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Mother's Day with Pulling Curls, Friday We're in Love and Delia Creates {Episode 17}
94 Plays6 years ago
Happy Mother's Day! We have a special gift for you this week. In this episode, Bonnie and Audrey interview 3 supermoms, asking them questions, and then letting them turn the tables and ask a question themselves!
Find Hilary at Pulling Curls
Hilary's book Family Routines
Find Camille at Friday We're In Love
Camille's top Date Night ideas
Find Delia at Delia Creates
Follow Delia on Instagram for kids food allergy information
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction: Meet Bonnie and Audrey
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're moms to a combined total of 16 kids with two more on the way. Yes, we know that sounds insane, and it usually is. But we're here to share the tips that help us keep our sanity and to share inspiring thoughts that help us get through each crazy day. Uninterrupted conversation is foreign to us, but we'll try. And we invite you to join us on our journey as we find joy in the chaos of motherhood.
Mother's Day Special: Interview with Supermoms
00:00:47
Speaker
Okay, hello and welcome to Episode 17. In honor of the upcoming Mother's Day holiday, we have a special gift for you, our listeners. Today we're interviewing three moms, supermoms in the online community and we're so excited for you to hear what they have to say. We ask each of them five questions and then we let them turn the tables on us and ask
00:01:12
Speaker
One or both of us each a
Hilary: Work-Life Balance and Fun in Motherhood
00:01:14
Speaker
question. So we're so excited for today's episode First we talk with Hillary. She's a mom to three and author of the well-known pulling curls motherhood blog And she's also written a book about family systems. We know that you would really enjoy So now let's talk with Hillary
00:01:32
Speaker
Hey, Hilary. We are so excited to have you here on the episode today. How are you doing today? I am super. Thanks so much, Bonnie. Oh, good. Good. Okay. So Hilary and I have been friends for a while. We actually live just two towns over from each other. And we're super excited to interview you today because you are also a fellow blogger. You have a full-time job as well or part-time. What are you doing right now? Nursing? One day a week. 12 hours a week. Oh, that's perfect.
00:01:56
Speaker
Perfect. Perfect. Cool. But we also really admire you as a mom because anyone that can pull off working gigs and motherhood at the same time is a hero in our book. So we're just going to ask you a few questions for this Mother's Day episode. You ready? Yep. So ready. Okay. What would you say is your greatest strength as a mom?
00:02:14
Speaker
So I think my greatest strength is that I really like to have fun. And I'm not the kind of like, let's get down on the floor and play Legos kind of fun. But I think I can make weird situations really fun. And I see that in my kids and other kids that I interact with, I just love having fun. And so I think that's probably it. Oh, that's really awesome. That's so awesome. Yeah. What ages are your kids, Hilary? I have a 10-year-old, 15, and an 18.
00:02:43
Speaker
Yeah, so she's got the older age. She knows what she's doing. Two teenagers are surviving under her watch. She's a pro. I love that. And Audrey and I have already determined that we are not the fun moms, so we really appreciate that and other moms because everyone has their own strengths, right? Yeah, and to be the fun mom for a 15-year-old and an 18-year-old is pretty amazing. Yeah, no one is the fun mom for an 18-year-old.
00:03:08
Speaker
I was going to say, do they think you're cool? Because if so, bow down. I mean, I can crack a dirty joke. Does that count? Totally. Totally. That is the kind of thing. Your 15 and 18-year-olds are males, right? Yeah. Oh, well, that's all you need. A potty joke. That's it. Yeah, that's right. Plenty of those.
00:03:26
Speaker
Okay, so conversely, what would you say is your greatest weakness? Do you have something you usually struggle with?
Hilary's Advice: Persistence in Motherhood
00:03:32
Speaker
I think my biggest problem is that I expect too much. And when they don't meet my expectations, it's really rough on me. And I don't think I thought that I was that way until my oldest, the last couple years of high school. I just realized maybe I needed to chill out a little bit. That's a tough balance to find, isn't it?
00:03:51
Speaker
Yeah, gotcha. So what about the last couple years of having him in your home has made you realize that? Just that I had expectations for him that he just didn't care about. And after a while, they have to care about the expectations more than you do. Gotcha. That's rough. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Well, in homeschooling, I see that a lot too. I'm like, well, we'll do this, and then we'll do this, and then we'll do this. And my 13-year-old's like, I'm not doing that.
00:04:19
Speaker
So that's a great tip. Right. Because they get bigger than you and then you're like, well, bend down here and let me grab your ear so that I can talk some sense into you.
00:04:31
Speaker
OK, my turn. Do you have any advice for a younger you, Hillary, or for a mom just starting out since you're quite a way down into your motherhood journey? I think it's something that I learned from moms that are in labor. Sometimes they say, oh, I just can't do this anymore. And I think we kind of need to stop acting like there's an out because there really is no out. I'm like, no, you're doing this. We're doing it. It's so great. But I'm kind of like, what else are we going to do? Like the baby has to come out.
00:04:58
Speaker
So you're doing it and you have to keep doing it until they leave your house. That is such a good comparison. What? You're right. There's no way out of motherhood. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm laughing because that was literally me two weeks ago, two weeks ago yesterday. I can't do this anymore. And it's so cute because the midwives and everybody are so sweet. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. But I'm sure they're thinking the same thing. Well, sorry, honey. There's only one way out.
00:05:22
Speaker
But yeah, I think we definitely get to that point where we're like, uh, I just want to give up. And I've thought of that before and thought, you know, that's probably why God blesses us with this like intense love for these little humans so that we don't just walk away because somebody feels like that, you know, like, I don't want to do this anymore.
00:05:38
Speaker
But yeah, we're here for the long haul. Yeah, that's exactly right. My babies were struggling with a little bit of colic in the past couple of weeks. And I'm like, when he's crying, I'm like, oh my goodness, this is never going to end. But then he stops and he smiles at me and you know, I just melt. So then there you go. Yeah.
00:05:55
Speaker
Okay, so next question for you is, what would you say is your greatest hope for your kids? I think for them to just have joy, lots of happiness, lots of true happiness.
Balancing Act: Work and Family Time
00:06:05
Speaker
I think that's what we're here on the earth to do. And I am at my best when I'm happiest. So that's mostly what I want. Yep. Okay, so our last question for you is this, do you have any tips for moms that have to get work done when they have kids? Either go off to work or work for themselves at home. What are your best tips?
00:06:25
Speaker
make it happen. For me, I really have to segment it. It has to be working time or not working time. And so I get up early. I'm naturally a get up earlier. So I work early in the morning when my kids are home and then I try and shut it off for a couple hours. And then they know after I've spent some time with them that I'm back to work. So it's hard when you're at home and your work is just a few touches away. Yeah.
00:06:51
Speaker
So that's my best advice. It's a lot easier to work as a nurse because I'm just gone. And if they call me, I'm like, that's too bad. Right. That's true. You're on somebody else's time. No, I love that tip. We've talked about that as well too. And we've talked specifically in previous episodes about trying to make sure that your kids get the best of you at the beginning of the day, you know, whenever they wake up or they need you or whatever. And then they're a lot more likely to give you some, some time to yourself because they've already felt like they've had their needs met. Yeah.
00:07:17
Speaker
All right, so we did want to wrap up just to ask you, do you have any questions you want to ask us? Oh, man, you guys, that's rough. OK, so what do you do when you literally just want to kill a kid? What do you do? I've been let Audrey answer this because I think she has a nicer answer than I do.
00:07:35
Speaker
Well, we have a whole episode about when you want to quit. And that's more like long-term strategies. But when you just need like you're in that moment and your butt and heads with them and you just need five minutes, what I like to do is send them outside or step outside myself. It's something about getting fresh air. This really helps me. And then like I can come back with a fresh attitude and fresh vision and just maybe be a little kinder
00:08:04
Speaker
and not kill him. That's good advice. Something about the birds chirping and sunshine tends to drive away homicidal tendencies. Except in Arizona, where it's 400 degrees outside. That's true. That's true. Oh, it's 120. OK, you're all going to die.
00:08:22
Speaker
All right. Thank you so much for joining us, Hilary. We really love talking to you. We think you are an amazing blogger, an amazing mom, and also really, really funny. So if you guys haven't checked her out, go check her out at pullingcurls.com. And thanks so much for talking to us. Thanks so much, you guys. Have a good Mother's Day. You too. You too. Bye.
Camille's Journey: Emotional Bonds and Infertility
00:08:41
Speaker
All right, next we're going to talk with Camille. She's a mom to two absolutely adorable boys, a strong date night advocate, and the blogger behind Friday, We're In Love. Hello, Camille. How are you doing today? Hey, doing well. Thanks for having me. Yeah, we're really happy to have you with us here to talk about some motherhood things for our special Mother's Day podcast episode. Hooray.
00:09:07
Speaker
So we're gonna start off with what would you say is your greatest strength as a mother? So my sister has described my children as the most emotionally spoiled children in the world, which may sound negative, but I actually think this is a huge strength. I'm an infertility mom. I waited years and years to get that first baby and did a lot of trigger shots and a lot of things to have baby number two as well. And I think it has just made me very attentive
00:09:36
Speaker
to my kids, I just kind of sit and watch them and an awe of them and are amazed they're real all the time. And I think it's made me very emotionally aware of who they are as people, what they're feeling, putting myself in their little shoes. I'm able to think of things like, okay, you're crying because you can't find your car toy somewhere in the house. But I also think, well, I feel the same way when I lose my phone in the house.
00:10:01
Speaker
And I think I'm always able to really look at where they are. My kids are really young. I have a three and a half year old and a nine month old right now. And I still think I'm able to put myself in their little shoes and be very emotionally aware of them and their needs and emotionally spoil them, as my sister says. That's pretty awesome, though. I think I'd like to hear your kids.
00:10:26
Speaker
No, I think that's a great strength. I think too many times we just kind of put ourselves in this position of like this hierarchy, right? Well, I'm the mom and I know better and your needs are kind of silly because they're not my needs. At least I get that way. Kind of brusque with my kids when I'm impatient, but I think that's a great strength. Thanks for sharing.
00:10:45
Speaker
Okay, so conversely, what would you say is your greatest weakness as a mother? I am someone who wears my own emotions on my sleeves. And I wish I did a little bit better of a job concealing that. Not that I don't think it's good for kids to see all sides of you and to see, you know, mom's having a hard day or mom's sad. But I'm somebody who like a kid will just tick me off. And instead of me going, you're just little and I understand that and I do, I'm emotionally attuned with them. But
00:11:11
Speaker
I'll get really angry about it and I'll be angry and kind of stew for a couple hours. Or if I hear bad news or I've seen a sad movie or something like that, I wish I could flip it as quick as kids can back to happy or back to peaceful or calm. But I feel like it's just this weakness of mine that sometimes I'm like, I am holding you to my standards and I'm angry
00:11:35
Speaker
And instead of just forgiving and moving on really quickly, I always need my own time out and resets and being able to better get back to happy and forgiveness as quickly as kids can is an art I have not figured out yet.
Advice for New Moms: Mentorship and Enjoyment
00:11:52
Speaker
Yeah. Isn't that amazing? How quickly they do that. We just had something like that happen today. My five year old was having a total meltdown. He locked me out of the house. He was going to get in big trouble and finally let me back in and we had a little talk, but I was still angry because he was really mean for a while and he like slipped it around in like 30 seconds. Okay. So, uh, what are we going to watch a movie together, mom? I'm like, uh,
00:12:11
Speaker
I'm not going to do that. You're being a jerk today. I guess I need to forgive as often as quickly as you do. I know. There are great examples of that. And I've seen other moms that are like, they're just little, we just had a hard moment. It's not a hard day. I am someone who's like, it's a hard day. One rough thing happened and now it's a hard day and the whole day I'm going to feel like it's a hard day. So I definitely need to work on that. It's a big weakness of mine.
00:12:36
Speaker
I can see what you're saying, but I also think it's healthy for kids to see a whole range of emotions in their parents and then see their parents deal with that because that's what they learn from too. So if they never see a parent angry and then dealing with that anger, what do they do? How do they learn to deal with their own anger? Do you have any advice for a younger you or for a mom just starting out?
00:13:02
Speaker
Yeah, I think if you are a mom just starting out, you've had your first, especially when you're in the postpartum phase and navigating everything, you need to get a mentor. And I think your mentor should be someone besides your mom. Love my mom as I do. And I think she's been fantastic. But there is nothing like finding a friend who has had a baby maybe a year or two ahead of you, or maybe has had a couple babies that you can hang out with in person and ask questions to in person.
00:13:30
Speaker
I think of my first child, he had colic and reflux, horrendously. And I just had no idea what I was dealing with. My mom came and helped, but it had been so many years since she had babies of her own. And I was really fortunate. I had a sister-in-law who had four children and her fourth baby.
00:13:46
Speaker
came just a few weeks before my first baby came. Anyway, we could hang out in person, and she was this awesome mentor to me that could say, hey, you know what, Camille, that's not normal. You need to take him to the doctor. Or lovingly, you know, say, do you think you might need a little extra help with that? Or, hey, do you know what, this is just a phase that's going to end, but having somebody who you trust explicitly
00:14:08
Speaker
and that really has your back on things to be your mentor, but has also been there and can tell you about modern products, modern medicine, you know, all the kind of the latest, greatest modern mom things you're dealing with is the most valuable tool you'll have, especially with your first baby.
00:14:25
Speaker
Oh my goodness, I love that advice. I can think of a couple women who were mentors to me. And yeah, you're exactly right. It was such a help because oftentimes you feel so alone when you're a mother. Like, you know, you just want to ask some silly little question to somebody. Yeah, I love that advice. So here's a question for you. Are you a mentor to anybody?
00:14:44
Speaker
I have a younger sister who just had a baby, I think it's been five weeks now, and I am really trying hard to give back to her in the same way I had that sister-in-law give to me to talk her through all the little obstacles she's having, just to check on her, just to see if she needs anything, just to give helpful advice when it's solicited.
00:15:06
Speaker
and respect her decisions as a mom too and I do think it's made a big difference. She has thanked me a lot and I feel like with my help she's worked out nursing and she had kind of a traumatic birth and you know having just someone to say that's normal that's not normal you're gonna be okay I think has meant a lot to her and it's been really nice to be able to give that back to someone too.
00:15:30
Speaker
Yeah, that's really awesome. Good for you. I bet you really appreciate you. Okay, so next question for you Camille is what would you say is your greatest hope for your children? I heard someone describe motherhood as the job that you hope you do so well that you put yourself out of a job.
00:15:45
Speaker
And I feel like that describes me really well. I hope that one day my kids move out of the house. They're so well-adjusted. They're so confident. They're so happy. They move forward with these really successful careers, great friends, great relationships, great marriages, that they still love me and turn to me. But I hope one day they're the people I turn to for advice.
00:16:11
Speaker
And there are people that just soar and view me as more of a friend instead of a parent. Not until adulthood. Right now I need them to view me as a parent. But I do hope that one day they really do view me at that level because they have just gone on to be so successful and so confident and so happy in their own lives. That's a really beautiful sentiment. I like that.
00:16:36
Speaker
Yeah, I like that too. Sometimes I can really commiserate with those moms who spoil their kids and do everything for them. I think, I wish I could be that mom. And then I think, no, it's actually probably good that I'm not because now my children will be independent. It's okay that I can't do everything for them. Even though sometimes I just really want to cause you know, you get so much satisfaction out of being a mom. Yeah, you're right. It should be a job that you're working your way out of.
Prioritizing Marriage: The Date Night Solution
00:16:59
Speaker
Okay. So we want to know how does prioritizing your husband and your marriage make you a better mom?
00:17:06
Speaker
Since this is what you're really a strong advocate for the date night, we just want to know how does that make you a better mom? I think it's definitely made me a better mom. I think it reminds me that we were a family when there were just two of us first and that we're on the same team and we have the same goals and we have the same partnership. And in turn, it makes my husband and I
00:17:29
Speaker
happier parents able to come home and put up with all the responsibilities and chaos of parenthood so much better because we get a mental and emotional break. But it also reminds us to realign who we are as parents and to be more consistent as parents. And I am a firm believer that kids really need a loving, consistent environment. And I think date night has just made us all around happier, more consistent and more stable as a family.
00:17:57
Speaker
Yeah, I definitely see that in our family. If I don't get a date night, I go crazy. Absolutely. It's really good. So I have two little boys and my husband is from a family of 10 kids and eight of them are boys. The language of both of you and these large families. And I always thank his mom for raising eight awesome sons who are awesome husbands.
00:18:22
Speaker
and I view it as boy-mom that I'm raising that. I hope I'm raising these two sons that become these awesome husbands and treat a girl right and I really think when they see mom and dad go out on dates and a stress out for each other and us do nice things for each other, we're really setting that example of having a happy marriage, having a happy foundation and hopefully one day they'll be these awesome husbands too and that their spouses one day will thank me for
00:18:52
Speaker
you know, raising these great husbands as well. That is really awesome way to think about raising your sons. Yeah, and I have everything to thank for my mother-in-law for making me think that way because man, she should write a book. She did everything right. It was really amazing. Maybe we'll interview her. She sounds great. You should. Oh yeah, you totally should. She's great. Get somebody on the other side who's actually made it out alive, having a bunch of kids.
00:19:18
Speaker
Yeah, and she's pretty humble. She might be like, no, they were all just great kids. I don't know, that's totally her style. And you're like, I don't think so. So, you know, it's funny. Okay, so now we're gonna turn the tables and let you ask one or both of us one question you'd like to know.
Personal Stories: Transitioning in Motherhood
00:19:39
Speaker
Okay, I guess I'll ask both of you because I'm totally curious. You both have these large families. You both seem to deal with the chaos really well. But tell me about a point in motherhood when you maybe you added another baby or you had a career change or a life change that you really were like, oh my word, this is like the most overwhelming thing. I know that's different for everyone, right? Some people feel like baby number one or baby number three or baby number nine or whatever.
00:20:05
Speaker
is kind of straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. And it's a little bit emotionally challenging to get through that rough patch. So I want to know how you two have navigated those times in your life. What is a rough patch that you just felt really overwhelmed with? And what did you do to get yourself out of that phase mentally and to move on? Do you want to go first, Audrey?
00:20:29
Speaker
Okay. Well, three kids was the hardest for me to adjust to because I was outnumbered at that point. And I think we talked about that a little bit before. But your question, the way you're phrasing it, makes me think about after I had kid number four, I was pretty convinced that, okay, that was it. I have four kids. I'm done. I'm done, done, done.
00:20:54
Speaker
I spent a lot of time struggling with that decision because I just didn't have peace with it. I felt like something was missing and I had a lot of emotional turmoil with coming to grips with the fact that I felt like I was done. You were wrong.
00:21:16
Speaker
Obviously, it wasn't done. And I just remember talking to a mom who was struggling with infertility at that time. And we had this good, deep conversation. I have some miscarriage in that kind of issue in our history, too. And I remember talking to her about infertility and the loss of children.
00:21:42
Speaker
And then talking also about just coming to the realization within myself that I needed to accept my fertility at that point as well. Does that make sense? Yeah.
00:21:54
Speaker
So that was really an emotional time for me to just kind of slide into, okay, this is who you're going to be and what you're going to do, and you're going to kind of embrace that. And yeah, the way you phrased the question just kind of reminded me of that time when I was going through that emotional upheaval about my mind was saying,
00:22:17
Speaker
You're done. You don't want any more kids. And my heart was saying, why don't you open yourself to what somebody higher has planned for you? How about you, Bonnie? Oh, I like what you said. That said a lot because I felt like we always were open to the idea of having a large family. We like the idea, but it does not mean that it was ever really an easy decision. Maybe the first three kids were an easy decision.
00:22:41
Speaker
And so each one was really, yeah, kind of soul searching like, okay, can we do this again? And I'd say that early on my first real tough transition, and probably for a while was the toughest transition, was one to two for some reason was really tough for me. My oldest was kind of a bully. He's this little two-year-old boy who liked to throw blocks at his brother's head.
00:23:03
Speaker
And it really distressed me and I wanted to just sit and nurse and rock my newborn like I had the first time around, but I had this toddler who needed me really even more emotionally than the baby did. And so going through that was like, oh my gosh, well, if I'm going to have more than two children, I got to wrap my mind around the fact that this is going to be overwhelming and chaotic. And then the same kind of thing happened when we had the twins. I remember
00:23:26
Speaker
just really loving sewing and doing these little things for myself. And there was probably a good solid six months where I could not do anything extra. It was feed babies, change babies, feed big kids, take care of them. And honestly, the only thing that gets you through a phase like that is just to lower your expectations. We talk about that a lot, but just to
00:23:45
Speaker
to embrace that phase and say, this is the phase of taking care of babies and that's okay. And some days I'm gonna get a shower and some days I'm not. And some days dinner will be on the table and probably more days it won't, but they need me right now to just be alive and keep them alive and we're gonna push through. And then since then I've had quite a few newborns like that. Like, okay, well, here's another survival phase until we can push through. It seems to get shorter with each one, but yeah, it's definitely tricky every time there's a big transition like that to adjust and figure out your limitations.
00:24:16
Speaker
Okay, well, I think that's all we have for questions for you, Camille. Thank you so much for joining us today for this special episode on Mother's Day. Yeah, it's been fun. Thank you for having me. Bye. Bye.
00:24:31
Speaker
All right, so head over to Friday We're In Love for lots of super amazing date night ideas and a good general all around parenthood blog. We'll link all these blogs in our show notes. So head over there for direct links.
Delia on Strength and Meal Prep Challenges
00:24:46
Speaker
And finally, we're going to be talking with Delia.
00:24:49
Speaker
mom to three and blogger at Delia Creates. She lives in the Pacific Northwest and always has an adventure filled life. And also we, she is a super healthy food allergy advocate. So now we're going to talk to Delia. Delia, thanks so much for joining us today. Yes, thanks for having me. We are going to just start off with our first question for you. Are you ready?
00:25:12
Speaker
I think so, maybe. Okay, so our question for you is, what is your greatest strength as a mother? That's a tough one. I would say that I'm quick to say I'm sorry. And it's really, really important to me as their mom that they know that I make mistakes just as much as they do and that we're all learning together.
00:25:35
Speaker
I just want them to always feel like they can talk to me about their problems and know that they won't always be judged and that they'll be loved. Oh, I love that. That's really awesome. Yeah, we've talked about that before. I think it's so valuable for them to understand, number one, that parents are human. Number two, that they are struggling with the same things that we are struggling with and that we make mistakes just like they do. And this is how you come back from a mistake. You own up to it. You apologize. You still love each other.
00:26:05
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. Yeah, exactly. I think that it's healthy to teach our kids to show them that we're sorry and to teach them how to repent and apologize and that too. Like, you know, if they don't learn that from us, how are they going to learn it, right? Absolutely. Yeah. So conversely, what do you think is your greatest weakness as a mother?
00:26:26
Speaker
Oh goodness. So to keep this from turning into a therapy session, I'll go with one of just one of my weaknesses, maybe not my greatest weakness, but definitely that I
00:26:44
Speaker
don't like making meals and I grew up with a mom who it's like her her thing to make meals for her family like she would get up in the morning and make breakfast like a big breakfast for everyone and then a big lunch and a big dinner and so I don't know if that kind of plays into why I feel like this is a weakness but I like in the morning I'm not a morning person and so the minute my kids can kind of learn how to pour their own cereal and like your
00:27:11
Speaker
on your own and everybody has to make their own breakfast and in the summer, everyone makes their own lunch. Everyone comes up with really interesting concoctions and that's fine with me as long as it's not terrible food and then I'm okay with making dinner. I do like to cook for celebrations, but I think that's one of my greatest weaknesses is I don't like to cook every day.
00:27:34
Speaker
I don't know if you guys feel the same way. I do not think you are alone there. I think you're just giving yourself to a wonderful mom. And I'm the same way, like I really enjoy making special meals, like for a birthday dinner or a treat or something. But the day in, day out, oh, pass.
00:27:53
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And I like to think that I'm teaching them self-reliance also, but really it's also because I'm very lazy and I don't work. Totally. They're going to be the best roommates and spouses.
00:28:08
Speaker
Delia, I never would have guessed that about you because you post such beautiful food pictures on Instagram. Seriously, I'm always drooling at your food pictures. Thank you. Those are for celebrations. I like that. I like celebrations. I like dinner. I don't like anything else. I'm trying to be better at it, but if you ever see me posting a breakfast picture or lunches, it's because I tried really hard.
00:28:40
Speaker
Okay, so another question for you. What would you say is your advice for if you could give your younger you advice or any mom starting out some advice, what would it be?
Celebrating Children: Embrace the Awkward Phases
00:28:51
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, I think first of all,
00:28:55
Speaker
I think you have to go through those awkward phases. The temptation is to give yourself advice so you avoid those awkward phases of motherhood. But just like a teenager kind of has to go through those things in life to become the adults that they are, I think as mothers,
00:29:15
Speaker
You kind of just have to go through those awkward phases. But if there is one thing I could say is to celebrate your child for who they are. So, I mean, the temptation, especially with that first one is to get so wrapped up in their milestones and when they're hitting them and compared to other children, how they're hitting them. And it really, now that I have, you know, a teenager, I'm like, it really, when they walk and when they sit up and when they smile, that
00:29:41
Speaker
unless it's, you know, developmental delays or whatever, it really is no bearing on the kind of person that they're going to be. And so if I could tell myself to just let them unfold as a person and just get to know them, see it as like getting to know them rather than, you know, comparing them to whatever book that's telling them they should be doing whatever at whatever time, just let them unfold as a person. Oh, that's beautiful. I love that.
00:30:07
Speaker
Oh, I love what you said about allowing them to make yourself, to make mistakes and go through those awkward phases. That's really a neat way of thinking about it, like giving yourself grace. Yeah. And you wonder what kind of a person you'd be if you didn't have the challenges and the frustrations that you went through. We were talking earlier about the mess ups we've made as moms, and I just thought, I learned a lot from those mess ups. I would have liked to have avoided them, but at the same time, maybe I wouldn't have the same strengths today if I hadn't had them.
00:30:37
Speaker
I can relate to what you said about allowing them to become their own person. I know that both Bonnie and I have newborns and I just love to look at him and wonder, what kind of person are you going to be? What's your personality going to be like? You know, who are you going to be? Yeah. Oh, I love that phase. OK, we're going to move on to a question kind of kind of related to what you just said. But what is your greatest hope for your children for the future?
00:31:04
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. So I just had this talk with my teenager the other night because we had, you know, we have a lot of talks now that he's a teenager. Some of them are intense. But I straight up told him.
00:31:20
Speaker
My greatest desire for all of my kids is that they be good, kind human beings. Really, I mean, I encourage them to go to college. I encourage them to get good grades and do chores and all of these things. But really, at the end of the day, I don't care what job they have.
00:31:41
Speaker
You know, whether they have, if they get married or not, I just want them to be good, kind human beings. And I really couldn't ask for more. Really, that's, I feel like that's all that matters in life. That sounds like an excellent priority.
00:31:56
Speaker
I think sometimes we get so hyper focused on the education because it's all in our laps. You know, I don't know if you feel this way, Audrey, but I'm like, oh my gosh, you're not reading it. Oh my gosh, you're not doing this yet. And then I step back and say, wait a minute. I don't feel like that was the main reason that I brought them home was because I thought I could do a better job at educating them. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't.
00:32:15
Speaker
But for me, a priority was to teach them those values. Does it really matter what kind of job my kid has or if he knows calculus? No, not at all. But how he contributes to the world is going to carry my legacy on. And I want that to be kindness and love and acceptance. So at the end of the day,
00:32:37
Speaker
What's one quality if they didn't have it would I feel like I didn't do my job as a mom? And that's if they weren't good kind human beings, then I wouldn't feel like I did my job Even if they couldn't pour themselves a bowl of cereal, but they were I Love that. Thank you for sharing that
00:33:00
Speaker
And our final question for you is a personalized one.
Food Allergies: Understanding and Adaptation
00:33:03
Speaker
So we love your beautiful pictures of your life and your celebrations in your home, but we are especially inspired by your advocacy for childhood allergies. So your little girl has allergies and we love learning how to be more food allergy friendly. And just wanted to ask if you have any like number one tip you would share with those who have children with allergies or they're trying to include those who do.
00:33:27
Speaker
Yeah, well, I think if your child has allergies and you just found out, you know, again, allowing yourself that grace to get used to it and not to know everything all at once. I mean, it took me, my daughter was diagnosed at about a year and it took me until she was
00:33:46
Speaker
maybe four or five when I really understood her diagnoses and what that entailed and how to take care of her and how to keep her safe. It took that many years for me to kind of wrap my head around it and granted I feel like allergy knowledge has improved since and the you know
00:34:05
Speaker
there's more information out there and easier access to that information. So maybe it won't take other people quite as long to figure things out, but I, you know, just to allow yourself that time to wrap your head around it. And that is a real condition. And it is a, it's a little controversial to call it a disability, but it, in the sense that it disrupts your life in a way that you'll never live life like another person. Yeah. That's real.
00:34:35
Speaker
Yeah. We were having a discussion the other night about something different, but we were, um, I think this might apply to allergies too. Like instead of seeing it as a negative thing in their life, because it's something that they're going to be with them the rest of their life. Um, we're seeing it as something that makes them special. And so, uh, that's kind of interesting to think about it. Um,
00:34:59
Speaker
And I think with your food allergy Friday and when you're at the grocery store and you're showing, hey, this product has everything my child can eat in this product. I think that's just normalizing it and making them special, something special about them. So I really love how you are doing that with your daughter. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you. And I feel like I have to talk about it because it's
00:35:23
Speaker
You know, with other disabilities or conditions, their condition is obvious. But with food allergies, they can look completely normal until they interact with their allergens. And so it's kind of like an invisible condition. Yeah, and really scary in that way, right? Because if you're unaware, you can really put a child at risk. So my quick question for you was, was there a grieving process for you? When she was first diagnosed, did you think this was something she'd get over or were you like, oh my gosh, our lives have changed forever?
00:35:52
Speaker
Yes, that's definitely a part of the adjustment period where it took me so many years to kind of really wrap my head around it, especially when doctors would say, oh, she'll probably grow out of this. And she never did. Her allergies actually got worse. Yes. And there's, you know, I'm trying to, there's always a grieving period, you know, when you come home from that yearly checkup and she gets another new allergy and there's like,
00:36:17
Speaker
It's hard, you know, but just because I want her to live a more normal life and it's probably not going to be a possibility and just cutting to learn how to deal with the social aspect of that and the emotional aspect of that. A lot of kids, you know, thankfully she's too young to really understand, but there's a lot of kids.
00:36:37
Speaker
As they get older with this condition, they usually have to go to therapy and things like that. It's hard because there's, you know, food is a social thing. And so it changes, you know, there's a lot of things that we don't go to, but it's made our family more tight knit and stronger that way. So, you know, pros and cons.
00:36:57
Speaker
I remember when one of my friends had a child that was too young to talk and express, you know, and avoid the foods on her own. And she had a shirt for every day of the week that said on her daughter's shirt, it said, do not feed. I have allergies. That was so cute. Like, OK, that's helping everybody realize that.
00:37:23
Speaker
taught her as allergies. I feel like sometimes Natalie could benefit from that shirt sometimes still. When you're seven and all your friends are getting this cool treat and you have to say, no, I can't have that or I have to ask my mom first.
00:37:42
Speaker
It's, she wants to fit in and so some, there have been some, you know, she's ingested some things and we've had some scares because of the social impact of that anyway. So I feel like she's in that shirt sometimes.
00:37:56
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. You bring up a good point about how social we are with food, right? So many of us don't realize it until we're on a special diet or we have an allergy or something we realize, oh my gosh, to have to omit that aspect out of our lives is really difficult socially. People look at us like, oh, well, you're a party pooper because you're not eating the ice cream more.
00:38:17
Speaker
even if it's not our fault. But you're absolutely right. So think about holidays, especially, and how there are so many traditions and memories tied into certain kinds of foods for certain holidays. And we've had to pretty much kind of throw all of that out the window. And it's been great because we've created our own memories, but involving extended family.
00:38:44
Speaker
They really, really want to bring their peanut butter pie. And I'm like, oh, you know, it's not going to work. We would like our child to survive this holiday. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, we love what you're doing. I think it's so great to increase awareness. Some people just have no idea and also to just have such a positive attitude for your daughter. I think she's going to she's going to turn out just fine with such a great example.
00:39:06
Speaker
And now we're going to let you turn the tables on us and ask one or both of us a question.
Building Strong Connections: Respecting Growing Sons
00:39:11
Speaker
Yes, I came prepared. I have a 14-year-old, so he's been a teenager for a couple of years now, but I really feel as he's starting high school this next year,
00:39:26
Speaker
It's become a very important priority to me that we stay connected. And I felt that drifting for sure. And so, Audrey, I want to know you have adult children. How have you been able to maintain that connection with your kids? What's your biggest tip for that? Oh, boy. I think that it's a good thing I have a lot of kids and more kids that aren't adults yet because like I didn't do everything right the first time.
00:39:57
Speaker
But one thing that I have found super helpful is to go back to what you were saying. We were talking about what kind of person they're going to be and letting them be that kind of person. And so developing a friendship with my children as they grow, it's kind of like a balance. You have to...
00:40:19
Speaker
You have to respect who they are, even if that's different from you, and respect them as adults. Like I've noticed, especially for my sons, Kay, you're talking about your teenage son, especially for my sons, to see them as men, and men in progress, and that they're going to be men soon, and to respect them as the kind of man that they're going to be.
00:40:44
Speaker
That's been huge for me, like just, you know, sometimes I'll defer to my son in my adult son or my son. I also have a 13-year-old son in things like, you know, guy things like, oh, hey, can you open this pickle jar for me where, you know, maybe I could open the pickle jar. But it makes them feel like a man when they're 13 and their mom is coming to them and saying, yeah, you're stronger than me. Can you open this pickle jar for me?
00:41:10
Speaker
I love that. I really like that because, you know, I have. I've always, there's many times where I've stopped and looked at him like he was just this little boy not that long ago. And so I really like that reminder that I need to let him, I guess going back to the, you know, what I could tell my younger self, let those babies unfold and become the people that they are. Maybe I need to keep doing that. Let him be the man that he is. I really like that. Thank you.
00:41:36
Speaker
Yeah. The other part of that equation is I think it's super amazing for my sons to spend time with their dad because he's an awesome man. And so like the more time they spend with dad, like especially if I'm having trouble with one of my sons or they're acting up or something, I find that the more time that they spend with dad, the more
00:42:00
Speaker
like men they become. I mean, it sounds silly to say it, but that is something that also has worked amazing with raising boys. Yeah, I like that. Well, I think that's all the questions we have for you today, Delia. Thanks so much for taking time with us. We really loved your answers to our questions and we think our audience is going to also. Oh, thanks so much for having me.
00:42:25
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to Outnumbered the Podcast. You can contact us at outnumberedthepodcastatgmail.com and find us on Instagram at outnumberedthepodcast. We're so grateful for our listeners and would love it if you'd take the time to leave us an honest review on iTunes, Stitcher, or any other podcast platform. And don't forget to share the podcast with your mom friends. Can't wait to talk next time. Bye.
00:42:54
Speaker
Even if it's the, you know, analogy you're saying, oh, sorry. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,