker
Do you like the bell bottoms? Oh, the bell bottoms are slick. For sure. You want to do bell bottoms? It's like half a princess pant, half a skirt. Is it back in style to have those like frilly pirate shirts? It never left and it never will. Okay. Oh, yes, I know. Oh, the more frills, the better. I'm all in on frills.
01:06:22
Speaker
Fonelin furiously is sewing in the room up until like the very last minute of the party. Perfect. Yeah, you, you pull off a miracle. With no fabric, minimal sewing supplies.
01:06:36
Speaker
Oh, wait. Extra fabric from the sale because they have to prepare Oh, my gosh. Isn't like lime green color too? A lime green frilly pirate shirt. It's not lime green. It's not lime green. It's a nice seafoam green. It's very subdued, very tasteful.
01:06:51
Speaker
You're telling me that for my wardrobe, it's hard to cannibalize a dress into a frilly outfit? Okay, fair enough. You sacrifice a dress. Thank you. and The three baddest bitches come walking into the bar. Yes!
01:07:06
Speaker
Glimky, have you ever thought of piercing your ears? We could do that really quick. I have a rapier. Um, hey, it's only night one. We'll see how we feel by night five. Night three with the class war. Let's do it. Exactly. Yeah, before that, it'll be a good way to keep and something. i don't know. Fuck, I've lost myself in the middle of that one. Yeah.
The Ship Party Kicks Off
01:07:26
Speaker
You want to take it from the top are are we just going to leave that? You walk into the bar. No, no, no. You walk into the bar and you see the captain seated seated on ah on ah on a stool at at the bar. There's this beautiful display of various alcohols, various liquor bottles across this wall. It's this beautiful, beautiful liquor cabinet with this beautiful glass mirror that makes the room look huge.
01:07:53
Speaker
there this disco ball circling in the middle of it all. The bartender is this middle-aged woman, appears to be in her 40s or so. She's got long black hair that goes down to the bar and she's got these just these sharp cheekbones and very fine features and she says wow the long face and the captain says well because of my ah lover you see he drowned when uh you call drowning when you live underwater he choked on a biscuit or a sausage who can remember these days i don't feel good anymore
01:08:34
Speaker
Anyway, I'll ah get you a martini. And she says, thanks, fam. Which is her name, not a colloquialism.
01:08:45
Speaker
That's even better. And the three of you walk in and this woman, she can't she turns, but looks like it seems like difficult for her to turn almost. like It seems like it takes a second for turn to look at you. Kind of her whole body turns to look at you.
01:09:00
Speaker
And says, well, howdy, y'all. What can I get for you? You here for the party? Am I here for the party? I am the lord parties. Let's go. Yeet, yeet.
01:09:12
Speaker
Yeah. Well, how about that? A real lord in my bar? Well, now I've seen everything. Not just a lord, my friend. a god.
01:09:23
Speaker
Wait, are you saying you're a lord as in deity or a lord as in nobility? I'm the lord of party, which is a special third type of lord.
01:09:36
Speaker
Right. Okay. I'm not going to think too hard on that because it might melt my brains. But what can I get you for? Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots.
01:09:47
Speaker
Yeah. Can we get that? Can we get the rest of that? 100%. Okay. Okay.
01:09:55
Speaker
where luja Do you find folks have the all-you-can-drink package as part of the ah round zaver thing? and Does the Lord of Party have the all-you-can-drink package?
01:10:08
Speaker
Does the Lord of Party have the all-you-can-drink package? Yeah, I think the Lord of Party has all-you-can-drink package. Put it on the Round Savers tab. Shots for everyone who comes in for the party.
01:10:20
Speaker
Make a persuasion roll.
01:10:25
Speaker
Can I assist by being like, yeah, they're super rich and they love the Lord of Parties. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.
01:10:33
Speaker
That's a 17. ah I'm sorry. if Unless I hear directly from a that Kentithacon fellow, I can't be authorizing any charges on the the round Zavar's tab.
01:10:47
Speaker
if If you have it marked on your on your tickets that you got the drink package, then that takes care of that. But if you don't, then I'll i'll need to see some cash. I look at my ticket.
01:10:59
Speaker
did ah We did not pay for the drinks. Did any of us buy it? I wanted to so bad and I was talked out of it. I wanted it so bad. Well, I didn't think we'd be throwing a party on night one.
01:11:12
Speaker
I didn't think it was five days on here. The drink package is always worth it. It's always worth it. Go ask Amala if she has the drinks package on her ticket. Oh, shit i'm I guarantee. You know, that's a great point.
01:11:24
Speaker
Hi, what was your name again, bartender? Fam. Fam twall. Fam. Hi. I didn't really catch that. It doesn't matter. We're with them all at Berthold and she is she's got the drinks.
01:11:37
Speaker
Don't worry. Right. The way it works is an all-you-can-drinks package, you can't just pin it all on one person. Kind of defeats the whole point of selling drinks. If one of your 20 passengers can buy all you can drink and then everybody drinks for free off that, we would be underwater.
01:11:55
Speaker
The captain's head shoots up and says, oh, gods please
01:12:01
Speaker
Seems like your captain is on board with this plan. Yeah, she loves it. Yeah. Come on, let's get sauced. Glumki says to the captain, hey, how how often in your hundred over 100 year pedigree have you gotten to have a night where we're everyone is getting together and having a good time?
01:12:19
Speaker
No mutinies, no talk of dead spouses, just hanging out. You make the call. There was a day back in 79 where things were good.
01:12:31
Speaker
Bet the wine flowed freely? Aye. But i it's it's been but over a century since then, so... Captain! It's been over a century!
01:12:43
Speaker
on! Let's higher than the horns. Come on Once in a century. Let's go. Once in a century! Give me a persuasion roll with advantage. Yes! oh my god. 16. DC 15, maybe?
01:12:54
Speaker
sixteen dc fifteen Ah, fuck it, who cares? yeah Just drum up some false charges at the end of the voyage. Make them pay the damage. Let's go. oh Holy, put it on the round zavers.
01:13:08
Speaker
You right? Am I right? Yeah. 100%. Scientific illiterate bastards. Don't even know how to read a good scientific study. Don't know anything about empirical design.
01:13:19
Speaker
Neither do I, mind ya. Step one, you have to know how to read, but I never let that stop me. Yeah, here's here's to denying gravity.
01:13:34
Speaker
But like a little one. 20 minutes later, so he
01:13:42
Speaker
the the bar is slowly filling up. There are numerous other folk. Not the whole passenger list, but there's a few crew and maybe 10 passengers or so.
01:13:55
Speaker
Cilantro and Asphal show up wearing matching sequined outfits. They look very good together. course they do. Hey, Asphil, do the sleeves come off?
01:14:06
Speaker
Cilantro immediately just like walks back out the bar. like He just leaves as the sleeves come off.
01:14:15
Speaker
Yeah, they're tearaways. Everything owns a tearaway. So, uh, sleeves come off everything I own. Nice. Well, we gotta go sport mode tonight. You know what i'm saying? Oh, yeah. Sport mode for sure.
01:14:28
Speaker
um if I did not say Morden. I said smart word. I did not say Morden. Looks like I'm not the chill guy that I pretend to be. my apologies. Your name is full of crab sticks.
01:14:40
Speaker
And you're making fun of me? The aura point lost on this interaction, i will never recover. Fondland does three shots back to back.
01:14:52
Speaker
And the party begins in earnest. Not too later, Ptolemy shows up and pulls out this beautiful dulcimer and sits down and starts playing a collection of folk songs one might have heard in 1960s Greenwich Village.
01:15:07
Speaker
We're talking Dylan. We're talking some Joni Mitchell. They're songs you guys have never heard before. Wow. But he sings them with confidence. They are really party songs. there They're kind of toe-tappers if you were toe-tapping in a funk, thing but he's playing. Okay.
01:15:26
Speaker
Glimki, go fix this. He doesn't listen to me. Early one morning, in the sun was shining. was laying in bed. Can I cast Thaumaturgy again? Of course.
01:15:36
Speaker
I want it to be... um I'm going to cast it multiple times. I want like flashing lights. Yes. Like a rumble that's kind of like a sick bass beat, like EDM. Nice. nice And then remixing his singing songs. Oh, nice. That's crazy. Clay's like dancing up a storm, but it's just you casting spells trying to like keep all these different audio visual effects going at the same time.
01:16:04
Speaker
Give me a performance check. I also have minor illusions, so... Yes! I would That would look crazy. All right. Like, I can add, like, beating drums in the background.
01:16:15
Speaker
Amazing. ah Clay, yeah, you can roll with advantage. Okay. First roll was better. 15. 15. Tangled up in blue. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom
01:16:31
Speaker
Party's going nuts. Is there anything that you are, I know there is, but as the night is progressing, Ruckus Perez and this other half-orc show up. They start dancing in perfect sync, doing like, you know you know, combo moves. Like a couple of cousins might pull out at a wedding.
01:16:49
Speaker
They're doing like wheelbarrow shenanigans. And at one point, Ruckus like grabs the other one by the ankles and starts swinging them in a circle. You know, cousin wedding shenanigans. Yeah. Hell yeah. yeah Can Glimki go talk to Jim Jim?
Manifest Checks and Suspicious Passengers
01:17:04
Speaker
He is running around with a mop, wiping up spills as they are occurring, which is numerous. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jim Jim. Sorry, sir. I'll go slower next time, sir.
01:17:14
Speaker
No, it's not that, but isn't it bad luck to mop the deck after dark? Sir, I've never heard that one, sir. If that's a thing, I'll be worried about it now. But I wasn't going to in this moment. I'm pretty sure it's up there with whistling.
01:17:28
Speaker
There's a problem with whistling? Stop! He opens an umbrella. That one I think is okay, actually. One second, and he ah grabs the ladder and sets it up, and then instead going up, and he runs underneath it.
01:17:41
Speaker
Good god, Jimjum. Sorry, sir! Relax for a minute. I just need some help. Oh, yes, sir. Here to help, sir. What can I do for you, sir? Can we get ah like a bird's eye view of this?
01:17:52
Speaker
Yes, sir! And he grabs you under his arm and then runs up the ladder. Holds you out Rafiki style. this good, sir? i need you to take a look at this manifest and look at all of the guests and tell me i know there's some that aren't up here but we need to see if there's anybody here that doesn't match a name ah that full of crashtics sir that is ruckus perez and his brother para
01:18:20
Speaker
who should not be drinking is jaren tremaine the bartenders fam i think everyone's here who' supposed to be here sir So no one here looks out of place.
01:18:31
Speaker
No, sir. Okay. Good to know. Good to know. Keep your eyes peeled for stowaways. He immediately drops you and like grabs his eyelids and pulls them up. Good God.
01:18:43
Speaker
You landed a heap on the ground and he says, sorry, sir. And he jumps after you landing in a heap next to you. Jim, Jim. Yes, sir. Take a break. Get a drink.
01:18:53
Speaker
Not allowed, sir. Captain's orders. Okay. Well, all right. Take it easy. di Get back to work. Don't mop the deck. I'm pretty sure that's bad luck. I read that somewhere.
01:19:05
Speaker
Yes, sir! I'll go take a look and maybe visit the ship's doctor because my forehead's starting to hurt, sir! Okay, okay. You know, like, headphone dents that people get? He has, like, a finger-shaped dent in his forehead. good God. All right.
01:19:19
Speaker
Good luck. Thank you, sir. Don't need it. picks up a black cat and goes running off into the into the hallway. There's also these cats on deck. Funnelin's handing out shots like indiscriminately.
01:19:31
Speaker
kate have we lost sight of the mission or are we like or is this still the plan? Clay, having created so much noise, didn't we find a locust like at Meech Bluff or whatever? Like a dried one? Yeah.
01:19:44
Speaker
Do I still have it? if you want it. I pull it out. Is it like reacting at all? I'm just going to do like a general check to see if there's any suspicious activity.
01:19:55
Speaker
Sure. Give me a perception roll. That is a 10. As the crowd is dancing, Ptolemy is is singing his little heart out. You glance over at the bar and you see the bartender is sort of like moving backwards, like like they aren't turning around. They're moving in a straight line back and forth as they're like doing all their bartending duties.
01:20:20
Speaker
Beyond that, nothing strange. That's weird. Yeah. Can I go around her and look at her back? Sure. You walk around the back of the bar and you see that this woman does not have legs.
01:20:39
Speaker
Well, she does, but she's got four of them. Her torso is affixed to the body of a horse. with this chestnut sort of fur and this this tail and she is with great difficulty navigating around the bar serving drinks rest in peace horses don't do well in this show
01:21:02
Speaker
that's so funny okay cool i did not know she was horse is that suspicious not really Should we be racially profiling this woman? Probably not. Locusts have six legs.
01:21:19
Speaker
I don't know. It's not a sign of the Lord Quiet's presence, I guess. What else were we supposed to be doing? We're just trying to get loud enough to see if we piss off this guy? Yeah, to see if anybody on board is unhappy with the noise.
01:21:35
Speaker
All right, let let's keep cranking it up. Let's make sure nobody's sleeping below deck. Who's not at the party? Yeah, I want to at some point, somebody should compare the manifest and see who's all on deck and who isn't there.
01:21:48
Speaker
Who didn't come to the party? Yeah, we have that half checked off now. So we have who's present. Who isn't here? Any names we recognize? So I will say for purposes of fact checking the manifest, you drag young Jenjimfruk back into the bar and you spend like the next hour, like every time someone comes in, you point them out and you start checking names off the list.
01:22:18
Speaker
By the end of the evening, All but two of the passengers are checked off. One is by the name of Savito Wale.
01:22:35
Speaker
And the the other one is Ramil Gust. You're such a way with names, Zach. Ramil Gust. And making them so unintuitive. Thank you. They do sound fantasy-esque and cool, but they're just never spelled how I would think.
01:22:49
Speaker
For those listening at home, Goost has an H in it. It's like a Ghost with a U. Okay, sorry. I am stupid tonight. It's like Ghost with a Okay, so we get to LA and our new Goost.
01:23:02
Speaker
Now what? We have these two names. We're at the bar shouting right next to each other. Okay, so we have two names. Ghost with a U. It's like Ghost with a Just to clarify, about half of the crew are also not checked off.
01:23:19
Speaker
But one might presume that it's because it takes half the crew to sail this ship. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Do we go knock on some doors?
01:23:30
Speaker
Well, I think I love splitting the party. And I think some of us should stay here and make sure the party's pumping. And I'm happy to do that.
01:23:42
Speaker
Okay. But you also are the one that, like, it has it out to find with the Lord of Quiet. I feel like this is kind of your thing. I got you down to two names. Below decks we go!
01:23:54
Speaker
I'll not have my character consistency questions. And besides, I have to introduce my business partner to Ptolemy Henkel. Business partner? What? Oh yeah, me and the captain. We sign an agreement. to Get the royalties. Okay.
01:24:05
Speaker
So you're staying here? Yeah, got yeah I gotta see if Tommy Henkel wants to turn this thing into a cross Zav tour. okay sorry Are you abandoning the princess thing?
01:24:15
Speaker
No, no, no, no, This is this is called a side hustle. Side hustle? Yeah, Jim Jim told me about it. His side hustle is sweeping at night.
01:24:27
Speaker
Sounds like the opposite of wealthy leisure. Isn't that his like... main hustle? See, but he works day, and so his side hustle is also working all night.
01:24:38
Speaker
And you want that? For yourself? but No, I'm finding a much more efficient way of doing it See, what I'm doing is I'm putting the work onto somebody else whose talents can do the job, and then I just take a cut.
01:24:51
Speaker
Okay. See, I'm up here at the top of this business. This pyramid-shaped business. Yes, and then what I do is I recruit other people with more abilities to make money and the cash flow upwards. I'm working on it, you know. Okay.
01:25:09
Speaker
As long as you keep the party going, I'll pass my responsibilities as Lord of Party to you.
01:25:19
Speaker
That's too much responsibility. I can't be a business owner and a Lord of Party. What's lower than a lord then? One rank. One rank below count? it depends on what kind of peerage we're talking about. Are we talking about a classic elven peerage? Are we talking about a peerage that we might see in Ayrtonine typical structure? Are we just talking sort of generic fantasy canon peerage?
01:25:39
Speaker
Yeah, that last one that you said. Generic Fantasy Canon Beverage, Openneath the Lord. You see, Lord is not necessarily a title. It's more of just kind of a generic address. So let's say you're the king of parties. We're looking at like an archduke.
01:25:52
Speaker
How do you feel about archduke of party? Sure. I'll keep the music pumping, but I will have to stop it at some point to then try to connect these two, but we'll see how that goes.
01:26:03
Speaker
Do not stop Ptolemy before his big number. You'll know it when you hear it. You got it. got it. got it. Awesome. Honestly, Clay, we have to be back before the big number comes on. So we have to go. Okay. Okay. Let's go.
01:26:14
Speaker
Hello adventurer, I'm Lloyd, Dungeon Master of Nat One and Done, a Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast that follows our group in a chaotic blend of traditional D&D play, humorous downtime both in and out of play, and a rich story with amazing players and
Revelations and Artifacts
01:26:37
Speaker
characters.
01:26:38
Speaker
Join us as we embark on a campaign and some side quests where critical success and failure play an equal part in our story of mystery, danger, romance, intrigue, and a whole lot of fun.
01:26:56
Speaker
We are Nat One and Done, and we hope you come along with us on our quest for a good time.
01:27:06
Speaker
two of you hurry out and start going door to door and knocking. And eventually you find one with a response and you hear a voice say, come in.
01:27:20
Speaker
Ooh, creepy. Hello. Come to us. We're not going in your room. No, come in. I'm busy. Okay. All right. I open the door. Yeah. Too busy to come party. What's going on in here? Yeah.
01:27:35
Speaker
You open up. You've been in, like, your rooms. They are simple staterooms. There's a bed, there's a side table, there's a washbasin, mirror. It's nice, but space is at a premium on any ship, even one such as this.
01:27:48
Speaker
The bedroom has been converted into At first you think a laboratory, and then you realize is some sort of bakery. There is just stacks of bowls, there are bags of flour that are overturned.
01:28:01
Speaker
You just smears of icing spread across the walls, and you see this half-elf woman, she is short, maybe with...
01:28:12
Speaker
just this bright cotton candy pink hair and she is just surrounded in a maelstrom of baking ingredients and she says hello come in yes hi what can i do for you it smells amazing in here what are you baking oh a little bit of everything i'm trying to find the secret to everlasting life in a cake how my god. Wow.
01:28:36
Speaker
What a zany character we found on this. We want a cast of zany characters we found on this ship. You're missing the party. yeah What's your name? Sorry? Remiel Goost. Oh, like ghost with U? Hey, fuck you.
01:28:50
Speaker
Or like Gus with an H. Yeah, that's more like it. Okay. Look, Ramil, what's the point in living forever if you never really live? You know what I'm saying? There's a party upstairs, and the god king of parties themselves is here overseeing the party.
01:29:07
Speaker
This is the god king of parties. There's only one god I'm interested in, ma'am, and it's God's basket. You see, Cobars is just a stopping point on the journey for me. I'm going to catch another ship out to God's basket after that, and I'm going to get a fruit, and it's going make me live forever when I put it in a cupcake.
01:29:24
Speaker
You're literally a One Piece character. don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Oh, okay. You don't respect the... You You don't respect the god king of parties? That's fine.
01:29:37
Speaker
One second. That's right. I rush Clay from outside the door and on my way out, I grab a plate and the blanket off their bed, off of Ramil's bed, and I cover Clay in the blanket and I put the... I affix the plate to their face like a mask, but there's a hole so it's like they're only their nose is coming out. You see where this is going. This is sick. You guys see where it's going. Yes. Yes. And I push Clay inside and I go, i am God's basket.
01:30:13
Speaker
I'm sorry, you're an island. You have to listen.
01:30:18
Speaker
Come to the party or else you will never find the fruit. Give me an intimidation check. Rolled in that one. Oh my god. It didn't work when my mother did it. It's not going to work when you do it. Get out of here. I'm making perfect cake and I'm going to live forever.
01:30:36
Speaker
Okay, I pull Fodolin out of the room. I'm like, this person just seems kind of crazy. I don't think they're necessarily suspicious. And also noisy. So that's good. Let's go find the other person. Chaotic is good, right? so Yeah, chaotic is good. yeah Sorry about covering up your beautiful outfit. I was going for a really sick One Piece reference and I don't think I landed, but someone will get it.
01:30:59
Speaker
I yank the blanket off and reveal your glorious fit again. Nobody asked what Fondalyn's wearing, but she's wearing one of her gowns, but like ruched up and with no pants underneath. So she just got her gams out.
01:31:10
Speaker
So basically you're wearing a dress. Yeah, but it's like short now. So it's different. Yeah. party length. Okay. Yeah, it's party length. Exactly. oh my God.
01:31:22
Speaker
Sport mode. Sport mode. could run so fast. I walk super fast to the next door. We're looking for Savito Wale. Okay.
01:31:33
Speaker
Yes? Civito? Yes, who's asking? so Mr. Civito, are they? The God-King Lord Ultimate Supreme Overlord, a long may she reign of parties, is here.
01:31:43
Speaker
Were you sleeping? With all the partying happening? Yes, I'm quite the sound sleeper. Well, you're awake now. you want to go party? Almost almost like someone with noise-canceling abilities. That's true. Is the room suspiciously quiet?
01:31:58
Speaker
Well, the door's closed. ah There's no noise coming out of it other than his speaking. Can we hear the noise of the party from here? It's in a distant... boom but boom don but bun but but but but but but but o Okay.
01:32:15
Speaker
Can we come in? I'm not interested in whatever you're selling. oh we're not with the round savers. Don't worry. Hmm. he You hear the sound of like a creaking bed and footsteps and the door pops open like a half inch and you see ah sliver of that older Minotaur man from dinner.
01:32:39
Speaker
Flashback to my memories. Was there any way, of physically speaking, that the guy who attacked us that night was Minotaur shaped? He was big, which could imply Minotaur.
01:32:54
Speaker
He was also wearing a helmet. However, minotaurs often have horns and there was no horns sticking out of said helmet. That's not the guy, Clay.
01:33:06
Speaker
Not the guy. Because how would like how would how would the helmet get over the horns, you know? Yeah. But he also could turn himself into a cloud of locusts. So what if he just turned his horns into locusts?
01:33:18
Speaker
That's a really, really good point. Okay, you old coot. Upstairs we go. We're going to a party. no No, thank you. I'd prefer to keep to myself. Why? Because you're made of locusts.
01:33:29
Speaker
Pardon? Why are you on this ship? Yeah, why? Are you trying to find a fruit? No. Trying to kill us? Trying to live forever? Tell me. i'm not sure what you're insinuating.
01:33:41
Speaker
I'm merely traveling to Sarposen. This was the quickest ship out of Airdeneen. Sarposen? Yeah, I... so Never mind. Cut that out. Wait, I want to see where this is going.
01:33:54
Speaker
sorry Sarfosen, I saw a pussy right here. my god. Man, that's crazy. That's what we do here, folks. That's what this show's all about.
01:34:07
Speaker
It's hard work, but someone's got to do it. And I'm proud of what we do here. As you stand there accosting this man, he seems to relax a little bit and opens the door a little bit further. And you see he's got the same simple bedchamber as everyone else.
01:34:23
Speaker
However, you do see that there is a almost like a ah mix between a trunk and a briefcase. It would be either a big briefcase or a small trunk. And it is placed upon his bed.
01:34:37
Speaker
What's in the box, big man? He closes the door. play i stick my into the door before he closes it. Yeah. Give me a athletics check.
01:34:47
Speaker
It's only day one on this boat, dude. Oh, but I rolled 19 on the dice. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. twenty 20. My foot is so strong.
01:34:58
Speaker
He cannot close this door. as if the party gambit paid off. He seems stronger than you were expecting. He is an old man. he slams it with some force, but you stick your foot in there and you wedge your leg in and you hold the door open. And he says, what is the meaning of this? I just want to be left alone.
01:35:19
Speaker
Sir, we'll leave you alone if you tell us what's in the box. Give me a persuasion check. Fondlin doing anything to help me because this is not good Eight.
01:35:30
Speaker
Clay's- Let me, let me, let me, let me give her advantage. Clay's very strong and in fact god has god powers of the the lord of parties. My friend is very strong and has godly powers.
01:35:45
Speaker
I strongly recommend you comply with their requests, which are polite now, but willing to be for long. Fonelin, you can make a separate intimidation check. Mother. I liked when I was rolling really good all the time.
01:35:59
Speaker
That is a, that's a 12. He continues to struggle trying to shut the door on you. No, it's none of your business. Leave me alone. Okay, can I use force? And I start throwing my body against the door to try to like bash it open. We'll bring the party to you if you won't cooperate. And nobody will hear you scream. Give me another athletics check with advantage since the two of you are throwing yourselves at this door.
01:36:26
Speaker
Okay, 14. He got a 13. Oh god. And you throw your entire weight at the door and he stumbles back. By Jove, this is beyond the pale.
01:36:41
Speaker
Get out. I walk to the thing and flip open the i flip open the box. You open it up and you see that it is this... This trunk is lined with felt that is molded and formed around this glass cube.
01:36:56
Speaker
And you look and you see that it appears to be some sort of glass case. And at its center is a smaller cube that is made of some dark metal that... You don't know why, but as you look at it, you just feel...
01:37:15
Speaker
A trip of vertigo wash over you. Whoa. What the hell is this?
01:37:24
Speaker
I am transporting it for a friend. It is an artifact of dubious origin, and I have been asked by an associate of mine to move it out of Airdenine, and so that is what I am doing.
01:37:43
Speaker
What does it do? And I pick it up. You pick it up. It is not quite a foot to each side, but still pretty big. And it is heavy.
01:37:55
Speaker
And as you as you look at it, you see that there are other things within the glass. And like, we'll say you look at the, like just like the top of this, of this cube, you see that there's these two balls that are sort of rolling around loose within this side. And as they tip towards the edge, they don't tumble over. They seem to be like locked onto this side of the cube.
01:38:20
Speaker
And you you turn it over again, you see that there's just a series of connected pathways. It almost looks like a maze inside of this side of the cube.
01:38:31
Speaker
Oh, this is cool. Tell us everything or I'll smash it. Be my guest. ah who Who are you delivering this for? Who's your associate? a It is bold of you to assume that you can barge into my room and politely ask for answers, but gosh darn it, there's just something charming about you.
01:38:54
Speaker
My friend Corvus Bloodmine. He's a priest A priest? Yes, yes, sir a priest of Karasar.
01:39:06
Speaker
My friend, I've heard Karasar described as a fickle goddess with a short temper. i assure you, I am much the same. Do you know the Lord of Quiet? Conceptually. You don't work for him?
01:39:18
Speaker
No, of course not. I'm not a devil worshiper. Inside check. I believe him, but inside check anyway, because I'm doing due diligence as an investigator. That's an 18. He has been bewildered.
01:39:30
Speaker
He has been angry. he has been frightened in the few minutes that you have interacted with him. That question seems to cut through the confusion, and he seems to answer it very directly and best you can tell, honestly.
01:39:46
Speaker
I'm done here. I flip the cube to clay. Kind of like a shorthand little toss. Okay. You can ask your questions if you're curious, but I'm going to go back to the party. Apologies, my friend. We've had a misunderstanding. I'll explain it over breakfast. Have a lovely night. And I head out.
01:40:01
Speaker
Can I do a religion check or something on the artifact? 100%. Go for it. go for Oh, minus one. cleric? For a cleric? That's wild. 12%.
01:40:12
Speaker
twelve Clay, you pick it up and you flip it around and you see that each of these sides is different. At the center of it all, there's this dark cube. And as you stare at it, you get that same sense of vertigo, but it's it's mixed with something else. It's like smelling flowers, but they're on a bed of rotten meat.
01:40:34
Speaker
There's something familiar and pleasant about the sensation, but you also recognize that it is tinged with something ugly and foul beyond that.
01:40:47
Speaker
Ugh. I toss the artifact back to the guy, to Savito. He does not catch it, and it slams into the ground and punches through the floor. Shit. Doesn't, like, fall through, but, like, it, like, it punches a hole in the floor. And the glass is unaffected, and he reaches down and with some great difficulty. He pulls it up and puts it back in the in the trunk and closes it up.
01:41:15
Speaker
You keep that thing locked up a bit better, why don't you? Seems like... it's not good. The audacity. Yeah, and you could have definitely caught that, so the damaged floor is on you, and then I leave.
01:41:32
Speaker
Damn, the Lord of Party. And I would ask that you don't- I closed the door him.
01:41:41
Speaker
ah Never mind. I left early because I was like, oh, I feel like Clay's expressing interest in this NPC and like the surrounding story. I'm going to like leave them alone because Fondalyn was way too abrasive. Fondalyn has no shot here. And then I love that Clay was like, yeah, and also I hate you too. Bye.
01:41:56
Speaker
So funny. she got the ick from whatever that thing is she doesn't want it. are So valid. So valid. Who's this guy? We have a party to be at. ah Flowers and rotten meat? No, thank you. Gross.
01:42:08
Speaker
Not the vibe. Yeah. You go back upstairs. Back to the bar. er Bondalyn is up there. She has procured two shots, two for her and two for Clay, and it immediately passes them over.
01:42:22
Speaker
Cool. Cool. feel like there should be some constitution rolls in here. Why would you say that, Jordan? Why would you say that? Because it's funnier. The shots are flying. Amala is dancing on the bar top.
01:42:36
Speaker
oh The party is in full swing. At one point, Ruckus Perez walks over and the two of them start visibly flirting. No. Ptolemy then stands up and clears his throat.
01:42:50
Speaker
Now, let's see. Thank you all for coming to my party. I have enjoyed performing for you this evening. My name is Ptolemy Henkel. If any of you are hiring, I am on the market looking for a more permanent engagement. I also do birthday parties and weddings.
01:43:05
Speaker
But I have one last song for you tonight, and it's called Quiet ah Riot. Oh, wordly And he sits down and starts plucking away at the dulcimer once more.
01:43:22
Speaker
Lord of Quiet, we will riot. We won't be quiet tonight. Ding, ding, ding, ding. We will fight you and we will smite you with the holy light of noise. but Anyway, I don't have a second verse because I wasn't given a lot of time to write this. Lord of Quiet, we will riot.
01:43:46
Speaker
We will riot. We will riot. We don't like you! Lord of quiet! We will riot! Okay. I smash a plate. The crowd like lukewarmly applauds. There's not really a big reaction.
01:44:03
Speaker
Save this! We have to save this! Clay, do the thing! Do the thing with the noise! We gotta save this! I also have lights. I cast lights on the crow's nest to be multicolored like a big disco ball. You are the Okay, fine. You drag everyone out onto the deck of the ship.
01:44:17
Speaker
Fine, I cast light on the ceiling to make it glow multicolor. Acapella rendition like a scene from Pitch Perfect. And Gloomkey also uses minor all illusion. Yes!
01:44:27
Speaker
What's he illusioning? Can I like create an image of the Locust Knight, but like kind of caricature-y? Like a marionette.
01:44:39
Speaker
Oh! Love that. Nice. 100%, yeah. This little X shape, you know, appears in the air with these little ah strings and it's like dancing along.
01:44:49
Speaker
No one really gets that, what that means. But it's the one that will. Yeah. It's a good sign no one reacting, guess. It's kind of giving, like, soccer crowd chants, whereas the chant gets picked up.
01:45:03
Speaker
Lord of quiet! We will riot! Yeah! yeah Come on, let's make Gorjak hear us!
01:45:16
Speaker
Let's scare Pharaohs away!
01:45:22
Speaker
Yeah, Ruckus is like, I don't know. Feels like a lot of heavy religious iconography for what's supposed to be a cool night. Just shut up and bring the Perez. Yeah. Perez.
01:45:33
Speaker
Down with the Lord of Quiet. Nobility sucks. Nobility sucks and he's a noble. There he oh yeah yeah Nice. Assful of Crastic stands up and says, um, actually, I'm a noble. And Ruckus Perez immediately jumps on him and drags him out onto the deck of the ship. Uh-oh.
01:45:51
Speaker
The crowd swarms out of the bar following and... Day two, class warfare. We're ahead of schedule. Ruckus says,
New Day and Artistic Ventures
01:46:01
Speaker
I'm going to beat you up. Not because you seem like a bad guy, but because I've got morals. And Aspel says, we sound kind of similar, but like different. It's like we could be brothers if we weren't enemies.
01:46:11
Speaker
And Ruckus says, shut up, man. I'm going to punch you. And as he goes to do so, a sudden geyser bursts out of the water. It catches the moonlight of Golo and Ketchil above the two moons of Zav and the stars are kind of sparkling. It's like the sky is full of diamonds. The water, this geyser is massive. It's like one hundred feet tall and it sprays water down upon the ship and flies. For those of you religiously inclined, it feels like the happiest moment with your God.
01:46:44
Speaker
For those of you that are Faunalyn, it's like diving into a pile of money. It just feels good. It feels refreshing and you feel like yourselves coming down, not in like an unpleasant crash, but in a sort of, you're in Vegas and you just got an IV in the morning and the hangover's actually not going to be that bad as a result.
01:47:06
Speaker
On top of that, for the next 24 hours, each of you is effectively under the effects of the Bless spell. Did we just summon a geyser of holy water by partying super hard? Hey! Oh my god. oh i did't though I'm not religious-y.
01:47:24
Speaker
Farnelon's like 11 shots deep. I'm not like religiously or whatever. Is Clay like actually a god? What? We're all gods tonight! Yes!
01:47:36
Speaker
I thought the sea was coming to claim the captain back. Same. Oh, same. 100% same. I'm just confused. I didn't know what's happening. Alas, I'm not so lucky. There's always tomorrow. Yeah.
01:47:49
Speaker
Cursed to live. Born to live as well, evidently. Oh, I gotta introduce you to Ptolemy. Aye, that you do. I thought this was a book deal, but sounds like you're trying to make it into a multimedia experience.
01:48:02
Speaker
Not that know what that is. I'm doing the book. It's a whole thing. you know Okay, okay. The night comes to a slow and comfortable end. No one freaks out.
01:48:15
Speaker
I'd say the three of you from your various vantage points, despite the excess of shots, do not see anybody visibly react in a way that you would anticipate.
01:48:25
Speaker
And I think you can feel pretty confident that Thayun Zahir, however they may look outside of their armor, does not appear to be amongst the party goers. Okay.
01:48:39
Speaker
Well, now we can relax. Clay would have found some time to pull Glimki aside and tell them about the two other people on the manifest. One's a weird baker person and the other guy's a follower of Karasar.
01:48:55
Speaker
He's got some weird shit. Interesting. Yeah. ah Weird artifact. But not related to the Lord of Quiet. Okay, well that's good. Hopefully we can spend the next four days in relative safety as we get over to the Anchor's Chain.
01:49:10
Speaker
You guys know what this means, right? and and That's right. I'm here too. ha What does it mean? It means we can party hard and not worry about getting murdered. Shots for everybody!
01:49:22
Speaker
And i her big elven hands have a shot between every single finger. my gosh. I'm sorry, big? I think I cut you off. yeah She's tall and lanky. right, fair enough. She's got big hands.
01:49:34
Speaker
I mean, considering Glinky's 3-3, yeah. ah These are elf-sized shots that I foist. I foist five shots upon Glimke and five upon Clay. And then I immediately turn around and procure five more from somewhere behind me. Okay, I'm definitely going to need constitution saving throws.
01:49:53
Speaker
There we go. Oh, lordy. You can add a d4 from the effects of the geyser. Oh, yay. The geyser. I love the geyser. What was up with that? All right, I got a 14 total.
01:50:08
Speaker
ah Clay, if you want to make a religion check, Glimke, if you want to make a religion check. I can't make a religion check? No, you're not a religious fellow. got a 14 on constitution, 7 on religion.
01:50:20
Speaker
Okay. Okay, that's a 14 constitution, and a 6 on religion. Wow. You are the worst clerics I've ever heard of. Oh, but you have heard clay's god is a god of fire i'm pretty sure so this water thing have no idea what's going on right oh what if it was what if it was glimki's god giving his leaves a little water um refreshing i don't know about that i don't think he's in the mood well you keep stepping out a line final what did you get sorry i got a 12 12 okay
01:51:00
Speaker
The night comes to an end. It is a good night. People are in a great mood. It is a great way to start the trip. Everyone seems to be very happy. at least they would be if you saw them in the morning, because most folks don't roll of bed until well after noon.
01:51:14
Speaker
Breakfast is skipped. Chef Girlardee is very upset. It's like, I just got that it's like Boyardee-ing. Like Girlardee.
01:51:25
Speaker
I also didn't get that. I didn't get Oh, you're a fool and a half, Zachary. You're a fool and a half. The three of you awake, maybe not fully immune to the effects of your drinking, but no major ill effects.
01:51:40
Speaker
My Queben for you is barring some outside force, by which I mean life, that crazy thing we call life. Is there anything you're trying to do over the next five days? I'm not going to fast forward through it, but if there's no, you know, major things that you're trying to accomplish in the next little bit, then I will move things along at a brisk pace. But if you have stuff you want to do that's totally okay.
01:52:09
Speaker
Just want to see what the vibe is. I want to know over the five days how far Glimki gets in his business game. Yeah, I'm also invested.
01:52:20
Speaker
i i actually have a plan that might be lucrative in the Anchor's channel. Do you remember the hit song, Toss a Coin to Your Witcher? Oh my gosh. That's what we're trying to do here at Ptolemy Glimki Co. Gotcha.
01:52:38
Speaker
Introducing your latest muse, Zaralo, Death's Bane. Wow. Toss a coin to your captain? Merman? I don't know. To your merman, yeah.
01:52:52
Speaker
Except it's not a coin, it's something else. Maybe a coin purse if you're catching my drift. Heyo! We can deal with that later. Ptolemy comes to find you, Farnelon, and says, Now, I don't think the Lord of Quiet song was a huge success. Like, it went about as good as could be expected for ah new song.
01:53:12
Speaker
When you stepped out, I did try the Farnelon song, and it seemed to do all right. But now that we're friends again, i just want to see what the vibe is.
01:53:24
Speaker
but Do you mind if I keep slandering you musically? Tomei, Tomei, Tomei, Tomei. Tomei, I really don't mean to interrupt, but I have to.
01:53:34
Speaker
Oh, yes, of course. I'm just... Sorry, Fonelian. Yeah? There's just... I've had... Just... I have such good news for you. Oh! You found me a job? Um, no.
01:53:47
Speaker
Oh. but it could be better and more lucrative. You're a free agent right now, and I don't want to put an end to that because our captain of this ship, Zarello Deathsbane, could be your next muse.
01:54:00
Speaker
Now, hear me out. People like dishing out, talking shit. People get into that. I'm great at it. You are, but I think we have an opportunity to tell, i think, an incredible set of stories about A woman captain of this ship who's got, you know, story beats full of adventure, treacherous seafaring, not seen anywhere else on the side of the El Sweeney O ship.
01:54:27
Speaker
But let me tell you, it goes even deeper than that. Okay, to the depths of the bottom of the sea we are sailing on. Hear me out. Down there lies the story of a beautifully tragic heartbreak.
01:54:42
Speaker
And i'm i I'm just thinking both of you should chat because when we get to the Anchors chain, the bars are going to eat this up. I have had a random spark of entrepreneurship.
01:54:55
Speaker
I don't know why. Maybe it's the sea air. But I think if we work together, we could have something big. I'm i'm thinking the next big thing, something akin to Toss a Coin Tier, which I'm sure you're familiar. That's like the the pinnacle of your game, you know what I'm talking about?
01:55:13
Speaker
That's like the, we're trying to chase that dragon. Right, right, right, right, right. Well, if this Depth's Bane is willing to be amused, then I'm willing to be amused and in turn amused audiences around the world.
01:55:26
Speaker
Glimke pulls out a piece of paper that's signed by himself in Depth's Bane that has the rights to the song. Hey, I got the rights right here, baby.
01:55:37
Speaker
Right. Just real quick, what would be the revenue split on such a endeavor? Well, you know what? I'm glad you brought that up. We got four days to work out the details.
01:55:50
Speaker
Tremendous. The three of you spend a good deal of time but over the next several days inking out a record contract, debating rights. Zoralo has to retell the story from the beginning. Glimke is re-traumatized.
01:56:04
Speaker
It gets worse upon retelling. But yeah, the two of you listen to her and continue hashing out some sort of agreement. While that's happening, could I get another D12 from everybody? Yeah. All right.
01:56:18
Speaker
I want to hear this like as a sea shanty. Like someone write this song. I got a nine. I also got a nine. Wow. I got a 12. I'll have copy you.
01:56:29
Speaker
Wow. It is a sunny, warm day. The ocean is swelling beneath you in gentle, rolling waves. It is the first day where you are fully beyond the eyeline of the coast. For Glimki, this might not be a new experience. For Faunalyn, this might also not be a new experience.
01:56:51
Speaker
For Clay, I think you have only traveled really between Erdenine and Kilikon Sea. This would probably be your first time seeing nothing but water. It's a weird experience, maybe not entirely unpleasant though.
01:57:06
Speaker
And the day continues without any incident. It is
Tensions Rise and Ocean Mystery
01:57:12
Speaker
lunch is served, dinner is served, Chef Girlardee is brought out. She's this elderly dwarven woman with snow white hair and a big chef's hat.
01:57:23
Speaker
And she serves everyone some delicious girly-oli and... It's great. Lovely. Clay and Fondalyn, is there anything you try it and accomplish? You see many of the people from last night that you that you met, and even those that you didn't really interact with, hustling about.
01:57:42
Speaker
Everyone who sees you, greets you more or less warmly, which is, for Fondalyn especially, probably a new experience given recent events in Erdenine. Everyone's just like, good vibes the morning after the the party.
01:57:56
Speaker
Hey, Assful! Your arms are covered today. I'm not used to seeing that. Is that a tearaway? Or is that... That one's a tearaway too, right?
01:58:06
Speaker
Uh, this one I call a flexaway, and he strains really hard, and a vein in his neck like bulges, and it it's almost looks like it's going to explode. It's like a baseball. But then he's just like... And he chokes it down into his arms, and then ah who the sleeves explode off.
01:58:21
Speaker
Clay can do that too. Go. Clay, do it. Folk, do it. I try really hard, but nothing happens. Clay, give me a constitution saving throw with an added d4. Oh, shit. Hey, we're blessed now. it's not good.
01:58:34
Speaker
That's a seven. Oh. Clay, you pass out. Oh, no. Oh no no, she's working on it. We'll get there. You awake to ah small gnome in a fine floral romper fanning you and you wake up. He says, oh honey, you've got to be more careful.
01:58:52
Speaker
And you have got to stop encouraging him. Please, I am begging you. We are almost out of clothes and we still have like a week at sea. Pants in this weather as well. You are a brave man. I would think you'd want the thighs to be out catching sun.
01:59:05
Speaker
Ah!
01:59:10
Speaker
and his pants explode he looks like conan the barbarian by the time you're done with him and cilantro drags him by the finger below decks to redress him for dinner i want to talk to cilantro all right you follow along do not apologize for me ever what what do you want to talk to cilantro about I say, wow, that's a really cool flex-a-weight outfit you made for the Earl of Crastics.
01:59:43
Speaker
That's really some talent you got for tailoring and like clothes making. So you guys are on the way to Sarposen? Yeah, that's that's right. Yeah, it was chiffon. It's fine.
01:59:56
Speaker
Anyway... Being such a good seamstress, tailor. Seamster. Seamster. Are you planning to stop in AVOX to pick up like any fabrics or materials?
02:00:11
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no, no. We're just, we're taking the ship to Khabarus and then it's leaving directly from Khabarus back to Sarposan. Oh, okay. Just sir annoying, but whatever detour, you know?
02:00:23
Speaker
Cool. Are you familiar with AVOX? Since I was thinking of checking that out. I've never been personally. the Lord Asfal has preferred to spend his time in Bogatir, but it's so it's interesting from what I've heard. lot of amazing spices if you're into food.
02:00:43
Speaker
And of course, there's the silks. The silks are to die for. I mean... Yeah, that's what I'm looking to get some silks. Oh, you simply have to. Yeah. Do you have any recommendations for vendors or types of silk?
02:00:57
Speaker
You can't really go wrong if you get something from Kurtuk Frazon. He's sort of a genius. He's this dragonborn, and he mixes ice into the manufacturing process, and it creates the most beautiful patterns.
02:01:17
Speaker
Wow. ah Have you worked with his his product before? Yeah. It's hard to get ah your hands on, but I managed to make a beautiful, beautiful shirt that lasted about six hours. It was a record at the time.
02:01:34
Speaker
Wow. Sturdy materials, I guess. Thanks for the recommendation. Of course. Yeah. That's all I wanted to ask. Amazing. The day passes by without major incident.
02:01:49
Speaker
You see more or less everybody at some point or another, either at lunch or dinner. Perhaps you go back to the bar for an evening drink. Most folks you see, with the exception of Savito Wale, he does not seem to make an appearance at any point.
02:02:09
Speaker
But the sun explodes and the sun is reborn and day three of your journey begins. Could I get another d12 from everybody? Two. Eleven. Eight.
02:02:22
Speaker
Eight. Okay. the day starts off sunny, but it's cooler than last two. ah last vestige of spring, perhaps, as this cold ocean wind sweeps over you. And you notice, for those of you on deck, it seems to shift in direction slightly.
02:02:43
Speaker
And in response, the ship starts to tack, cutting in and out of the wave, still trying to make headway. It slows you down ah little bit, but you get reassurances from the captain that this shouldn't affect your progress in a significant fashion. You should still manage to make it on time, more or less, a couple more days at sea ahead of you.
02:03:09
Speaker
Any business? Old business? New business? I'm hanging out with Amala. i' hanging out with Clay and Glimke. I think Faunelin, when she was drunk at the party, like woke up with the memory that Glimke and the captain made out. And she keeps being like, spending a lot of time with the captain.
02:03:29
Speaker
I saw you two being very chummy. It's okay. You look good together. i don't remember that. No, I know you were very drunk, but I was very much less drunk, and i saw it.
02:03:40
Speaker
You probably just thought you saw something because we've been getting close over the music that we're writing with Ptolemy, you know? Yeah, you've been getting very close. I know, I saw it at the party. You got very close.
02:03:54
Speaker
Fondland's trying to give Glimke hang-xiety. Fondland really believes she saw it Glimke believes she saw it.
02:04:05
Speaker
Okay, I think at some point, Fonelin would meander downstairs and try to talk to Savito a little bit. Sure. Clay would try to do a wellness check if she hasn't seen him for a full day.
02:04:17
Speaker
Yeah, we could go downstairs and go do a wellness check together. After lunch of the third day, you have not seen him at breakfast nor lunch yet again. ah two of you venture down beneath decks down this long carpeted hallway.
02:04:34
Speaker
ship every so often shifts directions and you catch yourselves. you reach You reach his door and you you knock and he says, go away. yeah we're here to like be nice now.
02:04:47
Speaker
We've developed an interesting rapport and we're going to develop it. Oh, it's you. Yeah. ah Go away for sure then. ah Clay, force it open.
02:04:57
Speaker
Yeah. I open the door. is locked. I rattle the doorknob. I'm like, we didn't see you at breakfast or lunch or all day yesterday.
02:05:09
Speaker
ah you like eating and stuff? I'm taking my meals in my room. They've been delivered. Oh. So are you still mad at us? Yes, of course.
02:05:21
Speaker
You know how in books and bard's tales, people always get off on the wrong foot? And then the people who maybe stuck their foot in the door and rifled through the other person's belongings feel a little bit, not bad, but reflective on their role in that other person's life.
02:05:37
Speaker
And they come downstairs and they're like, hey, wellness check, let's have a conversation this time. You know those stories?
02:05:45
Speaker
They're better stories when the victim is cool about it. Yeah, I just, I remember feeling really bad and not, and kind of weird when I held that object you have in there.
02:06:00
Speaker
So I don't know how you're doing locked up with that thing all day. Do you want to get some fresh air or anything? Give me a persuasion check. Both of us? Just me?
02:06:11
Speaker
Just you. 18. Ayo. well. eighteen heyo
02:06:19
Speaker
very well And you hear the sounds of the door unlocking. And this minotaur man is holding ah trunk in his hands. He's got a guy clenched to his chest.
02:06:32
Speaker
let's Let's go then. You're bringing it with you? Yes, I feel that is best. I don't dare leave it alone. Why? Is it dangerous if left alone? are you just worried someone will take it I'm worried someone will break into my room and steal it.
02:06:48
Speaker
And he looks pointedly at the two of you. It happens. There are a lot of crazy people out there. Who would want this, though? What is it for? Yeah, good point. What is the purpose and interest?
02:07:00
Speaker
I do not know. I was merely asked by my friends to deliver it. And so that is what I am doing. You're guarding it very preciously for something you're doing as a favor.
02:07:11
Speaker
Yeah. Do you need help? Like, are you doing this of your own will? You've held it. You can undoubtedly tell. There's a disconcerting nature to it, I suppose. I do not need to know what it is to know that it should not be left unguarded.
02:07:31
Speaker
Where are you bringing it to? Yeah, what's it going to do at the end when you pass it off? I do not know. i am merely supposed to bring it to a destination and then I will be rid of it and I can return home.
02:07:44
Speaker
My task will be done. Someone's blackmailing you. No. i know blackmail. This is a blackmail scenario. No, I was asked by a dear friend to do a favor. Oh, and you don't personally worship this goddess?
02:07:58
Speaker
I'm not in the church, but I say the occasional prayer when I feel my heart brought to anger. How does praying to Karasar, I've never understood what praying to Karasar is all about.
02:08:12
Speaker
What do you pray to her for? Strength, wisdom, guidance. I fought in the last Trine War, and she was a steady companion during those years.
02:08:29
Speaker
Oh, so this friend you're delivering things for, is he an old wartime buddy? No, a friend I made later in life after settling down. I can have multiple facets to my existence.
02:08:40
Speaker
Of course. Okay, well, why don't you come up to dinner or something? I'd love- I feel like we should- you know, we have dinner together. Leave the thing. It'll be a good exercise. In trust.
02:08:51
Speaker
I will not leave the thing, but I will come to dinner. What does the thing do? i don't know. It's not my thing. I'm just carrying it. Can we have it?
02:09:02
Speaker
No! Absolutely not! was just kidding. just kidding. just kidding. was just kidding. And are you delivering it to Kobarus? Sarposen. All the way to Sarposen. Yeah, because remember my hilarious joke, Clay?
02:09:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was hilarious. Sarposen, yeah, yeah, yeah. I found it a tad distasteful. How much farther is Sarposen from Kobarus? Oh, I imagine it'll the same distance, give or take.
02:09:31
Speaker
Maybe a day's further. That's like 10 days, right? like Indeed. Nearly two weeks or nearly two Zav equivalent of a week.
02:09:42
Speaker
About one week in Zav. Oh, okay. Just over eight days to the week here, but I pick up what you're putting down. Yeah, like I can tell it's already taking a toll on you and it's been like a day and a half.
02:09:56
Speaker
Do you think it's going to affect you in any way traveling with it for so long? ah I hope not. I'm sure it'll be fine. that's i mean, as long as it's the box is closed, I don't really feel any ill effects. I'm mostly able to ignore it.
02:10:15
Speaker
But on the rare occasion I've opened the trunk, it is most distasteful. You don't have any, like, locks or protections on the box? No, i foolish me, I thought strangers wouldn't burst into my room and start rifling through my possessions, but if I could do it all again, I'd probably get a real tricky combination lock.
02:10:36
Speaker
Yeah. Good call. i mean, you're scared someone's going to steal it, but you weren't expecting someone to come steal Yeah. Amazing point, Claire. I'm a little bit new to this.
02:10:48
Speaker
I was a soldier. i was not a spy. Espionage has not been my foray. Usually taking things head on, any gestures to his horns, are how i i tackle my problems.
02:11:01
Speaker
I just feel like it's a big ask for your friend to ask you to do this, you know, and I'm kind of scared you're getting taken advantage of. Don't you feel that way?
02:11:11
Speaker
Do you not have a friend that you would undertake it three-week journey for? Well, yeah. Yeah. Hi, Fawn and Veidark. But I don't see them here is the thing. What? They're asking you to do this alone.
02:11:24
Speaker
Oh, I see what you mean. I see what you mean. Your friend's not here undertaking the journey with you. Yes, I don't take issue with that. i They asked because it was important.
02:11:36
Speaker
I don't know. For a minotaur, your sense of honor or duty or loyalty is tad lacking, I might say. Firstly, Clay is so loyal they kidnapped a princess for someone.
02:11:47
Speaker
Secondly... Just kidding. That was a joke. That's a metaphor in my place where I'm from. Secondly, Clay is not a minotaur. They're a cow person.
02:11:58
Speaker
Right. So a minotaur. No, no, it's different. It's different. it's different It's different. Yeah. Yeah. Cow as in like the demon ancestry type. Yeah. Yeah.
02:12:13
Speaker
Cow demons. That's what clay is. Right. That's what you are. well And also they don't have a mom. So. Yeah. Interesting. Have you considered that maybe your mom is a minotaur?
02:12:24
Speaker
and I don't know. Actually, what? It's possible. I don't know. I don't remember anything. So I don't know. so You don't remember anything? What do you mean? like because you were a baby? Yeah. Like, I don't know.
02:12:39
Speaker
All my life, I grew up Kilikoncy. Hmm. Yeah. Well, not my place to argue, I suppose. ah Yeah. but I guess we're being a little nosy. Just, you know.
02:12:50
Speaker
Worried about you. You weren't at my party, man. kind of Yeah, it's the god of parties. Only if someone really locked in would miss that opportunity. Right, yes, I was locked in my room. After you left, I locked the door.
02:13:04
Speaker
it's ah I'm more of an introvert, really, so it wasn't a big miss for me, i sorry to say. well Well, you missed a great party. was legendary. Brought you out of your shell a little.
02:13:17
Speaker
Well, I'll be at the next one. Maybe once this is all behind me, i'll we'll meet up and we'll do it all again. I'll hold another party tonight if you're going to come. Let's have another party tonight! I'm the Lord of Parties. I will not hold the party be coming to a party tonight, I'm afraid.
02:13:35
Speaker
Oh. ah Lame. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. Probably not tomorrow. After I've delivered the box, maybe then we can we can hang out sometime and do it all again.
02:13:47
Speaker
All right. Okay, The day comes to a ah close. Dinner is Spagurly and girl balls and... What?
02:13:58
Speaker
What is that? It's nice sweet meat bottles friends like but like, not necessarily gendered, I guess.
02:14:10
Speaker
That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
02:14:16
Speaker
That's insane. Dinner is spickering and girl balls. That's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. I love girl balls for dinner.
02:14:30
Speaker
Yeah, I'm gonna fail a constitution check on purpose from hearing that. I took psychic damage in real life from girl balls.
02:14:46
Speaker
You're really lucky that you edit this. I've ate my bacon than once. If spaghetti and girl balls doesn't make the final cut, I'm leaving the show. That's in my contract now. I walk.
02:15:05
Speaker
That's insane. Could I get one one more roll, please? And then we'll call it a coin. Six. Seven. I rolled a three.
02:15:17
Speaker
As you venture further and further from the coast, the weather begins to become a bit more unpredictable. And you awake to a cloudy day that only seems to get more primed for inclement weather as the day proceeds.
02:15:35
Speaker
The winds begin to pick up. Those rolling waves start to become choppy. The ship is rocking pretty consistently. Several people don't leave their rooms on account of seasickness.
02:15:48
Speaker
The crew is more or less all working together to keep things on track. And as the day comes to a to an end, dinner is served afterwards. There is get-together in the bar. There's bingo night, and those who aren't bedridden by the waves are there. And Ptolemy is trying out the first verse of his new song,
02:16:16
Speaker
It gets pretty good feedback. He feels encouraged afterwards. And as this ship moves through the night, this little beacon of light amongst the dark, vast ocean, the first mate, Jenjem Fruk, comes running into the bar.
02:16:37
Speaker
He says, excuse me, sir, captain, sir, we found a man in the ocean. And that's where we'll stop tonight's episode of Bard Soup. Oh my goodness. oh A man in the ocean. here oh Her lover.
02:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, her lost love.
02:17:08
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening to this spicy little bowl of Bart's soup. This is the beginning of a new arc. They're going to the Anchor's Chain. We don't think we mentioned it last episode, but they have leveled up. They're level four. How exciting. Big things are coming, so thanks for listening.
02:17:25
Speaker
I have been your spicy little dungeon master, Zach Meikle, joined by Prima Jow as Clay Campbell, Jordan Johnson as Glimki Treefellow, and Shannon Meikle as Faunal and Veidark.
02:17:36
Speaker
If you're liking the show, we would like if you left us a five star review on Spotify Apple podcasts, that would be huge. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at bard underscore soup and check out bard soup.com for some really cool character art.
02:17:51
Speaker
We'll be back in two weeks. Bye bye.
02:18:00
Speaker
You run over and you flip it open and inside it is lined with felt that is formed to fit around this glass sphere.
02:18:14
Speaker
Not sphere. Let me try that one again. The opposite of sphere. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were going to um a disc. That's so funny, too, actually.
02:18:28
Speaker
Not a sphere. A That's so funny. Man, y'all look y'all are firing them. First, Sapuse or whatever he said.
02:18:39
Speaker
That's generous. He said the part higher than one.