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133. The Week After My Mom Died- with Kendra Rinaldi
79 Plays3 years ago
In this episode I share the audio clip of a FB live I did just a week after my mom died of Pancreatic Cancer. In it I share a few takeaways that I thought may be valuable for someone who is recently experiencing grief as well as for someone who is supporting someone who is grieving.
• The grieving process of a sudden death vs the grieving process of a death by an illness. My sister died in a car accident in 1996 and my mom died 9 months after being diagnosed from Pancreatic Cancer in 2016.
• How our believes about life after death can play a part in our grief journey.
• What to say when someone is grieving.
• Don’t judge your grief or the grief of others. Everyone’s process is unique.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest on the podcast or for coaching:
https://www.griefgratittudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
Understanding Grief: Observations Before Support
00:00:02
Speaker
I wanted to just say that when you encounter somebody who's had a dear one pass away, just maybe first kind of just test the waters, let me put it that way, and then just kind of see how they are feeling and what you perceive of their beliefs in order to maybe know also just how you support them in that process.
Introduction to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between
00:00:33
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:00:56
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:01:18
Speaker
Hello, thank you so much for choosing to tune in to this episode today. I say choosing unless you just came across it. I'm not sure if somebody sent it to you because there's so many options out there and for you to decide to want to take a few minutes to listen to this podcast means the world to me. So thank you
Personal Grief: Kendra's Story
00:01:40
Speaker
for that.
00:01:40
Speaker
I wanted to share that the episode I'll be sharing today is actually a Facebook Live that I did on November 14, 2016 and that was a week after
00:01:59
Speaker
My mom passed away. I recorded this Facebook live just to share with my friends and family where I was in my grief journey. And when I came across it this month, as we were commemorating my mom's sixth anniversary of her passing.
00:02:22
Speaker
I felt that there were lots of different insights I shared there that would be of
00:02:32
Speaker
of service or of use for someone else that may be experiencing grief right now. So I present to you this Facebook Live. I edited a little bit because there were some parts in which I spoke in Spanish or I mentioned things in the comments below, but I basically left it as is and I shared with you today and I want to
00:02:59
Speaker
I want to share this episode in honor of my mom and also in honor of my sister's Rana, who both this year, my mom will, it's six years of her passing and my sister will be 26 years of her passing. So in her memory, I share this episode with you today. Thank you.
00:03:35
Speaker
Morning It's a Monday It's Monday after an extremely Long and emotional week
00:03:56
Speaker
with our family just a week ago today was when our mom passed and there's just been a lot of thoughts going through my head and so I wanted just to kind of share
00:04:14
Speaker
So one, first of all, I want to say thank you because we've just received an amount of, you know, outrageous, outrageous, that sounds like a bad thing, an abundant amount of love and support and prayers through this time. And we really, really greatly appreciate it. By the way, sorry, my eyes are puffy, my still haven't showered, but I still just wanted to kind of just jump in here while I take a little break from making calls.
00:04:43
Speaker
So a lot of calls you have to make when somebody passes and stuff and just kind of give information and cancel accounts and things like that. So taking a little bit of a break here, but... Oh, let me just wait till the airplane goes by. Okay.
Varied Grief Processes: Circumstances and Beliefs
00:05:04
Speaker
What I've been thinking and reflecting, because after conversations and stuff, also with my brother yesterday and just kind of talking, is one, the difference in how every individual or every situation in which somebody passes and the difference in how it is taken, the healing process that goes in with each scenario is just different.
00:05:34
Speaker
My point of comparison is just the one with our sister who passed, this December will be 20 years since Serana's passing. Her death was sudden, her death was a car accident, it was something unexpected. So our grieving process started that moment that she, you know, that we were informed. With our mom,
00:05:57
Speaker
that grieving process started the moment she was diagnosed of a terminal pancreatic cancer in February.
00:06:07
Speaker
in that moment is that we started that healing and that acceptance and that back and forth of anger and of you know the why us the all those kind of things might have started is then so if you see like a little bit of a different way of us maybe
00:06:29
Speaker
Handling this and maybe you expect just know that it's that we've been kind of doing this process just for quite a few months already That's one thing somebody else asked in one of the comments that how do we do this? honestly, I I do not know I
00:06:50
Speaker
what we would do if it wasn't because of the beauty of the Baha'i writings in which we've grown up with that have instilled in us that certainty that death is just the beginning really of that spirit well not the beginning but it's a continuation of that spiritual journey which in this world we've had this
00:07:16
Speaker
physical life to be able to gain some virtues and grow as individuals and create an impact in this world. And then our spiritual journey just continues in just spiritual worlds of God. And so to have that belief
00:07:34
Speaker
has also been a bomb as well for our souls because it creates that that faith of knowing that that death is not the end that it is truly just another form of life that we are not completely aware of to its entirety. So with that said it's um
00:08:00
Speaker
It's just interesting because every person, every culture, every religious belief just might have a little bit different belief of what they see in death. And again, every situation is so different and how
00:08:16
Speaker
how we interpret a way of a person dealing with death based on our own perceptions and our own beliefs. Maybe there's a form of judgment to some extent because we kind of maybe see it in a little bit different light than somebody else.
00:08:38
Speaker
But I wanted to just say that when you encounter somebody who's had a dear one pass away, just maybe first kind of just test the waters, let me put it that way, and then just kind of see how they are feeling and what you perceive of their beliefs in order to maybe know also just how you support them in that process.
00:09:07
Speaker
Some of us, you know, and I know I'm one of those, I'm always wanting to give guidance for when somebody has lost a loved one physically, you know, that they've passed on. I'm just saying really the one thing that I know for sure is that you kind of have to live each emotion as it comes and just embrace every emotion as it comes.
00:09:28
Speaker
Because the moment that we kind of shut down our emotions and not allow ourselves to just feel them, it ends up kind of bottling up and then that's when there's just more internal turmoil and it may take longer for that healing process.
00:09:44
Speaker
Tears are part of that journey. Tears are part of that journey. Anger can be part of that journey. Resentment can be part of that journey. There's so many different facets of what goes through with loss.
00:10:00
Speaker
But I can say that for one of the emotions I feel right now, I can only say personally, but I know that this goes along what my siblings and my father feel as well. It's just such a sense of relief that she is no longer in pain, that it just brings such calm to us knowing that she's just resting in peace really.
00:10:23
Speaker
and again very different scenario than when my sister passed who was only 18 at the time and it was sudden and she still you know you kind of still feel like wow there's so much ahead and you were not prepared mentally to kind of go through that it's a different process so every death and it has a different grieving process and every dynamics of the family
00:10:46
Speaker
every you know including those religious beliefs and things like that that kind of intertwine there as of how a person may interpret this.
00:10:58
Speaker
You know death in their life is different so I just kind of wanted to share that and then just kind of have that into account when you encounter somebody else that has Somebody pass in their family this to kind of see okay. Where are they coming from? Is this somebody that needs me to say Comfort them by saying I am so sorry for your loss Is this somebody that maybe just needs to know just know that our prayers are with you? Is this somebody that would find comfort in?
00:11:26
Speaker
in knowing that we're grieving with them, that, oh, why did this have to happen? I don't know. Everybody is different and may need something different. For us, it's definitely been comfort knowing that we were getting so much love and that my mom was loved by so many and the amount of support and the prayers that have also aided us to be in this serene and acceptance kind of mode. So that's kind of what I wanted to share and
00:11:56
Speaker
and just send off there to the world. Hopefully something of what I'm saying may click with you and you may take on for a next experience. And again, thank you for all of those of you that have supported us in this process. Big hug. Live every life.
Living Fully: Embracing Life and Love
00:12:18
Speaker
live every life, live every day fully, whatever that may be. Today, my living fully meant I did take a very long nap after I dropped off the kids from school.
00:12:31
Speaker
that is something I needed to do because I need to recover my energies and everything that have been full on the past week. I needed that. But sending you all love and just be as close as you can to all those you love because you really truly do not know when it is that they'll take their last breath.
00:12:56
Speaker
and that you'll just have to express that love to them in a different way and you have to be prepared for that moment really with anybody because we don't know when it is. Love you all. Bye.
00:13:18
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:13:47
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.