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Chapter 24 - Globe Squatters
26 Plays26 days ago
Never meet your heroes or anyone telling you the world is round.
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Edited by Zach Meikle
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Website: bardsoup.com
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Music & Ambience
Music: Beyond the Horizon by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music: Horizon Flare by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Headless Horseman by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Wanderer by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Drifting Minds (no drums) by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Burt's Requiem by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Skaga by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: The Good Guys by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Around The Globe by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Cocktails and Lobsters by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Tropical Harmonies by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Dreamy Interlude by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Fantasy Ambience by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Mysterious Adventure by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Music: Grundar by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
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Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
Recommended
Transcript
Rescue and Recovery of Antoine
00:00:02
Speaker
Now, let's see, where were we? Ah yes, that's right. After boarding the luxury vessel the Vigilant and setting sail for the Anchor's Chain, our heroes enjoyed several days of relaxation and partying with the varied and madcap individuals aboard the ship.
00:00:21
Speaker
However, all good things must come to an end. On their fourth day of travel, the ship picked up a man floating in the water An individual named Antoine Chouma, who told them that he had been kidnapped, held prisoner aboard a ship, that he had been attacked by a hulking monster covered in red scales.
00:00:44
Speaker
He was taken to see the ship's doctor, but... party worried he was transforming into a lycanthrope, so Clay attempted to use cure wounds, which had no obvious effect, and Klimki used lay on hands.
Kelp Attack and Portal Encounter
00:00:59
Speaker
While doing so, he felt something thrashing beneath the man's skin, and it apparently had the desired to effect, as Antoine seemed to be feeling much better after that. On what was supposed to be their final night of travel,
00:01:13
Speaker
The ship ran aground in a web of tangle kelp, a thick plant known for trapping ships at sea and hosting nests of aquatic spider kin, which soon attacked the Vigilant and its crew.
00:01:26
Speaker
In an effort to help, Farnelin rained Molotov cocktails from above, Clay used divine magic to burn the spiders. Glimke severed the arm of their leader with a well-timed critical hit.
00:01:39
Speaker
ah Unfortunately, the spiders weren't the only ones with eyes on the Vigilant that night, as a strange misty portal opened upon the deck of the ship, and three individuals emerged.
00:01:51
Speaker
Two of them were humanoids with... star-themed masks, and the third, a hulking monster covered in red scales.
00:02:03
Speaker
This monster was ordered to attack Farnelin, and though she fought valiantly, she was no match for this foe and seemed poised to eat her, only to suddenly drop her at the last moment and return to the ship.
00:02:18
Speaker
Meanwhile, Clay and Glimke ran through the portal and discovered it led to another boat a ways off. Glimke attempted to explore the ship while Clay engaged with one of the humanoids, but he proved to be a dangerous foe and quickly dispatched of her.
00:02:33
Speaker
Glimke jumped in to try and help, but was sent flying overboard for his troubles. At that point, just as things were growing increasingly dire, the other humanoid reappeared, carrying a strange glass cube that Clay and Funland had previously seen in the room of one of the other passengers.
00:02:53
Speaker
This masked man ordered his companion to throw Clay overboard, but luckily Glimke had enough healing left to prevent Clay from dying, and they watched as this dark ship sailed off into the night.
Reflecting on Battles and Clues
00:03:06
Speaker
You already said all that. Sorry, Clobb. It's just that I'm currently treading water in an Olympic-sized cauldron, so you'll have to forgive me if I sometimes get confused.
00:03:18
Speaker
Ahem. On with the story.
00:03:42
Speaker
Come gather round, travelers, and sit on the stoop. We'll tell you a story about Batsu. Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop.
00:03:56
Speaker
We'll tell you a story about Batsu.
00:04:13
Speaker
It's Supertime!
00:04:18
Speaker
It's Bard Soup! Featuring Prima Zhao as Clay Campbell! Jordan Johnson as Glinky Treefellow!
00:04:31
Speaker
Shannon Meikle as Fonnellin' Veydard! Featuring Shenanigans! Bullshit! The Lord of Parties, Locust, Keenan Thompson, Musical Guest, Fulmini Henkel, and your host, Zach Meikle.
00:04:57
Speaker
Ladies and gentlemen, Bored Soup.
00:05:04
Speaker
And welcome back to Bard Soup. Huge shout outs to Q for the intro. We love it. If you have an intro that you want to submit, you can email us at shazam.mp4 at gmail.com or, you know, whatever. Message us on Instagram or something if you just have an idea and don't want to record it yourself.
00:05:25
Speaker
We join our heroes in the hull of the Vigilant. Clay and Fondlin were previously held in the infirmary, but after being stabilized and receiving some medical treatment, you've been transported into the A larger storage area where several of the other injured crew members are being looked after, are recovering.
00:05:49
Speaker
It cold and it damp, but there's a few lanterns hanging from walls and the ship's doctor, Datoru Natu, is walking amongst the this group and looking after people as, as they require.
00:06:08
Speaker
And I will say, Clay, you were conscious. Fawnolyn, you were previously unconscious and we will join you as you sort of wake up in the, in the hull of the ship and Glimki is sitting there watching the two of you rest.
00:06:25
Speaker
Oh shit. Glimki. Glimki, what happened? You're awake. Yeah, that sucked. I thought I was gonna die. ah None of the gods came to my aid. I specifically requested yours.
00:06:38
Speaker
Didn't show. To be fair, I don't know if he would have shown up for me either. I guess his thing is coming after you die, so maybe I should have just stayed dead for a bit. Well, at least you didn't stay dead long.
00:06:49
Speaker
We got lucky there. Yeah, what- First things first. so That creature- it like It cut me and it felt foul.
00:07:00
Speaker
Can you do the exorcism thing that you did on Antony, Antony, anton Antony, Antonyus, Antonyus, and Andromedus, the sick bastard?
00:07:12
Speaker
um Yeah, and Glimke will, I've had a time to rest now, right? Uh, it's still- it's only been a couple hours, so I would say not- not yet a long rest. Sorry, Funnelin, I- I don't really have any energy left to, to attempt that kind of healing magic. It just- ah don't have enough in me.
00:07:29
Speaker
Oh, that I wouldn't want to exhaust you. I just- I- even if I wanted to, there's no- nothing left. Here, Faunalyn, let me try again. i can try. like i have i know who my friends like some spell slots left, and if we're going to rest soon, I might as well use them up.
00:07:46
Speaker
I'm kidding. She says that as an aside, but she casts, here, Moons. Sure. How much HP does Faunalyn get back? plus 4, 8 HP. Nice. Nice. eight htp nice Okay, Faunolin, you are at 9 HP now.
00:08:00
Speaker
I feel amazing. Do I detect any like weird thing like Glimki detected? The lycanthropy or whatever? I would say no. You watch as there are these large bandages wrapped around Faunolin's abdomen.
00:08:16
Speaker
There were three puncture marks as if the creature was holding her like a bowling ball and you can't really see if your your healing magic has an impact on those puncture wounds, but Some of the color returns to her face, but beyond that, I'd say you don't really see any obvious impact.
00:08:34
Speaker
Okay, I assume I feel nasty and cruddy. Do I feel diseased? You feel sore. Your stomach hurts, but it's not like you're, don't know, coughing up bile or anything. Last time my tummy hurt, I had gotten poopy in the mouth hole and had the sewer plague. So, Boat's ill.
00:08:51
Speaker
Vimpy, take a nap or something. I don't want to be come no no fro good thanks too i'm good i'm good can you rest up so you can fix me please yeah i yeah we will everybody needs to yeah i was also bitten in the eye by something it's kind of itchy does it look okay ah yeah clay for the first time turns to look at you and their eye is just the size of like an orange yikes What bit you in the eye?
00:09:22
Speaker
and One of those spider things, I think. Oh, the crabs. Oh. Yeah. What were they? Crabs, spiders, what? Both? They looked... Spider crabs? How many legs did it have?
00:09:35
Speaker
They eight. Eight legs. And they didn't have claws. Wait. Why was I thinking crab then? Well, when you first looked down, you saw a little bit of a narrative flare on my part where you saw small little creatures that you first you're like, are those crabs?
00:09:48
Speaker
And they weren't. They were all spiders? They were never crabs. Ew, yuck. That's way grosser. it may Somehow. ah My eye feels itchy.
00:09:59
Speaker
That's disgusting. I really hope it didn't lay eggs in there. Oh, God. Don't give anybody any ideas. Imagine a billion baby spiders in your eye. You, stop, stop, stop. Stop.
00:10:12
Speaker
Stop. Yuck. You need to lie down. Agreed. What? Hang on. What happened? What did everybody see? Because what I saw was those guys come out, sick their dog thing at me, and then mostly just kelp in my own blood is pretty much what I saw.
00:10:26
Speaker
So I don't really know what happened. It's kind of been a ah blur. Yeah. How... Am I back on the vigilant now? Like last thing I remember, I ran through that portal. Did you see that? That's crazy. Yeah, I was through the portal too.
00:10:40
Speaker
Oh, you went through the portal? Yeah. I didn't see much on the other side. I thought that maybe if I went over there and found their cannon reserves, maybe I could blow their whole boat up.
00:10:53
Speaker
But
Death of Svito Wale and Investigations
00:10:54
Speaker
there wasn't really anything over there. And then I came back up top and Clay was ah about to be thrown into the sea. Oh. And instead, I was thrown into the sea. So that is how that turned out.
00:11:08
Speaker
Why aren't we dead? Oh, ah yeah, I was, i don't know, I hit the water and was feeling okay, and then Clay came in a little after and I got got them some some energy back.
00:11:23
Speaker
Thank you, I remember that. Someone picked us up. You were already in the infirmary when we got here. but what but what What stopped the bad guys? Yeah, who were those guys?
00:11:34
Speaker
They came out of nowhere. Who were they? And what stopped them? Because that thing wanted me dead. I don't understand why I'm not dead. Well, remember the lycanthrope guy? Yes, anton Antony or something.
00:11:45
Speaker
And he was talking about like a red-scaled monster Well, that was definitely that. Yeah, that was the thing. That's what I'm saying. I have the sickness, yes. Well, did they take that guy? What was his name? Antony? Yeah.
00:11:57
Speaker
Did they take Antony? Yeah. Is he here? From one bed over, this frail-looking man with ratty hair and this large, these three claw marks across his chest is, my name is Antoine.
00:12:10
Speaker
That's not what he sounded like before, but that's what he sounds like this episode. Oh, jeez. The illness makes you French? Oh, just kill me. ah There goes our French crowd. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We love the French. Okay, so they didn't come for Antoine, clearly, because he's still here, but...
00:12:28
Speaker
that I don't know. When they were sailing off, I saw the three of them on the deck. There was ah the the lean one, the ah red scaled toad thing, and then there was a shorter one.
00:12:43
Speaker
Right. And he was like, whole I don't know, he had like a glass cube or something. I don't know if it was like a focus or something. Oh, shit. Wait, wait, wait, wait. A glass cube.
00:12:55
Speaker
Yeah. Did it give off like weird energy? it feel weird looking at it? but It was like glass, I think. And it had like, i don't know, like a core. Okay, let's go. I'm going to haul my feeble ass out of bed.
00:13:08
Speaker
yeah me too. You are both on the verge of death. Yeah, someone else is going to be on the verge of death in a minute. Mr. Savito Wale had a glass cube and he assured us that it was innocuous and he was just passing it off to a friend.
00:13:22
Speaker
Well, I think we met his friends. Let's go beat him, kill him, beat him up. Let's go talk. 30% of the words that you just said, I don't know. What is a Savito Wale?
00:13:33
Speaker
Savito Wale is a miniature man. He wasn't at the party. Okay. Yes. Which, by the way, good plan. Lord of Parties plan because apparently successfully determined who is a bad guy.
00:13:46
Speaker
It's always the introvert. It Svito Wale. Yep. He had the cube, and then the cube was just used to annihilate us. So let's go get him. Now that you mention it, I do remember him being the last name on the list that I wrote down in the captain's office when I was copying over. Yeah. Which I know it's hard to believe they were in alphabetical order, considering the captain can't read. But let's go interrogate them.
00:14:09
Speaker
Let's go. Some sort of artifact of, what was it, Karasar? Yes, car yes, man car are yes. Oh, it was. it had It had religious significance. And he was worried that someone was going to steal it.
00:14:23
Speaker
Well, looks like somebody did. Wow. Also, guys, obviously we can go talk to Svito Wale, but I think when we're feeling a little better in I don't know, in the morning or when we get to land, there's probably an important thing that we should do.
00:14:40
Speaker
We've been fighting demons and dragons and a whole myriad of other random shit. And it's, I think, becoming pretty obvious that the more that we pull at these threads, the more dangerous this is getting. So it's probably a good thing if we sit down and just talk about what we can do.
00:14:59
Speaker
I feel like we've been fighting side by side without really understanding how the hell we work together. i think that's a really powerful idea because I was in the water about to drown and I distinctly, actually, I was going to do this really cool thing where I piloted the beast by seizing its final column. Didn't pan out, but it would have been cool. And I looked up and I saw Clay, like, casting magic that I didn't know Clay could cast. I thought Clay was more of like cantrippy type, healy person. And then Clay was like making fire appear.
00:15:30
Speaker
See, and now I understand why it seems like you have an allergy to being physically violent. You're a necromancer. You wanted to operate a dead body.
00:15:42
Speaker
Yes. So i never studied necromancy. It's more of a it was just kind of a recreational interest that I adopted in the moment because um what I wanted to do and I'm going to explain while we walk down the hallway the plan that involves seizing a spinal column.
00:15:58
Speaker
Yeah. Could you give me a line read where you are about to like finish describing and then suddenly break off mid sentence? And I think the vodka helped because of it. You walk through the door of Savito Wale's stateroom, and it's like the room has contracted somehow. It's like the shadows are longer.
00:16:16
Speaker
And you see, crumpled in the corner, He looks small and frail compared to how he looked the last time you saw him. He was older, but he had a sort of lasting latent strength.
00:16:29
Speaker
There are no signs of that now as Savito Wale's corpse looks withered and frail in the corner of the room. The trunk he was carrying with him is open on the bed and the cube is gone.
00:16:47
Speaker
Can we shuffle into the room and shut the door behind us? Sure. I don't want somebody walking in on this at the moment as we talk this out. As Fondlin loudly announced that you were going to go kill Savito Wale. Yes.
00:17:00
Speaker
Fondlin walks down the hall detailing her necromancy intentions. And Glimki's starting to realize that she is in fact not a necromancer at all.
00:17:12
Speaker
Is he like very clearly dead, or can I like run up and like check for vitals? Yeah, I mean, you're welcome to check regardless, but he is not moving. He looks he looks cold.
00:17:25
Speaker
It's been maybe a few hours since the initial attack on the ship, and evidently with the fire and the continued efforts to tend to the injured, no one stopped to check on...
00:17:40
Speaker
Savito and yeah he is well and truly dead sorry what was the killing blow like is he injured or it's not clear He looks drained of his essence.
00:17:52
Speaker
Sort of. Yeah. ah I'd say Clay, you look at him and you see that there are like these dark marks on his skin. He's covered in fur, of course, but kind of just like these dark stripes. Almost. it looks almost like he was bound temporarily, though. You don't see any rope in the room.
00:18:08
Speaker
And there is sort of the impression of a hand around his throat. But it is not red like he's been choked out, but it is it is pale as if something pulled upon his life essence.
00:18:24
Speaker
Oh. Oh no. This was your friend, Svito Lale? No, not our friend. He didn't come to the party. oh Well, I was working on it. He might have come to the next one.
00:18:36
Speaker
It's a shame. True, we did invite him to dinner. And he is, or was, the owner of the cube? Yeah, this chest, he was keeping it in there. Yeah, he was commissioned by the Corvus blood mine to move it alongside a document.
00:18:53
Speaker
Is that correct, Zach? ah No document. And just to be clear, Corvus blood mine was a name of an individual, not of a mining company, which it sounds like when you say the Corvus blood mine. It's unclear whether this blood mine is like an organization, whether it's like a place, like a but like a mine.
00:19:13
Speaker
It's not really clear. But yeah, he was commissioned to transport it. And he said it was his friend and his friend was trustworthy. And we were like suspicious of it. We were like, what kind of friend would ask you to do this? I think Clay said. And he was like, no, I trust this individual with my life, basically. And who is the individual?
00:19:30
Speaker
You didn't name him. I don't know. Did you? His friend, if he named him, I didn't pay attention. And to did the cube have a name? The cube was, ah well, the cube was to do with this church.
00:19:42
Speaker
Carousel. Karasar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karasar. And she's like, messed up. Do you know Karasar? You know of Karasar, Glimke, I assume, or or ah is the Divine Octad less common in Dwells?
00:19:53
Speaker
Karasar. The half-mad goddess. Exactly. She's half-mad, known as half-mad, irascible. Either way, she's unpredictable, right? So, goddess of war and peace, as I understand, and Clay is the priest of the group do jump in.
00:20:11
Speaker
But from what I understand, all about maintaining peace, but then really excited about war when the wartime comes. And this is their cube? i I don't really know how that factors into it. I think it's an artifact of the church.
00:20:27
Speaker
Does that sound correct, Claire? Honestly, I was so oriented that whole conversation about getting this guy to the party. I don't think he really knew either. He didn't say anything. He just ah said that his friend asked him to transfer this to Sarposen.
00:20:42
Speaker
True. Okay, well, um since we already have our fingerprints all over this crime scene, why don't we rifle through his shit and see if we can find any clues? Yeah, by all means. Sorry, they he's supposed to be meeting someone in Sarposen?
00:20:55
Speaker
He was bringing this art of the cube to Sarposen. And remind me, which where are we landing? Kovaris. And then it was supposed to continue on to Sarposen? Uh-huh.
00:21:07
Speaker
But I don't know about the ship's condition. I see. I don't think it's going to make it there. Yeah. No, he didn't make it either. Well, I mean, if we were interested in pulling at this thread, at least we know there's somebody that's going to be waiting for it or be wondering where their package is.
00:21:23
Speaker
Maybe they'll have some more answers for us. Yeah, that's a good point. so I mean, do we need to, ah do we think those guys are going to come back and try to kill us again? Or is it kind of just a one and done theft thing? Well, I think they got what they wanted.
00:21:36
Speaker
I don't know what this cube was capable of, but I mean, as soon as they got it, they left. And they left that Antoine guy here, so that clearly was of no interest to them.
00:21:49
Speaker
Yeah. So it must have been about the cube, but how did they know it was here? Were they following Antoine? Did Antoine know I was here? Yes. Maybe Antoine knew Savito and the cube?
00:22:01
Speaker
Okay, I think we need to talk to Antoine, and I think we need to rifle through this man's belongings. Okay. Let's take his money, too. um well... have Yes, yes. We're poor, Glimke. And the way you stop being poor is by getting money. Okay.
00:22:17
Speaker
and don't know if I agree with that, but... You disagree that the way to not be poor is to get money? Well, this guy's barely been dead five hours. Like, maybe we give it to his friend who's waiting in Sarbosan?
00:22:31
Speaker
His friend? I'm sorry, they're transferring and artifact that got him killed. Debatably evil goddess that someone's willing to kill over. well And you want to go give this man's entailment to an unnamed person on an island we're not going to?
00:22:47
Speaker
Is there really any evil gods? you know Yeah, for sure there is. Okay, I didn't know that. Well, I guess it's a matter of opinion. Yeah.
00:22:58
Speaker
I don't know about good and evil, but they attacked the ship. They killed the crew members. I mean, but the guy that we're you're trying to steal money from, or I guess it's not really stealing now, he's dead, but the but guy that you're taking the money from, he wasn't killing anybody.
00:23:16
Speaker
In fact, he got killed. Well, why didn't we rifle through his things? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that. If there even is any money. Stand watch. Okay. I don't need to know. What I don't know won't hurt me.
00:23:27
Speaker
Love that plan. Clay, let's go steal some shit. ah Rifle, rifle, rifle. ah Yeah, you go digging through his his belongings. He's got a trunk at the foot of his bed and you find just various sets of clothes and buried at the bottom of that, you find a little money pouch. it has 14 gold silver.
00:23:51
Speaker
And I'd say, Clay, while you are examining him, you do see he is wearing a a ring with a ruby on it, a ruby ring on his finger, if you want to take that as well.
00:24:01
Speaker
Whoa. Any, like, distinguishing engravings or anything on the ring? Give me an investigation check. Okay. Investigation. Minus one. Seventeen.
00:24:13
Speaker
Clay, you see this ring and you maybe manipulate his finger ever so slightly to get a better look at it. you want to see... Do you take it off, I guess? That's my question. I'm going to look at it on his finger first.
00:24:26
Speaker
Okay. look at it and you don't initially see any markings or an engraving or anything. But as you are examining... you see that there appears to be barely perceptible a slight indentation where the gemstone meets the ring.
00:24:45
Speaker
Can I pick at it? Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I take the ring off and I look at it closer. Yeah, you slide it off his finger. it it comes off almost of its own accord. His hands, which seemed large and powerful when you first met him, have shriveled up and the ring just freely slides off.
00:25:02
Speaker
And you dig the nail of your thumb into this... into this indent and you you pry it open and the ruby swings open on hinges that you previously did not see and inside there's a slight recess and there is an engraving of a hooded lantern hooded lantern do i recognize it give me a history check um history seven you do not recognize it
00:25:37
Speaker
Do either of you know what this symbol is? He's wearing a ring with like a secret compartment in it. Do it with a doobie? Secret. Go ahead make history checks. Yeah.
00:25:48
Speaker
Womp womp. That's a five. Thirteen. The three of you look at it and i think you are well versed enough in the ways of the world to know that this symbol probably is more than just a simple engraving.
00:26:04
Speaker
given the hidden nature of it, but the nature of this symbol, it's what it implies you are not sure of. Who do we know that's worldly that we could ask?
00:26:17
Speaker
The captain, maybe? The captain. Maybe. i mean, she did allow this person on her ship. Maybe she knows more about who he is. Perez, maybe? Oh, Ptolemy's an imbecile. Perez, sure. Ptolemy's an imbecile, but he is worldly. He's a storyteller. He might have come across something like this before.
00:26:35
Speaker
i think Ptolemy's smarter than you think. He's a lyrical genius. If you say so. I heard his rendition of Verg the Snapper wasn't for me. To each their own.
00:26:46
Speaker
But yeah, worth asking. Zach, did I find anything anywhere else in his room? Or is it mainly the ring? Uh, that's it. ah You look around. I mean, there's like various garments and personal belongings, but other than the money purse in the ring, he doesn't appear to have anything of great value.
00:27:03
Speaker
How much was in the money purse? 14 gold, 11 silver. This guy was broke.
00:27:11
Speaker
Man's walking around with like 1400 cash. Do I find his ticket? Uh, sure. Does it have the drinks package included? What? It does not, sadly. No. World of parties, indeed. like the way you're thinking, though.
00:27:28
Speaker
Okay, I add the ring to my inventory. Perfect. Yeah, I'll hold on to it in case we come across the person he was going to meet. No, maybe I can give it to them and let them know what happened.
00:27:40
Speaker
Cool. Where do you go from here? Can I take a long rest? 100%. I don't know if you guys have more questioning to do. But I'm going to go back to our room and I'm going to put on my armor in case any other wild bullshit happens in the middle of the night.
00:28:01
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I'm ever taking it off again, even to sleep. Yeah. You will become so stinky. Be like me and just become really fast and then you don't even really need to wear armor because you're so fast.
00:28:12
Speaker
You died. I do grab my umbrella though. Multiple times. I have come close to death. Yes. Yeah, not even just tonight. That was like the fourth time. I think I need a guard. me be honest, you guys, like,
00:28:24
Speaker
You both have gods that let you do cool things. I'm kind of jealous. Yeah, but you're fast. You know what I can do? i can extract memories from my own brain and then be fast. Yeah.
00:28:35
Speaker
I'm really fast at throwing myself up. That was the second time in my life I've jumped off of something to avoid being killed by something. Well, keep doing that if it's working. It's weird that it's habit. guess it didn't really work this time.
00:28:46
Speaker
No, no. Well, yeah, this is why we need to talk. True. and I'm honestly, yeah, I'm sorry I... I kind of just bailed and jumped through the portal. That was probably a short-sighted maneuver.
00:28:58
Speaker
Well, you know, what I've learned is that I'm best when there's an ally nearby kind of distracting, and then I can be kind of quick and stabby-stabby. But to be fair, that fight, I'm also best when I have my rapier on me, and I was yeah i was wielding candlesticks.
00:29:11
Speaker
And to be honest, I'm also better suited for when we're kind of pack tactics, because I can help deflect blows with a shield and mean, we can have a better discussion later, but yeah, we should should have a game plan next time so we are not just running around with our heads cut off.
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah, that really caught us off guard. Yeah, we should run some drills when I was learning how to fight. drills. Hell yeah. Yeah, I ran drills when I was learning how to fight. i think we should do that as group. Training montage. Yes!
00:29:39
Speaker
We love a montage. Okay, so ah question. As folks go to bed in their armor, is anybody missing any hit dice or just hit points? When you sleep in heavy or medium armor, you only regain a quarter of your hit dice.
00:29:53
Speaker
And at level four, that would mean one. But you still regain your HP and spells as normal. It looks as though I haven't used any hit dice. That makes sense. You've been on a boat for several days without any glaring threats. Yeah.
00:30:06
Speaker
So... I don't think I've used any either. Ah, Trax. So the three of you return to your state rooms, lock the doors, climb into bed, and...
00:30:22
Speaker
I will say you probably sleep in a little bit. it was a pretty big disturbance in the middle of the night. You maybe wake up sometime in the late morning, but you awaken with your HP restored to you and whatever spell slots you spent returned.
00:30:40
Speaker
Nice. And a new day dawned. has dawn As you go about the morning, is there anyone you want to track down?
Confronting Antoine and Kobaris Arrival
00:30:50
Speaker
we must talk to Antoine.
00:30:51
Speaker
All right. You go down. you You leave your room in the morning. The three of you meet up. You venture back down into the hold. The less injured of the crew have have wandered off and...
00:31:03
Speaker
A few of the more severely injured ones are still being looked after. Amongst them is Antoine, who seems to be looking a lot better, actually, since last night and when you first saw him. But he's sitting there and he's reading a a small book.
00:31:22
Speaker
And as you approach, he looks up and says, Ah, my friends, how are you? I grab the book out of his hands. Okay. What is he reading? It is a appears to be a small work of fiction entitled Jum Jum the Giant Man. Hey, Glimki, you like books. Why don't you have this?
00:31:42
Speaker
Yeah, thank you. And Glimki, you look and you see this appears to be a small draft of a novel. It's called Jum Jum the Giant Man, and it is written by Jenjim Fruk. Oh, hell yeah.
00:31:54
Speaker
Wow, an author. and as you're flipping through, you see it is riddled with self inserts. Sick. Wow. As many self-inserts as like a podcast where the bard tells the story, but then is in the story.
00:32:05
Speaker
More. Whoa. Yeah, it's real egregious. That's crazy. i would say some podcasts have it like an inappropriate amount, but this book, too much. Like, yeah, too much. Yeah.
00:32:16
Speaker
Because some podcasts are really tasteful about how they do it. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some. What the F, man? I assume you refer to last night's incident.
00:32:28
Speaker
To your friends that obviously knew where you were? Yes. So how did they know how to find you? And when are they coming back? I do not know and I do not know.
00:32:40
Speaker
i assume magic some sort. What? I'm sorry. I can make up an answer if you want. to But da ah I do not know what I don't know. And what did you hear them say about the cube?
00:32:53
Speaker
Nothing. Oh my god, you sat on the boat for months with what? With your thumb up your ass? What were you doing? You weren't eavesdropping? You weren't gathering information? You know nothing? As I told you, they did not speak while they were in my presence, but the one time when the small one issued an instruction to the creature, they really, like as I mentioned, they did not want anything from me.
00:33:18
Speaker
They did not interrogate me. They did not torture me. They merely kept me there until the creature attacked me and I was able to make my escape.
00:33:30
Speaker
Did you know they could use portals? What kind of magic is that? Good question. I am not an arcane individual by nature. I sell baskets, but I did not know they could make portals and I don't know what kind of magic that is.
00:33:46
Speaker
They've never done that before in your presence? Never. I was kept in a small room below deck. There was no need to portal.
00:33:57
Speaker
And what of the lantern symbol? What lantern symbol? I show him the ring with the symbol. Ah, that lantern symbol. Do you know this symbol? I can't say that I do.
00:34:08
Speaker
Sorry. Do you know anybody named Svito Wally? I do not. A friend of yours? No, I assumed he was a friend of yours, but I'm seeing now that this well is pretty dry.
00:34:21
Speaker
Play kick this guy's ass. Whoa. Hold It's an interrogation. He's not giving up intel. Kick his ass. I don't think he knows anything. Yeah. It's true. I do not know anything.
00:34:33
Speaker
Well, I guess we'll never know if we don't kick his ass, will we? And then everyone's eyes narrow and we turn at the same time and do an insight. Yeah. yeah yeah Insight.
00:34:45
Speaker
Go for it. I got a 12.
00:34:48
Speaker
Oh, gosh. I'm rolling pretty good today. What is next It's like you know when in ah and like an anime when everyone's talking and then all the other characters' heads are really big and there's like shadows cast over them?
00:35:00
Speaker
Yes. I got a dirty 20 on that. I got a 19 because my insight's plus four somehow. God dang. He appears to be quite candid.
00:35:12
Speaker
His story has not changed since yesterday. He keeps looking over at the book that Glimke's holding, much like somebody eyeing ah piece of pie that they really hope they are allowed to have at some point.
00:35:24
Speaker
But beyond that, there's no hint of deception. Glimke's low roll has resulted in him squinting at him, going, I don't know if I can trust this guy. And he starts pocketing the book. Nice.
00:35:39
Speaker
Antoine sighs. How is his chest wound looking? The claw mark. You see this guy, he's wearing a and dramatic, low plunging V. you can You can see most of his abdomen.
00:35:50
Speaker
The signs of infection, the pus seem to have cleared up. There's still a pretty nasty scar, but it seems to be improving rather than worsening. Hmm.
00:36:01
Speaker
Oh, speaking up, Glimke, I need you to do the exorcism thing on me right now. I think you're okay. Oh, we think I'm okay. Well, don't know. your medical opinion. you're right. Let's give it a go Let's give it a go Hop up here.
00:36:15
Speaker
Move over, Antoine. God. He's like on of ah caught on the floor. Ass out of the way. Jesus. Like, have some spatial awareness. he He walks off. He's had enough of this.
00:36:27
Speaker
He goes off in search of food and funneling and hops up on his cot. Glimki rubs his hands together, closes his eyes, and this green energy kind of glows out of the palms of his hands as he tries to do a cure disease or neutralize poison.
00:36:45
Speaker
So I ah use a five points in my land. Perfect. Can get a perception check from, I'd say, either Glimki or Faunlin? Thirteen. Twelve.
00:36:57
Speaker
You don't see anything, hear anything, feel anything, but the magic is transferred. It's possible there was nothing to heal. It's possible that it was in the earliest stages and...
00:37:14
Speaker
had not advanced to a noticeable point, but either way, you feel confident that Fondolin's going to be okay, at least with this particular ailment.
00:37:26
Speaker
I'm glad Fondolin feels confident with a 12 and a 13. Shannon doesn't feel that confident. I think you you're good. i did the thing. I closed my eyes. The green glow happened and you're still here. So I think we're a-okay. Okay.
00:37:40
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't see anything wiggling. Thank you for that. I do feel more confident now. We're good. Everything's fine. Okay, the last thing I need to know before I'm willing to put this entire dreadful saga behind us is what ended the fight.
00:37:54
Speaker
Why that beast didn't devour me in the water. Why it was called off. They got what they wanted. They found the cube. That's it. Whatever the cube does or...
00:38:05
Speaker
will do or whatever it represents, whether they need the symbol or maybe there's some, I don't know, maybe some crazy ability. Like, to be honest, it kind of feels like a big deal, but I don't really know anything about it.
00:38:21
Speaker
And we're supposed to be finding a princess. That's why we came here. And we don't really have the means to go track down a pirate ship and some mysterious glowing cube.
00:38:32
Speaker
I think we should just take it as a lucky moment where we didn't get murdered and we can go do the thing we came here to do. You are so anti-revenge, but I agree with the logic. I can't argue with that. What are we going to do? Swim after them?
00:38:48
Speaker
No, it's ah yeah it's a good point. We came here for the princess. We have right now no reason to believe that those guys are going to come back. I mean, piracy is not really any of our business, right?
00:39:00
Speaker
So they stole something that we only knew existed by happenstance from a guy that we barely met. We only met because we threw a rager that he didn't go to. yeah So, yeah. I mean, all right if, and if the opportunity arises, if we find ourselves in Sarposen and we bump into some guy who's looking for a cube, we can ask him then.
00:39:22
Speaker
Yeah. so I don't know, what do you guys want to do for the rest of the boat? Oh, shit! Amala! I need to go check on Amala. Oh, shit.
00:39:34
Speaker
yeah We should take stock of who lived and died. Yeah, true. There are some crew members that died. Like, was it a bunch of randoms that all had value in their own right, but just not to me?
00:39:46
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, we had a full list of every NPC of every person on this ship. Yeah, I do, actually. i want their names, all 36 them.
00:39:57
Speaker
Yeah, you... And backstory, please. ah You go searching. Fondlin, you track down Amala. She is at the bar. She seems pretty rattled by what occurred last night, but is ultimately unharmed. She hid in her room during the commotion.
00:40:16
Speaker
Clay, you track down Kent, and all he stops to say to you is... no refunds, and then carries on with his business. And yeah, Glimke, you ask around and check your copy of the manifest. It seems like four crew members, each important in their own way, each with lives and dreams and aspirations.
00:40:40
Speaker
Those lives and dreams and aspirations were cut short last night, but not anybody that you were directly familiar with. you find Jen Jim fruck.
00:40:52
Speaker
He's in a full body cast hobbling around on a pair of crutches. oh you saw him. You don't think he broke any bones. He was bitten by a bunch of spiders, but he yeah goes to salute and hits himself in the head with a crutch and knocks himself unconscious.
00:41:05
Speaker
And, uh,
00:41:08
Speaker
The three of you set about checking in with the various other passengers and crew members, learning what you can. And as you wander outside, you find that the oppressive clouds from the day before have drifted away. and ah sun is shining down back with the warmth that was deprived yesterday.
00:41:29
Speaker
The sea has calmed down, and while the damage to the ship is extensive, it's perhaps not as bad as initially feared. The crew busily spends the next few hours re-rigging the ship and repairing what damage they can.
00:41:42
Speaker
And by the mid to late afternoon, you begin to move again. There is a tense atmosphere aboard as several crew members are dedicated to looking out for your attackers, but they seem to have disappeared as quickly as they appeared last night.
00:41:58
Speaker
As the sun begins to glow red in the sky with supernova fast approaching, you hear the captain's voice echoing through the ship's announcement system. Ladies and gentlemen, the Vigilant welcomes you to Kobaris.
00:42:10
Speaker
The local time is... evening. We know you have many options, so we thank you for choosing to sail with us. And we do apologize for yesterday's... difficulties.
00:42:22
Speaker
You make your way back up onto the deck of the ship, and on the horizon you can just start to make out a desert island. Burnt orange sand dunes exacerbated by the bursting sun above sweep across the landscape.
00:42:35
Speaker
Punctured with the occasional cacti or gnarled tree, the air around the island shimmers and shifts, distorting even as it draws ever closer. And you can feel the heat of Pharos emanating from those dunes.
00:42:47
Speaker
As you draw closer, the island continues to expand in your field of view, and you begin to make out the details of a single dock with no other ships attached to it. A handful of individuals in simple white robes with brass accents on the sleeves and collar hurry around and you see a couple dozen camels grazing in a paddock nearby. There's a handful of large tents set up around a cooking fire, above which a large cauldron steams, and a few squat buildings made of a sandy stone that border this makeshift camp.
00:43:20
Speaker
Ptolemy Henkel sidles up next to you and says... I know it would kill me, but I can't help but feel like floating in a pot like that would be very comfortable, don't you?
00:43:30
Speaker
Who does he sign up to? You said just all of us? Just the three of you. And as you turn to respond, he just wanders off. okay Who is that guy?
00:43:43
Speaker
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. yeah He's a client of mine. business partner. Yeah, exactly. Make sure he writes a cool... Actually... Make sure he writes a really salacious and terrible song about Fondaline Vedark.
00:43:55
Speaker
Oh, I don't know if I can get him for two songs. The contract's all about Deathsbane. He wants to do the Fondaline thing. The Fondaline thing is his own thing. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, I mean. Passion project for him. his own volition, you know?
00:44:09
Speaker
Yeah. Inspiration strikes. Absolutely. Wow, you're somebody's muse. Well, I mean, the moniker I've adopted is somebody's muse, and I hope he drags her name through the mud just once I'm done using it.
00:44:22
Speaker
But I didn't get the sense that he's particularly a go-getter, so I'm not really worried about reputational hazards to me, you know? How does that help, like, with the vanity angle that, like, a song may be written about you, but it's actually not your name?
00:44:36
Speaker
Oh, shit. do you still, like, get something out of that? That's such a good point, because now that you mention it, yeah, that's going to be hell for my ego. Yeah. ah Do I need to come out to him?
00:44:48
Speaker
No, don't do that. it would endanger my life and my entire family, but he'd get my name right in the song. And then a lot of people would hear it. Just think of it like you're spiting the real faunal.
00:45:01
Speaker
Let the spite be its own reward. whoa no, that's never been enough for me, but it is part of it. I'll let him write the bad song about Fondal and Vedak. And then when I'm a hero, I'll come back and be like, this is my real name. Write it properly.
00:45:16
Speaker
Two songs about me, at least, to start. Just get a cut of the royalties for being his muse. Oh, yeah. I'll let Grimke handle the business particulars, but absolutely, I should get a cut. I got you. But we got figure out what name's going on the contract.
00:45:29
Speaker
We can figure out the details later. I'll have his people contact us. Sure. I'm a legal nightmare. That sounds good. Let's find a princess first, though. Yeah, what's the plan here? Are we going hit the town right away, or should we find a place to set up shop? or We also got to figure out where to find some silks, right? Is that where need to find some silks here, I think?
00:45:53
Speaker
Wait, I have some names of people that we can look up. I mean, of course, priority numero uno is princess leads. um But remind me, aside from having some information that they may be here, what else do we know? Have we stopped to think about that?
00:46:10
Speaker
Absolutely nothing. I think that's a really good point because we can we could look for leads on the princess while we deal with this silk problem. Yeah, but wait, but do we actually not have any other leads that we just know that you got a boat that came to the anchor chain? That's it?
00:46:22
Speaker
I'm going to kick your ass for real. No, but are we bad at this? You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what? I'm going to cast a cantrip, which um you guys have never seen me cast, though I have cast it.
00:46:34
Speaker
And my hands start to kind of glow spectrally blue. and I bring a hand up to my temple and my hand glows stronger until almost so this light coalesces in my hand. And I kind of work it in my fingertips until it almost...
00:46:50
Speaker
almost like play-doh, but it sort of forms into this long tendril. And I hand it to Glimke and I say, Glimke, that is the physical cool manifestation of the memory of me being like, guys, we can't just go to the Anchor's Chain. That's crazy. It's a string of islands and we have no idea which island she might be on. And then you went, no, no, it's fine. I think we just need to go. We just need to get there and then we'll figure it out. And you're standing the shores of Khabarra now telling me you think that's a bad plan?
00:47:25
Speaker
You're the one rational one! the sensible one! What do you mean? We're looking for Prince Malfourth.
00:47:37
Speaker
We're looking for a sign. right Don't cover for him. Don't cover for him. It kind of sounds like we had another lead. It's Prince Malfourth. It kind sounds like we have another lead.
00:47:49
Speaker
That's why asked. Really? Because it sounded like you were just processing for the first time. No, no, no, no. Getting on a boat. Yes. swear to God. Like, I don't want to argue, but it seems like the alternative to getting on the boat without anything else was chasing down a family to murder them.
00:48:04
Speaker
Whether or not that's, that was, you know. That would have been great, for one thing. But then there was also talk of, like, talking to Xerxes' humiliation, finding more about the ship's manifest, interrogating the prince.
00:48:17
Speaker
Nah. Clay, what were you going to say? Prince Malfourth. Okay. Prince Malfourth. Okay. Solved it. i think We're here now. Our problems will solve themselves or new problems will show up and we just follow those.
00:48:31
Speaker
yeah Prince Malfour and the Silks. Name the chapter of the book Prince Malfour and the Silks. What about the two weeks we spend at the Kobaris Learning Center?
00:48:43
Speaker
Oh, God. Can you believe that people are gullible enough? Honestly, no. I was having a whole conversation with a caption about this. A round planet? Like, what are we what are we talking about? A sphere planet?
00:48:58
Speaker
Guys, man. Firstly, how would that even work? That's ridiculous. That's what I'm saying. It's like a marble. Have you guys ever seen the edge? Yeah, i just rolling through the sky? Stupid.
00:49:09
Speaker
It's crazy. No, the Frisbee method is just so much more logical. And no, I haven't seen the edge, but it's like, why would I want to? I don't want to fall off into the abyss. Hey, have you seen the edge?
00:49:21
Speaker
No, but I just can't imagine it being round because like, how would you not fall off? yeah Yeah, exactly. When you just slide all the way, it's ridiculous.
00:49:32
Speaker
Crazy. I actually have seen the edge though, so I can definitively What? It's pretty cool. Really? Have you showed that to the round lovers? Like proof? I don't have proof with me, but it's so weird to me because they could just go and check for themselves.
00:49:47
Speaker
But you've seen it. It's not even that far. Yeah, it's amazing. it's It's really, it's truly incredible. Like it's terrifying.
Exploring Kobaris and Round Earth Beliefs
00:49:54
Speaker
Wow. It's the wildest feeling of vertigo. Yeah. And but the gravity is different there. i'm sure I'm sure you've read about it, but the gravity is different. So everything kind of angles.
00:50:02
Speaker
And then when you're walking, you almost feel tugged the way of the trees. It was great. Wow. Yeah. Who knew that you were so learned? Can you like pull that physical memory out of your brain of that?
00:50:14
Speaker
Yeah, i already have here. I rifle through my sleeves and I like... She can share this with us? Do either of you know detect thoughts? No. No.
00:50:25
Speaker
Then no. Dang That's so cool. Yeah, but no, I've got it. I've also got, yeah, I've got like This is all the times that I caught Fallow sneaking out to see a boyfriend.
00:50:39
Speaker
ah this ah This is kind of every time. Grimki, you've emotionally shown vulnerability to me. That's cool. And Clay, every time you said we were friends.
00:50:50
Speaker
Yeah, as I'm like rifling through my sleeves, you see like tendrils kind of like spilling out. And yeah, I'm quite stuffed with them. Wow. I was trying to save the the edge for a kind of final chapter on my wayfaring.
00:51:04
Speaker
I think a couple of my siblings have have seen the edge, but I mean, kind of at some point you got to just take their word for it. They're spinning big yarns.
00:51:15
Speaker
So, you know, I'd still like to see it for myself. and We should go if we can. It's really cool. Well, maybe this little adventure will take us there. Yeah, one of my most precious memories, actually. I didn't keep that in a sleeve. That's far too important.
00:51:28
Speaker
I mean, this is the farthest I've ever been from home from Klaikon-Sea and Erdineen. So the edge has always just been like too far to even consider going. But, you know, now that we're here.
00:51:41
Speaker
i mean, same here, Klai. Every step I take is the farthest I've ever been. So yeah, it's kind of neat. Well, we're like adventurers now. We're like leaves in the wind, you know? Let's just see where the tides of adventure blow us.
00:51:55
Speaker
Should we explore this island that we're on? The winds of adventure. I mixed metaphors. Shit. Fallen draws out memory and then crumples it in her hands. Fuck it. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Literally, literally.
00:52:08
Speaker
She pulls it out, drops to the floor, and grinds it under her boot. Sadly, it doesn't erase it from your mind.
00:52:15
Speaker
The Vigilant is brought into the port, the landing area, and ropes are cast out and this large ramp is lowered and folks begin to debark. And...
00:52:33
Speaker
As you gather up your belongings into your various bags and boxes and pieces of luggage, you wander down this ramp and you see a group of individuals clad in white robes with these brass...
00:52:49
Speaker
accent marks. It's almost like little like almost like ah little chunks of square that form ah necklace around the collar and then same with the edge of the sleeves. so almost look like bracelets. These little brass squares wrapped around these edges of the garment.
00:53:05
Speaker
A group of four individuals stand on the dock and one of them steps forward. She's this tall, waifish woman. She's got pale white skin and these big blue eyes and blonde hair and a like a jellyfish cut of sorts, just different layers winding down around her shoulders.
00:53:27
Speaker
And she says, Welcome to Khabaris and the Jha Arruth Learning Center. I was expecting you near a day ago.
00:53:41
Speaker
I hope your journey was not complicated. And Kent Tithikon steps forward and says, Deborah, good to see you. Hi. ah Some problems, but nothing throwing a few corpses into the ocean couldn't fix.
00:53:57
Speaker
We are ultimately here, and I've brought a wonderful group of individuals who are ready to learn at the feet of Jar-Arith. And have their minds expanded from flat little nonsensical discs into big, big round orbs, big, big orb brains.
00:54:16
Speaker
And she puts up her hand and says, thank you, Kent. That's very good. And she turns to look at the rest of you, these passengers that have stepped off the boat. And she says, welcome, friends.
00:54:27
Speaker
You are safe here. You may put behind you the troubles and tribulations of your journey and prepare to sup at the teat of Jar-arith.
00:54:41
Speaker
A metaphorical teat, of course. He will not be breastfeeding you at this time. He lacks the necessary biology and I can only assume the desire. So at this time...
00:54:53
Speaker
Like there's there's potentially a time later when he may breastfeed us. The world is full of wonders. And after we have proven to all that the world is round, perhaps we shall also feast upon Jorahorl's teeth.
00:55:07
Speaker
Let us not dwell upon it. My name is Deborah. It is wonderful to meet you all. um Fondylane extracts a memory. Grimes it beneath her.
00:55:19
Speaker
Glumki definitely leans over to these two and is like, this is a cult, right? Yeah, definitely. the teat stuff. It's red flag. Why does she keep talking about the teat? No, this is how colds get you. They groom you. They desensitize you. He's going to say teats first, and then it's going to be something even weirder next.
00:55:37
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Well, like feast upon the taint or something. Do we have to stay here? Um, like what part of this are we obligated to actually do? We didn't sign a contract. we were planning on So you are obligated to spend two weeks here as per the contract you signed.
00:55:52
Speaker
And furthermore, the artist is supposed to complete a portrait of Jar Arath in exchange for the discount upon passage to the island, as well as i believe they get discounted attendance fees.
00:56:07
Speaker
Um... Oh, it's right here in writing! Do we... get free time? Do I get to meet Jaroth? Of course, friends. There will be morning and evening sessions led by Jaroth, as well as breakout groups throughout the day for us to discuss and learn from each other and share what revelations we have been receiving from Jaroth's... um...
00:56:32
Speaker
Wellspring of knowledge. And the rest of your time is yours. There is the hot springs to enjoy. There is wonderful dining. And of course, there is the disc golf course. In fact, there is going to be ah welcome tournament tomorrow.
00:56:47
Speaker
Are you serious? Indeed. You've been going on for the past five days about a round earth and you play disc golf? Yes. Why wouldn't you just play regular golf? It's an orb, like what you've been preaching about.
00:57:00
Speaker
You see, it's a metaphor. just doesn't make sense. Thematically, it doesn't make sense. Why would you be preaching about a round globe and then play with disc golf? Well, you see, it's a metaphor of sorts because a disc, when you throw it, falls to the ground.
00:57:12
Speaker
And thus... If the world was- ball falls to the ground. I don't understand. And, like, her nose starts to bleed.
00:57:23
Speaker
oh my God. Okay, you know what? Sorry. You know what? I have to be open-minded. have to be open-minded. You should be open-minded. Otherwise, you might find yourself in the Reformation Chamber. and Nobody wants that. Mm-hmm.
00:57:35
Speaker
Yeah, i read about that in the paper. Just, uh, yeah, cool. Just, uh, forgot some stuff on the boat. So, BRB. Of course. And he's going to start walking back towards the boat.
00:57:47
Speaker
Captain! Captain! ah You turn around and walk right into the captain who's standing like three feet behind you. Aye. What can I do for you, business partner?
00:57:58
Speaker
How long until we go to Sarpozen? Well, I'm going to have to travel into the interior of the island to meet with Jar Arruth to negotiate some supplies. The ship managed to make it here, but I don't trust it to make another journey across the open ocean. and So what, you're grounded for what, two weeks?
00:58:16
Speaker
Oh, I hope not that long. but And she looks over at Deborah and says, I assume you'll be making the journey tomorrow then. Yes, we shall make the journey interior, the interior journey tomorrow.
00:58:30
Speaker
And then the festivities shall begin. And she turns back to you and says, will be making the journey tomorrow. And then I will have to and negotiate some supplies from Jararith and then make the journey back either tomorrow or the day after.
00:58:42
Speaker
i imagine it'll be at least a few days, maybe a week before we're ready to depart. Okay, Glunki turns back to the group. All right, let's do this. so Let's get our finer rooms. i don't know how this works.
00:58:54
Speaker
What? Okay, I guess we okay we'll... We can sneak off or something, but like let's just... I don't know what else is on this island. One week instead of two And then we can get back on this boat.
00:59:05
Speaker
Okay, we'll get back on the boat. Okay, we'll gather intel here, and then we'll... Clay, where are these silks supposed to be? AWOX. Okay. Okay. And um your friend, what's his face? Sir Assful of Crastics. Yes, my best friend. Carry on.
00:59:22
Speaker
Yeah, his tailor-recommended vendor, Kurtacfaison. And they were on what island? On Avox. Avox, Avox, Avox. Well done, Kve.
00:59:34
Speaker
Good job. Oh, speaking up. Hey, Asphil! Oh, Lord Asphil! A porthole on the side of the ship opens up and he sticks his head and says, Uh, did I hear the sound of an angel calling my name?
00:59:46
Speaker
No, probably not. I'm kind of an atheist, but I heard Fawn and Vaedark and that's just as good. and Yeah. Tell me, Lord Asphil, did the sleeves come off that shirt?
00:59:59
Speaker
hu I came here to make friends and tear the sleeves off my shirts and I'm all out of sleeves. And then Ruckus Perez sticks his head out and says, yeah, we're friends now.
01:00:10
Speaker
Cool tearaway shirt. Okay. Sorry, I'm done terrorizing Sivantro now. Oh, how did they become friends over the class differences? Well, you see, we wanted friends and we made them.
01:00:23
Speaker
all But now we have to say goodbye because I'm here to learn how the world is flat or round or something. I'm a little confused. I'll be right out. Perez! And the portal slams shut and Ruckus Perez way too quickly appears on the ramp and runs down and joins you alongside his brother Tucker.
01:00:39
Speaker
What a guy. Tucker now has the head of a decapitated monster tied to his hip and it is starting to rot. who I'm confused. I'm looking at the map of the Anchor's Chain. Were we trying to get to the Shade Tree Shores or something? Well, that was your other option, your other entryway to the Anchor's Chain. There was another ship going to Shade Tree Shores.
01:00:58
Speaker
Okay, I see. And where is yeah where is our lead supposed to be? Do we know? You have none. Dude, you were like, we're going to get there and we're going to figure it out.
01:01:10
Speaker
I'm just looking at this map and Kobarus is tiny as fuck.
01:01:15
Speaker
It's a little cult island.
01:01:19
Speaker
That's all it is. Avok is so far away. What the heck? We should have taken the ship to Shadetree Shores. Not as far as you might think. The island chain itself isn't too, too big.
01:01:32
Speaker
Mengan is the artist one though, right? Mengan is the artist? That is, yeah. That's the one to the northeast. Let's go there next then.
01:01:42
Speaker
God. Let's see what this cult gets up to for at least a night. And then maybe if things go sideways, we can and i'll come back to the ship.
01:01:53
Speaker
This can't be the only ship that comes through here, right? Maybe we can just get on a different ship. We all look down the empty dock. okay Let's talk to the locals. Are there locals?
01:02:04
Speaker
Or is it just all cold? Yeah, there were like people around fire and stuff. Yeah, you look over, there's another handful of people wearing the same white robes. Oh, frick. No, why? Shit. no why shit I turn back to the captain.
01:02:21
Speaker
What's... Seriously, mantooo man to woman here. What the hell would it take to back this ship out of the bay right now? oh some fresh lumber, replacement supplies, rope, sails.
01:02:37
Speaker
Ideally, a few new crew members, but we can... Probably restock on those and start posting. No, you got three new crew members right here. And I gesture to me and those two. No disrespect, but that one looks a little hoity-toity to be working in a shit. No, what were you talking about?
01:02:52
Speaker
She is from a family. Yeah, the spots look like she's rich. Oh. Ray's cool.
01:03:00
Speaker
Yeah. And I bet we could get Perez to come. He is talking to a person in white robes and they're doing a complicated handshake. God dang it, Assful of Crass Sticks would come, I bet.
01:03:13
Speaker
Aye, but I believe the Earl Assful of Crass Sticks is... Well, he's he's not staying here anyway. He's booked passage back to Sarposan. So, okay, wait. So he's just hanging out on the ship for the next five days? I did.
01:03:28
Speaker
yeah and ah And who do we need to talk to to get you your supplies? Jararith, the leader of the round Zavars. right, well, let's go fucking find him.
01:03:41
Speaker
What's the return trip situation like for Amala to get back to Erdineen? Like, are they coming to pick us back up after they go to Sarposan? Well, oh yeah we are not commissioned to make another trip back out here, but it's my understanding that other ships will come, maybe returning to Airdenine, maybe returning to the oneway other islands.
01:04:04
Speaker
and More or less a one-way trip, yes. I'm sure supplies come in at some point at the Desert Islands. I'm grabbing Clay and Fondlin by their shirts. so We have to get off this rock.
01:04:18
Speaker
Whatever we do for the next 24 hours, we convince Jarara to load this ship up with supplies and get us off this thing. Okay. From here on out, the world is round. Okay? Got it?
01:04:31
Speaker
We've learned everything there is to know. What if I have him sit for a portrait and you guys scrounge up a ship? I love it. ah We could like raid his office for supplies and money and stuff. we could like sign i could I'm so good at forging things. I could forge any order for anything, seriously. You don't need to forge it. Just steal back the contracts that we signed.
01:04:52
Speaker
I also think we could just convince him maybe somehow. o time It's just a vibe thing. Captain, how do you feel about renaming your ship? Well, there was a time when I would have said, no way, Jose.
01:05:06
Speaker
But nothing really matters these days to me, so it would probably be fine. All right, Captain, hand in the circle here. Everyone, we're committed to convincing, with the use of vanity, ah cult leader to give us supplies if we name him his name him a ship that will explore the round world for him. Mm-hmm.
01:05:28
Speaker
On three? Yeah, so that exact thing. On three. Ready? Ready? Okay, on three. we we're committed committed to yeah just using vanity for you to you We're committed to manipulating a call leader with the use of vanity and renaming a ship on his behalf to explore the round world for him. Force as necessary.
01:05:54
Speaker
Perfect. Good je job, everybody. Let's go find... What are we doing? Let's go find... Handbrake!
01:06:02
Speaker
Let's go find Jarareth and convince him to give us supplies. Hastily, because he has the opportunity to have a ship named after him that will explore the round world.
01:06:13
Speaker
I feel like that would convince me. And as you say that, the sun explodes.
01:06:20
Speaker
No, it's okay. It does that. No!
01:06:27
Speaker
You are brought to this central fire. There are large tents that are meant for sharing, and the three of you climb into one, there's some cots set up with fresh linens and pillows.
01:06:38
Speaker
There is a big cooking pot, and a stew with a meat that you can't quite identify is served to you. it tastes all right. There's not much merrymaking, not much in the way of music. Most folks seem pretty tired and before long you go to bed.
01:06:54
Speaker
You rest through the night and in the in the morning but you are woken by the woman, Deborah. and She says, good morning, friends. We will be departing right away. Please choose out a camel and we shall set off for the interior of the island and the learning center proper.
01:07:11
Speaker
Okay. I know we don't want to spend time here, but this place is hilarious. I mean, as like care as a player, yeah, it sounds dope. Yeah, exactly.
01:07:21
Speaker
Like, I want to explore this and get into the nitty gritty of whatever cult bullshit this is. But then Glimki is like, what the hell are we doing? you have to roll any sort of check to not get pulled in, to get sucked into the cult? Yeah, make a religion check?
01:07:37
Speaker
Yeah, the longer we stay here, the more this starts to make sense. Yeah, the harder the DC is. No, but see, what happens is that the mass is so big that it has its own gravity. Wait a minute.
01:07:50
Speaker
What? The three of you walk out and bring your bags and you pick out these camels. They've got little cloths draped over their their humps that seem to be that familiar depiction of Zav as a round planet. And your bags are loaded up into a wagon pulled by one particularly large camel.
01:08:12
Speaker
And you set off into the desert. It is a large group of you. There is... The three of you, as well as the Perez brothers, Zoralo Depthsbane, Ptolemy Henkel, who, while he initially had planned on traveling onwards to Sarposen, figures if he's going to be here for a few days, he may as well make some money. Amala Berthold, of course, as well as a young, appears to be teenage woman, who you really haven't had a chance to speak with, but you've seen her at various...
01:08:42
Speaker
She was at dinner most nights attended the party, of course. And the rest of the crew stays behind with the ship as well as the passengers continuing on to Sarposen.
01:08:55
Speaker
And yeah, you are escorted by Dabora and some of the other robed individuals who are traveling with her. And you set off through the desert.
01:09:07
Speaker
It is hot. does not take long for you to lose sight of the coast. There's these big sweeping sand dunes that pile up around you, and she carefully guides you through a path. At one point, you can't help but notice what appear to be tracks of some large creature.
01:09:25
Speaker
And she says, now it's very important that you do not venture off into thee surrounding desert there are all manner of terrible beasts out here and you will surely be devoured so we kindly ask that when it is time for you to leave you only leave under the escort of one of our stuff and that you stick around the learning center proper.
01:09:50
Speaker
The beast will not harm you as long as you stay at the learning center, but we cannot promise your safety if you venture off into the desert. so What shape is the footprint? It appears to be large and clod. Would you like to make a nature check for me?
01:10:07
Speaker
Yes. Does it look like an owlbear footprint so of any sort? Fun question. 11. With an 11, I would say it doesn't appear to be an owlbear. It appears to be, have like four toes of sorts, kind of three at the front and one that hangs off to the side, which is also, i would say, similar, but maybe not identical to a toad creature you recently saw.
01:10:36
Speaker
i would say with an 11, you are fairly confident it is not an owlbear track, but you cannot be sure it is not a toad creature track. Is it about the same size as the toad creature was? Like huge? It's big.
01:10:50
Speaker
Hard to say. You didn't get too close to it. It might be a bit smaller, but you're not 100% sure. Okay. um okay Can I ask the guide? What kind of creatures live on the island?
01:11:02
Speaker
Terrible ones. Terrible ones. Guided by ignorance and folly. Best not to think of them and best just to focus your attentions on the learning center. Oh, well, what makes the Learning Center safe from attack from these creatures?
01:11:17
Speaker
Undoubtedly our leader, Ja'arith. He protects us and feasts upon us knowledge. What an interesting choice of words. How does he protect you, though?
01:11:28
Speaker
Have you ever been in a place that is surrounded by danger? And one particularly brilliant man, with the brilliance of his brilliance, is able to cast away the darkness and ignorance and dangers of the world.
01:11:44
Speaker
Sort of like that.
01:11:47
Speaker
No. All will be made clear in time, friends. All will be made clear in time. These people are crazy. Yeah. I've got such style. Like I have been in a place where I was surrounded with danger all around, you know? yeah I'm really glad they continued because it was funny that there was a long pause. Have you ever been in a place?
01:12:06
Speaker
Like, yes, I have. I have actually. yeah It's like this is the beginning of the the cult manipulation. Just like begin to get you to be agree with things. Have you ever been in a place?
01:12:18
Speaker
Yes. It's exactly like that. You continue along and it takes you about half the day.
01:12:30
Speaker
The sun, of course, is not moving in the sky above you. It is directly above you at all times. is always hot. it is always uncomfortable. And you feel like it's important to remember details like that in the days ahead as you travel through the desert and...
01:12:46
Speaker
a little past midday you round a dune and you see sprawled out before you this large encampment there is this large domed building at the center of it all it's made of this white sort of sandstone that all the other buildings appear to be made of as well and they are each in their own way small domes There are maybe couple dozen buildings in total. As I said, there's this large central one with a glorious entrance, this large brass door, as well as you look around and you see that there's an amphitheater that is a dome that is cut in half and slightly recessed into the ground.
01:13:29
Speaker
you see an individual is standing on a stage and talking to about a dozen people who are listening with rapt attention. And you see all adults, does not appear to be any children here.
01:13:41
Speaker
You look to one side and you see nine little nets attached to poles. And you see a couple of individuals throwing discs at these nets. And you look up onto a bluff and you see little bits of steam rising. And at first you think it's just desert, mirage, sun shimmers.
01:13:59
Speaker
And then you realize, ah, it is a hot spring. And it looks very nice.
01:14:07
Speaker
You are escorted to the entrance of the large building at the center of it all, and you are dismounted. You're helped off the camels. Your bags are taken by the various individuals in white robes, and the door swings open and you see a massive individual.
01:14:27
Speaker
They appear to be eight, maybe eight and a half feet tall, female presenting. And if you recall, you fought a certain man by the name of Cormac Bruckton on the Western Coastal Road, a soldier that you did not learn much about, but he was of a similar dimension and you figured he was potentially a half-ogre and you get the sense that this individual is as well and she's got short cropped hair and a bit of a bowl cut and she pulls open these massive bronze doors and says, Welcome, friends, to the Jorrit Learning Center.
01:15:04
Speaker
You're here to get your minds filled with knowledge. Absolutely. Wonderful. I mean, they're already pretty full. Oh. Because you're looking at three stout supporters of the Round World Initiative.
01:15:22
Speaker
That's what we call it. Mm-hmm. RWI. Where we're from. Mm-hmm. The Rai, as they call it. This large woman cracks her knuckles and looks over at Deborah. And, Fonelin, with your passive perception, you see her give a barely perceptible shake of the head. And the large woman relaxes and says, Well, I'm sure we'll scoop out all that knowledge and fill it up with real learning in no time at all.
01:15:47
Speaker
Come on in. It's time to meet the man in charge. Oh, that's... What the heck? Thank goodness we've been dying to meet. Yeah, the man himself. Glimke's doing the the most paper-thin failed.
01:16:04
Speaker
There is no attempt at covering this up. That seemed menacing to either of you. I'm like... Oh, when he said scoop out the knowledge? Yeah. Yeah.
01:16:14
Speaker
Interesting choice of words. First teeth, now scooping out knowledge? I'm not... I don't know. There's been a lot of feasting, suckling, scooping. Giving brain melt a little bit. Yeah.
01:16:25
Speaker
These guys are gonna eat us. Well, we've had a good run. The 10 or so of you step off or step into this this entry hall and you're led down a long, dark tunnel.
Encounter with Jar-Aruth's Teachings
01:16:36
Speaker
And there's little alcoves like carved into the tunnel that are illuminated. You can't see what the light source is. But in each of them, there is a little depiction of a very tan elven man with dazzling white teeth.
01:16:52
Speaker
And he is in one of them. he is speaking in front of a crowd of people who have their jaws hanging open and look very dumb, almost a caricature. In another, he is holding a globe in his hand and holding it up to the light and just various, various depictions of who you assume to be Jar-Aruth and his many academic endeavors.
01:17:16
Speaker
You continue down the hall and it opens up into this large circular chamber that has just rows upon rows of benches that wrap around it and lead down into ah a depression, a stage at the center of it all.
01:17:30
Speaker
And you look up and there's this large domed ceiling above you. And the world of Xav is distorted and projected up onto the ceiling in a way that tries to make it fit within this dome shape, but...
01:17:45
Speaker
You've seen a lot of maps and it looks wrong to you. It looks fundamentally wrong to you. It's like when they orient like Russia and Asia on the other side and America on the other. We're like, what the hell is this? Exactly.
01:18:02
Speaker
Here's your next D&D podcast. I know, I know. You're probably thinking, another D&D podcast? Well, welcome to You've Got to Be Critting Me, a chaotic and heartfelt Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast. Follow four unlikely adventurers. Cephi, a Goliath fighter seeking her stolen family.
01:18:21
Speaker
Malthus, a tiefling bard running from a scandalous past. Thormir, a dwarven druid chasing vengeance for his ruined homeland. And Todd. a half-elf archaeologist guided by a mysterious rat companion.
01:18:34
Speaker
Set in Kyranda, a land of breathtaking magic and dangerous secrets, these strangers find themselves caught in the path of an ancient dark force threatening to reshape the world. As nations divided by history face a new conqueror, can this oddball party tip the scales toward salvation or destruction?
01:18:52
Speaker
Join us for unforgettable characters, wild choices, and moments that will leave you shouting, you've got to be creating me.
01:19:01
Speaker
Amala sits down beside you. Fondland says, Oh, this is so exciting. I wonder if far we've been wrong this whole time. I think I'm ready to have my mind changed. How about you?
01:19:12
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Hundred. Hundo P. Amala, darling. Hundo P. Wonderful. And as she says that, there's a sudden poof of smoke at the center of this room.
01:19:28
Speaker
And lights appear poof poof poof illuminating around the center platform and you can just barely make out ah humanoid shape standing in the smoke only can see a silhouette it's joel austin okay sorry yeah ah just kidding sorry cut that
01:19:51
Speaker
french i'm honored to have you with my learning center today For too long you have been cast in the shadow of ignorance, hungry for the supple milk of knowledge.
01:20:05
Speaker
I tell you today, I have spent a lifetime learning and studying the world that we call Xav, and we have been taught many a thing about this planet, that it is flat, that it is mostly that actually.
01:20:20
Speaker
And I'm here to tell you today that it is in fact around planet and these hands sweep out dramatically and the smoke clears and you see an individual in a bright purple suit with brass buttons there are sequins on the suit it is shining like a disco ball in this dark space god And you see this individual with a tan skin. If you look closely, you see the tan kind of gets cut off at the wrists.
01:20:49
Speaker
There's some paler skin there. And this long slicked back blonde hair with dark roots. And this just very obviously manufactured smile as this elven man steps forward and says, Welcome friends to the Jaw Arrath Learning Center.
01:21:06
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm so excited to have you. Clay starts applauding. Yeah. Several other people join in. Amala, Ruckus. Yeah, we all do.
01:21:19
Speaker
yeah have Definitely half-heartedly. Wow. Now, friends, who here has heard some crazy rumors about this world and its composition?
01:21:30
Speaker
There's like hesitation. It's got first day of class energy. And, uh... Slowly Amala raises her hand and she says, well, I heard that it is, um, well, flat, of course.
01:21:41
Speaker
ah But beyond that, it has a central ocean because it's flat, so it pulls all the water to the center of the world. And Jarrah raises a finger and a common misconception. You see, how can the ocean be at the center of the world if the world is round?
01:21:56
Speaker
And Amala says, oh, um, yeah, I, that's a good point, I suppose. If the water was at the center of the world, ma'am. And might I say, you look just like my sister.
01:22:07
Speaker
Now, if the world was round, which it is, the water, if it was gathered at the center, would be inside the world. And now I know you folks came from afar. You sailed on a boat to get here.
01:22:18
Speaker
Were you sailing through the center of the world? Were there caves above you, obscuring the k night sky? And Amal's like, um, no, I suppose there was. Exactly! Exactly!
01:22:29
Speaker
The world is round and you sailed upon the ocean right here to the Jarrah Learning Center. Ma'am, you are going to love it here. we are to love to cast the dark shadows out of your mind and fill with the brilliant bright light of knowledge.
01:22:44
Speaker
Who else has heard of room about this world? How about you? Any points at Glimke? Um, look, I'm all in on this round world, so you don't need to tell me,
01:22:55
Speaker
pal Now tell me this then. If you're a learned man, what are the things you know? How do you reject the dark whisperings of the ignorant? Well, uh, you know, it just makes sense.
01:23:08
Speaker
Similar to your cave theory, but something else. Oh, but Limke, how does it make sense? Go on, tell the man our theories. Oh, right. um Interesting that you're calling it theories, when in fact it is scientific proof.
01:23:24
Speaker
Right, sorry. I'm still... We're trying to adapt language. We just use different terminology at the RWI. What we are... See, because we don't have the proof that you have. That's why we're here, to learn about proof. See, we we function on hypothesis, and our hypothesis is...
01:23:40
Speaker
The world is round because space is around us and under us and above us. So it just makes sense.
01:23:53
Speaker
You know? Give me a persuasion. You know what I'm trying to Give give me a persuasion. I got a 22. Wow. wow Very good. I can tell you a learned man. You might be ready for our level two classes.
01:24:08
Speaker
Oh, no. Trust me. I'm just here to be among all the learned folks. You know, again, hypothesis only over here. We just we want to see your facts.
01:24:21
Speaker
The teenager who's been traveling aboard the Vigilant puts a hand up and says, Now, excuse me, but how do you reconcile the shape of the world ah with the divine octet and their creation?
01:24:36
Speaker
Well, that's a very interesting question. Now, you see, we don't believe that there's much differentiation here between the teachings of the High Church of the Octad and what we know to be solid scientific fact.
01:24:51
Speaker
I'm a man of science, but that doesn't mean I'm not a man of faith. I believe that just because the church preaches that the world is flat, that doesn't mean that they're wrong about other things. They're just wrong about this one thing.
01:25:04
Speaker
And... I think the worlds of religion and science can coincide in happy harmony. If I may ask a question, sir. Yes. And might I add, you look just like my sister.
01:25:17
Speaker
Okay. What about people who claim to have seen The Edge? hu Now, sadly, those folks are sadly mistaken. I'd like to believe, and from my travels, I can tell you, there is no edge.
01:25:32
Speaker
Whatever they've taught you in school, there is no edge. There cannot be an edge, he pulls out a marble. Does this marble have an edge, ma'am? No, it doesn't. Precisely. So what about the people and in real life who say that they have seen an edge? What do you think of those people?
01:25:48
Speaker
Well, if I may, and he takes out a slightly larger marble and takes a piece of gum and chews it up and sticks it onto the marble. Now you see here, this is still a round object, right?
01:26:03
Speaker
But there's this little edge here, this little mountain of gum that I've created with my mouth. I have massacred it into something supple and placed it upon this here representation of our round world.
01:26:17
Speaker
And this gum here, while soft because it is in fact gum and not made of rock or granite or other substances that this world is made of, it is an edge of sorts.
01:26:28
Speaker
If I were to shrink down small enough to traverse this makeshift diorama world and I climbed this gum mountain, it would have an edge that I could look down upon. You see.
01:26:40
Speaker
What about the... You know what? Okay. Yep. ah So, Clay... This is Clay Campbell, esteemed artist. Clay Campbell, you look nothing like my sister. yeah But your sister simultaneously looks like a gnome and an elf.
01:26:54
Speaker
different sisters come can't operate on this this guy because it's my son come on come on guys sisters can be women too okay ah okay this is amazing but my friend clay campbell is commissioned to draw a portrait of you that is going to make all the other portraits look like ah So let's go into a private room and do that ASAP.
01:27:23
Speaker
Because I just feel like I'm sitting out here and my mind is already beginning to melt, you know, and I don't know if we're ready for mind melting yet. Something out here is just mind numbing. I don't know. Shall we?
01:27:35
Speaker
I'm not quite done with my sermon, ma'am, but once I'm done, I mean my lecture, ma'am, but once I am, Clay Campbell, I've heard nothing about you, but I am very interested to learn more about this so-called portrait that you are to paint of me.
01:27:51
Speaker
Now, where was I? And this goes on for about another 45 minutes of questions and answers, mostly just spouting bullshit, but with great conviction.
01:28:04
Speaker
And by the end, Amala leans over and says, I don't know about you, but I'm almost convinced to give up all my worldly belongings and live here the rest of my life. From that...
01:28:15
Speaker
It was very interesting, servant. He spoke about the teat of knowledge seven times in the past 40 minutes. Scintillating, wasn't it? Well, mean, I was hoping for more, i don't know.
01:28:30
Speaker
Proof. Evidence. It felt a lot like a lot of metaphor. Hmm. Sounds like you're not ready for the level four classes, which I just found out I'm ready for. They're a little more expensive, but I think I'm ready.
01:28:43
Speaker
You have to pay for more once you're here? Oh, yes. I paid for your classes as well. So you'll be good for the next two weeks. What? But I signed you up for the level one classes I figured you weren't ready for something more advanced.
01:28:56
Speaker
Oh my god. When's the free time again? Now my friends, I'm sure you're hungry for some free time, but unfortunately for you, it's no time for free time.
01:29:07
Speaker
It's time for a visual metaphor in the form of a disc golf tournament. So if you will all follow my assistant Deborah outside, you will be provided with your league official disc and the tournament shall begin.
01:29:23
Speaker
Yes. Mr. Treefellow, as it were. Am I correct? ah Yes. Thank you, sir. Just quick question. Why disc golf and not just regular ball golf? Wouldn't that just be more fitting to the whole motif of Round shapes.
01:29:38
Speaker
That would be blasphemous, sir, because a disc falls out of the air, much like our world would fall if it were flat, you see. But a ball should fly forever around the sun, you see.
01:29:50
Speaker
Okay. You understand, yes? Yeah, I can kind of get on board with that. There we go. That's clever boy. Asking a lot of questions. Does Zav go around the sun?
01:30:02
Speaker
Ah, I'm glad you asked. Yes, it does. What you think of all your life, you're in school, you're learning things, probably at a public school for free. Knowledge should never be free, might I add.
01:30:14
Speaker
But what you have been taught is the sun exploding. It's merely it moving out of sight. And then it turns to night. And then the world keeps turning. And then the next day, the sun appears again.
01:30:27
Speaker
Hallelujah. But we watch it blow up. um home It's supernova's right in front of us. That's just merely the sun reaching the edge of the horizon. and But it's an explosion happened. But it's it's sometimes it's not the middle. Right there.
01:30:42
Speaker
Now, how much do you know about something called atomosphere? It's the air around us that we breathe in and out of our lungs. Oh. You know? Okay. And sometimes that atmosphere creates a fear in our minds that the sun's going to explode.
01:30:58
Speaker
But it's not real. It's merely a trick of the mind, a distortion of the air, a whisper of a ghost with a penchant for malicious humor. And the sun turns. And it turns.
01:31:10
Speaker
And it keeps on turning. And we spin around the world. And we spin around the earth. And we keep on spinning every day of our lives. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I'm quite overcome. Does anybody else need a break?
01:31:21
Speaker
I'm like sweltering with the burden of this beautiful knowledge. Like I feel like I feasted at the teat and I'm just full. You know what I mean? I need a break. I need to digest.
01:31:32
Speaker
Anybody else? Yeah. and Take a break. Yeah. I'm ready to take it out on some disco. I mean, you know what? Maybe let's just get onto the course and we can just Talk about what we should do.
01:31:43
Speaker
Give me that disc. And to quote my favorite golf player in world, canonically Tiger Woods, ah he's from dwells. The name suits and claiming him.
01:31:55
Speaker
He's a tree fellow, distant ancestor, distant kin. Yeah. Where's the first tee? And what's the course record?
Disc Golf Tournament as Metaphor
01:32:02
Speaker
Well, come on out, friends, and we'll show you what's what.
01:32:06
Speaker
And you are brought out to this disc golf course. There's a long table set up and there are stacks of discs, each of them presenting the standard image of Zav that you you know and love, the map of Zav, this flat earth.
01:32:21
Speaker
But there's a red circle with a line through it, drawn across it. And each of them has a small number on it. So you grab a disc of your own and the tournament begins. Jar Arith steps forward and says, now we will be playing with a just three holes because I'm sure with all the delays you are very tired and I have a portrait to sit through now so we're going to keep it short but we're going to do three holes and to the winner their choice of prize.
01:32:47
Speaker
Would you like to know the prize? Yes, sure. What are the prize options? Well, over here. And he gestures to ah a smaller table and you see three objects upon it. There is a crumpled up cloak.
01:32:59
Speaker
There is a tankard, a cup of sorts with a handle. And there is a small orb with the depiction of Zav mapped out upon it. Each of these objects here represents one of our core values here at the Jarroth Learning Center.
01:33:15
Speaker
This tankard here is a tankard of sobriety. We believe the mind should be sharp so that we can further ingest knowledge. Why ingest alcohol when we can ingest wisdom? If you pour a drop of liquor in there, a dirty little spirit, it'll be as if you were drinking water or mother's milk.
01:33:33
Speaker
Oh, that's kind of cool. Over here, we have an orb of direction. It always points north, and you can hold that up, and you'll know just how to go. Wow, gotcha. Points north.
01:33:44
Speaker
Where would north be if you're on an orb, dumbass? Now, what do you know about magnets? What? What does it have to do with magnets? We're talking north, which is easy not because same key if you look at a flat, it's clearly that way.
01:34:03
Speaker
Please, no. Please, no more questions. When you ask about North, you make a mag out of Nett and me. North is up, but like, that way, you know?
01:34:14
Speaker
And then eventually North becomes South if you go far enough. See? Am I the only one? um i have seen the world, sir, in all its splendor. And I can tell you, North is up.
01:34:28
Speaker
The sky, man. All right, give me the desk. This here is a cloak of many fashions because we believe it's important to look your best when you are spreading the good word of, well, me.
01:34:40
Speaker
You wear this cloak, it can look like anything you want to be. And he puts on the cloak and suddenly a picture of his face appears on the back of it. And then a moment later, it shifts and becomes a depiction of the round Zav kind of wrapped around him.
01:34:54
Speaker
And then he triggers it one more time and says, kiss me, I'm Irish. He says, just kidding. I'm not Irish. Let us begin. And you are brought out to the first hole and some people sit out, but not the three of you and not two other people, because I've got two D20s in front of me.
01:35:13
Speaker
We'll say the Perez brothers are standing on each other's shoulders working together. And the young teenager is looking at one of these discs distastefully and decides to take part in the disc golf.
01:35:26
Speaker
You are brought out to the first hole and I need everybody to make a dexterity check. As you attempt to throw this disc into the net, it's about 70 meters away. God damn it, only got a nine. Ooh. I also got a nine.
01:35:39
Speaker
Got an 11. We're good at this. Yeah. It's my first time playing disc golf. The discs sail through the air, and Glimke, yours comes up just a little bit short.
01:35:50
Speaker
Bonalyn, yours sails over it and lands just a few meters past. Clay, ding! It rattles off the post and lands in the net. Damn! Damn! Ruckus and Tucker, they are using four hands to try and throw this and the disc goes and just lands like three feet in front of them.
01:36:09
Speaker
And this teenager grabs the disc and just casually chucks it and it sails in this perfect arc. I will say she like throws it you know sideways, cool style, and it goes sailing right into the net.
01:36:23
Speaker
And I will have Glimke and Bonalyn make a second attempt from closer. So it'll be a lower DC. Cool. That's a 22 for me. Got a 15.
01:36:35
Speaker
Amazing. The Perez brothers continue to struggle and... That's crazy. I'm rolling some zany numbers.
01:36:46
Speaker
It takes them five times today to get it in. And after the first hole, the score is Perez is five, Fawnwin two, Glimki two, Clay one, and Teenager one.
01:36:59
Speaker
You are brought to the second hole and there is a giant windmill as it were. And it's spinning with these big blades through the air. And it seems like it's gonna be a little bit harder. So can I get everybody to make another dexterity throw please?
01:37:14
Speaker
Dang right.
01:37:17
Speaker
Nice. 18. Wow, that's good. Six. I rolled 19. Glimke, you chuck it kind of getting the weight of this thing, and it goes sailing right between the blades of this windmill, lands directly in it, And...
01:37:32
Speaker
and you You nailed it. Woo! Clay, you chuck it with all your might, and it actually hits the windmill straight on. And then you realize there's a small little slat, and your disc goes into it, and it slides out the back of the windmill and lands right in the net.
01:37:47
Speaker
Fonelin, you chuck yours and it hits about four inches below that slat and just tumbles to the ground directly in front of the windmill. The Perez brothers start smacking each other with the frisbee.
01:37:57
Speaker
there're They're done. They're out of the game. And the teenager throws it and it catches one of the blades and topples to the ground. So could I get another toss from Fonelin and this teenager as Oh my God, I'm having the worst luck of my life.
01:38:12
Speaker
Eight. Oh, gnar. You try and get around this windmill and you throw it and a blade just smacks it down into the ground. You manage to get a little ways out. It's going to be a little bit of an easier DC from where you are, but it's not looking good. Can I get one more throw?
01:38:25
Speaker
Oh, that's a six. Oh no. The Perez brothers are rumbling like the pill bugs in A Bug's Life, just tumbling over each other, trying to make each other eat the disc.
01:38:37
Speaker
And they just knock you over and the disc goes tumbling out of your hand. And Joroth says, now that counts as a regulation throw, I'm afraid. Dear God. You know, I would fight it, but very little of my self-esteem is tied up in this competition. Could you make one more attempt, please?
01:38:53
Speaker
Oh, that's 19. There we go. You pick yourself up off the ground and with your fourth toss, manage to get it into the net. The Parases are formally disqualified and the four of you travel to the third and final hole.
01:39:08
Speaker
And wouldn't you know it? It's a big mechanical Jar Arath who's got a hand and he's waving it in front of his mouth. And you see that the net is in the mouth and you have to get it past his waggling finger. my God.
01:39:20
Speaker
Can I get everybody to make one last dexterity check, please? This guy. Oh, nat 20. Oh, how's it going? Sheesh. It was so close. It was on the 20 and then it rolled to 14.
01:39:35
Speaker
For a total of 14. I got 13. Clay and Fondelin, your discs go flying out and both get smacked down by the finger. Glimki, you managed to perfectly time it right into Jararth's open mouth.
01:39:48
Speaker
Swish. fuck yeah Clay and Faunolin, it is a closer toss, but you have to make one more. That's an eight. I got a nine. It's all falling apart in the final minutes. No.
01:39:59
Speaker
It's no good. This finger, it's beating the shit out of your discs. You can't get past it. Give me another one. Keep trying. Don't give up. That's a nine. That's a four. Can I surrender?
01:40:11
Speaker
Is it possible to serve surrender? we look very poorly upon quitters. Those are Perez brothers are low on my appreciation list at this time, but you are welcome to walk away if you want.
01:40:22
Speaker
Okay, I just rolled three in a row. That was a nine, a 15, and a natural 20. Perfect. I just start swinging. I just rolled another four.
01:40:33
Speaker
Clay pulls out her mace and is like, Fauna wins. Throw it again. Throw it again. And I'm going to smash the mechanical girl. Amazing. Make one more attempt. That's a 19.
01:40:44
Speaker
You smash the finger and Jara says, now that's not very kind. We will have to put an extra charge on your room, I believe, uh, 15 gold pieces repair fee, but, uh, in goes the disc and that's our game.
Portrait Session with Jar-Aruth
01:40:58
Speaker
Now let me tally up our scores. ah Definitely, Glimki, like, celebrated that last bucket, like, hard, but then caught himself and was like fucking, what? No. This is a cult.
01:41:09
Speaker
I'm not having fun. Now, in dead last, the Perez brothers eliminated for their ruckusry. In fourth place, the lady Farnel and Vedoc.
01:41:20
Speaker
Better luck next time. Tied for second place with six shots apiece, Clay Campbell and that teenager. Crazy that they don't have a name.
01:41:31
Speaker
I can't believe if Clay beat me. They exploded the disc. And in first place, Mr. Glimke Treefellow. Woo! I mean, Woo. woo but Mr. Treefellow, if you will please follow me to the prize table.
01:41:47
Speaker
You may now pick out a prize. Oh, right. Prize. Okay, so we got a cup that turned can just turn everything into water? That's correct. It's the tanker of sobriety.
01:41:59
Speaker
Does it go the other way at all? No. Hmm. Does it turn other things into water? Yeah, what else does it turn into water? Or is it just like beers, wine, spirits? That's correct, yeah. You can drink from that.
01:42:12
Speaker
Really saps out the the alcohol. and Got it. Okay, and then we have a cloak that can turn into whatever garment we want? Yes, that well, it's going to be a cloak still, but you can change the pattern. and Oh, it'll be just change what the pattern looks like? Okay, not as interesting as I thought. And then the last one was what? Yeah.
01:42:30
Speaker
Oh, that would be the orb of direction. With this, you can always determine which way is north. Right, we had a whole debate about north apparently being up. Correct. Stupid.
01:42:42
Speaker
I feel like, I don't know. i could see some gambits with this cup, but I guess the orb will probably come in the most handy.
01:42:54
Speaker
Yeah, let's do the orb. I'll take the orb. Since we're all on an orb theme anyways. That is correct. Now, we aren't exactly a egalitarian society here.
01:43:07
Speaker
I'm very much at the top, but we do have a minor sort of meritocracy going on. And because we have a second and second place, it's only fitting that the two of you should be able to pick out a prize from the prize table.
01:43:19
Speaker
Now, Clay Campbell and teenager and the teenager puts her hand up and says, Yes, um actually, my name is Jan Tremaine. All right, well, I'll call you teenager.
01:43:29
Speaker
And the two of you can, i don't know, arm wrestle or play one more hole. Try and break this tie and the winner can pick out a prize. Oh, no, no, you go ahead, teenager.
01:43:41
Speaker
My name's Jan Tremaine, but... Do you have a preference? Well, i'm I'm not old enough to drink, you see, so if I take the tankard, then I could drink, and it, I think, would be okay.
01:43:54
Speaker
I could be cool at parties without getting in trouble with my parents. Yeah, that's a good idea. you know, party, but safely. my God. Yes, exactly. Cool, then I'll take the cloak. Wonderful. you wanted to be cool at parties, you should have won at disc golf.
01:44:09
Speaker
Our beef isn't with the boy. i'm a girl. Child, why do I know your last name, child? Are you a fan of the seminal TV series Twin Peaks and the character that appears but for a short time, but creates quite a bit of drama between Andy and Lucy?
01:44:27
Speaker
ah Dick Tremaine? No. Who's your father? Dick Tremaine. Who's your... So you don't have any relevant family members that might have been at parties or something?
01:44:39
Speaker
They're relevant to me. Okay. Enjoy drinking at parties. Thank you. i I will. get invited to any. So yes, Glimke, you get a orb of direction. While holding this orb, you can use an action to determine which way is north.
01:44:53
Speaker
This property functions only on the material plane. And Clay, you get a cloak of many fashions. While wearing this cloak, you can use a bonus action to change the style, color, and apparent quality of the garment. The cloak's weight doesn't change.
01:45:05
Speaker
Regardless of its appearance, the cloak can't be anything but a cloak. Although it can duplicate the appearance of other magic cloaks, it doesn't gain their magical properties. Wow. Is Clay the kind of person to wear a cloak? Yeah, but she's wearing it over her armor.
01:45:17
Speaker
Cool. Which she is not going to wear at all times. Jararth gathers you all around, says, Now, the long-awaited free time is here, but not for you, Miss Campbell.
01:45:28
Speaker
I believe we have an appointment for you to draw my portrait. The others, you may return, well, not return, you may find your bedchambers. You will find a change of clothes, uniformed and so that you might better acclimate to our culture and environment.
01:45:46
Speaker
You will find they are lightweight and breathable and yet durable. Perfect for this harsh climate that we find ourselves in. Because knowledge is much like a sandstorm. It should really beat you up and take away your breath.
01:45:58
Speaker
But at the end, you'll be polished, shiny like a diamond. Come along, Campbell. It's painting time. Okay. Let's go. have some ideas for this portrait. Thank you.
01:46:10
Speaker
I don't want to reason with this guy. I don't like talking to him. I find him, um, it's, I don't know how to, it's, it's like when I talk to him, i feel the energy being drained from my body and my will to, yeah, it's amazing. He's like,
01:46:25
Speaker
and He's like a vampire. Yes, I was just going to say a vampire. and energy vampire. Wow. Is that a thing in Dwells? That sounds terrifying. I just want to go to his office and like ruin his life and forge a bunch of documents.
01:46:40
Speaker
I don't want a reason with him. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out Well, like here's the thing. I think I've been doing a very bad job, don't know if you can tell, covering up my disdain for this man.
01:46:51
Speaker
it's Is it obvious? You know I don't know that either of us are doing a great job at it. I think we should just minimize the time we're up to the ruse. It's pretty obvious though, yeah. Well, maybe, i don't know.
01:47:03
Speaker
You know how like all good lies have a hint of truth? Yes. What if we just call ourselves out and we say, hey, maybe we're not best suited for this, but there's a better mission for us.
01:47:15
Speaker
And it's the boat thing. You know, like we just go in there and be like, hey, the camp's not working. But you know what would be better for us is if we name a boat after you and we sail around and we we don't need to know the facts.
01:47:27
Speaker
Facts are for... But we need the supplies. That's what i'm saying is we we go to him and we tell him, hey, you know what? Maybe I'm not the greatest at this. I don't need to know the facts. The facts are for for big brains like you to teach other people. We just need to point people in the right direction.
01:47:42
Speaker
So we'll name a boat after you. Give us the the shit. We'll be out of your hair. So I have this perfume that when I wear it makes me super persuasive for a little bit of time. Should we just like pull out the big guns and go for it?
01:47:56
Speaker
How much of that perfume do we have? I believe I have like two squirts worth. One for me, one for you? Well, I mean, no, I think you should give it to Clay. They're going to be in there painting this portrait with this man.
01:48:11
Speaker
Pull on some of those vanity metrics and pump his tires a little bit and then pitch it. Okay, and in the meantime, you and I will check out the hot spring? No, no, no, no.
01:48:22
Speaker
What? Hot spring? Yeah, there's a hot spring. No, we should help Clay. Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah okay, all right, fine, fine. And then maybe if there's time before the ship gets, maybe hit check out the hot springs.
01:48:33
Speaker
Yeah, maybe we check out the hot springs. Okay, Clay! hu Wait, that am I still here? You're wandering off. ah You're maybe like 50 feet away. Wait up, Clay!
01:48:44
Speaker
Oh, hurry up. We're gonna go paint the portrait. You you just forgot. Come here, you stinky bitch!
01:48:52
Speaker
Clay! You smell so bad, my friend. Come come here and get some perfume. Oh, thanks, Lady Faunelin. I do wash under the armor.
01:49:02
Speaker
no it's okay. You smell great, as always. No, this perfume will make you extra persuasive for a little bit. So you need to act fast. You need to convince him to fund our ship expedition out of here as soon as possible.
01:49:16
Speaker
Okay? Oh, And then also the other details that I said about admitting that we're not good at this and we're better at yes' spreading the theory. Yes, we're going to be prophets. We're not meant to stay and learn. We're meant to spread the good word. Okay?
01:49:30
Speaker
You got that? Are you going to talk our way through it? And no pressure. If you screw this up, we will be trapped here for weeks. And also we will have wasted this really nice perfume. And I think florals will work with your underlying musk.
01:49:43
Speaker
So really just waste of an occasion. How long does it last? I don't know. Never used it. So let's act fast. Okay. um I mean, okay. Glimke said pump his tires. So do that too.
01:49:54
Speaker
Pump his tires. Yeah. Pump his tires. Okay. Got Inflate his ego. Got it. Okay. It's going to take me a while to paint a portrait though. You're telling us this now?
01:50:05
Speaker
What is a while? Wait, it's going to take you a long time? Yeah, how long is a long time? I mean, it depends on how long it is. Yeah, use it. Maybe just just give her the bottle. If she feels like it's wearing off, she can give herself another spritz. Okay, fine.
01:50:21
Speaker
Try to only use one because this stuff is, I think, pretty expensive. Okay. Do your best. And Glimki and are going to check out the hot springs. No, we'll be right outside. God. oh No, Glibkin and I going to right outside, just standing in the door doing nothing. um Okay.
01:50:36
Speaker
Will that be fun for you? no but a hot spring would be. ah Go check out the hot springs, then. No, you can go check out the hot springs. well I'll be right outside. God. No, no, I'll be right outside. We can't split up anymore.
01:50:49
Speaker
we're gonna Someone's going to get killed. What if we go ask about... er No, I don't think anyone here will know anything about shipping ports. The humiliation... house and their shipping probably ah well you never know yeah yeah i think we got to do everything we can to get off this island yeah another thing is i think i need to kidnap amala and bring her with us she's lost dude she's off the deep end you look over and amala has changed into a white robe and is chatting with a couple of the locals quite animatedly hot
01:51:23
Speaker
Yeah, they're... She's... Sorry. She's off the deep end. Okay, say... She's fully red-pilled. I heard them say that earlier. I don't know what it means. Red-pilled? Round-pilled? Did they say round-pilled? said round-pilled. Sorry, yeah. Scratch that. I see. I heard that she's fully round-pilled.
01:51:42
Speaker
Oh, I see. It's a better joke. All yours, my friend. Okay. Clay. Okay. Pull this off. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. And then we get the hell out of here. Okay?
01:51:54
Speaker
Okay. So we're we're we're getting a boat. Supplies for boats. Supply supply for the boat. i need all the supplies for the boat to repair the boat to get this thing sailing. yeah ASAP. we'll We'll go spread the gospel.
01:52:06
Speaker
Yes. Except not gospel. Choose a different word. I don't know. Something. Science. Knowledge. ah Say something about scooping knowledge. Okay. And suckling from the teat or something. Okay. Oh, definitely mention teats. He loves that. Let us be the extra teat that the world beyond the island can suckle at or some shit. You'll figure out. We will be the third nipple. Yes, you'll get it.
01:52:29
Speaker
Teat-churse. Yes. The teat-churse. That's awesome. She doesn't even need the spray. No, you don't even need it. No, but you're going to use it anyway. Okay, here's how you apply perfume. You make a cloud and then you walk through it. So, okay.
01:52:44
Speaker
Ready? Okay. Hold your breath. Okay, I walked through it. Oh, it smells good. It's really good, actually, yeah. ah Can I test if it works? How do you do so Hey, I don't even know what I want to No, no, no, try. I'm fully in. hey you guys want to go check out the hot spring?
01:53:03
Speaker
Yes. oh my God, yeah. With advantage. Oh, it's a persuasion with advantage? Watch me roll like shit, though. I rolled a nat one and a four.
01:53:15
Speaker
That's crazy. Hey, i don't I don't think it worked. Maybe it takes a minute. like Maybe it needs like maybe it needs an activator. You know what I mean? like Maybe it needs to mix with your natural musk, so like when you get sweating or something, it'll like yeah'll be... You're good. You're good.
01:53:29
Speaker
Kroonky Athletic slaps her and says, get in there, champ. You're good. We'll be right outside. Love slap people on the ass.
01:53:38
Speaker
It's just so crazy because I wanted to go to the Heart Springs and then I was so gung-ho. I was like, it's going to work, you know, and then Clay said it and I honestly didn't want to go anymore. That's so crazy. Ah, shit. Okay, so it's like opposite serum. I just have to say the opposite of what we want. No, no, no, no.
01:53:54
Speaker
No, it's just, it's it's turning on. Is it? Okay. Or something. With that, you run to catch up Jararth, who is not stopped. And he leads you to the second largest dome on the, I'm going to call it compound, because there's no other word that really describes what this place is. And you follow him to this large dome, and he pulls out a key from his sequency pocket and opens the door and brings you into a and into of this large sort of mansion of sorts. There's multiple rooms that branch off and
01:54:26
Speaker
You see a very nice kitchen and a dining area and a living room. And he brings you to an office. He says, now we operate on a cash basis here, but on occasion, those that are unable to provide me with a, uh,
01:54:42
Speaker
coin that I require to train those seeking knowledge. I do take transfers of wealth in the forms of other items, material goods.
01:54:54
Speaker
So I do believe I've got ah decent set of paints and couple blank canvases that should be to your liking. Now, as the artiste, do you have any suggestions for a pose or how you would like to compose this portrait?
01:55:10
Speaker
I've seen some of the portraits you have hanging outside and the one Conticathon showed us. Pretty good, right? I think I can do better. i think I can offer my skills and create something that really shows off how dedicated you are to knowledge.
01:55:28
Speaker
Something that's even better than what you have now. All right. Yeah. So I'm thinking it's going to be like a ah headshot from like waist up. And I want you to strike like a really strong, powerful pose.
01:55:42
Speaker
He grabs a globe and holds it la Shakespearean actor looking at a skull and starts mewing. How's this?
01:55:53
Speaker
Oh, perfect. Perfect. perfect Stay like that. Okay. I'll get started and I'm going to start painting. Could I get a performance check, please? And you can add your proficiency bonus.
01:56:07
Speaker
fifteen 15. Okay. It's starting to come along. it's It's going to take a while. Lots to do. But you start to, you know, draw in the edges and get the shape of him down. And so far, it's pretty good. It's a complicated slightly by his ah desire to talk throughout the entire process.
01:56:25
Speaker
But you figure maybe you can just focus on body and hands and worry about the ah the face at a later date. But as he's he's holding it, he's ah occasionally at one point after maybe like an hour of painting, he starts fidgeting with his teeth and says, So they start to get a bit uncomfortable this time of night.
01:56:44
Speaker
Oh, what's up with your teeth? Oh, nothing. They're just a little sore. That's all. Don't you have sore teeth? No. Why are they sore?
01:56:57
Speaker
You haven't seen a dentist? No, no. It's a nothing I can't take care of. Are those um ah veneers or are they your real teeth?
01:57:06
Speaker
Are they noticeable? No, no, they look great. I'm just saying, like, yeah I know they they tend to take a lot of care. And if you don't take care of them, then they can be sore. Indeed, they're a veneer of sorts and they do get sore from time to time.
01:57:22
Speaker
If I don't pop him off. I know a doctor back in Erdineen, and he's he's dabbled in dentistry. He's done some veneers before. I've seen that work. Oh, that's very good. Perhaps I'll have to fly over there sometime and pay him a visit.
01:57:38
Speaker
Or her. I don't know if you gendered that individual, and doctors can be women too. We have many problems here at the Jarrah Learning Center, but sexism is not one of them. I'm glad to hear it. Can't wait to see the comments on this episode.
01:57:50
Speaker
Get his ass, supers. I have an idea for this portrait, okay? All this talk of suckling at the teat of knowledge.
01:58:04
Speaker
He pulls out a bottle of milk. Do you want me to hold this as well? No, no, no. One thing missing from all of your portraits is that can't help but notice there's a certain flatness to you.
01:58:17
Speaker
ah Turn the portrait around and it's like the AI restoration of your grandpa, but he's got like a huge bust.
01:58:27
Speaker
okay It's like him, the prominent teacher is... huge globes right on his head. Two of them. You gave him tits?
01:58:39
Speaker
You gave him big natural?
01:58:43
Speaker
He's gonna love that. Okay, you have to see the vision here. roundness, the the nurturing work you've put into round sav society.
01:58:56
Speaker
the roundav What do you think? Give me a persuasion check and you do not get advantage on this.
01:59:08
Speaker
What? You should get double advantage. One for each titty. I just rolled a nat 20.
01:59:21
Speaker
No way. he takes the globe that he's holding and like lowers it to his own chest. Why not?
01:59:31
Speaker
my God. Perhaps time for change. glad agree. perhaps it's time for a change i'm glad you agree And I'm the only one who can replicate this portrait of you.
01:59:46
Speaker
And I am willing to do so all around Zav. All I need is a ship, the supplies for a ship. And me and my friends, we will spread this image of you and all it represents to non-believers everywhere. You're a genius and I'm afraid of you.
02:00:11
Speaker
Now, that is a mighty fascinating and proposition. I assume you're, I've heard of the Captain Depthesbane's recent problems. I reckon I could provide some supplies to be sure for a fee, of course, payable by the captain.
02:00:28
Speaker
But I do not have a ship myself to provide, you see. No, no, just the supplies to help Captain Depth-Spain get back up on her feet.
02:00:39
Speaker
Indeed. I'm sure I could arrange for that to happen. And in return, how many of these portraits are you planning providing?
02:00:50
Speaker
During my time here, while the ship is getting repaired, I'm willing to give you... many as I can make and then I will keep making them as long as you know we're sailing and I can spread the good word everyone give me know no natural 20 speaks for itself no the world good no I like waft my perfume oh my god the The image of the picture is so vivid. It's insane.
02:01:21
Speaker
I'll draw it for you. I'll draw it for you. Thank you. Please. I'm wearing the cloak of many fashions. I would like to use a bonus action to make it as sequined as his outfit.
02:01:35
Speaker
Amazing. Amazing. He stops and he puts the the the the globe down and he looks at you and seems to notice the the amulet around your neck.
02:01:48
Speaker
Says, ah by any chance, are a priest of Macrog? Yeah, I'm a follower. That's right. I show him the amulet. This is um something the bright scale in Ergenine gave me.
02:02:01
Speaker
Remarkable. I have not had the opportunity to travel to Airdenine, but I have heard wondrous things about the Bratscale there. And well, I have a healthy respect for the father of dragons.
02:02:17
Speaker
That's great to hear. how how do your beliefs line up with the divine octad? Well, I don't think they're in opposition, other than the fact that the church thinks it's heresy, that I ah preach the truth.
02:02:32
Speaker
You do notice that teenager out there, the one that played disc golf with you? Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's a she's a spy, an auditor of the high church. What?
02:02:43
Speaker
They send one every few years to make sure we're not causing too much trouble. And I figure it's easier to just keep on speaking the truth and don't call them out. They might change tactics. And it's much easier to keep an eye on them when I know who they are. They always have a certain holier-than-thou instinct to them.
02:03:01
Speaker
Oh, I mean, they're quite young. Are you sure? Like, how can you tell? Ah, ain't nothing that a bit of moisturizer can't fix. You're saying they're not a teenager? I'm pretty sure that is a 30 to 40 year old woman.
02:03:15
Speaker
Oh. Is this true is he just paranoid as fuck? Yeah. There are many ways to change one's appearance here in our wondrous round world and...
02:03:26
Speaker
Perhaps it's more than moisturizer, but I'd be willing to bet a sizable piece of my fortune that that individual is an auditor. And as soon as their time here is done in two weeks time, they'll report back and say that I'm a harmless loon who ought to know better, but ultimately I'm not causing much harm. And that'll be that for the next few years.
02:03:47
Speaker
And have you ever successfully convinced any of these auditors through knowledge and learning? Through the lessons that you teach here? Of a sort.
02:03:59
Speaker
ah One early on spent some time in the Reformation Chamber and it seemed to make a difference, but... The audits came faster and more furious in the years that followed, so it seemed like more hassle than it was worth.
02:04:12
Speaker
I can tell when someone's here with good intention and a willingness to learn, and I think I can see that within you. You seem to be a bit of an open vessel with which one might pour one's knowledge into.
02:04:24
Speaker
What about that ah friend of yours, the the short one? He seems a little combative, shall we say. Glimke, he's totally an open vessel.
02:04:37
Speaker
He's so keen on learning. I think you just haven't gotten a chance to know him well yet. But I'm going to take him with me and we're going to spread your portrait across Zav, all around it, full circle in all directions. ah yep Including up, apparently. Yeah.
02:04:59
Speaker
Could you make another persuasion check without advantage? Okay. As you're talking with this guy there was this like, you weren't able to convince your friends outside that the hot spring was where they wanted to go.
02:05:13
Speaker
But there was like was a resistance. You could sense like they were fighting off the effects of this perfume. And you have not seen that in Jar Arrith. It seems like it is not having any real impact upon him.
02:05:25
Speaker
Ooh. Ooh. Resistant, maybe. rolled a 12. We'll see. Like I said, ah have a pretty good nose for bullshit and when an individual is here for the right reasons.
02:05:39
Speaker
I can see you sniffed out that spy. I didn't even notice anything was off. I thought that was a teenager for sure. Yeah. Anyways, I've just got them finishing touches on this portrait if you want to strike the pose again.
02:05:54
Speaker
Of course. And he returns to his original position and you continue to paint him for the next few hours. And if you ever want to make the vision of reality, like I said, I know a surgeon in Airdenine.
02:06:10
Speaker
Oh, keep that in mind. This is definitely awoken something within me. My work here is done.
02:06:18
Speaker
And you present him with this beautiful portrait, this transformative portrait. While that has been happening, Fonelin and Glimke, what have you been up to?
02:06:30
Speaker
Oh, I was going to ask if we were close enough to eavesdrop at all. We'll say you follow at a distance and this heavy door is closed behind them.
02:06:41
Speaker
And you start like looking for a window to peer through or ah crack that you can listen through. And as you are doing so, an individual dressed all white,
02:06:54
Speaker
But wearing a a very large white hat with a thick
Intrigue at the Learning Center
02:06:58
Speaker
brim, kind of covers half his face. Says, you looking for something, partner? Where the hell did you come from? Are you talking to Who's this guy?
02:07:07
Speaker
You see anyone else I'm talking to with two legs and two legs and two arms and two arms? Oh god. A head and a head? No way. What? Marlin, is that you?
02:07:20
Speaker
You look over and you see a tall, gaunt man with this wide-brimmed hat. He has got a bit of a stubble on. He's got a cigar hanging out of his mouth that just kind of half chewed down.
02:07:33
Speaker
He says, How'd you know that name? Wait, are you not Marlon? I don't think Marlin was tall. Tall, right? Marlin was a halfling. Halfling, yeah. Who is this? We go way back with Marlin.
02:07:47
Speaker
He helped us with an investigation. Airdenine. That old coot's still hanging out in Airdenine, huh? Yeah, and in fact, we have an arrangement to share some intel, whichever one of us helps discover. So, Hori, wait, I'm telling you way too much information. Who the hell are you?
02:08:02
Speaker
It's a small round world we live upon, friends. He pulls off this hat and reveals this sort of like older face, maybe a guy in his mid-50s. He's, ah like I said, he's got a cigar and he's got a big scar under under his left eye.
02:08:17
Speaker
He says, Name's Slade Chronic. I used to be Marlin's partner. What? Is this the one that got shot on his birthday or something? what? Weren't you shot by a broad? A broad who came out of a cake?
02:08:28
Speaker
Two days after you looked like you were gonna die? Well, that's the thing. Evidently, you know, Marvin. Marvin. Marlin. Evidently, you know, Marlin. More than you, I guess. Braindex. He's a, shall we say, difficult character to associate with and got to a point where, frankly, I'd had enough, so...
02:08:48
Speaker
It was my birthday and ordered a big cake and I hired an assassin to, uh... You faked it Fake my death. No way! Oh my god.
02:09:00
Speaker
Why, just to get away from Marlin? He's a force of nature, and if he was alive, or if he knew I was alive, he'd be here. So, I... This is insane. Did what I had to do. I traveled the world for quite some time, kept trying to work.
02:09:15
Speaker
I was more of a bounty hunter, so I returned to that for some time, but... Eventually, I found myself on the shore of Khabarus. Tired, broken... massive infection from a shot to my chest that was supposed to be a fake, but they used a real bolt and took me quite some time to get that fixed.
02:09:33
Speaker
What? And they took me in here at the Jarth Learning Center and I found peace for the first time. Honestly, I don't blame you. I think I would actually kill myself to get away from Marlin.
02:09:45
Speaker
Well, you get it. Yeah, no, he's- He's been kind of helpful. He's one of the worst people I've ever met. And he's my best friend.
02:09:55
Speaker
You know, you've given him lifelong trust issues with women. Do you know he literally every conversation he says, never trust abroad, never trust a dame because he thinks all women will kill your partner.
02:10:06
Speaker
It's very sexist. To be fair, he was like that before. you should have seen every time I tried to bring a girl around the oh no the agency, it was miserable. Okay. Wow.
02:10:17
Speaker
That's unbelievable. Okay, well, this is very interesting. I guess we shouldn't tell Marlin that you're alive. uh, tips his hat to you and says, I'd appreciate if you didn't.
02:10:29
Speaker
And then wraps an invisible cloak around himself. Wait, whoa, hold on. Asked a two-bit wizard for a cloak of invisibility, this is what I got. oh my god, you and Marlin. Turned out all right, because, uh, we're not really supposed to have material possessions, but, uh...
02:10:43
Speaker
I was able to hold onto to this and the other acolades don't know about it. it's my little secret. Of course. We can be discreet about seeing you, but I just feel like it might help our memory later when we see Marlin just remembering that we're not supposed to say anything about you being exactly here. If you gave us the... One second.
02:11:02
Speaker
Vimki, what am I extorting him for? Nothing. I don't know this guy. If anything... Extorting him? don't we just ask him? Why are you here? What do you think about this people? He's clearly part of cult.
02:11:15
Speaker
Are you part of the cult? Yeah, are you part of the cult? Do you think the world is round? he definitely has said the world is round and stuff already. He's definitely in. I've been all around this big round world and I can tell you if there's one thing I know, it really seemed like it was flat for the longest time.
02:11:30
Speaker
And then I came here and everything sort of bent into shape and I could see... The error of my waste. Okay, but then you still haven't, like, you haven't seen anything yourself. I've seen many things. Many lectures from Jaravith.
02:11:42
Speaker
Oh, God. Okay. Okay, well, we won't tell Marlin Whisperhands. You didn't see us either, I guess. Is there something that we can extort out of this guy? I mean, like... That's what I'm saying, yeah, right? I'm sorry, it was, what's your name?
02:11:55
Speaker
Slade Chronic. Yeah, Slade Chronic, sorry. I don't mean to be blunt, but we kind of have to be now. Look, just don't tell Jar-Areth you saw us snooping around, we won't tell Marlin that we saw you here.
02:12:09
Speaker
Yeah, that's reasonable. Fair's fair. I'll be seeing you around. And he draws the cloak up over him like a vampire, and you can see him perfectly. You have no interest in leaving this place already? What? Oh, one second. and No, no interest at all. ah I was a broken, okay paranoid man before I found this place.
02:12:26
Speaker
ah And in many ways, it restored my health and took away all my money, which I usually spent on booze and women. So it's not so bad. Not so bad at all. Get out of here, Slade.
02:12:41
Speaker
Goodbye, Chronic. Drives up the cloak and stalks off. my god. Him and Marlin are soulmates. Yeah, truly. Wow. What the hell? You know, it occurred to me, if Clay doesn't pull it off in there, full faith in Clay, but if Clay doesn't pull it off in there, then maybe we can like extort Mr. Chronic to see if he knows any secret ways off the island.
02:13:03
Speaker
Oh, we didn't... Oh, shit. Yeah. I know. I didn't think of it till after. Sometimes I just like the blackmail instinct kicks in first and then I have to think about what I even want from someone. Yeah. I was just.
02:13:14
Speaker
Very transactional view of relationships. Player wise, I was thinking about how we heard Gerard. I didn't hear it. Clay heard it. Heard him say fly. And I was like, fly.
02:13:28
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe I'll fly whatever you mean. I don't know if there's something there. I should have asked. He doesn't have a boat. ah Maybe he has a plane. Or a dragon. I don't know. He said dragon as well. Something about liking dragons. I think there's something there, but we're not there. yeahs oops Oops.
02:13:48
Speaker
I mean, you're still there. Yeah, it true. I could still talk to. That's all we did. We got distracted by Slade Chronic. Yeah.
02:13:59
Speaker
I will say the three of you wander around for a while exploring. am I done with Joris? Yeah, I'll say the two of them, like they wander around for a while and then eventually make their way to their rooms.
02:14:13
Speaker
You find them and you see your stuff has been brought there and there is a closet full of robes, all white with these brass accent marks and a little instruction, like a little, a little note card requesting that you wear these going forward.
02:14:27
Speaker
And Clay, you get out a few hours later after painting this portrait. And we'll say the three of you gather at at dinner. There's this large dining hall.
02:14:38
Speaker
It's one of the larger domes in the compound. And you gather there. And it is a fusion restaurant nightmare. Everything's a ball. Everything is like either a souffle or chew. Girl balls?
02:14:52
Speaker
ah dural balls Nope. There is contract negotiations between between the crew of of the Vigilant and the Jarrahareth folk about whether they can poach Chef Girl R.D. Unfortunately, she is committed to her job on the Vigilant, but maybe there's some corporate espionage because there's some very similar looking dishes served this evening.
02:15:12
Speaker
Everything is round. Everything is orb-shaped. And the three of you sit there. Perhaps Amala joins you. And a man, he's a dwarf in his...
02:15:23
Speaker
He's like in his 40s presenting, which means he's probably 100 and change. Sits down across the table office at you and plops down a tray and this little souffle pops and deflates. He says, well, that's blasphemy.
02:15:36
Speaker
How are you folks doing? You enjoying the Learning Center so far? It's amazing. It's really transformative. So far, we've only really played disc golf, which was kind of fun.
02:15:48
Speaker
Yes, it's been a lot of metaphor and disc golf. That makes sense. Well, how about a magic show? ah Let us have it. Are you doing the magic? What kind of magic? And he says, wait, hold on a second.
02:16:03
Speaker
You got something right there in your ear. And he grabs your ear, Glimke, and pulls hard. And your just head comes with him. He's like, ah, fuck. It's been a long time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. yeah I'm sorry. oh I messed up.
02:16:14
Speaker
I messed up. That's not how it's supposed to go. Clearly. Let me try again. And he punches you in the side of the head. Ah!
02:16:22
Speaker
I was never any good at this begin with. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My name's Hamish. um I mean you no harm. I am a magician, but I'm a street magician in a world of real magic, you see. And so it was my vocation for many years. I tried to do shows on the street.
02:16:38
Speaker
No one cared. Some asshole would walk by and do little thaumaturgy, a little prestidigitation, and everyone would throw shit at me. So I gave up. Traveled the world, came to the one place where they still didn't like my magic, but I felt welcome all the same.
02:16:51
Speaker
awesome um play how did it go in there oh hamish sorry like if you want to do your little magic thing that's cool just so cool like do it over there maybe yeah and try not to touch people without asking yeah try not to and also like look at this and then glimki reaches behind fauna lindsay and produces a coin using a minor illusion it's like I don't know. It's not that hard.
02:17:19
Speaker
All right. Guess I'll go fuck myself. Ta-ta. how Now you get it. For my next trick, I guess I'll make myself disappear. And he gets up from the table and walks off. And we all boisterously applause.
02:17:35
Speaker
Look, I love a zany character as much as the next guy, but... I like how we're slowly turning into, like, the cast of Seinfeld or Always Sunny. Like, we're just, like, assholes to every character.
02:17:47
Speaker
Hamish, get the fuck out of here. This is like a four hour recording session and we have stuff to do. Not now, Hamish. Hamish, buddy, not the time. Heard.
02:17:59
Speaker
sorry Sorry for bothering you, folks. For my next trick, I'm going to retroactively add myself to a villain montage. Ta-ta. And he walks off. Oh man, were kind of mean to that guy. I feel bad.
02:18:11
Speaker
Well, I just don't know what value I could add to the conversation there. Oh, about the Jara conversation. i give the perfume bottle back to Phanelyn. I don't think it worked that well.
02:18:22
Speaker
I don't know if it made any difference on him. oh Phanelyn doesn't have a perfect nose, so maybe the notes were wrong. I'm thinking maybe he's had a nose job and can't smell.
02:18:33
Speaker
Oh, ah interesting. Yeah. So how did it go in there, though? Pretty good. Do you want to see a sketch of the portrait I made? for Sure. I it.
02:18:46
Speaker
And then I tell them about the conversation and the ship supplies and everything. Fonelin chokes on the glass of milk she was just drinking.
02:18:54
Speaker
What do you guys think? I think this is one of my greater pieces. Dear God, Clay! i mean, it's it's... Have you shown anybody else this?
02:19:05
Speaker
Yeah, there are. We're going to show everyone. But that's it. So far, yeah. I don't know. Maybe he's wanting to keep it for like a big reveal or something. But is he letting us go? This will be a big reveal. That's for sure.
02:19:19
Speaker
Two big reveals. You know what i was saying? Yeah. It's like if there were two Zavs, you know, and his eyes, at least. So this guy thinks the world is around and there's two of them. I mean, oh my God. What the hell? Who knows? Some of your best work. I mean, best work.
02:19:35
Speaker
You did a really booja good job. Thank you. Thank you. it Tits. Yeah. Tits. so a Boat. We can go on a boat or what?
02:19:47
Speaker
Yeah. So he says he doesn't have any boats of his own, but he's perfectly willing to negotiate supplying ah Captain Deftsbane's ship. Oh my God. I can't believe that worked. Magician, come back here and do celebratory trick.
02:20:01
Speaker
He is off talking to the Perez brothers and Ptolemy Henkel, and they're watching with a mix of fascination and open contempt on the part of Ptolemy. And you watch as he reaches over and punches Ruckus in the head and Ruckus says, ha ha ha, that's a good trick.
02:20:20
Speaker
My turn. And he does the same thing to his brother. And then Tucker reaches over and punches Ptolemy and Ptolemy just is knocked unconscious. Oh, no. I swear to God, if Tommy ends up being a round earther, I'm going to lose my mind.
02:20:33
Speaker
You know what, guys? The thing is i I'm actually OK with Amala staying here because I just kind of feel like, yeah, it's suspicious. But at the end of the day, there's good food, recreation and like a fun and interesting cast of people to get to know.
02:20:47
Speaker
Like, it's not so bad here, you know? And then next thing you know, they're holed up in a standoff with the military. What? Are you like referencing something?
02:21:00
Speaker
Yeah, like this wacko. Or it may it might be pronounced Waco. I'm not sure.
02:21:08
Speaker
As you're having this conversation, i I know I said Amala maybe was with you. I've decided maybe not. Amala runs over and slams a tray down. She says, you've got to get me out of here. Whoa.
02:21:19
Speaker
Amala, what? What's happening? There's no booze on the and entire island. Something about it being bad for knowledge. I need to go home now. Darling, I hear you 100%. We're going to get a ship and we're going to get you out of here.
02:21:32
Speaker
I hear you, darling. Next island over. Thank you. Give me that milk. and we'll see if I can ferment it in the sun. so She's not going to make it back to her. I don't know.
02:21:42
Speaker
That's the fermented milk. As dinner wraps up, Jar Arith stands up at the front of the dining hall. Can a circle have a front? He stands up somewhere where everyone can see perhaps the center.
02:21:56
Speaker
Now, friends, that was a fine feast and just the beginning of your educational journey. I encourage you all to get some rest, get some shut-eye.
02:22:07
Speaker
The morning session will begin at 10 a.m. m and our day will begin in earnest. We're going to learn a great deal. Well, I'm not going to learn much because I kind of know everything, but you are all going to learn a great deal from me.
02:22:21
Speaker
How lucky for you. Woo! Clay Smith's clapping again. I just can't stop picturing him with gigantic natural breasts. Yeah, it's like, it's literally Clay applauding and Faunolin and Glimpi just looking at him like, oh man.
02:22:37
Speaker
Chins on hands and head tilted. Does it work, maybe? I like him better with the boobs, for sure. Yeah, something something kind of like,
02:22:48
Speaker
It makes him feel more human somehow. Yeah, like more like, yeah, yeah and more nurturing somehow. Yeah. You see my vision.
02:23:02
Speaker
Maybe it's the tits. You know what? I haven't even hardly noticed them, but it you know it could be. it could be. Clay, you are a visionary. Good work, Clay. You've humanized what I previously thought was a... I don't know. Maybe I've made him more effective. I'm certainly affected. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We don't show anybody this.
02:23:26
Speaker
But just draw like an extra copy from me and then don't show anybody else. Knowing him, he's going to put it behind such a high paywall that maybe no one will ever see this. oh Good point. Okay, so we're we're going to have a ship within a few days, yeah?
02:23:40
Speaker
I think so. I don't know. Yeah, I think that's... I hope that's the timeline. I don't know. okay Did he say like exactly when, how long this is going to take? He did not specify. i think that would probably... That would be a conversation between himself and the captain and figuring out just how much damage has been done to the ship and even with support, how long it takes to repair it.
02:23:59
Speaker
Okay. One last question. Where's the teenager? Should he be eating also? Yeah, she's a kind of off to the side by herself. You see Slade Chronic is kind of keeping a like staring at her very suspiciously, and she's kind of staring right back at him very suspiciously. And they're both eating watermelon balls at the exact same time. Okay, I'm going to tell Faunolin and Glimki what Jaarth said about her being a spy and also a 30-year-old.
02:24:29
Speaker
Oh, shit. Okay. yeah Maybe we need to align with the child. that's not a child but a spy i don't know if what he said had any truth to it or if he was paranoid but hey that guy looks kind of like marlin whispered hands who's that oh my god but slade chronic you're not gonna believe this yeah it's crazy he is marlin's best friend and ex-partner i thought they died exactly what he faked it the whole thing just to get away from marlin just to get away from him oh just to get away from marlin i mean it's understandable though right i would do this no it's kind of sad dang you guys i thought i kind of like that guy
02:25:17
Speaker
You don't know Marlin the way I know Marlin. mean, he was onto me. he he was, like, investigating me. Oh, true facts. Sorry, you know what? You're right. I forgot about the whole thing about you being, like, proxy involved with this whole thing.
02:25:32
Speaker
Yeah, but Glimki, the never trust abroad part is forgivable.
02:25:38
Speaker
um Wow, what a long...
02:25:44
Speaker
The silence speaks for itself. Interesting. Very interesting. i don't know if me introducing this character train was my favorite thing. He's on a journey of discovery. Who knows where to lead? We're learning. We're all learning.
02:26:03
Speaker
Exactly. So, I mean, barring any other way off the island, to be honest, I'm a little bit suspicious that there isn't another way off. I
Escape Plans and Glimpki's Dream
02:26:11
Speaker
feel like this guy, i don't know, it just seems strange to me that there's only like one way in and out. No, if this this guy is ah like a wealthy cult leader, like let's just go on say and say it.
02:26:24
Speaker
He's got to have his own transport. There's no way he's he's just chilling on this desert island all the time. captain did say like other ships pass by here also portals exist maybe we should research how to make portals yeah that would interesting be a good idea that kind of portal door that we saw before was <unk> pretty interesting okay so but perhaps tonight we enjoy the revelry i
02:26:58
Speaker
actually do kind of want to see the magic show i think it's hilarious when you punch people in the head and then tomorrow we work on potentially pursuing other ways off the island who yeah or just making sure like yeah some people could look for some people could look for alternative ways off maybe some people just make sure that like the ball is rolling with getting our supplies yeah okay and while we're at it we'll check out like the hot springs or whatever what if we have free time, because I guess we are obligated to go these fucking classes.
02:27:32
Speaker
Well, I do have to paint ah do a couple more sessions. Oh yeah, you keep cracking away at this art. I'll ask him maybe about his like travel experience and how he gets around.
02:27:44
Speaker
Yes, that's a good idea. Nice. If you could do another session with him, for sure. Try to get as much out of him as possible. Definitely. sure And then maybe we can you know ask that chronic man if he's ever seen anything. He's been here for a while, a few years.
02:27:58
Speaker
so True. But I wonder how much he'd be willing to give up. He seems pretty round-pilled as well. No, we're going to extort him. Don't worry. We're going extort Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry. A page out of Fallen's playbook.
02:28:11
Speaker
Exactly. Never goes wrong. Dinner concludes and people filter out into the evening air. The sun has set since you were last outside.
02:28:23
Speaker
The stars sparkle above you and you each return to your separate rooms. Your own little domes.
02:28:35
Speaker
with your white linens and wash basins, closet full of matching white robes. You close your eyes, you fall asleep, and as you do, Glimpki, you hear a voice.
02:28:51
Speaker
Green night. So close. Yet so far.
02:28:59
Speaker
Perhaps you could help me. Perhaps you can save me.
02:29:08
Speaker
Hello? You open your eyes and for a second, perhaps you expect to be in an endless field or an infinitely tall mountain range, or perhaps upon the back of a crow.
02:29:26
Speaker
But instead you are in a small dome, a dwelling for one, And looming over your bed is an individual that at first you can't really get a grasp on.
02:29:43
Speaker
You can't really take them in. And you realize it's because they are constantly shifting and moving. And it appears to be a humanoid composed entirely of flower petals.
02:29:56
Speaker
Whoa. What the hell? Who are you? My name. So many have forgotten. I'm Etagin, the first bloom.
02:30:10
Speaker
I don't have long. Will you come find me? where Where are you? Etagin, where can I find you? You can find me on... And already the flowers are starting, the petals are starting to drift apart and fall to the floor.
02:30:29
Speaker
um
02:30:33
Speaker
Just anything. like a clue, a hint. Etigan, anything. They are gone. What? What the hell? Okay.
02:30:44
Speaker
ah I don't know what to do. Where are we? I'm in the ah sleeping dome? Yeah, everyone has their own, so you're by yourself. Okay, i I guess I'll take a peek out.
02:30:56
Speaker
Is there anyone outside of my dome? It is quiet. It seems everyone in the compound has gone to sleep. You don't see any sight of anyone, and you don't see any footprints leading up to your door.
02:31:10
Speaker
And do we have access to all of our stuff? You do. Your stuff has not been taken, but you have been requested to leave it in your rooms, particularly weapons and the like, and to wear the provided robes.
02:31:25
Speaker
Okay, well, Glimke's going to hastily go back into his room. And he's going to put on his chain mail. And like, yeah, very hastily.
02:31:37
Speaker
He's going to leave like some of the other extra stuff. Like he's not taking his pack with him. Like all like the extra stuff. But he's going to put on his chain mail.
02:31:49
Speaker
He's going to tie his sword to his belt. He's going to pick up his shield. And then he's going to wrap the robe around himself. And then he's going to go back out and see if he can see any clues.
02:32:00
Speaker
Okay. You start to wander around, almost like a meditation garden. You see that there's a natural order to this scattering of domes, and you start walking around in growing circles, looking for really.
02:32:19
Speaker
And before long you realize that your traversing has brought you to the edge of the compound. Open desert lays beyond. You pull out your orb and see it's it's pointing north.
02:32:33
Speaker
He's going to look back at the compound and then up into the, I guess, the night sky and then just ask Mulare. Just, like, send some words out to see if anything will hear him.
02:32:46
Speaker
Mulare, I know we we've had some some hard work moments in the past little while, but i I need some guidance. i I think I saw some sort of nature spirit again calling to me, and I don't want to I don't want to offend you or make our relationship any harder than it already is, but can you just let me know if it's okay if I try to help them?
02:33:14
Speaker
Something is telling me something's wrong. This orb in your hand, it's not like a physical marker on it. It's like embeds in your mind direction of north.
02:33:26
Speaker
You know where north is. And as you say this prayer, you smell home. You smell pine needles and fresh air and flowers.
02:33:38
Speaker
And the wind shifts, kicking up little clouds of desert sand. And it's not blowing north, but... A little off of that, northeast.
02:33:51
Speaker
It is a warm breeze, a comforting breeze. And you feel acceptance in it. Okay. And I hope that my friends will understand as well.
02:34:02
Speaker
That Glumki will pull the hood up over his flower and leafy hair and walk off into the desert. Oh my god.
02:34:14
Speaker
What? You set off. You walk for perhaps an hour. The compound disappears into the dark behind you, no longer visible despite the clear night and the gleaming moons above.
02:34:29
Speaker
You keep walking, and suddenly you stumble. And as you catch yourself, you're realizing you're standing in a footprint. A large footprint, as big as you.
02:34:41
Speaker
You pull yourself up and you keep walking, walking in the direction of the wind that's persistent behind you, pushing you forward. There's these sand dunes around you, towering above you, pulling you forward, guiding your path.
02:34:57
Speaker
And then one of them moves. A colossal shape rises up out of the desert and starts charging towards you.
02:35:09
Speaker
It's hard to make out in the dark. The features are blurry. Sand kicks up and swirls around this shape. And as it bears down upon you, you hold your hand up, grabs your shield, and close your eyes, preparing for impact.
02:35:24
Speaker
And then it sweeps over you. Sand washes over you. Footprints in the sand run right up to you. And as you're getting your bearings, a voice from behind you says,
02:35:42
Speaker
I can always tell when someone's going to be difficult.
02:35:46
Speaker
You feel the air change. Something heavy and intoxicating fills your lungs. And as the world goes dark, a crow cries out in the distance.
02:36:02
Speaker
And that's where we'll stop tonight's episode of Bard Soup. Burp, burp, burp!
02:36:13
Speaker
You
02:36:19
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening to chapter 24 of Bard Soup. Where's Jack Bauer when you need him? I have been your culturally irrelevant dungeon master, Zach Meikle, joined by Prima Jow as Clay Campbell, Jordan Johnson as Glimke Tree Fellow, and Shannon Meikle as Funnel Invader.
02:36:37
Speaker
A huge thank you once again to Q for the amazing intro. We loved it. I love it. If you're interested in submitting your own intro, you can reach out to us at shazam.mp4 at gmail.com.
02:36:50
Speaker
If you're enjoying the show, how about you leave a five-star review? Spotify, Apple Podcasts, you know the deal. I say it every damn week. And while you're at it, follow us at bard underscore soup on Instagram and TikTok.
02:37:03
Speaker
And check out bardsoup.com for good ol' fun. Bye!