Transcript
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Speaker: Hello and welcome to Rest and Recreation, the work-life balance podcast from Abbasida, where we do not tell you what to think, but we are hoping to make you think.
Speaker: I am your host, Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abbasida. Today i am speaking to Lillia Volgovia, the inner demon to Prussia, about how to be highly productive without burning out.
Speaker: Lillia is from Montgomery, Alabama in the United States of America, which is probably not somewhere that the majority of British tourists think to visit when they are in the United States.
Speaker: And for once, I am part of that majority. If I ever do get the chance to visit Montgomery, I will use my membership of the Ultimate Travel Club to access trade prices on flights, hotels, trains, holidays and all sorts of other travel related purchases.
Speaker: You can also access trade prices on travel by joining the Ultimate Travel Club. And to make that easy, i have added a link to the description which has a built-in discount on subscriptions.
Speaker: Now that I have paid some bills, it is time to make an episode of Rest and Recreation that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to.
Speaker: And one you'll probably want to tell your friends, family, and work colleagues about as well. Hello, Lillia. Hello, Michael. Could we start please by just giving us a little bit of an overview of your career to date? Yes. So like you said, my title is the inner demon crusher by inner demons. I mean, those monsters in your mind that send you into self-defeating spirals. that turn you against yourself.
Speaker: I'm here to show you how to crush that. So how I do it is I'm basically an alternative mental health advocate. I um help make people aware of all kinds of simple, super effective ways to improve your mental health through things that you probably already like doing, such as music, dance and fitness, movement, storytelling, i write ah i write comic books, and I also do pet therapy sessions because I have my own therapy dog. So I want to tell all of you about all kinds of ways to make taking care of your mental health fun, easy, and simple. Great. So I love the way in which you describe yourself as an alternative mental health advocate. Yeah.
Speaker: What makes you alternative? Well, because you know clinical mental health is about diagnoses and medications and lots of labeling and pathologizing everything you experience. And the alternative to that is, first off, knowing that you can experience something challenging within your mind, but you don't always have to put a specific like label on it. You don't have to pathologize it and
Speaker: figure out what kind of syndrome that is You can just feel your own experience and you know take care of yourself the way you need to, but you don't need to make everything formal.
Speaker: I get that. I think yeah there can be an element of pride and in having a mental health diagnosis. I have got this. That is the excuse for why I have been nasty to you, because I've got this mental health child i've got this label or this is why I'm being nasty to myself it's the it's the illness the mental health condition that is causing me this and it's um if you have a physical illness it's something that is alien to your body know you can say I have a tumor I have a cancer I have a sore throat there is something that you can say there is something that is alien to your body
Speaker: But mental health illnesses, mental health conditions, it's you. It's your mind. It's your brain. It's the way in which you think, the way in which you see the world. And that creates the problem. So you' you're at war with yourself, aren't you? And giving it a label makes it easier rather than just saying, okay, do I want to stay where I am?
Speaker: Or do I want to actually move forward and be different? Yes, you know, it's interesting because there are some benefits to having a specific label. Like it makes it easier for you to research other people who have that condition and how they handle it. Let's say if you were diagnosed with ADHD, you could go ahead and research your strategies to manage adult ADHD, and that can be genuinely helpful. But on the flip side, having that diagnosis of ADHD can make you automatically
Speaker: give up on trying to focus before you've truly tried your best. You say, oh, it's the ADHD, so I can't focus in class or I can't focus on this meeting. I won't be able to focus on driving through this road trip because of the ADHD. So it's a a balance for sure. The way that having a label can sometimes be a detriment to yourself because it's a catch-all excuse and it can also be something that makes you give up on yourself. Like it's not always voluntarily that we say, oh, I have ADHD, therefore I cannot focus in class. Sometimes it's you saying, I wish I could focus, but man, this ADHD just won't allow me to. But on the flip side, it can be beneficial if you're using it as a way to make it easier for you to get information about what you have. So I think that overall, It's about the way you use that information. Yes, I agree with you.
Speaker: How you use the information is the key element to And it's almost like you can say you have a condition, you have an illness, whichever one it is, this is what it's called.
Speaker: It could be by label. But although you may have it, the thing to ensure, to work towards, is to make sure that the the illness, the condition, doesn't have you. Yeah. And that it's not in control of you.
Speaker: You have the condition, but you are not the condition. That's a fine line that a lot of people struggle with, especially when the mental health condition has impacted your life very heavily. can You see that a lot with trauma, you know PTSD. a lot of people feel like i am my trauma because it's something so visceral. It's inside of you and you feel it in your gut and it does affect your life very substantially. Not just the times when you experience traumatic flashbacks, but even just the habits that you get in response to the trauma and the way that it affects your worldview is so impactful. It's very difficult for
Speaker: a lot of trauma survivors to say, well, I have experienced trauma and I have the condition of PTSD, but I am not my trauma.
Speaker: and Did you know that I feel like my inner demon crusher brand, and especially my comic book does address that because what I do is turn your inner fears and struggles into monsters that you can see and battle. And I think the image of turning it into a monster character helps you externalize it. You know, you see, yes, I battle this, but this is not an ingrained part of me. It doesn't define me. This is a thing that I battle. I think that's been very powerful.
Speaker: And a lot of people who've read my Inner Demon Crusher comic book have said that that element of seeing the Inner Demon in a picture was so powerful to them yes we've done is almost like what i was describing earlier on which is this idea that physical illness you can picture it because it's it's different to your body it's alien yeah and mayor of mental health condition is some it's yourself yes then if you turn it into a monster you're converting it from a mental
Speaker: issue into one that is physical and it should be easier to deal with it does i also feel like for me personally you know i've battled a lot of these ah mental health challenges like trauma and like depression and eating disorders and substance abuse and i feel like something that has been Massively helpful to me is physical activity, because then you are turning your struggle into something physical, you can feel your body doing so for me that's been sports fitness dance music. performing arts.
Speaker: For example, when I was struggling with the depths of depression, my body was literally depressed. It was lethargic. My brain wasn't communicating well with my muscles.
Speaker: And then when I would do a physical activity, I would practice igniting my system, you know, hitting the go button, trigger the ignition, And I started to get better and better at figuring out what types of exercises help me to feel energized and alive. without feeling burned out and more fatigued. And that was super powerful. so that's when I was 20 years old, when I had the peak of my depression, like the worst time I've had depression in my life. And that took that skill and carried it with me through my career in entrepreneurship. with The idea of figuring out what activities make me feel energized and alive without making me super fatigued. And burned out. That's been game changer to me.
Speaker: You describe yourself as having been something of a a workaholic. What sort of things were you being a workaholic about? Well, you know, it's a general mindset that I get when I feel like I need to prove my value in the world through accomplishments that other people value.
Speaker: So I could be a workaholic about anything, anything from overtraining in sports and fitness, because I have a background in gymnastics in my younger kid years, and then I transitioned to dance and CrossFit in my adult years.
Speaker: So I could get way into overtraining when I feel like I need to prove myself as a strong person in a way that other people can see and give me credit for.
Speaker: Or I could become a workaholic about my business. Like I just have to go nonstop and I can't take breaks. My brain can be fried and burning out, but I can't acknowledge the burnout. I got to just Keep pushing through it. And of course, what that does is tarnish the quality of what you do. Now it becomes quantity over quality and it can get to where your business is just there to try to make a spectacle in the world instead of a true impact of value.
Speaker: so that's something that's extremely important for people like entrepreneurs, artists, and athletes to check themselves on. because I've also gotten that way with my music. Now I'm in the metal band Carcasa as a founding member. I'm the vocalist and guitarist.
Speaker: And sometimes I get to where I just get obsessed with spending every minute possible rehearsing my music and just keep grinding it out. And even when my brain is too fatigued to realistically concentrate well on the music, I'm like, I got to just keep going for it. now know, that's a mindset of feeling like you need to prove your worth through a accomplishments that other people give you credit for. Because there are things that we accomplish in life that are extremely valuable, but we don't get credit for. Those are things like overcoming mental health challenges. That's a big one. Parenting can also be a big one. Self-improvement.
Speaker: But I definitely felt that way when I was going through depression. i was like, I battled this huge mental monster and nobody can see it in the moment when it's happening and nobody can see when I've won the battle. So I get no credit for it.
Speaker: It's a interesting place to be knowing that you don't get, you don't get a gold star for everything you do, right? You go, you don't get paid for everything of value in your life.
Speaker: And, We do need to accept that as people. I think that when you accept that aspect, that helps you a lot to mitigate the self-destructive workaholism when it comes to you. Okay.
Speaker: What sort of activities it did you take up in order to come back to the workaholism, the obsession with with doing work or hobbies? or What sort of things did you do? So like the kinds of activities I do to help mitigate that are things that are related to my work, but not directly my work. For example, as a musician, I have the songs that I need to perform professionally in the shows that are going to be filmed and posted on social media and YouTube worldwide. And then I also have songs that I like to play for my own self-improvement.
Speaker: I'd say classical piano is a big go-to for me because when I'm playing classical piano music, I have to just focus on the music itself because it is technically complex. and There's a lot you have to focus on between coordinating your two hands, getting the rhythm, the melodies, and the harmonies. So it is mentally challenging, but it gets my mind off of other things that actually stress me out. So I say classical piano is that thing for me that is mentally stimulating
Speaker: but that doesn't burn me out because there are no stakes to it. If I make a mistake on this piece, oh, well, I'll just try again. but If I make a mistake performing something for a show, I can get that, oh, no, I made a mistake. is ah Am I going to mess up live and all that stuff? so not so It's what you're saying, then, that you talked about burnout a couple of minutes ago and were saying that the things that we stress about are the things that other people are going to be able to make an assessment of so the music that you play on stage you have to be stressed about that because you're you're putting on a show people are paid to attend and so they deserve value for their money but the hobby that you have is the classical music and if something goes wrong there it's not as important because it's not for an audience it's for you you're doing you're preventing the burnout the stress
Speaker: anxiety all of the various different mental health issues by creating things that you and can enjoy which there isn't the pressure for it because the only person that matters in the space the time of that activity is you yeah Yeah, that's a big part of it. And, you know, I've even been getting better and better at doing things that are my literal work, but having more a sense of lightness about them. Because what I discovered is that if I'm playing classical piano and making a mistake is not a big deal because it's just for me. Well, I have to keep in mind that even when I am performing music for the audience, the thing is that it doesn't help anyone if I am worried, stressed and anxious about this. You know what I mean? So if I'm in
Speaker: rehearsal session for an important show, let's say I make a mistake and whether I get really stressed out about the mistake and start to panic or whether I simply do it again like I would in a classical song I'm not performing live, either way I need to correct my error and either way gotta try my best there live on stage and And either way, even if I do make a mistake live, I got to just keep going through it.
Speaker: and play the next note. So hey, whether I'm really stressed about this or really relaxed, it doesn't change what I need to do. And that's something I learned by taking a step back and playing other kinds of music that are not for performances. I learned how to better manage stress when it comes to the actual performances with high stakes. The same can be said when I'm working with clients because Part of what I do as an alternative mental health advocate is also coaching in the things that I do. So I also teach music and music therapy.
Speaker: I have a therapy dog myself, so I also do pet therapy workshops and dog training. I am a dancer myself. I perform that live, and I also will teach people either dance, fitness, or somatic mental health. So somatics is the study of how your movement affects your mindset. So I do teach what I do. And I bring that into working with my clients, I show them how you can be serious about what you're doing, you want that good results, but stressing about it doesn't actually help you.
Speaker: i Stressing past a certain point, right? Like there's a healthy stress that gets you to focus. So if you weren't stressed at all, you wouldn't have much motivation to try your best. So if you're in that zone where you have a healthy amount of stress, enough to understand the importance of what you're doing, but not enough to where that stress turns into true anxiety. So you've really got to understand yourself then, I suppose.
Speaker: as well as the condition. You've got to understand yourself and understand that stress isn't bad all of the time, but you've got to understand when the stress gets to a level for you that it starts to become a problem. Yes, exactly. you know I actually remember reading about that when I was working on my ah strength and conditioning specialist certification. there was a There's an in-depth theory about arousal in sports. So arousal is just anything that gets you stimulated, right?
Speaker: And there's a certain point where there's an optimal level of arousal where you have that, what they call nervous energy. You're nervous just enough to get that extra boost of energy. So you're stronger, faster, and more powerful and razor focused. But then if it gets to be beyond that threshold, it becomes detrimental. That's where you get those nervous screw ups. It's like, oh I got so nervous. I just couldn't remember what I was doing. And I fell off balance and all of that. Yeah. Now I think that that applies to any kind of work that you're doing. Right?
Speaker: Yes. If it's like giving a presentation, any type of activity, I suppose. Yeah, even if you're just working by yourself on your computer, like let's say you're editing your website. If you have a bit of anxious energy about that, well, you have the energy to keep working on it and you're focused and you understand the importance of making it the best you can. Whereas if you're super nervous, you're like, I can't make a decision. i can't decide what title to write here as my header text. I can't decide how to...
Speaker: I type the copy about my website. I can't decide what images to put. It is crazy that um nervousness can apply not just to performance in front of an audience, but even things you do by yourself. A lot of time that anxiety looks like analysis paralysis, where you just have so much trouble making decisions. You know, just check in with yourself on whether you're at that healthy level conversation.
Speaker: stress or that detrimental level. How can people work out what is right for them? I think it would be um very high level of self-awareness. Like the more self-aware you are, the better. So you want to really focus on how your body feels when you are at different levels of stress. know There's a level of stress where you have energy and do you feel alive, and there's a level of stress where ah you are extremely energetic and then crash. When you have that crash afterwards, that means that you are probably at too high a level of stress. Whereas when you have that stress that gives you energy and afterwards you come down smoothly, then that means that you are probably at a good level of stress. Because, see, you are coming down from it naturally instead of crash and burn, instead of that crash and burn feeling. Also, in the moment, like what kinds of thoughts are racing through your mind? Are they negative thoughts about doom and gloom? Are you catastrophizing? Are you getting scared?
Speaker: Or are you feeling like this is important, I need to try my best, but your focus is on the activity itself. So I'd say a big factor about whether your stress is healthy or unhealthy is whether your mind can focus on the activity itself or whether your mind is just going in a bunch of different directions about cataclysmic doom and gloom. think that's a big one because there's a belief a lot of people have that if you really care, you're going to get scared and you're going to fear the consequences. But
Speaker: i think that that can maybe sort of help sometimes but very rarely does that actually help for the most part it's better that you just focus on the activity and doing well and not on catastrophizing it's an interesting perspective and ah one that i find very difficult to disagree with the key aspect of i suppose is understanding yourself as an individual and how you react in different situations so that you can either then avoid those types of situations or pass through the situations knowing that you need to be aware of the triggers that might make you go down into a negative type of mindset.
Speaker: If you are aware, conscious, authentic, and understanding the environments that you're in, the relationships you have with other people, you're going to be more successful, as I suspect. Yeah, definitely. you know, that's something that I've also realized lately. because I do CrossFit competitions. It's one of those passion projects for me. And there's a big thing in CrossFit gyms. A lot of people believe that you got to be really trying to prove yourself. Like, I got to grind. I got to prove that I am tough. I can't be weak. And if you end up dropping the weight and proof that you're weak and you should...
Speaker: be ashamed of that and that shame drives you to push yourself to the maximum. Shame is not a good driver for that because if you are ashamed of yourself for dropping the weight, then your mind goes like, I dropped the weight and what does this say about me as a human being? And You just go down a bunch of spirals that distract you from what you're actually doing. Instead of it's like, oh, I dropped the weight, pick it back up and go again. See how much more simple that is and faster. It is physically faster to simply drop the weight, pick it back up, than is to drop the weight and start analyzing the strength of your moral character. You know what I mean?
Speaker: like I know what you mean. I definitely do. Do this comic, Lydia, demon crusher comic. Tell me about that. Yeah. So the inner demon crusher comic book series, the first one is workaholism versus food porn. And the workaholism is basically what we've talked about is those damaging obsessions that are disguised as something good in your life.
Speaker: But really they're damaging to your mental and physical health. And the food porn is an analogy for the things we do to try to cope the sweet escapes the coping mechanisms that at first seem innocent enough, but then can become just as harmful as the inner demons that triggered you to do that in the first place. Now, in that book, I show food porn as becoming an addiction to the character. Of course, that's a metaphor for other types of obsessive and addictive behaviors and habits that you can start to develop to try to cope with emotions that are hard to deal with. And i do portray that emotional wounds are the root cause of that. Emotional wounds lead you to workaholism because you're trying to not feel your feelings and you're trying to prove your worth. And then that leads you to feelings.
Speaker: coping mechanisms that are also bad for you. now The addictive spirals. And then ultimately the character realizes that reconnecting with her authentic love of music helps her break free from all of that and crush those inner demons and win back freedom.
Speaker: Great, so the comic is in many ways a how-to guide for all the things that you're promoting in terms of positive, alternative mental health. Yes, it is, and it it's even interactive because in the end, i left a few pages with prompts for you to draw or write your own story. So a lot of people have fun with the interactive section at the end. Great, that sounds really interesting. Now, Lillia, I am very pleased to have been able to have this conversation with you today. and I've certainly learnt a lot. Thank you very much. Thank you. Pleasure.
Speaker: I am Michael Millward, Managing Director of Abbasida. And in this episode of Rest and Recreation, I have been having a conversation with Lillia Borgiva, the demon crusher.
Speaker: You can find out more information about both of us by using the links in the description. The Zencastr system has been very good to us today. But if you are listening to Rest and Recreation on your smartphone, you may want to know that 3.0 mobile phone network has the UK's fastest 5G network with unlimited data.
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Speaker: I'm sure you will have enjoyed listening to this episode of Rest and Recreation as much as Lillia and I have enjoyed making it. So please give it a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere.
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Speaker: Until the next episode of Rest and Recreation, thank you for listening and goodbye.
