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Alison Weaver: Stepping Into a Man's World and Winning
38 Plays4 years ago
Welcome to another episode of The Glam Reaper. Today’s guest is yet another amazing female in the funeral industry, Alison Weaver. Alison is the owner of two funeral homes, and in her conversation with Jen she shares a bit about how she started in the funeral industry at the young age of 15!
Alison had always been fascinated with the human body, and so at that early age she realized what she actually wanted to do. She also shared her educational background and some of her experiences before she became successful in the funeral business. She further shares how a person could be a Funeral Director in the span of 2 years, depending on how determined one is.
Tune in as Alison and Jen both share some of their insights about the industry. And make sure to stay tuned for more little nuggets of gold!
LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:
- Alison’s journey in the funeral industry
- How to be a licensed Funeral Director
- The impact from some of our experiences in the funeral industry
- COVID and its effect to people
- The importance of reading the situation as a person in the funeral industry
- The benefits of pre-planning
Connect with Alison Weaver:
Website - www.ness-sibley.com
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:
Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom
Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney
Twitter - @TheGlamReaper
Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Glam Reaper Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there and welcome to the Glam Reaper podcast.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm your host Jennifer Muldani aka the Glam Reaper.
00:00:13
Speaker
On this podcast we talk love, life and loss.
00:00:16
Speaker
We laugh, we'll cry and we'll celebrate your stories.
00:00:21
Speaker
You are unique, there is no one like you and there will be no one like you ever.
00:00:26
Speaker
So get in touch and share with us your story.
Is the Funeral Industry a Community or Business?
00:00:29
Speaker
I just want us to have a lovely chat because honestly, it's great meeting other females in the industry or the community or whatever we like to call ourselves.
00:00:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:39
Speaker
Because everybody has what specifically?
00:00:42
Speaker
They must.
00:00:42
Speaker
Yes.
00:00:43
Speaker
Exactly.
00:00:43
Speaker
Exactly.
00:00:44
Speaker
So exactly.
00:00:46
Speaker
I mean, what do you call it?
00:00:47
Speaker
Actually, that's a good question.
00:00:48
Speaker
Is it community, industry?
00:00:49
Speaker
How do you feel?
00:00:50
Speaker
I refer to it as industry, but I'm open to just about anything.
00:00:55
Speaker
I don't get, by no means am I offended when people call it something else.
00:00:58
Speaker
I just say I work in the funeral industry because to me that covers all of it.
00:01:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:06
Speaker
And I think that's so important, to be honest, because I think by calling it an industry where...
00:01:13
Speaker
allowing it to be what it is, which is people make money from it.
00:01:17
Speaker
It is, you know, it's a caring industry, but like the medical and like all the other caring industries, money is made from it.
00:01:24
Speaker
Profit is made from it.
00:01:26
Speaker
People form businesses.
Alison's Journey: From Aspiring Medical Examiner to Funeral Home Owner
00:01:28
Speaker
So on that note, tell me, give me an intro as to who you are, why I found you.
00:01:35
Speaker
And yeah, just give me, give me some, give me some of the good stuff, Alison.
00:01:41
Speaker
It's best for me to start at the beginning.
00:01:44
Speaker
When I was growing up, I thought that I wanted to be like a medical examiner, coroner.
00:01:49
Speaker
I was always fascinated with the human body, how things worked.
00:01:53
Speaker
And when I was in high school, I ended up needing a job.
00:01:59
Speaker
And I grew up on a dairy farm.
00:02:01
Speaker
My family was getting ready to sell the dairy cattle that we had had and just crop farm at that point.
00:02:08
Speaker
And my dad was going to work for Cornell instead of keeping up with our dairy farm anymore.
00:02:15
Speaker
And the local funeral director in the town that I grew up in went to perch with my family and said, well, she can come start here cleaning, doing paperwork, kind of all of the traditional
00:02:30
Speaker
female roles of here, you can check this out.
00:02:33
Speaker
And I ended up helping with involvement, which looking back is completely illegal at 15 minutes.
00:02:41
Speaker
What's a little legality?
00:02:44
Speaker
I was doing hair and makeup and was working calling hours and I liked in that experience I found how much I liked working with people.
00:02:54
Speaker
It was that world of being able to work with the human body and make a beautiful picture for somebody to say goodbye to.
00:03:03
Speaker
and help people along the way.
00:03:05
Speaker
And it really meant everything that I was looking for at that point in time and still does.
00:03:12
Speaker
And I went to college for mortuary science.
00:03:15
Speaker
I wanted to get my bachelor's degree.
00:03:18
Speaker
And I went to my guidance counselor and said, can you help me find a four year college that does this?
00:03:23
Speaker
And she was mortified.
00:03:25
Speaker
Where do I even begin to look?
00:03:27
Speaker
Are you sure this is what you want to do?
00:03:29
Speaker
Where do we find them?
00:03:30
Speaker
And I got connected with Gannon University and went there for three years and then went to Simmons Institute of Mortuary Science in Tharacuse for a year.
00:03:41
Speaker
And I loved it.
00:03:43
Speaker
And I ended up working in Ithaca for six months doing my residency before I took a position to finish out my residency at Nest Sibley and Covert Funeral Homes.
00:03:56
Speaker
I was there for four years and the owner approached me and said, I'm ready to retire.
00:04:01
Speaker
Do when Ant has been by.
00:04:03
Speaker
I was shocked.
00:04:05
Speaker
When he initially said, I want to sit down and talk to you, I'm like, did I do something?
00:04:12
Speaker
What's happening?
00:04:13
Speaker
And he said, I want to sell.
00:04:15
Speaker
Are you interested?
00:04:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:17
Speaker
And I went home to my husband and I said, what do you think?
00:04:21
Speaker
This has been the ultimate goal eventually.
00:04:25
Speaker
But at 26, did I think I was going to have the opportunity?
00:04:29
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:04:30
Speaker
This industry is competitive.
00:04:32
Speaker
It's very family based, unless you get into the corporate side of things.
00:04:36
Speaker
And he said, why not?
00:04:38
Speaker
This is what the end goal was.
00:04:39
Speaker
We'll figure it out.
00:04:40
Speaker
And it'll be eight years on March 1st that I've owned both funeral homes.
00:04:45
Speaker
Wow.
00:04:46
Speaker
Wow.
00:04:47
Speaker
And what age are you?
00:04:48
Speaker
If you don't mind sharing.
00:04:49
Speaker
I am 34.
00:04:50
Speaker
34 and eight years owning not one, but two funeral homes.
00:04:56
Speaker
Yes.
00:04:58
Speaker
Well, well done you.
00:05:00
Speaker
Good girl.
00:05:02
Speaker
Absolutely incredible.
Understanding Funeral Industry Residency
00:05:03
Speaker
And just for our listeners, because we do have a mishmash of listeners to the Glam Reaper.
00:05:10
Speaker
So we do have both industry as we have both already clarified.
00:05:14
Speaker
We're very comfortable with the word.
00:05:16
Speaker
We do have industry people listening in, but we also do have what I call Joe Public.
00:05:21
Speaker
Just to give them a bit of a backstory, because I know it's not the same in necessarily every state and every country.
00:05:27
Speaker
And, you know, you don't need to be licensed in certain countries and all of the different things that are out there.
00:05:33
Speaker
But when you talk about residency, I know the majority of people, and it was the same for me.
00:05:39
Speaker
I'm only in this business 10 years.
00:05:40
Speaker
I am not a licensed funeral director, nor will I ever be, or I don't plan to be, should I say, at this point.
00:05:47
Speaker
When I hear the word residency, I mean, I'm laughing because literally last night I just watched the latest season of The Resident, which is a medical drama.
00:05:56
Speaker
First episode.
00:05:56
Speaker
Have you seen it?
00:05:57
Speaker
Yes.
00:05:58
Speaker
I couldn't cope with the first episode.
00:06:00
Speaker
It was all on COVID.
00:06:01
Speaker
It was heartbreaking.
00:06:03
Speaker
It really just showed.
00:06:05
Speaker
Like, I mean, I know and there's there's real life documentaries and I know this is fiction, but.
00:06:09
Speaker
It just gets to your gut when you realize this isn't fiction.
00:06:14
Speaker
This is real life.
00:06:15
Speaker
This is what people are dealing with.
00:06:17
Speaker
You know, frontline workers are dealing with losing their friends, their colleagues, while they're trying to look out for everybody else.
00:06:23
Speaker
Oh, it was just horrifying.
00:06:25
Speaker
My point is that that's where people get that word is, you know, you're a residency in a hospital.
00:06:30
Speaker
They think of it in the medical term, right?
00:06:33
Speaker
So we've all watched George Clooney.
00:06:35
Speaker
We've, you know, we've watched the...
00:06:38
Speaker
Casualty.
00:06:39
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:06:40
Speaker
We've watched the casualty, which I think is the UK.
00:06:42
Speaker
I don't think they have it over here at medical show, but that's typically where we learn these terminologies and that's where the medical field.
00:06:48
Speaker
So give us a slight example of the steps that you had to do.
00:06:54
Speaker
I mean, you gave us a short one there, but if somebody out there is very interested in the funeral industry as a career and wants to go ahead and be a licensed funeral director, what are kind of five steps that they have to go through without fail?
Path to Becoming a Licensed Funeral Director
00:07:08
Speaker
So the first step is you do have to have a degree of any four and it does not have to be a four year degree.
00:07:16
Speaker
It can be a two year degree.
00:07:18
Speaker
I know that there are a lot of programs specifically in New York state that you can even complete online.
00:07:24
Speaker
Typically it's a two year degree in mortuary science.
00:07:28
Speaker
That's the first step, which at that point they, once you've completed all of the courses there and finished finals there,
00:07:36
Speaker
They will pass your information along to the international conference where you can get registered to take your national board exam.
00:07:44
Speaker
That's a national exam throughout the US that everyone takes.
00:07:50
Speaker
And specifically in New York state, once you've passed that portion, there's two sides.
00:07:55
Speaker
There's an art side and a science side.
00:07:58
Speaker
Once you've passed those two pieces, at that point, you can do your residency.
00:08:04
Speaker
which you apply with the health department through the state of New York.
00:08:08
Speaker
And you have to do a year residency underneath a licensed funeral director and account for X number of embalmings and hours served.
00:08:19
Speaker
You can't make arrangements on your own.
00:08:21
Speaker
You help with every aspect and it opens the door for you to be able to go on removals on your own, but get assistance with embalming, making arrangements.
00:08:30
Speaker
You can start to take the lead on
00:08:33
Speaker
doing funeral services and making arrangements until you can take your actual licensing test in New York, which in New York, embalming and directing is all one license.
00:08:45
Speaker
Some states you can pick which form of license you want, but in New York, it's all wrapped into one and nine months into your residency, you can take your licensing exam and actually get your funeral directing license to go out on your own and
00:09:03
Speaker
be a full-blown funeral director.
00:09:06
Speaker
So how long, so say I wanted to start today and I had the degree, so got that in the bag and I wanted to start today.
00:09:14
Speaker
At what, how long exactly from today would it take for me to become a licensed funeral director?
00:09:20
Speaker
So that is, I actually have somebody that I am in training right now.
00:09:25
Speaker
So he had a previous degree in business and
00:09:29
Speaker
He did have to gather some more courses.
00:09:32
Speaker
It took him a year to do everything online in order for him to get registered to be able to take his national board exam.
00:09:41
Speaker
So it took him a year of schooling and then it will be a year of residency.
00:09:47
Speaker
So he's going to become a licensed funeral director in approximately two years.
00:09:53
Speaker
Okay, great.
00:09:54
Speaker
And then you buy your own home and then you become Allison.
00:09:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:58
Speaker
Then you just start, like, you know, get the shopping bag, throw them in.
00:10:03
Speaker
I'll have another two.
00:10:04
Speaker
Go on, give us another two.
00:10:06
Speaker
What's the difference?
00:10:08
Speaker
That's how it works, guys.
00:10:11
Speaker
So if you find yourself unemployed because of COVID, check out the funeral industry.
00:10:16
Speaker
Sorted.
00:10:16
Speaker
No problem.
Realities of Working in the Funeral Industry
00:10:18
Speaker
But in all reality, it is...
00:10:20
Speaker
And people joke, and I know they've joked about this with you, and they've definitely joked about it with me, that it's not a dying business and, you know, all of this sort of stuff.
00:10:29
Speaker
You're never going to run out of people or whatever.
00:10:32
Speaker
You know, it is a sad fact.
00:10:33
Speaker
We both, you know, we're laughing.
00:10:35
Speaker
And this is one of the things that I love about the business that I don't think Joe Public understands is that we are all human beings at the end of the day that have just chosen a caring profession.
00:10:48
Speaker
I mean, I was listening to another podcast last night, actually, in the funeral industry, and I would love to get this gentleman on onto the show.
00:10:57
Speaker
But he was talking about how well, actually, the entire podcast was talking about the impact that going to scenes of crimes, murders, crashes and taking the bodies.
00:11:09
Speaker
That is something even I hadn't thought about, to be honest.
00:11:14
Speaker
As most people listening know, I'm a memorial planner.
00:11:18
Speaker
I have a cremation jewellery line.
00:11:20
Speaker
I write books and I speak on funerals and the topics and stuff.
00:11:23
Speaker
But I am not a licensed funeral director.
00:11:25
Speaker
And as I've said, I'm sounding like I'm pushing this in.
00:11:28
Speaker
Nor do I ever plan to be.
00:11:29
Speaker
Because I just know I could not cope with that.
00:11:33
Speaker
I could not cope with embalming.
00:11:34
Speaker
I could not cope with
00:11:36
Speaker
pulling a child out of a car wreck.
00:11:39
Speaker
I just, I couldn't cope with it.
00:11:41
Speaker
I can just about, I'm a firm believer that we're all born to do certain things in life.
00:11:47
Speaker
And I could never, I mean, I joke about this regularly, the movie Bridesmaids, you know, where she's driving and she's got all the Labradors, the puppies in the backs.
00:11:56
Speaker
Yeah, that's me.
00:11:58
Speaker
If I ever had to work with animals, that would be me.
00:12:00
Speaker
Like I could never work in an adoption facility.
00:12:03
Speaker
They'd just all come over with me.
00:12:05
Speaker
So I do think we all have our boundaries that we can and can't do.
00:12:09
Speaker
And for me, I definitely have those type.
00:12:12
Speaker
But listening to this podcast last night, it really hit home as to the level of,
00:12:19
Speaker
that funeral directors really have to internalize the likes of New York City, like 9-11.
00:12:25
Speaker
I can't imagine.
00:12:26
Speaker
And just in a mass fatality situation like that, and you, it's a one-time
00:12:34
Speaker
It's such an intimate experience with what we do with every family that we work with.
00:12:39
Speaker
We're asking them to share information with us.
00:12:41
Speaker
I'm in a small community.
00:12:43
Speaker
A lot of people, I've built relationships and know a large number of the people, but you're asking them to share personal information or you're trying to learn 87 years worth of a life in a two-hour conversation.
00:12:57
Speaker
And actually the funeral directors, when they were speaking about how these situations impacted their lives and the way they then went on to father their children and manage risk with their families and things, because you can't walk away from, say, a text driving accident and immediately not take your phones off your teenage kids and be like, if I ever catch you texting and driving, I'll kill you myself, you know.
Impact of the Funeral Industry on Personal Life
00:13:24
Speaker
Like, you can't.
00:13:25
Speaker
It's going to impact you so... I mean, one of the funeral directors was saying that a child had died from playing in leaves, autumn, fall leaves, because of a fungus that was lying, a deadly fungus that was lying beneath the leaves.
00:13:40
Speaker
And he said he refuses to allow his children.
00:13:44
Speaker
He actually kind of made light of it because he said, you know, I thought my kids are kind of, can I go out and play, Dad?
00:13:49
Speaker
He said, how about another hour of Netflix?
00:13:51
Speaker
which is contrary to yeah yeah yeah exactly here's here's the ipad again um but these things do impact and and a bit like a nurse and a doctor going to work every day uh or a priest or a therapist any of these people their clients impact them and one of the things that i actually wanted to talk to you about allison today was um they touched on working in a small community now granted i've
00:14:18
Speaker
I'm from Dublin in Ireland, which is very different.
00:14:22
Speaker
We do funerals quite differently to, say, for example, down in rural Ireland, where they're still more into the waking and the Irish, the old way of doing things.
00:14:31
Speaker
But a bit like New York City, Dublin had to move with the times.
00:14:35
Speaker
There's more people.
00:14:36
Speaker
So a bit like...
00:14:37
Speaker
my local priest wouldn't have a clue who I was.
00:14:40
Speaker
And so that was why I became a little against having my funeral in my Catholic church.
00:14:45
Speaker
It doesn't take away from my religion, but I want people speaking about me when I'm on my deathbed, I'm already dead.
00:14:54
Speaker
But I want people who know me, who know how to pronounce my name and all that sort of stuff.
00:14:59
Speaker
One of the things that the guy said was that one of the difficulties in living in a rural area or an area that's a smaller community is you grow up with these people, you know who they are.
00:15:13
Speaker
And so then all of a sudden when they're on your embalming table, I just, I mean, can you talk about anything
Personal Loss and Professional Role
00:15:20
Speaker
like that?
00:15:20
Speaker
Has that been an experience you've ever had?
00:15:22
Speaker
Has anybody you know ever been on your books as such?
00:15:26
Speaker
Yes, it is.
00:15:28
Speaker
I've been in this community now for almost 12 years and it's I haven't had to deal directly with anybody that is a good friend of mine but I've worked with grandparents and I've worked with families
00:15:45
Speaker
I think where it has impacted me the most is I've worked with several families who've lost children.
00:15:51
Speaker
And I have a son that's almost four and an 18-month-old.
00:15:56
Speaker
Prior to that, I always try to be sensitive with everybody, but there's those added things.
00:16:02
Speaker
I had a mother.
00:16:03
Speaker
It's so important to be able to hold a baby and rock a baby.
00:16:06
Speaker
And I said, I need to bring my rocker over.
00:16:10
Speaker
Like, I want to get this baby ready.
00:16:12
Speaker
You need to hold your daughter and you need to rock your daughter.
00:16:15
Speaker
I want so much to make that experience.
00:16:19
Speaker
I try to offer people as much alone time as I can.
00:16:23
Speaker
And it's made me more aware of what would I, I don't want to go there and ever think about it, but what opportunity would I want?
00:16:32
Speaker
And I'm finding myself more and more.
00:16:34
Speaker
12 years ago, I always was telling myself I need to be stoic.
00:16:39
Speaker
You shouldn't show emotion.
00:16:40
Speaker
You need to be there.
00:16:42
Speaker
And as I've gotten more and more inclined and embraced by the community here, I have found it's okay if I step aside in the other room when I need to take a break and I'm crying and can hold them and embrace them and say empathize.
00:16:58
Speaker
I don't
00:16:59
Speaker
know exactly what you're going through, but I'm here for you and I want to empathize with you and know I want to be there to help you.
00:17:07
Speaker
I am fortunate enough also, my father died almost three years ago and he was diagnosed with stage four cancer and they said, are you going, do you want to get your dad ready?
00:17:19
Speaker
And I said, I do not.
00:17:21
Speaker
The other funeral director that's been on staff here at the funeral home for 25 years,
00:17:27
Speaker
I said, I need, I want you to take care of him.
00:17:30
Speaker
I don't want to do the embalming.
00:17:33
Speaker
I don't want to do that piece.
00:17:35
Speaker
I, he came to my parents' home when he died.
00:17:38
Speaker
And I said, I want to be the one to help wrap him up and help him out of the house.
00:17:44
Speaker
But after that, I can't do that physical piece of seeing him on the table and doing the embalming.
00:17:50
Speaker
That was my
00:17:52
Speaker
line of it's too close.
00:17:54
Speaker
I needed to turn that over to somebody else.
00:17:56
Speaker
I'm so sad that you have to go through that at all.
00:17:59
Speaker
But it's you've hit on so many, so many crucial points there, Alison, that there is this, and it's actually known as an English thing, of a stiff upper lip.
The Role of Empathy in the Funeral Industry
00:18:10
Speaker
And it's interesting because I came into this business 10 years ago when I lost a couple of friends of mine too soon.
00:18:19
Speaker
Interestingly, there was one who he drowned in Australia, and I don't think his family won't mind me saying this, but...
00:18:27
Speaker
He drowned in Australia and I was just heartbroken.
00:18:31
Speaker
I was heartbroken for the loss of my friend.
00:18:33
Speaker
I was heartbroken for the loss of my best friend's youngest brother.
00:18:38
Speaker
So I was, you know, I knew this family very well.
00:18:41
Speaker
And I was so heartbroken for the parents to have lost their youngest child.
00:18:46
Speaker
And I remember walking in and is typical, as is typical in Ireland, I walked in and...
00:18:53
Speaker
His mom was just one of these bundles of joy, just such a light.
00:18:58
Speaker
I mean, she still is and she's just, I love to see her when I go home.
00:19:02
Speaker
And she just immediately greeted me with warmth and brightness.
00:19:08
Speaker
But I knew it was masking what was going on.
00:19:11
Speaker
Anyway, she immediately brought me into the room where he was showing.
00:19:15
Speaker
I didn't realize at the time that, you know, because I was so focused on giving her my condolences, that I was confronted with his...
00:19:25
Speaker
body before I knew what was happening and I'm sad about that now because I can't get that image out of my head and I do think it's interesting what you brought up about embalming your father it's happened to me a couple of times now where people because I do what I do assume that I want to see the body of
00:19:49
Speaker
a loved one, an uncle.
00:19:50
Speaker
I'm escorted and I know, I know, I know my boundaries now.
00:19:54
Speaker
I'm like, thank you, but no thank you.
00:19:57
Speaker
I'd like to remember them laughing.
00:19:58
Speaker
That's just, and it's not, I don't think it'll be like that for everybody.
00:20:03
Speaker
When it comes to my own parents, I think that might change for me.
00:20:07
Speaker
But like that, we all have our boundaries.
00:20:09
Speaker
We all have what we do and we don't want.
00:20:11
Speaker
And I think what you did for that mother,
00:20:15
Speaker
was incredible and not only because you did it for her, but the fact that you
00:20:21
Speaker
took aside your own dealing with your own idea of loss and you actually empathized so far as you thought what would I want if I was her and that you offered that because I don't think that happens enough in this industry I don't think I think sometimes we and it can be through exhaustion through corporate trainings and things of get the sales get the sales where I think that's where funeral directors get sometimes that CD
00:20:51
Speaker
media image that's painted that were cowboys just trying to sell for a quick book.
00:20:56
Speaker
That's not the case.
00:20:57
Speaker
Most of the funeral directors I know, that's not the case.
00:21:00
Speaker
And that's honestly why I started this podcast was to show more so Joe Public, but equally other industry people what is out there and the different stories and tell the stories because I mean,
00:21:15
Speaker
I'm hoping anybody listening to that story got as choked up as I did because, and that's one, well, two stories there you told of, I can only imagine the hundreds that you have.
00:21:25
Speaker
It's just incredible.
00:21:26
Speaker
And I think more people need to drop the stoic, the stiff upper lip and,
00:21:33
Speaker
embrace the fact that you're human whether you're female whether you're male whether you're transgender whatever yeah we are human at the end of the day it's okay to be a part of the community grieving i saw absolutely communities grieve so i think everything ties back to covid these days it does so difficult with covid because people want to bring food to your house they want to
00:22:01
Speaker
People want to hug, they want to touch, and you want to have that intimate peace.
Balancing Professionalism and Genuine Emotion
00:22:06
Speaker
And I've become at peace with myself of, yes, I need to stay composed, but I can show emotion and be a part of the grieving community and not need to be that stoic person in the background that shows no emotion.
00:22:20
Speaker
You know, I'm a celebrant as well.
00:22:23
Speaker
And some people will say to me, oh, but what if you're at a service and it's really emotional?
00:22:28
Speaker
What do you do?
00:22:29
Speaker
And I'm like,
00:22:30
Speaker
I show emotion.
00:22:32
Speaker
I mean, I don't break down and I'm not wailing and I'm not sort of, you know, the banqueenshire of the Irish weeks.
00:22:38
Speaker
I don't sort of start lamenting or anything.
00:22:41
Speaker
But I, I, if I have to, I'll pause the service, take a moment.
00:22:45
Speaker
you know, I don't burst into floods of tears, but sometimes I'll get choked up.
00:22:50
Speaker
And honestly, those services have been the ones that I have reached more people, touched more people because it's real.
00:22:58
Speaker
It's not play tears.
00:23:01
Speaker
It's not less that one of the stories that I'm probably told this on this pod show, pod, pod show, pod, maybe that's the new word, pod show.
00:23:09
Speaker
Welcome to the Glamoury for Pod Show.
00:23:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:12
Speaker
But I was lying in the desk dentist chair and my dentist, the dentist nurse, you know, had my mouth open and was away.
00:23:20
Speaker
She was doing things.
00:23:21
Speaker
No fillings.
00:23:21
Speaker
Thank you very much.
00:23:22
Speaker
I'm still proud of that at 38 years of age.
00:23:24
Speaker
No fillings.
00:23:26
Speaker
She laughs every time I go in.
00:23:27
Speaker
I'm like, do I get a gold star?
00:23:29
Speaker
She's like, we really should get a chart for you.
00:23:31
Speaker
I know I'm a child, but I was lying in the chair and they know what I do.
00:23:35
Speaker
And you probably find this too when you're socially out and you maybe tell people what you do.
00:23:41
Speaker
They either are aghast or they lean in because they want to know more.
00:23:46
Speaker
And you might find they tell you, open up and start telling you stories.
00:23:51
Speaker
And so in this particular instance, my dental nurse started telling me the story of how when her father passed away,
00:23:57
Speaker
She used a very well-known funeral director in Dublin.
00:24:01
Speaker
I don't want to say a chain, but there's two notable families really in Dublin.
00:24:07
Speaker
I don't know if you've ever been to Dublin, but check out our funeral home.
00:24:10
Speaker
They're fab.
00:24:12
Speaker
I should start doing tours.
00:24:13
Speaker
But anyway, she used this funeral home and she said, and of course I can't respond because my mouth is gaping.
00:24:19
Speaker
She's, you know, working away at it.
00:24:20
Speaker
But she started telling me how she really got frustrated with the funeral director because she said, Jen, he's the exact same age as you, if not younger.
00:24:28
Speaker
And I was like, in my head, I'm steady on now.
00:24:30
Speaker
He might not be that much younger than me.
00:24:32
Speaker
But she said he was just...
00:24:35
Speaker
so bland.
00:24:37
Speaker
She said his facial expressions was nearly ashen.
00:24:41
Speaker
And she said, he kept leaning in and whispering to me, I'm so sorry for your loss.
00:24:44
Speaker
I'm so sorry for you.
00:24:46
Speaker
Or like whispering to tell me.
00:24:47
Speaker
And she said, I wanted to grab him, shake him and scream.
00:24:50
Speaker
I'm fine.
00:24:51
Speaker
As in, I'm not fine, but I'm not going to break.
00:24:54
Speaker
Like, please talk to me normal.
00:24:57
Speaker
And I'm not saying this works for everybody.
00:24:59
Speaker
I'm just, these are just stories we're relaying.
00:25:02
Speaker
Everybody is different.
00:25:03
Speaker
And I, that is,
00:25:04
Speaker
If anybody knows anything about me, that is one thing that I 100% believe.
00:25:08
Speaker
But my point is that you need to meet people where they're at.
00:25:13
Speaker
When you get somebody in front of you, you have to size up the situation.
00:25:17
Speaker
Is this somebody who wants to talk about this as if we're having drinks?
00:25:22
Speaker
Is this somebody who I need to whisper with?
00:25:25
Speaker
That's a part of the job.
00:25:26
Speaker
It's a skill.
00:25:27
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:25:28
Speaker
You need to be able to read the situation and what amount of information and emotion that you can get through.
00:25:36
Speaker
People will say, well, how long is this arrangement conference going to take?
00:25:41
Speaker
It could take 45 minutes.
00:25:43
Speaker
It could take four and a half hours.
00:25:45
Speaker
It's all dependent on how much information people want to share, people's comfort level.
00:25:52
Speaker
And you can't have the same conversation with somebody who's an executor of an estate who has no relationship with this person, wants to sign cremation documents and get in and out.
00:26:04
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:06
Speaker
That's so different than sitting down with children that the matriarch of the family just died.
00:26:12
Speaker
And they have six kids and 27 grandchildren and 40 great-grandchildren.
00:26:16
Speaker
And they're all in the room, pre-COVID.
00:26:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:20
Speaker
Everybody has their own family.
00:26:22
Speaker
Yes.
00:26:23
Speaker
Oh, those are fun.
00:26:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:24
Speaker
So much of being able to read a situation and respond appropriately to how to react to a situation.
00:26:33
Speaker
And it's that's not something that happens overnight, I don't think.
00:26:37
Speaker
And it's a school that can be built.
00:26:39
Speaker
And I think it's something that you need to continue to work on.
00:26:43
Speaker
And absolutely.
00:26:44
Speaker
I think good funeral directors need to be good at is reading people and being able to assess a situation.
00:26:52
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:26:53
Speaker
I think it's one of the most crucial aspects of a funeral career, especially if you're going to be that person that families meet.
00:27:00
Speaker
If you're not, if you're going to be in the embalming room the entire of your career, that's something.
00:27:05
Speaker
And there is a place for everybody.
00:27:07
Speaker
There is a place for every person in this.
00:27:10
Speaker
There is a place for the janitors of funeral homes.
00:27:14
Speaker
There is still a certain type of person, I feel, whether it's
00:27:19
Speaker
down to a janitor or the admin the office manager there are still types there are still certain things but that person who's electing to be in front of the family absolutely needs to have empathy compassion and and like that be able to read the situation of okay this person is a one and done just even and i'm sure you're probably finding it now sadly
00:27:41
Speaker
During COVID, I do think we are becoming a little bit more comfortable with the self-isolating and the working from home and the, oh, do I need to come in to talk
Innovations in the Funeral Industry Amidst COVID-19
00:27:51
Speaker
about that?
00:27:51
Speaker
No, you can email me.
00:27:52
Speaker
Great.
00:27:53
Speaker
It's a time saver, let's be honest, especially in Manhattan, where I don't want to spend an hour in traffic trying to get in and out of the city.
00:28:01
Speaker
You know, can you email us?
00:28:02
Speaker
Great.
00:28:02
Speaker
Great.
00:28:03
Speaker
And I do think that COVID and other technology and all these other things are leading to new innovations within the industry.
00:28:11
Speaker
One of my guests is a lady who has set up a direct cremation system.
00:28:18
Speaker
Now, she's not taking the compassion element of it out that you lose that human connection.
00:28:25
Speaker
She's just making it a little bit more transparent and a little bit easier for people to do what we all do now, which is get on our phones, get on our laptops,
00:28:33
Speaker
and make our decisions including our purchasing decisions and as we kind of said at the start it is an industry it is a purchase it is a very large purchase you're making and I know for me um Alison when I first started 10 years ago one of the I was a wedding planner and a party planner and one of the most fascinating things I found about the industry was that
00:28:56
Speaker
Somebody would sign, and this is Ireland, it's a little bit different, but somebody would sign a cheque for €5,000 without asking who the suppliers were.
00:29:06
Speaker
Were there cheaper or different options?
00:29:08
Speaker
What were the options?
00:29:10
Speaker
I was like, this is insane.
00:29:12
Speaker
You know, a wedding for, well, you wouldn't get a wedding for €5,000, even in Ireland.
00:29:15
Speaker
But a wedding or any party for €5,000, I would have to have, like, at least three options of the caterer, all these...
00:29:23
Speaker
Yes, I want to take the food first.
00:29:25
Speaker
Insane, insane.
00:29:27
Speaker
Now, you know, I don't think there's many people out there who want to try the casket out before they buy it.
00:29:32
Speaker
But what we're talking about is we're making it very black and white.
00:29:35
Speaker
But essentially, it is a purchase and it is a large purchase, especially today.
00:29:41
Speaker
Yeah, it absolutely is.
00:29:44
Speaker
And it's a one-time purchase.
00:29:46
Speaker
You can't go back and redo it.
00:29:48
Speaker
I was telling you.
00:29:49
Speaker
You don't want to return the casket.
00:29:51
Speaker
It's not something you want to even... Although, do you know what?
00:29:55
Speaker
And she'll laugh when she hears this.
00:29:57
Speaker
My mother will try.
00:29:58
Speaker
Even if she's the one in it, she will try.
00:30:00
Speaker
We joke about this back home that my mum buys... You know, she'll buy a coat, she'll buy a pair of shoes, she'll do whatever back when the shops were open in Ireland.
00:30:08
Speaker
And without fail, two days later, we'd be like, did you return it?
00:30:12
Speaker
She'd be like, yeah.
00:30:13
Speaker
I mean, it just wasn't for me.
00:30:14
Speaker
I'm like...
00:30:15
Speaker
Why do you even buy it in the first place?
00:30:17
Speaker
It's like she gets a buzz, a kick out of returning.
00:30:20
Speaker
So if anyone's going to attempt an afterlife return of a casket, it'll be my mother, I swear.
00:30:26
Speaker
But no, it is.
00:30:27
Speaker
I have to say COVID is definitely changing the way we're doing things.
Trends in Pre-Planning and Cremations
00:30:31
Speaker
Are you finding in your two funeral homes, are you finding that people are pre-planning more?
00:30:37
Speaker
Is there a bit more of a fear mentality?
00:30:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:40
Speaker
Are people doing direct cremations as we've seen a massive increase of that?
00:30:44
Speaker
Are people doing direct cremations, direct burials with the hope of doing a memorial later or are they just sticking with?
00:30:52
Speaker
We are.
00:30:52
Speaker
We're seeing yes to all of those questions.
00:30:56
Speaker
Right.
00:30:56
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:56
Speaker
We're seeing an increase in people wanting to do pre-arrangements and we're seeing both.
00:31:02
Speaker
I have a facet of people who want to do everything online and we've done a massive upgrade of our website to be able to
00:31:09
Speaker
to reach those people who I want to click a button, fill out a form, it gets to you, it's on file, I at least can have that peace of mind.
00:31:18
Speaker
Great.
00:31:18
Speaker
And we still have a large group of people that want to come meet in person.
00:31:22
Speaker
And we want to make sure these arrangements are done.
00:31:27
Speaker
I'm meeting with a lot of people in their 50s and 60s who have buried their parents and their parents have either had no plans
00:31:35
Speaker
or have had everything pre-arranged and see it as such a valuable asset that they want to make sure it's done.
00:31:41
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:31:42
Speaker
It's such an essential thing.
00:31:44
Speaker
And it's something I promote on nearly every episode is get out there and pre-plan.
00:31:49
Speaker
Even if you do nothing else other than on a piece of paper, write burial or cremation, name the funeral director, like name whether you want to have a memorial or not, name something, just five things.
00:32:02
Speaker
yeah and it doesn't need to be even coming into a funeral home and sitting down jot it down tell your best friend tell someone what your thoughts are so that yeah it's coming for all of us so that yeah knows something exactly so that somebody knows like you couldn't have hit that that's pre-flatting so somebody knows something and it's
00:32:24
Speaker
It's so true because and again, I hope I'm not repeating myself in this podcast.
00:32:28
Speaker
I probably regurgitated a lot of my stories, but I sat down and did a preplan with my mom and it was just a preplan like the ones I do where we go through the details.
00:32:37
Speaker
It's not with a particular funeral home where we go through the details and the memorial.
00:32:42
Speaker
And what I found fascinating is
00:32:44
Speaker
And this encourages people to pre-plan when I tell them this story because they're like, I never thought of it like that.
00:32:50
Speaker
Is I sat down with my mom and there's only me, my brother and my parents and we're all still alive and healthy, thank God.
00:32:57
Speaker
I know if either anything happens to anybody in my family, because I do what I do, it would fall to me.
00:33:03
Speaker
I'm the event planner, right?
00:33:05
Speaker
And so I would organize their funeral based on my relationship with them, based on my thoughts, right?
00:33:11
Speaker
Now, obviously I would ask for input, but I would do it predominantly
00:33:14
Speaker
what I think is right.
00:33:17
Speaker
And what I found interesting was that when I sat down and asked my mum certain questions, she totally blew me away.
00:33:24
Speaker
I was like, wait, what?
00:33:25
Speaker
You don't want those flowers?
00:33:27
Speaker
You want these flowers?
00:33:29
Speaker
She wants Rod Stewart, Maggie Mae played.
00:33:32
Speaker
I was like, what?
00:33:33
Speaker
Your name's not even Maggie.
00:33:34
Speaker
That makes no sense.
00:33:35
Speaker
What's the relevance of that?
00:33:36
Speaker
I've never even heard you play that song.
00:33:38
Speaker
She said, well, my friends and when we're out, mind blown.
00:33:43
Speaker
I was like,
00:33:44
Speaker
And to me, as such a big fan of pre-planning, that's the most important thing is if you plan it from your point of view, and they say, you know, a funeral is for the living or it's for the dead.
00:33:59
Speaker
I know there's lots of schools of thought on that.
00:34:01
Speaker
I personally think it's for both.
00:34:03
Speaker
Every person in the venue...
00:34:07
Speaker
will get a chunk of my funeral.
00:34:10
Speaker
Like every person will be like, that was Jen.
00:34:12
Speaker
Or yeah, you've got, you hit her on the head.
00:34:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's her.
00:34:16
Speaker
Or whatever it might be.
00:34:18
Speaker
It'll make sense to them.
00:34:19
Speaker
Whereas have you ever been to those funerals where you're sitting there with somebody you might've known or whatever and you're like,
00:34:25
Speaker
Oh, wow.
00:34:26
Speaker
I didn't.
00:34:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:34:27
Speaker
I didn't know that.
00:34:28
Speaker
Or, or the priest gets their name wrong or the music is like, Oh, they printed off a template and insert insert name, insert, you know, random music that yeah.
00:34:42
Speaker
Funerally type music.
00:34:47
Speaker
Just disastrous.
00:34:48
Speaker
Like, oh, I couldn't think of anything worse.
00:34:50
Speaker
And if, you know, listen, if that's, if a generic funeral is what you want, this is not the show for you, I can tell you that much.
00:34:56
Speaker
Because there's no generic people.
00:34:58
Speaker
There is not one.
00:34:59
Speaker
Every single one, our thumbprint is different.
00:35:01
Speaker
Our tongue is different.
00:35:02
Speaker
I learned that.
00:35:02
Speaker
That was amazing.
00:35:03
Speaker
To me, we've so many different elements to us that make us completely unique.
00:35:09
Speaker
What is it?
00:35:09
Speaker
It's like a one in four trillion chance of even getting born.
00:35:12
Speaker
Yeah, it's insane.
00:35:15
Speaker
Mind blown.
00:35:16
Speaker
Mic drop.
00:35:21
Speaker
But yeah, so I just think pre-planning it, only you know you the best.
00:35:25
Speaker
Only you know who your four best friends are.
00:35:27
Speaker
Only you know that your relationship with your mother would warrant you playing, I mean, for me, it's very cornily.
00:35:34
Speaker
I would absolutely play Wind Beneath My Wings if I was to die before my mother.
00:35:39
Speaker
She absolutely is the wind beneath my wings.
00:35:42
Speaker
And I know that's a very funeral-esque song.
00:35:44
Speaker
But that's okay.
00:35:44
Speaker
I mean, that's okay.
00:35:45
Speaker
As long as it means something.
00:35:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:47
Speaker
So I just think if people, if we do nothing, you know, if you do nothing coming off this today, take me in Alison's advice.
00:35:54
Speaker
Two ladies, two lady bosses, take our advice and do, write five things down over the dinner table.
00:36:00
Speaker
Tell your family, I want to be buried, cremated.
00:36:03
Speaker
You know, use alkaline hydrolysis.
00:36:05
Speaker
I want to be composted or whatever the latest eco thing is.
00:36:09
Speaker
Just, you know, yeah.
00:36:10
Speaker
You want to know, bitch, what do you want said?
00:36:12
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:13
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:14
Speaker
That's a big one.
00:36:15
Speaker
That's a huge one.
00:36:16
Speaker
Actually, I've been all day working on an obituary for the New York Times.
00:36:19
Speaker
And obviously, when you work with notable people, there's certain elements of press, you know, PR that's associated with all that.
00:36:28
Speaker
So I'm certainly going to have, when I die, I'm going to have a PR team.
00:36:33
Speaker
Spend out a press release.
00:36:34
Speaker
And they'll probably be like, yeah, we really don't care.
00:36:37
Speaker
I mean, who is she?
00:36:39
Speaker
We really don't care.
00:36:40
Speaker
But it's okay, because by that stage, I'll be the Beyonce of...
00:36:44
Speaker
of podcasting that's the plan Alison I'm gonna be able to say I talked to the Beyonce of podcasting absolutely and Alison same for you like when you when you eventually you know croak it you're gonna your PR team be like well she was owner of one million funeral homes so you know there's a milestone
Challenges for Women in the Funeral Industry
00:37:05
Speaker
Think big.
00:37:05
Speaker
Think big.
00:37:06
Speaker
No, I listen.
00:37:08
Speaker
I'm obviously lots of joking here, but, you know, that's how you keep it light.
00:37:12
Speaker
And but tell us, what are the plans?
00:37:15
Speaker
You've obviously are so young, a female funeral homeowner as well, which can I just tell the general public?
00:37:23
Speaker
kind of unheard of if if there's other funeral home owners that are ladies out there or basically just that aren't male please get in touch yeah definitely hit me up because we are few and far between especially on the owner standpoint of sides i and the million dollar question that i get i would be a millionaire if i could have a dollar for every time someone asks me this well so what does your husband do
00:37:49
Speaker
And I'm like, he is wonderful and he is my support system.
00:37:53
Speaker
But from the aspect here, he really doesn't.
00:37:56
Speaker
He has stepped into a role and helps with some office items and financial pieces.
00:38:01
Speaker
But you will never, you won't see him.
00:38:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:05
Speaker
Hands on pieces.
00:38:07
Speaker
And.
00:38:10
Speaker
It is pretty wild.
00:38:11
Speaker
And with for a long period of time, even before I had owned the funeral home, people would just automatically assume, are you the secretary or the girl that just comes in and does hair and makeup?
00:38:23
Speaker
You're the administrative assistant.
00:38:25
Speaker
It's like, nope, I do being in a small community part of what we do.
00:38:32
Speaker
I wear all the hats.
00:38:33
Speaker
I
00:38:34
Speaker
I do the removals from the hospital's homes.
00:38:36
Speaker
I do the embalming.
00:38:38
Speaker
I'm at the arrangement conference.
00:38:40
Speaker
Like, I'm the one-stop shop here.
00:38:42
Speaker
It's part of operating funeral homes in a small community.
00:38:45
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:38:47
Speaker
You have to be everything.
00:38:48
Speaker
You need to wear all those hats.
00:38:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:51
Speaker
It is, you know, it's incredible, the glass ceiling in the funeral industry.
00:38:56
Speaker
It's incredible.
00:38:57
Speaker
Like...
00:38:59
Speaker
It's mind boggling, mind boggling, because historically women were the caretakers.
00:39:06
Speaker
Historically, we were the ones that sort of started it effectively.
00:39:10
Speaker
And then it became more men had to get involved.
00:39:14
Speaker
I mean, back home in Ireland, it was the women who washed the bodies, who did the.
00:39:18
Speaker
old school embalming it wasn't embalming at all it was basically just caring for the body it is it's mind-blowing but i'm absolutely delighted uh to hear of your success and i will be following it for sure and um any female interns or anybody looking to have a role model i think i'll i mean i'll definitely be sending them your way i think it's incredible to see somebody just making their way in the world and just making making it happen and in a very very very male dominated
00:39:48
Speaker
industry.
00:39:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:49
Speaker
And I would love to talk with anybody who is an owner or specifically wants to be an owner, especially on the female side of things.
00:39:58
Speaker
And it's unique.
00:40:00
Speaker
I'm a first generation funeral director.
00:40:02
Speaker
It's not a business.
00:40:04
Speaker
No one in my family's in this business because that's the other chain that I have found of how it ends up falling is my great grandfather was.
00:40:13
Speaker
So what my grandfather was, my father was, now I am.
00:40:18
Speaker
It's unique to find standalone first generation, especially standalone first generation female.
00:40:24
Speaker
Female.
00:40:25
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely.
00:40:27
Speaker
Well, I applaud you massively.
00:40:29
Speaker
And unfortunately, I have to cut us off.
00:40:31
Speaker
Thank you so, so, so much for coming on the show, Alison.
00:40:34
Speaker
It was an absolute pleasure.
00:40:39
Speaker
Thanks for tuning into the Glam Reaper podcast.
00:40:42
Speaker
I hope you got some little nuggets.
00:40:45
Speaker
goals from today's podcast.
00:40:48
Speaker
I'm your host, Jennifer Muldowney, aka The Glam Rebis.