Transcript
Speaker: Hello there and welcome to the Glam Reaper podcast.
Speaker: I'm your host Jennifer Muldani aka the Glam Reaper.
Speaker: On this podcast we talk love, life and loss.
Speaker: We laugh, we'll cry and we'll celebrate your stories.
Speaker: You are unique, there is no one like you and there will be no one like you ever.
Speaker: So get in touch and share with us your story.
Speaker: I just want us to have a lovely chat because honestly, it's great meeting other females in the industry or the community or whatever we like to call ourselves.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because everybody has what specifically?
Speaker: They must.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: So exactly.
Speaker: I mean, what do you call it?
Speaker: Actually, that's a good question.
Speaker: Is it community, industry?
Speaker: How do you feel?
Speaker: I refer to it as industry, but I'm open to just about anything.
Speaker: I don't get, by no means am I offended when people call it something else.
Speaker: I just say I work in the funeral industry because to me that covers all of it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think that's so important, to be honest, because I think by calling it an industry where...
Speaker: allowing it to be what it is, which is people make money from it.
Speaker: It is, you know, it's a caring industry, but like the medical and like all the other caring industries, money is made from it.
Speaker: Profit is made from it.
Speaker: People form businesses.
Speaker: So on that note, tell me, give me an intro as to who you are, why I found you.
Speaker: And yeah, just give me, give me some, give me some of the good stuff, Alison.
Speaker: It's best for me to start at the beginning.
Speaker: When I was growing up, I thought that I wanted to be like a medical examiner, coroner.
Speaker: I was always fascinated with the human body, how things worked.
Speaker: And when I was in high school, I ended up needing a job.
Speaker: And I grew up on a dairy farm.
Speaker: My family was getting ready to sell the dairy cattle that we had had and just crop farm at that point.
Speaker: And my dad was going to work for Cornell instead of keeping up with our dairy farm anymore.
Speaker: And the local funeral director in the town that I grew up in went to perch with my family and said, well, she can come start here cleaning, doing paperwork, kind of all of the traditional
Speaker: female roles of here, you can check this out.
Speaker: And I ended up helping with involvement, which looking back is completely illegal at 15 minutes.
Speaker: What's a little legality?
Speaker: I was doing hair and makeup and was working calling hours and I liked in that experience I found how much I liked working with people.
Speaker: It was that world of being able to work with the human body and make a beautiful picture for somebody to say goodbye to.
Speaker: and help people along the way.
Speaker: And it really meant everything that I was looking for at that point in time and still does.
Speaker: And I went to college for mortuary science.
Speaker: I wanted to get my bachelor's degree.
Speaker: And I went to my guidance counselor and said, can you help me find a four year college that does this?
Speaker: And she was mortified.
Speaker: Where do I even begin to look?
Speaker: Are you sure this is what you want to do?
Speaker: Where do we find them?
Speaker: And I got connected with Gannon University and went there for three years and then went to Simmons Institute of Mortuary Science in Tharacuse for a year.
Speaker: And I loved it.
Speaker: And I ended up working in Ithaca for six months doing my residency before I took a position to finish out my residency at Nest Sibley and Covert Funeral Homes.
Speaker: I was there for four years and the owner approached me and said, I'm ready to retire.
Speaker: Do when Ant has been by.
Speaker: I was shocked.
Speaker: When he initially said, I want to sit down and talk to you, I'm like, did I do something?
Speaker: What's happening?
Speaker: And he said, I want to sell.
Speaker: Are you interested?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I went home to my husband and I said, what do you think?
Speaker: This has been the ultimate goal eventually.
Speaker: But at 26, did I think I was going to have the opportunity?
Speaker: Absolutely not.
Speaker: This industry is competitive.
Speaker: It's very family based, unless you get into the corporate side of things.
Speaker: And he said, why not?
Speaker: This is what the end goal was.
Speaker: We'll figure it out.
Speaker: And it'll be eight years on March 1st that I've owned both funeral homes.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: And what age are you?
Speaker: If you don't mind sharing.
Speaker: I am 34.
Speaker: 34 and eight years owning not one, but two funeral homes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Well, well done you.
Speaker: Good girl.
Speaker: Absolutely incredible.
Speaker: And just for our listeners, because we do have a mishmash of listeners to the Glam Reaper.
Speaker: So we do have both industry as we have both already clarified.
Speaker: We're very comfortable with the word.
Speaker: We do have industry people listening in, but we also do have what I call Joe Public.
Speaker: Just to give them a bit of a backstory, because I know it's not the same in necessarily every state and every country.
Speaker: And, you know, you don't need to be licensed in certain countries and all of the different things that are out there.
Speaker: But when you talk about residency, I know the majority of people, and it was the same for me.
Speaker: I'm only in this business 10 years.
Speaker: I am not a licensed funeral director, nor will I ever be, or I don't plan to be, should I say, at this point.
Speaker: When I hear the word residency, I mean, I'm laughing because literally last night I just watched the latest season of The Resident, which is a medical drama.
Speaker: First episode.
Speaker: Have you seen it?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I couldn't cope with the first episode.
Speaker: It was all on COVID.
Speaker: It was heartbreaking.
Speaker: It really just showed.
Speaker: Like, I mean, I know and there's there's real life documentaries and I know this is fiction, but.
Speaker: It just gets to your gut when you realize this isn't fiction.
Speaker: This is real life.
Speaker: This is what people are dealing with.
Speaker: You know, frontline workers are dealing with losing their friends, their colleagues, while they're trying to look out for everybody else.
Speaker: Oh, it was just horrifying.
Speaker: My point is that that's where people get that word is, you know, you're a residency in a hospital.
Speaker: They think of it in the medical term, right?
Speaker: So we've all watched George Clooney.
Speaker: We've, you know, we've watched the...
Speaker: Casualty.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: We've watched the casualty, which I think is the UK.
Speaker: I don't think they have it over here at medical show, but that's typically where we learn these terminologies and that's where the medical field.
Speaker: So give us a slight example of the steps that you had to do.
Speaker: I mean, you gave us a short one there, but if somebody out there is very interested in the funeral industry as a career and wants to go ahead and be a licensed funeral director, what are kind of five steps that they have to go through without fail?
Speaker: So the first step is you do have to have a degree of any four and it does not have to be a four year degree.
Speaker: It can be a two year degree.
Speaker: I know that there are a lot of programs specifically in New York state that you can even complete online.
Speaker: Typically it's a two year degree in mortuary science.
Speaker: That's the first step, which at that point they, once you've completed all of the courses there and finished finals there,
Speaker: They will pass your information along to the international conference where you can get registered to take your national board exam.
Speaker: That's a national exam throughout the US that everyone takes.
Speaker: And specifically in New York state, once you've passed that portion, there's two sides.
Speaker: There's an art side and a science side.
Speaker: Once you've passed those two pieces, at that point, you can do your residency.
Speaker: which you apply with the health department through the state of New York.
Speaker: And you have to do a year residency underneath a licensed funeral director and account for X number of embalmings and hours served.
Speaker: You can't make arrangements on your own.
Speaker: You help with every aspect and it opens the door for you to be able to go on removals on your own, but get assistance with embalming, making arrangements.
Speaker: You can start to take the lead on
Speaker: doing funeral services and making arrangements until you can take your actual licensing test in New York, which in New York, embalming and directing is all one license.
Speaker: Some states you can pick which form of license you want, but in New York, it's all wrapped into one and nine months into your residency, you can take your licensing exam and actually get your funeral directing license to go out on your own and
Speaker: be a full-blown funeral director.
Speaker: So how long, so say I wanted to start today and I had the degree, so got that in the bag and I wanted to start today.
Speaker: At what, how long exactly from today would it take for me to become a licensed funeral director?
Speaker: So that is, I actually have somebody that I am in training right now.
Speaker: So he had a previous degree in business and
Speaker: He did have to gather some more courses.
Speaker: It took him a year to do everything online in order for him to get registered to be able to take his national board exam.
Speaker: So it took him a year of schooling and then it will be a year of residency.
Speaker: So he's going to become a licensed funeral director in approximately two years.
Speaker: Okay, great.
Speaker: And then you buy your own home and then you become Allison.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Then you just start, like, you know, get the shopping bag, throw them in.
Speaker: I'll have another two.
Speaker: Go on, give us another two.
Speaker: What's the difference?
Speaker: That's how it works, guys.
Speaker: So if you find yourself unemployed because of COVID, check out the funeral industry.
Speaker: Sorted.
Speaker: No problem.
Speaker: But in all reality, it is...
Speaker: And people joke, and I know they've joked about this with you, and they've definitely joked about it with me, that it's not a dying business and, you know, all of this sort of stuff.
Speaker: You're never going to run out of people or whatever.
Speaker: You know, it is a sad fact.
Speaker: We both, you know, we're laughing.
Speaker: And this is one of the things that I love about the business that I don't think Joe Public understands is that we are all human beings at the end of the day that have just chosen a caring profession.
Speaker: I mean, I was listening to another podcast last night, actually, in the funeral industry, and I would love to get this gentleman on onto the show.
Speaker: But he was talking about how well, actually, the entire podcast was talking about the impact that going to scenes of crimes, murders, crashes and taking the bodies.
Speaker: That is something even I hadn't thought about, to be honest.
Speaker: As most people listening know, I'm a memorial planner.
Speaker: I have a cremation jewellery line.
Speaker: I write books and I speak on funerals and the topics and stuff.
Speaker: But I am not a licensed funeral director.
Speaker: And as I've said, I'm sounding like I'm pushing this in.
Speaker: Nor do I ever plan to be.
Speaker: Because I just know I could not cope with that.
Speaker: I could not cope with embalming.
Speaker: I could not cope with
Speaker: pulling a child out of a car wreck.
Speaker: I just, I couldn't cope with it.
Speaker: I can just about, I'm a firm believer that we're all born to do certain things in life.
Speaker: And I could never, I mean, I joke about this regularly, the movie Bridesmaids, you know, where she's driving and she's got all the Labradors, the puppies in the backs.
Speaker: Yeah, that's me.
Speaker: If I ever had to work with animals, that would be me.
Speaker: Like I could never work in an adoption facility.
Speaker: They'd just all come over with me.
Speaker: So I do think we all have our boundaries that we can and can't do.
Speaker: And for me, I definitely have those type.
Speaker: But listening to this podcast last night, it really hit home as to the level of,
Speaker: that funeral directors really have to internalize the likes of New York City, like 9-11.
Speaker: I can't imagine.
Speaker: And just in a mass fatality situation like that, and you, it's a one-time
Speaker: It's such an intimate experience with what we do with every family that we work with.
Speaker: We're asking them to share information with us.
Speaker: I'm in a small community.
Speaker: A lot of people, I've built relationships and know a large number of the people, but you're asking them to share personal information or you're trying to learn 87 years worth of a life in a two-hour conversation.
Speaker: And actually the funeral directors, when they were speaking about how these situations impacted their lives and the way they then went on to father their children and manage risk with their families and things, because you can't walk away from, say, a text driving accident and immediately not take your phones off your teenage kids and be like, if I ever catch you texting and driving, I'll kill you myself, you know.
Speaker: Like, you can't.
Speaker: It's going to impact you so... I mean, one of the funeral directors was saying that a child had died from playing in leaves, autumn, fall leaves, because of a fungus that was lying, a deadly fungus that was lying beneath the leaves.
Speaker: And he said he refuses to allow his children.
Speaker: He actually kind of made light of it because he said, you know, I thought my kids are kind of, can I go out and play, Dad?
Speaker: He said, how about another hour of Netflix?
Speaker: which is contrary to yeah yeah yeah exactly here's here's the ipad again um but these things do impact and and a bit like a nurse and a doctor going to work every day uh or a priest or a therapist any of these people their clients impact them and one of the things that i actually wanted to talk to you about allison today was um they touched on working in a small community now granted i've
Speaker: I'm from Dublin in Ireland, which is very different.
Speaker: We do funerals quite differently to, say, for example, down in rural Ireland, where they're still more into the waking and the Irish, the old way of doing things.
Speaker: But a bit like New York City, Dublin had to move with the times.
Speaker: There's more people.
Speaker: So a bit like...
Speaker: my local priest wouldn't have a clue who I was.
Speaker: And so that was why I became a little against having my funeral in my Catholic church.
Speaker: It doesn't take away from my religion, but I want people speaking about me when I'm on my deathbed, I'm already dead.
Speaker: But I want people who know me, who know how to pronounce my name and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker: One of the things that the guy said was that one of the difficulties in living in a rural area or an area that's a smaller community is you grow up with these people, you know who they are.
Speaker: And so then all of a sudden when they're on your embalming table, I just, I mean, can you talk about anything like that?
Speaker: Has that been an experience you've ever had?
Speaker: Has anybody you know ever been on your books as such?
Speaker: Yes, it is.
Speaker: I've been in this community now for almost 12 years and it's I haven't had to deal directly with anybody that is a good friend of mine but I've worked with grandparents and I've worked with families
Speaker: I think where it has impacted me the most is I've worked with several families who've lost children.
Speaker: And I have a son that's almost four and an 18-month-old.
Speaker: Prior to that, I always try to be sensitive with everybody, but there's those added things.
Speaker: I had a mother.
Speaker: It's so important to be able to hold a baby and rock a baby.
Speaker: And I said, I need to bring my rocker over.
Speaker: Like, I want to get this baby ready.
Speaker: You need to hold your daughter and you need to rock your daughter.
Speaker: I want so much to make that experience.
Speaker: I try to offer people as much alone time as I can.
Speaker: And it's made me more aware of what would I, I don't want to go there and ever think about it, but what opportunity would I want?
Speaker: And I'm finding myself more and more.
Speaker: 12 years ago, I always was telling myself I need to be stoic.
Speaker: You shouldn't show emotion.
Speaker: You need to be there.
Speaker: And as I've gotten more and more inclined and embraced by the community here, I have found it's okay if I step aside in the other room when I need to take a break and I'm crying and can hold them and embrace them and say empathize.
Speaker: I don't
Speaker: know exactly what you're going through, but I'm here for you and I want to empathize with you and know I want to be there to help you.
Speaker: I am fortunate enough also, my father died almost three years ago and he was diagnosed with stage four cancer and they said, are you going, do you want to get your dad ready?
Speaker: And I said, I do not.
Speaker: The other funeral director that's been on staff here at the funeral home for 25 years,
Speaker: I said, I need, I want you to take care of him.
Speaker: I don't want to do the embalming.
Speaker: I don't want to do that piece.
Speaker: I, he came to my parents' home when he died.
Speaker: And I said, I want to be the one to help wrap him up and help him out of the house.
Speaker: But after that, I can't do that physical piece of seeing him on the table and doing the embalming.
Speaker: That was my
Speaker: line of it's too close.
Speaker: I needed to turn that over to somebody else.
Speaker: I'm so sad that you have to go through that at all.
Speaker: But it's you've hit on so many, so many crucial points there, Alison, that there is this, and it's actually known as an English thing, of a stiff upper lip.
Speaker: And it's interesting because I came into this business 10 years ago when I lost a couple of friends of mine too soon.
Speaker: Interestingly, there was one who he drowned in Australia, and I don't think his family won't mind me saying this, but...
Speaker: He drowned in Australia and I was just heartbroken.
Speaker: I was heartbroken for the loss of my friend.
Speaker: I was heartbroken for the loss of my best friend's youngest brother.
Speaker: So I was, you know, I knew this family very well.
Speaker: And I was so heartbroken for the parents to have lost their youngest child.
Speaker: And I remember walking in and is typical, as is typical in Ireland, I walked in and...
Speaker: His mom was just one of these bundles of joy, just such a light.
Speaker: I mean, she still is and she's just, I love to see her when I go home.
Speaker: And she just immediately greeted me with warmth and brightness.
Speaker: But I knew it was masking what was going on.
Speaker: Anyway, she immediately brought me into the room where he was showing.
Speaker: I didn't realize at the time that, you know, because I was so focused on giving her my condolences, that I was confronted with his...
Speaker: body before I knew what was happening and I'm sad about that now because I can't get that image out of my head and I do think it's interesting what you brought up about embalming your father it's happened to me a couple of times now where people because I do what I do assume that I want to see the body of
Speaker: a loved one, an uncle.
Speaker: I'm escorted and I know, I know, I know my boundaries now.
Speaker: I'm like, thank you, but no thank you.
Speaker: I'd like to remember them laughing.
Speaker: That's just, and it's not, I don't think it'll be like that for everybody.
Speaker: When it comes to my own parents, I think that might change for me.
Speaker: But like that, we all have our boundaries.
Speaker: We all have what we do and we don't want.
Speaker: And I think what you did for that mother,
Speaker: was incredible and not only because you did it for her, but the fact that you
Speaker: took aside your own dealing with your own idea of loss and you actually empathized so far as you thought what would I want if I was her and that you offered that because I don't think that happens enough in this industry I don't think I think sometimes we and it can be through exhaustion through corporate trainings and things of get the sales get the sales where I think that's where funeral directors get sometimes that CD
Speaker: media image that's painted that were cowboys just trying to sell for a quick book.
Speaker: That's not the case.
Speaker: Most of the funeral directors I know, that's not the case.
Speaker: And that's honestly why I started this podcast was to show more so Joe Public, but equally other industry people what is out there and the different stories and tell the stories because I mean,
Speaker: I'm hoping anybody listening to that story got as choked up as I did because, and that's one, well, two stories there you told of, I can only imagine the hundreds that you have.
Speaker: It's just incredible.
Speaker: And I think more people need to drop the stoic, the stiff upper lip and,
Speaker: embrace the fact that you're human whether you're female whether you're male whether you're transgender whatever yeah we are human at the end of the day it's okay to be a part of the community grieving i saw absolutely communities grieve so i think everything ties back to covid these days it does so difficult with covid because people want to bring food to your house they want to
Speaker: People want to hug, they want to touch, and you want to have that intimate peace.
Speaker: And I've become at peace with myself of, yes, I need to stay composed, but I can show emotion and be a part of the grieving community and not need to be that stoic person in the background that shows no emotion.
Speaker: You know, I'm a celebrant as well.
Speaker: And some people will say to me, oh, but what if you're at a service and it's really emotional?
Speaker: What do you do?
Speaker: And I'm like,
Speaker: I show emotion.
Speaker: I mean, I don't break down and I'm not wailing and I'm not sort of, you know, the banqueenshire of the Irish weeks.
Speaker: I don't sort of start lamenting or anything.
Speaker: But I, I, if I have to, I'll pause the service, take a moment.
Speaker: you know, I don't burst into floods of tears, but sometimes I'll get choked up.
Speaker: And honestly, those services have been the ones that I have reached more people, touched more people because it's real.
Speaker: It's not play tears.
Speaker: It's not less that one of the stories that I'm probably told this on this pod show, pod, pod show, pod, maybe that's the new word, pod show.
Speaker: Welcome to the Glamoury for Pod Show.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But I was lying in the desk dentist chair and my dentist, the dentist nurse, you know, had my mouth open and was away.
Speaker: She was doing things.
Speaker: No fillings.
Speaker: Thank you very much.
Speaker: I'm still proud of that at 38 years of age.
Speaker: No fillings.
Speaker: She laughs every time I go in.
Speaker: I'm like, do I get a gold star?
Speaker: She's like, we really should get a chart for you.
Speaker: I know I'm a child, but I was lying in the chair and they know what I do.
Speaker: And you probably find this too when you're socially out and you maybe tell people what you do.
Speaker: They either are aghast or they lean in because they want to know more.
Speaker: And you might find they tell you, open up and start telling you stories.
Speaker: And so in this particular instance, my dental nurse started telling me the story of how when her father passed away,
Speaker: She used a very well-known funeral director in Dublin.
Speaker: I don't want to say a chain, but there's two notable families really in Dublin.
Speaker: I don't know if you've ever been to Dublin, but check out our funeral home.
Speaker: They're fab.
Speaker: I should start doing tours.
Speaker: But anyway, she used this funeral home and she said, and of course I can't respond because my mouth is gaping.
Speaker: She's, you know, working away at it.
Speaker: But she started telling me how she really got frustrated with the funeral director because she said, Jen, he's the exact same age as you, if not younger.
Speaker: And I was like, in my head, I'm steady on now.
Speaker: He might not be that much younger than me.
Speaker: But she said he was just...
Speaker: so bland.
Speaker: She said his facial expressions was nearly ashen.
Speaker: And she said, he kept leaning in and whispering to me, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker: I'm so sorry for you.
Speaker: Or like whispering to tell me.
Speaker: And she said, I wanted to grab him, shake him and scream.
Speaker: I'm fine.
Speaker: As in, I'm not fine, but I'm not going to break.
Speaker: Like, please talk to me normal.
Speaker: And I'm not saying this works for everybody.
Speaker: I'm just, these are just stories we're relaying.
Speaker: Everybody is different.
Speaker: And I, that is,
Speaker: If anybody knows anything about me, that is one thing that I 100% believe.
Speaker: But my point is that you need to meet people where they're at.
Speaker: When you get somebody in front of you, you have to size up the situation.
Speaker: Is this somebody who wants to talk about this as if we're having drinks?
Speaker: Is this somebody who I need to whisper with?
Speaker: That's a part of the job.
Speaker: It's a skill.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: You need to be able to read the situation and what amount of information and emotion that you can get through.
Speaker: People will say, well, how long is this arrangement conference going to take?
Speaker: It could take 45 minutes.
Speaker: It could take four and a half hours.
Speaker: It's all dependent on how much information people want to share, people's comfort level.
Speaker: And you can't have the same conversation with somebody who's an executor of an estate who has no relationship with this person, wants to sign cremation documents and get in and out.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: That's so different than sitting down with children that the matriarch of the family just died.
Speaker: And they have six kids and 27 grandchildren and 40 great-grandchildren.
Speaker: And they're all in the room, pre-COVID.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Everybody has their own family.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Oh, those are fun.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So much of being able to read a situation and respond appropriately to how to react to a situation.
Speaker: And it's that's not something that happens overnight, I don't think.
Speaker: And it's a school that can be built.
Speaker: And I think it's something that you need to continue to work on.
Speaker: And absolutely.
Speaker: I think good funeral directors need to be good at is reading people and being able to assess a situation.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: I think it's one of the most crucial aspects of a funeral career, especially if you're going to be that person that families meet.
Speaker: If you're not, if you're going to be in the embalming room the entire of your career, that's something.
Speaker: And there is a place for everybody.
Speaker: There is a place for every person in this.
Speaker: There is a place for the janitors of funeral homes.
Speaker: There is still a certain type of person, I feel, whether it's
Speaker: down to a janitor or the admin the office manager there are still types there are still certain things but that person who's electing to be in front of the family absolutely needs to have empathy compassion and and like that be able to read the situation of okay this person is a one and done just even and i'm sure you're probably finding it now sadly
Speaker: During COVID, I do think we are becoming a little bit more comfortable with the self-isolating and the working from home and the, oh, do I need to come in to talk about that?
Speaker: No, you can email me.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: It's a time saver, let's be honest, especially in Manhattan, where I don't want to spend an hour in traffic trying to get in and out of the city.
Speaker: You know, can you email us?
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: And I do think that COVID and other technology and all these other things are leading to new innovations within the industry.
Speaker: One of my guests is a lady who has set up a direct cremation system.
Speaker: Now, she's not taking the compassion element of it out that you lose that human connection.
Speaker: She's just making it a little bit more transparent and a little bit easier for people to do what we all do now, which is get on our phones, get on our laptops,
Speaker: and make our decisions including our purchasing decisions and as we kind of said at the start it is an industry it is a purchase it is a very large purchase you're making and I know for me um Alison when I first started 10 years ago one of the I was a wedding planner and a party planner and one of the most fascinating things I found about the industry was that
Speaker: Somebody would sign, and this is Ireland, it's a little bit different, but somebody would sign a cheque for €5,000 without asking who the suppliers were.
Speaker: Were there cheaper or different options?
Speaker: What were the options?
Speaker: I was like, this is insane.
Speaker: You know, a wedding for, well, you wouldn't get a wedding for €5,000, even in Ireland.
Speaker: But a wedding or any party for €5,000, I would have to have, like, at least three options of the caterer, all these...
Speaker: Yes, I want to take the food first.
Speaker: Insane, insane.
Speaker: Now, you know, I don't think there's many people out there who want to try the casket out before they buy it.
Speaker: But what we're talking about is we're making it very black and white.
Speaker: But essentially, it is a purchase and it is a large purchase, especially today.
Speaker: Yeah, it absolutely is.
Speaker: And it's a one-time purchase.
Speaker: You can't go back and redo it.
Speaker: I was telling you.
Speaker: You don't want to return the casket.
Speaker: It's not something you want to even... Although, do you know what?
Speaker: And she'll laugh when she hears this.
Speaker: My mother will try.
Speaker: Even if she's the one in it, she will try.
Speaker: We joke about this back home that my mum buys... You know, she'll buy a coat, she'll buy a pair of shoes, she'll do whatever back when the shops were open in Ireland.
Speaker: And without fail, two days later, we'd be like, did you return it?
Speaker: She'd be like, yeah.
Speaker: I mean, it just wasn't for me.
Speaker: I'm like...
Speaker: Why do you even buy it in the first place?
Speaker: It's like she gets a buzz, a kick out of returning.
Speaker: So if anyone's going to attempt an afterlife return of a casket, it'll be my mother, I swear.
Speaker: But no, it is.
Speaker: I have to say COVID is definitely changing the way we're doing things.
Speaker: Are you finding in your two funeral homes, are you finding that people are pre-planning more?
Speaker: Is there a bit more of a fear mentality?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Are people doing direct cremations as we've seen a massive increase of that?
Speaker: Are people doing direct cremations, direct burials with the hope of doing a memorial later or are they just sticking with?
Speaker: We are.
Speaker: We're seeing yes to all of those questions.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: We're seeing an increase in people wanting to do pre-arrangements and we're seeing both.
Speaker: I have a facet of people who want to do everything online and we've done a massive upgrade of our website to be able to
Speaker: to reach those people who I want to click a button, fill out a form, it gets to you, it's on file, I at least can have that peace of mind.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: And we still have a large group of people that want to come meet in person.
Speaker: And we want to make sure these arrangements are done.
Speaker: I'm meeting with a lot of people in their 50s and 60s who have buried their parents and their parents have either had no plans
Speaker: or have had everything pre-arranged and see it as such a valuable asset that they want to make sure it's done.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: It's such an essential thing.
Speaker: And it's something I promote on nearly every episode is get out there and pre-plan.
Speaker: Even if you do nothing else other than on a piece of paper, write burial or cremation, name the funeral director, like name whether you want to have a memorial or not, name something, just five things.
Speaker: yeah and it doesn't need to be even coming into a funeral home and sitting down jot it down tell your best friend tell someone what your thoughts are so that yeah it's coming for all of us so that yeah knows something exactly so that somebody knows like you couldn't have hit that that's pre-flatting so somebody knows something and it's
Speaker: It's so true because and again, I hope I'm not repeating myself in this podcast.
Speaker: I probably regurgitated a lot of my stories, but I sat down and did a preplan with my mom and it was just a preplan like the ones I do where we go through the details.
Speaker: It's not with a particular funeral home where we go through the details and the memorial.
Speaker: And what I found fascinating is
Speaker: And this encourages people to pre-plan when I tell them this story because they're like, I never thought of it like that.
Speaker: Is I sat down with my mom and there's only me, my brother and my parents and we're all still alive and healthy, thank God.
Speaker: I know if either anything happens to anybody in my family, because I do what I do, it would fall to me.
Speaker: I'm the event planner, right?
Speaker: And so I would organize their funeral based on my relationship with them, based on my thoughts, right?
Speaker: Now, obviously I would ask for input, but I would do it predominantly
Speaker: what I think is right.
Speaker: And what I found interesting was that when I sat down and asked my mum certain questions, she totally blew me away.
Speaker: I was like, wait, what?
Speaker: You don't want those flowers?
Speaker: You want these flowers?
Speaker: She wants Rod Stewart, Maggie Mae played.
Speaker: I was like, what?
Speaker: Your name's not even Maggie.
Speaker: That makes no sense.
Speaker: What's the relevance of that?
Speaker: I've never even heard you play that song.
Speaker: She said, well, my friends and when we're out, mind blown.
Speaker: I was like,
Speaker: And to me, as such a big fan of pre-planning, that's the most important thing is if you plan it from your point of view, and they say, you know, a funeral is for the living or it's for the dead.
Speaker: I know there's lots of schools of thought on that.
Speaker: I personally think it's for both.
Speaker: Every person in the venue...
Speaker: will get a chunk of my funeral.
Speaker: Like every person will be like, that was Jen.
Speaker: Or yeah, you've got, you hit her on the head.
Speaker: Yeah, that's her.
Speaker: Or whatever it might be.
Speaker: It'll make sense to them.
Speaker: Whereas have you ever been to those funerals where you're sitting there with somebody you might've known or whatever and you're like,
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: I didn't.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I didn't know that.
Speaker: Or, or the priest gets their name wrong or the music is like, Oh, they printed off a template and insert insert name, insert, you know, random music that yeah.
Speaker: Funerally type music.
Speaker: Just disastrous.
Speaker: Like, oh, I couldn't think of anything worse.
Speaker: And if, you know, listen, if that's, if a generic funeral is what you want, this is not the show for you, I can tell you that much.
Speaker: Because there's no generic people.
Speaker: There is not one.
Speaker: Every single one, our thumbprint is different.
Speaker: Our tongue is different.
Speaker: I learned that.
Speaker: That was amazing.
Speaker: To me, we've so many different elements to us that make us completely unique.
Speaker: What is it?
Speaker: It's like a one in four trillion chance of even getting born.
Speaker: Yeah, it's insane.
Speaker: Mind blown.
Speaker: Mic drop.
Speaker: But yeah, so I just think pre-planning it, only you know you the best.
Speaker: Only you know who your four best friends are.
Speaker: Only you know that your relationship with your mother would warrant you playing, I mean, for me, it's very cornily.
Speaker: I would absolutely play Wind Beneath My Wings if I was to die before my mother.
Speaker: She absolutely is the wind beneath my wings.
Speaker: And I know that's a very funeral-esque song.
Speaker: But that's okay.
Speaker: I mean, that's okay.
Speaker: As long as it means something.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I just think if people, if we do nothing, you know, if you do nothing coming off this today, take me in Alison's advice.
Speaker: Two ladies, two lady bosses, take our advice and do, write five things down over the dinner table.
Speaker: Tell your family, I want to be buried, cremated.
Speaker: You know, use alkaline hydrolysis.
Speaker: I want to be composted or whatever the latest eco thing is.
Speaker: Just, you know, yeah.
Speaker: You want to know, bitch, what do you want said?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That's a big one.
Speaker: That's a huge one.
Speaker: Actually, I've been all day working on an obituary for the New York Times.
Speaker: And obviously, when you work with notable people, there's certain elements of press, you know, PR that's associated with all that.
Speaker: So I'm certainly going to have, when I die, I'm going to have a PR team.
Speaker: Spend out a press release.
Speaker: And they'll probably be like, yeah, we really don't care.
Speaker: I mean, who is she?
Speaker: We really don't care.
Speaker: But it's okay, because by that stage, I'll be the Beyonce of...
Speaker: of podcasting that's the plan Alison I'm gonna be able to say I talked to the Beyonce of podcasting absolutely and Alison same for you like when you when you eventually you know croak it you're gonna your PR team be like well she was owner of one million funeral homes so you know there's a milestone
Speaker: Think big.
Speaker: Think big.
Speaker: No, I listen.
Speaker: I'm obviously lots of joking here, but, you know, that's how you keep it light.
Speaker: And but tell us, what are the plans?
Speaker: You've obviously are so young, a female funeral homeowner as well, which can I just tell the general public?
Speaker: kind of unheard of if if there's other funeral home owners that are ladies out there or basically just that aren't male please get in touch yeah definitely hit me up because we are few and far between especially on the owner standpoint of sides i and the million dollar question that i get i would be a millionaire if i could have a dollar for every time someone asks me this well so what does your husband do
Speaker: And I'm like, he is wonderful and he is my support system.
Speaker: But from the aspect here, he really doesn't.
Speaker: He has stepped into a role and helps with some office items and financial pieces.
Speaker: But you will never, you won't see him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Hands on pieces.
Speaker: And.
Speaker: It is pretty wild.
Speaker: And with for a long period of time, even before I had owned the funeral home, people would just automatically assume, are you the secretary or the girl that just comes in and does hair and makeup?
Speaker: You're the administrative assistant.
Speaker: It's like, nope, I do being in a small community part of what we do.
Speaker: I wear all the hats.
Speaker: I
Speaker: I do the removals from the hospital's homes.
Speaker: I do the embalming.
Speaker: I'm at the arrangement conference.
Speaker: Like, I'm the one-stop shop here.
Speaker: It's part of operating funeral homes in a small community.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: You have to be everything.
Speaker: You need to wear all those hats.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It is, you know, it's incredible, the glass ceiling in the funeral industry.
Speaker: It's incredible.
Speaker: Like...
Speaker: It's mind boggling, mind boggling, because historically women were the caretakers.
Speaker: Historically, we were the ones that sort of started it effectively.
Speaker: And then it became more men had to get involved.
Speaker: I mean, back home in Ireland, it was the women who washed the bodies, who did the.
Speaker: old school embalming it wasn't embalming at all it was basically just caring for the body it is it's mind-blowing but i'm absolutely delighted uh to hear of your success and i will be following it for sure and um any female interns or anybody looking to have a role model i think i'll i mean i'll definitely be sending them your way i think it's incredible to see somebody just making their way in the world and just making making it happen and in a very very very male dominated
Speaker: industry.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I would love to talk with anybody who is an owner or specifically wants to be an owner, especially on the female side of things.
Speaker: And it's unique.
Speaker: I'm a first generation funeral director.
Speaker: It's not a business.
Speaker: No one in my family's in this business because that's the other chain that I have found of how it ends up falling is my great grandfather was.
Speaker: So what my grandfather was, my father was, now I am.
Speaker: It's unique to find standalone first generation, especially standalone first generation female.
Speaker: Female.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: Well, I applaud you massively.
Speaker: And unfortunately, I have to cut us off.
Speaker: Thank you so, so, so much for coming on the show, Alison.
Speaker: It was an absolute pleasure.
Speaker: Thanks for tuning into the Glam Reaper podcast.
Speaker: I hope you got some little nuggets.
Speaker: goals from today's podcast.
Speaker: I'm your host, Jennifer Muldowney, aka The Glam Rebis.
