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00:00:01
You Beg for Change but Replay the Same
39 Plays6 months ago
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I'm diving into the challenges of real transformation. You know, we all crave change at some level, but when we finally get it, that urge to fall back on what’s familiar can feel so strong. I’ll share raw moments of my own journey—leaving behind a comfortable life, the struggles of stepping into the unknown, and learning to trust myself when everything felt uncertain. Let us explore why embracing discomfort is key to creating the life we want, and why it's worth it to let go of the parts of ourselves that hold us back—making moves to make waves.
Alexa play “2016” by Sam Hunt
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Wandering the Wild Mess'
00:00:00
Heather Morgan
you can't ask for change and expect everything to stay the same.
00:00:10
Heather Morgan
Wow, that hits. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. All right, let's get into it. I told y'all that this is a mess.
00:00:29
Heather Morgan
And I'm feeling it so much right now. And I don't know if you are because I feel like so much is happening. The year has just flown by and there's so much going on in life. And when you stop and think about your life, sometimes you're like, what am I doing? I asked for change. I wanted things to be different. I wanted my life to be different, but there's something that pulls me to want to feel the same.
Predictability vs. Desire for Change
00:01:05
Heather Morgan
and i It's kind of taking me back to the beginning of my separation when there was so many times I contemplated just going back to my marriage for the simple fact that I was comfortable in it. It was safe. I knew what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I knew what we were doing for the holidays. I knew what we were doing. Everything was safe in the words of predictable. And that's what our bodies think is safe. Like we know what to expect. So even if it's chaos, even if it's unhappiness, even if it's not at all what you would want to tell anyone that was happening, you're like, at least I know what to expect.
00:02:01
Heather Morgan
At least I know when I get off work, that person's going to be there. Or at least I know I'm married or at least I know I have someone. There's just so much about quote unquote safety in life that keeps us where we don't want to be because being uncomfortable is rough.
00:02:30
Heather Morgan
You know? And there's, I don't know, there's so much that I think about now.
Embracing Discomfort and Personal Growth
00:02:38
Heather Morgan
I'm obviously not in a place anymore where I think about going back to my marriage and my life or moving back to Utah, none of that. So I was kinda like, I got over that. Like now I'm just in this new life and it's great. But as I sat in the messiness of my life, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to,
00:02:58
Heather Morgan
you get out of something and then you get into something new and you're really excited and you're like, okay, I made it. I'm out of that. I made it over that part of the mountain. I'm free and clear. Well, then here comes the next, the next track. Like it's, it's a lot because you've just been kind of messily Trenching through life and now you're like, okay This isn't gonna work
00:03:30
Heather Morgan
for my real goals and passions in life or the things that I want or the relationship I want or the friendships I want. Like you're kind of like, okay, I went through the motions. I got out of the old thing and I just did the best with what I had for this new life I was trying to create. Well, now I'm kind of over that piece of my life and I'm um moving on, but I want to get somewhere else now.
00:03:59
Heather Morgan
And boy, when they say like you have to give up parts of your old life to have a new one, um they're right. You have to get rid of parts of your old self and your old life and your old routine, even if that old life has only been the year and a half plus of being divorced. At some point I can't have
00:04:29
Heather Morgan
divorced woman who doesn't know what she's doing with her life, be my identity forever. I mean, some people do it. Some people dwell on what happened to them for years and years and years. And then they're 80 and they're like, wow, I spent a lot of time identifying as that betrayed person or that hurt person.
00:04:51
Heather Morgan
But I think if we really want the best for ourselves, which I hope we all do, I hope that's why you're listening because you're like, maybe this girl knows something about life because she's lived some. She seems pretty positive. She's willing to be vulnerable and honest. And that's what I'm just trying to show. It's just like a real person trying to figure it out. No clue. No idea. Don't claim to know it all. But I'm trying to just give you the experience to know that we're all just figuring it out as we go.
00:05:22
Heather Morgan
But when we want to improve ourselves, when we want to grow, the uncomfortability is just not going to stop. Unfortunately, it's going to keep coming around because that's what evolving does. It puts you in places you've never been before.
00:05:45
Heather Morgan
And that's why a lot of people stay where they've always been. And I get it. But I know that can't be me. And I know that shouldn't be you. I mean, if you want to choose that, no judgment. But I know our lives are meant for amazing things. And when we stay stuck in one place, we miss opportunities and others. So I'm kind of saying all this to say that as I'm trying to step into this like new version of myself, where I really value myself and my time and the energy I put into relationships and friendships and work, I realize that I have to change some behaviors that I have to, again, kind of like clean the slate from some people in my life.
00:06:43
Heather Morgan
Um, at least for a period of time, because i I need to make sure that I don't go back into my old patterns again.
00:06:54
Heather Morgan
And I'll tell you why I'm just so passionate about this is like in my marriage, when I was, we were separated. I remember being like, we got along so good. I could go back.
00:07:11
Heather Morgan
and it we we could make it work. But I knew we could only make it work for like a period of time. Like I knew it was just like, we could make it work, but it was not gonna go away. Like the things we needed to work through were so much that at the end of the day, all I would have done was took more time feeling comfortable in the life that I knew. But at the end of the day, I'd still end up where I was. And that would be, I'd have to leave and then I'd have to do this all over again.
00:07:41
Heather Morgan
And so I now I'm in that same head space with a lot of things in my life where I realize that if I keep doing the same things and stay comfortable, which sounds very appealing, then at some point I'm still, if I desire this other bigger life or these other things from for myself, then I'm still going to have that itch. It's just going to take me longer to scratch it.
Aligning Actions with Beliefs
00:08:10
Heather Morgan
And so I'm just going to have to sit in the discomfort and really look myself in the mirror and be like, Heather, what, what decisions are you making to make your life better?
00:08:21
Heather Morgan
And I think I've talked about it before. I mean, I i read a ton. My books that I love are all self-help, so I'm just a big guru around that. But I think it's just like way helpful for mindset. And you've probably seen the evolution if you've been listening from the beginning, and I appreciate it so, so, so much if you have.
00:08:41
Heather Morgan
um And even if you haven't, I'm just glad you're here. But I think my mindset has really just grown, but I realized my actions has to grow along with it. And that's the harder part. You can know what you need to do.
00:08:55
Heather Morgan
you're gonna be like, I need to go to the gym, because then I'll feel this and that. But like, going there and actually taking those actions to get to the gym, to wake up every morning, to get your, cook you know, all the things that it takes, like, that's a different, we all know what we need to be doing, for the most part. But taking the actions to do it is the real key. And I had a conversation with my friend not too long ago, and I'm hoping this is helpful.
00:09:25
Heather Morgan
But I realized that every time we tell ourselves that we're going to do something, we don't even have to tell anybody else. We're like, okay, I'm waking up tomorrow tomorrow. I'm going to the gym or I'm not going to call that person back. Like I need to just leave that chapter closed or I'm going to figure out this piece of my finances or I'm going to.
00:09:49
Heather Morgan
apply for this job or whatever it is, whatever thing in your life, you're like, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna i gonna reach out to that person and see if I can get on their podcast. I'm gonna, all the things. I'm gonna not stop for a beer after work on a Wednesday. Whatever you tell yourself that you're gonna do. Every time you don't do that, it hurts your confidence in your own self.
00:10:18
Heather Morgan
because you show yourself your inability to do what you say.
00:10:26
Heather Morgan
And over time, enough of that is just really taking like, and I'm not scientific, but like the cortisone from your brain, like it just changes your mindset about who you are and what you're capable of.
00:10:43
Heather Morgan
Our beliefs in ourself and our confidence to do the things we need to do and know that it's going to happen for us and it's going to work out and everything's going to play out as it should is aligned with our actions. So when we continue to like show, not show up for ourselves and not do the things that we tell ourselves we want to do, we're only really hurting ourselves.
00:11:06
Heather Morgan
It's like we're telling our best friend inside us that like, nah, I don't got time for you. I said that, but I didn't mean it. And if you know how that feels when it's someone you love in your life where you're like, they're like, yeah. Oh, I'm so excited. Meet you for dinner at six. Like we're going to catch up. We're going to do this. And then you get that like, Oh, nah, I can't make it. Sorry. I forgot. And you were so like, wait, that was the plan though.
00:11:36
Heather Morgan
And then they're like, Oh, no, can't not going to do it. Not prioritizing you. No, I got it. I got something else. If that happens once we all mess up, like people get busy. It's life. But if someone keeps doing that over and over and over again to you, every time you make plans, every time they say they're going to hit you up every time at some point,
00:11:59
Heather Morgan
You're just gonna go, I don't even really trust this for I don't even can't depend on them. I don't believe in them. I don't even think what they tell me like I you hear it. Like you're on the phone with them. They're like, Yeah, let's do this. Let's go here. Let's go that you want to go to that concert. You want to go to this, whatever it is in life.
00:12:17
Heather Morgan
And then you're like, sure, but like, you're not going to go. Like you're just, you stop even hearing what they have to say because you don't believe it anymore. It's just a whole bunch of like, sure, sure. And that person, that friend that you no longer care to make any plans with or depend on or trust or believe is going to follow through whoever that person is in your life, you become that person to you.
00:12:48
Heather Morgan
We're like, you can tell yourself every, you know, tell you're blue in the face. Oh, I'm going to get do new year's resolution. I'm doing dry Jan. I'm going to, you know, make that big big move. I'm going to buy that new truck. I'm going to, but it's like, are you? Cause you've been telling yourself a lot of things that you haven't done. So now you're just not even believing anything you have to say to yourself.
00:13:13
Heather Morgan
And that lack of trust, confidence, and really like being able to depend on yourself wears wears on us.
00:13:25
Heather Morgan
And I'm not saying that, oh my gosh, you can never not do what you say, because I know, again, give grace. Don't beat yourself up. But think about that.
00:13:38
Heather Morgan
the next time you're like, I really want to do something. If you really want to do it, do it. It seems like we all know this, but it's so much harder to put into action. And sometimes I have to look at myself and I realized that there's a lot of triggers in my life from growing up and even from my ex-husband that I was like, okay, like nothing triggered me more than
00:14:05
Heather Morgan
him saying he was going to do something and not doing it. I just felt like I couldn't trust the person I was supposed to trust. And it probably triggered me because I also found that I did that to myself at times and I didn't like it. I didn't like it. It didn't feel good.
Transitioning to Healthier Lifestyles
00:14:27
Heather Morgan
And so as I'm evolving and moving and trying to like, part of me is like this tug of war. I think I mentioned it of like, I still want to be messy and I still miss this, but then I am. It's like you're shedding that like.
00:14:44
Heather Morgan
skin of the old version of you. And you're just like, I'm not doing that stuff anymore. I'll tell you, I was at losers in Nashville. The first bar I ever went to winners and losers. I still remember that the whole day like it was yesterday. And I was there with some friends after a really cool thing I got to do, which gosh, Nashville is so amazing. But I was looking around and I was like, gosh, I'd been messy in this bar. Like, gosh, I've been and it almost was like that girl that I was because I wasn't really drinking. So I was just like sober and losers. And it's, you know, maybe like 11 o'clock at night. ah And yeah I like the VIP was back there post Malone was back there. But like it was a cool just Tuesday night. There wasn't a lot of people. So it was like a vibe. And I was just like,
00:15:45
Heather Morgan
I just, it's fun. I love it. The familiar faces, but like that girl that was like messy AF the last year and a half is like, I think she's kind of gone. I think she's kind of gone. She's like, I don't know if she's like fully retired. Like, I don't know if I'm pulling a Tom Brady or if like I'm, I'm out.
00:16:13
Heather Morgan
I just, i so I'm still, don't get me wrong. I was dancing. I was a dancing fool still. All right. Like wearing my boots, dancing. Like I was still having a wonderful time, but I was sober and I was not messy at all compared to the nights that I've had in that bar. And it kind of felt like good to show myself that i'm growing up And I don't even mean in like a getting older because I feel like i I went backwards after my divorce in a lot of ways. um But I feel like it was just, there's just periods in your life where you don't,
00:17:00
Heather Morgan
You don't know who you're being because you don't know who you are anymore. So you just are making a whole bunch of like random decisions on like on the fly or just, I'm just throwing and seeing what sticks, what feels good right now, what feels good, what feels good. And usually it's the things that feel good temporarily that you keep doing because you're like, all right, dopamine hit that feels good. I'll do that. I'll be here. I don't care for the plot, all the things. And then I think at some point you start realizing that like,
00:17:30
Heather Morgan
Those things don't really feel as good as they used to. Like they're just too short lived.
00:17:41
Heather Morgan
You know, it's almost like you like, you're like gambling and you're just like, you keep like, you'll hit it big. You bet it all. You hit it big playing blackjack 20. Here we go. Then the next hand you lose.
00:17:56
Heather Morgan
but you still have a few. So you play that one, then you win, you're like, yeah. And then you lose. It's just this back and forth, but you're never like stacking. You're never like keeping a pile. Cause you're always just going all in on every hand. And at some point you walk away from the table with nothing.
00:18:17
Heather Morgan
I've seen many a nights like that. I've gambled a lot, but not a lot like that, but um but I've watched it and I can promise you the amount of times you walk away winning big is a lot less than feeling a little defeated. And so I think I just was, was maybe I was just like, I don't, how many more chips can I throw knowing that I'm not really going to take anything home.
00:18:49
Heather Morgan
And so it just seemed easier to just kind of like be a little more strategic, slow play things a little more, take my time, take a run outside of the casino instead of sitting on a stool. ah We'll see where life goes, but I'll tell you that the whole thing is just a journey and I would not trade my mess or tell you that I'll never be messy again because
00:19:19
Heather Morgan
Lord knows I still want to have a fun life. But I definitely think evolving into someone who is okay not having that quick fix dopamine hit of being so out in the world every second has been a nice change of pace for me right now.
From 'Messy Girl Era' to Balance
00:19:45
Heather Morgan
I mean, I feel like I'm a little in my I don't know why what era I want to call it and why we always have to define it. But I felt like I'm transitioning from like my messy girl era to like a little more of like a
00:20:01
Heather Morgan
lover girl, although that's not really, I don't know, some kind of era, some like calm, likes to cook, wants to chill, but still will want to probably go out on a random Wednesday night if something cool is happening. Maybe, but like, not all the time. So anyways, I will wrap this up.
00:20:24
Heather Morgan
by my favorite, my book. And oh, I need to need to throw in a song. So there's a song by Sam Hunt called 2016. And it even says, I'd give the nights back to Nashville.
00:20:39
Heather Morgan
And I um was listening to that the other day because he's kind of contemplating like obviously it was about him kind of being probably feral when he had this wonderful woman and thinking that he wanted to chase dreams and lonely women.
00:20:55
Heather Morgan
And it didn't get him anything at the end of the day. So he, you know, the song hits from where I'm at. I wasn't chasing lonely women, but you know what I mean? Like just out there kind of like chasing that feeling of just being out in the world and doing something new, which I don't take them back. The best stories, some still many still untold from my messy time in Nashville. But I think there's a point in time where we kind of reflect and be like, what are, what's the return on investment here?
00:21:23
Heather Morgan
Memories, love it. Experiences, love it. Lessons, love it. But like sleep,
00:21:33
Heather Morgan
probably having too many green tea shots, probably eating too much fried food. like There's things I'm like, i know you know once in a while, but it was I was going, pretty wild. And so you just have to think like, it's okay if you want that life. Some people do some people will live that life for the rest of their life. And if they're good with that, who am I to judge? But I just didn't think that that's like a sustainable long term life for me. And so if it's not for you either, you can change it anytime. But you have to be okay with being uncomfortable. And that
00:22:14
Heather Morgan
That is where it becomes hard to change, is being uncomfortable. So obviously favorite book, The Way Forward, it says, if you embrace growth, remain humble, and are not afraid of stepping outside your comfort zone, you can be sure that your best work and the best parts of your life have not happened yet.
Reflecting on Marriage and Change
00:22:44
Heather Morgan
I love that because stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing those things really does allow you to have your best life. So like I said, i love if you think about even the timeline of my mess and journey, and I wouldn't take back any of the things. Even my marriage, I wouldn't take it back. There's so many great memories that I had in that version and portion of my life. And then that divorce led me to the most fun, wild, amazing nights in Nashville that I swear I would not change for the world. And now as I evolve again,
00:23:28
Heather Morgan
I'm all right with not consistently having those wild nights in Nashville, just scaling them back. You know, I was probably going like it was probably 80 20 then, you know, maybe now I'm ready for 20 80 20 at a time and then eight of the time in another. And we can always change those things. I could even change tomorrow. Nothing's like permanent. you You know what I mean? You evolve.
00:23:56
Heather Morgan
But don't be so hard on yourself is the message here.
Encouragement for Embracing Change
00:24:01
Heather Morgan
But also think about what you really want. And when you tell yourself you want that and you say you're going to do it, don't make this like huge, like like this huge goal. That's like you can, but you got to think if you don't do it, it disappoints you more to worse. So just make like the smallest goal.
00:24:24
Heather Morgan
I do this all the time, I'll end it, I swear. But I do this all the time, even with working out. And I'll be like, okay, I'm just gonna work out for 10 minutes. 10 minutes, like that's not even long. But you can be like, okay, I've got 10 minutes, who doesn't have 10 minutes? And that will get me on a run, well, or doing some kind of workout in my house for 10 minutes.
00:24:50
Heather Morgan
But the time you're doing 10 minutes, you're like, what's 10 more? And then you're like, Oh, 20. Well, what's 10 more? Now you're like, Oh, I worked out for 30 minutes. Actually, I'm feeling really good. Like what? Let's go 45. Then you're at 45. And you're like, I might as well just finish out an hour. Next thing you know, it's one hour you're done. But on those days where you're like, I'm not gonna be able to do that thing for an hour. Like if I said I'm working out for an hour, I might be like, the that's how much time I got all these things to do. I'm not doing and that.
00:25:19
Heather Morgan
Well, like once you just say 10 minutes and then if things come up and I'm like, I only have 10 minutes, I didn't let myself down. I did 10 minutes and that's all I said I would do.
00:25:32
Heather Morgan
It really works. I've done it before. I mean, I'm, I'm being more consistent that I don't have to force myself that way right now, but it has worked in the past and that's what I'm doing with things in my life. Now is making the little goals, the little tasks that lead to the big things and just saying, I'm doing that because it doesn't seem so overwhelming.
00:25:55
Heather Morgan
That's what I want you to be able to do. Believe in yourself. realize that being uncomfortable is absolutely part of growth. If you're comfortable all the time, you're just staying the same. And that's okay. Like I said, no judgment. You want to stay the same. Do it. But you can't expect a different life doing the same things.
00:26:26
Heather Morgan
You can't make waves without making moves.
00:26:31
Heather Morgan
Otherwise you're just still water. Nobody drinks still water. And you know, you're like, there's a pile of water and it's just, it doesn't move. And it's like, eh, don't touch that. Not that good for you. The movement cleans the water, keeps it fresh, keeps it flowing, keeps it safe. Just a thought.
00:26:52
Heather Morgan
Just a thought, you know, not like I'm a philosopher or anything, just a thought.
00:26:57
Heather Morgan
I hope you take something away from this and I know whatever you want to do, you're going to do it and you're going to crush it. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.