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Jazz Ramsey.....I'm sorry
36 Plays2 months ago
Look....listen.....sometimes as movie lovers we take risks an sometimes those risks fail. This is the case with the 2024 Hallmark Original Mystery: Jazz Ramsey K-9 detective. There certainly was plenty for Emma and Katie to discuss. Most of it was not good. So tune in! Take a listen as they discuss this week's film....that you as the listener absolutely do NOT have to watch yourselves...take it from us.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Theme
00:00:00
Speaker
I don't know if you read the name of the recording room. Of course I did.
00:00:33
Speaker
this was going to be rough because it's a Hallmark original mystery. Yeah. Oh, I guess we should. lo We're going right into it. Yeah. The podcast. Yeah. OK. Yeah. You guessed it, guys. um So this is the podcast where Emma and Katie train canine dogs. Do they, though?
00:00:51
Speaker
are We we just talk about it a lot. And we have a dog for five seconds to prove that fact. And then we attempt to solve a mystery with our ex very hot ex-boyfriend, who's also a cop. So that's questionable. um And very questionable. ah Yeah, ah we. Yeah, that's right, guys. You guessed it.
Critique of 'Jazz Ramsey: A K-9 Mystery'
00:01:19
Speaker
This is Go Get Your Girl. I'm Emma. And I'm Katie. And this is neither romantic nor comedic. This is also the worst movie we've watched for this show. Yep. Easily. It won't it won't surely. I mean, I'm sure we'll watch something worse at some point. But for now, maybe this is definitely the way you could tell immediately, like five minutes in, I'm like, oh, no.
00:01:51
Speaker
um Oh no. What the fuck was this called? This was called Jazz Ramsey Colon, a K-9 mystery, um which it isn't. um I would say the main criticism. i I mean, it is a mystery, I guess.
00:02:11
Speaker
But it's certainly not canine. The there's very little dog in this movie considering all of like how you would how they marketed it like the poster of her and a dog. um This is a two thousand and twenty four Hallmark original mystery um that I imagine was budgeted in the hundreds of dollars. ah I agree. I agree. There's all sets from Hallmark Christmas movies.
00:02:40
Speaker
Yeah, or green screens like that dog um training thing I swear is a green screen. Like the background is completely blurred out and they're so shallow focus like sometimes like when you walk down the hall I was amazed it was a hallway. I have a theory I think that that's a CrossFit studio. And they just like had to put all the CrossFit stuff in the back.
00:03:04
Speaker
OK, so maybe there's certain screens that are covering things and they're putting like, yeah, it's like a mix thing. I feel like her, like all the apartments in this are also like um maybe CrossFit Studios because all the floors are poured concrete. I don't know if you noticed that, but both her house and the and what's her name? Like the lady, the lady's house are poured concrete floors with rugs everywhere. Maybe they shot the whole thing in a CrossFit studio.
00:03:31
Speaker
Oh, I mean, like, I wouldn't be surprised. They definitely weren't concerned with um ah quality or. Or I didn't seem like they were concerned with anything, really. yeah um I. um Yeah. OK, so it's it's directed by.
00:03:54
Speaker
Marco Dufemia and written by Neil Kimmel, both of whom are exclusive Hallmark people. All of their credits are Hallmark Christmas movies and another couple other Hallmark movies.
00:04:09
Speaker
um
00:04:13
Speaker
like I don't want to like and like I think it's perfectly fine if you are ah ah if you have a career directing Hallmark movies and you are making money and you like what you're doing like good for you. Yeah, but um about it on this pod before, like if yeah that is your vibe, if that's your tribe, like you stick with them. And you you just like live in your little Hallmark Christmas world like that's great. yeah That's awesome. Yeah.
00:04:38
Speaker
I don't want to shit on somebody for making something that I think is like bad art or whatever. um This is so boring and so like absent of anything at all like there's like that there's a there's arguments right that like yeah some things are are not just so bad they're good but like they're bad but they tried something they're bad that they they they there was ambition here there was some kind of there was an idea and this movie has none of those things nope this movie aimed for nothing and didn't even achieve that um there's
00:05:20
Speaker
Yeah, there's nothing there's nothing in this movie to there's nothing to like there's no no there's not the act there's no acting in this movie there's no The entire time, like it just felt like I was watching scenes in an on-camera class. It felt like, and like not even the good class. Describe to our listeners what that means. OK, so that means, so when you're an actor or you're curious, you're actor curious, um you can take... A variety of different classes and they specialize in, um you know, taking acting classes for camera. And so basically you will do scenes with the instructor or another classmate who's off camera and they film you and then you watch playback and get critiqued and you you learn from that.
00:06:21
Speaker
And a lot of people aren't good is the thing. Sure. And yeah a lot of the and acting for the stage and and acting for camera are very different. They're very different. Very different mediums. Because, you know, camera, it's all right there. You know you have to be smaller. um But you don't want to be too small. You don't want to be boring.
00:06:40
Speaker
um and And most of the time you'll get like scenes from stuff like this, stuff like, you know, Hallmark movies or, you know, especially depending on where you are. Like in Chicago, you get a lot of like Chicago, the Chicago Fire, Chicago Med scenes to do work. Yeah.
00:06:59
Speaker
or things that aren't from anything that are just, it's just it's just garbage dialogue that spat out to to give you something to read on camera. Because what you're saying isn't important in a lot of these, ah these especially like the preliminary ones, it's about, yeah holding focus and how you look on camera. And that's not derogatory, but that's just what it is. And so a lot of these are why in theater, we have something called open scenes as well. So nothing is being said, which isn't important in the context of of doing that for an on camera class. But in the context of this movie, it's kind of
Acting and Ratings Discussion
00:07:37
Speaker
important. of important.
00:07:38
Speaker
Um, and I, I should say to the listeners, to anyone that saw the title of this and was like, I need to watch this movie before I listened to this episode of the pod. Don't I'm sorry. I want, I want to. Are we going to include, are we going to include, are we going to call it jazz Ramsey? I'm sorry in the actual episode when it goes up to, okay. Cause that's the name of the room that we're recording in right now. Jazz Ramsey. I'm sorry.
00:08:06
Speaker
I'm sorry, I was expecting more. And I mean, honestly, listeners, from all if you're looking to watch a movie that you've never seen before, and you're like, I see that Hallmark I'm in the mood for like a crappy Hallmark rom com. Hallmarks doing mystery summer. Well, obviously, it's gonna be a rom com mystery. It's ah her and her handsome boyfriend.
00:08:31
Speaker
Ah, and a dog. This has all the things that I could want. Let me look it up on letterboxed. Let me see what reading again. I didn't look it up on letterboxed. Oh, I didn't read it either. I don't tend to write the movies we do for this podcast. I guess I should. I don't because I don't want to spoil it.
00:08:50
Speaker
My 75 letterbox followers would all get spoiled. Exactly. You got to keep them wanting more. Um, so you know, you you open letterbox and you open the reviews for jazz Ramsey, a canine mystery. And the first several reviews are three stars, four stars, three stars, three and a half stars, and a lot of hearts. And then you're like, let me get a second opinion. Let me go to IMDB and see what the rating on there.
00:09:18
Speaker
And so you open that up again, pictures of handsome cop boyfriend and confused model girl with no personality. Oh my God. We'll get into that. You scroll down and you go, oh, the average IMDb user rating is 6.2 out of 10.
00:09:37
Speaker
OK, well, this is something and which I think I knew about IMDB users, but I'm kind of surprised about letterbox because I thought that letterbox would be a little harsher on this. um The thing about IMDB users is that IMDB users are fucking stupid. The IMDB rating.
00:09:55
Speaker
is the the least respectable metric of whether or not a movie is good. My favorite thing to do is to to what to go on a TV show on IMDB and look at like the season and look at the ratings. And you can see when it a show got gay because like it's like eight point two, seven point nine, three point one. It's like, oh, something gay must have happened in that. And I swear like ninety five percent of the time. That's exactly what happened.
00:10:22
Speaker
um I don't know what it is. I guess it's like maybe they organize in their little Reddit communities or something and they go and they go and review bomb stuff because like that's an organized thing that happens. And IMDB and Rotten the Rotten Tomatoes audience score are the easiest things to do that. um So these these nasty little conservative trolls um love to to do that. But um this is a movie that I guess people don't care enough to do something like that for. No, like I've never I don't write movies on IMDB. Do you?
00:10:53
Speaker
Oh, no, no, I just I use the trivia on I i have love in my life. Like I don't need to. Yeah, I don't. I use letterboxed as a, um you know, method for me to. See what movies I've watched in like a year, but me too. It's like a journal thing. And I just I made a point where I was like, I'm going to write a review for every movie I watch. And I every movie I log on letterboxed, I write a review for, but I don't like every movie that I watch clearly.
00:11:23
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I don't do any of the, like we said, don't do any of the ones for this pod. But yeah, so this is the first step. Emma's fun facts, Emma's fun facts. There are no fun facts about this movie. Like there's not a single trivia on IMDB. There's nothing fun about this movie. There's nothing like, and also no one cares. No one cares. How many people have seen this movie?
00:11:49
Speaker
Apparently, quite a few, actually. How many letterbox reviews does it have, or ratings, rather? um So it has, ah let's see, 28. Yeah, that's not a lot.
00:12:07
Speaker
Well, the first, okay, and the first few reviews are three stars from a person named Movie with no picture. The mystery here was decent and the acting was all right. Needed more of the dog. i Two of those things are not true and one of them is, yes.
00:12:25
Speaker
um
00:12:28
Speaker
Cause that's the other thing. Like the mystery is, is it's one of those things where like they withhold something for you from you for like half the movie. So it's impossible to know who did it until they give you the information. But as soon as that, that happens, it's fairly obvious. Like what happened.
00:12:43
Speaker
Yeah. And they, it's, they're so far behind. Like she still doesn't figure it out until she's there. I was like, well, why did you go there if you didn't expect this to happen? Like what? Right? Why are you surprised? You're like, I figured it out. And then you go there and you're like, Oh no. And like, what do you, what do you mean? There was definitely a good chunk of this movie that I was on my phone.
00:13:08
Speaker
Oh, me too. Big time. Yeah, big time. phone You could like check in occasionally. and yeah I mean, I watched it enough to notice some of the like absurd drone photography. It's interesting because like drones have made it to where it's harder to tell the budget of a movie.
Plot Analysis and Inconsistencies
00:13:25
Speaker
I mean, now you know, but like you used to, you used to be able to like, if there was a helicopter shot in a movie, you're like, okay, well, they must have spent some money on this. Yeah. Yeah. You could tell a really low budget movie from like ah um a movie that approaching even some kind of budget. Cause like a Hormark movie would never have a helicopter shot in it. You know, it would be all interiors who would all be like,
00:13:44
Speaker
Yeah. And this movie has no actors of note in it, which is also usually they have like, you know, somebody who was a TV actor 20 years ago is in a Hallmark movie now, you know, that that that horrible woman from Full House has got like a whole series of Hallmark movies.
00:14:02
Speaker
You betcha. Or um like the other rom-com that I wanted us to watch had Rachel Lee Cook in it. Sure. Love Rachel Lee Cook. Yeah. She's all that. Instead, Jazz Ramsey was streaming. So I was like, let's make it easy on ourselves. She's both all that and Josie and the Pussycats. She is. Love Rachel Lee Cook. And presumably things since then, but we'll find out.
00:14:30
Speaker
She was on Psych. she she did ah She did a stint on Psych. Oh, I don't remember that. I mean, I watched Psych. Yeah. and We talked about Psych on this show before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. yeah um
00:14:45
Speaker
I forgot what we were talking about. um Yeah, so Jazz Ramsey is a canine dog trainer who has, yeah, that's the thing, who works out of a CrossFit studio with Badly photoshopped signs out front on the exterior. Yep. Yep. Better like protect the world. Trade it on today. Here's the thing. I want to know how much money this movie costs to make. Because I assume they reuse a lot of sets and they shoot a lot of stuff at the same time to really drive the budget down. But if you and I had this amount of money, we could make our movie. We could make our movie. The budget of this was probably $5 million, maybe. Maybe less, because there's no actors in it.
00:15:29
Speaker
um maybe three million, but like you and I can make our movie for like a million, half a million. I feel like um the mom in this movie, Jazz's mom did this as a um ah volunteer. she She did not get paid. She just wanted something for her reel. Yeah, she was somebody's aunt or something. Yeah. and Because again, usually that would be, you know,
00:15:54
Speaker
A sitcom star from the 2000s would be the mom. Exactly. Exactly. But they couldn't get anybody. Couldn't get anybody for this one. This is the bottom of the Hallmark barrel. But they promoted the shit out of this, Katie. Did they? They did. Like, and onvo on What is it? On Peacock? On Peacock!
00:16:15
Speaker
Oh, okay. So you're watching the Olympics and you would see the ads for it, I guess. yeah Well, you would it would it' I never saw any footage of it, but I constantly saw like the poster. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Cause we didn't watch, we watched a little bit of the Olympics. We didn't watch that much of the Olympics and I hadn't heard of it. Yeah. Well, it was like the Hallmark movie of the summer. Like you go to Hallmark's website and they're like jazz Ramsey, canine mystery. Wow.
00:16:43
Speaker
um Yeah, so she trains canine dogs for the cops And there's this bit that she like she wanted to do search and rescue like her dad and her dad died In an accident and now instead of working for the firefighters. She's working for the cops No, it is it's funny here's the thing like I am so sensitive to that kind of shit like my dad my dad died a few years ago and which you know obviously but the audience may not and Um, and I'm very sensitive to that shit. We watched some, I watched some kind of bullshit. I don't even remember what it was. Some, some bad movie. Um, a rom-com and there's a whole bit with, uh, the father in it. Um, who I think dies or maybe, oh, no, no, he has like, uh, he has a heart attack or something.
00:17:31
Speaker
Um, which is how my dad died and like I started crying yeah and I, the movie's not good, but even that like amount of, of proximity would, would get my emotions going. And in this I felt absolutely nothing. mean You could not relate to a firefighter dad. The pathos that they're trying to employ in this movie is wildly unearned.
00:17:56
Speaker
Well, and I also, I have a few questions about her dad. So we we meet her, her mom for the first time. She shows up at the K-9 training place and she brings with her a bag of her dad's things that were in his locker at the firefighter the house.
00:18:16
Speaker
and um She hands her a single photograph and goes, um they just the they're gonna use the locker now. and And so Jazz gets upset because it was supposed to be a memorial. And why was there only one picture if it was a memorial? like what but why Why were they even using a locker if it was just one picture? Couldn't they hang that on the wall?
00:18:42
Speaker
You would think so, right? like um ah there's The whole thing is so underbaked. The exposition in this movie is so painfully ah served up. like It's always people talking about talking to each other like, hello, you are my best friend. And we went to this school together many years ago. I remember. Do you remember when we did this thing? And like that's just that that's how people talk to each other. i say we you know You and I have conversations like that all the time.
00:19:10
Speaker
all the time. Hello, Katie, you are my friend. We have a podcast together. Do you remember that time that we recorded an episode of that podcast about this movie? Um, yeah, it's just like that. Um, so yes, the plot as it is, um, she, she, she works for the cops training dogs to be canine units, which, uh, boo, don't do that. yeah Um, don't make dogs cops. Fuck you. yeah Um, why do dogs have to work? yeah I mean, sometimes, I mean, like dogs, like dogs, like dogs like to be useful. And I think a dog with a job is pretty cute sometimes, but like not cops.
00:19:49
Speaker
I mean, like, bomb sniffer dogs are helpful. Sure, yeah. In some situations, right? Yeah, I mean, like... Actually, now that I say that out loud, I don't like putting dogs in those situations. Well, yeah, I mean, like, in the US military, and it's a whole thing. Yeah. Like, I don't want anybody to blow up the airport or anything, but you know what I mean? No, no, but I also don't want them to blow up a dog.
00:20:14
Speaker
Well, that's true, yes. But like, you know, like, ah like, um of what's the word? I love that we're going into the morality of having dogs. Dogs having Yeah.
00:20:32
Speaker
a Oh my god, when a disabled person has a dog, what is that called? Oh, a Seeing Eye dog? Well, I was going to say Seeing Eye, but I thought that maybe that was outdated. I thought there was a better term for it. Oh, maybe that is. A disability dog? No. I don't know. A medical dog? No.
00:20:50
Speaker
ah It doesn't matter. A nurse dog. you you You all know what I mean. um Yeah. Like that's good. That's good. And they like doing it. Yeah. And because dogs have this like inbred need to be helpful. Yes. And so do I. um
00:21:07
Speaker
ah hu Sign Katie up for all your canine needs. it's I mean, Anna's true. um But um not in like a weird sexy way.
00:21:18
Speaker
No, no, no, no. ah Great. It could be. No. How do we turn jazz Ramsey canine mystery into sex?
00:21:30
Speaker
Not that way. um We turn everything into sex, Emma. I know. Also, hi. yeah ah Hi, Tad. ah My friend Gia's dad has recently started listening to the podcast. Oh, great. So I'm super, super happy about that. Well, I told them because I i met, they were here for the weekend to see Gia and we went to brunch on Sunday and I met them and we talked about the podcast and I was like, okay. And he was like, maybe I'll listen. I was like, okay, listen, I'm going to warn you.
00:22:00
Speaker
We're all adults. But like if you listen to the podcast, you are going to learn some things about me that you probably don't want to know. yep And then like a week later, Gia texted me. She's like, dad, listen to the podcast. like oh fantastic Oh, boy. yeah Well, here we go. And some episodes are sexier than others, depending on the movie. That's true. And when I tell a very explicit story, I do reach out to my mother and go, mom,
00:22:23
Speaker
I want you to know I had told a story on the podcast, and she'll go, oh, you're an adult, Emma. You can say whatever you want. I still feel weird talking about it, knowing that my mom is a faithful listener. Yeah, good for her. but's ah That's a healthy attitude to have. Thanks, Donna. My mom doesn't know what a podcast is.
00:22:47
Speaker
I mean, she knows that I have one and I've talked to her about it, but like, we don't get into it. She's like, well, can I listen to it? And I'm like, no. ah
00:22:58
Speaker
The, um yes, so. Jazz Ramsey. Jazz Ramsey went to this all girls high school with her friend, Sarah, who is now the principal of the all girls high school. And she, well, yes, it goes back and forth. and it ah um it is It's Cleveland, Ohio, Emma. Sorry, not Ontario. It's very clearly Canada. And so I was surprised at the end where they're like, where they specifically say they're in Cleveland, Ohio. And I'm like, you say so. Right. I don't know. That might be stock footage of Cleveland that they show at the beginning, but um I don't know Cleveland well enough to to know. They didn't show the the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So without that, I don't know if it's Cleveland.
00:23:47
Speaker
That's the only thing I know that's in Cleveland. How are we supposed to know? um Yeah. So she goes to visit her friend at the school where anyone can just walk into this high school at any time, yeah which is yeah ah wild. um which maybe that Maybe that's how it works in Canada. I don't know. Ohio.
00:24:06
Speaker
Right, yes, maybe that's how it works in Ohio, I doubt it. um Cleveland's like a big city. they um yeah they just She just wanders into this high school and she's like, I'm gonna teach the forensics club about dog sniffing human remains, which is yeah normal. She just keeps human bones in her backs at all times. She just has human bones. Well, I mean, I guess if if you train dogs to seek out human remains, you would have them.
00:24:34
Speaker
I just I couldn't get over the fact that she was just like la dee da dee da here's a human bone. She just takes a jawbone out, which is the most like that bone is the only thing we still have the most violence that's in this movie. um They don't show the body when they discover the body you just see a foot.
00:24:51
Speaker
in ah in a heel, which has been there for months. Anyway, so she's teaching these kids how, like a forensics club, which like, that's not what a forensics club is. Do you think they Googled forensics club and they found a bunch of hits and they're like, oh, that must be about kids who want to find dead bodies.
00:25:06
Speaker
Right? You would think so. Because the Forensics Club is theater. That's what we did in my high school. In my high school, it was called Forensics. Oh. I don't know why it was called. And I think I knew at the time, but I've forgotten. There's a reason why it's called Forensics. But that's like theater competition. That's where we go to other schools and compete in little theater. It's called Thespians somewhere in some places, but it was called Forensics.
00:25:27
Speaker
How do we, I guess we don't know if she went and just started giving this talk to the forensics club, thinking that it was one kind of forensics, but really there were theater kids. Maybe, maybe. She's very oblivious throughout most of the movie. And none of those kids really know anything about dogs or bones or human bodies. So she's showing them how the dog finds human remains, which she just brought some bones into the school.
00:25:55
Speaker
Yeah, she hides them in the screen in the third floor, in the third floor where no one goes. Except for the Scottish janitor. Except for the extremely shady Scottish janitor who might as well be wearing a sign around his neck. Saying, I'm a suspect. Yeah. ah I didn't actually do it, but that we want you to think I did it for half the movie. um And he, yeah, so he lets them into the room and He's like, yeah, I should I should open a window to air it out, which is the only not like comment in the movie about like the smell that a body for a number of months would have made in that room, like in the school, like you'd be able to smell it yeah and all over the school, not just in that on the third floor.
00:26:43
Speaker
um insane insane um so the dog finds the body basically is what happens um and there's the body of this woman who is i presume so deteriorated they don't recognize her but they assume because of the way she's dressed that it's this horrible teacher who used to work at the school that everybody hated yep named miss something i don't know miss price he sucks ah Yeah, she's a nasty old lady um who everyone hated and the she tried to get um the Sarah fired when when she became the the principal there because she didn't like her because they played a prank. I'm going to use that in quotes on her, which that's not what a prank is. That's not what a prank is. What happened was. I honestly think aliens wrote this movie.
00:27:38
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Emma, tell us what the prank is. OK, so the prank was that a ah hamster went missing, and or they took one home to keep. And so they were like, we'll just replace it with another hamster. Yeah. What happened was Sarah took the hamster home for like Thanksgiving break or something, which yeah I did that in my high school too, or middle school rather.
00:28:04
Speaker
um they ah they gave the hamster to her cousin or something. Yeah, they gave the hamster away. Yeah. And then they didn't bring a hamster back. they're like And they they opened the door to make the the teacher think the hamster got out, which I guess is a prank. But it wasn't to prank her. It was because they lost they they gave the hamster away. And then they got another and then they got another hamster that looked the same, which the teacher knew it wasn't the same hamster, which is so complicated, so i mean be unnecessarily complicated.
00:28:44
Speaker
So the teacher hated her because of that. She tried to get her fired. She was going to sue her. She was meeting with this lawyer. It's all very complex um yeah um to to try to get her. So it makes Sarah a suspect. So I assume that Miss Price, who, spoilers, isn't dead and killed somebody else and is the
Climax, Resolution, and Adaptation
00:29:05
Speaker
killer. um It's Miss Quinn.
00:29:07
Speaker
Miss Quinn. So she, she wanted to set Sarah up, right? Like the reason that she left the body in the school and she did all that was to set Sarah up to take the fall, I guess. And that's why she was faking in a lawsuit. Yeah. Yeah. She's going to go to South America. And then there's more because also.
00:29:29
Speaker
But wait, there's more. So there's a girl at the school named Maddie who looks just like Miss Quinn's dead daughter. Yep, because Miss Quinn's daughter and husband died in a car accident. And not a trust driver yeah and that's he's a bit that's why she's a And so she sees this girl and she's like, I'm going to kidnap this girl.
00:29:57
Speaker
and have her be my replacement daughter.
00:30:02
Speaker
And then I'm going to kill the the woman who caused the accident all those years ago, who's now a lawyer yeah and make everyone think it's me. And then I'll escape with this um with this kidnapped girl who I think looked is my daughter. um yeah It's hard to recognize anyways, who's already moving anyways, because all of a sudden out of nowhere, her dad is a part of the story. And he's just like, Yeah, my daughter's really upset because we're moving to South America.
00:30:33
Speaker
And it's just like, well, yeah, I mean, she's a teen and you're taking her out of high school. I get that. um but like You know what I'll make her want to move to South America? The teacher kidnapping her. Exactly, right? But then like we don't see her. We only have interactions with the dad for a big chunk of the movie. So you're just like, who is this kid?
00:30:56
Speaker
like the idea is that he's supposed to be a suspect too. You're supposed to he he and the janitor are supposed to be the suspects. But they withhold all this information from you until halfway through the movie. So you can't figure it out early um until they tell you that the whole like, once the the the DUI thing is is Like straighten out, it's hard not to figure it out. I did not foresee the daughter kidnapping looks like my daughter thing because that's insane. It was just so random. That's pretty hard to figure out. Yeah, yeah. Why couldn't we just have a straightforward murder mystery? Why did it have to have all of these random weird twists? I mean, it's based on a book, which is a lot longer than the blissfully short movie that this is, which is like 86 minutes long.
00:31:47
Speaker
including credits. So that's that's one good thing about this movie is that it's short. um
00:31:54
Speaker
And and so, yeah, that's pretty much that's pretty much the plot. That's all of it. um And then she and there she she ah meets up with her ex-boyfriend, who is a detective. And he's like he's like the press liaison for the cops. Yeah, like she is mad at him because he like loves the limelight or something.
00:32:17
Speaker
It's never explained too much. That's why. Well, yeah, but she's like, you're just doing it for the press. You know, you just care about being on TV. um It's very stupid. um there's there's There's no chemistry between them. it um there's no like There's no scenes written to be chemistry between the two of them, really. like yeah i want but he's he and she's but And she like talks to herself too. he's like but She's like, how did I let him get away? I still care about it. I'm like, bitch, who are you talking to?
00:32:50
Speaker
And her mom is so convinced that her and this detective guy are going to get married. And she's just like, oh, honey, you should see him again. Are you going to see him again? You know, your boyfriend who you broke up with, who's a cop, and you broke up several months ago. Do you remember him? like Yeah, he's around. I just saw him. The links that the script goes to to make sure everyone gets it.
00:33:13
Speaker
Yeah, um it's pretty embarrassing for everyone involved. um The um our lead actress, who I didn't even look up her name. Yeah, I don't. Actress is a strong word for what she's doing in this movie.
00:33:30
Speaker
um I just speak. So Charlie just texted me. So Charlie's in England and he said, Tell Katie Taskmaster beat Enter Shikari.
00:33:43
Speaker
Is that, is that because of the football, is it the football teams? So Taskmaster is the sponsor for the football team and they beat the Chicago team. Oh, that's true. He was telling me that the football team that he was going to see, he was wearing their jersey on Instagram and it said enter Shikari. So I commented on it. All right. Yeah. Her name is Rachel Scarston. Scar's guard. And she's been in some things. Uh, oh, she was in the Batwoman show on CW. Looks like.
00:34:12
Speaker
as a background actor? No, no, she was she was ah like the second main character. um She's the villain, according, I mean, like based on the Batman, Batwoman comics that that I've read. so um Yeah, so which that was, you know, obvious that like that whole show was a disaster. The IMDb rating for Batwoman, who Batwoman is also a lesbian. Yes. Which is like her, the the whole thing with that. The IMDb rating is 3.6 out of 10 for the entire series of Batwoman. Yay!
00:34:42
Speaker
holds up to my, I think, I mean, that was, they were also like abusing their actors and that and like Ruby Rose or whatever, like yeah like broke her back or something on that show. And then like somebody, or a still woman died. There's a whole lot of stuff going on with that show.
00:34:55
Speaker
yeah cubly Unrelated. But she is ah not good. And maybe, maybe she just doesn't care. Maybe, maybe she can't act. Maybe she's, she's good in Batwoman or whatever else that she was in. She was in Birds of Prey. She was another DC Comics thing. Anyway, yeah.
00:35:15
Speaker
Um, not the movie with Harley Quinn, the TV show from like 15 years ago. Oh, okay. Um, it should also be said. So I'm looking at some of my notes. And ah ah I one of my notes is Charlie is furious at this movie. He was so happy he was texting me about it. um He said, I think you should, you should cancel this episode after the fact. Like you need to black ball this. I'm like, Emma can pick it. She can watch whatever she wants.
00:35:47
Speaker
Yes, I can, because I am a confident, independent woman. um But I forgot that there was a human bone that was left in the third floor where the body was found and the cops didn't find find it. The cops, the cops didn't know anything like repeatedly in this movie, like when they find out. the they Oh, my God. So that he goes to meet her at her weird house with the cement floors.
00:36:16
Speaker
And um he's like, and she's like, hey, you know what just occurred to me? It's been days now since they found the body. She's like, I guess she has a place where she lives and maybe her landlord or or so or maybe the property tax people would know she's not there. And he's like, that's a good idea. The cops didn't check where she lived. He didn't check that.
00:36:37
Speaker
Also, so she knows her way around the police database, like the back of her hand. She just goes, and she goes, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And she's like, oh, OK, we're just letting a civilian in on, OK, this is great. He's letting her like talk to, I mean, it's much like much like Psych and Castle and any of those other shows. like It's almost like this is a pilot for the worst ah comedy um investigative show of all time because that's what it is. Like it's the same. It's the castle and psych and all that where it's like this person is not a cop, but they work with the cops with some kind of special ability and hers is like dog. But the dog is never there either. The dog is never there. The dog is in like three scenes. That is like the biggest complaint on all of the reviews that I've read is where was the dog?
00:37:25
Speaker
Yeah. The dog trainer was too expensive. So she's like, she's like running. She's like, Hey, watch the dog. Just like books it. She leaves the dog with her mom. Yeah. Um, Oh my God.
00:37:41
Speaker
Yeah, so there's multiple things where I'm like, the cops didn't see this. Yeah, and then there's the cousin, the like random cousin who did bad things. Yeah, there was a moment when he showed up at like, I think the cemetery that I wrote down. ah This cousin is making me feel like they were banging. Like, the cousins were banging. Like, he was banging. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe. And I was like, oh, were they banging? um But then he's just like, no, she hated me. Yeah, it's very strange. I mean, yet again, it's supposed to be one of those like red herring things, but it just doesn't work. Also, he didn't pull her ah her like police record. Like, the first thing you do when someone's dead is pull their records. Like, find out if she'd ever been arrested.
00:38:29
Speaker
And like the police report of her, he didn't know that her her husband and child had been killed in a in ah in a and a DUI related accident 20 years ago. Which would have been on top of the file. Yes, it would have been her. But he didn't do that, because he's the worst cop in the world.
00:38:48
Speaker
um He looks like a low rent Timothy Olyphant is what I wrote in my notes. He does a little bit. um He just looks like, again, like Chat GPT sketched out a homework leading man. Yeah. He's you know generically handsome. He's a little guy. Yeah. He's easily forgettable. yeah Yeah. I just remember like stubble. It's also like the then then like the the cousin. He's just wandered into the high school. Yeah.
00:39:20
Speaker
and they're trying to call after him and the janitor is like he doesn't even have headphones on the janitors was just like sweeping the floor or something and she's like hey stop stop and the janitor does not look up and he's in her way when she tried which you think is supposed to be on purpose but it's not no he's just dumb yeah And like he was stealing money from the school for gambling debts. There's like a B plot with that. It's I didn't even catch that. That must have been one of the times that I was like looking away. Like, yeah, it's it's it was it was a wild ride. And by wild, I'm so in that very vanilla. Yeah, it's so boring. Like, yeah, that's the that's the greatest problem of the movie. It's just yeah. Yeah, it's completely. It could have been exciting. We could have had melodrama.
00:40:07
Speaker
Yeah, and and kissing. And there's none of that. um Or at least like a cute dog. We did actually. They they pull another dog in at the end. they We got a puppy. He like gives her this oversized puppy. She's like, hello.
00:40:24
Speaker
He's like, I thought you'd want this. Yeah. um And they don't get together at the end, but they have this thing where he's like, I got a job at the police for you for like a canine liaison person. And it's like, OK, so they're going to make a million more of these. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Can't wait. yeah Which I assume is based it's probably based on a series of books that has a lot more dog in it would be my guess. Yeah. Yeah.
00:40:48
Speaker
I mean, oil by if they make some more, you can bet your bottom dollar that Go Get Your Girl will be there to not watch them. I was about to say, are you what do you put the fuck are you saying? Like, I don't want to watch another Jazz Ramsey Jazz Ramsey book. How many of these are there?
00:41:14
Speaker
There's three of them so far? Oh, OK. There's three of them. Yeah, there. I mean, oh, my God. The dog is super cute on the cover, at least. Yeah. there Yeah. There's all three of them for. Yeah. Kylie Logan, who has written a ton of mystery books, the chili cookoff series. Oh, my God.
00:41:40
Speaker
This is like Chardonnay books. Like this is stuff that your mom in the 90s read. The cozy case files. Oh, my God. Yes. Cozy. The scent of murder is what this one is based on. It looks like. Yeah, it's very it's set in Cleveland.
00:42:04
Speaker
Yeah, at the All Girls School. I assume so.
Comparison with 'Sneaky Pie Brown' Series
00:42:07
Speaker
ah Luther is a cadaver dog in training. But Luther's not even the in the movie. No. What? No, this is not it. this is not based This is not the plot. I mean, there's an All Girls School involved, but that's not what the plot of that movie is. Let's see if it's the second book, The Secrets of Bones. The Secrets of Bones!
00:42:35
Speaker
it's the second one okay okay so there's a different dog in each one it seems no it's Gus in the second one but i thought it was Zeus in the movie it is Zeus in the movie but also the cut it's a different it's a different dog i don't know what that that kind of dog is on the cover of this but it's real cute why would they lie about the dog they didn't
00:43:02
Speaker
That's the idea that changing something when in adaptation is lying about it. Why would they lie about the dog? Why would they lie about it? They did. They lied about a lot of things. Yeah. Goodness. um Oh, we haven't talked about when she gets hit by a board.
00:43:20
Speaker
So after she leaves the school where she tries to stop the limping man from leaving, who turns out to be the cousin, it's a whole thing. to stop the limping man from leaving. Yep. which She's she's jogging in the park. Oh, no, she goes to the house. She talks to him at his house, actually. Yeah. yes Then she goes to the park and is jogging, which they don't mention that it just cuts to her running through. Yeah. What it looks like the woods, honestly. And then we see a man who's like got his face cover holding like a two by four. And he just hits her in the head and runs off. Yeah.
00:43:57
Speaker
doesn't do anything, doesn't take anything from her, doesn't doesn't kill her, which he could have done. Was that supposed to be Miss Quinn? No, it's I think it's I i think it's the the janitor. I think he thought that she was getting close to his like gambling debt or whatever. So he hit her with a board. However, he hit her with a board so hard, which he's running.
00:44:23
Speaker
And he like clocked her right in the face with that board. And she's got like the tiniest little scratch on her. She's knocked unconscious. And like, I know this happens a lot in movies, but getting knocked unconscious by something is really bad. Yeah. And also she would have like a... She would have a bump. She would have a concussion. She would have a broken nose or a black eye or something. And she's got the tiniest little...
00:44:50
Speaker
They couldn't afford a makeup person. Yeah. And then nothing, I guess they arrest him. He's just kind of out of the movie after that. I think I was drifting in and out. So it's hard to say. Yeah, same. I just, at one point, was just like, when is this over? I can't. I can't. And this was my pick. Yeah, yeah. She goes and finds. So Miss Quinn killed this lady and made her think it was him. She's kidnapped the girl.
00:45:18
Speaker
somebody's house. She's at the lawyer's house, I guess. She's at the woman who is dead's actual house. Yes. Yeah. um And she's, that she doesn't have a gun. She's got a fire poker and she's like threatening her. It's like, don't come any closer. I've got a fire poker. She doesn't. Right. That was like, that was another thing. She had a fire poker and what's her name? Jazz had a gun.
00:45:44
Speaker
No, Jazz didn't have a gun. Jazz just went in unarmed. Oh, well, somebody had a gun. Yeah, Detective Coleslaw had ah had a had a gun. He comes in, points a gun directly at her. She doesn't drop the fire poker. she's like No. she's I guess the idea is that she's insane. She doubles down, yeah. I mean, she thinks the girl is her daughter. like So she's obviously had some kind of mental break. But she is waving this fire poker at a man with a gun and is surprised when he rushes her and puts her in handcuffs. She's like, I can't believe this happened.
00:46:15
Speaker
Just like, I was armed. um Crazy. Absolutely insane. And then there's the last scene where she's at the dog's graduation or whatever. um He gives her a giant puppy, the biggest fucking puppy in the world. And she and he's like, we're going to work together again. And she's like, OK, but no kissing. and No kissing, not yet. Maybe that comes in one of the later books. Maybe maybe it's going to turn into a rom-com.
00:46:46
Speaker
And we hope only it will only we only know if we keep watching. I'm not going to watch another one of these unless you make me for the show. I won't do that. I won't do that. ah However, unless it has a really good title. Better than The Secrets of Bones?
00:47:09
Speaker
I mean, ah that's a pretty good title. Um, it's like, uh, like the, the bones ah bones is another one of those things where it's like a cop and a not cop. I guess that was the, the OG, but the woman who writes those bones books, like they used to have names, like random names, but then once the bones TV show started, she put her to putting the word bones in the title of every book, of course which is smart. yeah Yeah. That way people know, Oh, it's bones. Yeah. My mom used to read those books.
00:47:44
Speaker
Oh, nice. My mom loves violent mystery books, like the K. Scarpetta books and the Bones books. I was going to say, you should suggest and Jazz Ramsey, a canine mystery. Oh, no, no, she would hate it. but She has taste. Well,
00:48:04
Speaker
we actually, this is being, okay, so this is being unfair to the book. We don't know if the book is any good. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I know. I'm not the movie. Yeah, neither. have i Neither you nor I have did the extra homework of reading the book before today's recording. And I'm not gonna. am not um I don't like that stuff, though. I don't read I don't read that kind of stuff.
00:48:26
Speaker
See, I do. um And you read a Sneaky Pie Brown mystery. Yeah. Yes. And that's the thing is that this is so I was expecting more of a Sneaky Pie Brown vibe. And I got mad because in the Sneaky Pie Brown mysteries, the dog and the cat solve the mystery and they talk. Wait, the dog and the cat talk in the Sneaky Pie Brown mysteries?
00:48:49
Speaker
to each other, yeah, and to other animals. That's pretty cute. It's adorable. And they made a movie out of it. Are there POVs from the from the cat and the dog? Yeah. Yeah. And they get mad when their owner, when she's taking so long to solve the mystery, because they'd already solved it. I had no idea that's what it was about. I thought it was just about a cat lady who solved crimes. No, no, no, no. that She's got a cat and a corgi.
00:49:14
Speaker
A Corgi. A Corgi. A Corgi solves a mystery. A Corgi solves a mystery. All right, you're selling me on this. Yeah, I know. It's pretty great. Is she gay too? It doesn't exactly spell that out, but you get a lot of vibes.
Upcoming Themes and Conclusion
00:49:34
Speaker
interesting. Yeah, because I mean, I guess we should say worst. Okay, in a recent in a recent episode, we talked about all of this, the woman who writes those books, Rita Mae Brown is a um is most famous for writing a seminal piece of like lesbian literature, Ruby fruit jungle in the 70s. And she is like, ah She's a lesbian academic who also writes these cozy mysteries about a cat and a dog that self-cries. Yes. And they're amazing. I need to read more of them. um I, however, i part of me is like, I feel like they'd be really good audiobooks, but they're just not... Who does the voice of the cat? I don't know. That's the thing. Is that like, if they... Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Well, the cat's a girl. The cat's a girl. The dog's a boy.
00:50:19
Speaker
Well, obviously, I mean, that's just that that's facts. That's science. All dogs are boys. All cats are girls. Exactly. Exactly. And um the best thing is, is that they have relationships with the other neighborhood cats and dogs and the characters, too, and the raccoons and the raccoons. I had no idea this was these were fantasy novels. if I'm into it now. I mean, they're not fantasy. If it's fact, Katie, we don't know. You're right. You're so right.
00:50:48
Speaker
We don't know the relationships that my cats get up to with the neighborhood animals. That's true. um Yeah. So yeah, highly recommend Sneaky Pie Brown mystery books. ah Don't recommend Jazz Ramsey, a canine mystery. ah No, four thumbs down.
00:51:13
Speaker
fifty Anyways, there's nothing left to say. Yeah, that's about 50 minutes. That's good enough. That's good enough. This could be our shortest episode. Exactly. Because I can't give any more to Jazz Ramsey. No. What are we doing next week, Katie? OK, we have two announcements, actually. So next week will be our last rom-com for a month. ah Because in the month of October, we are launching Go Get Your Ghoul.
00:51:42
Speaker
also So for four for four episodes in a row for the month of October, we will be covering horror movies instead of rom-coms. And if you don't like that, I'm sorry.
00:51:56
Speaker
um They're going to be fun ones because they're going to be, Katie and I each get two. And so that means, and we both love horror movies. So that's actually a lot of pressure. So I don't, I was like thinking last night, like what am I going to pick? I have no idea what I'm going to pick. Luckily I don't have to yet. Yeah, exactly. Because the the next episode after this one is our last, is the last week of September. So that will still be a rom-com. And I have picked the movie Bull Durham. Bull Durham.
00:52:23
Speaker
Which have you seen? I guess not. No, I've never seen bull Durham. Oh, great. Yeah. Okay. So um I'm, I was born in Durham, North Carolina, which is where this movie is set. It's about a minor league baseball team. It's Susan Sarandon and Kevin Costner and um Tim Robbins and it rules. Oh, nice. Well, then I'm excited. um I'm also excited to do a rom-com. That's not about basketball. That's true. It is not about basketball. It is about baseball and it is, um and it's like,
00:52:52
Speaker
I guess, I mean, baseball is a summer sport, I guess, but there is, um, um, we've, we've got a, I mean, I guess we're fully fully in the fall, but that's what I want to do. So nevermind. Yeah. So screw you. Yeah. Well, ball Durham. All right. Shall we outro? Uh, yeah, I should bring it up. All right. You ready? I think it's me this time. Yeah.
00:53:23
Speaker
Thank you for listening to Go Get Your Girl. If you like us, tell your friends and please rate interview us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It helps out a lot and we would really appreciate it. Thanks to Andrew Milliken and Nyx Fabota for our theme music and Elena Henderson for our artwork. You can follow us on Instagram at Go Get Your Girl Pod or email us at gogetyourgirlpod at gmail dot.com. You can follow me on social media at EmilyMPizza and me at KatieOfTheLake.
00:53:53
Speaker
Until next time, we're just two girls. Standing in front of the internet. Asking it to love us. Good night. Good night.