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Lessons in Love After Divorce: Navigating My First Relationship Post-Split
65 Plays6 months ago
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I share the heartfelt and slightly all-over-the-place story of my first post-divorce relationship. From a random encounter at a Knoxville bar to a weekend that took me to a place I wasn’t sure I was ready for.
What started with distance turned into Knoxville nights, lakeside mornings, and a whirlwind of emotions. I open up about what it was like to leap into love after a major life change and why it was anything but simple. I reflect on giving love and a relationship another shot, not knowing what I was truly in for and discovering more about what I still needed to heal. If you’ve ever navigated starting over and wondered, “What am I doing?” you’ll connect with this rollercoaster of heartache, hope, and lessons learned in the glow of a new beginning.
Alexa, play "Wind Up Missin’ You" by Tucker Wetmore
Next in queue: “Onto Something” by William Michael Morgan.
Stay Connected
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@utahgirlinnash
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatherdyann
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@utahgirlinnash
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Transcript
Introduction and Heather's Post-Divorce Journey
00:00:00
Heather Morgan
That first leap into love after ending a chapter. Yeah. Let me tell you, it wasn't a gentle dive. It was a cannonball splashing through, a little bit of heartache, hope, and a whole lot of lessons. It was a wild mess. Let's get into it.
00:00:24
Heather Morgan
Oh, welcome to while wandering the wild mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. I'm ready to tell a story of my first time being in a relationship post divorce. And I definitely kept it quiet because I'm an open book, but it's like I'm one of those people that I can share a lot, but you probably really know nothing about me. It just depends on the circumstances. And it was hard to keep it from y'all because
00:01:01
Heather Morgan
I don't know if you listen all the time, I feel like you care about my life. And I ah feel like now it's been enough time to kind of tell this story. And maybe you guys can relate to that feeling of starting over after being with someone for so long.
Unexpected New Beginnings
00:01:24
Heather Morgan
And it was truly unexpected. And I think as I tell you this story, maybe we can all just reflect on how wild life is and how it presents to you so many different things. So let's get into it. So how I met this person.
00:01:46
Heather Morgan
Weirdly and wildly, if you've been following along on my journey and I talk about the Knoxville guy that I spent time with in right after my divorce in that December or when my right before my divorce divorce was getting finalized, the Knoxville guy. Well, you won't believe it, but on that same trip to Knoxville in 2022, there was just one period of time with that Knoxville guy where he had plans. He had to go ice skating with his niece. And in that small window of time, I was like, yeah, of course, like do your thing. Like I'll I've never been to Knoxville. I'll be out and about. I end up at this soccer taco downtown Knoxville. I was like, they probably have tequila. Let's roll. I go there.
00:02:41
Heather Morgan
And I end up talking to these people at the bar and they're, we're having a good time and enter. How are you going to call him Knoxville 0.2?
00:02:56
Heather Morgan
Knoxville 0.2 is there and he is, we're talking and he had recently been divorced too. So his divorce was finalized earlier that year while mine was a month away from being finalized. Didn't know at the time. but And so we started talking divorce and it wasn't that long but he asked for my number and I was like, sure. And I had been asking him like, i'm trying to I'm thinking about moving here. And he was originally from Chattanooga but lived in Knoxville.
00:03:30
Heather Morgan
And so I was debating between like Chattanooga, Knoxville or Nashville at the time. And he was like, I would say chat, but because I love Knoxville Knoxville. And obviously we know how that story unfolded. I ended up in Nashville, but he got my number. And the very night that I was after all of that, I was going to dinner with Knoxville point one and the original Knoxville guy.
Reconnection Through Podcast
00:03:57
Heather Morgan
And he text me and said lunch tomorrow.
00:04:01
Heather Morgan
And I was like, I just didn't write back cause I was with the Knoxville guy and never really, we didn't really text after that. Nothing happened. Nothing progressed. We'll fast forward to over.
00:04:18
Heather Morgan
A year later, this year when I started my podcast in March, if y'all remember, I started this without like having a huge following. And so one of my brilliant ideas was to mass text all the people that I had in my phone that I didn't really talk to and just send them the podcast link. I know brilliant, top tier marketing.
00:04:45
Heather Morgan
And what happened there is after I sent the podcast link out to all these people, random phone numbers in my phone, the next day, Knoxville 2.0 writes me back to the podcast and says, I listened to all the episodes. When's the next one?
00:05:12
Heather Morgan
And I was like, Whoa, he's already binged all the episodes. So I was like, Okay, well, and obviously, I haven't talked to this man again, or even ever on the phone, other than like, literally the 1015 minutes we talked, we spoke at the soccer taco.
00:05:30
Heather Morgan
And I say, Oh, wow. Well, I feel like, you know, a lot about me. I don't know anything about you. So, you know, that's a little weird. And he was like, all right. Well, I said, but the next episode's coming out tomorrow. He goes, well, listen, and maybe I'll give you a call. So I was like, okay.
A Spontaneous Reunion
00:05:48
Heather Morgan
So the the next day it releases, he listens, he ends up calling me and we talk for like six hours on the phone and that I mean, I don't even know who's wanted to yap with me that long after you just binged my whole podcast, you know, but whatever. It was great. So we talked and he was like, Hey, maybe I should come out to Nashville and see you. And at first I was like, yeah, but then I was like, I don't know. Like this guy come to my house. So then he was like, you know what? Why don't you come here? And I was like, I love Knoxville. Of course. So I was like, okay.
00:06:25
Heather Morgan
I'll go there. Which, okay, you have to remember me because I'm clearly in this delusional for the plot mindset because I met this man for like 1015 minutes. I don't have him on social media. I don't know anything else about him than what he's told me and the 10 minutes I've met him in person. So even me telling myself the story right now I'm like, but it checks for where I was at in my mind and probably still today.
00:06:51
Heather Morgan
So I'm like, okay. He's like, okay. So we plan for me to come out to Knoxville for the weekend.
00:06:59
Heather Morgan
And I, I'm like telling my girl, I'm like, I told a couple of my girl friends out here, like I'm going to Knoxville to see this guy that I met for like 10 minutes, like a year over a year ago that listened to my podcast. And they're like, what? And I'm like, I know. They're like, where does he live? I'm like, I don't know. They're like, well, where are you going to go? I'm like, I'll just head to nor Knoxville and then I'll figure it out. he'll I'll text him. So.
00:07:23
Heather Morgan
I pack up my dog. He's letting my dog come. So already green flag there. And we had, I had to Knoxville still don't know where I'm going. So I about get to the Bucky's and I'm like, I guess I better find out where I'm going. Like his address. So I text him, Hey, and what's your address? He sends it to me. I'm getting off the phone with my friend and I say like, I'm going into Bucky's. I'll call you in a little bit. I sent her. This is the address. This is where I'll be. And So she calls me right back and I'm like, what the, you know, and she's like, uh, girl, did he tell you like lives on the lake? And I was like,
00:08:03
Heather Morgan
now And she's like, yeah, it's like right on the lake. I'm like, well, I actually loved that he didn't tell me that he lived on the lake because I don't know why, but I am not like but super impressed by like overly impressing with things. I like to vibe the person. So I was like, that's cool. Who doesn't love a lake?
00:08:25
Heather Morgan
Uh, so I get there, I get to his house. Now I know, he you know, it doesn't change anything for me in my
A Weekend of Simple Joys
00:08:31
Heather Morgan
mind. I'm just going for the plot, going for the adventure. So I get to his house, see him. I remember what he looked like in my head again. I was like, Oh yeah, yeah. And then we just like, we hang out. So we're just there. And he is like being the sweetest, most gentleman guy ever. And I'm just like here for it.
00:08:55
Heather Morgan
And we end up just having a really good conversation. Like we talk all night. He cooks me a dinner. And then the morning he's like, okay, we'll go to brunch. And I'm not like setting any expectations. I'm literally just like rolling with the flow. So in the morning, like he has, it's pretty dark in his room. I wake up, I slept in, I didn't set an alarm. And I wake up and I walk out of the door and it's like a lake view and I look out and he is literally like with his dog fishing on the dock. And I'm like, what is this life? I love fishing. I love dogs. I love lakes. Why am I waking up and this is it? So I definitely slept in and I go down there. I'm like, what is this? He comes up. I mean, I'm in my PJs. He's already made coffee. Like it's a whole thing. And I'm like,
00:09:49
Heather Morgan
He's like, it's a little late for brunch. Like, do you still want to go out or do you want me to make you something? I'm like, we can just have something here. Cause like, granted we're like with a lake view. Like I don't even need to go anywhere. That's how I'm feeling. And so he's like, okay, like what do you, what would you want? And I was like, well, if he's like, well, what would you get if you went to brunch? And I was like, I usually get an omelet or eggs Benedict.
00:10:11
Heather Morgan
This man literally makes one of both. Eggs Benedict, who's even whipping that up? An anomaly, both things. Grabs out the wine, chilled. They said, what are we, what is happening?
00:10:30
Heather Morgan
what's happening right now? It's like, okay. And don't get me wrong, men are great. And they've done lots of great things for me. But I was just like blown away. I'd like met this guy like one day. And ah it was super, super cute. So needless to say the whole weekend, like we went out on his boat, like he was just so cute. But I was like, I feel like this guy already loves me. And I know that sounds crazy. I don't mean that conceitedly. I just, I had it ever like,
00:11:00
Heather Morgan
I'd kind of like been out with people, but I wasn't really like putting myself out there. Obviously this isn't like me trying to be out there trying to have a ah boyfriend of any sorts. That was not my mindset. And I'm just like, what the heck? Or like, maybe he's just like this to everybody. I don't know.
00:11:19
Heather Morgan
So we spend the whole weekend together and it's great. And I end up like I leave and I'm driving off. And I remember like he had went to work and I was leaving and I think I left on a Monday. So I spent the whole weekend and then his dog like so cute, like got in my car and I was like, Oh, I wish I could take her. She's so cute. Anyways, I leave.
00:11:43
Heather Morgan
So then I remember talking to my friend and she's like, so like, what do you think? Like, what about this guy? And I'm like, yeah, he's great. But like, I don't know. Like I just went there.
00:12:02
Heather Morgan
And like, I didn't mean it rude, but I was just like, I don't know. Like what am I supposed to do now? Like he lives in Knoxville. Um, he's like really, really nice. I don't know what I'm doing with that. Um, here we are. So I kind of thought at that point, like maybe I won't see him again. Like, I don't know. Like it just, it was a weekend. It was what it was. It was like super duper amazing and fun, but like, I don't know.
Facing Vulnerability and Fear
00:12:31
Heather Morgan
I live in Nashville, he lives in Knoxville. And we both like, I felt like we kind of bonded a little bit over our divorces, you know, like, ah his situation was like,
00:12:42
Heather Morgan
much messier than mine. ah So that was like, in an interesting dynamic. And I just felt like and I just didn't know. So fast forward, we keep spending time like he's very persistent. And honestly, I like that. I love I i realized I really liked that he was just like,
00:13:07
Heather Morgan
all about me and just like he was just doing all these things like to the level of like I love avocado toast for breakfast.
00:13:19
Heather Morgan
And I told him that's normally what I'd eat. And when I would go see him at his house, cause obviously like, so I'd have to like come over for a few days or whatever. Like I told him once I went to this place in Nashville that had put pickled beets on the avocado toast. And then he like bought the pickled beets. Like I came there and he was like, Oh, look what I got. Because you like them on your avocado toast.
00:13:46
Heather Morgan
I know. I didn't even ask for the pickled beads. I didn't even ask for them. You just provided them. Like it was a dream. It was very much a dream. So needless to say, I don't know what it was, but I let myself care a lot.
00:14:12
Heather Morgan
And it, I'll be honest, it was like scary AF because I was like my rational minds. Like I want to be like, of course some guy could already like love me right away and like me so much because I'm so try to be kind to myself and be like hype my own hype woman and be like, yeah, of course you like. But then the the logical part of me is like he doesn't even know me that well. How does he even like me this much already? Is it really me or is he just like escaping things in his own life? Like he's trying to like.
00:14:50
Heather Morgan
jump into something because he doesn't like how. it feels to be without someone. Cause he had also been married like even way longer than me, but together around the same time as me and my ex-husband. And so he had been with one person, like a constant in his life, thinking that that would be his life. And it was interesting because parts of talking to him about his divorce and how everything happened. I felt like I was almost talking to my ex-husband if he was dating a new
00:15:21
Heather Morgan
I know it was wild. But that's what it felt like, like how shocked he must have been that that's not the life that he had anymore.
00:15:35
Heather Morgan
and how it just changes up everything from dynamics in the family and your friendships and everything, you know, I moved away. So it made me get to move out of what that would feel like to share friends and do all those things. But he was like still really in the middle of all of that, which initially it was a little bit like,
00:16:02
Heather Morgan
I don't know if I want to call it like a red flag, but probably like a and yellow one where I was just like, i I feel like it's got to be the right group of people to kind of manage that because it just depends. And there was just a lot of things I learned about myself during that time. I learned that.
00:16:30
Heather Morgan
It's so much easier to not get feelings. If you didn't know, if y'all didn't know. don't get feelings, don't get hurt. And that's been what I've been doing since my divorce because I think just thinking about hurting someone or feeling that hurt is so scary to me. So my little, my little motto in my head to myself has been like, if you don't like me anymore, I never liked you.
00:17:01
Heather Morgan
like can that. That might be kind of toxic. I know. I'm normally not that girl, but I'm just so like, protective of my heart. I'm very scared. I'd rather just be like, let's just be friends. Like we're gonna just be home. He's like, I don't need to get in my feelings because I just I realized I still have to work through some fear and I and interestingly enough this man Knoxville 2.0 told me that like when I he first met me and we started hanging out he was like I felt like you were gonna friend zone me like I had to move quick because you were you're definitely the friend zone type which is spot on.
00:17:40
Heather Morgan
spot on for me. I just would rather put a guy in the friend zone that I enjoy to be around because then I don't have to worry about what it is. And if I genuinely enjoy your company, I don't want to lose you and I don't want to make it weird. I don't want you to get feelings or I don't, I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to hurt me. And even saying that out loud right now, I realized that I still have some things to work through because I can't go into anything in life being afraid to get hurt.
Navigating Emotional Challenges
00:18:16
Heather Morgan
It's almost like how I preach, I can't be afraid to fail. We just have to go for it and just pick it up along the way. It's that same concept. It's like if we fail, we'll get back up and it'll be fine. I know it always works out for me. So even if I have to go through a little bit of heartache, I should just go for it because love's worth it.
00:18:38
Heather Morgan
But it's hard after divorce or being with someone for so long and knowing it feels so raw, all those emotions and and until you're kind of scabbed over that wound, you're just a little bit hesitant to put yourself in that place again.
00:18:57
Heather Morgan
So in this time of me having this boyfriend, it was probably only, I don't even know, three weeks in, he was like, asked me to be his girlfriend, which again, I have no like,
00:19:13
Heather Morgan
No, I don't really know what the rules are now. The rules were totally different when I was with my ex. I didn't even know if there was rules then, but now everyone has a name for everything. There's all these rules. Uh, I didn't know what the rules, but he asked me to do this as a girlfriend and I said, yes. And it was weird cause I'm like, I'm a girlfriend again. And I don't even remember how to be a girlfriend. I mean,
00:19:41
Heather Morgan
I just knew how to be a wife, which was very different to like, you're not his wife. So it's different. And I'll say I learned a lot about like, what I want to be, not only for me eventually being a wife again. And really that relationship with him showed me that I do want to be a wife again, I do want to be married. And that was probably one of my favorite things about that relationship is it, it showed me that that's something that I want again.
00:20:16
Heather Morgan
because just falling asleep next to him because we kind of it kind of made it quicker. I think it moved faster because we were going back and forth. like He was staying here for a weekend. I stayed there even once for like a whole week. like we were you know It's not like we just went to dinner. like we it was It's three ah through about three hours and a time difference away in the same state. So it wasn't just like a convenient, like let's go to dinner and I'll drive home.
00:20:44
Heather Morgan
So we kind of spent like a ah substantial amount of time together those first few months. And it was I mean, I ended up meeting his dad, his stepmom, his brother, his sister. like i And I did not want that. I said, like i that's too fast. like And it was circumstantial that it happened. I'm not saying he pushed that on me, but it was just a lot. like And then he was like, you still gotta meet mom. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so much for me. Because I'm just so scared. And I was like, why?
00:21:19
Heather Morgan
And ah I realized, and I didn't preface this, but this man was older than me, ah just a little. And i um I normally have not like, even in, it's been easier for me to just kind of be around guys that are younger than me, not only because are they like just fun and carefree, but that makes the relationship feel kind of care ah carefree and fun. And My therapist even said it's probably easier because you don't really think that it will become that serious. But with someone like him, it was like, ugh.
00:21:58
Heather Morgan
is it so like this is supposed to be like it's not like I'm going to date someone for three years, four years and like not even think I'd marry them. Like that's not really where I'm at anymore in life. So It just put like pressure on to like figure out if you liked them. But I know that really the pressure is just your own self. like I don't need that pressure. I don't need to think like that. But in this time, in this moment in my life, even earlier this year, i wasn't I hadn't worked through a lot of the things in my life as well. So I was just overly analyzing things, overly stressing,
00:22:38
Heather Morgan
overly worried worrying about things and I that probably put like a little bit of a burden on a relation the relationship but He was a trooper but I think we both just Gosh, it's hard after you were married and you just were with someone for so long to just mesh Lives and it wasn't like hard when we were together. I think it's just hard when you're in your head and It's hard when you're in anything is hard when you're in your head and you're like, how is this going to pan out? And you're trying to figure it out. Like you're supposed to have it figured out. Like, no, just enjoy the ride. Heather, enjoy the ride. Y'all like, but we're over here. Like, wait, how's this going to work out? Like, what's going to happen? Like, am I going to? but
00:23:33
Heather Morgan
I would stop that right now. That was a big lesson for me to shut a dang brain off and just enjoy the company. But you, when you start caring about someone a lot, I realized that sometimes that's easier said than done. I mean, it's already easier than said than done in general, but when you start caring about someone and you enjoy how it feels to be around them, you start worrying a little bit more what it would look like without him or, you know, and and it just, we make it way more complicated than it needs to be. That's what I learned. A lot more complicated didn't need to be. So, I mean, there's so much I could say about our time. We did a lot of things together in a short amount of time and
00:24:32
Heather Morgan
I still can't even believe that the reason I even met him was because I flew out to see original Knoxville guy in Knoxville after knowing him for one day. And now my next boyfriend is because, or my first boyfriend post divorce is because I did that.
00:24:51
Heather Morgan
And the life just gives you those things.
Growth and Self-Awareness
00:24:53
Heather Morgan
like When I talk about a wild mess, it's literally a wild mess, but Like any good thing, you know, there was things probably that happened that weren't really like.
00:25:06
Heather Morgan
The just made it and and not the right time for all that. For me. I feel like sometimes if we don't work on ourselves and we don't give ourselves the opportunity to really heal from things and they keep coming up, it prevents people from being able to love you like they could. And I think there was just a lot of work that could have been done on both sides that I just thought, I don't think either of us know what we're doing. So I don't know if this makes sense.
00:25:46
Heather Morgan
And something that I did learn in this as well, that I have to just be okay with, is that I am just so much more calm and I'm just a crier and a calm and a lover. And I'm not going to get angry at you and like fight you and cause a scene and be a big deal. And ah some people are either used to that or want that more. And I can't be that girl.
00:26:25
Heather Morgan
And so I think I'm happy about that, but I realize what that will be in my life. It will attract different people or and it will have certain men just maybe not think that there is passion because it's just a vibe instead of a toxic battle or a dramatized scenario every day.
00:26:49
Heather Morgan
I do want like a calm, peaceful kind of love, but you, I mean, but you got to be hilarious. like You got to be funny. Like, obviously, because like, I need funny, but like, and I think I'm funny, although like I really am, but i I'm not giving you guys all my humor yet. Like I might do a comedy special one day. Never know. Okay. Anyways, back to the story, but I'm just saying I,
00:27:19
Heather Morgan
It's obviously ended now and I had already planned to talk about this. And then of course, you know, taxes from your exes, but either way, the story isn't that serious and it's still to be told. But for now I learned a lot of things. It, it just, it wasn't like,
00:27:45
Heather Morgan
quote unquote, the love story I expected. But it was actually it was exactly the chapter I needed to read. It just made me realize that where I needed to do work on myself, and we all have work on ourselves. But I think sometimes people say like, in order for you to get in a relationship, you need to be healed. What I realized is I thought I had healed a lot of things.
00:28:14
Heather Morgan
but I still wasn't looking for a relationship. but Again, it just found me, but once I was in it, it showed me and shed light on things that I realized I needed to still work on, that I needed to get better at, that I, if I want to be this
A Vision of Love Fulfilled
00:28:32
Heather Morgan
wonderful wife again one day, then I need to fix some of the things that I didn't really notice before. Cause it was just me, you know,
00:28:44
Heather Morgan
So all that to say is I'm excited for this new chapter. It's been great since I'm not really giving timeline, but I will say like, there's probably more stories around this person, Knoxville 2.0 and it's
00:29:05
Heather Morgan
It's just good to have people in your life that can show you things you need to see. And so for that, that alone, I'm thankful. I will also get into like, I don't want to call it love bombing, but I realize, you know, I'm like obsessed with music. So of course, like we always had to have music whenever we were around each other. And so literally I have so many stories. Like we went to Zach Bryan together in Knoxville, which was the best time ever.
00:29:35
Heather Morgan
And before i'll I'll leave you with this, um, I was at a John party concert by myself, uh, in Knoxville, actually like a little, like probably eight months before this. And I saw this couple and they were like jam, like just together. So in love, blah, blah, blah. And I'm at the show by myself and I'm like, I want that one day.
00:30:01
Heather Morgan
two people at a concert, so happy, having the best time, like having their vibing, they're happy, they're just like, it's a whole vibe. And I remember thinking to myself, that's what I want. Fast forward, I go to Zach Bryan with this man. Oh my gosh, there's so many stories about this.
00:30:17
Heather Morgan
But I go to Zach Bryan with this man in Knoxville and kid you not were vibing the concert like he wasn't this huge Zach Bryan fan, but he knew him and he was listening to it. We all I was hyping it all up till the show. And we go.
00:30:37
Heather Morgan
And he goes to like, I don't remember, go to the bathroom or get us another beer or something. And there's a mom and like two daughters, like probably like early twenties and whatever in the mom. And they like tap me and they're right behind us. And they're like, we want what y'all have. You guys are the cutest couple ever. Like the way he looks at you is just so like, that's what we want. that-dahda And it was,
00:31:04
Heather Morgan
It was like the cutest thing. Is this like the new sappy podcast? Is this happy sappy Heather? But what I'll say is it was the cutest freaking thing. And I was like, that's how I felt when I saw that couple at John Party. And now I'm that couple that made my and in my day.
00:31:24
Heather Morgan
So all I have to say is that even if it's for a moment, even if someone's not there, reason, season, lifetime, you still get that feeling that you wanted. You wanted that feeling for that concert. We were that couple that someone said, I want to, I want it to be like that. I want a guy to look at me like the way that he looks at you. So, uh, yeah.
00:31:53
Heather Morgan
I'll end it. You look like waves on a sunset. I mean, I can crash on you all night. You look like winding a truck bed. the little A little what I'm doing for the rest of my life. That song was always on repeat. So I guess we'll end up with Wind Up Missing You. Thanks so much for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.