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10 Things to Teach Your Children in a Post-Roe vs Wade World {Episode 193}
684 Plays2 years ago
Roe vs Wade has been overturned. So what do we teach our children now? In this episode of Outnumbered the Podcast, Bonnie & Audrey share 10 truths they believe and teach their children concerning their bodies, life, sex, and happiness.
Mentioned in the episode:
Episode 151: Intimacy in Marriage
Episode 81: Raising Self-Motivated Kids
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos.
Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion.
Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience, these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Outnumbered' Podcast
00:00:07
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
Addressing Audience Question on Teaching Post-Roe vs. Wade
00:00:33
Speaker
Hey everybody, we are back with another episode. And the roots of this one are, well, they've been in me, Bonnie, in my heart for a long time. But the thing that has caused us to go ahead and actually record this episode is a question from the audience. This question came in the days after Roe versus Wade was overturned. And the question was, what do I, I've always taught my daughter, my daughters, my body, my choice. What do I teach my daughters now that this has been overturned?
00:01:03
Speaker
So we want to do this episode to share with you what we're teaching our children and how we through our teaching of our children are trying to change the future concerning life.
Passing Values to the Next Generation
00:01:17
Speaker
Yes, and the premise of this episode is this, this is what we have chosen to teach our children. It is such a hot button topic because it surrounds a lot of really, really serious choices, a lot of really deeply held societal and religious beliefs. And so this is the perspective that we're coming from, that of Christian women who are teaching our children
00:01:40
Speaker
these concepts and these precepts in regards to sex and guarding human life. And you can take it or leave it, or you can take some and change it and make it what you teach your children. But I think that what we pass on to the next generation is going to be essential right now.
00:01:55
Speaker
All right, so we have 10 things that we teach our children. We are teaching our sons and our daughters that we're going to share with you today. And they're not really in any particular order except for this first one.
Communicating Value and Wantedness to Children
00:02:08
Speaker
And the first thing that we teach our children is that so when kids hear about abortion for the very first time, they are absolutely terrified because children are
00:02:20
Speaker
narcissistic and they think about themselves, most of all. So the first thing that we teach our children is that we are very glad that they are our child and that they were born. So that is the first thing that we teach our child. We are so, so very glad that they're here.
Personal Stories on Feeling Unwanted
00:02:38
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. I decided long ago that if I ever had a pregnancy that was not very specifically planned, because we tried to kind of space ours consciously, that I would never tell that child because it can be extremely distressing to learn that you're
00:02:54
Speaker
life was unplanned or came about in a way that was not what your parents necessarily wanted. And so this is extremely important for children, especially the younger ones, especially after learning about something like abortion. It's a very distressing thing and to teach them that concept that we are so grateful you're here. We would have you a hundred times over. You are our baby, you know, and we will love you forever. It's so, so, so essential. I love that.
00:03:20
Speaker
Yeah, I have to agree with that a hundred percent. I have watched one woman that I'm very close to in particular struggle her entire life because she felt like she was unwanted. Her mother didn't want her from the moment of conception and that her mother actually tried to induce a natural abortion. And this this dear woman has struggled with this and had an effect on her entire life.
00:03:47
Speaker
And so that is something that is very, very important for me to teach my children as well as I want you, I wanted you and I'm so glad you're here. Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Teaching Body Sanctity with Biblical References
00:03:58
Speaker
Okay, so the second thing we are teaching our children is that their body is sacred. It's an important, essential aspect of who they are. It was gifted to them from God and it is very important that we protect it. This is kind of a rare viewpoint these days, I'll be honest. People kind of abuse and desecrate their bodies in,
00:04:17
Speaker
any number of ways these days, but we believe that casual sex is one of the most dangerous and damaging ways of messing with our bodies, and we're going to explain more about that. Yes, so where we grab our teaching from this about is from the Bible. 1 Corinthians 6 and 19 says, your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is
00:04:42
Speaker
in you. So it's not that we think our bodies are sacred because we decided that we're sacred. It's because God decided that our bodies are sacred and He put His Holy Ghost in them. And so that's what makes us sacred.
Beliefs on Life Beginning Before Conception
00:04:57
Speaker
We have no, we have no choice over that. That is, we are sacred.
00:05:02
Speaker
Okay, the third thing that we're teaching our children is that it comes out of this concept. So there's a big debate in when does life begin? Because that, you know, is it the moment of conception? Is it the moment they take their first breath? When does life begin? And so we have thought through this one deeply, and we are teaching our children that life begins before conception.
00:05:31
Speaker
So again, this is another one that through our research and praying and finding things about this, we found in Jeremiah 1 verse 5, God said to Jeremiah, before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee. And so that really is something that kind of changes the perspective and the whole debate about when does life begin. We are teaching our children life begins before conception.
00:05:58
Speaker
Right, and it really just expands our entire understanding of life in general and just how precious it is that it's not just a clump of cells that grows and then turns into this sentient being that can breathe and talk and walk eventually, but it is a human soul that existed even before my husband and I came together and created the clump of cells, right? What a powerful concept and can help your children
00:06:24
Speaker
uh really have this this massive deep respect for life that we're trying to to embed in them right so i i don't know we're kind of going to be vulnerable in this episode a little bit because it means so much to us but i actually have had the experience um with one of my children that i felt the moment that god put the soul of that child in my body and it was not
00:06:53
Speaker
Um, something that I did, it was an external thing happening to me. And then I have also had the experience of, um, so I have had several miscarriages.
00:07:07
Speaker
And I have had one miscarriage where I had, after I lost the pregnancy, I had the experience of phantom fetal movement. And that was, you can Google it if you want to know more about that. But that was something that was pretty distressing to me at the time. And I didn't understand
00:07:29
Speaker
what was going on why I would still feel a baby moving that obviously wasn't in me but something my husband said that was um an epiphany to me at that time was he said to comfort me he said maybe God left the soul of this baby inside of you for a little longer because he knew that you needed that and so
00:07:52
Speaker
Excuse me. So that is something also that really underscores and adds to my belief that life begins before conception. It doesn't happen just because it's in my body, but it is something outside of me that happens.
00:08:06
Speaker
Wow, what a beautiful story and a beautiful thought. You know, the fact of the matter is we know so little, so little about life and the importance of it and exactly how these bodies work. But we know that it's important. We know that it's essential to our species survival and it's essential to our souls as a whole to have this experience here. And so we want to be very, very careful with it, right? Very protective of it.
Consequences of Sexual Choices
00:08:33
Speaker
So the fourth thing that we are teaching our kids is that sex is a choice, okay? So thanks to the overall loosening of morals in the Western world and the sexual revolution that happened in the 60s right along the same time that reliable birth control came on the scene, then all of a sudden the West just kind of views sex as this essential
00:08:55
Speaker
part of adulthood almost like a rite of passage right but we believe that it's so much more than that that it is an extremely powerful act that we have
00:09:06
Speaker
access to and it's something we need to protect. And I also believe that it's a privilege that we get to exercise as married men and women in that special bond and relationship of marriage. And that if we exercise it outside of that, we run the risk of running into all kinds of problems.
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You know, we have a whole episode on intimacy in marriage and we talk a lot more about that privilege in that episode. So go, you know, go listen to that one as well. This is where we teach our children, my body, my choice. It is your body. It is your choice. And so when you take some of these other things that can into consideration, your body is sacred. So it is your choice. Sex is a choice. And yeah, I just love that one.
00:09:55
Speaker
Yeah, and I think this is a great place to interject that sex is the choice and pregnancy is the consequence.
00:10:03
Speaker
So when you look at it from that perspective, you realize that your choice ends after you've made that choice to have sex. And it is not something we see lightly for sure, because we have been through many pregnancies and many births, and it is extremely difficult to carry a baby to term, to birth that baby, to raise that baby for years. It is not something we take lightly, which is why we see sex as such a powerful and even dangerous thing.
00:10:31
Speaker
Yes, yes, that is so good. We're going to dive into those a little bit deeper here in a second. But the next thing that we teach our children is, so you've got this choice to make about sex, the when of the choice. So we teach our children that virginity is the best gift you will give your future spouse. So you have this sacred body. You have this body that's a temple.
00:10:54
Speaker
And if you gift the purity of that temple to your future spouse, that is no matter what gift other gifts you give them the rest of your life, that is the best gift you will ever be able to give them.
00:11:08
Speaker
And I would add there that virginity is also the best gift you give your future self. And I think that women in particular, and we'll talk a little bit more about this in a second, but we have a little bit heavier of a load in regards to this because men can participate in casual sex and walk away.
00:11:27
Speaker
Seemingly zero consequences, but I would argue that there are still consequences there as well And because we are the ones that carry the babies. We are the ones that have a higher a heavier responsibility to guard and honor this special privilege of sex and you can you can call it whatever you want you can call it unfair or whatever unequal, but it is what it is and so especially our daughters and we're teaching both our daughters and our sons all of these these
00:11:57
Speaker
facets, but especially our daughters. Yes, absolutely. We are also teaching our sons that the gift of a pure body going into marriage and then a monogamous marriage, like the gift that that is to their wife.
Role of Parents as Guardians of Life
00:12:13
Speaker
Okay, so the sixth truth that we are teaching our children is that they are the guardians of life. So if you think of
00:12:21
Speaker
birth as kind of a gateway to earth, right? None of us came to it without being born. Then you think of the man and the woman as the sentinels that stand at that gateway, right? And it takes the participation of, well, ideally the participation of both of them, willing participation of both of them to allow a life to enter that gateway. And when you think about it like that, all of a sudden sex takes on a much deeper meaning, right?
00:12:48
Speaker
And ideally, because it is so powerful, both men and women should be actively defending this portal, right? Sadly, many are not. But like I mentioned, as women, we're kind of the last defense, right? Casual sex, I will be so bold to say, ruins relationships. It destroys trust and honor. And it even has the power to demolish not just the life of the child that comes into that relationship, but future generations.
00:13:17
Speaker
because I've seen it happen, right? So that's just a little bit something to make us realize the gravity of this action.
00:13:28
Speaker
Oh, that is a really neat way to put it. That's where the sentinels were, you know, at the gateway where life comes in, because you think about in nature, there's two types of, oh, I'm going to forget the names here, but I think two types of animals that are born, those who can survive on their own from the minute they're born and those who need the participation, the care of a parent. I think it's altricial is the ones like the baby birds that are born without anything. They can't fly. They don't have wings. They can't get themselves food.
00:13:57
Speaker
And so a baby bird in a nest would die without a parent bird to bring in its food and stuff. And that's the way babies are. Our babies are helpless when they're born. I can't remember the term either, but I think human babies, if I recall, are the most helpless animals on the planet. They do literally nothing but sit there and wail and poop their pants, right? They need their parents. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be like two seconds before the saber-toothed tiger came along and got them.
00:14:29
Speaker
Oh no, that is so beautiful. The guardians of life. So we, like God is the creator of life. And he gifts us that, like when he puts that life that began before conception in us, but it's, it's on us from there, from that point. And that's, that's really neat thing to think about. All
The Miracle of Carrying a Child
00:14:48
Speaker
right. The seventh truth that we teach our children is carrying a baby inside of your body is the greatest miracle you will ever experience ever.
00:14:59
Speaker
And you are not guaranteed to be able to experience this in your life. In fact, of course, our boys, our sons cannot experience this. They don't get to experience it. They can watch their wives, the mothers of their children, carry these babies and be totally awed by this miracle. But if you think about it,
00:15:19
Speaker
Think about it. I bet you know at least one person who has had a struggle with infertility or had a miscarriage or had their pregnancy threatened. I was just hearing from a woman the other day who at 18 weeks was carrying twins and was threatened
00:15:34
Speaker
The pregnancy was threatened and she spent, oh my goodness, so much time on bed rest. Think of all that some women are willing to go through to experience this miracle of life inside of them. And, you know, touching back on the one that we just mentioned, be the guardian of that life that's put inside of them.
00:15:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's very interesting the lengths to which we are willing to go to protect a pregnancy, right? All the doctor's visits and the bed rest and the testing and everything else. But do we look at the act of sex with even a fraction of that gravity?
00:16:13
Speaker
I think most people don't, and I think that's a mistake, right? We just kind of do whatever we want, and then when a baby comes about, oh, well, we should really protect this thing. But that life started even before we grew the clump of cells, you know? And maybe we need to look at the entire process with a little bit more gravity.
00:16:32
Speaker
Yes. So again, going back to, I was talking about miscarriage earlier, we have actually experienced four miscarriages. And so the first pregnancy that we had ended in a miscarriage. And so that has just brought a lot of gravity to the situation. We're very open with our children about this, that you're not guaranteed that your pregnancy is going to last.
00:17:03
Speaker
Um, I guess it really had an effect on how big of a family we had that we did. We felt like life was so precious that we were just willing to be the guardians of any life that God saw fit to grant us. And so, yeah, just that experience. I mean, so getting to experience that miracle of life inside of me, even when it ended in miscarriage. Um, so many times I really, really think it has been a very, very special privilege.
00:17:32
Speaker
Okay, the eighth thing that we teach our children surrounding this topic is that there is a formula for happiness, specifically in families and in relationships.
Formula for Happiness in Family Life
00:17:40
Speaker
And that formula involves guarding their sexual purity and that power over life. And we believe that this will give them the best chance at happiness, joy, lasting joy, and even finding long-term relationships and maintaining that trust within them that we know is so vital to a healthy relationship.
00:18:00
Speaker
Yeah, that's right. We teach our children to look for a future mate that also values, has that same value for life and for purity and for the power of
00:18:12
Speaker
and success of a long-term relationship. That is something that we teach our children to look for because that formula, it's a happiness formula, but it's like a success formula. That is where you will find joy. I've been using the term casual sex to, but I should define it better, to refer to any act of sex outside of a monogamous marriage. But I know it's pretty common for people to believe that if they're cohabitating or engaged to someone,
00:18:40
Speaker
And in that committed relationship, that kind of doesn't count, right? That sex is okay there. But we have just seen over and over and over that when it happens outside of marriage, things fall apart, right? Or people aren't 100% committed. And it doesn't mean that marriage is always last. Sadly, we have seen ridiculous divorce rates in the past few years, past 50 years. And it requires so much work and commitment.
00:19:10
Speaker
maintaining sex within those boundaries will save us so much heartache. Yes, that is so true. Again, I just want you to listen to our episode on intimacy in marriage because we really talk about- It's a great partner episode of this one. Yeah, the power and the
00:19:29
Speaker
And when your kids are old enough, they can listen to it too.
Choosing Actions with Uncontrollable Consequences
00:19:33
Speaker
Okay. The ninth truth that we teach our kids is that you get to choose your actions. You have no power over the choosing consequences. So choose your actions, not your consequences. Because you can't. You cannot choose consequences. The consequences come.
00:19:49
Speaker
You read what you sow. So sex is the action that brings about life. So sex is the action that you can choose. You don't get to choose whether there's life or not. We have to follow God's plan for creating life. We choose the actions, not the consequences. You can't touch a hot stove. You can't choose to touch a hot stove and not have the consequence of getting burned.
00:20:12
Speaker
Consequences follow actions. You don't get to choose the consequences. I used to do this one discipline method with my kids where they would be naughty and I would just be so worn out. I would say, okay, you choose the consequence. I still do that all the time. Sometimes it works. Sometimes they're a lot harder on themselves than you would be. I'm like, well, that worked out well. I know. I know. I was like, why did I think of that?
00:20:43
Speaker
Oh, but when it comes to life and big choices and sex, you do not get to choose the consequence. Okay, again, there's a scripture that we want to share that backs this one up. It's 1 Corinthians 6 verse 20, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are gods. So you can talk about, oh, I don't get to have sex, or you can talk about
00:21:08
Speaker
the choice of choosing to glorify God in your body, with your body, in your spirit, with your spirit. Those are, you know, it's not choices of things you can't do. It's look at it the positive way. We talk about that so much on this positive. Look at so much on this podcast. Look at the positive. You get to choose to glorify God.
00:21:30
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I have thought about the blessings and privileges that have come to my life because of the choices I've made as a young person, as a teen and a young adult. And I can directly connect every last blessing I have in regards to my family, my current family, with the choice to stay chased as a kid. And that's a big statement, but I firmly believe it. There were so many
00:21:57
Speaker
actions I could have undertaken that could have derailed my entire future. But instead I have this beautiful family and it doesn't work that way for everyone. I wish it did. I wish that this was the one thing that you could commit to yourself and it would mean everlasting happiness forever. It doesn't because unfortunately we still have to live with people who make their own choices. But you have a greater chance and your children have a greater chance for happiness with this one choice than just about any other, I would argue.
00:22:25
Speaker
having a loving spouse that is faithful and children who are born to the same parents who get to be raised by their biological mother and father. It is the way it's supposed to be. It's just the way it was designed. And it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with families that don't come out that way. But there will always be added challenges. There will always be added challenges.
00:22:48
Speaker
So we're dropping some big truth bombs today, but we firmly believe
Responsibility in Sexual Engagement
00:22:52
Speaker
in all of them. And they're hard truths that a lot of people don't want to talk about because they make people uncomfortable. But here we are. Sorry. I shouldn't apologize. This is just what we do. Okay. So number 10, final one, our responsibility. And we've alluded to this as we've gone on, but we have the responsibility
00:23:11
Speaker
to engage in sex in a responsible manner, right? And now let me preface this by saying, and if you listen to our other episode on intimacy, you will know we don't think that sex is only for having babies. Otherwise, what would be the point after you're done having babies, right? No, we do believe that it is for pleasure and for connecting with your spouse. But only seeing sex for that is selfish and it's irresponsible. If it was only for pleasure, then it will bring heartache into
00:23:39
Speaker
the life of those who engage in it that way. As the doorway to life, we believe that, well, we know that every sexual encounter has the potential to bring life into the world. And because of easy access to birth control, we don't think about that a lot, right? As a society, it's not very common to think this could yield a baby every time someone has sex. But what if more men and women consider that every single time?
00:24:06
Speaker
What would our lives look like? They might look a little bit different. We might be a little bit more cautious, a little bit more aware, a little bit more serious about how and when we engage in sex. Yeah, that is so good. You know, we have another episode about teaching responsibility to our kids. And so this isn't anything new that we're teaching our kids. We're teaching our kids responsibility across so many areas of their life. And so we also teach it to them here.
00:24:33
Speaker
they are responsible to be responsible about sex, have responsible sex. And, you know, it is just the conclusion for all the other truths that we have mentioned on being the guardians of life, valuing life, having a sacred body, all those things. So these are 10 truths that we're teaching our children because they are very important to us. The sanctity of life is so
00:25:02
Speaker
amazing so special such a privilege and you know when you start looking at life this way you start thinking you start valuing people differently because they are they have life and it affects when you teach your children
00:25:17
Speaker
these truths, it affects every part of their life because it's how they treat other people. It's not only how they treat their future spouse, their future family life, but it's every life out there.
Teaching Sanctity and Value of Life Post-Legal Changes
00:25:29
Speaker
Every life is sacred, has value, is a gift from God, and just kind of changes everything. And then you start
00:25:41
Speaker
Like if we, what if we all taught all these truths to our kids? I think we would probably see the rate of adoptions go up. There would be a lot more foster care happening. There would be less abuse and neglect. I mean, there's so many ways that these truths can benefit our kids. And so we are definitely teaching these things to our kids now because of the
00:26:09
Speaker
living in a post Roe versus Wade world. We are definitely emphasizing these things to our kids, but I would just say that even if it should come back to a situation where
00:26:25
Speaker
Heaven forbid, I think you know how Bonnie and I feel about this, that Roe versus Wade should come back into legality again. I don't think Bonnie and I would teach our children, our families, anything different because we think that valuing life is the most important thing that you can do.
00:26:44
Speaker
Yeah.
Reflecting on the Power and Dangers of Sex
00:26:45
Speaker
You know, I have a lot of questions for God at the end of this life. I've got a list, but I know I can't take it with me, so I better memorize it. But I am super curious to know all of the effects that sex have had on people in general. I think there's so much more that we don't understand.
00:27:05
Speaker
There are reasons for the rules and the commandments we've been given, right? Nobody likes to follow rules. Everybody likes to think that they're the exception and they can kind of be a rebel and it's all going to be okay.
00:27:20
Speaker
the baby part notwithstanding, sex is a power. I like to liken it to fire. I teach my teenagers that it's like fire, which is an amazing tool that we can do so much with. And it can also burn your house down and kill you and your family. Not to be dramatic, but it can.
00:27:43
Speaker
And if you are a Christian woman who has been in a monogamous relationship and maybe not had a lot of experience with, you know, casual sex or these other things, you might not be fully cognizant of just the damage that this can do when used improperly.
00:28:02
Speaker
but it destroys lives. You guys, I've seen it over and over and over. It destroys people. And it is worth obeying this one, even if you do nothing else. It is worth paying attention to the power that you have in you and just how crucial it is to protect it.
00:28:21
Speaker
Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope that maybe it's given you something to think about, maybe a different way to teach your children if you've been looking for something to teach your children. And if you want to do a little something for Bonnie and I, would you leave us a review because we're pretty sure there's going to be some negative kickback from us putting this episode out in the world. So if you are able, we'd really appreciate your
00:28:51
Speaker
kind feedback on this episode. Thanks so much friends. We hope you love listening. We will talk to you next week. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. And we're Outnumbered. Thanks for listening friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.
00:29:20
Speaker
Right. Right. Okay. So the sixth, what are we calling these again? I didn't want to say step, but it's not a step. The sixth truth. How about that? Yes.