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Episode 142 - ADHD & The Summer Vacation Paradox: Why You're Exhausted After Your Vacation
1 Playsin 14 hours
Is it just us, or does a vacation sometimes feel like you need another vacation just to recover from it?
In this week’s episode of ADHDville, your Ex-Mayors, Martin and Paul, pull up a chair at the King’s Agitated Head pub to tackle the ultimate neurodivergent dilemma: the Summer Vacation Paradox.
For the ADHD brain, a break from routine sounds like a thrilling dopamine hit—new places, new foods, and all the novelty we crave. But for the Autistic side of our brain? It’s a sensory nightmare of disrupted routines, strange pillows, and noisy buffet lines. It’s the classic battle between wanting to explore the world and wanting to hide in the hotel room.
We dive deep into why vacations can leave us feeling burned out instead of recharged. From the chaos of packing and airport anxiety to the pressure of "having fun," we unpack:
- The hidden stress of planning trips with an AuDHD brain.
- Why the novelty of a new place can sometimes be more exhausting than exciting.
- The simple pleasures of a "cookie-cutter" vacation (and the comfort of knowing the food at the local Indian restaurant is good).
- How to be honest with yourself (and your partner) about the kind of holiday you actually need.
We also share our infamous "Two Truths and a Lie" quiz and read your incredible feedback from our last episode.
Whether you're an ADHDer, AuDHD, or just someone who comes back from a beach holiday feeling like you've been through a war, this one's for you.
Be fucking kind to yourself and join us for a chat.
Don't forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and hit the bell to join us every Tuesday in ADHDville!
Need more of our nonsense?
- Watch our beautiful faces on YouTube and TikTok.
- Drop us a line at adhdville@gmail.com.
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Transcript
Introduction to ADHDville and the Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
Oh, back in the room, Back in the room. Hello, hello, everyone. Glad you could join us. So let's go to a place where the distractions, the landmarks and the detours are on the main roads. Welcome to ADHDville.
00:00:13
Speaker
Hong Kong Phu Wee, number one super guy. Hong Kong Phu Wee. Forget the nicht mehr.
00:00:23
Speaker
Stop. Stop. Stop.
00:00:33
Speaker
with a hong kong chewy poohy chop yahaw i'm not quite sure how that came out that's just did just came to mind just slipped it in there hello i'm paul thompson with a p thompson with a p and uh i've got other acronyms that rhyme with p like i was diagnosed with combined adh and the d rhymes with p um about uh three years ago And I'm Martin Weston. I was diagnosed with the ADHD poopoo platter in 2013 and self-diagnosed autistic. And we are the mayors of ADHDville. Hello.
00:01:12
Speaker
um And we are, ah as always, sitting at the back of the King's Agitated Head pub in ADHDville, where we, the ex-mayors of ADHDville, take care of business. It's such a weird and long intro. It's just so convoluted.
00:01:32
Speaker
Anyway. It was even more convoluted for the first 80 episodes. It was even more complicated in ah in the past. In the past. I know. We just brush over the fact that we are the ex-mayors.
00:01:48
Speaker
Yeah. mean Because it's like... I think there's comfort in the routine. It's like you the first bit is is it becomes to kind of you know like habitual and just just to kind of Just to kind of delay the bit where we have to be spontaneous.
00:02:05
Speaker
Yeah, just gets us in un witty in the mood. Yeah. yeah Right.
Do you need a vacation after your vacation?
00:02:10
Speaker
Well, this week, our business, ah what we're taking care of is we're talking about ADHD and the yeah summer vacation paradox, that thing where, know, like if you've if you've always wondered why you come home from a vacation, yeah needing another va vacation.
00:02:34
Speaker
Yeah. um Or a day to trip or something, you know, just like yeah just going out of your of your normal routines. And that could also include just visiting people.
00:02:47
Speaker
Yeah. Like getting in the car, getting on train, going, them spending a day or two at someone else's house. the but the British, I'm not sure if it's just a British saying or an American saying too.
00:03:01
Speaker
They say change is as is as good as a rest. Except with if you're neurodivergent.
Routine vs. Novelty for Neurodivergents
00:03:10
Speaker
Oh, or especially autistic because change is not good if you're autistic. You like routine. Right, exactly. Which therein lies the paradox of being having been ADHD and autism. Right. Right.
00:03:25
Speaker
hating but needing routine at the same time what i know it sounds like a good excuse to do a podcast right well let's jump in the tractor uh yeah and and where should we point it just point it towards like like point the nose of the tractor yeah bear in a mind it's got very powerful acceleration so be careful with that yeah i think you're going you're driving today am uh we go to the park Brilliant. All right, let's jump in.
00:03:57
Speaker
Oh, listen that pair. She's a beauty. She's a beauty.
00:04:11
Speaker
Ah, the park. Nice. It's good to get out of the house some sometimes. Yeah. mean Oh, good Lord. Lots.
00:04:23
Speaker
right What a time to develop a developer cough. You've got a cough? Well, just just just then. oh okay. We're 142 episodes, and I think that's the first time I've coughed. Oh, okay.
00:04:39
Speaker
To some company. Thank you. Thank you. ive i've ah i appreciate you you you being so ah a a supportive friend. Yes. um All right. So, all right. Well, just's let's get into it. So, um you see, that well, we we're where where are we now? We're like in June.
00:05:02
Speaker
Yeah, end of June. sort it twenty fifth of June. Right, and we're and we're heading into that time when the kids are out and everyone goes on the holiday. Scores out for summer.
00:05:17
Speaker
Yep, yep. um And, God, I remember that, like, as a kid, as a kid, there was no, there was nothing more exciting oh god than the end of school and the beginning of a summer yeah i'm a vacation, that that that block of six weeks or whatever it was.
00:05:41
Speaker
How does it work in the States? Because here in Italy, because it because it's um it gets hot and never more so, this week's, like, record heat. twenty It's 39 degrees where I am living today.
00:05:54
Speaker
Right? And the kids in Italy, because the sun is hot because it's in the Mediterranean, you basically get 10 to 11 weeks off.
00:06:08
Speaker
right so it's almost three months off you get because of the summer holy crap yeah so they celebrate it even more they get really kind of like mad right oh i bet i bet yeah no we um um in a good way i mean mad and we don't I don't think Americans get No No I'm pretty sure they don't If I'm wrong let me know how long do American kids generally get off um But um Because in ah in England in you get ah like a spring break Right right um Like half term In Italy there's no half term
00:06:54
Speaker
um yeah You get a lot of summer holidays though. Right. Gotcha. meat like From the first week of June to the first week in September. There we go.
00:07:06
Speaker
There we go. Okay. So for us, you know what, you know, like, so people are going on very vacations and holidays. So i thought this would be a good time to kind of chat about them.
Holiday Planning: Neurotypicals vs. Neurodivergents
00:07:20
Speaker
yeah ah And, you know, And i think, you know, like the general neurotypical mindset is vacation is a break from your route routine, right?
00:07:35
Speaker
it it fills It feels freeing. You're you're not working you're or whatever, or you're not just doing whatever is that you normally and you go out. But if you're ADHD,
00:07:48
Speaker
Vacation ah removes a routine and that kind of feels exciting, right? Yeah. It was kind of like, yes, I can go and do something different because we crave.
00:07:59
Speaker
Go to a new place you've never visited before. Right. So see, meet new people, see new things, experience new cultures. And that feels exciting until your executive function function burns burns out and you're like,
00:08:17
Speaker
and you're like ah really tired. Or if you're ADHD, you also have autism. Yes, vacation removes roadde routine.
00:08:28
Speaker
And that that excites the yeah the ADHD half of your brain. But the autistic side of your of your head is like is like is like, I want the things that regulate me. I want the normal stuff. i've You know, like, ah you know,
00:08:47
Speaker
i you know can we can we just go back to the whole hotel? yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all too much. um Yeah. So as as you said earlier, it's like the ADHD part wants to kind of go out and do crazy, fun, new, exciting things and the and the autism side yeah kind of like just just wants to know what is going on, plans everything out,
00:09:15
Speaker
to within an inch of its life um and just wants like ah to um to sort of to to be able to regulate your way through it.
00:09:29
Speaker
So have this kind of fight. um Yeah. But in my case, and I think in yours as well, the the the the ADHD brain wins and it goes, new things!
00:09:44
Speaker
Yeah, ah totally. We're supposed to... Potentially new things. I mean, that's the that's the thing, isn't it? like There's a lot of people I know, neurotypicals, who will happily go to the same place they've been going to for years, by the beach, with marauding throngs of tourists, right?
00:10:07
Speaker
Throngs! Throngs in in thongs. Throngs in thongs. Yeah, exactly. and um throngs from throngs in in in thongs yeah and um and i and i it used to be especially before i got diagnosed with adhd i would just try and fit in mm-hmm but I was always like I'd sit there lying down on my sun bed thinking, oh, for God's sake, I'm here again. Here I am trying to fit in.
00:10:49
Speaker
Pretending that I'm relaxing. Right. um Pretending that, you know, someone who's brought their radio fucking beach, you know, playing shitty summertime music.
00:11:03
Speaker
Right. Give you up never we gonna up ah Summertime. In Italy, the summer is full of really shit music. Like, i don't know, it's just like this mix of like African and South American kind of thing. All right.
00:11:21
Speaker
With the klaxons and, you know... Beep, beep, beep, beep. Exactly. Exactly. be i was... Beep, beep, beep, beep.
00:11:33
Speaker
That's exactly it. i had that on Friday, Martin. I was... Visiting a client happens to be, I've got a client got a Michelin-style restaurant in a tourist area.
00:11:49
Speaker
Fancy.
How do cultural differences shape holiday experiences?
00:11:50
Speaker
It's fancy. And that they they're also really good friends. And they work like dogs. But anyway, um I went to see them to, like, talk about other work for them do their social media stuff.
00:12:02
Speaker
And I booked myself. I didn't want to drive all the way back home because it's about four-hour drive. They want to drive all the way there and all the way back again in one day. So I booked myself into a hotel. Right. in a And it's just like, it's like the first week of the tourist.
00:12:20
Speaker
Um, like just when the tourism starts in the summer huh and there was, I was like, like now sitting there after the meeting, trying to like mingle, you know, and just merge with the crowd.
00:12:34
Speaker
And there was this guy playing really bad music. really loudly. And at one point, making that sound... did the sound better than I did.
00:12:49
Speaker
Yeah. i've I've been practicing feet for years. Oh, thanks. um And I thought, oh, no. What nightmare. Here I am.
00:13:01
Speaker
hu I know. that there's it it is interesting when because you you know I live it in new New York and you're in Italy, and some of us are, where the tourists come to you you're like And like, oh God, here they are, here they are.
00:13:22
Speaker
the The interesting thing about New York, at least, is that it's tourist season all the time. So they come in the winter to do Christmas shopping and look at all the shops and the and the stores on Fifth Avenue. And they come in the autumn because it's amazing. And they come in the summer.
00:13:44
Speaker
um It's like in and in the spring. It's like all year. Right. They're always here. But in the summer, the fashion gets worse, right?
00:13:56
Speaker
ah Yeah. You see people that do it oh do it well. i mean, it you know, especially for for women, I think women do, but maybe because i'm ah I'm a man, but women do summer fashion better than men do it.
00:14:13
Speaker
Right. Generally. And men just look like, oh, my God, what the hell are you trying to do? You know? Like really bad kind of like, I don't know.
00:14:26
Speaker
I've noticed here that there's been a change, right? when i When I first came here, there was a lot of men with their T-shirts tucked into their shorts, right?
00:14:38
Speaker
Like that was a thing. Right. And the shorts were quite high up, right? Right. T-shirt tucked in and it looked... terrible um right uh but i've noticed in the the last 10-15 years that uh actually they are now wearing their t-shirt their t-shirts t-shirts out of their shorts and now a but bit more or i don't know if you i'm i'm pretty sure you've seen this as well in the states the french tuck which is tucked in at one side only
00:15:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's that's ah that's all the fault of ah of um Queer Eye for a... What's that shit? Is it? Oh, right, Queer Eye for... um For a something.
00:15:26
Speaker
Yeah, Queer Eye for something. Yeah, yeah, they they were always doing the French tuck. I think that's... Yeah, it's big. large to put Anyway, back to the subject in hand.
00:15:38
Speaker
You know what, because there's two things, I think you kind of touched on it at the start, which was there's the vacation where you just go and explore and do, like, new things, right? You go to new place and you go and you sink that space.
00:16:01
Speaker
that novelty and then there's the the same trip year over year doing the same things going to the same place right yeah both of which i enjoy in both of which i enjoy because um you and me, we would go, you know, at least once or twice a year, we would go with you know, we would go with Helen, right?
00:16:30
Speaker
he yeah Helen, who we both knew, girlfriend um and wife, she had a caravan or her family had a caravan down on the coast. And we would go down...
00:16:46
Speaker
ah at least once a year right so it was the it was the same wittering the witterings the witterings and it would be be the same people we would uh we would get in the car we would take the same trip we would go to the same caravan and we would go and eat in the same place we would go and do the same things and i really like that same indian restaurant the same takeaway Yeah.
00:17:10
Speaker
and it And it was it was like a cookie cutter repeat vacation. And I really liked that. Yeah, it became almost um more than a habit. It became um ceremonial.
00:17:26
Speaker
You're right. Because it was like, i was thinking about this earlier. On the way down, on the trip down, we would take the same route, the same roads. Yeah. and when we got to certain places, we would say the same things at at the same yeah points. Like we would pass this one pub, which looked nice.
00:17:46
Speaker
Yeah. But once someone had heard that the food wasn't that good. So every time we passed it, where we would go, oh, that's a nice pub. And then someone else would say, yeah, but I've heard that the food isn't that that good.
00:18:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. yeah And we repeated it like every year for years. Right. And I really enjoyed that as much as i would enjoy going to a new place and a new city and go and explore something new right both of those things i there was always liked there's always because it was quite famous i'm sure it's still the same if it was if there was a bank holiday weekend when we would go down to the witterings it was always um
00:18:37
Speaker
Um, sprinkled with not just the, the nostalgia of going to the same place, but also the same sounds like this, cause you would go and it was usually raining on a bank holiday. So you'd have the cagoles and the zips to remind you and the smell of the smell of the inside of a caravan.
00:18:58
Speaker
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Plastic plates. Right. i would i would I mean, for me, when um'm um when um'm one when I'm thinking about whether I come back from ah a little trip or a vacation feeling restored or tired, every time I i did the the same vague vacation thing, when I went down to the camera, I would always feel better i would always feel energized after that more yes then i would than i would a whole new totally whole new place um yeah i mean they're both good but but just you know from yeah well i i had um a bit of a bit of a discussion with my girlfriend my italian girlfriend about about 10 days ago on this
00:19:50
Speaker
And she really loves to go.
Communicating Vacation Preferences
00:19:53
Speaker
and she says, God, I really need to go away for two weeks to a beach and do nothing for two weeks. And my post-diagnosed, you know, bones are saying, no, i don't want to do that anymore. And I told her, I said, I've done that for years, pretending that I like that kind of holiday. And I don't.
00:20:15
Speaker
I'd rather spread it out. I'd rather go on, much rather go on, five or six weekend breaks, right? Then splurge, you know, all of your, your holiday time in one go, um and come back after two weeks. It's like, Oh, was that it kind of feeling?
00:20:36
Speaker
Right. I think there was some research, right. It says, um, but even more so in America, right? Cause you get so little holiday time in the States. yeah we yeah um Yeah, if you take a vacation from work, it's it's not it's not seen as a good thing.
00:20:56
Speaker
Which is madness. It is. That's that's just not. that's just That's a wrong one. It is very much a culture of ah work and no play. And relaxation is seen as as being lazy. And then so therefore...
00:21:17
Speaker
When Americans do go on vague vacation, it is either, I think they either kind of fall into that sort of like, I want to do nothing. I literally want to go to a resort where it's all inclusive and you and you don't have to think about a single thing. You can just lie by the pool or the beach and just eat and drink and that's it. Or you plan everything out right to within an inch of its life.
00:21:44
Speaker
yeah Just like at work, it it is almost like you apply that work mentality. You just transfer it to your vacation.
00:21:56
Speaker
that's exhausting. Yeah, no, get that. exhausting that? Even if I'm quite good at planning holidays in terms of i once had to plan a holiday for me, my son, my girlfriend and her daughter going to a remote greek island together in august right but i planned it so well between the flights the coach to get to the coast the two different ferries to get where we needed to go to but i planned it really well i planned that within each of his life so that
00:22:34
Speaker
that everyone felt kind of free to enjoy the holiday. Yes. Right. That part, there are parts that do need that, that yeah, ready to the effort.
00:22:47
Speaker
And that would be one of those areas so that you can relax. Right, exactly. So it's like, I don't know, you you plan the the coach so that you've got a bit of wiggle time, you know, so the ferry, you know, you don't have to like, you don't have to, if the coach is late, then you're going to miss the ferry and all that kind of thing. Anyway, i've got this there's an art to it. There's an art just to organising a holiday, I think.
00:23:13
Speaker
There's some research, just just just just to go back to your partners in that chat. It says one workplace study found vacations do reduce stress and improve well-being, but those benefits fade quickly after returning to work, often within the first week. The biggest benefit came from feeling relaxed and having a sense of control during the holiday, day not necessarily from taking a longer trip.
00:23:42
Speaker
um So the ah implications here is is that a holiday packed with led with logistics decisions and rigid ah schedules may be less less restorative than a simpler trip that preserves some routine and the and flexibility to come yeah to do something. Yeah.
00:24:07
Speaker
to do But then there's yeah then this there's other people. And I don't think my girlfriend, she's not necessarily neurotypical. I think she's somewhere in between. which For her going on a summer holiday for two weeks, potentially three, on the beach and just vegetating on a beach, it's really important her to recharge herself.
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I can't den ah can't deny that. we We've come to these solutions like, well, why don't you go by yourself or with a girlfriend and do that?
00:24:42
Speaker
Right. And she's okay with that. she said oh Sure. Okay. Why not? Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, like, you know, ah as far as like, why do you feel tired ah i know during your vacation? we have to kind of go to what all that stuff that leads up to, you know, so it's not just the planning part, right? Which is, yeah you know, that is a whole thing by itself. But, you know, you've got that an anxiety thing of like, right, well, you know, um you know, you have to but re research,
00:25:16
Speaker
You have to pack. You have to repack. You have to check you have your passport. You have to check you've got your passport again. You have to check the the the the the weather. You have to check every possible climate. Then you realize you haven't got the right clothes. You have to repack and then unpack, repack again. wonder if you've forgotten something because you probably will have...
00:25:41
Speaker
you know And then when you sort of arrive, well, you have to think about the, you know, you you get to the airport or whatever. You've got all the announcements. You've got kids crying. You've got you got all the all this yeah all the airport crap, escalators, people touching you, queuing up at the bloody TSA, at the i the at the security things.
00:26:05
Speaker
you know And even if you you you find your coach or your taxi or whatever it is, when you when you get there, then you know like you know you get to the hotel. Where the hell are the rooms? Does the shower work? Do you have towels? it Why is it so hot in here? How does the air conditioning machine yeah thing work? I don't have enough pillows.
00:26:27
Speaker
you know um i i bought or ah I bought the wrong suntan lotion and my mine's got um has got kind of like shiny sprinklings in it.
00:26:38
Speaker
Right. That's happened to me. Yeah. you know, like, do I have some do i have the right right adapters? Oh, yeah, yeah. They're like like, when's breakfast? Where is breakfast? What is for breakfast?
00:26:53
Speaker
Same for lunch, where dinner? The worst, possibly. The worst scene for me is the buffet lunch. buffe Breakfast is fine. Buffet lunch. i remember I can remember two or three occasions where I'm watching how people are behaving with a buffet lunch situation.
00:27:22
Speaker
where like people are rushing because they, they're there. They don't want all the good stuff to eat to go first. So they're like piling in and there's like a rush for these kinds things.
00:27:34
Speaker
I just think I don't want any part of that. Right. You know, so I'm just, I'm just left with the drinks, you know, Right. I'm just left with the the cocktail sticks with, you know, with pineapple and and and cheese.
00:27:53
Speaker
And that's it. That's it. root what ah whatever and whatever everyone else didn't want to eat. Oh, boy. i yeah and that's that us saying you know Now we're talking about food, right?
00:28:06
Speaker
or you or yeah if If you're a autistic and you have safe foods, I mean, I'm fairly i'm very food at adventurous, so I'm definitely up for like new new new foods, but not everyone is, right?
00:28:22
Speaker
you know right And there's a ah new country, new new foods, unexpected textures, unexpected flavors, nothing tastes right. um you know I generally, um i really look forward to summer for that because my mum and my dad were both very good cooks when they wanted to.
00:28:46
Speaker
Right. Which was not very often. It was only when we had visitors would they, you know, go the extra late. When they, when there weren't guests, visitors, the food, frankly, sorry, dad, but the food was shit.
00:29:01
Speaker
Right. Yeah. And so going abroad on holiday, we used to go to either France or mostly Spain, northern Spain. Right. costal Costa del, Costa del, Costa del Bravo.
00:29:14
Speaker
Costa del Bravo. And for me, it meant much, much better food than I had when I was home. Ooh, yeah. And drinking a lot of Coca-Cola because drinking Coke is probably different to how it was in the States, but drinking Coke was something we only did in the summer.
00:29:35
Speaker
ah oh Yeah. it would You know what? It it is weird because when when i grew up, yeah, you're right. Coke was a thing that didn't come out that often. lucky No, it it was a treat. It was almost a treat.
00:29:51
Speaker
It was something that you got when you went around someone else's house. Yeah. and It was like if you went to a Spanish or a French supermarket, they had these really amazing chocolate dessert things.
00:30:03
Speaker
Right. It was like a mousse. But it wasn't a mousse. Right. You know what it was? Coke with with with ice. Yes. Ice in it. Yeah.
00:30:14
Speaker
And that was like, that was living, man. i was living. That was guys like fucking millionaire top quality life. Right. Coke with ice.
00:30:25
Speaker
Right. straw. And it was paid for. In a glass. Yeah.
00:30:35
Speaker
oh Or if you were lucky, it was so different when we were kids in the 70s and early 80s because you could get things like Fanta Lemon or Fanta Orange that didn't exist in England.
00:30:55
Speaker
They only got on the continent. yeah yeah now you've got everything but so you had the opportunity we will kids you you to you were ah had the opportunity to eat drink things that you would never eat normally and mean generally much better than what we had at least in my house better than what we had ah normally Right.
00:31:18
Speaker
Yeah. So, yeah. So, you know, as far as things that sap your energy, ah you know, ah food could be one of those things, like not not having all your favorite favorite foods, but obviously for for you and me, it was a very different thing. We really liked lot liked our food.
00:31:38
Speaker
um And then, and then you know, even like while you're on vacation, there's the whole... you know like Do you go to the beach? Do you go to the yeah the museum museum? Which museum?
00:31:52
Speaker
yeah know ah do you have do you ever a walk? Do you have walk time for lunch? And the more people are involved in your vacation, the worse it is.
00:32:04
Speaker
you know i mean? if yeah If it's just you going off on your tod, just yeah like exploring, that's one thing. You get two, okay, but that's that's usually, but then you get three, four, five, six, eight 10 people sometimes a big group oh god that is a nightmare for me yeah that idea it is it's bit like going on a cruise Right.
00:32:32
Speaker
It's probably the the last thing I would ever do in my life kind is going on a cruise. That's like the going on a cruise is likened is like the concept of a dinner buffet wrapped up into your 24-7 lifestyle. right Right? You've got essentially buffet-style relationships with people that you can't get rid of because you're all living in the same freaking place. yeah you can't escape there's no escape no no oh well that was you again see you later in the buffet that's right i wonder what what what's what's the entertainment tonight dear oh oh it's cabaret it's the fucking cabaret
00:33:22
Speaker
A karaoke. Or or a magic magician. Oh, man. I'm sure he's probably better than that, but somehow I think not.
00:33:33
Speaker
Right. Yes. Oh, God. Right. So then... You know, there there is there is all of that stuff going on that is going to sap your brain. And then you've got to come come home. So it's the whole thing in reverse.
00:33:51
Speaker
But this time on the way home, it's like it isn't even like you've got something to look. Well, yeah you haven't got something exciting to to look forward to. what you you know But what you do have is like, you're like, thank God I'm home.
00:34:07
Speaker
Thank God I'm home. Oh, God, yeah my bed. It's my bed. And it's my things. And everything's back to normal. What's the advantage if you lived in the UK like we did?
00:34:20
Speaker
When you got home, there there was something that you didn't have that they have on the continent. And it's called mosquitoes. Oh, yeah.
00:34:32
Speaker
In the UK, we didn't have mosquitoes. Do you have mosquitoes where you live? Yeah. i i have ah i have I have a stream that runs at the bottom of my garden.
00:34:43
Speaker
Right. Which is something that I've always wanted in my life, right? Yeah. have a stream at the bottom of the garden. I always thought that was like... That was somehow like a top-tier thing to have.
00:34:59
Speaker
ah And now I have one, and it's and it's very charming, but you do get mosquitoes. Right.
00:35:09
Speaker
Oh, that's not good. I can't hang around there. I think we spoke about this in a recent podcast. I made a deal with the mosquitoes in Italy. Right. I made a deal with them, and and they leave me alone now.
00:35:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's I should really, really just, yeah, do that. I should just talk to them one-on-one. But there are there are good things about, there's there's other good things about, positive things about holidays. is When you're a holiday, you don't have to think about um all the other stuff that you left at home, like documentations, tax forms, na you know, that kind of thing. You can distance yourself from a load of stuff that you know you can't, you don't need to think about.
00:35:59
Speaker
Right. Okay. So there's this like, there's that. Right. Or... There is that if you can do it. And I've known plenty of people who can't switch off from, and this is especially true if you if you're working, right? have you ever Have you ever gone on vacation and someone from work is emailing you?
Work-Life Balance during Vacations
00:36:26
Speaker
about something. Oh, They can just fuck right off. And you're sitting by the side of the pool or wherever it is in a cafe somewhere lovely and you're sitting on your laptop. Oh, sorry it to bother you.
00:36:41
Speaker
I'm sorry for a holiday, but... Right. right And then yeah like the and now I have been one of those people where there's been been a pitch going on or something going on and I'm...
00:36:56
Speaker
And I'm on vacation and I'm working in it. Right. Which is it is a whole other thing. all by but I bet you told them before you left that you that they could contact you if it was necessary.
00:37:12
Speaker
I bet you told them. No. i Well, oh. I remember you, mate. on On the day of your wedding, you were working. Ouch. On the day of your wedding...
00:37:25
Speaker
In the morning, at least. Sounds like like me. back Back then. upper so What the fuck are you doing? Oops.
00:37:37
Speaker
Oops. You see? You see? No, don't tell me you don't remember, because you do. i've i've I've thankfully blocked that from my from my memory.
00:37:50
Speaker
That's what I'm here to do, to bring it back to Martin. It's remarkable. Let's call it nostalgia. Yeah. yeah Let's call it you were a cunt.
00:38:03
Speaker
I was like, what the hell? ah Yeah, I wouldn't do that now. But yeah, me then. Absolutely. Oh, boy.
00:38:16
Speaker
um i'm not and i And I wonder why I burnt out. um All right. yeah Well, yes. ah phrase size so ah so It's like one plus one equal equals two.
00:38:29
Speaker
I know, right? Kind of thing. Yeah. All right. well so i ah So I think that probably wraps it up for me, at least. We've know we've kind of planned. We've gone on vacation. We've been in vacation. We've been home.
00:38:43
Speaker
And then we're tired. And we're tired. And ah and research says that... so So basically my advice would be, of all that, is...
00:38:54
Speaker
is oh yeah i i thought yeah plan the bits that you really have to plan like you were saying like yeah like you know the you know the how you get there and and where you're staying so that there's some structure to it and there's some stuff that that that doesn't cause you and anxiety and you're not flying completely by by the seat of your pants right um And, uh, but, but also like, just give yourself a lot of space. Like just, just do one thing a day, man.
00:39:30
Speaker
And then just more space to kind of chill out, relax. knows what What you feel like. Yeah. I'd say also be um honest with yourselves and yourself and others.
00:39:43
Speaker
Be authentic about, you know, the kind of holiday you do and you don't want to do. Right. You know, however, with my girlfriend, you know, it was like, okay, let's think of a way. This is like a parenting thing, but you can use it, you know, with your partners as well. and let's to Let's make it a win-win situation.
00:40:05
Speaker
Look, I don't want to go on a beach holiday, but that doesn't mean to say you don't have to. Right. Right. It doesn't mean to say you can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. um know And there'd be no judgments made you know if you if you want to go on a holiday by yourself just because you need that beach holiday in August.
00:40:26
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. This is fine. Absolutely. Yeah. and and and then And there's one other little slight slightly interesting thing, which is
00:40:40
Speaker
not every vacation is actually a vague, vague vacation.
Trips of Obligation vs. Leisure
00:40:46
Speaker
So for a, or a example, I'm going down to Washington D DC area and I'm, and we're booking a hotel and and we're doing stuff with friends. Right.
00:41:00
Speaker
But, it's not really a vacation because one of our, our friends is, is really ill. Right. And it could be the last time that we actually kind of like so see her. It could be like, and this group of friends, right. So, yeah,
00:41:19
Speaker
It's not really a vacation and and you can't, in some trips, you can't treat as one because actually the priority is actually something else. um There's an element of obligation. is There's, yeah, it's... it's Yeah.
00:41:36
Speaker
It's a whole different trip. And and I think the the reason why I say that is because some people will be going like, well, this is my very vacation. So I want to do X, Y, and z okay Well, I actually know this is, this is really about, you know, yeah and, and yeah and that is the focus, not you. You're not so much the focus on this. ah I'm doing the same because I'm visiting my father in August. Yeah.
00:42:04
Speaker
Right. And he's 83. And I've i've watched worked out that, look, I've said to him, look, you you you're going to be tired, you know, trying to entertain me for five days. Let's do it. So on the Sunday, I i fuck off to London for the day.
00:42:23
Speaker
Right. And I see you in the evening, you know. Right. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. Win-win situation. Win-win, yeah. All right. Okay, well, let's ah let us rate.
00:42:38
Speaker
um How do we... Oh. We're going to going to rate... Yes. Let's have the music, Martin, for the ratings.
00:42:51
Speaker
that's I think there's a banjo involved. There might be. let's let's Let's find out together. Let's listen together. Yes!
00:43:03
Speaker
All right, so let's say fake va fake vacations, is it a dopamine hit or is it a burnout thing? um Interesting.
00:43:13
Speaker
Yeah. An interesting one. We may have already rated this in the in the past, actually, but um i'm I'm going to say dopamine hit. um If you plan it right and, you know, like plan and not plan it,
00:43:30
Speaker
With the right people. With not so much, right, not a huge amount of people, just just like, a yeah just you know, you or you and a friend or whatever. it it just Yeah. um Then, yeah, it could be like it it can be like a tent.
00:43:46
Speaker
It can be like a yeah you could. If it's the right place with the right kind of people. Yeah. Yeah. um All right. And then ah if if you do it badly, it can it can really... Yeah.
00:44:00
Speaker
Although I won't say it's a 10 because you're right because you do get a break from... the normal paying bills and worrying about that thing that that thing that you that that you know that thing that you had to mend or repair or whatever it is like all that daily grind stuff so you do that that does help so i would would say that the burnout is like a you know it's like an 8.5 the burnout so the dopamine was what 10. oh 10 is a 10 dopamine
00:44:37
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. If it's all planned out right. If it's all perfect. In a perfect world. Yeah, in a perfect world. oh But mine's not a perfect world. Mine's a fucking imperfect.
00:44:50
Speaker
Right. I'm going to go right down the so i'm going right down the middle with both. it's It's a five for the dopamine, a five for the burnout. All right. There you go. Right down the middle.
00:45:01
Speaker
Tell us tell us what what you you how what do you think. All right. Okay. Well, I think now it is time for...
00:45:21
Speaker
Actually, you you know what? It isn't the time for the quiz, but but we are going to do it now. Yeah. Let's do it anyway. Let's do it anyway. I have slightly ah ah muddled myself up here. But, all right.
00:45:36
Speaker
So, where the fuck is my... you know what? I have lost, lost temporarily ah lost my quiz.
00:45:47
Speaker
Where is it? Where's my bloody quiz? Give me my quiz. ah No. Where's my quiz? You know what? While while I'm ah hunting for my quiz, yeah let's just... Let's do the feedback.
00:46:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Let's do that. So you read out. Because it's vital to us. Right. Isn't it, Martin? It damn well is. It damn well is. And um we got some comments from our regular comment people, comment givers, shall we say, and um which we we always really appreciate. So, you know, if you've got give us your feedback. Come on, good, bad. Just don't make it indifferent. Good or bad is fine.
00:46:37
Speaker
Right. I'd rather not hear any indifferent stuff. And we've got some feedback here from Alexandra, our regular feedback and giver. ah okay She was talking about, from our last episode, about trauma, big subject.
00:46:55
Speaker
And a great episode. Go back and listen to it if you haven't already. That'd be cool. So Alexandra says, at first, unravelling what comes from ADHD, autism, or complex trauma got me nuts.
00:47:09
Speaker
Sorry about that. If it got you nuts, Alexandra. Now I don't give much attention, but I can identify easier if it's an emotional response due to trauma or secondary overload overload.
00:47:23
Speaker
And he said over overlord. Right. Both. Yeah. So it was ah basically last week was about distinguishing the difference between what is like, um,
00:47:36
Speaker
what we actually get from being ADHD and being inherited from our our parents, okay, ah well of our family, and the difference between um actually just what happens afterwards as well, traumatic events and how we manage them or don't afterwards.
00:47:56
Speaker
um And actually it's often a mixture of both. She says, I have the full package! exclamation mark What a bliss! Another exclamation mark! And I truly believe many neurodiversion do too.
00:48:13
Speaker
Being neurodiversion doesn't mean you're identical. No, absolutely. How I deal with traumatic things may be very different to how Martin deals with them, for instance.
00:48:26
Speaker
Character and life experience makes a difference makes the difference of how you respond. Absolutely. And then we've another comment from Carol Martin.
00:48:38
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Let me just dip over. Right. So Carol, again, actually, you know what? I was blown away by the comments on this week's, on last week's episode. And it did, and how,
00:48:54
Speaker
did i know and how how thoughtful and ah interesting they were. that It reminded me that that that that this podcast doesn't answer everything. It is almost like just a conversation starter.
00:49:12
Speaker
and we We always set out not to be that kind of podcast, didn't we? Right. So it's it's it's awesome when people just jump jump jump in with their expertise and their own you know life life experiences and just yeah i mean that's a good point actually because alexandra put in a lot of effort into the into ah the comments that she left is so it's really appreciated that's right must be said and uh should be said and carol who's our our mid minister of snacks uh again wrote a very long um and great comment on on you on on on youtube i just pulled out one part of it and she says
00:49:55
Speaker
about about trauma about last week's episode uh neurofeedback is the light in my humble opinion the cream of the crop for neurodivergent humans and especially if you've had major relational traumas it's this it's essentially physical therapy for the brain. It gives the brain information about its own activity and it can learn healthier and more balanced patterns over time.
00:50:26
Speaker
You don't need to feel the trauma in your body like with EMDR neurofeedback. bypasses and heals in a similar way without the without the intensity. One of my dreams is to get ah a deluxe model with brain mapping so I can ensure maximum effectiveness one one day. Wow.
00:50:49
Speaker
That sounds crazy. That sounds crazy. It sounds like an excuse for a um a novel. It sounds like a novel you've got there, right there.
00:50:59
Speaker
sounds like a great novel to write. Right. It does. All right. So, ah you know what? like I could not find this week's quiz.
Two Truths and a Lie Game
00:51:12
Speaker
i have i have I have one that I did do last week.
00:51:16
Speaker
So I feel like and by so a feel like I'm just a quiz that do right and do it do it do it here All right.
00:51:31
Speaker
So here we go. So where where are we in? in So ah this is a two truths and a lie. The the current score is the first to 10. I'm on six. You're on five. Still pretty close.
00:51:45
Speaker
Yeah. All right. Here we go. Question. So this, I think, was about it feels about ah it feels like it's themed around snacks and food.
00:51:57
Speaker
Right. There we go. Question number one. Eyes down for Full House. Eyes down. Right. This is about Elvis Presley, the king of rock and roll.
00:52:10
Speaker
So one of these is a lie. ah First, ah Elvis famously loved fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, which he sometimes ate with with with with with a bacon, and he'd fry them in butter until golden.
00:52:28
Speaker
o Sounds great. Is part of that true or all of it? um i've got I've got three things. that's the That sounds like it's true, but...
00:52:43
Speaker
Because you're cheeky, Martin. You're a cheeky man. That could be partly true, partly false. Oh, right. But that's part of the game, isn't it I suppose? you You just have to take the whole thing as everything.
00:52:56
Speaker
The next one. Yes. On one tour, Elphys ate an entire jar of pickled okra in one sitting and washed it down with a quart of of milk that That's madness.
00:53:15
Speaker
Or is it three? Elvis once chartered a plane just to fly from Memphis to Denver for a single sub sandwich he was he he was a craving and flew right back after eating it.
00:53:32
Speaker
That's true. All right. I know that's true. if was that the Is that the idea that i have to know I have to tell you which one is true? No, you have to tell me which one is false. Which one is false. Right. Oh, was going to say B is false.
00:53:46
Speaker
And you'd be correct. B is false. He he never ate bockham buttermilk, but he did fly. Okay. All the way in his private... All right.
00:53:57
Speaker
Number two. All right. going Going to the Roman m Empire. Right. i Okay. Emperor Nero. 37 to 68 Well done.
00:54:11
Speaker
well done That's what it says here. ah no Which of these three is false? Is it? A. Nuro was known to mix snow into his wine to keep it cold, a luxury that required slaves to run up mountains to fetch the ice.
00:54:35
Speaker
True. Or is it B? Nuro once ate a stew made from the meat of a flamingo, which was considered a rare delicacy among Roman elites.
00:54:49
Speaker
True. Or as it's seen, Nero had a personal chef yeah served him honeynied who served him hanid hand it honey de dormice, a popular Roman snack.
00:55:04
Speaker
Oh, so that's true as well. But Nero hated them and threw the plate at the wall. That's true. and The dormice in Italian is called un giro.
00:55:17
Speaker
door mouse that is true i'm pretty sure that's true i've heard it somewhere i think b because you're sneaky martin i think it's b again Right. ah you Okay. Well, ah it was actually C. So, so ah you are right, right?
00:55:37
Speaker
I am sneaky. So, Nero actually loved honey, honey, honey, the door mice. It was one of favorite dishes. He never threw them. That sneaky.
00:55:49
Speaker
That's sneaky. Yeah. In Italian, they're called giro. All right. Yeah, I used to have one in my house. A honeyed?
00:56:01
Speaker
to No, just the door mouse. They're quite common in Italy, and they live in your roof space. Right. um Anyway, so, yeah, i I would not fancy eating one. All right, so number three.
00:56:19
Speaker
Question three. So you're on, so it's all to play for. Yeah, yeah. Finely balanced, some would say. Right. and we And we talked about ah this um Mexican artist last last week, Frida Kahlo, 1907 to 1954.
00:56:38
Speaker
ninety know seven and nineteen fifty four artist um Actually, there's a there's a Mexican place that I get food from that has like portraits of ah of her all over the wall.
00:56:53
Speaker
Nice. Anyway, so which one of these is a lot? She was a very talented lady, Frida. Yes, she was. Frida loved eating chapulins, which is like, sorry if I said that wrong, which is toasted grasshoppers and would snack on them while painting herself portraits.
00:57:15
Speaker
True. Or as it be, at a famous dinner party, Frida served her guests an elaborate meal that included a soup made from orchids and chocolate.
00:57:28
Speaker
False. Interesting choice. Or is it C. Frida once ate a handful of gold leaf flakes off of one of her own paintings just to see what it tasted like and called it very metallic.
00:57:48
Speaker
She never used gold foil in her paintings, I don't think. so I think it's very unlikely she used gold foil in her paintings, so see. Oh, you'd be correct.
00:58:00
Speaker
Oh, come on! Correct. So that now puts you and me at 6'6", even Stevens. There's no space between us.
00:58:12
Speaker
Wow. You can almost the atmosphere with a butter knife.
00:58:19
Speaker
you could slice the atmosphere with ah with a with a butterknife exactly all right so uh we're 58 minutes on on on on the clock let's let's see if if we can uh get this on on the hour mark so paul next week what are we going to talk about we're going talk much about um ultra overtism which is martin um you're going to be what's that martin well i'm glad you asked oh true oh true is oh true is
00:58:51
Speaker
otrovertism okay, O-travertism, is an emerging personality concept that describes people who are socially capable and empathetic, yet feel like an eternal outsider in group settings.
00:59:05
Speaker
Okay. It's a paper that came out, a research that came out from a New York-based psychiatrist, and... um And it kind of could there's some interesting things about people who don't fit in as being extrovert or introvert, somewhere in between, Martin.
00:59:22
Speaker
Oh, wow. So it could be interesting. All right. So next week we're going to talk about invert introverts, extroverts, and this new third option. Oh, oh, oh, trovertism.
00:59:33
Speaker
All right. Sounds fucking good. All right. Sounds good. Wow. That's great. So I hope you join us for before that. And in the meantime, it just leaves me to say that ADHD Bill is delivered fresh every Tuesday to all providers of fine podcasts. And please subscribe to the pod and rate most energizing.
00:59:56
Speaker
I guess. ah Or summary. Summary. Oh, there we go. I prefer that. And feel free to correspond at will in the comments. But wait, there's more if you wish to see our beautiful, beautiful faces.
01:00:10
Speaker
Then salive forth to the YouTubes of the TikToks. And you can also pick up a quill and email us at adhdville at gmail.com. But in the meantime, be fucking kind to yourself.
01:00:22
Speaker
And I beseech you fellow ADHDers, fare thee well with gladness of heart. yeah oh There, says the mayor. That's that. Oh, look that.
01:00:33
Speaker
We were like one, one, one... Right, sneaking in there. i'm Under the... and Sneaking in under the bar. I know, and then after this I now have to go and drive to Manhattan.
01:00:49
Speaker
really? And there is the World Cup on and there's a phone playing down there. Oh right, that's good planning. It's going to World Cup traffic.
01:01:00
Speaker
Have you driven through, you're driving through Manhattan? Going, I'm driving, ah yeah, I'm driving down to about lower midtown from the top. That'd be nice.
01:01:14
Speaker
ah Not with the World Cup soccer traffic, it isn't. It's going to be a nightmare. All right, we're out.