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Goal Setting for Kids {Episode 56}
96 Plays5 years ago
In a companion episode to our Goalsetting for Mom's Episode, in this episode we discuss helping kids make and reach their goals. We discuss the 3 areas in which kids usually make goals and then share our thoughts and tips for helping then attain them.
Recommended in this episode:
Episode 52 - Goalsetting for Moms
Episode 40 - Kids and Money
Episode 25 - How to Afford Kids
Rich Dad's Escape from the Rat Race
Smarter Every Day website & podcast
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
7 Habrits of Highly Effective Teens
Support the podcast on Patreon
Never miss another episode by subscribing to our weekly email HERE!
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Transcript
Introduction & Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 56. In this episode we're talking about goal setting with kids. We discuss the three main areas that kids usually set goals and thoughts and tips for helping them in each of these three areas without becoming the goal police. Stay tuned. This is a companion episode to our goal setting for moms and we can't wait to share.
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. We're experienced moms to a combined total of 18 children. Our mission is to help overwhelmed parents find peace in parenting and humor in the chaos. Come join us as we attempt uninterrupted conversation about parenting with joy and intention.
00:00:55
Speaker
Okay, hey, and we're back.
Humorous Police Call Stories
00:00:57
Speaker
And we're gonna start off, before we dive into our goal setting with kids, we're gonna start off with a humor segment. Take it away, Bonnie. Okay, this is both humorous and also really embarrassing, but I just have to ask you a question, Audrey, to preface this. Okay. How many times have the police been to your house since you've had children? Almost once.
00:01:22
Speaker
Wow, that's impressive. Probably because I live way out in the country and it takes a while for them to get here. So they call first. Okay, all right, great. That's good. That's better than me. As of yesterday, we made it to three times that the police have been called to our house. Now, to be fair, okay, actually it was really, yes, this was the third time, four if you count once when we were on vacation.
00:01:47
Speaker
You guys, my kids are the worst. They are always calling 911. Not always, but they've called and then five years later, some other kid gets a hold of a phone and tries it. So the first two times was a rogue 911 call. And the problem was that was back when we had a house phone. So then the dispatcher would call back, but we never answered the house phone because it was always the telemarketer. It was just ringing and ringing and ringing. I had no idea that my kid had been, until the policeman, poor policeman, shows up at the door and a million kids answer. I'm like, I'm so sorry.
00:02:15
Speaker
So then once on vacation, it happened too. But yesterday was the first non-accidental 911 call. And I get a call. I'm working in my office. My kids are out playing in the yard and we have gates. So my kids are all very safe and I can see them most of the time out my window. I get a call from a friend of mine who goes to church with me and she's like, I'm at the park and I see a policeman at your gate. I'm like, oh no, what have they done now?
00:02:40
Speaker
That's my first thought, not that something's wrong, but that they've done something horrible. So I run out there and sure enough, two of my little girls, my eight-year-old who knows better, and my four-year-old had ridden their little scooters out of my neighborhood and down a very busy road to come in to our gate that's also on the busy road. So they just did this big loop, like no big deal, but it's rush hour traffic.
00:03:02
Speaker
Oh, no. And by the time I went out there, they were back in. So I just I thought everybody was there. No big deal. Anyway, he says, Yeah, I just got flagged down. Someone told me your kids were on the street. I'm going. You're all grounded. Anyway, so that was that was a nice adrenaline spike for me. So anyway, so to any other mom who's had the police come to their door because their kids have done something naughty. I'm with you. I'm so sorry.
00:03:25
Speaker
Oh, that is kind of scary and kind of funny. Yeah, right. Exactly. All right.
Types of Goals for Kids
00:03:33
Speaker
And so we're going to talk today about goal setting with kids and we're going to try to help them set goals that don't involve the police. No, wait a second. That's a great goal. Right there. Right there.
00:03:48
Speaker
So we're gonna talk about three main types of goals that kids set. Habit goals, monetary goals, and life goals. And this is kind of a companion episode to our episode 52 about moms and goal setting.
00:04:03
Speaker
Right, hopefully you took some tips there and were able to create some goals for you for this year, but then that naturally kind of leads us to wanting our kids to also set goals and kind of do something with their lives, right? And the earlier that they get into that habit, the more likely they'll be successful later on in life. So our tips today are going to be to help moms encourage and inspire their kids to set goals without being the enforcer.
00:04:26
Speaker
We don't want to be constantly badgering them. We want the goals to be, you know, self-sustaining and them to be inspired to do them themselves. Yeah, that's absolutely the worst when it turns into a situation where we're policing their goals. That just doesn't. That just doesn't. That's not even a goal at all. That's just mom nagging. Right.
00:04:48
Speaker
We're going to talk about general helps first. And it helps to have a full discussion with a kid about their goal before they decide to set it and set off on that journey. Because sometimes kids just don't have the vision to see what will be involved in reaching that goal.
00:05:05
Speaker
And sometimes it's not a reachable goal for kids, and it's good to walk them down the path just verbally first when they try to set a goal. Because sometimes we've been there, done that, and they don't have that experience.
00:05:22
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. We know that we set goals in order to become these people we want to be, but sometimes they just think of it as more drudgery. So like we talked about in episode 54 about everyday intention, about having that vision of who we want our kids and our family to be down the road, we can also inspire our kids to do the same thing for themselves. So we can sit down and say, where do you see yourself in 20 years? Let's see, you're eight now, so you'll be 28 then. That means you could be married.
00:05:48
Speaker
You could be getting an advanced degree. You could be working a cool job, you know, all these different scenarios. Say, what kind of a person do you want? What kind of integrity do you want to have? What do you want to look like? What do you want to, you know, how fit do you want to be? All these things. And then we can say, look, I've become the person I am.
00:06:08
Speaker
through these goals. And then some of the things that I want to change, I'm still working on, right? Without these goals, we'll never improve. We won't realize our dreams and then find a way to inspire them to get there, right? A quick little side note about this is that we've been pushing piano for many years at my house, giving kids lessons and pushing into practice.
00:06:27
Speaker
a couple of my kids have never really kind of caught the vision until recently one of my kids went to his recital and there was a kid there his age who was like light years ahead of where he was and he was amazed and I'm like oh where was where was this recital like five years ago right he came home and practiced non-stop for a week and I was like oh my gosh look at the power of inspiration that made him do it
00:06:52
Speaker
so much more often and so much more intently than all the nagging in the world could have made him do. Right. Just that inspiration. Yeah. Yeah. I love to have those kind of conversations with my kids. They love to say, hey, mom, how old will I be in 10 years and how old will so and so be and how old and so would be and how old will you be? And they like to they love to talk about what it would be like and what they'll be doing, what they might be doing. Those kind of conversations really inspire kids.
00:07:22
Speaker
Yeah, totally.
Guiding Habit Goals
00:07:23
Speaker
Okay, so let's dive into helping kids with habit goals. These kind of goals usually fall into two categories. They either want to stop a bad habit, like biting their fingernails, or they want to start a good habit, like better teeth brushing skills. So we can help them in both those categories, but that's generally where their habit goals fall into.
00:07:51
Speaker
Right. I've found that many of my kids' habit goals are building on something good. So they'll start a project or something and then they kind of fizzle out and I'll say, okay, well, let's try to make a habit to work on something creative every day, like create that space in their day to develop a talent or something. And sometimes kids don't have the forethought to think, well, I want to be a good piano player or I want to be a good musician.
00:08:15
Speaker
that that means you have to sit down every single day and practice. So kind of to help connect that far reaching vision with the day to day practice that that takes. So that I guess that that totally goes towards the developing good habits. Yeah, it's like we talked about an episode on goals for moms.
00:08:32
Speaker
When you have a routine, it's easy to add something onto that routine. So if your routine is to get up and brush your teeth, then after that, you can add, clip your fingernails or trim your fingernails or, you know,
00:08:49
Speaker
clean your, make your bed or help me out here. You know, you can just piggyback something else onto it. Yeah, yeah. So once you have a routine in place, it's easy, a habit routine, it's easy to just piggyback another thing onto that existing routine because it's already cemented in place. Does that make sense?
00:09:11
Speaker
Yes, totally, totally. If your day is just kind of all going with the flow, you're never going to accomplish what you want to get accomplished. So you start those routines and then gradually they can build into something amazing. Yeah. Okay. Some tips for us as moms to help our kids when they have a habit goal.
00:09:29
Speaker
We can, instead of policing, if they've asked us to help them remember not to bite their fingernails or something, we can be the gentle reminder. We can give them encouragement when they remember, and we can help them out by celebrating rewards with rewards when they meet their milestones. So, for example, one of my kids' goals, he wants to stop biting his fingernails because
00:09:54
Speaker
several times he's bit him down to the quick and they've gotten infected and he's really working on that. So as part of our schoolwork, we also study sign language. And so we've come up with a little sign that I can do across the room to help him when I see him biting his fingernails. And he gets his little twinkle in his eye and jerks his hand away from his mouth and he's like, oh yeah, I don't want to get infected again.
00:10:20
Speaker
That's so clever and also becomes not a nagging thing, but almost kind of like a secret little code you guys have together to connect rather than disconnect, which is what nagging usually does, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like we're a team working on it together. Right. Right. I love that.
00:10:35
Speaker
A couple of tips that I have for helping kids with habit goals is, like you said, to gently encourage, to give them ideas while they're setting them, but then kind of let them go on their way. The more we interfere, the more we will take it over, and they'll be less likely to do it themselves, right? And I have a million miles to go on that one. I'm always like, didn't you say you wanted to exercise? When was the last time you exercised? Not helpful, not helpful. Like you said, to build them up when they accomplish things. Wow, I just noticed that you...
00:11:04
Speaker
finished your chore chart for the week and that you exercise every single day. That's amazing. Good for you. I wish I could be that dedicated. A good reminder for kids is that the day-to-day accomplishing of things is often very boring and routine and mundane.
00:11:21
Speaker
They're thinking, well, I want to get really, really, I'm just going to keep using exercise. I want to get really muscular and fast and powerful. But the day to day of that is not really exciting. It means getting up early and running or getting up early and doing some pushups, you know, that the mundane builds itself into something amazing. But it's normal for the work to be boring.
00:11:42
Speaker
And we have to kind of help them figure out that it is its own reward if you're really focusing on feeling like you're stronger each day, et cetera, but to not expect it to be super fun every day. Yeah. And like we talked about in our episode on goal setting for moms, it's helpful to talk to them about focusing on success each day is
00:12:08
Speaker
having a process instead of focusing on the goal, which is only achievable on one final day, so. Right, right. Like exercise, like your goal to be exercising every day, not being able to bench press this one thing, right? Little by little, little by little, because that's so much more achievable.
00:12:27
Speaker
Yeah, or run a 5K. Okay, moving on to helping kids with their monetary goals.
Monetary Goals & Earning
00:12:32
Speaker
Now, if you revisit episode 25, it's one of our most popular episodes, and it's all about how to afford kids.
00:12:40
Speaker
In that episode, I, Audrey, share about how our kids are paying for their own college, and that is goals they have set for themselves. I'm not going to go all into it here, so please go revisit that episode because that one's an incredible goal, a monetary goal that our older kids have set for themselves and they're achieving.
00:13:00
Speaker
Other monetary goals, little kids can have, you know, maybe they want a toy or maybe they want an item and you don't want to just buy it for them, but you want them to have the achievement of setting a goal of making money and then purchasing that item themselves.
00:13:20
Speaker
Right. And to see this sparkle in a kid's eye when they've earned some money and then been able to pay for something themselves is just so, so, so fun. And it's rewarding for you as a mom too. I love that. They really learn these monetary goals by doing, right?
00:13:36
Speaker
We really have to give our children some money or allow them to earn money in a way that they can develop the skills necessary to know how to manage it. So we personally, I think we mentioned this in another episode, probably the one dealing with money, that we give our kids a small amount of allowance every month, but they pay for everything. So we don't pay for a pack of gum, we don't pay for a movie ticket, whatever they pay for everything that we want to do that's fun, unless the whole family is going together.
00:14:01
Speaker
but they really value it so much more. So quick side note, when I was like eight or nine years old, I remember saving up some money and doing a bunch of extra jobs to buy this Barbie ice cream shop. And maybe if you grew up in the eighties, you remember the Barbie ice cream shop, but it was so awesome. There was a little bowl in there that you could freeze and make your own ice cream and all of the little stools turned into spoons for you to use. I mean, it was really epic.
00:14:30
Speaker
And I remember it was $29.99, which was a ton of money 30 years ago. Yeah, in the 80s, yeah. And I saved up all that money and I went and bought it. And I swear to you that I did not misplace a single piece until I left for college. I was very dedicated to taking care of this thing because it required so much sacrifice on my part. And I think back to that a lot and thinking, how much do my kids value the things they have? Not very much when it was just handed to them, right? But for them to be able to earn it, it's so awesome to watch.
00:14:59
Speaker
That is such a cute story, Bonnie. I love that. Now we're going to have to link in the show notes the old Barbie ice cream shop from the 80s. I wonder if you can still get it. Oh, I'd love to buy it. Maybe a picture or something. All right. Sounds good.
00:15:13
Speaker
Okay, so tips for helping kids with monetary goals. We should not, in my opinion, give them money. This kind of defeats the purpose of them trying to get money themselves, if mom and dad are just giving it to them. But we can help them with fundraising ideas. We can enlist grandparents in relations when it's appropriate for the short term.
00:15:39
Speaker
but also I think it's important to teach the concept of customers and supplying to a need. And we can also help them by educating them with a money-making mindset. And we talk a lot about that also in episode 40. Yeah, we're just talking about kids and money and whether we give them allowances and all that. So that's a really awesome episode to go back and listen to in conjunction with this one too.
00:16:10
Speaker
Okay, a couple of tips from me about helping kids with monetary goals is to give them an incentive for savings. So our grandparents last year promised to double what my kids could save during the year, which was really, really exciting because they kept thinking, if I get 100, I'll get 200. So just an incentive to not spend every penny that goes in their pocket. And all of us probably have at least that one kid that has to... Their money burns a hole in their pocket, right? They can't keep anything.
00:16:37
Speaker
Yeah, but that's similar to a 401k at somebody's work where the company matches your contribution. So that's not an unreasonable life skill.
00:16:49
Speaker
Right? Or even offering to pay your kid's interest. So for everything you save, you know, every six months I'll give you a dollar or something, probably a little bit more than the bank's interest to make it really worthwhile. Otherwise they're going to be earning like three cents interest maybe. But, you know, yeah, to kind of mimic those real world scenarios and say, this is what happens if you save, you're rewarded for it. And then you will always have enough money for the things that you want in the future.
00:17:15
Speaker
So you'll kind of notice that Bonnie and I contradicted each other a little bit. And that's because there's so many different styles of parenting.
Focus on Process, Not Titles
00:17:25
Speaker
I said, never give your kids money, but let them do it themselves. And Bonnie said, help them out when you can. And both are acceptable ways to do it. You just have to decide what's best for you and your kids. Does that make sense? Yeah, totally.
00:17:39
Speaker
OK, the final area we want to talk about that kids set goals is life goals. What I want to be when I grow up, for example. And something we talk about a lot at our house is instead of what I want to be when I grow up is what I want to do when I grow up. And it's the same thought as we talked a lot about in our
00:18:01
Speaker
goal setting with mom's episode, focusing on the goal or focusing on the process. So if you focus on what you want to be when you grow up, that's the same as focusing on the goal. And you only are ever successful like one day. Once you reach your what you want to be, then like you're done, you're what do you do next, you know? Yeah. Or if you never get there, then what, your whole life is a failure? Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:30
Speaker
But if you focus on the process of getting to your goal, and that's what brings success to you, that's the same as what do I want to do when I grow up? That mentality. So then you can be successful every day because you're doing something every day. Anyway, just a little bit of a paradigm shift there.
00:18:51
Speaker
Also, we'd like to teach our kids that pivots are natural and expected. Just because you thought you wanted to be something and you got into it and it didn't interest you, doesn't mean you're a failure pivot. Life isn't over. You'll always be doing something different.
00:19:06
Speaker
until the day you die, right? Yes, exactly. And I like to share my own experiences with my kids of how going in one direction has actually taught me that that's not the direction I want to go in and then I shift and then I pivot. But I might never have found that final trajectory had I not gone down the first one, right? So that's what life is all about. And we all have examples of that, not just in careers, but in everything. And that's important for kids to realize. I'm not a failure because I said I wanted to be a doctor and then I got half with your medical school and realized I don't want this.
00:19:36
Speaker
You saved yourself a couple of four years in medical school and a bunch of years of practicing, something you don't love, right? So that's really powerful. I love that. About life goals, I wanted to share that it's really important for us as parents to not restrict our kids' dreams. So I'm a very practical person and when my six-year-old boy tells me he wants to grow up to be an astronaut, then you guys are going to think I'm terrible. But my first thought is, yeah, probably not going to happen.
00:20:04
Speaker
That's just my mentality. Not that he can't do it, or that he won't do it, but just that the likelihood is pretty slim. Not that many people can actually end up traveling to space, right? Or rather... Statistically, it's not possible. Right, exactly. Or rather, I probably don't do that as much with my little kids, but my older kids, you know, when they're 13, 14, they start saying they want to be in. And I try to just kind of...
00:20:29
Speaker
I just don't want them to get their heart broken, right? So I say, well, consider this. That might not happen because of this or that. But I am learning that kids are amazing and they can do a lot of things that we had no idea they could do. In fact, some of the things that I wanted to do when I was a kid, I never thought I could and I'm doing them now, which is kind of interesting, right?
00:20:48
Speaker
You know, girls can be firemen, that's the gender thing too. Girls can be firemen, boys can be dancers, you can be an astronaut, even if there's only going to be 15 people who fly to space this year, you know, you really can't, nobody's got to do it. I think the trick is just for us moms to encourage their dreams and let the world let them down instead of us. Because the world will. Yeah, don't put limits on our kids. I totally agree with that 100%.
00:21:15
Speaker
And don't project your own insecurities on your kids, right? Because some of them are just way more amazing than we are. Yeah, yeah. I've seen that happen before that a child becomes something that a parent failed at because the parent really wanted it to happen and the child's trying to fulfill the parent's dream. And ultimately, it just doesn't work out. Right. Neither one is really happy. Exactly.
00:21:40
Speaker
Okay, I have a couple tips for helping kids reach their life goals. First of all, be a good example of a lifelong goal setter. So go listen to our episode on goal setting for moms and put it into practice. How can you encourage your kids to set goals and reach for them if you're not doing it yourself? Another thing is exemplify those graceful pivots. If you realize you started down a path and it's not for you,
00:22:10
Speaker
Don't be stubborn and stay on it just because you started heading in that direction. But pivot and be a good example of how to pivot and get yourself out in a wise and timely manner. Another example is be curious. Don't ever say, I can't because I'm a mom. Be curious. And then continually be educating yourself. So never stop your own.
00:22:39
Speaker
desire to have goals and attain them yourself.
Encouraging Lifelong Learning
00:22:44
Speaker
Oh man, I just love every part of your tips just now. I personally have often compared my younger years of being in grade school with my adult years as far as education goes because in my younger years I feel like
00:23:00
Speaker
so much of my education was spent learning someone else's agenda, right? Well, you have to learn physics. Well, you have to learn this and things that I generally was not very interested in. Now, I did get interested in many things that I was required to learn that I probably wouldn't have had they not required it of me. But conversely, now as an adult, I just learn what I want to learn. And I learned just as much now as I did when I was a grade schooler, only it's 100 million times more fun.
00:23:26
Speaker
So I could challenge moms like, you know, it's very easy to just kind of rest on your laurels and think, well, I'm just a mom changing diapers. What's the point of, you know, learning anything? But now we can learn whatever the heck we want. You know, even if you are working and think you don't have a lot of extra time, there are podcasts and audio books and documentaries and all these amazing things that we can immerse ourselves in to learn more about things that we're passionate about. It can be anything from
00:23:51
Speaker
a creative hobby to gardening to anything that just really piques your interest to auto maintenance. Talk about a useful education, right? I love what you shared. I will just share another little life experience about this. A couple of months ago, I applied for this internship
00:24:12
Speaker
at this local organization that I was really, really passionate about and I was really excited about. And I really wanted to tell my kids about it because I was so excited about it. So I told them about it and I said, hey, if you don't mind, pray for me that I get this internship. If it's meant to be, I'd love it, whatever. And so they started asking me about it all the time. In fact, I thought they'd
00:24:31
Speaker
you know, listen to me and then forget about it, but they asked nonstop. And I was supposed to find out on a Monday and that whole weekend, every five minutes, did you find out yet? Did you find out yet? It was really cute. And then on Monday- That's so adorable. Yeah, they were so supportive of me. It was really cute. And then on Monday I found out that I did not get it. And so it was really frustrating. And I also kind of disappointing. I didn't want to tell my kids, right? Cause they were so excited for me. Yeah. So I did, I sat down and we talked about it and they said, Oh, I'm really sorry about it. And I said,
00:25:01
Speaker
Yeah, me too. I said, but it's okay because I'm curious about where this path will lead me because I thought I knew what path I was going to go on. It was going to be this one. And now that one's blocked off to me. So I wonder what's going to happen next. And so I'm determined to show them that whatever happens next.
00:25:17
Speaker
that I point that out to them. Oh, look, I don't think this would have been an opportunity for me had I taken that internship, right? To just kind of guide them through those pivots so they can see that the closing of one door is not the end. It's just, you know, time to hop out a window or whatever. So that was a really fun experience with my kids. It's so wise to model and go through all that with your kids. That's so good for them too. I hope so. We'll see what they do with their lives.
00:25:46
Speaker
Okay. I wanted to talk a little bit about helping kids develop lifelong goal-setting habits and successes. I think, like you said earlier, it's important to teach them that goals take time. I've had kids who decide they want to exercise or lose 10 pounds. I have older adult children or, you know, learn to bake bread and they try it one time.
00:26:12
Speaker
And they don't have immediate next day results. And they're like, ah, well, I just have to give up. I'm not good at setting goals and achieving them. And I think it's important to share with them the time involved in setting goals, but also share that it's worthwhile.
00:26:29
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And like we said before that the day-to-day needs to be the reward or you need to at least find pleasure in some of the day-to-day or else you'll give up long before you hit that goal, right? You have to start enjoying your exercise or start enjoying your healthier eating or you'll never reach that final goal. So I love that.
00:26:50
Speaker
Yeah, and if you have something you can relate to them, I love to share stories with my kids. Yeah, I remember the first time I tried to run three males and I could only run 50 feet and then I had to stop and pant and walk for 50 feet, you know, or share whatever story you can to let them know they're not the only one experiencing whatever they're experiencing. Yes, absolutely.
00:27:14
Speaker
So some of my final thoughts on helping kids develop lifelong goal setting habits is to just goes back to what I was saying about the life goals is that we should never be putting our kids in a box, right? It's very easy for us to want to identify our kids as the creative one or the artistic one or the practical one or
00:27:30
Speaker
But oftentimes they can surprise us. I personally put myself on a box for many years thinking I was just one particular way. And then I thought I couldn't do what I wanted to do because I had a family or because being a mom was a priority. And I'm surprising myself and I love it. I just love it. So I think we should also let our kids surprise us with what they are able to accomplish. And we live in this information age where kids can access anything anytime. So it's amazing to see what they can accomplish.
00:27:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's sometimes I've even heard all the adults say, well, I'm the artist in the family and she's the quilter, so I can't try to quilt her. She's not going to ever try to paint or write a poem or whatever. And that's so sad when people, even adults put themselves in a box. So if we can teach our kids never to do that, that's going to tear down so many walls before they ever get built and open up so many doors for them. Yep, totally.
00:28:29
Speaker
Okay, I wanted for a second to address how some kids, teenagers, really don't know what they want to do or be when they're done with schooling and how to help these kids because some kids know from the very beginning
00:28:45
Speaker
what they want to do or what they want to be. And the other kids really, really struggle with it. So I wanted to address this for a second. Have you had this experience with any of your kids yet, Bonnie? Not yet, because my kids are still pretty young, but I really, I really felt this myself in high school and in college. I was really torn between several options. I remember going to a counselor in college a couple of times, like the career counselors, you know, like, give me all the quizzes. Tell me what I'd be good at. I don't know what to do. So it's a lot of pressure.
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah, so with my kids, the ones that don't know what they wanna do, I found that when we're young, when kids are young, they get exposed to everything. But when kids get older, they kind of become specialists. So when kids are real little, we expose them to all levels, kinds, types of every kind of information.
00:29:40
Speaker
But then as they get older, they kind of decide, oh, I like biology better than chemistry. And they kind of are naturally inclined to go one way or the other. So I found it helpful when they're very young to expose them to tons of different life skills. And one way to do this is to expose them to things like the Smarter Every Day website and podcast. Are you familiar with that? No, I've never heard of that. It sounds amazing.
00:30:09
Speaker
Okay, so they just take one topic per day and they do a deep dive on it. It might be lasers and then the next day they deep dive on bread dough and the next day on astronauts and every day they're discussing something different and it's just a huge variety of
00:30:31
Speaker
of information. Like sometimes I don't expose my kids to something because I don't have any knowledge or information about it. And so I find this is just a really good way to expose them to things that I don't even have any knowledge of. Oh, that sounds really cool. I want to look that up. Yeah. And then when my kids get older and they're supposed to be specializing, you know, older teenagers and if they have no idea where they want to aim, um, I try to
00:31:01
Speaker
reassure them that there's no limit on deciding, time limit on, you have to know what you want to do by the time you're 20 or whatever. There's no limit on knowing what you want to do or be, if we're going to use that term. I share with them that at 43 years old, I still am pivoting on what I want to do.
00:31:29
Speaker
I change all the time. I pick up different hobbies. I put them down. And my husband's a really good example of wanting to learn something new. A couple years ago, he decided he wanted to learn about metalworking. So he got all the tools, made himself the tools for what's the terms? Chasing and repoussé. And he made a couple
00:31:52
Speaker
little copper items. And they're really cool. They're around the house, a lamp and things. And then he kind of decided that wasn't really his interest anymore. And he moved on to something else. But for our kids to see us expose ourselves to all these different topics, we like to illustrate to them that being lifelong learners is really
00:32:15
Speaker
the way to go. Yes. Yes. I can totally relate to that. And I think it's also important to let them see us fail. So let's say your husband had decided to do the metalworking thing and he was a colossal failure at it. Like he just had no talent and could never put the lamp together or whatever. I think that's really important for us to show our kids like, Hey, I thought this was going to be really fun, but it is way beyond my ability. Or I just not only didn't enjoy it, but I don't think I have any talent and I'm just going to
00:32:42
Speaker
to quit now. That's fine. But it wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be maybe. Right. But also to let them see you fail at something and then decide, no, I'm actually going to be good at this and to keep at it until you're good. So there are both ways of doing things and neither is a right or a wrong way. It's totally up to you. Is that something you really want to succeed at? Great. Keep going until you do. If not, it's okay to quit too. And it's important for kids to see both avenues. You don't want them to keep banging their head against the wall about
00:33:11
Speaker
you know, in regards to something that they hate just because you taught them to never give up, right? Yeah. Okay.
Conclusion & Encouragement
00:33:20
Speaker
My final thought on goal setting with kids is any goal they set is worthwhile for them to try to attain. It's better than having a kid, a couch potato with a phone in front of their face who never sets any goals, right? Any level of goal setting is desirable.
00:33:40
Speaker
and should be encouraged in my opinion. Yeah, actually that was kind of going to be my final thought too is that for us to encourage every goal no matter how small and no matter how big. So I have, you know, conversely with the big goals, I have one child who is a big, big, big dreamer. And like I said, I have that practical side of me, even though I'm a dreamer too, I have a very practical side of me. And I like to look at these dreams that she comes up with and say, no, it's not going to work.
00:34:05
Speaker
Is that terrible? I mean, that's just my nature. And so I've had to pull back and just let her dream. And I was kind of reading up on her personality type too. And this is just important for her to dream. And sometimes she follows through, but very, very often she doesn't. And she's just voicing a dream.
00:34:21
Speaker
And I need to not be so quick to step in and cut it down, right? But maybe you are the one that encourages your kid's dreams and then they get maybe a little bit too lofty and they don't realize the real life implications of it. Then you can also step in and say, have you thought about the kind of work that's going to take? Have you thought about the kind of money that's going to take? So just kind of a good balance between, you know, encouraging them and not letting them go too crazy.
00:34:50
Speaker
Okay, I have some recommendations for helping kids with the monetary goals they set. We'll link these books in the show notes, but we've used them to great success with our kids that are paying for their own college.
00:35:03
Speaker
Rich Kid, Smart Kid by Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad for Teens, Rich Dad's Escape from the Rat Race, and then Farah Gray's book called Really an Air. He set some really lofty goals and reached them when he was just a little kid.
00:35:21
Speaker
And I have my kids read these books when they're very young before they need the money so they can start thinking about it and have a paradigm shift before they even begin. And then I'll also link those that a smarter everyday website and podcast. Yeah, I can't wait to look at that one.
00:35:41
Speaker
So a couple of my recommendations are Atomic Habits is a book that really does a deep dive on why we create habits, how to be successful at them, and how to just shift our thinking when we've found ourselves in a negative habit loop. And then also the seven habits books. There's the one for highly effective people and the one for highly effective teens. And both are really worthwhile. Obviously, if you're the parent, I recommend the people one.
00:36:05
Speaker
And it's a very deep book, like it requires some study. You're going to want to sit down with a notebook, take some notes, or maybe even listen to it on audiobook first and then get the physical copy so that you can kind of get it two different ways. But I love both of those books. Okay, thanks for listening today. And we encourage you to encourage your kids on all their goals.
00:36:28
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in. Did you know you can help the podcast in several ways? First up, we're on Patreon and there are three different levels to support us there. Just head over to patreon.com slash outnumbered. Next up, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a written review on iTunes. It helps other moms find the podcast and receive the help that you're enjoying. And finally, you can follow us on Instagram at outnumbered the podcast. We're always having fun over there too.
00:36:54
Speaker
As usual, if you have any questions or ideas for future episodes, you can always reach us at OutnumberThePodcast at gmail.com. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week. Okay, I'm getting so winded. Just take your time. You can breathe in between if you need to. Okay. Um, some habit goals, kids either, they usually, blah, blah, blah.