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Successful Working Mom – a conversation with Christi Gmyr
18 Plays8 days ago
How to manage the conflicting demands of work, career ambitions and family aspirations and not be a burned out working Mom?
A raw, relatable, and quietly powerful episode of Rest and Recreation for anyone trying to juggle work, identity, and a brand‑new baby. In this conversation, licensed mental health counsellor Christi Gmyr shares with host Michael Millward the truth behind returning to work after “only 10 weeks [with her new born] before I was expected to be back at work” and the emotional whiplash of wanting a career while wanting to be home.
From midnight on‑call shifts to the guilt of daycare drop‑offs, Christi’s story captures the pressure modern parents face — and the courage it takes to redesign your life when the old version no longer fits. As she puts it, “what was working before maybe isn’t working now.”
Christi describes her journey from agency work and on‑call nights to the difficult decision to leave a nine‑year career and rebuild her professional life in a way that aligned with her values and the demands of parenthood. Along the way, she reflects on resentment, exhaustion, shifting identities, and the invisible work mothers often do; all while acknowledging the supportive role of her husband and the absence of a local extended family.
This episode is bold, honest, and full of the kind of clarity that makes you rethink your own balance. Perfect for working parents, HR leaders, and anyone who’s ever felt stretched thin by competing priorities.
Discover more about Christi Gmyr and Michael at Abeceder.co.uk
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Transcript
Introduction to Rest and Recreation Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencastr. Because Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform that really does make every stage of the podcast production and distribution process so easy.
00:00:18
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Rest and Recreation, the work-life balance podcast from Abysseedah, where we don't tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think.
Guest Introduction: Christy Gamir
00:00:29
Speaker
I am your host, Michael Millward. Today I am talking to Christy Gamir about what it is like to be a mother who works full time.
00:00:41
Speaker
Christy is based in New York State, about five hours from New York City. If you fancy a trip to New York State, the best way to travel is with the Ultimate Travel Club because as a member of the Ultimate Travel Club, I get to travel at trade prices.
00:00:55
Speaker
There is a link in the description. which means you can join the Ultimate Travel Club as well with a discount and travel just like I do on trade prices.
Career Transition and Motherhood
00:01:05
Speaker
Now that I have paid some bills, it is time to make an episode of Rest and Recreation that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to and good enough to share with your friends, family and work colleagues as well.
00:01:21
Speaker
Hello, Christy. Hello. You're at home at the moment. Yes, i am. Being at home, I suppose, is part of what you have done in terms of your career. But we're going to find out how you've gone from being a full-time working person to how you reinvented your career in order to be a working mother. But what was your career like before you became a mother? What was it that you did? Yeah, so my background is in mental health counseling. I'm a licensed mental health counselor in New York State, and I'm also now a burnout coach for moms. My professional background before doing what I'm doing right now was to work in a outpatient mental health clinic. so I started off as a therapist, eventually transitioned into a management position. I did corporate compliance. I was the director of a few programs. I was doing all of the things and all of that was before I had kids. So once I had kids, things really started to change. You know, things were very different. How many children have
Balancing Work and Motherhood Challenges
00:02:28
Speaker
you got? I have two kids, though my daughter is about to turn 10 and my son is about to turn six. He is my little COVID baby. i had him in March of 2020. So that was an interesting time. Very different experience with him than with her. Both of them having challenges with work that I had to deal with and overcome. But yeah, so this has been, this has been quite a while.
00:02:54
Speaker
I've never had that experience of actually obviously being a mother and what it's like to try and return to work yeah after having a baby. What was that like for you?
00:03:07
Speaker
It was hard. When I was pregnant with my oldest child, I was in a management position at that point. I was actually in the process of transitioning from one role to another. and I was really looking forward to it. I was really excited. But when i had my daughter, i was home on maternity leave for unfortunately not very long. Eternity leave in the United States really is not very good. I had about 12 weeks total, but my doctor had pulled me out a few weeks early. And so by the time the baby was born, I really only had 10 weeks with her before I was expected to be back at work. And so that was very challenging.
00:03:50
Speaker
One of the things that I was especially struggling with was even though I was looking forward to coming back to work, I was really struggling with the idea of sending my daughter to daycare. i was the first person in my family to really use full time daycare. And so i was struggling with that. Now I'm a person deep down, I always knew I was not built to be a stay at home mom, but I also was not ready to leave my daughter. She was my first child. And so I was struggling with feelings around daycare, um I was struggling with feelings of guilt around going back as soon as I needed to. i did end up reaching out to the HR department to see if there was any way I could stand extend my leave a bit, even just by a week or two, not long at all. And unfortunately, i was denied that opportunity. And so that was
00:04:47
Speaker
Something that I was also struggling with. and then by the time I did come back to work, I was dealing with a new schedule. You know I was gone for maybe 11 hours a day My daughter, again, was in daycare for about 11 hours a day. And when I would get home, newborn babies go to bed so early, I might get home around five or five 30 in the evening. And she was going to bed by around six or six 30. So, which I didn't know. i didn't know that ahead of time. There were a lot of things about motherhood that I didn't know until I got into it, that I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for. And so i was,
00:05:27
Speaker
dealing with the guilt around that as well, not being able to spend as much time with her after I got home as I would have liked. Here in the United Kingdom, but maternity and paternity is a lot longer than it is in the United States.
00:05:43
Speaker
But it's this, I suppose, dilemma between when you said, i knew i would never be a stay-home mom, I wasn't designed for it. But then you described all sorts of things which seem to be saying,
00:05:56
Speaker
This is why i want to be a stay home mom, but I know I'm not designed for it. Yes. And that's one of the things that I talk to people about a lot as a therapist. One of the things that I often say is that you can have two conflicting things going on at the same time. Both things can be true at the same time. Now i give a lot of credits to stay ah a lot of credit to stay at home moms. I know they work incredibly hard. It's a very challenging role. Just like going and working outside of the home is very challenging, but challenging for different reasons. Now, I am a person that over time, i came to very much appreciate daycare. and It ended up being one of the greatest things for our family. And I loved that I was able to go and work outside of the home.
00:06:45
Speaker
But i didn't know that that was going to be my experience at the beginning. And so, yes, it was it was a little bit of both. It was the kind of the conflicting feelings between i want to get out of the house. I want to have adult conversations. I want to get back to my work. I want to have a break from home. And and also, I have this brand new little baby at home that I want to be spending time with. i want to be there for and she needs me and nobody's going to take care of her as well as i could take care of her. And all of that was going on at the same time. And so it was just it was a lot. It was very challenging.
00:07:26
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Yes. Lots of things going on. Lots of new skills to learn and also I suspect one way to describe it was that you're not the person you were before you became mother.
00:07:38
Speaker
You are a completely different person. Well, absolutely. And the thing is, is that work is very important for a lot of people. But once you have kids, it's no longer the only important thing, you know, and most people I would imagine would argue what's, you know, they would say that it's not the most important thing. So suddenly you have these two very important things that you're trying and to make space for in regards to time. in regards to energy, you know, just your mental and emotional capacity, there's only so much space. There's only so much capacity to be able to do these things. And so it can lead to a lot of challenging emotions and it can lead to a lot of really hard choices because at the end of the day, we we have to make choices all the time of where, what's going to be the priority right now in this moment.
00:08:35
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There must have been some fantastic times as well. How do you get from that situation of needing to almost become a new person? Review your life, review your career, put your children first, but also maintaining your career so you can give them all the things that they deserve.
00:08:53
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But how does it all come together? What was the process that you went through to make it all happen?
Career Adjustments for Family Balance
00:08:59
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Yeah, and of course, that's going to be different for everybody. For me personally, you know, after I came back to work, as I mentioned, I was transitioning into this new role. In some ways, I thought that it was going to be a better role for me as a new mom.
00:09:17
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But as I got into it, I was routinely finding myself in situations where, it it was incredibly hard having a child at home. i was finding that, for example, I had to go back to being on call, which that is very unpredictable. And with the program I was working in at the time, call didn't mean answering the phone at oft you know during off hours. It meant getting in my car and driving back to the town where I worked, which was 45 minutes away, sometimes in the middle of the night. And there was more travel involved in all of these things. These can be great things, but it was just incredibly challenging with a newborn baby at home.
00:10:02
Speaker
On top of that, on top of trying to take care of my daughter and trying on top of trying to do well at work. I, of course, had all the things going on at home, trying to take care of my home as well. And it just, it it was a lot. It was too much. And I started to feel resentful. I started to feel... you know, frustrated, there would be times when I would be told, okay, you know, we have this thing that we have to travel for. and I love traveling. And I love the idea of traveling for work. But with a new baby, it just, it didn't, it didn't sit right with me at that time. So after about a year or so, I really came to the realization that,
00:10:46
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As wonderful as a role of a role as this is it's just not a right fit for me right now at this time. And that's one of the things that I think is important to mention too, is that when our When big things happen in our lives, when big changes come up in our lives, we have to adapt and we have to adjust and we have to maybe do some things differently because what was working before maybe isn't working now.
00:11:14
Speaker
But over time, we can adapt and adjust again. The decisions that we make, the things that we transition into don't have to be forever. And so after about a year of being in that role, I made the decision to stay step away from the agency where I had been for nine years at that point. And i decided to go into private practice and work for myself as a self-employed therapist, because that allowed me the opportunity to make all the decisions in my life. I got to decide, do I want to work at home or do I want to work in an office? And I ended up doing a hybrid of both.
00:11:50
Speaker
I ended up being able to decide my own schedule, you know, what hours and and all of those things. And so even though there was a lot of sacrifice that came along with that, there were also a lot of benefits that really just aligned with what felt most important to me at that point in my life.
00:12:10
Speaker
When you'd mentioned resentment and frustration, what was the focus of your resentment and frustration? I would say it was a combination of things. You know, i would feel frustrated when I was having to leave my daughter or when I felt like I couldn't be there for my daughter. And just to clarify, i had a fantastic boss. She was very supportive. She was very understanding, but she also had a job to do, you know, and I couldn't really expect to just not do the things that I was there to do
00:12:46
Speaker
And so it was just really challenging. And, but, you know, things would happen where kids get sick, for example. And so I would maybe have deadlines or demanding assignments. And then I would be told from daycare that my child was sick and needed to be picked up. And Sometimes I just wanted to leave work and go to her, but I was also receiving the message of, okay, you can do that. And this is really important too. And we still need to figure out how to get this done. so That would be a challenge.
00:13:15
Speaker
So just recognize that the job that you do is a therapy job, whole load of qualifications that you have to get in order to have that career. and you are at the sharp end of therapy as well by being on call and actually having to go to places. This is not simply the therapy of people wanting someone to come and talk to you. You're you're in there with people who have serious mental health challenges that you are helping them to to live through.
00:13:46
Speaker
But I was thinking, well, there must be a family. There's a husband. There's there's relatives. And I'm thinking you must have to call upon a whole extended family to really raise a child when you've got all of those various different commitments going on.
00:14:02
Speaker
Well, that gets tricky because yes, I do have a wonderful family. However, most of them are not local. So whereas they say, you know, it takes a village to write, to raise a child. Yep.
00:14:18
Speaker
We really don't feel like we have much of that locally. We have family who would help out in a minute if they could, but they're just not nearby. And a lot of our friends, they're busy with their own families, their own jobs, things like that. So for the most part, 99%
Societal Pressures on Working Mothers
00:14:34
Speaker
of the time, my husband and I really feel like we have to manage everything ourselves. Me as a mother, as a new mother, especially at that time, i felt the added pressure of carrying the majority of that weight. And my husband is. He's a wonderful he's a wonderful husband. He's a wonderful father.
00:14:56
Speaker
Part of our society, I feel like we are moms are conditioned to really, not just moms, dads too. I think the expectation is is that we are going to be the ones that managing most of this. And so a lot of times what's happening is, you know, if my daughter gets sick, the first thing I do is look at my schedule and see where can I rearrange things. And if I really need to, you know, i will ask my husband, Hey, can you go in late that day? Can you do this thing? And he's always happy to help where he can, but that's, that's always secondary. It's always me doing it first. And when I come home, you know, there are certain things that need to get done. But typical, similar to many other moms, I like things done a certain way. And so even though he might be willing to help out and do things, a lot of times um it's just easier for me to do things myself. And it's a struggle because I can't have it both ways. I can't have him.
00:15:57
Speaker
yeah i can't have things done my way and do everything myself. And also then be upset when, i mean, I guess I can be upset, but then there's this other side of it that this means doing everything myself and carrying that weight, which is, which is a lot. The main crux of the work that you do now is almost getting people to adapt to a new way of living, not just a new way of working, but a new way of living. And in some ways,
00:16:29
Speaker
you're fortunate that you have the career which enables you to actually set up your own business, be self-employed. The vast majority of people don't have that option.
00:16:40
Speaker
It's part of the career progression for therapists is work for organizations and then build experience and you set up your own business. At some point, you go into private practice And that's true.
00:16:52
Speaker
Not everybody has the opportunity, like you said, to go and work for themselves and create a a daily routine like I have created. However, people have other things available to them that can be helpful that I don't have. So as I mentioned a minute ago, I don't have a huge local support system to help out with things. Some people have a phenomenal support system locally that they can lean on when they need help with things. You know, some people have more access to financial resources to help them get support that they need and things like that. So it's really about, yes, everybody's situation is different. Some people have things available to them that other people do not. And so a lot of the work that I do is help these moms really take a look at their own lives. And we look at things like,
00:17:45
Speaker
What things do they have available
Coaching Methods for Mothers
00:17:47
Speaker
to them? We look at things like their values, what feels most important for some people, it might be more important to get that bigger paycheck. Other people, it might be more important to have time and flexibility and things like that. And so we look at all the things, you know, from all the different angles, and we try to get an idea of where their values are and what's working for them and where do changes need to be made. And then i do a lot of work with them around mindset. I do a lot of mindset work to help them cope with feelings of guilt, to help them cope with feelings of, you know, frustration or anger or fears and anxieties. um I help them learn to...
00:18:30
Speaker
accept the things that um that they are not able or wanting to change. And then we talk about the things that they are able to change and how can we go about making those changes. And we talk about, you know, how do we establish boundaries? And it's just a lot of like those kinds of things to really help these moms move towards a life that really works for them and their families. And then to feel good about the decisions or at least feel peace at peace with the decisions that they are making, knowing that they are making them because it's what works best for them and their families based on their values, based on what feels most important to them.
00:19:13
Speaker
What sort of outcomes have you been able to achieve or I suppose what sort of outcomes have your clients achieved as a result of going through the process with you? I mean, it's different for everybody. You know, some people, i would never tell anybody, for example, that they need to leave their job. But for some people through our work, that's the conclusion that they come to is they decide, you know what, this Maybe this job isn't a right for fit for me. And then they might decide to find something that is a better fit or step back and, you know, maybe maybe they'll decide not to work at all. I've had other people who have really made huge gains in terms of communication with their spouse. asserting themselves, advocating you know for their needs, things like that, treating their partner more as a partner, right? Who's sharing that responsibility. I've had people who have gotten better at establishing those boundaries, getting better about maybe not responding to emails or text messages outside of work hours, things like that. Different people have have found different benefits. They've made different gains based on you know what their situation or what it is that they really need.
Changing Parenting Roles and Negotiations
00:20:31
Speaker
You mentioned that as a new mother, you felt like everything had to be done by you, that you had these responsibilities as a mother. Have you found that having conversations with women who are going through this process with you, that part of the conversation they have with the the father of the child is that actually it's the father who wants to be at home with the child or take a larger role in the care of that child.
00:21:02
Speaker
And there's almost like a ah switch in the norm, in inverted commas, type of parenting roles. and more fathers wanting to take less time sorry to take time to be more involved with the care and the development so that the woman the mother can focus on her career more yeah absolutely and i do think that we're seeing more of a shift in that direction you know society is definitely shifting and a lot of fathers are taking a more active role than maybe before I don't know that it's necessarily happening as quickly as we might like, but it's it's definitely happening. But I think that part of the conversation, right, that's part of the family figuring out what they want and what's going to work for them as a whole, because they are a team. For the mother in particular, it can be a struggle because, you know, ah on the one hand, we want this help and we want the support. But then on the other hand, a lot of times, you know Sometimes we feel like we have to be doing these things, taking on these responsibilities by ourselves. But for a lot of people, I think we also start to realize
00:22:20
Speaker
sometimes we want to be taking on those responsibilities, you know, and just figuring out where is that balance and what is that going to look like for our family and what things is the partner maybe going to take more, you know, take more of a role in. And that's just part of the exploration and part of the conversations, you know, because they are in fact a team.
00:22:44
Speaker
yes i get the feeling and this this may be completely wrong but i get the feeling that many of the many of the people that you are working with are in a situation where they almost want have it all but know that they can't have it all and are trying to find ways of having as much as everything that they can but also trying to come to terms with the fact that really deep down inside their most important role as a parent but society and many corporations uh in the way in which people are employed the terms and conditions tend to prioritize the need of the corporation over the need of the parent or of the next generation and your job is is almost helping people to manage the balance between all of those different things
00:23:43
Speaker
The corporation wants one thing. They want to have a career. The society says you should be doing X, Y, and and yet that isn't always feasible for people. And then partners in families, husbands, wives, everything, all want to work together and be supportive of each other and take on the role of being the right type of parents for their child.
00:24:07
Speaker
your You're helping people to spin a room full of plates on poles, aren't you? It's keeping all looking at the same time. Yes, absolutely. And it is, and it's, it is very challenging. And I do agree with you. I think a lot of women, they do, they want to, they want to take on a
Work-Life Balance Challenges and Pressures
00:24:28
Speaker
lot of this. They want to do a lot of it. They're trying to, you know, figure out,
00:24:33
Speaker
what that realistically looks like, because, you know, I've said, I'm sure other people have said, you know, I'm a believer that we can do pretty much anything that we want. We just can't necessarily do everything. And I, and then when you add in the element of there's an employer who's also part of all of this, some people have employers who are incredibly supportive Other people, not so much. And the reality is is, as much as we want to put our families first, a lot of people really struggle with that because work is important too. You know, there are a lot of people out there who are fortunate to do their jobs purely because they want to, but there are a lot of people who are out there doing their jobs because they feel like they have to you know, they have to bring in a paycheck, they have to support their families and things like that. And so it can sometimes be really hard to push back against an employer if there is a fear of what is this going to mean for me? Am I going to lose my job? Am i going to lose out on the opportunity for a promotion? Am I going to damage my relationship with my boss? And so there can be a lot of fears around that, too. And that varies based on, of course, the place of employment. But that is um another another piece to all of this for a lot of people.
00:25:56
Speaker
Yes. I can appreciate that. If people are going through this experience at the moment, either just had a new baby or are expecting a baby and they're thinking I could really do with some help with organizing the life that I'm going to have and the career that I'm going to have after I become a parent or a parent again, how can people make contact with you?
Resources and Support for Working Mothers
00:26:22
Speaker
Yes. Thank you so much for asking. There are a few different places. So one place is my website. It's christygamircoaching.com.
00:26:34
Speaker
And on there, you know, people can reach out to me and set up coaching. One of the other things that I'm working on, it's not quite ready yet, but I'm very excited about is I'm working on putting out a resource library onto that website where there will be everything from free resources all the way up to full self-study courses that they can do and everything in between. So depending on how much time they want to invest, depending on how you know their financial situation, things like that, there will hopefully be something for everybody. So they'll be able to find help there. And then I also...
Conclusion and Engagement Encouragement
00:27:13
Speaker
have my own podcast a lot of people are there sharing their own personal stories so that we're not feeling alone in what we're experiencing and then i also bring in a lot of experts to talk about information and strategies and things specifically meant to help these burned out working moms and so they can also find that podcast it's called over caffeinated and out of f's episodes released every tuesday and thank you very much been very interesting and um Yeah, we must explore this in more detail again some another time. But for the moment, Christy, thank you very much. I really do appreciate your time today.
00:27:52
Speaker
Yes, and thank you. I really appreciate it as well. Thank you. I am Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abucida. And in this episode of Rest and Recreation, I have been having a conversation with Christy Gamir. Yes. Christy Gamir.
00:28:09
Speaker
Right. Christy Gamir. get I'll edit it that bit. You can find out more about both of us by using the links in the description.
00:28:21
Speaker
At Rest and Recreation, we believe everyone has the right to live a healthy life. An important part of staying healthy is knowing the risks early.
00:28:31
Speaker
That is why we recommend the health tests available from York Test, especially the annual health test. The annual health test from York Test provides an assessment of 39 different health markers.
00:28:45
Speaker
including cholesterol levels, the risk of diabetes, various vitamin levels, organ functions. It's an extensive list. After an experienced lobotomist has completed a full blood draw at your home or workplace, hospital standard tests are carried out in a UKAS accredited and CQC compliant laboratory.
00:29:05
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You'll be able to access your easy to understand results and guidance help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure Personal Wellness Hub account. There is a link and as you would expect, a discount code in the description.
00:29:21
Speaker
I'm sure that you will have enjoyed listening to this episode of Rest and Recreation as much as Christy and I have enjoyed making it. So please give it a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere.
00:29:35
Speaker
To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe. You may also want to share the link with your friends, family and work colleagues as well. Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abbasida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to have made you think.
00:29:53
Speaker
Until the next episode of Rest and Recreation, thank you for listening and goodbye.