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S1 Ep. 25: Finding Where You Want to Be
46 Plays2 months ago
In this episode, I dive into the tough question I was recently asked: "Where do you want to be?" I reflect on how embracing new adventures and the emotions they evoke has led me to places and experiences I wouldn't have anticipated. I share the story of finding myself in a new Tennessee church, so different from the Utah Mormon one I grew up attending and how different doesn't mean wrong. I emphasize the beauty of stepping out of our comfort zones, facing dears, and pursuing new experiences to enrich our lives. I hope to encourage you to reflect on your own path and take bold steps toward where you truly want to be. Remember, "The highs and the lows and the no's are only gonna make you strong."
Alexa, play "Life Rolls On" by Florida Georgia Line.
Transcript
00:00:01
heatherdyann
Every new experience brought us to where we are right now. But where what do you want to be? Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here.
00:00:23
heatherdyann
Well, I'll start this by saying it's a tough question. Where do you want to be? I recently started therapy again, and my therapist asked me that question. And I wish I had a simple answer. But there's a lot of things I think about being an overthinker. And I think I have a pretty good idea. But it's a hard question because where you want to be also takes a lot of often a lot of changes.
00:01:01
heatherdyann
in your actions and your thoughts, all the things. So it's not always as simple as here's where I want to be.
00:01:10
heatherdyann
I have done a lot of thinking and I started to kind of sit back and just watch the world. So as I sit on the beach in Florida, soaking up how small I feel next to the ocean, how calm the waves make my soul, how the ice cream truck rolling down the beach adds to the experience. I watched, I watched the waves crash in perfect form, whatever that means, or how I defend it or define it. I don't know. But I know it to be true.
00:01:54
heatherdyann
I've catch myself glancing around at the groups of people, making memories together, I think. Memories. And it takes me back to my first memory of the beach. This is my parents taking us and me and my little sister to California. The California beach was my very first time seeing the ocean. And as much as the memory was of the ocean, waves in the sand, and a beach I've never put my feet in before, and my eagerness to find a seashell, I somehow still recall the memory of my parents' faces. It's like they showed both happiness and pride that they'd been able to take their children to sea.
00:02:48
heatherdyann
the beach for the first time. And I know that might sound a little silly, but growing up in Utah, obviously, we're landlocked, there's no beaches. And just for them to be able to take us somewhere new, like that, I think it was just one of those moments where I realized how happy they were to see us so happy. It's strange that even as a child, I picked up on that. Recalling even into myself that not all my friends growing up had been so this was something special my parents did for us. It reminds me as I sit here and listen to the melody of the ocean, that experience or experiences are really what life is all about.
00:03:37
heatherdyann
each moment we have a chance to create a new experience, or give someone that we love or care for that first one of something we know they'd love to do or see. It really is a gift that keeps on giving. And I realized why that's true is because it invokes emotion. And emotions are part of why we remember things in our life. Like that trip to the go grocery store where nothing happened, you probably ominously couldn't even recall the name of the cashier or what happened. But when you're doing something that creates emotion in your life, it's so much easier to remember
00:04:25
heatherdyann
what it was, whether it was joy or laughter, amazement, happiness, comfort, calm, peaceful, I could go on. But those emotions, they bond and build a connection that it's felt much, so much longer than the experience ends.
00:04:46
heatherdyann
It makes me think during all of this, how life is filled with opportunities for experiences all the time, every day. But some of us are so busy waiting for the perfect time to take those opportunities for experiences. when we make this much money, when we finish school, when we get the kids off to whatever the kids would do, but someone that doesn't have children, when I heal, when I have someone to do it with, when I get over this funk, when I leave my job or leave my partner or leave my home state, et cetera. But I realize
00:05:34
heatherdyann
that I had done that so many times before and thought I had to wait for this perfect time. But experiences are worth having at all points in our lives. From days we don't feel like ourselves to moments we wish we could just run away from.
00:05:59
heatherdyann
experiences are kind of what changes that mindset of I don't want to do anything. That's probably when you should go for that new experience more than when you're in the mood for it. Because if you wanted to do something, your emotions can be a side and you'll, you'll likely feel better once you do.
00:06:26
heatherdyann
As I've grown into this adjusting to discomfort, I've become a big advocate for doing it for the plot. And i obviously I couldn't even have been where I am today without doing it for the plot. I mean, I definitely didn't choose to get divorced for the plot, but pretty much everything after that, I would say, yeah, probably.
00:06:57
heatherdyann
And all those experiences, all those times I said yes, when I didn't know the how, what, why, where.
00:07:08
heatherdyann
and That's how I got where I am now. And just as I think this way, I recall stopping and I look up, I'm sitting on the ah on the on the beach and I look up and I see this little boy. No more than five for sure, just running towards the ocean. His dad and his siblings are far behind him, but he's fearlessly chasing a wave and tries to jump over it. And he's laughing and smiling without a fear or a care in the world.
00:07:45
heatherdyann
It reminds me how life was so much simpler when we let go of worry. when we chased things that are scary or could be. In a world that can weigh on your mind your mind down so heavily with the loud repeating what ifs of everyday adulthood, why do we let it and when did we let it? Why do we so often think of life as a problem we have to solve before it's even a problem at all?
00:08:24
heatherdyann
Instead of thinking of it as a process that we build and we fix things along the way. Through my wild mess, I've given myself and others more grace than I ever had.
00:08:41
heatherdyann
I've lost a lot of my ability. I mean, I guess if that's what you want to call it or lack of a better word, but I've lost really the ability to be angry or to meet things with anger very often.
00:08:58
heatherdyann
because I've learned that anger doesn't really fix anything. And fear doesn't get you closer to where you want to be. Letting go of fear and anger just helps make life a lot more enjoyable.
00:09:23
heatherdyann
So as I think about doing things that will be more enjoyable.
00:09:33
heatherdyann
I realize a lot of what makes life enjoyable is the ability to go with the flow. And I've really had to refocus a lot of my mind in life since leaving everything I've always known. It's really wild to think how different things are for me.
00:09:56
heatherdyann
And different, although it can be really uncomfortable, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong or bad. It's just not what you've always known. And really, that's been my whole life since leaving Utah is everything's been new and unknown. Nothing has been predictable, or what I've always known, everything has been so different. And I've learned in so many ways that
00:10:26
heatherdyann
It's okay. I just have to go with it. I'd have faith it'll work out. So I'll tell you a little story about faith since coming and being here in Tennessee. As you know, I grew up Mormon and Utah Mormons are definitely from what I understood, I always heard it's just different there than anywhere else. um And so I've, you know, I still have my spirit, like, i'm I'm very strong in my faith of a lot of things. And so I wanted to, you know, experience what it would be like to see how others worship or what whatever you want to call it. So I went to a church,
00:11:18
heatherdyann
out in Hendersonville, Tennessee, where I live a couple Sundays ago. And again, I'm doing all these things for, I mean, ah a number of reasons, but putting myself in places I've never been is allowing me to be and have experiences I've never had. And as much as I think a lot of myself and many others just stick to the routine and comfort, it's sometimes good to just push ourselves out of that so we can have new experiences because we don't really know what we're missing if we don't try something new. So I attend this church.
00:12:06
heatherdyann
And there's quite a few different churches close to where I live. ah And I'd seen this one in driven past it multiple times. So I thought, okay, let's give it a whirl. So I put on a conservative or ah I would call it conservative or sorry, modest, a modest black dress and heels because that's all I've ever known. You dress up for church, you dress modest. and you go. And I remember feeling out of place. I didn't bring my scriptures with me. And that's a whole other story. But I mean it felt like and if you grew up in Utah, like we have like you carry your your Bible in your Book of Mormon, and you would have this little scripture holder, and ah like that's just what I remember. And I know now that the new world has their phones, but I still feel like it's weird to look at
00:12:59
heatherdyann
It through my phone, you know, I'm a little old school like you want to have the book So I didn't have the books so even that I'm walking in this church I don't even know if anyone's bringing a Bible into this church I have no idea what but I feel awkward that I don't have anything I'm not bringing in scriptures so I walk in and I literally I'm like, is this a carnival? there They're doing some like movie theme for this time. I'm not really sure. And I walk in and there's like popcorn and kids are running around and it's a hole a whole ordeal.
00:13:41
heatherdyann
And I walk in and they kind of direct me to where the um I guess where the it's different words where they're going to have their the service and I they kind of sit me and I was like they're like how many which was interesting because again in the Mormon Church you just kind of walk in and take your seat and it just was different um so I said I say one and she sits me down kind of in the front and I'm I'm looking around
00:14:18
heatherdyann
And I'm like, there's people that have like a drink from the gas station. Uh, I see these women walk in with Starbucks. These kids are eating the popcorn from the the lobby area when you walked in. And I'm just like, so different than my whole experience growing up, going to church, like, I don't even think my mother really ever brought us snacks during
00:14:54
heatherdyann
Um, church, like I don't recall that, like during sacrament and having, you know, we might've had little things to distract us like coloring and blah, but, uh, definitely not like any food. And I've never seen anyone in my time bringing any kind of drink in. I mean, now the water bottle things are a bigger deal, but like a Starbucks never. I mean, Mormons also don't. really well in Utah drinking coffee is not really I didn't grow up drinking coffee. So I can't imagine someone bringing Starbucks into church is all I'm saying. Maybe they didn't do now. I hadn't been in in a while. um But I would tell you probably not. And you know, a guy was wearing flip flops. Can't tell you ever saw that.
00:15:51
heatherdyann
I mean, my dad would dress, you know, i'm fully in very dressed up attire, like button down, collared shirt and tie. So it was very like different for me. And it's not because I was judging like, what is happening? I can't believe this in a bad way. It was just so different than everything I've ever known. And as and and then of course, it's Nashville. So there's all these amazing and talented singers and ah and musicians and so they're playing this really good like golf like
00:16:34
heatherdyann
Christian music insane, just so good. And it's, and and then there's the lyrics on this, like, big board ahead. Like, it's just, it's just such a, like, I don't even know where I was. I felt like churches like this existed in the movies. Like, I remember as a kid seeing sister act and I was like, wow, they're like clapping at church. Yeah. Did not, there's no clapping at church. It's very reverent in my, like there is clapping at church. I'm not saying anything's wrong with that, but Mormons are not clapping at church. So anyways, all this to say it was, it was a very wonderful service and people were clapping and wearing flip flops and drinking Starbucks and eating popcorn and
00:17:20
heatherdyann
If you grew up in Utah as a Mormon and that's the only church you ever went to, I'll tell you that is like the polar opposite of anything that you thought church was.
00:17:38
heatherdyann
And as I'm there and I'm kind of reflecting, like the purpose isn't for us all to do it the same. The message, at its highest level is similar.
00:17:58
heatherdyann
And everyone there is probably battling things that they're trying to work through in their own way through spirit their spirituality and their faith and their beliefs and prayer and whatever. And it's so it doesn't really matter how the details, it doesn't matter if you have a Starbucks or you don't, if you're wearing heels or flip flops, the end of the day, the purpose of it is to feel something that you need to feel and learn something that you need to learn and taken a lesson and apply it to your life and your every day so you can be a better person.
00:18:50
heatherdyann
So you can find strength when you don't have it. And whether you're religious or not, I think that that just makes sense as to life. Like everyone's showing up to life differently.
00:19:07
heatherdyann
But if we're trying to just be the best versions of ourselves, who's to say who's doing it wrong and who's doing it right? Everyone's just doing it different.
00:19:21
heatherdyann
Depending on where you want to be in life, you do different things differently.
00:19:31
heatherdyann
I've really allowed myself to kind of learn that, that it's less about us all trying to be the same or saying this is the right way or the wrong way to do something. It's how do you get what what actions do you need to take to get to where you want to be?
00:19:58
heatherdyann
And the rest of it doesn't really matter that much. And it surely doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. That's just a waste of your time and your worry. That's you saying, I don't want to focus on what I need to work on or what I need to change. I'm going to think about what everyone else is doing wrong and distract.
00:20:21
heatherdyann
I think sometimes it's easier. It made sense to me why people focus on other people.
00:20:33
heatherdyann
Because then you don't have to focus on a really hard truth is that you have to focus on you and where you want to be to get to where you want to be.
00:20:48
heatherdyann
It's a wild thought to me. It's a wild thought.
00:20:55
heatherdyann
But I'll tell you every new experience, whether it's a brand new church or a beach in a town I've never been to, I never would have even thought if you would have asked me just a few years ago, if I'd be ever writing my thoughts on life.
00:21:21
heatherdyann
on a public speech chair in Florida on a Monday in July. But here I am. And I'm here because of a number of experiences that led me to meeting people that led me to somewhere I don't think I would have contemplated being just a few years ago.
00:21:51
heatherdyann
It's wild. When you look at your life and realize it's always a series of events that take you to where you go.
00:22:05
heatherdyann
So where do you want to be? Because if you stay in the comfort of what you always known, it's less likely for you to venture somewhere new.
00:22:26
heatherdyann
But if you take on life as I want to be somewhere else, not meaning you don't love the life that you have, but I think every new opportunity comes mostly from allowing yourself to have new experiences.
00:22:45
heatherdyann
And when we do that, we see things through a different lens, we maybe become more accepting of people's thoughts and opinions that are different than ours because we're exposed to them and we allow ourselves to hear those perspectives.
00:23:02
heatherdyann
Taking on new adventures can lead you to where you're meant to be. Each time we try new things, have hard conversations, get out of our comfort zone,
00:23:16
heatherdyann
were We're probably really becoming one step closer to where we want to be.
00:23:30
heatherdyann
So I know I'm a little bit. I don't know. Do I it feel like a little bit preachy lately, but I'm really on this new. I'm self-reflecting so much. I'm trying to say yes to new things. I'm trying to give myself a more positive and uplifting perspective in my day to day. And I'm trying to do that, not only for myself, but I hope to bring out something good in everyone I meet. I have learned so much about
00:24:12
heatherdyann
starting a new is a lot harder than I would have imagined. And answering the question, where do you want to be? Seems simple.
00:24:29
heatherdyann
But when you break down everything it takes to get to where you want to be, there's a lot of work ahead.
00:24:40
heatherdyann
There's a lot of new things you have to try and experiences you have to take on and hard, hard conversations you have to have and and really a good look in the mirror.
00:24:58
heatherdyann
Am I the best version of myself? Am I at a place that I can show up and be the person that's where I want to be?
00:25:12
heatherdyann
I feel like we owe it to ourselves to be the best version of who we can be. I mean, we absolutely have to give ourselves grace when we're not. But working towards that is really just I feel like rewarding, but it can be fun at the same time. Like that's my hard balance and my hard thing. And I I'll share this even though I talked to my therapist about this, um that I just I love to be happy and fun. And I don't love to have hard conversations. I mean, I guess who does. But I would rather just
00:25:58
heatherdyann
smile through it all. But that got me. And maybe that worked out, I guess, but that didn't get me where I needed to be within my marriage that made my marriage not what it should have been. And so if I want to be in a place where the next time around, I'm, I'm as open and honest about the hard stuff as I am open and honest about saying I absolutely love this about you or us or life and sharing both sides, knowing that there's going to be great things and there's going to be hard things and that's okay.
00:26:47
heatherdyann
But I'll tell you what I do know to get to where I want to be I'm going to have to keep being uncomfortable for a little while.
00:27:04
heatherdyann
But the exciting thing is sometimes the most uncomfortable yeses turn into you looking at a full moon over the ocean on a weekday.
00:27:24
heatherdyann
when you live in a landlocked state.
00:27:31
heatherdyann
So ask yourself this, I'll leave you with, where do you want to be? Now figure that out and start going that way. Let's wander that way together.
00:27:54
heatherdyann
This was wandering the wild mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.