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Boundless (Podcasthon Bonus Episode)
43 Plays3 months ago
Join us as we take part in Podcasthon the world's largest podcast charity initiative! Podcasthon brings together podcasters globally to raise awareness for charitable causes! We were fortunate enough to partner with the Ottawa Food Bank, an organization dedicated to ending chronic food insecurity in Ottawa! We were joined by the wonderful Nicholas Hupé who joined us for the one shot and spoke with us about his organization and the work they're doing! If you enjoy this episode you can check out www.podcasthon.org to find many other great charities and podcasts!
Donate to the Ottawa Food Bank: https://donate.ottawafoodbank.ca/ui/donations/donations/start
Meet the cast:
Dungeon Master – Zach Meikle (IG: @zachabee)
Jimson Thornapple – Prima Zhao (IG: @primbdraws)
Oleander Thornapple – Shannon Meikle (IG: @sharsharbinks)
Henry Moonlighter III – Jordan Johnsen (IG: @jordan_johnsen)
Zyzyx - Nicholas Hupé (IG: @ottawafoodbank)
Edited by Zach Meikle
Follow the show:
Instagram: @bard_soup
TikTok: @bard_soup
Music & Ambience
Music: Cold Journey by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Outlaws of the Iron Horse by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Crossroads by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Silly Intro by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Unsafe Roads by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music & Ambience: Sand Raiders by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Fall by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
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Music & Ambience: The Desert Awaits by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Red Mystery by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Anthem of the United Sloths by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Neon Drive by Tim Roven (www.tabletopaudio.com)
Music: Emotionalism by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Music: Emotional Guitar Improvisation by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Additional sounds provided by Pixabay
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Charity Collaboration
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, Zach here. I am super excited to share this special Bard Soup one-shot with you. It is a collaboration between us, the Ottawa Food Bank, and an initiative called PodcastThon.
00:00:12
Speaker
This is the third edition of PodcastThon, and during this week, more than a thousand podcasts are working together to highlight charities doing amazing work throughout Canada and the rest of the world. It's this really great initiative, and we were fortunate enough to be joined by the wonderful Nick Huppe from the Ottawa Food Bank.
00:00:26
Speaker
I really hope you enjoy this episode. It was a lot of fun. And please be sure to stick around after the episode for an interview with Nick, where we talk about the growing food insecurity problem and what we can do to help out.
The Halfling Empire's Crisis
00:00:45
Speaker
In the days before Odrigel's Fury, the halfling empire of Styr-Tilamik was second only to the elven kingdom of Ulithar-Thayad. A proud nation home to lush forests with trees that reach to the heavens, crystalline lakes large enough to rival the Elsween Sea, and unprecedented wonders such as Shimmering Smial, a city rumored to be constructed entirely from gold.
00:01:11
Speaker
In the days before Odrigel's fury, the halfling empire of Steertilamec was a bastion of calm stability amongst an increasingly chaotic world. Rulers from other nations would come to consult with the great empress, Sadzi Mighty kings would beg to sit at her feet and learn from her.
00:01:29
Speaker
Powerful queens would pledge their nation's wealth and support for but a portion of her wisdom. In the days before Odrigel's Fury, every person in Steertilamek was cared for and protected.
00:01:42
Speaker
There was hope and wonder and promise for all. In the days before Odrigel's Fury, life was good. And then began the seven years of hardship, when a coalition of hobgoblins from the Brinkbent Mountains allied themselves with displaced orcs from Mount Drolbrick.
00:02:02
Speaker
The peaceful empire of Steer-Tillamik was swiftly drawn into a war they were ill-prepared for. Their enemies swarmed across the land, aided by fire giant mercenaries from the deepest reaches of Zav, as clouds of wyverns filled the air.
00:02:16
Speaker
One by one, the great cities of Steer-Tillamik were conquered, their people displaced. As utter destruction loomed, the people of Steer-Tillamik looked Empyrean for help. They cried out to the gods to help them, and in their desperation, too, took notice.
00:02:33
Speaker
Vasilis, the fastest of the gods, carried the people of Styr-Tilamec away from the lands they called home, to a sheltered island, a place that would one day become known as merely Tilamec, because Styr-Tilamec meant Great Tilamec, and Tilamec was no longer great.
00:02:51
Speaker
The other god that heard their cries for help was Održel, Odrajal the gardener, Odrajal the caretaker, Odrajal the god of life and order. Odrajal looked down and saw the great trees of Steertillamick burning, he saw the crystalline lakes contaminated with blood and pollution from the great war machines of the invading army, and he saw the chaos enveloping the cities of the once great empire.
00:03:15
Speaker
And in this moment, Odrajal came down to Zav. and his fury was unleashed. What happened next, no one can say. All that is known is that in his fury, Odrigel took back the beauty and the life of Styr-Tilamic.
00:03:33
Speaker
The great trees were reduced to ash, the crystalline lakes dried up, and the wondrous cities of Styr-Tilamic crumbled into ruins. The invading army was scattered, but with the utter destruction of their home, there was little appetite amongst the surviving halflings to return.
Boundless Pilgrims' New Life
00:03:50
Speaker
And in the ensuing centuries, those that conquered Steertillamec kept the broken remains of their hard-won prize. Today, Steertillamec is no more.
00:04:01
Speaker
All that remains is a collection of militaristic hobgoblin city-states, nomadic orc bands, and fire giant strongholds. These lands are now a vast, dangerous desert, known to some as the Plains of Damnation, and to others, Odrigel's Fury.
00:04:19
Speaker
In the aftermath of Odrigel's Fury, some halflings turned away from the gods, blaming Odrigel for doing far more harm than the invading army ever could. Others, however, felt a debt of gratitude.
00:04:33
Speaker
Specifically, to Vasilis. Vesilis, the fastest of the gods, never stopped moving, and many halflings felt that they should live their lives the same way.
00:04:44
Speaker
And so, the Boundless Pilgrims were born. Members of the Boundless Pilgrims are primarily halflings who prefer a life of continual movement, a nomadic lifestyle to that of a city.
00:04:56
Speaker
And while the immediate desire was to keep moving, to put the destruction of their homeland behind them, the Boundless Pilgrims have built a reputation as some of the most reliable messengers and escorts in all of Zav.
00:05:10
Speaker
And this is where our story begins, with a band of Boundless Pilgrims, a group of four to be precise, members of the OFB or the Odrigel's Fury Bastion.
Journey Through Odrigel's Fury
00:05:21
Speaker
Many Pilgrims choose to sail around Odrigel's Fury, stopping off at Tillamik before continuing their perpetual journey around Zav. But only the most devout, or possibly mad pilgrims, choose to travel right through the heart of the desert.
00:05:37
Speaker
And this is where we find you.
00:05:54
Speaker
Come gather round, travelers, and sit on the stoop. We'll tell you a story about Batsu. Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop.
00:06:37
Speaker
Pharos, the phoenix that is the sun, beats down upon you as you begin your 27th day of travel through Odrajal's fury. One of the many drawbacks of a flat world, with a sun that never properly sets, is you are always caught beneath the unrelenting gaze of Pharos.
00:06:54
Speaker
Even with the shelter of your covered wagon pulled by two massive oxen known lovingly as Steak and T-Bone, the heat never fully leaves you. That being said, you occasionally find pockets of shade as you currently find yourself in Gophie Run, a narrow winding canyon with crumbling walls that tower above you.
00:07:15
Speaker
If you can just make it through Gophie Run, the worst of Odrigel's fury should be behind you. But each twist and turn presents new dangers and opportunities for the countless violent denizens of the desert to set upon you.
00:07:29
Speaker
And as this covered wagon pulled by these two oxen narrowly traverses this this canyon, navigating around pillars of debris and piles of rock, we see a halfling sitting atop this wagon holding two reins or set of reins.
00:07:50
Speaker
Pushing the oxen forward? k Prima, could you please describe your character?
00:07:59
Speaker
Okay, so I'm Prima and I'm not playing Clay Campbell today. I'm playing Jimson Thornapple, a halfling barbarian.
00:08:10
Speaker
Nice. Yes. He's ah a young man and he's traveling with his twin sibling and they're aspiring farmers.
00:08:23
Speaker
Yeah, we came up with the farmer characters before we necessarily learned that the setting of the campaign was that we are very much pilgrims in a barren way. um But we had a whole bunch of things set up around being farmers. So we are now aspiring farmers. farmers.
00:08:41
Speaker
That's the dream. And what a beautiful dream it is. If you just make it through Gofie's Run, maybe you could set up a farm somewhere. you There's got to be some grass in there somewhere and we're going to farm it.
00:08:53
Speaker
And could you tell us just a little bit more about what Jimson looks like? Any defining features or, you know, what's his vibe? He's got short brown hair. And do halflings have pointed ears?
00:09:09
Speaker
i guess. I didn't really put too much thought into how he looks. Just like a guy. He's a chill guy. He's a chill guy. He looks like a chill guy. Anyone who looks at him knows. Yeah.
00:09:21
Speaker
You said chill guy and I immediately imagined him like chewing on a piece of wheat. Apparently that's my like strongest association with a chill guy. Yeah, that's it. He's got a straw hat on. He's chewing on a piece wheat.
00:09:35
Speaker
And as Jimson pushes the carriage forward, the wagon forward, we look inside and we see two more halflings.
00:09:48
Speaker
One of them, I'm going to assume, holding a book maybe, maybe looking at it, maybe jotting down some spells. Jordan, could you please tell me about your character?
00:09:59
Speaker
Sure. I'm Jordan, and I'm not playing Glimmke Treefield today. Instead, i am playing Henry Moonlighter III, a halfling wizard. And I think you're right. He's scratching down some notes in a little journal and pulling back the the flap on the ah the covered carriage here and and looking through little telescope, just scanning the land. And he's like drawing sketches of what he sees in his little book.
00:10:22
Speaker
He's middle-aged. He's kind of like you can see the creases starting to form on his face. Maybe a little more cake now because we're traveling through the desert, so they're like clearly defined with the dirt and and sand.
00:10:33
Speaker
Stark black hair, mustachioed purple robes, and then just got like this random collection of leather satchels and pouches. Just for any little thing that he he finds interesting, he'll stash that away.
00:10:44
Speaker
He's a collector, so... so Amazing. And then in the wagon with Henry is another halfling. Perhaps he's sharpening his blade, perhaps going through some drills, practicing some footwork.
00:10:59
Speaker
Nick, could you please tell me about Your character. Absolutely. His name is Zizix, typically a goblin moniker, but one he's took on as a mononym to not run, but obscure his past.
00:11:15
Speaker
i'm go He's worked a number of odd jobs and is happy to be moving on with his life, far from wherever it may be, and happy to be charging forward, blade in hand, leather clad, but very rack, shamble, very powerful,
00:11:31
Speaker
put together, definitely sewn together, pant legs maybe not the same length. know There's some cuts and scrapes, but he's he's happy to be where he's been and happy to tell stories.
00:11:45
Speaker
And for that's most of what he's good for. oh Amazing. As the three of you continue down Gophie Run, Henry, perhaps at one point you take that telescope and you peer out the direction you're going, you look ahead, and you see another halfling riding a boar or pig coming towards you.
00:12:10
Speaker
Could you, Shannon, please tell us about your character? So the halfling riding towards you... is Oleander Thornapple, the twin sister of Jimson Thornapple. But she goes by Ollie. Ollie is fine.
00:12:26
Speaker
Oleander or Ollie look exactly like Jimson. They are very identical twins. You know, kind of a classic halfling impish look to their faces, perhaps a bit of fun on their cheeks, sprinkle of freckles.
00:12:40
Speaker
And she has that same kind of classic brown hair that Jimson has, but she has hers braided. in a messy kind of braid all down her back. And she's wearing some leather armor because that's what circumstances have put her in. But there's a little bit of a farmerly tilt to her. She's got some overalls kind of with the strap kind of awkwardly sticking out from under the armor and maybe a a little bit of clover or whatever closest to a flower she could find on the side of their very destitute road she could manage to tuck into her braid.
00:13:13
Speaker
so and she is that This is the key detail. She is riding in on her familiar who is a gigantic pig, boar thing. my yeah We're going to call it a boar mechanically, but I think physically Papal Thorn Apple is just a big old piggy with a little <unk> beardy chin. and You know when pigs are kind of gigantic and their eyebrows kind of start getting mushy over their eyes.
00:13:39
Speaker
That's what Papal is rocking. And they are making their way back towards the group. Amazing. And I think Henry, as you see Oleander coming towards you, you see that she's got a worried expression on her face because as a ranger, as a scout for this group, you are riding ahead making sure the road was clear.
00:14:06
Speaker
There were traps or ambushes lying in wait. And you have seen a little ways up, maybe an hour's up the road, something.
00:14:20
Speaker
You don't know what it is, but you do know that there is a swarm of vultures circling above it. Big vultures. Hmm. Well, y'all, the good news is the desert is exactly where we thought it was.
00:14:34
Speaker
The bad news is ah just down the road, there's a bunch of vultures. And historically, in my experience as a farmer, that means something has died. Could be dinner. Could be threat to our livelihood.
00:14:48
Speaker
We'll see. That sounds like an astute observation, Oleander. Thank you for that. We could see the vultures from miles away, but appreciate the added info I saw them from closer up and I confirmed that they are indeed vaulters.
00:15:03
Speaker
now Ollie, no other details, Ollie. but Well, here's a detail. It's very dusty out there and it gets all up in your eyes. I'm starting to think it's not going to be very good for farming, you know, but. Oh, good.
00:15:17
Speaker
I was worried that the desert might be too moist for us. Right, so the two key things we've learned so far is there's birds and it's dusty. Well done, Ollie. I love it.
00:15:29
Speaker
You know, I'm learning the rope and I will take y'all's feedback to heart. And the next time I waddle my piggy out there, taking on threat to my own life, I might add, I will be sure to note the color and texture of the vulture's wings. Perhaps if they're looking peaky, friendly, I will say these ones did not look friendly. There's a detail for you for free.
00:15:50
Speaker
Ollie, I think we're narrowing down on the wrong thing here. The vultures are a sign of something else. I was hoping for some information maybe about, i don't know, bodies.
00:16:02
Speaker
Or, you know, something that they might be feasting on. Well, you're the doctor, so maybe you you can educate the class on what a vulture might be pursuing.
00:16:13
Speaker
You were a doctor, right? um Yeah, something of the sort. Doctor, wizard, it's all the same. Science is magic. So as the oxen continue to pull your wagon, is there anything you want to do in preparation or do you want to just see what awaits you on
Scene of Devastation
00:16:34
Speaker
the road ahead? Do we have to head in the direction of the vultures?
00:16:38
Speaker
Yeah, you are in this. this I mean, you you could turn around. It would be multiple days return journey. Yeah.
00:16:46
Speaker
You know what? I don't normally put my foot down on the show. Yeah, you do have to keep going straight ahead. It's a big canyon, and you're not going backwards, because backwards... You know what? Hey, I'll give you an in-world reason why.
00:16:59
Speaker
The reason you take Go-Fi Run is because it is historically the safest of a bunch of very unsafe options. If you were to travel a little bit to the east, you would wind up in...
00:17:14
Speaker
Hobgoblin country. There is a large Hobgoblin city of Karzelik to the east, and there's steady patrols that go out from the city looking for any stragglers or travelers who come within their radius.
00:17:29
Speaker
And to the west is Kulud, which is this fire giant castle that... is all you know is if you were on a map it would just be a big old x do not go there so gofi run has historically been the sort of middle ground between those two is relatively safe and by that i mean not safe at all but at least you're not intentionally putting yourself in harm's way what time of the day is it early oh it's early in the day yep I think Henry would maybe take a look at like whatever like rations and things we have to like make it through this trip.
00:18:06
Speaker
Yeah, what do we have on us? were you We are set for like a long thing, or are we essentially down to the wire here? The journey through Odrigel's Fury is definitely the most barren and difficult part of your two-year cycle around Zav.
00:18:22
Speaker
Anytime it comes up, you know, this is where you tighten your belts, you get ready for a long haul. You've got ah bit of... wiggle room but like it's maybe a couple days before yeah know a couple a couple days worth of wiggle room is what i'm trying to say it's you're about three weeks into your journey you're on day 27 i guess that'd be three and a half in zav weeks and it's about a 40 day journey just shy of to get through to the other side so you still have about another 10 12 days and food is you've got 10 12 days worth of food but not much more than that so ideally we could maybe
00:18:59
Speaker
pick up one of the vultures or steal some of their food because this is looking a little tight.
Survivor's Tale: Sullivan Savon
00:19:05
Speaker
Yeah, let's start to stretch out our ah rations here. How long do you think it'll take for us to get there, Jimson?
00:19:11
Speaker
I think the road's going to be another 20 days or so. Oh, good. 20 days. Yeah, just about. Well, it's starting to look like the only way through this is straight, like we normally do.
00:19:25
Speaker
So I think buckle down the straps. let's ah Let's see what this is all about. Ima busting out their first ever Bardstube accent, and it being like a pretty solid, like, the accent out of nowhere. This is a proud father moment for me, for sure. i'm I'm fangirling a little bit.
00:19:43
Speaker
Oh, I was going to ask, I think I missed it during your description when I was taking notes, but what are we traveling through GoFee's run for? Like, what is that the other side for us? That's what missed. You are boundless pilgrims.
00:19:53
Speaker
You are nomadic. You continue traveling. There are more verdant lands to the south as you are traveling clockwise. So you're kind of traveling directly south these days.
00:20:06
Speaker
And yeah, not like a specific destination, but just less dangerous lands. Farm lands. Where food and water can actually be acquired. Have we been there before? We've ah assuredly pilgrimed around before.
00:20:18
Speaker
It is a two-year journey, roughly. And like it's not like direct travel. like You'll stop for like a few days here or a week there, especially before and after the desert. I would say it's up to each of you individually if this is your first journey or your 20th, whatever feels right to you.
00:20:34
Speaker
Perfect.
00:20:37
Speaker
You continue along with Oleander riding Pappel and Steak and T-Bone pulling the wagon. And you travel on for about another hour or so before you see the sight that Oleander warned you about. There's this heavy cloud of vultures circling above, and you see that the canyon has kind of opened up a little bit here. It's a somewhat wider spot, and you see destruction.
00:21:07
Speaker
There are two wagons turned over. You see vultures picking at a dead ox. And you see at least a couple of bodies.
00:21:19
Speaker
Well, that doesn't look like an accident. No, it does not. And I apologize that I neglected to look down when I was looking at the bird. You didn't like get all the way there. You saw the vultures when you were riding ahead. It'd be crazy.
00:21:34
Speaker
That's on me, y'all. That's on me. at I have learned a powerful lesson here today. ah guess I like birds. I don't know. Oleander, if you weren't so damn charismatic, I'd be more mad at you.
00:21:50
Speaker
You can't stay mad at me. All right. um Take a look. I hate to be the person who rifles through someone's pockets but um do we want rifle through some pockets or you know see if we can you know i think they're past the point of using these now agreed that's what i'm saying no use to them yeah probably not a good idea to linger long here but if they have any extra rations we should could take those i think that's wise jimson Let's take a look.
00:22:18
Speaker
All right. Well, you guys can check the things. I'll stay here and watch the car. So if Henry is staying in the wagon, could the other three of you each make an investigation check?
00:22:30
Speaker
If there's anything specific you're looking for, let me know. Otherwise, just a general investigation check will do it. Nice. I got a three. Cool. 14. 14. got an 18. 18. Okay. Okay. ah fourteen fourteen got an eighteen eighteen okay Jimson, i think the oxen start to react a bit and your attention is pulled away.
00:22:51
Speaker
you try and sort of calm them down, keep them from getting too agitated. Zizix and Oleander, though, you spread out and start to look.
00:23:03
Speaker
Oleander, you look over at the at the dead oxen and you see several arrows protruding from it. Zizix, you maybe go over and look at the the two bodies and you see that they are both halflings.
00:23:22
Speaker
And based off the design of the wagon, you get the sense that these were probably also Boundless Pilgrims. Given the direction they appeared to be traveling...
00:23:38
Speaker
you get the sense that they were probably Tor-Salak pilgrims, which is pilgrims that travel counterclockwise around Zav, whereas you are Salak pilgrims and you travel clockwise.
00:23:53
Speaker
that's That's cute, because then you can cross paths. Yeah. So it's not like a never-ending like solo journey. It's kind of nice that people go the other way. Yeah. And Zizix, I would say as well,
00:24:05
Speaker
that as you're looking around, you see a third pair of legs, perhaps a little bit longer than the rest, sticking out from beneath one of the wagons. I think I see another body here.
00:24:18
Speaker
I'm going to change that accent right now. I think I see another body under the cart. We're going to stick with that auto-evaluism.
00:24:28
Speaker
Amazing. I definitely shout out to everybody indicating that I see the other body. Perfect. passing looking or what are what are we looking at here? The legs seem longer than a halfling.
00:24:41
Speaker
Just legs, eh? Yeah, not like not like, you know, like a gruesome way, necessarily. we can see what happens. But you just see like, yeah, it looks like maybe they were like crawling under the wagon or something. But yeah, the legs are just sticking out a bit.
00:24:56
Speaker
Could I poke the legs? Sure. what What do you poke them with? You've got a ah rapier, I believe. Is that the vibe? Or like a boot, a finger? I'll say a finger, a fingertip, but it's a ginger push. It's strong enough where if you were asleep, you'd probably wake up.
00:25:12
Speaker
Could you make one more investigation check for me, please? but 20. twenty Nice. You poke one of these legs and it moves in response ever so slightly.
00:25:29
Speaker
Sizzix screams. He was convinced it was a goner. As you scream, a voice from underneath the wagon screams in response, Don't eat me!
00:25:46
Speaker
ah ah don Don't worry, Traveler. ah I'm just as scared of scared of you as you are as I, I i assure you. Who goes there? Oh, no.
00:25:58
Speaker
He like sits there quietly for a second and then pulls himself out from underneath the wagon. And you see this sort of large, sad, middle-aged man with a really bushy mustache.
00:26:12
Speaker
And he starts wiping at his at his robes and trying to brush himself off and says, Sullivan Savon, that's your service. ah So you got away.
00:26:24
Speaker
got We got away? we we just arrived, I assure you. is Is he visibly armed? Before I get too cozy. He does not appear to be. He's wearing not like he's wearing big robes, but they're not they're not loose on him. He but he fills them out.
00:26:41
Speaker
Doesn't look like he's got like a concealed dagger anywhere. no weapons on the ground around him. Okay. and he he sound He sounded pretty concerned, but still, he was brandishing something. I just wanted to be prepared for that. But did you have any idea what happened here? what We're just as confused, I assure you.
00:27:01
Speaker
Yes. Okay. So you're not? No, sorry. That's my bad. There were different halflings I was traveling with. ah Well, I'm traveling to Nervaldirr.
00:27:13
Speaker
To present my latest invention, you see I'm something of an inventor. I've invented a soap golem. Now imagine if you were dirty and all you needed to make you clean was a hug.
00:27:25
Speaker
That is my invention. And I would have taken the ocean, but he's got a very adverse reaction to water, my beloved Sudsy. So I had to go through the desert and it has not gone well.
00:27:38
Speaker
Oh, I apologize, Sullivan. That that can't be ah can't be easy, but it seems like you're your attackers made a clean getaway, perhaps. Indeed.
00:27:50
Speaker
Can we, sorry, hear this from the wagon? Whatever said, yeah, you're like poking your head out from the wagon like, what the heck? Okay, then Henry absolutely uses message to talk to Sizzix.
00:28:03
Speaker
He's going to say, Sizzix, I know the type. He's lost to the desert. Come back to the cart. I think Zizix is, while initially concerned, is absolutely way too interested in the soap golem to give up at least hearing him out a little more. Right, yeah. I perhaps put my hand up being like, just just one second. ah Oh, I'm sorry, do you want me to pause?
00:28:29
Speaker
Oh, no, there is nothing more in this world I would love to hear more about then than your soap golem. And I think perhaps greater, what in Vasilis' name happened here?
00:28:41
Speaker
Well, I could talk about the golem all day. I'm quite proud of it, I will say. But as for the carnage around us, I, well, we were traveling, we began our journey, some week and a half ago, perhaps, and everything was going fine. A few incursions with some centipedes, you know, you know the big type, right? You know, you can wear them like a scarf, you know the type.
00:29:05
Speaker
ah Well, besides that, things were going well until today when we were attacked by ah group of hobgoblins and some of the smaller kind.
00:29:18
Speaker
smaller kind? You know, like, I'm going to say Henry's like whispers out of like loudly. smaller kind? You know, like hobgoblin but small.
00:29:29
Speaker
Is there a word for that? Goblin? The word you're looking for is goblin. goblin yes that's right uh yes they sat upon us they killed that ox killed a couple uh of my escort and took the rest with them rest yeah henry messages zizix again i told you he doesn't even know what a goblin is let's beat it oh this is tough i feel bad for the guy but i'm obsessed with the soap golem
00:30:00
Speaker
And as a bit of a storyteller, i i can't help but not just gain detail about the soap golem, but I think also, are we in imminent danger?
00:30:11
Speaker
So I perhaps ask, was this recent? How long have you been hiding, my friend? You you you look quite dirty. That's why I need Sudsy. um What happened to Sudsy, by the way?
00:30:23
Speaker
oh they took him too. Oh, I'm so sorry. um Thank you. um Well, I'm, as it so happens, quite adept at playing dead. say. His tongue like slowly pokes out of his mouth and his eyes sort of glaze over.
00:30:39
Speaker
o
00:30:43
Speaker
I maybe wave my hands once or twice, more to humor him than to actually convince. Yeah, a fly lands on his eye and like just like does a little cha-cha, and then he eventually snaps back into it.
00:30:55
Speaker
So I did that, and they thought I was dead. and Whoever their leader was, was quite mad about it. He said like, oh, stop killing them. We need them for the excavation.
00:31:07
Speaker
So, you know, i decided to just keep playing dead because it seemed to be working. And more or less you arrived, don't know, 30, 45, an hour, two hours, three hours later. Time gets fuzzy when I...
00:31:21
Speaker
go cold like that.
00:31:25
Speaker
i love the idea that he he gets time blindness while committing to a bit. so Well, I feel bad for you, old boy. I don't i don't seem to see any survivors left.
00:31:40
Speaker
You don't happen to see any food around, do you? um They took the food too. The oxen, even. The one that they didn't kill. ah Well, they are mighty useful, so I suppose I can't blame them, but I'm terribly sorry you happened upon this. There's no way that you have a convenient way back to town without us.
00:32:02
Speaker
No, not really. i'm more or less resigned to dying out here, I think. My plan was just to sort keep walking that way and hopefully find the end. I'll tell you what, though.
00:32:14
Speaker
You seem like an enterprising sort, far more enterprising than the group that took... me this far. i You help me get my golem back, and I'll make you a very rich halfling.
00:32:29
Speaker
I'll give you 5% all sales in perpetuity. 20. Give me a persuasion roll. Fantastic.
00:32:41
Speaker
Okay, I'm re-rolling that, because there's no way I believe i got two nat 20s back-to-back. Okay. seeing as I've never rolled one in my own campaign. So this is eight.
00:32:54
Speaker
Oh, with persuasion. Okay, 12. 7.5. I maybe look back at at the gang to see if if they even feel like this is ah reasonable haggle.
00:33:06
Speaker
Henry, again, in your head, 10 or he dies in the desert. I think the problem here is Zizix would do this just for the story, but I counter with 12 and extends his hand and then maybe withdraws it a bit, seeing it just how dirty he is. 10 or I die in the desert.
00:33:28
Speaker
Done, but let's not shake on that just yet. Maybe when you introduce me to Sudsy, I'll take you up on that handshake. And for then, I'll keep you at your word. Sounds like a deal.
00:33:39
Speaker
And as he like goes to shake your hand and you pull it back, Jimson, you hear a flapping of wings.
Dire Vulture Attack
00:33:49
Speaker
And you look up and there's this big cloud of vultures.
00:33:53
Speaker
Three of them have peeled off and they land In this clearing, in this this this part of the canyon, they are bigger and scarier looking than these other ones.
00:34:05
Speaker
And the vultures that are picking away at this ox, they quickly like flap back a few paces and take off to the air. These new vultures, they are... large, maybe with 15 foot wingspan.
00:34:18
Speaker
You see you've got these little bony protrusions coming out of their beaks. And as a veteran of Odrjjal's fury, you would know these to be dire vultures. And they are not content with mere carrion and they are going to attack.
00:34:38
Speaker
Can I have everyone roll initiative, please? ah Oh no. I just got a 16 plus three on initiative. I would love to roll beneath a 15 for optics. You're must and die. I have an So a with a plus initiative.
00:34:57
Speaker
So, um, it's okay. Listeners will also be skeptical of my rolls. Two nat 20s and an 18? What is going on? This audition's going very well! I think you're gonna take my job.
00:35:12
Speaker
I rolled a 2 again? No! Career's in trouble. And I got 12. 12 for Henry... twelve for henry Okay.
00:35:24
Speaker
Oleander, it is you first. I love how I noticed them first and then react the slowest.
00:35:33
Speaker
I didn't have time to even shout.
00:35:38
Speaker
Well, for what it's worth, they also got a four, so... Okay. Everyone else... It seems like starting a fight and noticing a fight means you go last. Oleander, what you doing?
00:35:48
Speaker
i So they're kind of like starting... No, they're still in the sky, right? They haven't necessarily come within melee range yet. I'd say they've like landed in the clearing. The other vultures are scattered and they're kind of just coming at you. Okay, cool. Well, my beast is already out, so I don't need to summon it.
00:36:04
Speaker
Zach, can you clarify for me? I have... i can do I can use my primal companion to take an action as my bonus action, yeah? That is correct, I believe.
00:36:16
Speaker
Gorgeous. So I am going to pull out my... Longbow. Ollie is a little bit of an archer. Not much of a fighter. Instead of carrying really a weapon, she carries kind of a ah pitchfork.
00:36:29
Speaker
And I'm going to take out my bow and I'm going to do a little attack. That is a... I rolled a 12 and I have a plus 7 to hit. so That is... Yeah, 19 to hit. That will hit for sure.
00:36:41
Speaker
that's going to be 5 piercing damage, please. And then for my bonus action, I am going to command my Higgy, I'm going to command Papel, and Papel is going to attack.
00:36:57
Speaker
Go for it. Papel... People are going to think, guys, I rolled a natural 20. Papel just got 23 to hit a vulture. So that'll be 2d8 plus 4? Yeah. This is one adept pig. I rolled...
00:37:09
Speaker
so that'll be two d eight plus four yeah is one a depth pick i roll Oh wait, it's a d8, not a d6. I rolled two sixes on my d8.
00:37:21
Speaker
And for a second i thought they were d6s, and I was like, cool, I rolled maximum damage also. How does Papal trample this vulture? Because it's it's dead.
00:37:31
Speaker
should be who eats who. Pigs like eat anything, and vultures eat anything. They eat anything. Exactly. Yeah, I think it. That gave me a grotesque idea, Primo, which is that I think Papal...
00:37:44
Speaker
runs up and kind of like chomps the thing and like does that kind of dog move with it with its neck and slams the vulture into the ground and that will kind of trample it trample any remaining movement with its gigantic piggy body amazing anything else you want to do i'm gonna look over at your name is zyzax Zizix.
00:38:06
Speaker
Zizix, sorry. I'm going to say one because I've decided that I'm now competing with you to kill more people. More vaulting.
00:38:15
Speaker
Fantastic. I realize now I should have loaded my crossbow as we approached, and I don't think he did. That's fair. If he's got it on him, he can he can pull it out, start start winching up a bolt.
00:38:28
Speaker
Absolutely. Perfect. it is It is your turn. I will say, as you do so, ah Sullivan is in front of you. He grabs his chest and says, oh, good heavens, and then collapses to the ground.
00:38:40
Speaker
Fantastic. Like a fainting goat.
00:38:45
Speaker
I'll definitely start priming that bolt and then i will use my bonus action to hide. Sure. You can still make an attack if you want. Oh, if I got the time, i'll i'll I'll shoot one bolt off and then hide.
00:39:00
Speaker
Give me an attack roll. 13. 13. That will hit. And we'll say that this vulture is close enough to Papal that you can use sneak attack.
00:39:12
Speaker
So you can add an additional 2d6 to your damage. Oof. Okay, d6. Rolled a six on the damage, and then ah an additional 2d6. Mm-hmm.
00:39:26
Speaker
A so eight total and a one. Okay. Okay, so nine nine damage total with the first one. There we go, okay. And then give me a stealth roll as you try and hide. And what are you hiding behind?
00:39:40
Speaker
I'll try to get the the closest remains of a of a cart. If there's enough that could hide me behind that, I think that would provide the best cover. 100%. And we'll roll 12.
00:39:51
Speaker
and we'll roll twelve You dive behind the wagon that Sullivan was previously behind after shooting this vulture and it screeches and it is Henry's turn. Okay. I think Henry's going to flip open the flap on this this cart just to give himself but a little bit of a view here and then fire off a firebolt.
00:40:13
Speaker
One of these things. Nice. I got a 13. That'll hit. Okay. Amazing. How many of these are there out of curiosity? Or do we even know?
00:40:23
Speaker
Yeah, there's like this big cloud and you look up, I'd say ah appears to be mostly normal vultures, not the dire variety. You see maybe like a couple more dire ones circling above, but there's three current, well, I guess now two currently engaged with you. So it seems like might get worse before it gets better, but so far it's just the just the the three that attacked.
00:40:46
Speaker
Okay, fantastic. And then Henry, that was 13 to hit. How much damage? Yes. I only got four. Hook up. Not bad. That's the perils of fire bolt, but not bad. You shoot out that you flip open the the flap. you shoot off this fire bolt. It catches it dead center. Some of the feathers start to singe and burn and anything else from you.
00:41:06
Speaker
Is there like any like, can I get cover behind this? that The edge of the cart? Will that help at all? You can close the flap again. Sure. Swing the flap back down. just Yeah, you close the flap behind you. Go back in the back in the wagon and it is Jimson's turn.
00:41:20
Speaker
Okay. I'm close enough to the vulture to make a weapon attack. Yeah, you can run up, we'll say. Okay. If you're not close enough, you can get close enough. I will run up and also pull out my hand axe and my sickle.
00:41:36
Speaker
One in each hand. Can I do like one each? Yeah. Nice. Go nuts. Are you are you raging? ah Yeah, why not? Okay, I guess, actually, I think for what it's worth, I think it would be the bonus action to attack with the offhand weapon as well. So you cannot rage and attack with both weapons. So up up to you, kind of your two options there. I will attack first because Janin's already killed one vulture.
00:41:59
Speaker
Okay, so hand axe is... Yay, I rolled in that 22. Oh that's a 25 to hit. These welchers are nothing. That will hit.
00:42:11
Speaker
Handaxe is what, a d6? Yeah, 1d6 plus 3 slashing. Okay, so you can do 2d6 plus 3 because of the crit. Ooh, 2d6. I rolled a 1 and a 4. So 5 plus 3, 8.
00:42:23
Speaker
five plus three eight Eight. Okay. It is enough. As you come running in with your hand axe, this one's already been shot once and fire bolted once, and you just hit it with your your axe, center of mass, and it goes limp.
00:42:37
Speaker
Anything else from you, Jimson? Can I use my second weapon for the second vulture? There we go. Nice. So this is a sickle. 17 hit. Okay. That'll hit. And then there's acycl a sickle at d4.
00:42:50
Speaker
Yep. Okay. So d4 plus three for that. Three plus three, six damage. Six damage, amazing. The vulture is going to go.
00:43:02
Speaker
The only remaining vulture. And it is going to make a multi-attack against you, Jimson. Okay. It's going to start with a 17 to hit on a beak attack.
00:43:14
Speaker
Yep, that hits. Oh, snap. You take nine piercing damage as this thing just bites your shoulder hard. okay Kind of burrows in a bit. And it is then going to flap its wings and try and it seems like it wants to take off.
00:43:32
Speaker
It gets the sense that maybe these folks weren't as dead as it was led to believe. And it is going to try and attack you with its talons as it flies away for another 17 to hit, which will be...
00:43:48
Speaker
an additional eight slashing damage. ah for And it is going to take off and fly 60 feet up into the air. You are welcome to make a opportunity attack if you wish. Yes, please. 15 to hit.
00:44:01
Speaker
That'll hit. Nice. To clarify, is this gymsum throwing the hand axe or is it still taking off? I think that's cooler. So let's go with that. There we go.
00:44:14
Speaker
And yeah, rolled a six. So six plus three. Oh, damn it. Dang. Okay. It is alive, but pretty heavily wounded.
00:44:27
Speaker
Up to y'all. If you want to take it down, Oleander, it is your turn. It is clearly had enough of this interaction, though. We hungry. We hungry.
00:44:41
Speaker
It was one of my concerns as well was okay, we're picking up this friendly guy, but we're halflings. We're used to feeding halflings. We're bringing a middle-aged man. oh yeah. It's like doubling our food needs. Yeah, truly.
00:44:56
Speaker
And who knows? The soap golem might be around the corner. It might not be. And just a reminder, Oleander, that is you, Shannon. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna take another at at the old vulture. Do it.
00:45:10
Speaker
Easy peasy. So I'm borrowing dice from my partner and he had given me this bet that she was like, don't use those ones. They roll really badly. So I switched to these ones that allegedly roll really badly. First roll, that one. Let's go.
00:45:27
Speaker
go. I'm actually three. As a halfling, we reroll once. Is that? Yeah. We do reroll once as a halfling though. yeah That's a great call, Prima. No, no.
00:45:38
Speaker
Okay. All right. I got a two. Wow. Put those dice away. I'm going to use these for the rest of the session and we're just going to see what happens.
00:45:50
Speaker
Amazing. Papal cannot attack this thing. It's 60 feet up in the air. Zizix, it is your turn if you want to take a shot. Fantastic. Would this be considered a sneak attack or can it see me from 60 feet up?
00:46:05
Speaker
Unfortunately, you got a 12 on your stealth roll, and it has a passive perception of 13. So as it takes off, it is generally aware of you. So it would just be a regular attack, but you can still do some damage.
00:46:20
Speaker
Okay, fantastic. I'll try to give it another shot with my crossbow. Because, I mean, Zizix, while prioritizing storytelling, is is not ah immune to some spirited competition. So... If the best he can get is a draw, that's what he'll do. So amazing my role is a 14 plus proficiency bonus. So 16 total.
00:46:47
Speaker
That will hit. Wow. I really got to bring these rules to my other game. How does this explain in that game? Fantastic. So if that hits, then he'll try to hide immediately again, but perhaps better. So taking after Sullivan, he's going to try to go under the cart to hide a little better. Let's see if this works.
00:47:08
Speaker
One. So he rams his head into the lower board and shouts again. ah they Frustrated. And also give me a a damage roll for your for your crossbow.
00:47:23
Speaker
attack Oh, sorry. You also get to reroll once for hiding or no.
00:47:31
Speaker
Take your call. That's a good call, Prima. So yeah, roll the damage. It's a D8. And then you can also reroll your hide attempt because you are a halfling and you are lucky. Oh, fantastic call. The damage is a three.
00:47:44
Speaker
Okay. And my reroll to go under... is an 18. Nice. So perhaps he hits the boards, but successfully slides under. Yeah. You like, you bonk your head a bit, but then you just like kind of turn around and fall beneath the the wagon and disappear from view.
00:48:02
Speaker
And you do not see as this third vulture, you shoot it and it falls out of the air and lands in the center of this clearing. Oh, fantastic.
Honoring the Fallen
00:48:12
Speaker
Can I hear a thud?
00:48:14
Speaker
You hear a thud for sure. Yeah. Fantastic. So I perhaps mutter one to myself, but not not being willing to break it just in case he's wrong.
00:48:24
Speaker
So fair. The vultures above continue to circle, but it seems even the dire amongst them aren't looking for ah big fight. A weakened enemy is one thing, but clearly you are not that.
00:48:40
Speaker
And so they continue to circle, but no more... join in and things are things are quiet. May I ask a bit of a lore question? and Sure.
00:48:51
Speaker
How do boundless pilgrims treat their dead? Like these are some boundless pilgrims who were slain on the road. and'm wondering if we can kind of, you know, put down a marker for them or, you know, what would be as boundless pilgrims? It's probably a dangerous thing, you know, dangerous lives. How do we kind of handle that?
00:49:09
Speaker
It depends. In some circumstances, standard burial marker on the road would be appropriate. When possible, some would prefer to be brought to Tillamook.
00:49:23
Speaker
It kind of comes down to personal preference, usually something that is known by the other members of a traveling party. Mr. It was at Sullivan. Seven. The bomb.
00:49:35
Speaker
Was it? There's no response. Is he dead for real or is he pretending again? What's that? I'm still under the the wagon. Zizix, I think you can come out. The birds are being nice again.
00:49:49
Speaker
um Can you wake him up or I don't know if he's dead for real or if he's pretending again. ah Let me check. I give him a little boot. Oh, come on. Oh, sorry, pal.
00:50:02
Speaker
Thought you were a goner. ah ah my ruse worked. You're quite good at that. It's amazing how you go so long without blinking. Never needed it. Oh.
00:50:12
Speaker
I was just, was it Sullivan, Mr. mr Sullivan Savon, was it? Yeah, something like that. Yada, yada, yada. My father's name was Mr. Sullivan Savon, whatever. You can call me Sullivan Savon. you know the You know the idea.
00:50:24
Speaker
mr S, let me ask you real quick. You said that some of your team was taken along with the soap golem to this place? that we're heading down? Yes, the the the halflings that were escorting me.
00:50:36
Speaker
Yeah, the pilgrims. All right, ah well, why don't we go get them back and then they can handle the funerary rites I don't much feel like digging. I'm going to stay here and play dead.
00:50:50
Speaker
Uh, maybe in the wagon, so the birds don't eat me.
00:50:56
Speaker
Okay. that That might be why. I would be remiss, as as a member of the Ottawa Food Bank, to not first check, do you have enough to eat, pal?
00:51:09
Speaker
I think they took most of the food, to be fair, but... You know, anything you could spare. Well... Well, we have one. We said we had rations that would last us maybe an extra day or two detours. So I say if if it's right among the rest of you, we can give them a day of halfling rations, which would be, what, three hours to this gigantic...
00:51:31
Speaker
creature. Okay, I was pretending to be dead. i can still hear you just fine. well sorry. I meant that in the most respectful way possible. ah Purely observational, you are bigger than me.
00:51:44
Speaker
You are least favorite of this group. I want you to know.
00:51:49
Speaker
Well, so he's also the least favorite of our group. No. How far away it? you have any direction or any concept of how far this dig site is?
00:52:02
Speaker
Oh, no. I was firmly pretend dead by the time they they left. This man.
00:52:11
Speaker
i think how how adept... Oh, no, he's not even going to... was going to ask him how how adept he is at ah de-feathering and cooking Carrion is.
00:52:22
Speaker
But he seems mostly adept at committing to a bit. so That's my greatest strength. And making golems out of soap. Of course! This guy's a lost cause.
00:52:34
Speaker
That's what I've been saying. My heart is too big. i cannot leave him. i i think I perhaps I try to persuade the group to leave him most of our rations, but to take the carrion with us to perhaps cook it at a future point.
00:52:49
Speaker
That, I think, is fair. agreeable More than fair. We did offer to take him with us, and it was his choice to stay here. Some rations, I think, are good in exchange for the sort the vultures. I think were like that's pretty square.
00:53:02
Speaker
Plus the 10% of future skills of Sudsies. Yeah, that's pretty good. Should we wrap up the other ah pilgrim bodies so they don't get eaten? Oh, yes. Henry definitely wants to help just move them maybe under the cover of some one of the carts or something, for sure.
00:53:17
Speaker
I'd say you take some time to, yeah, clean up the site a bit. You find not much in the ways of leftover supplies. It seems like the attackers took most of the stuff, but you find a few scraps of spare canvas that you're able to...
00:53:30
Speaker
to wrap them in and you bury them, not bury them, but hide them underneath the the wagon out of the direct sun. Henry definitely wants to just say a little quiet note to the to these these passing halfling folk.
00:53:43
Speaker
He kind of says it more to himself, but like out loud. May whatever road they land on, may it be safe, warm, and bright. Taking them through orchards of their favorite fruiting trees.
00:53:54
Speaker
And yeah, he will kind of give a little look up to, vice what is it, Vassilius? Vassilus. Vassilus? Yeah, looking up to the skies, kind of with a wandering look to the skies, trying to find Vassilus up there, before stepping up, brushing off his robes, and heading back to the carton.
00:54:10
Speaker
Okay. Aw. Henry, that's mighty kind of you. That's a side of I haven't seen before. We are all different for sure, but what we share is this road ahead of us. So may it be treacherous for some folk like these.
00:54:24
Speaker
We have been lucky up to this point, so we should do our best to pay respect to those who have fallen on this path. That's beautiful, Henry. That is beautiful. And I hope people do the same for us. I'm going to take the flower out of my hair and put it down near where we laid down the bodies.
00:54:40
Speaker
Yeah, Jimson takes off his hat. think I had to to mention Henry's sincerity as a change of heart from his willingness to leave Sullivan there moments ago. Henry is not free of prejudice.
00:54:52
Speaker
That man is six foot tall.
00:54:56
Speaker
This is fair. Are there, perhaps getting back to um to his roguish pragmatism, Zizek perhaps ah looks around for some any scrap of, perhaps, tracks leading away, suggesting even a a vague cardinal direction.
00:55:13
Speaker
Yeah. Perhaps a smell of lavender, i imagine this golem smells like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an Irish spring. Is there any way I can help... Yeah, I'd say if you want to make a Henry, if you or are sorry, Zizix, if you want to make a survival or investigation check. And if Henry's ah helping helping you look around, you can just roll that with advantage.
00:55:36
Speaker
Okay, we'll do investigation because I have plus two in investigation and nothing in survival. Solid. Let's roll a 14 plus two, so 16.
00:55:47
Speaker
I would say with a 16, you pick up several sets of tracks. I would say like three distinct sizes, some like larger humanoid, some smaller humanoid, and then some other humanoid ones that appear to be shuffling or perhaps being dragged.
00:56:05
Speaker
And you see, yeah a little, little bit of blood on like on a stone. And yeah, it's, it's this Canyon. There's like some winding passages. It's not a straight shot all the way through, but you think you can follow the trail pretty easily.
00:56:20
Speaker
And while you're doing that, I'd say, Jimson, you think it might be time to break glass in case of emergency. And you walk over to the wagon and you open up a compartment, just like in the floor and pull out this large chest.
00:56:35
Speaker
And inside is a collection of items for the four of you to divvy up. oo There are two potions of healing, one potion of greater healing, and then things get fun.
00:56:48
Speaker
There are boots of springing and striding, which allow you to jump three times your normal distance. There is a cape of the mountback, which allows you to cast dimension door, which is a teleportation spell once per day.
00:57:03
Speaker
There is a javelin of lightning, which you can transform into a bolt of lightning once per day when you throw it. And there is Dust of Sneezing and Choking, which is dust that you throw up in the air and all the creatures around you have to make a save. Otherwise, they start to choke and sneeze and cannot breathe and are incapacitated until they clear their lungs.
00:57:23
Speaker
So if you want to split those four big items up between the four of you, once you do that, you can take off in search of the missing pilgrims. Dang. Okay. Ooh. but What do y'all want?
00:57:35
Speaker
Jimson, I cannot believe you were hiding this back here. I've got a gift for you guys. thought we said no secrets, but I do love a present. and so I'm a little bit drawn to this dust right here ah sneezing and choking.
00:57:50
Speaker
And you're a ranger, correct? I am. Yes, I'm a ranger. You don't want that lightning javelin?
00:57:59
Speaker
I don't want a zap apple by accident. Fair enough. I'll take the javelin, I think. Okay, fantastic. Henry, were you partial to the dimension door cape? That seems a little up your alley, not to speak for you. ah Yeah, I think that would be wonderful.
00:58:15
Speaker
Okay. And a cape would go really well with your outfit. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it would suit you. He's like standing, waving at like a toddler in a dress. Yeah. As you pull it on, it smells faintly of brimstone.
00:58:30
Speaker
And if Zizix is taking the boots, I will also note your walking speed goes up to 30 feet, whereas for the rest it is 25 because of your short legs. And yeah, you can jump three times the normal distance. Yeah, dang. Okay, jumping...
00:58:46
Speaker
And that's up or forward, I suppose. Yeah. And any direction one might jump. Fantastic. I think that might do well for the squishier rogue.
00:58:58
Speaker
Totally. Okay. So Zizix pulls on these boots and... You jump up on top of the nearest wagon, look around. Henry, you you do a little twirl, and there's this little trail of smoke that follows you, dissipates on the in the wind and the dust.
00:59:14
Speaker
Jimson, you pick up this javelin, and it crackles with this energy. And Oleander, you pop open this bag and take a little sniff and immediately, and I'll pull it shut again. And you are ready to depart, unless there's anything else you wish to do at this at this camp.
00:59:32
Speaker
Before I forget, Jemson picks up the axe that he threw just before I forget sure it behind. For sure.
00:59:42
Speaker
So with your items in hand, Zizix has picked up the trail. Zizix and Henry, they start taking the lead and you set off on foot, going down through Gophie Run.
01:00:00
Speaker
This area is not... a stranger to seismic events, earthquakes, landslides, and these piles of debris every so often remind you of that fact. Occasionally new cracks form, new expansions of the canyon, essentially.
01:00:18
Speaker
and As you're traveling, you find ah sort of gap in the wall, and some of that blood is smeared on the edge of of this of this gap.
01:00:29
Speaker
You see the the dust is kicked up, these footprints lead in. It seems like this group was not too concerned about masking their trail, and you follow it into this narrower offshoot of the main canyon.
01:00:44
Speaker
It's narrow enough that even despite your small sizes, you do have to go one by one. And can I get your marching order for this portion?
01:00:56
Speaker
Ooh, I will elect... jimson to go first as perhaps the um the brawniest of us i'm okay with that jimson you look around and all of us are doing this shoot quick question though since i was the only one who took damage last fight how much does the potion of healing give back the regular potion will do 2d4 plus 2 and the greater healing potion will do plus 4.
01:01:27
Speaker
Does anyone mind if I just chug one of the regular potions for now and then I'll lead the way? oh yeah. all right go I'd be offended if you didn't. Okay. I got eight back. Nice. Okay.
01:01:38
Speaker
I'm good. Nice. All right. So Jimson takes the lead and who's following? Follow Jimson. I feel like Jimson and I probably play games on the road. Sometimes we've been traveling together our entire lives. I feel like we probably have ways to pass the time together. Okay.
01:01:53
Speaker
Upon... Papal or leading Papal? I'll walk beside Papal this time. The one thing you can't do, in fact. It's too skinny to walk beside Papal. Wait, what? Oh, so Papal would have to follow.
01:02:05
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Ah, I see. Okay, well then Papal is second and I am third. Okay. Perfect. Then who is fourth? I'll go fourth.
01:02:16
Speaker
Yep. And I'll bring up the rear. Perfect. You travel down this offshoot for 15 minutes at parts.
Goblin Encounter
01:02:26
Speaker
You're climbing over boulders that have been wedged in.
01:02:29
Speaker
Getting Papal over them is a ah process, but you manage. You continue along until this fissure opens up slightly.
01:02:40
Speaker
gets a little bit wider, and you see that the passage that you're following with the sun beating down upon you ends maybe 50, 60 feet up with a solid wall with a hole in it, a cave entrance.
01:02:56
Speaker
Standing outside of it, you see two goblins with rusty scimitars, bows strung on their backs,
01:03:10
Speaker
Keeping a disinterested watch. And next to them is ah large drum.
01:03:20
Speaker
Have they seen me approach, I guess? Make a group stealth check. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh guys, I'm so sorry.
01:03:34
Speaker
got a one. You roll it. We roll it. We roll it. We roll it. Let's go. Woo. 14.
01:03:43
Speaker
fourteen hey Well, I got a seven, so sorry. Henry was like admiring his cloak and stumbled over it. Like a trip, but caught himself. You're at the back, so nobody saw. They hear like a little clatter and they look around, but you're just walking like nothing's gone wrong. 17 over here. Okay.
01:04:03
Speaker
And Jimson? 18. eighteen 18. All right. They do not appear to have spotted you. who Okay. Then I like back up a little bit more.
01:04:16
Speaker
And so like I push the other people back a bit and then whisper to them. Two guards and they got a drum, but they're guarding some sort of cave entrance.
01:04:27
Speaker
Two guards. Okay. Well, how tall are they? The goblins. Okay, so they're short. They might be trustworthy then. They have met the height requirement of trust.
01:04:40
Speaker
They've met the height requirement of trust. So are we thinking diplomacy or are we thinking, and I cock my bow a little, are we thinking diplomacy, you know? I see what you're saying. Ooh.
01:04:53
Speaker
So they're what, 50, 60 feet away? Yeah. Okay. Oof. How are we all feeling? Because we know they're violent. i I would err on the side of diplomacy, maybe, if we you catch my drift. And by diplomacy, I mean diplomacy.
01:05:13
Speaker
do not catch your drift. Henry air quotes. Trying to follow along Ollie's lead here. i just, I mean, the only thing we know about them so far is that they've stolen Sudsy.
01:05:25
Speaker
And they murdered a whole group of our kinfolk. So, uh... Or... Is Sullivan Savant a savant of setting up ambushes?
01:05:38
Speaker
Got us to go through this fissure attack some some enemy of his own. Perhaps a soap golem was a fabrication. oh ah Henry grabs Zizix by the shoulders and turns around.
01:05:52
Speaker
You've waited all this time down this narrow crevasse to tell us that now you're having doubts about the legitimacy of a soap golem.
01:06:04
Speaker
I want it to be true. i i'd like to take people at their words, and I love weird stories. This is what I live for. Well, then hold me at my word, we must kill the goblins, whether there is a soap golem or not.
01:06:20
Speaker
Okay, well, I'm not striking first. How about that? I won't have this smelly goblin blood on my hands. Oh my good man. And he like taps you on the cheek. Yes, you will. um And then he starts walking to the front of the thing up to where Ollie is.
01:06:38
Speaker
Wait a minute. Don't we have ah a dust that we could use? Perhaps distract them and sneak past? Oh, that's fun. like a nice middle ground between cold-blooded execution and us being cold-bloodedly executed.
01:06:52
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I've got it. Can Papel use the dust? could we Could we send Papel in, perhaps with dust rimming the nose? I know I'm really going for it here.
01:07:06
Speaker
But should they reach towards the sword instead of lovingly kissing Papal, could he sneeze with some force? That's brilliant.
01:07:18
Speaker
It's brilliant, but absolutely could damage Papal. Because if he breathes in once, this might not be worth in it. You know what? I'm going to cast Speak with Animals on myself.
01:07:30
Speaker
Nice. I'm going to pitch the plan to Papal. Papal? Hey, Papal. Hey, Papal. Eyes on me, buddy. Hey, what's good?
01:07:42
Speaker
Hey, buddy. It's been a while since you chatted. I know you love a plot, and how would you feel about being in the thick of one? Oh, boy, how did you, Alice? Get me in there, boss.
01:07:53
Speaker
Here's what we're going to do. You're going to take this baggie of dust in your mouth, and you are going to... do you remember that time you bit the rotten apple, and then you bit down on it, and I got sprayed by all those maggots?
01:08:05
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, that was hilarious, by the way. We're going to do that. We're going to roll it back to that, but you're going to do it with this bag of dust. And when the time comes, you're going to fight down and you're going to spray the dust on those goblins over there.
01:08:20
Speaker
But the thing is, if you breathe in or if you swallow the dust or whatever, you're going to feel really bad. And I'm going to, you know, you're going to feel really bad and I'm going to feel bad.
01:08:31
Speaker
Are you punishing me? ah you don't want to do if you don't want to do it, that's fine. You don't have to do it. No, I'll do it. It's fine. i just wanted to know if you were punishing me. you've been very good. You did a great job. but which is why I'm surprised that you're punishing me.
01:08:46
Speaker
You don't want to do it and that's fine. I'll do it. okay you don't want to Give me the dust. And Papal will try and grab the dust from your hands. No, no, buddy. Hey, whoa, buddy. I'm going to do an inside check really quick. Can I do an inside check on Papal? Of course.
01:09:00
Speaker
Yep. Okay. That's the highest roll I've ever gotten on these dice so far, and that's a 12. I like these dice. I should always use these dice. They won't get me in trouble. That's a 15.
01:09:12
Speaker
Papal would die for you. Aw. Henry's watching this pig trying to get the dust. Ollie, he clearly wants the dust. He wants the dust. Give me the dust!
01:09:24
Speaker
By the way, Henry says hi and that you did a really good job with the vultures. didn't say that. He didn't say that. Apple is quiet for a minute. Okay, he did say that.
01:09:37
Speaker
Is this like we don't talk anymore? What? The point is you're a very good piggy. Now, you're going to... Also, Papa was originally a girl. Is this a girl?
01:09:50
Speaker
Do you understand the quote? The point is you're only going to spray them with the dust if they raise a hand to you in violence. If they raise a hand to you in friendship, you can drop taggy. You don't need...
01:10:01
Speaker
to unleash the grenade, if you will. Okay. And just to be clear, it's just dust, right? Because a grenade, that'll blow up. And if it's in my mouth, I don't like the implications.
01:10:13
Speaker
Okay, so it's not it's so it's a it's a bag of dust that you're going to set off like a grenade if they raise a hand in violence, but it's like dust that's going to make you sneeze and cough. So if you breathe it in, you're going to get sneezy and coughy, and I will force Henry to do some kind of cure on you to make that stop right away because you're a good piggy and you don't deserve that. that that's henry Henry gives his We should talk more.
01:10:35
Speaker
Don't wait so long. We talked like three hours ago, but whatever. and You're right. It should be all the time. I'll work on it. Henry sees Ollie gesturing towards them speaking in pig and he's like, oh, God.
01:10:48
Speaker
for What lies are you telling this pig? Ollie, tell Popple I love her. What a good girl. Jesus says he loves you and you're a really good girl. I know I am.
01:11:00
Speaker
You said best girl, actually. Whoa. I did. That's probably not true. Give me the dust. Okay. Are you ready, Papel? You got this? Ready as I'm ever gonna be.
01:11:11
Speaker
I'll see on the other side, Captain. Okay. There's a good, there's a good piggy. And Papel is going to take the dust. The three of you hear, and Oleander, you hear, all right, you sons of guns, I'm coming for you.
01:11:26
Speaker
Day of reckoning is upon you. And Papel's going to run towards them. And the two goblins immediately perk up. One says, What's this, Gunk? Looks like we got ourselves a meal.
01:11:39
Speaker
And the other one says, Where would you look at that, Stunk? Christmas came early this year. A holiday that we invented and celebrate in our little group in this cave here. That's right, Gunk.
01:11:49
Speaker
We don't need to talk about that anymore, though. It'll raise too many questions. Yeah, you're right, Stunk. Why don't we eat this pig instead? To which... Papal is going to bite down on the bag and I need Papal to make a constitution saving throw.
01:12:05
Speaker
Oh, what is Papal's constitution? A plus two. Plus two. Okay, that's Papal got an 11 on constitution. These dice are terrible. Papel bites down.
01:12:15
Speaker
The bag explodes. The two goblins start sneezing uncontrollably and collapse on the ground. And Papel does as well. No. Sorry. Simpson, get Papel. You better scoop up Papel.
01:12:30
Speaker
Yeah, I guess so we rush in there now. The four of you rush in? ah They're coughing. I think they don't know which way's up. Yeah, I think as long as they don't like alert the other goblins with the drum.
01:12:42
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So the four of you move in, and Ollie, as you get close, you hear Pebble say, I got him, boss. I got him. I'm just going to take a little rest here.
01:12:53
Speaker
You go on without me. I'll be okay. I promise. Jimson, get Papel, please. but Is Papel injured or just coughing, sneezing? Just coughing, sneezing.
01:13:07
Speaker
Porn apples don't leave anybody behind unless they are the animal that is going to be butchered for meat, which is a thing that farmers do. But Papel, that's not you today. Today?
01:13:19
Speaker
if We're going to send you to a big farm, buddy. Jimson! nice I love farms. Jameson, you're big and strong. I'm going to need you to hoist up my my buddy right there. So zooming out for a second, we approach and Oleander is squealing as we approach. So I can only imagine these two goblins are like, are we being attacked by a herd of GD pigs?
01:13:47
Speaker
Yeah. Amongst all the coughing and sneezing, stop. ah what's happening I don't know! And I'm to say the two of them actually pass out after a little bit of that.
01:14:01
Speaker
Papal. Papal. From inside the cave, you hear a voice say, someone chanting? I'm like, shit. No, no, no, no. no no I think like normal, you should stop listening to the rogue immediately.
01:14:16
Speaker
ah So they've passed out. And Papal's still coughing up a fit, but alive. Oh, thank heaven. And I'll say after a little bit, Papal will... um back.
01:14:31
Speaker
I give her some water from my flask and like rinse out her mouth and nose. So nice. Tell Jimson they're my favorite thorn apple. Jimson, Papal said that she appreciated that and um you're not bad as far as thorn apples go.
01:14:51
Speaker
Aww. tell papal that i'm gonna make her a big pot of carrying stew after this right we out yeah i'm gonna say it i'm gonna say papal yeah jimson's my favorite too anyway were we uh sneaking to this cave here or or what are we up to i i think that's that's mighty prudent give me another group stealth check then come on now Tan, I really wish that you'd told me the southern thing out of the gate, so would fully been on the whole bed.
01:15:22
Speaker
They picked you up a different part of the world. I come in with a 14 after all at all. I got 21. Oh, I got a 7. 7 again, huh I love these dice. These dice are going to fix my reputation.
01:15:35
Speaker
You started rolling poorly, and I started rolling better like immediately. Wow. Cosmic balance. I will say Papal's making like a better noise. They're a little snuffly, little oinky, but you managed to to calm her down and enter this cave.
Inside the Goblin Cave
01:15:56
Speaker
No cries of alarm go out. So it seems like you're just quiet enough to get in. It was close, but you just managed to get in. And you see this tunnel opens up into this larger cave.
01:16:10
Speaker
These long stalactites drip down from the ceiling. These pools of mineral-rich water gathered here and there. The whole place is illuminated by torchlight. It smells very musky, very dank.
01:16:23
Speaker
You see that there's little duos and trios of goblins sitting around drinking some dark liquid and A larger goblinoid, a hobgoblin, tends to a large haunch, appears to be oxen that's roasting over a fire.
01:16:40
Speaker
More importantly, though, you look past this group of goblins and you see at the back of this cave is, it seems to be like a large metal structure that resembles the toothy maw of a barracuda or piranha.
01:16:56
Speaker
It very much looks like an animal of sorts but it's this large metal construct that is embedded in the cave and you see these two oxen are pulling large rocks being encouraged by a halfling several other halflings are picking away at it with pickaxes and shovels just trying to unveil this this this structure make it more uh accessible perhaps or excavate it and yeah that's the immediate thing you see
01:17:29
Speaker
So there's oxen being encouraged by halflings. Yeah. Like, I assume, like, some of the survivors that were taken? Right? From the cart attack? Oh, yeah.
01:17:41
Speaker
I, for a second, I thought, oh, they are in cahoots, but no, they would, I think Sullivan suggested that they needed laborers. So, right okay, it's probably under duress.
01:17:54
Speaker
Henry, what are they doing? It appears to me that they're excavating some kind of ah statue or so or structure of some kind. I've never seen anything like this before. In fact, Henry will pull out his little journal from wherever we're sitting and kind of do a super rough sketch of it just to like take note of what he's seeing.
01:18:12
Speaker
Sure. Does anyone have any knowledge about goblin religions at all? A little history check, perhaps? Ooh. think goblins, so maybe I know a little bit about them.
01:18:25
Speaker
Yeah, i could do a little history check. Yeah, Henry wants to just scour his mind too. Is this something that he would kind of understand? Why would they be doing something like this? Sure. Anyone who wants to make a roll can make either a history, religion, or arcana check.
01:18:39
Speaker
One of their choice. o I rolled history. I got a 17. I got 9. An 8. I'll roll 2, even though I don't know anything about goblins. But I rolled well, so I got a 16 on history.
01:18:52
Speaker
Nice. Jimson... You are maybe not a learned individual so much, a little more brawn than brain, but something about this structure reminds you of a story you heard when you were ah much younger halfling.
01:19:14
Speaker
And you didn't believe it at the time, but there was a
01:19:26
Speaker
that came to Zav in Flying Fish. And you're like, that kind of looks like a fish. And I think as you articulate that thought, Henry, it kind of clicks into place that there is rumor throughout the world from the distant history of an attempted Githyanki invasion that for one reason or another failed.
01:19:52
Speaker
Very little evidence of this remains, but there have been occasional excavations or discoveries in different pockets of the world in which ships that can travel through the Astral Sea have been found in Zav.
01:20:11
Speaker
And you think this might be one of them. Whoa, that's trippy. That's so cool. Okay, so, and do I get any idea why goblins or hobgoblins would be interested in this? Would they have any particular connection to this?
01:20:29
Speaker
Not that you can recall, Many, not all, but many goblin kind choose to worship Svaraknar, the endless hunger, who's depicted as just this gigantic goblin, a pillar of gluttony and consumption.
01:20:47
Speaker
This does not match up with that. This is a fish. So you don't think that there's any religious connection. It seems far more likely that they have found this, perhaps recently, and are trying to do something with it.
01:21:01
Speaker
Jimson, I think you're right. I think this might be an astral ship. What these goblins are doing with it, I don't know. But if we can, i think it would be in our best interest to try to save those other halflings.
01:21:16
Speaker
How many of them are left? You see seven. Seven halflings? Seven halflings, two oxen. Okay. And then how many goblins can we see from here? There is a single hobgoblin tending to the fire, and I'd say ah maybe around a dozen or so goblins.
01:21:35
Speaker
Oh my goodness. Okay. Pretty big number disadvantage for you guys. I see. Okay. I think it's best we use our wits and not our numbers, clearly. Jimson, as much as we would love you to be able to go in there and crack some skulls, the rest of us need to be smart with our approach here.
01:21:53
Speaker
Keep the distance, keep moving, like Asilius would want us to do, and we'll stay alive. Does our ranger friend have any... Any additional abilities that might be useful here?
01:22:05
Speaker
I'm not familiar with Rangers. Despite being competitive with you, Zizix acknowledges that you may have... You may have skills here beyond his own. Yeah, I'm not super familiar with Rangers either. So...
01:22:19
Speaker
I mean, I can certainly tell you as a master of beasts that that is a fish head. yeah big fish. Can I look around, Zach, at the tracks that are around and kind of try to get a sense of who's not in the room, but who's been in this space?
01:22:34
Speaker
Because there's halflings there's obviously signs halflings, but I assume that there would also be other footprints and other signs of people around. Give me a perception check. You know what?
01:22:45
Speaker
I'm going to use the nice dice for this one because this feels important. The weighted dice. Yes, the cheater's dice. Yes. ah Well, the cheater's dice, and by that i mean regular dice, gave me an 11. And so you said nature check, wasn't it?
01:23:01
Speaker
Perception. Perception. That's a plus five, so that's going to be a 16. You peer in, and there's just like this dim torchlight. It's not super well illuminated, but You see in the dust, in the dirt, and there's this brackish water that's mixed in some spots to form little patches of mud.
01:23:21
Speaker
You see some larger footprints, Cubanoid, probably Hobgoblin, smaller, maybe Goblin or Halfling. And you see one larger set of footprints, barely even feet, more like pillars, like,
01:23:38
Speaker
ah but you see them going into the mouth of this fish. Oh, cool. Perhaps pillars of soap.
01:23:50
Speaker
Oh, possibly. Any suds about that I can see. I will say with the 15 or 16, whatever it was. Yeah.
01:24:00
Speaker
You see little flecks of soap, little sudsy bits of water, soap bubbles kind of dotting the landscape leading towards this fish mouth. Well, I have two proposals. And the first is that we ask one of our fellow pilgrims, perhaps what they know and what might be going on discreetly and maybe get them on our side. I mean, if we're trying to stage some kind of rebellion here,
01:24:24
Speaker
They have pickaxes. They can swing them. And then secondly, I guess that was a second proposal already. Third proposal is that we are unfortunately, I think, going to have to go into the mouth of the fish because that is apparently where our soapy friend is.
01:24:39
Speaker
Okay. i'm I'm concerned about our approach. We're we're greatly outnumbered. Part of me wants to like start a distraction, but Nick's distraction didn't go too well earlier.
01:24:52
Speaker
We failed successfully. not keen to to start that again. do we do straight stealth in? Henry, how does your message spell work?
01:25:03
Speaker
I can just point at one of those guys. Oh, you want me to talk to the other halflings? Yeah. Is it like a one-way only? No, they can reply. Maybe we figure out what's going on. Yeah, way ahead of you. This guy's thinking with his head.
01:25:18
Speaker
um Yeah. How far away are we from some of these halflings? They're kind of coming and going. I'd say at various points one would pass within range of your spell. Can I say the same thing to multiple people?
01:25:29
Speaker
Sure. It takes six seconds each time to send the message. Okay, sit tight. And then you see him like like fake focusing himself, really trying to sell that he's doing something intense. This is a cantrip.
01:25:42
Speaker
He's going to say the same thing to multiples of them. It's just going to be super simple language so they don't get confused. Don't panic. Help is here. When we strike, stand up and fight. And it rhymed.
01:25:56
Speaker
Amazing. Give me a persuasion roll. Oh, good. I'm good, good, good, good. good Nice. I've got a minus one to that, so... That sounds about right. Three, minus one, two.
01:26:09
Speaker
Oh, shit. You hear a collection of voices sort of reply in kind or like and one in one at a time. Who is this? Who's there? i don't know if I can trust you, stranger.
01:26:22
Speaker
Are you kidding me? If we attack, they'll kill us all. I look over my shoulder and try to let them know that it's going really well. And he sends another round of messages. So please wait another six seconds each.
01:26:35
Speaker
Don't panic. I'm another boundless pilgrim. We found your card. We're here to help you. Give me one more persuasion check. Honestly, if they're not on board, it's all good. It's all good. Five.
01:26:47
Speaker
Get out of my head, ghost. If you're a boundless pilgrim, why aren't you in here working with us? Henry turns back to the group and giving two thumbs up and be like, they're in. So when we're ready, they're going to join the fray at your plate.
01:27:01
Speaker
Really well done, Henry. Nailed that. Nope, that one's on Jimson. So if everything goes well, that's all Jimson's idea. I knew you could do it, Henry.
01:27:12
Speaker
Really glad you pointed it out out there, bud. So, what's the plan? I think, I genuinely think, team, we should, with the exception of Jimson, find some little nooks and crannies, strike and move, strike and move.
01:27:28
Speaker
Don't let them group up on you. If they do, move towards one of your friends. Oh, you want to stealth this? You want to seal Team 6 this cave? Essentially. It's like well every last known location, you know?
01:27:41
Speaker
No corners left untackled. yeah I wonder, is there a straight, and I know I'm going for this again, is there perhaps a path to the fish we could theoretically get to without being seen?
01:27:55
Speaker
realistically, like not a stretch. Cause I think if we get the soap golem, I don't care if the soap golem survives, but we could perhaps send that out as a distraction.
01:28:07
Speaker
And perhaps most of us can get away. He might be a slippery target. hey Henry looks down at his cloak and looks back at Zizek's and says, I like this idea. and I'm going to grab your arm and we're going to door.
01:28:24
Speaker
Oh no, I forgot about the cape. Amazing. The two of you disappear in a puff of smoke that slowly dissipates and blows out into the afternoon air.
Exploring the Alien Ship
01:28:35
Speaker
And you find yourselves suddenly in the mouth of this fish. You look back and you see the entire cave through these fangs, these crooked, jagged teeth.
01:28:46
Speaker
And I will say, you look down and you see you are maybe three inches on the other side of a tripwire. And you look up, and there's some cauldron suspended, kind of just like up in the shadows of this entrance that you managed to teleport to the other side of.
01:29:06
Speaker
Gotcha. Zizix, watch yourself. I got your back. Find that soap golem.
01:29:13
Speaker
Have you ever used Dimension Door before? No, I feel sick. Ha ha ha ha! I'm having too much fun with this. This is great. Yay. I kind of give you like like a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
01:29:28
Speaker
I'm really proud of you, buddy. I'm barely holding it together. Find that. I believe in you. ah definitely start looking around for a soap golem or any other eyes that might be on me right now.
01:29:42
Speaker
Okay. Give me a perception roll. Everybody cross your face. Oh. Um, that's going to be a total of 10. All in. Nice. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. It doesn't appear that you've been detected.
01:29:55
Speaker
Okay. There's no cries of alarm. You don't see anybody staring at you. But what you do see numerous... numerous passageways and doors branching off. It's not just like an empty, like this is not the main chamber. It seems like this is the entrance to a much larger space that is covered and goes deeper into the cave embedded in the rock.
01:30:19
Speaker
Oh, Okay, got the boots, but that can only do us so good. How many tunnels are there? Yeah, how many? Half dozen that spawn out from here. Okay.
01:30:29
Speaker
Okay, let's look for some signs here. What do we see? Can we see anything else? Are there any suds or pillar footprints? Give me an investigation check. I got 11. 11. eleven And Zizix?
01:30:43
Speaker
A total of three. Okay, doing good. We're doing good. It's hard. There are signs, but they're in a language that I'm going to guess you don't know unless you speak Gith.
01:30:55
Speaker
And without, like, you see, like, some footprints, I would say, that lead off down, like, ah tunnel. Some of those, like, muddy, big, round, pillar-like steps. But...
01:31:06
Speaker
After a little while, they kind of disappear as the mud is scraped off and you so it's dry in here. It's metal. But I'd say it gives you at least like the first tunnel to go down. And then like maybe after that, it's not so straightforward.
01:31:20
Speaker
You can't message to something you can't see, eh? Unfortunately not. Shucks. I suppose we start heading down, eh? ah It's a case of eeny, meeny, miny, moe right now? Or we should we just go left to right, right to left, right down the middle?
01:31:34
Speaker
Left to right. Let's do this, buddy. Okay, path one. Okay. I'm going to say I'm just going to roll a die. don't like this. We'll see what happens with that. Okay. Okay.
01:31:49
Speaker
While the two of you start exploring, I'm going to say, yeah, you lose sight of the footprints. And it's like there's more tunnels that branch off and more doorways.
01:32:00
Speaker
You take some turns. Eventually, you find yourself in a larger tunnel that seems to stretch on for a while. And it ends at a sealed metal door. Sealed metal door. So if we look at it, is there a keyhole? Is there...
01:32:14
Speaker
Not in the traditional sense. It feels alien in design, but there does appear to be a spot where some sort of access could be granted.
01:32:27
Speaker
Some sort of alien lock tumbler. Gotcha. Can I do like an arcana check on this? Like, is there some sort of methodology to these doors? Go for it. I got a 17.
01:32:38
Speaker
You take a look at it. It's complicated. It doesn't seem like a traditional key, like as you know them, would go in there. It seems like more of like a triangular prism, something like that.
01:32:51
Speaker
But ultimately you determine it is mechanical and somebody could pick it given the right skill set. How good of a look can I get at this thing? Computer enhance.
01:33:02
Speaker
I am a wizard of the school of conjuration. Uh-huh. So I can conjure up an inanimate object and it can last an hour in an unoccupied space. So if I can look at this shape in a good enough detail, I could make the inverse shape of a key.
01:33:23
Speaker
I love it. Fantastic. That's so cool. You examine it. It takes a while. You maybe like pull out a little, like you pop out the lens of your telescope and you use it to try and catch like the different corners and hidden parts of this, this lock and you draw forth.
01:33:41
Speaker
this triangular prism and you slide it in and the door, there was no seam. It splits in two and just slides open. I can totally see Henry too, like have drawing iterations in his journal to like figure out what would fit and what would make sense. Oh man, that's dope. This this worked out very well.
01:34:02
Speaker
hu You look in and you see a thick layer of dust covers everything in this chamber. It's not very big and there's some shelving, some counters, but one thing in particular is this...
01:34:20
Speaker
Almost looks like a basin that is suspended in the air, emanating this bright blue light that is sort of just in the center of the room. Sorry, it's floating or it's just in the middle of the room? Floating in the middle of the room. And this blue light is sort of emanating out of it.
01:34:34
Speaker
Whoa. I'm going to walk towards it. Kind of like struck by this imagery. Like I'll step through the doorway towards this blue glowing thing.
01:34:45
Speaker
Sizzix is staying back, concerned for his own well-being. Yeah, it does not react as you approach. You leave these footprints in the dust. There's multiple signs written in this alien language, but this basin just continues to float there. Is there anything in the basin?
01:35:05
Speaker
It's hard. You have to kind of jump up and crane your neck to see, but you look in and there is... This shimmering blue liquid, thick, it's viscous, seems to be constantly moving.
01:35:21
Speaker
On a side note, the holy symbol of Vasilis is a disk of frozen mercury. You would all be familiar with that. It appears to be almost mercury adjacent, but you don't think it is. You think it's something else.
01:35:35
Speaker
What the hell? Could I approach and smell it? Sure. Soapy. ah Well, I'm wondering yeah i wonder if this smells like Irish Spring again.
01:35:47
Speaker
Not a sponsor. I wish. It is acrid. It bites your nose. It is definitely not Irish Spring. Oh, shucks.
01:35:59
Speaker
What do i have in my backpack? Yeah, you check your backpack. Henry's going to put his finger in it.
01:36:08
Speaker
You take four acid damage. Ah, shit. ah Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. I didn't touch it, but I'm telling you, do you don't touch it. You think based off this, it might be a fuel source.
01:36:21
Speaker
Interesting. There's nothing else in this room. Give me an investigation roll. Oh, there we 22. This place is pretty emptied out, but you see chained to a counter near the back is this heavy tome.
01:36:37
Speaker
Again, you like flip it open and it's in this language you don't understand. But you look through it and there appear to be schematics and you think that this might be some form of instruction manual.
01:36:50
Speaker
What hell is going on here? Okay, well, this doesn't seem to be the room. do you know You know what? Hold on a second. Can i empty out one of my inkwells and fill it up with this stuff?
01:37:04
Speaker
100%. Yeah, I'd like to do that. How many inkwells do you have? Because I have a tinderbox. Just one. Okay, okay. Just in case we have to make Molotovs.
01:37:18
Speaker
Yeah, let's do that. One inkwell of this mercury-adjacent acid. It is You realize not a very deep basin. You don't empty it, but you take maybe a third of the liquid.
01:37:31
Speaker
Oh, damn. Wow. Wow. Okay, I think we should try the next path. I think that's great. And as you two leave, we'll cut back to Papal and the twins.
01:37:43
Speaker
I spy with my little eye something that is flesh colored. Is it your own hand? Yeah, is I gotta stop picking that. You always get it on the first try.
01:37:55
Speaker
I'm so good at this game. You are so good. You've been so good at this game our whole lives. You always beat me. I guess they're not coming back. ah thought they were gonna, like, come back for us or something, but apparently not.
01:38:08
Speaker
So... They kind of just disappeared.
01:38:13
Speaker
Well, I presume they went into the fifth, but um i mean, sure I guess we should go, right? I guess they're collecting the soap golem. We should maybe... Oh, yeah....free these other pilgrims somehow?
01:38:29
Speaker
Okay, yeah, they can worry about the soap, and we can worry about some... That makes sense, because if they needed us in there, surely he would have come back and gotten us, right? That makes sense to me.
The Escape Plan
01:38:39
Speaker
Henry said these pilgrims are ready to fight.
01:38:42
Speaker
Yeah. We're going to drum up. or Oh, why don't we get the forces together and we could just march on the fish head right now. true We could all go into the fish.
01:38:52
Speaker
Yeah, we could all go right on into the fish and give them what's for. Yeah. Maybe these other pilgrims could help us out. Yeah. ah Remind me exactly how many guards are there about. Who are we hiding from?
01:39:06
Speaker
12 or something, was it? Yeah, about a dozen goblins and one hobgoblin. Shoot. What are the other pilgrims wearing? Nothing too fancy. They're clothed, but no armor, no weapons, obviously. They definitely have been stripped of their valuables and anything that would encourage them to fight back.
01:39:25
Speaker
I just walked up and started excavating with them, do you think they would like the guards would notice? I am just an average halfling. You can definitely try.
01:39:37
Speaker
Yeah, I guess I'll just try to just walk up and start blending in with them. Give me a deception roll. Or performance. Performance, maybe. Okay, not bad. 16. The hobgoblin looks over at you the second you step into the chamber.
01:39:54
Speaker
Ugh.
01:39:57
Speaker
you freeze. And he says, Hey, get back to work. Yes, sir. Are you going to try to get close to get close to those other halflings, those other pilgrims there?
01:40:09
Speaker
I think I'm just going to go try to like whisper to one. Sure. Yeah. You see ah this halfling man appears to be pretty young, but he's got a pickaxe and he's chipping away at some rocks and you sidle up to him. Hey, we're pilgrims and we found your cart.
01:40:25
Speaker
We're here to help. You mean that feller was telling the truth? Yeah. What do you say? I don't know, we thought he was a goblin or something trying to trick us and so that they could beat us up or something. I don't know.
01:40:37
Speaker
He was very unconvincing. What? Least charismatic voice I've had in my head in long time. My self-talk is very charismatic. That's absolutely ruthless. I bet that guy's the least liked guy in his group.
01:40:53
Speaker
You traveling with Mr. Sullivan Savant or whatever? ah That's right. He is a fellow with the soap creature. That's right. Did the soap creature come in here with you guys?
01:41:04
Speaker
Kidnap? Yeah, they are but took it and Dougie. Dougie? What's Dougie? Dougie Blossom Breath. He's our leader. Oh, where'd they take them? Into the fish?
01:41:14
Speaker
Into the fish. What's the deal with the fish? I don't know. They're making us dig it out, but I ain't ever seen nothing like it. You ever heard that story about them aliens with the flying fish?
01:41:26
Speaker
Nah, I'm a man of science. I don't believe in that. Science fiction. Well, just saying this looks like a giant fish to me. Sure. Ocean's full of them. What are you doing here?
01:41:37
Speaker
You ain't one of us. You came in. You got a plan? Well, we're hoping can come up with something. Mr. Sullivan tasked us with finding his soap golem and guess wanted to get you out here, too.
01:41:49
Speaker
Well, appreciate it. If you got a plan beyond just getting us out, then ah we're in. But say the word. Or what the words are, suppose. Tell us what the words are, then say the word.
01:42:02
Speaker
Oh! Speaking of words, did that Mr. Sullivan remember to tell you that the Golem has a kill phrase? No way! Yeah, that's right. yeah He should have told you. It's kind of crazy that he forgot about that. No, I think playing dead has messed with his head little bit.
01:42:20
Speaker
Yeah, if you say, Sudsy, clean up this mess, it'll go into a murderous rampage. Oh, man, good to know. Yeah, no, I killed one of our guys early on when we asked to clean up after dinner.
01:42:31
Speaker
So i'll be careful. You got any other phrases? Sudsy, how about a hug? That'll calm him down real good. All right. how many How many goblins and stuff are around again? 12 goblins, one hobgoblin.
01:42:45
Speaker
So how long you y'all been here? Notice any, like, routines or anything? Like, these guys always watching you? Well, we've only been here couple hours.
01:42:56
Speaker
it puts us to work right away. But they've been celebrating pretty hard. he points out several barrels. That's ah some mighty heavy grog they got there. I don't know. If they keep it up, they might put them out. But it seems like they got a pretty high tolerance.
01:43:10
Speaker
I think as he says that, you've had grog. It is heavy. it is almost gasoline. It is explosive.
01:43:21
Speaker
It just needs a spark. Oh. Okay. Okay. Or a spear? Yeah. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool. It's pretty fruitful conversation. i think I'll just head back to where Ollie is and relay the information.
01:43:38
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Well, I'm going to try something. It might get me in prison. Promise will get me out. This was very helpful. And I think light that thing up, I guess, whenever it seems appropriate.
01:43:51
Speaker
course. I'm going to take off all of my armor. so that I look like the halfling. Oh. And I'm going to, yeah, drop all my weapons and things like that that I look like one of the captured halflings.
01:44:02
Speaker
And I'm going to timidly approach one of the guards. Excuse me? Yeah, you approach this gnarled-looking goblin with just like half of his ears been bitten off, and he looks at you and says, Eh, what's up, then?
01:44:19
Speaker
ah The boss man sent me. um i was I was told to deliver a message. I was told, ah see, I was in the fish with him just now and he sent me out and he told me, he told me, number one, he would like a report on um the the progress towards completion of the project.
01:44:34
Speaker
um So you can give me that and I'll take it right back to him. And then number two, he told me that you boys did ah all right for a handful of Moss for Brains dumb dumb terrible stinky idiot faces I think with something like that he said and um that you should celebrate by you can open up that second barrel back there and a few of you can take take shift in the back just you know celebrating on on account of your successes give me a deception roll yeah that makes sense okay I'm going to use the nice dice for this one on account of me caring about the outcome
01:45:13
Speaker
That's a natural 20. That's good. I am these allegations.
01:45:21
Speaker
Did he say moss for brains? I'm afraid he did, sir, yeah. Hey, lads! Batwin says we got moss for brains! We ain't gonna take that! And other voices pipe up saying, Yeah!
01:45:35
Speaker
The amount of work we do for him equals his moss for brains! There's no k need for such foul language! I think we ought to kill him! And a goblin mob quickly forms.
01:45:47
Speaker
The hobgoblin tending to the ox looks puzzled and does not intervene. You get the sense he might be part of the ruling class, but quickly senses that the ruling class might not be ruling much longer.
01:46:00
Speaker
And the goblins go marching towards the fish only to trip on the tripwire. dropping a about a dozen bottles of alchemist's fire, causing a large explosion my god that rattles the entire cavern and obliterates the lot of them in a moment. so What?
01:46:23
Speaker
I look at Gibson and give Gibson two big thumbs up. I'm like, nice. nice but Well, uh, we are free to go.
01:46:37
Speaker
Jimson's gonna yell to the other pilgrims, like, make for the exit, single file. The hobgoblin cook steps in front of the entrance to the cave, brandishing of the ox leg, and the halflings just charge him and tap him to the ground and just kick him and head off into the afternoon air, feeling the sunlight again.
01:47:04
Speaker
And we'll cut back inside. As the two of you are leaving this chamber, there's a sudden explosion from the
Chaos and Departure
01:47:11
Speaker
distance. The entire ship you're in shakes. Taken off!
01:47:15
Speaker
The ship's taken off! The ship is taken off. Oh god. I would like to think that Zizix is also panicking.
01:47:27
Speaker
Can we teleport out of here? What have you gotten us into? ah no more dimension doors for us, sorry. Are we still looking for the soap thing? Are we running it out of here?
01:47:39
Speaker
We are absolutely leaving. Okay. Copy that. Let's get out of here. Give me a, going to say survival check again as you're trying to navigate your way through this, through this alien ship. Sure.
01:47:52
Speaker
Oh, this is not my, this is not my strength. Oh, I only got a 12. Okay, a 9 plus nothing. So that's a 9.
01:48:04
Speaker
The two of you take off full sprint. For those of us at home watching, we see you run straight past the hallway that you should have turned right down. dang You were going left, right, left, right, left, right before. This time you go right, left, right, left, right, left.
01:48:17
Speaker
And I... I know you think that, hey wait a minute, that's the opposite. It should work. doesn't it Doesn't it work in that case? It doesn't. And you run into this large metal chamber before you've realized it. You see up a set of stairs, there is a hobgoblin with a just set of these massive shoulder guards, shoulder pads with spikes coming out of them.
01:48:38
Speaker
He's got long black hair that pools around him. He's sitting in this metal chair and you see similar to the basin is floating just a little ways off the ground. but shoot him. <unk> I'm not kidding. All right. Well, as you draw to fire on him, Zizek, you look up and you see that there is a halfling suspended from the ground in a cage that is attached by a chain. He's got long, shaggy white hair, almost wolf-like, and an eye patch.
01:49:05
Speaker
And you see in the corner of the room with a chain with like a big cuff around its ankle is this creature made of soap. It is, imagine a bar of soap with legs and arms, because that's what it is.
01:49:20
Speaker
And it's standing there, and you walk in and goes, hmm. And Henry fires at the Hobgoblin. Give me an attack roll. What are you shooting them with?
01:49:31
Speaker
I'm going to use a chromatic orb. I'm gonna do it with... don't know, let's use like lightning damage. I'm gonna cast it at a second level.
01:49:42
Speaker
I got a 15 plus 4. That hits! What is the damage? 3d8. Okay, I'm gonna do 16 lightning damage to the Hothgoblin.
01:49:53
Speaker
Sheesh! You walk in and he stands up and says, what's the meaning of this? And immediately goes as 16 damage courses through his body. He is still alive, but not looking happy about that. That was significant.
01:50:10
Speaker
Zizix, what are you doing? I think you got this. And I jump right up towards the cage. yeah No, I actually, can I fire this crossbow one handed?
01:50:21
Speaker
It's a two handed weapon, but I'll allow it. Why not? Adrenaline coursing through your body. You just hold, it's like holding a shotgun in one hand and you you fire off. Perfect. I doom guy, hold on to the cage and shoot off the crossbow the hobgoblin. Hell yeah. Amazing. Give me an attack roll.
01:50:42
Speaker
Okay, speaking of not beating these allegations, without anything added to it, 19. Let's go. go Amazing. I will say, you are up there. I'll say, you know what? We'll allow sneak attack. He's not, he's he's surprised. You just jumped 15 feet in the air.
01:51:02
Speaker
Bolt comes flying out of nowhere. Yeah, you can add your sneak attack to that. Let's go Fantastic. A total of six. So not a ton. Plus your dexterity?
01:51:14
Speaker
Oh, plus dexterity? So a total of nine? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Nice. little bit better. a little bit better. Okay. That's still something. Is this lightning ball, chromatic orb hits him. The bolt follows up. His his like vision goes wide for a second. He opens his eyes to see a bolt flying right at him. He tries to twist out of the way and it catches him just like underneath his shoulder pad.
01:51:33
Speaker
And I think we're going to roll a little initiative for the two of you. Nice.
01:51:42
Speaker
very nice. Okay. Zizix, you are dangling from this cage. The halfling in the cage looks at you with his one and good eye and says, who the hell are you?
01:51:54
Speaker
Don't really have time to chat right now, handsome. well Who are you? Doggy Blossom Breath, at your service. Zizix, halfling breath. Pleasure to meet you. He's like, his face is real close to yours.
01:52:07
Speaker
yeah This man's got the worst breath you've ever smelled. He coughs a little bit at the smell. Sure. I imagine that the Hobgoblin's only stunned for so long.
01:52:18
Speaker
He's probably Hoblin there, eh? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Talk soon. Would I be able to leap towards him? 100%. I am leaping towards him in an attempt to stab him.
01:52:32
Speaker
Amazing. You, like, kind of flip up, put your feet on the bars of this cage, and just spring forward, blade-drawn, flying directly towards him. You're pinballing around this room with these boots.
01:52:43
Speaker
Oh, fuck. Fantastic. 13 plus five. So 18. 18 is just enough to get through his half place. Oh, shoot. Fantastic. So that's going to be D8.
01:52:58
Speaker
You are a swashbuckler, which unlike other rogues, you are able to get sneak attack when you're in one on one combat with ah an individual. Nice. So add that sneak attack. All put together, nine.
01:53:10
Speaker
That is with the the plus three from your dexterity. That is not. So that's 12. Oh, sweet. You go flying through the air and your rapier goes right through him.
01:53:24
Speaker
and he collapses to the ground. You like carry him to the ground, this floating chair he's on, you press him back into it and it goes drifting off of its axis and just topples down off this platform and he is just dumped unceremoniously on the ground with you standing at the top of these stairs.
01:53:40
Speaker
Henry! I'm here, sir.
01:53:46
Speaker
Can you believe that? Zizix has forgotten any sense of like, like his own image and he is just celebrating this ridiculous act he's pulled on off.
01:53:59
Speaker
but He's not quiet about it. I saw the whole thing, my friend. I was amazing. You were amazing. We're amazing. And we will continue to be amazing once we get off this ship.
01:54:12
Speaker
Oh, damn it. That's right. Blossom Breath, it was nice knowing you.
01:54:20
Speaker
Hey, now, wait. All right, free the soap golem. Let's get out of here. Hey, what about me then? I'm just kidding. I'll hop up there. oh You get Soapy McSoapface, and I'll hop up there. Sounds like a plan.
01:54:35
Speaker
o I forget he can kind of mumble. Yeah, Henry wants to walk. I'm going to just firebolt the chain, just pop this thing off. It just immediately, it bursts free, and it doesn't move.
01:54:48
Speaker
It just stands there looking at you. It doesn't have a head or a face, oh but it looks sad. All right, Suzy, let's go. yeah Does it actually follow?
01:54:59
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Nice. Fantastic. It stands a respectful five feet behind you. Lovely. I'll now, so he's suspended in a cage. Blossom Breath is suspended in a cage.
01:55:11
Speaker
Yes. How high? Could he hop down if I opened the cage? He might like twist his ankle type vibes, you know, like it's not an insignificant drop, but he but probably won't kill him. He looks battle hardened. Fantastic.
01:55:23
Speaker
I think this ship has taken off. He'll have to take that. yeah I attempt to open the cage. All right. So yeah, you have expertise in thieves tools. So you can roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier and add four on top of that. So I think it'd be d20 plus seven.
01:55:44
Speaker
That's a total of an 11. Everything added in. Okay. With an 11, you start working at it and it's coming, but it's taking longer than you would like. You're kind of hanging there in the air. It's a little awkward.
01:55:57
Speaker
You're a little out of position. And as you're doing this, a door from an adjoining chamber opens up and another hobgoblin with a towel around his waist says, all right, time for my shower.
01:56:10
Speaker
And then he looks at his dead boss and he looks at the soap golem that's been freed, and he looks at the two of you, and he immediately drops his towel, turns around, runs away, and you hear an alarm go off.
01:56:27
Speaker
Oh, fuck. Shoot. I will say you take you keep working at it as fast as you can. You manage to pop the lock. And as you do, more doors from other adjoining chambers open, more hot goblins, more goblins come bursting out.
01:56:42
Speaker
It is full minds of Moria with them like crawling down the sides. Hatches are opening up. They're crawling down the walls. And the four of you take off as fast as you can. You go sprinting through these tunnels of this alien ship.
01:56:56
Speaker
None of them look familiar, but eventually you see the metallic jaws of the entrance of this ship.
Narrow Escape and Aftermath
01:57:03
Speaker
And Henry, you're like, the tripwire! And you go to stop. And then you look and you see about a dozen charred bodies.
01:57:09
Speaker
And you just keep running. Jimson, Oleander, you hear a commotion. You hear this alarm go off. You see your two compatriots along with another halfling and the soap golem that's just going boom, boom, boom, running behind them in close pursuit. And they are chased by just a mob of goblins and hobgoblins, weapons drawn, charging towards you.
01:57:34
Speaker
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Where is the mouth of the cave? We're coming up the mouth? You will be. You're you know you're like you're halfway through the the cave, I'd say. You've left the mouth of the fish, but you're not quite at the mouth of the cave. Tell me when we get to the mouth of the cave.
01:57:50
Speaker
If I have a thieves pack, do I have ball bearings? I'd say there's some ball bearings. I hastily just shake this bag as I'm running.
01:58:02
Speaker
raising Yeah. A few goblins get taken out. They like just go tumbling, you know, flying off, land in a land in a heap. I'd say two of the halflings that were freed by your your companions, they've cut the oxen free and they're they're pulling them out the entrance.
01:58:18
Speaker
Jimson, you look at this. this mob chasing after your friends and you see them, there they run, you know, they're running towards you.
01:58:29
Speaker
They reach you. the last of your party, the soap golem exits the cave. Henry, Jimson, I feel like both of you have plans. What are you doing?
01:58:41
Speaker
Don't be a hero, Jimson.
01:58:45
Speaker
Keep running. All right, I'll leave it to you. As we're running, I want to say to Gypsun, very rarely does a boundless pilgrim stray from the road laid out before them, but today i take the path untrodden. and I'm going to turn around and then I'm going shout over my shoulder, put that on my gravestone, and I'm going to use Thunderwave to try collapse the cave. No!
01:59:11
Speaker
Oh no! Henry! So Henry casts Thunder Wave. So a 15-foot cube of thunder damage it says additionally any unsecured objects entirely within the cube will be pushed 10 feet. So if there's any a loose rocks, some support beams, you know.
01:59:30
Speaker
Yeah. You do this. You turn around and let off this thunder blast. Is anybody doing anything else or does this just play out? Can I like pull like no, no, no! Can I pull him out of the cave? Let him go!
01:59:47
Speaker
He wants to die here? Give me an athletics check. Hey, if you're within the range, I'm gonna push you 10 feet. Oh. Oh man, I should've done my thing. So in that case, I would say make- actually instead of athletics check, make a constitution saving throw. 14.
02:00:04
Speaker
thing Henry, what is your saving throw? 12, but you are going to take- 2d8 halves? Yeah, so I got 11 on the dice. Okay, so Jimson, you take five damage.
02:00:17
Speaker
As Henry turns around, you're nearly blasted off your feet, but you grab him by the collar and drag him behind you like a disappointed parent as these bottles of grog go flying, hit the cook fire,
02:00:31
Speaker
The mob of goblins goes flying backwards, landing in a heap. and the grog barrels explode as this entire cave collapses in on itself, and you drag your friend, depriving him of his Blaze of Glory moment. Jimson!
02:00:49
Speaker
Dude! My friend, you'll have many paths walked after today. No, no, no, you don't get it. I was setting it up to be sick. I could use Misty Step. I had a bonus action. i was gonna- I played you all up because I was trying to- win some sympathy and then just when you think oh damn we should have been nicer to henry maybe he isn't the worst guy in group i would have shown back up you son of a bitch
02:01:19
Speaker
No one thought you were the worst guy in the world. You're just sticky knife. So you're mad that your friend rescued you? Yeah. Okay. Risks his life to rescue you and you're like- No, you risked your own life. I was good.
02:01:36
Speaker
Oh, that's so funny. We didn't know that. you would have failed, I would have Misty stepped out of there. Oops, no more jumpsuit. um saving my life, but I was going to do something really, really cool. So I'm mad at you now.
02:01:51
Speaker
God, I was counting my move economy this whole time. was still pretty cool. To be fair, it was still pretty cool. Why are we debating this right now? What?
02:02:01
Speaker
Get the hell out of here. No, you're right. You're right. You're right. sorry. know what, Henry? i will do you one better, and I will tell everyone from here on out that that's what happened. Yeah.
02:02:13
Speaker
In every tavern, I will tell the story of how you pulled this off flawlessly. I appreciate that, Zizix, very much. like but the I thought you meant you were going to tell everyone that Henry died in a place of glory underneath rubble. But your version of the story is nicer and creates less plot holes for when Henry's having drinks with us. help We're going to go back to Sullivan. And do.
02:02:40
Speaker
mr savan mr sullivan and so you do
02:02:46
Speaker
You return down this passageway, Zizix, the Leaper, Henry, the Uncrushed, Jimson, the unwanted hero, and Oleander, the one who told a lie that killed 12 people.
02:03:06
Speaker
The other pilgrims that you rescued are grateful for your assistance. Papal keeps happily talking to you. This is why we should talk more, because when we talk, we get good ideas. That was quite, quite the plan we came up with, you and I. Our true Papal, you are a genius. You are the smartest pig in the world. Ain't that the truth?
02:03:27
Speaker
And eventually the sun starts to glow bright in the sky. Supernova is approaching. You reach the spot where you left Sullivan Sivan, the inventor.
02:03:40
Speaker
You see he has been picked apart by dire vultures. He is not faking his death. but And Ducky Blossom Breath says, ain't that a shame.
02:03:51
Speaker
I know I was Scottish before, but I like what you folks are serving up and I'm going to try it out for Saz. Well, you may as well keep a soap golem, but I don't think he's gonna be needing it anymore. Ugh, Henry looks at this disgusting pile of corpse and goes, Ugh, Susie, clean up this mess. Yes! It is!
02:04:10
Speaker
And that is where we will stop this one shot of Bard's soup. That's amazing. Amazing.
02:04:25
Speaker
Well, wasn't that something? I liked it. I'm biased, but I liked it.
02:04:42
Speaker
So please enjoy this interview.
02:04:46
Speaker
I'm Nicholas Huppe. I'm an events coordinator with the Ottawa Food Bank. I've been working with us here for almost six years, about five and a half years. And like Sudsy, we're cleaning up this mess as best we can.
02:04:59
Speaker
The Ottawa Food Bank was created 40 years ago, so our 40th anniversary. And we were never really meant to be... permanent, right? we We were started as a temporary measure.
02:05:12
Speaker
Initially, it was only canned goods, and it was only for people who who who weren't working. you know, but in that time we've expanded significantly and we couldn't do this without the help of, of groups like this and people really donating their, their time and their money.
02:05:31
Speaker
We truly get very little from government. I think it's about 1.4, 1.5% we get from the municipal government and nothing provincially, nothing federally. So anybody who, who supports us at all, you're the reason we're doing what we're doing. So a huge thank you. But, uh,
02:05:47
Speaker
Yeah, I'm happy to answer any questions. I really appreciate being a part of this. This is ah one of, and I have a lot of fun on this job, but this is a pretty a pretty dang fun day on the job, I gotta say.
02:05:57
Speaker
Yeah, like i've I've seen some of the stats that you know you guys have on your website and that you sent me about nearly one four households in Ottawa struggle afford enough to eat and how it's like gone up significantly in the last few years even.
02:06:10
Speaker
With some of the trade issues going on you know south of the border between us, tariffs, grocery prices are probably expected to increase. Do we think like that's going to continue to become like a growing problem in the years ahead as a result?
02:06:23
Speaker
Almost certainly. It's kind of tough to see how exactly that'll affect, but we're already... What I can talk about is the situation we're kind of already in, and I believe it's it's close to 40% of the food banks across not just the city, but I'm fairly sure the province as well, are reporting that they have to turn people away.
02:06:43
Speaker
So it's kind of this this province-wide problem of there's already hardly enough to to go around, and I mean, we've had local food banks kind of have to cut back how much they have to necessarily give out in their programs. And i know I volunteered at Heron Food Bank a little while back, and there was a line out the door the entire time we were there.
02:07:10
Speaker
And I mean, I've been here about six years, so I started right before the pandemic, 2019.
02:07:17
Speaker
the demand that we've gotten from our member agencies has gone up 90%. It's gone up 90%. When I started, we' were about an organization of maybe 30, 35.
02:07:29
Speaker
Now we're not quite double that, but we've significantly expanded. So it's, Already we're having to do more with less. And it's only i mean it's only going to get tougher, right? And we can't keep being the canary in the coal mine, so to speak, of like, oh, oh now there's trouble. you know it's We weren't ever meant to be permanent. And ah Band-Aid solutions are only going to be...
02:07:56
Speaker
are only going to be sufficient for so long, right? And we have, not we, but there's, the way we kind of work is the Ottawa Food Bank is kind of the food bank for other food banks is kind of my elevator pitch.
02:08:07
Speaker
So we buy food and we process food in bulk, and then distribute it to the other agencies for free. And there's an agency in every corner of the city. is sometimes multiple.
02:08:18
Speaker
So it's tough and it's only going to get tougher, but we do have a lot of really strong local suppliers. We have a farm out in Stittsville. So if anybody's looking to get their hand dirty, we're always looking for volunteers out on the farm.
02:08:31
Speaker
But we do produce a good bit of vegetables ourselves. Not that it's all of it, but we produce a good bit of vegetables ourselves. And we we try to do local producers as we can, but I mean, food's already so, so expensive. so Cash obviously helps because it helps us. We can purchase.
02:08:49
Speaker
We have a lot of a lot more purchase power than perhaps the average person, but also food donations are down as well. And food donations give variety and can give us things that we don't necessarily purchase ourselves. So things like desserts, chocolates, some household goods, right? Like we'll we'll have some feminine hygiene products, but it's it really helps provide kind of the The extras, right?
02:09:13
Speaker
And I mean, if we're buying a pallet of tomato soup, it's nice to get other brands of tomato soup in there as well. Food donations are definitely down. So that definitely helps. Kind of building off that, if someone was looking to get involved, whether it was like a donation or volunteering, what would be the best way for them to get in contact? Should they you know go to the the Ottawa Food Bank directly or someone like the individual food banks in their part of the city? Like any advice on yeah just getting involved?
02:09:41
Speaker
Yeah, totally. Like anything, it's kind of a complex answer, but definitely support your local food bank as well. So I'd say helping out here and helping out there. Obviously, the Ottawa Food Bank can buy food at a much better price than a lot of the agencies can because we can buy tractor trailer load worth of cereal and we're not spending what one of the smaller agencies might if they run out of cereal and have to run to the store. So that's the reality of a lot of these is they're all independently run.
02:10:09
Speaker
Obviously, the allish the Salvation Armies and the missions are are affiliated with themselves, but with them all being independently run, they all have independent budgets, just like our own, and they also need help just like we do.
02:10:23
Speaker
So helping out here and helping out there absolutely helps. So definitely contact your local food bank, see what they need for sure, because it might differ from what we take, but we're very, very blessed with having quite a bit of volunteers. So obviously, absolutely, I recommend people applying to volunteer.
02:10:42
Speaker
But I also recommend if you can, you know, pick up an extra soup, a soup can every time you do groceries, there's often a metal cage right out by the cash register.
02:10:54
Speaker
as you kind of go to leave. And you know, just one thing a week, like we don't necessarily need big grand gestures, as much as they absolutely help. And yeah, raise hell, get people involved in your community. But you know, five bucks a month,
02:11:09
Speaker
a can of soup every other week it really does go a long way to providing sustainability which is a big thing for us here is being able to buy these things in bulk and parse them out as the community needs it but also email events at ottawafootbank.ca it comes to me and my team and we're happy to work with people to find creative ways to either get the word out there or to run your own food drive Run your own fundraiser.
02:11:35
Speaker
We can even do it so that you can make personalized donation pages. You know, do it in your place of work if you can, but we can come up with some really creative ways to do these things. But our warehouse only has so much space and we can only contain so many people safely.
02:11:49
Speaker
But if you want to do a food drive, you want do fundraiser on your own, that's going to be immensely helpful. Amazing. like um I think just my last question, and if there's anything else you want to talk about or anything anybody else is wondering, is sort of just like on a policy or advocacy level, um obviously, like, as you said, there's no federal or provincial funding.
02:12:11
Speaker
Is that something that, you know, someone could write their local MP or, you know, anything like any, is there anything you guys look for some support in that regard, if that makes sense? Yeah. Yeah, it does. I mean, absolutely get and get involved with your local government. And if you do kind of want ideas of how to of how to help in that regard, absolutely send us an email, you foodbank at ottawafoodbank.ca or events at ottawafoodbank.ca. But definitely tell your local city councillor that this is ah problem and that it's a bigger problem than perhaps they realize. And i know I've talked to several city councillors as well. And so they're
02:12:50
Speaker
they're somewhat aware and obviously there's only so much that's that is within their power but you know absolutely let people know that it's a problem a hundred percent I guess just building off of like that question, ah maybe just to focus in on, I think you touched on in a really great way.
02:13:05
Speaker
But is there a specific avenue that you're looking for more support in? Like, obviously, money is great. You see, you have a really strong volunteer base. So is food donations like the backbone of it? Or is would money or monetary support be be something that is like goes the farthest?
02:13:22
Speaker
Money absolutely goes goes very darn far. the The stat we like to send out is $16 can feed a family of four. And obviously, food's super expensive.
02:13:35
Speaker
But with our purchasing power, we can obviously make it go so much further, right? So I think it's within one's capacity, but money always helps, but money's hard to find. And I absolutely get that. So if doing a food drive is is easier, filling one box, we'll provide boxes.
02:13:53
Speaker
We have food drive posters. We can set you up a custom fleck fundraising page so you can track your own progress at work, right? you can You can try to aim and try to beat what your company did last year, right? So I kind of talk about the way I almost do voting, where while one person can change the world, all of us can really make a much greater change together. So if you can have a conversation with your friends and let them know that this is going on and this is tough, but yeah, try to do a little old food drive, try to do a little fundraiser. Money absolutely goes really, really far, but a balance of both is is super, super important.
02:14:32
Speaker
And we definitely see those those food donations really dip around this time of year. We really get a lot of support around the Christmas season. And then it very literally kind of dries up around the summer months.
02:14:44
Speaker
So if you can do an Easter food drive, you can do something at work in the summer. it It'll really go a long way to kind of get us to that next that next busy season. Yeah, that's that's a really cool reminder, actually.
02:14:56
Speaker
I don't think it would have anticipated that drop-off, but it makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it's it's tough. But you know people are are hungry all times of the year. right And and you know maybe we see it less because you know they they are people like like you and I, right? And that stat one in four can't afford enough to eat.
02:15:15
Speaker
you know Maybe the kids are eating and the kids don't know, but the parents are regularly skipping meals, right? And you know that caloric intake's not there. Yeah. We have the highest rate of childhood use of food banks in the entire province.
02:15:30
Speaker
It's not Toronto, it's not Cornwall, it's right here in the nation's capital. So a lot of it is really hiding in plain sight. So, you know, it's a lot of people just expect it's somebody sitting on the block downtown, but it's your neighbors and it's your co workers, right? So yeah ah people are hungry all times of the year.
02:15:50
Speaker
Anything and everything helps. Any other questions? i It's really exciting to hear about just a comment. That's really exciting to hear about the resources that you have to help people do, you know, fundraisers in their own communities.
02:16:03
Speaker
Because I think that's something that I would be intimidated or not really know that that's something that I could help facilitate. But hearing you talk about it kind of opened my eyes to the fact that it's maybe more accessible than I realized to make that kind of contribution.
02:16:18
Speaker
thanks for sharing that. Oh, my pleasure. We try to make it as as approachable as we as we can. But yeah, I think that's one of the the hurdles we're trying to kind of overcome right now because I've prepared these resources and our communications team have put together really beautiful posters. And we we have this online resource where anybody can make a donation page, right? We can keep it up all year. and it It doesn't matter, right? It's one of those hurdles we're definitely coming over is like, anybody can do this and you don't need our permission, but I can help.
02:16:47
Speaker
We can provide boxes, right? So anybody can email events at Ottawa Food Bank. Our team just got a little bigger and we're happy to we're happy to work with you to whatever capacity you can help.
02:17:00
Speaker
That's awesome. That's really awesome. Yeah, thanks. Oh, we try.
02:17:06
Speaker
Any other questions? How did you get into this? That's my only question. that's ah It's obviously like it can be a tough environment to go into dayto day to day. and I'm sure it's also rewarding. But what made you want to get into that?
02:17:20
Speaker
It was kind of a I don't say a victim of circumstance. But um before coming here, had had a had a kind of a sustained back injury, which kind of had me hopping from the type of work I used to do.
02:17:37
Speaker
And I kind of had to hop between jobs for a little while and found when I started to regain strength, that oh I could get back into warehousing. It was something I did back in the day. And there was an opening at the food bank warehouse because it's big enough that we have, you know we have forklifts and we have electric pallet jacks and stuff like that. Right. And industrial freezers, we can drive the forklifts And so I started off in the warehouse and I worked in the warehouse for four and a half, five years and kind of kept applying internally knowing that, uh,
02:18:12
Speaker
I'm a small guy and my back can only take so much, but I wanted to contribute in other like meaningful ways. yeah And another member of staff was like, Hey, like you should do this.
02:18:26
Speaker
Here's, here's the local, here's how you kind of can dip your toes into fundraising. And then a fundraising position opened up. I applied for it. And and that was ah almost a year ago. That was maybe 13 months ago.
02:18:39
Speaker
ah So it was definitely something that like, I was going to be once I was kind of given the the handbook of like, oh this is how you kind of do it. Or because it's it's kind of an in unconventional field. and there's not really a college program to get into fundraising.
02:18:53
Speaker
A lot of people get here a lot of different ways. So I think when somebody was like, Hey, there's a professional organization, there's a lot of adults trying to figure out how to help and how to do this really effectively.
02:19:04
Speaker
It was something I was already looking into and I had joined the professional body and then the right spot opened up and I didn't have to go anywhere. And I got to stay exactly where I love. And the people who work here are phenomenal.
02:19:16
Speaker
I never want to leave. my My coworkers, my boss are all like real salt of the earth people. i mean, we all eat lunch around the same table. There's a real palpable sense of community that I just, it's infectious and I love what I do.
02:19:31
Speaker
Damn, that's really cool. Yeah, thank you so much. But yeah, i think I think the big thing that I want to emphasize is like it is, you know, it's a big problem. It's getting bigger. Obviously, international economics is complicating things right now.
02:19:46
Speaker
But things like minimum wage, things like affordable housing are huge problems and are huge problems going forward. So if people could help out in any way they can, but also maybe vote with that in mind.
02:20:01
Speaker
There's a lot of folks that need help and they're people just like you and I. When I applied to the food bank, I was i was a couple of weeks away from eating it ourselves, like myself, between doing odd jobs and you know being out with the back injury.
02:20:15
Speaker
Things were looking dire. And I had a lot of friend and familial support, but... Money's money. And that's really tough. So yeah, absolutely help out in any way you can, but please vote with your dollar and vote with compassion if you can. I i really appreciate everybody taking the time to to get to know me and get to know the organization and really invite me on board. This was truly a blast.
02:20:37
Speaker
I really had a phenomenal time.
02:20:41
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us for this special episode of Bard Soup in partnership with the Ottawa Food Bank and Podcaston.
02:20:55
Speaker
I have been your Dungeon Master, Zach Meikle, joined by Prima Jow as Jimson Thornapple, Jordan Johnson as Henry Moonlighter
02:21:10
Speaker
We encourage you to visit www.podcastthon.org to discover hundreds of other charitable organizations through the voices and talents of partner podcasts.
02:21:22
Speaker
There's a lot of really great shows and a lot of great charities doing some really great work. So definitely check that out. And if you feel motivated to donate to the Ottawa Food Bank, you can find a link in the episode description. Thank you once again to Nick for taking the time to join us for this episode.
02:21:35
Speaker
We'll be back next week with episode 20 and we'll see you then.