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Jeremy Bryant: Immortalizing Stories in the Funeral World
22 Plays4 years ago
They say nothing lasts forever. Well, this episode of the Glam Reaper Podcast with Jeremy Bryant is here to tell you that’s certainly not true! Hosted by Jennifer, this interview features the co-founder of No Story Lost, a company dedicated to immortalizing memories by capturing and writing people’s stories.
No Story Lost conducts interviews with people as they reminisce on the years gone by and talk about their hopes and dreams for the years to come. Each story is a tale full of wisdom, love, and even laughter, as Jeremy and his team ask them insightful (and sometimes, funny) questions. All these stories captured are then documented and compiled—as a CD or a beautiful coffee book—so you’ll forever have your loved one’s precious memories with you, even when they no longer are.
Stay tuned to know more about how Jeremy can help you immortalize the stories that matter most!
LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:
- All about Jeremy Bryant
- How No Story Lost helps preserve memories of your loved ones
- How to get people to start telling their stories
- How understanding your ‘why’ is the foundation of everything
Connect with Jeremy Bryant:
Website: https://nostorylost.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NoStoryLost/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nostorylost/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/company/no-story-lost
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:
Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom
Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney
Twitter - @TheGlamReaper
Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Topic Overview
00:00:04
Speaker
Hi guys and welcome to the Glam Rooper podcast.
00:00:07
Speaker
We have another episode lined up for you today.
00:00:10
Speaker
And today we're talking about the stories and the legacies that we leave behind.
Meeting Mallory and Podcast Invitation
00:00:17
Speaker
Okay, first of all, how you know, Mallory was the record, brought us together.
00:00:22
Speaker
Tell me how you know her, tell me what you do, tell me a bit about you and...
00:00:27
Speaker
Yeah, I'll tell you all the things.
Guest's Involvement in Projects
00:00:29
Speaker
So Mallory and I actually just got connected about a month ago, probably.
00:00:33
Speaker
She just reached out over email.
00:00:34
Speaker
So she runs a company obviously dealing with lots of people, maybe towards the end of their life or families that are dealing with funerals and that side of things.
00:00:43
Speaker
No Story Lost, which is a company that I run, deals with capturing people's stories.
00:00:47
Speaker
And oftentimes that means we're chatting with older people who are maybe starting to think about reflecting on life, looking forward to the next few years.
00:00:55
Speaker
So that's how we got connected with Mallory.
00:00:56
Speaker
A little bit more about myself.
00:00:59
Speaker
I have my hand at a few different things.
00:01:00
Speaker
So with most of my time, I run a charity called Meal Share.
00:01:05
Speaker
We work with restaurants across Canada to provide meals to youth in need.
00:01:10
Speaker
So we've got a goal of ending youth hunger, or at least being able to tell our grandkids that there's no more youth hunger in this world.
The Importance of Life Goals
00:01:17
Speaker
There's a quote that we very much like that says, if your life's work can be accomplished during your lifetime, then you're not dreaming big enough.
00:01:24
Speaker
So yeah, we figured let's pick an ambitious goal and try to get there.
00:01:28
Speaker
And then another thing I do with a bunch of my time is run No Story
Creating Personal Story Books
00:01:33
Speaker
Lost.
00:01:33
Speaker
So we are a company that helps families capture their loved ones' amazing stories and keep them around forever.
00:01:41
Speaker
Records, CDs.
00:01:42
Speaker
So what we work in, our end product is a book.
00:01:45
Speaker
So beautiful coffee table book that families get.
00:01:48
Speaker
With photos written nicely, it flows nicely, but it's also in the storyteller's words.
00:01:54
Speaker
And so
00:01:55
Speaker
To get there, to get to that beautiful coffee table book, we do interviews.
00:02:00
Speaker
So not unlike us chatting today, we hop on a phone call and get to hear all the great stories from one of our storytellers.
00:02:07
Speaker
They'll tell us about their childhoods, tell us about their formative years, great stories like their first kiss or their first crush, their favorite pet as a child, their favorite gift they ever got.
00:02:18
Speaker
They'll tell us about school, the time they pulled a prank on the teacher, whatever it is.
00:02:22
Speaker
They'll tell us about university and falling in love.
00:02:25
Speaker
maybe breaking up, tell us about their wedding and kids and their careers.
00:02:30
Speaker
And then we get to ask some fun questions about looking back on life and what kind of advice they'd like to give to the next generation and what kind of legacy they'd like to live and all those sorts of
Capturing Stories of the Deceased
00:02:39
Speaker
things.
00:02:39
Speaker
So those interviews, we take those and transcribe them, edit them, rewrite them so they flow nicely and then they make their way into that beautiful book I mentioned earlier.
00:02:49
Speaker
So this, the person is living?
00:02:51
Speaker
That's right.
00:02:51
Speaker
We do also have an option for people who have passed away.
00:02:56
Speaker
So we'll occasionally get emails from families that say, you know, my grandpa passed away or my dad passed away this year.
00:03:01
Speaker
We'd love to capture some of the stories.
00:03:03
Speaker
So occasionally they'll come to us and say, you know, maybe they did some recording themselves or sat down with them some Thanksgiving dinner and just wrote down some notes so they can send those to us.
00:03:13
Speaker
We can do sort of the same process through that.
Funeral Alternatives During COVID
00:03:15
Speaker
And in cases where
00:03:17
Speaker
They might not have those resources, they might not have written anything down or actually sat down with a video camera or their phone to actually capture it.
00:03:24
Speaker
We can do projects where we just interview loved ones.
00:03:26
Speaker
So we might get a couple kids together and a couple grandkids to all tell their favorite stories about their grandpa or whoever it happens to be.
00:03:33
Speaker
can create stories for people who are alive and alive.
00:03:36
Speaker
It's wonderful.
00:03:37
Speaker
It's actually quite timely for me at the moment because I'm working on one that rather than obviously because of COVID we can't all join together for funerals and memorial services which has made my job pretty much obsolete for the moment.
00:03:51
Speaker
But what's wonderful is how creatively we are coming together and
00:03:56
Speaker
Okay, physically we can't be together, but virtually we can.
00:03:59
Speaker
And there are just other ways for us to show our support for families.
00:04:04
Speaker
And I'm working with a family at the moment that are actually doing a documentary and like a sort of a This Is Your Life.
00:04:10
Speaker
the show it's sort of an ode to this this gentleman um and it will be a 60 minute documentary on his life so much similar to what you're talking about except not in book form but it is it's incredible it's an incredible thing and it's funny because i gave my mom i'm obviously irish um and
00:04:29
Speaker
in case anybody listening hasn't heard me waffle on about Ireland, you know.
00:04:33
Speaker
But I am from Ireland and I'm living here in New York and I've always had this interest in the funeral business for as long as I can remember.
00:04:41
Speaker
And I've always been interested in sort of keeping memories.
00:04:45
Speaker
I mean, I must have boxes of memories and old letters.
00:04:49
Speaker
Actually, I was talking to
00:04:51
Speaker
A couple of friends of mine from Irish College.
00:04:53
Speaker
It's the Gwaeltaught, we call it in Ireland, but it's Irish College.
00:04:57
Speaker
And most people, when you come of age, sort of around the age of like 15 or like 14, 15, 16, you go to Irish College for three weeks in the summer and you learn Irish.
00:05:08
Speaker
That's tech.
00:05:09
Speaker
That's the reason your parents send you.
00:05:10
Speaker
You go to meet boys.
00:05:12
Speaker
or I went to be boys as did most of my most of my female friends.
00:05:17
Speaker
And, you know, we learned Kayleigh dancing and all these amazing Irish things.
00:05:20
Speaker
But anyway, we were going, we had, we've stayed
Preserving Memories and Friendships
00:05:24
Speaker
in touch.
00:05:24
Speaker
I mean, we're 20 years friends now and there was there were three of us and
00:05:28
Speaker
We got together over Zoom last weekend and a few cocktails and we were just talking about the past and how incredible it was and the, you know, the shenanigans we got up to, you know, the different stories.
00:05:37
Speaker
And it was amazing.
00:05:38
Speaker
And I thought to myself, God, you know, I wish I was recording this because if there's anything I learn in this business that I work in is that one person can be missing a year from now or even a day from now or a week from now.
00:05:50
Speaker
It's really amazing.
00:05:51
Speaker
Unfortunately, that's just life.
00:05:53
Speaker
But what we were laughing about was that I have kept all our letters because back 20 years ago, we didn't have the internet.
00:06:00
Speaker
I mean, we had the internet, but we didn't have it like we have it today.
00:06:03
Speaker
We didn't FaceTime, we didn't Zoom, we didn't text.
00:06:06
Speaker
I mean, I think the first mobile phone was out.
00:06:09
Speaker
And so we wrote letters and I have boxes of these letters and the girls couldn't believe I still had them.
00:06:14
Speaker
So I've always been interested in sort of preserving memories.
00:06:18
Speaker
And one of the girls is actually incredible at visually preserving those menus.
00:06:22
Speaker
She has photo albums and photo albums and photo albums.
00:06:26
Speaker
It's I mean, it's it's a time gone past.
00:06:28
Speaker
It's you know, photos are not in the attics anymore.
00:06:31
Speaker
They're not in your basement.
00:06:32
Speaker
They're not in boxes.
00:06:33
Speaker
They're online.
00:06:33
Speaker
They're on your Facebook, on your Instagram.
00:06:35
Speaker
So it is becoming obsolete, which is really scary.
00:06:39
Speaker
So something like what you're doing, I think, is incredible in terms of getting it all together
Encouraging Story Sharing
00:06:45
Speaker
and.
00:06:45
Speaker
putting it together for somebody's memorial or for a funeral or that the copies can be made and it can be shared.
00:06:52
Speaker
But one of the things that I have, one of the questions I have for you is many years ago, as I said, I'm into keeping the memories and
00:07:03
Speaker
I found this little book and I love these type of things.
00:07:05
Speaker
Like I will buy these for like people randomly, but I bought this little book and it was basically what you're probably describing or the questions you ask.
00:07:14
Speaker
And it was answer a question a day for a year, 365 questions.
00:07:18
Speaker
And it was to my mother and it was little things like your first kiss, you know, the first crush, all these things that you want to find out about, right?
00:07:25
Speaker
And I gave it to her and I was so excited to get it back.
00:07:28
Speaker
You know, I really was like, yes, this is gonna be so cool.
00:07:32
Speaker
And I think she filled out one page and that was it.
00:07:34
Speaker
I was like, woman, this was like, I was so excited for it.
00:07:39
Speaker
It's still collecting dust somewhere, but it's probably a door stopper at home.
00:07:43
Speaker
How do you get people talking?
00:07:46
Speaker
How do you get the stories out of them?
00:07:48
Speaker
So I think, first of all, we've heard that story a lot of times.
00:07:53
Speaker
I gave my parents this thing and I wanted them to do it.
00:07:55
Speaker
And it's just, it's tough.
00:07:57
Speaker
It's tough to do.
00:07:58
Speaker
And the first day is so exciting.
00:08:00
Speaker
And who has the time?
00:08:01
Speaker
Totally.
00:08:01
Speaker
Who has the time these days?
00:08:03
Speaker
I get it.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yeah, so really that's...
00:08:04
Speaker
That's why we created the company because we know that there's so many stories like yours where people want to do this, they try something, maybe they write down some notes or maybe they did a quick interview, but it's just tough to bring across the finish line.
00:08:16
Speaker
So with No Story Lost, there's not as much of that kind of issues because we set up a time for it.
00:08:22
Speaker
So our team schedules a time to talk to a parent or a loved one
00:08:25
Speaker
And then we have an hour dedicated where they're sitting down, they grab a cup of tea or coffee, and we just get to ask them questions that pique their interest and they get to talk about themselves.
00:08:35
Speaker
Most of the time, we don't find that it's a big struggle for us to get somebody to be chatting.
00:08:39
Speaker
Most of the time they're excited about it, they know that they wanna do this for their family.
00:08:42
Speaker
With that said, obviously some people are more chatty than others, but some people aren't as chatty as others.
00:08:47
Speaker
So there's a, yeah, we have a whole bunch of questions to kind of break the ice, get people going, really get in there.
00:08:53
Speaker
That's one of the things we're great at is getting people who are maybe a little bit more reluctant to tell their story, to chat in a way that they're excited about and tell their stories.
00:09:01
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's I think the physical element of sitting there and being like, OK, you know, now we're going to talk about it.
00:09:08
Speaker
And exactly to your point is sometimes you need those questions to break the ice.
00:09:12
Speaker
I even know for myself, I've sat down and worked out a pre-plan with my mum.
00:09:18
Speaker
So I know what she would like for her funeral, which anybody that listens to this show is going to know how much I love pre-planning.
00:09:24
Speaker
But if you're new to the show, pre-planning is where it's at.
00:09:27
Speaker
It's really important.
00:09:28
Speaker
I think it's such an essential part.
00:09:30
Speaker
If you have a will, you need a pre-plan and it saves massive amount of family issues, arguments, all of that sort of stuff.
00:09:36
Speaker
But again, I know if I left the document with her and said, just fill that out, mom, like in the appendix of my first book is literally if you answer every question in my book,
00:09:47
Speaker
you will have done a pre-plan and you can hand it to your family member.
00:09:51
Speaker
It's done.
00:09:52
Speaker
But equally, I know if I've because I've left documents, I've left things like what I just told you about the book to my mom and it goes, collects dust in a drawer and that's the end of it.
00:10:02
Speaker
Whereas when you sit down and in this particular instance, two of us sat down with a couple of vodka Diet Cokes, which is our mother daughter drink back home and we cried and we laughed and we did it and it was amazing.
00:10:14
Speaker
And I do think these type of legacy videos and legacy books, I mean, I know they've been around a little bit and I know it was famously on the Kardashians.
00:10:22
Speaker
Kris Jenner got a legacy video done for MJ, I think is her mom or something.
00:10:26
Speaker
I don't really know.
00:10:27
Speaker
I actually don't watch the show, but I watched that episode.
00:10:30
Speaker
Anything funeral related.
00:10:31
Speaker
I'm in.
00:10:33
Speaker
It's so weird.
00:10:34
Speaker
But I think it's I do think it's really, really important.
00:10:37
Speaker
What do you do with the person that is really awkward, though, and is just sort of like, I don't I don't know.
00:10:45
Speaker
I mean, why did they like maybe maybe say, for example, if I bought this for my mom, right?
00:10:49
Speaker
And my mom was like, I don't know, I don't remember these things.
00:10:53
Speaker
Like, do you have a time frame?
00:10:54
Speaker
Are you sitting in front of your right, Olivia, we have an hour.
00:10:57
Speaker
It's my mom's name.
00:10:58
Speaker
Do we do, you know, we have an hour and do you just keep at her until something comes out or do you have any tricks to loosen people up?
00:11:07
Speaker
Yeah, a couple tricks for sure.
00:11:09
Speaker
So one of the things that we run into is occasionally somebody like you will come to us and say, I would love to do this.
00:11:16
Speaker
I know if I try and do it on my own, it's just not going to happen.
00:11:18
Speaker
I'm busy, I work, I have kids, whatever happens.
00:11:22
Speaker
So you do this.
00:11:22
Speaker
And we say, great.
00:11:24
Speaker
Then they go to their parent and they say, we've got this amazing idea.
00:11:27
Speaker
We've lost capture stories.
00:11:29
Speaker
We want to put them in a book.
00:11:30
Speaker
And their parent, maybe like your mom, might say, no, not my thing.
00:11:33
Speaker
I don't want to do it.
00:11:35
Speaker
So one of the biggest tips that we have is just having that conversation in a careful way and telling a parent or a loved one why this is important
Importance of Stories for Future Generations
00:11:42
Speaker
to you.
00:11:42
Speaker
So why is it important for me to hear my dad's stories?
00:11:45
Speaker
Well, I don't remember all of them.
00:11:46
Speaker
He's told me them, but I don't remember all of them.
00:11:48
Speaker
There's something that I don't even know that I'll learn through this interview.
00:11:51
Speaker
And
00:11:52
Speaker
I think importantly for a lot of people is to say, you know, if I have kids one day, I'd love for my kids to get to know my dad the way that I know him.
00:12:01
Speaker
And he's not around.
00:12:04
Speaker
Yeah, we all are going to get emotional.
00:12:05
Speaker
I'm sure it happens.
00:12:06
Speaker
It's gotta happen every podcast party.
00:12:07
Speaker
I haven't been home in over a year, which is so unusual for me.
00:12:11
Speaker
Anyway, continue.
00:12:13
Speaker
That's one big tip is to not just say, Hey, we want to do this book and get your stories.
00:12:17
Speaker
but rather here's why we want to get the book.
00:12:19
Speaker
Here's why we want to get the version.
00:12:21
Speaker
Here's why we care and why we love hearing these stories and we want to keep them around forever.
00:12:24
Speaker
So that's one big thing.
00:12:25
Speaker
And we find that when a parent or a grandparent understands that, they seem to open up a little bit more and say, okay,
00:12:32
Speaker
I know now I'm doing this, I'm excited about doing this for my kid, for my grandkid, and then they'll open up to the stories, it makes it a lot easier.
00:12:38
Speaker
So I think starting with that foundation is a great spot.
00:12:41
Speaker
And then I think talking about things that they're interested in.
00:12:43
Speaker
So maybe if it was my grandpa, he wouldn't automatically open up to the time that he fell in love.
00:12:49
Speaker
That's not something that he's comfortable with.
00:12:52
Speaker
So maybe we start with some fishing stories and we say, Grandpa, tell us about the time.
00:12:57
Speaker
We heard you're a big fisherman.
00:12:58
Speaker
Tell us about the best catcher of your life.
00:12:59
Speaker
And he'll have a blast telling that story.
00:13:01
Speaker
And from there, it becomes a little bit easier to say, OK, so then you took those fish home to your wife.
00:13:06
Speaker
Oh, tell us about your wife.
00:13:07
Speaker
And you might get a tidbit or two on why he loves his wife versus starting there, he might not.
00:13:11
Speaker
Right.
00:13:13
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's actually it's your you clearly subscribe to the Simon Sinek TED talk rule of thumb.
The No Story Lost Service Packages
00:13:20
Speaker
And it's it is so true for companies and for if you tell people why something is important or why it matters, it is it's the foundation of everything.
00:13:28
Speaker
So, yeah, I do.
00:13:30
Speaker
I would subscribe to that to that method of thinking myself and I think
00:13:34
Speaker
I could see like I'm just laughing because I'm thinking of my own parents like I'm sure everybody listening is kind of thinking of their own parents or their own siblings or whatever.
00:13:41
Speaker
And I know my brother and my mom would probably be like, oh, for God's sake, no.
00:13:45
Speaker
Whereas me and my dad would be, yes, pull up a seat.
00:13:47
Speaker
We'll have a pint.
00:13:48
Speaker
Let's talk.
00:13:49
Speaker
Let me tell you all about me.
00:13:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's.
00:13:53
Speaker
And what is the price range of all of these services or is there different types?
00:13:59
Speaker
Yes, we do have a pretty big range for them.
00:14:01
Speaker
So we have three different packages that we offer.
00:14:03
Speaker
We have a package with two interviews, two hour long interviews.
00:14:08
Speaker
We tend to think about that one for some of those people who might not be as excited about chatting, they might not be quite the chatty Cathy.
00:14:13
Speaker
And that starts at $800.
00:14:14
Speaker
And then we have
00:14:17
Speaker
four interview package.
00:14:18
Speaker
So again, four hour long interviews, which is typically about 12,000 words and that package is $1,200.
00:14:25
Speaker
And then we have our Odyssey package, which is six interviews.
00:14:30
Speaker
And that would be 18,000 words, roughly, kind of depending on how fast the person talks.
00:14:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:37
Speaker
So that's sort of the range.
00:14:38
Speaker
And then from there, some families like to add on more interviews.
00:14:41
Speaker
So if somebody just has too many great stories that they can't get them all in that six interview package, you can add on interviews for $200 per interview.
00:14:50
Speaker
And that sort of is all inclusive of, then we take those, we edit them, transcribe them, rewrite them so that they flow really well, combine different parts, delete the ums and the ahs and the false starts, and end up with a book that flows really nice.
00:15:05
Speaker
So yeah, two things on the pricing.
00:15:08
Speaker
So one, first of all, do people, while they're doing these interviews, do they send you photos as well?
00:15:14
Speaker
Is that all compiled into the book or just words?
00:15:18
Speaker
Yes.
00:15:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:19
Speaker
So photos is a big part of our books.
00:15:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:21
Speaker
So we love to collect a bunch of great photos, make sure we integrate them into the book and then design it really nicely so that they relate to the different parts of the book.
00:15:28
Speaker
So yeah, that's definitely a big part.
00:15:30
Speaker
And I think, I think a really meaningful part for a lot of our families.
00:15:33
Speaker
Yeah, I'd imagine so.
00:15:34
Speaker
And it as well, it takes the photos from being their delicate
00:15:38
Speaker
stage to a book that will actually survive and people mauling it.
00:15:43
Speaker
And you said that you take the words and as part of the package, you take the words and you sort of edit and make sure it flows and everything.
00:15:49
Speaker
Do you give
00:15:50
Speaker
the final proof to the family so that they can make sure, you know, you take out all the Ms and the As and she's especially doing a podcast.
00:15:58
Speaker
I know all about those.
00:15:59
Speaker
I hear myself saying so and all these little things.
00:16:03
Speaker
Do you get, do they get final say or do they say, no, I didn't say it like that.
00:16:07
Speaker
I said it like this.
00:16:08
Speaker
Why are you saying, why are you mixing my words?
00:16:10
Speaker
Yeah, so we send along the manuscript before it goes to print to the families, and they can take a look through, make sure we have the names right, make sure they like how it flows, all that sort of thing.
00:16:20
Speaker
So our process is pretty dynamic in that it can be hands-on.
00:16:24
Speaker
So if a family comes up and say,
00:16:26
Speaker
They want us to do the interviews and put it together, but then they want to get in there and add little thoughts, that sort of stuff, give them suggestions, say, oh, I'd love for you to get this story, get this story.
00:16:37
Speaker
We can definitely do that.
00:16:38
Speaker
And then other times, if somebody's really busy and they just want to hand it over and have us do everything, it can be pretty hands off.
00:16:44
Speaker
So we can send a quick final version.
00:16:47
Speaker
run through it, make sure it looks okay, and we stand off to them.
00:16:50
Speaker
The other thing we do is we also provide the audio transcripts to the families, which for me that was, yeah, I guess backing up, we did one of these projects for my grandpa a couple years ago, and then just this year he passed away.
00:17:03
Speaker
But when he did pass away,
00:17:06
Speaker
I think that that was one of my favorite memories was just getting to go back through all the transfers that we had, interviewing him and hear all his great stories in his own words.
00:17:15
Speaker
So now on my phone, I have probably, I don't know, five or six sound clips of his very best stories about the time he tipped over houses and had a slingshot battle with all the neighborhood kids.
00:17:25
Speaker
It's in his own words.
00:17:26
Speaker
So that's another piece of the product that we give to families.
00:17:29
Speaker
That's amazing.
00:17:31
Speaker
Yeah, and it would be, I mean, I know for like the project I'm working on at the moment, I know it would be wonderful if I had, if the person had had something like that with you, because then you could take clips from it, integrate it into the final funeral or the final memorial documentary, whatever way it is.
00:17:52
Speaker
And because some people are against it.
00:17:55
Speaker
I'm not.
00:17:55
Speaker
I think if you can be present,
00:17:57
Speaker
through audio or visual at your own funeral, I think it's pretty important because that's the whole reason people are there is for you, whether it's virtually or physically, they're there to mourn you and, you know, celebrate you.
00:18:09
Speaker
So I do think it's a sweet thing if you can have it.
00:18:13
Speaker
So say, for example, somebody went for the four hour package.
00:18:16
Speaker
So that's four different interviews.
00:18:19
Speaker
If you've got somebody who's maybe like eight segments of their life, do you interview those four people in terms of the eight segments?
00:18:27
Speaker
Or do you interview those people, like say, okay, you could talk about two segments, you talk about two, you talk about two.
00:18:34
Speaker
How do you, do you storyboard it up for yourselves?
00:18:37
Speaker
Like almost like a movie?
00:18:38
Speaker
How does that work?
00:18:40
Speaker
They're pretty dependent on the family and kind of what they want.
00:18:43
Speaker
Yeah, so we make sure we have planning and make sure that if we are doing a story where the person has passed away and it's just a member of their family or their friends, that yeah, we make sure we cover all the different aspects of the family that might want.
00:18:55
Speaker
Occasionally, that's just talking to a handful of people and saying, tell us your favorite stories.
00:18:59
Speaker
So we find that that's pretty common instead of saying, okay, we're going to start the day they're born and have somebody cover that to their first 10th birthday and then have somebody cover from their 10th birthday to their 20th and 20th to their 30th.
00:19:11
Speaker
We find it's more common for people to just say, you know, let's get family together and tell our five favorite stories of dad.
00:19:18
Speaker
And that might be the time he took me out for ice cream.
00:19:20
Speaker
That might be a story that he told me about his grandpa.
00:19:23
Speaker
Yeah, so those ones we find are a little bit more, kind of flow together a little bit more
00:19:28
Speaker
I guess piece by piece instead of sort of harmonological.
00:19:32
Speaker
All right.
00:19:32
Speaker
Well, it sounds like it's an amazing thing.
00:19:34
Speaker
It sounds like an amazing present for somebody for even their 21st, for their 30th, for 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, like any iconic birthday or retirement.
00:19:45
Speaker
It definitely sounds like something that would be a really nice gift for somebody.
00:19:49
Speaker
I don't know if you could do it without them knowing.
00:19:50
Speaker
I guess you could.
00:19:52
Speaker
But I think it would be a really nice gift even just to give them after the fact that, you know, here...
00:19:58
Speaker
This is something and I think it's really nice.
00:20:00
Speaker
It's like I recommend that people actually video their funeral, not their own one.
00:20:06
Speaker
But say, for example, if my grandmother passed away, that we have a recording of her funeral.
00:20:12
Speaker
Because for me, genealogy wise, I just think it's a beautiful thing to leave to generations after.
00:20:18
Speaker
to have that a recording of that because it is one of the few life events that we don't really record it's kind of seen a little bit as not done or etiquette wise where i completely disagree with it i think it abs i think i would rather have a recording of that than i would have maybe even of a wedding for me yeah i've got a question for you yeah
00:20:40
Speaker
Not on the topic of No Story Lots is a personal question.
00:20:43
Speaker
A personal question about me.
00:20:44
Speaker
Okay.
Balancing Funeral Wishes and Family Desires
00:20:45
Speaker
So talking about, talking to your parents or loved ones about funeral planning, my mom, and I don't know if this is maybe a British thing, but she is adamant that she wants no funeral.
00:20:57
Speaker
So she wants us to have a party
00:21:00
Speaker
Nobody say anything about her.
00:21:01
Speaker
Nobody's standing up.
00:21:02
Speaker
Nobody's toasting.
00:21:04
Speaker
There's no mention of her.
00:21:06
Speaker
Everybody come together, have some drinks, have some wine, and that's all.
00:21:11
Speaker
And I feel like if she passed away right now, I would want to not respect her wishes.
00:21:15
Speaker
I would want to say something.
00:21:16
Speaker
I'd want people to have a chance to share, but I'd also obviously be haunted by her ghost if I did that.
00:21:21
Speaker
So that'd be a risky move.
00:21:23
Speaker
So how do we navigate that?
00:21:27
Speaker
Yeah, a different vision for something that can be impressive.
00:21:29
Speaker
Well, that's what I love about this is that you're talking about it.
00:21:34
Speaker
Can we give you an applause for that right now?
00:21:37
Speaker
Because most families don't.
00:21:39
Speaker
If there's one thing that I encourage constantly on this podcast is if nothing else, if you're a person who just randomly came up on this podcast, take a snippet of it and just at the dinner table tonight be like, did any of you guys ever think about your funeral?
00:21:52
Speaker
What would you like for it?
00:21:53
Speaker
I will die happy if that's all that anybody gets from it.
00:21:57
Speaker
First of all, so well done on that.
00:21:59
Speaker
And well done on your mom for knowing what she wants.
00:22:02
Speaker
Good girl.
00:22:03
Speaker
I love that.
00:22:04
Speaker
I will say, if I personally as a professional was sitting in front of her, I don't know what her name is, I would say Jeremy's mom.
00:22:10
Speaker
Name's Sandra.
00:22:11
Speaker
Sandra.
00:22:12
Speaker
I'm going to send her that podcast.
00:22:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:13
Speaker
You will be sending her.
00:22:15
Speaker
Yeah, do.
00:22:15
Speaker
Well, actually, yeah, you can even, I can send you the PDF.
00:22:18
Speaker
of my book.
00:22:19
Speaker
So tell her she can fill everything out.
00:22:21
Speaker
So it's there in black and white.
00:22:23
Speaker
But what I would do is genuinely sitting down in front of her, I would tell her, listen, Sandra, I think what you're what you want and what your idea is, is incredible.
00:22:32
Speaker
But
00:22:34
Speaker
by asking people to not mention you at all and not talk about you at all, I would be saying to her, you're going to create this tension that you probably don't want.
00:22:45
Speaker
Like it's not, it's not your, your forethought.
00:22:48
Speaker
It's not what you would necessarily want.
00:22:50
Speaker
Because if you're saying you don't want anybody to mention you, literally everybody's going to be standing there with their drink going, don't say
00:22:56
Speaker
the words don't say the words it's like when you go you know on a diet you give up chocolate all you want is chocolate when you give up drink all you want is drink i would say to her that naturally that's not physically going to happen that's going to be very hard on her friends and family so if she wants to do that then do you know what she could even make it even more fun and if somebody mentioned sandra the name sandra they put a dollar in it or whatever in it
00:23:19
Speaker
in a jar like there's always some kind of a fun way to represent and celebrate somebody's wishes i think however i would say she probably i'd say she's probably just very similar to what my dad wants and i mean as having a daughter who's a funeral and a memorial planner my dad has he won't sit down and do a pre-plan with me but he's made it very clear what he wants and if it's legally possible he said to throw him in the back of his pickup truck and
00:23:46
Speaker
drive him home and bury him in the backyard.
00:23:48
Speaker
I'm like, dad, that's not legal.
00:23:50
Speaker
Like you can't just bury you in the backyard.
00:23:52
Speaker
I'll be arrested for, you know, murder, depending on what way you die.
00:23:56
Speaker
His essence is the same.
00:23:57
Speaker
So that's where you've kind of got to, if somebody is so specific, you've kind of got to scratch the surface a little bit.
00:24:03
Speaker
So I know what dad wants.
00:24:04
Speaker
He doesn't want a casket.
00:24:05
Speaker
He doesn't want a coffin.
00:24:06
Speaker
He doesn't want any bells and whistles.
00:24:08
Speaker
He wants as basic as it is.
00:24:10
Speaker
I've told him he's getting cremated or the next ecologically friendly version of it.
00:24:15
Speaker
because I just I he won't be getting embalmed I'm obviously a professional so I'm able to have more conversation with him so I've told him what he is and he isn't getting or like we've talked about the options and I know he doesn't want any of that and essentially what he wants is me to go down well me my family to whoever's left whoever he's left behind to go down to our local pub and buy everybody around drinks and for us to just have have a drink and have and tell stories and maybe bring you guys along
00:24:42
Speaker
to record those stories because I'd say they'd be fascinating.
Personalized vs Traditional Funerals
00:24:45
Speaker
But to have those conversations and for it not to be a, now I've only got a Perrier, but not to be a sort of let's all talk about Gerry Muldowney.
00:24:53
Speaker
You know, he would hate that.
00:24:54
Speaker
He'd hate any pomp and circumstance.
00:24:56
Speaker
So I have a feeling that's probably what your mum actually wants.
00:25:00
Speaker
But again, I don't know.
00:25:01
Speaker
I don't know her.
00:25:02
Speaker
So maybe scratch the surface a little bit more and you'll probably get what she actually is meaning or get her to fill out my pre-plan and you'll get exactly what she wants.
00:25:11
Speaker
But yeah, I do understand the, look, there's two schools of thought on it as well in the funeral industry itself where people say a funeral is for the living and some people say a funeral is for the dead.
00:25:24
Speaker
I personally believe it's for both.
00:25:26
Speaker
I have my funeral planned pretty much to a T. It'd be kind of weird if I didn't.
00:25:31
Speaker
considering what i do and will i know if my family do or don't do it i don't know i've never gotten visited by the afterlife so i don't know if i'll be watching over them going them feckers why didn't they serve this cocktail that was the one i wanted shake harder i don't know if if that can happen i don't know if it if it does and they do it wrong i will be haunting their asses
00:25:55
Speaker
For sure!
00:25:56
Speaker
So I don't think anybody would be crossing me.
00:25:58
Speaker
So in that essence, is it for the dead?
00:26:00
Speaker
No, because I'll be gone and I won't know.
00:26:03
Speaker
But it's for me while I'm living because it's given me peace of mind to know that I'll be celebrated wholly, completely holistically, like all versions of me as me because I decided it.
00:26:16
Speaker
Like one of the most important things, and I've said this story so many times when I sat down with my mum to do the preplan,
00:26:22
Speaker
was that she hates that I bring this story up was that she wants Rob Stewart's Maggie Mae played at her funeral and I was like what why like your name's not even Maggie you crazy I just did not get this and it just it really highlighted there and then I would have planned her funeral from my point of view I would planned it from her daughter's point of view
00:26:47
Speaker
She has a son, like my brother, she's now a granny, she's a wife, she's a daughter herself, she's a grand aunt, she's a best friend, she's a cousin, she's the lady that goes to the doctors, she's the lady that goes to the grocers across the road, she's a million different people and a million different
Identity and Funeral Planning
00:27:05
Speaker
versions.
00:27:05
Speaker
Every one of us.
00:27:08
Speaker
live in somebody else's brain in a totally different version that we don't even know.
00:27:13
Speaker
That's what I find so fascinating.
00:27:15
Speaker
And that and yet when it comes to funerals, we have these cookie cutter, you know, let's just do it the way we always used to do it ways.
00:27:22
Speaker
And so to me, that's it's about celebrating you.
00:27:25
Speaker
So that's why I think it's for the dead.
00:27:27
Speaker
while they're living, but also it's for the living.
00:27:29
Speaker
So I know, for example, that when it comes to my mom's funeral, and I hope it doesn't come any day soon, that we will celebrate her, that her best friends will be like, yes, tune.
00:27:39
Speaker
Oh my God, this was Olivia.
00:27:40
Speaker
I love this song.
00:27:41
Speaker
And I'll be like, don't get it, but sure.
00:27:46
Speaker
I'll know that I did it her way.
00:27:48
Speaker
And really, that's what it's about.
00:27:50
Speaker
So Sandra is absolutely, she's nailed it.
00:27:53
Speaker
And I'll haunt you if you don't do it the way she wants.
00:27:57
Speaker
We'll have a conversation.
00:27:59
Speaker
Narrow it down.
00:28:00
Speaker
See what we're getting at.
00:28:01
Speaker
Yes.
00:28:02
Speaker
Just find out exactly what she means.
00:28:04
Speaker
Because if, as I said, it could be that she doesn't want her name mentioned.
00:28:07
Speaker
And if that's the case, maybe there's a way to make it a fun element.
00:28:11
Speaker
Even though I'm sure it'll be a very sad time.
00:28:14
Speaker
We'll just call her Bandra and we'll all talk about her.
00:28:17
Speaker
There you go.
00:28:18
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:18
Speaker
Just come up with a code name.
Making Funerals Memorable
00:28:20
Speaker
What is it?
00:28:21
Speaker
Kamala Harris's code name?
00:28:23
Speaker
What is it?
00:28:23
Speaker
Pioneer or Phoenix or something in the White House?
00:28:26
Speaker
You know, the way they all have...
00:28:29
Speaker
Oh, right.
00:28:29
Speaker
I'm just saying that because obviously the inauguration just happened.
00:28:33
Speaker
Yeah, you could give your mom a code name.
00:28:37
Speaker
Way around it.
00:28:37
Speaker
I like it.
00:28:38
Speaker
Good thinking.
00:28:38
Speaker
That's my takeaway from that.
00:28:42
Speaker
That's why I'm the creative director in funeral homes.
00:28:45
Speaker
Come up with crazy ideas.
Conclusion and Audience Invitation
00:28:47
Speaker
No, Jeremy, listen, thank you so much for joining me today.
00:28:50
Speaker
That was really good.
00:28:52
Speaker
So what did you think of that, guys?
00:28:54
Speaker
Would you be interested in recording your stories, your photos, putting it all together in a book?
00:29:00
Speaker
Definitely an interesting topic and an interesting idea.
00:29:04
Speaker
Send us your interesting thoughts and your interesting ideas.
00:29:07
Speaker
Have you experienced life, love and loss?
00:29:10
Speaker
Or are you in the funeral industry and you want to talk to us?
00:29:13
Speaker
Get in touch.