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Chapter 11 - Ballin' Out
44 Plays7 months ago
If your soup tastes strongly of sewer water, a heaping scoop of fantasy narcotics should get it tasting right.
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Clay Campbell – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Faunalyn Vaydark – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Glimki Treefellow – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Editing by Zach Meikle
Follow the show:
X: @bard_soup
Instagram: @bard_soup
TikTok: @bard_soup
Music & Ambience
Music: Beyond the Horizon by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Ambience: Sewers by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Dream by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Fast Feel Banana Peel by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Katie's Romantic Theme by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Moon by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: The Parting Glass by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: String Interlude E by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: String Interlude B by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Frozen Mountains by Alexander Nakarada (www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Door Slam sound effect by Jurij from Pixabay
Classical music by Gregor Quendel from Pixabay
Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Now,
Phonlyn's Unfortunate Events
00:00:03
Speaker
where were we? I guess that's right. Phonlyn was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And then it kept going. After soaking in the rain for some time, Fonlin was dragged into Modam Fovomon's dress shop so that she might look her best for the upcoming ball at House Prelme. A deal was struck in which our hero's rump would travel to the nearby island of Avox and procure a shipment of silk in exchange for a dress for Fonlin, as well as a pair of servant's uniforms for Clay and Blinky.
00:00:38
Speaker
With the deal struck, Madam Fullman was set to work, and our heroes spent the remainder of the day under her watchful gaze as she began the early stages of Fondland's dress. After finishing for the day, our heroes decided that they wanted more information about recent events in the city, and they traveled to the office of one of Clay's associates, Fuzan Bistin, a gnomish doctor with wild hair and even wilder medical practices.
Bizarre Doctor Visit
00:01:09
Speaker
Clay helped him remove a banana from a patient's eye, and afterwards, Fuzan provided some
00:01:13
Speaker
much needed insights, chief of which was the revelation that the two men who had tried to murder Fanlin were Welf Thule and Mundarek Short, known associates of... one Clay Campbell. From there, our heroes returned to the sewers for a meeting with the eyes of Ayrtonine. Unfortunately, they got lost along the way, and Glimky nearly had his body melted by a gelatinous cube. As his friends helped him, Glimky found himself in a vast mountainous landscape, where he encountered a crow with a beak the size of a mountain.
Surreal Vision in the Sewers
00:01:49
Speaker
Glimky asked the crow for direction, and was instructed to jump upon its back.
00:01:54
Speaker
As he soared above the mountains, Glinky watched in horror as the feathers of the crow began to dissolve around him, and he began to plummet towards the ground below, only to be caught at the last minute by an immense tree with ash-gray leaves. When Glinky awoke from this vision, one of the leaves in his hair had turned gray.
Character Introduction: Planet Bard Soup
00:02:16
Speaker
Argyros continued on and eventually found the hideout of the Eyes of Ardenine. As the party debated what information they wanted to request, Brutus began to propose a deal. What's the deal? Yes, I know. I already said all that. Oh, wait. Are you asking what comes next? Yes? Well then, let me tell you.
00:02:46
Speaker
on with the story.
Whimsical Character Dynamics
00:03:03
Speaker
Come gather round travelers and sit on the stoop We'll tell you a story about Batsu Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop We'll tell you a story about Batsu
00:03:40
Speaker
Welcome back to Planet Bard Soup. We see here three majestic creatures gathered in a steaming piping hot bowl of bard soup.
Navigating New Predicaments
00:03:50
Speaker
Oh, what's that? Is it a prima? Prima, who are you and who do you play? Hi, I'm alien number one prima and I play Clay Campbell. Ah, aliens, yes, that is what we were going for with this BBC-style intro. Oh, what's that? Floating by on a carrot? Why, is that... Jordan? Yep, it's failure number two, Jordan, who plays a clunky treat fellow. Oh my god, I stumbled on my own name.
00:04:18
Speaker
Ah, the Jordan often stumbles on its own name when it is nervous and feeling flustered by such a handsome dungeon master. And we are joined by, ah, what's this? A recently blonde woman, Shannon. I don't get to be an alien. I don't get to float by on any produce. I'm just recently blonde. And she's on a piece of celery! Thank you! I play Faunalyn Vadark and for the record, I've been blonde since birth, except a brief interlude when there was so much blood in my hair that they thought I was a redhead. And I'm your charming dungeon master, Richard Attenborough.
00:04:56
Speaker
ah Just kidding, it's me, Zach Meekle, and welcome back to Bard Soup. We're back, baby, Chapter 11. Hey. Hey. Let's dive in.
Smuggling Proposal
00:05:05
Speaker
I forgot how to do an intro, and I never really knew. I think that was one of your best, actually. That was objectively funny. Thank you. No one laughed, but on the inside of you over. Oh, if no one laughed, then you know it was funny. It's so funny to laugh at. We rejoin our Heroes 3, our Rump trio, our Rumpuses, in the sewers of Erdenin with their unwilling hosts, the eyes of Erdenin.
00:05:30
Speaker
led by the white wererat Brutus. He is sitting there on a pile of refuse wrapped in a cloak. And as you have been debating exactly what you want from him and his people, he has stood up and begun to propose a trade.
Debating Ethics of Smuggling
00:05:52
Speaker
Word on the street is there's a ball at House Prami in a couple days. And he's looking right at you, Faunalyn, while he says this. By any chance, would you be attending said ball? Yes. Yes, I will be. And my retinue will be with me as well.
00:06:12
Speaker
Perfect. You may not know this, but, uh, the Pramis live in a mansion surrounded by woods over in the Ruby District. More importantly, those woods hold several owl bears that have a certain penchant for me and my kin. It's a lot of ground to cover without getting mauled to death. So, my offer is such. You bring one of my associates with you to this ball, smuggled in a pocket or a petticoat, and I'll offer up some information in exchange. Sorry, you want yourself and your colleagues to crawl up my skirt and cling to my legs while I
Negotiating with Brutus
00:07:00
Speaker
shuffle my way into the ball? More or less, yes. You promised to keep your eyes closed the whole time.
00:07:09
Speaker
Yes. Insight check. Insight check for rat perversion. That's 17. He seems like a real gentleman, but as genuine and as he seems, Jimmy Nobbone speaks up and says, I mean, I can't promise I won't take one peek, but like, hey i you know, hey, I'm just a guy. Can we add a provision to the deal that Jimmy Nobbone's be blinded? Permanently or just, like, blindfolded? We could probably arrange either. oh Permanently, then. Aw, come on, boss. You love these peepas, and he, like, looks in with these beady little eyes. You're right. You don't need eyes to keep a bed warm, Jimmy. I only want to send one rat in. And given you've got a working relationship, we may as well make it Jimmy. But if that is agreeable to you, then...
00:08:09
Speaker
or in business. and And he may have one peak. hi That's what I'm talking about.
Uncovering Noble Gossip
00:08:16
Speaker
Jimmy not bones. I'm from New York. And I love vagina. We've all seen Jimmy's whole naked body though. So I guess it's fair. man I'm glad you said whole naked body. I think you're going to stop it whole also this i mean, fair's fair. Fair's spar a hole for a hole, an eye for an eye, a hole for a hole. Why are we talking about this? Okay, we will shuffle Jimmy into the promo state. And Jimmy, what are you going to do there? A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Maybe I look around, get some hot gas on my own, little piping hot blackmail. Balls of great places. People talk at balls. People do things at balls that they would prefer most people don't know about, you know? Yeah.
00:08:59
Speaker
Okay. Excellent. I have no further questions. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to like molest somebody and then we'd be culpable, but this is very reasonable. Moving on. So that's our end of the bargain. Now we need several bits of information from you. We're going to begin with hot goss because that seems to be your purview.
Prami Family Intrigue
00:09:16
Speaker
And then we're going to transition into contact information. So number one, how's Pralney? What can you tell me about Bip and Bap? Alright. Lord Bickford, Prami, and Lady Baccra, Prami. I'll tell you this. The Pramis have the highest turnover of staff of any noble family in Odenin. People say they've got very high standards, and if they're not met, they'll let you go real quick. Second thing you should know, the Pramis have always been a successful family.
00:09:53
Speaker
but after the death of the current Lord's mother, their rise has been, hmm, meteoric. The meteors rise either way. They've become one of the more powerful families in the city over the last 10 years or so. If you're looking at Bip and Bap, respectively. They play the role of Airhead Noble well enough, but there's a certain ruthlessness and depravity there that lies not too far beneath the surface.
Exploring Noble Secrets
00:10:35
Speaker
Lady Bach reprail me, had a lengthy tea with a woman named Orsa Todara,
00:10:44
Speaker
minor noble living in the city. Miss Todara was rumored to be involved with Bachra's brother, and since that tea, she has not been spotted since. As for Bickford, he or at least someone who bears a certain striking resemblance to him was spotted in the Copper District not too long ago but purchasing a not insignificant quantity of blackleaf. A drug, I assume. Yeah. Give me a, give me like a medicine or a nature or a history role. Can I have advantage because Faunalyn's a freak? No. Can I roll and have an advantage? Cause I'm a doctor in training. Sure. I'll allow it. Jordan, why do you want to roll with advantage? I doubt. Oh, humble. I got a 15, 15 medicine. Fantastic. Six.
00:11:44
Speaker
Funnel and you keep your nose clean. Minus all the cocaine. But sure enough, Clay, you recognize Blackleaf as a pretty powerful narcotic. And it is something that you've helped more than one person who has been in the midst of an overdose, who has been dragged into Fuzam's practice and helped deliver a antidote. Nice. Do I know what the signs of someone who is using black leaf look like? Yeah. I'd say with a 15, you know that if they are like actively have used it, there is a certain lethargy that kind of overtakes their body, a certain looseness. A more telltale sign is a black smear around the gum line. youw Okay.
Crime Scene Debate
00:12:32
Speaker
Okay. Interesting. So for example, this black leaf recreational, I assume, but
00:12:38
Speaker
Also perhaps used to drug a princess? Speculation, but... Yes, we're speculating. That was... I was speculating. Potentially. Statement. Conjunction. Yes, we know our grammar. So Bip and Bap, they're nasty freaks in the unfun variety. Also Todara, surely you all have means of finding her. Are you just disinterested? We're not Erenene's finest. We're not in the business of searching for missing persons. We're just missing person as the hottest goss. Sure. And if a body turns up, then we know who to talk to about making sure this last tea doesn't become widespread information. Right. You do understand we're not good guys, right? You seem to think that we're like altruistic. No, we're depraved rat men who live in the sewers and blackmail people for a living.
00:13:29
Speaker
I wouldn't have sex with any other kind of rat man. I've got to stop running this bit. Jimmy, nabo starts he licks his lips and like twirls his whiskers. Jimmy, for the last time, your homosexuals stop. and Maybe I'm somewhere in between. Who can say? I can't. You're gay. What was I saying? Oh, no, I wasn't expecting you to be ah altruistic. I was literally thinking like, oh, this could be an interesting source of gossip. There's a missing woman. But clearly, I'm more ambitious than you are. Now, onto my next subject. What can you tell me about Kazarin and Amala Berthold? As I'm sure you know, the lady Berthold is quite the fan of her wine. She was at the opera a couple of nights ago and fell asleep during the performance after enjoying several such wines. Not interesting.
00:14:23
Speaker
Sorry. They can't all be winners. I live with her. I drink wine with her at breakfast. Okay. She murdered a man in 1987. What do you want me to say? She's drinks a lot. She's an notorious gossip. She doesn't really have much else going on these days. And Kazarin. He's a regular attendee of a weekly card game with several of Erdenin's rich and powerful. And, uh, what is he's down thousands of gold pieces. Okay. Money problems. I knew that too. Nothing else? No secret bastards, anything like that. Can't say that I've heard anything, but if you've got information to sell, I'd be interested. I think I know more about them than you do, actually. I mean, in our defense, they, uh, they're transplants. They're here for the summer. Don't stick around for the colder seasons.
00:15:18
Speaker
No, it's understandable. Okay, third, and a curveball. I'm so clever for asking this. What can you tell me about Lady Faunalyn Vadok? I don't think Faunalyn wants to know the current words about her. Well, a few things. Glimky and Clay cover your ears.
Rumors and Grudges
00:15:38
Speaker
the The... Sorry, did Glimky and Clay cover their ears? Yeah. Sure, whatever you'd like. I guess. Okay, thank you. Brutus, you were saying? It is. In a very short period of time, you've been here what? Two weeks? Maybe three? The rumors about your sexual proclivities have abounded. Oh god. Half the city thinks that you are in a ongoing relationship with any points of Glimky and Clay. Others think you have a proclivity for rat men, which
00:16:13
Speaker
If you want to stick around, like we can make that one true, but, uh, Shut up forever. All right. Well, that's the boss. Can't blame a guy for trying. No, I've just decided Brutus. You're also homosexual. You're both homosexual. So don't, you're, you're homosexual and you're dating each other and that's an order. Brutus, you were saying, well, there's that. And, uh, someone doesn't like you very much. No shit, but like narrow it down for me. That you've, you've, you've just in, you've just engaged like 1400 people. I rolled a 16 odd perception, by the way. Definitely eavesdropping.
00:16:57
Speaker
yeah
00:17:02
Speaker
He's not from around here. Noblemen, late fifties. Last name starting with a P. Don't know his name. He's not from around here. Zach, would a Lord Hamlet Hilton be not from around here and in his fifties? Honestly, that doesn't air it out at all. I have no idea who you are speaking about. I know so many men in their fifties. My father's a very important man with many colleagues. so Regardless, what can you tell me about a rumor started by Lady Krollwyn? As far as I know.
00:17:36
Speaker
Nothing. If we're speaking of starting rumors, I don't believe Lady Krollwyn started anything. She may have repeated something she heard, but... Okay, and what rumor was that? Something to the effect of you not being a true noble. That's such bullshit. You being a... It's some language I'd rather not repeat in polite company. Repeat the language! I'd soon or not, frankly. You seem to get mad when we get too crude, so we're being mindful of a noble company. Did someone call me a clunge? What happened? Something to that effect. Oh. Sorry, sorry i wasn't I wasn't listening, but what was that last word definition? You know, you really, it you you know it when you see it. Okay, back to not listening.
Plotting Next Steps
00:18:30
Speaker
Thank you, Glimky.
00:18:32
Speaker
Now I think that's a few hundred gold pieces worth of information that you've received. So I reckon we're nearing a fair trade. Okay. Firstly, you told me literally nothing of use about myself or about Gazarin and Amala. So we don't make the news. We just report it. Okay. I guess I'm a better reporter than you are. Last question. And this is about the contact information we were requesting. You all deal in hot goss, so I'm not necessarily expecting you to have the information about criminal doings that we're looking for, but I'm very much curious about how I could speak to someone who would know about, like, the criminal underbelly, the men who do bad things, you know? Who's the crime boss? I want to talk to the gang lords. All things considered, and this is going to sound self-aggrandizing.
00:19:27
Speaker
But we're one of the bigger fish in this city. It's pretty well policed. If you want crime lords, go to Sunfall. So if I wanted to hire a man to kidnap a princess, who would I speak to? You? No, we don't kidnap. Exactly. So who would I speak to? and So we are one of the bigger fish in this city. You live in the sewer. That does not sound self-aggrandizing at all. one of the bigger fish. That's like me saying, I'm kind of a noble. I'm confused. Would you rather me be less confident or more? You're just contradicting he yourself. I don't want to be self aggrandizing, but I'm a human being, you know. You're an elf. It's got you there. You are good at what you do. Thing gets my Brutus. Now, crime lords.
00:20:22
Speaker
There aren't crime lords. That's what I'm telling you. There's some middle level players that do all right for themselves. ah Crime middle management, please. Riggs Trembly. Oh. But word it on the street is he's not looking so good these days. He was ripped in half. I was there, kind of. OK, so Riggs and this really, yes, like it's not so organized. If I wanted to kidnap a princess, I'd have to hire random hooligans. More or less. I mean, if it didn't come from within, you might look outwards. Oh, like Sunfall. Where there's crime lords. Potentially. My god, this plot is thicker than a stew. and i but I know a lady. Glimky and Clay, you can listen again. I know a lady from Sunfall, and she's a stone cold bitch. But she's here for no reason, and she hates me. And now we find out that if we want organized crime, we've got to go to Sunfall.
00:21:19
Speaker
is she going to the ball Yes, she rubbed it in my face. Well, maybe we should go rub something in her face. Jimmy Nothbones puts his hand up and says, I volunteer as tribute. Jimmy, you
Reflecting on Past Encounters
00:21:32
Speaker
need so much HR training. Put it away and it away. Save it for your boyfriend. If we're bringing Jimmy Nothbones with us to obviously get his own info, is he like an extension of our team? Can we use him a little bit? to find Hughes. It's a walking set of ears. Sure. I leave that up to the four of you to figure out. Okay. I don't have any more questions playing good heat. Have either of you. I don't know. We've run out of our quota. How many more questions we got? I'll throw in one more as a sign of good faith and Jimmy better come back in one piece. Of course. Okay.
00:22:20
Speaker
I don't know. Do we have one more question? We'll be our one more question. What could have taken out Riggs and his whole crew? Oh, good question. I don't know if this is who you're looking for, but the night that Riggs and his crew got bumped, one of my people saw a real big son of a bitch walking around the copper district. Tried to follow them, but they rounded a corner and disappeared. Was it a They had some sort of big big helmet on and a big cloak. Made it hard to make out any real features. I have a question. The League of Ikkor, do we remember any helmeted, cloaked, giant guy?
00:23:13
Speaker
No, there was a dwarf with dragon scales. There was a elf who was surrounded by swirling clouds. There was a man with a steel-tipped tentacle kind of poking out from his his cloak. And there was Brassface, the goblin, who was a goblin with brass skin. Brassface. He's my personal favorite member of the League. Last next question is the prince who saved me. Prince Elling Malphur. Does he wear a helmet and a cape? I believe he does. You have not seen him wear a helmet. You've seen him wear like a fancy looking cloak. And he is big, if I remember. He's like, yeah, he's not like a giant, but he's at least six feet tall and decently, decently built.
Prince's Involvement in Murders
00:24:05
Speaker
Okay, that's interesting to me because I met the prince like when we did session zero and some of his only descriptors that were given to me was that he's big and wears a cloak. So that's just an interesting and he was just around. He was around on the drifting terrace. Holy cannoli! This man! he he disposed he killed them for me this okay so so what happened was i jumped off the drifting terraces i'm like running with a broken rib and i run into this guy and he's like what's you what's what's up ma'am and yes jordan you're gonna tell us this faunal energy
00:24:40
Speaker
I think I'm, I guess I'm telling you as you right now. Okay. Yeah, you know what? I should tell you as Faunalyn. Okay. This is very interesting because I met the prince the night of my attempted murder and he was big and he wore a cloak. And I've always wondered why he was there. And the crazy thing is that he actually killed Welf and Moonderek. He killed them. And I assumed that he was sort of avenging me. But what if it was like a multi-purpose kind of thing? He runs into me and I pointed him right at them. He was like, what's the problem, ma'am? What's the problem, ma'am? And I was like, these two criminals just tried to murder me in the terraces. And I think I literally pointed him in the direction and he went and he ran them through. And we know that he ran them through because when we were with Clay's freaky doctor friend, he confirmed that they had been killed by a big ass sword, which is what the prince was carrying. Holy God! Okay, let's look back on our mind banks.
00:25:32
Speaker
Do we think that what was done to Riggs and Una could have been done by a guy with a big ass sword? ah I mean, those people were essentially just viscera. Riggs was ripped in half, and Patrick had like a whole... All the way from his head down into his body. wait Could that have been done by a giant sword? I thought it was like a blunter object. I don't know. Maybe
Connecting Conspiracy Dots
00:26:01
Speaker
there's something there. But why would the prince track down the rest of them? I don't know, but I do know that there were rumors that the prince had come here to court the princess, and there's some purported length there to do with their marriage. So... This is freaky, right? He was there the night, and he killed Munderek and And c Clay, were Munderek and Welf part of the heist that you were on?
00:26:29
Speaker
No, they were supposed to be, but then they got hired for something else. And that's why I was hired. Oh my goodness. So they would have known about the job. They knew about the job. Clay, Clay, I am so worried about your prospects. Yeah. This is crazy. Holy shit. Is there anything else that you can tell us about the man with the helmet? As it was shared to me, he quite literally walked around a corner. And when my operative walked around the same corner, they were gone. I don't know how much time you've spent in the Copper District, but the streets are soft. And the trail ended. Do you know anything else fallen about the prince and his background? I know almost nothing except that he was in town to wed the Princess Callista.
00:27:29
Speaker
Okay, Jimmy Norbones and Brutus. Quid pro quo, I'll give you a nugget of information. You tell me what you know about the prince. Give me a persuasion roll. Okay, I am not rolling hot tonight. That is a 12. All right. And then I'm going to have to ask you to kindly vacate my sewers. Fair enough. Two minutes ago, you were propositioning me rat sex and now you're kicking me out, but okay. Well, you said no, so I don't think we have further business. He's respecting your boundaries. Okay. I think he, okay. Fair enough. That's a very kind way of pointing that. Yeah. If he can't sleep with me, he doesn't want to be around me. I understand. Rat man indeed.
00:28:17
Speaker
You were saying. Anyone in particular you're interested in. I know like four people, so there's pretty good odds that you'll ask about someone I know. I'd love to know about you. What about me? Okay, well I'm not having sex with any rats. Hmm, I figured. I'm gonna need something a little more interesting than that. Okay, um, my family owns half of Ullathor Thayad. The Vedarks are very powerful. They have political prisoners, but I've never met any of them. I am on a trip staying with Lady Kazarin in Amala. My real hair color is not gray. I have a scar, the shape of a fish hook on my knee, because one time
00:28:59
Speaker
I jumped through a window, separate from the time I jumped through a window and didn't die on the drifting terraces. And
Tense Negotiation with Brutus
00:29:07
Speaker
how is it you came to know the Lord and Lady Berthold? I was introduced by a mutual friend. Their holdings aren't all that close to your homeland. When they're on a trip, I was introduced by a mutual friend. Give me a persuasion roll to, uh, not to convince him of anything you've said, but to convince him that you've given enough. Thirteen. And, uh, if that's not enough, I can tell you I don't much enjoy reading unless it's violent literature. Not one for the news. I do like smoking, but only when someone else does it for me. And I think I'm a little bit allergic to ceviche. Anything else? No, that's perfect. Thank you. Okay. As for the visiting prince, he...
00:29:54
Speaker
arrived in the city a little, well, I suppose it's getting closer up to two weeks ago now. It's, as you were saying, no real secret that he wishes to wed the princess. Truthfully, we don't have much information on him. He is extremely cautious, far more so than the average noble in this city who already are aware of us and what we do and often take precautions to avoid our listening ears. As for the
Meeting Conclusion and Future Plans
00:30:34
Speaker
marriage prospects, it would seem that the king is amenable to this alliance, this union, because it would strengthen relations between Erdenin and Onos. However, there are those at the captain's table who believe
00:30:51
Speaker
Such a union has the potential to greatly damage relations between Erdenin and Sunfall. He said the trigger word It's all coming together You're gonna have to catch me up follow All these city names are starting to blend together. Catch her up in the tunnels. Why don't you? No, yeah, I don't need now. Yeah, we need to regroup Jimmy will present himself at the mansion. Two days time. Try not to forget him, right? How could he forget Jimmy not? That's right. Don't forget me or I'll make your life a living hell. You try. Yes, I think you're good at doing that to people. All right. This got cold all of a sudden. I was kind of just joking around, but yeesh. All right. Two days time.
00:31:42
Speaker
Thank you for stopping by. And please don't come back. Why? Why not come back? I thought we had a good thing going. Yeah, me too. It's so weirdly hostile. This isn't a community center. This is a this isn't a drop in. We literally paid you. And you were paid in return. I know. So if we want to... do and You're saying you're not open to future dealings? Hey buddy, Brutus, this is a transactional relationship. I don't know what kind of thing you're expecting. yeah What the hell? I'm expecting my usual course of business, which is not information trading, it is blackmail. Okay. Okay. Okay. It will only come back when we have some really juicy stuff. Oh, wait, no, it doesn't come back. ah Damn, missing out. Okay, bye.
Challenges in the Sewers
00:32:29
Speaker
See you soon. By the way, Glimky, how are you doing? Are you feeling less rattled?
00:32:35
Speaker
No, I'm severely concussed, I think. Oh, okay. On we go. Oh, do you want Clay to carry you? They will. No, no, that's all good. That's fine. Clay, give him a scoop. Yeah, i give him a scoop, Clay. Look, he's wobbly. Yeah, I offer my back. All right. Don't twist my arm about it. It's got acid burns on it. All right, up we go. Clay, you hoist glimkey up onto your shoulders and start to traverse the tunnels, the sewers of Ardenine once more. Could I get a another group survival check? It'll be a lower DC because you managed to find your way here. You just have to go in reverse, but... Nine. Ooh, survival, huh? I rolled on that one. Oh, lordy. We're gonna fight another ooze. I got a 13.
00:33:33
Speaker
so As you traverse the tunnels, you had a difficult time making it to the eyes of Erdenin. You got turned around, you got melted a little bit. It's getting pretty late. It was already evening by the time you decided to come down into the sewers, and you take one turn too many, and you're walking down a tunnel, and in the distance you hear a rumbling noise.
00:34:04
Speaker
and a sudden surge of water comes pouring around the corner and just washes over the three of you. What? I need oh no everybody to make a constitution saving throw. Ah! What's the water taste like? Oh, what would you make? Just kidding, I got a thought. I thought I... 20. I got a 10. Glimky, you fail to save, but you are fortified by this divine connection that you carry within you. And you watch as this water pours over you and you spit it out and you feel fine. Clay, you manage to cover your mouth and turn your head away. I'll say you and Glimky turn and you miss him because he's on your shoulders. You turn away, neither of you takes in a mouthful of water. Faunalyn,
00:34:53
Speaker
Your makeup is just running down your face you are drenched this dress if it wasn't ruined no You are wearing a Snuggie, thank God because the dress would be in tatters I will say the wig not looking great actually clay was holding clay was holding the wig if you listen back if you roll back I that when i enter i took off my wig and headed to clay. Let's fucking go boy you're still busy So let's try that one again. This wave of water rushes over you. Clay and Glimpy, you turn in unison because Glimpy is on Clay's shoulders. You manage to avoid getting in this water in your mouths. Faunalyn, you get a full mouthful. I stand by the fact that your makeup is running. Your Snuggie is drenched. And that's all for now, folks. I had pink eye last two episodes. I had a little bit of pink eye. I just have pink everything now, huh?
00:35:45
Speaker
Yeah, more or less. Excellent. So,
Sewer Adventure Aftermath
00:35:49
Speaker
Faunalyn, you trudge your way a little while longer and eventually you find the ladder that leads back out into the city, into the gold district, if I recall. You and look up and it's cloudy still, but the rain has stopped. You are a wet mess. The other two, you're also like soaking wet. You just didn't ingest any sewer water. Are you... trying to do anything else tonight or are you headed home? We should probably. Go rest. Yeah. Cause we got to wait for our clothes to be finished. Or was they finished last time or not? They are not finished and it is the expectation that you will spend the majority of the next two days at Madame Folvamons to ensure they are finished on time. Okay. Okay. So I guess we're crashing in clays, right? Yeah.
00:36:39
Speaker
I have to go home, probably. Or we could go back to Faunalyn's place. No, let's just crash here. You know, the Minasquale members are already full swing. It's fine. Okay, yeah, we're closer, right? All right. So you return to Madame Philvomance. The lights are off. She is left for the night. But Clay, you have a key, obviously, so you let yourselves in. and venture up into the loft. There is only a single bed, and it is a single bed. Barely big enough to fit clay, let alone these other two vagabonds, so. I flap on the bed. Yeah, I figured. When he dropped his giant knapsack, it was ah like a collapsible cot, and tries to squeeze it into a corner. Sure. You can use this. and You can use this clay if you like.
00:37:33
Speaker
Oh, that's very kind of you. I would sleep on the floor, it's okay. It's about half the length of him. Glimky, you are concussed, so I'll give you a pillow. Thank you. Oh wait, Glimky should not sleep. Should we take shifts and slap him in the face if he starts to doze? Why do you think he's concussed? He got burnt bad. At what point did he hit his head? I just spilled and I hit my head because I was seeing funny things. Yeah, he's traumatized. So, were you seeing funny things, Glinky? No. Where did you get more? Good night. Good night. Should I do a medicine check on Glinky? You can try. Yeah, go for it. Okay, 17. Yeah, he's fine.
00:38:24
Speaker
good yeah He's received some divine healing and as such the burns on his arm have more or less entirely healed. You think nothing that a good knight's rest won't take care of for the rest. You think if there's any issues going on with Glimky Treefellow, they reside firmly within his mind. Okay, all right. it Looks like you don't have a concussion, so. Sounds like you're mentally ill. Okay, ow. Aren't we all? Okay, good night.
00:38:57
Speaker
So you curl up in your respective parts of the loft. Clay, where did you wind up tucking in? On the floor. Okay. You grab a few scraps of fabric, pull one over you to make a ah blanket, and the three of you nod off. You have a restful sleep. Clay and Glimky, you awaken in the morning, feeling perfectly well rested, funneling.
Regrouping and Recovery
00:39:29
Speaker
You awaken with terrible stomach cramps and just a feeling of like wool that has been stuffed into your head. Your mind feels foggy and cloudy. Your body is just stiff and sore and you suffer one level of exhaustion.
00:39:49
Speaker
ah And you currently regain only half the normal number of hit points from spending hit dice. And you gain no hit points from finishing a long rest. o mamma mi You have sewer plague.
00:40:06
Speaker
Gross. Gross. Okay. Probably have those rep relations. Oh, the rat sex. It's all the rat sex I've been having. Clay. Uh, yeah. Oh, Faunalyn. Oh, you don't look so good. Clay, my tummy hurts. Medicine check on Faunalyn. Give me a medicine check. I got a 12. Yeah, you are pretty sure this is a case of sewer plague. It is a disease that starts with cramps and fatigue and often ends there, but in some rare cases has the potential to kill the people that come down with it. Oh God. What's the treatment for sewer plague?
00:41:00
Speaker
Rest. Is that it? No other treatment? Rest. Okay. Colin, you need to take it easy today, I think. Yeah, okay. Clay! Clay, I threw up. Oh, you're gonna be okay. Just take it easy. What was wrong with me? ah You... I think that the sewer... You have sewer plague. The sewer plague? Did you say plague? Yeah. You put it delicately, you got a little poopy in your mouth holes.
00:41:32
Speaker
I got so much poopy in my mouth holes! It went all down my mouth holes! It's okay. You're gonna make a little nest here. We're gonna go check on the dress and our costumes. Just try to sleep it off. Okay, yeah. Here's a bucket if you need. Thank you. Clay, will you smoke a cigarette for me? Here, I'll light one and I'll wave it around the room. Okay, thank you. Thank you. It makes me feel better. I'd stick it into an ashtray, like an incense.
00:42:07
Speaker
Amazing. The smell of tobacco slowly fills the room, which is great for all the fabric that Madempo them all uses, but that's fine. Every brand has time ascent. Of course, yes. Our brand is ashtray.
Sewing Montage for the Ball
00:42:21
Speaker
I crack a window. Clay and Glimpkey, you venture downstairs, leaving Faunalyn to rest, and you see that Madame Fauvelman has actually gotten in early. She is bustling about, pulling off different scraps of fabric. She is flipping through books and looking at different designs and prints, and she turns
00:42:46
Speaker
at the sound of you descending from from the loft and says ah okay you and your companion are here where is your employer we must get to work right away if we are to be finished in time um lady faunalyn's not feeling well you know she was under the weather yesterday maybe we can work on the the servant costumes first and then when faunalyn's feeling a bit better yeah let's change gears to our stuff Um, are you sure she cannot make it hers is the most, uh, dare I say pressing, but this is fine. You are right. We need to spend time on your outfits. So we shall work on you and I, we will pick her up tomorrow when she feels better perhaps. But, uh, tomorrow is make or break. We'll have to work on it throughout the day to make sure it is ready in time. Yeah, we'll, we'll check on her throughout the day. See if she's feeling up to it later. Yeah.
00:43:37
Speaker
okay And if anyone can make the deadline, I'm sure you got it. You look like you, you know, got it in you. She's a dwarf. She is a dwarf wearing eight inch heels and she kind of looks down at you and smiles warmly. You're right. Let us begin. And what follows is a classic Madame Follman sewing montage. She takes you, Clay, and puts you up on this this little pedestal and starts taking measurements and starts pulling out swaths of fabric and As per usual, these scissors that seem to be enchanted to some level start flying around and snipping and there's a tape measure that is kind of wrapped around your neck and your your ankles and your wrists and takes every measurement twice and she just mutters to herself throughout. She says, you know, this is uh, what can I say? Perfection.
00:44:28
Speaker
and just
Seeking Medicine for Phonlyn
00:44:29
Speaker
keeps going. At one point, the door opens and Sten Dexter says, hello ma'am, we've got a shipment of fabric for you. And she says, this is not the time! And the ah scissors come flying across the room and embed themselves in the door frame inches from Sten's head. He says, all right, no problem. I'll be back tomorrow. And he backs out the way he came. I'm going to say that takes up the entire morning, Clay, as she is whipping around in this Looney Tunes dust cloud, putting together this outfit. Oh my gosh, wait, that's gonna take all morning. Can Glenkey sneak away to like a, what would it be, like a hermologist? Sure, yeah, yeah. I would say if you mention that to Clay before you go, then Clay, you do know that Fuzam does have some remedies, some reagents, famously. Otherwise, Glenkey, you are welcome to just scour the streets and see what you can find. Sure, on the way out, I'll ask for some advice.
00:45:27
Speaker
Yeah. Is there anything Usen would have for Faunalyn as well? Like anything Glinty can pick up along the way? Yeah, it's it's possible. I mean, as far as you know, the best remedy is rest, but he might have some crack cocaine or something to help out. He's a real timey doctor, you know, that's that's what they had. Opium and crack cocaine. That would help Faunalyn, yes. Blackleaf. Hey. This is a great time to take advantage of your employer. Be like, here's medicine. Get it hooked on. Hooked on the old black leaf. So where am I going to that place or just another? Up to you. Is he a herbologist or? All right, let's start there. Let's start just with labels. No, no, let's start with this. Titles. Let's start with that. Okay.
00:46:17
Speaker
You spend some time walking around, if if I recall, and I do recall, Madame Fauvamons is in the Silver District.
Negotiating for Medicine and Narcotics
00:46:25
Speaker
I think I've maybe mislabeled that a couple times over the course of this show, but that's okay. I might have messed it up a few times. Okay, we're all mess ups at the end of the day. This is a found family show, I would say. And Glimpy, you head off, and it was raining last night, it was late, but you eventually find your way back to this little side alley and you see that there is this little scrap of cloth, white cloth sticking up out of the door, corner in the corner of the door is maybe a nicer way to phrase that. And you go in and it is quiet inside and you can barely hear the faint sound of snoring from somewhere up ahead.
00:47:11
Speaker
Oh, give me a little laugh. Snoring is coming from which way? Which way is all this stuff? you ah I will say you were here yesterday. There is kind of this long hallway. There's like this door and then it leads to this long hallway and branching off from the hallway to the left, there is this room where the surgery took place. There was some stuff in there, but it seemed more like bandages, thread, that sort of thing. You didn't see anything of too much value. You hear the sound of the snoring. It comes from further up down the hall. You see that there is a two more doors, one that goes like straight, at like at the end of the and end of the hallway ends in a door. And then there is another door on the left a little further up that is open. He's not that sneaky because he's armor. So I don't think it'd be worth it. I obviously be caught rather than, you know, he's just going to
00:48:05
Speaker
Yeah. Bring the doorbell or the, you know, the door chime thing or knock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You walk in and kind of just pound the wall. And a second later you hear, Hey, who's there? It's Clay's friend. ah Clay Campbell, my best assistant. Yep. That's the one. And this ah this doctor comes out from the the the open doorway further up, and he is in the same clothes as last night. His hair is just a mess. He is holding a whiskey bottle in one hand, and he's kind of rubbing his temple with the other. And he says, I'm talking real chipper for a guy who's got to hang over like a real son of a gun, but ah what can I do you for? You don't look like you're bleeding out, so be sure you really need my services.
00:48:50
Speaker
and feeling a
Phonlyn's Recovery
00:48:51
Speaker
lot better today, actually, but one of my friends is not. I was curious if he had anything to help with sewer plague. Hmm, alright. Sewer plague, you say? Yeah, that's, uh... That's a tricky one, because you know, it's it's rather innocuous until it isn't, you know? You wake up one day, you feel a little sore, you feel a little stiff, and six days later you're dead. Okay, well, we can't have that, so if there's anything to help with that, that would be really helpful. Alright, well, I could whip you up a ah a pulse disc of sorts, make a little topical, yeah you rub it on her forehead, stinks like a real son of a gun, but it'll give her a better chance. To be honest, we all I don't know if you can smell me from here, but we all smell kind of awful already, so I think whatever topical cream you slap on me, okay?
00:49:40
Speaker
Ah, I, uh, fried my nose years ago. Turns out that, uh, inhaling acid without any sort of PPE can be pretty damaging on one's whole schnoz. So, uh, why don't you sit tight and I'll bring you something. How much money you got? How much money do you need? Haha, true businessman. Two gold pieces. Yeah. Dang it. Okay. If I make it three, can I ask you for something else? I mean, I'm not going to just get carte blanche, like one gold piece and you get my studio or something. Like I'm open to more money for more product. If that's, if that's the generality that we're working with. I was just looking for a little discretion. I've never bought drugs before. Do you have something called black police? You a knock? What? You a knock? I don't know what that is. Are you a knock? No, I don't think so. I might have some.
00:50:37
Speaker
Okay. How much would it take someone who's like an avid user of this to get really messed up? Avid user say, uh, probably have some sort of tolerance, you know? Yeah. So if you want to be on the safe side, maybe eight gold worth. Maybe this will be worth it. Give me, give me that.
Debating Blackleaf Strategy
00:50:59
Speaker
Oh, wait. So two plus eight. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's simple economics. Damn. Okay. No wonder royals do this. Okay. Got a risk for the biscuit. All right. Cool plot point later.
00:51:13
Speaker
so have now don be You hand him 10 gold and he says, you sit tight. And he comes back about 20 minutes later with this small jar and he holds it up. It's clear glass and you can see just this brown It almost looks like mud. It's like this paste inside. And he says, all right, so don't get these mixed up. This is for the sewer plague and this other one. And he holds up a pretty small baggie. Like there's this little, little felt baggie and you like, you pop it open and it is not a lot of stuff is in there. He says, uh, that'll be enough to knock out any, any avid black leaf enjoyer. So, uh, here you go. And here you go. Like I said, don't mess up the two and anything else you want to appendectomy, I'll throw that one in for free.
00:52:01
Speaker
no I think I'm still using mine. That's the thing. None of us are using us. And they're using us. like I think I'll be fine. They are a parasite. Well, thank you. Don't come crying to me when that thing takes over your brain and eats all your brains. Now I'm gonna freak out. How much money do I get back? I'll throw in the the pollsters for free. Two gold back for one appendectomy. That's it? That's a whole part of my body. Yeah, so is that toe, but you don't need all ten of them. That's gotta be at least five. Four. How much are you marking up?
00:52:41
Speaker
ah Hey, no mark-up here. Fuzan Bistan is an honorable businessman. If you aren't honorable in this town, they'll ah so probably be okay with that. They just won't give you your business. It's not not a terrible place. Fuzan, I really don't want to be rude, but if you are as good as a businessman, then you are a doctor. We have some problems because no mark-up sounds like a terrible, terrible idea. All right. I'll think about it. I'll think about it. Don't think too hard. That thing will kill you before too long. Okay, thanks. All right, you take care. Until Clay Gamble, that I hope they're doing well. She's doing pretty good. Good. It's only been 12 hours, but I miss him. Okay. Bye. All right, ta-ta. And you return to the dress shop. Are you going up to administer medicine?
00:53:32
Speaker
Yes, the beige's money cream. Okay. In the jar, not to mix them up. Right, yeah, the black leaf in the bag, got it. You
Pre-Ball Camaraderie
00:53:42
Speaker
walk up the stairs, and Phonolin, you are lying there, you've kind of got the chills, and you see Glimky walking towards you with a glass jar. um yeah how are you feeling i feel like i feel like um like if for the i feel like the um you know yeah i felt like that do you feel like that not now i feel good now oh but i felt like that but i got you some medicine oh really it smells like
00:54:15
Speaker
really bad. You got to put it on your head and it'll help you recover. So just lay back and let the doctor do his work. This is so nice. You almost die yesterday and you come back so nice. Well, you guys saved me so gotta return the favor. But you know, you save us sometimes too, like when we were fighting the dragon and you tried to stand between me and the dragon. That was nice. Maybe we're all just nice. I'm so nice and people don't realize it, but I'm so nice. Yes, you're very nice. Yeah. Let's put this nice cream on your face. Give me the ooze, put it on. Faunalyn, what is your least favorite smell? Cigarettes. She just punishes herself when she feels dead. I will say it's an off-brand cigarette. It's like poor person cigarette because Faunalyn can smell the difference.
00:55:09
Speaker
Yeah, this smells like the cheapest ashtray in the world. It is just foul. And as Glimky holds out this pace towards you, it is truly disgusting as he begins to smear it on this thick, thick layer. And because of this medicine, I will say you can repeat the saving throw. Constitution saving throw? Yes, sir. Ooh, that's going to be an 11. An 11 is what you needed.
00:55:40
Speaker
Oh my god. And Fondylin, your face stinks and it kind of burns a little bit, but I'll say over the next couple of hours, the this beige-ish cream starts to darken. It starts to become almost black. Let's try that again so we don't get Fondylin and blackface allegations.
00:56:04
Speaker
It becomes a muddy, ruddy red brown as the toxins are pulled out of your body. And I'd say by like mid afternoon, you feel 100%. I'm going to bound down the stairs with the crud still on my face. but Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, before you go, do you look at a lot better to hold the phone? Oh, I was actually just going to go looking for you because I wanted to say the poopy came out of my mouthy. but's That's good for the sake of being transparent, which I think is a new thing that we're burning. I bought trucks. Sorry, what? I bought trucks. Oh, shit. Okay, cough up. Let's go.
00:56:49
Speaker
But da no, no, no, no. It's like I was eavesdropping on the conversation. I couldn't remember which parts I was supposed to listen to and which parts I was not supposed to listen to. When you were talking about Biff and Matt, I heard that they were abusers of a certain narcotic. NARCOTIC. Nice. that He's a ahead of his time.
00:57:12
Speaker
The word makes sense. Carry on. so Certain narcotics are called black leaves. Yes. And Glinky produces the bag. Oh, shit. Nice. Score. So
Madame Fauvamon's Fashion Passion
00:57:23
Speaker
I don't know how this is going to come into play later. And I don't know if, if Clay's in dark. She's not, she's a criminal, but maybe we can use this or something. If we are running to the depraved, I can't remember which one it was that was the abuser of this. It was Bep. Okay. Well then maybe if we run into him. He could be persuaded.
00:57:46
Speaker
Hell yeah. Okay. What if we get him high and then get him to tell us all our secrets? Is that unethical? At this point, it's all gray. It's all gray. That's right. Okay. And we won't kill him because I know that you're not comfortable with that, but we might get him high on drugs and then ask him important questions. Yeah. Cool. Nice. I like that plan. Apparently there's a lot in here, so be careful. I know it looks tiny, but it's what I've heard. Do we want to sample just a little bit? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. I stuff the back of my pocket. Don't be ridiculous. We have dresses to make. Oh, well. Amazing. I will say as you come down with Faunalyn, we're down full of them all, goes snip, snip, snip, and looks at you, Clay, and says, Magnifique, you are the perfect servant.
00:58:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I feel fabulous. It's the perfect sermon. You look spectacular. We'll save the description for the grand reveal, but she turns to you, Glimky, and says, ah, hold that thought. Lady Vedark, have you been here the whole time? No, I was upstairs having the plague, but Glimky fixed me. That is quite the foundation you have chosen for today, might I say. Oh, um this is sewer plague. Ah. Stay away.
00:59:09
Speaker
It's going to get trapped. The scissors float in between you and her, pointed directly at you. Ooh, don't step. Yes, Clay, Gloom Key saved my life. So Gloom Key might be like second best friend now. Sorry. ah You're looking much better, Faunalyn. Are you look like you're feeling better? I'm feeling so great. There's so much crud on my face. And I can tell that the crud is so tremendously vile, but it's not inside of me. It's outside of me. And that's what's important. Yeah, you got to see it's working. he Medicine is a wonder. Ah, is it not? Sure is. We love medicine. We love medicine. We love science. Ah, indeed. My two passions. Yes. Oh,
Contemplating Next Moves
00:59:51
Speaker
you're a woman of medicine and science, Madame Pormont. Indeed I am. Women in STEM, let's go. Women in STEM. It's my life mission to cure the unwell-dressed, the poorly dressed. Oh, wow. This is a better way to say that. yeah My medicine is thread and scissor.
01:00:07
Speaker
on a wild dress. My fabrics are bandages. Yes. Yes. And your your thread is like sutures. Yes. more More analogy for me, please. I eat it up. um Okay. um your Your subjects are like the patients that you revive. They were fashioned dead and you make them fashion alive. my dyes are like potions or something we'll keep working on it and she gestures at you glimkey and you spend the next couple hours banding back and forth different analogies and having just a great time frankly as she starts to put together glimkey's servant uniform make sure i have pants because princesses wear pants
01:00:48
Speaker
Yes. Well, I will point out you are not a servant or but not a princess or you are a servant. You are not a princess, you are a servant, but servants also wear pants. Servants wear pants. It is fortunate for you, sir. Phoneline and Clay, is there anything you wish to do while Glimkey is in the, on the operating table, so to speak? What is there? No. Yeah, Glimkey went and bought drugs. So, you know, anything's game really. I'm just hanging out. All right. Yeah. I think me too. So we will fast forward to the end of the end of the day. Madame Fauvamont around six o'clock or so says, all right, that is enough for today as the sevens are done. And she gestures at you fondly and says, Lady Vedak, we will have to.
01:01:32
Speaker
ah start early tomorrow and it'll be a last minute sort of and job, but we shall we shall get it. If we start early, I'll need you until midday and then you can go make your other preparations and I will i will deliver the outfits to the Buffthold Manor at the appointed time. You know, Madam Fovemont, you are very good at what you do. When I tell people that I'm wearing a Fovemont and that you do excellent work, I won't just be saying that. Of course. Thank you, though. That is very kind of you to say. And you know what? I think you will do this dress proud. I'm quite excited for you to see it. Yes, well, I'm very beautiful, so that makes sense. Indeed. Are you spending another night at the dress shop or are you going back home after not telling your employers where you were going for the better part of two days or your hopes? I guess I'll go home.
01:02:17
Speaker
Also your employers, I guess. I think the DM is laying subtle hints that I should go home. The DM just thinks it's funny that you stay with them and you just disappear for days at a time. I'm going home. Who's coming with me? I guess I should check on these aliens. Yeah. Yeah, you should. You really should. You really
Social Dynamics and Rumors
01:02:36
Speaker
should. yeah Clay's on the clock 24 seconds. Clay never gets a day off. Clay's been on the job. Walk, carriage. What's what's the what's the vibe? Are there like carriages for hire around? Yeah, you can get a, a cab. Okay. I'll spring for a cab. What's it going to run me? Oh, we'll say you're in the silver district. We'll say four silver. Cool. I won't pay for it. Wow. Generous after Glimke gave you life-saving medicine. I'm broke. Yeah, I bet. Clay is secretly rich, which I love for you. You hail down a carriage and it is ah driven by a portly
01:03:16
Speaker
woman with braided auburn hair and she guides you through the streets up through the Silver District into the Gold District. It's late, you know, late afternoon. It's like around five o'clock again. You kind of spend all day at Madame Folvamons. You see that people who are operating their own businesses are kind of going home for the night. Various stalls and shops have been shut down. Sun is poking out. It's a partially cloudy day, but there's a decent amount of sunshine coming through.
01:03:47
Speaker
and you make your way past the ocean crest falls just this cascading waterfall it's extremely loud until you reach the there's the staircase that leads up over the waterfall there's also a a ramp for wheeled vehicles that kind of winds back and forth alongside the staircase and you get to the top of that and a guard stops you and peers into the carriage and sees who you are and grants the cab driver permission to carry on into the sapphire district and not much longer going down these cobblestone streets, you arrive at Birthhold Manor. Head on inside. All right. Clay, Glimky, following, going back to your own quarters, what is the... what's the plan? Yeah, I guess, yeah. What is the live gang? Are we... are you wanting to, I guess, do some housekeeping, Colin? You can sneak back down
01:04:43
Speaker
I don't really know what I can say. You know, I like those rumors that I'm having rat sex and I come back looking like this two days later. I don't either. But, uh, we'll get creative. Should I tell them I'm addicted to drugs? I might. We'll see. Okay. Well, I guess maybe it wouldn't help having the gardener there. So I'll sneak away. You know, I don't mind the, you know, the solidarity, the moral support and happy for the company. I am very grateful for what you did. I know it helps for you, but maybe not the rest of the household. Why is the gardener here? Well, that's a good point. We should plant some window boxes so you have more excuses. to That's a good idea. I'll see to that. okay You are the gardener. All right. Good night, you two. Bye.
01:05:28
Speaker
Yeah, only like 5 PM. I'd say by the time you finished up, got the carriage is probably around six or so. City's big. I feel like sometimes I fail to describe it, but also I'm like, you spend a lot of time walking back and forth. How much time do we really want to spend describing the distance between districts? But I do want to, I just want it on the record here. 11 episodes in here. Denine's pretty big, pretty big. We will note it on the record. Thank you. Your submission has been noted. Thank you. You're welcome. So. You say goodnight, you part ways. Faunalyn, you enter through the main door and a
Candid Reflections with Fallow
01:06:03
Speaker
maid that you really haven't spent much time talking with named Betty. She is dusting in the front hall when you walk in and she turns to look at you and says, hey, Lady Faunalyn, you've returned. Yes, Betty. Hello.
01:06:21
Speaker
Everyone was quite, quite worried about you, ma'am. I shall inform fellow that you have, uh, returned post. Hey, uh, I'm glad you are all right. Oh, thank you, darling. Thank you, darling. That is so sweet. People are being so nice today. Wow. We flash back through every interaction Fonalyn's had and everyone's always been kind and nice. No, just today, I'm quite sure that yesterday people were nasty and terrible, but today people are so sweet. Do you still have the mud on your face? I think I like flaked most of it off in the car, but there's kind of like a red. it The car is so barbaric.
01:07:01
Speaker
I tried to flick most of it out the window. There might be some flakes still on the floor, but like, you know, the Furioso look. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what I'm rocking. Nice. Yeah. Betty doesn't say a thing about it. And sure enough, a few minutes later, fallow, we'll say you you can carry on to your room. I'm sure you wish to change and fallow knocks a few minutes later and walks in and says, do you care to explain yourself? Hello, fellow. I'm sorry. I hope you weren't worried. What even happened? Oh, no, of course. Now, last time we speak, you say everybody thinks you're not a noble, and then you disappear for two days with a... You're retinue of Miss Grint's, and you come back now with a... What is that? Mud? Miss POTUS. Grimke saved my life today. Oh, good. I'm glad that you're feeling well. Reginald Chapstick. Did I say Grimke? I meant Reginald Chapstick.
01:07:56
Speaker
Right, yes. yes no we know we know i know told I know what's going on. We've gone down this road before, dear. Yes, yes. The TLDR of it. is that I was in the sewer, I got the sewer plague and that is nasty. And everyone was really mean to me yesterday and I didn't have any friends except you and kind of Clay.
Restoring Phonlyn's Wig
01:08:18
Speaker
But today I have lots of friends and everyone is really nice. ah So good go figure, right? I won't be the one to break that streak, but could you at least tell me if you're not going to be coming home for the better part of two days? It makes my life a lot easier.
01:08:35
Speaker
Yes, I'm probably going to be away for like a month, starting soon. What? Why? Got to go sailing, basically. Ah. We think the princess is on an island, so let's get tropical, you know? Let's get tropical. I guess you could come. Do you want to? No, you can't come. i You can't die on me. If you die on me, if you get stabbed in front of me, I swear to God I won't recover, so you can't come. Neither will I. yeah Because you're so old. Yes. The paper bag of people. You are. Oh my god, yes. You're like if a dust mite gained sentience. Yes. This dust might die. This dust might especially if you get stabbed. So let's avoid it. Indeed. All right. Well, sorry I came in a little spicy, but
01:09:22
Speaker
You know, how I worry about you. Red dress fallow. Yes. You know, you're wearing your red dress. It's red dress fallow day. It's fine. Also make sure Kasran doesn't see your chapstick. The Azaleas are doing quite terribly. Just here in the desert. Fuck! What the hell happened? He's not happy about it. It's been how many days? And the Azaleas are like this? God almighty! What is up with these azaleas? I had no idea of flowers were this temperamental. Oh, you know how it is. I don't. I don't do labour. Me neither. Oh! Well actually I do a lot of labour. My whole life is labour. I haven't had a day off. God knows how long. And do you won't even take me on vacation with you.
01:10:08
Speaker
Oh, it's because we could stop. I'll bring you a little step back as a souvenir. I don't want that. I just want to go see the beach. I want a beach day. You should see the beach. I'm going to make so much money and I'm going to buy you an entire beach. I'm going to sneak aboard. I guess I can't stop. Actually, I could stop you because you're made of paper. You could stop me quite easily. I am a skeleton that happens to have skin upon it. and You are, in fact, like if a leaf was also 80 years old. Thank you. You're welcome. And we fade away to Glimpy, who is freaking out in the garden. They're looking bad. They're looking real bad. It looks like someone was chewing on one of them. It's just not a good look. Did you even water these, man? Well, he's not there, which is probably the problem. What the They've been two days.
01:11:04
Speaker
It rained! It rained! And they're dead!
01:11:13
Speaker
we
01:11:17
Speaker
but ah what do you do
01:11:22
Speaker
i ah did I'm so curious how they died. so that's only great did a postmortem
01:11:31
Speaker
didn Didn't you give him like your contract? Don't remind me. ah So anything else anybody wants to do tonight? I still have Faunalyn's wig. It's looking pretty bad. I want to see if Clay can salvage it. How are you attempting to do so? Bring it out some more from the water. Okay. Hang it up to dry. ah Fix it. Like, I don't know, like mold it so it looks nice and add some decorations. Tie some bows into it. Give me just a, what tools are you proficient with? Let me see. you tools Tools. Thieves tools and three dragon antiset. Okay. You're not a big tool.
01:12:24
Speaker
Water Ds.
01:12:32
Speaker
Go ahead, finish the joke. I don't know, that's good, that's enough. You proved your point. What have I done to you? ah
Logistics and Magic for the Ball
01:12:43
Speaker
So Clay, I'm going to say just give me a like ah like it just a raw dexterity check as you try and like put this this wig back together. dexterity well it's not really a strength thing not really a wisdom thing not really an intelligence thing definitely not a charisma thing definitely not a constitution thing i feel like clay should have something to roll for art you know i got a 10
01:13:07
Speaker
I'll say with a 10, you get this thing back and maybe not pristine condition. There's some things bows can never fix, but you thread some ribbon in there. You, you comb it, you fluff it and you spend the rest of the evening working on it. Glimpy comes in at one point muttering about flowers angrily, just throws himself down on his head. The room smells like expensive cigarettes. Cause I'm trying to make it smell like the good kind. Sure. Yeah. You pilfered a couple of cigarettes.
01:13:38
Speaker
This can't be good for the flowers. And we'll say the wig is functional and looking much better. Steaming the wig. You're like, you've got a bowl of water and you keep casting like little flame spells to to get a nice steam going. And, uh, yeah, the wig's looking, it's looking pretty good. I will say once again, you sleep, man, we're just blitzing through these days. Some days take three sessions and some days. Yeah. go through in but five minutes.
Cured and Preparing for the Ball
01:14:09
Speaker
We will say you wake in the morning, Faunalyn you maintain your health, you are fully cured of this sewer plague, and we will say you take another ride, Calston, Fatilfetil, the Berthold carriage driver,
01:14:28
Speaker
gives you a lift down to Madame Fulvamons. It is a bright sunny day, there's some big white clouds off in the distance. Not like a storm front or anything, just like they're just hanging out to some big old clouds.
Anticipating the Dress
01:14:42
Speaker
You spend a few more hours with Madame Fulvamon and from your professional opinion it does not seem like the dress is finished but around noon she says all right this is all I need you for. I will Return this this this evening with the finished product. I have some, shall we say, magic to work. But I think you shall like what we come up with. And you return to the mansion. Kelston has hung around. You get a ride back. And Fallow meets you, Clay and Glimky, and says, all right, so I'm not sure I like you or you.
01:15:21
Speaker
well But for now, it seems like you're keeping Pharneline at least providing some additional bodies that they'll have to carve through before they get another chance to kill her. So I suppose that is valuable in and of itself. It is my understanding you are accompanying her to the ball tonight and we can't have you smelling like sewer shit.
Ball Preparation
01:15:44
Speaker
So. If you will. And she leads you into a room with this big washtub and says, all right, you can decide on who goes first, but scrub up and scrub good because you have to look presentable. I can smell you from here.
01:16:04
Speaker
I can't believe we haven't bathed in two days. Hey, for everything else, there's prestidigitation. True. So you coin flip and you each get some time in the bath. Despite her protestations, she does bring fresh water for the second person. There's like a scrubby brush and some nice soaps that she seems to have taken from upstairs and a little bit of different potions or perfumes, things that make you smell nice. And you can style yourselves how you wish. Phonolin, you get the 1% version of this, as Fallow leads you into this marble-floored bathroom with a clawfoot tub, and Betty and another servant start to scrub you down in this bubble bath, and you are scrubbed and you are laundered, and you are made to look your best.
01:16:54
Speaker
ah Betty, be sure to get in between my toes. There's poopy betwixt them. Lady Furlan, you mustn't say so funny things. You mustn't tell me what to do. Oh, you're right. I hope so. Turn in my resignation immediately. No, just don't speak again today. All right, I shall never speak again. Today. Thank you, Betty. You're welcome. That's one strike. I'm sorry.
01:17:18
Speaker
it That's two. And she does not speak again as you are finished with your bath. About an hour before Supernova, sun started to glow red in the sky, filtering in through the windows of Berthold Manor, there is a ring at the door.
Emotion-Reflecting Dress
01:17:41
Speaker
One of the servants goes and opens it, and Madame Fulvamon stands in the entryway. She is carrying multiple boxes, four of them, to be precise. And when Phonolin is ready, she is brought up to your chambers and she instructs you to close your eyes as she pulls this dress onto you and you zips you into it and is making some last minute alterations. For a while, the only sound you hear is the click of the dwarven tailor quickly moving around you with the occasional, wonderful, sprinkled in. Just as you begin to grow restless and think about opening one eye to take a peek, she says, you may open. What do I see? Opening your eyes, you see yourself reflected back in triplicate from a trifold mirror. The dress is spectacular.
01:18:36
Speaker
It cascades off your shoulders in waves of silver silk and pools around you in a magnificently large train. It doesn't constrict your movement, so to speak, but there's certainly no room for a crinoline, either, the big dress cages, for those of you who also had to look up what it was called. You know that it's a departure from the prevailing fashion of Erdenin's elite, but you also know that it will certainly make a statement at the Prelmy Ball. Faunalynn, what are you feeling right now? I think Faunalynn's feeling trad hot. Faunalynn doesn't normally go trad hot, she thinks it's a bit gauche, but I think sometimes
01:19:21
Speaker
but she's She's setting out to show people who they are and I think she opens her eyes and she thinks the words, this will show them. And as you feel that wave of energy wash over you, you watch as the silver silk of this dress brightens and becomes a vibrant orange.
01:19:42
Speaker
Oh la la! What trickery is this? It is an enchantment of sorts that I have bestowed upon the dress. I have integrated the scales of a certain chameleon to the jungle's deceased, and it shall more or less reflect your prevailing emotion at any given point.
01:20:05
Speaker
Wow. Okay. What does orange mean? Excitement. Cool. Okay. That's, it's that's, unbelievably fabulous, darling. You have outdone not only yourself, you've outdone everybody. Thank you. Of course. Was there any end doubt? Not so much doubt, simply that I could not conceive such wonders. Such wonders. They surprise us every day. I sounded deep, but it's only because I have this accent. You are, in fact, a wonder yourself, my dear. Also, I shall point out the train. It is detachable. I assume there will be dancing this evening, so you should be able to release that and free your feet up for the dance floor. Excellent. I will i will ah will take to the dance floor with aplomb. Don't do that.
01:20:58
Speaker
Oh, sorry. It's annoying. Oh, yeah, I do that. I don't talk like this, however you sound. um Pretty much like that. You could there if you wanted to. ah Thank you. Anyway, I think, you know, two steps forward, one step back with us, but overall, we're in a pretty good place
Outfit Presentation for the Ball
01:21:17
Speaker
now. so But you know, two steps forward, one step back, that's a waltz, darling, and this train is removable. oh Oh. I thought it was more of the Zepoca.
01:21:31
Speaker
Zepoca. All right. Goodbye. I have to dress yourself in that now. Goodbye. Freaky Madame Folvamont meets the two of you down in the servant's quarters. And she's got, if you recall, she walked in with four boxes. She's carrying three of them now. One of them went to Voneline, if you're doing math, and she hands one box, one small one to Glimke, a larger one to Clay. As you open your respective boxes, you are presented with a full ensemble, each tailored to your vastly different dimensions. You're first greeted with a crisp, white-collared shirt. It's elegant in its simplicity with mother-of-pearl buttons that serve to elevate it.
01:22:15
Speaker
Beneath the shirt is a dark gray vest made of a fine soft wool. There are several pockets on the inside and the exterior is adorned with three gold buttons. Beneath that is a pair of light gray pants made of the same soft wool. They're wide at the thigh but tapered down towards the knee. The pants match the next piece which is a beautiful tail coat with similar gold buttons at the cuffs and large flaps to the rear. Perfect for anyone with a tail, yet equally perfect for those without. like Lastly, there is a pair of pristine black leather boots that come halfway to your respective knees. As you're admiring this collection of what are undoubtedly the finest clothes either of you have ever owned, Madame Fauvelmon presents the third and final box. It's made of wood and longer than the rest. She opens it, revealing two gorgeous walking sticks. Each of them is carved from ebony wood and adorned with a smooth silver pommel the size of an orange at the top. What do you think?
01:23:14
Speaker
it oh my god wow this is the nicest thing i've ever had the pleasure of laying my hands on yeah perfect this is my time for the month we do not mess around now uh remember you owe me a trip to avox i expect my silks yes of course it's possible but minus sales smooth for for tonight, enjoy yourselves. This night is not about you, but when you look this good, you may as well pretend, right? Yeah. And she gives a a bow and she departs from the house into the into the evening air.
Strategic Use of Blackleaf
01:23:54
Speaker
Is there anything anybody wishes to do, any last minute plan making, any last minute scheming, snorting, supposing?
01:24:06
Speaker
let Kalei know about the Bag of Blackleaf. I'll just say that we're all on the same page. I went back to Rizan's to get the medicine for Monolent, but I i also snagged on the Bag of Blackleaf. Now, I don't know what we're gonna use it for, but I just remembered earlier when we talked about Bip having some sort of habits with this, so I just figured If there's anything that we could have in our back pocket and we run into one of those guys, maybe we can play this hand. But until then, I just want everyone to know that we have it in our back pocket. Okay, whoa, yeah, that's a lot. That stuff's potent, guys. You know, be careful with that. I don't know. Should we split it up?
01:24:52
Speaker
and everyone has do it like just in case any one of us gets cornered in like, I don't know, this is a fancy party. People do stuff at parties or so on for now. So maybe we split it up and into like three doses. Yeah, that way everyone's kind of has everyone can play this hand if they get cornered. Or I don't know, we could use it for a multitude of things, whatever comes to I don't know if Faunalyn is here, but she's on board. I will say, for the purposes of convenience scheming, why don't we move this conversation into the carriage? Sure. And you can, as you wind down the streets, you can all converse. You step outside and see your carriage is ready for you. Causton Fatifedal, the gnomish driver, is standing next to it. And as you approach, he opens the carriage door and offers a hand to Faunalyn and Clay.
01:25:44
Speaker
a courtesy that has not extended to Glimpy. Each of you enters the carriage, and the door closes behind you. A moment later, you hear a familiar, yum! And the carriage begins to move. As you know, House Prammy is situated in the Ruby District, the most elite part of Ardenine, save for the Diamond District, where the Royal Family resides. You pass through the wide streets of the Sapphire District, and cross a beautiful ornate bridge into the Ruby District. Phonolin, as you look out the window, you see a tower comprised of hundreds of stone blocks covered in all manner of greenery. You watch as one of the blocks appears to detach itself from the tower, only to slowly drift down and reattach itself about halfway down. I hate that place. The drifting terraces. A place that wasn't the beginning of your story, but certainly was the beginning of this specific chapter of it.
01:26:43
Speaker
You can't help but feel a stab of fear as you think back to what happened the last time you were here. And Clay and Glimky, you notice Fondland's dress shifts to black.
01:26:56
Speaker
As you continue on through the streets, scheme away. Okay. Clay, you were saying about drugs. Yeah, I guess we could split it up. I don't know what we're going to use it for, but you know, It may just be good that everyone has the option. I don't know what the plan is once we're in there, but I think when we talked about this a few days ago, we were talking about how everyone is kind of trying to get an ear to the ground. We're going to talk about the help because they're probably full of information.
01:27:27
Speaker
fallen will have to work for herself. So if everyone's kind of split up, maybe we all, depending on how things play out, can have this as an option. So let's carefully split it up. Nobody touch your face, eyes, nose or mouth, or eyes, ears, any illnesses. I don't know how this works. Cool. Where's our rat friend? He comes crawling out of your dress. As you say that, Jimmy comes crawling out from under your dress. He's got a little blindfold around his rat eyes and says, did somebody ring for Jimmy not bones? That's right. I've been here the whole time. Good catch. You thought you could escape me. I snuck up there when you were busy freaking out about some dress. Anyway, we're doing Blackleaf. Is that what I heard?
01:28:19
Speaker
Not you. Okay. We are doing Blackleaf. Does anyone have a credit card? I feel weirdly racially charged the way you said it just now. But all right. It's not for my kind. I get it. Don't be a mooch. Oh, okay. Now I'm a mooch. Or a narc. Hey, you can call me a lot of things, but I ain't no, well, I guess I'm a professional narc. So speak anyway. So yes, I'd like to split it in three. So everyone take note. But maybe four? Maybe four? Just in case I need to do some for fun? No, because you're a rat. If you get into a corner, you're a rat. Alright, and he ah scurries back down and you feel him crawl up your leg following.
01:28:59
Speaker
yeah Why couldn't you both wear skirts? Why did you two have to be princesses tonight?
01:29:07
Speaker
And he bought drugs and gave us drugs. Oh, Glinky, do you still have your appendix by any chance? Like, how did you get all these things? Oh, I paid for it. Oh, that must have been steep. To be honest, the appendix wouldn't cover it. So I had to show a couple pieces for it. dang. Yeah, it's all good. We'll get it back. Yes. And now we know what you do with the boon is buy drugs.
01:29:40
Speaker
Legalize it! Shouts Jimmy Nallbones. Hear, hear. Keep your eyes closed. Hear, hear.
01:29:53
Speaker
Your journey continues on as you pass mansion after mansion, each more expensive than the last, until the light of the moons above fades away and you find yourself ensconced by a thick canopy of trees.
Arrival at House Praelmy
01:30:07
Speaker
It would be dark were it not for the abundant number of fireflies that swirl around the carriage, illuminating your path. From the darkness, you hear the distant hoot of an owl. At least, you think it's an owl. A few minutes later, you arrive at your destination. Colston draws the carriage to a halt, and you look out to see the palatial manner of House Praelmy. The carriage is parked at the edge of an immense courtyard lined with marble statues of dancing satyrs punctuated by a tremendous gilded fountain at the center depicting a trio of dryads, wreathed in purple roses. Drift globes, little floating balls of light, hover throughout the courtyard
01:30:52
Speaker
illuminating it. And at the end of the courtyard is a pair of staircases that curve up towards the mansion's main door. A pair of marble aloe bears carved to scale, stand guard at the base. The mansion stands above it and you see it's divided into three portions. The central portion of the mansion is three stories tall, lined with windows emanating a warm light. They are breathtaking in their size and number. You see a vast balcony spans the exterior of the second floor, and beneath it is a nine-foot tall double door carved from cedar, resembling a tangled mass of vines. There are two wings to the mansion, each two stories tall, also lined with windows and several balconies. Clusters of ivy creep up the walls at various points, bouncing out the white stone that much of the house is comprised of.
01:31:47
Speaker
You see the center of the mansion, the main hall. The third and final floor is made almost entirely of glass. You see the moonlight hits it and diffuses out quite beautifully. Calston opens the door and once again extends a hand to Faunalyn. Work this way, ma'am. I'll be here when you're ready to depart. Thank you. As Clay and Glimky step out to join you in the courtyard, looking up at House Praelmy and all the secrets it holds, Colston pulls away in the carriage, leaving you to whatever comes next. Okay, everybody. Game time. And I bid you both a most pleasant evening. Am I not following Lady Faunalyn around, or I guess just, I don't know how Pauls work? Faunalyn would know, and we can say Faunalyn would have passed this information along.
01:32:41
Speaker
It is custom practice for nobility to bring servants to various balls, but it is not common practice for said servants to be a mainstay of the proceedings. What is most common is they will bring their servants who are then brought to a separate portion of wherever this event is taking place, perhaps the kitchen, perhaps a separate ballroom if it's a sufficiently large house, and should the employer need something, then they will wave down one of the hosts' staff and ask them to summon their staff, their servants. okay So you don't see anybody outside.
Entering the Grand Mansion
01:33:33
Speaker
you think you can probably just proceed to the front door and then you'll be brought to where you're each expected to be at that point. Ah, then I rescind my statement and I will wish you a pleasant evening as soon as we're in through the doors. Shall we? After you. Oh, thank you. I finally will dignify to walk through the front doors. Okay. What is your prevailing emotion as you venture towards the mansion? A little bit of apprehension, a little bit of excitement, and mostly resolution. You see your dress flickers between orange and black. At times there's hints of yellow before it kind of settles down to this neutral sort of green. Interesting. The three of you walk amongst the marble satyrs, pass the gilded fountains and curved owl bears, and climb the curved staircase up to the mansion's doorway.
01:34:30
Speaker
Before you have a chance to knock, however, the door swings open, and an aracocra, a bird person, in a pristine servant's uniform stands before you. He has brown feathers that are slicked down and a cluster of long whiskers protruding from either side of his red beak. Lady Fatherland, welcome to Palmy Manor. Please come in. Much obliged. He steps to the side, revealing a carpeted landing, connected via a set of marble stairs to a pristine reception hall.
Engaging with Nobility
01:35:02
Speaker
A quartet of forge and assey, earth, wind, fire, and air are playing stringed instruments in the corner. As a handful of guests mingle amongst marble pillars, and servants silently flit about, offering flutes of champagne and hors d'oeuvres. As you're taking it all in, the Irocoker clears his throat and announces in his rasp voice,
01:35:24
Speaker
Presenting the lady funnel in Vedark of a little fat The crowd of partygoers stopped there conversing at once to look at you Looking out amongst the crowd, you recognize many of them. A few offer polite nods of recognition towards you. You see Lord Bickford Pralmy. You see a pair that you recognize as Lady Isle Crawlwyn and Lord Ulrin Rothbard, who, oddly enough, Glimpy and Clay, you think you too also might recognize from
01:36:04
Speaker
Your first trip through the Sapphire District, when you asked for directions, you also see Prince Ellen Malphurth, who looks up at you with his head cocked slightly to the side. And as you're standing there, taking it all in, one of the attendees, a woman with jet black hair and pale skin and three moles on her cheek, quickly ends her conversation. Hurries over to greet you. She's dressed in emerald from head to toe, and she wears an ornate silver ring on the pinky finger of her left hand. In her right, she carries a folding fan. You recognize her from your brief introduction at the Humiliation Ball as Lady Bachra Promi. Lady Fondlin, it's so wonderful to see you. Thank you so much for coming, dear.
01:36:58
Speaker
Lady Prami, I was so gratified to receive an invitation. It is such a delight to attend such a such a beautiful home and to to engage in revelry with such purportedly wonderful company. The rumors are not what they appear. We are a group of miscreants and troublemakers, a lot of us. Oh, well then I'll fit right in. Excellent. The Aracakra steps forward and puts a winged arm around each of you, Clay and Glimky, and says, if you'll follow me, I will take you to the servant's quarters where you may spend the remainder of the ball.
01:37:33
Speaker
and he leads you down the staircase out through this. You notice that this this main hall there are many doors leading out of it from every which direction and he takes you to this nondescript little door. It's painted the same color as the walls just this inauspicious white and he leads you down this hallway and out of sight. Meanwhile in the ballroom In the reception hall, Lady Baccra-Prelmy says, ah, now, Lady Fondlin, before I forget, this is for you. And she hands you the fan that she is holding. And we'll say you furl it open. And you see it is divided into five
01:38:20
Speaker
sections. five There's like these lines demarking it into five discrete sections. She says, this will also serve as your dance card for the evening, so be sure to fill it out before the dancing begins. How charming! I had heard, well, lady, frail me. You aren't going to walk away with my dance card empty. Surely you've got to put yourself down for one dance. I would be quite honored. Are you sure you wish to ask the first person you encounter this evening, though? Oh, the first person I encounter is none other than Lady Back or Pralmi. I don't think I can do much better. You do me a great honor. Thank you, I would be honored. And you would do me a great honor by signing my card. How about the first dance of the evening? Sounds perfect. I cannot believe you have not yet been accounted for, but I shall await the first dance eagerly. I think you'll find I'm very selective with my company. I'm rather selective with mine.
01:39:15
Speaker
Then we'll make a good pair. Couldn't agree more, darling. Now, please, come with me. Let me introduce you to some of the fellow miscreants who are rounding out this evening. Yes, let's meet the deviants. She brings you over to this pair. You recognize one of them. It is Xerxes Humiliation. Xerxes is wearing a gray suit. He's got a red vest. He steps forward and offers a polite bow and says, Lady Fauna Red, it is so good to see you again. I'm so glad you were able to attend and, might I say, your dress looks quite lovely.
01:39:52
Speaker
Lord humiliation, it is always a pleasure. Of course. He reaches forward for your hand, and... do you proffer it? ah But of course I'm being polite tonight. He yeah leans forward and gives it a delicate kiss, and you smell a bit of brimstone waft off of him as he does so. And he takes a step back and turns towards the person he was speaking with previously, who is a Goliath man. You see that he has this pale sort of cream-colored skin.
01:40:23
Speaker
with these lines that run from his temple down towards his jaw and this crown of lithoderm which are these bony protrusions that many Goliaths have. He has eight of them that wrap around his bald head. He has these piercing bright blue eyes and he's dressed in this thick thick fur cloak with just black pants and everything is just all black everything. And he takes a step forward and offers a pretty deep bow and says, lady for an invade. It's an honor to make your acquaintance. I am count Tevin deal from can't tell and dear. Have I haven't heard this name? You have not. What an honor it is to make your acquaintance as well. I suspect you have traveled a long way to be here. Indeed I have. I hail from town of the clouds and the two mountains.
01:41:18
Speaker
Incredible. I should one day like to visit your esteemed home. I've heard many powerful things. Indeed. It is not perhaps the best time to visit, but if you ever wish to, join me. I would be honored to show you the sights, so to speak. Nice. Cool. That sounds grand. And likewise, if you should ever visit Ulithor Thayad, you know, look me up. I have I've been fascinated by the long lifespan of your kin. Might I ask, how old you are? Oh, how old do I look? Well, that is the thing. Your kind does not age naturally. It is a perversion of nature that I find most fascinating.
01:42:13
Speaker
ah To me, you look to be no more than, perhaps, 25. Oh. Yet, I imagine you to be, perhaps, centuries older than that. Well, stop imagining it, because I don't want you to get worked up. But if you want to witness more perversions of nature up close, there's plenty of peeping to be done in Ula Thothaiad. You can nestle in the trees and look down and watch all the old people who look young. You'll love it. That sounds...
01:42:45
Speaker
Titillating, right? Disturbing. Yes. So are you like a hundred? Two hundred? Lower. A hundred and fifty. Um, you're somewhere around there. Yeah. Can I guess how old you are? It's only fair, I suppose. Sixty-five. Younger. Forty-five. yeah fifteen
01:43:17
Speaker
thirty one ah asna last month
01:43:25
Speaker
yeah The band in the corner starts playing, happy happy birthday from all of us to you, we hope you have a birthday. And they also forget the lyrics halfway through and then do with a big plunk of the strings and everything goes back to austere string music. Okay, well, lovely speaking with you. I have to go thank the prince who recently saved my life. Of course. Why don't you sign my dance card? I found this thing out fast. This guy? This guy? You want to dance with this guy?
01:43:59
Speaker
You know what? You're so right. I would like to request a redaction. Can we pretend I never asked? for Granted. In front of Xerxes as well. I was being polite, but that's actually such a valid point. I will point out you only get five, and you've asked the first two people you've spoken with. Okay, so I didn't know I only got five. That's why I said there's five slots. I'm obviously gonna ask Bakura Pralmi. We're here to talk to the Pralmis. That one makes sense. That was good. Thank you. Okay, you're actually so... Why am I talking to this guy? We've limited our time. Okay, lovely to meet you. I have to go speak to the prince. Excuse me. Of course, we shall converse later. Perhaps. Yes, we can guess how old everyone is. Yes. Did you say 150?
01:44:47
Speaker
uh around there okay bye i will say as you step away you look around the room and you want to give me a perception roll as you kind of take it all in of course but if girls i would do this uh-uh that's a natural one for a total four with a four thank you you see wait five Okay, you see everything now.
01:45:19
Speaker
Thank you. You look around and you see the aforementioned Uldren Rothbard and I'll crawl when they are, they got flirty body language. I say even with a five, like anyone can notice that like she kind of puts her hand on his shoulder and is laughing at something he's saying. You look past them and you see a halfling woman. She has rosy cheeks and a gray blue wig and eyeshadow to match. And she is talking to a human man. He's young and quite possibly the hottest man to ever live. He has this chiseled jaw. He's got a buzzed head. He is just cut from marble. And more perhaps noticeable to you is he is perhaps the best dressed person here as well.
01:46:19
Speaker
He has these linen pantaloons and an olive tail coat and a crisp black top hat. However, the look is undercut by the fact that the sleeves of his jacket have been torn off, exposing just these muscular arms that he's kind of waving around emphatically as he's talking to this halfling woman. You look past them and you see Prince Elling Malphurth and the last member of the Praelme 2, Bickford Praelme. Bip himself. Bip himself. Excellent. I'm going to walk past the arguing couple, but keep an ear open as a, like the, not the arguing couple, the guy who's gesturing emphatically, the halfling woman and the hot guy. I'm going to walk past, but I'm going to keep my ears open as I go.
01:47:09
Speaker
As you are walking past, he leans against this pillar and says, a lot of people think that an owl bear is a bear's body with an owl's head, but I was thinking that maybe it was an owl's head with a bear's body. This is fast and fast and they think, please don't tell me more. Not sticking around. They, this one's not for me. and you walk past, and as you are halfway across the room, approaching the prince and the Lord Prami, the Arokocra at the entryway clears his throat once more and says, Now presenting the debutante, Claudine Barl, and her companion, Lorraine Taunas.
01:48:03
Speaker
And you look towards the door and you see Claudine is there. She's wearing this modest violet dress and she's got white gloves and a tiara on. She looks a little nervous maybe and she is standing next to this older woman, her chaperone Lorraine, who's wearing this brown wool dress with a white linen wimple, the sort of, you know, head covering of a medieval era. And they begin to make their way down the stairs and you see Claudine kind of gives a little half wave to the people as she does so. And Lorraine follows closely behind with just this permanent scowl carved into her face.
Networking Among Servants
01:48:42
Speaker
And we will cut over to the servant's wing, where
01:48:48
Speaker
clay and glimkey. You are led into this hallway where you are passed off onto another servant who's dressed in. You notice that all the staff here are wearing like matching black tuxedos essentially. They all look very uniform in their uniforms and you are led through the mansion into this what you'll eventually discover is the servants wing of the building. One of these two side wings of the mansion is where the staff and you are taken here. You are led down this hallway and
01:49:28
Speaker
past this bustling kitchen. You hear just the sound of a chef barking out orders and you smell various spices mingling in the air. You hear the cawing of birds, which, Glimky, given your recent experience, you are pretty sure they are crows. And you continue past them to the end of this hallway. You turn left and You're brought up a set of stairs and then down another hallway and through just as thing this tangled web. It's a large place. You're quickly gathering that this one wing is probably the size of the entire Berthold Manor. Oh my gosh. You are brought to what is appears to be some sort of servants lounge.
01:50:11
Speaker
you see that there are various couches and chairs and odd bits of furniture shoved together to break up the space into little quadrants. And you see that there are quite a few people just sitting around in various states of conversation. You see a a human man in khakis and a tank top. You see a female halfling who's wearing a floral romper. You see a half-orc man with an ill-fitting suit. The sleeves are just a little too short. They end about halfway down his forearms. You see a slender gnome. He's wearing a turtleneck and plaid pants. His nails are painted. You see a few others. There's
01:50:57
Speaker
this tall skinny human man with a stooped back and a goblin of all people with these long pointy ears and this green skin and you see that one of the ears is heavily pierced just like all sorts of hoops kind of wrapping around the outer outer edge of it and the servant says hi you are welcome to stay here Throughout the duration of the ball, if you are required by your employer, then one of our staff here at Prailman Manor will send for you. Wow, okay. Thank you for showing us to me yet. Is there snacks? There are refreshments that shall be brought up once the dinner portion of the evening has begun for the guests. Okay, thank you. Thank you so much. So it was a great year.
01:51:47
Speaker
Wonderful. I guess we should start networking. Yeah. Does anyone look interesting? interesting i would argue They all look interesting. and I know you weren't asking me. And does anyone look interested in us? That's a good question. There's like a polite. Even though we're like stuff right now, how do we compare to these guys? yeah one guys and I would say you are in the upper echelon. The only person who looks maybe more well put together is the other gnome. He is manicured in the truest sense of the word, like he just looks pristine. Okay, chin's to the sky, nose this is up, he's snobby. Shake some hands. Okay, do we split up? Just go mingle? Yeah. go mingle
01:52:37
Speaker
okay um Unless you want to stay together, we can totally stay together. Okay, let's do that. These kinds of things make me nervous, so alright. Yeah. Sure, we'll just, I guess, find an empty spot near someone else and introduce ourselves. I will be walking exaggeratedly with my king, twirling into about, like, 10 miles on earth. Perfect. Who, who, intrigue you? I guess the other fancy man would be interesting to know first because there would be an icebreaker there. Sure. He is sitting on a stool. He has a nail file out and it's just casually, casually filing his nails. How much does a polar bear weigh? Excuse me. Enough to segue into how we're the only fancy dressed people. So who do you work for?
01:53:33
Speaker
Oh, you're you're funny. I like you. I work for Asful of Crastics.
01:53:42
Speaker
Asful of Crab Sticks? Asful of Crab Sticks? Yes. Errol, Asful of Crastics? Have you heard of Asful of Crastics?
01:53:54
Speaker
ah Yes. I can tell by your expression that you haven't heard of him. He's, well, if you happen to make it out onto the floor, he's wearing this beautiful olive jacket that I picked out for him. He looks just like the whole package tonight. Wow. Okay. You've been working for NASA all across these logs. Yeah, I mean, about three years now. He's a bit of a lost cause when I met him, but we've we've turned him into something quite stylish, I must say. i My name is Cilantro, I'm his stylist, and he offers a hand towards you.
01:54:29
Speaker
a to he yeah He shakes it firmly and he smells strongly of soap. that was it's larger you're the stylist um yes maybe you can take a guess at who we're wearing tonight hmm it's a local don't help me wool vascal buttons mother of pearl nice touch this just reeks of our lats
01:55:00
Speaker
I look at c Clay. Yeah. Wow. That's actually so good. Thank you. This is my profession. So I should know these things. I don't know why you picked the right field. Scoot over a little bit. I'm trying to sit down. She's on the stool, but give me a break. I know. This true gnome is sharing a stool.
01:55:24
Speaker
You might crease my pants. So why don't you just grab a seat on that couch over there, or perhaps that chair. Lots of spaces, don't need to share a stool. So Latra, are you expecting me to sit next to those ones? They're not even wearing designer. Fine. And he slides over, like, barely. Just enough to lean on, I guess. Yeah, it's like half the butt is on the stool. Yes. Okay, so Latra, so have you been to some of these things before?
01:55:54
Speaker
a few. We're not from around here, so not not much for the local party scene, but Asphalt does all right. Okay, well, but that's good. I'll all'll be honest, this is my first time at an event in Eretenin, so I'm trying to get to know the lay of the land, the people, to whom which I should be rubbing shoulders. Clearly, I've chosen correctly first one, but if you wouldn't mind pointing me in the direction of the unsavories and the savories.
01:56:28
Speaker
Right, so obviously I'm sweet as can be, so not quite savory, but should do in a pinch. Uh, let's see, over there's Xander Lorm, he's the gardener for the pramis. That's Benin, whale fruit, she's the master of horse, I think. Uh, so that's kind of cool if you like horses. I'm, uh, not quite my thing, but whatever. That's chunks, I think you can tell from the sleeves, you don't need to spend much time with him. than what his chunks do. Oh, I think he's the carriage driver for the humiliations. Let's see. That is Huzni Terenget, I think. I don't know, I'm terrible with names. I think he works for the Pulars. That's Galt, the little goblin over there. I'm definitely on savory. And let's see.
01:57:25
Speaker
anybody else from house humiliation or the prame around I mean the whole house is full of primary staff obviously but I think those are the only two hanging out here right now they are gardener and master of horse not exactly crucial for a successful party and I think humiliation just got his ride here with chunks and I don't think he brought anyone else well I can spend my night speaking with sweet stuff here, but I guess I should also make a little bit. I guess we didn't introduce ourselves either. Sorry, I'm Reginald Chapstick and this is my associate for a panel. We represent House Maydark. I'm sure you've heard of her. Of course. Okay. Good. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good. I guess I'll go talk to somebody else. Okay. So as you wander over.
01:58:20
Speaker
to start a new conversation.
Tensions with New Faces
01:58:22
Speaker
We'll cut back to the ball. Funnily, yeah, you have crossed the floor and have approached Bickford and Elling, and the prince is, well we'll start with Bickford, he is wearing a emerald three-piece suit that is the same color as his sister's. He has a dress shirt underneath with the top button undone, he's not wearing a tie, and Elling Malphurth is wearing a red jacket with these gold ornaments or adornments perhaps is a better word that look like golden feathers. He has these pointy shoes, a gem encrusted sword at his hip, and he's wearing a golden coronet that looks vaguely like a crown of flames.
01:59:12
Speaker
Sick as hell. Would you describe him as big? Like, he's over six feet tall. He looks like he's in good shape. He's not, like, chunky, bulky. He's pretty lean, even. But, like, could someone conceivably call him a big bastard? Size is relative, but you feel like that wouldn't be the words that came to mind if it was you describing him. Hmm. Interesting. And as you walk up, he says, Lady Faunalyn, it is quite good to see you again. I see you have recovered from your previous injuries. Yes, all thanks to you, Prince Malphurth. I am, as ever, so grateful that you saved me from those ruffians this night. Lord, pray on me, we've not had the pleasure. Well, we have had the pleasure, but only briefly. Lady Faunalyn Vedark, had you forgotten. You may not know the whole story, but the prince here quite saved my life some nights ago.
02:00:05
Speaker
Oh, this is no big deal. I merely ran those two ruffians in and... He draws his sword and points it up at the sky. There's this crystal chandelier that is up. You notice that as you're looking around, this room is two stories tall and there's a balcony wrapping around the second floor. And he points his sword up at the sky and the light from the chandelier reflects off of the hilt of the sword. I only did what any good prince would do. And I would do it again! Huzzah! Huzzah! Hip hooray! Hip hooray! Lady... Who did he do? It is... Who did he do? You will repeat anything I say, that's fine. Humperdink! Humperdink! good to see you, lady. Hullablu! Hullablu! Sorry he was saying.
02:00:57
Speaker
It is good to see you in such fine spirits. I heard what happened to you with the drifting terraces. It is most terrible. Is this Bickford speaking? It is. Well, parties always help with spirits. I'm so delighted to be attending this one with such... I hear debauched company, and yet I've seen no evidence of it whatsoever. Everyone's being very polite. I must say I'm most disappointed. I'm sure we can do something to change your opinion. And he snaps his fingers at a servant who's passing by with a champagne tray. And as the servant begins to approach you, you hear a voice from behind you say, there's no need for that.
02:01:43
Speaker
No need to trouble the help. And you turn around and see this middle-aged human man. He's got pale skin and his lip is curled into a bit of a snarl. He is holding two wine glasses. And as you come face to face with Lord Hamlet Pilton, he says, Natey Vedock, so good to see you again. Care for a drink? Faunalyn's dress immediately turns black. And that's where we'll end tonight's episode of Barred Soup. Oh, I'm so done for. but I'm so truly done for, gang. I'm done for. Who's that? Don't worry. Don't worry.
02:02:43
Speaker
You're still here? It's over! Go home. Haha, just
Podcast Wrap-Up
02:02:49
Speaker
kidding. Thanks for sticking around and listening to this entire episode of Bard Soup. As usual, I am your dungeon master, Zach Meekle, joined by the illustrious Prima Zhao as Clay Campbell, the illuminated Jordan Johnson as Glimky Treefellow, and the illusory Shannon Meekle as Funlin' Vedark. We would really appreciate it if you could give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify,
02:03:14
Speaker
or just tell a friend. Meanwhile you can follow us on X Instagram TikTok at bard underscore soup and we'll be back in one week with a special three-part series so stay tuned. Bye!
02:03:34
Speaker
Oh, question the sycophant five or whatever the superhero squad, the league. I'm going to start this question over. So it's easy for you to edit. Thank you. Question. Question. Answer the league of ichor. Oh, one more time. Why? This one clean. We'll get this one clean.
02:03:57
Speaker
but yeah i have a question urgent question of course yes please by all means and asir zacker ah
02:04:07
Speaker
oh what
02:04:21
Speaker
Okay, I have a question. Urgent question. Of course. Yes, please. By all means, answer. Ask for me. For you, Zachary!