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S3E13 Who?! Hope and Heart: Allison's Journey to Parenthood
64 Plays22 days ago
Summary
In this episode, Allison shares her emotional journey of becoming a parent through surrogacy, offering insights into the highs and lows of the process. She discusses the challenges of IVF and the joy of finding a surrogate, Kellie, who felt like the perfect match. Allison reflects on the excitement and anticipation of transfer day, the support from family and friends, and the strength she found through each milestone. As her relationship with Kellie deepened, Allison experienced the profound beauty of celebrating each step together, including the unforgettable moment of delivery day. With invaluable advice for intended parents and surrogates, Allison’s story is one of resilience, trust, and the powerful impact of a strong support system in creating a family.
Takeaways
-Surrogacy is often not the first choice for family building.
-IVF can be an emotional rollercoaster with many ups and downs.
-Having a supportive partner is crucial during the journey.
-Building relationships with surrogates can enhance the experience.
-Hope plays a vital role in navigating challenges.
-Finding the right match can happen quickly and unexpectedly.
-Trusting your instincts is important in the surrogacy process.
-Support systems can help alleviate the emotional burden.
-It's essential to communicate openly with your partner.
-The journey to parenthood can be filled with both challenges and joy.
-Support from family was overwhelming and uplifting.
-Bonding over the surrogacy process was a unique experience.
-Dealing with disappointment is part of the journey.
-Delivery day is a surreal experience that changes everything in an instant.
-The support from medical staff and the community is crucial in the surrogacy process.
-It's important to let go of sadness and disappointment to embrace the joy of parenthood.
-Surrogacy is a selfless act that significantly impacts the lives of intended parents.
-The emotional journey of surrogacy can be filled with peace and joy despite challenges.
-Building a family through surrogacy is a beautiful process that deserves recognition.
-Every moment of the journey, from appointments to delivery, is filled with significance.
-The relationship between surrogates and intended parents can be nurturing and supportive
Links
Recommended
Transcript
Allison's Journey into Surrogacy
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. on today's episode, I'm joined by Allison, who shares her hard and ultimately beautiful journey of building a family through surrogacy.
00:00:11
Speaker
Allison opens up about the physical and mental challenges she faced during her own IVF and the relief of ultimately deciding to pursue surrogacy and the joy she felt when she found what she feels was the perfect match.
00:00:25
Speaker
She shares about the roller coaster of emotions, the delight of celebrating milestones with her surrogate, Kelly, and the importance of supportive community throughout the process.
00:00:36
Speaker
This conversation dives deep into the power of hope, connection, and the selflessness that defines surrogacy.
Introducing Whitney Hall and Her Surrogacy Experience
00:00:44
Speaker
This was truly a fairytale journey, and I can't wait for you to listen to Alison as she reflects on the beauty and resilience of family building in this way.
00:00:55
Speaker
Grab your tissues and enjoy. me you, and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby in a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic.
00:01:09
Speaker
This podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall. and I am a two time surrogate now turned surrogacy coordinator for egg donor and surrogate solutions.
00:01:26
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever.
Challenges and Decision to Pursue Surrogacy
00:01:47
Speaker
We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:54
Speaker
hi alison I'm so glad you're here. Glad you're here. Oh my gosh. This is fun because not only do I, you know, just get to talk to you today, but I was, got to be your coordinator for your journey. So special place in my heart for sure.
00:02:16
Speaker
Okay. So let's go back very, let's go way back. Way in the way back machine. What led you and Joey to looking to surrogacy as the path to grow your family?
00:02:32
Speaker
Well, let's see. So it's, you know, obviously it's, it's not your first met. It's not your first method, right? It's not your first go-to when you're thinking about having a family. Um, even though,
00:02:45
Speaker
it was an absolutely beautiful process, certainly you wanna try to do it the old fashioned way. And so we tried that, knew fairly early on that that was probably not gonna work without intervention. So we we created embryos and with the help of ah of a different village.
00:03:06
Speaker
And from that point, did the the plan was for me to, you know obviously to do the training do transfers and and have our baby. And we're little older, I'm older than him. And so we knew from the beginning that it was going to be a little bit of an
Finding and Connecting with a Surrogacy Agency
00:03:24
Speaker
uphill battle. So our to our doctor's credit, he was very transparent with us. He did not give us a bunch of false hope. He was very honest, ah but but encouraging at the same time. So we felt good knowing from the beginning that this was going to be our path, or at least IVF yeah was going to be our path. And I think a lot of people
00:03:43
Speaker
they have a lot of pain getting just to IVF. yeah I feel grateful we didn't have that. We didn't have that up and down, that heartbreak. We kind knew and so we went straight there.
00:03:55
Speaker
so We did three transfers with me. The first transfer was, I was technically pregnant. HCG was low.
00:04:05
Speaker
I ended up having a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Oh gosh. It happened on a Saturday morning. you know it always happens on a weekend. Why?
00:04:18
Speaker
i just don't know. But you know it was... it was it was the way it unfolded, it was a God thing because i was feeling, you know, my, I was in pain and was afraid of what was happening. We had an appointment scheduled the following morning because as you know, with IVF, it's,
00:04:33
Speaker
it's ah It has no, it doesn't sleep. um You know, Saturdays, Sundays, 8 a.m. So we had an appointment at 8 a.m. the next morning. And so it was, you know, it worked out. But I mean, I didn't plan to go to to emergency surgery that day. So that happened and that was tough.
00:04:48
Speaker
And that was a setback. I really didn't consider the fact, A, that it wouldn't take, B, that it would unfold the way it did. So we, that was that was number one. Number another...
00:05:01
Speaker
another technical pregnancy, HCG grew, grew, and then plateaued and stopped. And then third attempt was just a negative test. and And at that point, I was physically and emotionally really just tapped.
00:05:18
Speaker
And we just had to have some honest talks about what our next steps were because we had thankfully several healthy tested embryos waiting for us.
00:05:31
Speaker
So luckily we had that and we weren't at a place where we were ready to pivot to, you know, adoption or, or give up. And so at that point we, we spoke to people in the community and the help of a wonderful therapist about what to do and she led us to a couple of different agencies to check out one being you guys and we really were we really checked we you know we looked at your website we had initial conversations with you guys we really didn't go any further i think when you when you do this you have to base so much of it on feel yeah there is so so much science
00:06:11
Speaker
And you've got to leave that to the experts and then base the rest of it on how you feel. And we just knew after talking to you guys that that was the direction that we were comfortable going. and yeah And Gail, who used to be with you, she was amazing. She felt she made us feel so warm. Mm-hmm.
00:06:34
Speaker
We just knew. We really didn't have to debate it any further. It's kind of like any other difficult decision in life. Once you realize that that's the path you're going, everything else after that is almost kind of a relief.
00:06:47
Speaker
And when she was wonderful and everybody was wonderful, I was like okay, this is you know, this thing that's shrouded in mystery. These are just real people and they're angels and they're doing wonderful things for people who need a little help. And You know, it became real. It became tangible. It became doable.
00:07:10
Speaker
And, and, and from there, it's just like, this is the right path for us.
Navigating Emotional Challenges and Support Systems
00:07:13
Speaker
I love that it became tangible and it became doable because I think you're so right. It it is surrogacy and, you know, it can be shrouded in mystery and it can look like this, you know, oh, that's what celebrities do or that's that weird thing I saw on the headline or you know, just just whatever. And the fact that your experience was I'm talking to real people.
00:07:37
Speaker
who genuinely are wanting to help other people just like me, a real person. And I'm so glad you had that experience. I want to go back just a bit. when You mentioned that you and Joey, you kind of knew pretty early, we're going to need to go an alternative route for growing our family.
00:07:58
Speaker
So you didn't necessarily have that roller coaster up and down with, you know, years and years of trying or, or you know, you you kind of went straight to the IVF route.
00:08:10
Speaker
When you had that ectopic and then a plateau and then just an unsuccessful cycle, How were you navigating that roller coaster?
00:08:25
Speaker
Just your own emotions as well as just as partners? Yeah, it I would love to say it was pretty. It was it was not always. It was it was difficult.
00:08:39
Speaker
Yeah, a lot of tears. lot of tears. a lot of emotions that you just have no control over because not only are you feeling the feels and the disappointment, but you're also on a whole bunch of medication. Absolutely.
00:08:55
Speaker
That's like completely hijacking your body and you're on it, you're on it, you're on it. one And then literally overnight you're not, and your body has to then reacclimate. And it was a lot of just kind of perseverance and just feeling it and getting it out. And we, you know, we, we traveled, we went on some trips.
00:09:16
Speaker
Um, we have, you know, our family's local, so they were able to kind of watch our dog for us and we would just hit the road and we kept busy and we just, we talked about it a lot. And there were times where I don't think he knew quite how to soothe me and that was hard for him and i my response just was, I don't know that you can and you have to be okay with that because he's he's a fixer, he's a soother, he's there to make everything right but
00:09:47
Speaker
there was nothing that he could do in that sense in that situation. So we had to sort of come to grips with that, that you can't fix every situation and we just gotta get through it. And we did, and we just kept having hope and um you know hope will take you a very long way.
00:10:03
Speaker
It will take you a very long way. And as soon as you can recover and get back up and dust yourself off, you Then the hope emerges again then the hope gets you to the next stage. So like people are resilient, hearts are resilient, you know, brains, it's it's body, bodies, you know, bodies are resilient and we just were able to be that way. And it it didn't come without struggle. I will not lie. It was tough. But I always felt like we were on the same page.
00:10:34
Speaker
We were a team. you know I know that this can be very hard on a marriage, and I i did all i did worry about that, but it it never it never drove us apart. I felt like we were in the trenches together, and we had support of a good circle of friends that were in the loop.
00:10:50
Speaker
Our families knew that was helpful. and So I would encourage you know others going through it to to let some in. You may not want to broadcast it to the world, but let some people So that you have those people that you can just be texting with the minute you leave the doctor, you know, late at night, whatever. Because as as helpful as your partner will be, there are times when you just need your best girlfriend or your mom.
00:11:17
Speaker
And so we leaned on all those people and, you know, it was hard, but I guess ultimately we just never gave up hope and that took us a long
Matching with a Surrogate
00:11:24
Speaker
way. I love that. i ah I love that so much. You're so right. Hope really is a huge catalyst in this journey. And yeah, absolutely. I could not agree more.
00:11:36
Speaker
So you finally, i say finally, you got to the stage where it was, okay, We need to look at alternatives. We are emotionally tapped out. We are physically tapped out.
00:11:48
Speaker
You found egg donor and surrogate solutions, um which may I'm so glad you did. And Gail is just amazing. Shout out to her. She is just one of the most warm people. I always told her, I'm like, you're just giving me a hug with your voice.
00:12:01
Speaker
um Yeah, absolutely. so um how was when you decided to move forward? Um, how was the matching process?
00:12:12
Speaker
How are you feeling as you started this, this part of the journey? It was, it was all kinds of things. It was, it was equal parts, a little bit daunting because you just don't know. And you guys very, very rightfully say it could be 12 months.
00:12:29
Speaker
It could take nine months. You know, there's, we were coming out of COVID. There was still so much happening. you know, with the demand for surrogates and and so many hoops, people were jumping through with all of that.
00:12:40
Speaker
yeah There's just all these caveats and you're like, you have to sort of prepare that this could be and odyssey. And so we were trepidatious about that. But the flip side was we finally felt a little bit like we were in control of something.
00:12:57
Speaker
And up to this point, I felt absolutely out of control. And you're just at the whim of the process and you're up and you're down. and you're and at this point, it was nice to be at the helm a little bit and have a say-so and be doing something, taking action.
00:13:16
Speaker
There's a plan. and And for me, I'm just a person who it may it may take while, but if I know there's a plan, I'm worlds better than I was before. even if the plan is not seen through quite yet.
00:13:28
Speaker
So it that's sort of how we felt at the beginning and the matching process. and But we felt all those things for absolutely no reason. For us, I will tell you, ah we're we're an anomaly. All the rough luck we had before, like we,
00:13:44
Speaker
the karma gods, just, you know, actual God, everybody just, you know, shone down upon us but because we had our profile up and and we were matched or we were chosen within two days.
00:13:57
Speaker
And were blown away. Blown away. You know, we didn't think that would happen. I mean, we, we, we worked hard on our profile and we put our hearts and our our souls into it. So we knew it was good, but we, we didn't know that it was,
00:14:11
Speaker
Being chosen in two days good. And I'm not saying that's why it was timing. It was so many things. But but yeah, we got a call a couple of days later that we were chosen and and then informed of all the next steps of, you know, okay, we're going to do a video meet. and And then if you like each other, we'll get the green light from both sides to proceed and go from there. And and so we were blown away. We were still like, is this too good to be true? Sure.
00:14:36
Speaker
Because you have enough heartache happen and you you're scared to believe something good. Mm-hmm. yeah. That cautious optimism. Yes. So we were just like, okay, this is great, but you know, we've got to all meet each other.
00:14:50
Speaker
And then, you know, i don't know how far you want me to go. If you want to break this up. Yeah, no, just go. We met our eventual surrogate, gestational carrier and her husband. And it just was, they were just amazingly warm, wonderful people. We could tell that.
00:15:09
Speaker
And it just was, it was like, I don't, have any hesitations here. they They're wonderful people. and And from there, you have to jump through some more housekeeping type things.
00:15:20
Speaker
Sure. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, for even before legal, you have to you've got to you and sign that agency agreement. You've got to do that escrow account. And you know you've got to do that. And then you get to the fun of medical screening and psych and legal and all of that. But even before that, you guys haven't even met in person yet.
00:15:40
Speaker
Right. Yeah. So, yeah okay. to To pause before we get there, you have your match meeting. Everybody said yes. Were you still cautiously optimistic or were you like, oh, here we go?
00:15:56
Speaker
I think I was more, oh, here we go. yeah I really just had a lot of peace about it. And of course you you think about someone carrying your child who's not you and your alpha comes out and you know, is she gonna, is she gonna drink too much caffeine? Is she gonna this, that or that? Like you worry about all these things and it wasn't her, it was anybody, anybody who who would have been entrusted with with such an amazingly precious gift.
00:16:23
Speaker
And you think about all of that, but then I think, you know, what kind of grace I would give have given myself had I been carrying. And, you know, so I had to talk myself through some of that, but I never was concerned really. i was kind of like, okay, here we go. And you know, from being my coordinator that there were a couple of ledges that you had to talk me off. Really, i there was so much peace about it because of,
00:16:49
Speaker
the shepherding that we got along the way from you all. But then, i mean, we just hit the jackpot with the angel. really did. you guys were so dreamy just as a group. You guys were just so dreamy. And I could i truly honestly say that um it really was just so dreamy. And I don't want to spoil, but truly like absolutely just amazing all the way around.
00:17:12
Speaker
Um, yeah, How did you know, i mean, I know you said, you know, she was warm and her husband was warm and it was just a wonderful meeting. How did you know it was right?
00:17:23
Speaker
It was two days. Like you, you guys were there for two days. You didn't even think to like, well, maybe we'll just wait. Maybe, maybe there's someone else. Really? No, I, it was just a feeling. It was just, ah there was just peace there. It was, it was some, some of it was,
00:17:42
Speaker
This, that for me, Joey is, Joey is a very scientific, methodical person. Sure. He deals with facts. Very logically. So he's the logic side.
00:17:53
Speaker
I'm the heart. I'm the emotion. I'm the feel. I'm the gut. And together we, you know, if there was a hole to be poked in this situation, he would have found it. hu and and And he didn't.
00:18:05
Speaker
And, and just in, in my heart, I just, I trusted the feeling, I trusted the timing. And I just was like, this is just meant for us. This is our path. Yeah.
00:18:16
Speaker
Let's go. And didn't have any hesitation about it. And also I felt very fortunate that it did happen so quickly. Yeah. And, and so I was like, what, why wouldn't we take advantage of this and just, and just have faith and trust our guts and, and just go. So we did. And I never,
00:18:36
Speaker
You know, when you're looking for like a wedding dress, for instance, you might find the perfect dress that you love, but you're also like, there are millions of wedding dresses. Sure. What there's one that's like slightly more perfect out there?
Building a Relationship with the Surrogate
00:18:50
Speaker
But I never had that feeling that there was someone better. just didn't. Yeah. And I feel very lucky that I didn't because if there is a situation to overthink, I will overthink it.
00:19:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:03
Speaker
Way to be self-aware. This is one thing I know about myself. um So I just, I'm very grateful that I did not have to go down that spiral for not even, not even a second.
00:19:16
Speaker
I love that. Yes. Oh, and it was so perfect. So, okay. Fast forward. You guys meet each other for the first time. When, where, how was it Give me all the things.
00:19:29
Speaker
So we met them for dinner. um at a little Italian restaurant in kind of West U, because they live south of town, we live in town, so we met there. And it was great. we talked already quite a bit.
00:19:44
Speaker
and gotten a feel for each other and who they were at their family and their jobs and vice versa. And it just was easy. It was it was fun. it at that point, it was it was great because it wasn't about the baby.
00:19:59
Speaker
It wasn't about process. It wasn't about anything. It was about them and us. And just getting to talk and getting to know each other as people not as intended parents or gestational carrier and spouse, none of that.
00:20:13
Speaker
It was just as people and, and, and Kelly knows I'm doing this. And she said, I was allowed to use her name and she's, I've asked all the permissions. Um, so she's, she's very happy that I'm doing this, but she,
00:20:26
Speaker
Kelly was funny. We talked about it. She's like, yeah, you know, I eat like an eight year old kid. I don't like, we got to know each other, like, and we made fun of each other and and ourselves. And, and it just was very and easy and, and just great. And I was, and I was just, and she gives the best hugs of anyone I've ever met in my life. And she gave me those kinds of hugs from the very beginning.
00:20:51
Speaker
And I was like, how could I, possibly go wrong. It was great. It was, it was great. It was easy. Yeah. Without a doubt. Well, it's beautiful that you guys, I mean,
00:21:03
Speaker
To note, you all were local, um albeit, you know, the city is as local as, you know, local you can say. um But you guys are in the same city. And that does lend to some extra fun of making, and you guys chose to make that effort of let's meet meet each other outside of this process. And I think that's so beautiful that you both You gave the effort to build the relationship.
00:21:34
Speaker
I mean, yes, you were brought together because of this one purpose, but you established a friendship. um Definitely. And that's so important to you but so important to this process, if that's what you want, but that's so important to this process, especially as you're building trust. Because like you said, you know you're you are you're trusting someone with this beautiful, amazing gift and you want to feel good about it. You don't want to hold your breath for nine months.
00:22:00
Speaker
um And that's ah it so wonderful and really just shows who you all are as people to want to make that effort in this process.
00:22:11
Speaker
Yeah, it it to me, it was never, and to both of us, it was never going to be anything else. It was just too intensely personal and and important and the sacrifices that they were making for us and the trust that we were placing in them. And it just needed to come organically.
00:22:31
Speaker
And it would be very hard for all of that. you know us asking for that level of sacrifice her asking for our trust that all of that would have been hard had we not formed a relationship in my opinion i know these things take all different shapes and sizes and whatever everybody's journey is their own but um this was the way that it needed to be for us and by the time we got to this point we were fully embracing of everything every every bit of it and we're like this is our journey You know, these are our people and we're all going to be in each other's lives in some capacity forever.
00:23:07
Speaker
And our child will know where she came from and there will never be any doubt or hesitation because it was incredibly beautiful. So to be friends outside of it was very important to us, but also was very easy, which is great because I know that that is not the case in every situation.
00:23:25
Speaker
As good as everyone is who's involved, it's a chemistry thing, right? It it just is. And we just all happened to click as she and I, especially, which let's face it, that's the the linchpin of relationship, right? You need that one to click and function at a very high level.
00:23:41
Speaker
And it did. and it And it did because of our effort and it did because of theirs. And they led us into their lives and they introduced us to their family and knew, you know, there there were kids know our names and, yeah you know, it just was, it was important to them too.
00:23:58
Speaker
sir which helped it just, it just all really unfolded very naturally. And I just feel so lucky. um I love that. I'm so glad that, I mean, and it and it does. And that's, again, that's kind of part of that great matching process is you both were on the same page of the level of relationship that you wanted.
00:24:14
Speaker
um And it just, and it, that's huge and does create an amazing journey for sure. How was you had your, you had your, your chosen support system that had been with you prior to this part of your journey.
00:24:31
Speaker
How, what was kind of their reaction when you were like, Hey, this is now the route we're taking. And Oh, by the way, um we're about to go have dinner with them. And like, now I've met my new best friend and you know, like, like how, what was kind of their reaction for that?
Family Support and Surrogacy Decision
00:24:47
Speaker
it was It was really, well, so let me say before that we a little bit shrunk our circle. Sure. Because we wanted to, not not for any reason other than the next bit of news that we gave certain, you know, the world at that point, small world, but world, ah we wanted the next piece of news to be good.
00:25:10
Speaker
And we were just ready for that for us. And so we, we, a little bit shrunk our circle, but when we did tell our parents and our best friends, they were over the moon, they were thrilled. They were so excited.
00:25:25
Speaker
My mother was so incredibly relieved because she was worried. She was worried. You know, she was worried about me mentally. She was worried about me physically. sure You know, anytime you jump in a car and drive with your hair on fire,
00:25:39
Speaker
to the medical center when your kid's in surgery, yeah that's rough. And they they had been through all of that with us and that was a lot. And they were, she was incredibly relieved. you know I think supportive is an understatement.
00:25:56
Speaker
and And she was supportive for many reasons. Obviously they wanted a grandchild. They wanted us to have a child. sure But they she was also relieved that I was not in any, any danger Danger or that I wasn't going to ask my body to to do something for me again, that maybe it had kind of let me know it might not be able to do.
00:26:16
Speaker
So they were very, everybody was very supportive. Everybody had a lot of questions. Sure. All, all completely different. well-founded, well, well-intentioned.
00:26:29
Speaker
And we were happy to tell them just like, I'm happy to talk about this now is just and educating people and taking some of what I think is, is, is shame away from not being able to have your own child the old fashioned way.
00:26:47
Speaker
And the, the sadness that comes from not being able to carry your own child and things of that nature. It's, it's just, if, if, if I can, you know, make one person feel better about something like this, then this is all for something beyond what it was for for us.
00:27:02
Speaker
yeah so Long answer to and login to your short question, but they were extremely supportive. Very happy. Yeah, but it's a big deal. It's a big deal to have, to continue to have that support system in this process.
00:27:14
Speaker
and um And it's wonderful that you were able to continue to lean on them as you went into this next chapter of it. So, okay you meet Kelly and you guys, like we we do start the process. um How were, what were the feelings like as we were ramping up to that transfer day?
00:27:37
Speaker
Excited.
Surrogacy Transfer and its Challenges
00:27:38
Speaker
Yeah. You know, i knew the process, so huh um that helped. Yeah. I did not have to have any, we did not have to have anything explained to us, ah that which was helpful. And when she would talk to me about, you know, taking shots or this or that, i was like, I know. And we would compare notes and all the things. And was like, oh, by the way, you know, use heating pad and use it. a You know, we would talk about the the progesterone and oil shots. And, ah you know, if if you know, you know.
00:28:08
Speaker
Um, and it was just, it was fun for us to be able to bond over that. I felt very much a part of it. You know, there were moments where I was kind of blue and I would struggle with that sort of high that you get from being almost there when, when anything is possible still.
00:28:25
Speaker
And, and I struggled with that, but at the same time I was very relieved that it wasn't up to me and that I didn't have to kind of cool like brace Because let's face it, I was braced. I couldn't help it.
00:28:40
Speaker
the The stress that I had and the fear from before, it's really hard to not have that. It doesn't matter how much meditation you do, because I did a lot. It doesn't matter. If you do acupuncture, how many walks you go on, how many podcasts do you listen to. I mean, I did it all.
00:28:55
Speaker
And, you know, it it helps, but it yeah it's still hard. It's still a hard big hill to overcome. So I felt a lot of relief. The feelings I had of sadness were way outweighed by the relief that I had because I was like, this is this is out of my hands. And that ah felt good.
00:29:15
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, and it's fun that it's funny that you say you were so excited about the surrogacy journey because you were able to kind of take the helm and have control over something.
00:29:27
Speaker
And then it's also fun that you kind of loved the fact that you weren't in control. And it was just, I'm along for the ride. And I am like, and we are talking about heating pads and shots and comparing notes and, you know, but you do have kind of that physical sense of relief, like, like you said. Yes.
00:29:44
Speaker
Um, yeah, and kind of put it down and it's it's like, it's a load that you can just kind of put down. Yeah. And that was nice. Absolutely. So as with all things, it's a journey.
00:29:57
Speaker
Um, and that first transfer, were so hopeful and unfortunately it didn't didn it take what did it take take, and you know, that was gutting. Um, I will say,
00:30:13
Speaker
it At least I was grateful for just a negative test. ah Because I had been the other way. You know, your HCGSX, we need to come back in two days.
00:30:25
Speaker
And then two days after that. And then two days after that. And it's death by a thousand cuts. And, you know, and if it ends well, which I don't know that story. Tell me how that story ends. But if it ends well, great. But if it doesn't, it's so hard and it's so much uncertainty.
00:30:42
Speaker
So to get a negative test while gut-wrenching, because the first thing I said was we've done all of this. We have moved mountains. Literally, we've moved mountains. And here we are with another negative test.
00:30:53
Speaker
So not to say I wasn't pretty, but i was grateful to know and not have to do up down. The finality of it. there was no yeah Yeah, the finality of it. Like, let's, okay, that...
00:31:06
Speaker
we're going to see another day here. We're gonna you know, move on. And, and, and this is where you came in and we're huge because i can get kind of sidetracked and like bogged down and sad,
00:31:19
Speaker
And you were like, okay. And it wasn't immediate. You gave us time. And I i appreciated that. But you didn't give us too much time. And you were like, okay, campers. And you're so positive. And you're so just, your vibe is just, it's it's it's happy, but it's not like this toxic positivity. thank you. No, I can't tell you what, like, just a relief it is to hear you say that.
00:31:46
Speaker
um Because, you know, toxic positivity is a thing, right? Like, a hundred percent turn that ground upside down and be grateful for your blessings and all that kind of stuff. Sure, sure. But you're just like, you're just you're just a positive person, so you don't really have to, you don't have to fake it. And so anyway, you got with us you're like, okay, ne what's what's next?
00:32:05
Speaker
What are we going to do next? And that was, it's it it was soon, but it was as it needed to be for me. i mean, I can, I can, I can, you know, go back and forth on a sofa or a rug or a... My husband will tell you, I can be so indecisive that I need somebody to a little bit prod me forward, which was what you did so gracefully. And so we picked up and we, and Kelly was on the same page. She was like, let's go, I'm ready.
00:32:35
Speaker
And her attitude was huge because she he wasn't physically or mentally... saying no or slow down or anything. and And she could have, and I would have respected that. And I halfway expected that, but you guys were like, okay, we're doing this, let's go. And, and so from there we had a, a pretty, ah pretty, you know, serious conversation with our doctor.
00:32:58
Speaker
And just said, listen, we, we've tried this certain way several times now with my body, with hers, it hasn't worked.
Success with a Natural Cycle
00:33:06
Speaker
What can we do differently? Because we just don't want to keep going the same route and just play the numbers.
00:33:10
Speaker
and hope that this eventually works. We're, we're, we're fatigued, like mentally, physically where it's tough. And he said, you know, let's try, let's look at a natural cycle. Her body is, it does all the things.
00:33:23
Speaker
Yeah. There's no reason why it can't do all the things. Let's let it do what it was meant to do and, and see where that takes us. Um, and spoiler alert. It worked. It worked.
00:33:35
Speaker
It worked. But it's so, you know, it it says something to everyone, you know, involved that, you know, Kelly was so quick to, okay, what's next?
00:33:46
Speaker
Like, yes, of course, we are sad. We are disappointed. And also, like, we're going to keep going. And it speaks so highly of the both of you of, hey, Doctor who we, you know, trust and love and has gotten us so far.
00:34:01
Speaker
Help us understand what's like, what's, what's happening. And is there an alternative? And you had that relationship. You can have that hard conversation. um And, and again, that's the, that's the joy you building a team that you trust and being in a journey with people that are there to support you and are there to ask those questions and are there to guide and, you know, just, but just all of that.
00:34:27
Speaker
um And it worked, it worked. And for those who don't know, a natural cycle is like, a lot of appointments it's a lot of appointments and predictable appointments unpredictable appointments and kelly was so all about it she was there she just yeah she was like okay let's do it i'm here for it she's such a trooper and she's she's a teacher she doesn't have a job that she could just drop right and just okay sorry i'm gonna be late or i've gotta leave early or i'm gonna run out for lunch and get them all the way into town dealing with traffic parking
00:35:03
Speaker
All of that. And she just was the biggest trooper in the whole wide world. And she had such a happy heart doing it. Oh, she did. She did. She was great. and and And we couldn't have asked for more because it was a big ask.
00:35:16
Speaker
The whole thing is a big ask. but But the natural cycle where you're just at the whim and they take your blood and they're like, okay, well, we're going to need to do this this and this. And it's nothing. you you can't go out of town. you can sure it's you know It was a lot.
00:35:29
Speaker
And she did it with a happy heart. a Hmm. How are you feeling as, okay, we're doing this again. um It's new and different. We haven't done this one before.
00:35:42
Speaker
um and you know, as we're leading up to another transfer. That is unpredictable. So we don't even have, like, we we don't even get to plan for like this particular day or, you know, like all of those things. It is just kind of like how to go today.
00:35:57
Speaker
Okay, now we have to wait for the email. Now we have to, you know, just just all of that. how What were your feelings like during that? i It was a little unsettling because I liked having the calendar and the dates and the this and the that, you know, and being able to plan. I'm a huge planner. Sure. But...
00:36:14
Speaker
but it was refreshing because it was different and it was it was something new and and unpredictable and that was honestly a little refreshing too, just that we didn't know how this whole process was gonna look.
00:36:27
Speaker
and And I and was kind of okay with it. i think that doing the exact same thing again, i would have had a lot more fear.
00:36:40
Speaker
i would have had a lot less hope. I think I would have, become somewhat jaded about it, but to have a new plan, here's our new plan. Let's reset, you know, let's, let's, let's breathe. Let's, let's shed our tears, but then let's pick up and let's start, let's execute on this new plan.
00:36:58
Speaker
And having that was huge and, and having the support of everyone and everyone's willingness and, and the doctor saying, this is no big deal. Here's what we do. Her body does what it's meant to do. And there was something very very refreshing about that to me. Let's all take a step back and let's just let her body do its thing.
00:37:19
Speaker
And I was like, that's so beautiful, you know, because we're here because my body couldn't unfortunately do its thing. So maybe at the end, it's this full circle moment where we just back off And we just kind of let things happen.
00:37:32
Speaker
and they did. So I just, to me, it just, I had a feeling, I had a tremendous sense of hope and I just had a feeling that it was gonna work out. And then along the way, certain things were different, which was also good. So like, because ah the timing of it all, you know, cause as you said, you don't even know when transfer day is gonna be, you don't have that lead up. You don't have that anticipation and that's kind of good.
00:37:58
Speaker
Yeah. It just, it's, you get the, you get the labs and you're like, right, it's go time. And, and you can't. There's no time to overthink. There's no time to overthink. You're just, okay, gotta go. No. And it's beautiful. It's like, we've had enough time to think. We don't even think anymore. Let's just go. And so that was nice. And so we did it on a different day. It was always on a Tuesday.
00:38:18
Speaker
We went on a Friday. It was, you know, we, our doctor was not on call. So we had a totally different team. We had a different, um, I can't think of the name of the guy, the lab guy.
00:38:31
Speaker
the so embryologist. The embryologist, who's a very credentialed, very smart person. He's not a lab guy. He's more than that. We had a different one. Everything was different. And I just was like, this is good. I feel good about this. And my the vibes were so good. And I just just felt it in my bones, I guess.
00:38:49
Speaker
And so it was it was good. It was okay. I was with How did you feel getting that first HCG level after already having, because I mean, you said you've, you've had the positive before.
00:39:02
Speaker
i How did it feel this time? It felt honestly, greg we, it's, it's, it's an amazing story kind of, you know, cause we, it's, it's the pregnancy test, right? It's like,
00:39:15
Speaker
It's like positive or negative kind of thing. And and maybe maybe positive with a caveat. But um we had been in Austin at a football game and we were we knew we were going to get the call on Sunday.
00:39:26
Speaker
And so we got up and we left our friend's house. We were on the road because we wanted to be by ourselves when we you know got the call. Yeah. And so we're driving through little towns in Texas and our service is terrible.
00:39:40
Speaker
Oh no. ah And I'm looking at my watch and I'm like, they should be calling by now. I wonder why they're not calling by now. And I'm in my head and I'm obsessing and Kelly and her husband are at the Texans game.
00:39:54
Speaker
And I'm like, and and so the plan was for them to call me and me to call her. Cause we were worried, was she going to have signal? You know how it is when you're in a stadium full of, ah tens of thousands of people.
00:40:07
Speaker
Anyway, so so we're not hearing anything. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So Kelly texts me and she's like, they called me. and And my heart just falls into my stomach. And she's like, do you want to know?
00:40:20
Speaker
And I'm like, yes, I want to know. And she just types back in all caps, we're pregnant with like a thousand exclamation
Pregnancy Milestones and Bonding
00:40:27
Speaker
points. I burst into tears, like just uncontrollable tears. Yeah.
00:40:32
Speaker
Joey's driving. I lean over, um grab his arm, I'm like, we're pregnant. He starts bawling, crying. oh We're driving down, you know, 290 in small town, Texas, just bawling our eyes out.
00:40:44
Speaker
And so it was, it was, it was beautiful. It was like the best moment ever. And I'm, and I'm really happy that I got to hear it from her oh versus, I mean, as much as I came to love all the people we dealt with at the RE, I,
00:41:00
Speaker
You know, there yeah they weren't her. And to get to hear it from our person, it just was a different, it was it was magical. And I'll never, as long as I live, forget it.
00:41:11
Speaker
And so at that point, all we knew was that we were pregnant. We didn't know there were any any HCG concerns, which as it turns out, ah they went away very quickly. I think her first... I think her first blood draw after that pregnancy test, it was like, and it we yeah we were off to the races and we were, you know, I guess we're not released, but we were back on like a normal protocol, not having to go every couple of days. So I honestly didn't let myself get too weighed down by it. And and her levels, even even at what they were, were worlds better than mine ever were. and so I knew enough to know we're much better than we've ever been. yeah
00:41:49
Speaker
I'm not going to worry about it. And I just didn't. And so, yeah, it was. So then I, after I spoke to her, then I talked to the doctor's office and they walked me through everything. And, you know, for a moment I was kind of worried and whatever, but like it none of, none of that took the joy away from that moment.
00:42:07
Speaker
Yeah. And it just was, it just was, it just was magical. That's the best word I can think of to describe it. Oh, for sure. How did it feel when, ok you have graduated and now we're off to the OB b and this is like the part of the journey that is so foreign. We haven't been here before. Right? No, we've never made it past the IBF doctors. yeah it was It was so cool. It was so exciting. It was so unbelievable to see that heartbeat. I just, I'll never forget it as long as I live. And yeah,
00:42:43
Speaker
and It was just so exciting. I mean, I was nervous, you know, with every milestone, you're just, you're happy, but then you're like, okay, let's make it to 12 weeks.
00:42:55
Speaker
And from there you're like, let's make it through the anatomy scan yeah and on and on and on past the anatomy scan. I kind of really, I really stopped being nervous, I think, but, um, it was It felt amazing.
00:43:07
Speaker
yeah And I'm like, I don't even know what it's like at the OBGYN. I can't wait to go. What's, you know, what it's going to be like, you know, and and that, you know, some of them are are exciting. Some of them are two minutes long. You never how to look it up.
00:43:19
Speaker
But luckily, ours were all very uneventful because... She had a very smooth. We love uneventful. We love boring. I always say it. Boring is fabulous in this situation. Yes. Give me all the boring. I'm fine that. Absolutely.
00:43:33
Speaker
through Throughout this process. So, you know, okay, we've gotten here. We're graduated. We are now full-fledged pregnant. We're doing the things. We're going through those appointments. You know, just all of that.
00:43:45
Speaker
How did your relationship with Kelly grow and evolve? I mean, just super naturally. ah Yeah. we We went to all the appointments with her. my Joey, we're sitting here. He would be quick to point out that he went to every single one. I had to miss two because of work.
00:44:07
Speaker
So let me just go ahead and get that out there. Oh, very good. Okay. Shout out to you, Joey. Every single one. Shout out to Joey. Credit to my husband for being A plus 100. um And so we went to, and so we would, but but more than that, we talked. We talked every day.
00:44:21
Speaker
and we would text. ah We would see each other. we would meet for coffee. um But we talked more than anything because, you know, she lives in Pearland. We live in town. She's got three kids. And Life just is life, right? You can't always be face to face.
00:44:36
Speaker
But we saw each other so much at the doctor. And then where we could, we would go grab a bite or a coffee. um We would always hang out afterwards and talk. But we we talked every single day. And I would check in with her. But i was also I also tried to be very mindful of she's a person. She's got a life. She's got children. She's got a whole lot of other things going on.
00:45:00
Speaker
than just being pregnant. And I tried to always be very mindful of that and ask her how her day was and how the kids are and how school and how's this and that, and and not just be like, how are you feeling? And just- Sure, sure. It wasn't always about the pregnancy. It was because you guys had established a friendship prior to pregnancy. Right.
00:45:17
Speaker
Yeah. And it wasn't hard. And we would talk about, you know, the things that that were going on with her kids, things are going on in our lives and all that. And, and you know, there was this whole thing going on at the time with like,
00:45:29
Speaker
schedules and and the eventual due date and a family wedding. And I was stressing out about that. And she knew all about that. yeah and And so we we were in each other's lives. i have a good friend and she says and that like when you have a certain level of ah of a friendship that you live life together.
00:45:45
Speaker
And that's how I felt we were. We weren't maybe seeing each other every single day, but we were living life together. Yeah. And it just was very easy. And again, with the chemistry and us just being kind of two peas in a pod. I just felt like we were just, we were just the right fit for each other. And it was very easy for both of us to be in each other's lives daily.
00:46:05
Speaker
And it wasn't stressful and I didn't worry mostly. And once we got past kind of the beginning stuff and I, and I was like, okay, we're good. Baby's sticking around.
00:46:16
Speaker
Um, I just was able to not worry. I trusted her. Hmm. And she did. And she's, she's good at being, pregnant you know, she can do it. And, and I'm like, I'm just going to let her, let's let her body do its thing. And, and it did. So I feel very, very lucky that I had that level of peace throughout yeah the whole process.
00:46:38
Speaker
um I love that. And again, that, that trust that was established, that relationship that you put work into you I mean, it made it, it made it where you didn't have to worry and where you could just be like, okay, yeah, she's doing her thing. And you love her for that.
00:46:57
Speaker
Yes. Yes. It was nice to finally not worry. It felt so good. yeah Oh gosh, for sure. What would you say before delivery day? Because we know delivery day is amazing.
00:47:11
Speaker
But what would you say was maybe throughout that process, kind of one of your maybe be like favorite moments or just memorable? Oh yeah. I'm going to keep this besides obviously finding out we're pregnant that's sweet heartbeat.
00:47:25
Speaker
right Right. I think, um gosh, there were so many. I mean, I i think Hearing the heartbeat was huge for us all, all of us. Cause she was as invested as we were. yeah um The, the 20, the anatomy scan was amazing.
00:47:44
Speaker
So neat. And, and so we did not know whether we were having a boy or a girl. So I was going to say to note, you did not know. but We were very adamant about it because, and I will say the rationale is, you know, we, everything was so clinical That when we finally got to the point where we could where we could not be clinical, we were like that like, this is this little bit of magic, the best surprise ever.
00:48:08
Speaker
yeah Let's wait and find out. And we didn't know what our embryos were. We still don't know. i That was just how we chose to do it. Some people can't live that way. To me, that was just, it was it was a no-brainer for both of us.
00:48:20
Speaker
And so Kelly, sweet Kelly, she a planner. She was like, I can't believe we're not finding out. But she was like, But she was completely on board and she understood and supported us. And so we were we were the three of us. We were like, we're not finding out.
00:48:35
Speaker
So every appointment would start with, we're not finding out. And we would just make sure that the tech knew. Sure. And it was all over our file and all of that at the OB. Right. Big bold letters. Big bold letters. And so at the anatomy scan, it's just something that I remember so vividly.
00:48:51
Speaker
the the tech was like, okay, I'm gonna tell you guys when you all have to look away, you're all gonna have to close your eyes, there's gonna be some points. And we were like, okay, tell us. And so she would, and then we would all be you know doing this.
00:49:03
Speaker
and like moments like humor, levity, you know, things and all the appointments we went to where Emmy was kicking Kelly and, you know, she, she was camera shy. And anytime we tried to get that ultrasound in her face, would be like, wham.
00:49:16
Speaker
And you would just see Kelly's stomach and Kelly was like, whoa. And there were so, so many moments and like doctor's office moments, I would say those will forever stick in my mind. But then we had, you know, showers and Kelly and Henry were there and, We had a little party for Kelly and just it was like me and my mom and my mother-in-law and her and all of her friends and family.
00:49:39
Speaker
And that was very special. So there were a lot of special moments. and Those are the ones I remember. the i mean, I remember it all. Those are the ones I think those those moments I'll carry with me, you know, real, real vividly. Yeah. Forever.
00:49:54
Speaker
i you you You touched on it, and i I will never forget getting the text message from the pictures of that sweet party that you threw for Kelly to celebrate her.
00:50:07
Speaker
and you know, it's so amazing that... You know, and and i'll I'll speak for me as a surrogate. I was all about celebrating the intended parents, however they wanted to celebrate. And I wanted to, you know, just pour in like, let's, you know, oh, let me buy you this. And, you know, oh, gosh, are we going to do that? And, you know, and all of that. And in the midst of you being celebrated and getting to this point and having those fun baby showers.
00:50:34
Speaker
You took that extra effort to like, hey, let's like, let's celebrate you, Kelly. And with her friends. And that is so beautiful.
00:50:45
Speaker
That is so beautiful. Because, it I mean, again, it just points to that relationship that you guys worked to establish. yeah And, oh, my gosh, so special. Well, thank you. I i didn't and i would love to and would love to say that I took credit. I read a book.
00:51:00
Speaker
and Yeah. And it probably would have occurred to me to do something for her for sure. But doing it in this exact way, it it it was i i read about it in a book and I was like, you know what? That's so amazing. And it was the it was like, let's shower her.
00:51:16
Speaker
and people brought you know fluffy robes and yummy lotion. and Sure. you know like out of Her favorite things. get All the things. Like a spa gives her figure. All the things.
00:51:29
Speaker
um Cute little things that that all of her friends knew she loved. And it just was special. But also it's nothing that I just can't imagine not doing something like that.
00:51:42
Speaker
for someone who did so much for us. obviously She did obviously the obvious things, but she was very, very nurturing of us through the whole process too. She would bring us little things and she would say, you know, she'd bring us a little toy that she knew that Emmy was gonna love, or she would bring us clothes or she all these little gifts and things. And she was, she's so thoughtful and I can't imagine doing anything any differently.
00:52:07
Speaker
But you're right, it was the relationship and it was, you know, very natural to both of us to to just to kind of spoil each other and nurture each other through the whole process.
The Delivery Experience
00:52:19
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:52:21
Speaker
Okay. Tell me about delivery day, the best day ever. but I'll just, it's burning my brain. course. Gosh, it's such a surreal thing. And I know anybody who's had a child, whether it's through your own body or or through this process like this,
00:52:37
Speaker
when you have a scheduled C-section, it's very surreal. It's it's yeah like one day I'm me and when the next day I'm like, I'm mom. And the calendar flips and your whole life is different.
00:52:49
Speaker
And it's very surreal. And I know for people who are pregnant, it's that way too. It's like, okay, they're inside and tomorrow they're going to be outside. yeah And that's a whole whole other adventure. um And so it it was just us being us, you know, we were running late.
00:53:07
Speaker
That is how we call it, you know, ah Dryden central time. i love it. and And if Joey were her, he'd say it's more me than him. But um we were running a couple minutes late.
00:53:20
Speaker
And so Kelly's texting. She's like, are you coming? And she wasn't like in the delivery room or anything like that. Are you coming? I love that very question. Maybe she said, you know, are you all on your way or something like that? I'm like, sure, sure.
00:53:33
Speaker
but hair on fire driving down fanon you know hitting a million stoplight everything i think was red every single one oh of course because it always happens that way always always yeah and we're so prepared you know we've done the tour we had the bags packed all the things yes anyway we we got there she was already changed and you know kind of in the little area where you kind of wait basically before you before you were formally prepped And she's in her gown and all that already. And Henry's in his scrubs with his little hat. and I mean, it just was, it was so, it was so crazy.
00:54:08
Speaker
yeah it was, I think what struck me the most about it is it's just like an appointment and you're showing up and everything's running on time. And I mean, kudos to the hospital, to the doctor, to her staff.
00:54:21
Speaker
It was just, and we i know it I know it's not like that and for many people, but it just was so smooth. Um, we got there, she went and got prepped.
00:54:32
Speaker
We waited in this little tiny room, me, Henry and Joey. And we were in there with this other couple and, and she was pregnant and she was waiting to go get prepped. And she was talking about how many, I just, it's something Joey and I laughed about. She was talking about how many outfits she'd brought for her child to take all these pictures. And I looked at him and I was like, are we bad parents? like we're so bad people.
00:54:53
Speaker
scar the cute little fluffy outfit that you go home in. Sure. like That's it. Like we, you know, yeah maybe I brought a couple other things, but I remember thinking that I remember already feeling inadequate before she was even. Oh, stop. Yep. Welcome to mom. We were laughing about it. And anyway, um it's like the comic relief, the moments that you attach to when you're really like, Oh my God.
00:55:18
Speaker
And so then they call us in and she's prepped and she's laid out on that table. And Man, it was just, it was so surreal. It happened so quickly. yeah i mean, they started, we walked in, Taylor Swift is playing.
00:55:31
Speaker
Of course, I love it. Yes. I mean, Kelly's a huge Swifty and I am now too. I can hear it and I'm like, is that Taylor Swift? And the anesthesiologist is like, yeah, sure is. I'm like, all right, we're,
00:55:43
Speaker
All is right with the world. And Emmy, you were destined to be a Swifty. ah And so it, and it just, we started and it was very, I will say jarring for someone who's never been a part of a C-section, whether it's having one or observing one.
00:56:00
Speaker
And they had the drape up, so I couldn't see anything. So we're sitting at her head. It's me and Joey and then Henry and and we're all there and I'm holding her hand and And it just was very, you know, don't want to scare anybody, but it's like, you think it's this beautiful like. It's surgery. It's surgery. Yeah. It's abdominal surgery.
00:56:20
Speaker
And they are like moving, a they are pulling a body out of a person and it is, and it looks as such. And I'm worrying about her and I'm just worried. I'm looking at her and she's breathing and I'm like, oh, and, but then, you know, outcomes,
00:56:36
Speaker
the baby and she hold, and the, the, before we started, our doctor was said that she asked us, okay, so do you want me to say it's a boy or it's a girl, or do you want the lion king moment?
00:56:48
Speaker
And we were like, oh no, no, we want the lion king. The lion king. And so all the jarring happens and sure i mean and this takes no time. I know, you know, and then all a sudden lion king moment and she holds her up and it's a girl.
00:57:03
Speaker
It's girl. And I see her little lady part and I'm like, oh my God, it's a girl. And, and, you know, everybody's crying and sure. And did someone asked, you know, what her name was. And so I blurted it out and fun fact and and footnote here.
00:57:18
Speaker
We had a girl's name fully picked out, agreed on for months. We we knew it a year before. yeah Boy name didn't happen. Didn't happen. Didn't know.
00:57:29
Speaker
We knew the middle name. That's all. We did not have it. And and i would we would talk about it. And every night I'd be like, so should we talk about names? and And Joey finally was like, you know, let's save ourselves.
00:57:40
Speaker
We'll figure it out. What if we have a girl? Why are we going through all this? That's very logical, Joey. Well done. Well done. As usual. So I was like, all right. And so we had a girl and and and our doctor was like, what's her name? And I blurted out her name. And and Joey was like, ah well, you know, I'm glad we didn't have a boy because you would have just blurted out the name that you wanted in that moment.
00:58:04
Speaker
And he's like, and then it would have been done. And I'm like, yeah, you know, you're kind right. um But it just was, it was the most surreal thing. And then they handed her to us and we did skin to skin right away. And then we went over to the little,
00:58:19
Speaker
warming whatever the thing is called yes whatever it is ah when they're taking all of her vitals and doing her little agpar score and and i mean she her eyes were just wide and and soulful already and she was just holding on to joey's finger and it was just ah it was just so well it was just so amazing i'll never forget it it was after all of that you know it's like Everything.
00:58:45
Speaker
going have ugly cry. Salty coffee. Everything just kind of quieted. All the noise just kind of went away. It's like, mean, here she is. It was just so amazing.
00:58:57
Speaker
And I was so, I was taken with her. i was worried about Kelly. I was is she okay? You know, I looked at Joey. I'm like, okay, you stay with the baby. I'm going go make sure Kelly's okay. and And it just was because she was,
00:59:10
Speaker
our family now. And anyway, it was so, it was so beautiful. I can't, I couldn't have asked for more. Anyway, it was just, it was amazing. was magical. It was magical. yeah It was. It was. It really And the hospital handles it, you know, cause you never know when you're going into all of this, how you're going to be treated.
00:59:29
Speaker
Sure. And how do they understand the process? Do they respect the process? Are they, um do they not like the process? All of that. And they were so wonderful.
00:59:40
Speaker
And I couldn't have asked for more. And they the way they were accommodating to us and our room, they gave us a room right next to her room and it and everybody knew. i was ready. I was prepared for people to not not necessarily know what was going on or to maybe call her mom or whatever. And you know that really didn't happen. A couple of times the nurses came into our room to take my vitals and I was like, nope.
01:00:05
Speaker
And...
01:00:08
Speaker
I mean, you can if you want to, but. Yeah. It was a fantastic feeling. I was like, no, no, you don't need to wake me up at three in the morning to, you know, take my blood pressure. No, thank you. So it it was, but it just was, it was, I was amazed at the people and how wonderful they
Reflections on the Surrogacy Journey
01:00:24
Speaker
were. and it's just a common theme to the story.
01:00:27
Speaker
and And I know some of your other podcast guests have said this, but just the the people in this world are just, they're, they're angels, all of them. Hmm. It's amazing. It makes it so much better. Yeah.
01:00:39
Speaker
And it, and it takes a, what was once a struggle and just makes it so beautiful. It's a huge celebration and there's just so many involved in it and it becomes this huge party. It kind of does.
01:00:54
Speaker
And it's so joyous and everyone's so happy. And, and I know they're not all moments are joyous and happy and, You know, it's it's a journey, but when you get to the other side of it, it's it's like it's it was all worth it to get you to that point of where you were meant to be with your little person that you were meant to have. And like it all of a sudden all makes sense.
01:01:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're so right. You're so right. What would you say was maybe one of your biggest surprises just in this whole process?
01:01:29
Speaker
Um, gosh, so many. i I think my biggest surprise, other than finding out we were having a girl. Yeah, absolutely. That was always the the biggest surprise.
01:01:41
Speaker
Um, was just the peace that I felt. smooth I don't, but you know, it just, it was a hard fought journey and, and I, and I just don't think I anticipated feeling that level of calm, feeling that level of peace, feeling just, just being able to let go and, and just enjoy the process. I really enjoyed it. I don't, I don't feel like I missed out on anything.
01:02:10
Speaker
I don't feel like I was in my head or, you know, and unable to see the good because I had so much worry and I know, and I'm very lucky and I know that they're all situations are not like mine, but in mine,
01:02:24
Speaker
I would say that was probably my biggest surprise because i as I said, I do tend to overthink. i I worry and we'd been through so much that I was very relieved that I did not have that that that worry and that fear hovering over me the entire time.
01:02:43
Speaker
That is probably my single biggest surprise. I mean, it's amazing to have gone from something that was so hard to be able to still have your joy and get to experience
01:03:03
Speaker
Emmy before she got here and be able to have those big moments and those, you know, like you said, that humor and those silly things that you think about. And, you know, it's, it's wonderful.
01:03:15
Speaker
It's just wonderful. It was, can't, I can't say more about it. i mean, days I can't speak more highly of the experience. And I've spoken to other people who have done it. And because this community is very, once you're in it,
01:03:32
Speaker
You know, yeah it's very sticky and and people are always looking to talk and share. and And I know not everybody's journey is the same. and And I just feel very fortunate that mine was the way it was. And I just, I couldn't have asked for more. And now that she's here, you know, she's funny and she laughs and she just fits so perfectly in our little family. And it's like this this little person was meant to be our little person.
01:04:00
Speaker
And, you know, it it just all makes sense now. And I feel very lucky that I feel that way. Oh, and that little person is so precious. Oh my gosh, she's so precious. I think so.
01:04:12
Speaker
She's pretty great. Oh gosh, she's so great. What would you say, like, what is one piece of advice that you would either give to day one, Allison, or maybe some advice that you would give to another intended parent or a woman who's thinking about becoming a surrogate?
01:04:37
Speaker
the intended parents or the the people who are considering being intended parents, I would say to but let go of the sadness, the disappointment, you know, grieve it, feel it. You have to, right.
01:04:56
Speaker
But, but once you've done that, put it down and just know that at the end, it's all going to make sense. And at the end, the how isn't going to matter.
01:05:09
Speaker
It's, it's, you have your baby who was meant to be your baby and the process and the, that it might not have been conventional. It won't matter.
01:05:19
Speaker
Your baby is your baby. And my best friend told me that throughou throughout the entire process. She, she said, you know, at the end of the day, you're no less a mother and gosh, yeah, you're, you're big. This is not going to matter to you when you are holding her at the end of this. And I just, I, I feel that so deeply and, and I know there's so much pressure on people, on women, especially.
01:05:44
Speaker
You know, pressure society puts on us, pressure we put on ourselves. And I think some people think, and I know I did at a point too, going this route or going IVF or whatever is failure.
01:05:57
Speaker
And it's not, you know, it it is just a pivot and we're just lucky enough to have these resources available to us if we want to have a family. we're we're lucky that we can turn these corners and we can, and and it's not over.
01:06:11
Speaker
And you don't have to give up if you don't want to. And so I would just say the quicker that, that people can put that down, shame, any of that associated, those feelings that you can't help but have at some point, let it go and just know that it's, it doesn't, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
Gratitude for the Surrogate Community
01:06:30
Speaker
and, and and that the process will start and it will change.
01:06:34
Speaker
It will all, it will, it will be better almost immediately once you make that decision and you make, and you have that acceptance. um And then to, you know, surrogates and donors and all these people who do these selfless things. I mean, it's just, it's just amazing. And you're changing lives and yeah it's incredibly selfless.
01:06:58
Speaker
I mean, no matter how, if no matter what your compensation might be, whatever, It is still sacrificing months and months and months of your life and your time.
01:07:09
Speaker
and it's, you know, childbirth isn't always perfect or easy or. Sure. It's a, it's a risk and you're putting yourself at risk for someone else.
01:07:20
Speaker
And it's just incredibly selfless. And it's, I can never express my gratitude fully to her, to anybody, to you, to anybody who does these things and, and making it more accessible to people.
01:07:34
Speaker
who want to have a family who can't do it themselves. um and And just keep at you know, because there's always going to be someone who needs you.
01:07:49
Speaker
So beautiful. So beautiful. Well, You, I mean, gosh, this story is so gorgeous. I have one last question for you. And as you know, it's my fun one.
01:08:00
Speaker
Yeah. So, and you knew it from day one. I'm pretty sure our first meeting, i was sipping on some coffee. So shock upon shock, here we are again. So I always like to end with what filled your cup, either literally or figuratively. What was the thing that filled your cup today?
01:08:20
Speaker
Oh, I'm so... Literally, I had this delicious, like, Mexican mocha with cinnamon on it. It's Friday. So, so yeah, and we're going to treat ourselves. Absolutely.
01:08:35
Speaker
and and figuratively, just going back down this path, this going down memory lane, it is just so emotional for me. It's it's so huge. and And, you know, our little girl is crazy.
01:08:52
Speaker
down the street at daycare right now. And she's so amazing. And it just having her here and the the way the day to day now is is um is incredible and it's so much fun, but the process was so beautiful also.
01:09:06
Speaker
So I just, I am glad that I am, that I got to relive it today. yeah that definitely filled my cup. Oh, well, it it's a beautiful story and i am so grateful to you for sharing it and wanting to, you know, just speak to others about, you know, the whole thing and, you know, to give, to continue to give that hope i and um in this way. And so I am just so grateful to you. And I, again, just personally just felt so lucky to get to be a small part of the ride to get to sweet
Podcast Closing Remarks
01:09:47
Speaker
little Emmy. So thank you so, so, so much.
01:09:50
Speaker
Thank you. you were You were amazing. You guys, oh got starting with Gail and then you, it just was so, it was so, it it just felt right and it felt familiar. and And like I said, just warm, wonderful people.
01:10:03
Speaker
who navigate you through it. You don't have to ask questions. You don't have to wonder what's coming next. Everybody involved, everybody involved from the lawyers to you guys, to the medical staff, to the therapist, to everybody. I can't speak highly enough about this community and what they're willing to to do for people. It's, it's unbelievable.
01:10:24
Speaker
And every, the world deserves to know that these, that you guys are out there. So I hope that This, I thank you for what you're doing and raising awareness and educating people and taking some of the mystery away from this process and just helping people to realize it's just real people.
01:10:44
Speaker
Absolutely. At the end of the day, nobody's, you know, nobody's driving fancy cars. Nobody's, you know, it's just people wanting to have a family and people wanting to help. Yeah. And no it really just comes down to that.
01:10:56
Speaker
It really does. That's the best way to sum it up. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, gosh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And, um, and give special hugs to, um, sweet little Emmy.
01:11:07
Speaker
Thank you, Whitney. thank you whitney Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You, and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today.
01:11:19
Speaker
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01:11:34
Speaker
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01:11:49
Speaker
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01:12:04
Speaker
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01:12:21
Speaker
Thank you again for being part of the Me, You & Who community. Your support means the world to us. I can't wait for you to join us next time as we continue to share stories and journeys of creating happy families.