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Chapter 18 - Grumble in the Jungle
32 Plays11 days ago
Yeah, Xav is dying. The Eyes of Erdeniin hate us. The Princess is leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me Klarb. But that’s okay. Because do you really need anyone else?
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Edited by Zach Meikle
Follow the show:
Instagram: @bard_soup
TikTok: @bard_soup
Music & Ambience
Music: Beyond the Horizon by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Dramatic Interlude by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Prepare for War by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Rat Battle by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Cry Havoc by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Wanderer by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Time is of the Essence by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Viking Intro (Loop) by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Bloodlust by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: War Shout by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Witch Mountain by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: The Northern Path by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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That Boy's Got Wings / Falcom 30th Anniversary Kiseki & Ys Best × Secret / Copyright © Nihon Falcom Corporation
Ambience: Sewers by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Red Mystery by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music & Ambience: Elven Glade by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Vopna by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Portcullis Close by SectionSound from Pixabay
Heart Beat by SoundReality from Pixabay
Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
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Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Now, let's see. Where were we? I guess that's right.
Quest for the Key
00:00:09
Speaker
When we last left our heroes, they were in the process of begrudgingly making amends with Bakra Prelmy by returning the key that leads to the spooky crypt beneath her family's mansion. Clay and Fondlin met with the eyes of Eredinine and learned that in order to acquire the key, they would have to procure 1,000 gold pieces.
00:00:32
Speaker
a heavy price indeed. They considered visiting Bakra to request the money, but ultimately were drawn to an underground fighting ring hidden beneath the fabric store, Weave and Flow. After negotiating with a dwarf named Oscar and giving up the pre-only house ring that Clay had been carrying all this time, they were able to enter Pharnolin as a fighter in that evening's festivities.
00:00:59
Speaker
In order to prepare, the party split up and took part in a fun and merry montage wherein they got Faunalyn ready for the big fight. Clay acquired some illicit drugs from her friend Fuzam, Glimky commissioned a new fighting outfit for Faunalyn from Madame Fauvamol, and Faunalyn cried after her dear friend Fallow Kent expressed concern over the decision to take part in this fight.
00:01:28
Speaker
Despite a friend's fears, Faunalyn was committed to going through with it, and as the sun exploded for the night, the party traveled back to Weave and Flow to see what awaited them. Upon their arrival, they were given access to a hidden passage and entered a lively, albeit shady tavern with a large octagonal fighting ring at its center.
00:01:52
Speaker
Bets were placed, introductions were made, and Faunalyn fought her first bout against a lanky man named Ty again. Aided by a potent cocktail of divine magic, illicit drugs, and friend-induced rage, Faunalyn quickly bested the man. Only to find her next opponent was none other than the Berthold bodyguard, Crombeck Lungcrusher.
00:02:16
Speaker
She was able to strike a last minute deal with the man, and he promptly faked a knockout, advancing Faunalyn to the final. In order to get the money needed to buy back the key, Clay made an ambitious bet that not only required Faunalyn to win her third and final fight, but also required that she win by a knockout, and that she land the first hit.
00:02:38
Speaker
With all their money riding on this, Fondlin entered the ring, only to discover that her opponent, an individual previously known to her only as the Bear, was actually Lord Uren Rathbard. You already said all that. And I'll say it again!
Introduction and Character Dynamics
00:03:53
Speaker
It's super time.
00:03:59
Speaker
Hey guys, and welcome back to another thrilling episode of Bard Soup. I'm your dungeon master, Zach Meekle. And I've noticed that our intros have been a little chaotic and dare I say a little bad of late, maybe from this show's inception. no So I had a really good idea. And I found out that if you go to cameo dot.com, you can get beloved voice actors of children's shows to record voiceover for you for very cheap.
00:04:24
Speaker
I didn't wind up doing that in time. So instead, here's my impression of Chase from Paw Patrol introducing the cast of Bard Sue. Hi, everybody. Here's Prima. Hi, Prima. Hi. Chase was it? Great to be here. I think so. I didn't read the advert very closely. I'm just a dog who's also a cop. Who do you play?
00:04:48
Speaker
I play Clay Campbell and she does not like cops. Bow wow. And I'm SpongeBob. And I'm joined by Jordan Johnson. ah That's me. Nice to meet you, SpongeBob. Do you like Krabby Patties, Jordan? Only fancy ones.
00:05:15
Speaker
Or wait, pretty ones. Nice. Is it a Spongebob reference? Yes, it is. Pretty patties. Come on, the multicolored ones. It was at the rate of all of Bikini Bottom. We were more of a Disney Channel house growing up. Yeah, my mom thought Spongebob was a little profane, so... Well, check your privilege and tell me who do you play. I play Glinky Tree Fellow. And I'm...
00:05:42
Speaker
Prince Zuko. I'm searching for the Avatar. But what's this? It's Shannon Meekle. I don't... Um, yep, yep. I'm Shannon and I play Faunalyn Vaidark. Wow. I think that was a good use of money. I can't decide if the bid is that those are the voice actors or whatever. it was I lost the thread. Hey, welcome back to Bard Soup. Let's dive in.
00:06:11
Speaker
You know, it's a good intro when you leave it feeling like slightly grimy in your soul. It's over and you're just like, ah oh, yeah, I am capable of terrible things. Evil lies in all of our hearts. and know There is evil in my heart.
The Cage Match and Victory
00:06:31
Speaker
We join our heroes in the dark and cramped space beneath weave and flow.
00:06:43
Speaker
A single light beams down upon Fondland as she stands in the center of an octagonal ring, staring up at a large man in a bear mask, who she now knows to be Ulvren Rothbard. The smell of heavy liquor and dark ale fills the
00:07:12
Speaker
Before Fondland can do anything that throws off my plans for the night. Me and coach. Put me in coach. Let me in coach. You hear the sound of chains clinking. What the hell? And you look up and you see this large eight-sided cage lowering down from the ceiling.
00:07:32
Speaker
cage match god And after a moment, it comes to a heavy rest, sealing you and Uren inside the octagonal ring. It's not the square circle, that's wrestling. Inside the octagonal circle. I cannot tell you how profoundly this has messed with my plans, the plans that I spent 1.5 months. Already? disard yeah that's um Yeah, that's crazy.
00:08:02
Speaker
What? Tell me about the bars of these cages. Metal, pretty tight, like vertical and horizontal. It's kind of sealed you in. It extends onto the top as well. Like the top is sealed off as well. You could probably like stick a hand out, but not much more would fit through. Cool.
00:08:22
Speaker
I'm just saying if you retcon the cage, I'll do some really fun stuff. I believe you, but the cage was specifically highlighted in the previous episode for this exact purpose. So while you've had a month and a half to plan, I have had a month and a half where I just said there was going to be a cage. No. And as you are taking this in, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. The bell goes off again, and I need you to roll initiative. Can we yell anything to her?
00:08:52
Speaker
Yell anything? Yeah. you have to win my knockout if we're gonna make our paralay. All right, good luck. He's the age. Okay, guys, I was gonna Phantom of the Opera this guy. I was going to drop the chandelier on him. But there is a cage in the way, so I shan't be doing that. What I shall be doing is rolling initiatives. Thank you.
00:09:19
Speaker
I like how you said it as if it was all of a sudden your decision to roll initiative. I decided, I thought about it really hard about what I should do. I'm actually going to be rolling initiative. I think I'll roll initiative. Okay, that's an 18 on initiative. That's really good. Yeah, hell yeah. Thank you. That's a total of 18 on initiative. He also got an 18. Wow. Okay, well, my dexterity is probably higher, so a tie goes to me, I bet.
00:09:47
Speaker
The rules as written and are the DM can decide the order if the tie is between a monster and a player character. Optionally, the DM can have the tied characters and monsters each roll a d20 to determine the order, highest roll going first. So with a tie, we are going to reroll. Oh, snap. And I think we'll just make it a flat reroll. Like you can add your dexterity bonus, everything on top of that. So we're just going to reroll initiative. Have you considered that we just do the dexterity roll rule? rule It's just neat and clean and simple. Reroll. All right. Well, that's going to be a sexy, sexy seven. What'd the bear get? Wolverine Rothbard, the bear, rolled a 10. Yes. Are you saying it like it's surprising? I got a seven. You said it like it's amazing that he got higher than me. Yeah, I was waiting for that nat one. but That was not the tone that I was hoping to strike. It's supposed to be like, forget it, move off.
00:10:44
Speaker
Leave that in. For those of you at home, Faunalyn needs to score the first hit. Otherwise, the bet is off. Oh, shit. Game over in first round. For those of you at home, they all know you do a recap. Wolverine is going to move in to punch you. That's not nice. I'm going to, as he comes up, I'm going to plead for, I'm going to go, oh, you're going to hurt me. You would do that. Would you please don't hurt me? Could you make a...
00:11:14
Speaker
persuasion check. I love this game because you can just do whatever whatever stupid little thing comes to mind and a nice DM will let you try. That's going to be a 15. Wolverine gets to attack twice.
00:11:29
Speaker
But you can see that as you start screaming and begging for your life, he kind of, you can't read his facial expression because he's wearing a bear mask, famously. But I'll say an eyebrow on the bear raises ever so slightly and he cocks his head a little bit in the opposite direction. And he will make both of his attack rolls with disadvantage for this round. Whoa. I strongly recommend pleading for your life. This is something I strongly recommend everyone should do.
00:11:55
Speaker
Wolverine is going to attack twice with disadvantage. You have an AC of 14 thanks to the fancy armor that Glimky commissioned for you. The first die is a 16. I don't like this. The second is a two.
00:12:14
Speaker
it' Suck it. Yeah. The first punch, he comes stumbling towards you, dressed in furs, bare mask on, huge meaty fist, and he just slams it towards you, and you've managed to narrowly duck out of the way. Cool. He comes in with his second fist. This thing was not on the cassette cheese. First die? Please edit that out. isnt We gotta stop telling me to edit this out. Made it recording. It's gonna be nothing but that. First die?
00:12:42
Speaker
19? Piss off! I'm gonna need you to piss off! Second die, six, plus five, 11. Okay. That is stupid, bitch. I thought I'm gonna kill him. You meaty fist comes swinging right past you. Wait, aren't you guys in an agreement that he's throwing the match? Wasn't that hard? That was Krombeck. That was Krombeck. Right, right, right, right. This is the bear, right? Sorry. I'm sorry. Cut that out.
00:13:14
Speaker
You got to cut it. You got to cut it. I don't gotta do nothing. They're gonna know I'm stupid. And it is your turn. Okay. Well, first I got it. Okay. First thing I gotta punch him in the face. So I'm going to do that. Nothing matters if you don't land the first punch. What do you, but can I hit him again as a bonus action, as a rogue? No.
00:13:36
Speaker
Okay, that's fine. I have a plan. First things first. I spent a month and a half plotting shenanigans, and you lowered an octagonal cage and ruined everything. For those at home, I was gonna Phantom of the Opera this man. I was gonna drop the light fixture on him, okay? And if that didn't work, I was going to do other fun things involving hitting him with a chair. I was gonna give him the chair, and Zach made up a little cage, and he stole that from me.
00:14:01
Speaker
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to start with shenanigans. I, you specified that the cage bars are wide enough to get a hand through. I am going to reach through the bars, and I'm going to grab a full tankard of ale from somebody. Oh, good. Returning to episode 17 shenanigans, are we? I'm going to do an episode 17. That was how the fight with Ty again started. You reached into the crowd, grabbed ah a chalice, and hurled it at a man. Starting move. Opening move. Everyone's got to have a signature move, all right? Yeah.
00:14:32
Speaker
so ah yeah Can you go back and edit that I'm going to The full tankard and I'm not going to throw it at him But I'm going to splash it at him specifically in the eyes and face region. He's wearing a Bear suit. Well, it's still gonna light on fire in a second. Oh Okay, that's good. So, do I get any in his eyes? I mean, it's open on the eyes, right? I want to get crud in his eyes. Frothy, frothy ale. I've never had beer in my eyes, but I bet it would feel bad. He manages to get an arm up as this ale splashes onto him, so he is now doused in liquid, but it does not appear that any got into his eyes. Okay, that's cool. I'm going to yell,
00:15:26
Speaker
clay I have an accent. Why did I just go in full American? why I'm going to say, hey, light me a cigar. And I'm going to, while his arm is up, attempt to punch in with my hand at his like belly in the uterus region if he had one.
00:15:45
Speaker
I don't know what other organs occupy that area, like on a man, so go for that's my point of reference. Solar plexus. I'm not a professor of anatomy, but I don't think the uterus hides behind the solar plexus. No, but you punch someone there, they'll go out of breath. It happens in the fight TV shows at least. That's fun, but I think that that would hurt my hand because that's a bone, whereas the uterus is not bone, I don't think.
00:16:12
Speaker
So I'm gonna punch him in the uterus. Yeah, literally, what is there? Is it just like a... wrong guy The bladder. yeah hey That's a... this is an unarmed strike? Yes. And am I adding anything to this other than... I think we were adding my athletics or something bonus last time.
00:16:30
Speaker
Okay, well, two things. First off, we're letting you roll your attacks with advantage during the course of this tournament. Second, because I don't wanna deal with 14,000, you do one damage plus your strength type rolls, we are just doing regular weapon damage as if you were armed with your typical weapon of choice. But the same goes for your opponent. Okay, well, that's gonna be 19 to hit. 19 will hit. Oh my god. Are we really doing this? First part of the parlour. It's not a lot of damage. It's a 1d4 plus 3. As long as you land the blow. Just kidding. It's a 1d8 plus 3 because I prefer my umbrella. And because you have sneak attack or because you have advantage, you also get sneak attack.
00:17:25
Speaker
you know the You're such a kind DM. You brought in this cage and that was lame and I hated you for that. You're being a little gent- you're gentle parenting us. I also gave him disadvantage on his first set of attack points. I know. It's kind of absurd. Yeah. Well, I pleaded for my... Okay. Okay. Let's not go Zach into hating me harder. I think it makes him weak. Shut up. Shut it. I get 2d6 for my sneak attack now, guys. Did you know that? yeah It's been that way for 10 episodes. I think I was only adding one. That's going to be nine whole damage.
00:18:05
Speaker
Did I kill him? Is he dead? You punch him directly in the spot where his uterus would be. Would he have one? And it is like punching a bag of rice. Your fist kind of just gets pulled in ever so slightly and then bounces back out and he just looks down at you. And you hear like a slight exhalation of breath, but he doesn't react much beyond that.
00:18:32
Speaker
So that's what is in a person without a uterus, is rice. Bags of rice. Bags of rice. Now you know. Okay, can I, with the remainder of my turn, I think I should get, like, a disengage, theoretically, because I'm a little rogue, sneaky little rogue. One might argue reaching through this cage match and grabbing a tanker and throwing it on them, or, you know, for sure. Sure. Why not?
00:18:59
Speaker
Are you sure, but you want you want to think about that a little harder is there? You you sure? No, go ahead. Disengage. It's a 15-foot wide cage. I don't think you're going to get very far. It's still in range. I'm still... Okay, well, I want to look over at Clay. Has Clay lit a cigar? Clay has not had a chance to do anything yet. Where is Clay in the initiative order? I would like to roll initiative now. We will have the two of them. If they are doing anything, they can go after the two of you.
00:19:25
Speaker
Okay, thank you. But there is a cage. Let me point out, there is a cage. Not much room for anything. Maybe a hand. Their involvement will be limited. You are the one who chose to enter the cage match. You will bear the brunt of the consequences. I'm gonna get beaten up to death. Okay, I am going to disengage with the generosity of my DM. Anything else? I'm going to say fleetingly as I sprint away. Oh, I'm so afraid.
00:19:53
Speaker
Clay and Glinky. The two of you watch on as this cage is lowered. Faunalyn ducks out of the way of these two meaty punches, manages to land one herself. You see that her opponent doesn't seem too swayed by that punch, but she seems to be holding her own for now. She does scream out for a cigar, anything the two of you are doing.
00:20:18
Speaker
Lighting a cigar, against sure I I'll take out a pack of cigarettes, and I light the whole thing for good measure. And then I, like, hold it through the bars. Amazing. So, Clay is standing there, lit cigarette packet in hand.
00:20:37
Speaker
It's like all of the cigarettes. Perfect, yeah. Cool. can i I'm going to cast Minor Illusion to make it look like there's a metal folding chair in Bear's Corner. Maybe he'll get distracted, I don't know. Maybe he'll want to use it against you and he'll get some sort of advantage. I don't know, maybe?
00:20:57
Speaker
Maybe. Maybe. Who can say? We'll find out. You and me, all of us together on this journey. Yeah, so yeah, Glookey focuses on creating a super realistic replica of a chair, puts it in the corner. Sure. The announcer from Somewhere in the Darkness says, Oh, thank God, I can give him the chair now. Fuck. Oh, no.
00:21:27
Speaker
Uren's turn. I'm going to say, based off where you put the chair, it is, you said in his corner, I'm going to say that's kind of behind him. He has not noticed it yet. And him being a rather simple man, he is going to just lurch forward and attempt to box Faunalyn. I just shout, bear the chair.
00:21:53
Speaker
Yeah, the announcer did just announce the chair to him. Yeah, and I want to start trying to get the rest of the crowd to... che chair Give me a persuasion roll. It's going to be a pretty high DC.
00:22:06
Speaker
mostly because Ulrin is a pretty simple and single-minded man. But go for it. Damn it. You got a 12. He does not appear to hear you, or if he does, he is fully focused on punching this person that he knows professionally. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair, that's fair, that's fair.
00:22:27
Speaker
He final it. Yeah. He no longer has disadvantage on his attacks. The first attack will be an 11. That doesn't hit. The second will be a 16. That does hit. On account of being higher than 14. He slams his fist down. And once again, you manage to step out of the way and it just crashes into the map that you're dancing upon. And then as you step out of the way, he comes in with his left fist and just catches you with ah with a side hook. And you are going to take seven bludgeoning damage.
00:22:57
Speaker
Ochi mama. yeah but Okay. Well, it hurt. And it is your turn. Okay. Let me think. I see the chair and I think about going for it, but I've kind of set in motion this other thing that I need to get ah through. So I'm going to identify Clay in the crowd. Probably have to disengage to get over to Clay, right Zach? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I am going to Reach through, grab, because I have some kind of glove situation, I believe, I'm going to grab as many cigarettes as I can and hold them in my hand. And then I am going to run up to Ulren and shove them burning ends first into his alcohol soaked outfit near the head and face. And for good measure, I'm going to go and blow on it because fire takes flames. I mean,
00:23:56
Speaker
What? um Edit that out. Because she requires attention. Give me an attack roll. Okay. This will not do any damage, but it has the potential to light him on fire, which then would do damage. I'm one with the fourteens tonight. That's another 19. Wasn't Faunalyn already like traumatized by fire? Now she has to fight a bear that's on fire. It's the cycle of violence. I was lit on fire, so now I light on fire. oh You take this handful of lit cigarettes and thrust them towards him, and you watch as his fiery cloak just... Or is it... You watch as his furry cloak becomes something much more dangerous, dear listener. A fiery cloak. That's right, as Ullren is ignited. I am going to say, on each of his turns, he is going to take 2d10 fire damage oh until such a time as he takes an action,
00:24:54
Speaker
to either douse the flame or otherwise remove the cloak. Cool. What's my action economy looking like last year? That was your action and bonus action. Cool. With my extra bonus action that you usually give me, I'm going to yell at you and say, tell me Uren, does Lady Krallwind know about your little grudge matches? I can't imagine she'd find them terribly impressive. And I'm going to like back away in so far as I can. but Actually, I'm going to take a drag from one of the cigarettes and then flick it at him. Okay. Wow. It's a real character moment for Fondland as she smokes her own cigarette.
00:25:31
Speaker
Oh, pedestrian as hell. I'm actually humiliated. You are being reduced to your base instincts. It's very sad to see. yeah Well, there's a cage between me and my designated smoke servant. So, desperate times. Chucklehead contingency. And by that I mean plain glimkey. Chucklehead contingency is such a cute group chat name. Sorry, carry on.
00:25:54
Speaker
Can I move the object? I mean, you could, like, functionally, like, recast the spell to put it. Oh, I guess it is a cantrip. Let me just... I'm gonna put it somewhere that I think you can see. Okay, whatever. Perfect. So you recast, and you hear the announcer say, Holy
00:26:17
Speaker
Can I run to the other side, to to the bear side of the cage and hold a another tankard of beer out and say, put out the fire. Oh my God, that's hysterical. That's so smart. That's so hysterical. Give me a deception roll. I think Clay's supposed to be good at deception. That's a 17. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. At the start of his turn,
00:26:49
Speaker
Ulrin will take 10 fire damage. He will then reach out, grab the flagon from you, pouring it on himself, and you watch as the flames just flare up momentarily. It's not going to increase the damage he takes, but he does burn his action, ineffectively putting out the fire. Hell yeah. And he's kind of just thrashing about now. Jesus Christ, this is horrible, I think. Stop, drop, and roll. Well, don't tell him.
00:27:19
Speaker
And it is Faunalyn's turn. Yeah, I'm going to give him the chair.
00:27:26
Speaker
but No! So I run up to the chair, and I attempt to seize it. And your hand goes right through it. DM, how what does this phase me? Does this affect me? I'd probably say, what kind of poor stupid, poor person chair is this? Faunalyn got more classist over the break.
00:27:49
Speaker
More? I don't think that's possible. I thought we were enlightening her somehow. Amongst the noise, the din of this crowd, the smell of sweat and blood and bodies and goblin, you smell just like the smell of pine trees waft briefly through the air and the sound of a crow on the distant winds. And that chair is farking weird. What the what?
00:28:15
Speaker
These poor people are so creative. And I'm going to rally nonetheless. Can't give him the chair, but what I can do is climb the ropes. Sure. And he is on fire. So I am going to bounce twice, perhaps. Maybe three times. Actually, no, there's a cage, so I can't. Maybe three. I was going to say perhaps to teabag whoever's standing behind me, but there is a cage for their safety. So instead, I leap off of their safety. Yeah.
00:28:45
Speaker
So instead, I am going to leap off of the ol' barrier and attempt to functionally kick him really hard and in the back of the head. Give me an acrobatics check. Filthy, dirty, filthy 20. Nice. Okay. So you can tack on an extra d6 with this attack. Oh my. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him on purpose. Okay, that's gonna be a three, four, five, six.
00:29:12
Speaker
Okay, I rolled not minimum damage, but like flirting with it. No, he's going to attack. He's going to hit the attack. Oh, well, that's good because I didn't like those damage dice. You should keep the damage dice. I don't remember what they were. Attacking with advantage. Oh my God. That was other people, other person really. It's either another dirty 20 or a 23, depending on which you like better. I prefer the 23.
00:29:40
Speaker
I feel like we're burning our nice DM karma. This is important. I want money. Yeah, hey. Can't argue with that, guys. Can't argue with that. Yeah, so you go springing off the ropes, do a spinning kick in the air, you hit him squarely in the face, and... I was aiming for the back of the head, but it's in the it's in the neighborhood.
00:30:02
Speaker
And yeah like I said, you can do your regular attack damage plus 3d6. So that was 11. I do remember what I rolled. It was 11. Off four dice? Yeah. Plus three? Yeah. 11. Damn. I rolled two threes, I get a plus three, and then I rolled two ones. Wow. Not minimum, but like I said, flirting with it. Buying it a drink from across the bar.
00:30:27
Speaker
Your foot connects squarely with his face and you watch as the mask is just sent flying off and his hair is sweaty. for His face is now he's got like a, he's got that black eye. If you recall, he's now going to have a second one to match and he is having a bad time, but not bloodied. Cool. I'm going to yell, Lord Urin Rothbard, everybody get a good look. This is the face of a very rich man. I don't know. I'm just being evil. Apparently.
00:30:59
Speaker
Anything else from Knuckles and Chuckles? I don't think I'm helping, to be honest. ah more Make him more much better. I don't think I can do anything. Premate him! Yeah, I don't know what else there is to do right now. Yeah, the tide is swinging in her favor. Let's just see what she can do. Clay's just cheering now. Kill him!
00:31:24
Speaker
He is going to take an additional seven fire damage at the start of his turn. And then he's going to use his action and just rip the cloak off, revealing just this thick, sweaty, hair covered body, just a carpet of body hair covers his chest. And that will be his action to put out the fire. He looks at you and give me an inside check. Is the inside check going to reveal that that was mean and he didn't like that?
00:31:54
Speaker
My God! The dice are being crazy tonight. That's a clean and washed 20. You look at him and you can see with a single look into his eye, he is no longer present.
00:32:11
Speaker
In your past conversations, he was very measured. He was very controlled. He's a large person, maybe not an intelligent person, but very deliberate with his actions. There is a frenzy in his eyes that you have not seen before. And he is going to let out a roar that sounds primal and animalistic and embodies the bear moniker that he previously adopted. And the fight goes on.
00:32:40
Speaker
It is your turn. I am going to roar back best that I can. And I'm going to shout, you think I'm scared of a bear in the fucking forest? And I'm gonna straight up try to deck him again in his stupid face that I revealed. I don't know where this animosity is coming from. I just feel like I want to kill him. Oh my god! I like I'm actually I'm not touching it. I'm not touching it. That's another nat 20. Whoa. So I rolled a three and I was like, ah, ha, ha, ha. Oops. Guess my Lux run out. But I have advantage and I got a 20 again. I might be blessed and highly favored. Give me some damage. 2d8, 4d6. 2d8, 4d6. Can I kill chat? Can I kill him today? Kill him. Go for the throat. Oh, i my 2d8. I rolled a seven and an eight.
00:33:32
Speaker
I have chills. I have not rolled this well in. Yeah, you're popping off right now. That's crazy. I'm actually popping off right now. I rolled a five on the first d6. Okay, four on the next d6. Somebody do this math for me, please. I rolled a six on the third d6. What the hell? And then a two. Okay, the two humbled me a little. Okay, that's six.
00:33:52
Speaker
fifteen 17 plus 15 is going to be a 32. That's 32 damage. That is more damage than Faunalyn has done, I think, in every fight across all of her actions up till now. 32. Are we actually going to do this, guys? Are we actually going to pull off this KO? Yeah. You hit him like uppercut style. His head snaps back and he staggers.
00:34:20
Speaker
but there is a fury inside him. One might say a rage. And as long as this blow was. It does not do nearly as much damage as you were anticipating. You heard a crunch. You don't know if it was his jaw. You don't know if it was his neck. It doesn't seem to matter. He he just snaps his head back down. And there's just a visage of pure fury looking down at you. You know that it hit. You know that it hurt. But it did not do as much as you hoped. Oh, so he halved it probably, I guess, with a special ability. Yeah.
00:34:56
Speaker
Well, it's just, a if he's in a rage, what is it? Just regular piercing, slashing and bludgeoning damage? We'll just do half. Oh, really? I need to light him on fire again is what I'm hearing. He is looking bad. There is a smell of burnt hair and blood is now trickling out of his out of his nose. I mean, if you're hitting like this, you're on the right track. Jordan, that was a nat 20 and almost max damage on the dice. If I'm hitting like this, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Oh, okay. If you say so.
00:35:30
Speaker
I get a bonus action. Sure. Cool. I am going to sweep up his still smoldering cloak and whip it at him and try to cover his face with it. I would argue that is more of an action. and what that's clearly a That's clearly a improvised action. If you give a mouse a cookie, they're going to want some milk. If you let Phonwyn throw a burning cloak on a guy, she's going to want it to do fire damage, which, therefore, I would argue makes it an attack.
00:35:56
Speaker
I don't even want to do fire damage. I just want to maybe blind him a little bit. This is your fault, Jordan. You called him weak and now he's being mean. You did this. Minor pushback. Minor pushback on a single action. This is bullshit. Okay, fine. why I Jim the camera and roll my eyes. That's my bonus action. Jim the camera. Okay, I'm done.
00:36:23
Speaker
No, I'm not! This is the fight of a lifetime and I'm not gonna use my bonus action. Be so for real. I can dash, disengage, or hide. I am going to bonus action hide. Give me a stealth roll. ah like but Hide behind the fake chair. Okay, well, that's a four. So, that's a four.
00:36:42
Speaker
Hey, because I'm a nice guy, ladies. And I would treat you better than your boyfriend does. Oh, this is getting kind of freaking weird. I just think if you gave me a chance. hello He's a really nice guy. I'm a nice guy. Everyone can agree. I will say as part of your hide action, you grab the cloak off the ground and throw it at his face.
00:37:10
Speaker
And he manages to just catch it and just tears it in half. Oh, shit. And then starts moving towards you again. Whoa. Clay and Glimky in the audience. Any desires? Chucklehead Confederacy, as they were called. Confederacy. Wait, was it not Confederacy? The Chucklehead contingent's there. I don't think so. Get them to raise the cage, you know? Maybe. wait there No, no.
00:37:39
Speaker
I think you're on the bottom. I think you're doing good. Raise the cage, raise the cage. You got this. You're doing, you're killing it. Yeah. The thing is, I don't want to interfere too much because I don't want them to disqualify us. Yeah. You know, that might sound silly. How much HP do you have? I'm looking two thirds healthy and one third eaten up. Let me, let me put this hand through the cage and says, yo, tag me in metaphorically.
00:38:08
Speaker
I'm tagging him in, metaphorically. Okay. I didn't know you'd get through the cage, but okay. So once she touches my hand, I would like to give her up some of my pool of lay-on hands. Oh, nice. I am down seven hit points.
00:38:22
Speaker
All right, here you go. Seven hit points. Wow, that's so nice. Paladins. Putting the pal in paladin. There you go. Boom, you feel rejuved. I am rejuved. So you reached through. Give me a slight of hand check. Okay, I did it. Now what do you want from that? I would like to know the number I deal with. That's a bummer. I got a two plus one, three. Okay. So pretty obvious, I'm guessing. Maybe. Maybe. We'll see.
00:38:52
Speaker
Yeah. Ullren's turn. He is going to strike at you twice with these soot-stained fists. I knew he was watching. That'll be a 21 and a 23. I fear my time of good luck has run out. The first punch? He could, I think, KO me with one hit, to be honest. No, no, no. Well, you're a full health, so one would hope. The first hit?
00:39:20
Speaker
does 12 bludgeoning damage. As you are sent flying backwards into the cage, and he comes running through, Superman punches you a second time, center of mass, for an additional 9 bludgeoning damage.
00:39:36
Speaker
I'm so sorry to say this, guys. That it was exactly my helmet. No! Ullren starts pounding his chest and bellowing into the crowd. The crowd erupts into cheers. The announcer's voice comes in over the speaker. One, two, three! How far is she from the edge? She has slammed up against the cage. Okay, I'm slapping that ass.
00:40:01
Speaker
um Get back in the fight. I'll be down, oh no. Can I do this one? Yeah, if you got something to do. You can slap my ass too if you want to. Yeah, I slap the other cheek. And that's an athletic butt slap to get you back in the fight. You got this. Yeah, Cure Wounds. Okay, so Cure Wounds and Glimpy assume the butt slap was more than just sexual harassment, it was also yeah lay on hand. Yes, duh.
00:40:28
Speaker
I think friends get at least one free butt slap on each other per year. I'm just like, I have to touch the butt, otherwise it the magic doesn't work. um So I give you the rest of the pool, which was only six. so That'll do. Thank you. Kind of you.
00:40:44
Speaker
Clay, how much are you giving me? 10 back. I got a seven on my D8, so. Nice. I have chills. Oh, we're so back. You regained 16. Woo. I'm fine. I never even passed out, and also my ass is tingling. I got excited. I'm sorry. I square up again, Rocky style, and I hock a loogie that is a bit bloody, and maybe a tooth comes out, because this is a fighting movie. And it's my turn. I'm going to punch him.
00:41:14
Speaker
Okay. Go for it. With Mephistica. Zuck. Oh, I have advantage. Oh, thank God. I have advantage. ah oh It was a five. It was going to be a 10 to hit. And I was like, Zuck, this is a 10 hit. With advantage, I rolled an 18. That's going to be 23 to hit. We might never know now if a 10 would hit. How sad for you and the audience. Well, this man is called the bear and he's, well, actually barbarians have low AC, so it might've hit.
00:41:41
Speaker
Why don't you tell us? Will it have... Would it have... I'll never tell. I just did 12 damage. Please be enough. Damage reduced to six. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
00:41:52
Speaker
I will say after he knocks you flying and he thinks you're knocked out, like I said, he kind of turns to face the crowd. He's yelling, pounding his chest. Your friends slap you on the butt. He doesn't see you coming. As you come flying in, punch him across the face and he spins around like a full 360 and then locks eyes on you and is ready to go again.
00:42:19
Speaker
Okay, well, historically in cartoons, when they do the full 360, it precedes the birds flying around their head. So that was not nice. It's called subversion of expectations. It's what keeps the audience coming back every week. I'm taking the disengage action and I'm going to attempt to avoid him throughout this entire action.
00:42:41
Speaker
Sure, so you know disengage just lets you move away without taking an opportunity attack, right? Okay, I'm taking the dash action and I'm zip-zapped zooming all the way around the cage, Roadrunner style, since we're getting referential. Somebody drop an anvil on his head. Sure, and it is his turn, unless Clay and Glen Key have something else they want to do. Suit him with a gun. oh I honestly don't have much else. I can't do any range.
00:43:11
Speaker
I don't have any range. psychological the attack started a mean chant against him. Oh, we're in stupid. Yeah, exactly. Just boo him so hard and try to distract him. Sure. as attention I'm going to say make a charisma check, just a rock charisma check with disadvantage because the crowd is currently freaking out. I could use my channel divinity, but again, like how much are they going to like it that we're fucking with the game? What are the rules to it? You got to win. You got it. You got this.
00:43:43
Speaker
Yeah, Clay's shouting, boo, Oren sucks. That's it. Nice. Nice. So yeah, give give me a charisma check, sorry, with disadvantage, Clay. Wait, can I help? Sure. I'll say if you join in on the chant, it'll remove the disadvantage, but currently you are going against the the court of public opinion and the court loves bloodshed.
00:44:04
Speaker
Got it. I lit him on fire. They don't like me? They're just in a fervor right now. Like, they don't they're equal opportunity cheavers. They just want to see a good fight. And right now, it's been a good fight. There's been fire, there's been punching, there's been a cage. What else does the fight need? So no advantage or disadvantage right now? Just a raw charisma check. Okay, I rolled a 12, so plus two, 14. A couple people start to join in. and like I like nudge Krombeck, because Krombeck has sticks in this fight too.
00:44:35
Speaker
like start cheering. Krombeck's drooling a little and then he kind of gets knocked out of his his reverie and starts booing as well. He says, come on, following. If you don't win, I've got to keep working for you. And absolutely right. It is Ulbrin's turn. He saw Glimky reach through the bars. No. He also While he is kind of in a bloodlust right now, starts to piece together that that punch probably would have KO'd anybody else. And he looks around wildly at the crowd, kind of locks eyes on Clay and Glimky on the two of you. And then he is going to run up to you, Faunalyn, and attempt to grapple you but with the intent of pulling you away from the edges of the cage so your friends can no longer reach you. So I need you to make an athletics or acrobatics check.
00:45:29
Speaker
Okay, I'm going to attempt to cartwheel out of his grasp, but thereby justifying my acrobatics. Perfect. I will let you know he has advantage on strength checks during his rage, so he will have advantage on this grapple attempt.
00:45:44
Speaker
Do I have any type of advantage because of all the magical tomfoolery? You have advantage on strength checks, and you currently, because of the other stuff, the potion going on, can use your dexterity in place of your strength due to the tomfoolery. So you could almost, you could make an athletics check with advantage and with your dexterity modifier instead. You bet we're gonna do that. I rolled a three without the advantage, so we're gonna just try to rejig that.
00:46:14
Speaker
That's just a regular 12, and so I'm gonna add my Dex bonus, so that's gonna take me up to a 15.
Negotiations and Deception
00:46:20
Speaker
He gets a 22. Why'd you make me go through all that? You never know, all the dice will roll.
00:46:27
Speaker
He runs up and just grabs you by, you don't have sleeves, famously. It's more of a vest situation, but kind of just digs his fingers into like the edges of this vest and just grabs onto you tight. And he's going to drag you away from the edge to the exact center of the cage. And he's going to slam you up into the bar's overhead. Oh my God. Whoa, cool. A 19 will hit. Don't do this. Don't do this.
00:46:54
Speaker
And you take 10 bludgeoning damage. Oh, that's fine. That's chill. That's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine, guys. So you are currently grappled, and which means your speed is zero. And it's your turn. How does he look? Bad? He looks pretty bad. He is definitely bloodied. Okay, that's good. That's good. That's good. we're He's kind of amongst all the fury. There is a bit of a fatigue that you can see setting in.
00:47:19
Speaker
What do you guys think? Is there any trickery I can pull? I think you gotta hit this one. Okay. Do you have anything that could give you extra damage? I would love to so badly. Rogues don't really get a lot until later. And even later, I genuinely don't know if they really get a lot. I can give the health action really nicely if one of you wants that.
00:47:49
Speaker
almost like the tactician should have been the one spectating. Yeah, almost like it's actually crazy that we decided I was the best one to do a pit fight. It's been fun, but what were we on? There was some discussion of you throwing a fight, no? Like, we were gonna bet against you to make money, but somehow... Right, yeah. Somehow we bet it on you. I am going to bonus action disengage. I believe I can do that to escape the grapple condition, right? Nope. That just prevents opportunity attacks. So it'll be an action to break the grapple.
00:48:26
Speaker
Oh, well then I'm not gonna break the grapple. I'm gonna do, like I said, rules of upy. He's holding me by the vest. I'm gonna kicky kick. Okay. Do you mean attack roll with advantage? I'm not, I didn't touch it. That's another natural 20.
00:48:40
Speaker
That's another nat 20. Wow, that dice is so good. Yeah, what the hell. It's actually coming through to an unbelievable extent today. As the guy who bought that die, I'm starting to question his balance. Are you going to make me switch to another one? I'm not going to make you do nothing. Maybe you're just rolling hot tonight. So that's two d8s and four d6. Two d8s, four d6. Oh my god. Oh my god. I rolled a seven and an eight again on the first two damage dice. But it's exactly what I rolled last time in that order.
00:49:08
Speaker
I have chills. I have rolled, I have rolled five of the six dice I get. It has been all of the same rolls that I got last time. It has been a seven and eight, a four, five and a six. This is actually witchcraft. Okay. Last one, last one's a four. So actually this is going to be 34 damage. Last time I only did 32. Wow. You're living in a time. That's actually insane. That's so much output. I have chills.
00:49:37
Speaker
with The Rage. You needed to do 22 damage. Will you please describe how you knock Ulrin Rothbard out?
00:49:55
Speaker
Okay, I think there's a series of kind of hits in there because I'm kicky-kickying him. I start windmilling in his arms, and it's not dignified, but I manage to almost like get my foot straight into his trap, and I think it kind of makes his arm loosen enough that I reach up, grab the cage above me, lift my body pull-up style so that I'm tight with the cage and then let go elbow first and pile drive this man straighten the back of the neck driving him into the dirt I think taking a little bit of damage in the process myself but just a little bit because I'm riding high on adrenaline and I
00:50:33
Speaker
As soon as he hits the ground, I like crawl on top of his head because I don't really understand how wrestling and fighting works. And I just curl around his head for a second to make sure he's not moving. And then as soon as I'm sure he's not moving, I stand up and I run to the side of the cage where Clay and Glimpy are. And, you know, at the end of F1 races where you kind of dive into your team's arms, there's a cage in the way, so I can't do that. and But I am essentially doing that. I am like reaching through the bars and I'm like crying a little and I'm like,
00:51:02
Speaker
i like I'm just really excited. Amazing. The crowd erupts into cheers. People are like reaching for you, Lee Seon-Ao Gah Yee style, freaking out and slowly in a pop of smoke next to you.
00:51:25
Speaker
The announcer appears, they grab your hand, lift it into the air.
00:51:40
Speaker
Whoo! I'm rich again! Oh my god. I can't believe we actually managed to do it with all the conditions. I don't think I've ever had such hot dice rolls in my life. Yeah, and you needed every single one. Straight up, yeah I was like i was like looking at it and I'm like, she's got to do 11 damage. That's 22 damage. I don't think that might be like out of reach. I think that would be like... Mathematically impossible. I think max damage was like maybe 25 without...
00:52:08
Speaker
A crit? Like technically possible, but like pretty much impossible. I'm impressed. I'm sorry I smacked your butt. But I needed to make sure that you got up. I slap it again. I'm like congrats. more because that's what winners do!
00:52:37
Speaker
She's absolutely right. Eight to one odds on 175. That's what I wrote down. Is that how much I bet? That is how much you bet. Clay, you immediately go over to the payout counter, the vault, whatever we want to call it, and you give them your ticket and this old gnomish woman.
00:52:58
Speaker
looks at it and her eyes kind of bulge a little bit. and You see she looks over and the copper dragonborn from earlier in the night is standing nearby and she's kind of got a very pointed look fixed on you, a very unfriendly look, but she gives a nod and the woman hands you a sack with 140 platinum pieces, 1400 gold. well And before she lets go of the bag, she says, Terry, I think you might want to get out of here. This amount of coin might attract some unwanted attention. Yeah, it's like winning the lottery. Gotta leave. Asa.
00:53:46
Speaker
Yeah. ah Yeah, we should get out of here. The crowd is cheering. Clay, you turn around and you see Fawn, one's being hoisted up in the air, being like tossed up in the air. You see Oren is fully knocked out and you see another individual with a hood drawn up, starts pulling him out of the ring. And you can't be sure, but it might be Bickford, pray on me. ah Do you guys want to do something crazy since we're riding high on adrenaline? What is it? Fondylin, you get like bounced to the edge of the crowd. And I'll say as you're being like crowd surfed past, you like start to whisper to your friends. Do you guys want to, do you guys want to, do you guys want to, okay, Yes. I'm a champion. Okay. Do you guys want to do something crazy? Okay. Here's the thing.
00:54:40
Speaker
We owe Baccarat 2000 gold pieces I think is the idea that we're going to. One thousand. Oh, we lied. We lied. There was no lying. i was gay No, no, no, no. Original plan was to go and lie. And then immediately you said, what if we go fight in our ring and instead? And it worked and it worked, but it wasn't the original plan. So anyway, you have not told Bakra anything. The last time you saw her was five days ago or four days ago, whatever it was when she said, get me the key. Oh, and then Jimmy Norbones wanted 1000 gold pieces.
00:55:15
Speaker
Well, Brutus via chimes, but sure. Oh my God. The tangled web we weave. Okay. Nevermind. Oh yeah. So wait, so the a thousand gold is to give to Brutus. So we get the key back to get the key back to give back to. Yeah. Oh God. so yeah Yeah. Yeah. We've been running all over the place.
00:55:34
Speaker
Can we just take the golden run to sleep? Literally, bra. I'm going to pull Glimky and Clay close in like a hug because we're all very happy tonight. And I'm going to say, I'm going to go in as a Krombeck and then I'm going to say, so I think we won 1200 gold pieces today, don't you? but How much money do we owe them a thousand? We owe 1000. Krombeck has promised anything we make over 1000. And I think we made 1200 gold pieces today.
00:56:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, sure. Okay, and then I think Vanallen passes out a little. I cough up blood in another tooth. Oh no. Welcome traveler of these auditory planes, these realms of adventure tolled with rolls of ch I have you, but for a few moments whilst our realms remain connected. The door open. I invite you to join us at this table, this mysterious realm, this podcast, sketchy roles, where a multitude of possibilities await you.
00:56:47
Speaker
Doorways to adventure to mystery and horror Come come see see what to waits behind this door um Mr. Morbid will cast disguise self as a cleaner and Can you describe what your cleaner looks like, please? ah The cleaner looks very much like ah Larry of the guards, but um has an apron on. In a maid's alley? Yes. And has ah the the quill is now a feather duster. I start sort of pretending to wipe the floor as I wipe out the floor.
00:57:32
Speaker
and You're on the floor, ah ah Mr. Morbid dressed up as Larry in a maid's outfit. it is It's behind. It's giving camp energy. This guard looks at this childish sort of waif on the floor, golden blonde curls wiping the floor. And they say, Larry? ah Yeah, yeah, it's me. Yeah.
00:58:04
Speaker
Just don't do a little spring cleaning, you know. A nude door with a nude tail will open each month. And you can seek this realm on your socials with at sketchy rooms where fun awaits you. Doors!
00:58:26
Speaker
fuck
00:58:29
Speaker
so So... You were saying... You were debating, ah shall we say, cheating Krombeck out of his hard-earned 400 gold pieces? Yeah, and Faunalyn just passed out on top of Glimky. Like, I'm twice as tall as you, so I'm like, you're wearing me like a hat. um Well, like a hat. I have just, like, sombrero style. But I'm unconscious, because I have done too much, and I have yelled so much, and I'm so tired. So Faunalyn, I'm making Faunalyn be unconscious now.
00:59:02
Speaker
As Faunalyn collapses onto you, her arms previously had bulged and these dark lines had started to appear where her veins are. And I'll say as she passes out, the arms start to shrink back down to their regular size. The dark veins fade away. And if anything, she looks pretty pale. Damn. Got no energy left to give her HP. So I have one more spell on my last first level. so Maybe you hold onto that and instead just hold her for a moment. Well, we exit the bar just in case.
00:59:39
Speaker
Yeah, I lift her off of Gloom King. And maybe give me the the cash that we owe to Krombeck and I'll pay him up. You can get Faunalen out of the bar. Okay, are we giving Krombeck 200? Okay, so we were supposed to give him everything over a thousand.
00:59:57
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Okay. And that's 500 gold reasons. No, we got 1400 total. 1400. Okay. I see. I see. I see. Okay. I feel like she's not going to be very happy about this, but she's unconscious. I feel like maybe we just pay him what he's hoped. Yeah.
01:00:18
Speaker
Oh, that might come in handy though. He doesn't know how much we bet, right? I don't think so, does he? I don't think he knows. 200 is a lot. Yeah, let's give him 200. And we need to bypass it to the anchor's chain.
01:00:34
Speaker
Yes. If we're back to zero, God, no, let's, yeah, let's give him 200. I think that's fine. Give me 200. I'll walk it over to him and I'll give him his money. Okay. You look over, Krombeck is at the bar and he's drinking with several other individuals and he's saying, I ain't no shame in losing to the best day, lads. And I was like, yeah. And you walk over and he says, here to give me what I'm owed then. You earned it.
01:01:04
Speaker
And I produced the little pouch, 200 gold coins. I'd be like, I want to very discreetly hand it over because if you're like, don't let anybody catch on. Give me a deception check. What if I said there's 200 gold in here? awful If you want to.
01:01:21
Speaker
It's fine because I rolled an 18 plus two 20. He snatches the coin purse from you, sticks it in his pocket and smacks you on the shoulder and says, thanks, lad. It's been a pleasure working with you. When the lady comes to tell her, uh, I quit. Glad to hear it, my man. Uh, hope to never see you again. Okay. Well, I mean that. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Go chase your dreams or do whatever you want to do. You don't need to work for her ever again.
01:01:52
Speaker
I love you. Goodbye. um and crowd He is confused and then says around for everyone. And the bar just erupts into cheers. You hear a panther roar in the background and the three of you go up to the top level, the main floor, the front of weave and flow. And Oscar McTaff looks at you and looks at Faunalyn who's, who's knocked out and says,
01:02:21
Speaker
Aye, looks like it was a tough night for you then, huh? Oh, for her. Yeah. Did we let that beat up? He looked fine. Yeah. he was He was referring to her. Oh, okay, yeah. She, uh, to be honest, she's just enjoying a well-earned nap. This is a champion, yeah, that you're looking at. Oh, piss off! You're telling me she won. I holed up the ah the other bag of gold. Yeah, check it out.
01:02:48
Speaker
His eyes turn into gold pieces, and we da-da-da. Remember that bit from last time? Da-da-da. You are out on the streets. Remind me, Zach, real quick, to put my real-life conscience at ease. Is your world in, like, standard kind of D and&D economy where, like, a gold piece is, like, a week's kind of wages? A day's wages. A day's wages. So, I mean, crime back got almost a year's wages in one day.
01:03:13
Speaker
who That's pretty bad. I don't feel bad about that. Yeah, that's pretty great totally assuming he gets a gold piece as an underpaid labor. for Those of you who are interested, the flat world of Zav has 320 days divided between eight months, each accounting to 40 days.
01:03:30
Speaker
So, you know, he got five months salary for throwing a fight. yeah yeah Oh, also in addition to your earnings, uh, I will say, as you're being dragged out, someone forces a bag with 10 platinum pieces in two final ones hand because she won the fight. Oh, and another hundred hundred gold pieces. I believe the payoff you had a one 75 times eight, which is 1400. So yeah, you would have gotten.
01:03:59
Speaker
You took you, you currently have on hand 1300 1300, you made 15 and you get two. We have never had, this is great. What are we going to do guys? What are we going to do? That's a one hundred gold pieces. Get the key. Let's buy a boat. Let's buy a boat. Well, actually though, I think we wanted the key so as to preserve my reputation. Yes. Yes. Yes. But actually what did you even have on me? Was it that big of a deal?
01:04:26
Speaker
I don't know, I feel like we're fraying so many ends. Okay. That it probably would be good to tie one off. so I'm also intrigued by the ghosty shit under her house, which I think we can be nosy about if we're doing this key plot. Yeah, I think we go get the key from Brutus. We pay up. You know what we could do? Is we could be like, all I could find was 800 gold pieces.
01:04:55
Speaker
I was just going to say, but with five. I was going to be like, not to be a crafty bitch, but how would you guys feel about lying some more? If you got 500, that would be like, you're pathetic. 800 is like, okay, you tried. Yeah.
01:05:09
Speaker
Okay. 800. And I have like black eyes and stuff so I can like, you know, you can point at me and be like, you know, yeah yeah look what we did for these 800 gold pieces. And if they really are like, no, you must take a thousand, then we can go be like, I guess we'll go work the streets.
01:05:27
Speaker
ah ne Like doing janitorial work. What did you think? I meant rat sex. No, we've. We can't say that we're doing that to the rat people.
01:05:40
Speaker
They'll know. I'm sure Jimmy has his ear to the ground on that front. Yeah, he knows all the people partaking. He knows all the people. Aren't they like a spy organization? Well, they have known, well, they probably won't have known but funnt like what we bet. Well, if they do, we can just lie harder and be like, oh, well,
01:05:59
Speaker
You didn't know this part, but we had other debts that had to get paid and now we only have 800 gold pieces to our name. you know like we can you feel the We got mugged on the way here. We got mugged on the way here. We slipped and some fell down the sewer. Go fetch it. Okay. All right. Let's see what happens. How are we supposed to meet up with Brutus again? Because I don't think they like us showing up in the sewer. They're mad at us. They're not being nice right now.
01:06:24
Speaker
It was not specifically stated in the conversation that we had, but I will say that you received instruction to return to their former base. Oh, so we can go back there. Yeah, they they aren't there anymore, remember, but yeah someone will be waiting for you, presumably. like Real quick, Zach, just in case you're feeling sneaky and corrupt, I would like to specify on the record that I did non-lethal damage to Uru and Rothbard.
01:06:50
Speaker
Oh, I assumed. i'm I'm not catching any charges. I asked you how you knocked him out and you didn't say I kill him. So so no, you knocked him out. You may or may not. Who knows? Who knows where the tides have changed will take you. But you, presuming you stay in Erdenin's upper crust, you will see Ulrin Rothbard again at some point.
01:07:14
Speaker
Presumably I can't probably, Hey guys, Hey audience, this is an improv show. I cannot guarantee that, but maybe, maybe we'll see. It's actually scripted. Gosh, don't, don't tell them that. They'll be like, why is it not better? How come they can't remember things section to section? You can't read. It's all in the script, dude. That's how well we write. Can't even tell. yeah Okay. So to the sewers.
01:07:41
Speaker
to the sewers for the 18th time this campaign. 18th time. Faunalyn, I'll say as you're being dragged to the streets, you you awaken, cool night air blowing past you, you awaken, you feel frail compared to how you were. And you know how you feel when like a cold is about to set in and you can just, you feel the early warning signs of future ailment. You feel that and you're pretty sure whatever you took, it is working its way out of your body and you are going to feel terrible tomorrow. Damn. Cool. This is Kid asleep in a car logic. Who's carrying me again?
01:08:34
Speaker
i certainly like We're like, we're balancing you in between us, except it's mostly just clay holding you holding noise on the other side. He's got like an arm. Yeah. He's like holding your hand. I'm huffing and puffing. I'm yeah. I'm going to kid in the back of a car logic this, and I'm going to say something that definitely proves that I'm still unconscious and be like, Oh, I'm so unconscious.
01:09:03
Speaker
yeah And I'm going to flop even more onto Clay's shoulder. Perfect. Eventually, you make your way back down to the super great. And given how recently you went and the number of times you have now made this trip in the last couple of weeks,
01:09:23
Speaker
I'm gonna say you don't need to roll to navigate this specific portion of the sewer. The sewer grate near Dragon's Heart Cathedral and the former lair of the Eyes of Aridinine, you got that baked in, so. It's our lair now. It's your lair now. You do have a woman pretending to be unconscious as you try and work your way down a lengthy ladder into the sewers, but you manage to hold onto her.
01:09:51
Speaker
And eventually the sound of water, dripping water, stench of the sewers, you'd mark your way through all that and eventually make your way back to the lair. Sending funneling down and you hear a voice coming out of the darkness say, little critters, come home to roost, have you? And the kenku chimes.
01:10:21
Speaker
steps into view with her feathered arms crossed and head tilted inquisitively towards you. Once again, she speaks and says, you got it. You got the goods. We did what we could. Could we speak to Brutus, please? I'm sorry. He's not home right now. Perhaps you should come back later.
01:10:51
Speaker
What? She kind of like shakes her head and then like points aggressively at herself. Oh, so we're supposed to pay you the money? Oi, that's right lads! We're gonna be young forever! Oh, so but you can get us access to the key and everything. I just want to make sure that that's gonna happen properly.
01:11:11
Speaker
Oi, that's right, lads! We're gonna be young forever! and Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, um, chimes. We have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we are we got a lot of gold for ya. Tons.
01:11:28
Speaker
chimes opens her mouth and you just hear the sound of coins clinking grab the bag that we've pre broken down to the appropriate number sure the bad news is we came up just a little bit shy of the required total and i know it's not your area to negotiate but We're in a pinch, Chimes. We have 800 gold here. um And we really need that key. So, I don't know. Could you help us out? You tell those assholes. One thousand. And not a copper less.
01:12:06
Speaker
You understand Chimes? Okay. Um, well, I mean, that's pretty clear to me that there's no wiggle room with Brutus, but Chimes. What about you? Are you gonna just live your life being a soundboard for Brutus and his thugs? I'm a good soldier, sir! i I don't doubt that, Chimes. But one of these days, you're gonna have to speak for yourself. Give me a persuasion roll.
01:12:37
Speaker
14. Oh, you poor broken thing. I would help you if I could, but I'm afraid it's just simply out of my control. Times if I really believed that. Truly. Would we have put so much faith in you and the information that you gathered on the docks to push us in this direction at all? Everything seems to be sprouted just because you witnessed something horrible. And now, after all the help that you think you're doing to save a princess,
01:13:07
Speaker
You're now just putting some invisible barrier in front of us because we didn't scratch up 200 gold in time. We need the key. Chimes. Chimes, shrugs, and then you hear the sound of coins clinking again. God damn it. Well, take the first 800 and I'll see what I can do. Chimes shrugs and walks towards you and says,
01:13:30
Speaker
I'll see you in the movie kids. i'd go oh wait a minute hold on just a sec and i start patting down my what's the oh course how could i have forgotten ah birth holes had given us ah small pouch for per diem i guess i could dip into that And I produce another pouch with another 200 gold. Chimes takes the pouch from you and then you hear your own voice repeated back at you, but it's like the SpongeBob meme where like every second letter is capitalized. And she says, per diem. And takes the bag and takes away the thousand gold and disappears into the dark. What? Are you getting the key? You hear as in response, just. And you're left alone in the sewers.
01:14:22
Speaker
Okay. Fondylin is faking being asleep next to you. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
01:14:30
Speaker
Well, at least we have, how much gold do we have now? 300. Okay, is that working? 100 each. We're good. We're doing fine. It's more money than I think you've ever conceivably had. Yes. Shopping trip? Yeah. we I think, yeah. Are we splitting it evenly? I mean, Fondylin, you kind of put in the most work here. Yeah. Do you want to hold on to all 300?
01:14:51
Speaker
No, let's do 100 each because you guys really got me through that and also like arrange the whole fights and handle all the betting and boosted me all throughout. Clay even lit the man on fire for me. So I'd say that was a roundabout team effort. Whatever you want to say, I know it's just because Faunalyn doesn't want to be around pores.
01:15:14
Speaker
We've elevated ourselves in her eyes. Oh my god. She can get you into the nobility and she won't be seen as plumbing it anymore. With a hundred gold. You're no longer disgusting to be around. Now we can actually be friends.
The Mysterious Key
01:15:30
Speaker
And as you finish passing your money around, you hear the sound of chimes once again going coming through the darkness and a gold key comes bouncing across the stone floor of the sewers.
01:15:48
Speaker
and kind of lands a few feet away from you. It's this gold key. It's got these golden barbs kind of wrapped around it. And from the shadows, without even revealing herself, you hear, that's all folks. And you are left alone in the dark. darkness. 1,000 gold poor, 1 key richer. I'd like to think 300 gold richer. Exactly, yeah. Wow, that's wow what a positive way of looking at it. 300 gold and a key. But is it the right key? Better be. From Glimkey's experience with it, it appears to be the same key. Better be. Okay, snatch that key up. And now we have to bring this back to your best friend.
01:16:33
Speaker
We're taking it back to Bakra. She hates us, I believe. Like, a lot. And any attempts, I think we offered her a friendship. I think we were like, hey, we're the same. Do you want to be friends? And she basically spit on the ground at the idea. I was being sarcastic. Oh, I think. Silly me. Do we want to, like, investigate the basement while one of us talks to Bakra kind of a deal? Like, what's going on here? Oh, man. Yeah, I don't want to go down there.
01:17:01
Speaker
Does the key have any like notable symbols or engravings on it or it's just like pretty simple? I mean, it is, it's got these golden, almost like thorns that seem to like wrap around it. It's like a barbed key. So well it's not your, not your grandma's key. It's got barbs. This key's got barbs. I don't like my knee jerk is I don't want to go down there because I don't know what's down there. Also to do we have time for that? Like let's get that our pi clear this thing up. If we want to, when we get back, maybe it's something we look into, but like, we should, we gotta to get going.
01:17:37
Speaker
Like we had to lead out to the anchor's chain. That's days ago, right? This is a really good point. Yeah, we should probably get going. I'm going to make the executive decision for Faunalyn and say that she is like out for the night. Like she may not be technically unconscious right now, but she will either be pretending to be unconscious or lying on the floor of whatever room you put her down in, wailing for the rest of the night. So you guys can drop her off.
01:18:03
Speaker
If you want to go do background stuff or you can take her and have her be unconscious, but I think it makes sense for her to be knocked out. I don't think it makes sense for her to be doing conniving shit after what she's been through. So you want us to go give it back to Bakra, even though she's your best friend. It's up to you guys. Well, she kind of, yeah, she is my best friend, but that is what I'm presenting for the next 12 hours. Faunalyn is essentially nerfed. Okay. Well.
01:18:28
Speaker
Okay. Okay. I mean, we have, we have to do it tonight, right? Today's the last day. I think we have to. Yeah. So we have to go, but should we bring Faunalyn then? Do you want to come even though you're knocked out or do you want to go home? My head hurts. My tummy also hurts. Everything hurts. My rice hurts. You don't have a uterus. surprise I had my appendix removed and I assume Rice goes in the empty spot. Oh, yeah. Rice replaces any missing. You're absolutely right. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's important that you're there. Even if you're not feeling it. I'll pick you back. Get on your our backs.
01:19:12
Speaker
I cough and some more blood comes out. o It potted me and I dab at it with a lacy handkerchief, which was stoned somewhere that neither of you knew about. That's fine. It would be silly for all the blood to be inside. I don't think there's actually that much inside at all anymore. It's all been replaced with rice. I'm like 90% rice. You cough a little rice comes out. See? It's actually kind of worrying.
01:19:40
Speaker
I think we go, but I think we're dragging you along. Okay. I think i think it's important that you're there. Yeah. I would rather background not see me like this. So can you hide me in a bush, please? Sure. You can stand like 15 feet back. Okay. Let's wrap me in a cloak so she can't see that I'm wearing wrestling clothes. and You look sick. She's going to be like, whoa. That's true. She just had the coolest dress at my ball and she's a wrestler.
01:20:08
Speaker
Actually, it's a really good point. I was doing my fitness. Counter proposal, I sit on Glimky's shoulders and we put a trench coat on and then I'm nine feet tall. Why wouldn't I sit on your shoulders with a trench coat? Okay, fine. I've gone back on my executive decision to make fun of them and be unconscious all night. I did that out. I think you need to cut tall now. Okay. Oh God. Okay. Let's go. Where are we going? Let's go.
01:20:36
Speaker
We have to go back to Pearlwee Manor. That's you have to kind of scary. I don't want to go back there. Clay, can you carry me in a in a cooler way where I look less enfeebled? I cannot walk. I cannot emphasize how much I cannot walk, but can you carry me in a way where it's like, yeah, Phonlyn is cool and rich and she could walk if she wanted to. Like fireman carry. You can't see her face. She doesn't know who you are. That's a really good point. Thank you.
01:21:06
Speaker
Just like one clan I'd turn around and leave. Just ragdoll. Sock of rice. I was like, guys, leave me at home. And you guys were like, no, no, Faunalyn, we need you there. And now it's become, we need Faunalyn there to fireman carry her ass first through the door so she can hide her face the whole interaction and pretend she's not there. You guys are sick and twisted. We need you there because I'm certain there's going to be something related to you. Okay, I'm ass first thing it through the door. So my question is,
01:21:40
Speaker
We'll say as you work your way through the sewers back up to the sewer grate, you exit the sewers, you are in the gold district, you go back to the Oceancrest Falls, over the bridge into the sapphire district. As you are working your way there, might I ask your plan to gain access to the manor?
01:22:06
Speaker
I just must everything be a little trial. Can we not knock upon the gate? Yeah, there's there's our bears. No, there's our bears. no i want yeah Shout loudly from the gate. She's expecting us. So yeah, she's expecting us.
01:22:26
Speaker
Maybe we wait till dawn until the servants are about and then we have the servants let us in and then we have them escort us. Oh, but the servants famously are zombies or something. Then we'll also be late for her deadline. Okay, leave me out as bait. I'm unkillable today. Lie me on the ground. My blood will attract the pests and I'll have another pit fight against another bear while you two deal with Keith and Anakin's. What? No, she knows we're coming.
01:22:54
Speaker
Yeah, that was a test you passed. If you have like a doorbell or something we can ring. There's got to be something. Let's get to the gates and figure that out. We need Saviche to throw into the woods. I think we can just get her attention somehow. Yeah. I think we're overthinking. This is a door knocking puzzle. What are we doing? Let's throw rocks at the window. Sure.
01:23:19
Speaker
But I can't throw because my arms feel like, they feel like, well balloons I don't think exist in South, but they feel like balloons that have been deflated. I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet. Don't make me decide right now, because it doesn't exist. I guess we'll find out. So, you work your way, it's a long walk. Let me just point out, it's a long walk, but you make your way through the Sapphire District, Ruby District,
01:23:51
Speaker
up to the northern tip where the Praelmy estate
Arrival at Prealmie Manor
01:23:55
Speaker
lies and you see this large wooded area with a wrought iron gate closed before you. Knock, knock. What if we tie the key to an arrow and then shoot the arrow through their window? We could tie it to a balloon and then send the balloon on the wind.
01:24:13
Speaker
while you guys are talking glimkey just takes out his shield and starts bashing it against the gate hey open so so or that we got your shit yeah the key to your secret underground ritual room doesn't even doesn't even like hesitate to just out it It's not like, wait, wait, wait, wait, moment. It's just like, it's it's been said. You bang your shield, you start shouting, Clay. There is, ah you know, the ringing, the clanging of the shield drifts off into the night. And after a couple minutes, you hear, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. And you look up to see an eracocra in a tuxedo.
01:25:04
Speaker
Circling above you and slowly come in for a landing and the erikoker butler tick lands on the other side of a gate and He looks at you with these jet black eyes. He's got these long whiskers brown feathers slicked back and he says Did you bring it? Yes Where is lady Braille me she awaits you in the manner?
01:25:29
Speaker
Oh, perfect. All right. And I trust you've put your owl bear situation to rest for the evening. He pulls out a little silver whistle and says, we will not bother us. Perfect. See, easy as pie. Someone says into Clay's ass, we should steal that. Yeah, it's just like, where did you get that whistle? The whistle is none of your concern.
01:25:56
Speaker
He pulls the gate open, this big iron gate creaks open, and you begin to walk down the path towards the manor. It's a pretty long walk through the woods. You occasionally hear hooting from off in the distance, but you are unbothered during the walk. At one point you look over at a tree.
01:26:17
Speaker
and you see that the grass around it is scorched, and there's a big impact wound in the tree from where the carriage crashed into it during your escape from the manor grounds. And you have not spent much time with this individual, but he seems fidgety as you are walking. And you don't know if that's like an ariacocra thing or something else.
01:26:45
Speaker
Hey tick, tick, tick. Hey tick. How long have you been working for the Braillemies? some twenty or so years Whoa, you must be really good at your job because I thought that they zombified everyone after like three months. He doesn't respond to that, but I'd say Clay and Glimky see he kind of furrows his brow when you say that.
01:27:14
Speaker
Or like, I don't know, fed them to the the downstairs Skelly monster. I beg you not to speak of it. It must be very hard to see your friends, you know, go into the basement and come out not quite the same. Or maybe you already came out of the basement. Did you meet the Skelly boys?
The Creature Under the Manor
01:27:33
Speaker
I have met the creature on several occasions. What was it like? Terrible.
01:27:44
Speaker
A void, pulling everything good and bright in the world into its dark shadow. He stops walking and turns to face the three of you.
01:28:09
Speaker
But the influence it holds over my master is terrible. He has become a shade of his former self,
01:28:40
Speaker
What is it? It is evil. Are your masters in danger? Can they just leave? I fear grant wondrous, nigh-impossible things, but it exacts
01:29:11
Speaker
A heavy price. Okay, so your masters are sacrificing leagues of people so it can fulfill some sort of wish or demands. Well, we do know that the Prelmies had recently a meteoric rise following the death of the Matriarch. So I'm suspecting that the ah boon that's been granted by the sacrifice is probably like, you know, status, wealth.
01:29:40
Speaker
But you don't, you want to rid this world of this evil, okay. His, as I said, he was not always this way. His first request, wish, demand, whatever you would call it, was born of grief. My master was very close with his mother.
01:30:07
Speaker
And her passing exacted a heavy toll upon his so he did. And from that day on, the creature took root beneath the manor, promising more, taking more. Insatiable.
01:30:37
Speaker
So it's only been there for one generation? These last 10 years. Well, so remind me, Vonlyn, we are giving back this key to absolve what? ah Basically, I think it's so that like, she doesn't sewer my reputation. I don't really want my reputation to be Seward, but you know, I'm actually starting to think that like this whole Faunalyn Baydark thing isn't working out. Like I'm really starting to think that like, I'm starting to think that like, maybe when we leave to go get the princess, like we just stop expecting to come back. And like, not that we'll never come back, but it's like, you know, for me, maybe like I come back with the princess or I come back not at all kind of a deal is sort of what I'm thinking. Sure. Because I think I've rather lit every bridge possible on fire.
01:31:28
Speaker
So part of me thinks that like maybe Bakra ruins me, but maybe I do a good thing. Destroy or otherwise handle some kind of basement monster and use the high that that gives me to combat the seasickness. And we go get a princess and when we come back, it doesn't matter if I've been ruined because I'm a hero. Yeah. Like sometimes I think that, but then sometimes I think that that will make fallow sad.
01:31:57
Speaker
Well, maybe we bring her with us. She's very old and I refuse to do that. Maybe she'll have a good time. So right now, does this thing is this crypt locked and this is the only way into it? Like, what's the dealio? Indeed, after your companion grabbed the key from the scale, the door began to seal behind you.
01:32:22
Speaker
I only barely managed to escape myself, lest I have been trapped down there. I don't blame you, but... So that thing is trapped down there right now? I do not know. I know my master cannot access it, but I don't know how far its corruption has spread. I don't know the extent of its presence. I don't know its exact nature, but I am confident in saying it is not of this plane. Is it a good thing that they can't access it anymore, then?
01:32:53
Speaker
Yeah, but he I think he's just worried that like that the crypt is not actually going to contain this whatever this thing is, or it's spread further than this crypt. Yeah, I mean, Tic, you mentioned taking us into the crypt with you to get rid of this thing. Do you have any plans or ideas about how to do that? We venture down. We enter its lair. I am familiar enough with this creature to know Above all else, it craves a bargain, it craves a deal. Perhaps it can be reasoned with. And barring that, he holds out a feathered hand and you see little sparkles of magical energy start to emanate from his fingertips. We deal with it in a more forceful manner. Fascinating. ah Clay, spin me around. I want to look at him. Spin me around.
01:33:51
Speaker
I like use my elbows and arms to like crop up my lower body so that I manage to lift my head and look at Twig directly in the face, um whilst still dangling over Clay's shoulders. I say, look. Okay, a couple key questions. I love a good quest. Far be it from me, but this is a bit... Well, frankly, it reeks of Croce Viche. You're telling me that Akra Prelmi, who hates me, her most trusted servant, just happens to be inviting us, soliciting us to enter the place where scores of people have gone to die. This is just a little bit convenient, don't you think? And you've been loyal to this family for 20-30 years? you're You're telling me ah you just happen to have chosen us
01:34:42
Speaker
Me? and I look particularly strong right now, do I? You've happened, you've chosen us to go walk into the murder den and that has nothing to do with Bakra hating me and how her life gets a lot easier if I'm dead? I understand your concerns, your doubts. I am, above all else, a servant of this household.
01:35:06
Speaker
and the creature beneath the manor is a blight upon the Prami name. It has taken a proud noble family and turned it into something terrible. I seek to return House Prami to its noble origins, to wipe this stain from their legacy, as to why I have not sought help elsewhere. Again, I would say I am a loyal servant, and it was not my place.
01:35:41
Speaker
to tell others of what was taking place here. But given you already know, and from what I observed the other night, as you fled the grounds, I believe you contain the strength to aid me in this. We're going to need a rest. You need a big rest.
01:36:06
Speaker
Or, like, if we were to do this, we would need to recuperate some strength. For sure. Would Baccra agree to this? That's exactly what I was going to ask. Yeah. Baccra's not going to thank us for this, is she? She has not to know she' is not to know. Man, look at us getting sidetracked again. Is this we this is what we want to do?
01:36:38
Speaker
I hate to be callous. Tick. But like, what's in it for us? You're appealing to my good nature, and I should have famously had very little of that. What would you ask of the House of Praylemy? I don't know. Okay, okay, number one. Bakra, leave me alone forever.
01:36:54
Speaker
and stop saying mean things about me. Number two, use your servantly guiles to get us a seat with Milani Marinelli. And number three, it's always got to be threes, 2000 gold pieces. What do you guys think? Am I being too reasonable? Well, that sounds like a pretty, is this even what we want to do, man?
01:37:16
Speaker
I am interested in background leaving me alone forever because even before when I was saying like, maybe I'm tired of this and I want to abandon it. I don't. right I like being rich and happy. I didn't want to live on a boat. I want to come home and sleep on a feather bed. I don't feel comfortable leaving this like big evil entity under my city. Yeah, that that's true. and We don't really know what we're getting into. Yeah.
01:37:43
Speaker
But I mean, if you think it's for a good cause, then yeah, count me in for the low low price of leave us alone in 2000 gold. And also what was the middle thing I said? Oh, get us this is actually important. Get us an audience with Milani Marinelli, who for those of you at home who haven't brushed up on your barge soup notes, that is the handmaiden of the princesses who was sharing her room the night that the princess was abducted. What say you, Tick? To the first
01:38:29
Speaker
Make your life difficult, no doubt she will. As for the second request, I am friendly with Lady Maranelli's Several of the staff there, a rendezvous after this is complete. As for the third request, that is more than I am able to offer. That's fair. Do you think you could find a sponsor?
01:39:23
Speaker
He said, what would you ask of House Pralmy? I'm not asking you. Right. Twig. yeah twitch Twitch. Tick. You said, what would I ask of House Pralmy? I would ask for 2,000 gold pieces of House Pralmy and for backward to shut the hell up. Can we have the whistle? Yes! Also, we want the whistle.
01:39:41
Speaker
I will give you the whistle in lieu of the 2000 gold pieces. ah Teach me how to use the whistle. Yeah, that's a good idea. Whistle plus lessons on how to use the whistle. Sure. What exactly does it do? It just controls them. Does it tell them to go away? Does it call them? How does it work? They are trained to follow certain basic commands. Interesting.
01:40:07
Speaker
The beasts are largely unruly, but they can be brought to heel at the very least. Cool. And then, um, how about no gold pieces, the whistle, and how's Signet ring? Impossible. No, it's very possible. Give me a persuasion roll. Really? Because I just had nothing to persuade him. but I just said you're wrong. It's the confidence that matters. Yeah.
01:40:34
Speaker
I know it's possible because someone stole a humiliation ring and used it against me. Which is how I know it's possible to get a ring off these people. Or rather, he had lost it. I think it was.
01:40:45
Speaker
Actually, was it Bap who had lost it? We heard that Bap had lost his ring and that's why it was C. There's a lot of ring trickery going on. I don't know why I want this ring. I just know that I want it. I think it'll that'll come in handy. I also love that you gave up a Prami ring about three hours ago. Yeah. get leave The guy at the Weave and Flow has been great.
01:41:08
Speaker
And we said we didn't want it. You gave it up to get it to get you into the fight. I don't know if we want it back. We should just go take it from him. Take it back from him. Okay. Edit that out character really quick out of character. What do we want from this house? Like we're thinking big brain. We can have any little trinket in a big manner, anything we could possibly want. Apparently we didn't want the signet, which is craziness. What do we want?
01:41:37
Speaker
I mean, you can want a new signet. I think that's that's valid if that's what you want. Yeah, I think that would come in handy. I just think it's funny that you gave one up butt hours ago and now you you want to reclaim your lost property. But like i think that's I think that's a valid request. Oh, you know what? You know what? You know what? you want In the name of one of your favorite pastimes, oh can you get us some hot gauze the family seal like that they would use for letters you know what i'm saying the letter wax press yeah typically ring would be used for that oh they would just use that often okay okay well then yeah we definitely then then yes for sure we need the ring didn't Xerxes get his signet thing stolen too to to get funneling yep
01:42:24
Speaker
Someone sent a sealed letter to Faunalyn, but no theft was reported. They keep the signet ring in the office. and So it might actually be the humiliation? it It might have been a humiliation or it might have been someone who got into the house or yeah, there's many ways it could have been.
01:42:40
Speaker
and imper like They could have impersonated the seal. Theoretically, I think that's not impossible to do. Could I just forge the signet ring, the Pralmi one? How hard would that be? Because I held on to it for like two weeks. Yeah, it's a fair point. We've got the Crowman offering, though.
01:42:55
Speaker
I mean, I assume there's only two. We lost Bip's ring already, so it's just Backra's ring we're trying to get off of her. Hmm. Unless they have just a bunch of rings. I do like the idea of messing with her with like that. That's true. I liked the idea of getting the meeting with the handmaiden girl. I thought that was a good idea. Thank you. Yes, I think we should do that. That's still on the table, right? Yes, it's still on the table, right? You said it was on the table.
01:43:21
Speaker
And then regarding the first point, backward leaving us the hell alone, you need to give us goss so hot that if I choose to pull the trigger on it, it will detonate her reputation. I won't pull the trigger on it. You have my word. We already have the thing.
01:43:38
Speaker
The goss so hot she didn't care about my hot goss. I threw it all in her face. The basement of sacrifices? I literally told her that. I was like, I will tell everybody about the ritual sacrifices you do in your basement. And she was like, I don't care. Could you make an insight check for me retroactively? Who, me? That's a two plus six, that's an eight. No way. You don't know for sure, but it is possible she was bluffing. Yeah.
01:44:08
Speaker
That kind of seems legit. Can we buy Tic's loyalty? Because he said he's a loyal member of the Pelme household. We can get him to be like your inside person from the Pelme family. Well, if we pull this off, maybe. Yeah, I mean, we're doing a huge thing at his request. Just a thought. I just want that whistle. Just a thought? We're gonna get that one.
01:44:38
Speaker
Um, out of character, I think the meeting with Milani is quite important if he can make that happen. And then the whistle is pretty sick also. And honestly, probably I'm being greedy. I think the promise about talking, like trying to get back, read a hold off, if she ever tries to pull the trigger is good enough. Yeah. I think I'm pushing too far. I think I'm pretty satisfied. The promise. Like I don't, like, I think he was straight up. Like he can't control how she reacts. Yeah. but What he could do is get us the whistle and get us a replacement ring.
01:45:08
Speaker
Do we? Yeah. Okay. That's let's get the replacement ring. I think that's worth. I love that. I think that's an equivalent. Like that's a good, I feel good about that haul given that this might kill us. Cool. Okay. Tick. Uh, I've consulted with my companions, which I assume was Glimky walking over to also be head height with Clay's ass and us both are just whispering. We will. Okay. Here's our terms. Accept or reject them, but I suggest you accept them because otherwise we're going to not help you.
01:45:37
Speaker
Number one, help background be cool if it comes to it. Number two, get us a meeting with the handmaiden. Number three, you're going to give us that whistle and you're going to get us that ring. A very reasonable price, considering we're about to put our lives on the line for people who were very rude to us and gave us poison ceviche.
01:46:01
Speaker
Fine. Yay! We will need a rest though, so probably we'll have to give back rather the key back just to buy some time and then maybe come back tomorrow night because I'm like literally running on the fumes that the drugs I use left behind. Do we need the key to get into the crypt? Yeah, will we need the key?
01:46:20
Speaker
I think so, yeah. one the key is returned lord glere it may not be possible yeah too wrested from his control once again Oh, once again. Oh, you stole the key in the first place. Naughty crow. no was the rat Oh, right, the rat, yes. Sorry, I was being poisoned that night, I forgot.
01:46:49
Speaker
understandable yes Okay. Well, I don't know. I guess I can be fit to fight some demonic creature in a short rest or two. I mean, can we just meet up in a few hours? Yeah. Should we rest? What time is it? It's around midnight, maybe a little past midnight at this point. it's It's past midnight at this point. You went at sundown to weave and flow. You were there for several hours. You went to the sewers.
01:47:17
Speaker
You waited at least an hour down there for chimes to finish the exchange. We'll say it's like one, maybe even two in the morning. It's getting pretty late.
01:47:29
Speaker
He... I can provide you with bedding We will descend at Nova.
01:47:47
Speaker
This guy's totally gonna murder us down there. Okay, fine. Deal. We'll sleep in your pookey crypt, I think. Let's do it. But can you do me a favor and like cause a minor crisis inside so that Bakra's too busy running around fixing it to notice that we haven't brought the key back on time? I'll see what I can do. Good lad. This guy's amazing at his job. Krombeck should take notes.
Reflection and Rest
01:48:09
Speaker
Honestly, both of you take notes. This is what a servant should be. Do you need a job after you betray the house? Do you want to come work for the Berthold's?
01:48:17
Speaker
I am a loyal servant of House Pray on Me. Well the birth holds off for benefits, so they've got big coverage. Shall we then? Let's go. Side quest we go. Yeah, hell of a side quest. Yeah. Yes. I was not expecting that. Yeah. I wanted to ask Tick in case it's related. Clay saw eyes in the tower in the middle of the the maze. Is that related to the big bad evil in their basement or is that a different thing? It's so kind. Is it haunted in multiple ways? The Lord's mother returned to him.
01:48:57
Speaker
Oh. Though altered, it kept her eyes. And the Lord keeps her there in shame. She's blind? From my understanding, she can see. Just not as you might. Oh oh my god. ah Okay, do you need us to deal with Spooky Grandmother also?
01:49:24
Speaker
She is harmless. The Lord visits her daily. Often her grandchildren do as well. Wow. Will she be harmed if we kill the
01:49:58
Speaker
interesting. It's actually incentive for me. That makes me more interested in doing it. Will the sacrifices come back? that's really creepy. Yeah, damn.
01:50:18
Speaker
I think yeah, I think it's a good idea that we try to get rid of this demon thing. Yeah, I think yeah, this is very I just didn't expect to go this way. Yeah, spooky. He leads you through the rest of the path.
01:50:38
Speaker
At one point you hear a rustling creaking of trees nearby and he pulls out the whistle and lets out a sequence of notes that seem to take effect as whatever large feathered beast was getting a little too close turns around and wanders away. And he brings you around the estate to the spot where the carriages were parked. There's about a few there now. Far less than the other night of the party. And he carries on and takes you to this large mausoleum.
01:51:22
Speaker
This dark stone building. That glimkey you have seen before. Clay is obviously new to you as well as you, Fonolin.
01:51:34
Speaker
He pushes the door open and stone scrapes upon stone. He leaves you for a while, comes back with some blankets and pillows, placards with the names of long-dead Praelmes.
01:52:07
Speaker
statue of an angelic creature that Glimky previously recognized as the wings of a moth. A depiction of Marwul, the goddess of death, holding up a scale
01:52:30
Speaker
reflecting on the trials you have overcome and the tribulations ahead, what fresh challenges Dawn will bring. You managed to find sleep. And that's where we'll stop tonight's episode of Bard Soup. Crazy, crazy side quest.
01:53:10
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello. Thanks so much for listening to happen next week? Don't know, haven't recorded it
01:54:01
Speaker
Oh jeez guys, I don't like it when we all fight. When the Paw Patrol fights, we sometimes go to the naughty box. That's where they put us. It's really dark in there. Hey guys, it's me Chase. I got out of the box. They said if they catch me, something bad's going to happen. Can I stay with you for a little while? No, you go away. You're an animated 2D talking dog.
01:54:29
Speaker
Yeah, go back to the isolation tank or whatever it's called. Oh, not the naughty box. Please, mister, I'll be good.