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The LGBTQ+ Perspective - a conversation with LGBTQ+ podcaster Zach Randles-Friedman
0 Playsin 8 hours
Exploring how LBGTQ+ people experience life and how we can all ally to be more supportive.
For Zach Randles-Friedman podcasting started as a hobby, but the success of his two podcasts, Everything & Anything… and a Bit Gay, a long-form interview podcast and the daily short-form LGBTQ+ new programme Listen Up Girl provided him with the opportunity to consider becoming a full time podcaster.
Zach has been acclaimed for his empathetic approach to helping guests tell their stories.
In this episode of the Abeceder work life balance podcast Rest and Recreation Zach explains to host Michael Millward what the acronym means and the pros and cons of labelling different ways of living.
Zach explores the lived experience of LGBTQ+ people in different countries, highlighting that in some countries being LGBTQ+ can be a death sentence. He investigates the advantages of living authentically, and how sharing stories of lived experience can be healing for the storyteller and inspiring for the audience.
Despite the personal stresses of helping other people to tell their stories Zach remains committed to building his programmes.
This conversation will inspire you to investigate how you can be a better ally of the LGBTQ+ community.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencastr. Because Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform that really does make making podcasts so easy. All the details are in the description.
00:00:18
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Rest and Recreation, the work-life balance podcast from Abbasida, where we don't tell you what to think, but we are hoping to make you think.
Meet Zach Randalls Friedman
00:00:31
Speaker
I am your host, Michael Millward. managing director of Abucida. to Today I am meeting Zach Randalls Friedman, who is going to help me discover what the world looks like when viewed through an LGBTQ plus lens.
00:00:48
Speaker
Zach is the host of two podcasts, Everything and Anything and A Bit Gay, and a second program called Listen Up Girl. I am told that across both podcasts, Zach is known for balancing heart and clarity, bringing empathy to interviews while holding space for accountability and truth.
00:01:10
Speaker
His work consistently centers marginalized voices and aims to inform, connect and empower listeners. So I'm feeling absolutely no pressure today then. Absolutely no pressure.
00:01:24
Speaker
Zach is based in Boston, Massachusetts, a place I have not visited. But if I ever get the chance to go, i will make my travel arrangements with the Ultimate Travel Club. That is where I can access trade prices on flights, hotels, trains, holidays, and all sorts of other travel related purchases.
00:01:42
Speaker
You can also access trade prices on travel by joining the Ultimate Travel Club. And I have made that a little bit easier by adding a link with a discount on subscriptions to the description.
Zach's Podcasting Journey
00:01:55
Speaker
Now that I've paid some of my own bills, It is time to make an episode of Rest and Recreation that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to.
00:02:06
Speaker
And also, I hope worth sharing with your friends, your family and your work colleagues as well. So let's get started. Hello, Zach. Hi, thanks for having me on. I appreciate it.
00:02:16
Speaker
I appreciate you making the time available. I know you're a very busy man. Could we start by you just telling me a little bit about your podcasting journey and where you are now with that? Yeah, sure. So I've been in the digital communications, digital marketing world, but mostly working in the pharmaceutical industry for over 20 years. A job I had a few years ago, I did a i was asked to do a podcast and I wasn't really into doing it because I didn't like the sound of my own voice and I didn't want to see myself. It was being filmed as well. I didn't want to see myself on camera, but I did it and I interviewed, i guess I did about 12 different interviews with
00:02:58
Speaker
leaders of the company and some people externally as well. And it went well. And then I left that company and then i kind of missed doing the podcast. So I decided, i've a I have a friend that's you know kind of in this industry that does videos and podcasting and stuff. And he's like, you should do your own podcast. like i And I'm like, ah what would I do? He could just think about what you want to talk about. And so...
00:03:24
Speaker
I did that and he told me what I needed to buy and what I needed to invest in this and how to, and a lot of it was my own research of getting it started. And so I did it and started having friends on at first, telling their stories and then started reaching out to people I thought would be interesting to talk with and tell stories about and or tell let them tell their story. And it just kind of grew from there.
00:03:48
Speaker
then i think we've had some of the same guests on as well, haven't we? Yes. we Yes, we have. Yeah, we've got some, had some brilliant guests. They've told quite different stories on both our podcasts, but yeah, it's brilliant. Thank you very much.
LGBTQ+ Community and Representation
00:04:03
Speaker
You focus on the LGBTQ plus community. Yes. that I think that the plus can, there's all sorts of different letters that can be added onto that. And I've seen the controversy about different colors on flags and all these sorts of things.
00:04:18
Speaker
Yeah. But, um, Because we've used an acronym, I like to explain the acronyms that we use. So LGBT is the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual community, transgender community.
00:04:32
Speaker
I think is probably the better, more appropriate word to use. Yes, correct. I'm corrected on that. But then the Q stands for queer. And... Queer, which wasn't a name that I, that you know, when I was growing up, wasn't something that you would actually say was kind of, a you know, not not a great word. And now i think people have adopted that and people feel that they fit in that queer community now.
00:04:53
Speaker
Right. So someone who would say that they were in the part of the queer community would just see themselves as someone who doesn't necessarily fit into the wider heteronormal community.
00:05:07
Speaker
Yes, right exactly. it doesn't quite see themselves as either being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Or they could, and they just want to say that they're part of their queer community. So people just, you know, i think that there's a lot been a lot of um discussions around where do i you know where do people fit into? And, you know, i think people can fit into whatever they feel comfortable with is kind of how I look at it now. know, just if it doesn't hurt anybody, I feel like fit into where you want and be in the group you want to be in is kind of how I look at it. Yes. And of course, there's also the campaign that I've seen about dropping the labels and just letting people be who they want to be without having to yeah attribute a label to them as well.
00:05:47
Speaker
I think there's space for everyone, isn't there really? Yeah, I agree. And I've had many guests on my podcast over the last, you know, kind even six months. One guest I had two weeks ago, he he really wants to get rid of all labels. He thinks it's it's too much.
00:06:02
Speaker
And just let people be humans is kind of what his thoughts were. Yes. There's a certain element of that campaign, which I think probably means that if you give someone a label, you are identifying them as different and separate.
00:06:15
Speaker
And the label then means that it's easier perhaps to to criticize, to prejudice, to disadvantage, to discriminate against that person because you've given them a label. Yes. Yep. I agree with that.
Challenges and Support for LGBTQ+ Communities
00:06:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:29
Speaker
The more that we can do away with the labels, the better for everyone. We have a more accepting, more open society for everyone. Yes. Why did you decide to to focus on the LGBT plus community? I mean, at first I you know was kind of having friends on that were talking about, it could have been you know different topics, um and it all kind of related back to either when I was growing up or...
00:06:57
Speaker
you know, just being part of the LGBTQ plus community. And and then I started getting guests on that weren't necessarily friends, but that were coming on and talking about experiences they've had. One thing I'll say is I avoid kind of politics on my show altogether. Like I don't want to talk about, on my Everything and Anything in a Big Gay podcast, I don't talk about politics at all. and i But i let I want people to come on and talk about their story, whether they're And a lot of people that interview are they're inspirational in a lot of ways and they have, you know, really great stories to tell to make, you know, maybe there's somebody else that's out there in the world that is having the same feelings that they're having or they've gone through a similar experience. And I and i tell their stories so they, people don't feel alone in a lot of ways. Because, you know, the and being part of the LGBTQ plus community can be very isolating at times.
00:07:45
Speaker
And you can feel alone. You can feel like if there's nobody else that's like me. And, you know, depending on what part of the world you live in and some parts of the world, it's a death sentence. Oh, it is. Yes, absolutely. So, you know, there's a lot of ah countries that are bringing back that death sentence actually now that they've they've done away with and they're bringing it back and,
00:08:06
Speaker
There's a couple of countries that are in Africa that just within the last week are putting bills into legislators and talking about being able to use the death penalty if you even are identified as part of the LGBTQ plus community.
00:08:22
Speaker
Yes, highlights in some ways how perhaps the freedom and the acceptance that exists in some countries is almost taken as granted, taken as normal, it's only when you highlight those issues in some other countries that you realize, i don't want to use the expression how lucky some people are to live in Western democracies, but the situation that the LGBTQ plus community now in enjoys within some Western democracies has been hard won.
00:08:56
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I mean, I just, you know, living in the United States and I live in Boston, so I'm in a bit of a bubble in a way where... It's very liberal here. You can be who you want to be. Nobody cares. If you're gay, straight, by transgender, nobody cares really what you are.
Interviewing with Empathy
00:09:13
Speaker
As long as you're a kind person, I think mostly is how people see it.
00:09:17
Speaker
However, you know, if you go into other parts of the country of this of the United States, and you you you can't be yourself really. So that's there's a lot of people that I get instant messages, DMs from and stuff um to my Instagram account.
00:09:32
Speaker
where they say, thank you for talking about this. And, you know, I live in a small town in Arkansas and there's nobody that I know that is part of this community. And I feel alone in your, in your show talking about these topics really make me realize I'm not alone in the world and I'm not the only one having these feelings and stuff. So it's, it makes me feel good whenever I get a message like that from someone. Yeah. Great.
00:09:55
Speaker
So reassuring to know. One of the things that's been in the feedback about your shows is that you're bringing empathy to the interviews and it's sort of an expression that rolls off your tongue, it brings empathy to the interviews. But it's not easy to do.
Storytelling and Impact
00:10:11
Speaker
What's your your trick, your your talent? How do you bring the empathy to the interview?
00:10:16
Speaker
I mean, whenever somebody's telling me their story, so I'll give you an an example. So there's a guy that I just interviewed. His name is David. And at 52 years old, he decided he was going to be truthful with himself. So he was married to a woman, has three children, and all his life he thought he was gay.
00:10:38
Speaker
And he finally came to came out of denial at the age of and decided... to tell his wife and children that he was gay. He's now 55, and I just interviewed him and talked about his journey on how he was able to become his authentic self and how much happier and relieved he is. As hard as it was for him to tell his wife who he was with for 25 years or so, he still needed to be who he was. And he told me his story, and then afterwards,
00:11:08
Speaker
the feedback I gave him is like, you have to think about you're telling this story and it's not an easy story to tell, but you got to think about there's so many people out there that are going to listen to this and that could be in the same situation or have never come out of the closet and to be who they really are, or they are, you know, transgender and they don't feel comfortable being who they are. And so your, your, your story is giving people,
00:11:35
Speaker
ah you know, in a way permission or a hope that they can maybe one day be authentic to themselves too. So, and he ended up like getting very emotional when I told him that, like, he's like, oh, ah you know, I didn't think about that and stuff. So, but I'm like, you should be very proud that you are able to finally be yourself after, you know, 52 years of not being yourself.
00:11:55
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. I can see where the, the empathy would come into that. And I can also think that those are the sorts of stories that, you know, don't make the mainstream media very often.
00:12:07
Speaker
No, they don't. It's often, know, we talk about broadcasting, but I think podcasting is sometimes, it's about narrow casting. It's about finding your audience and providing your audience with the information, the inspiration, the education, the the safe place to be who they are.
Navigating Politics and Society
00:12:28
Speaker
Yes. That is, you know, um, transgender, bisexual, whatever it is. I've had, on my program on rest and recreation someone who was what we would call in the UK a train spotter who was slightly embarrassed about the fact that he was fascinated by the American history and American railroad history and how that changed and made America possible the America that you enjoy today was made possible by the fact that there were all these railway tracks and we were embarrassed about his fascination with that but
00:13:03
Speaker
talking about it and his fascination led to me being fascinated with it yeah and it's like yeah well it's perhaps not that unusual it's yeah exactly by interest and when you talk about it other people get interested in it as well and can validate you as an individual and what you enjoy it's not about being negative or giving people the validation of the shame is not what it's about. It's about providing safe place where people can share their story, share their truth.
00:13:41
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And that's, and and there's so many people have, everybody has a story and, you know, I just, I love giving people kind of an outlet to, to talk about it and,
00:13:53
Speaker
And whenever I'm kind of going through and I get people that want to come on the show and I'm going through kind of different guest email or potential guest emails, you know, I really want to make sure that they're not coming on just wanting to talk about being a CEO of a company and how much money they made. But I really want them to talk about a story about, you know, who they are.
00:14:12
Speaker
and how they are maybe different in the world, how they survive something. i'd love telling people stories when they're a survivor. Like it just, it makes me feel so good that, you know, there was a there was another person that I had on my show, her husband, um they were together for 17 years. He came home from a trip from London back to the United States and he says, I'll have to tell you something. I cheated on you.
00:14:38
Speaker
She's like, oh no, you did? Like, what was her name? He goes, it was a man. And so she was devastated, not just because he cheated, but because it was with a man. And then she was trying to figure out, like, well, what does she do? And a couple months later, he came to, I got to tell you something again.
00:14:55
Speaker
i lied to you. I've cheated on you hundreds of times with men and women over the last 10 years. And so she knew her at that point, her marriage was over. And she knew that she had to figure out life without him.
00:15:08
Speaker
And she has made an an amazing career for herself. And she has her own podcast now on top of her career. And she's such a survival survivor of this. And she has kids with this person. And the kids love her. And she just she has an amazing life now. And I just love being able to share her story because she was she had a rough couple of years there. But she got past it. And now she's like an inspiration for so many people.
00:15:36
Speaker
Yes. Yes. And it's not an uncommon story, is it? No, it's not at all. It's part of the consequences of people not being allowed to be themselves. Yes. Feeling forced into particular types of lifestyle and life decisions, which then eat away at them.
00:15:55
Speaker
And you have the the dishonesty. And in that sort of relationship, you have the dishonesty because that's the only way in which they can be themselves. And then it all comes to a head and yeah it can be very destructive type process.
00:16:12
Speaker
Yeah, because she didn't know you know if she was he who he was you know sleeping with and stuff. and she's like well do i And she had to go get tested for STIs and everything else to make sure that she was she was lucky that she had nothing. um and But you know it was ah it was a very stressful time. and just There's lots of people that go through this, and I think her story resonated with a lot of people that listen to my show. I want to change tack slightly because – You've said that you don't discuss politics on your show.
00:16:41
Speaker
On one of my podcasts, I don't. But a lot of the issues that we're talking about now have a very political aspect to them. Yes. LGBTQ plus rights, different legislation and the discrimination that still exists. Yes. Regardless of the equality and legislation that is in place, the discrimination still exists.
00:17:05
Speaker
And we've seen all of the issues over the last couple of years that have happened around trans rights as well. Yes. And how political that has become. How do you manage to discuss the issue without getting into the politics, which The politics can create the division divisions.
Balancing News and Mental Health
00:17:23
Speaker
We'll say that I try not to mention, so living in the United States where there's 657 bills that were out in the last year as the Trump administration came in against, mostly against, it was anti-trans bills.
00:17:38
Speaker
it's very hard not to talk about that, but I, I really try not to mention our president's name in our podcast. I do want people to talk about how their life is impacted by what's happening in the country, but I really try to stay away from mentioning politicians' names or party names and stuff. But I do want people to express how they're feeling and how they're impacted by what's happening, not just in the United States, but, but in the world and how, and, and I always try to put a positive spin on it at the end. And it's, the conversation always seems to end on a positive note.
00:18:10
Speaker
My other podcast that I have is Listen Up Girl, which is a podcast where I do LGBTQ plus news daily. but It's less than 10 minutes. And that I do have to be political on because half of the news stories, unfortunately, are not positive news stories.
00:18:27
Speaker
They're talking about what's happening in countries like we just talked about previously about if you're LGBTQ plus community, you could be put to death or all the anti-trans bills that have happened because of the current administration in the United States.
00:18:44
Speaker
I also try to balance it though with some positive news. um you know There's a show called Heated Rivalry that is a hockey is about a two gay hockey players that fall in love, and it's taken over um the internet, and it's one of the most highest-watched television programs in history, and it's really been good for the LGBTQ plus community for representation. So I...
00:19:12
Speaker
talk about both positive and negative. And sometimes I apologize to my audience whenever I have eight negative stories and one positive, but that's that's the news cycle sometimes. Yeah, that's the news cycle. There is a play which has been touring the UK recently called The Gypsy Queens, which is...
00:19:30
Speaker
about two boxers, two gay boxers who fall in love. You have to go in the ring and fight each other as well. But I think those types of programs probably highlight just how, it's a terrible word to use, but just how normal the LGBTQ plus community actually is and all of the same yes sort of issues affected. But what I think you're saying about the political side of it is that you're avoiding the what we would call in the UK the party politics side of things.
00:20:02
Speaker
Exactly. Focusing on the impact that the politics has on ordinary people in your community. And um by your community, I mean that's a town. This this law has been passed.
00:20:15
Speaker
The impact that that has on your neighbours. Yeah, exactly. And I and i don't want... You know, if somebody starts going in, they start they want they as I'm interviewing them, if they if they need they feel the need to talk about you know a certain party or stuff, I'll let them voice what they want to say.
00:20:31
Speaker
um i don't i don't want to restrict anybody from expressing themselves, but i do try to avoid the whole, like you were saying, the party politics and stuff like that. So I try not to get into that as much, but sometimes it's really impossible in today's world to do that.
00:20:47
Speaker
but Actually, when you're dealing with these types of subjects, I can imagine that it must be quite emotionally draining for you as well. I will say that there was a time this past summer um where I took ah about three weeks off from doing my news podcast because when it's constantly negative news, I mean, I think all of us go through like, oh, I'm not watching the news anymore for a while, or I'm not listening, I'm might i'm turning the alerts off on my phone for these news alerts.
00:21:16
Speaker
But whenever you do the news, you can't just turn it off because, but I had to take three weeks off just for my own mental health, just not to look at the news and and hear about all the negativity that was happening.
00:21:27
Speaker
um And then I got a couple of emails from people saying, your news is important because you're, if you're not giving me the news, what one person told me, I have to go through and scroll through social media and go to all these websites and find it myself.
00:21:41
Speaker
And I don't always know if it's authentic news or not. when you you Because my news I'm going through and I'm making sure it's not fake news or it's not clickbait or anything. I'm i'm i'm bringing real news stories.
00:21:52
Speaker
And it made me think like, okay, well, i'm I'm doing a service. So it made me feel really great that people appreciate what I was doing. And so I continue on and there's days where i'm just like, oh, no, it's it's all negative again. But I think it's really important to be to stay informed and to know what's really happening in the world. So that's how I look it and that's how it gets me through it You mentioned taking three weeks off for your mental health, and I totally appreciate what you're saying there. but What did you do in the three weeks?
00:22:21
Speaker
um I did some travel and went to see friends, and I had a a you know i still did my other podcast, that is and I kept that going. But um you know i just I took time, and I i wasn't reading anymore, that and i was I went back to reading, and I like to paint. So I was painting also during that three weeks and just kind of living a more, trying to be more present in my life during that time instead of thinking about the next news podcast or the next, you know, interview podcast that I was going to do. And,
00:22:53
Speaker
really took time for myself and and and i had to question myself, do I want to continue doing this this news podcast? And after getting a couple of those emails and messages, I'm like, yes, it's it makes me feel good that i people are listening. So I continue. Sounds great. So you're a painter and a reader in your leisure time.
00:23:14
Speaker
I do paint. um I started during COVID. i'm i'm not I'm not saying I'm good, but i've i I do paint. I did 49 paintings during COVID. would post them on my Facebook page and Instagram.
00:23:31
Speaker
And friends that I've known that I've met throughout my life, from junior high all through college, through previous work colleagues, to people I've just met on – I sent 49 paintings out in the mail.
00:23:43
Speaker
and Some of them were big canvases. um And then i just, somebody said, why don't you sell these instead of giving them away? So i I did sell, I put them on a e site called Etsy and sold about 13 of them. And then was just too much work to kind of keep up with it. And I yeah decided I'll just paint for myself. And so my art studio upstairs has a bunch of paintings that are that that are there, that are finished, that are, and
Future of Podcasting Career
00:24:10
Speaker
I don't know. I'll figure out what to do with them one day. Sounds good.
00:24:13
Speaker
So you're an artist as well as a podcaster. But I'm wondering now, what's the future for your podcasting? what's What's going to happen next? um Well, I have a podcast a guy that advises me in my podcast, and I meet with him once a week, and he's managed advised some big podcasters in his career.
00:24:38
Speaker
And he is kind of walking me through what I should think about doing next. And I have made a list A-list people that i love to have on my podcast. And today we spoke and he's like, I want you to make a C-list of people that you'd like to have on.
00:24:54
Speaker
And then I want you to think about, or then next week we're going to talk about how to reach out to these people that I would like to have to be guests on my shows. And that's, ah and I get about 75 emails a week of people requesting to be a guest and,
00:25:10
Speaker
Out of the 75, about three of them are usually an interest or i feel like a they're a fit to my show. And I just, I'm focusing on that and ah thinking how I can improve my news podcast to make it, you know, just next level up, I think. And there's a couple of podcasts that I've gone out and compared myself to. And there's ah there's a guy actually in the UK who does a podcast that I really like the way his style is and ah So I'm going to maybe think about doing some things a little differently, maybe the way he does it and just kind of continue doing the podcasting. right so it's It's going to become your main, your main career.
00:25:47
Speaker
I think it is. Yeah. I mean, I say that and then I, tonight I could change my mind. Like, nope, i need to look for a full-time job on top of this. But podcasting is a full-time job and there's so much to do it when with two podcasts and i I need to maybe over the next few weeks decide, is this what I want to do with my time 100% of the time? Or do I want to go back into the corporate world and do this as part time? But I have a few weeks to figure that out.
00:26:14
Speaker
Okay, well, I hope it it all comes to
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:26:18
Speaker
fruition for you. But, you know, Zach, for to today, I've really enjoyed our conversation. i do thank you for your time. It's been great. Thank you.
00:26:26
Speaker
Yeah, thank you for having me on. you have You have a great show and I'm really happy that I got to be on it. Thank you very much. it means a lot. I am Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abbasida, and in this episode of Rest and Recreation, I have been having a conversation with Zach Randalls Friedman, the host of two podcasts, Everything and Anything and A Bit Gay, and a second program, Listen Up Girl.
00:26:51
Speaker
Zach, I have to say, like the when those expressions, and especially the Listen Up Girl one, from an english my English perspective, it said the it conjures up an image. the Listen up, girl. It's like yeah you're telling someone. yeah that's kind of Yeah, exactly. You've kind of got it right. so like Listen up. You've got to listen to what I'm saying. I'm telling you the news, and and it's important. So listen up, girl.
00:27:18
Speaker
brilliant Brilliant. If you're interested in listening to either of those podcasts, then Please use the links in the description. We've linked to Zach's podcast, his Facebook and his Instagram pages as well.
00:27:33
Speaker
Zach is at the moment considering his next stage in his career. And it's important before you undertake any new activity to make sure that you are fit and healthy. And that is why we recommend the health tests from York Test, especially the annual health test.
00:27:51
Speaker
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00:28:05
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00:28:34
Speaker
There is a link and as you would expect, a discount code in the description.
00:28:41
Speaker
i am sure that you will have enjoyed listening to this episode of Rest and Recreation as much as Zach and I have enjoyed making it. So please give a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere.
00:28:53
Speaker
To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe. Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abbasida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to have made you think.
00:29:07
Speaker
Until the next episode of Rest and Recreation, thank you for listening and goodbye.