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#125 - Mathew Middlemass | Mental Health - Comparison
26 Plays1 day ago
Mat Middlemass, a diverse people professional from London. Having worked within the people space for 18 years, Mat is passionate about people, development, DE & I and wellbeing.
Shownotes
00:00 - Intro & Context
03:19 Trends in Mental Health Awareness
06:01 The Impact of Social Media
09:37 Finding Balance in a Digital World
12:25 Implementing Boundaries with Technology
18:25 The Reality of Comparison
28:13 Practical Tips for Mental Well-being
Links
Guest Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mathew-middlemass-b8a297121/
Yeliz Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yeliz-castillo/
Yeliz e-mail: yeliz.castillo@pplwise.com
pplwise: https://pplwise.com/
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Transcript
Opening Greetings and Weather Chat
00:00:07
Speaker
Hi, Matt. Hi, Liz. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you? Yeah, I'm good on this grey, rainy UK day.
00:00:19
Speaker
ah You too. We had such good weather so far and today is the day, but it's okay. You know, we have our inner sunshine. Yeah, exactly that. And the plants need it Let's think about plants and we'll think about
Excitement for Mental Health Topic
00:00:31
Speaker
nature. And obviously back to to duties as normal, um hopefully in a couple of days' time, back to summer.
00:00:37
Speaker
ah Exactly. Well, so nice to have you. Thank you for being here. i am going to start off by saying that it's lovely that we get to do this. We have worked together before.
00:00:50
Speaker
yes we have. and I'm really excited about this topic that we will be talking about today because I know you're very passionate about it. And I have watched you being m such a good role model within that as well, back in our days at ASOS.
Understanding Mental Health
00:01:08
Speaker
So yeah, I will start off and without um saying much more about why mental health is so important to you.
00:01:18
Speaker
I think it's so important because we all have mental health, right? And this is what people forget. I think it's really easy to think that mental health is just associated with mental health conditions or people who maybe are going through a different difficult period in their life. But actually it's more than that.
00:01:36
Speaker
We all have mental health and we all have kind of varying degrees of mental health, if that makes sense. um So there'll be times that we are all feeling great and there'll be times that we're not feeling so great. And that can be due to kind of environmental impacts. It can be due to kind of a difficult period in your life, whether it's a life event um or it can just be um some bit kind of like biological.
00:02:03
Speaker
um So kind of chemical imbalances. There's a number of different kind of factors that play into it. and But I think it's really easy to see it as, and just a small group of people who maybe are suffering. But I think everyone suffers to a certain extent. You know, if you have one day when you're worrying about things a little bit or, you know, you're feeling very flat, that is mental health. And I think actually recognizing that um and kind of really kind of leaning into that as a kind of a human race, I think is really important because actually we're butre kind of taking away the stigma um and also normalizing, actually having conversations around mental health.
Workplace Mental Health Stigma
00:02:42
Speaker
Totally. And I think it's also, you know, and there is always the stigma around, you know, when you have mental health problems, you leave them at home, you know, and and when you're at work, you just kind of have to be this perfect persona almost and leave your, you know, whatever issues you have outside of it.
00:03:00
Speaker
And I think this is the problem most of the time, right? Especially now when work, when there is not such a barrier between work and home, anymore, like they used to be obviously with being flexible. I work fully remote, you know, so I know, you know, it's sometimes difficult.
00:03:16
Speaker
So what would you say has been the trend? And I'm not saying trendy as in like, um you know, what what's happening, but like, where do you see the trend within mental health has changed over the last couple of years, maybe even before COVID and after COVID?
00:03:36
Speaker
Um, I think we are in a much better place. I think people kind of recognize the challenges that we all face as a society around mental health.
Progress and Challenges in Mental Health Awareness
00:03:46
Speaker
Um, there's still work to be done for sure. So I think kind of the ah trends and the kind of the way kind of the mental health movement is kind of moving, if you like, um, is is moving in the right direction, I think. And that's really important to know.
00:04:01
Speaker
and But I think also we need to know that actually there's still a lot of work to be done. um You know, when we look at um local governments um and kind of like health providers, whichever territory you're based within, whichever country you're based within, I think it's safe to say that kind of almost all of them are, you know, facing challenges around being able to kind of really lean in to some of the mental health challenges that we face.
00:04:27
Speaker
And I think actually some of that really comes from A history of actually not even speaking or recognizing any kind of the mental health challenges that, you know, we naturally have as humans.
00:04:38
Speaker
um And I think maybe if you think back to like the 80s and 90s, and maybe even the early 2000s, there was so much... and taboo around mental health. You know, if someone was down or anxious or they had maybe what was known as like a mental health condition or kind of like a neurodiverse, like myself, I'm neurodiverse.
Employers and Government Roles in Mental Health
00:04:58
Speaker
And they were kind of really seen as and kind of someone who's got a problem and maybe not mainstream society, but actually, kind of where we are now is we've recognized that actually that's not the case.
00:05:10
Speaker
There is actually a lot of work to be done. We all have accountability. Everyone kind of has their own mental health challenges and actually, you know, really leaning in is and the right place to be. But, you know, there's going to, it's going to take a lot of time for, you kind of health bodies, if you like, to really play catch up and put the right measures in place to support.
00:05:31
Speaker
and Now there's kind of, it's it's kind of a little bit more mainstream. and I guess one of the challenges and one of the things that I think is disappointing is a lot of, I think when I'm talking about the UK government here, for example, and I'm sure there's lots of similar situations in other governments.
00:05:47
Speaker
Um, but they kind of put a lot of the emphasis on employers to really lean in and kind of put measures in place to support their workforce. And I think that's good to a certain extent because employers have a duty of care, but I also don't think it's just employers that should be leaning in.
00:06:04
Speaker
I think obviously the government needs to really kind of step up in terms of the mental health resources and the funding. And I know there's obviously challenges, but, and There needs to be more.
00:06:15
Speaker
and Because I think at the moment, you know, we're looking at kind of a bit of a crisis, I think, in terms of mental health, particularly with young people.
Open Discussions and Modern Stress
00:06:22
Speaker
Totally. What would you say is the reason why this has increased so much or we are in a crisis of mental health?
00:06:31
Speaker
Do you know what? That's such an interesting question. and I think there's a number of different things. I think one is that we're talking about it more. So i think it's always been there. But rather than actually people having to hide away,
00:06:43
Speaker
people are talking about it a little bit more and they're wanting to seek help and they're wanting to go on that journey of self-improvement or you know really taking accountability and responsibility for their own mental health um and i think that's really important um yeah i think it's it's definitely around kind of some of the kind of accountability but i think there's other factors as well um that come into play and i think one of them being social media um And I think that is a lot is a lot to do with comparing yourself to other people through social media um and through kind of different kind of avenues there.
00:07:22
Speaker
um And also, i just think modern day life is stressful. I find it really stressful. and I'm like and always kind of making profound statements like, is this normal? Should we be running from one thing to another?
00:07:37
Speaker
Why are we, why do I always feel under so much pressure? Is everyone else like this or is it just me? um And I think that definitely plays a part in it. I think kind of modern day society is super fast paced. We're living in not just local economy common economies now, we're living in a global economy.
00:07:54
Speaker
there's a lot of pressure to really kind of keep up with kind of social life, ah kind of home life, work life, family life, and to be seen as being successful as well.
00:08:07
Speaker
I think that's ah so true. And I'm guilty of this myself,
Quitting Social Media for Real Life
00:08:11
Speaker
right? Like I have decided back in 2021 that I do not want to be on any social media platforms because of this.
00:08:18
Speaker
Because I really... Amen, don't blame you. Honestly, like I deleted my Instagram. I deleted my like TikTok. but I can't remember if it was really blown up by then there already, but like anything that was really soaking me into a completely different world that didn't exist, right?
00:08:36
Speaker
I just deleted it. The only thing I have now is literally LinkedIn. And even there, right, sometimes you look at people's profiles, you know, and not in the in a envious way, but you just always see what you haven't done yet or what you... Totally.
00:08:49
Speaker
still have to, um you know, achieve or what's still on your list and you're not there yet and all these things, right? Like it's crazy. and and And I really catch myself and I'm trying also to be really um aware of, you know, the the thoughts I sometimes put in my mind or they just come up, you know, without even wanting to, like, I just look at something and then I'm like, oh, wow, I, should you know, I should have been there or ah why am I not there yet? You like, I think also because biologically our brain is you know, a negative and co-partner in in our body, you know, and to try to keep us safe, of course.
00:09:26
Speaker
But it is a challenge. and and i And I also think, like as you said, like young people, i think, suffer even more so because in our time, right, when we were younger, not that we're old now, but when we were a bit younger, when we were growing up, there wasn't such a thing.
00:09:40
Speaker
So you really had the chance to focus on yourself. You get would get inspired by people who did it before you, you know, and and you could look up to them and and it was more like an inspirational thing.
00:09:51
Speaker
I think now the environment has become more like of a a competition almost, you know? Yeah. yeah You come constantly compare yourself. You constantly have a hundred million ah examples online in front of you that this could have been your life or you could have been here or you could have been this, but you're not there yet. Right? and So how do you deal with that on a daily basis?
Reducing Digital Time for Wellbeing
00:10:19
Speaker
Yeah, I, you know, I think that's, yeah, I completely hear all the points you've just made. like i i feel I feel that as well and to my core. um i think I think it's around stepping away from the kind of the digital world.
00:10:33
Speaker
We say that now as we're on a podcast, but, um ah you know, and I think it is around making sure that you're kind of controlling screen time, if you like, because I think back to when I was younger, like to your point earlier,
00:10:46
Speaker
Like I was just out cycling my bike and just kind of out with my friends the whole time. And I think there's something to be said for and ah healthy dopamine hits in your own head, which, you know, when we talk about healthy dopamine, we talk about nature. We talk about laughing with your friends. We talk about...
00:11:03
Speaker
It's happy stuff, you know, just um stuff that's not necessarily, stuff that's more natural, if that makes sense. And then you talk about cheap dopamine hits and that is the social media side of things.
00:11:14
Speaker
That is like, to your point earlier, it's posting something and getting loads of likes, which is cheap. it's it It comes quickly and it goes quickly. And i think... you know kind of That is addictive in itself. um And you know you can get kind of wrapped into this kind of like digital world, which isn't necessarily the real world.
00:11:33
Speaker
And I think that is a problem. I think you know making sure that you know we're really nurturing our young people, making sure they're stepping away from and kind of social media or kind of just digital, like gaming, whatever is.
00:11:46
Speaker
And actually kind of living in the real world and being out in nature will really kind of help to train their brain to be able to produce dopamine for the stuff that matters, so the stuff that's natural, rather than actually, you know, kind of feel like you need to kind of get these dopamine hits from social media, which is cheap and addictive, I think.
00:12:04
Speaker
Yeah, so addictive. I mean, i sometimes catch myself, you know, even on LinkedIn to scroll and scroll. Yeah, and yeah. And then it's like, oh my God, like half an hour, an hour gone.
00:12:18
Speaker
Right. And I could have been so productive in that meantime, but no. Totally. are yeah and And you don't even realize like how it, how much it consumes you. And I think these boundaries...
Managing Screen Time Effectively
00:12:30
Speaker
are so difficult to implement because as you said, like, you know, we're sitting here now having a remote digital podcast, right? ah My work is fully remote. Like I'm constantly on a laptop, constantly, you know, i work on LinkedIn as well.
00:12:43
Speaker
And I'm sure it's the same for you, right? Or like even if have a quick break, then you just, you know, want to get your brain out of work maybe or distract yourself. What you do, you take your phone and just scroll just like, you know, aimlessly almost.
00:12:58
Speaker
what so What would you say are good ways, or maybe you do that as well yourself, um ah good ways to to implement boundaries?
00:13:09
Speaker
You know, still work in it and use it, but have a boundary. Yeah, I mean, this is easier said than done, but I'm quite good at giving advice, not necessarily taking it myself. But and I think there's a few different things. I think at the end of the day, when I've been kind of on my laptop all day and working, I tried to get out for a walk.
00:13:33
Speaker
um and I think that's really important because it kind of signals the end of the day for me I'm like that's it I'm not doing anything more work-wise and actually you know when the weather's lovely that's great and when the weather's not so nice not as easy but you know I think actually just breaking it up and kind of getting out in nature kind of trying to really uh reconnect and actually not go on your phone when you're on that walk as well think it's really easy to be you know I see it you know, all the time around me, like going going on walks with friends or other people walking and then they're just on their phone. It's like, you might well just get home.
00:14:05
Speaker
You should just really be present and taking that surroundings. Like, look at it, like, it's going to sound really hippie now. I'm a little bit of hippie, but I look at the trees and just take in and look at nature and kind of really just think, my God, this is crazy. Like, we're one little small person in this whole universe, this whole kind of grand universe is there. And it kind of puts everything into perspective, I think. um So I think it's that.
00:14:26
Speaker
I think it's being strict with yourself in terms of saying, actually, that's enough now. I'm not going to sit there and scroll. And to your point earlier, that scrolling and scrolling is something I do sometimes.
00:14:37
Speaker
And I've had therapy, as a lot of people have, and I think it's great. I think that's another important thing. same and But they call that doom scrolling. And doom scrolling is as something where you just scroll through social media until you find something you don't like.
00:14:51
Speaker
or until you find something that upsets you or annoys you in a lot of cases. And actually, if you think back the most of the times that you're on social media, yeah, some people just stop if they get interrupted or whatever, but there's a lot of people that just scroll until they see something that's annoyed them or made them feel rubbish about themselves. And then they at that point, they're like, oh, i'm not doing this anymore. Put it down.
00:15:10
Speaker
But that's too late. Yeah. By that point, you've already done that. You've impacted your own mood. So it's actually making sure that you kind of don't get into that situation. um And also to your point as well, as taking breaks from social media.
00:15:21
Speaker
So sometimes I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed or think, oh God, I'm a little bit kind of, to in the social media world, I will just delete my apps. And I'll take time off a month off or for whatever, two weeks, even even a week.
00:15:34
Speaker
And actually, it really makes a difference. yeah um And also not just scrolling as soon you get up in the morning. It's so easy just to wake up, your alarm goes off, you kind of come to and then you just onto your phone, you go onto Instagram, you scroll through stories, you start looking at what everyone's been up to you because you're nosy or whatever.
00:15:52
Speaker
Doing that first thing in the morning is not great. It's good to get up in the morning, you know go down have your coffee have a minute away and really take some time to collect your thoughts and have a think about what you want to achieve in that day but again that is easier said than done but i think trying to do that or at least be mindful of that is a step in the right direction totally to the point where you said taking your phone and you know first thing in the morning and scrolling actually heard this um and had this conversation with my husband the other day where
00:16:24
Speaker
You know, someone, I think it was Mel Robbins. I don't know if you know her. I think she said that once. It's like... Oh, yes, I do know her. Yeah. Taking your phone in the first thing in the morning is like, and scrolling through social media is like letting 20 people come into your room and talk at you.
00:16:39
Speaker
That's literally how your brain apparently feels. Totally. Overloaded. It's just waking up and you're just like overloading it with information and also unnecessary information, right? Like it's not... Yeah. think that you really need to see or you know, doesn't add any value to you.
00:16:54
Speaker
So, and that always sticks to my mind where I catch myself sometimes, you know, to to have and just a quick look or i just want to check a message or whatever and then I'm already in it.
00:17:05
Speaker
And this is why now I started implementing to not have my phone in my room. So I sleep literally
Digital Dependency and Memory Impact
00:17:10
Speaker
with my, am like with no technology in the room and we have all our phones and whatever,
00:17:16
Speaker
in in the office and also in the morning when you then hear the alarm you have to actually wake up physically and you have to give the room to turn it off and and that really helps so this is definitely one thing I do um but obviously still it's it's very very um difficult to implement that self-discipline sometimes because it's so easy and so comfortable, right? Just staying in bed and scroll. Yeah, exactly. And my alarm is on my phone.
00:17:43
Speaker
So you're right. Maybe it's actually reminding things and actually bringing it back to the old school. and We've got a little alarm clock. And something that's kind of a little bit different and actually removing yourself because we live so much of our lives through our phones. Like everything for me is on my phone. like and My banking's on my phone. Like my, you know, social media is there. My alarm's on my phone. I have reminders on my phones. My emails are on my phones. My messages, you know, it's crazy you really, to be honest.
00:18:07
Speaker
Everything. It's crazy how, you know, like forget social media. I think even the the fact that we're addicted to our phones, like, like, honestly, it's almost like I wouldn't be able to function fully without it because everything is on it.
00:18:20
Speaker
And everything I need, whether that's a, I don't know, a password to something or, you know, I don't know, like a note or and a reminder or a birthday or whatever, it's like on there.
00:18:34
Speaker
ah Back in the day, I remember when I was younger, I used to know the the the numbers of the closest people around me. Yeah, same. I still remember them. Yeah, exactly. I still remember those two, but that's it. I have not learned any other numbers. No, i know.
00:18:48
Speaker
Since then, because it's so easy, isn't it? Like there is nothing else for your brain really. um to to to keep all those things. And I think this is also an issue that we become, you know, it's almost like society makes us dependent on it.
00:19:03
Speaker
So we really fall into this consumer um behavior, you know, we're like ima like left, right and center, whether we're consuming things online with the phone or even taking the phone to consume things out. Like I also need my phone now to pay things. Like I don't know, last time I had something cash, you everything is digitally, has its benefits for for sure, but also of course it's downside. So yeah, but getting back to your point and with comparison,
00:19:39
Speaker
um Can i ask you, if if if you want to share, but would you say, and I think this might help anyone who listens to it, is there anything specific specific that you compare yourself to or where you look at things and you feel like, hey, is that just me, you know, or why am I not there? And I'm asking deliberately because I think sometimes what happens a lot is that we think it's just us and we just have that problem and everyone else has it all sorted and, you know, has it all, but it's just me.
00:20:12
Speaker
You know, so I'd like to share the both, like from the both of us, and things that we compare ourselves to or it's a bit vulnerable, but
Comparisons and Contextual Awareness
00:20:21
Speaker
hey. yeah no no it's fine i'm happy to share um so i think for me it's career so you know when you look at kind of like your former colleagues or former uni uh students who are your peers and your friends and you look at some of their job titles or their careers it's easy to think oh god am i behind where i should be but you know the long and short of it is is
00:20:47
Speaker
as my friend often says to me, paddle your own canoe. So make your own decisions um and actually live your life at your own pace. But also don't forget that actually, you know, say if I'm a head of talent management, for example, for kind of a large successful business,
00:21:05
Speaker
But, you know, so there's a lot of people I see, God, they're directors or they're exec directors at my age or kind of. But actually, you know, you can't compare each role because actually that could be in a much smaller organization.
00:21:17
Speaker
So actually don't always kind of believe that. and having the forefront in your mind, obviously what you see on LinkedIn or kind of socials or whatever, because actually that you know you're not comparing apples for apples, if you like, so to speak.
00:21:33
Speaker
and You're actually potentially comparing yourself to someone you have no idea of kind of their situation, what their day-to-day role looks like, kind of their background, or even what they've done to get there either.
00:21:44
Speaker
and So I think it's kind of really realized that actually everyone's situation is unique. So to compare yourself to somebody who maybe is living a completely different life to you and is working a completely different business in a completely different role is probably not the right thing to do.
00:22:01
Speaker
ah So it's kind of, it's it's that for me and and kind of that. And also the kind of comparing of body image as well is something that's very much... Something that falls front of my mind. I go to the gym a lot. It's kind of, I love going to the gym because for me, it makes me feel good.
00:22:18
Speaker
But, you know, sometimes you see other people on social media and like, God, how'd you get that body? god That is like crazy. Yeah. But, you know, a lot of those individuals, you know, are individuals who that's their job.
00:22:31
Speaker
They're a personal trainer. So they eat a certain diet. They restrict themselves in this, you know, to a certain extent. um And they work out in the gym like all day, every day. And that's what they do for their career. So, of course, their body is going to be amazing and in comparison to someone who has to work at an office desk or whatever.
00:22:51
Speaker
And so and it's about being mindful that as well. But it's very easy to, you know, kind of compare yourself um and look and think, you know, i I should be at this place in my career. But you're comparing yourself to someone who's just career focused, if that makes sense.
00:23:06
Speaker
Or I should have an amazing body, but you're comparing yourself to someone who's a fitness instructor. you really need to like think about actually all of the different layers that fit into your life. And because obviously we have kind of the socials and that side of things, you see these people and they're put on a kind of a platform too. But the reason they're put on a platform is because they are at the top of their game.
00:23:26
Speaker
But it's very easy for us to compare and be like, oh my God, like I'm like nothing like them. But actually you're comparing yourself again, not for apples for apples. It's completely like comparing apples for pears, for example.
00:23:38
Speaker
Totally.
Social Media Perfection vs Reality
00:23:39
Speaker
And you know what's funny? Like always, and and and And with all respect to everyone who you know is an influencer of whatever people do online, right? Like if they earn their money, well done to them. Totally, yeah. oh Like im not hating on them at all.
00:23:55
Speaker
But then at the same time, sometimes I think, I don't know one person in real who has that kind of life or that kind of lifestyle or that kind of a relationship or that kind of a success.
00:24:10
Speaker
And I'm talking about just success, right? Like no failure, whatever. Like this just the perfect image, you know, that that you sometimes see and compare yourself to. Honestly, I don't know anyone in my real life who has that.
00:24:25
Speaker
And if if there is someone who's been super successful, i know they they have been struggling, you know. Or if there is someone who has an amazing buddy, I know how they were looking or how they looked two, three or five years ago, you know.
00:24:39
Speaker
So it's like artwork that they put in. Totally. suffering that they went through, but then obviously no one really, i mean, I think that has also become a bit better, right? People do share more now failures and do share more, share more their real story behind their successes.
00:24:54
Speaker
But I think in general, there's always this, almost this desire to showcase a perfect image of yourself. And then like me and you, or like, you know, like everyone, I guess, does that, compares themselves to this perfect picture that's probably not even You know, the truth, sometimes I look at pictures of myself where I know I was mentally not in a good place.
00:25:18
Speaker
But if you would have just looked at the picture of me, you know, you would think, oh my God, perfect. She's super happy or, you know, she's having the best time of her life. But I know in that picture or in that video, I wasn't happy or there was something going on in private life.
00:25:32
Speaker
You know, and then sometimes I think and really try to remind myself of that too, that I do the same. You know, like it's is like you can put it on for a second or, you know, you obviously don't want to share with everyone your whole story either.
00:25:44
Speaker
But I'm guilty of that too sometimes, you know, that I always think to myself, right? You have your privacy. So I think it's really about breaking it down in your head and being realistic about, as you said, what you're comparing yourself to.
00:25:58
Speaker
And, um you know, what you're looking at and what's really the reality of that picture or or success or that level of responsibility or title, whatever it is, right?
00:26:10
Speaker
Because I think we had this conversation before too, right? Where you can be a director, but you might have no team. maybe you Yeah, totally. like You know, and you have the director title, but... Is it a director um really on in in yeah the more you know a company that you work in, for example, or I do? you know So I think there's always um yeah i put like a perspective to everything.
00:26:35
Speaker
and And as you said, like it's so easy to say that you know to other people, but it's important to implement to yourself. So, you know, noted for myself too. one Yeah, 100%. That's exactly it It's actually just about being mindful of that and keeping that in the forefront of your mind.
00:26:51
Speaker
and So that will kind of help you because its it's easy as well for our minds to play tricks on us. I say this to people all the time and I say this to people who are going through a difficult period, you know, when they're If they have an imposter syndrome or they feel like rubbish about themselves for any shape or form, I'd say, you know, this is your mind playing tricks on you. This is, you know, your inner child, if you like, so to, you know, so to speak, or kind of psychology speak, if you like, and saying you're not good enough, you're rubbish, you're this, you're that.
00:27:21
Speaker
But actually, it's about kind of just saying that is not real. And actually, there's a kind of a theory that i have, or that one of my, therapy well, my therapist gave me, um and that is called the compassionate friend theory.
Therapy Techniques for Self-Talk
00:27:37
Speaker
And actually, it really was a game changer for me. um And it was very much a case of i'm when you start saying bad things to yourself or horrible things to yourself in your own mind, like, God, I'm rubbish at my job.
00:27:50
Speaker
Oh, God, people mustn't like me. You have to imagine if you said that to your friend who spoke out loud to your best friend or one of your most caring friends, your best friend doesn't have to be the most caring, you know, we've all different people in our life.
00:28:03
Speaker
What would that friend say to you? And I know that in my situation, my friend would say, don't be so stupid. What are you talking about? You're acting crazy. you're You're not like that. You're like this. You're like that.
00:28:13
Speaker
And actually hearing almost what they would say in your own mind, say that to you, really kind of puts that to bed, if that makes sense. Because you're like, yeah, actually, like I'm not being rational here in what I'm saying to myself.
00:28:25
Speaker
I'm not being kind to myself. My friend is obviously speaking to me in a kind way, but an honest way as well. And that is the way I should be speaking to myself. I 100% agree. I actually do the exact opposite of that and in the way that I always try to be my friend. And I think, okay, if now whatever I'm telling myself, my friend would tell me, what would I say to them?
00:28:46
Speaker
You know? And then I try to apply that. And it's the same principle, isn't it? Yeah. yeah And I try to really implement that and be like, okay, would I say the same thing if my friend would have done something wrong?
00:28:58
Speaker
You know, but i beat them myself and would I beat them down with my words as well and be like, oh my God, you're so rubbish. you know, what was this? You know, whatever, whatever. I wouldn't. I would be really kind and try to support them and motivate them to, you know, get over it and do better next time and learn from whatever they then So it's like really trying to be your own best friend, I guess.
00:29:21
Speaker
Totally. And your friends when they're not there and you can't have maybe a direct conversation. Because sometimes it's also difficult to say the things out loud, right? Like when you think them, it's fine. But when you say them actually out loud, sometimes it's like a bit of and like, I personally feel like that. I feel embarrassed of my thoughts sometimes. when ah clear Am I thinking?
00:29:40
Speaker
You know, what is that? Same. Really inner child. It's really the child in us. So, and yeah.
Kindness and Life's Temporariness
00:29:47
Speaker
So, Matt, what would be your top three tips for someone who goes through a difficult time, maybe has, um you know, the feeling of I'm not good enough and I'm i'm just not there yet.
00:30:04
Speaker
and And maybe compares themselves a lot to someone and really, really feels like, they're not achieving anything. What would you give them as a tip right now? i think firstly, be kind to yourself.
00:30:17
Speaker
Actually focus on actually everything, not just the negative parts. it's very easy for us to focus on some of the things that we think we're falling short on, but actually really focus on the bigger picture. So really take time to actually figure it focus on the really positive aspects of your life or you as an individual.
00:30:35
Speaker
Really take that minute and just kind of run through it in your own head. And I think the second tip for me would be realize that everything's temporary. So if you're going through a difficult part time in your life or you're feeling like a bit of a kind of in a difficult position in general, that is temporary.
00:30:54
Speaker
And actually, and as Winston Churchill said, if you're going through hell, keep on going. Why would you stop in the middle of hell? You wouldn't, right? You wouldn't stop there and stay there. You keep moving forward.
00:31:06
Speaker
So I think that's put that perseverance, that resilience and just focusing on moving forward is really important. And also focusing on what you can do to try and change it. You know, taking that accountability yourself and thinking, and if I'm really unhappy with something, what can I do?
00:31:19
Speaker
If I'm really unhappy in my job, and which a lot of people are, you know, yeah i think a lot of people, you know, get to a Sunday night and they dread their work on a Monday. I've been there before in a previous role, luckily I haven't for my last couple.
00:31:31
Speaker
and But and I think really just then start focusing on actually what can you do to try and change that, like start looking for other jobs, have a think about um kind of what your next steps are and actually use that kind of, some of that kind of nervous or anxious energy to kind of really plow into something else.
00:31:47
Speaker
So you're repurposing that energy. and And then I just think, um just be, yeah, take some time out for yourself as well. Just do stuff that's going to make you feel good.
00:31:58
Speaker
Be around people that are going to make you feel good. Remove toxic things from your life and kind of just bring it back to basics a little bit. Whether it's going for that walk in nature or just chilling with your friends in the park, just having a laugh, watching a funny film, anything like that. And it sounds really simple, but actually all of that stuff,
00:32:15
Speaker
um over a period in time really contributes to kind of ah a larger impact and positive effect on your life. Totally love that. Thank you so much. i think especially the accountability bit is so important to really um control or change what you can control and everything that you can't. And um yeah, just do whatever you can to, to have a different um outcome of your life taking different decisions than you have before.
00:32:46
Speaker
Thank you so much. me It was lovely speaking to you yeah. yeah Thank you. Very valuable. That's all right. Thank you so much for having me.
Encouragement Through Tough Times
00:32:56
Speaker
And obviously for all of you listening, um kind of all the best. And remember, obviously, if you are going through bit difficult time, um it is temporary.
00:33:05
Speaker
It will get better. So just, you know, stay resilient and persevere. Oh, that's so sweet. i That deserves a heart. Thank you. All right. Cheers. Thanks so much.
00:33:21
Speaker
Bye.