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Ep. 69 What I’d Tell Alex Bennett on Her First Daycare Tour—And You Should Hear It Too
544 Plays21 days ago
Ever find yourself standing in a daycare hallway thinking, “Wait… what exactly am I supposed to ask on this tour?” Same.
In this episode, Miss Beth is breaking it all down Big Sister style—whether you’re looking for daycare, preschool, or kindergarten. Inspired by a recent conversation from Alex Bennett on Two Parents and a Podcast, Beth is sharing real, practical tips to help you figure out what you actually want for your child (and what matters on a tour).
From the toddler room snack tables to the kindergarten playground, Miss Beth is giving you my insider advice on:
- What to look for (spoiler: it’s not the fancy toys)
- What to ask the staff
- How to trust your gut
- Why “socialization” might not be as crucial as you think for babies
- And how to tell if the vibe is right for your family
Whether you’re a first-time parent or looking for your next school, this episode will help you feel more confident and less overwhelmed.
Follow along on Instagram @bigcityreaders
View more of Miss Beth’s Tips
Recommended
Transcript
Beth's Northwoods Experience and Camper Spirit
00:00:10
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Play On Words podcast. It's Miss Beth and I am actually recording this in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. So if you're following on Instagram, you've probably already seen that I am trying to overcome my fear of rodents, mice, bugs, um all the disgusting tiny things, and see if I can find my sense of camper spirit that I had when I was a teenager and in my 20s.
00:00:46
Speaker
But to quote um Victoria from The White Lotus, I just don't think I'm meant for an uncomfortable life. So we'll see. This is my new series that I'll be sharing with you this summer ah here and on Instagram.
00:01:02
Speaker
ah Not a real series, kind of a joke series, but not a joke because it's very much my
Struggles with Perfectionism and Content Creation
00:01:07
Speaker
life. Okay. I have not done a podcast in a few weeks because my perfectionism has run rambant in my life. And my new summer goal is don't, I don't give a care.
00:01:21
Speaker
That's not what I wanted to say, but you know, in case you have little ears in the car, but I'm just going to do the things I need to just post, post online, post the podcast.
00:01:31
Speaker
So I'm going to try and bring back a couple of episodes a week, shorter episodes. I'm going to try and get them up on YouTube for all of you that have requested that there be video. Um, and yeah, we're
Validation Through Listener Feedback
00:01:44
Speaker
just going to see how it goes. So hold me accountable. Message me because I like validation message me that you loved the episode and oh my gosh, thank you. And we're,
00:01:53
Speaker
so pumped that that episode dropped today. We listened to it, you know, tell me whatever, um, because that'll keep me going. I really do live for the validation. I know it's not great, but I live for the applause, applause. Okay.
00:02:06
Speaker
I don't really, it's just like that. I i need to know someone's listening to it and somebody cares. So if that's you, let me know. And also could you let me know in a review because then that helps us get seen by more people.
00:02:18
Speaker
And I really, really do just want this podcast and all of my content to exist, to just help people.
Embracing Nature Despite Fears
00:02:25
Speaker
Like i would love to be able to offer support for anyone for free like this.
00:02:32
Speaker
So, um, yeah, I hope you enjoy it. Send it to a friend. And if you hear me scream, no, it's probably a rodent, a bug. I don't know. There's these bugs, there's all different sizes. And I keep asking my boyfriend, like, what's that one?
00:02:44
Speaker
He's like, they're just may bugs. These are the bugs that are out in May. I'm like, one is two inches and one is a half a centimeter. How are they all may bugs? He doesn't know. He's just a man. ah Anyway, I just keep wanting to sing songs like you're just a boy.
00:02:59
Speaker
um But I'm not a singer. So I'll just stick to the stuff I know. Oh my gosh, that just made me want to sing the high school musical stick to the stuff, you know. So anyway, I'm going
Comfort Content and TikTok Inspiration
00:03:10
Speaker
stick to the stuff I know. And that is today.
00:03:14
Speaker
aye am obsessed with this Instagram TikToker, Alex Bennett. If you're on TikTok, you've probably seen her. She became, well, actually i've I've done a deep dive now. She used to be on Barstool Sports, have a podcast just about her life.
00:03:30
Speaker
Now she has a baby and she became really big on TikTok really quickly by just doing talking videos to her baby. Like she's just literally just talking to her baby, like time to go to the nanny share, let's pack up your baba.
00:03:44
Speaker
It made me realize like people are loving it. I mean, like there's videos of people being like, I am a single gay, man that is 19 years old and I'm watching this mom talk to her baby.
00:03:56
Speaker
There's something so soothing about it. It feels like, well, think like a lot of people do like a podcast or like content comfort content creators that make you feel like you're hanging out with someone. You know, you don't always want to be learning something. You don't always want to be like being sold to. So she's just talking. Um, and she's doing a great job at it She's a yapper.
00:04:19
Speaker
And so actually she kind of inspired me a bit to remember, like, I'm a yipper. I've been creating content for over 10 years. And it's just when I think that I just start overthinking and then I stopped doing it. And I'm like, I'm just going to do it poorly because something I once said on NBC News about how to help your perfectionist child is that ah being a perfectionist doesn't stop you from doing things imperfectly. It just stops you from doing things.
00:04:50
Speaker
And that is what's been happening to me lately. have just stopped. And I also heard ah a quote today, maybe on a podcast or something that said, intuition goes away the second you start overthinking.
00:05:03
Speaker
So I'm going to stop overthinking this summer. It might end badly. Like I might overshare. i might, you know, Regret some episodes, but I'm just gonna share it all. So anyway back to Alex Bennett She is a mom and she has a seven-month-old Hold on there's There's a frog in here
00:05:32
Speaker
Do I just put my headphones on and pretend I didn't hear it
00:05:37
Speaker
I love nature. I love nature. Oh my gosh, that's what I need to do. I just need to start saying mantras and affirmations that are going to change the wiring in my brain because our brains are elastic. As you know, I love to talk about how we can help kids think differently. So if kids say they hate reading, I say, give me two sessions and a couple of my prerecorded lessons. I can change i can change the pathways in their brain.
00:06:02
Speaker
I feel certain about that. So maybe I just need to change the pathways in my own brain. Do you hear it? I can't tell if you can hear it because I have headphones on and the microphone is up to me. So anyway, if you can hear it, great. If you can't, lucky you.
00:06:19
Speaker
I love nature. I love animals. I love animals inside and outside. Animals can't hurt me. I still hear the sound and I love it. reminds me of how lucky I am have nature surrounding me, which is true. I do and do feel that way most of the time.
00:06:35
Speaker
Anyway, Alex Bennett.
Choosing the Right Daycare: Priorities and Advice
00:06:37
Speaker
is posting about how she is starting to look at daycares, preschool, schooling options. Her baby's only seven months old, but she's really right to start thinking about it now.
00:06:52
Speaker
Now she is so um like unhinged, kind of in like a great way, um but she's you know like, oh, maybe we'll homeschool. Like, She's just like sharing all of her thoughts. I don't have that thick of skin to share all of my thoughts on social media in real time because, you know, like her videos go viral and then people are like sharing so many opinions. I can't, I can't deal with too many opinions.
00:07:16
Speaker
So she started talking about going to two or seven home daycares, starting to think about school options. And so I wanted to weigh in.
00:07:28
Speaker
So Alex Bennett, this is for you.
00:07:32
Speaker
But it's also for any parent that needs help or just wants to think about one of the big, biggest decisions. Well, I guess a lot of things with kids are big decisions, right? But it's choosing the right daycare, preschool, or kindergarten or elementary school for your child. So if you're feeling a mix of excitement at all the options, anxiety at all the options, and how on earth do I pick the perfect place?
00:08:00
Speaker
You might be thinking like, Is this this decision that I make, what's going to be for the rest of their life? Like if we pick Montessori, will they always be going to Montessori? What if we go to a private school? What if we want to go to a public school?
00:08:12
Speaker
Guess what? Take a deep breath. I've got you. We're going to walk through each stage, infants and toddlers, daycare, the rambunctious preschool years, and the big leap to kindergarten.
00:08:27
Speaker
So I'm going to share some honest advice and some reminders about what to think about and ask yourself as you're going on these tours. But the first thing I need to tell you is no place will be 100% perfect, and that is okay.
00:08:44
Speaker
What you are looking for is a safe, loving environment where your child can thrive, where they can explore, where they can feel safe to be curious. Because when kids feel safe, they feel like they can explore and be curious. When they feel like they can explore and be curious, that's when they learn.
00:09:00
Speaker
If they don't feel safe, if they don't feel like they could be curious, they're not going to learn. And as you know, this is a big debate I have a lot um about behavior charts.
00:09:12
Speaker
um So many teachers, unfortunately, will say, well, we need to have kids obey so we can get through the lesson. But behavior charts, if you're just jumping into this episode, go check out the other episodes on behavior charts. But behavior charts are these like colored signs um that you know have like the full rainbow and your child moves their name up and down based on quote, good and bad choices.
00:09:36
Speaker
But here's the thing, especially in preschool, kindergarten, first grade, when we're not being explicitly clear about what is a good or bad choice, we're just really leaving it to like them.
00:09:48
Speaker
We're asking them to be monitoring the teacher or whoever's in charge. Um, mood. Like, you know, because if it's like, Oh, I saw you talking, go move your name down.
00:10:00
Speaker
Like what if your child was actually just like saying your shoe is untied to a friend and we don't give them the opportunity to explain themselves. So then they just start internalizing. Well, she's mad at me because I was trying to help a friend. I'm not going to help a friend anymore.
00:10:15
Speaker
That's obviously a more extreme example, but It's like that. It's like our nervous system, how we feel is built in these super small moments with little kids. So I never want a behavior chart because for a plethora of reasons, I'm not going to go down this route because this is not a behavior chart post ah post ah podcast episode, but the behavior chart thing is public shaming, it's it might look similar to what we talk about with sight words, right? It might look like kids are reading, but it's gonna cause more problems later.
00:10:52
Speaker
Behavior charts might look like kids are obeying, but they're just learning to internalize it, to shut down. Maybe if they're if they have ADHD and they're acting up, maybe they're just gonna have ah their own world that they escape to in their head. So it looks like they're behaving, but they're not learning anything.
00:11:07
Speaker
And what a shame um to to take that away. just because we want kids to follow our structure. I get it. I'm not saying that we can't, that we shouldn't get through the lesson, but just like, it's, it's just counterintuitive. You're not getting through the lesson. and It just looks like you're getting through the lesson.
00:11:27
Speaker
So, okay. Remembering that, that, um, that no place will be perfect. You're looking for a safe environment. Um, And the fanciest facility, even like, you know, gold-plated sippy cups, which by the way, if you do find gold-plated sippy cups, like,
00:11:47
Speaker
Let's be honest, that's a huge red flag and a waste of money and not a sign of quality care. So think about that. ah What actually matters to you? What matters to you versus like your friends list of things?
00:12:01
Speaker
Is it that they that you want something that has extended care? Is it something ah that actually matters to you or is that something that someone told you to care about? A little note on that no place being perfect. I do have to say, and this is not like a sign of perfect, but I have had many teachers work at Big City Readers that have come from the quote, best school in their state or um the highest ranked or, you know, the the one that is so hard to get into.
00:12:33
Speaker
And remember, The quality of teaching doesn't change based on what school they're going to work at. You know, this the degree is the same um if they have a degree in early childhood.
00:12:46
Speaker
So not that that's the only thing to think about, but i all that to say is none of my teachers were better than another because of the school that they worked at.
00:12:59
Speaker
um It was all about, you know, kind of who they are as a person, which is something to think about when you are on a school tour. um I'll start with one of the first big questions I like to ask or think about is teacher retention.
00:13:16
Speaker
So this was asked in my DMs recently. ah They said, is it a red flag at a school if our classroom has had three teacher turnovers this year? And here's what I said on Instagram.
00:13:31
Speaker
I don't want to say he red flag right away. it could be total coincidence, right? It could be, you know, somebody got pregnant or somebody had a medical issue or family issue and it just was a rough year for that school.
00:13:44
Speaker
However, we do want to ask questions. The red flag to me would be if the school didn't explain that to the families, if they swept it under the rug, or if they didn't welcome questions from parents or concerns from parents.
00:13:58
Speaker
Green flag would be, i know this is like really so crazy that this year this happened. This is really unusual for us. um Most of the teachers in the three-year-old classroom have been here for 20 years minimum.
00:14:12
Speaker
We really value our school community and we know that you love being a part of it. And i love that you asked this question because you care about your teachers, you care about all of the students, not just your child, but making sure that there's consistency and stability across the whole school. And I really appreciate this question.
00:14:30
Speaker
That would be a green flag, obviously not word for word. um And people are allowed, especially administrators, or I guess even administrators are allowed to not answer perfectly in the moment, but Just like with kids, it's not about doing everything perfectly. It's about how we repair. So it's not about having the perfect school. It's about how they welcome challenges, how they problem solve, how they build community, how they how they have that sense of safety that they create, not just for your child, but for you.
00:15:01
Speaker
You need to be able to feel secure asking questions. you If you feel embarrassed or like someone something made you feel like uncomfortable asking a certain question,
00:15:11
Speaker
That's trust that gut. That's not, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable and hope maybe you did feel uncomfortable. And then the person said the perfect answer that made you feel comfortable.
00:15:22
Speaker
um Just, you shouldn't, you shouldn't feel like you can't ask your questions. And if you feel like you can't ask your questions on the tour, what do you think is going to happen next? when your child goes there. Like if you're on the tour, you can't ask the questions. Do you think that like once you're in the school that the questions are going to be welcomed?
00:15:39
Speaker
Maybe, but I'm not willing to risk that. So you want to make sure that you feel like you can ask your questions. Like the very first thing is feeling like you can ask questions, not even like what questions to ask. So check that gut, whether you're touring a daycare or a school.
00:15:54
Speaker
So quick pause from talking about how to choose the people who will be watching your child when you are not there to talk about what we're going to do with your time together.
Enhancing Early Childhood Development
00:16:06
Speaker
There are tiny windows, and I do mean tiny, like before bed, on the weekends, morning snuggles, that we can use to make it really count, make make those minutes really count for your baby's brain development.
00:16:19
Speaker
Maybe you're like, my windows already count, but if you're like anyone in my DMs, you're wondering, what do I do besides tummy time? My neighbor's toddler can say the ABCs, does that mean mine's behind if he can't?
00:16:31
Speaker
No, take a breath. This is why I created the Big City Readers courses. for babies and toddlers. And it's not for your baby or toddler, it's for you to have a baseline so you don't have to Google, is this normal? Or just look at and compare with your neighbor or your siblings' kids, which from my own experience causes a lot of drama.
00:16:50
Speaker
But these classes will tell you exactly what your baby and toddler should be doing, what kind of books you should be reading to them, how to pick out the right books, what kind of songs to sing to them.
00:17:01
Speaker
So, so, so much goes into these classes and you can do it on your own time. on demand wherever you are in your pajamas if you want ah nobody will see so check it out go to bigcityreaders.com at the top there's something called classes and you can click the drop-down and choose baby if your baby is in the 0 to 18 months or toddler for 18 to 36 months but these classes are designed to help you turn the few minutes that you have into meaningful bonding time that is building your baby's brain development their language skills and their connection to you and others around them you're building those secure attachments in those tiny moments
00:17:43
Speaker
So check it out. It's on sale this week. And remember, you are your child's first teacher. You have everything it takes to give them everything that they need. And every tiny moment you share with them is building confidence, security, and joy. Okay, back to the episode.
00:18:01
Speaker
So let's keep in mind, I know this is a crazy statistic that I say all the time. 90% of brain growth happens before kindergarten.
00:18:14
Speaker
No pressure, right? So the early years are crucial, but that doesn't mean that children need like ah high-tech miracle school to make sure that they are getting what they need.
00:18:30
Speaker
They need caring people, engaging play, and routine. So, We're going look at stage by stage and figure this out together, hopefully in a lighthearted way. Grab your coffee.
00:18:43
Speaker
Also, will you tell me if you listen to this at two times speed? Because somebody recently asked if I had a podcast voice. And I don't. Well, maybe I do. I don't know. um But I was like, what's a podcast voice? they're like, when you talk really slow so that some people can listen to it at two times speed. And I tried to listen to myself at two times speed and it was really too fast because I think I basically talk at like 1.2 speed or maybe 1.5.
00:19:07
Speaker
So anyway, will you let me know? Great. Great.
00:19:14
Speaker
So let's just start at the bottom or the earliest choosing a daycare for infants and toddlers, the snuggles and the sippy cups we'll call this next few minutes.
00:19:25
Speaker
So choosing a daycare for your infant or toddler probably feels like handing over your, like a, uh, uh, an organ to a stranger. They are your precious baby.
00:19:40
Speaker
And they're still like in diapers, not able to communicate, still working on sleeping at night thing. um And at this stage, safety and reliability are the name of the game.
00:19:55
Speaker
Fancy curriculum, I do not care about. I do not care. I often don't care about fancy curriculum because curriculum sits in a box. Teachers teach. I care about the training, the structure and the methodology, right?
00:20:10
Speaker
So I love play-based for me personally, but ah you might care a lot about it academics. I'm here to tell you from a child development standpoint, the academics in baby and toddlerhood don't matter as much as the connection.
00:20:25
Speaker
right We want, of course, your daycare provider to be having lots of rich, nurturing language opportunities with songs and reading books aloud, even to the babies. Yes, especially to the babies.
00:20:37
Speaker
um But what matters most is you know that they're cuddled, that they're fed safely, changed safely, and have engaging and loving caregivers.
00:20:48
Speaker
So um here's how you could start figuring out if a daycare is right for you. These are some questions you might want to ask. Again, you don't have to use any of these. These are just questions to ask yourself.
00:21:00
Speaker
When you step into the potential daycare, tune into your gut. Maybe do a couple of deep breaths in the car or before you walk in make sure you feel really grounded. You want to ask yourself, do I feel comfortable and safe here?
00:21:14
Speaker
Not will my baby. Do i feel comfortable and safe here? I remember somebody saying um my first year out of college looking for a ah job and they were like, you should just take one that you can get.
00:21:27
Speaker
This was many years ago, over a decade ago. And there were less positions that there are now. I was just talking with somebody the other day. i was like, there are teaching positions. It's just, that's for another episode how the education system is so complicated. But the I remember I turned down several jobs because i didn't feel safe. Like it wasn't like a dangerous school. It just like, it didn't feel like home.
00:21:55
Speaker
And of course, like you don't need to feel like home. You have your home, but like, it just didn't feel it. And then um when I walked into the school that I actually took the job at, it I did, I felt in my gut. I was like, oh yeah, I i feel safe walking down these halls.
00:22:08
Speaker
So do I feel comfortable and safe here? can And then can you picture your baby in this space? Does it feel clean? Is it childproofed? Is it generally baby friendly? You know, if you're looking at a baby room, there shouldn't be like Legos on the floor.
00:22:24
Speaker
I don't like to see a lot of containers, like too many swings in a row, too many bouncy seats. and I want to make sure, especially in those baby years, there's a lot of holding.
00:22:37
Speaker
um Personally, i don't care that much about outside time. I mean, i I like outside time. I should, I should take that back. I love outside time. I feel more about safety than outside time. Like I don't love, especially in big cities, the two teachers walking with 10 two-year-olds holding onto the rope.
00:23:03
Speaker
Like it just, it, the this the manpower is not enough to if like all of those kids fall or you know something happens like it's just not enough I would rather not have that a lot of people are like I love that they go on walks every day personally I'm more like what's how close what if they're far and and somebody gets really hurt and then another kid gets really hurt and then who's watching the other six kids if the two teachers are with the two kids that are hurt so that's just me personally
00:23:34
Speaker
Um, but yeah, those are in inside daycare. ah Is it, is it child proofed? I would assume most daycares are because most not home daycares, maybe home daycares too, but it depends on how they do the workaround, but i have to, um, pass a lot of protocol.
00:23:52
Speaker
Um, so You can ask about that too. How often is the state evaluating this place? um If you care about that, ah you might want to ask, are the kids or not ask them, but ask yourself, are the kids happy and engaged? Hopefully you get to tour when there are kids there. Like look around, do you see content? Do you see pictures?
00:24:13
Speaker
Do the pictures look like kids actually painted them with their fingers and toes or do they look like um a teacher did it and guided them? Um, Look for cozy babies and attentive caregivers making eye contact with the baby or singing to the baby.
00:24:28
Speaker
If the babies are all screaming and you in unison while one caregiver is frantically you know trying to shush them, we... we We want to have more, we want to see more strategies ah in place for when that comes about, because it might be four babies, if it's four babies to one, like, so then you might want to ask, well, what does happen when two are screaming and how long do you let them scream?
00:24:54
Speaker
um And all that jazz. And then does this daycare align with our needs and values? So needs and values, this is something that you need to come up with early, early on as a family.
Family Values and Daycare Selection
00:25:05
Speaker
Like what are your values?
00:25:07
Speaker
And it doesn't even just mean with daycare or school, it just means like what actually matters to you? Is it diversity? Is it inclusion? Is it um small, small schools like or small groups? Or are you like people that love to be around lots of people? So Think about ah like the practical things like the location, the hours. You might love a school, but they don't have extended day. And you might say, that's okay because I love this school.
00:25:34
Speaker
But is it really okay? Are you going to be able to make that work? Or is it going to work for a little while and then be a lot of stress? um Do you value a lot of outdoor time? Does the center, is it mostly outdoor?
00:25:45
Speaker
I love an outdoor-based school. the thing that differentiation, I know I have a lot of, I have a lot of ah nuance where if you're just listening quickly, you might be like, wait, she says she doesn't like outside. I love outdoor play within like the school. Like that would be great. My dream would be like mostly outdoor, but it's like within the school there's like gates. And so there's like administrations there in case you need backup, et cetera.
00:26:12
Speaker
Um, You might be super germ conscious and ah that's kind of hard at looking at a daycare. I heard somebody once say, ah doctor in one of my classes said, you have a toddler in daycare, you can expect them to be sick for two weeks every two weeks.
00:26:29
Speaker
So um think about what you value and pick like three things and be like, those are the three that we need to see on this tour. And then ask also, can I see myself communicating and partnering with these caregivers? Because your child's teacher, your daycare, they're going to be a part of your team.
00:26:47
Speaker
They're co-parenting with you during the day. Do they seem friendly and patient and open to listening? Or um does it seem like they're going to eye roll at things you say? Or like, if you're like, okay, the baby was up all night. So like, can you just hold her a little bit longer today? She seems like she's getting a tooth or something. And I'm worried.
00:27:05
Speaker
Do they seem like they're going to gosh, yes. Or are they going to be like, oh, please, every baby is cranky, you know? So check that. Like, can I see myself um partnering with these people?
00:27:15
Speaker
And if something feels off or like you, don't think that you would feel comfortable talking to that teacher, then it's probably something you should pay attention to. Your gut feeling is huge.
00:27:28
Speaker
um Trust it on how you feel about the environment. um And if you feel uneasy leaving your baby there, you're probably not in the right spot. Questions you might want to ask the staff during your visit. So a great daycare, as I mentioned, welcomes your questions. Lots of them. I have a daycare that I love and One of the providers there always texts me and said, I know that I had a big city readers family today because they asked so many questions that sounded like miss Beth.
00:27:57
Speaker
And I said, are you big city readers family? And they said yes. And she said, and I said, me too. I love these questions. And then they were like oh my gosh, I felt so at ease because they weren't like being judged for asking too many questions.
00:28:10
Speaker
So um they welcome the questions. A good daycare welcomes the questions. Some key questions you might wanna ask or you might able to find out online Are you licensed and accredited?
00:28:21
Speaker
Proper licensing is a non-negotiable for safety and quality. um In the U.S., anyone caring for more than one family's kids is required to have a license, and state laws vary, but definitely ask.
00:28:33
Speaker
um Accreditation comes from centers and is a bonus quality stamp. Of course, you want to know what's the caregiver to baby ratio. These are might be questions that you can find out via email ahead of time. So then you can really just be into the feelings on that tour.
00:28:47
Speaker
um But what's the caregiver to baby ratio? Infants need lots of attention. You know that. um So check that the center follows recommended ratios. It's usually one to three or one to four.
00:28:59
Speaker
it might be a bit higher for toddlers. The lower, the better, of course. You want each caregiver responsible for a reasonable number of little ones. you know If it's like one to four and they seem newer and in this role, and you know you might be like, well, I couldn't do four infants. How are they?
00:29:18
Speaker
um Ask questions about the training, about what to do if there's something that goes wrong, all the things. um If one saintly teacher is juggling like 10 toddlers solo, i would run.
00:29:33
Speaker
Uh, it's probably, and well maybe, maybe stay and offer that teacher like a glass of wine. Uh, but yeah, that's, that's not, not something I would want to see. Um, ask about how they handle feeding, napping and diapering for infants. You can ask about, you know, breast milk or formula storage, feeding schedules. Like, do you need to get them on the same schedule or a different schedule? Or can you say this is when they ate when you dropped them off?
00:29:58
Speaker
things like that. um Safe sleep practices are so critical. Do they follow um safe sleep guidelines for naps? um You know, making sure that they have cribs with no pillows or blankets.
00:30:10
Speaker
ah For toddlers, ask about the nap routine and how they help kids wind down. a huge, huge green flag for me would say, would be if they said something about, you know, we do lots of sensory focused activities before nap time, not just, you know, we feed them and then put them down. But like, for example, you might think we don't want to wind them up, but a lot of um our work with OTs shows us like it's good to do something really stimulating right before going to sleep because that helps us get regulated.
00:30:42
Speaker
um Ask about the sick child policy. Think about your work needs um and what is their sick child policy? Of course, we don't want to send kids sick kids in, but Is it like any boogers stay home?
00:30:55
Speaker
Because you're going staying home from work a lot. ah But a good center has really clear rules. ah Fevers, vomiting means a child stays home. I know it's inconvenient, but it's necessary to keep everyone healthy.
00:31:08
Speaker
If they're lax, you know, again, think about your values. Maybe they say, oh, we let the kids stay unless they're really, really sick. We don't want parents to have to call off work. Maybe that's exactly what you want to hear.
00:31:20
Speaker
Maybe that's something you don't want to hear. So um just think about, are you prepared for new germs coming home often? ah That's kind of like, you can't really avoid that. But um ask how they handle medications if needed for your family or minor injuries or actually just medications in general. Like, do they say, oh, they're tealing the teething, we're going to give them ibuprofen. Do they do that if you ask?
00:31:44
Speaker
ah Do they do that if you don't ask? Things like that. And then like minor injury stuff is the staff. how much how How many people on staff are CPR and first aid certified?
00:31:56
Speaker
All these things. But again, these might be the ones that you send in an email. um This one I would ask in
Effective Communication with Daycare Providers
00:32:02
Speaker
person. How do you communicate with parents? Like will you get daily updates or app updates?
00:32:09
Speaker
About naps and bottles and diaper changes, many quality daycares use an app to send photos. Like Penelope drank four ounces at 1030 and had a diaper change at 11.
00:32:20
Speaker
Here's a picture of her smiling during tummy time. You want open communication and quick notification of any issues. If they say something like, we'll call you if something is wrong, otherwise no news is good news, you might feel a bit out of the loop.
00:32:37
Speaker
um I mean, really, really bonus would be if they say, we how do you like to be communicated with? Because we can send you daily updates, but if you feel like it's going to be too hard to be away and get that many updates, we can just do two updates. You know, I've seen this happen on a couple of tours, and I think that's a really nice touch.
00:32:53
Speaker
Of course, so extra, extra work for the teacher and the school, but really, really nice touch. And then I would ask about the daily routine. Even infants benefit from some routine. So asking what a typical day looks like. Is there time for free play or outdoor strolls? Or are they reading aloud to them? And how do they choose their books? And what songs do they sing? And will they share the songs that they sing so that it can feel consistent with the songs you're singing to them at home?
00:33:20
Speaker
and all that stuff. Will the toddlers do messy play? Should I send them in messy clothes? um What if they don't like messy play? How do they still get to participate in the arts and crafts?
00:33:32
Speaker
um We want to see a mix of stimulating activities and rest and independent play too. And then of course, you know, I'm going to love ah this one, this question, how do you handle behavior and discipline, especially for toddlers?
00:33:46
Speaker
I personally don't love a timeout because toddlers are learning how to self-regulate through regulating with us. Like they, until they're six months old, babies think that they're still part of their mother. Like there's, and I know I might lose some people in this, but So pulling them away from you, disconnecting them from the safety is not a good way to discipline them. That doesn't mean we just let them hit, but removing the safety of a caregiver from a child to isolate them is not something that I would recommend.
00:34:23
Speaker
So um toddlers are always biting, hitting, tantrums. Their negotiation skills are still being refined. Even some adults are. ah But a great caregiver will use positive guidance like redirection, um responsive teaching,
00:34:42
Speaker
um ah is very similar to gentle parenting but sturdy. That means there's boundaries, but we don't have negative reinforcement. and So ask, if my toddler hits another kid, how do you respond?
00:34:59
Speaker
The answer should involve things like redirection, teaching gentle behavior, and maybe simple time-ins, but never shaming, time-out, or yelling. We don't want to see that. And then, can parents drop in unannounced?
00:35:13
Speaker
This one's big. If the provider does not allow you to pop in and check on your child at any time, that's like a serious red flag. I'm not saying you should pop in anytime, but to not allow it is interesting, right?
00:35:28
Speaker
um Good daycares have an open door policy for parents. Of course, you don't want to drop in daily and disrupt the class. You know how your child is. But knowing you could the reassuring piece for me.
00:35:42
Speaker
And of course, let's cover the basics, hours, holidays, fees, vacation policy, backup plan if a caregiver is sick. um Like at the center, they often will have floaters or substitutes at a home daycare, ask what they do if the provider is sick.
00:35:58
Speaker
ah Do they have an assistant? Do they have, or do you need to have alternative care if they're sick? ah I know by the end of these questions, the staff is probably going to be sweating, but any quality daycare, caregiver,
00:36:11
Speaker
is going to understand where your parent, where are the parents' questions come from, where your questions come from. they come from love and they should happily answer. Um, okay. going to breeze through this, uh, next part.
00:36:25
Speaker
Um, I would say going to breeze through ah the next, uh, the questions I would ask at elementary school, because that's kind of a, those questions can go for all ages, but,
00:36:37
Speaker
One thing to note for daycares,
Home vs. Center-Based Daycares
00:36:39
Speaker
whether it's home daycare or ah center, ah is okay home-based daycare is often in someone's home, often called a family daycare, and um neither is inherently better. They're just different flavors.
00:36:55
Speaker
So focus on the individual program's quality rather than the category Um, home-based daycare is sort of like dropping your child off at a relative's house, uh, who also happens to be CPR certified and runs a very tight ship.
00:37:12
Speaker
Um, and home daycares usually offer smaller groups, mixed ages, and a more cozy home-like vibe. and The ratios are often smaller, there's more individual attention, and your baby might get a consistent second family feel.
00:37:28
Speaker
um Fewer kids can mean fewer germs and also a closer bond with the caregiver. ah They may be a bit more flexible with schedules and slightly less expensive. Some cons would be ah that you might be out of luck if the caregiver is sick or if they're on vacation.
00:37:47
Speaker
um They might not be licensed, but check your if your state requires it. And also check references diligently. ask oh Also, ask either centers or home daycares for references of people that go there or went there.
00:38:05
Speaker
um And also, you know, other thing about home daycare, like they might have pets, they might have TV on, other things that you might want to know about. ah Centered-based daycare is a more structured setting, often with multiple classrooms divided by age, like an infant room, a toddler room, and lots of staff members. So that's a safety plus.
00:38:26
Speaker
ah They're guaranteed licensing and inspections. So centers have to meet state health and safety standards. Um, and they often have a more standardized curriculum or routine, which doesn't necessarily mean that it's better.
00:38:40
Speaker
Um, well, gosh, this episode, I want to make 20 hours long because now I want to talk about curriculum and preschool. Uh, but anyway, I'm going to breeze through these questions and then just do the next episode, I guess.
00:38:53
Speaker
Um, And coverage, there's coverage at your center. If a teacher is out, they'll have a sub. You won't be the one scrambling. um There's usually a director or admin that you can call if there's an issue.
00:39:04
Speaker
um Sometimes it can feel more institutional. ah There are probably more kids. So your baby might be one of four infants in a room rather than like if it's a home setting, it might be like two toddlers and an infant.
00:39:16
Speaker
ah With bigger groups, there's more chance of getting more colds. Et cetera, et cetera. There's also might be more turnover um in ah in a center. ah people are Some people, not all, but some are doing you know like interim jobs, working at a daycare center. So getting attached, your child getting attached might be a little, um there might you know there might they might go through a couple of teachers that year.
00:39:48
Speaker
Okay, so what matters more than the fancy playground, or Pinterest-worthy artwork, love, and engagement.
Essential Elements of Child Development
00:39:57
Speaker
Seriously, you could drop your baby in a room with $5,000 worth of Montessori wooden toys or a room with a bunch of Tupperware and wooden spoons, and they're going to get the same experience.
00:40:10
Speaker
It's the interaction with the caregiver that makes the difference. So look at how the staff interacts with the children. Look and ask about how the staff get supported in child development, understanding and research.
00:40:26
Speaker
It's not about what toys are brought in. Babies can learn just as much with a fancy, expensive toy as they can with a roll of toilet paper. um Look at how the staff sing songs. Are they down on the floor playing peekaboo, making goofy faces and singing rhyming songs, because that is a gold star.
00:40:44
Speaker
A sparkling new playground is nice. Sure, i love a good slide. Don't get me wrong. I'm the queen of having a very nice aesthetic. you If you've ever been to the Big City Readers in person, you know I really value it being cute.
00:40:59
Speaker
um But a caring teacher who will comfort your child or celebrate their first steps enthusiastically is priceless.
00:41:10
Speaker
So don't let a posh facility charm you if the warmth is missing. um But also think about if it's like slightly dated, ah maybe you could be a part of raising money to upgrade that facility.
00:41:26
Speaker
So the quality of the play and the language development, songs, books, support, is what matters for your child's development, not the fancy materials, especially in the first few years.
00:41:40
Speaker
So if your caregivers are reading and singing and responding, that's what you want to see. Okay, let's talk quickly about socialization. Is it necessary for babies and toddlers?
00:41:51
Speaker
Oh, the million dollar question. And my friend, Michelle Cherrier, Babies and Brains, there's a podcast episode with her. So you can listen to that one here. Look it up, play on words, Babies and Brains.
00:42:03
Speaker
She talks a lot about this. ah She is an infant mental health specialist and has worked with a huge population of families and ah babies. But this is a million dollar question. And if you really want to dive down this rabbit hole further, reach out to her.
00:42:20
Speaker
But does my six month old really need to make friends? So but for infants, socialization with other babies is a bonus, but not a must. At this age, you and other loving adults are your baby's main social need. So babies aren't k needing organized playdates.
00:42:40
Speaker
um They're not swapping snack recipes. They're mostly just observing the world and bonding with caregivers. They're learning who they are They're building secure attachment from those bonds. So research suggests that children don't really need interactive play with peers until around two or three.
00:42:57
Speaker
And my friend Michelle says this school is not the only place that you can get that interaction with your peers. So if you're agonizing over if you're nine month old, isn't it a baby yoga class making friends? Don't worry about it.
00:43:11
Speaker
What they need is warmth, face to face time, language, that doesn't mean like baby language, it just means like kind of talking to your baby, up cuddles, and a bit of a routine.
00:43:22
Speaker
A daycare can provide those things, plus a chance to see other babies, which can be stimulating, but it's not developmentally necessary that an infant be around a bunch of other infants. um In other words, your baby won't become a friendless hermit if they don't attend daycare or have a nanny share.
00:43:41
Speaker
Socialization at this stage is more about getting them used to different sights and sounds and people around them. For toddlers, like one to two years old, they do start to notice each other.
00:43:52
Speaker
So um they may not play together yet. They do a lot of parallel play where kids are side by side without a ton of interaction. And that's really good. That's really important.
00:44:03
Speaker
But again, they they don't need to go to daycare to do that. You could have a friend over, you could have a play date, you can do this at the park. like Parallel play often happens naturally with strangers at the park. um So you know like your toddler might see another kid throw a ball and think, hey, I have a ball, I can throw it too.
00:44:20
Speaker
ah That's how they start to learn these skills. Or they watch um you know another toddler pat a baby doll, and then they mimic patting the baby doll. It's practice for later social skills too. They're mirroring.
00:44:33
Speaker
um So toddler socialization is nice to have, but it also can be achieved not at a daycare. It can be just in a park or a play group. um So don't buy into the hype that your 18 month old has to have formal program to develop social skills or language skills.
00:44:47
Speaker
You can build your language skills with your child at home. um And it's okay if they're at home with a grandparent or a babysitter, just make sure you're providing opportunities to explore new environments, maybe story time at the library, building language skills. Hello, plug four. This is what a lot of people do. They have their nanny take my baby or toddler class and then just replicate it with their baby um during their days that they have the nanny. So they're doing all the language explosion activities.
00:45:14
Speaker
um And then they socialize, you know, with one other baby. Great. um In short, daycare at this age is more for the parents' need, like work and sanity and the child's safety.
Daycare Suitability and Red Flags
00:45:27
Speaker
ah And that's great. So keep that in mind. I give you permission to do whatever works for you. And it might look different than what works for your friends.
00:45:38
Speaker
So keep your eyes and ears and gut open. These are, I'm going to, I'm going to end this. I guess we're just doing daycare today. I'm going to do another episode for elementary school. These are the red flags that I think that you should look out for.
00:45:54
Speaker
Do the caregivers seem stressed, unengaged, or harsh? If you witness a teacher ignoring a crying baby or speaking in a frustrated tone, that's not really great. Of course, remember, we can have repair. We can work through these things, but you don't really want to witness that when you're touring.
00:46:12
Speaker
Babies need a lot of patience, so we don't want to see an angry vibe. um Babies don't really understand words yet. They're understanding tone and energy, so Keep that in mind. too um Safety and cleanliness.
00:46:26
Speaker
We don't want to see dirty floors, choking hazards, unsafe sleep setups. Those would be red flags. um Too many children, not enough supervision.
00:46:38
Speaker
Red flag. um Lack of transparency or communication. If the staff seems annoyed by your questions or you get the vibe that they're trying to sidestep it, no, that's a big no for me.
00:46:49
Speaker
um If the director dodges the questions about licensing or won't let you see certain areas, big red flag. um Or if you can't stop by unannounced, very no, no, no.
00:47:01
Speaker
um And if your gut doesn't feel right, there you go. That's your red flag. Green flags. Yes, please. Happy kids, warm interactions, clean, safe, kid-friendly space, knowledgeable, stable staff, balanced schedule, engaged kids, positive discipline, happy atmosphere.
00:47:19
Speaker
Instead of timeouts, you're seeing time-ins, you're seeing language, you're hearing language. Like we use gentle hands, okay, Aiden? We want to see positive um positive connections on these two.
00:47:35
Speaker
So you will know in your heart when you found a safe place, a safe second home that is for your child. And once your baby excitedly ah reaches for their daycare teacher at drop-off, you will know that all of this stress that you felt and all these questions led you to this moment and you made the right choice.
00:47:58
Speaker
um And also don't worry if they do give you ah koala death grip every morning at the beginning. ah Although I will say ah good daycare should let you transition with your child, not just they shouldn't say let them scream and hand them off.
00:48:14
Speaker
So final thoughts. Those are my final thoughts. um And I'm going to do another one for elementary school. So um I hope this is helpful, whether you're Alex Bennett or a family just trying to decide what to do about daycare for your baby.
00:48:29
Speaker
Please let me know. Email me, message me on Instagram, Big City Readers. um If you have any questions, I love to help in any way that I can. And if I can't answer them, I will direct you toward one of my fabulous friends and um who is an expert in this. i I literally feel so blessed to have so many expert friends, occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech therapists, family therapists, principals of schools, daycare directors, pediatricians, sleep experts, ah infant mental health experts. i
00:49:03
Speaker
have the coolest friends. So if you feel like you need more support in any of these areas, please reach out. And if I can't help you, I will direct you to the person that can. Okay, thanks for listening, you guys, and I will see you next time.