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Episode 139 - ADHD and Composure: Why We Lose Our Cool (And Find It Again on a Ferry)
2 Plays52 seconds ago
Ever feel like “keeping your composure” is just not in the ADHD manual? Yeah, same.
Welcome back to Radio ADHDville, where your ex-mayors Martin (diagnosed combined ADHD + self-diagnosed autistic) and Paul (late-diagnosed combined ADHD) are once again trying to figure out what “calm” even means.
This week, it’s Paul’s turn to pick the topic, and he’s got one problem: he has no idea what composure actually feels like. 😅
We get into:
- Why looking calm on the outside often means pure chaos on the inside
- The weird way road trips, ferries, and trains actually help our brains chill out (hello, sensory blanket)
- Martin’s very uncomposed awards show moments (including a hypnotist who saw right through him)
- What happens when burnout catches up and the chaos monkey takes over
Plus: deep-sea creature quiz chaos, your feedback on hormonal cycles, and a very honest rating of composure as a dopamine hit vs. burnout trap.
If you’ve ever been told you look “so calm” while your brain sounds like a washing machine full of rocks… this one’s for you.
👉 Subscribe for fresh ADHD chaos every Tuesday.
Drop a comment: When do YOU actually feel composed?
Watch us on YouTube or listen wherever you get your pods.
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ADHDville, the podcast where hosts Paul and Martin bring 40 years of friendship to your ears. As late-diagnosed adults, they explore the ADHD world with fun, games, and the occasional guest—no boring lectures, just a comfortable and hilarious conversation you’d have with old friends. A new episode drops every Tuesday to make your week brighter!
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Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember: This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Introduction to Radio HD Phil
00:00:00
Speaker
Well, yeah back in the room, back in back in the room. Back the back in the room, back on the thrones. The the pair of thrones that is me and Martin. Yeah, and we're glad that you can join us. So let's go to a place where the distractions, the landmarks, and the detours on the main road.
00:00:18
Speaker
Welcome to Radio HD Phil. Come on. Where's the music? Not there. Meet the gaggers, the boys are here, boys here.
00:00:28
Speaker
Oh.
Diagnoses and Identity
00:00:31
Speaker
I'm Paul Thompson and I was diagnosed with the combined and the D again, in repetitive way, the D again, tracking towards three years ago.
00:00:45
Speaker
paul thompson and i was diagnosed with the combined a dh and the d again kind of in a repetitive way the d again tracking towards three years ago And I'm Martin West and I was officially diagnosed with combined ADHD, poo-poo, platter in 2013 and self-diagnosed autistic. And we are both the mayors of ADHDville, where we are hanging out at the King's Agitated Head pub, as we do at least once a week.
00:01:11
Speaker
um yeah And we're taking care of business. And this week, we have we are talking about, what are we talking about,
ADHD and Composure
00:01:18
Speaker
Paul? Because it's your topic. It's my turn this week. we We are talking about, hang on, he says, as he flips to the other, yeah he flips to his his script that he's prepared. okay We're talking about ADHD and composure, Martin.
00:01:37
Speaker
oh Composure. Composure. Right. you might be thinking, all right, what composure? what Paul, come on, you know help us out here. what what' What's this all about? Give us some context.
00:01:49
Speaker
Hold your horses. I'm coming to that. I'm getting there. it Composure. Why composure? Because I personally, as a man like Martin, ADHD, diagnosed, and self-diagnosed autistic. I have personally very, very rarely in my life, if at all, experienced the concept of composure. What's all that about then? What's all that about?
00:02:18
Speaker
Exactly. All right, well, let's jump in the tractor. ah and And where should we go to talk about... i was thinking the farm, Martin.
00:02:32
Speaker
Let's go go. All right. Well, perfect. The tractor's perfect place in for...
00:02:42
Speaker
There we go, we're off.
00:02:50
Speaker
Down on the farm. Down on the What's the thing? I'm come i am a combine harvester and I'll give you the key.
00:03:04
Speaker
Right. I'm, was it? I'm the something combine harvester. now I've got I've got a combine harvester. I've bought.
00:03:14
Speaker
i've bought is it I've bought a brand new combine harvester. And I'll give you the key. Generous. Wurzels. 1970-something.
00:03:27
Speaker
and Well, um so ADHD and composure. If you wanted to, to like, segue between from combine harvesters and ADHD and composure, it's like It's like a collection, Martin. It's like harvesting our thoughts and reflections on on composure, what it means for you and for me. And thrown into some context to sound remotely, on occasion, sort of remotely professional. We'll put some context in there, Martin.
00:04:02
Speaker
All right. nice Well, ah awesome. So um what do you what do you mean by composure? i mean, what what does that mean? well what it means for me. Well, that's the point, though, isn't it? That's the problem. I have no fucking idea what that is.
00:04:21
Speaker
Have you, Martin? What a great topic. This should be a short episode. Yeah. that's do you have Do you have composure, Martin?
External vs Internal Composure
00:04:32
Speaker
oh Okay, so when i was thinking about this the other day, was thinking, okay, right, well, there's there's two types, I guess, that come come to mind. There's composure...
00:04:47
Speaker
um from what it looks like from other people. So other people would kind of go, oh, look, he looks very calm and collected. He's not ruffled.
00:05:00
Speaker
He's very much in control of himself. yeah yeah so there's So there's that. Yes, there's the appearance and reality.
00:05:11
Speaker
And then there's the other part, which is composure for yourself. So even if you were in a room by yourself, like do you feel like your inner world is is calm and that you are in some sort of control? Or do you just feel in turmoil?
00:05:28
Speaker
right yeah So I kind of got this sort of, as other people see it, and then yeah your own internal world. We've known each other for 40 years, Martin. 40 years?
00:05:42
Speaker
Almost exactly. It would have been... it's not quite. it would be September. We knew each other in September. So it's coming in September, would be 40 years.
00:05:55
Speaker
i My impression of you, Martin, not composed. Nice. Nice. But not crazy either, not chaotic. No.
00:06:09
Speaker
um i have I don't know your impression of me, but ah we have friends in common that have said to me that, oh, Paul, I always thought you were really calm and composed, which is like jordan taking on your point, Martin, about appearance.
00:06:26
Speaker
Right. And I would often the say, are you out of your mind? no Or not. It's chaos inside my head. Right. it's It's that old thing of a swan looking looking very graceful as it glides across a pond, but underneath it looks like a going hell from a leather.
00:06:49
Speaker
Right. It's all going on behind the scenes. Yeah, it's all kicking off. It's all kicking off. I think it were with you, I think it all depends on whether you're in your comfort zone or not. Yeah.
00:07:05
Speaker
Like, you know, like I can i can think yeah of like when I used to work work with you, if you're like working on a on a project that you really, you know, like an annual report or something that you that that you are really into and capable of,
00:07:24
Speaker
you you were absolutely fine. You know, so. Wow. Yeah. Which is the complete opposite of reality. Right. Because in inside you're going, fuck,
Masking and Stress
00:07:34
Speaker
fuckity fuck. Oh, fuck. yes Fuck. Blindspacing.
00:07:39
Speaker
I remember once um talking, you you mentioned Anna Repose. I remember I was kind of responsible for for that in the in the marketing department of of ah where we worked together. yeah I remember i was I was going out of my mind with anxiety.
00:08:00
Speaker
And remember at one point I had to go up to meet the board of directors. Right. And kind of um because basically it got to a point where things were hotting up and, you know, we needed to, like, start getting to get the things done. And I was going out of my mind. And i went up upstairs, as you often do.
00:08:22
Speaker
go upstairs, don't you? Yeah. To meet the bosses, the directors, and board directors. Up to the big boys. And I was like, my mind was a like ah like like a worm on ah on a grill, right, on griddle.
00:08:38
Speaker
Right. ah But ah suddenly I had this moment, Martin, I looked around and they were all completely calm. So i thought, well, if they can be calm, so can I. So can I. All right. So it gave me kind of like a calming feeling. But in reality, I think self-consciously, I've written down here, Martin, the you know when you you we reach kind of burnout,
00:09:11
Speaker
especially if you're late, very late diagnosed like mean me and you. Yeah. You'd experience burnout because you've been masking for so long. Right.
00:09:22
Speaker
I've wondered here, I've written here, there's almost like double the burnout because there's not only you hiding your authentic self, right? Right.
00:09:34
Speaker
There's also the performing your ah your uneth unauthentic self. Right. It's like, in your case, like to to achieve that level of looking poised and calm, you not not only have to pretend to be like a normal person, but then you have to pretend to be a normal person who's being really calm and poised. Exactly. So it's like double, as you say. Right. It's with and a way more work.
00:10:06
Speaker
And I wondered if there was also an element of, and I'm talking here of um subconsciously, thinking I can't ever let out or ever be, can't ever give off or communicate what is really fucking going on in my mind because I'd probably scare people.
00:10:31
Speaker
ah Probably. Do know what mean, though? Yes. It's something you feel like you're subconsciously feeling like, I've got keep this under wraps, because otherwise they're going think I'm a complete freak.
00:10:46
Speaker
Right, right, right. Yeah. That's a lot of energy. That is a hell of a lot of energy. Of repression. Right.
00:10:58
Speaker
Yeah. know? Yeah. Yeah. ah I think... Yeah, I mean, certainly as I've got older, I i care a lot less about looking poised for other people.
00:11:12
Speaker
Yes. like Like that doesn't worry me much anymore. It's more about myself, about whether I feel calm and poised myself, just irrespective of the image that I give out.
00:11:31
Speaker
do Can you give me an example though when, and I suspect every everyone has a moment, when you couldn't hold it in any longer and you kicked off?
00:11:50
Speaker
yeah What, just just lost? Yeah, I mean. Lost it. Lost it. ah I mean, I don't tend to lose it that often. not like Not like sort of meltdown, just everything going to shit. i that That doesn't tend to be me.
00:12:10
Speaker
um Although, that i mean, there have been times, like, I ah remember... Okay, so this is just me freaking out on the phone. one is Oh, nice. i like that. Okay. But I was i was driving down the edge this was years again i was driving down the m twenty five right?
00:12:34
Speaker
was going like i was going ah ah anti-clockwise i think And I was driving, driving, driving, driving. Towards the Ductford Tunnel. Towards the the the tolls, yes. Ductford Tunnel.
00:12:50
Speaker
There's toll booths yes somewhere around that side. Yeah, Ductford Tunnel. Right. And I suddenly realized I didn't have any money.
00:13:03
Speaker
i've done the same i've done the same right and i'm and i'm driving along and then i phone my girlfriend at the time and i'm going i don't have any money what do i do what do i do because i had no idea right what do think do they sort of stop you and then impound your car and arrest you i have no idea i'm just panicking And then as I'm getting closer and closer, I'm kind of like not driving as fast because I'm i'm trying to search the car at the same time for for any coins that might be like in the footwell um man or in the or in the glove compartment. So I'm driving and then like I'm panicking and I'm trying to find money as I'm getting closer and closer. And I'm panicking more and more.
00:13:57
Speaker
And I'm on my phone to my girlfriend going, what? and then have i i and then i managed to scrape up the exact amount like pound 50 or something just from random coins that i could find in my car oh man i did the same martin And I did the same thing in the same place.
00:14:22
Speaker
ah The same thing at the same place. I was going to visit. We would have been working together at this time. I was going to visit i was going off to visit a a printer. I got to the the yeah that that same toll. And people by the time i got to the to pay the pay the thing and the barrier was town It was already stacked up behind me.
00:14:45
Speaker
It was like rush hour. And I found some money, right? I found some coins. And then I'd almost finished. There was like 20 coins to put in, right? To pay like two.
00:14:59
Speaker
thinking The last coin fell down, rolled along, and finished. underneath the car but right in the middle ah just so i thought what do i do i had to get out and rummage around underneath the car on on the hot tarmac
00:15:24
Speaker
oh oh right well the ah well the toll booth person is just like staring at you yeah no it's i think i went to an automatic one no it was it was an automatic one didn't have a person oh man oh god oh nightmare i i think the example i can give is When, again, go my um agency work was sometimes seasonal and a really hard part the season was February through to the first week of March and report a season, okay? And I got through to March and I was, now I know, looking back, I know was burnt out.
00:16:13
Speaker
But at the time, i i remember going out one day for my lunch. It wasn't even lunch hour. It was somewhere between office hours starting in the morning, office opening, and somewhere between then and lunch.
00:16:31
Speaker
And I went out to get some air, and I was kicking off.
00:16:38
Speaker
All right. And I had no idea what was going on. You were angry? was not I was angry, I was tired, I was frustrated, i was everything.
00:16:52
Speaker
And I was just um a wasp nest. You had a meltdown. I had a meltdown. And, um God, if I knew then what I know now, like, okay, Paul, you just come through.
00:17:08
Speaker
You're burnt out, Paul. Right. It's all right. It's okay, mate, you know. all right. Yeah, Okay, cool. So I've now i've now thought, though, on the positive side of it, okay, when do I experience – I had to think about it
Travel and Sensory Needs
00:17:26
Speaker
this week. When do I actually experience anything – um um that gets anywhere near the state, mental state of being composed.
00:17:41
Speaker
Right. And it's traveling. all right I had to think about it a lot, but it's traveling. It's um on a long drive, on a ferry, a on a long trip, in lab maybe island hopping in Greece or something, or on the train.
00:18:03
Speaker
That's when I experienced the closest I ever get to feeling composed. And I did some research, and there's a reason, Martin. Oh, okay. There's a reason.
00:18:15
Speaker
There's a reason. It's because, Martin, yes um it says i've got it it's it's it's it's highly common that people with adhd report feeling unusual sense of an unusual sense of mental clarity clarm clarm a clo club and focus during long road trips, trainwrites or ferry boat journeys. What have you experience is not an illusion. It's a neurobiological response to a very specific set of environmental conditions that perfectly cater to the ADHD brain's you know it
00:18:57
Speaker
new new um unique um needs. Okay. Okay. For example, in the car or in a ferry or a train, you often have no salience white noise, which is sometimes called a sensory blanket.
00:19:16
Speaker
Mm-hmm. White noise, ye yep. Because the ADHD brain is chronically scanning the environment for stimuli because its internal regulatory system struggles to filter out background noise.
00:19:30
Speaker
in a tra The transit effect, though, gives you a steady hum of car engine on a highway, vibration of tyres on the asphalt, okay? Or the deep rhythmic thrum of a ferryboat's diesel engine.
00:19:47
Speaker
Acts as a massive sensory blanket. Right. Interesting. think that whole thing was worth it just for the word thrum. Thrum.
00:19:59
Speaker
I don't think I've ever said that word in my life. I've never said in my life either. Thrum. Yeah. what i It's a good word to say. Also, these artificial constraints slash thrum, okay?
00:20:13
Speaker
yes Yes. Eliminate. Okay. Get this. Choice paralysis. Oh, last week. Last week. Last week. Last week's.
00:20:24
Speaker
Last week's, Martin. Right. Right. The ADHD brain often freezes when presented with an open-ended landscape of options and tasks. But the transit effect, like when you're driving on on ah a car or sitting on a ferry deck, your immediate options are aggressively restricted.
00:20:45
Speaker
You can't do the laundry. You can't check your mail unless you're really watching. You can't organise your studio Your only job is stay in your lane wait or wait for a boat to dock.
00:20:59
Speaker
The result is forced limitation that removes cognitive burden of deciding what to do next. I tell you what, being on an aeroplane is a bit like that because you can't use your phone.
00:21:13
Speaker
No one's going to phone you. No one's going to text you. Well, unless you pay for the Wi-Fi upgrade. And why would you do that when you can literally just sit there in your seat? You've got nothing to do except watch a film. Yeah.
00:21:28
Speaker
but you can't do that You can't do that in Europe. What? What can't can't you do? You can't you can't get a Wi-Fi upgrade in Europe. Oh, OK. Nice.
00:21:39
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, nice. Yeah. I like that. um i ah My most Zen place is I guess, yeah, Plains.
00:21:50
Speaker
but I like, yeah, when all of the choices are taken away from you. Yeah. That's actually quite a nice a nice place to Yeah.
00:22:03
Speaker
um It's nice as well, that add that sensory blanket context as well. Yeah. I thought think as because I quite like being on ah on ah on a beach for that reason, but not like necessarily lying there.
00:22:20
Speaker
Oh, right, yeah, yeah. But you sort walk along the edge of the beach, you know, in the early evening, everyone's gone home. It's kind of quiet. yes, And it's just you and whatever and your friends and whatever. You're just like, you know, just walking and chatting. Like that is like, and got that sea, making that nice white noise. Also, the sea somehow is in a state of, um,
00:22:48
Speaker
of it's like It's almost like the sea's wanting to help you at that moment as well because all of a sudden the sea becomes a bit limpid. ah It's the best time to have ah a bathe.
00:22:58
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. It probably is. To avoid the thrum. The thrum of the sea. The thrum of the sea.
00:23:11
Speaker
i was i was I was trying to think of like times when I've lost my cool, as it were, and most of them seem to be like, well, one of them was a at an awards ceremony. So um'm so um yeah I was working as a creative director at an ad agency.
00:23:35
Speaker
This was in London. That's right. And... it was a big industry awards thing, right? And our agency's up for awards and everyone's there, all the big agencies, the Sarches and the, you know, the Water Thompsons and the whatever's of the world.
00:23:51
Speaker
We're all there, all the big cheeses. and And we win an award or my my my my my project wins an award. So me and my team have to kind of get get up on stage. Right.
00:24:09
Speaker
Yeah. but But it it was the first time. It was the first time I'd won anything like large like yeah and that. was ah and And I completely lost my my shit. Yeah.
00:24:21
Speaker
Right. really I was well in that I was so desperate to get up on stage. Right. I was like clambering. I was like pushing like chairs and people really pushing past people. And it was like, i was like, fucking hell. I look like the most thirsty, desperate person to ever get onto a stage.
00:24:42
Speaker
I must have looked like a little sort of cartoon sort of Muppet. Muppet. Oh, my God. Did you have a victory speech?
00:24:54
Speaker
No, no, no. Did you have your agent and your mum? No. All of those industry awards, you literally get up. You get your award. You have to stand there. You you you get your picture taken, and then you're off.
00:25:08
Speaker
Right. but yeah um um I've never won an award other than a book in middle school, on the a book, it's a manual of snails and mollusks. Oh, right. No, I mean, ah and at another one, I won an award.
00:25:26
Speaker
And it was just me, right? And I went up on stage. And the guy who was presenting it, I can't remember his name, but but but he's like a ah British, um he you know, he you would know who he is. He's like sort of Radio 1, Radio 1 a DJ and also does like TV music.
00:25:51
Speaker
music music tv shows like um and i and i and i i i like get up there and he goes all right what i want you to do is i want you to run around the outside of this of this big of this big the banqueting event hall holding you holding the award over your head and screaming I went, yeah, no problem, mate.
00:26:19
Speaker
Right. So like i just shot off. Yeah. Shot off and ran around the entire outside of this place going, holding my award aloft. And then he said, wait for your cue, Marty, wait for your cue. Was with the same guy that does movie reviews?
00:26:42
Speaker
Honestly, i mean, we could be here for for an hour trying to work out who it is. um How about with compromise on 55 minutes? Sure.
00:26:53
Speaker
All right. Yeah, but I lost my shit then. Okay. I also also ah had to maintain my composure when at a different awards ceremony, um the guest, the entertainment guest was hypnotist Paul McKenna.
00:27:13
Speaker
are you tv you told I think you've toldbo told me the story. Right. So he's like, I want some people who want to be hypnotized up on stage. And I go, yes.
00:27:26
Speaker
off I am up for this. So I shoot up there and he gets loads of us on on on stage. We're all in a line. And we have to do these exercises like like holding your hand, like like really sort squeezing your hands and doing all these sorts of things.
00:27:43
Speaker
And then he picks a bunch of us, about, I don't know, eight or nine of us. um and all And I am one of those people. So I'm like, Yes!
00:27:54
Speaker
This is going to be so good! I can't wait! um And then he he does his whole hypnotist act thing, puts us in a hypnotic state.
00:28:07
Speaker
Yes. Except i I am not in a hip hypnotic state at all. Right. I don ah don't feel like i amm I'm not hypnotized. I'm literally just like, oh, fuck.
00:28:21
Speaker
Was it the first time you'd faked it? Yeah. who were on On stage. Or anywhere. Yes. I had to fake being hypnotized. And he was getting me to do these things. I think one was like, can't remember now.
00:28:37
Speaker
One was like, It was something like, you're an alien and ah you've come down here and and and you're and and you're giving your thoughts on the audience or something like that.
00:28:52
Speaker
So I'm like, oh, fucking all right. I have to do this. I have to do this thing. So I'm like, I i want to lose my call, but I can't because I've got like fucking hundreds of people staring at me.
00:29:08
Speaker
So I have to do the whole thing. have to do the whole performative thing, just make it up on the spot. Oh, God. And then, yeah. But did you tell me he he knew it?
00:29:21
Speaker
Yeah, because when we all filed off stage, he was, like, shaking everyone's hands. And then when I went to shake his hand, he stopped and he went, thanks, mate. Okay, nice. He knew. he knew. he knew that I had to fake it.
00:29:38
Speaker
don't damn it But I've since I for many years I was was convinced that people were being hypnotized. But apparently it's all bullshit.
00:29:50
Speaker
I mean, honestly, mate, my my experience would be, yes, it's all bullshit. But I'm sure it isn't. But I mean, I mean, sarah he he is very convincing.
00:30:03
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I mean, think he's... He's probably made millions out of it. Right. i yeah sure i just I mean, I just liked showing off on on on stage. so i felt So I think that's why why he picked me.
00:30:18
Speaker
Right. like I hope to have thought it was an ADHD man. i Well, yeah, I mean, that that moment of, you know... potential um um dopamine is, you know, right.
00:30:35
Speaker
Honestly, like turn down, isn't it? This is a room full of advertising people, right? All of them. Yeah. Have ADHD. All of them.
00:30:45
Speaker
Every is a room full of us. I wonder if ADHD people or autistic people are harder to hypnotize. Good question.
00:30:56
Speaker
I don't know.
Composure and Creativity
00:30:58
Speaker
I imagine they are harder harder to hypnotise. Maybe. We'll have to look that up sometime. Okay.
00:31:07
Speaker
We'll do that sometime. Sometime. What else do you have, Mr Thompson? That's... What else have got? that that it, with really. Well, it says hey that... that um The composed state, this is the last bit i've got on this, when you maybe are in um ah a thrum, you know, thrum state, and you've got maybe that kind of comfort blanket of the hub of a diesel engine or than the tyres on the tarmac, and combined with that moment when you you're avoiding choice paralysis, because you you kind of your choices are quite limited in that moment, it's a great time for um creativity.
00:31:56
Speaker
In fact, I've got written down here, fertile fertile ground for creativity in that moment when we're composed. Because then you know that steady harm of movement enters into kind of hip hypnagogic, it says here. It enters in a state of hypnagogic clarity and structured daydreaming.
00:32:21
Speaker
Right. Interesting. Now, these I've never heard of that word before. Have you? Hypnagogic. No. We have thrum, and we have hypnagogic. Great. It's often during these exact journeys when you literally suspend You are literally suspended between point A and B with nothing to do but look out at the water or the horizon that the soft eye is most receptive. Stripped of the pressure, Martin, to produce, your brain is finally free, hurrah, to protect disparate ideas and find the hidden symmetry of your thoughts.
00:32:59
Speaker
All right. So yeah, yeah i ah sometimes think of it as, know, like um ah if you were going to go shopping.
00:33:11
Speaker
Yeah. at a at a store i one of those big stores and you have your kid with you right this sort of three-year-old kid that is just going to be trouble and and so what you decide to do is just to keep it amused by just putting it in the by booking it into the into the
00:33:34
Speaker
bull pit, you know, the bull pit place. and you And then you go over there, you you crazy chaos kid. yes And then I'm just going to go and calmly shop.
00:33:48
Speaker
Right. by And I ah not i feel that like that's what... some of these things do like you know sounds and and and and ferries and trains and yeah planes in that your your your brain is is being given a a ball pit of just enough stimulation just to kind of keep amused while the rest of you can like focus on doing something Or maybe in in those potentially highly stressful moments from for um a normal person, right?
00:34:29
Speaker
Neurotypical person, right? like there's there's someone once said that he Someone who was ADHD, he said once he was involved in a terrible car accident and the there was a certain nanosecond when the car was in midair, had crashed, it was in midair and was flipping over and in his mind he said, I swear to God, I had in that nand nanosecond, in his head he was going, ooh,
00:34:58
Speaker
Whee! As in, like, it was like a fairground ride. Blimey. Isn't that amazing?
00:35:10
Speaker
find that extraordinary. Crazy. and my my my My closing thought on composure would would be, i guess,
00:35:22
Speaker
not to worry about what composure looks like for other people, what you know what yeah what you look like to the out out outside world. and that That is a second that is of considerably second consideration to yeah your own internal sense of calm. um you know that That's the...
00:35:45
Speaker
If you can kind of, you know, so yeah, I mean, that for you, you know, that that is what poise would would be. that that that's what could that that that That's what composure would be for me. So yeah I my myself was not in a state of tur turmoil. um I wonder if the reality, or just thinking of this as you're saying that, Martin, just came to mind.
00:36:15
Speaker
I wonder if the reality is that neurotypical people have just as much lack of composure as we do. It's just that neurologically typical people bury it even more deeply and profoundly than we do.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yeah, I so suspect they have the only in wordss they have more capacity to to hide it, to bury balance it and to yeah yeah yeah ah Yeah. Or just to sort of not have so much stress. Not even conscious of their conscience of being uncomposed.
00:36:51
Speaker
Right. Do you know what I mean? I think there's consciousness and not being conscious of their subconsciousness. Right. Yeah. you know what I mean?
Self-regulation Over Expectations
00:37:00
Speaker
Yeah, for sure.
00:37:02
Speaker
ah So I think ADHD composure would be different to what normal people's composure would be. Totally. So for me, I would reframe it as you know as that you are you know that that you that you are regulating yourself somewhat um that that um that that you're not feeling shame if you're kind of like feeling a bit you know or or just less fear had an ex-girlfriend
00:37:38
Speaker
who was really, really scared of losing her shit to the extent that she never got drunk. She was too scared of finding out that part of herself. Whereas I think neurotypical person much more in m a but ah much more less fearful um ah state of, you know, less fearful um of there the edges of their personalities.
00:38:06
Speaker
Right. But I also would argue that as a as a woman being out of control in a yeah life drug in a social a be scared of.
00:38:20
Speaker
that situation would yeah like that would be that would be ah a a scary thing so they've got more to be scared of ah Yeah, yeah. Whereas, you know, us two, you know, like, yeah. We've been drunk in the middle of Havana and not knowing anyone. I've been curled up on this on the pavement, on the sidewalk, outside a bar.
00:38:48
Speaker
just curled up and it was nice and I was warm and it was lovely. And, you know, but that is but that is but that is is ah is a is a privilege that I have as a as a man. That's so true.
00:39:02
Speaker
That's so true. I've done the same. i've fell asleep curled up in a ball in a i in the shop entrance in Soho.
00:39:13
Speaker
In the entrance? In the shop entrance. Oh, what? Yeah, but the door was closed. It was closed, the shop. But it had a little nook, a little bit, in front of a canal cove. And I'd crawled up and because I just found out was about to be a dad.
00:39:33
Speaker
Oh, wow. So I got super drunk with ah with a mate in in Soho. Luckily, he was a little bit less drunk than me. and he held a cap for me and poured me into it.
00:39:47
Speaker
Right. And he took me home.
00:39:52
Speaker
Anyway. Anyway, a little bit of reflection about, you know, stuff. Let's rate. this right Let's rate. Let's rate composure. Oh, this is going to be hard.
00:40:06
Speaker
Is it a dopamine? Or is it a dopamine? I'll see.
00:40:11
Speaker
Yeah. Is it a dopamine hit or is it a burnout thing? So I guess a a a dopamine hit would be, know, getting to that state of feeling composed in your in yourself. Like, like is there a is there a dopamine hit out of it? Do you kind of get something from it? or I wonder if in in in reality...
00:40:38
Speaker
not even subconsciously but secretly there's a certain amount of um dopamine hit to be playing on the edge of the dopamine here explain was worried you'd say that oh shit explain um I wonder if in reality i
Dopamine in Chaos
00:40:59
Speaker
like playing on the edge danger and burnout. Yes.
00:41:02
Speaker
You know. Yeah. There is more dopamine hits not being composed. Yeah. there there is there is more there is more there is more taoppamine hits um not being um kind not being yeah composed like Because sometimes they are really interesting things come out of it, and definitely interesting stories come out of bad, you know negative composure moments.
00:41:29
Speaker
Right. like like your Like your anecdotes about you know being on stage and collecting huge awards. Right. Right. So, yeah, ah I think, you know what, something like, I think i would I would argue that there's not a lot of the dopamine I could get out of being composed. Like... Yeah.
00:41:52
Speaker
Really? I mean, some ish? If you want it, if that's what you really want. Is that what you want? Because that's what will happen. when Right. I mean, feels nice. Be careful of what you what what you want.
00:42:07
Speaker
because sometimes you'll get it. Be careful of what you wish for. Because sometimes, maybe one day you will get it. So I would say maybe 3.5. think I'm going to for 3.57. Oh, that high. So really close. Quite similar. Yeah, yeah.
00:42:22
Speaker
five seven oh that a really close quite quite similar yeah end The uncomposed Paul is Paul. It's that little chaos monkey. Do you know what mean? the Chaos monkey.
00:42:39
Speaker
Yes. Yes. um yeah Obviously, i am i'm I'm thinking of you getting sent out to buy a bottle of wine, you know, yeah then setting the chaos monkey loose. Yeah.
00:42:55
Speaker
I'm thinking about how... people you know within our community fellow adhd isn't and um um autist autistic people the connection we have is the kind of the joy we have in the knowledge of being kind of um these kind of chaotic monkeys you know that is definitely a strong connection um All right, so... Burnout.
00:43:25
Speaker
Burnout. That's high, isn't it? What? Burnout. It's also so high. It's a contradiction, isn't it, this this got this ratings? They kind of contradict each other, which is fine.
00:43:37
Speaker
I mean, like, because actually... your effort because part of your brain is like, oh my God, there's so much chaos going on. I really want to be calm and simple and nice. and there is part and And it is good to get there. But then if you if you don't get there and it's more chaos and you're trying to get to this Zen-like place that you think you're going to get to and you can't, then that's just going burn you out just trying to get there, just trying be calm.
00:44:09
Speaker
Sometimes you think, oh Lord, please, just for one day. Maybe for a couple of hours in my lunch break, it made me feel composed. Come on.
00:44:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. um Yeah. So I'm going to give a score of like six out of 10 for burnout. Yeah. I know what you mean.
00:44:36
Speaker
Just for the fact that it's actually quite hard work just trying to get to that place. Yeah. um Yeah. I think I'm going to be something like your score as well. I'm going to give it, burnout is like 6.75, just to round it off.
00:44:55
Speaker
All right. There we go. What's what's your score at at home? Let us know. Let us know your thoughts. When we come up with for an episode, yeah,
00:45:11
Speaker
I always found and found these ratings can be very, very revealing, Martin. Right. Okay. Very revealing. We have made our way over to Alexander's Holted Inn.
00:45:24
Speaker
This is the bit where I say your void your feedback is vital to us. and We've written that in the script because it really is. So there you are. And um you might we might read out one of your comments in in a future podcast. But come on, come on, give us your feedback.
00:45:41
Speaker
Like this from Alexandra Martin. Right, who's left us a note. We were talking about... What were we talking about last week? Oh, we were talking about male menopause. Menopause.
00:45:56
Speaker
Andropause. Andropause. Right. She says here, most men will tell you to toughen up when most women will want them to express themselves. So I get one normal week per month. What a bliss. Being a woman and even more, a neurodivergent woman isn't easy. I wonder if men are experiencing something similar.
00:46:19
Speaker
And you answered, Martin. I made a note of this. you martin I'm with you, Alessandra. The conversation of men versus women is often a wrong conversation to have. it's like yeah People make stupid comparisons when they don't need to be had. One doesn't exclude the other.
00:46:38
Speaker
They're just different. Right. So, yeah. So, um yeah, I think my point was was that that men that men do have hormonal cycles, but not not monthly cycles, more like a cycle during the day. So their testosterone...
00:47:01
Speaker
will tend to peak somewhere around 6am to 8am. Yes. um that's That's where the highest highest. And then it starts to slide away in the afternoon. Goodbye, testosterone.
00:47:14
Speaker
Between 1pm and 4pm, there's an afternoon droop. Right. afternoon droop. Right. croy Which I know for some men, that word is very triggering, the word droop. But I'm using it just to play with you.
00:47:33
Speaker
I love it. And then there's an e there's an there's an there's especially um even more droopy between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. when testosterone bottoms out.
00:47:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then it resets itself during sleep. Yeah. But then something else happens. If you're a six if you're getting on between get on towards years old, Martin's already i'm four three mate
00:48:05
Speaker
right You can experience, it it can get a much stronger effect as well, which we talked about last week. If you want to know a bit more about that, you you just like go back to last week's episode. But you can get um brain fog, reduced drive, reduced cognitive fatigue and irritability. And that's not even talking about ADHD and autism.
00:48:29
Speaker
So you can imagine it for us. nightmare yeah it is potentially nightmare all right uh if you've got any any comments about uh this particular episode which is i've already forgotten what this episode's all all all about composed there there we go thank you uh you see like once we've done that that episode on that on that subject all of the information just drains away from my brain yeah it's all gone now Right. Talking of which, we've got a quiz.
00:49:03
Speaker
Let's do that. Yeah. It's a quiz. Lovely. Lovely. It's a quiz where Paul and I might turn challenge each other.
00:49:17
Speaker
Yes. And it's a three truths and a and a lie kind of format. ma Or in this case, um to two lies and a truth.
00:49:28
Speaker
All right. This week's two lines and a truth. And it's first to 10 points. I'm currently on five. Paul's on four. So it's pretty even. And it's your turn.
00:49:40
Speaker
Yeah. And it's your turn to ask. This one is purposely challenging, Martin, because I think I was four one up at one point. And I've got this, like, strangely familiar feeling of you galloping off into the sunset.
00:49:58
Speaker
Well, let's turn it around. On a quiz type tip. OK, so I've made it purposely challenging this week. The theme is yeah creatures of the abyss.
00:50:11
Speaker
Creatures of the abyss. Of course it is. and ah Is it fake or is it true? I've made some up. All right. Right. As you know, Martin, you're intelligent, man. You're a cultured man. Informed.
00:50:26
Speaker
You know that the creatures that go down about 10,000 meters. Right. Yeah. Are pretty fucking out there kind of. Oh, yeah.
00:50:37
Speaker
Right. Mad. a mad So I've got I'm going to give you three examples of. Three sets of three. Okay. You have to guess which one of these is true. Okay. All right Are you ready?
00:50:51
Speaker
Yeah, i'm ready. First example, the barrel eye fish. Barrel eye fish. That's one word, Martin, barrel eye. Yeah.
00:51:04
Speaker
Okay. It's known for its remarkable remarkable transparent head. This adaption allows it to maximise its field of vision while protecting its sensitive eyes from specialist organs of its jellyfish prey. The eyes themselves are encased in fluid-filled domes, Martin, providing a notable example of evolutionary evolutionary creativity found in the deep sea, Martin. So they've got invisible heads so they have better all-round vision.
00:51:35
Speaker
Wow. right All right, yeah. Barrel-eyed fish. Yeah. Next version, okay. Okay. The Prism Guild Angler.
00:51:47
Speaker
Okay. Okay. where Where the barrel-eyed fish used transparent shield to look out, this creature, on the other hand, uses transparent geometry to hide xx is its internal vulnerabilities.
00:52:05
Speaker
The adaption of this particular creature is that it features a completely transparent crystalline chest cavity shaped like an inverted prism. Inside this glass-like ribcage sits its highly biloluminescent gills, which glow an intense neon blue to attract microscopic plankton. God, that was hard to say.
00:52:29
Speaker
All right. and And that's called the what? The angular... The the Prism Guild Angler. Okay. Right? Uh-huh.
00:52:41
Speaker
Or C. Or C. The Mirror-Skinned Gulper. Okay. Do you the Latin for it? Sure. It's Speculum Forensic Ferox.
00:52:58
Speaker
Okay. Speculum phoransic ferrox. This creature tackles Martin, concentrate. Come on. um yeah This creature tackles the ultimate deep deepsea dilemma. How do you eat a glowing meal without turning yourself into an equally glowing beacon for other predators?
00:53:18
Speaker
This one has sorted it out. A relative of the golper eel, this fish has an elastic, expandable stomach. The unique twist is that the entire line of his its throat and stomach is made of organic, mineral-like guanine crystals, the same ma material that makes silverfish shiny, but tightly packed into a floor flawless, reflective interior shield.
00:53:46
Speaker
Okay. All right. So you've got, you can choose between barrel-eyed fish, prism-guild angler, And the mirror-skinned gulper.
00:53:57
Speaker
Blimey. Oh, it's easy, Martin. Come on. so finding the false one. I'm going to say that the mirror-skinned gulper is true because, it's because ah one, it had a Latin name.
00:54:12
Speaker
B, yeah the second part of the Latin name was called Ferros Ferros. Ferox. Right, which is like iron. like I'm thinking like ferrous iron.
00:54:25
Speaker
And then you were saying about the the mc the has like a metal metallic quality like silverfish. So I'm goingnna i going to say. So I ah think that that makes sense to me is that somehow iron is involved in that. logic Great logic. Ferox. I'm impressed. Ferox. That's the point. You have to find the the one that's true out of There's two forces. and oh and so I'm saying that one's true.
00:54:52
Speaker
Oh, okay. Let's impress Ferox, yeah, because Italian for for iron is Ferox. fairdox ah But you're wrong. Oh.
00:55:04
Speaker
I made it up. Ugh. Doesn't exist at all. The right one was the barrel-eyed fish with the yeah all right the invisible head. All right.
00:55:16
Speaker
Damn you. Damn you. Mirror-skinned gulper. All right Number two. Right. Number two. Same theme. But slightly different kind of beast.
00:55:27
Speaker
Right? Right. Yeah. OK. Which one out of these three is true, exists? It's an actual creature that exists. Right. This one.
00:55:40
Speaker
The first example, 12,000 feet below sea level. Okay. Right. The Ancastrida prawn. Okay.
00:55:51
Speaker
Latin name, Crangun Ancorifera.
00:55:58
Speaker
has exoskeletal legs filled with heavy dense iron deposits that double as a vacuolar system you want more information or should stop there yeah otherwise it would just get too long two giant sea spider
00:56:17
Speaker
latin word colossal endonis has spindly legs that can stretch wider than a dinner plate, Martin. They live on the Arctic and at Antarctic Ocean floor, down to depths of 13,000 feet or 4,000 meters.
00:56:34
Speaker
oh Fucking spiders. I hate them. I fucking hate spiders. They're everywhere. Weird thing about them is that they they house their vital organs in their legs.
00:56:45
Speaker
Okay. Right? Right.
00:56:48
Speaker
stilt-like legs says here all three martin yeah the skeletal loom crab textual or sayer a hollow hollow external mesh shell that functions a deep seal filtration net wow you know okay we've got the uh the anchor strider prawn the deep sea spider giant deep sea spider Right. Or the skeletal loom crab.
00:57:20
Speaker
I'm going with the spider because they cause that' just... Are you? Everywhere, bastards. Wow, you're right.
00:57:30
Speaker
You're right, Martin. It actually exists. It's organs. including its breathing apparatus, are in their stilt-like legs. So it's all on the last one.
00:57:42
Speaker
It's all the last one. Probably the most fascinating, right? All right. There exists, in the in the in the deep deepest part of the oceans, colonies...
00:57:55
Speaker
of genetically identical polyps or zoozoids that act like one organism they might seem like one organism organism but they're potentially made up of thousands of genetically identical polyps right right okay so if these three you have to decide which one is true martin yeah of this genre of beast, right? okay
00:58:26
Speaker
Okay. The looming lattice ribbon. Nemetaclinum textum. The concept of this one is instead of a long floating string, this this colonial entity functions as a massive living stationary curtain.
00:58:46
Speaker
Okay. Okay. The colony is made of thousands of individual specialized clones that link together in a massive mesh grid that hang vertically for over 100 feet in underground underwater canyons.
00:59:02
Speaker
Right? Sounds made up. Yep. Or is it um the Siphonia forae is a colony of genetically identical polyps or zoopoids um Each zoid performs as a functional as ah a function essential to the survival of the whole colony, such as catching prey, digesting food or reproducing.
00:59:27
Speaker
They can reach extraordinary lengths of up to 155 feet in length. 49 feet or 15 meters in diameter. okay and forty nine feet or fifteen meters in diameter I'm saying that's rubbish.
00:59:41
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Or, third one, the abyssal gear chain. Glycolosinodis mechanica. A hypergrid, Martin.
00:59:54
Speaker
A hypergrid. Interlocking colonies shaped like an enormous hollow rotating tube that can stretch the length of a football field.
01:00:05
Speaker
Jesus. You know what? ah See, I didn't like the word lumen on the first one, the lumen lattice. Oh, okay. because Because lumen means light.
01:00:19
Speaker
So i was wondering whether light was going to be a big part of that. Right. But it didn't appear to be. Oh, God, all of those three sound ridiculous.
01:00:30
Speaker
I'm literally going to what? So the the the first one was C. second one was B. I'm going A.
01:00:38
Speaker
So you go for the looming lattice ribbon? Yes, because because because we haven't had an A answer. so We've had a C answer and a B answer. I'm just going with A because... You're wrong, Martin. It's B. All right.
01:00:55
Speaker
All right. So that puts a score at five all. Yeah, um ah I was playing hard. Are you are your eyes bleeding, Martin?
01:01:09
Speaker
Yeah. I was playing hard because, ah you know, some would say dirty. Well, you know, yeah you have to in this game. You yeah you you can't take it easy.
01:01:23
Speaker
Because the prize is too, you know, yeah it it's just hard to contemplate not winning a prize like we have. ah Oh, you know what? I've just realised ah what what ah so what we do next is ah we decide what we're going to do next week.
01:01:45
Speaker
Yes. And it's my turn. Which you've forgotten to do. So now while I'm just chatting away like like this, i am I've pulled up the list of things.
01:01:57
Speaker
I'm just going to zip down the whole. See, there are so many possible episodes that we could do. It is it is insane the the amount of stuff that we that we haven't yeah done yet.
01:02:11
Speaker
um I'm going to go. do we talk about that? Do we talk about? Oh, let's see, there's things like ADHD and... ah see i was What about ADHD and prostate exams?
01:02:30
Speaker
Oh, God, no. Or is it time for a rule 101?
01:02:37
Speaker
um Just seeing, like... ah you Just seeing, like, I would say... ah this How about... All right, let's... um um i'm
01:02:54
Speaker
I'm going to say let's do a let's to a Room 101. Okay. okay Let's do a Room 101, which we haven't done for a while.
01:03:04
Speaker
Yes. Which is... that's it's it's It's an all-quiz episode. oh is it? Yes.
01:03:16
Speaker
the whole The whole thing is just is just is just a quiz. where Okay. where the ah the Where as an ADHD stroke or autistic person, we have to find three things yeah that that that we want to to to banish from this world that are annoying to us Yes.
01:03:45
Speaker
And then we'll we'll see whether it it gets banished into room 101 or not. Okay, yeah. So um when was the last one we did?
01:03:57
Speaker
it was like episode 101 or something. Oh, no, we've got edition two was episode 108. Yeah.
01:04:10
Speaker
um So this is episode edition three. Yeah. So I'm just putting it in there now. Nice. just Episode 139 is...
01:04:24
Speaker
is He says, trying to type edition. It's edition three. Okay. it's Actually, this episode is is episode 139.
01:04:38
Speaker
It'll be episode 140. Oh, okay. I checked earlier.
01:04:46
Speaker
ah Okay.
01:04:50
Speaker
Cool beans. Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. hoof There we go. Okay. i um That's another episode in the bag.
01:05:02
Speaker
Oh, saw that episode is in in in in in the bag, mate. All right, that just leaves me to say that ADHDville is delivered fresh every Tuesday data to all providers of fine podcasts. Please subscribe to the pod and rate most... What's our subject this week?
01:05:19
Speaker
I've got a bit. The most composed podcasters you've you've ever listened to. air part Ever. And feel free to correspond at will in the comments. But wait, there's more if you wish to see beautiful, beautiful faces.
01:05:35
Speaker
And send it forth to the TikToks or the YouTubes. And and you can also pick up a quill and email us at adhdvo.gmail.com. But in the meantime, be fucking kind to yourself.
01:05:48
Speaker
And I've received you fellow ADHDers very well with gladness heart.
01:06:01
Speaker
That's that. Wow. Do you notice that we're quite good, really, at getting it more or less on the hour mark? Whoa, that car.
01:06:13
Speaker
Yeah, just go buzz.
01:06:16
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. um I would have timed it a bit a bit better, but but the ah but yeah. Six minutes over. Oh, well. Oh, well.
01:06:27
Speaker
Never mind. All right, goodbye. Alrighty!