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Choosing a School: What Most Parents Forget to Ask
492 Plays3 days ago
On today’s episode of Play on Words from Big City Readers with Beth Gaskill I am diving into a recent consultation I had with a family about choosing a preschool. I asked a simple question: Why are you leaving your current school? The answer they gave me shocked me—and it’s one I know you’ll want to hear.
But this episode isn’t just about what can go wrong; it’s also about what parents love about schools that truly support their kids. I’m sharing insights from families on what makes a school feel like the right fit, along with my own BIG feelings about what kids really need to thrive.
Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:
- The one question I think every parent should ask when touring a school.
- What parents say they love about schools that prioritize safety, connection, and growth.
- Why aligned behavior policies across an entire school are critical for kids’ safety and ability to learn.
- What happens to a child’s ability to learn when they’re in a disregulated state—and how schools can do better.
- My own experiences as a deeply feeling kid in a Catholic school, and what those memories taught me about creating safe, supportive environments for children.
- A little side note on leprechaun traps and why open-ended play should always take the lead in early childhood classrooms.
Whether you’re a parent wondering if your child is in the right school or just curious about what makes a truly supportive learning environment, this episode will give you practical insights and lots to think about.
💡 Bonus: If you’re considering my First Grade On-Demand Course, stay tuned for a special offer at the beginning of the episode! Enroll HERE
If you loved this episode, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share it with a friend! And as always, you can find me on Instagram @BigCityReaders to keep the conversation going.
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Transcript
Introduction to First Grade Bootcamp
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, hello, it's Ms. Beth here and I have something amazing to share with you. If you are a parent of a first grader or about to be, you need to hear this. I have created, many of you know, the ultimate first grade on demand course called first grade bootcamp. And it's designed to help your child grow into a confident, joyful reader while giving you the tools and the support you need to make it happen at home in just a couple minutes a day using the science of reading research and making it very fun efficient and quick like 10 to 15 minutes
Course Benefits and Parent Coaching Calls
00:00:35
Speaker
a day. This isn't just any other program it's literally a roadmap to success like lifelong success built on proven reading strategies and research and I think my little
00:00:48
Speaker
touch of helping kids mindset around perfection and being okay with making mistakes. But here's the best part. You know so many of you already have this course um and if you do already this is still for you. The best part is that when you join by the end of January 2025 right now you are going to get three bonus coaching calls with me. So the course is for your child and there over 20 10 to 15 minute lessons that are jam-packed with information on teaching your child open and closed syllables and how to properly write certain words and spelling patterns and rules
00:01:32
Speaker
that they need to know and be explicitly taught to fully make all of this reading we're under so we're learning, like actually be understandable. So anyway, the three bonus coaching calls are for the parents. So you can watch your child do the lessons, see what they struggle with, and then write a note down and say, okay, next week is my coaching call. Come on the call, ask me, and I'm going to give you specific in real time ways to support your child. I'll personally guide you, answer your questions,
00:02:00
Speaker
and cheer for you every step of the way. You have all told me that the accountability piece meant so much to you when we did the first grade reset over winter break. And I want to still be here and hold you accountable and help build the big city readers community all over the world. So whether you bought the course last year and you haven't finished it, or you are like, I think my kindergartner maybe is ready for the next level,
00:02:27
Speaker
This is the time to do it, and I'm going to coach you
Enrollment and Access Details
00:02:31
Speaker
throughout the course. You'll still get access to the course beyond the next two months, but over the next two months, we'll have a coaching call where you can meet other families who are also taking the course. You can ask me for personalized information. Heck, you can even bring me a picture of your child's current writing, and I'm going to tell you exactly what to do to help them at home.
00:02:51
Speaker
Because let's face it, teaching your child to read can feel really overwhelming. And that's why I built this course. And I am here for you. You don't have to do this alone. We're in this together. So if you've been waiting for the perfect time to invest in your child's future, this is it. Head to bigcityreaders.com.
00:03:10
Speaker
Grab at the top, if you click all classes, scroll down to first grade bootcamp and enroll. you are going You don't have to do anything else, we'll email you the Zoom link to get on those coaching calls. And if you can't make the live calls, don't worry, we'll record it and send it to you. If you already purchased the class or if you purchase it this week, you don't have to do anything else, we'll email you and say, you're in. So let's do this together. I can't wait to meet you in class.
New Year Reflections and Main Content Transition
00:03:36
Speaker
Okay, here's today's episode.
00:03:45
Speaker
Happy New Year, you guys. It is actually January 15th and when do we stop saying Happy New Year? I personally was ready to stop saying it like January 8th, but here I am saying Happy New Year.
00:04:00
Speaker
Um, but this is our first episode back this year, 2025.
Choosing a Preschool: Aligning Values
00:04:06
Speaker
I think I finally started writing 2025 on things, so yay me. Um, and I don't have a huge topic for today's episode, but I thought I would do a recap of a parent consultation that I had this week around helping a parent pick a preschool. Now, if you're listening, you're like, I don't have a preschooler, I'm tuning out. This is going to be um about kind of my process of how I guide parents in a consultation
00:04:39
Speaker
on what to look for, how to find out their core values, and how to see if a school aligns with those values.
School Values and Consultation Advice
00:04:50
Speaker
There's no like, this is the perfect school and this is the magic way to do it. I'm just going to talk to you about how I kind of go through that in a consultation.
00:04:59
Speaker
then And I'm going to share a lot of dialogue that I've had in my DMS this week, like hundreds of messages about this specific topic. Spoiler alert, the family that I was working with, I asked why they were leaving their preschool and they shocked me with the reason why. Um, the reason was because the preschool teacher sent an email saying that the boys in the class were being naughty. And she explained to the whole class that when they're naughty, it's not about them. They're just possessed by demons. and This was a Catholic school just sharing for context. um No
00:05:40
Speaker
you know, do whatever you want. This is not going to be like you should go to a religious school or not go to a religious school. I'm just going to talk about it from a child development perspective and share some of the feedback I received from both teachers and principals and parents after sharing this. And of course, I'm not going to share the name of the school. And a lot of people are like, but I need help. I don't want to go there. And here's what I say to everyone in my inbox.
00:06:05
Speaker
Hi, if we do a consultation, I will tell you if that school is on your list. But I'm not going to just publicly say this school because there's a lot more nuance to some of this stuff than we think. And you know we don't know if that teacher has since left. That doesn't mean that we don't like that school. And I'm going to share my process of what I think about and look for in these moments. So let's dive in, shall we? I'll paint the picture of what I'm doing right now.
00:06:34
Speaker
I recently set up a cozy little podcast recording studio in my closet and put like a really cozy blanket down. And I was like, everybody talks about how they started their podcast in their closet. And maybe that's going to be better for sound. And I'm going to do that. And I like, I got this tiny little lamp because the closet light goes off when the door shuts. So I got this, you know, rechargeable lamp, you know, the cute little $20, $30 ones, um, from Amazon. I'm obsessed. I have like four now, but
00:07:07
Speaker
I will say the only lasts like five hours. So I'm charging it all the time. But I love them for my balcony, for my patio, for my inside, outside, all the things. So anyway, I got one of those and set up my closet. But then I have this moment where the house, I have the house to myself for the next two hours. I was like, should I go to Target? Because you know nobody,
00:07:34
Speaker
I don't have anything to do right now. And the dogs are looking at me. They're sitting by the fire. And I was like, there's no chance I'm going to go sit in a dark closet by myself. I'm going to sit with the dogs by the fire. So I apologize if this isn't the most amazing sound quality of this podcast episode, but this is not a ah money earning podcast. This is just for fun answering parent questions, trying to make the world of early childhood development and education a little bit easier to understand and feel like you're hanging out with your friend instead of reading a textbook. So without further ado, let's dive into my parent consult.
Parent Praise and Outdoor Classrooms
00:08:21
Speaker
Okay, so I do consulting calls with parents and teachers and business owners on you know whatever they want. I also so do some assessments for kids, but this was a particular family that I have done a couple of consulting calls with. we've um They've booked me to come on some tours with them because of the experience they have had. They want to make sure that they don't go in blind to their next school they enroll in.
00:08:48
Speaker
which is which is really it's really hard. um so we The first thing we do is kind of talk about what is important to the family.
00:09:01
Speaker
and it's because I could tell you what's important to me, but we might not have the same values. And if you think about picking a school, kind of like dating, nothing is going to be perfect. You kind of have to pick the like top three things that matter the most to you and just let the other things go, which is easier said than done. um So In navigating this part, we talk about, you know sometimes you might not be able to name your values. Sometimes you might just say, well, I like this about my current school. And maybe what you like is,
00:09:40
Speaker
um like um i asked I asked in my Instagram, I'm big city readers, what do you love about your school? And some people said that it exists. I'm a small town parent with the choice of literally one option or homeschooling.
00:09:56
Speaker
So maybe that's, and maybe maybe your values are harder to name or maybe if you just think of like, oh, I went to visit my friend's school and I really liked that X. So I asked people what they really loved about their school. So I thought I would share some of these things with you all um in case you're having trouble naming your values. So many people said staff knowing what programs and curriculum the school uses,
00:10:24
Speaker
And more importantly, the staff knowing about the program the school uses to support kids who need more help or more intervention. Huge green flag. um The staff knowing my child's name. So many people said knowing my child's name, and which is amazing.
00:10:45
Speaker
Um, I think Brene Brown said this, you know, she asked her daughter one time, um, why, what her friend did that made her feel loved and she said, um,
00:10:59
Speaker
She asked about about what i but I did this weekend when I was with my grandparents or something like this. I might be messing up the story. And Renee was like, oh, that's so interesting. And then she said that same friend that she was talking about, she was at a soccer game and The grandparents were there, Brené's parents, and um the friend's mom was like, oh, Denise, Doug, good to see you. And Brené was like, I felt so seen in that moment because they knew the parents my parents' names. So anyway.
00:11:38
Speaker
Knowing your kid's name is so it makes a lot of you feel so great. um Emily said when a parent on the tour asked about kids being prepared for kindergarten coming out of preschool, the director said that she can promise to meet the kids where they are and support them as they show readiness and interest in academic learning. But each child is on their own unique journey and they will not be participating in developmentally inappropriate instruction. Yeah, that would make me feel good on a tour too. That's amazing. I hope this school actually is like that. you know Sometimes it can be hard because people some schools have people giving tours that don't really
00:12:20
Speaker
know as much about what happens in the classroom. So I love that. um Someone else said, Leanne said, soft starts make me feel good. The bell rings at 835, but students can arrive anytime between 820 and 840 and get settled or eat. It's decreased so much anxiety for both me and my child.
00:12:44
Speaker
and that a teacher is familiar with strategies for neurodivergent children is what makes me feel good. Um Kelly said things we love about our pre-k the director is so present greets each family for pickups and drop-offs at least three times a week and the kids go outside twice a day. Kids are often taught how to resolve conflicts themselves before going to the teacher which is a huge plus for me. You guys the big city readers parents
00:13:15
Speaker
are unmatched. These things I asked for the specific things you loved about your school and the things you were telling me are so specific and so developmentally appropriate that you know not just like they're nice or they have good curriculum. Notice that nobody has said I like the curriculum yet which is fine if you do like the curriculum but curriculum often sits in a box Curriculum doesn't teach kids, teachers teach kids. So I like to look more at the people and more at the school policy. And I'm going to get in into that in a minute. OK, Madeline says, 50% of the time is spent outdoors in an outdoor classroom. We have mud and water kitchens, large blocks, chalk, ramps, and materials for building tracks for toy cars, tricycles, musical instruments, trees, and nature slide mud pit.
Child-led vs Thematic Education
00:14:05
Speaker
It's very child interest led activities.
00:14:09
Speaker
lots of kids talking about dinosaurs and integrated activities around dinosaurs, fossils, volcanoes. um Thematic units aren't predetermined by teachers but arise from student interest. That is amazing.
00:14:24
Speaker
So I have a lot of thoughts on this thematic unit, especially with preschool and kindergarten. And I was just talking with a mom friend about this at the gym this morning. And I guess I'll share my two cents. Why not? It's my podcast. ah But I do think child led is so important. But I also think that people don't I think people misunderstand that and think that doesn't mean that there's boundaries or like they think that there's no teaching. But really good teachers know how to follow the child's lead and make a lesson around that interest that they're seeing. So I think we mess up when we say, or we think, like child-led means there's not as much education happening, which is not true. like When it's really done well, oh my gosh, it's amazing.
00:15:18
Speaker
But here's the thing i was I got to. I got to. I don't know how or why, but in conversation with a friend today, maybe it was because we were talking about preschool and demons and Catholic versus not Catholic. And in my experience, I have taught at a Catholic school, and I have attended a Catholic school until third grade.
00:15:39
Speaker
um I've been, I attended public school, private school, private Christian school, private Catholic school. um Yeah, I think those are the only three. Oh, and I've been homeschooled for one year. So I do have a little bit of experience in all of these areas. And I will say that when I was a Catholic school teacher, I'm going to share more about that experience in a little bit. um But when I was a I don't, I would not have used the language of you, a child being possessed by demons. And it was not told, I wasn't told that that I should use that language. So that was obviously more recent than when I was a Catholic school student. um But I do have some traumatic memories from being a Catholic school student.
00:16:31
Speaker
that my mom does attest to, which my mom is not a mom that's like, Oh, my angel, she did nothing wrong. Like my mom's more of the mom that's like, if I came and said the teacher was mean to me, she's like, Well, you probably weren't listening, um which is its own story in itself. We'll talk more about that later. But um In kindergarten, I do remember that we had a unit, speaking of thematic units, we had a unit on leprechauns and St. Patrick's Day. and um we And I know that schools are still doing this. which
00:17:08
Speaker
call me a Grinch, I think is weird. I think that we should follow the child's lead and let there be more open-ended play, but but we made leprechaun traps in kindergarten, and I remember this being a huge
Childhood Experiences and Fear-based Teaching
00:17:21
Speaker
thing. I am the fourth child, and my older brother is seven years older than me, and he Watched the leprechaun. Do you remember the leprechaun this terrifying movie? I think it was a horror movie in The 90s. Yeah, it's a 1993 horror flash comedy film
00:17:46
Speaker
Um, and oh my gosh, I can still hear the guy. Jennifer Aniston was in it. I've asked people if they have seen this movie as an adult and like, it's really mixed. Some people are like, of course I remember that. And some people are like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Um, but it's, please go look up the trailer alone, not in front of your children, but it is, um,
00:18:12
Speaker
Like, okay, I'm looking on IMDB right now, and it says, the leprechaun quote in it is, try as they will and try as they might, who steals me gold won't live through the night. So it's terrifying, okay? It's a terrifying movie if you don't, if you didn't see it, especially if you're five, and I was a very deeply feeling child. So a lot of things that were scary, a little bit scary, were a lot scary to me.
00:18:41
Speaker
So I'm in kindergarten. We're doing this unit on leprechauns. My older brother has watched the leprechaun movie with me. It was the nineties. Give my parents some slack. Like they, didn't they probably like didn't like encourage it, but they didn't know. Um, and so, so anyway, I was kind of scared about, about the leprechaun traps. I did not want a leprechaun coming into my classroom. I didn't feel safe. I can say that as an adult is what was probably happening.
00:19:11
Speaker
I don't know that that's what I said as a child. As a child, maybe I showed protest behavior. Maybe I cried. Maybe I just said I didn't want to go to school. Maybe I said I didn't feel good. I don't know what it looked like as a child. I was five. I was a five year old in kindergarten, but I know that I didn't feel safe, safe, safe about leprechauns. And at this Catholic school, my kindergarten teacher said, if you don't believe in leprechauns and you don't believe in God,
00:19:41
Speaker
And I had already had this fear, religious fear instilled in me, which is so hard because I do want to say, of course, if you are very religious, you can do whatever you want.
00:20:03
Speaker
Um, but developmentally, when I, when I look at it from a child development standpoint, like it's very hard for a young child's brain to understand these really big concepts about faith and religion and the fear-based punishment, you know, like kids barely understand, like they're learning everything and this.
00:20:32
Speaker
It's really difficult for a developing brain to understand faith and religion and God and you know kids are already afraid of losing their parents.
00:20:45
Speaker
All these Disney movies show us, this is like a parent dying and you think about like, Oh no, how do you know for sure heaven and hell. All this stuff was already stuff that I, a deeply feeling child really worried about. Like, Oh my gosh, how do I know for sure if I'm going to go to heaven? What if I just think I'm being good and I'm going to go to heaven? What if I die and I go to hell? Like all of these things are things that I vividly remember from my childhood. And now working with kids and working in child development, I see like how really, religion is really, really difficult for a developing child to understand. So I'm going to leave it at that. But from a child development ah standpoint, it is not appropriate for a kindergarten teacher to say, if you don't believe in leprechauns, you don't believe in God. And I can tell you right now,
00:21:39
Speaker
sensitive child or not, that that would affect a child. So anyway, that was one thing about my experience um in my Catholic school. I also remember that my teacher said, I said, how did Jesus know that he was God's son and that he was actually God? Remember like learning about like the Trinity. And I hope that I am not losing my people that are like, I don't know anything that you're talking about
School Choice: Adaptability and Values
00:22:06
Speaker
right now. I'm going to move on to the the rest of the story after this. But I remember, this is actually, my teacher said this, I said, and maybe she's just having a bad day. Like teachers are allowed to have bad days, but it was hard. But I said, how did Jesus know he was God too? And she said, he he stuck his finger in his ear and he licked it and he didn't make a face. And honestly, I think about that every day. Like ah maybe she was being sarcastic.
00:22:38
Speaker
But a five-year-old's brain really doesn't have that much of an understanding of sarcasm and on that level. So anyway, that's just my hot take on on Catholic schools in the 90s. This was 1995 and I'm sure there have been more regulations and changes since.
00:23:04
Speaker
But that's why I wasn't extremely shocked that this teacher said this, and that the school kind of stood by it, um that it kind of aligns with faith-based values. Now, I do have a lot of people in my DMs that are like, I'm a Catholic school teacher, and absolutely not. And I also have people in my DMs that are like, I'm a Catholic school teacher, and I hate it. But yeah, like I can imagine some of my co-teachers saying that.
00:23:31
Speaker
so I try to stay extremely neutral when I'm doing a consultation. And and this part was hard. So I just you know kind of shifted that, like, OK, so it sounds like you're saying that social emotional development is important to you, a focus on social emotional development. And it sounds like you're saying um that maybe universal teacher training is something that you care about.
00:24:02
Speaker
um So we can come up with the right questions. And so they usually come with like 20 schools in Chicago. There's a lot of school options. Um, sometimes people come with no schools and they just, you know, I help come up with their list, but I was helping them dwindle down their list. Um, so they, so they knew what schools they wanted to focus on in their tours. Um, so.
00:24:30
Speaker
Those were two things we came up with from them telling me why they didn't want to stay at their current
Behavior Management and Teacher Training
00:24:35
Speaker
school. So maybe if you, you can do this with a friend, like see if you can like bounce ideas off of each other and say, what?
00:24:43
Speaker
don't you like about that school or what do you like about this school and then see if you can come up with your values from those things because it's it's really hard sometimes to come up with your values because it's like you know you're like yeah of course diversity matters to me and of course proximity to my house matters to me and well of course I want every teacher to have a teaching license and of course I care about the curriculum and it's like how do I just pick three um and there's so many things um care about teacher retention, like all of these things. So see if you can have a friend or maybe a spouse um help you like hear you say what you like about certain things and see if they can like reflect back to it sounds like this is a value that matters to you. um part One of my personal values that matters to me is adaptability and
00:25:35
Speaker
I think like that, I see that in, I was once dating this guy and we'd only been dating for a couple of months and we were on a trip together and our car got broken into and we were like knew exactly what to do. Like got went and got the pictures from people who were taking pictures nearby. We were at a touristy spot and I asked someone to airdrop me a picture because in the background you could see the car and he called the police and then like called and canceled like the bank, all the things, um, we like divided and conquered without even really saying anything. And nothing was like, Oh my God, what are we going to do? It was very like, this is what just happened. Now we need to think of the next thing. Like our flight is tonight. We have to get back to the rental car place sooner, probably because we have five smashed windows, um, and to turn the car in. So anyway, that to me was a,
00:26:34
Speaker
reminder that I value adaptability and it's a way like in those situations, you can go, I'm actually like thankful because I got an opportunity to see that this person can be adaptable and I got an opportunity to be adaptable, which is one of my core values. So The values thing, knowing your values personally and your family values and values that you care about in a school is going to help you because nothing is ever going to be perfect. But if you can see three to five values and when something goes wrong, like a teacher says something that doesn't align with how you parent,
00:27:15
Speaker
If you can go, well, actually that's not one of my top five values. I'm not going to freak out too much. I'm going to ask the administration about this, but at the end of the day, this preschool is my childcare and I can't just willy-nilly pull my child out.
00:27:36
Speaker
And like, is this like a thing like I am going to really fight about or is this like, huh, this isn't one of my values, which I'm sure many people listening to this would be like, who's who would be okay with that? but But in my DMS, I do have so many people that are like, yeah, this wouldn't bother me that much. So it's, it's tricky, but it is a great mind reminder that not everyone has the same values. Not everyone has the same values. Okay. So.
00:28:07
Speaker
That's how we picked some of their values. we've and And I got to share this this next bit. um If your emphasis is on strong emotional, social emotional development and consistency like this family, one of the questions I would ask on a tour is if the entire school is aligned on behavior policies. So what I mean by that is if a new teacher comes mid-year,
00:28:38
Speaker
Will he or she be trained in the same policies? So say we have a teacher quit and a new teacher comes in. What if the school was trained over the summer? How do we make sure that that new teacher is also trained in the same policies?
00:28:51
Speaker
um is I also ask if there, so again, this is just questions I ask if this is one of my values. I would ask if there is a teacher coach for new teachers and not necessarily a curriculum coach, which is great if there's a curriculum coach, but I mean like how supported is the new teacher? Because new teachers do need a lot of support. um it's a big It's a big role you're stepping into. um The best curriculum in the world doesn't compare to a well-trained and supported teacher. That is like a hill I will absolutely die on.
00:29:29
Speaker
curriculum sits in a box, teachers teach kids. If a teacher is burned out and dysregulated, they can't really be available to their class and a way to avoid that. And unfortunately, this is not something that most schools have the luxury of having, but is having a mentor program or a teacher coach or um you know any of these things.
00:29:55
Speaker
Different than that is, are all the teachers aligned in the same behavior practices? So what I mean by that is, so I've worked in a couple of schools where the behavior policies in place are not aligned across the school.
00:30:09
Speaker
um And while it might not be a question that you think to ask I learned that this was important, because um let's just take an example of a completely dysregulated child. We want to know like maybe you're like, this isn't a question that I have because my child would never have an outburst.
00:30:28
Speaker
well We don't really know until they're in a situation and we don't know how they're going to act with every single adult and every single child. And it's so much to ask of kids to be in a small space with 25 of their friends or possibly enemies um and be nice and listen and be quiet and go to the bathroom and eat on someone else's schedule and to make friends, but not talk to their friends unless they're told that they can talk to their friends.
00:30:59
Speaker
School's a really weird thing for kids um when we want to let them play and explore. So what happens when there's a completely dysregulated child? Well, hopefully if the school staff has been trained in a behavior management system, like I love the responsive classroom management. um Responsive classroom is a great training, but It talks about like repair and fixing feelings and meeting the child where they're at. But if there's a completely dysregulated child, what is the policy? Is she sent to the hallway to calm down because she's just disrupting the class? Is there a support system in place? Because surely the teacher of 25 kids can't drop everything to help regulate one child.
00:31:48
Speaker
um But of course, teachers are masters of creativity. And in schools, I've worked with. um you You like learn to go across the hall and ask another teacher for help and maybe she's the third grade teacher and her class can read quietly for a minute and she can come watch your class while you help regulate that child. Maybe it's the art teacher. um Maybe in some cases it's the school assistant or the, yeah, the secretary. um But this is why I believe it's so important to have an aligned practice in the whole school.
00:32:22
Speaker
So let's say the entire staff is trained in the responsive classroom system. But 50% of the time, the school secretary is the one who has to step step in to help a dysregulated child. But you know we didn't think to send the school secretary to any of these trainings because Her job is to be the secretary. It's not to be in the classroom. So why would she sit through these trainings? That inconsistency of like, okay, maybe maybe the policy is when a kid is just so dysregulated, they have to go to the principal's office. Principals are busy. they're like They're at meetings a lot. They are not in the building all the time. They can't be everywhere all at once.
00:33:01
Speaker
Somebody actually asked that on my interview with the principal podcast episode um recently and John the principal said the question was why are you never in the building and he was like we have a lot to do I wish we were in the building more but like there are a lot of places we need to be so if there's not a clear policy or clear guidelines clear expectations for what happens when a child is dysregulated or like let's say like throws a chair. I've been in lots of classrooms where there's kids with lots of big behavior issues and they've thrown chairs or um you know something that's really unsafe and you have to remove that child because all of the other kids are unsafe in that situation. What's the plan? like
00:33:47
Speaker
Is it clear to every teacher that when something that is this level happens, here's what you do? Or is it like, Oh my gosh, I just got to run and find any other teacher to help me with this. And if you do have to run and find any other teacher to help me with this, that teacher is dysregulated and frazzled. And then you grab a teacher who's like, maybe it's the art teacher who they were like, well, she doesn't need to go to behavior training. She's just doing art.
00:34:12
Speaker
or you know any of these moments when you grab the other adult, then you're creating an inconsistent, um like unsettling expectation for the child. That's not really going to help regulate that child.
00:34:27
Speaker
um Again, if you if it's like, okay, you're going to the principal's office, the principal's not there, it's just the school secretary, the kid sits in the school secretary's office, that secretary, I'm sure, isn't doing any behavior modifications or helping to regulate that child. She was probably just an adult that took the child until that teacher could send her class to gym and then come and help with that child. But at that point, that child has been removed from the classroom and I know we need to do these things for safety often. They've been removed from the classroom. They are in a foreign place and the punishment they're receiving
00:35:09
Speaker
if they get punished might not be what's consistent with what their teacher is outlined as the expectations of when they do these behaviors so that's inconsistent and that's hard to follow and that's yeah that's that's just that's just really a tricky situation we're putting kids in. um Inconsistency is something I try to avoid at all costs. We want to have clear expectations. When we have clear expectations, kids can feel safe and secure. um That doesn't mean that we'll always have perfect behavior, but to have clear and consistent expectations is great. um We know that if the entire school staff is trained in this same way that we're conducting behavior management in the school,
00:35:58
Speaker
that The expectations of behavior are the same, and that in itself is regulating and creates a sense of safety for children. Even if they're upset, knowing that everyone is trained in the same way, they're going to say the same phrasing to them, they're going to help them cool down in the same way, that is a huge green flag to me. And that is what I helped this family see and name and know what to ask about.
School Tours and Specificity in Concerns
00:36:28
Speaker
on a school tour. So that might not be a big, big thing for you. I'm just kind of giving you some examples of how to have this conversation with a friend to see if you can name what are the most important things to you and then come up with what questions you want to ask. um But knowing the processes will be streamlined means more to me than a school naming a specific curriculum they use.
00:36:52
Speaker
um In fact, knowing that the things are streamlined means more to me than if they were like, we use the science of reading. that Yeah, that's true. um this show me This shows me that a school is focused on growing together.
00:37:08
Speaker
that they are aware of what makes kids feel safe and secure. And safe and secure kids thrive. They thrive academically. We cannot learn if we are dysregulated. We just can't. My friend Michelle and I were having this conversation. I was trying to help her understand this about like um behavior charts. you know I love to talk about behavior charts.
00:37:27
Speaker
and how that's really dysregulating for kids. And even if they don't show that they're dysregulated, it's really overwhelming and it does send our nervous system into fight or flight to be publicly shamed. Like I even saw a friend of mine turn bright red the other day over a topic we were talking about. And she then goes, but I don't even remember what I was just typing. I just actually accidentally typed, um, and,
00:37:54
Speaker
If you think about that or like, okay, imagine you're like working late at night at your house and you're the only one home and you hear a glass break and you're like in the other room and you're like, what was that? And you're, you tell yourself just keep working.
00:38:11
Speaker
That's not how it's going to go. You're not going to be able to just keep working. like You might keep typing, but like you're now like in this heightened state. This is what's happening for kids when we have like these um these things that aren't consistent with them or we like are shaming them. And that doesn't mean that we don't have accountability for actions. this is just like These are just things that I was helping this family be able to name.
00:38:35
Speaker
so um Anyway, what what we're talking about, those are those are two things that were that that this family found were big.
00:38:48
Speaker
ah values for them that they didn't know before that, before this the enrolling in the school, before they were like, oh, this is close to our house and our friends go there. Unfortunately, you can't you can't make you can't make decisions based on what your friends did. It's not personal. You have to figure out what your family values are and narrow down your questions based on that. And no one is going to think you're a crazy helicopter parent if you have really specific questions around what feels safe to you.
00:39:17
Speaker
Okay, anyway, I have gone on such a tangent about this. um Of course, it made me and extremely enraged to hear that a preschool teacher told children they were naughty um and possessed by demons. It's developmentally inappropriate. And I don't think it helps kids feel safe.
00:39:42
Speaker
um But it led to some good conversations and it led to the family figuring out what does matter to them and um how to navigate the rest of the school tours.
00:39:56
Speaker
um If you come across something that isn't that seems like an orange flag to you on a tour, bring it back. Don't immediately rule that school out. Bring it back. See what other questions you can ask for clarity on um after that tour. you know um Maybe they say something like,
00:40:20
Speaker
Oh, we're play-based or we're child-led. And then you know you find out that it's actually theme units that the teachers come up with. like I would say, I'm newer to this. i thought What's the difference between child-led and teachers coming up with theme units? How much of the classroom is child-led? you know I would just ask for more clarity on these topics.
00:40:46
Speaker
I used to, I'll end with this story. I used to do improv and comedy. It's kind of embarrassing, I think. But um people make fun of improv. like It's still like Michael Scott.
00:40:58
Speaker
um but In improv, there's a game we would play. My team and I would play before we would like do a show. And it's called More Specific. And in a scene, you know you would be like having this dialogue. And then like somebody on our team would be like watching. And they would clap and say, more specific. And you'd have to add more detail. So I always like to like think of life as that game, like more specific. like Ask for them to be more specific. Maybe you hear the buzzwords, science of reading.
00:41:31
Speaker
sight words, like, you know, buzzwords in a good way or a bad way. And you're just like, wait, I don't actually know what, I know sight words are maybe if they're memorizing, that's bad, but like, so ask for more specifics. Say, I, can you tell me more about, about what that is? Or just ask for more clarity around some of these topics. And the school that you want to be at is going to be a school that loves to answer these questions. I love when people ask me,
00:41:59
Speaker
really specific questions. This is what I've dedicated my life to doing. So I would be delighted to share more. So I think a school would as well. um So anyway, that is what I will leave you with. I'm going to do another episode um next week about more things that people say they love about their school um and Yeah, I guess that's all. Oh, one thing. Are you doing New Year's resolutions? Because I just decide I'm not. I never do. and But I did decide today at the gym. I was like, you know what? Actually, I changed my mind. My resolution is to have and wear nicer workout outfits. Because if I am wearing workout outfits all the time, why am I just in like my least favorite?
00:42:54
Speaker
like i am This is the year of the workout outfit for me. I'm going to have cool workout outfits. So hold me to it. Please tell me any of your favorite places. Oh my gosh. And I forgot to tell you this. If you are a parent of a first grader, wow, maybe I should record an ad and put this at the beginning. If you're a parent of the of a first grader, we just finished the first grade reset. It was an amazing mini course.
00:43:16
Speaker
And it came I did a bonus coaching call for parents all over the globe that took this course. And there were like 100 people on this call. It was amazing. We talked for an hour and a half. I gave specific strategies to individual families, students. like It was a really great call. And it reminded me that this accountability is what we need sometimes. so In February and March, I'm going to be gifting anyone who has the first grade course, if you already have it or if you buy it by the end of January, I'm gonna be gifting three more parent coaching calls. So you get basically to have a consultation with me um three times over February and March um if you have the first grade course.
00:44:06
Speaker
So we'll send an email about that, but bigcityreaders dot.com and the first grade bootcamp course is the one you want to take. You don't have to do anything else. We'll send an email to anyone who has bought it um and say, like here are the dates, here's the Zoom link for the call, bring your questions, and you get to have basically a consultation with me. So a one-on-one consultation with me alone is costs more than the price of the entire course that has one T lessons for your child and like 15 mini lessons for parents. So it's a great deal. Like literally my team was like, no, you can do one coaching call. And I was like, let's do three. And they're like two. And I said, no, three. I finally got them to say yes to three because I was just like, I just want to be able to help the first grade parents. I know this is a tricky time of year.
00:44:56
Speaker
Things move so fast in the second half of the year in first grade and then like second grade, it's just like, we are big kids. They went from being like, I'm a baby in kindergarten to being like, you're going to be reading chapter books and I want to be here to hold your hand for the parts that are fun and the parts that are scary.
00:45:13
Speaker
So this is my way of doing that. So you don't have to do anything. If you already have the course, you'll get an email. um If you want to join in on this, this is the perfect time to buy the course. You get access to me. um And I'm, you know, my calls are scheduled for 45 minutes, but I end up staying on for an hour and a half to answer every single question. so I would love to talk to you. I would love to get to know you. I would love to help your family more. So please go to bigcityreaders.com and get the first grade bootcamp and join me in February for our first group coaching call. If you can't make the live calls, then no worries. You'll get the recording and you can email your questions ahead of time and I'll still answer them. um So it's just a fun little way to build Big City Readers community, no matter where you are in the world.
00:46:01
Speaker
So, I hope um you grab that course by the end of the month. You have two weeks left to decide. um But message me on Instagram if you have any questions, big city readers. um And if you like this podcast episode, will you please give it five stars and leave a review? It means so much to me. um Honestly, when I'm having a bad day, I go and read the reviews you leave because um it makes me feel like, oh okay, I can keep going.
00:46:26
Speaker
um I keep going on this podcast, not in life, but ah it is own much very much a labor of love, but it is it is definitely a labor to do the podcast and get it up and to pay to have it um run. So ah it's not my job. it's It's just kind of something I want to be able to keep giving back to you. so Anyway, it means so much to me when you leave a review um and tell your friends about it, send this episode to someone who might find it helpful and please send me your questions. I would love to answer your very specific
Episode Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:47:05
Speaker
questions. I won't use your name if you don't want me to, um but send me your very specific questions and I will answer them on the podcast um or on Instagram. So I love to hear from you. Don't hesitate to reach out. Somebody literally messaged me today and they're like, I feel like I always reply, sorry. i'm like
00:47:20
Speaker
i Do you think I want to talk to nobody? i i literally like Some of my favorite people in the world are like the people that reply most to me. Somebody on my team, actually, shout out Susan. Somebody on my team like literally once came up to me at an event and was like, i I follow you this is my name on instagram i messaged you and i'm like yes i know you and she now works on the big city readers team and she just told me i know that she's listening to this but she just told me that she said after that event several years ago she was like that she's smart at business she acted like she remembered me she was now i know that you do know the people that message you.
00:47:56
Speaker
um But I didn't think there was any way that you knew who I was. But I'm like, I know. It was like, tell me your Instagram handle when you meet me. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, yes, you're my best friend. So anyway, I love to hear from you message me your questions. It never ever bothers me. um I love I'd love to help in any way that I can. So anyway, leave a review, let me know how I can help and sign up for the first grade course so we can have some live coaching calls together and you can meet other parents of first graders all over the globe that are big city readers families. And be warned though that many big city readers families have become big city BFFs and um
00:48:36
Speaker
And like some have bought a lake house together. So you never know who you're going to meet in the chat on Zoom. And with that, the 2024 season comes to an end. I'm just kidding. It's 2025 and it just started. All right. I'll see you next time.